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1
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:27,134
Oh, my God.
2
00:01:00,912 --> 00:01:03,574
There's a masturbating bum in
the alley. He's masturbating.
3
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:06,446
Yeah. I know about that guy.
Masturbating bums are bad for business.
4
00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:08,109
Yes.
I saw that guy's wiener.
5
00:01:08,186 --> 00:01:10,279
He's gonna rip it off one of
these days. It's disgusting.
6
00:01:10,355 --> 00:01:13,347
It really is. This whole goddamn
neighborhood is going to shit.
7
00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:16,018
There is a deteriorating situation
here, and we gotta do something about it.
8
00:01:16,094 --> 00:01:18,028
We should get a junkyard dog. Okay?
9
00:01:18,096 --> 00:01:20,030
A really mean, nasty junkyard dog.
Ooh.
10
00:01:20,098 --> 00:01:22,692
We'll chain him up in the alley.
We'll scare away the bums. That's it.
11
00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:25,429
Charlie, it's not just about our alley.
It's about this whole neighborhood.
12
00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:28,529
I think we should make this whole
neighborhood safe again. Yeah.
13
00:01:28,606 --> 00:01:30,904
Kind of leaning towards the junkyard
dog idea. You like the dog idea?
14
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:32,636
I'd go for a dog.
15
00:01:36,414 --> 00:01:38,905
Now, first order of business...
16
00:01:38,983 --> 00:01:41,816
is thanking Jean
for working so hard...
17
00:01:41,886 --> 00:01:44,719
on our monthly
crime watch newsletter.
18
00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:48,485
Uh, do you have a question?
Yeah. New to the crew.
19
00:01:48,559 --> 00:01:50,823
Uh, quick question about
the uniform situation.
20
00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:53,523
Now, I like to cut my sleeves
off. It's kind of my look.
21
00:01:53,598 --> 00:01:57,864
So I'm wondering if the tailor is provided
for us, or I'm left to my own devices.
22
00:01:57,935 --> 00:02:01,427
We don't have uniforms.
Now, but... Yes?
23
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:03,997
Yeah. Will you be
providing the weapons?
24
00:02:05,076 --> 00:02:07,237
No.
No.
25
00:02:07,311 --> 00:02:10,439
Oh! I get it. Okay.
We go buy the weapons.
26
00:02:10,515 --> 00:02:13,678
We tell you how much we spent,
and you reimburse us. Great.
27
00:02:13,751 --> 00:02:16,549
It doesn't work like that.
You gotta give him a receipt.
28
00:02:16,621 --> 00:02:20,022
Oh, I would make a copy of the
receipt. You give them the original.
29
00:02:20,091 --> 00:02:22,821
I would give them the original and I
would keep the copy? That seems stupid.
30
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:26,921
That's how reimbursement works. If something
happens to the weapons, I'm shit out of luck?
31
00:02:26,998 --> 00:02:29,432
You just ask 'em for the original
back. I'm sure they got a system.
32
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,900
Why would they keep the original?
I'm the one that bought the gun.
33
00:02:31,969 --> 00:02:34,699
Oh, it's a gun now. It's
always been a gun, Dee.
34
00:02:34,772 --> 00:02:36,899
Excuse me. Hi. Hi. We
don't carry weapons.
35
00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,942
We're just a neighborhood watch.
36
00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:41,706
Wait. So you people
don't apprehend criminals?
37
00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:45,271
If we see anything
suspicious, we call the police.
38
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:48,147
The police? The police.
39
00:02:48,219 --> 00:02:51,518
The streets are flooded with
the ejaculate of the homeless...
40
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:54,251
and you people are
counting on the police?
41
00:02:54,325 --> 00:02:56,293
Clearly we are gonna have to
handle this ourselves, Dee.
42
00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,160
You, sir, have wasted my time,
and the time of my associate.
43
00:03:00,231 --> 00:03:02,165
Dee, get my coat.
44
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,627
You hear barking?
45
00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:10,265
I don't hear no dogs. They'll
run out and bite you in the nuts.
