Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,075 --> 00:00:07,421
Mr. Mooney.
2
00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:14,014
Mr. Mooney!
3
00:00:15,946 --> 00:00:17,293
Mr. Mooney.
4
00:00:19,502 --> 00:00:21,262
All right,
thank you.
5
00:00:38,555 --> 00:00:42,387
♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do
6
00:00:42,456 --> 00:00:46,391
♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you
7
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,289
♪ Let's take each other's hand
8
00:00:48,358 --> 00:00:50,360
♪ As we jump into
the final frontier
9
00:00:52,776 --> 00:00:55,227
♪ I'm mad about you, baby
10
00:00:55,296 --> 00:00:57,505
♪ Yeah!
11
00:01:03,822 --> 00:01:05,479
Hey, you guys.
Hey, listen, it's me.
12
00:01:05,548 --> 00:01:06,963
I was on my way home,
13
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:09,103
I hit 16th Street and, boom,
I gotta pee.
14
00:01:09,172 --> 00:01:11,001
Oh, man, do I gotta pee.
15
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,075
So, listen, I go
to Three Brothers, right?
16
00:01:15,144 --> 00:01:16,524
Nick says,
"Customers only."
17
00:01:16,593 --> 00:01:17,801
I say, "I gotta pee."
18
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,251
He says, "Customers only."
19
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,391
I say, "Come on,
I come in here every day."
20
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:22,496
He says, "Buy something."
21
00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:24,187
I say, "What?
I just gotta pee."
22
00:01:24,256 --> 00:01:26,016
He says... He says,
"Cup of coffee."
23
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,191
I said, "It defeats
the whole purpose."
24
00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:32,471
[TOILET FLUSHES]
25
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:34,370
I mean, man,
do you believe that guy?
26
00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:37,304
That attitude
may play in Greece,
but not with me.
27
00:01:37,373 --> 00:01:39,513
Hey, Paulie?
28
00:01:39,582 --> 00:01:40,583
James?
29
00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:42,723
Murray?
30
00:01:43,965 --> 00:01:45,035
Hey!
31
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:51,076
Where are you guys?
32
00:01:56,806 --> 00:01:59,084
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
33
00:02:00,465 --> 00:02:02,570
Did you know that
I have 29 teeth?
34
00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:08,507
Is your burger okay?
35
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,269
You barely touched it.
36
00:02:13,581 --> 00:02:15,445
The chicken
was a poem.
37
00:02:18,621 --> 00:02:20,761
I said the chicken
was a poem.
38
00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:21,969
Really?
39
00:02:22,038 --> 00:02:23,591
See, right there,
I was thinking chicken,
40
00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:27,112
and then suddenly,
I wasn't in a chicken
frame of mind.
41
00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:31,220
Honey, do you think
Murray's okay out there?
42
00:02:31,289 --> 00:02:33,222
Of course he is.
A: He's in the vestibule,
43
00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:35,638
and, 2: He's got fur.
44
00:02:38,261 --> 00:02:40,090
What's the matter,
you're saying he's not okay?
45
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,023
Honey, because if you're
saying he's not okay...
46
00:02:42,092 --> 00:02:43,784
Sweetie, no, no, no, no.
You're right, you're right.
47
00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:46,787
In fact, you are
consistently right.
Me, not so much.
48
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,239
Pay attention to me!
49
00:02:50,308 --> 00:02:51,619
All right. Sorry.
50
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,246
You're not gonna
believe this.
51
00:02:57,315 --> 00:02:58,661
I mean, only to me, right?
52
00:02:58,730 --> 00:03:00,283
I'm on the subway
and I meet this guy.
53
00:03:00,352 --> 00:03:01,595
And he says,
"What do you do?"
54
00:03:01,664 --> 00:03:02,906
And I say,
"I got a band."
55
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:04,563
He says, "You got a band?
I got a club."
56
00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,462
I say, "Get your hand
out of my pocket."
57
00:03:06,531 --> 00:03:10,293
Anyway, he hands me his card
and he's got
this really sweet smile.
58
00:03:10,362 --> 00:03:12,088
So, I call up the band
and I say, "Meet me."
59
00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:15,125
So they meet me, only Derek
can't get off work, right?
60
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,576
So, we go
up to the club.
61
00:03:17,645 --> 00:03:19,406
Club, my ass.
It's a roof.
62
00:03:19,475 --> 00:03:21,097
I say, "It's a roof."
63
00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:22,650
He says,
"It's gonna be a club."
64
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:25,101
I say, "I got a closet.
