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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:07,373 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:41,006 ♪ ♪ 3 00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:14,739 ♪ ♪ 4 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,096 ♪ Love, love ♪ 5 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:41,800 ♪ Love, love ♪ 6 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,569 ♪ Love, American Style ♪ 7 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,672 ♪ Truer than the red, white and blue ♪ 8 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,143 ♪ Love, American Style ♪ 9 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:55,613 ♪ That's me and you ♪ 10 00:01:57,084 --> 00:02:01,319 ♪ And on a star-spangled night, my love ♪ 11 00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,654 ♪ You can rest ♪ 12 00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:08,626 ♪ You can rest your head on my shoulder ♪ 13 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:13,298 ♪ Or by the dawn's early light, my love ♪ 14 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,866 ♪ I will defend ♪ 15 00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:19,304 ♪ I will defend your right to try ♪ 16 00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:23,108 ♪ Love, American Style ♪ 17 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,877 ♪ That's me and you. ♪ 18 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,300 Tonight, you will see 19 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,791 three separate views of love, American style: 20 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,394 Every man's dream and one man's nightmare, 21 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,896 bedtime games among the cliff dwellers, 22 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,809 and our first story about the bugs 23 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:51,035 in an otherwise happy marriage, which we call: 24 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:15,160 Barbara?! 25 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,763 Barbara? 26 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,532 You called, O master? 27 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,467 You have been using my drawing pen again. 28 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,679 I cannot tell a lie. 29 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,815 Yes, I have been using your drawing pen. 30 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,873 But then you are using my bedroom. 31 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,510 My studio is being redecorated, 32 00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,089 I'm weeks behind on the strip, 33 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,557 Barney's called three times today, 34 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,826 and what do you mean your bedroom? 35 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:40,252 Well, if ours is part of mine and mine is part of ours, 36 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,720 then this is mine, and it is on loan to you. 37 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:49,060 Barbara, with this pen, when it isn't mangled... 38 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,628 I did not mangle your pen. 39 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,663 I used it to write a very brief note. 40 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,610 Well, that must have been a very important note. 41 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:57,802 I wrote a letter to the milkman. 42 00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,570 The milk...! 43 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:01,450 You used this pen, my pen, 44 00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:03,920 the pen that I use to draw "Ricky and His Pals" with? 45 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,011 Oh, forgive me, O master, I used the sacred pen. 46 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,279 I used Ricky's pen. 47 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,958 Now you're doing it again, aren't you? 48 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,048 Doing what? 49 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,127 You're making cracks. 50 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,250 Oh, I'm not. 51 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:13,963 Yeah, you are. You're making cracks. 52 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,365 Now look, Barbara, look, look, 53 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,500 I know that you don't think very much of Ricky. 54 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:21,359 But there are millions, millions of people 55 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,440 all across the country who... 56 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,796 To whom "Ricky and His Pals" 57 00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:26,965 are part and parcel of their daily lives. 58 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,344 That's right. That's right. 59 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,113 Now, you walk up on the street and you ask anybody. 60 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,803 No, I wouldn't do that, Corbett. 61 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,750 I wouldn't do that. Well, you can, you can ask anybody on the street. 62 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,319 You ask them who Jean-Paul Sartre is, 63 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,688 Jean-Paul... you ask them and they say, "Who? Who?" 64 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:42,013 But you ask them who "Ricky and His Pals" are... 65 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,848 And... 66 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,862 He will tell you that he is part and parcel of his daily life. That's right! 67 00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:48,798 That's why I'm not going to draw 68 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,733 the part and parcels of people's lives... 69 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:53,691 Millions of people's lives... with a dull pen. 70 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,226 Corbett, this is ridiculous. 71 00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,529 I mean, I did not dull your crummy little pen. 72 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,331 Crummy? Crummy?! 73 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,500 Oh, oh, excuse me, it's yours. 74 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,168 Everything here is yours. 75 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,469 Nothing is mine. 76 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,739 Yeah, well, Barbara... 77 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,685 I mean, you paid for everything, 78 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,277 you own everything, it is simply on lend to me. 79 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,479 Oh, Barb... 80 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,782 Your pen. 81 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,251 Hyah! 82 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,991 All right, all right! 83 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,190 Oh, no! He may have friends in the neighborhood! 84 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,469 Corbett, could... 85 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,041 Ew, what is that? 86 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,576 Oh, it's awful. 87 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,077 No, don't! 88 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,146 You'll let him in! I'll let who in? 89 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,215 Whom. 90 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,461 Now, look, if you want to stay here 91 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,263 and be asphyxiated, that's fine. 92 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,787 But me, I'm going to leave. 93 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:10,154 Oh, oh. 94 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,123 Corbett, I really hate to beg, 95 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,270 but I found this old pen of yours... I mean, it's really old. 96 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,328 I think it's a souvenir from the 1939 World's Fair and I... 97 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:21,432 Corbett? 98 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,768 Corbett... 99 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,081 Stand right where you are. 100 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,104 What is it? Don't say anything. 101 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,706 I'll get him. 102 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,742 Put that down! 103 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,744 It's the fly, he's been bothering me all day. 104 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,279 It's my fly. 105 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:38,249 It's my pet fly and don't you lay a finger on it. 106 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,052 What do you mean your pet fly? 107 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,790 Just what I said, it's my pet fly. 108 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,592 Barbara, you're just being... 109 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,960 Ah-ah! Petty? 110 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,329 No, no, no, I wouldn't have said petty. 111 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,832 Well, how come I've never heard of him? 112 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,445 Oh, I don't have to tell you everything. 113 00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,847 I mean, don't you think I have a life of my own? 114 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,415 Everything is yours, nothing is mine. 115 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:02,907 Well, not everything, because, you see, that is my fly. 116 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:06,010 I mean, I've had him for what, over a week. 117 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,712 He's just flying around, flying around? 118 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,414 I-I-I've never seen you feed him. 119 00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:12,650 Well, you haven't seen me do a lot of things 120 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,286 because you've just been too busy with Ricky and his dummies. 