46
00:03:10,341 --> 00:03:12,332
They're probably sleepin'. You don't
wanna wake 'em. Probably chained up.
47
00:03:12,410 --> 00:03:14,435
I don't hear a dog.
We'll ask this guy.
48
00:03:14,512 --> 00:03:19,609
Excuse me, sir. Where am I
finding your junkyard dogs?
49
00:03:19,684 --> 00:03:21,914
My what?
We wanna buy a junkyard dog.
50
00:03:21,986 --> 00:03:24,784
We want the most vicious one you
have. Yeah, a really nasty dog.
51
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,757
Really nasty dog.
We don't have no dogs.
52
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:29,759
What...
I'm sorry.
53
00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:32,125
Is this not a junkyard?
You don't have a dog?
54
00:03:32,196 --> 00:03:34,926
We got a cat round here somewhere.
Cat?
55
00:03:34,999 --> 00:03:37,593
We don't... We don't
want a cat. Walt a minute.
56
00:03:37,668 --> 00:03:40,796
Wait a minute. Believe
me, that's a tough cat.
57
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:45,309
It was born in a pool of gasoline,
on a piece of rusty scrap metal.
58
00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:47,469
I've seen that cat jump
through barbed wire...
59
00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:50,480
into a vat of hot tar.
60
00:03:50,548 --> 00:03:54,109
That cat...
Is indestructible.
61
00:03:54,185 --> 00:03:56,813
We don't want no cat. Great.
It's a cat. We want a dog.
62
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:59,857
Well, now, wait a second. I wouldn't
mind taking a look at that cat.
63
00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:02,256
Come on, dude. What are we
gonna do with a cat? Whoa.
64
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:05,818
Go ahead. Knock yourself
out. Is that a cop car?
65
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:08,764
You guys, if we park that in
front of Paddy's, no more bums.
66
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,767
No problems, period.
67
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:14,168
Is that old cop car for
sale? Everything's for sale.
68
00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:17,298
We'll take it.
And throw in that cat.
69
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,440
This thing's cool, right?
Yeah, it's very cool.
70
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,144
The seating's a little tight.
The seating is very tight.
71
00:04:28,219 --> 00:04:30,153
It's cramped.
Well, I know it's cramped.
72
00:04:30,221 --> 00:04:32,485
Maybe if a certain someone
didn't buy a certain something...
73
00:04:32,557 --> 00:04:34,548
there'd be a little
bit more room up here.
74
00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:37,093
This guy's not the problem. This guy's
not the problem. You're the problem.
75
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:38,924
I'm the problem, dude?
You're the problem.
76
00:04:38,996 --> 00:04:41,430
Why don't you jump in the back? I called
shotgun. You have to get in the back.
77
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:43,433
I wanna fiddle with all
the gadgets. Fool with 'em.
78
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:45,162
Why are we stopped?
Yeah, why are we stopped?
79
00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:48,000
It's a red light.
We're in a cop car.
80
00:04:48,072 --> 00:04:50,734
Make 'er sing.
81
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,015
Boom.
We look so stupid.
82
00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,448
We look awesome. Throw that on.
83
00:05:00,518 --> 00:05:02,179
I'm not putting on a
beret. Gotta wear the beret.
84
00:05:02,253 --> 00:05:05,051
It's terrible, and I don't get
the point. It sends a message, Dee.
85
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:07,113
The Guardian Angels wore
the same, exact outfit...
86
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:10,354
when they cleaned up the streets
of New York City in the 1970s.
87
00:05:10,428 --> 00:05:13,261
We look like Rerun. You know what
I hear when you talk like that?
88
00:05:13,331 --> 00:05:15,822
A scared little girl who's
never had anyone fear her.
89
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,368
Fear is power, Dee.
Don't you get that?
90
00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:21,530
It's like a drug. Once you get a
taste of it, you can never get enough.
91
00:05:21,606 --> 00:05:23,870
If I promise to wear this stupid
thing, will you stop talking?
92
00:05:23,941 --> 00:05:26,068
Absolutely. All right. Let's roll.
