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♪ Love, love ♪
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♪ Love, love ♪
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00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:28,160
♪ Love, American Style ♪
4
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,296
♪ Truer than the
red, white and blue ♪
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00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,332
♪ Love, American Style ♪
6
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:38,636
♪ That's me and you ♪
7
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:44,676
♪ And on a star-spangled
night, my love ♪
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00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,678
♪ You can rest ♪
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00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:50,916
♪ You can rest your
head on my shoulder ♪
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00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:56,988
♪ Or by the dawn's
early light, my love ♪
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00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,523
♪ I will defend ♪
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00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:02,594
♪ I will defend
your right to try ♪
13
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:06,464
♪ Love, American Style ♪
14
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,935
♪ That's me and you. ♪
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00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,322
Tonight, you will see
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00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:22,447
three separate views
of love, American style:
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00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:25,217
A new chapter on
how to make love last...
18
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,786
a fiancé and a long-lost wife,
19
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,955
and our first story,
about recapturing
20
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,890
love's first blush, called...
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00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,581
Hi!
22
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:57,783
What's the matter?
23
00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:00,029
You'd never believe
what's been happening.
24
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:03,421
I can't hear you, dear...
You're talking to my shoulder.
25
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,468
Come on. I didn't
mean to break down.
26
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:06,424
Come on.
27
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,260
Now, sit down.
28
00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,929
All right, what's wrong?
29
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,230
The marriage.
30
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,932
Steve's and mine.
31
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,533
It's over. Over?
32
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,936
Well, you've only
been married a month.
33
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:22,141
Well, maybe it's not
over, but it's not perfect.
34
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:25,944
Oh, come on, tell
Mother all about it.
35
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:29,148
That's what mothers
are for you know.
36
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,576
Well, the problem is sex.
37
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,153
We've only been
married one month,
38
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,888
and already we're
watching all The Late Show.
39
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:39,958
What's that got to
do with... you know?
40
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:44,296
We never used to
watch all The Late Show.
41
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,609
For the first few weeks,
when The Late Show came on,
42
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:47,833
Steve would turn off the TV.
43
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:51,102
Oh, I don't think I
want to hear about that.
44
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,872
Then it got to the point
where I'd turn off the TV.
45
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:54,973
Holly!
46
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,486
The past few nights,
47
00:02:56,510 --> 00:03:00,379
I've turned off the TV and
Steve's turned it back on!
48
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:04,582
Oh, well, dear, you can't judge
a man by a few Late Shows.
49
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:09,788
But, Mother, it's not
just The Late Shows.
50
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,456
It's everything.
51
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,125
Do you know he likes
that stupid filing cabinet
52
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:15,594
better than he likes me?
53
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:19,898
You don't mean that
he's, uh... strange?
54
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,799
No.
55
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,937
But he used to come home
and paw me while I fixed dinner.
56
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,606
Now he paws that
stupid filing cabinet.
57
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,074
Oh, well, after all, dear,
58
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:31,276
Steve's a lawyer.
59
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:32,743
He's got to keep files.
60
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,180
Does he have to keep
files on every whiplash case
61
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,127
in New York City for
the past three years?
62
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:40,218
Oh, you're exaggerating.
63
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,621
Broken down into
two categories...
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00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,290
With and without neck braces.
65
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,319
And it's not just
law files, Mother.
66
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,961
It's... he keeps
files on everything.
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00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:53,565
He has the score of every
bridge game he has ever played.
68
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:54,634
No!
69
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:55,711
Look it up.
70
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,102
It, it's right next to the file
71
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,504
where he keeps a
complete record of his weight.
72
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,906
He keeps a file
on his weight, too?
73
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:05,911
Ever since he was 103 pounds.
74
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:11,849
Hi.
75
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:12,919
Hi, Mom.
76
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,266
Hi, Steve.
77
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,586
Honey.
78
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:16,821
Hello.
79
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:23,506
Well, I think I'd
better be going.
80
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:24,996
Ooh! I almost forgot.
81
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,299
Guess what I bought today?
82
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,601
I hope it's a dirty book.
83
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,573
How about that?
84
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,142
What is it?
85
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,610
A label maker.
86
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:46,618
Look.
87
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,286
See? "Holly."
88
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,522
Aww.
89
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,224
Isn't that good?
90
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,427
I'll stick it on my forehead
so I won't forget who I am.
91
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,506
It's just what I need
92
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,274
to really get my files in order.
93
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,866
Well, I-I must be running along.
94
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,103
Bye, Mom!
95
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,704
Bye, Steve.
96
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,906
Oh, call me tomorrow.
97
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,108
I will.
98
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:13,911
And, uh, good luck
with, uh, you know.
99
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,980
Look at what you made me do.
100
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,939
Instead of "neck brace,"
I wrote "neck break"!
101
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,941
I'm sorry.
102
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,142
Steve?
103
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,811
Can I make a label?
104
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,293
All right, here.
105
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,090
Here.
106
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:02,605
Holly!
107
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,939
The Little Giant Label Maker
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00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,575
was not designed
for words like that.
109
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,599
Oh, Steve,
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00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,434
I didn't marry a
giant label maker
111
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,902
or a filing cabinet.
112
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,572
I married a kid who couldn't
keep his hands off of me
113
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,906
and I want him back.
114
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,152
Holly...
115
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,376
Oh, Steve, everything's
been so perfect.
116
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,777
Please, don't tell me it's over.
117
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:20,856
Over?
118
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,814
Nothing's over.
119
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,160
What do you want?
120
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,784
Romance, excitement.
121
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:29,053
A little craziness like
the first night we met.
122
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,299
At Pepper's Bar?
123
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,791
Right! Why can't
our marriage always
124
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:33,992
be like that?
125
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,305
Honey, we can't keep
meeting at Pepper's Bar.
126
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,629
Why not?
127
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:41,466
Oh, I want our
marriage to stay exciting,
128
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,134
like it was on our
wedding night.
129
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,438
The marriage might live,
but I'd be dead in six months.
130
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:47,606
Steve, listen.
131
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,275
Tonight, I want us to go
back to the place we met.
132
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,744
I want us to pretend we
don't know each other.
133
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,379
And you'll pick me up.
134
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,081
And then you'll try to take
me back to your apartment,
135
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,950
just like the night we met.
136
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:02,220
And you'll say no, just
like the night we met.
137
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,888
Oh, I don't know.
138
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,890
Tonight, you
might just get lucky.
139
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:20,772
Well...
140
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,240
here I am.
141
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:25,910
Holly, I'm here.
142
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,459
What shall we do now?
143
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,917
Do I know you?
144
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,920
I'm the man who snores
in your ear, remember?
145
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,268
You called me Holly!
146
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,081
I always call you
Holly. It's your name.
147
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,071
But you're not supposed
to know my name.
148
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,273
We haven't met yet.
149
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,186
I agreed to come here
and pretend a little,
150
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,521
but this is ridiculous.
151
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:01,879
Oh, Steve, I want it to be
just like the first night we met,
152
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:04,282
and you weren't
supposed to go to the bar.
153
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,551
You were supposed to go
to the exact place we met.
154
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,888
Holly, I am not setting
foot in the ladies' room.
155
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,590
No on the ladies' room.
156
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,069
The first time was
an honest mistake.
157
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,704
There were no names
on the restroom doors,
158
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:17,173
just a picture of Lassie on
one and Laddie on the other.
159
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,374
Which would you pick?
160
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,332
Don't you want to recreate
exactly how we met?
161
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,901
Not at the risk of arrest.
162
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,614
I'll play some of
this game with you,
163
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,883
but the ladie" room is out.
164
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:27,973
Oh, all right.
165
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,827
Excuse me, but I
was sitting there.
166
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,183
That's tough, pal.
167
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,786
I just left it for a minute.
168
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,454
Finders keepers, losers weepers.
169
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:47,125
That's my seat!
170
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,260
Look, pal, I got
30 pounds on you.
171
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,762
You want to be a dragon?
172
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:54,733
No.
173
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:57,268
Excuse me.
174
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,982
You don't know me,
but I was wondering
175
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,874
if you'd care to
go home with me.
176
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,442
You're very aggressive.
177
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,655
Yeah.
178
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:06,923
Let's get out of here, huh?
179
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,614
My name's Holly
Banks. What's yours?
180
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,216
W.C. Fields, let's go.
181
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,551
You're terribly cute,
182
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,531
but you've got awful manners.
183
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,632
Hey, pal.
184
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:17,755
You bugging this lady?
185
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,290
No, everything is all right.
186
00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:20,470
It's fine. Holly,
187
00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,226
I think we should leave.
188
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,575
But it's so early.
189
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,096
I want to leave.
190
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,809
Well, all right.
191
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,944
I guess there's no harm in,
192
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,903
in two people meeting
in a place, like this.