121 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,555 Never mind Ricky and his... 122 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:18,801 All right, all right. 123 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,291 I will leave Ricky alone 124 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,428 if you will leave my fly alone. 125 00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:24,696 All right, sweetheart. 126 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,432 Now you be a good boy and mommy will be back soon. 127 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,402 Corbett... 128 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,030 Don't you lay a finger on him. 129 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,640 I don't believe it. 130 00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,007 Caesar! 131 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,911 Caesar, come here. 132 00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,858 Well, where are you, darling? 133 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,627 Ah, there's mommy's boy. 134 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,585 Yes. How do you like your new house that mommy bought for you? 135 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,632 She bought it with daddy's money, so you say 136 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,789 thank you to daddy. 137 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,472 Caesar?! 138 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:45,243 Hey, Corbett, I hope you don't mind... 139 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,679 Why aren't you working? 140 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,214 I'm getting smashed. 141 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,415 At 11:00 in the morning? 142 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,684 What happened? 143 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:53,763 Don't ask. 144 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,120 You have a fight with Barbara? 145 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,468 I said don't ask. 146 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:57,822 I'm not asking, I was guessing. 147 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,057 Yeah. 148 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,660 Boy, I've never seen you drunk before. 149 00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,028 Well, then this is 150 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,929 a big day for you, isn't it? 151 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,366 Now, look, I'm your manager, not a marriage counselor. 152 00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:09,712 Is that right? 153 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,581 But I hate to see trouble between you two. 154 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,070 Mm, so do I. 155 00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,807 Come on, what is it between you and Barbara? 156 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,241 Is it serious? 157 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,430 She thinks Ricky's silly. 158 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,614 Ricky's silly? 159 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,114 Does she realize how many papers 160 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,383 are carrying us now? 161 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:26,896 She doesn't care about that. 162 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,821 She wants me to be George Bernard Shaw 163 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,450 or Anton Chekhov or William Shakespeare, so... 164 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,605 Ricky doesn't mean anything to her. 165 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,230 Oh, that's serious. 166 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,344 Yeah, furthermore, furthermore, 167 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,267 since she doesn't value me, 168 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,637 she doesn't value my possessions. 169 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,938 Like my pen. 170 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,307 But that's awful. 171 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,109 You're a very important man. 172 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,544 Yeah, I know. 173 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,191 You make a lot of money. Mm-hmm. 174 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,026 She ought to take care of you like a king. 175 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,282 Mm. 176 00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,551 No. 177 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,920 No, she wants her own life. 178 00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:05,189 I mean, she isn't satisfied with getting her satisfaction 179 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,458 indirectly, you know, through me. 180 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,360 She wants to do her own thing. 181 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,696 Yeah? What's her own thing? 182 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,063 I don't know. 183 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:18,028 If I told you what happened this morning you wouldn't... 184 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,318 What did you do? 185 00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:24,453 Nothing... I just killed a fly. 186 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,755 Now go on, you were saying... What? 187 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,779 I killed a fly. 188 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,587 I don't see him. 189 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:39,156 What... what's him? 190 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:40,570 You killed him. That was Caesar. 191 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:41,604 You killed him. 192 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,494 So I killed a fly. So what? 193 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,296 Have you turned Hindu or something? 194 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,798 You don't understand. 195 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,278 This is Barbara's own fly, her own personal fly. 196 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,936 She trained him and she loves him more than me maybe even. 197 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,783 He was in that cage, he must have got out. 198 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,184 Yeah, maybe it's a good thing I stopped him... 199 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,674 He was trying to make his getaway. 200 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,020 You don't understand. 201 00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,089 You see, if Barbara comes out here and finds him dead, 202 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,958 then she'll think that I killed him on purpose, 203 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,025 and that's the end of our marriage. 204 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,259 Boy, that's it, I know it. 205 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,669 Ah, hi, Barney. Hi. 206 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,693 Uh, Corbett, I'm going shopping. 207 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:18,830 Oh, okay, uh, have a good time. 208 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,566 Are you catching a cold? 209 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:23,916 Me? 210 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,715 No, No. Why? 211 00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,204 Well, I mean, your eyes are flushed, 212 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,773 your nose is all red. 213 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,407 Yeah? 214 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,036 Well, I guess I am, then. 215 00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,146 Oh. 216 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,348 Well, I'll see you later. 217 00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:38,750 Good-bye, Barney. 218 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,666 What am I going to tell her? 219 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,889 I don't know. 220 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,691 Yes, I do know. 221 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,860 We'll get her another fly. 222 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,539 No, no... you think it'd work? 223 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,396 Sure it'll work. She'll never know. 224 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,865 All those flies, they look alike. 225 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:55,210 Where we gonna find one? 226 00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,312 I don't know, there must be one around here somewhere. 227 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,748 No, no, she keeps the place spotless. 228 00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,049 Miserable in here, miserable. 229 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,405 What about the garbage? 230 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,885 No, no, she took it out this morning. 231 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:03,975 Oh. 232 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,677 I know... I know! 233 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,465 Where? Come on, I know where we can get one. 234 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,793 Now, look, fellas, what is this, a fraternity prank? 235 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,427 You know, when I was in college, 236 00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:14,497 I had to find a balloon from a bubble dancer. 237 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,120 But I was a kid then. 238 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,967 And, well, you guys are adults. 239 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,056 You don't understand. 240 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,325 All we need is a fly, just any fly. 241 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:24,662 Mm-hmm, well, if I had a fly, just any fly, sir, 242 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:25,997 I'd give it to you. 243 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:28,566 But you see, I don't get very many calls for flies. 244 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:31,936 Look, sir, you seem like a reasonable man... 245 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,637 Uh-huh. I am. 246 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,551 That's why I'm going to ask you to leave. 