93
00:05:26,143 --> 00:05:28,475
What's that?
That's my mini bat.
94
00:05:28,546 --> 00:05:31,515
You're gonna hit that bum?
No, I'm not gonna hit anybody.
95
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,073
That's the best part about
fear and intimidation, Dee.
96
00:05:34,151 --> 00:05:36,119
All you gotta do is look the part.
97
00:05:36,187 --> 00:05:38,883
Now what do you think
about these suspenders?
98
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,719
All right, you ready?
I mean, I guess so.
99
00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:46,990
Let's clean up the streets.
This is how it's gonna work.
100
00:05:47,064 --> 00:05:50,090
You're gonna walk right up to him.
You're gonna kindly ask him to leave.
101
00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:52,897
He's gonna see me
with the bat, looking tough.
102
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,370
He's gone.
That's it?
103
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:58,067
That's all you need to do when
you look like a badass, Dee.
104
00:05:58,142 --> 00:06:00,076
That's not gonna work.
Yes, It will.
105
00:06:00,144 --> 00:06:02,704
Oh, Mac, I can hear It.
Come on. He's smiling at me.
106
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,714
All right, give me the bat.
107
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,977
You know what, asshole?
108
00:06:10,154 --> 00:06:12,987
You like that, bitch? Huh?
109
00:06:13,057 --> 00:06:15,389
I am not your little pinup girl...
110
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,723
for you to tug
your rotten pecker at!
111
00:06:19,397 --> 00:06:21,763
Go on, get out of here.
112
00:06:21,832 --> 00:06:23,766
You're one crazy bitch.
113
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:27,736
I don't wanna see you or your
dirty balls in my alley again!
114
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:32,675
Whoa!
Yeah.
115
00:06:32,743 --> 00:06:34,802
Yeah, you took my bat.
I kicked that guy's ass.
116
00:06:34,879 --> 00:06:36,779
I would have helped
you. I need my bat back.
117
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:40,112
That was awesome. Okay, that was,
but next time just don't take my bat.
118
00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:42,811
Heyo! Freeze, punk.
119
00:06:42,887 --> 00:06:46,948
Cool, huh? Gonna ride around In a cop
car, can't do It In street clothes.
120
00:06:47,024 --> 00:06:49,584
People'll think you stole it.
That's awesome. Where's mine?
121
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,321
Uh...
122
00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:54,125
Uh, well, Charlie, these
things cost me a pretty penny.
123
00:06:54,198 --> 00:06:56,359
Yeah, Frank really sprung for
all the bells and whistles.
124
00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:58,368
You shittin' me?
You didn't get me one?
125
00:06:58,436 --> 00:07:01,963
You guys know how I love dressing up
in costumes. Dude, that's bullshit.
126
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:03,973
Charlie, you can't have three
guys dressed in cop suits...
127
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:05,872
in the front seat of a cop car.
No.
128
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,877
It don't look right. Plus
we need room for Agent Bauer.
129
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:10,436
Well, who's Agent Bauer?
130
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,574
Oh, come on. You're gonna let the
stupid junkyard cat ride up front?
131
00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:16,848
It smells like it's been dumped in
a bucket of piss. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
132
00:07:16,921 --> 00:07:18,855
Do not refer to him
as a junkyard cat.
133
00:07:18,923 --> 00:07:21,016
He has a name... Agent Jack Bauer.
134
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,959
Come on, I don't wanna ride
around in the back seat. Charlie...
135
00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:26,553
You can be disguised as an
undercover cop in the back seat.
136
00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:28,860
Yeah, dude. Then you can wear
all the disguises you want.
137
00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:32,391
Damn it! That is such a good idea.
138
00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:35,405
No one's gonna know, dude. I'm
gonna be, like, "You're busted.
139
00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:37,907
Hello. How ya doin'?
You're busted. "
140
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:40,341
All right, let's get you
back to C.T.U., Agent Bauer.
141
00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:50,210
Ho!
142
00:07:51,288 --> 00:07:53,916
Over here, pal.
