All language subtitles for Love American Style S01E13 Love and the Medium, Love and the Bed, Love and the High School Flop-Out

♪ Love, love ♪

♪ Love, love ♪

♪ Love, American Style ♪

♪ Truer than the
red, white and blue ♪

♪ Love, American Style ♪

♪ That's me and you ♪

♪ And on a star-spangled
night, my love ♪

♪ You can rest ♪

♪ You can rest your
head on my shoulder ♪

♪ Or by the dawn's
early light, my love ♪

♪ I will defend ♪

♪ I will defend
your right to try ♪

♪ Love, American Style ♪

♪ That's me and you. ♪

Tonight, you will see
three separate views of...

An experienced woman, a shy
beginner and a lesson in love,

a bedtime story for
grownups, and our first story

about a man, his
wife, his fiancé

and the woman he really loves,

which we call "Love
and the Medium."

Max, I've only
got a few minutes.

Listen, Mr. Barry is coming

and I want to talk to
you before he comes.

Max, I think he's
interested in me.

You know, I think he's
lived alone long enough

and he's ready to make a move.

And I like him, Max.

I really like him.

I mean, no offense to
you, you were wonderful.

We had a lot of good years.

A lot of good years.

But let's face it,
Max, you're dead.

But I don't have
to tell you that.

And he's such a nice man.

Oh!

Why, Mr. Barry,
come in, come in.

Hello, Madame Zygmundt.

Oh, my, don't you look
nice today, all dressed up.

Isn't that a new suit?

Yes, it is. I got
it off a dummy.

That is, it was on a
dummy in a window,

and I happened to be the
same size as the dummy,

so I got a very
good price on it.

Oh. And a haircut.

Yes, it's what they
call a "razor cut."

Cost $3.50.

I like it.

My, you certainly
are taking better care

of your appearance lately.

Thank you.

You're a few minutes early.

Shall we go in and sit down?

I was anxious to see you.

I have a very important
question to ask my wife.

An important question?

Well, actually, it's a question

I want to ask someone else,

but first, I thought
I'd like to ask my wife,

if it's all right...

to ask the question.

You follow me?

Oh. oh, yes.

I think you're right.

You should definitely
ask your wife first.

Well, shall we sit down

and see if we can make contact?

I see you got a manicure, too.

Yes. It's nice.

Well, shall we try to reach your
wife and ask her that question?

Yes.

Eyes closed.

Tight, please.

Think of nothing else
in the whole world

but your dear, sweet wife.

See her sweet face,
her sweet, warm face.

That sweet, warm, understanding
and all-knowing face.

Can you see that face?

Can you almost reach
out and touch that face?

Sway with me, Mr. Barry.

Sway with me.

I'm swaying.

All the way.

I feel a voice.

I feel a voice trying
to break through.

I feel a presence.

I feel it, too.

Is that you, Rica Barry?

That presence has such wisdom.

Rica...

Rica Barry...

Albert?

Albert...

Yes, dear.

Can you hear me, Albert?

Just faintly.

You look a little thin, Albert.

No, no, no, I'm fine.

I just had my checkup.

You're worried about
something, right?

You shouldn't worry.

Rica, there's something
I want to tell you.

I'll never forget our
22 years of marriage.

Never mind that.

Are you eating
all right, Albert?

What you need is a
good, home-cooked meal.

Now it's funny that
you would say that,

because that's
right along the line

of what I wanted
to talk to you about.

You want to get
married again, Albert.

How did you know?

I always knew what
you were thinking.

Now it's even easier.

I hope you're not angry.

Angry?

I'm happy.

You should be married.

Oh, Rica.

Do you have someone in mind?

Yes, yes, I do.

Tell me about her.

Well, she's a wonderful person.

I'm sure she is.

And I'm very glad you think so.

I've only known
her for a short time,

but I think she's
interested in me.

She'd be a fool if she wasn't.

She's intelligent,
has a warm heart.

Is she nice?

Yes, she has warm
eyes, nice hands,

a nice attitude about things.

Oh, she has a little nose.

Yes? Yes, tell me more.

She's a blonde.

A blonde?!

A blonde?!

Yes, a natural
blonde, too, Rica.

The only trouble is I'm at
least 15 years older than she is.

