All language subtitles for Kids Rights (2014) en

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- Hi, I'm Olga and this
is my boyfriend, Michael.

We want to have a child
and Michael wants us to try

to adopt, but my fears
from the past hold me back

from moving on.

[children laughing]

["Happy Birthday To You"]

- I want to have no kids.
- Why?

- Because I'm afraid they're
going to turn out like me.

- What don't you
like about yourself?

- I'm bad.

- I think so, one day.

[guitar music]

- I would love to have
some more small kids.

I still can make
them but I don't want

to go there right now.

[guitar music]

- I've known since
I was a teenager

that I didn't want
to have children.

[guitar music]

- I want to have three or four.

- I want to have uno, one.

- I don't have children.

I plan to hopefully eventually
one day have children.

- Eventually someday
when I'm ready.

[guitar and drum music]

- Listen, what if they say we
don't have the right to adopt?

Would this mean that I'm not
good enough to be parent?

- Have the right?

Well, of course
this is, you know,

mother nature gave us the
right to have babies, right?

- No, some of us
don't deserve it

because we don't know
how to treat them.

Some people use kids as
decoration, not for love.

- A woman's right to
have or not have children

or choose how many children
she has is, I think,

inextricably wrapped up with
her right to her own body.

- Everybody should have
a right, make a decision

to have kids or not;
everybody should.

It's America.

We all have rights, right?

- I think we definitely do
have the right to have kids.

- Well, it appears that
even Sir Elton John doesn't.

- In 2010 during one of
their visits to Ukraine,

Sir Elton John and David Furnish
went to a specialized orphanage

for children with HIV

where they met an
abandoned boy named Lev,

born to a drug-addicted
mother and a convicted rapist

and murderer for a father.

Elton John and David
fell in love with Lev

from the moment they saw him.

They were ready to adopt him

and even his older
brother Artemis.

All they wanted was to give a
good life to the small person

who needed love and a home.

But the Ukrainian government
didn't think it was a good idea

despite everything Elton John

and his foundation
has done for Ukraine.

- I will do everything I
can to help the Ukraine

with the AIDS epidemic.
I will give you my solemn--

- They said Elton John does
not match certain criteria

and therefore has no
right to become a parent.

- But this is absolute madness.

If they are not good
enough to be parents,

are we good enough?

Who is good enough then?

[silence]

[airplane landing]

- We decided to go
back to Ukraine to find

out how could Elton and David
be rejected and what kind

of future lies in wait for
Ukrainian children like Lev?

- Alexii Reznikov is an
attorney who was assigned

to the adoption case of Sir
Elton John and David Furnish.

[foreign language spoken]

- I feel your pain
because I was going

through the whole
process with you,

but how did it feel
being rejected?

- I mean when we came here
and I said that afternoon

that I would love to adopt
him, I didn't know what a can

of worms I was going to open.

And it led to us abandoning
our hopes for adopting him

because the last person who
was being thought about was Lev

and his brother, Artemis.

They were like pawns
in a political game,

which involved us two
and the governments

and the adoption laws in the
Ukraine, and the last people

to be thought of were the
children and that was so bad.

So now they are out
of the orphanage.

We are very happy about
that, but we sat down

two Christmases ago, and said,
"We have to give up our plans

"to adopt these children
because it's going to take
at least two and a half years

"to do this and at
the end of those two

"and a half years
we have no guarantee

"that we will be
able to adopt them."

And so that's another two and
a half years that they have
to stay in the orphanage.

- You know, every child needs
nurturing and when the
orphanages are full of children

that aren't being
picked up and held
and being given attention

and love all the time,
they don't develop as well.

It's-- we've spoken with
psychologists about it.

A child who had been in
an orphanage for more

than three years ends up
being almost irreparably

psychologically damaged
because they've never had this.

They've never been held in
a regular basis and made

to feel that, that bond that
you feel with your own child.

And we've seen our little
son who's just brilliant
and so bright and happy

and we're just showing him
all the love we possibly can
and he's responding to that.

And you think of how well
Zachary responds to love
and affection and you think

of all those children
who don't get that.
It breaks your heart.

- It makes you angry.
- [Olga] Yeah, I know.

- It makes you angry,
really angry that there are

so many beautiful
children that--

and people try and adopt
them and every step

of the way is a barrier
and it's ridiculous.

It's ludicrous and it's inhuman.

- Don't you think it's a
little bit unfair if you want

to adopt a child you have to
meet an entire set of criteria?

And if you want to have
a biological child,

you just have to have sex?

- You're absolutely right.

People who reach a stage
like we did in our lives

where we thought we could adopt

and be good parents,
the door was shut

in our face straight away.

And we could have given Lev

and Artemis a great home,
no question about it.

And I think it's wrong that
children are being stuck away

in orphanages and parents who
genuinely want to have a child

that can't have children
or would like to adopt

in their own family find
the door shut in their face

or every step they're
scrutinized beyond belief,

as if the were aliens
from another planet.

- Some adoption authorities
go in it from a position

of what's wrong with you rather
than looking at what's right

with a couple and seeing
what their strengths are.

They look for problems.
They look for faults.

They look for flaws and
the minute they find one,

they strike you off the list.

[walking]

- So what happened to
Lev and his brother?

From nowhere, their parents
showed up full of so called love

for their children
they had abandoned

and full of hate for Elton.

But why? Well, someone gave
Lev's mother a load of money.

Then a government
social worker forced her

to visit the kids
in the orphanage.

She was even put on
a number of TV shows,

but she simply
couldn't handle it all

and she died nine months
later from heavy drug abuse.

As for the father, he
went back to prison.

So Lev and his brother are now
fostered by their grandmother.

And let's not forget
the kids were born

to an HIV positive mother,

so they might require an
extremely expensive treatment

for the rest of their lives.

After being rejected, Sir Elton
John and David Furnish had

to give up their
dream to adopt Lev.

So they had a son, Zachary,
from a surrogate mother.

[wind and traffic]

[slow music]

So, what does this
government have to provide

for its children instead?

An even better future, hardly.

This is Leonid Petrovich Krysov,
a government social worker

who tries to help kids

who can't even dream
of the opportunities

that was taken away from
Lev and his brother.

[foreign language spoken]

[slow music]

[foreign language spoken]

- How do kids end up like this?

The likelihood of a Ukrainian
child like Lev ending

up on the streets
is relatively high.

My friend [inaudible]
has a British degree

in psychology might be
the right person to ask.

- If you want to give
us just a few seconds
and then we can talk, alright?

- Fantastic.
- Sometimes children just
opt to leave their houses.

They just run away and stay in
the streets where it's cold,

where it's dangerous
but they still think

that streets are
better places for them.

- It's a natural instinct
to survive basically,

because when somebody is--

I mean we are talking
about the abuse,

but there is different
type of abuse.

A child can be abused
physically or psychologically.

And the child wants
to protect himself,

to save himself, so they leave.

They go away.

They don't think what
expects them out there.

They think out of here,
not what's out there.

[scary music]

- This is Sergey and Ivetta.

These teenagers live in
an abandoned building

without heating, running
water and toilets.

And Ivetta just told
us she's pregnant.

[foreign language spoken]

[moving around]

- This is Okya-Kolya.

She has been living
on the streets

for three years, a victim

of daily abuse and
sexual abduction.

Her only escape has
been sniffing glue

and using other drugs to
survive on the streets

and avoid being raped.

She has a boy's name
and a boy's appearance.

[foreign language spoken]

- Usually these are
families that had problems

on their own when
they were kids.

They were abused
when they were kids.

It really doesn't matter
whether you slap a child

with a hand

or whether you slap
a child with a word.

So what I'm saying, it's a
story that repeats itself.

- [Olga] They do
what they learn.

- Yes. It's in their reflex.

- Okay.

- In fact, they cannot stop.