143
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:56,687
Hey, hey. Boys in blue.
144
00:07:56,761 --> 00:07:58,558
What's shakin', pal?
Ahh.
145
00:07:58,629 --> 00:08:00,893
Hey, you fellas hungry? Couple
my best dogs, on the house.
146
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:02,694
That sounds like the move.
147
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:05,201
Yeah, you boys cruise in
one of the old models, huh?
148
00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:07,203
Oh, yeah, yeah. This is a place of junk.
149
00:08:07,271 --> 00:08:09,603
They're cuttin' back. The
brass is breakin' our balls.
150
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:13,541
Say, what'd this guy do? We caught
him diddling kids over at a playground.
151
00:08:13,611 --> 00:08:16,705
Yeah, he's a perv. We're
gonna bust him up good.
152
00:08:16,781 --> 00:08:19,079
You just go and get us a
couple of those tasty dogs.
153
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,118
Okay, okay. Let me
see what I can do, huh?
154
00:08:21,185 --> 00:08:23,119
Okay.
Okay.
155
00:08:23,187 --> 00:08:27,021
Holy shit, that actually worked. These uniforms
are gonna pay for themselves 10 times over.
156
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:29,719
You're brilliant, man. You
know what else I realized?
157
00:08:29,794 --> 00:08:32,058
They didn't even realize I was
an undercover cop. Yeah, okay.
158
00:08:32,129 --> 00:08:34,757
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm
gonna become Al Pacino in Serpico.
159
00:08:34,832 --> 00:08:37,596
I'm gonna be Al Pacino... Nobody cares.
Get in there. You're gonna ruin it.
160
00:08:37,668 --> 00:08:39,431
Hey, hey. Here you go, boys.
161
00:08:39,503 --> 00:08:41,903
You keep up the good work.
All righty. Thanks, pal.
162
00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:45,802
I got a great Serpico costume.
163
00:08:45,876 --> 00:08:47,844
Diddle, diddle, diddle.
Yeah, it's...
164
00:08:47,912 --> 00:08:50,142
It's really something else.
I don't care. Get in the car.
165
00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:52,148
Don't push my head like
that. Let's go, Frank.
166
00:08:56,854 --> 00:09:00,688
Dennis, do you have to take that cat
everywhere we go? Yeah. He's awesome.
167
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:02,988
Have you taken a good look
at this guy? He's hilarious.
168
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:05,722
It's a mangy cat.
I don't like the cat.
169
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,321
Serpico doesn't like the cat one
bit. I don't give a shit, Charlie...
170
00:09:08,399 --> 00:09:10,492
'cause you're not Serpico.
I'm goin' on record.
171
00:09:10,568 --> 00:09:12,763
We gotta get rid of that cat. It stinks.
172
00:09:12,837 --> 00:09:14,498
Stinkin' cat. We're not
gettin' rid of the cat.
173
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,403
There's nothing you guys
can do. The cat outranks you.
174
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,634
I'm not outranked by a
cat. Oh, yeah, you are.
175
00:09:18,709 --> 00:09:20,574
Cat's a special agent.
Are you a special agent?
176
00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:23,169
Here's a special agent over
there. Look at this guy here.
177
00:09:23,247 --> 00:09:25,579
He's jaywalking. Take it
easy, Charlie. Take it easy.
178
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,117
No, no. Back me up here.
I'm goin' in. Hey, guy!
179
00:09:28,185 --> 00:09:30,119
Charlie, where you
goin'? What are you doing?
180
00:09:30,187 --> 00:09:32,417
Hello, guy! Hello! You
wanna stop for a second?
181
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,322
You like just crossin' the street
whenever you want, makin' up your own laws?
182
00:09:35,392 --> 00:09:38,828
I'm sorry... You ought to be
sorry. You just jaywalked, buddy.
183
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:42,696
You gonna give me a ticket? That depends
on how much money you got in your wallet.
184
00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:45,428
I don't know.
Like, 15 bucks, I guess.
185
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,299
Fork it over.
And the watch.
186
00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:50,602
You're serious? Do I look like
I'm smiling? Are we smiling?