I'd love to talk to her.

Why?

Why?

A blonde who's after my husband?

Naturally, I want
to talk to her.

Rica, she is not after me.

What's her name?

Gloria. Gloria Rollins.

Gloria Rollins.

Is she a widow or a divorcée?

A widow, of course.

And where does she live?

In the city?

Staten Island.

And does she have a job

or does she just lay in
bed all day, watching TV?

She has a very good job in
a five-and-ten in Elizabeth.

She's an assistant manager.

Well, maybe you could
get her in to talk to me...

if Madame Zygmundt can
give you an appointment.

Rica, you sound so angry,
and before you were so happy.

Oh? I'm happy.

It's just that the
connection is fading...

I'm drained, Mr. Barry.

Did you hear how angry my
wife was, Madame Zygmundt?

I never listen. It
would be unethical.

Well, may I come back
tomorrow with a friend?

Tomorrow, a
friend. Why a friend?

Well, my wife would like

to meet the party I
spoke to her about.

Oh, that would be all right.

Thank you. Tomorrow, same time?

I'll ink you in with a friend.

Have a nice day.

Likewise.

Is he there?

Madam Zygmundt.

Mike, Zygmundt here.

Listen, the check is in the
mail on the Zeggerman case,

but I've got another
trace for you.

I want you to get everything
you can get on a Gloria Rollins,

who lives on Staten
Island, and I've got to have it

first thing in the morning.

Hands on the table, so
we can all touch hands.

Mr. Barry.

Uh...

Mrs. Rollins.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Rollins.

Have you been
to a séance before,

Mrs. Rollins?

No, but I've seen
it on the late show.

The moving tables, the
knocking, the weird music.

Mrs. Rollins,

this is not the Late Show.

This is a genuine séance.

So, unless you'd care to
forget the whole thing and leave,

I suggest that you
adopt a positive attitude.

Please, Gloria, for my sake.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my, you have soft hands.

You haven't done much housework.

Now, eyes closed tight.

Feet touching.

You're squinting, Mrs. Rollins.

And I will try to pull that
one small, sweet, cherished,

wise voice out of the
vastness of the heavens.

See, there are
billions of dead people,

so it's not an easy job to get
one out of that whole crowd.

Oh, Alex, baloney.

No, it isn't.

Two presidents of the
United States did this

in the White House.

Now sway with me.

Oh, I feel a presence.

It looks like her.

It feels like her.

Is that your wife, Mr. Barry?

Rica...

Is that you?

Rica...

Rica Barry...

Albert...

Yes, Rica, it's me. I'm back.

That's not Rica, that's her.

Gloria, that's the way it works.

Rica speaks through her voice.

Albert...

Albert.

You know the party
I told you about?

She's here.

The blonde?

That's right.

Who lives in 4G

at 1143 New Street?

She knows everything now.

And who used to live at
8702 Namiokie Boulevard?

And used to be a brunette?

Now wait a minute!

Do you have any
idea what it costs

to keep her hair
the color it is now?

I don't believe this.

Please, Gloria, please.

Rica, I don't care
about her hair.

She's a lovely person.

Yes, she is...

since she had her nose
fixed and her chin lifted.

What?!

And that's not the only
thing that's false, Al.

I'm not going to take
this from that old bag!

She's not an old
bag, that's my wife.

I see a long list of creditors.

I see a brother
who's a bookmaker.

I don't care who it is.

Nobody is going to
talk to me like that.

Gloria, it's not nice to
shout at a dead woman

who's not able
to defend herself.

I see an argument
with the neighbors

at 8702 Namiokie Boulevard

that caused the move
to 1143 New Street.

I see two young sisters

who have been in trouble
ever since junior high.

I see a mother who...

That's it, I've
had it. I'm leaving.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Are
you coming with me, Al, or are you going

to stay around and listen
to some more of this bunk?

It's not bunk, Al.

Is it bunk?

That's not the point.

The point is that
your wife is dead

and the dead don't speak.

This dame is some kind of fake,

and if you don't have
enough feeling for me

to know that she's
some kind of fake...

well, then this is the end

of what could have
been the beginning for us.

Albert...

can you still hear me,
my sweet, darling Albert?