It's something like an itch.

- So why did the Ukrainian
government refuse Sir Elton John

and his wife to adopt
a Ukrainian child?

[foreign language spoken]

- We're living proof that we
can be a very stable couple

and have good values
and have friends

of all sorts and sizes,

all different religions,
all different colors,

all different sexual preferences
and have a wonderful life.

- I think provided you
know that someone is loving

and compassionate and competent
and in a position to provide

for a child 100 percent;
that can be two men,

that can be two women,

that can be an older
married couple,

that can be a single parent.

Lots of children come
from different families

of different shapes and sizes.

I think the important
thing is about love

and commitment and dedication.

- The Ukraine needs to
really enter the 21st century

and give gay rights
to every gay person.

What is this nonsense that's
spouted by politicians

and religious leaders about
the hatred towards gay people.

It's really disgraceful.

It's disgusting and it's
about time it stopped.

- So, what is the Ukrainian
government really fighting for?

Don't these politicians
have any other

more important
problems to focus on?

Well, population of Ukraine
has dramatically decreased

losing almost seven million
people in the last eight years.

This is five times more
than the number of soldiers

the United States has lost in
all wars combined since 1775.

At the moment Ukraine has
the third highest death rate

in the world and this is hardly
surprising considering the fact

that the vast majority lives on
less than a few dollars per day.

After rejecting Sir Elton
John, the government decided

to block all healthy
kids at the age of five

from leaving the country

and would license
only disabled kids

for international adoption.

This government just
needs more people,

cheap labor force and customers
for businesses, so they hand

out welfare which can
be up to five times more

than the person's income
for an entire year.

Therefore, it's not surprising

to see some families
delivering babies just

to qualify for more cash.

The more you deliver,
the more you are paid.

On top of this, they
are planning a new law.

If you are over 30 and
you don't have kids,

you will have to pay more tax.

It looks like they still
care only about numbers,

not people.

But is it that different in
the most developed countries

like the United Kingdom
or the United States?

[silence]

- What's that?

What's that?

- A taxi.

- A taxi.

- This is David, Pam and Mailo,

an American family who decided

to adopt, and they got
there, but it wasn't easy.

- The agencies that we went to

spent a lot of time and energy

and it's a very good old agency,

about 100 years old I think.

And so they had us watch
a video about orphanages

and we went to an
informational session.

When I saw the orphanages
it became a non-question,

that I would have to adopt.

- You sing.

- [Voiceover] It's over.

Can you do that?

- It's over.

- So, we went the Vietnam route,

which was a really
arduous paperwork, heavy,

it was incredible.

I could tell the story, right?

No?

- Can we take a break?
- No.

- For a second?
One second.

- We went, we went
in the direction.

- One second, hold on.
Let's take a break.

There are a lot of stupid rules
and regulations that, okay,

do you know what perfection is?

- Sorry, perfection.
- Yeah.

- The idea of perfection
is a legal term that,

that you not only have to
get something notarized

but you have to go to
the county clerk's office

where they then perfect,

they prove that the notary

who notarized your document
was, in fact, legitimate.

I went all over New York State,

all over New York State
getting stamps by county clerks

saying that the notary was okay.

- Oh, he did it.

- Did you get any kind of
education as a future parent?
- Yeah, absolutely.

- We did a home study and
a home study that included...

...classes and I would say talk
therapy, because it was--

- A social worker was involved.

- Yeah, it was a social
worker that was involved and--

- I learned a lot though.

In these, in these--

In these informational seminars.

It was certainly worth it.

It's been helpful in
the parenting process

to have more
information than less.

[outdoor sounds]

- I have Elizabeth, Noah,

Hilary and Chase; so
we have four kids.

Probably about six years ago,
we decided that we wanted

to have a fifth child, but I was
not in a situation at the time

and so we thought about
adopting from China.

We went through the process.

The process is very expensive.

I think in the initial
six months we spent

over 15 thousand dollars and
it probably would have been

out 25 thousand dollars over
the process of actually going

to China and picking up
the child and everything.

And it took us about
three years and we came

out empty-handed in the process.

We finally withdrew
our application

because of how long it was
and how expensive it was.

[church bells ringing]

- Francesca Polini
and her husband,

a middle class British
family, couldn't adopt

because of their skin color.

Francesca became so enraged
in the system that she set

out up a contra movement
to adopt a better way.

- So you were told you
couldn't adopt in this country?

- That's right.

- Why?

- Because we were white.

- And you wanted to
adopt non-white children?

- Well we wanted to adopt.
It was that simple.

- After several years fighting
the adoption system she broke

down the barriers and finally
adopted her two children.

She even wrote a
book about it all.

- In particular in the UK,

where there's lots
more children going

into care for whatever
reasons, neglect, abuse,

abandonment, famine,

whatever, actually a lot
more families going forwards

because we try and
have kids too late.

The concept of family
is a very diverse one.

There's step parenting, IBF,
surrogate mothers whatever.

Family is not as traditional
as it used to be.

And so you would think
therefore that the route

for adoption would be as
uncomplicated as possible

to allow these children to find

the families that they deserve.

And instead, the system
is becoming everywhere

in the world more
and more complicated.

And that's absolutely insane
because we are letting

down worldwide literally
millions of children.

There's even the UN committee

for the protection of the child,

which stated that institutional
care is the worst possible

option for an abandoned
or a neglected child.

So even when abandonment and
neglect happen and things

like adoption and
long-term fostering have

to be considered a priority
over institutional care,

and you know I know of
people who have been turned

down because literally there
were occasional smokers,

because they were
ethnically different

but not the right ethnicity mix,
because they were overweight,

because they thought that they
loved their cats too much.

Absolutely absurd reasons, and
because of the system being

so messy, they can social
workers under government

and everybody else can
hide behind any reason,

because there's no
actual fix structured way

of monitoring how it works.
And so people are scared.

If they have left the process
forever there's been no doubt

such a traumatic experience
that it's emotionally

too painful to go
through it again.

And I don't mean to discourage
you, but for the majority

of parents, prospective parents
coming forward and actually

in the majority of cases,
in something like 90 percent

of the cases particularly

with international
adoption it doesn't happen.

[children playing]

[gloomy music]

- Alex Bemrose also
struggled to adopt simply

because she was white.

- Because of the belief
amongst and the guidelines

that local authorities have
long kept to they believe

that children should
be brought up in a home

of the same ethnicity
as themselves.

And they actually said
the three biggest problems

you're going to have
is you're white,

you're middle class

and you're a
heterosexual couple.

So we looked at a number
of different countries

and ended up going to Guatemala
and approaching them with a view

to adopting a child
or sibling from there

and eventually we were
able to adopt Jose.

We brought him
home at 11 months,

and yes very, very lucky.

We were lucky.

- Was it an expensive process?

- It is a very
expensive process.

If you adopt overseas
then you have to

cover the costs not only

for the UK process, which
you still have to go through,

so you still have to go
through all the interviews,

which is called the home study.

And we had nine
three hour interviews

with the social worker and
then after that you go to panel

where there was I think 16,
14 or 16 panel judges sitting

around a table and
they look at the report

that the social
worker has drawn up

and ask you various other
questions; terrifying process.

And then they will finally sort

of confirm whether you
are eligible or not,

whether your past is
eligible to adopt a child.

[silence]

[dark music]

- So am I to face
this system that works

against parents
and against kids?

- He would almost
certainly have ended

up as a street
child in Guatemala.

And when I look at
him now and I think

that could have been his
future, to me that's just--

oh, I mean I'd lie down
in front of a truck.

- What if we find our child
and the system rejects us?

We will have to leave
her behind forever?

- I know in my heart I could
love no biological child

any more than I love my son.

- [Olga] Maybe I've been
looking for excuses,

excuses to run away
instead of going for it.