193
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,483
There's just one thing.
194
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:34,906
And what one thing is that?
195
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:37,575
I'm not alone.
196
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:41,112
You're not alone? No.
197
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,426
Do you think you could
find a date for Mary Agnes?
198
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:50,254
I'm Mary Agnes.
199
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,456
Who's that?
200
00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:53,458
Mary Agnes.
201
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:55,304
I met her here tonight.
202
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,706
She's just like the Cynthia
203
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,941
we met on our first
date, remember?
204
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:00,231
How could I ever forget?
205
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,512
I mean, you wouldn't expect me
206
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,313
just to run off and
leave my friend.
207
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,805
No, I wouldn't expect that.
208
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,785
Couldn't you get a
date for Mary Agnes?
209
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,443
You must have a
lot of cute friends.
210
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,756
At the moment, I haven't
a friend in the world.
211
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,625
I mean, if Mary
Agnes can't get a date,
212
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,860
I don't think it's right
for me to leave her.
213
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:18,994
Don't you think?
214
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,096
What I think would burn
a hole in your stomach.
215
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,331
You said you were gonna do
216
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,666
exactly what we said we were...
217
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:24,700
All right, all right.
218
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:29,627
Mary Agnes needs a date.
219
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:32,296
I'll get Mary Agnes a date.
220
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:44,019
I'm sitting over there with a
young lady in the gray dress.
221
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,254
She's a very nice-looking girl.
222
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:46,889
I thought maybe
you'd like to take her
223
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:49,433
underground to a, to a film.
224
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,990
I've tried every
guy in the place,
225
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,325
including the bartender
and the doorman.
226
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:04,929
See, it's just like that
first time with Cynthia.
227
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,364
I want to go now.
228
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,667
I want to go now
more than anything else
229
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:11,269
I've ever wanted in my life.
230
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,471
Oh, all right.
231
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:14,472
Come on, Mary Agnes.
232
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,407
Come on, Mary Agnes?
233
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:19,811
Well, Steve, if, if you
couldn't get her a date,
234
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,613
the least you can
do is drive her home.
235
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,749
Do you mind if I
make an observation?
236
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,952
You two aren't very
good for each other.
237
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,287
I mean, you just met
238
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,067
and already you fight
like you're married.
239
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,357
You're very observant.
240
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,293
I'm very sensitive.
241
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,028
That's what Miss Lovelorn said.
242
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,629
Miss Lovelorn said that?
243
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,665
Yeah, in her answer.
244
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,868
She said it was obvious
that I was very sensitive.
245
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,049
That was very
nice of her to say.
246
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,306
Maybe you read my letter?
247
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,508
I signed it "Bad Complexion,"
248
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,276
but it's clearing up now.
249
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,980
Um, Mary Agnes, uh,
250
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,793
I think you're a very nice girl.
251
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,695
And I just want you to know
252
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,387
that I don't usually let
men pick me up like this.
253
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,122
Oh, you don't have to
explain anything to me.
254
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,124
You've got clear skin.
255
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,659
You can do anything.
256
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,931
Steve, maybe you
better take me home first.
257
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,366
What?
258
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,913
Well, I mean, as long
as, as Mary Agnes
259
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:21,372
lives in Brooklyn, it just seems
easier if you drop me off first.
260
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,373
Drop you?
261
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,941
Okay, that's it.
262
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,376
This is the end of the line.
263
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,722
What are you talking about?
264
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,786
Holly, as long as we're
acting single for the night,
265
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:29,980
then I'm going to be single.
266
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,883
If I dated a girl
when I was single
267
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,618
and she gave me
trouble, I'd cut out.
268
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,920
Holly, I'm cutting out!
269
00:12:37,356 --> 00:12:38,623
Here, take this.
270
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,636
This'll get you home,
wherever that may be.
271
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,827
Steve Bancroft...
272
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,295
you'll be sorry.
273
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,208
Holly, you're the
biggest ding-a-ling
274
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,632
I've ever met in my life.
275
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:59,477
He gets like that sometimes.
276
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,479
It's really nothing.
277
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,052
She's not coming home.
278
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,955
She probably jumped in a
cab and ran home to mother.
279
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,225
Huh! One fight, and
she runs home to mother.
280
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:18,262
Hmm, I better call to make
sure she ran home to mother.
281
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,682
Hello?
282
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,118
Oh, uh, hi, Mom. It's
Steve. Is Holly there?
283
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,586
I don't know.
284
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,959
No.
285
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,627
What's wrong?
286
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,507
Oh, it was a big mix-up...
She wouldn't let me
287
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,542
pick her up at the bar,
and then she got mad,
288
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,011
and I wouldn't go
to the ladies' room,
289
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,712
and then I refused to
drive Mary Agnes home.
290
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,335
Imagine that.
291
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:01,072
Look, I'm sorry I bothered
you. Go back to sleep.
292
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,874
Good night. Good night.
293
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,075
Where is she?
294
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:07,244
Why didn't she run
home to mother?
295
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,380
Wow, she sure was mad at me.
296
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:10,648
Probably waiting in the bar
297
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:14,118
for me to go back
and pick her up. Ha!
298
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,621
I hope she's still in that bar.
299
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,526
Mother? Mother?
300
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,227
Who?! What? Hey!
301
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:24,695
Mother, it's me, Holly.
302
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,898
Oh. Holly.
303
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,566
What time is it?
304
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:29,767
After 1:00.
305
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,135
Oh, you're awfully late.
306
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,681
Now, Holly, I... Mother.
307
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,050
Oh, I forgot, you don't
live here anymore.
308
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,284
What's wrong?
309
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:38,576
Mother, it was just terrible.
310
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,110
What was?
311
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:42,680
Steve and I had
a fight in a bar.
312
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:46,050
Oh, that's right, he wouldn't go
313
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,451
to the ladies' room.
314
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,853
How did you know that?
315
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:51,300
Well, he just called
up here a while ago.
316
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,935
Steve did? What did he say?
317
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,192
He was looking for you.
318
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,160
Oh, well, then he must be home!
319
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,728
Oh...
320
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:16,381
Where else would he go?
321
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,986
He didn't go to those
places when he was single.
322
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:26,791
I'll bet he went back to
Pepper's Bar to pick me up.
323
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,793
Thanks, Mother. Good night.
324
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,903
Mary Agnes, where's my wife?
325
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,905
Your wife? I don't know.
326
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,107
But your girlfriend left.
Oh, where'd she go?
327
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:46,022
I don't know. Well, she must
have said where she was going.
328
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:46,978
Hey, pal,
329
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,357
are you bothering
the girls again?
330
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,680
Bug off, will you, mac?
331
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:52,683
Well, did she say she was
gonna take a cab, or what?
332
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,463
I don't know,
really. She just left.
333
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,987
Well, she must
have said something.
334
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,733
You know, you're
beginning to annoy me.
335
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,358
Look, buddy, you're
gonna get it in a minute.
336
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,987
You're gonna get it right now.
337
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,375
Come on, let's get out of here.
338
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,166
Really?
339
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,142
Oh... oh, Steve, Steve,
340
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,311
you did come back to pick me up.
341
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,458
Now I need somebody
to pick me up.
342
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,282
Listen, listen, I was all wrong.
343
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:27,151
From now on, you can
keep all the filing cabinets
344
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,387
and all the labelers you want.
345
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,589
I just want you.
346
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,225
Ooh.
347
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,659
Look, I was wrong, too.
348
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,773
From now on, no more Mr. Dull.
349
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:40,042
I'll make love to you
anyplace you say.
350
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,933
Yankee Stadium, on top of
the Empire State Building...
351
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,114
only don't kiss me like that.
352
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,270
Huh?
353
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,899
Well, until we get home, anyway.
354
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,214
♪ ♪
355
00:16:57,283 --> 00:17:01,485
Well, what did you think I meant
when I said I was a swinger?
356
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:10,360
Lamar, can't you forget for
a minute you're a mechanic?
357
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,044
I loved the zoo this afternoon.
358
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,069
Yeah, I had a hunch you
were a real zoo person.
359
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,771
You're not like
those people who...
360
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,906
who think all
animals look alike.
361
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,253
Oh, no, I think
they're all very special.
362
00:17:58,277 --> 00:17:59,576
Like the sloths.
363
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:02,280
You're the only other person
I ever met that likes sloths.
364
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,081
I love sloths.
365
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,584
It's nice to be
able to share that.
366
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,887
And the giant turtle.
367
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,423
I loved that.
368
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,825
A-And how about the
okapi? Which one was that?
369
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,860
Well, that's the one
with the funny name.
370
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,407
Oh, yeah, over by the anteater.
371
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,264
You know something
about the anteater?
372
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,433
It's always been
one of my favorites.
373
00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:25,303
Mine, too!