Yes, but I've got
to leave now...

darling.

Rica's gone.

And so is Gloria.

Oh, how much extra
is it for Mrs. Rollins?

She was my guest.

Oh, well, here's for me.

Thank you. Uh...

Shall I ink you in for next
Friday at the usual time?

No.

I mean...

I don't know.

Well, I blew it, Max.

I should have been
wise, but I was dumb.

I guess you can't push a man
too much who thinks he's in love.

But I pushed.

I guess it's because
I'm in love, too.

And the idea that that phony
was getting him was just too much.

But she's got him
now, I'm sure of that.

I pushed him right
into her arms...

the only natural
thing she's got.

Well, good luck to him.

I've still got you, Max.

Can I see you?

I mean, can I speak to you?

Why, of course.

Come in.

Well, Gloria and I just
had a talk out there,

and she gave me an ultimatum.

Oh?

She said if I want
to see her anymore,

I have to stop coming here.

And that I can't speak
to Rica anymore.

Oh, well, off with the
old, on with the new.

Huh?

But I can't drop
Rica just like that.

We were married for 22 years.

Oh, Mr. Barry, that's a choice
you're going to have to make.

I don't think I can.

Mr. Barry, can I give
you some advice?

If it's a choice between
Mrs. Rollins and your wife,

I think Mrs.
Rollins has a point.

After all, she is a real, live
woman with all of her faults,

and she can give you
things that Rica can't.

And nobody's perfect, right?

I don't... I just don't know.

Mr. Barry...

I'm going to tell you something

that I never told a client.

I mean, it wouldn't
be good for business.

But you never did
talk to your dead wife.

I'm a fake.

No.

Yes, I'm a fake.

It's all hocus-pocus.

Those voices you
heard were my voice.

Mrs. Rollins was right.

It's funny, I called her a fake,

and I'm a bigger
fake than she is.

This is terrible.

How could you do such a thing?

Well, people come here

because they want to
make contact so badly

and I give it to them.

Is it wrong to give comfort?

But, in your case, between a
live woman and a dead one,

you have to go
with the live one,

right?

I just can't believe it.

Well, shall we say
good-bye, Mr. Barry?

No, no, wait.

I don't want to stop seeing you.

I just told Gloria out
there that we were through

because I didn't want to
stop coming back here.

And to tell you the truth,

I think I always knew,
in the back of my mind,

that I wasn't really
speaking to Rica.

I came here for...

for other reasons.

Why, Mr. Barry,
what are you saying?

I'm saying it's not a choice
between Rica and Mrs. Rollins.

It's a choice between
Mrs. Rollins and you.

Oh!

Well, in that case,

my advice would
be entirely different.

Oh, Mr. Barry.

Al. Please.

Oh, Al.

What do you think of that, Max?

Honesty is the best policy.

Right?

Peggy, I don't want
to go to the city.

My roots are here.

Shh!

Where'd you learn
to kiss like that?

India.

No wonder they're overpopulated.

Oh, Linda.

Linda, baby.

Peter, that's a no-no.

What was that?

The hot water heater,
it always knocks.

In the summer?

Peter, someone's listening.

Don't turn the light on.

Somebody's listening.

No, there isn't.

I'm sure there is.

Peter, I've lost the mood.

Well, I haven't. Come back here.

No, no, I'll see you tomorrow.

Why? I love you tonight.

Peter...

Ooh. Ooh.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I, um...

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

Nobody can see through garbage.

See-through garbage,
that's a good idea.

Let me help you.

Well, maybe if you
just put it in there.

Oh, of course.

Maybe if you just put...

Oh, yeah.

Wow, I must say, your garbage

is a lot more
interesting than mine.

Well, I don't know,
yours is neat.

A friend of mine says you
can tell a man's character

by what he throws away.

A psychiatrist?

No, a garbage collector.

What can you tell
from two yogurt cartons,

some grapefruit peels
and a TV dinner tray?

Well, now, I see
a slim blonde girl

with a figure like a movie
star who needs someone

to take her out to dinner.

Uncanny. Yeah.

What does my garbage tell you?

Uh, your garbage tells me
that you fool around a lot.

Or rob a lot of banks.

Oh...

Your money or your
body, this is a pickup.