247 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,742 We're leaving without a fly. 248 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,411 Look, fellas, I would like to help you, 249 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,779 I promise you I would. 250 00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:44,615 How about, uh... how about a hamster 251 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:47,651 or a mouse or a guinea pig? 252 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,233 Yes, I'll sell you a guinea pig 253 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:51,868 for the same price as a fly 254 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:54,959 because if I had a fly, believe me, 255 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,906 she would be very expensive. 256 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,574 She? No, no, it's a boy fly. 257 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,631 Caesar. That's right. 258 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,310 Look, you guys are too fussy for me. 259 00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:03,379 Now would you please get out? 260 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,004 Look, please, this is an emergency. 261 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:09,140 Now, certainly you must have a fly around here somewhere. 262 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,141 Yeah. 263 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,109 I beg your pardon. 264 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,777 We are absolutely antiseptic. 265 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,391 Now, if you don't mind... 266 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,626 Corbett. What? 267 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,095 Restaurant. Restaurant. 268 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,551 Where's the nearest restaurant? 269 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,165 Well, there's one around on Gilmore and another on Fifth. 270 00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,309 You take Gilmore, I'll take the one on Fifth. 271 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:37,903 Hi. 272 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,206 Where have you been? 273 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,909 Out with Barney to a restaurant. 274 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:47,545 Oh. 275 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,281 He isn't back yet, is he? 276 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,150 Well, I thought you said he was with you. 277 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,529 Well, I did. But not exactly. 278 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,154 We went to different restaurants. 279 00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:57,822 Oh. 280 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,392 How's Caesar? 281 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,021 Oh, he must have gotten out. 282 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,342 I guess he's around here somewhere. 283 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,666 Well, maybe the exercise will do him good. 284 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,240 Corbett? 285 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,775 Oh, I love you. 286 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,822 Oh, I love you, too, baby. Oh, Corbett. 287 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,624 I've got to tell you something. We have got to talk about... 288 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:22,958 There's something I've got to talk to you about. 289 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,148 No, me first, huh? 290 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,383 I'm, um, I want to tell you that 291 00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:27,518 I really am sorry 292 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,520 about what I said about "Ricky and His Pals." 293 00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,500 I mean... But that's what I want to talk about. 294 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,057 I know how much Ricky means to you 295 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,126 and what I said was just cruel. 296 00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:36,304 But that's what I've got to say. 297 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,506 I hate Ricky and his pals 298 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,708 and Bertha and Spike and Knuckle Nose, 299 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,810 I hate that Knuckle Nose, I really hate him. 300 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,766 You hate him? 301 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,347 Yeah, I hate him and I want to quit. 302 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,170 I really do. 303 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,050 I'm... I want to write again. 304 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,918 Now, I may flop, once more, 305 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,388 and we may have to give up living like this, 306 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,589 but I want to quit. 307 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,446 Oh, Corbett! 308 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,115 Oh, that's what I want, too. 309 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,217 I mean, that's why I've been so cranky. 310 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,530 You will do it? Now pinkie swear. Yes, pinkie swear. 311 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,366 Just as soon as I see Barney. 312 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,922 Oh, Corbett, oh! 313 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,560 Could you get me a cup of coffee? 314 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,628 Of course. 315 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,364 Could you do that? 316 00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:14,609 I love you. 317 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,734 I love you. 318 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,070 No sugar. 319 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:21,239 Oh. 320 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,818 Now wouldn't you know it? 321 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,041 I mean, I went to the market 322 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,387 and the one thing I forgot is the coffee. 323 00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,455 Oh, well, that's okay. 324 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,079 I'm sorry. That's all right. 325 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:29,825 Oh, Corbett, you see how nice everything is, 326 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,483 I mean, when we don't keep anything from each other? 327 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:33,996 We just tell each other the truth, 328 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,465 everything's out in the open that way. Yeah. Yeah. 329 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,555 Um, Corbett... 330 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,958 there's one other thing I have to tell you. 331 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,159 What? 332 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,006 You know that green and white checked shirt, 333 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,875 the one with the thing there and there? 334 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,776 Oh, yeah, the one that was ruined in the laundry. 335 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,334 Uh, well, not exactly. 336 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,370 See, uh... I tore it up. 337 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:55,306 I mean, I was just so mad at you that day. 338 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,408 You tore it to shreds? Mm-hmm. 339 00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,654 But that was my favorite shirt. 340 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,323 You're mad, right? Why would you...? 341 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,180 Well... Uh-huh. 342 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,649 It's just a shirt... whatever. 343 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,786 You tore it to shreds. 344 00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,487 Corbett. 345 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,268 Well, I've got something to tell you. 346 00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,791 Hmm? Mm-hmm. 347 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,404 Only I don't think you better look at me. 348 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,805 Uh-oh. It's a bad one, right? 349 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:17,829 Yeah, it's a bad... 350 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,830 I got us a fly, pal! 351 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,165 I have a...! 352 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,577 Forget it, Barney. Just forget it. 353 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,213 All right, now, Barbara, now brace yourself. 354 00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:25,702 Caesar is dead. 355 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,049 We killed him today accidentally. 356 00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,572 No, I killed him, I killed him. 357 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,441 I'm not letting you take the rap for me. 358 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,109 Okay, Barney killed him. 359 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:35,479 We spent all afternoon trying to find you another pet. 360 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,960 Now I just want you to know that 361 00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,594 what's important to you is important to me. 362 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,063 What's the matter, Barbara? 363 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,531 Are you all right? She's hysterical. 364 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,621 Oh, Corbett. 365 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,236 He wasn't, was he? 366 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,438 Caesar was not your pet? 367 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,806 No, I... 368 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,863 I made it up to... 369 00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:53,864 to make you mad. 370 00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:56,067 But I will always love him. 371 00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,304 You miserable wench. 