374
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,582
I never told this to anybody,
375
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:32,410
but... the reason that I like to
watch anteaters is because...
376
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,145
I like ants.
377
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,217
Oh, that tells me an
awful lot about you, Linda.
378
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,453
I mean...
379
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,889
you're really a very
sensitive person.
380
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,359
You really think so?
381
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:51,162
Oh, yes. While we're
together at the zoo,
382
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:54,231
I see animals I never
even noticed before.
383
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,699
The elephant.
384
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:57,868
The giraffe.
385
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,616
That's a lovely
thing to say, Harold.
386
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,508
I think the... the thing I
loved best about the zoo
387
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,143
was being there with you.
388
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:07,678
Oh, Harold.
389
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,382
Oh, I love when
you call me Harold.
390
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,716
That's your name.
391
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,619
Yeah, of course it is.
392
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:19,123
But when you say it,
it's... somehow different.
393
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,925
It's, uh...
394
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,761
it's not just
"Harold," it's, uh...
395
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,563
it's Harold.
396
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,334
It's a beautiful name.
397
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,903
And you're very
beautiful, Linda.
398
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:39,043
We'll be going to the zoo
an awful lot from now on.
399
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,056
Like every Saturday.
That's wonderful, Harold.
400
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,548
There's only one Saturday I
can't make... that's the 28th.
401
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,083
I have to go back home
for my sister's wedding.
402
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,352
But you can come
with me if you want.
403
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,454
Oh, could I, Harold?
404
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,089
Oh, my folks'll love you!
405
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:54,458
Oh, that's wonderful, Harold.
406
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,027
And who knows, maybe...
407
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:59,330
while we're there...
408
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:02,333
we'll be able to kill two
birds with one stone.
409
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,372
Oh, Harold... I'm thrilled!
410
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:14,778
Oh, Harold, I have to
go back to work now.
411
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,580
Someday...
412
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:20,051
you'll be waiting
on only one table
413
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,254
and one person: me.
414
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:40,237
Someday you'll be
waiting on only one table
415
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:43,607
and one person: me.
416
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,031
Hey, Harold, how
was dinner? Terrible.
417
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:56,954
What are you doing?
418
00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,456
I'm moving out.
419
00:20:58,524 --> 00:20:59,823
Out?
420
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,825
You haven't even moved in yet.
421
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,494
I did it again, Vic.
422
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,463
Proposed to another girl.
423
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,676
Yeah, and I can't
go through with it.
424
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,645
Harold, you just
moved in here last week
425
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,303
to get away from another
girl... Now, you can't move out.
426
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,316
Who was it this
time? She's a waitress.
427
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,453
You see, the restaurant wasn't
busy, and she sat down at my table.
428
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,843
Oh, so you proposed
to her? I didn't mean to.
429
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:22,045
Harold, you never mean
to, and you always do.
430
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,547
Well, I couldn't help it!
431
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,150
I just don't understand
how it happens.
432
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:29,253
Wait, I know... she came over to
your table after you had finished dinner
433
00:21:29,322 --> 00:21:31,054
and asked you if
there'd be anything else,
434
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:34,625
and you said, "Uh, yes, there is
one other thing: Will you marry me?"
435
00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:37,139
No, it wasn't like that
at all. Well, how was it?
436
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:40,242
Well, we'd been to the zoo together,
and we liked all the same animals.
437
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:43,345
And then we went over to the
anteaters, and she even liked the ants.
438
00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:45,469
So, uh, you proposed to her.
439
00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:47,349
Yeah, but I'm
getting better, Vic.
440
00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:50,219
I didn't even get into the
part about naming the children.
441
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,909
Harold, I just don't
understand what it is with you.
442
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:55,679
I have never proposed
to a girl in my entire life.
443
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,327
Yeah, I know, and I always
admired that about you, Vic.
444
00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:01,818
And the worst thing about it is that
you never even take advantage of it.
445
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,366
Yeah, I know, I don't
know what to do about it.
446
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,922
And why don't you
take advantage?
447
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,970
I don't know, Vic, but when
a girl is gonna be your wife,
448
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,572
that's a very special
kind of relationship.
449
00:22:10,596 --> 00:22:15,232
I don't want to destroy
her trust that she has in me.
450
00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:17,601
What are you doing?
451
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,648
You stay here; I'm moving out.
452
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,938
Now, now, wait,
Vic, you can't do that.
453
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,941
Why can't I? Why... why,
you got to listen to me.
454
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,144
Here I am listening.
Look, you stay here.
455
00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:29,713
You don't have to
go; I do have to go.
456
00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:32,260
Harold, that is another
thing that bugs me about you.
457
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:34,563
You propose, and then you run
away... you're always running.
458
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:37,599
What kind of a life is that?
Well, what else can I do?
459
00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:39,535
Think of something. A good lie.
460
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,459
That's it! A lie!
461
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,494
Uh... yeah, I know.
462
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:46,029
I know, you could
tell her that I got killed
463
00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:47,264
in a tragic accident!
464
00:22:47,333 --> 00:22:49,745
No, no, no, no, not
me... you tell her.
465
00:22:49,769 --> 00:22:52,737
I could tell her that I got
killed in a tragic accident?
466
00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:54,450
You're right, that
wouldn't work.
467
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:56,785
Well, you're a professional
actor... you could carry it off.
468
00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:59,555
You got yourself into this,
Harold, you get yourself out.
469
00:22:59,579 --> 00:23:00,778
I know!
470
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:03,313
I could tell her that I
have an incurable disease.
471
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:06,127
Harold, that's the oldest story
in the book. Yeah, that's right.
472
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:09,286
Uh, I could tell her that I'm
going away on a business trip.
473
00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:11,533
Business trip... that's,
what, only a couple of weeks.
474
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,156
A long business
trip... Three months.
475
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,637
All right, in three months
you're back... then what?
476
00:23:15,661 --> 00:23:18,962
I came back with
an incurable disease.
477
00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:21,076
What you need is a story
478
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,311
to get you off
the hook for good.
479
00:23:22,335 --> 00:23:23,767
Now, think!
480
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:25,214
Think. Think. I'm
thinking. I'm thinking.
481
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:26,970
I got it! I got it!
482
00:23:27,039 --> 00:23:28,350
I can tell her I can't
make the wedding
483
00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:30,441
because I'm on a secret
mission for the CIA.
484
00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:31,620
That's crazy.
485
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:32,954
What about being
an escaped convict?
486
00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,089
That's too melodramatic.
487
00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:35,579
I'll pretend I have amnesia!
488
00:23:35,648 --> 00:23:37,626
Harold, nobody gets amnesia.
489
00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:39,049
I'll pack my bags.
490
00:23:39,118 --> 00:23:40,817
Good idea.
491
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,600
Maybe we're on the wrong track.
492
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:45,934
Maybe I ought to marry her.
493
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:47,168
She's really a very pretty girl.
494
00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:48,970
I mean, she's sweet,
and she's considerate,
495
00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:50,839
and she's a terrific waitress.
496
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:53,697
Look, Harold, just fine. Fine.
497
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:55,009
But let me ask you one question.
498
00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:56,199
Yeah?
499
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,646
Is this the girl you
want to settle down
500
00:23:57,670 --> 00:24:00,537
and spend the rest
of your life with?
501
00:24:00,606 --> 00:24:04,241
I'll tell her I escaped
from a mental institution.
502
00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:05,676
Wait a second.
503
00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:07,622
I know Linda. She
won't believe that.
504
00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:09,212
What do you mean,
you know Linda?
505
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,961
You'd only been with
her for an hour or so,
506
00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:12,449
and that was just to propose.
507
00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:13,628
I can't help it, Vic,
508
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:14,830
but I know she won't believe it.
509
00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:16,653
Well, what would she believe?
510
00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:18,667
I don't know. That's what I've
been asking you all this time.
511
00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:19,901
It was your idea.
512
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:21,302
Okay, okay. All right.
I'll think of something.
513
00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:22,326
Well, what?
514
00:24:22,361 --> 00:24:23,293
I don't know, Harold.
515
00:24:23,362 --> 00:24:25,922
I haven't thought of it yet.
516
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:33,270
I've got it... the
story! It's beautiful!
517
00:24:33,338 --> 00:24:35,105
Well, tell it to me.
I'd like to hear it.
518
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:36,385
Harold, once you
tell her this story,
519
00:24:36,409 --> 00:24:39,042
she'll hate you for
the rest of your life.
520
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:40,511
Are you sure it's going to work?
521
00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:42,459
It cannot miss. Well, good.
522
00:24:49,555 --> 00:24:52,689
Harold! Hello, Harold.
523
00:24:52,758 --> 00:24:54,803
Linda, there's something
I have to talk to you about.
524
00:24:54,827 --> 00:24:56,259
Oh, we have so
much to talk about.