- We pinch ourselves everyday.

This little boy has
made our lives so happy.

He's such a beautiful soul,

and we are in heaven.
We literally are in heaven.

- [Olga] I know now that
I must overcome my fears

and move forward with adoption.

So we tried to talk with a
number of adoption agencies,

but the more they heard
about a camera they said no.

- Finally, we were lucky enough
to find an adoption agency

that wasn't afraid to
talk in front of a camera.

At least, that's
what we thought.

- Hi Samantha. Nice to--

- We want to adopt a child.
- Okay.

- Are there any certain you
know income level that we have
to have to adopt a child?

- Absolutely not. I think
here at this agency we really,
because our fees are

on a sliding fee scale, we
really don't want the cost

of adoption to inhibit you

from becoming the family
that you want to be.

We have moved
forward with families

who make 30,000 dollars a year.

- Normally how long does
it take from the moment

when you sit down and actually--

- Um huh.
- You know talk about all--

- You can bring home a child

at six months and you
can also bring home a child

in about a year
and a half or so.

- Six months, sounds fake
to me, too good to be true.

So we managed to get an
unexpected interview with one

of the specialists
from the same agency.

Maybe this time she wouldn't
have been instructed to paint

such a pretty picture
and the truth is--

- At minimum you'll
be waiting a year

and at maximum you could be
waiting up to five years.

The way that the decision
is made by either the agency

or the country is based on the
assessment that families go

through during the
home study process.

- You know based on your
experience how many applications

would we have to fill?

- Um huh, I couldn't possibly
number the number of foreign--

we would say to you right

at this very beginning what
country are you interested in,

here's the criteria.

If you fit that criteria you go

through the home
study assessment.

You're meeting with
your social worker,

you're doing all
of your paperwork.

Complete all of the
domestic paperwork as well

as the paperwork needed for
your immigration approval

for the child.

You're meeting with your
social worker, you're coming

to trainings, you're doing
groups, your medical history,

your legal history,
your mental health history,
your finances.

You're writing an autobiography,
which is then used later

for your home study document.

It also has supporting
documentation

that needs to be provided.

It's going to be an
enormous stack of paperwork

and then you're putting together
what we call your dossier

through several levels
of authentication.

Families have to have a
psychological evaluation,

you're completing a medical
form, a financial form.

So it needs a notary.

It needs a City Clerk stamp.

It needs a State
Department stamp.

There's a lot of
complexity to working out
the medical issues

and do some research and
maybe talk to a pediatrician

about do you have the
reflective capacity.

Not every family finds
all of this possible.

We really want to make sure
that these children are in safe,

loving, supportive
and nurturing homes.

And the best way that we
know how to do that is

to provide families with
the training and the education.

- Then later when we
watched back the footage,

we were both confused.

What were all the
agencies so scared of?

I mean they seemed
to be doing well.

It looks like a very
successful business to me,

but then there is the
question, "How does it work?"

Where do all the kids come from?

So we should be getting on
with that enormous stack

of papers she told us about.

But to even get to that stack of
paper it appears we need to go

through several other
stacks of paper.

- Basically it looks like
we have just to print

out everything, fill it.

So we have to print
that one, that one,

that one, this as well.

And each form, when you
have to fill it you have
to pay the filling fees.

So it's 700 here, it's 600 here
and it's couple forms here.

Are you ready to do it now?

- Um uh.

[silence]

- When you don't know a lot

about adoption, you never expect

it would cost you a dime, right?

Because we don't sell
people in the 21st century.

- Forty two.

- Eight hundred eighty five.
- Sixty six.

- What? Do they do charge more
for white kids, seriously?

Prices depend on
skin color, sex, age,

country of origin, what's that?

A market driven by
demand and supply.

Some birth mothers have
given away as many as five,

six of their babies already.

The problem is though,

they actually get paid
for these children.

On top of that, they
often mention a history

of drug abuse during pregnancy.

Now that really is worrying.

Aren't these mothers damaging
the health of these children?

And considering all of that,
what should we know in order

to give our future child
the best chances in life?

- If you don't know the parents

and you don't really know
the history I'm not sure

that you would ever really get
the truth, so it is a little bit

of a chance and I think
you have to be prepared.

If the child is perfectly fine

and everything is fine
then that's wonderful,

but there's a chance that
the child may not be fine

and there may be something
wrong in some kind of subtle way

and so there's a lot of--
there's a lot of information

that you'd like to have that
you don't necessarily have

when you adopt.

- For example, if you look at
this chart there's no question

that there is intergenerational
transmission of addiction.

We have certainly
evidence about alcohol.

We have a lot of
evidence of about alcohol

and how it can go
through generations.

- The point in a way is that
for a long time people thought

that people's troubles
started after they were born,

but I guess that
there's many things

that can affect
your chances in life

that happen before
you are even born.

- If you were going
to draw an iceberg,

the tip of the iceberg
is what we call

fetal alcohol syndrome,
the most severe.

However, the rest
also has affects

so that these children
have central nervous system

disorders, they have
the facial features

and they have poor growth
not only in the fetus,

they're born small, but
they continue to stay small.

- Even if you have-- the only
piece of information you have

about somebody is birth weight,

on average you can predict you
know that that has an affect

on their future education,
on their future earnings,

on their future health,
on the birth weight

of their own children.

So there's kind of an
intergenerational effect.

- If we look at the
fetus, here's the embryo

and you can see here that
the red areas

are major congenital anomalies.

That is if an insult
occurs at that time

that you could possibly have
major congenital abnormalities.

- So there's things like
not getting good nutrition

when you're pregnant,
being very stressed

when you're pregnant,

being exposed to pollution,
things like smoking

and drinking, which could
be related to stress

and have bad effects
on the fetus.

- The babies can have
what we call neonatal

abstinence syndrome.

And what this means
is that once you cut

the umbilical cord,

you have now cut the
drug supply to the baby.

And now the baby is going
to withdraw from that drug,

whatever the drug was,
particularly in the opiates.

That's where the most
vigorous withdrawal occurs.

And so what happens
initially is the baby

will have some tremors,

start to shake
just a little bit.

[machine]

And then those tremors
can get worse and worse.

[machine]

- I'm an attorney, but the title

that I have most often
is Attorney for the Child

and I represent children in
trial in a variety of cases.

You know I represented
a little girl who had--

the mother was very limited.

You know IQ wise she
was probably just

above what we would call you
know developmentally disabled

and the dad wasn't much better.

He had a real problem because
he kept getting arrested

and getting locked up.

And they had three children
together, of course,

because they fought all the time

so naturally they
would then have to

have more kids together.

She could parent
one of those kids

and she did a pretty good
job when she had one at home.

When there was more than
one she became overwhelmed.

I had a case when I
was in the DA's office

with parents who were both deaf.

They were hard of hearing
and they were watching TV

and the kids kept running in
front of the television set;

the one little
boy, particularly.

And the father had just had it.

He had just had
it with this kid.

So he picks him up and he
goes in the bathroom and turns

on the hot water and he runs
the tub full of hot water

and he dunks the kid into
the hot water all the way

up to about here.

And this little boy had burns.

His genitals were burned.

His back was burned.

His legs were burned because
he held him in the tub.

And this child was taken
from the foster home

where he had been
for about a year

and was placed with this couple.

Now, I dealt with this
from the criminal justice

side of things.

I didn't-- I wasn't part
of the family court case

so I didn't do the home
study or anything like that.

But what ended up happening was
this child was beat to death

and he-- he was a difficult
child when he got here.

And by that I mean most kids
are difficult at age two.

- Yeah, but--
- They like to say no.

- They like to do whatever.
- Right.

- But these parents instead of
being parents became engaged

in this battle of
wills with this child

and you know he's not going
to win that battle of wills

because he's this big
and they're adults.

And he ended up in essence
being beaten to death.