372 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,017 Well, we've come to praise Caesar, 373 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,740 not to bury him. 374 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,542 Oh, wonderful, wonderful. 375 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:06,910 That's what I like to see. 376 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,813 Now just one more kiss and then back to work. 377 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,248 The strip's due this afternoon. 378 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,395 The strip's due this afternoon. Yeah. 379 00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:14,629 Mm-hmm. 380 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:15,831 Barney... 381 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,365 Good-bye. Huh? 382 00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:19,589 We've got more important things to get back to. 383 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,091 H-H-Hold it. 384 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,326 You know something? 385 00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:24,962 I think I'm going to keep this little fly. 386 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,230 Yeah. 387 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,932 She's really awful cute. 388 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,335 You know, I got her off a fruit salad. 389 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:32,536 She likes me. 390 00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:35,039 She'll do anything I say. Here, look. 391 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,241 Stay, Cleo. 392 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,442 That's right. 393 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,743 See that? 394 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,145 We're going home. 395 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,968 Lamar, I know you'd like me to be one of the boys, 396 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,903 but this is too much. 397 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,112 Mmm! Dee-licious. 398 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,115 You know what I'd like for dessert? 399 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,317 It's garbage night. 400 00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:56,120 I would have settled for tapioca pudding. 401 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,388 You sure know how to turn off a mood, Alice. 402 00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:00,591 Well, in that T-shirt and those slippers, 403 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,160 you're not exactly Engelbert Humperdinck, you know. 404 00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,377 Would you tell me what this is? 405 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,401 Oh, I was going to tell you about that. 406 00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:12,937 It's called a garbage can. 407 00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:14,249 I know what it's called. 408 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,673 What do you call this? 409 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,407 Kirk Douglas in The Vikings? 410 00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:19,343 $8.99. 411 00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:20,489 Save-A-Lot Stores. 412 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,246 I saved almost two dollars by buying it. 413 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,982 You could have saved $8.99 by not buying it. 414 00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:29,119 Do you know how long it takes me to make $8.99? 415 00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:31,054 Two hours and seven minutes. 416 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:34,891 It sure is hard come, easy go around here, isn't it, Alice? 417 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,160 Oh, did you ever think it's not how much I spend, 418 00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:38,529 but how little you make? 419 00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:39,974 Don't start with the money scene now. 420 00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:42,032 You knew exactly what I was when you married me. 421 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:43,834 Not exactly. 422 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:45,302 You knew I was a lineman. 423 00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:46,649 Yes, but I imagined you were 424 00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:47,983 a lineman for the Green Bay Packers, 425 00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:49,118 not the phone company. Bong! Bong! 426 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,142 End of round one. You win that one. 427 00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,210 All right, now for round two about the garbage can. 428 00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:55,546 What was wrong with the old garbage can? 429 00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:57,359 The garbage man condemned it. 430 00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:58,894 He threw it on the truck and he said 431 00:21:58,918 --> 00:22:00,629 it was giving the neighborhood a bad name. 432 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,420 Oh, since when does the garbage man care about 433 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:04,789 the looks of this neighborhood? 434 00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,635 Since he moved next door. 435 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,560 Oh-ho-ho, well, I do hope that he approves of this one, 436 00:22:09,628 --> 00:22:10,895 because you've got a beaut. 437 00:22:10,963 --> 00:22:12,163 Oh, you've got a good one. 438 00:22:12,231 --> 00:22:14,732 You've got the best can in town, Alice. 439 00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:17,735 Bong, bong, end of round two. 440 00:22:17,804 --> 00:22:21,205 Uh-huh, I guess I won that round, huh? 441 00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:27,211 Oh, she sure does take all the fun out of fighting. 442 00:22:29,948 --> 00:22:31,082 Honey? 443 00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:32,549 Hmm? 444 00:22:32,618 --> 00:22:35,219 You know what night this is? 445 00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:37,287 I took the garbage out. 446 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,423 I mean it's Thursday. 447 00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:40,758 Hmm? 448 00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:42,059 Oh. 449 00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:44,294 I don't want to play. 450 00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,830 Oh, come on, just a little while. 451 00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:48,498 I've got a headache. 452 00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:51,068 Come on... 453 00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:54,905 Oh... all right. 454 00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:57,407 All right. 455 00:22:57,476 --> 00:23:00,611 Only this time you keep the score. 456 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,081 I better, 'cause the last time, you cheated. 457 00:23:04,149 --> 00:23:06,083 Now, here are the rules: 458 00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:07,918 We each have half a million dollars. 459 00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:10,365 Yeah. And we have ten minutes to spend it. 460 00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,156 Whoever spends the most and gets the best wins. 461 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:14,658 Only one wish to a turn, 462 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,371 and if you exceed your half million dollars, 463 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,995 you're disqualified. Any questions? 464 00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:19,663 Who goes first? 465 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:21,431 I'll go first. 466 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:22,833 Let's see. 467 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,869 I think I'll start 468 00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:27,938 with a full-length, natural-dyed chinchilla coat 469 00:23:28,007 --> 00:23:30,474 with a cowl collar and a matching muff. 470 00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:33,778 I think I can pick one up for about $10,000. 471 00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:35,445 Give or take. 472 00:23:35,514 --> 00:23:39,449 One chinchilla coat, $10,000. Your turn. 473 00:23:39,518 --> 00:23:41,285 I pass. 474 00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:43,187 You know you can't do that. 475 00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:45,266 The whole purpose of the game is for you to spend your money. 476 00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:46,857 Well, I haven't made up my mind 477 00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:48,503 what I want to spend my money on, 478 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:50,005 so I'm just going to leave it in the bank 479 00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:51,162 and let it draw interest. 480 00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:53,864 All right, you lose. 481 00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:56,533 Wait a minute. I question that call. 482 00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:59,081 I don't have to spend my money, Alice. 483 00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,615 Why can't it be liquid for one night? 484 00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:04,708 Because... because that's hoarding, and hoarding is... 485 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,077 well, it's un-American. 486 00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:08,679 All right, Alice. 487 00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:10,458 I'm going to play the game according to your rules. 488 00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:12,027 I'm withdrawing all my money from the bank, 489 00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:15,052 and I'm buying $500,000 worth of stocks. 490 00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,698 Stocks? Yep. 491 00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:18,722 What a stupid way to spend your money. 