525
00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,194
No, what I meant was...
526
00:24:58,263 --> 00:24:59,496
All the plans we have to make.
527
00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:00,876
No, no, no. I mean, uh...
528
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:03,166
Could we sit down?
529
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:05,101
Oh, darling, of course.
530
00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:08,739
Do you recognize it?
531
00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:10,285
It's our table. Linda, please.
532
00:25:10,309 --> 00:25:11,486
I'll get you a piece of pie.
533
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:12,587
No! Wait a minute!
Please, no pie!
534
00:25:12,611 --> 00:25:13,789
You have it coming
from your dinner.
535
00:25:13,813 --> 00:25:14,823
I guess we were too busy
536
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:17,407
talking about important things.
537
00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:27,669
Pretty soon, it won't be pie.
538
00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:29,526
It'll be wedding cake.
539
00:25:29,595 --> 00:25:31,495
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
540
00:25:31,564 --> 00:25:32,974
There isn't going to
be any wedding cake.
541
00:25:32,998 --> 00:25:35,043
Oh, that's fine. We
don't need a reception.
542
00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:37,367
Well, there isn't going
to be any wedding.
543
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:40,504
Harold, we're eloping.
544
00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:43,340
I can't believe this
is happening to me!
545
00:25:43,409 --> 00:25:44,675
Nothing's happening to you.
546
00:25:44,744 --> 00:25:47,611
The truth is... this is going
547
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,290
to be very hard
for you to believe...
548
00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:51,782
But think how hard
it is for me to tell you.
549
00:25:51,851 --> 00:25:54,317
What?
550
00:25:56,689 --> 00:25:58,121
I'm already married.
551
00:25:58,190 --> 00:25:59,356
Married?
552
00:25:59,425 --> 00:26:00,425
Married.
553
00:26:00,459 --> 00:26:01,291
Married?
554
00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:02,292
Married.
555
00:26:02,361 --> 00:26:03,394
Married.
556
00:26:03,462 --> 00:26:04,961
Married.
557
00:26:05,030 --> 00:26:07,130
Then you can't marry me.
558
00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:10,768
No, that's right. Yes, I can't.
559
00:26:10,836 --> 00:26:13,771
Well, how could you propose
if you were already married?
560
00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:15,784
Well, I didn't realize
I was married.
561
00:26:15,808 --> 00:26:17,018
You don't have amnesia?
562
00:26:17,042 --> 00:26:18,675
No. Nobody gets amnesia.
563
00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:21,578
How could you not realize
that you were married?
564
00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:24,981
This may be very difficult
for you to understand,
565
00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:27,451
but it's very sad.
566
00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:30,353
It is?
567
00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:33,423
Well, you see, Betty...
That's my wife... uh...
568
00:26:33,492 --> 00:26:35,425
we got married
about two years ago.
569
00:26:35,494 --> 00:26:36,994
And we went on our honeymoon
570
00:26:37,063 --> 00:26:39,496
on a camping trip in
the wilds of Wyoming.
571
00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:41,832
And everything
was just beautiful.
572
00:26:41,901 --> 00:26:43,100
We were very happy.
573
00:26:43,168 --> 00:26:45,069
And then, suddenly,
on the third day,
574
00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:46,670
something terrible happened.
575
00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:48,238
Yes?
576
00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:52,976
Well, she went out to
gather some firewood and...
577
00:26:55,681 --> 00:26:57,481
Well, she never came back.
578
00:26:57,549 --> 00:26:59,916
What did you do?
579
00:26:59,985 --> 00:27:03,853
I got the wood myself.
580
00:27:03,922 --> 00:27:05,855
But, you see, I
had to quit my job,
581
00:27:05,924 --> 00:27:08,492
and I had to stay up in the
wilderness and search for her.
582
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:12,462
And, every day, I would hike through
the woods from sunup to sundown.
583
00:27:12,531 --> 00:27:14,798
And, the first month,
we had 20 forest rangers
584
00:27:14,866 --> 00:27:16,933
on horseback
searching the hills.
585
00:27:17,002 --> 00:27:18,635
And not one of us had any luck.
586
00:27:18,704 --> 00:27:20,837
Wasn't there even
a trace of her?
587
00:27:20,906 --> 00:27:22,706
Nothing.
588
00:27:22,775 --> 00:27:27,477
And then the snows came,
and I had to give up my search.
589
00:27:29,148 --> 00:27:30,948
So you came back.
590
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:33,617
I hated to, but.. But it
seemed so hopeless.
591
00:27:33,686 --> 00:27:35,352
We just assumed
that she was dead.
592
00:27:35,420 --> 00:27:38,488
You know, killed by
a bear or something.
593
00:27:38,557 --> 00:27:40,524
It took some time
to get used to,
594
00:27:40,592 --> 00:27:42,860
but I... but I finally did.
595
00:27:42,928 --> 00:27:45,328
Well, I don't see what
this has to do with us.
596
00:27:45,397 --> 00:27:47,631
Well, that was the
part I was coming to.
597
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,000
I finally got over the
shock of losing her,
598
00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:51,913
and I was trying to start
my life all over again.
599
00:27:51,937 --> 00:27:54,738
And I met you, and I
proposed this evening,
600
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:57,374
and I went home, and I got a
phone call from the forest rangers.
601
00:27:57,442 --> 00:27:58,876
A miracle!
602
00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:01,111
After two years, they
finally located her.
603
00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:02,724
They're flying Jane
home tomorrow.
604
00:28:02,748 --> 00:28:04,314
Jane?
605
00:28:04,383 --> 00:28:06,149
Yeah. Jane. That's my wife.
606
00:28:06,218 --> 00:28:07,762
You just told me
her name was Betty.
607
00:28:07,786 --> 00:28:11,254
Uh... Well, Betty Jane.
608
00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:17,061
Are you sure that you are
not just making up this story?
609
00:28:17,129 --> 00:28:18,528
I just can't believe this.
610
00:28:18,597 --> 00:28:21,999
Oh, you've got to!
It's the truth. I swear it.
611
00:28:24,570 --> 00:28:27,938
Well, if she was up
there all this time,
612
00:28:28,007 --> 00:28:30,284
why didn't you ever find her?
613
00:28:30,308 --> 00:28:32,776
That's the strange part.
614
00:28:32,845 --> 00:28:36,246
Even the forest
rangers are puzzled.
615
00:28:36,314 --> 00:28:39,716
Well, what did she live on?
616
00:28:39,785 --> 00:28:42,919
Mostly berries and bark.
617
00:28:42,988 --> 00:28:45,689
A lot of bark.
618
00:28:45,758 --> 00:28:49,292
I don't think that
anyone could live on that.
619
00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:51,027
Well, she almost didn't.
620
00:28:51,096 --> 00:28:53,563
It was touch and go. I
heard she's terribly thin.
621
00:28:53,632 --> 00:28:55,398
I would love to see her.
622
00:28:55,467 --> 00:28:57,067
What?
623
00:28:57,136 --> 00:28:59,269
Well, you did say
she was flying in,
624
00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:00,604
and I would like to see her.
625
00:29:00,672 --> 00:29:03,841
But I understand she's
terribly, terribly weak.
626
00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:05,420
Well, she's weak
from not eating.
627
00:29:05,444 --> 00:29:07,255
Bring her to the restaurant.
628
00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:08,556
If she's had nothing
but berries and bark,
629
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:10,458
you owe her a good meal.
630
00:29:10,482 --> 00:29:11,815
Oh, no, no, no.
631
00:29:11,884 --> 00:29:13,929
But you said that
she was flying in,
632
00:29:13,953 --> 00:29:15,997
and that she had been rescued.
633
00:29:16,021 --> 00:29:18,488
Well, you bring her to the
restaurant tomorrow night
634
00:29:18,557 --> 00:29:20,356
and you give her a good meal.
635
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:21,858
No, no.
636
00:29:26,231 --> 00:29:28,198
"Here's the plan.
637
00:29:28,267 --> 00:29:30,234
"We go in tomorrow
morning by sub.
638
00:29:30,302 --> 00:29:32,335
"You two will cover me,
639
00:29:32,404 --> 00:29:35,572
and then you get
down on the tank..."
640
00:29:35,641 --> 00:29:38,408
Hey. How did it go?
641
00:29:38,477 --> 00:29:42,279
I'm supposed to bring my
wife there tomorrow night.
642
00:29:42,347 --> 00:29:43,680
So take her.
643
00:29:43,749 --> 00:29:44,681
Who?
644
00:29:44,750 --> 00:29:45,894
Harold, come on.
645
00:29:45,918 --> 00:29:47,428
I know a lot of
actresses all over town.
646
00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,430
All we got to do is get
one to play your wife.
647
00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:50,788
Really?
648
00:29:50,856 --> 00:29:52,100
Sure. It's the easiest
thing in the world.