When he died he had bruises
all over his whole body,

I mean all over his whole body.

And he had internal injuries
from having been struck

so many times and so
hard with various things.

And both of those parents
ended up going to prison

not for as long as
probably they deserved.

There's a Judge in Monroe
County who a number

of years ago did issue an
order to a parent she'd had,

I want to say six children
who had been taken from her

and had her rights
terminated to them.

And she issued an order
that this person could not
have any more children,

could not have
any more children.

[silence]

- Hurt people hurt people.

My mother, I learned,
was abused by her mother.

My mother was raised that
in society in the 30s
and 40s basically it was men,

dog and way below
that line was women.

In society at the time we
didn't talk about politics, sex,

cancer, health and God
forbid if you talked about

what happened to you
so many years ago.

So psychologically speaking
it's a learned behavior.

After my mom held my
arm over a gas stove

for several seconds,

she just burnt the arm, skin
and I don't really want to get

into it, but afterwards she
threw me down the stairs

where I lived in the basement.

When it began in the very--

you know age three
and a half, four,

I believed I was a bad child.

I cried too much or I was always
somehow getting in trouble.

I believed I deserved the
treatment that I received.

But as things digress,
after age eight

and especially
before I was rescued,

she wasn't the mom any more.

She was another persona
to me, to the point I--

she used to call me David,
then the boy, then it.

From age eight to age 12, I mean
things got progressively worse,

obviously between
my mother and I.

And I just had to
develop little systems.

I would hide food
in a garbage can

that she would
lace with ammonia.

Okay so the first
time that didn't work.

So now I take foil and
paper towel and wrap it

around the food so that
maybe it would splash over

or when I'd get physically
beaten I had to learn

to tighten parts of my body.

When you're in the
bottom of the basement

again there is nothing,

it's a void, it's
less than zero.

And I would hear the kids play
and the cards in the spokes

in the bikes running up and
down the street and the glee.

When everything is dark,
your senses are so amplified.

It's just like someone
banging a gong in your heart

and it just resonates and
resonates and you just feel

with every breath you take it
just drains your life force.

And that's when I basically
almost quit, I almost I gave up.

And when my mom would choke me,

several times I
remember my eyes were

about to pop out of my socket.

And you can feel yourself
feel faint and go limp

and I actually prayed, do it.

Throw me down the
stairs, stab me some more

and I remember one time I
just glared back at her,

which I was not supposed
to have contact.

I just glared right at her.

I hate to say this, I
just remember thinking

if you kill me I'm going
to heaven and you are

so staying in your own hell.

- [Olga] When you were a child

in an absolutely desperate
situation, how did you see

your future?

What did you think
about yourself

like 20 years from that point?

- You know--

- [Olga] Did you see any future?

- I thought at the time I
was going to live to be 400.

I mean I didn't-- my thought
process was different

than other people.

And I thought I'm going to be
400 and living in the basement

and I thought my only hope was--

and this was toward the
end before I was rescued.

I thought if I can
just live five days

after she dies, then I can
walk outside and I can be free.

[piano music]

[silence]

- If you feed a kid, give them
a house, get them to school

and make sure that
they get their shots,

it doesn't mean you're a
good parent in my opinion.

It's harder to adopt
a dog in this country

than it is to have a child.

There's no licensing required,

no-one looks into
your background.

And to a certain extent
I understand that.

I don't necessarily want
the United States government

examining every woman
and saying, well,

you're fit to have a child

and you're not fit
to have a child.

But when we look at the result
on the other end of people

who have children you know some

of these people really I
wouldn't let them have a

goldfish much less a
child if it were up to me,

if it were my decision.

[silence]

- Oh boy, good question.

- That you have certain criteria

and certain requirements,
oh I think it should be.

- Definitely not in favor of
that, because accidents happen

in the bedroom, we know that.

- I-- I'm really in
conflict about it.

- Because people right
now they have kids

and they regret why did
they do it, not the kid

but they regret the timing.

- Hmm.

- Overpopulation is a huge
issue and there are lots

of people having children that
they just can't take care of,

but I think that it
is really infringing

on our basic human rights
and I think instead

of making those laws they should
invest that same time and energy

in educating the populace
and educating people

about how difficult
it is to be a parent.

- One should be at least
18, because high school,

you're going to graduate
high school hopefully

so that you can get a job where
you can provide for a family.

So, I mean I think that--

offhand I think the only
criteria that I have

in my head is that
you're at least 18
and that you have a partner

and that you're
willing to do it.

- It's a good idea, but I think
it could become a bad idea.

- This is actually a
very good question.

Which right is more important,
the child's right to health

and happiness or
your right to parent?

- Well, let us be
clear of one thing,

every child from the
moment it's conceived

in the mother's womb is life.

- Until a child is born it's
not fully a human being.

It still takes the participation
of the mother's body

and the experience of
giving birth for it

to become a full human being.

- Well human for a
child, at five years old.

My mama, you know right your
mama is your first teacher.

Your mother is
your first teacher.

At five years old we
knew right from wrong.

My mama had five kids.

- We were what nine, ten.

- Nine, ten.

- Um huh.

- When they are an adult.

When they're old enough to
make their own decisions

and be able to
function as an adult.

- Legal and social institutions,

they don't have a lot to say.

[silence]

- The rights of
any individual is

in relationship
to where you live.

- [Michael] Northwest Alabama.

Amanda Kimbrough
was arrested shortly

after her third child
died at 19 minutes old.

When Kimbrough was
tested positive

for methamphetamine her first
two daughters were physically

removed from her custody
and she was charged

with chemical
endangerment of her child.

Alabama became the national
capital of prosecuting parents

on behalf of newborn children.

With this as a precedent,
the states of New Jersey,

California, South Carolina,
Tennessee, Arizona,

Texas now also remove kids
from abusive birth mothers

who use illegal drugs and
methadone during pregnancy.

The question is how far
are they prepared to go.

The United Kingdom, 2008,

a couple with seven
children were warned

that they could lose custody of
their severely obese children

if they failed to
manage their weight.

In December 2011 the
kids were taken away

and put in foster care.

The parents will never be
able to contact them again.

They have already
removed 14 of these kids

from different families
in the UK alone.

Norway, the government takes
children away for eating

with their fingers and sharing
a bed with their parents.

It looks like it's
already too late.

Apparently we missed the
moment when governments decided

that they would control
a parent's rights.

Well known for his controversial
studies in his book

"The Population Bomb," the
godfather of family planning

in the U.S., Professor Paul
Ralph Ehrlich, could be the man

with an answer.

- The craziest idea socially
and the one that we have

discussed but never supported,
was to find some way

to make everybody sterile
so that if they wanted

to have a child they would
have to take an antidote

so that having a baby would
require a positive step.

And people hate that idea,
think it's really terrible.

But, of course, if you do that

there'd be no more abortion
problems and all of us would

like to see you get
rid of abortion.

There'd be no more
unwanted children.

If they can't manage their
reproductive instinct,

then their children are
going to live miserable lives

and civilization is going
to eventually collapse.

There's massive evidence

that people can manage their
reproductive instincts.

For example, as far back
as during imperial Egypt

thousands of years
ago women used

crocodile dung suppositories

to control their reproduction.

Now I don't know whether
crocodile dung suppositories

were effective.

I suspect they were though;
no studies were done.

- Well, why did you
decide to have one child?

- Well, one of the reasons
was it's the responsible thing
to do.

If you care about the
environment you can do much more

by limiting your
reproduction than you can

by say driving a hybrid car.

In other words, if you want to--

I would like to see a world
where we have maybe a billion

or a billion and a half people

and everybody can
lead a decent life

and their children can grow--

remember it shouldn't be what
number of children you want

to have, it's got
to be what kind

of life do you want
the kids to have?

What kind of world do
you want them to live in?