492 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,602 Yeah? Tell that to Howard Hughes. 493 00:24:20,626 --> 00:24:22,170 The only thing you've got in common 494 00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:24,072 with Howard Hughes is your wardrobe. 495 00:24:24,096 --> 00:24:25,495 Aw, come on, Alice. 496 00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:26,742 Stop making jokes and put me down 497 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,710 for $500,000 worth of stocks now. 498 00:24:28,734 --> 00:24:29,878 Hey, your turn. 499 00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:33,236 Do you remember what happened in 1929? 500 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:36,540 Oh, yeah. Red Sox won the pennant. 501 00:24:36,608 --> 00:24:39,243 If you invest in the stock market, 502 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:42,179 it'll be 1929 all over again. 503 00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:44,181 You want to bet? 504 00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:45,916 You bet. 505 00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:46,750 How much? 506 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,419 $100,000. 507 00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:51,454 You're on. 508 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:05,201 Hey, Alice, you could have got that chinchilla coat 509 00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:08,538 a lot cheaper if you bought it wholesale. 510 00:25:13,278 --> 00:25:14,645 Now, if I were you, 511 00:25:14,713 --> 00:25:16,457 I would stop shopping those glamour stocks 512 00:25:16,481 --> 00:25:19,516 and buy 150 shares of American Rock and Steel. 513 00:25:19,584 --> 00:25:21,529 It's a very solid company, 514 00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:24,032 and their earnings are up 50 cents per share this quarter. 515 00:25:24,056 --> 00:25:27,423 Yes. I'm positive it won't go down. 516 00:25:27,492 --> 00:25:30,326 Have a little faith, all right? 517 00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:32,696 Well, that's right. You can't lose a penny. 518 00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,899 I have another customer, so I have to go. 519 00:25:34,967 --> 00:25:36,300 Good-bye, Father. 520 00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:39,469 And say hello to Sister Mary Immaculate for me. 521 00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:42,940 How do you do? I'm Mr. Benjamin. 522 00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:45,175 Hi. Oh, I'm John Bagley. 523 00:25:45,244 --> 00:25:47,222 What can we do for you today? 524 00:25:47,246 --> 00:25:49,746 Well, if a guy had a lot of money to invest, 525 00:25:49,815 --> 00:25:52,682 where would he put it if he wanted to double it the fastest? 526 00:25:52,751 --> 00:25:54,285 How much do you have in mind? 527 00:25:54,353 --> 00:25:56,153 $500,000. 528 00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:00,524 Call me Bob. 529 00:26:00,592 --> 00:26:02,092 Won't you have a seat? 530 00:26:02,161 --> 00:26:03,638 Oh, well, I am sitting down, aren't I? 531 00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:08,632 I mean, take my seat. It's more comfortable. 532 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:11,601 Well, I'd just as soon sit where I'm sitting. 533 00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:13,904 Anything you'd like. 534 00:26:13,973 --> 00:26:17,041 Ms. Dash, please hold all my calls. 535 00:26:17,109 --> 00:26:18,542 Mr. Bagley, as you know, 536 00:26:18,610 --> 00:26:21,845 investing money is a very serious business. 537 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,059 The kind of money you're talking about... 538 00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:27,584 You're still talking about 500,000? 539 00:26:27,653 --> 00:26:29,019 Yeah. 540 00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:30,654 It takes time: 541 00:26:30,722 --> 00:26:32,367 time to analyze the board; 542 00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:34,502 time to study your needs in depth; 543 00:26:34,526 --> 00:26:36,838 time to put all the information through our computers; 544 00:26:36,862 --> 00:26:39,563 and time to compile a personal portfolio 545 00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:41,698 geared to your individual needs. 546 00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:44,201 Ooh. How long does all that take? 547 00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:46,803 About ten minutes. I'd like to get 548 00:26:46,872 --> 00:26:49,217 you started in Tide Pool Oil. 549 00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:56,046 You, uh... you did want to invest the entire 500,000? 550 00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,480 Oh, sure. 551 00:26:57,549 --> 00:27:00,017 Hey, by the way, do you validate? 552 00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:09,592 Oh, get that, will you, honey? I'm busy. 553 00:27:18,103 --> 00:27:19,736 Hello. 554 00:27:19,805 --> 00:27:21,772 I'm sorry, but I'm sort of lost. 555 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,718 Could you tell me where Mr. John Bagley lives? 556 00:27:23,742 --> 00:27:26,877 Go in, turn left at the couch, and there he is. 557 00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:30,447 Mr. Benjamin, now, what are you doing here? 558 00:27:30,516 --> 00:27:32,394 Honey, this is Mr. Benjamin, my stockbroker. 559 00:27:32,418 --> 00:27:34,562 He's with Wyatt, Sloan, Brenner and Bean. 560 00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:36,487 Oh, really? Which one are you? 561 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:39,123 Pleased to meet you. 562 00:27:39,191 --> 00:27:41,725 Well, I was really surprised 563 00:27:41,793 --> 00:27:44,661 when I found this address in this neighborhood. 564 00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:46,474 Always been right here. 565 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,766 Well, actually, it has a sort of... 566 00:27:49,835 --> 00:27:51,502 It's a kind of... 567 00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:54,338 Oh, it's very... Camp. 568 00:27:54,407 --> 00:27:55,717 We're moving real soon. 569 00:27:55,741 --> 00:27:57,007 To the country? 570 00:27:57,076 --> 00:27:58,487 No, no. Across the hall. 571 00:27:58,511 --> 00:27:59,620 Get a better view of the back. 572 00:27:59,644 --> 00:28:02,746 Well, I'm sure you must be very busy. 573 00:28:02,815 --> 00:28:04,081 I'll just take a few minutes. 574 00:28:04,149 --> 00:28:05,560 No, no. That's all right. 575 00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:06,928 You come in. Would you like a beer? 576 00:28:06,952 --> 00:28:07,884 No, thanks. 577 00:28:07,953 --> 00:28:09,019 Alice, you get him a beer. 578 00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:10,631 Get me one, too. Right. 579 00:28:10,655 --> 00:28:12,022 Thanks, Mr. Bagley. 580 00:28:12,091 --> 00:28:14,368 I, um... I hope you weren't too alarmed 581 00:28:14,392 --> 00:28:16,104 at the news in today's paper. 582 00:28:16,128 --> 00:28:18,729 Well, as a matter of fact, I was, yes. 583 00:28:18,797 --> 00:28:20,541 I had a hunch you would be. 584 00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,178 Mr. Bagley, this drop in the stock market is only temporary. 585 00:28:23,202 --> 00:28:25,969 There's a huge sell-off, along with profit-taking, 586 00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:28,183 not to mention the secretary's speech. 587 00:28:28,207 --> 00:28:29,417 Oh, the market is sure to turn around 588 00:28:29,441 --> 00:28:30,741 and go up in a few days. 589 00:28:30,809 --> 00:28:32,242 You're sure of that? 590 00:28:32,310 --> 00:28:34,655 The secretary said so in his speech. 591 00:28:34,679 --> 00:28:36,579 Oh. Oh, here we go. Yeah. 592 00:28:36,648 --> 00:28:40,183 What happened with Tide Pool Oil Company today, dear? 593 00:28:40,252 --> 00:28:42,853 Well, unfortunately, they struck gas, 594 00:28:42,921 --> 00:28:44,221 and the stock went down. 595 00:28:44,289 --> 00:28:46,623 I thought, if they struck gas, that was good. 596 00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:51,261 When they hit natural gas, then oil usually follows, and that is good. 597 00:28:51,329 --> 00:28:54,765 However, your company struck unnatural gas. 598 00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:56,233 What follows that? 599 00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:57,734 You don't want to know. 600 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,471 They've already cleared the area. 601 00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:05,220 But, to look on the bright side, 602 00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:07,288 you haven't invested yet, so you haven't lost anything. 603 00:29:07,312 --> 00:29:09,690 The market is still the best place to put your money. 604 00:29:09,714 --> 00:29:11,815 Do you hear that, Alice? Do you hear that? 605 00:29:11,884 --> 00:29:13,884 And that man is a money expert. 606 00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:16,219 Mr. Benjamin, how can you sit there and say that 607 00:29:16,288 --> 00:29:18,332 when he's already lost thousands of dollars, 608 00:29:18,356 --> 00:29:19,689 and I haven't even lost a penny. 609 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,524 That is because you have no pennies to lose 610 00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:23,894 because you spent it all on a lot of stupid junk. 611 00:29:23,962 --> 00:29:25,929 Stupid junk? 612 00:29:25,998 --> 00:29:27,864 Excuse me a minute. 613 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:30,245 Mr. Bagley, I thought you might be interested 614 00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:32,936 in buying into the Huge Tool Company. 615 00:29:33,005 --> 00:29:35,005 Huge Tool Company? 616 00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:38,074 Oh, yes. They're very huge. 617 00:29:38,143 --> 00:29:41,611 They make all that stuff they leave on the moon. 618 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:46,316 You call an English Tudor mansion in England stupid junk? 619 00:29:46,384 --> 00:29:48,096 Oh, Alice, you bought that three weeks ago. 620 00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,232 And what about that $10,000 stupid chinchilla coat 621 00:29:51,256 --> 00:29:52,522 you bought last night? 622 00:29:52,590 --> 00:29:54,102 And that diamond ring from Richard Burton? 623 00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:56,059 South Colorado Mines. 624 00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:58,829 I have a tip they're just about to strike borax. 625 00:29:58,897 --> 00:30:01,564 Oh, you weren't so practical until last night. 626 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:04,201 What about that golf course you bought in Orlando, Florida? 