You are really something else.

It's hot in there.

Hey, what apartment
do you live in?

302.

That's right next to mine.

Which side?

The one on the right: 304.

You're the one.

How's your wife?

What wife?

Oh, you mean what's-her-name?

Does the name Linda
come back to you?

You banged on the wall.

Maybe. There's no maybe.

You banged on the wall.

Oh... was that a no-no, Peter?

Good morning, Mr. Ellsworth.

Hello.

Miss Erick, would you like
to run away to Tahiti with me?

I'd love to, if it's okay
with Mrs. Ellsworth.

It probably is, but
you wouldn't go.

What a beautiful bed.

That?

It's brass.

They're very in now,
just like Tiffany lamps.

Yeah, well, this
one is very out.

The tenant skipped

with the rent. Skipped?

Listen, could I buy it?

For you, I would give the
bed from under my back.

This one you could have for $25.

That's all? It's a big

$25 because its all net,
no withholding by my wife.

I mean, what she doesn't
know, she doesn't get.

Cross my heart,
I'll never tell her.

You know what I'm
going to do with this $25?

I'm going to buy myself a
fine bottle of Goldwasser

with the real gold leaf
floating in the bottle.

I will get ten 50-cent cigars

and a couple of other little
things I've had my eye on.

Will you put the bed
in my apartment today?

All right, it will be done.

But first, the Goldwasser.

Do you mind?

No, go ahead,

but don't drink it before
you move the bed.

Sam...

Sam?

Good morning, Mr. Swinger. Hi.

What's the matter?

Did you get out on the wrong
side of the bed this morning?

Not this morning, last night.

Last night?

Who gets out of bed at night?

Losers.

Ah, never mind.

Hey...

Hey, this is some bed.

Who owns it?

In ten minutes, the city.

The city? It's
going on the junk.

The junk?!

This bed's groovy.
I'll buy it from you.

Yeah? How much?

Um...

$20.

$20 for such a groovy bed?

Thirty.

It was going on the junk.

Twenty-five.

It's yours... $27.50.

On one condition.

We don't tell Mr. Ellsworth.

Oh, holding out, huh?

What are you going
to do with the money?

Oh, I'm going to
the beauty parlor,

and I'm going to say,
"Girls, give me the works."

We better work fast.

I'll put my old bed on the junk,

and I'll take this
right up to my room.

Where he gets his
strength, I'll never know.

Excuse me, miss,
but I think you have...

Annie!

Sam, is that you?

Of course it's me.

Who did you think it was?

Well, I don't know.

You look different.

What did you do to yourself?

I splurged.

Looks like you splurged
all over yourself.

Where did you get the money?

Never mind.

You look pretty, uh,
psychedelic yourself.

It's not psychedelic, it's mod.

Mod, schmod, it
still costs money.

Never mind where
I got the money.

I thought you were
a strange woman,

and I didn't know
what you were doing,

trying to go into my apartment.

I thought you were
somebody else, too.

It didn't seem to
bother you much.

To tell you the truth,
it was a little thrill.

Pardon me, miss,

but would you mind
stepping into my apartment?

I have a bottle of
genuine Goldwasser.

Oh, I don't usually go
to a man's apartment,

but, um, since I
happen to live there...

After you.

Come in. The door's open.

Well, uh... hello.

Ha! So there it is.

What is?

You stole my bed. What bed?

I bought that bed this morning
from Mr. Ellsworth for $25.

And I bought it from Mrs.
Ellsworth this morning

for $27.50.

What time?

8:45.

How do I know what time?

I bought it at
8:30, so it's mine.

But I paid $2.50 more
than you did, so it's mine.

I bought it first, and
I intend to keep it.

Um... um...

Look, couldn't we talk
about this tomorrow?

No, I have no bed
to sleep in tonight.

All right, here.

Here's ten bucks...
Sleep in a hotel tonight.

We'll, we'll, we'll settle
this tomorrow morning.

Goodness, she must be
something very special.

Never mind about that.

Look, all day long, I've
thought of nothing else

but sleeping in
this bed tonight,

and this is where
I'm going to sleep.

It's one night.

Be a sport.

A sport? What do you think I am?

Do you think I
just jump in and out

of strange beds that casually?