It's gonna be
a Baskin-Robbins."
65
00:03:25,170 --> 00:03:27,448
I mean, why do these things
happen to me?
66
00:03:28,898 --> 00:03:30,244
Who are you?
67
00:03:31,763 --> 00:03:32,833
Want some coffee?
68
00:03:32,902 --> 00:03:34,593
What time is it? Almost 8:00.
69
00:03:34,662 --> 00:03:37,665
Yeah, we're fine.
We're not meeting Susannah
till 9:00.
70
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:39,184
Oh, Susannah.
71
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:44,362
Oh, Susannah.
Like you know who
I'm talking about.
72
00:03:44,431 --> 00:03:48,607
Actually, the line is,
"Oh, Susannah,
don't you cry for me."
73
00:03:48,676 --> 00:03:50,920
Is the actual line...
I know Susannah.
74
00:03:50,989 --> 00:03:53,819
Susannah.
Your friend Susannah...
Susannah Magnatini,
75
00:03:53,888 --> 00:03:56,339
tello, te, uh, toro.
Magnatoro.
76
00:03:56,408 --> 00:03:59,894
Gould. Gould, yeah.
77
00:03:59,963 --> 00:04:01,171
I know her,
from your English...
78
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,725
Yeah, psychology...psychology class.
79
00:04:02,794 --> 00:04:03,829
Seminar.Seminar.
80
00:04:03,898 --> 00:04:05,037
And my name would be?
81
00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:07,247
Brenda?
82
00:04:07,316 --> 00:04:10,284
All right, so I've been
a little--little consumed
lately.
83
00:04:10,353 --> 00:04:11,734
You've done these tapes
a million times.
84
00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:13,460
I know, but this is--
this is different.
85
00:04:13,529 --> 00:04:15,979
This is the first one
I actually have to
write the script for also.
86
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:17,222
Why did you do that?
87
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,741
'Cause I figured,
"How hard could it be?"
88
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:20,260
You know,
the How to Stucco Your Roof,
89
00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:21,744
that one,
I called in an expert.
90
00:04:21,813 --> 00:04:23,263
But this one,
91
00:04:23,332 --> 00:04:25,195
How to Find 'Em, Meet 'Em,
and Make 'Em Yours.
92
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,164
Come on.
I mean, who better?
93
00:04:29,786 --> 00:04:32,202
Find 'Em Meet 'Em
and Make 'Em Yours?
94
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,481
Yeah. Hey,
I have, in the past,
95
00:04:34,550 --> 00:04:36,931
found them, met them,
and made them mine.
96
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,519
Let me see this.
97
00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:39,934
Susannah Gould.
98
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:41,039
Yeah?
99
00:04:41,108 --> 00:04:42,937
Yeah. From Jamie's
psych seminar.
100
00:04:43,006 --> 00:04:44,318
Yeah?Yeah.
101
00:04:44,387 --> 00:04:45,940
So where is she?Who, James?
102
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:48,667
Yeah. Um, I'm early.
I do that. Sorry.
103
00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,359
Oh, you got cool stuff.
104
00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:51,567
Hey, it's-- it's...
105
00:04:51,636 --> 00:04:53,223
You know how you get
a picture in your head?
106
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,880
I mean, this apartment,
I was right there.
107
00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,503
You, I was way off.
108
00:04:56,572 --> 00:04:57,849
Why? What'd you picture?
109
00:04:57,918 --> 00:05:00,058
I don't know. Taller.
110
00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:01,370
I'm 5'9".
111
00:05:02,232 --> 00:05:03,337
Oh, yeah, right.
112
00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:04,787
And a half. Oh, yeah, sure.
113
00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:07,514
Okay. I'm sorry. It's just,
it's the picture.
114
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:08,584
In your head? Yeah.
115
00:05:08,653 --> 00:05:10,171
Adjust it. I will.
116
00:05:12,173 --> 00:05:13,243
Fine.
117
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,383
Fine.
118
00:05:14,452 --> 00:05:15,660
I'm Ira.
119
00:05:16,764 --> 00:05:17,972
These are
things you did?
120
00:05:18,697 --> 00:05:19,974
Yes.
121
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:21,942
When you were single? That's right.
122
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,324
And who fell for this?
123
00:05:25,946 --> 00:05:27,430
Okay, going backwards,
124
00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:28,914
you...
125
00:05:28,983 --> 00:05:31,089
No, no, no, no, no.
That was different. How?
126
00:05:31,158 --> 00:05:32,573
Because when we met,
it was fate. It was fate.