627 00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:06,281 You got a big kick out of buying that, didn't you? 628 00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,116 Oh, you play golf? Well... 629 00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:11,942 Don't mention it, but Plexigrass is a new issue. 630 00:30:12,010 --> 00:30:13,955 It'll replace all the greens in the country. 631 00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:15,412 And what about your racehorse? 632 00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:18,048 Oats and barley? Excellent. Always excellent. 633 00:30:18,116 --> 00:30:20,350 What about the farm and the boat and the roads? 634 00:30:20,419 --> 00:30:22,330 Wait a minute. Give it all to charity. 635 00:30:22,354 --> 00:30:24,888 In fact, I give everything to charity. 636 00:30:24,956 --> 00:30:27,891 Mr. Bagley, before you do anything rash, 637 00:30:27,959 --> 00:30:30,561 you'd better talk to Mr. Bean personally. 638 00:30:30,629 --> 00:30:32,028 It's not a toll call, is it? 639 00:30:32,097 --> 00:30:34,731 On second thought, 640 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,301 perhaps I'd better talk to Mr. Bean myself. 641 00:30:37,369 --> 00:30:40,103 Mr. Bagley, before you and your wife decide 642 00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:41,716 to do anything in the stock market, 643 00:30:41,740 --> 00:30:43,451 you must promise to call me first. 644 00:30:43,475 --> 00:30:44,974 Wait a minute. 645 00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:46,476 I got a better idea. 646 00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:47,545 Really? 647 00:30:47,612 --> 00:30:48,545 Sell. 648 00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:49,613 Right. 649 00:30:52,717 --> 00:30:54,784 Oh, it's nice to be out of the market. 650 00:30:58,590 --> 00:31:01,425 Sell what? To whom? 651 00:31:03,162 --> 00:31:07,064 You owe me $100,000. 652 00:31:07,132 --> 00:31:08,831 Put it on my tab. 653 00:31:08,900 --> 00:31:10,467 There is no tab. 654 00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:13,070 I tore it up along with the ledger. 655 00:31:13,138 --> 00:31:14,682 What did you do that for? 656 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:16,239 Because the game is over. 657 00:31:16,308 --> 00:31:19,676 Because... because you really ruined the game. 658 00:31:19,744 --> 00:31:22,345 Well, just because I had a fling at the stock market? 659 00:31:22,414 --> 00:31:24,448 No. It wasn't just that. 660 00:31:24,516 --> 00:31:27,084 You couldn't just spend your money and have fun with it. 661 00:31:27,152 --> 00:31:28,751 You had to go make some kind 662 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:30,820 of big business deal out of it. 663 00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:33,223 It'll never be the same. 664 00:31:35,294 --> 00:31:36,837 Listen. I'm sorry, honey. 665 00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:38,806 I mean, I'm really sorry. 666 00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:41,376 I didn't know the game meant that much to you. 667 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,433 Well, it did. 668 00:31:43,501 --> 00:31:46,736 Oh. Well, I got a new game. 669 00:31:46,805 --> 00:31:48,738 Only it's not a game. 670 00:31:48,807 --> 00:31:51,052 Let's you and I take a cruise. 671 00:31:51,076 --> 00:31:53,676 I told you, I don't want to play. 672 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:57,447 Not a make-believe cruise. A real-believe cruise. 673 00:31:57,516 --> 00:32:00,250 Just you and I alone together. 674 00:32:00,319 --> 00:32:01,351 You mean that? 675 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,120 Yeah. I got two weeks vacation coming. 676 00:32:04,189 --> 00:32:07,790 Let's take that cruise we've always been talking about. 677 00:32:07,859 --> 00:32:09,459 To Hawaii? 678 00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:11,794 No. Catalina. 679 00:32:11,863 --> 00:32:14,497 Of course, Hawaii. 680 00:32:14,566 --> 00:32:16,399 Oh, that's wonderful. 681 00:32:16,468 --> 00:32:18,734 We haven't been alone together since our honeymoon. 682 00:32:18,803 --> 00:32:22,172 But Hawaii? Can we afford that? 683 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,307 No, but... 684 00:32:24,376 --> 00:32:27,344 if we scrimp and save, we'll make it. 685 00:32:27,412 --> 00:32:29,112 How? 686 00:32:29,181 --> 00:32:31,547 We'll go last class. 687 00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:33,549 Oh, I love you. 688 00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:41,358 Hey, now I know why millionaires like to merge. 689 00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:55,149 Webster, you said you were going 690 00:32:55,173 --> 00:32:56,673 to give me a tennis lesson. 691 00:32:56,742 --> 00:32:59,302 I am. Haven't you ever heard of a love match? 692 00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,774 What's the matter? 693 00:33:34,112 --> 00:33:35,612 Clam dip. 694 00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:41,638 Ally Cooper? 695 00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:42,619 Yeah. 696 00:33:42,688 --> 00:33:43,987 Birthday greetings. 697 00:33:44,056 --> 00:33:45,755 The party was last night. 698 00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:57,000 On the other hand, what's wrong with another party? 699 00:33:57,069 --> 00:33:58,680 I may hate myself for this later, 700 00:33:58,704 --> 00:34:00,648 but are you sure you've got the right Ally Cooper? 701 00:34:00,672 --> 00:34:02,038 Are you not Ally Cooper, 702 00:34:02,107 --> 00:34:06,075 son of the king of Allah Salam, Azurae, the shah of Euphrates? 703 00:34:06,144 --> 00:34:07,510 Son of who? 704 00:34:07,579 --> 00:34:08,778 Dad! 705 00:34:08,847 --> 00:34:10,447 Oh, no, no, no. 706 00:34:10,515 --> 00:34:12,827 But it is from your father that I bring you salutations, 707 00:34:12,851 --> 00:34:15,251 and a gift on your 25th birthday. 708 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:16,519 Where's the gift? 709 00:34:16,588 --> 00:34:18,154 We are the gift. 710 00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:20,103 And we're here to serve you as long as you live. 711 00:34:35,473 --> 00:34:37,908 Ally, what's going on? 712 00:34:41,146 --> 00:34:43,913 Who is this Shah of Salami, Azurae? 713 00:34:43,982 --> 00:34:46,816 My father. 714 00:34:46,885 --> 00:34:49,986 Your father's a king? 715 00:34:50,055 --> 00:34:51,487 You never told me that. 716 00:34:51,556 --> 00:34:53,868 So? You never told me what your father did either. 717 00:34:53,892 --> 00:34:55,625 My father is a teamster. 718 00:34:55,694 --> 00:34:58,194 There's a lot of difference between a teamster and a king, 719 00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:00,229 unless you're head of the union. 720 00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:02,998 Birthday happiness to you, master. 721 00:35:14,279 --> 00:35:16,257 Duke, I've got to get rid of these people. 722 00:35:16,281 --> 00:35:17,492 What am I going to do? 723 00:35:17,516 --> 00:35:18,848 What are you worried about? 724 00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:22,519 You don't throw people out with figures like that. 725 00:35:22,587 --> 00:35:25,221 But they just can't stay here. 726 00:35:25,290 --> 00:35:27,023 Aww, well, don't do anything 727 00:35:27,091 --> 00:35:29,292 until they finish cleaning up at least. 728 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:30,505 Thanks a lot, man. 729 00:35:30,529 --> 00:35:31,461 Master, master! 730 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:33,463 The arbor is finished. 731 00:35:33,532 --> 00:35:35,331 We're ready to begin. 732 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:36,911 It is the custom of the land. 733 00:35:36,935 --> 00:35:40,570 You must walk beneath the arbor while I blow on the ram's horn. 734 00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:41,905 Just a minute. 735 00:35:41,973 --> 00:35:44,474 If I do that, aren't I married to those girls? 736 00:35:44,543 --> 00:35:46,309 Right. Wrong. 737 00:35:46,377 --> 00:35:50,413 I don't want to get married to them; we're not even engaged. 738 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:53,027 First, you must get married, then you can get engaged. 739 00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,517 It's your father's orders. 740 00:35:54,586 --> 00:35:56,453 Come on, you just don't seem to understand. 741 00:35:56,521 --> 00:35:58,922 We don't do this sort of thing in the United States, 742 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:02,792 not even in California, not even with my father's orders. 743 00:36:02,861 --> 00:36:04,539 Wait a minute. 744 00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:06,295 Ally. What? 745 00:36:06,364 --> 00:36:08,130 Wait a minute. 746 00:36:08,199 --> 00:36:11,300 If your father is a king, that makes you a prince, 747 00:36:11,369 --> 00:36:12,649 which makes it legal. 748 00:36:12,704 --> 00:36:14,303 You can have two wives. 749 00:36:14,372 --> 00:36:17,440 It may be legal in Euphrates, but it's not legal here. 750 00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:20,877 And even if it were, I've got Pam. 751 00:36:20,946 --> 00:36:23,346 Listen, two birds in the arbor 752 00:36:23,414 --> 00:36:25,392 is better than one on the other side of town. 753 00:36:25,416 --> 00:36:27,350 But you don't understand. 754 00:36:27,418 --> 00:36:29,378 I'm engaged to be married to Pamela. 755 00:36:29,420 --> 00:36:31,488 You always said you wanted a big family. 756 00:36:31,556 --> 00:36:34,156 I meant children, not wives. 757 00:36:36,127 --> 00:36:38,561 Pam's coming for dinner tonight. 758 00:36:38,630 --> 00:36:41,731 I don't, I don't think she'll understand. 759 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,499 So break the date, dummy. 760 00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:46,836 What about, what about tomorrow and the rest of my life? 761 00:36:46,905 --> 00:36:49,706 Well, look at the bright side. 762 00:36:49,775 --> 00:36:51,041 What's that? 763 00:36:51,109 --> 00:36:52,787 If I have to tell you, forget it. 764 00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:55,511 There's got to be a way out. 765 00:36:55,580 --> 00:36:56,846 I mean, I'm just not ready 766 00:36:56,914 --> 00:36:58,892 to settle down with more than one wife. 767 00:36:58,916 --> 00:37:01,584 So what are you going to do? 768 00:37:01,653 --> 00:37:04,420 I don't know. 769 00:37:04,489 --> 00:37:06,489 Yes, I do. What? 770 00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:10,426 What any red-blooded American boy does when he's in trouble. 771 00:37:10,495 --> 00:37:11,861 Hello, Mother. 772 00:37:11,929 --> 00:37:13,195 Ally! 773 00:37:13,264 --> 00:37:16,265 Oh. Hold on a moment, dear. 774 00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:18,901 I'll put you on hold and put you up in the bedroom. 775 00:37:23,374 --> 00:37:25,875 I'll be back in a minute, girls. 776 00:37:25,943 --> 00:37:28,378 Ally, are you there? 777 00:37:28,446 --> 00:37:31,781 How sweet of you to call me on your birthday. 