The idea that I should
have nine children

because I want nine children,
that's a very selfish thing

to do in the world today.

You're taking resources away
both from your first kids

and also from everybody
else's kids as well.

- Do you really believe that
government one day will come up

with a law that will actually
restrict people's rights

to have children?

- Well, government did
come up with a law in China

where it restricted rights
of people to have children.

Ann and I have hoped that
we could always avoid that,

that actually we could
change by cultural change,

by gradual change, by
incentives and so on.

But you, you know you never
can tell what nutty things

government will do.

[airplane]

[driving music]

- [Olga] The one child policy
of China officially restricts

urban dwelling couples to
having one child only by law.

The policy has prevented
400 million births in China

between 1979 and 2011.

But, according to Bureau
Research Center, 76 percent

of the Chinese population
actually support the policy.

So the Chinese government
decided to allow development

of new breakthrough
birth control technology

such as Novicol.

That would empower the
women by giving them choice

and it would help to eliminate
unexpected pregnancies

and sexually transmitted
diseases including HIV.

To understand the one child
policy effect, I decided

to ask some ordinary people
and to talk with an old friend

of mine, philanthropist,
UNESCO Goodwill Ambassador

and one of the most
famous TV hosts

in China, James Chau.

Was it a good thing for China

or was it a bad thing for China

or you just can't say right now?

- I don't think we really
know the full story

and we can only look back
maybe in 100 years and look

at the full impact it's had
and be able to judge based

on what we really
do to fully know.

But, you have to understand
whether you like it or not

without getting to
the rights and wrongs,

and really not getting to
the rights and wrongs of this

because that's a
different argument.

China was a very poor country.

It could hardly have
the capacity to feed its own

and its population was growing
faster and faster and faster.

And it needed a way
to put a stop to that

or to slow it down.

Is this the right way?

I don't know, but it
succeeded and it achieved.

Economic reforms pulled out
hundreds of millions of people

out of poverty, and slowing
down the population growth

ensured that people in some
ways had a better life,

so it's hard to say.

[foreign language spoken]

It's funny because you have
four grandparents, two parents,

one child; all that focus, all
that ambition, all that hope,

all that desire, all
that love is channeling

from four grandparents
to two parents.

- So there's one kid--
- It's all focusing--

- Gets lot of
attention a lot of--

- Attention or sometimes
pressure or sometimes love

or sometimes all
that put together.

It's, it's incredible.

You see the way it's moved.

[martial arts]

I think people want choice.

- I think that's what's
beautiful about the world.
- Yeah.

- And I think in terms
of having children, I
think not necessarily

people want to say,
I want to have more

than one child, but maybe
they want to say, I want

to have the possibility of
having more than one child.

[foreign language spoken]

- So you truly really believe

that no one should control the
reproductive rights of people?

- I think we have to be careful
because once we start saying

that you don't have
the right to do this,

it opens the door to say

that they don't have
the right to do a lot

of other things as well.

[fast music]

[silence]

[typing on keyboard]

[shuffling papers]

[silence]

- That's enough.

Plan B.

- If you decided to adopt
one of those children--

- [Michael] Dawa owns a
community school in Nepal.

He suggested we consider
adopting a child from there.

- Teachers are living there.

They eat there, they live
there and they study there.

So it's a totally
boarding school, yeah.

Okay, so here's a
postcard from my school.

So you can take a look
and these are the children

from the school.

I want you to go there in person

and if you like to adopt then

that will be the
first option and--

- How long would it take
in the whole process here?

- It could take
couple of months.

- A couple of months?

- A couple of months.

[rhythmic music]

[outdoor sounds]

- [Olga] After a nine hour
drive and another nine hours

trekking through the
Himalayas, we finally

[bells ringing]

[foreign language spoken]

- I'm Olga.

[children singing]

- They stay here.

They sleep here.

They eat here and they--

- Everything.

- What classes do they have?

- We have English
one and English two--

- We spoke to the principal
who told us a bit about life

in the community school and
encouraged us to have a look

around and attend some classes.

I've been to many
orphanages in my life

but this little hideaway
for kids broke my heart.

There are no toys,
no heating system.

They don't even
have a proper roof.

- A-B-C-D-E-F-G.

- [group singing] A-B-C-D-E-F-G.

- H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.

- [group singing]
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.

- P-Q-R-S-T-U-V.

- [group singing] P-Q-R-S-T-U-V.

- W-X-Y-Z.

- [group singing] W-X-Y-Z.

[children singing]

[children playing]

- [Michael] These kids
came to live at the school

because their parents
have either abandoned them

or been unable to care for them.

This young girl burned
her leg in a fire.

She couldn't work any more,
so her parents threw her

out into the street
like a piece of trash.

She had to cross the
Himalayas to get here.

This journey cost her her foot.

- And you are here by yourself.

- Yes.
- When did you see
your mother last time?

- I don't know about my mother.

- You never met her?
- No.

- And your father, when
did you see him last time?

- I don't know.

[children talking]

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- Hi, I'm Mike.

- Despite such living
conditions, they remain positive

and full of hope.

I wish I could give
them a better life.

But will this ever be possible?

What is your name?

- If for example somebody
would like to adopt one

of your kids, would
you allow to do that?

[foreign language spoken]

- You would love to do that.

- You would allow that?

- Yes, he would allow that.

- Yes, she would allow.

- She would allow.

- How can this be?

Could you give away your
child just like that

to somebody you
never met before?

I have never seen
such detachment

between parents
and their children.

[children singing]

[bell ringing]

[helicopter]

- [Olga] When it was time
to go, a few of the kids

ran over give us some
letters they had written.

When we were reading
them on our way back

across the mountains, I
felt bad about leaving them.

I felt guilty.

We couldn't help but think
about their hopes and dreams

and their chances in life.

If we really intend to
bring one of these children

into our family we should
learn more about their country,

their culture, where
have they come from.

So we decided to explore
Nepal in more depth.

[outdoor sounds]

[foreign language spoken]

Nepal has extremely
rich natural resources,

but it's still
one of the poorest

and most underdeveloped
countries in the world.

Half the population lives on
less than two dollars a day.

There are few places on
the planet where you'll see

so many children either roaming
and begging on the streets

or slaving in the fields.

Every second child under five
years old is malnourished

and over a third
are underweight.

There are more than
a million orphans

and abandoned children in Nepal.

81 percent of women give birth

in the home, and
according to UNICEF,

one in 20 children will
die before the age of five.

Those who will survive
will serve to provide

for their parents
and newborn siblings.

Is this her only baby?

- [foreign language spoken]

- She have four children.

- [foreign language spoken]

- Two sons, two daughters.

- And who is taking care of
three children while she's here?

[foreign language spoken]

[silence]

[outdoor sounds]

- [Olga] What is the average
size of a family here?

- Four, five, six.

- [Olga] Four,
five, six children.

- Do children go to school?
- No.

- [Olga] No, they
don't go to school.

- They are poor so how
will they go to school?

- [Olga] School is, you need
to pay money for school, right?

- Yeah, you need
to pay money, yeah.

- [Olga] Okay, so they just
don't go to school at all.

- It's something like
if they go to school

who will make those stones?

- [Olga] What is her biggest
dream about the children?

[foreign language spoken]

Can she read and write?

[foreign language spoken]

- She said [speech drowned
out by children's laughter].

One other point is that
they don't have time.

Second thing is
like they're poor.

Third thing they need
to fill their belly.

- [Olga] Yeah.
- Fourth thing is all
the family business,

kind of family
business they need

to help their father and mother.

- [Olga] Many children
escape their duties at home

and walk for days

to the capital
city of Kathmandu.

Here they are exploited
and forced to beg.

Their dreams crumble

and they turn to
religion for salvation.

In Hindu temples coins
are placed on the eyes

of the dead before
they are burned.