127
00:05:32,642 --> 00:05:33,747
It was. All right, fine.
It was fate.
128
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:35,024
Okay, good.
It was fate.
129
00:05:35,093 --> 00:05:36,405
Well, not everybody
is lucky.
130
00:05:36,474 --> 00:05:40,754
So, it is thus
my duty to--to help
the fate-impaired.
131
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,757
What? Y-You don't think
this stuff would work?
132
00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:45,345
I don't know, try it.
133
00:05:45,414 --> 00:05:46,415
Yeah, okay. Good.
134
00:05:46,484 --> 00:05:48,209
I'm serious. Go ahead.
135
00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:49,418
Try it on who?
136
00:05:49,487 --> 00:05:50,971
Whom? Stop it.
137
00:05:52,697 --> 00:05:54,768
Right there.
How about her?
138
00:05:54,837 --> 00:05:56,114
She's too tall.
139
00:05:57,598 --> 00:05:58,772
She's cute.
140
00:05:58,841 --> 00:06:00,532
GIRL: Oh, I love that.
141
00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:02,327
A little too peppy.
142
00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:07,539
Ah, okay. Right there.
She's perfect for you.
143
00:06:15,823 --> 00:06:18,757
No sense of irony.
144
00:06:18,826 --> 00:06:21,760
Come on.
There must be somebody.
Who would you pick up?
145
00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:30,804
All right. And I'm not just
saying this to suck up.
146
00:06:30,873 --> 00:06:32,668
I--I would pick up you. Come on.
147
00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:34,773
No, seriously.
Because, you know,
y-you're cute,
148
00:06:34,842 --> 00:06:36,879
you got a perky sweater,
149
00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:40,848
and you look like
you would irritate my mother
just about enough.
150
00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:43,023
Here we go.
Pick me up.
151
00:06:43,092 --> 00:06:44,645
I can't pick you up. Why not?
152
00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:45,715
'Cause it's stupid.
153
00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:47,510
You think you
can't do it?
154
00:06:47,579 --> 00:06:49,719
Of course I can do it.
I did it. You're up.
155
00:06:51,687 --> 00:06:54,068
Come on. I'm here,
you're there,
we've never met.
156
00:06:55,173 --> 00:06:56,623
Okay.
157
00:06:56,692 --> 00:06:59,349
Ursula. Excuse me.
I'd like to buy
the lady a drink.
158
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,351
Okay. So you want
separate checks?
159
00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:05,735
No. All right. Well, now,
what about the chicken?
160
00:07:05,804 --> 00:07:07,703
I already bought the lady
a chicken.
161
00:07:07,772 --> 00:07:08,842
Now I'd like to
buy the lady a drink.
162
00:07:08,911 --> 00:07:10,153
I'd like
a champagne cocktail.
163
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:11,292
You don't
drink those.
164
00:07:11,361 --> 00:07:12,777
How do you know?
We've never met.
165
00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:14,606
That's right.
That's right.
Good point.
166
00:07:14,675 --> 00:07:16,539
Champagne cocktail
for the anonymous lady.
167
00:07:16,608 --> 00:07:18,955
Okay, now, should I
cancel the chicken?
168
00:07:22,131 --> 00:07:24,409
Um, I--I already ate it.
169
00:07:25,617 --> 00:07:27,688
Okay, I'm gonna
check with the chef.
170
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,280
Look, it was really
nice to meet you,
171
00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:35,006
but I got to go.
172
00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:36,248
Okay.
173
00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:37,974
No, no. I got to go.
174
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:40,321
Yeah.Which means
you got to go.
175
00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:42,047
Why?
176
00:07:42,116 --> 00:07:43,428
I can't just
leave you here.
177
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:44,498
Why not?
I'm waiting for Jamie.
178
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:46,224
It's not my place. So?
179
00:07:46,293 --> 00:07:48,157
So, what kind of
a citizen would I be?
180
00:07:48,226 --> 00:07:50,470
Come on, come on, come on.
181
00:07:50,539 --> 00:07:52,782
You don't trust me? I don't know you.
182
00:07:52,851 --> 00:07:54,232
Look, it's cold out.
183
00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:55,578
I'm not gonna
leave you here.
184
00:07:55,647 --> 00:07:56,786
Well, I'm not leavin'.
185
00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:57,994
Well, you want me
to carry you out?
186
00:07:58,063 --> 00:07:59,548
You want
to meet my knee?
187
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:08,660
Fine.