187
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:53,199
I can't believe this is
happening. Believe it, buddy.
188
00:09:53,277 --> 00:09:55,541
Gimme your watch. Come on.
Take a walk.
189
00:09:55,613 --> 00:09:57,843
Get out of here. Yeah,
get the hell out of here.
190
00:09:57,915 --> 00:10:00,076
Useless. Put an egg in
your shoe and beat it.
191
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,283
What the hell was that shit right there?
192
00:10:05,356 --> 00:10:07,790
Huh? We got 15 bucks. We got
15 bucks. Here, take your cut.
193
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:12,124
I don't want a cut. You don't take your
cut, how do we know how to trust you?
194
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,528
That's dirty money.
Look, guys, we're cops.
195
00:10:14,598 --> 00:10:16,532
All right? We're not
out here to bribe people.
196
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,898
Will you stop doing that stupid
voice? What are you doin'?
197
00:10:18,969 --> 00:10:20,732
I told you I was gonna do Pacino.
198
00:10:20,804 --> 00:10:23,238
You sound like an asshole. Well,
you guys are taking bribes now.
199
00:10:23,307 --> 00:10:26,504
That's bullshit. I'm walkin'. Oh,
you're gonna do Christopher Walken now?
200
00:10:26,577 --> 00:10:29,045
I'm not doing Christopher Walken.
I'm walking from the situation.
201
00:10:29,113 --> 00:10:31,240
Get the hell out of here.
Go on. Go on.
202
00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:34,546
You guys are crooked
cops, and I don't like it.
203
00:10:34,618 --> 00:10:36,813
The kid's nuts. He's
an idiot. Gimme my cut.
204
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,149
Here's five bucks.
Gimme that.
205
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:39,519
I'll take the 10.
All right.
206
00:10:39,590 --> 00:10:41,524
I'm keepin' the watch.
Keep the watch.
207
00:10:41,592 --> 00:10:43,389
I'm going to.
Watch out for the cars.
208
00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:45,360
Whoa!
Hey! Hold it.
209
00:10:47,831 --> 00:10:50,061
Hey, toots. Knock, knock.
210
00:10:50,134 --> 00:10:54,332
Can I help you? The real
question is, can we help you?
211
00:10:54,405 --> 00:10:57,568
See, my partner and I have been cleaning
up the streets the past couple days.
212
00:10:57,641 --> 00:10:59,939
Is that right?
Yeah, that's right.
213
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:04,242
We know how the system works. You guys can't
get your hands dirty. We're not afraid of that.
214
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:07,512
Getting physical... That's not a problem
for us. We are all on the same team.
215
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,745
Okay? So if you could
fast track us through...
216
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,754
like, a citizen deputy
type program...
217
00:11:11,822 --> 00:11:13,847
Yeah, and, you know, toss
us a couple of badges.
218
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,358
You know, make it all legal.
We can work together on this.
219
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:19,919
Well, let's see. Oh! You know
what? I'm fresh out of badges.
220
00:11:19,997 --> 00:11:21,658
Oh.
221
00:11:21,732 --> 00:11:23,393
I get it.
I see what you did.
222
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:25,594
See, I sense your sarcasm.
I'm used to it. Okay?
223
00:11:25,669 --> 00:11:27,899
Let me just say... Doesn't
help, and I don't appreciate it.
224
00:11:27,972 --> 00:11:31,135
It just hurts my feelings, because we
are sticking our necks out for you guys...
225
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:35,440
and, frankly, doing your job better
than you are. Really? I tell you what.
226
00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:37,810
I do know of a neighborhood
that could use your help.
227
00:11:37,881 --> 00:11:40,816
Perfect. Where?
Davis? Leroy?
228
00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:44,615
These two Guardian Angels would
love to help you clean up your beat.
229
00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:52,103
Okay, gentlemen,
thank you for the ride.
230
00:11:52,174 --> 00:11:55,439
Quick question. What time
are you picking us up?
231
00:11:55,511 --> 00:11:57,479
No, no, no. Oh, shit.