Then the remains are
dumped in the river.

Abandoned by their parents,
starving children struggle

to survive by searching
for these coins

in this polluted water.

So the community school,
which at first glance seemed

like a kid's prison, now
appears to be more of a paradise

where they at least have access
to food and basic education.

I remembered how a
friend of mine once said

that we all have different
dreams, yet most of them

will never come true,
like flying to the moon.

Having a child was
his unreachable dream.

He spent 10 years in prison
and was HIV positive.

But then a miracle happened
and he adopted a child.

Now when he looks
at other parents

with other kids he thinks
they don't realize how lucky

they are.

And when I look around,
I also wonder how can

so many people take their
children for granted like this.

[driving music]

- That's where I
live right in that

apartment right there, 1C.

It was-- it was full of people

out here just
hanging out you know.

There's always activity outside.

There's always something
can jump off like violence,

someone's going to you
know get into a fight.

At times you even had people
throwing stuff off the roof,

you know, cans or
Molotov cocktails.

I remember just having friends
from school that didn't know

where I lived and they
would drop me off here.

And they would say, "Oh
my gosh, you live there?"

And I was like why?

It's nothing wrong, you
know, everyone knows me.

But the thing was
there wasn't a lot

of positive male
role models around.

You know, there was guys
they was talking about

how they're going to
make money selling weed

or they trying to
commit a burglary

or robberies you know.

It wasn't too much about like,
"How do I get into college?"

- [Michael] Chris did
go to college and went

on to join the police force.

He has even become Police
Officer of the Year,

but arresting didn't feel right.

He wanted to prevent people
from committing crimes

so he became a youth officer.

- And this one here I'm
most proud of because never

in a 100 years would I believe
that I would get an award

when I was a youngster
to get an award

with working with the youth.

I'm very happy to-- I'm very
honored and humbled to get

that award, because
I believe that's

where, you know, I was
created to work with kids.

My dream growing up
was, you know, is

what I saw, what I

want to have a kid out here.

I want to have an apartment.

The government-- I don't
really have to work.

The government is going
to pay for my apartment.

If I want food, they
have food stamps.

So it-- I wasn't really
around you know--

it was what I, I was a
product of the environment.

It was what I saw
and that's basically

what I wanted for my life.

I would say 90 percent of
the ones that got in trouble,

they had no father
figure around.

A lot of my friends
here-- unfortunately some

of them have been arrested.

Almost all of those guys
never, never made it out here

or they passed away,

or they got caught up in drugs.

They took some drugs and it
took a physical effect on them.

The awards look great,

but behind those awards was
a lot of, a lot of anger.

Like I said, everything was
dealt with with violence.

So I felt like, what in
order for me to clean

up the streets, I have
to arrest everybody.

- I've been to prison before.

You know, I've been to prison

and I made wrong choices too,

but I wouldn't, I wanted--

you know I explained that
to him to let him know.

And the choices
that I made I had to

suffer the consequences.

And I guess as him growing
up I was never away from him.

And I guess when
I went to prison

for two years probably
put an impact on him.

- [Olga] So you're from a
family of how many kids?

- A family of seven.

- Seven.

- Four brothers and
two sisters and I'm

like the middle child, yeah.

- Did they finish school?

- No see, that's
what I'm saying.

When we was-- we all
chose the wrong path.

And then when I had
Kiyon I'm looking at him.

I want him to break the
cycle to not repeat,

to be successful with
his self because he look

at his uncles and cousins.

None of them finished school.

None of them have a
high school diploma.

They don't have good jobs.

- [Olga] How many of you get
in problems with the police?

How many of you get in prison?

- Out of my sisters
and brothers?

- Yeah.

- All of us.

Excuse me, all of
us, yeah. [laughs]

You know it's not funny
but all of us you know.

Because like I said,
we made bad decisions.

You know I don't
have no regrets.

You know 'cause I'm trying to
do the best I can you know.

I am a good mother.

- You are, yeah.

- I try to do the best I can.

- [Olga] If there is one
thing that you can fix

in your life, what would it be?

- To be employed.

If I can just be
employed and show my son

and daughter that it's better.

- But how can you get it?

How can you get it, I mean
why didn't you get it?

- Because like I told you
I was a single mother.

You know running around
with the wrong crowd too.

I, excuse me.

- It's okay.

When people cry,
it's a good sign.

It means that we
are still human.

- Just ran around
with the wrong crowd

and made the wrong decisions.

- The thing that I learned
most from reporting

on three low income families

over seven years,
was the importance

of having responsible
men in their lives.

Pretty much without
exception part of what's--

this isn't just me talking,
but part of what impressed me

so much was that they could
articulate it, both the women

and their children
talked of wishing--

the women wished they had
a father in their own lives

when they were kids and they
wished they had a responsible

partner in their lives now.

And the kids talked about
missing their father.

One of the fathers of the
family I was following was

in prison for life.

- Studies show that crime is
linked to children born outside

of marriage, that you have
much higher crime rates

from children born where
the father is absent,

there's nobody
to discipline them.

So really the more
entrepreneurial ones are then

the ones who might do very
well if they're raised

in a middle class culture,

devote their entrepreneurial
instincts to crime,

because you know that is
the business they can see

in their neighborhood.

They don't expect to work

because they get the subsistence
paid for by the government.

So you see how this begins

to affect all the cultural
attitudes that you see,

all the cultural
practices that you see.

- There's a big
educational divide,

so people with four year
college degrees are marrying

and staying married
as much or more

than they were 20 years ago.

People without four
year college degrees

are having increasingly

having children
outside of marriage.

A big gap has grown up
between the educational haves

and the educational have-nots.

[driving]

- I got evicted, lost my housing
so I had nowhere else to go

so I wound up here and
it's where I've been.

- [Michael] Do you have kids?

- I have five boys.
- [Michael] Five boys.

- Yeah, and sometimes I need
to go see them but I don't have

like transportation to
get there to go see them

and it's hard you know.

- [Michael] Your
early pregnancy, did

- Yeah.

- [Michael] How?

- Because it stopped me
from going to school.

A lot of, a lot of women
the first child especially

if you school or you
got a career going on,

that sets you back,

because you got to
put the baby first.

You know you go to take
care of that child.

You know some things,
you have a child some
things that you used

to do you can't do it no more.

You got to put it
aside you know,

to take care of that child.

[silence]

- Well, when you live an
entire culture of poverty

where nobody really is
working consistently,

nobody is really
getting married,

the children are all
born outside of marriage,

everybody thinks that's
a normal thing to do.

And so you're creating
culturally reinforcing attitudes

that reinforce the incentives.

- The share of
children being born

to single mothers is now
higher than it's ever been.

So in that sense the [inaudible]
was a huge disappointment.

- And what is
percentage if you know?

- Nationwide--
- Yeah.

- About 42 percent of children
are born to single mothers now.

- It's income-based so
you need a low income.

If you have more children then
you qualify for more benefits

and so as a result you get
low income and more children,

because that's what
you're paying for.

- Angel Adams says her
children are a gift from God,

but now she needs
help caring for them.

Adams has 15 children, 12
who are now living with her

in this small motel room.

- Somebody needs to pay for
all my children and mine

and Gary all our suffering,
all our pain, somebody needs

to be held accountable
and they need to pay.

- We know from substantial
research in the United States

that even a year in poverty
can have long-term consequences

for a child's development.

- [Michael] In just one year?
- Yes.

- It's going to create a whole
cycle of poverty and violence

because if you have
let's say 8, 10 kids

and you can't afford

to give them the proper
shoes, the proper clothes,

the equipment that they need

for school or sports,

if the kid doesn't have good
values, they're going to get

that money from
robbing somebody,

from selling drugs
or stealing it.

And now that kid is
going to get introduced

to the criminal justice system
and it's going to be a cycle.