It's just that I made other
plans before I met you.

Well, my plans include
sleeping right here tonight.

You can sleep here
tomorrow night, I promise.

Oh, you do?

From tonight on,
this is your bed.

From this day forward,
to have and to hold.

But I have made
other plans for tonight.

Well, you can
cancel them, darling.

Linda.

I'm so sorry to interrupt.

Wa-Wa-Wait a minute.

What do you think
is going on here?

Oh, nothing at the moment.

Just plans?

I'd sure like to be
here tomorrow night.

It should be way out.

Linda, I can explain all this.

I bet you can.

You've got more
brass in that bed.

Peter, you haven't
even introduced us.

Uh... uh, this is, uh...

Uh... Oh, that's right, he
doesn't know my name.

I'm Barbara Erick.

You don't even know her name?

I can explain that.

Don't bother.

You can have him, Barbara.

Tonight, tomorrow night,
and any other night after that.

Good night.

Linda.

Peter, that's a no-no.

Now look what you've done.

I had been planning
this for months.

I didn't like her.

You didn't like her?

She has a dirty mind.

Get out of this apartment.

Not without my bed.

You're not getting this bed.

I wouldn't give you this bed

if this bed was the
last bed on earth.

Oh, no?

Furthermore, I think you
made this whole thing up.

What?!

Yeah, just so you could
get into my apartment.

You rat.

I'll show you.

Mr. Ellsworth, this
is Barbara Erick.

Would you come
up to 304, please?

Do I have to?

You should see my wife.

I come home; she's
suddenly a gorgeous chick.

You have to.

Okay.

Okay, watch this.

Mrs. Ellsworth, this is Peter.

Could you come
up to 304, please?

What's going on?

We're relaxing here,
sipping a little Goldwasser,

and all of a sudden...
This is an emergency.

So is this.

Okay.

You really are a
mean, jealous female.

Jealous?!

Jealous of what
you heard last night.

Come in.

What's the emergency?

And it'd better be good,

because what you
interrupted was excellent.

Mr. Ellsworth, did you or
did you not sell me this bed

at precisely 8:30
this morning for $25?

Well, uh...

Mrs. Ellsworth, did you

or did you not sell me this bed
this morning at approximately 8:45?

You sold the bed?

You sold the bed?

Don't change the subject.

You didn't tell me.

You didn't tell me.

But... you like the
way I look now.

And you didn't mind
the Goldwasser.

So let's forget it.
So let's forget it.

What about us?

This mean, cheap, conniving,
lecherous, crummy bum

won't give me my bed.

Lecherous?!

You mean normal, healthy.

Of course you wouldn't know
about those kind of adjectives.

What?

Because you're an
uptight, jealous female.

Jealous? Jealous!

Jealous of... of normal,
healthy, animal fun.

You're repeating yourself.

It bears repeating.

This is no place for us.

You know what you ought to do?

You ought to join a free
love cult or something.

Shake yourself out.

Get the moths
out of your bustle.

What are you talking about?

I mean it! You think
like an old woman.

Oh, you're sick.

You're really sick!

All right, all right, I'm sick!

So sick I'm going to bed.

In my bed!

If you'll excuse me.

If you think you're bluffing me

out of this bed,
you're so wrong.

And if you think I'm
bluffing, you're so wrong.

I sleep in my underwear.

Hmph! That figures.

I usually pick this side.

I suppose you think
you're going to scare me off

with this childish nonsense.

Run home screaming to mama.

I don't care what you
do, I'm going to sleep.

Well, in that case...
if you'll excuse me.

Hey, that's the bathroom!

The door's over there.

Oh, I'm not leaving.

I'm staying right here.

You're going to
sleep in the bathroom?

No, in the bed.

Stop bluffing and go home.

I sleep in my slip.

You're crazy.

Give me the bed.

Oh, no.

I refuse to be
blackmailed this way.

Okay.

Come here.

What for?

I think there should
be something

between two people
who share the same bed.

So, we'll have
something between us.

A wall.

Grab the other end.

Well, now what?

Right down the middle.

Why'd you buy
this thing, anyhow?

Well, not for this, I can
tell you that. Sentiment.

First food I ate in New York
came out of one of those slots.