232
00:11:57,546 --> 00:12:00,447
Well, we're screwed. No,
Dee, Dee, Dee. Relax, okay?
233
00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:03,747
So we are in a lower socioeconomic,
African American neighborhood.
234
00:12:03,819 --> 00:12:05,753
Yes, we are, but that's
okay. That's okay.
235
00:12:05,821 --> 00:12:07,220
We're Guardian Angels.
That's fine.
236
00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:09,086
We're tough, right?
We're tough.
237
00:12:09,158 --> 00:12:11,456
Okay! Right.
Okay.
238
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:12,755
Stop doing that.
Guardian Angels, right?
239
00:12:12,828 --> 00:12:15,456
We're Guardian Angels,
blind to this kind of thing.
240
00:12:15,531 --> 00:12:17,021
Yes, okay.
We can do this.
241
00:12:17,099 --> 00:12:18,498
We are gonna make
these streets safe...
242
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,432
We are gonna make these streets
safe. Everything is gonna...
243
00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:22,663
That was a gunshot.
244
00:12:22,738 --> 00:12:24,137
We're gonna die here.
Let's get out of here.
245
00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:27,107
Let's find a guy and figure
out where the bus stop is.
246
00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:29,736
He seems safe. Let's
ask him. He seems nice.
247
00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:37,109
Excuse me, sir. Oh,
thank God we found you.
248
00:12:37,186 --> 00:12:39,450
We are in a very rough
neighborhood, and we are lost.
249
00:12:39,521 --> 00:12:42,115
Could you please direct
us to the nearest bus stop?
250
00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:53,467
How you doin'?
251
00:12:53,535 --> 00:12:55,696
Uh, hi. How are ya?
I'm good. I'm good.
252
00:12:55,771 --> 00:12:58,365
You movin' in soon?
Pardon me?
253
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,908
You've been loitering on this
corner for the last 20 minutes...
254
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:03,604
like you own the goddamn place.
I don't think I follow you.
255
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,647
Oh, yeah? Don't get cute with me, pal.
256
00:13:05,714 --> 00:13:08,205
I will jam you up so hard. I will
jam you from morning until night.
257
00:13:08,283 --> 00:13:11,309
You wanna get jammed up? Huh?
You like gettin' jammed up? No. No.
258
00:13:11,387 --> 00:13:14,914
No. I didn't think so.
259
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,049
Good. Gimme that wallet.
260
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,060
Yeah. Yeah.
261
00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:21,221
Let's go. Come on.
All right.
262
00:13:21,296 --> 00:13:23,287
What do we got here?
263
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:28,394
Oh. Time to hit the A.T.M., huh?
264
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:31,906
So I'll have five hot dogs. I want
you to mash one of' em up in a bowl.
265
00:13:31,974 --> 00:13:33,999
Put some milk
or some water, you know?
266
00:13:34,076 --> 00:13:38,706
Mash it up nice and good, but, you know,
four regulars, five hot dogs altogether.
267
00:13:38,781 --> 00:13:41,375
Look, I'm sorry, Lieutenant,
but no more free hot dogs.
268
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:44,078
I mean, look, maybe if it was
just you I could swing it...
269
00:13:44,153 --> 00:13:46,849
but it's you, your partner,
and now I'm feedin' your cat?
270
00:13:46,922 --> 00:13:49,015
I just can't afford it.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
271
00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:50,251
Sorry.
Hold on.
272
00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:53,419
Hold on.
Oh. Where are our hot dogs?
273
00:13:53,495 --> 00:13:55,429
He won't cough up the hot dogs.
274
00:13:55,497 --> 00:13:57,556
This goddamn cat is
screwin' up everything.
275
00:13:57,633 --> 00:13:59,567
We gotta get rid of the cat, Dennis.
276
00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:02,229
Tough titties, pal. I'm not gettin'
rid of the cat. Tough titties?
277
00:14:02,304 --> 00:14:05,637
Yeah, tough titties. Dennis, this
thing with the cat has gone too far.