Well, Brandon, he
wants to change.

You know, you can talk to kids,
but they will listen to you

and they don't want
to really do he work.

He wants to do the work and
I see that he has this desire

to get out, and
why not help him?

He's part of the community.

- If you're not getting
love from your household,

obviously you're going to
get up and go outside and try

to find it from your
friends, you know.

And if your friends is
bad influence and they're

into doing stuff like
that, you're going to jump

on the wagon and want to
do bad stuff too, you know.

- Yeah.

- My dream is to be alive by 25.

- Who's your role model?

Who is the person
you look up at?

- Honestly, I don't
have one at all, at all.

I couldn't even say my father.

My father was
never there for me.

So I can't-- I don't
have one, I don't.

And my big brother
has been in jail

for all his teenage life.

So, myself bitch.

You got to look in the mirror

and I see my role model
in my own reflection.

- Do you want to
have your own family?

- Yeah, of course.
I should be having a baby
pretty soon, on the way.

- You're going to have
a baby pretty soon?

- Yeah.

- Cool. How old are you?

- Sixteen.

- Congrats.

- It's going to be hard,

but I'm not going
to quit on my child.

That's my child like--

- How do you see yourself
when you make it to 25?

And I'm pretty sure you will.

- I'm going to have
like five jobs.

- Five jobs?

- Yeah.

- I'm going to
have a nice little,

a nice little studio crib.

You know I like to
rap sometimes too.

So, y'all have never
seen me rapping.

Honestly, I don't like
rapping in front of people,

like I will have like three
cars, wild girls you know.

I'll have like five
stripper poles in my house.

You know calls some
strippers over [inaudible].

And you know I'll just
live the lavish lifestyle.

I don't, I'm tired of
being at the bottom.

I mean--

- [Olga] So this is your dream
when you are making to 25?

- Yeah, I want to make lots
of money, you could say that.

- [Olga] Now what I didn't see

when you are 25 is your
nine-year-old baby, yeah.

- Oh yeah.

- Where is your--

- Oh yeah, I forgot.

- Sorry about it, oh.

So was it a planned baby
or it just happened?

- It just happened.

It's life.

[electronic music]

[machines]

[electronic music]

- Hi.
- Oh, finally, finally
we met, very good.

- How are you?
- Good. Come on in.

- Thank you very much.
- Advocates for Youth was
established in 1980 and the work

that we do is to champion
policies and programs

that help young
people make informed

and responsible
decisions about sex.

- When we are talking
about a teenage pregnancy,

how big is the problem?
What are the numbers?

Is it a problem at all
for the United States?

- Well, the United States
has a pretty large problem

in teenage pregnancy.

If you look at the numbers,
we have 10,000 young people

everyday that get a sexually
transmitted disease,

2500 get pregnant and
another 25 get HIV.

So, this is a big number.

The rates of teenage pregnancy
and birth have gone down,

but it's still the highest of
any industrialized country.

The teen pregnancy rate
is about five times

that of Germany or France.

The teen birth rate
is about eight times

that of the Netherlands.

The teen gonorrhea
rate is about 400 times

that of the Netherlands.

We sell everything
from, you know,

hamburgers to cars with sex.

And I think the most
important thing is

that young people need

to learn to think
critically for themselves

and really challenge some
of what they're seeing

so that they can address issues

as they see them on the media

and think through why is,

why is it that we
don't have condom ads?

What is the society telling us

and how is it affecting
the way I behave?

On the one hand, we see sex

and everything is so sexualized,

and then on the other hand
you're telling me just say no.

It becomes a very difficult
sort of thing to navigate.

So often a young person

who finds themselves pregnant
might hide that pregnancy

for a very long time before
she's willing to share it

with a parent or another person.

We know that about 40
percent of young people

who find themselves
pregnant do choose abortion

and the rest by and
large keep the child.

There's very, a very,
very small percentage

that give their babies
up for adoption.

- [Michael] This is Brianna.

Having got pregnant
at 17 years old,

she became one of the few

who was able to put her
child up for adoption.

- Just make sure.
- I know this one
was my favorite one.

I was pretty sure that I didn't
want to have an abortion,

that I wanted to place
him for adoption.

But my mom was not so sure
as I was, so she wanted me

to come back to New
York and go to a doctor

and you know hear about it

and try and keep an open mind

and consider having an abortion.

So I did go to the
doctor and that's kind of

when it was final for me,

because I was almost three
months when I found out.

So just you know, I
went to the doctor

and he told me what the
procedure is to have an abortion

and I saw the sonogram and I
saw his little heart beating

and you know that was it.
So that kind of--

I grew up without a lot
of stability in my life,

sort of moving around forever,
so I wanted him

to be with people who
just were very solid.

When I found his
parents through Spence,

Sarah and Carlos are
their names, I just loved

that they were so open to
him being whoever he is.

- [Olga] Did you feel like at
certain stages of your pregnancy

that you wanted to change
your mind and keep the child?

- I mean there definitely were
moments when I was like oh,

it would be so great
you know and sort of

my guilty pleasure was like
when I was out in public

and like talking to people.

I wouldn't tell them that
he was going to be adopted.

Like I got to sort of savor
that and be like yeah,

I'm so excited he's
going to be born.

But it was just so clear
from the very beginning

that it just wasn't an option.

And I just, whenever that
happened I just had to sort

of be able to recognize
in myself that that was

like the selfish part
of me being like,
no, I want to keep him,

and that it really just
wasn't what was best for him.

His Irish eyes, like
mine and his eyelashes.

The joy so overwhelms
how painful it was.

And as far as how painful I
thought it was going to be,

I think I prepared myself as
best as someone can be prepared

for that kind of thing.

And I love his adoptive
parents so much

that I just was really at
peace with the decision.

So, it was painful
but also happy

because my pain was
for me, not for him.

I knew that he was
in such good hands

and what can you want

besides a healthy, happy baby.

I was no longer with his father,

so definitely that
is part of it.

I wanted him to have
a dad and I think

that raising a child,
the number one thing

really is just having a support,

because no one person you know--

they say it takes a
village and it's sort

of cliché, but it's true.

I really just was alone.

I don't know, he just
looks so delicate

and gentle in this picture.

He's so like white
and puffy and soft.

I feel like there is a certain
attitude that people take

and everyone wants to be
positive and everything

and say like oh, you know--

and definitely single mothers
are, I'm very impressed

with them now like having
gone through, but--

[silence]

I just don't think that love
really solves everything.

I feel like people think,
"Oh, if you love your child

"then everything will
work out and be okay."

But that's not true,
because if there were

then there wouldn't be starving
children all over the world,

or, you know, love just
doesn't feed children

or buy diapers or any of that.

So just being in a
place in your life

that you can provide stability

and I couldn't even
provide it for myself.

[outdoor sounds]

[traffic]

- [Olga] When I
think of Brianna,

I wonder if I would be able
to make such a sacrifice.

[rhythmic music]

We drove to Georgia to see
our friends, Jill and Lee.

They have three kids,
two boys [inaudible]

and a girl Kiya.

To us, they are the ultimate
parents to learn from.

- What happened? That's funny.

Turn the lights back on.

I think parenting is probably
one of the hardest jobs.

You want to have a child.
It's a full-time job.

Everything that we do, we
do it for our children.

Maybe just a little bit harder.

Shake, shake.

- You know we're both teachers,
so we're dealing with a lot

of experience dealing with kids,

teaching and coaching,

kids from a young
age all the way up.

We've had a lot of
experience with kids

and I think we had good
role models around us.

- And before we had kids
we did talk about what kind

of child we wanted to raise

and how are we going
to go about it?

How do we want to discipline?

Do we want to spank?

Do we want to use time-out?

And these are things that
we wanted to agree on

before we did have a family,

because that's very important.