188
00:08:08,729 --> 00:08:09,799
Fine.
189
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,080
Honey, honey, it's okay.
Here.
190
00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:18,049
There you go,
you've bought me a drink.
191
00:08:18,118 --> 00:08:19,878
Now what?
192
00:08:19,947 --> 00:08:22,571
All right, now I would--
now I would make eye contact.
193
00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:24,883
It's very tricky.
194
00:08:24,952 --> 00:08:26,678
It's... You know, it's
a very tricky science there.
195
00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:27,783
With eye contact,
you know,
196
00:08:27,852 --> 00:08:29,267
'cause if it's
too little eye contact,
197
00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:30,820
then you're darting around.
198
00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:32,857
You know,
you look shifty.
199
00:08:33,685 --> 00:08:35,100
Nobody wants that.
200
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:37,102
And too much
eye contact,
201
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:39,829
you know,
you're like a lunatic.
202
00:08:39,898 --> 00:08:42,694
So you got to walk
that very fine line.
203
00:08:45,663 --> 00:08:46,905
How was that? Very good start.
204
00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:48,079
Okay. Okay.
205
00:08:48,148 --> 00:08:49,287
Go. All righty.
206
00:08:49,356 --> 00:08:50,357
[MUMBLES]
207
00:08:56,052 --> 00:08:57,675
You come here often?
208
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,619
Don't you hate
these places?
209
00:09:10,688 --> 00:09:11,723
Hmm.
210
00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:17,384
Anybody ever tell you
you look like Jodie Foster?
211
00:09:21,664 --> 00:09:22,734
[CLEARS THROAT]
212
00:09:25,772 --> 00:09:28,326
Excuse me, ma'am,
could you pass the nuts?
213
00:09:35,195 --> 00:09:38,025
I'm an orphan.Okay, honey...
214
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:40,959
Fine. You--You do better.
You try. You get me.
215
00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:43,444
Okay.
216
00:09:43,513 --> 00:09:44,894
Where you going? To get you.
217
00:09:44,963 --> 00:09:46,378
I'm over here. I'm over there.
218
00:09:46,447 --> 00:09:48,760
But I'm over here. Soon, you'll
be over there.
219
00:09:53,765 --> 00:09:54,835
[CLEARS THROAT]
220
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:04,120
Well, that's
not gonna work.
221
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,468
Chewing a straw.
222
00:10:07,537 --> 00:10:09,298
"I'm chewing a straw.
223
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:10,886
"I'm chewing a straw.
I'll be so attractive.
224
00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:13,371
"Men will come to me
because I'm chewing a straw.
225
00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:16,408
"I'm chewing a straw."
226
00:10:17,202 --> 00:10:19,929
Chew it. It's so cute.
227
00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:21,862
It's not gonna work.
228
00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,107
Excuse me.
229
00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:31,285
All right, it worked.
230
00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:37,153
What, you hungry?
231
00:10:37,222 --> 00:10:38,810
Yeah.
232
00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:40,156
So, grab a knife.
233
00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:46,680
So, you and Jamie,
you go to school together,
huh?
234
00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:48,786
Yeah. You're her cousin?
235
00:10:48,855 --> 00:10:50,684
No, Paul's.Oh.
236
00:10:50,753 --> 00:10:52,410
She's always saying
"My cousin Ira," so...
237
00:10:52,479 --> 00:10:53,791
She says that? Yeah.
238
00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:56,207
Well, that's nice. Oh, man!
239
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:58,209
They got Siegfried
and Roy matches.
240
00:10:58,278 --> 00:11:01,799
Yeah. Paulie and Jamie
were in Vegas last year.
241
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:02,869
What are you doin'?
242
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:04,456
I told you,
I collect 'em.
243
00:11:04,525 --> 00:11:06,113
You just take stuff
without asking?
244
00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:07,287
But they're matches.
245
00:11:07,356 --> 00:11:09,116
But they're
their matches. So?
246
00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:11,256
So, what, you want to take
the toaster, too?
247
00:11:11,325 --> 00:11:13,051
Oh, boy.
248
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,433
You got stuff
in your head.
249
00:11:15,502 --> 00:11:17,297
I don't have
anything in my head.
250
00:11:20,921 --> 00:11:22,820
I could write a paper.
251
00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:24,684
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
252
00:11:24,753 --> 00:11:25,823
Hand 'em over.
253
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:30,310
Jeez.
254
00:11:35,142 --> 00:11:36,419
So, you
come here often?
255
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:39,664
Oh, not really.
Don't you hate
these places?