278
00:14:05,707 --> 00:14:08,335
I'm puttin' my foot down. It's
gonna be either the cat or me.
279
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:11,345
Okay, I choose the cat. All
right, then I'm takin' the badge.
280
00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:14,041
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you
doin'? Are you crazy? Get out of here.
281
00:14:14,116 --> 00:14:17,051
Hey, I bought that badge, I bought
this uniform and I bought that cop car.
282
00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:20,418
I don't give a shit. I'm gonna
tell you something, buddy.
283
00:14:20,489 --> 00:14:23,083
Your days as a cop
of this town are over.
284
00:14:23,158 --> 00:14:25,388
You and that mangy cat.
285
00:14:33,035 --> 00:14:36,527
This is a stinkin',
dirty hellhole of a town.
286
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,468
And I'm gonna clean it up.
287
00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:49,814
Let's do this thing.
288
00:14:54,156 --> 00:14:56,181
See, now I feel very
powerless. I don't like it.
289
00:14:56,258 --> 00:14:58,226
I would like to beat somebody
up so I could feel better.
290
00:14:58,293 --> 00:15:00,727
You try to do something good,
and you get nothing in return.
291
00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:03,765
What is the point?
Respect. Reward.
292
00:15:03,832 --> 00:15:07,131
Compensation for a job well done.
293
00:15:07,202 --> 00:15:09,568
What's with the cat?
Don't start in on the cat.
294
00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:11,765
I swear to God, I will jam you
into the middle of next week.
295
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,742
We will jam and jam and jam until there
is nothing left of the two of you to jam.
296
00:15:15,811 --> 00:15:17,802
Do you understand what we're
saying to you? Not really.
297
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,906
Calm down, dude. All
right, here's the situation.
298
00:15:20,983 --> 00:15:24,441
Frank and I got our hands on a cop
car. We were cruisin' around in it.
299
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,488
We were actin' like cops.
300
00:15:26,555 --> 00:15:28,921
Everything was goin' great, but
then it got to Frank's head...
301
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,618
and he squeezed me out.
302
00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:33,320
You two have not begun to feel the
power and respect that you get...
303
00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:36,523
when you are
cruising around in a cop car.
304
00:15:36,598 --> 00:15:38,998
See, we've been cleaning up the
streets, and all we've gotten is mugged.
305
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:41,035
You deserve better than that.
We deserve better than that.
306
00:15:41,103 --> 00:15:43,469
So here's what we gotta do.
We gotta get rid of Frank.
307
00:15:43,539 --> 00:15:45,530
We gotta get our hands
on that cop car.
308
00:15:45,607 --> 00:15:48,804
Yeah, okay. I'm in.
What's the plan? All right.
309
00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:52,438
Frank's got beef with a
certain hot dog vendor...
310
00:15:52,514 --> 00:15:54,448
and I was thinkin',
if something bad...
311
00:15:54,516 --> 00:15:56,507
were to happen
to one of his carts...
312
00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:59,145
Well, we could put
the frame on Frank.
313
00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:01,189
Really get him into some
trouble. Right, Jack?
314
00:16:01,256 --> 00:16:04,783
Bingo.
What'd you say, Charlie?
315
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:07,624
Huh?
You just said something.
316
00:16:07,696 --> 00:16:10,221
No, I was, uh... I
think you said, "bingo. "
317
00:16:12,134 --> 00:16:14,898
Stop playing with your stupid tape
recorder. Go clean those bathrooms.
318
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,404
That's not a...
319
00:16:17,472 --> 00:16:20,134
Charlie, clean the bathroom.
Mmm.
320
00:16:23,979 --> 00:16:26,345
What is this?
321
00:16:26,415 --> 00:16:28,645
That right there is a tale
of corruption and intrigue...
322
00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:31,982
the likes of which are
gonna rock this city.
323
00:16:32,054 --> 00:16:36,650
"Spin Doctors mix"? I taped
over the Spin Doctors mix.
324
00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:41,094
Sir, I do not have time to listen
to your mix tape. No, it's not a m...