Right down the middle.

There.

Just like a New
England bundling board.

Yeah, with knot holes.

Good night, Peter.

You're really crazy.

You could be certified,
you know that?

Can I have a cigarette?

They're on your night table.

All right.

It's in cheese sandwich.

Thanks.

Can I have an ashtray?

Why not?

That'd be in, uh, bacon,
lettuce and tomato.

That's kind of you, considering.

Well, I wouldn't want you to
set the bed on fire with me in it.

Why not? Iron doesn't burn.

What's a nice girl like
you doing in a bed like this?

Oh, just lucky, I guess.

Come on, you shouldn't be
in this bed and you know it.

I'm safe enough.

Never heard of a
girl being assaulted

through a ham sand
or poppy seed rolls.

You ought to be spanked.

That would be, uh, pie.

Dutch apple.

Very funny.

A square with a
hip sense of humor.

Good night, Peter.

Good night.

Good night.

Ow! Oh, my God!

My arm's stuck.

I'll get it out.

I-I think... I think
it's swelling.

Oops. What should I do?

Call the fire department
or something?

No, just read the Daily News.

"Firemen freed lover
caught in Automat slot."

Oh, uh, I'll call Mr. Ellsworth.

Mr. Ellsworth, I'm
sorry to wake you up.

This is Barbara.

You're not waking me up.

When I sold you the bed,
my whole life changed.

Listen, could you
come up right away?

Still 304?

You want me to bring wine?

No, a crowbar.

A crowbar?!

Can I get you anything?

It's starting to hurt.

I'll be right back.

Where's your mouth, Peter?

I think it's somewhere
near cake, devil's food.

Here it is.

"Muffin's bran."

Open your mouth.

Can you center it more?

Did you say Pete?

No, I said center
your mouth more.

Did I get it?

I guess I did.

Now, open wider.

The way young people
have fun these days.

This isn't what they
call an orgy, is it?

Oh, I'm so glad you're
here, Mr. Ellsworth.

Peter's got his arm stuck.

I'm a simple man.

What's happening?

Get my arm out!

How could he do this?

Ow!

Be careful!

Stop with the crowbar!

What this calls for, I will get.

What's that?

Chicken fat.

Are you all right, Pete?

You said that word again.

Maybe a little Goldwasser
to ease the pain.

You brought the bottle anyhow.

Well, sometimes, when
a crowbar doesn't work...

I don't think I could
survive Goldwasser.

A teaspoon of
water can drown him.

Now, this will be a
little warm; it's melted.

You're an angel.

Chicken fat first,
solicitations later.

You're a genius.

Give some credit
to my wonder drug.

Thanks, thanks a million.

Well, have you, uh,
decided about the bed yet?

Uh, no.

We're working it out.

Oh, working it out.

That's nice.

I think we'll work
it out, don't you?

Well, could be.

What a nice way to negotiate.

Now, before we get down
to any hard bargaining...

I know you like
the Marines, Lamar,

but why can't we just approach
the beach like everybody else?

Look, I don't want
to talk about it. Why?

I just don't want
to talk about it.

Listen, did you take her

to your house?
That's my business.

You chickened out, that's all.

Why don't you guys lay off?

Do you want the rest
of your French fries?

Listen, did you get her
to your house or not?

No. Why not for gosh sakes?

You got the chance
of a lifetime, man.

A whole big house
all to yourself,

your folks out of
town and everything?

I know, I know.

Hey, Steve, do you want
the rest of your French fries?

You know they'll be back Sunday.
You only got a few days left.

You're going to blow it, man.
You're really going to blow it.

Listen, you didn't take Sherry
back to the house last night, why not?

Look, I had to get
her home early.

How about that Louise you
took out Monday night, hmm?

I had to get her
home early, too.

How come he always gets these
early birds and I always get late worms?

Hey, listen,

how about renting your house
to Gary and me for a night?

We'll pay you $25 right, Gary?

Yeah, and we'll throw an orgy.
The greatest party you ever saw.

Hey, I'm in.

You want that pickle? Forget it.

You guys don't have 25 bucks

and even if you did,
you can't use our house.

What, even for an orgy?

I mean, we'd fix it up.

This could be your chance.
You better think it over.