256
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,010
PAUL: Oh, that's smooth.
257
00:11:41,079 --> 00:11:42,046
Hey, I'm Mick.
258
00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:43,288
Jamie.
259
00:11:43,357 --> 00:11:45,566
You know, that's one of
my favorite names.
260
00:11:45,635 --> 00:11:47,534
Oh, brother.
261
00:11:47,603 --> 00:11:48,880
Can I buy you
a drink?
262
00:11:48,949 --> 00:11:52,332
Um... Your champagne cocktail.
263
00:11:52,401 --> 00:11:54,161
The service
is great here,
isn't it?
264
00:11:56,163 --> 00:11:57,647
Put it on my tab.
265
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,857
Okay, now,
what about the chicken?
266
00:12:05,276 --> 00:12:06,795
You know,
you got a great smile.
267
00:12:06,864 --> 00:12:08,900
Oh, thank you.
268
00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:10,660
Actually,
that's not bad.
269
00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:13,905
I, uh, I don't mean
to embarrass you,
270
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:15,389
but it's not like
you haven't heard it
271
00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:17,253
a million times before,
right?
272
00:12:17,322 --> 00:12:19,842
Just get him
to talk slower.
273
00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:23,535
Uh, excuse me, friend.
274
00:12:23,604 --> 00:12:24,744
Uh...Me?
275
00:12:24,813 --> 00:12:26,573
You. Oh, you know this guy?
276
00:12:26,642 --> 00:12:27,712
Sort of.
277
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,127
Yeah,
I'm her husband.
278
00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:30,508
Oh, really? Paul.
279
00:12:30,577 --> 00:12:32,234
Hey, Paul.
Listen, man, I'm sorry.
280
00:12:32,303 --> 00:12:33,580
No, no. You go ahead.
I'll just take
a couple of notes.
281
00:12:33,649 --> 00:12:34,650
You go ahead.
282
00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:40,760
Uh, no,
hey, it's okay.
283
00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:43,107
Um, I'm not into this.
So, uh...
284
00:12:47,490 --> 00:12:48,664
Thanks a lot.
285
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:50,528
Oh, I'm sure he'll call.
286
00:12:52,392 --> 00:12:54,808
Anyway,
apparently, I win.
287
00:12:54,877 --> 00:12:56,672
No, you got him,
you didn't get me.
288
00:12:56,741 --> 00:12:58,087
I got you. How do you figure?
289
00:12:58,156 --> 00:12:59,882
You're here.
290
00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:01,711
I'm over here
for research.
291
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,368
I'm not here
'cause of, you now...
292
00:13:03,437 --> 00:13:05,612
All right.
Fine, fine, fine.
293
00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:07,441
What was that?
294
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:09,098
Whatever it is,
you're over here
because you were jealous.
295
00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:10,375
I wasn't jealous.
296
00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:11,860
Of course you were.
It bothered you.
297
00:13:11,929 --> 00:13:13,102
How do you get that?
298
00:13:13,171 --> 00:13:14,241
Because I know you.
299
00:13:14,310 --> 00:13:16,071
You don't know me.
We've never even met.
300
00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:17,900
Honey, it would
bother anyone.
301
00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:19,488
No, not anyone.
302
00:13:19,557 --> 00:13:23,699
Everyone. No. I don't... Ursula,
let me ask you something.
303
00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:27,254
You see your boyfriend,
somebody you
love and trust,
304
00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:29,739
talking to some woman
at the bar.
Would that bother you?
305
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,156
Is he
doing that again? Who?
306
00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:33,847
You bastard!
307
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,932
What is the matter
with you?
308
00:13:50,001 --> 00:13:52,003
Nothin'.
309
00:13:52,072 --> 00:13:54,005
Oh. Oh, what?
310
00:13:55,489 --> 00:13:56,766
Want another soda?
311
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,493
No, no, no.
Thank you, I'm full.
312
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:01,841
Oh, man, am I full.
313
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:04,774
So go.
314
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,846
What, and leave you
unattended? No way.
315
00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:09,918
Well, suit yourself.
316
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:19,997
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
317
00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:21,550
MAGGIE: Yes? Come here a minute,
will you?
318
00:14:21,619 --> 00:14:23,655
Well, actually, I'm...No, no, no, no.
I'm not fooling around.
319
00:14:25,174 --> 00:14:26,866
You keep an eye on her, okay?
320
00:14:32,078 --> 00:14:33,389
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
321
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:35,322
So, you having a party?