649
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:53,323
Well, she has to be skinny.
650
00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:54,524
Don't forget, for two years,
651
00:29:54,593 --> 00:29:56,433
she's been eating nothing
but berries and bark.
652
00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:57,906
Harold, there's no problem.
653
00:29:57,930 --> 00:29:59,374
Tomorrow morning, I'll
call my friend Barbara
654
00:29:59,398 --> 00:30:00,642
at Central Casting.
655
00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:02,177
They've got everybody
on file down there.
656
00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:04,112
For $8.50, and a good meal,
657
00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:06,696
we're going to get
you a nice, skinny wife.
658
00:30:16,048 --> 00:30:18,615
Well, Harold, where is she?
659
00:30:18,684 --> 00:30:20,194
Well, I guess she's
still being checked over
660
00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:22,019
by the forest rangers.
661
00:30:41,807 --> 00:30:45,675
Harold, why doesn't
she recognize you?
662
00:30:45,744 --> 00:30:48,478
She's been in the woods
so long that... you know...
663
00:30:48,547 --> 00:30:51,648
that... well, it sort of
changes your eyesight.
664
00:30:51,717 --> 00:30:54,584
Oh, no. I didn't know that.
665
00:30:54,653 --> 00:30:55,763
I'm going to stay
right here though,
666
00:30:55,787 --> 00:30:58,347
until she comes
over, if she does.
667
00:31:00,259 --> 00:31:01,658
Waitress!
668
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:06,930
Don't worry. I'll be back.
669
00:31:06,999 --> 00:31:08,798
Mr. Gray?
670
00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:10,200
I'm sorry I was late.
671
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:11,379
I was on a picture.
672
00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,469
Betty Jane, quick.
673
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:14,649
Betty Jane? No.
I'm Helen Childress.
674
00:31:14,673 --> 00:31:15,917
No, you're not.
675
00:31:15,941 --> 00:31:17,085
You're Betty Jane,
and that's your part.
676
00:31:17,109 --> 00:31:18,041
Oh.
677
00:31:18,110 --> 00:31:19,554
Listen. You're my wife,
678
00:31:19,578 --> 00:31:21,656
and your name is Betty
Jane, and, for two years,
679
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,391
you've been lost in
the wilds of Wyoming.
680
00:31:23,415 --> 00:31:24,926
You just came in by helicopter,
681
00:31:24,950 --> 00:31:27,262
and you've been eating
nothing but berries and bark.
682
00:31:27,286 --> 00:31:28,651
Is there a script on it?
683
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,653
No. Just wing it.
684
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:32,756
Is the waitress in on this?
685
00:31:32,824 --> 00:31:34,864
Kind of. She's the
one we have to fool.
686
00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:37,594
Mrs. Gray. I'm so
happy to meet you.
687
00:31:37,662 --> 00:31:41,731
I've heard so much about
you and your tragic experience.
688
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,967
It was just terrible.
689
00:31:44,036 --> 00:31:45,269
I thought it would never end.
690
00:31:45,337 --> 00:31:48,972
For two long years,
I was up there.
691
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:51,007
The temperature
was below freezing,
692
00:31:51,076 --> 00:31:53,021
and all I had to sleep in
at night were pine needles.
693
00:31:53,045 --> 00:31:55,745
For a month, I couldn't
walk because both my feet
694
00:31:55,814 --> 00:31:57,948
were frostbitten.
695
00:31:58,016 --> 00:31:59,215
It was just terrible.
696
00:31:59,284 --> 00:32:01,150
You poor thing.
697
00:32:01,219 --> 00:32:02,852
You must have suffered terribly.
698
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:04,087
And the wild animals!
699
00:32:04,155 --> 00:32:06,489
Several times, I had
to ward off attacks...
700
00:32:06,558 --> 00:32:09,459
Everything from
wolves to grizzly bears.
701
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:12,440
Oh, you must tell Harold
about that. He's very big
702
00:32:12,464 --> 00:32:13,830
with animals, you know.
703
00:32:13,899 --> 00:32:15,298
Especially sloths and anteaters.
704
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:20,637
We really should be ordering.
705
00:32:20,705 --> 00:32:25,275
Oh, yes. And Mrs.
Gray must be starving.
706
00:32:25,344 --> 00:32:27,155
Although, I must say,
you don't look too thin.
707
00:32:27,179 --> 00:32:31,381
Well, yes, but I had
four cans of K-rations
708
00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:33,050
on the helicopter on the way in.
709
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,985
They're very filling.
710
00:32:35,053 --> 00:32:37,364
It's a pity that we don't
711
00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:38,900
have some squirrel on the menu
712
00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:40,668
to make you really feel at home.
713
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,737
Would you like some fresh fruit?
714
00:32:42,761 --> 00:32:45,628
Oh, please! Nothing fresh.
715
00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:47,441
All the time I was
in the wilderness,
716
00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:50,100
my big dream was
coming back to civilization
717
00:32:50,169 --> 00:32:52,002
and having some canned peaches.
718
00:32:52,070 --> 00:32:56,773
Uh... We'll have some ravioli.
719
00:32:56,842 --> 00:32:58,886
All right. I'll
bring it right back.
720
00:32:58,910 --> 00:33:02,750
And I'll give you two a
chance to get reacquainted.
721
00:33:03,548 --> 00:33:06,249
You really must
be terribly starved.
722
00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:07,583
Not really. I just ate.
723
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:09,097
Oh, that's right.
On the helicopter.
724
00:33:09,121 --> 00:33:11,154
No. On the set.
725
00:33:15,694 --> 00:33:17,694
Hey, what are you doing?
726
00:33:17,763 --> 00:33:20,363
Hey, she'll see you.
You'll ruin everything.
727
00:33:20,431 --> 00:33:22,199
I'm sorry.
728
00:33:22,267 --> 00:33:23,833
It just seemed so funny,
729
00:33:23,902 --> 00:33:26,970
the squirrels and the wilds
of Wyoming and everything.
730
00:33:27,039 --> 00:33:30,340
I guess you could
look at it that way.
731
00:33:30,409 --> 00:33:32,042
I'm sorry.
732
00:33:32,111 --> 00:33:33,810
I won't laugh anymore.
733
00:33:33,879 --> 00:33:35,357
Besides, it's not
very professional
734
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:36,313
for an actress, is it?
735
00:33:36,382 --> 00:33:38,015
No, you're doing very well.
736
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:39,883
You even had me convinced.
737
00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:41,450
Look out. Here she comes.
738
00:33:43,055 --> 00:33:45,088
Here you are.
739
00:33:45,157 --> 00:33:48,392
I gave you an extra helping
so you can recuperate.
740
00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:50,593
Oh, thank you. I need it.
741
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:52,629
I'm still terribly
weak, you know.
742
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,709
Yes. Well, you
eat up your ravioli,
743
00:33:54,733 --> 00:33:58,435
and we'll have you back
into a size 16 in no time.
744
00:34:05,777 --> 00:34:07,422
The food is really
very good here.
745
00:34:07,446 --> 00:34:09,212
Mmm! I'll say.
746
00:34:11,917 --> 00:34:14,477
I'm so hungry, I
could eat a bear.
747
00:34:19,991 --> 00:34:22,725
Well, how is the second
honeymoon coming along?
748
00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:25,662
Oh, much better than the first.
749
00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:26,963
Harold's catching me up
750
00:34:27,032 --> 00:34:28,676
on all I missed
while I was gone.
751
00:34:28,700 --> 00:34:33,970
Oh, by the way, Nixon's the one.
752
00:34:37,609 --> 00:34:40,910
You know, you still haven't
told me why I'm doing this.
753
00:34:40,979 --> 00:34:43,490
Well, it's all
kind of ridiculous.
754
00:34:43,514 --> 00:34:46,149
I know it's ridiculous, but why?
755
00:34:46,218 --> 00:34:50,120
Well, you see, Linda and I
were engaged to be married.
756
00:34:50,189 --> 00:34:51,288
And I began to notice
757
00:34:51,356 --> 00:34:52,767
that things weren't
going to work out,
758
00:34:52,791 --> 00:34:53,791
so I invented you.
759
00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:57,394
She's really a very pretty girl.
760
00:34:57,463 --> 00:35:00,197
And a very good waitress, too.
761
00:35:00,265 --> 00:35:04,434
But we didn't have anything
in common... except ants.
762
00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:07,770
That's really not enough, is it?
763
00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:14,611
I don't think so.
764
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,483
Hey, you're not even eating.
765
00:35:20,551 --> 00:35:24,821
Oh, I tried, but I can't
eat any more, I'm full.
766
00:35:24,889 --> 00:35:26,423
What's Linda going to say?
767
00:35:26,492 --> 00:35:31,060
Well, how about
a nice big dessert?