Yeah, you know what
he'd say the next day?

He had to get her home early.

Oh, yeah, baloney.

You know, I think your
the last guy in our class.

And that includes fat face,

right, Chuck?

Everything okay here?

Well, the coffee was pretty bad.

Who made it, you?

You shouldn't be
drinking coffee anyway.

High school boys
should stick to milk.

Oh, come on. Come off it.

Hey, you really
went all out today.

You gonna starve
the rest of the week

till you get your allowance?

Are you kidding? We're loaded.

Yeah, you little tycoons
want some dessert?

No, thanks.

No. No.

How much is a small malt?

18 cents.

Could I maybe get
half a small malt?

No, you have to have a
whole small malt or nothing.

Now, there is a
great-looking chick.

Yep. Yep.

Why don't you take her out?

Are you kidding? I'm
juggling so many chicks now.

Hey! Hey!

What, what's the matter?

You... you ought
to take out Florine.

She's the perfect girl for you.

Florine?

Sure.

Come off it.

No, you come off it.

Listen, what if you
had the kind of a girl

that didn't have
to get home early?

What then?

Are you kidding?

No, we're telling you.

Florine.

She'll stay out as
long as you like.

No, you guys are nuts.
She's too old for me.

That's what you want,
a girl with experience.

How do you know
she's got experience?

Just take a look at her.

She's got to be at least 22.

No, forget it.

You want me to ask her for you?

I'll ask her. No, I
don't want you to...

Hey, Florine, would you come
over here a minute, please?

Yeah, would you
come over, please?

Just take it easy.
Let Gary handle it.

Yeah, what are
you worried about?

I'll do the talking.

Well, what do you want now?

Half a piece of pie?

Half a scoop of ice cream?

No, no.

Well, what is it?

Uh, Bill wants to
say something to you.

Oh, come on, don't... What
do you want to ask me?

Nothing, nothing.

Come on, ask her!
Now's your chance.

Look, these guys,
they're just kidding around.

It's now or never. Ask her.

Look, whatever it is, why don't
you say it and get it over with.

I have things to do.

Well...

I mean, uh...

You wouldn't want to go
out with me, would you?

Why not?

See? I told you, she wouldn't
want to go out with me.

I think she said she would.

Huh?

You think you said you would?

I did say I would.

When?

Tonight, I guess.

Okay, how about 8:00,
out in front, all right?

Fine, okay.

Well, looks like I
have a date for tonight.

Thanks, Gary, you know, I
never would have asked her

if it hadn't been for you.

Well, I guess I
better get going.

You know, I have to go
home and get dressed.

He asked her and she
said yes, just like that.

Yeah.

Gee, everybody in school

has been trying to get a
date with her and he got one.

That's great, ain't it?

Oh, shut up.

Well, why?

Didn't you say
yourself you were trying

to get a date with
her last week, Gary?

What'd you do that for?

What did you think
of the movie tonight?

It was good.

Yeah, it was, uh, a little
daring though, wasn't it?

I mean, they emphasized
sex an awful lot, you know.

All those people
in bed and things.

I don't know.

It seemed pretty natural to me.

I mean, it is natural
for people, isn't it?

Well, yeah, it's natural, sure.

Most natural thing in the world.

Here.

Thank you.

How is it?

It's not bad.

A little too much
sugar, but it's okay.

Aren't you having any?

Uh, no. Not right now.

I think a little later.

You know, my father's
kind of a well-known guy.

Yeah, he owns the
High Style shoe stores.

You know, discontinued shoes.

Oh, really?

He's got 17 stores
all over the state.

Oh, really? Yeah.

I bought shoes there.

Someday that'll all be mine.

One of the heels came off. What?

One of the heels came off the
shoes I bought at your father's.

Well, look, take them back.

Ask for Ben.

See, even if they're discontinued,
he stands behind them.

Oh, okay... Ben.

Feel kind of warm in here?

Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. I'll turn the heat off.

I'll take my sweater off.

I'll leave the heat on.

Yeah, someday, that'll all
be mine, all those shoes.

Oh, would you like some music?

Oh, that'd be nice.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

You like dancing?

Oh, I love to dance.

Yeah, that music's
got a good beat.

Good for dancing.