322
00:14:36,013 --> 00:14:37,014
No.
323
00:14:40,707 --> 00:14:42,191
[TOILET FLUSHES]
324
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:45,194
Okay, okay.
325
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:47,507
Thank you very much.
326
00:14:47,576 --> 00:14:49,164
It was much appreciated.
327
00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:51,097
And we'll see you later.
328
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,622
Maybe someone
should fix us up.
329
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:00,727
With whom?
330
00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:01,797
Whom?
331
00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:04,386
Like you like. With us.
332
00:15:04,455 --> 00:15:06,181
Wait a second.
W-W-Whoa. All right.
333
00:15:08,735 --> 00:15:10,357
What are you doing? Just...
334
00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:17,606
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
335
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,130
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
336
00:15:24,199 --> 00:15:25,925
Okay, honey,
it's for you.
337
00:15:26,615 --> 00:15:27,719
Hello?
338
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:29,480
Hi. I-Is this Jamie?
339
00:15:29,549 --> 00:15:30,791
Yes.
340
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:32,897
Hi, hi. My name
is Paul Buchman.
341
00:15:33,656 --> 00:15:35,451
Yes?
342
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,730
Yeah, uh,
your Aunt Charlotte
bought my sister's Saab.
343
00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:40,456
Oh, okay,
well, great.
344
00:15:40,525 --> 00:15:41,630
Yeah.
345
00:15:42,355 --> 00:15:44,357
So.So.
346
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:46,290
How you doing?
347
00:15:46,359 --> 00:15:47,360
I'm good.
How are you?
348
00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:49,189
Good. I'm doing good.
349
00:15:49,258 --> 00:15:51,191
Uh, I was thinking, um,
350
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,503
maybe we should
go out sometime.
351
00:15:52,572 --> 00:15:55,920
Like Friday or Thursday.
352
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,232
Or any of the days.
353
00:15:57,301 --> 00:15:58,854
Um, Friday's good.
354
00:15:58,923 --> 00:16:01,374
Friday? Great.
How about 7:00 at Riff's?
355
00:16:01,443 --> 00:16:02,962
Okay, um...
356
00:16:03,031 --> 00:16:05,826
Great. So,
how will I know you?
357
00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:08,691
Uh, people
say I look a little
like Jodie Foster.
358
00:16:10,072 --> 00:16:11,936
Okay. How will I know you?
359
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:15,871
Uh, I actually...
I look like Daniel Day-Lewis
in The Last of the Mohicans.
360
00:16:19,047 --> 00:16:21,842
What?I'm going to
see you Friday.
361
00:16:21,911 --> 00:16:23,568
Just... Just...
362
00:16:23,637 --> 00:16:25,260
All right, great.
363
00:16:26,433 --> 00:16:29,195
So, 7:00, Friday,
drinks at Riff's.
364
00:16:29,264 --> 00:16:30,610
Drinks?
365
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:31,887
Yeah. W-What'd you think?
366
00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:33,820
I thought you were
buying me dinner.
367
00:16:33,889 --> 00:16:35,546
Well, let's see how it goes.
368
00:16:35,615 --> 00:16:38,204
We'll have drinks,
and if it works out, well,
I'll buy you dinner.
369
00:16:38,273 --> 00:16:39,722
Why wouldn't it work?
370
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,621
Well, you never know.You don't think
it's going to work out?
371
00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:43,105
I don't know.
I never even met you.
372
00:16:43,174 --> 00:16:44,417
You not even
giving it a try.
373
00:16:44,486 --> 00:16:45,694
Hey, don't pressure me.
374
00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:47,144
Okay, let's just forget
the whole thing.
375
00:16:47,213 --> 00:16:48,283
Hey, fine. Fine.
376
00:17:00,916 --> 00:17:02,435
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
377
00:17:02,504 --> 00:17:04,506
Oh, come on,
I'm kidding. God!
378
00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:11,099
You, know, you are
just like my husband.
379
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:12,307
What? You're married?
380
00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:14,550
Yeah, for about
five minutes.
381
00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:16,069
Well, you got me
beat by two.
382
00:17:18,002 --> 00:17:19,555
What happened?
383
00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:22,386
We were young.
That's the short version.
384
00:17:22,455 --> 00:17:24,595
Well, you're
still young. Stupid young.
385
00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:27,046
Yeah?
I know about that.
386
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:28,978
Oh, yeah?
387
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,187
Yeah.
388
00:17:30,256 --> 00:17:31,291
Huh.
389
00:17:31,947 --> 00:17:33,017
Huh.