768
00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:33,690
I thought you said
you were starved.
769
00:35:33,731 --> 00:35:40,536
Well, when you haven't eaten
for a while, your stomach contracts.
770
00:35:40,605 --> 00:35:43,340
Your fingers, too.
771
00:35:43,408 --> 00:35:45,968
I noticed your
wedding ring slipped off.
772
00:35:51,116 --> 00:35:54,017
Well, we might as well go.
773
00:35:59,324 --> 00:36:02,025
Well, Harold, I guess
this is good night.
774
00:36:02,093 --> 00:36:03,160
Yes, Betty Jane.
775
00:36:03,228 --> 00:36:06,896
You know, it seemed
kind of right somehow,
776
00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:09,299
having you be Mrs. Gray.
777
00:36:09,368 --> 00:36:11,928
It's a role I could get to like.
778
00:36:11,970 --> 00:36:13,903
Well, you'll have plenty
of chance to like it.
779
00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:16,673
Now that I found you,
I'm not going to let you go.
780
00:36:16,741 --> 00:36:18,975
I'm glad.
781
00:36:25,417 --> 00:36:28,385
I never felt so
happy in all my life.
782
00:36:28,453 --> 00:36:29,730
I know, isn't it wonderful?
783
00:36:29,754 --> 00:36:32,155
I guess I must be the
luckiest guy in the whole world.
784
00:36:32,224 --> 00:36:34,257
Don't talk, Harold.
785
00:36:39,831 --> 00:36:41,742
I'm gonna remember
this night forever.
786
00:36:41,766 --> 00:36:45,001
Yeah, something we
can tell our grandchildren.
787
00:36:45,070 --> 00:36:47,382
Harold, I'm so thrilled.
788
00:36:47,406 --> 00:36:48,638
I should say good night.
789
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:50,373
But I don't want you to.
790
00:36:50,442 --> 00:36:53,109
Someday we won't
have to say good night.
791
00:37:00,519 --> 00:37:05,522
Good night, Mrs. Gray.
792
00:37:05,591 --> 00:37:07,156
Good night, darling.
793
00:37:48,233 --> 00:37:50,199
Where you been?
It's almost 2:00.
794
00:37:50,269 --> 00:37:53,002
Out walking in the streets
thinking about Helen.
795
00:37:53,071 --> 00:37:54,804
Hel... the bark-eater?
796
00:37:54,873 --> 00:37:55,805
Yes!
797
00:37:55,874 --> 00:37:57,641
You didn't propose to her?
798
00:37:57,709 --> 00:37:59,842
Yes, I did!
799
00:37:59,911 --> 00:38:00,988
Hey, what are you doing?
800
00:38:01,012 --> 00:38:02,479
This time I'm gonna
help you pack.
801
00:38:02,547 --> 00:38:03,758
No, you don't understand.
802
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:05,826
This time I'm going
to go through with it.
803
00:38:05,850 --> 00:38:07,495
I'm really going to
marry her this time.
804
00:38:07,519 --> 00:38:09,597
You what? Yes!
This is the real thing.
805
00:38:09,621 --> 00:38:10,520
Oh, Harold, now think.
806
00:38:10,589 --> 00:38:11,888
You got to think about this.
807
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:13,100
I did think about it!
808
00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:14,469
That's all I've been doing.
809
00:38:14,493 --> 00:38:16,404
I've been walking in the
streets thinking about Helen.
810
00:38:16,428 --> 00:38:17,294
The bark-eater.
811
00:38:17,362 --> 00:38:18,642
Don't call her that!
812
00:38:18,697 --> 00:38:21,041
To me, she's the most
wonderful girl I ever met.
813
00:38:21,065 --> 00:38:23,366
I'm going to bed... forever.
814
00:38:23,435 --> 00:38:25,802
Obviously, I picked
the wrong person to tell.
815
00:38:25,870 --> 00:38:27,382
What would you know
about such things?
816
00:38:27,406 --> 00:38:29,484
What do you mean
by a crack like that?
817
00:38:29,508 --> 00:38:30,807
I'm sorry, Vic,
818
00:38:30,875 --> 00:38:32,776
it's just that you've
never been in love before.
819
00:38:32,844 --> 00:38:35,211
Someday it'll happen to you
and you'll know what I mean.
820
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:36,613
Oh, wow.
821
00:38:36,682 --> 00:38:39,316
I'm telling you,
Vic, it's wonderful.
822
00:38:39,384 --> 00:38:41,304
It's like the whole
world opens up.
823
00:38:41,353 --> 00:38:44,220
This is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
824
00:38:44,289 --> 00:38:45,955
You met this girl six hours ago
825
00:38:46,024 --> 00:38:48,224
and now you're telling me
you're gonna marry her?
826
00:38:48,259 --> 00:38:50,593
I'm sorry I suggested
the whole thing.
827
00:38:50,662 --> 00:38:52,295
Oh, no, I'm glad you did it.
828
00:38:52,364 --> 00:38:54,864
It's the greatest favor
anybody ever did for me.
829
00:38:54,933 --> 00:38:56,832
I want you to be my best man!
830
00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:58,001
Your...
831
00:38:58,069 --> 00:39:00,581
We're going to talk
about this tomorrow.
832
00:39:00,605 --> 00:39:01,605
No, no, promise me!
833
00:39:01,639 --> 00:39:03,206
Promise me that
you'll be my best man.
834
00:39:03,274 --> 00:39:04,507
Now promise me!
835
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:06,120
All right, Harold,
all right, all right.
836
00:39:06,144 --> 00:39:07,188
I'll be your best man.
837
00:39:07,212 --> 00:39:08,611
Now can I get some sleep?
838
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,213
Thank you, Vic.
839
00:39:10,282 --> 00:39:11,992
You don't know what
that means to me.
840
00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:14,750
It's her!
841
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:17,379
Get it, get it, get it.
842
00:39:19,824 --> 00:39:21,791
Hello?
843
00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:23,759
Yes.
844
00:39:23,828 --> 00:39:28,198
Oh, I was hoping
that you'd call.
845
00:39:28,266 --> 00:39:30,766
Yes.
846
00:39:30,835 --> 00:39:32,669
Yes.
847
00:39:32,737 --> 00:39:34,404
Oh.
848
00:39:34,472 --> 00:39:36,839
Okay.
849
00:39:36,908 --> 00:39:39,075
Good night.
850
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:43,879
Hey, what'd she say?
851
00:39:43,948 --> 00:39:48,017
She said she forgot to tell
me something this evening.
852
00:39:48,086 --> 00:39:49,185
Yeah?
853
00:39:49,254 --> 00:39:52,555
She has this incurable disease.
854
00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:54,290
Oh, geez.
855
00:39:54,359 --> 00:39:59,229
Yeah, and because of her
amnesia, she forgot to tell me.
856
00:40:17,515 --> 00:40:19,460
Why don't you get
in the back seat?
857
00:40:19,484 --> 00:40:20,916
No way.
858
00:40:20,985 --> 00:40:21,995
Why not?
859
00:40:22,019 --> 00:40:25,388
I want to stay in the
front seat with you.
860
00:40:48,246 --> 00:40:49,645
Don't be shy.
861
00:40:49,714 --> 00:40:53,583
Here are the new two
patients, mein liebchen.
862
00:40:53,651 --> 00:40:54,917
Yes, mein heart.
863
00:40:54,985 --> 00:40:58,321
Have a fine session, you two.
864
00:40:58,389 --> 00:41:00,789
I've got apple
strudel in the oven.
865
00:41:00,858 --> 00:41:03,292
Oh, I love that lady.
866
00:41:03,361 --> 00:41:06,161
Mm, I can taste the
cinnamon on your hands.
867
00:41:06,231 --> 00:41:07,630
It tastes delicious.
868
00:41:07,699 --> 00:41:11,267
I'm Ben Cortnoy and this
is my fiancé Ruth, Ruth Dab.
869
00:41:11,336 --> 00:41:13,146
Yeah, and I am
Dr. Sigmund. Uh-huh.
870
00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:14,870
You both jump!
871
00:41:14,939 --> 00:41:17,340
I can tell you really need me.
872
00:41:17,408 --> 00:41:19,308
Have you ever been
under therapy before?
873
00:41:19,377 --> 00:41:20,554
Oh, yes, Doctor.
874
00:41:20,578 --> 00:41:22,389
Ben and I have
had years of therapy.
875
00:41:22,413 --> 00:41:23,846
That's right, Doctor.
876
00:41:23,914 --> 00:41:26,515
We've both been through
individual psychoanalysis,
877
00:41:26,584 --> 00:41:27,584
group therapy,
878
00:41:27,652 --> 00:41:29,763
both individually
and as a couple.