778 00:37:31,850 --> 00:37:35,117 Darling, we're having a lovely party here. 779 00:37:35,186 --> 00:37:36,619 Why don't you come over? 780 00:37:36,688 --> 00:37:37,887 Come over? 781 00:37:37,956 --> 00:37:41,390 You're in New York; I'm in Los Angeles. 782 00:37:41,459 --> 00:37:44,127 Of course I've heard of airplanes. 783 00:37:44,196 --> 00:37:45,729 But, Mother, I-I have a problem. 784 00:37:45,797 --> 00:37:47,764 Wonderful. Bring her along. 785 00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:49,165 You don't understand. 786 00:37:49,234 --> 00:37:50,600 I need your help. 787 00:37:50,668 --> 00:37:55,905 Oh, my baby's getting married. 788 00:37:55,974 --> 00:37:58,541 Like father, like son. 789 00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:02,078 No, I meant your father and his father. 790 00:38:02,147 --> 00:38:03,858 Mother, what are you talking about? 791 00:38:03,882 --> 00:38:06,482 Well, I guess I'd better begin at the beginning. 792 00:38:06,551 --> 00:38:09,085 Please, mother, not the old show biz stories. 793 00:38:09,153 --> 00:38:12,822 You see, dear, on your father's 25th birthday, 794 00:38:12,891 --> 00:38:15,491 his father sent him two wives, 795 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,493 and he liked it so well 796 00:38:17,562 --> 00:38:19,862 that he decided to keep up the tradition. 797 00:38:19,931 --> 00:38:22,131 You mean it's hereditary? 798 00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:23,666 Yes, it's hereditary 799 00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:27,002 and extremely annoying for the original wife. 800 00:38:27,071 --> 00:38:29,939 That's really why I left him. 801 00:38:30,007 --> 00:38:31,273 That and the fact 802 00:38:31,342 --> 00:38:34,343 that he promised to support me for the rest of my days. 803 00:38:34,412 --> 00:38:35,845 What about my problem? 804 00:38:35,914 --> 00:38:37,914 Our problem, darling. 805 00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:41,383 You send those girls back, and it'll offend your father. 806 00:38:41,453 --> 00:38:44,253 And he'll cut me off without a single dinar 807 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:46,956 and he'll cut them off at the neck. 808 00:38:47,024 --> 00:38:48,264 He wouldn't kill them, Mother. 809 00:38:48,292 --> 00:38:49,224 You're putting me on. 810 00:38:49,293 --> 00:38:51,227 No, really, darling, 811 00:38:51,296 --> 00:38:54,530 if he thinks those girls haven't pleased you, 812 00:38:54,599 --> 00:38:58,367 zap, it'll be the big harem in the sky. 813 00:38:58,436 --> 00:39:01,171 What should you do? 814 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,674 Well, whatever you do, don't lose your cool. 815 00:39:04,742 --> 00:39:06,676 Enjoy yourself, boobie. 816 00:39:06,744 --> 00:39:09,212 It's your birthday. 817 00:39:12,484 --> 00:39:14,394 Master! Master! 818 00:39:14,418 --> 00:39:18,020 Omar, what is this? A revolution? 819 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:19,689 No, master, it's the infidel. 820 00:39:19,757 --> 00:39:21,190 You mean, uh, Duke? 821 00:39:21,258 --> 00:39:23,759 As soon as you went in there, he began staring at your wives. 822 00:39:23,828 --> 00:39:26,462 So you pulled that just because he was staring? 823 00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:27,864 But Master, there's no telling 824 00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:29,810 what he might have done if I hadn't stopped him. 825 00:39:29,834 --> 00:39:31,779 You stopped him? Wh-What did you do? 826 00:39:31,803 --> 00:39:33,035 Nothing. 827 00:39:33,104 --> 00:39:35,371 The coward locked himself in your bedroom. 828 00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:37,751 Omar, if he's locked in the bedroom, 829 00:39:37,775 --> 00:39:39,787 how can he stare at the girls? 830 00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:44,413 Now, just go in the kitchen and... and whittle. 831 00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:49,085 Stay away from me! 832 00:39:49,154 --> 00:39:50,419 It's me, Ally. 833 00:39:50,488 --> 00:39:51,754 Oh. 834 00:39:57,528 --> 00:39:58,862 What are you doing? 835 00:39:58,930 --> 00:40:01,430 Uh, uh... 836 00:40:01,499 --> 00:40:04,059 I'm, I'm going to escape. 837 00:40:05,503 --> 00:40:07,481 Well, I have to get to work somehow. 838 00:40:07,505 --> 00:40:09,283 Since when are you in such a hurry to get to work? 839 00:40:09,307 --> 00:40:12,242 Since your friend tried to remove my appendix, 840 00:40:12,310 --> 00:40:14,377 and my tonsils with one incision. 841 00:40:14,445 --> 00:40:16,712 Wait. I've already talked with Omar. 842 00:40:16,781 --> 00:40:19,548 I'm sure he won't go near you if you won't go near the girls. 843 00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:22,252 Is that the best you can get me? 844 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,120 Duke, I gotta get rid of them. 845 00:40:24,189 --> 00:40:26,856 Well, I don't know about Omar, 846 00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:29,558 but getting rid of the girls shouldn't be too hard. 847 00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,094 What do you mean? 848 00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:33,574 Well, if you have a girlfriend, and you don't want a girlfriend, 849 00:40:33,598 --> 00:40:34,809 what do you do? 850 00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:36,465 I change my phone number. 851 00:40:36,534 --> 00:40:39,468 No, no, you do something to offend them. 852 00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:41,337 How do you offend a slave? 853 00:40:41,405 --> 00:40:43,773 Listen, they're women first and slaves second. 854 00:40:43,842 --> 00:40:45,922 You can tell that just by looking at them. 855 00:40:47,478 --> 00:40:49,598 You really think I could make them jealous? 856 00:40:49,647 --> 00:40:50,980 Well, they're women. 857 00:40:51,049 --> 00:40:52,314 Yeah. 858 00:40:52,383 --> 00:40:53,649 Another girl. 859 00:40:53,718 --> 00:40:56,652 They could see me hugging her and kissing her 860 00:40:56,721 --> 00:40:58,487 and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. 861 00:40:58,556 --> 00:40:59,822 It might work. 862 00:40:59,891 --> 00:41:02,591 And if that doesn't make Omar fold up his wedding arbor 863 00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:05,261 and steal silently into the night, nothing will. 864 00:41:05,329 --> 00:41:07,374 If it doesn't work, it'll be fun trying. 865 00:41:07,398 --> 00:41:11,567 All I need is somebody to hug and kiss. 866 00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:12,468 Pam. 867 00:41:12,537 --> 00:41:13,803 Hi. 868 00:41:13,871 --> 00:41:16,039 Pamela, darling. 869 00:41:24,749 --> 00:41:27,483 Ally, there's people watching us. 870 00:41:27,551 --> 00:41:30,052 Yeah, and they're smiling. 871 00:41:30,121 --> 00:41:32,233 Uh, Pamela, I want you to meet someone. 872 00:41:32,257 --> 00:41:35,258 This is my uncle Omar 873 00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:38,360 and my two cousins Maya and Dina. 874 00:41:38,429 --> 00:41:39,840 They're visiting from the old country. 875 00:41:39,864 --> 00:41:42,364 Oh, well, I'm so pleased to meet you. 876 00:41:42,433 --> 00:41:44,578 Uncle Omar is cooking for us tonight. 877 00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:46,113 Oh, good. Almost ready, Unc? 878 00:41:46,137 --> 00:41:48,048 Well, master... ALLY: Mister. 879 00:41:48,072 --> 00:41:49,805 Mister. 880 00:41:49,874 --> 00:41:53,053 Mister. He still gets confused with some of the words. 881 00:41:53,077 --> 00:41:54,476 Dinner will be a while. 882 00:41:54,545 --> 00:41:56,556 Good. Then we can dance. 883 00:41:56,580 --> 00:41:57,680 Dance? 884 00:41:57,749 --> 00:41:59,669 Yes. I'll just turn the music on. 885 00:41:59,717 --> 00:42:02,117 And we're dancing. 886 00:42:06,658 --> 00:42:08,758 It's kind of impolite for us to be dancing 887 00:42:08,826 --> 00:42:10,760 when your cousins are just standing there. 888 00:42:10,828 --> 00:42:13,328 They do things differently in the old country. 889 00:42:13,397 --> 00:42:14,830 Maybe so, but girls are girls. 890 00:42:14,899 --> 00:42:16,265 You should ask them to dance first. 891 00:42:16,334 --> 00:42:17,599 But Pam... 892 00:42:17,668 --> 00:42:19,001 Ally, they're your guests. 893 00:42:19,070 --> 00:42:21,170 All right. 894 00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:22,538 Maya, Dina, 895 00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:24,707 would you like to dance? 896 00:42:31,582 --> 00:42:34,750 See, I told you they do things differently in the old country. 897 00:42:34,819 --> 00:42:36,252 I guess you're right. 898 00:42:38,323 --> 00:42:41,824 Looks like they cook differently in the old country, too. 899 00:42:53,838 --> 00:42:58,074 I like it well done, but I doubt if it will serve five. 900 00:42:58,142 --> 00:42:59,408 Perhaps there is a difference 901 00:42:59,477 --> 00:43:01,610 between cooking in a stove and over an open pit. 902 00:43:01,679 --> 00:43:03,790 Oh, that's okay, Uncle Omar. 903 00:43:03,814 --> 00:43:05,459 Say, I know what we'll do. 904 00:43:05,483 --> 00:43:07,627 I'll call the delicatessen and order some things, 905 00:43:07,651 --> 00:43:09,429 and you can run down and get them. 906 00:43:09,453 --> 00:43:11,098 We'll have a picnic in the front room. 907 00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:12,933 Would you like that, Uncle Omar? 908 00:43:12,957 --> 00:43:15,758 Good. The girls and I will fix up here while you run down. 909 00:43:15,826 --> 00:43:17,571 Great. Be back in ten minutes. 910 00:43:17,595 --> 00:43:19,762 Come on, girls. Let's set the table. 911 00:43:19,830 --> 00:43:24,033 Wait a minute... Her here with the girls... 912 00:43:24,102 --> 00:43:25,434 Uncle Omar. 913 00:43:25,503 --> 00:43:27,503 Oh, listen very carefully. 914 00:43:27,571 --> 00:43:28,905 While I'm gone, 915 00:43:28,973 --> 00:43:31,874 I do not want you to tell Pamela that my father is a king, 916 00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:33,675 that I'm a prince, 917 00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:35,044 that you're my slave, 918 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:39,048 and, uh, that those two girls are supposed to be my wives. 919 00:43:39,117 --> 00:43:40,995 Understand? PAMELA: Ally? 920 00:43:41,019 --> 00:43:42,363 I was just... You'd better get going. 921 00:43:42,387 --> 00:43:44,287 I was just leaving. Oh. 922 00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:48,457 Uh, Pamela, if anything should happen while I'm gone, 923 00:43:48,526 --> 00:43:51,760 I-I just want you to know I think you're a wonderful girl. 924 00:43:51,829 --> 00:43:55,231 Ally, are you going to the delicatessen or overseas? 925 00:44:04,509 --> 00:44:05,775 Got it. 926 00:44:05,844 --> 00:44:07,610 Not yet you haven't. 927 00:44:11,916 --> 00:44:13,182 Thanks, big mouth. 928 00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:14,183 But master, I said nothing. 