390
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:38,678
Excuse me?
391
00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:41,336
Excuse me?
392
00:17:41,405 --> 00:17:42,854
What? Sorry to bother you.
393
00:17:42,923 --> 00:17:45,409
I just, uh...
I can't seem
to reach these.
394
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:46,720
Why not?
395
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:48,205
I just can't.
396
00:17:48,274 --> 00:17:49,344
It's right there.
397
00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:51,208
Oh, hi, I'm Jamie.
398
00:17:51,277 --> 00:17:53,002
Oh. All right.
399
00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:55,004
Oh, no, no.
400
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,592
You know what?
I don't think so.
401
00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:57,731
Why not?
402
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,802
Because I can see
how tall you are.
403
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:00,976
You would just
reach your arm up.
404
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:02,564
Maybe I have bursitis.
405
00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:05,084
Oh, there's a turn on. Oh, fine.
406
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:08,708
[MAN CHATTERING ON TV]
407
00:18:08,777 --> 00:18:11,193
Wait a minute.
Go back. Go back.
408
00:18:11,262 --> 00:18:13,195
I used to
work there.
409
00:18:13,264 --> 00:18:15,197
You're kidding?
410
00:18:15,266 --> 00:18:16,854
Why not? It's the psychic line.
411
00:18:16,923 --> 00:18:18,062
Yeah, so?
412
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,822
So, what,
you're a psychic now?
413
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,859
You just got to talk.
414
00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:23,930
Which clearly
you can do.
415
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:27,485
What'd you talk about?
416
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:30,799
Mostly I just listened
and gave them a little push.
417
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,354
How'd you know
where to push?
418
00:18:34,423 --> 00:18:37,599
You listen hard enough,
you can hear what
someone wants.
419
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:39,118
Yeah? Yeah.
420
00:18:41,258 --> 00:18:43,018
So, what do I want?
421
00:18:44,606 --> 00:18:45,883
Something here.
422
00:18:45,952 --> 00:18:47,022
Something where?
423
00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:48,644
Here, this place.
424
00:18:48,713 --> 00:18:50,129
What, like the credenza?
425
00:18:52,821 --> 00:18:54,063
No.
426
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,824
Not something you
can put in your pocket
427
00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:57,274
or put on a U-Haul.
428
00:18:57,343 --> 00:19:00,898
Or, you know,
something they got here
that you wish you had.
429
00:19:02,244 --> 00:19:04,315
That's why you've
been acting like this.
430
00:19:04,384 --> 00:19:06,938
It means something
to you, I think.
431
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,564
Either that
or you're just a putz.
432
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:14,567
Why is this so hard?
433
00:19:14,636 --> 00:19:16,741
What?For us
to meet each other.
434
00:19:16,810 --> 00:19:18,295
'Cause it's stupid.
435
00:19:18,364 --> 00:19:22,540
I can't get you,
I got you. We're married.
436
00:19:22,609 --> 00:19:24,473
Well, actually,
that should make me
more attractive to you.
437
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:25,716
What do you mean?
438
00:19:25,785 --> 00:19:27,959
Women get off
on married men.
439
00:19:28,028 --> 00:19:30,341
Not all women. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
It's a thing.
440
00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:32,378
It's like men
and lesbian scenes.
441
00:19:32,447 --> 00:19:33,896
Okay, see, I don't get that.
442
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,381
What? What is not to get? I mean, I get it.
443
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:37,555
But you all like it
so much.
444
00:19:37,624 --> 00:19:40,972
Yes, 'cause it's naked
and fun, and I agree
with both of them.
445
00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:43,630
You can't
compare the two.
446
00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:45,563
Oh, absolutely.
The minute I put this on,
447
00:19:45,632 --> 00:19:47,979
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] I became 10 times
more attractive than I am.
448
00:19:48,048 --> 00:19:49,705
Fine. Not to all women.
449
00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:53,882
Okay.
450
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:55,194
Okay.
451
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:58,542
Hi, I'm Paul.
452
00:19:59,612 --> 00:20:00,854
Jamie.
453
00:20:00,923 --> 00:20:02,408
That's funny.
That's my wife's name.
454
00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:03,581
Oh, you're married? Yeah.
455
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,273
Almost three years. Wow.
456
00:20:06,066 --> 00:20:07,792
What's she like?
457
00:20:07,861 --> 00:20:09,932
My wife? Yeah.
458
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,244
Kind of like you,
actually.
459
00:20:11,313 --> 00:20:13,453
About your height,
your hair, your eyes, too.