879
00:41:29,787 --> 00:41:32,921
200 hours of silence at Big Sur,
880
00:41:32,990 --> 00:41:34,457
46 weekends of nude bathing
881
00:41:34,525 --> 00:41:36,192
at Sarasota Springs,
882
00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:37,794
and we've just completed
883
00:41:37,862 --> 00:41:41,096
14 weeks of skier
psychodrama at Squaw Valley.
884
00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:42,831
Yeah, yeah, that's kid stuff.
885
00:41:42,900 --> 00:41:43,999
It's all meaningless.
886
00:41:44,068 --> 00:41:45,812
They call themselves
better doctors than me
887
00:41:45,836 --> 00:41:47,147
because they went
to medical school.
888
00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:48,771
But, well,
889
00:41:48,839 --> 00:41:50,640
that's another story.
890
00:41:50,708 --> 00:41:53,442
What brings you two
kids to a genius like me?
891
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:56,079
Well, Doctor, Ben
and I are going
892
00:41:56,147 --> 00:41:57,424
to be married next week.
893
00:41:57,448 --> 00:41:59,493
And we wouldn't dream of
it without taking your course
894
00:41:59,517 --> 00:42:01,417
in fight therapy
for young marrieds.
895
00:42:01,486 --> 00:42:04,487
Smart move, because
love is only the result
896
00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:07,156
of a lot of irrelevant
pseudo-catalytic trivia.
897
00:42:07,225 --> 00:42:08,424
You agree?
898
00:42:08,493 --> 00:42:09,959
I think so.
899
00:42:10,028 --> 00:42:14,497
Only through fighting can we
hope to achieve lasting love.
900
00:42:14,565 --> 00:42:16,599
You must fight with each other.
901
00:42:16,668 --> 00:42:20,169
The family that slugs
together hugs together.
902
00:42:20,237 --> 00:42:22,938
Are you two in love?
903
00:42:23,007 --> 00:42:24,618
Oh, yes, Doctor,
very much in love.
904
00:42:24,642 --> 00:42:25,574
Very much in love.
905
00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:26,676
You think so, huh?
906
00:42:26,744 --> 00:42:28,411
Oh, yes, certainly.
907
00:42:28,479 --> 00:42:30,112
How often do you fight?
908
00:42:30,181 --> 00:42:31,113
Oh, we never fight.
909
00:42:31,182 --> 00:42:34,016
Never fight? Not even once?
910
00:42:34,084 --> 00:42:36,530
No, we've, we've
never had a fight.
911
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:38,788
Then you ain't in love.
912
00:42:38,857 --> 00:42:39,488
But we are.
913
00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:40,489
You ain't!
914
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:42,391
Doctor...
915
00:42:42,460 --> 00:42:44,004
You ain't, I'm
sorry. That's life.
916
00:42:44,028 --> 00:42:46,228
But we've been
engaged for seven years.
917
00:42:46,297 --> 00:42:47,408
You won't listen, will you?
918
00:42:47,432 --> 00:42:49,242
You're here to
listen to the doctor.
919
00:42:49,266 --> 00:42:50,499
You want to be the doctor?
920
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:51,568
Then I'll listen.
921
00:42:51,602 --> 00:42:53,536
Oh, no, I don't want
to be the doctor.
922
00:42:53,604 --> 00:42:55,938
Okay, then don't
be a smarty pants.
923
00:42:56,007 --> 00:42:59,408
I say it once more in case
you didn't hear me the first time.
924
00:42:59,477 --> 00:43:02,979
You ain't in love.
925
00:43:03,047 --> 00:43:04,847
Unless...
926
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:06,593
What? You do
it like the hippies,
927
00:43:06,617 --> 00:43:08,117
tell it like it is.
928
00:43:08,186 --> 00:43:11,554
Let it all hang out. Verstehe?
929
00:43:11,622 --> 00:43:14,157
You mean you want us to
be honest with each other.
930
00:43:14,225 --> 00:43:16,358
Exactly.
931
00:43:16,427 --> 00:43:19,562
But, Doctor, we're totally
honest with each other.
932
00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:21,263
Cut that out!
933
00:43:21,332 --> 00:43:24,100
There will be no muzzling
or nudging or hand-holding.
934
00:43:24,169 --> 00:43:26,089
Not during this
therapeutic hour.
935
00:43:26,137 --> 00:43:28,604
In other words, no hanky-panky!
936
00:43:28,673 --> 00:43:30,073
Is that clear?
937
00:43:30,141 --> 00:43:33,309
But, Doctor, we just naturally
gravitate to each other.
938
00:43:33,377 --> 00:43:34,777
We have these
very tender feelings.
939
00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:36,178
You ain't got nothing!
940
00:43:36,247 --> 00:43:38,748
The moment you walked
through the door I said to myself,
941
00:43:38,816 --> 00:43:41,617
"Myself, there is a couple
that ain't got nothing!"
942
00:43:41,686 --> 00:43:43,118
Unless...
943
00:43:43,187 --> 00:43:44,286
What, what?
944
00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:45,521
Stand up.
945
00:43:45,590 --> 00:43:46,889
Go to a neutral corner.
946
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:48,424
You over there,
and you over there.
947
00:43:48,492 --> 00:43:51,160
Go on, go on. Hast,
hast, hast, hast!
948
00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:54,563
I want you to tell each
other every little thing
949
00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:55,865
you hate about each other.
950
00:43:55,934 --> 00:43:57,044
Make it good.
951
00:43:57,068 --> 00:43:58,746
He always says he likes
everything about me.
952
00:43:58,770 --> 00:43:59,702
Yeah?
953
00:43:59,770 --> 00:44:02,739
Surprise.
954
00:44:02,807 --> 00:44:03,807
Tell her off.
955
00:44:03,842 --> 00:44:04,774
Okay.
956
00:44:04,842 --> 00:44:06,609
Uh...
957
00:44:06,677 --> 00:44:09,112
uh, about what?
958
00:44:09,180 --> 00:44:12,915
Isn't there anything
about her that irritates you?
959
00:44:12,984 --> 00:44:14,183
No.
960
00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:18,187
There's not one single,
solitary kvetchy thing?
961
00:44:18,256 --> 00:44:20,156
Negative.
962
00:44:20,225 --> 00:44:22,203
Not even when she's
biting her nails all the time?
963
00:44:22,227 --> 00:44:24,127
That doesn't bother me.
964
00:44:24,195 --> 00:44:25,628
That doesn't bother you at all?
965
00:44:25,696 --> 00:44:27,063
Sorry. No.
966
00:44:27,132 --> 00:44:28,142
Well, it's driving me crazy!
967
00:44:28,166 --> 00:44:29,598
Take your hands
out of your mouth!
968
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:34,203
And you're not normal!
969
00:44:34,272 --> 00:44:37,039
Let's try it with you, Miss Dab.
970
00:44:37,108 --> 00:44:38,953
I want to ask you something.
971
00:44:38,977 --> 00:44:42,078
Is there something
about your sweet boychik
972
00:44:42,147 --> 00:44:44,658
that he does that drives
you straight up the wall?
973
00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:48,818
No, Doctor, we worked
all that out therapies ago.
974
00:44:48,886 --> 00:44:50,453
I know, I know,
975
00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:52,466
but there must
be one little shtick.
976
00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:56,330
Listen, I'd even take a
physical handicap right now.
977
00:44:57,528 --> 00:44:59,294
I can't think of any.
978
00:44:59,363 --> 00:45:00,474
Yeah? Look at his eyes.
979
00:45:00,498 --> 00:45:01,875
He looks like a dead flounder.
980
00:45:01,899 --> 00:45:03,198
He never looks in your eyes.
981
00:45:03,267 --> 00:45:04,500
Every time you look
982
00:45:04,568 --> 00:45:06,046
directly at him, he turns away.
983
00:45:06,070 --> 00:45:08,248
You notice that? Doesn't
that blow your mind?
984
00:45:08,272 --> 00:45:09,204
Flip your wig?
985
00:45:09,273 --> 00:45:12,041
No. No, I mean,
he's a little shy,
986
00:45:12,110 --> 00:45:13,709
but we'll work that out.
987
00:45:13,778 --> 00:45:16,578
Why work it out? Fight it out.
988
00:45:16,647 --> 00:45:18,592
Tell him to stop
looking like a dead fish!
989
00:45:18,616 --> 00:45:20,315
Believe me,
990
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:21,829
you'll love him more for that.
991
00:45:21,853 --> 00:45:26,321
Oh, I... I just couldn't
call him any names.
992
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,923
I just couldn't.
993
00:45:27,992 --> 00:45:29,770
Don't do that,
please. Don't do that.
994
00:45:29,794 --> 00:45:31,727
You're driving me crazy.
995
00:45:31,796 --> 00:45:36,298
I should have never
left the delicatessen.
996
00:45:40,672 --> 00:45:43,232
All right, get ready
for the pillow fight.