So as new parents
you're expecting

to have a healthy child
and you really don't expect

to have a child
with cerebral palsy,

with Down Syndrome,
autism now is so prevalent.

You don't think that I'm going
to have an autistic child.

Close, good.

Good girl, you need to swallow.

We found out pretty early
that she had had brain damage

so we knew that there were
going to be some issues.

So we were so excited, you
know, to have our first girl

and we really didn't know
what was going to lie ahead.

As Kiya got older you start

to realize, okay, now
she's nine months,

a year, and she's
not sitting up.

She's not crawling, and then
the challenges, reality starts

to set in, the daily
challenges start to set in.

A year and a half to
build up her calf muscles.

She has no, like atrophy in
there so she has no muscles.

- How long did it take
you to accept the fact

that you have a different
baby or it just--?

- I don't know, I still haven't.

I think there's days where I
just go-- I think it's a dream

and it'll wake up

and everything will be
like normal so to speak.

And then I remember that
no, this is my normal

for however long
it's going to be.

So there's days where I
think I wish it was different

but then I think of all
the happiness she's brought

to our life and how she's
made us realize what love,

true love is all about and
sacrifice and determination

and caring about others.

And I've seen the way
other people have reacted

to her to help her.

It makes you feel good inside.

- She's a lot of work,
you know, driving back

and forth to therapies.

She still sleeps
with us at night.

A lot of times she'll
wake up very scared

and she doesn't
understand where she is

or she'll wake up and she
has to go to the bathroom.

So we'll take her to the
bathroom and she needs that,

the comfort of having us.

[playing xylophone]

The love that we feel for
her, and like Lee said,

the love that she spreads
around is so deep.

You can see the love in her eyes
even though she's not talking

right now, when she looks
at you she just looks right

into your eyes and
you feel the love.

Having children no matter
what their disability,

no matter what their
level of function,

it's the greatest
joy a parent can have

when they look back
at you and they smile.

You realize that it's a
part of you and for people

who are adopting, we have
friends that have adopted,

they feel that same love
because they've wanted

to have their own child so bad

and they realize
that they couldn't.

And when they get that child

in their arms, they
know that's their child.

I would say out of any
thing I want my children

to love everyone
regardless of race,

regardless of disability,

regardless of
homosexuality or hetero--

I want them to love everyone
and that's something

that you have to teach them.

You have to teach them.

You know they say
you can teach hate

and you can teach love

and it starts right now.

And I think you
guys have that love.

I see that love and
you'll be awesome parents,

- very, very good parents.
- We hope so.

- As long as you still have
that kid in you and you have

that mother instinct,
you'll be great. I mean--

- [Voiceover] You
could be waiting.

- [Voiceover] Every step of the
way is a barrier, a barrier.

- I don't know exactly why
Nepal particularly closed down

but I can tell
you that a variety

of reasons shut adoption
including kind of practices

that are not ethical.

There's too much
bribery, too much,

you know, too many kind of

untransparent
exchanges of money.

Sometimes the
bureaucracy takes over

and then you have children

who are lost in the bureaucracy

and so they end up staying

in their orphanages
longer than they should

and sometimes so long

that they're then
not really adoptable.

Programs have opened and closed.

Sometimes programs
close because people,

the country gets a reputation

of not having a strong
enough domestic program.

And then there are countries
in the world that are not open

to international adoption
and there would be nothing

that we could do because
it wouldn't be about us.

I believe there are also
countries in the world

where our government and
their government aren't

having the best
relations and I'm sure

that plays a factor
in it as well, yeah.

[silence]

- [Michael] Surprisingly for
us, the agency appeared to be

in the same boat and,
therefore, our ally.

So they gave us another clue.

International adoption
has been changed forever

since the Hague Convention
was implemented in 1995.

The initial idea was to
protect children's rights

and to eliminate
child trafficking.

So they came up with a
series of specific demands

from legislation for
different countries.

Four countries failed to
adjust to these requirements

and were banned from the
international adoption arena

as they simply didn't have
enough administrative resources.

UNICEF have their own
vision of the convention.

They insist the children must
be raised inside their country

of origin, so they can enjoy
their cultural heritage.

The process of international
adoption has become

impossibly complicated,
expensive and entangled.

Even those few children
who do find a family end up

spending years trapped
in institutions.

As long the priority is in
saving culture over the freedom

of individuals, millions of
children will be locked up

and we will find
ourselves in a world

where international
adoption has been prohibited

and shut down forever.

[papers being slapped]

[guitar music]

- [Olga] Is there any hope?

Have we come to the
end of the road?

No, we haven't.

This is only the
beginning of our journey.

And we have been left with
more questions than answers.

But we are not going to give up,

because we know that there is

at least one adoption agency
that works for children,

not for governments or adults.

- Our mission is not about
finding children for families,

but of finding
families for children.

- [Olga] And
because we can learn

from the best parents
what it truly means

to put your child first.

My child will enter this world
because we as a couple will

be ready to provide our child
with a healthy and happy life.

After our interview, Kim
decided to go back to school

to find a job and become the
role model her children need.

- I know for sure
this time I'll pass it

and I just have
faith, that's it.

- [Olga] Kim hasn't given
up, so neither should we.

- A-B-C-D-E-F-G.

- [group singing] A-B-C-D-E-F-G.

- [Olga] What if to graduate
from school, we all had

to pass an exam on parenthood.

- I learned a lot though
in these, in these--

- I did too.

- In these
informational seminars.

It was certainly worth it.

- [Olga] An exam that
all adoptive parents have

to go through anyway.

- So I am thrilled to
see everybody here today.

I know that we all
have some self--

- [Olga] Maybe then
everyone could learn

what it really means
to be ready for kids.

- Also it helps the
child understand why

they're different.

- And that it's okay.
If you talk about--

- [Olga] Before taking
on the responsibility

of creating a new life.

- But it's a big step.

You have to think about
the financial implications,

whether you're young, too
young or too immature.

You have to think about
the child, not yourself.

What is going to happen

to this child once we
bring him into the world?

- [Olga] And if we
would all do this,

no child would be
thrown onto the streets.

- Different stories,
why do people have kids?

- [Olga] And no parent's anger
would cause so much hurt.

All kids would have role models

and we could break the cycle.

- With those things it's the
social emotional piece that's a

real challenge now.

- [Olga] Education has to be
the first step to change it all.

- Family is more than blood.

- [Olga] And I know
where I must start.

- You have created a family.

- [Olga] I'm must
start with myself.

- These people are non-related
by blood and biology.

- [Olga] Even after
everything we've been

through we still have
much to discover.

And if you are ready
to have two kids

in a world with
millions of orphans,

why not adopt one?

- Letting down worldwide
millions of children.

- [Olga] Until the
fear of our differences

has finally been overcome,

there will always be children
who can't find a loving home.

- They're damaged because
they've never had this.

They've never been held on a
regular basis and made to feel

- that bond that you feel.
- I don't know about you--

- [Olga] But until we
start having kids only

when we are ready, there
will always be victims.

These victims are the dreams
of millions of children.

- I want to be doctor.

- [Olga] Dreams that
will never come true.

- Teacher.

- Pilot.

- I want to be a teacher.

- I want to be artist.

- I want to be dancer.

- Doctor.

- Singer.

♪ I believe in love.

♪ It's all we got. ♪

- Doctor.

- Nurse.

- I want to do--

♪ War makes money, cancer sleeps

♪ Curled up in my father and
that means something to me

♪ Churches and dictators,
politics and papers

♪ Everything crumbles
sooner or later

♪ But love, I believe in love

♪ I believe in love,
it's all we got

♪ Love has no boundaries

♪ No borders to cross

♪ Love is simple, hate breeds

♪ Those who think difference
is the child of disease

♪ Father and son
make love and guns

♪ Families together kill someone

♪ Without love ♪

[piano music]