460
00:20:13,522 --> 00:20:14,730
She sounds perfect.
461
00:20:14,799 --> 00:20:17,423
Actually, no. No.
462
00:20:17,492 --> 00:20:18,976
Not so much perfect.
463
00:20:19,045 --> 00:20:20,840
She never puts the ATM stuff
into the checkbook.
464
00:20:20,909 --> 00:20:22,393
So we're always,
like, $60 off.
465
00:20:22,462 --> 00:20:25,327
Okay, I'm sorry... Don't defend her.
466
00:20:25,396 --> 00:20:26,811
She sneaks cigarettes
behind my back.
467
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,537
Like, what,
I don't have a nose?
468
00:20:28,606 --> 00:20:31,195
Then--Then she doesn't
tell me that the film lab
called last night,
469
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,646
so I have to go down
in the middle of
my lunch hour to...
470
00:20:33,715 --> 00:20:35,268
I could go on
and on and on.
471
00:20:35,337 --> 00:20:37,028
Why don't you
just say something.
472
00:20:37,788 --> 00:20:40,515
Why make trouble?
473
00:20:40,584 --> 00:20:42,102
But she's got
good points, too.
474
00:20:42,171 --> 00:20:43,483
She's got a lot
of good points.
475
00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:45,174
She gets so excited
about things.
476
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,073
You know,
she's genuinely surprised
477
00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:48,971
when we don't
win the lottery.
478
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,904
She won't give money
to Crazy Pete
on the corner,
479
00:20:50,973 --> 00:20:52,734
but she'll go
a block and a half
out of her way
480
00:20:52,803 --> 00:20:55,150
to buy the man a sandwich.
481
00:20:55,219 --> 00:20:57,014
And her laugh...
482
00:20:57,083 --> 00:21:00,051
Her egg salad,
very strong egg salad.
483
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,190
The way she calls me
on stuff
484
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,158
when I'm
making myself crazy.
485
00:21:03,227 --> 00:21:04,815
Knowing when I need
to make myself crazy
486
00:21:04,884 --> 00:21:07,093
and then going there with me.
487
00:21:09,129 --> 00:21:11,028
Mostly, her egg salad.
488
00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:25,214
Well,
she sounds great.
489
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,078
She's okay.
490
00:21:27,147 --> 00:21:29,322
So, why are you
here with me?
491
00:21:29,391 --> 00:21:31,324
I just can't
help myself.
492
00:21:33,913 --> 00:21:35,155
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
493
00:21:38,124 --> 00:21:39,401
JAMIE: Hey. Hey.IRA: Hey. Hey.
494
00:21:55,175 --> 00:21:57,005
MAN ON TV:
Your table,madame.
495
00:21:57,074 --> 00:21:58,489
WOMAN ON TV:
Thank you, sir.
496
00:21:58,558 --> 00:21:59,801
This is fun,
isn't it?
497
00:21:59,870 --> 00:22:01,147
Yeah. PAUL: This I like.
498
00:22:01,216 --> 00:22:02,942
You're sure you like
to do things like this?
499
00:22:03,011 --> 00:22:05,600
Sure. JAMIE: See, now this guy knows
what he's doing.
500
00:22:05,669 --> 00:22:08,154
...girls wanted fellas
to take them to fancy places.
501
00:22:08,223 --> 00:22:09,397
Spend lots of money.
502
00:22:09,466 --> 00:22:10,984
Not this girl.
503
00:22:11,053 --> 00:22:13,470
JAMIE: He could find me,
meet me, and make me his
like that.
504
00:22:13,539 --> 00:22:15,748
You know, I sort of like
things like this, too.
505
00:22:15,817 --> 00:22:16,818
PAUL: Well, who knew?
506
00:22:16,887 --> 00:22:18,267
You won't laugh?
507
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:21,650
I like to go on
bicycle trips, too.
Do you?
508
00:22:21,719 --> 00:22:24,757
Mmm-hmm.
And miniature golf,
do you like that?
509
00:22:24,826 --> 00:22:27,138
Yeah, and weenie roasts
and square dances.
510
00:22:27,207 --> 00:22:29,555
And baseball games
and taffy pulls.
511
00:22:29,624 --> 00:22:31,936
JAMIE: Why don't you ever
take me to a taffy pull?
512
00:22:32,005 --> 00:22:33,559
...you like to do
lots of things, don't you?
513
00:22:33,628 --> 00:22:34,491
PAUL: I didn't know
you were interested.
35095
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