Great for dancing.

Hey, why don't we dance?

Hey, great idea.

Now we bring you
the 11:00 news...

Dance the next one.

I'll get another station.

Rumors of official activity...

In Congress today a
new bill was proposed

that would make it illegal...

Was learned from a
very reliable source today

close to the Pentagon...

The leaders as
usual were silent...

It's 11:00.

They all have news
for five minutes.

Well, we'll dance
in five minutes.

All right.

Yeah, my father owns all those
shoe stores, 17 shoe stores.

Why do you always
talk about your father?

Let's talk about you.

I think you're cute.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

There's something
very different about you.

Most men,

if I were alone
with them like this,

I'd be fighting
them off right now.

Oh... No, no, no.

I like you.

You're cute.

Women are funny.

We play hard to get, but
there's always one guy,

and when he comes along,
well, we just kind of get helpless.

Really?

Where do you sleep?

What?

Uh, right here in the den.

Yeah?

Yeah, well, with everybody
away, I like sleeping down here.

See, I've got the TV and
the radio, it's not as lonely.

What do you sleep on?

On the couch here.

Oh, you're a sly one.

You mean I'm
actually in your bed.

No, no, I...

Well, no, uh...

I don't suppose my folks
would come home tonight.

What?

Well, they're supposed to
be gone for the whole week.

Unless the weather's bad.

My father's the impatient type.

If it rains, he leaves.

I read in the paper it was
raining quite a bit there.

Although, if they were coming
back today, they'd call first.

Of course, we
were at the movies,

so if they called,
we wouldn't know.

Look, just relax, okay?

They're not coming home tonight.

No, no, I don't suppose so.

Uh, unless it rains.

Even then, they'd call first.

It's the phone! It's the phone!

That's what it is.

What should I do?

Why don't you answer it?

It might be my folks.

Well, what's wrong with that?

I don't want them
to know you're here.

Well, they won't
know on the phone.

That's right.

Listen, when I answer
it, please be quiet.

And don't say anything. I won't.

Hello.

They hung up.

I better call them back.

No, no! You don't
even know it's them.

Of course it's them!

Who else is it going
to be at a time like this?

Now, look, don't panic.

I'm sure whoever
it is will call again.

Yeah... yeah, that's right.

And even if it was them,
and they were at the airport,

it would take them at
least five or six hours.

Sure.

But what if they're
at the airport here?

What?

You don't even know
if it was your folks.

It was them, I know it was them.

Look, even if it was them and
even if they are at the airport,

it would take at
least an hour...

Yeah, but what if they
should decide to, you know, if...

Look, I think I'm just taking your
mind off your mother and father.

What?

Forget it.

Are you going?

Yeah.

Well, wait, I'll drive
you home, at least.

We took my car, remember?

Good-bye, Bill.

I don't want to talk about it.

Why not? Look, I
just don't. It's not fair.

What does that mean?

Where did you go
after you picked her up?

To a movie.

Yeah, yeah, and then what?

We went out for some ice cream.

And then what? Did you take her

to your house or not? Yeah.

Oh, come on. You did not.

No, I did, I did.

What are you giving us?

You never got her to your
house. I did, I really did.

I wonder if they have
any chocolate donuts here.

Shh, quiet.

All right, so what happened
when you got her to your place?

I don't want to talk about it.

Chickened out again.

I didn't say that.

Got her to the house...

And she had to get home early.

For a late date.

Why don't you
guys just lay off me?

The Chicken King.

Yeah, that's what

we'll call you from now
on, The Chicken King.

You boys want something?

Well, uh, Bill does.

Hi. I was so busy I
didn't see you sitting here.

How are you feeling
this morning, sweetheart?

What?

Oh, I'm fine, fine.

Well, I'm not.

I'm tired.

I'm sure glad I'm not
going steady with you.

We certainly had a big evening.

What a man.

Well, excuse me, I
have an order to pick up.

See you later, tiger.

Listen, guys, I'm
going to go to class.

I'll get something to eat later.

Excuse me.

Listen, I don't get it.

What really happened last night?

Well, I'm certainly not going to
marry for money, I'll tell you that.

Me either.

I'm just going to hang
around with rich guys

until I fall in love with one.