325
00:16:41,163 --> 00:16:44,189
Look, uh, I'm ready
to blow my whistle here.
326
00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:47,497
You know what I'm saying? I got a
laundry list of corruption charges...
327
00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:49,969
Extortion, bribery, junkyard cats.
328
00:16:50,038 --> 00:16:53,599
This is nasty, heavy stuff. Now,
you gonna listen to this tape or not?
329
00:16:53,675 --> 00:16:56,610
No, I am not.
Oh.
330
00:16:56,678 --> 00:16:58,839
Oh, I get it.
331
00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,939
You're one of them, huh?
332
00:17:01,016 --> 00:17:05,043
A crooked cop.
Yeah, I get it!
333
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,554
Everybody's a crooked cop, huh?
334
00:17:07,623 --> 00:17:11,753
Am I the only cop left in
Philadelphia who ain't crooked? Oh...
335
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:15,593
Oh, I see what's happening.
You wanna come at Serpico, huh?
336
00:17:15,664 --> 00:17:18,428
Who wants a place of Serpico?
'Cause I'll give It to you.
337
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,991
I'll give a piece, 'cause
you're forgetting about this.
338
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:24,766
And you're forgetting about...
whatever the hell that is.
339
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,774
But you're forgetting about it.
340
00:17:26,842 --> 00:17:30,744
And I'm gonna take this right to
the mayor, and you're gonna remember.
341
00:17:33,215 --> 00:17:35,740
We really gotta do something
about these homeless people.
342
00:17:38,053 --> 00:17:41,045
That kitty is really loving
this Molotov cocktail.
343
00:17:41,123 --> 00:17:43,091
Ho, ho, ho there,
Jack. That's not a toy.
344
00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:46,093
He's slurping down that gasoline no
problem. What's the deal with that?
345
00:17:46,161 --> 00:17:49,130
Yeah, he's got a thing for gasoline.
He was born in a pool of it.
346
00:17:49,197 --> 00:17:51,427
Hello.
347
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,491
Just stopped in for a cold beer...
348
00:17:53,568 --> 00:17:56,298
to enjoy with my free hot dog.
349
00:17:56,371 --> 00:17:59,101
You parked in a red zone.
350
00:17:59,174 --> 00:18:01,472
I'm gonna let it fly
this time, but be careful.
351
00:18:01,543 --> 00:18:04,842
Oh, thanks, Frank. I appreciate
that. I'll take care of it.
352
00:18:04,913 --> 00:18:07,313
Yeah. In fact, Special
Agent Bauer and I...
353
00:18:07,382 --> 00:18:10,010
intend to take care
of a few things today.
354
00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:13,077
Oh, hey there,
guys. What's goin' on, huh?
355
00:18:13,155 --> 00:18:15,521
Up to no good? A little
crime and corruption?
356
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:17,615
I hope you guys don't
mind if I borrow this.
357
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:19,490
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Charlie,
what are you doing?
358
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:22,860
Charlie, where you going? Oh,
you know where I'm going, Frank.
359
00:18:22,931 --> 00:18:25,297
Charlie, drop your
weapon. Don't do that.
360
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:29,133
What are you doing? I'm putting
an end to this, is what I'm doing.
361
00:18:29,204 --> 00:18:30,796
Oh, no. Charlie...
362
00:18:30,872 --> 00:18:32,533
We were supposed to be cops.
363
00:18:32,607 --> 00:18:35,041
We were supposed to care about
justice, and it got to your head.
364
00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:36,873
I'll get a hose. That's
not gonna do any good.
365
00:18:36,945 --> 00:18:39,106
I doused the whole car
full of gasoline.
366
00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:41,342
What?
367
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,453
Whoa!
368
00:18:57,065 --> 00:18:59,898
Goddamn It, Jack Bauer.
369
00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:02,402
You really are the man.
370
00:19:22,124 --> 00:19:24,456
Okay, Mr. Mayor.
371
00:19:24,526 --> 00:19:27,495
Feast your ears on
that Spin Doctors mix.
372
00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:31,532
Hooah!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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