997
00:45:46,310 --> 00:45:47,643
One for you
998
00:45:47,712 --> 00:45:49,879
und one for you.
999
00:45:52,884 --> 00:45:53,983
What's this for?
1000
00:45:54,052 --> 00:45:55,484
Creative pillow-fighting.
1001
00:45:55,552 --> 00:45:58,420
But Ben and I never fight.
1002
00:45:58,489 --> 00:46:00,188
We love each other.
1003
00:46:00,257 --> 00:46:01,969
You got wax in your
ears or something?
1004
00:46:01,993 --> 00:46:03,692
I told you before,
1005
00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:06,139
you ain't in love unless
you express these hostilities:
1006
00:46:06,163 --> 00:46:07,474
disappointment, resentments
1007
00:46:07,498 --> 00:46:09,598
and downright hate that
you have for one another!
1008
00:46:09,667 --> 00:46:14,704
Then you have taken the
first steps towards real love.
1009
00:46:14,772 --> 00:46:17,406
Now do me a favor. Get ready.
1010
00:46:17,474 --> 00:46:19,575
Sock it to him.
1011
00:46:23,081 --> 00:46:25,581
Oh, I can't.
1012
00:46:25,649 --> 00:46:27,583
Do me a special favor.
1013
00:46:27,651 --> 00:46:29,797
Come over here and
hit your fiancé in the head
1014
00:46:29,821 --> 00:46:32,332
just one time, please.
1015
00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:34,890
But I can't. He'll,
he'll get mad at me.
1016
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:36,469
Good, he should, that's perfect.
1017
00:46:36,493 --> 00:46:37,893
Are you sure it's all right?
1018
00:46:37,962 --> 00:46:39,194
Trust me... I don't make
1019
00:46:39,263 --> 00:46:41,441
a quarter-of-a-million
dollars a year for nothing.
1020
00:46:41,465 --> 00:46:43,666
Oh, all right.
1021
00:46:43,734 --> 00:46:45,434
Only because of your reputation.
1022
00:46:45,502 --> 00:46:48,048
Yeah. Go ahead, sweetheart.
1023
00:46:48,072 --> 00:46:49,504
I'm all set.
1024
00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:52,441
Be careful of your
contact lenses, honey.
1025
00:46:52,509 --> 00:46:54,376
I will, darling.
1026
00:46:54,445 --> 00:46:56,690
Say, will you knock off that
Pollyanna, Shirley Temple,
1027
00:46:56,714 --> 00:46:58,113
goody-two-shoes talk?
1028
00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:05,754
Oh.
1029
00:47:05,823 --> 00:47:08,123
I can't! I can't!
1030
00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:10,537
Oh, I understand, sweetheart.
1031
00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:12,795
This is very depressing.
1032
00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:15,397
I'm very depressed.
1033
00:47:15,466 --> 00:47:20,002
I don't think I can
go on anymore.
1034
00:47:25,476 --> 00:47:28,543
Ah, that's mein
wife with the strudel!
1035
00:47:28,613 --> 00:47:31,546
Her strudel always
gives me the will to live.
1036
00:47:31,616 --> 00:47:32,896
I loves that woman.
1037
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:37,920
How's it going
my, mein liebchen?
1038
00:47:37,989 --> 00:47:38,989
Disgusting.
1039
00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:39,956
That's good.
1040
00:47:40,024 --> 00:47:41,402
No, not that kind of disgusting.
1041
00:47:41,426 --> 00:47:42,706
The bad disgusting.
1042
00:47:48,232 --> 00:47:53,435
No smog in mein
strudel, thank you.
1043
00:47:53,504 --> 00:47:56,105
Thank you.
1044
00:47:56,174 --> 00:47:59,842
You notice the minute mein
charming had ein grievance,
1045
00:47:59,911 --> 00:48:01,944
no matter how stupid or
immature or paranoiac,
1046
00:48:02,013 --> 00:48:03,013
she came out mit it.
1047
00:48:04,581 --> 00:48:08,183
That's why we've been happily
married now for 31 years.
1048
00:48:08,252 --> 00:48:11,253
21 years, liebchen.
1049
00:48:11,321 --> 00:48:13,122
So what am I, an accountant?
1050
00:48:19,530 --> 00:48:20,530
Yecch!
1051
00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:22,798
This strudel must be a week old!
1052
00:48:22,867 --> 00:48:24,499
What are you talking about?
1053
00:48:24,568 --> 00:48:25,968
I made it this morning.
1054
00:48:26,037 --> 00:48:27,047
You probably gave your mother
1055
00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:28,415
the strudel you
made this morning.
1056
00:48:28,439 --> 00:48:30,583
This must have been hanging
in the back of the cabinet
1057
00:48:30,607 --> 00:48:31,540
for a week.
1058
00:48:31,608 --> 00:48:33,876
What do you know
from good cooking?
1059
00:48:33,944 --> 00:48:36,778
From the looks of your
belly, you aren't too fussy.
1060
00:48:36,847 --> 00:48:38,892
You want to get personal,
huh? You walk like a duck.
1061
00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:41,117
Your ears stick out.
1062
00:48:41,185 --> 00:48:43,419
Your knees sweat.
1063
00:48:43,488 --> 00:48:46,222
It's unusual, isn't it,
1064
00:48:46,290 --> 00:48:48,068
the way they relate
to each other?
1065
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:50,159
I've never seen
anything like it.
1066
00:48:50,228 --> 00:48:51,571
Aha, you weakling!
1067
00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:52,595
Go to your room!
1068
00:48:52,630 --> 00:48:54,363
Bully!
1069
00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:55,998
Mini muscle!
1070
00:48:56,067 --> 00:48:58,334
Dummy!
1071
00:48:58,403 --> 00:49:00,369
I loves that woman.
1072
00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:01,603
Now aren't you ashamed?
1073
00:49:01,672 --> 00:49:04,573
What you have just
witnessed is true love.
1074
00:49:04,642 --> 00:49:08,511
Lasting love through open
hostility and verbal combat.
1075
00:49:08,579 --> 00:49:10,790
It was just beautiful, Doctor.
1076
00:49:10,814 --> 00:49:12,448
We really enjoyed it.
1077
00:49:12,517 --> 00:49:13,815
And it seems to work.
1078
00:49:13,884 --> 00:49:15,317
Of course it does, mein kinder.
1079
00:49:15,386 --> 00:49:16,497
You listen to the doctor.
1080
00:49:16,521 --> 00:49:17,719
You can have a good life.
1081
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:18,921
Would you like to take
1082
00:49:18,989 --> 00:49:20,122
another crack at it?
1083
00:49:20,191 --> 00:49:22,191
All right, stop holding hands.
1084
00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:24,960
You get over there
and you stand over here
1085
00:49:25,029 --> 00:49:27,229
and we'll try it
again, All right?
1086
00:49:29,367 --> 00:49:30,433
Get ready.
1087
00:49:37,675 --> 00:49:40,943
Um, do you really have
to bite your nails, Ruth?
1088
00:49:41,011 --> 00:49:44,613
Who, me? I didn't
think it bothered you.
1089
00:49:44,682 --> 00:49:46,282
Oh, yes, it does.
1090
00:49:46,350 --> 00:49:47,616
I just never mentioned it.
1091
00:49:47,685 --> 00:49:50,152
Well, for goodness sake.
1092
00:49:50,221 --> 00:49:54,156
Oh, you really are
shy, aren't you?
1093
00:49:54,225 --> 00:49:56,036
You're a, you're
a regular mouse.
1094
00:49:56,060 --> 00:49:57,393
Now just a minute.
1095
00:49:57,462 --> 00:49:59,373
There's no need to
start calling names.
1096
00:49:59,397 --> 00:50:00,796
Why not?
1097
00:50:00,864 --> 00:50:02,664
That's what you are, isn't it?
1098
00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:04,400
And you're a nail-biter.
1099
00:50:04,469 --> 00:50:05,501
What?
1100
00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:07,336
Oh!
1101
00:50:07,405 --> 00:50:08,571
A nail-biter, nail-biter!
1102
00:50:08,639 --> 00:50:11,574
Mouse! Mouse!
1103
00:50:25,723 --> 00:50:27,656
But there's a lot of
money in it, Scarlet.
1104
00:50:27,725 --> 00:50:29,403
I don't care... if we
grow watermelons,
1105
00:50:29,427 --> 00:50:31,987
they'll call us "Uncle Tom."
1106
00:50:38,802 --> 00:50:40,069
No one's here.
1107
00:50:40,137 --> 00:50:41,937
I know.
1108
00:50:42,006 --> 00:50:43,805
Let's go back here.
1109
00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:53,783
Ready?
1110
00:50:53,851 --> 00:50:55,984
Ready.
1111
00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:58,320
Well, then, what
are we waiting for?
78639
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