929 00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:15,563 It was Maya and Dina. 930 00:44:15,587 --> 00:44:16,519 What is it? 931 00:44:16,588 --> 00:44:17,953 Oh, master, please forgive us. 932 00:44:18,022 --> 00:44:19,422 We meant you no harm. 933 00:44:19,491 --> 00:44:20,801 It's just that we were so excited 934 00:44:20,825 --> 00:44:21,758 that your third wife 935 00:44:21,826 --> 00:44:23,237 was going to... Third wife? 936 00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:25,339 Who said she was going to be my third wife? 937 00:44:25,363 --> 00:44:27,107 Well, the way you were holding her and dancing... 938 00:44:27,131 --> 00:44:28,431 Wait a minute. 939 00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:31,401 There's not going to be a third wife or a second wife. 940 00:44:31,469 --> 00:44:33,569 And if things keep going the way they are, 941 00:44:33,638 --> 00:44:35,148 there won't even be a first wife! 942 00:44:37,908 --> 00:44:40,843 As a matter of fact, I'm moving out. 943 00:44:40,911 --> 00:44:42,489 But master, what about us? 944 00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,425 You can stay here as long as you like. 945 00:44:44,449 --> 00:44:46,493 I'm not going to send you back to Euphrates. 946 00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:47,637 No fate worse than death, 947 00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:49,330 I don't want that on my conscience. 948 00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:50,831 You can stay as long as you like, 949 00:44:50,855 --> 00:44:52,499 but I've got my own life to live, 950 00:44:52,523 --> 00:44:56,292 And it does not include two wives or an Uncle Omar. 951 00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:02,732 Maya, Dina, I think the time has come for the tuflik. 952 00:45:07,838 --> 00:45:09,905 Hey, Ally. Duke. 953 00:45:11,743 --> 00:45:14,677 Omar and the girls are in the kitchen crying. 954 00:45:14,746 --> 00:45:16,279 What's going on? 955 00:45:16,347 --> 00:45:17,658 Where's Pam? 956 00:45:17,682 --> 00:45:19,782 Pam didn't want to be the third Mrs. Cooper, 957 00:45:19,850 --> 00:45:22,318 so she hit me with a salami and left. 958 00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:26,322 Ooh, I hope it wasn't the hard kind. 959 00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:27,990 Here's your suitcase. Let's go. 960 00:45:28,058 --> 00:45:29,570 Go where? Anywhere. 961 00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:30,859 We can come back later. 962 00:45:30,928 --> 00:45:32,762 Right now I just want to get out. 963 00:45:32,830 --> 00:45:33,763 Well, okay. 964 00:45:33,831 --> 00:45:37,166 You go, I'll stay. 965 00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:40,503 Oh, somebody has to take care of those poor girls. 966 00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:42,772 What's that? 967 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,240 I don't know, but it doesn't sound like they're crying. 968 00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:49,590 What is this, a harem hoedown? 969 00:45:49,614 --> 00:45:51,547 No, master, the tuflik. 970 00:45:52,950 --> 00:45:55,818 Well, that's probably the neighbors complaining. 971 00:45:55,886 --> 00:45:57,252 Oh, Ally, I'm sorry. 972 00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:58,632 I mean, you should have told me 973 00:45:58,656 --> 00:46:00,301 about your father, and well, the whole situation. 974 00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:01,602 I would have understood. 975 00:46:01,626 --> 00:46:03,892 But when you found out, you hit me with a salami. 976 00:46:03,961 --> 00:46:05,939 Oh, I was just impulsive. 977 00:46:05,963 --> 00:46:08,564 Listen, you're really not going to marry them, are you? 978 00:46:08,633 --> 00:46:10,065 Of course not. 979 00:46:10,134 --> 00:46:11,400 Good. 980 00:46:11,469 --> 00:46:13,269 Then why are they still here? 981 00:46:13,304 --> 00:46:14,448 They're having a tuflik. 982 00:46:14,472 --> 00:46:16,283 Hi, Pam. What's a tuflik? 983 00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:18,118 Well, Omar says it's sort of a last fling, 984 00:46:18,142 --> 00:46:20,587 a little final fun before they go home. 985 00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,489 If they go home. Yeah, they know. 986 00:46:22,513 --> 00:46:24,825 That's why they're having a little final fun. 987 00:46:24,849 --> 00:46:26,226 Yeah, the sooner the better. 988 00:46:26,250 --> 00:46:28,283 Pam, you don't know what you're saying. 989 00:46:28,353 --> 00:46:31,153 If they go home, they're going to get their heads cut off. 990 00:46:31,222 --> 00:46:32,488 You're kidding me. 991 00:46:32,557 --> 00:46:33,767 No, no, he's not. 992 00:46:33,791 --> 00:46:35,936 If his dad thinks they didn't please him, 993 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:37,538 he'll cut off their heads. 994 00:46:37,562 --> 00:46:38,806 He's the king, you know. 995 00:46:38,830 --> 00:46:40,095 Really? It's true. 996 00:46:40,164 --> 00:46:42,309 Well, so, what if they lose their heads? 997 00:46:42,333 --> 00:46:44,745 With bodies like those, who's going to notice? 998 00:46:44,769 --> 00:46:46,613 Well, if that's true, you just can't let them go home. 999 00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:47,803 What do you suggest? 1000 00:46:47,872 --> 00:46:49,705 We'll talk to them. 1001 00:46:49,774 --> 00:46:52,675 All right, talk to them. Talk to them. 1002 00:46:52,744 --> 00:46:54,176 Look, uh... 1003 00:46:54,245 --> 00:46:56,645 could you hold it down for just a minute? 1004 00:46:56,714 --> 00:46:57,825 Yes, master. 1005 00:46:57,849 --> 00:46:59,582 Uh, I don't understand. 1006 00:46:59,650 --> 00:47:01,884 Why... why must you go home 1007 00:47:01,952 --> 00:47:04,653 when you can stay here in town at a hotel? 1008 00:47:04,722 --> 00:47:06,822 If we stay, master, we'll displease you. 1009 00:47:06,891 --> 00:47:10,393 You-you won't displease me if I'm not here, so stay here. 1010 00:47:10,461 --> 00:47:12,939 Sire, we exist only to make you happy. 1011 00:47:12,963 --> 00:47:15,931 If we have failed, then we deserve our fate. 1012 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,801 But I... I'm, I'm not unhappy. 1013 00:47:18,870 --> 00:47:21,504 If you were happy with us, then you'd be married. 1014 00:47:21,572 --> 00:47:22,371 Come, girls. 1015 00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,000 On with the tuflik. 1016 00:47:26,744 --> 00:47:28,910 What'll I do? 1017 00:47:28,979 --> 00:47:31,247 Look happy. 1018 00:47:33,484 --> 00:47:36,685 Look, girls, do I look like an unhappy man? 1019 00:47:36,754 --> 00:47:39,020 I'm smiling, see? 1020 00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:41,590 Look. 1021 00:47:41,659 --> 00:47:42,991 I'm dancing. 1022 00:47:43,060 --> 00:47:46,796 Would I be dancing if I weren't happy? 1023 00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:48,664 Happy, happy. 1024 00:47:48,733 --> 00:47:50,700 Not that happy. 1025 00:47:50,768 --> 00:47:52,079 But master, you said... 1026 00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:53,202 I-I said I was happy. 1027 00:47:53,270 --> 00:47:55,037 I-I didn't say I was getting married. 1028 00:47:55,106 --> 00:47:57,707 Come, girls, on with the tuflik. 1029 00:47:59,911 --> 00:48:01,711 I-I don't know what to do. 1030 00:48:01,779 --> 00:48:03,378 I do. 1031 00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:05,547 You're going to have to marry them, Ally. 1032 00:48:05,617 --> 00:48:07,483 You're both crazy. 1033 00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:10,185 Pam, I'm going to marry you. 1034 00:48:10,254 --> 00:48:11,754 At their expense? 1035 00:48:11,823 --> 00:48:13,743 You'll have lilies at the wedding. 1036 00:48:20,798 --> 00:48:22,898 Don't bow. I'm your father. 1037 00:48:22,967 --> 00:48:24,566 You bow. I'm your king. 1038 00:48:24,636 --> 00:48:25,567 Dad. 1039 00:48:25,637 --> 00:48:27,903 Just cool it, baby. Cool it. 1040 00:48:27,972 --> 00:48:30,673 Now you may be Andy Hardy, but I'm not Judge Hardy. 1041 00:48:30,742 --> 00:48:32,385 We do things differently where I come from. 1042 00:48:32,409 --> 00:48:35,310 Where you should have stayed. 1043 00:48:35,379 --> 00:48:37,224 Do you realize I have 75 more at home 1044 00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:38,859 just like you that I don't know what to do with, either? 1045 00:48:38,883 --> 00:48:39,682 Wow. 1046 00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:41,684 I do the talking. 1047 00:48:43,454 --> 00:48:47,823 Your mother called me. 1048 00:48:47,892 --> 00:48:49,491 Collect. 1049 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:51,404 She told me I was messing up your life. 1050 00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:53,428 Well, I couldn't believe my ears. 1051 00:48:53,497 --> 00:48:56,398 So, I hopped on my jet and came to see for myself. 1052 00:48:56,467 --> 00:48:57,733 And what do I see? 1053 00:48:57,802 --> 00:49:00,101 I see those groovy chicks doing the tuflik. 1054 00:49:00,170 --> 00:49:01,503 You three, outside. 1055 00:49:01,572 --> 00:49:02,582 Now wait a minute. 1056 00:49:02,606 --> 00:49:06,108 You don't touch the king, your father. 1057 00:49:06,177 --> 00:49:07,387 I like those three people. 1058 00:49:07,411 --> 00:49:11,013 Well, the short one is not bad. 1059 00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:12,682 You can relax, son. 1060 00:49:12,750 --> 00:49:15,117 No harm will come to them because of your immaturity. 1061 00:49:15,186 --> 00:49:18,353 You know, I never should have let you go with your mother. 1062 00:49:18,422 --> 00:49:21,557 If I had raised you... 1063 00:49:21,625 --> 00:49:24,193 Oh, well... 1064 00:49:24,261 --> 00:49:26,562 you want this skinny American, huh? 1065 00:49:26,631 --> 00:49:28,196 Fine, go ahead. 1066 00:49:28,265 --> 00:49:29,865 But you'll learn, believe me. 1067 00:49:29,934 --> 00:49:31,199 Can you take care of him? 1068 00:49:31,268 --> 00:49:32,535 It looks like he needs help. 1069 00:49:32,603 --> 00:49:33,536 Well... 1070 00:49:33,604 --> 00:49:35,103 And you, out. 1071 00:49:35,172 --> 00:49:37,773 Out. Leave these two alone. 1072 00:49:37,842 --> 00:49:39,775 So long, King. 1073 00:49:42,947 --> 00:49:47,550 Come to think of it, I had a son with a problem like yours once. 1074 00:49:47,618 --> 00:49:49,284 Oh, no, no, no. 1075 00:49:49,353 --> 00:49:51,453 He didn't even want one girl. 1076 00:49:52,623 --> 00:49:53,756 Well... 1077 00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:56,091 good-bye. 1078 00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,441 Good-bye, Your Highness, Dad. 1079 00:49:59,530 --> 00:50:01,897 You'll come around, believe me. 1080 00:50:01,966 --> 00:50:03,231 I'll tell you what. 1081 00:50:03,300 --> 00:50:05,901 When you're 30, I'll send you a couple more. 1082 00:50:09,339 --> 00:50:11,273 Ally, what are we going to do? 1083 00:50:11,341 --> 00:50:12,708 Get married. 1084 00:50:12,777 --> 00:50:14,977 And in five years, he's going to send you two more? 1085 00:50:15,046 --> 00:50:17,780 I'll simply return them unwrapped. 1086 00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:27,055 Oh, no! 1087 00:50:27,124 --> 00:50:29,458 Sylvia, Sylvia, I work so hard. 1088 00:50:29,527 --> 00:50:31,794 I'm like a slave at my own house. 1089 00:50:37,435 --> 00:50:39,367 ♪ ♪ 77044

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