All language subtitles for The Tree in a Test Tube (1943) [Laurel-Hardy] 1080p BluRay H264 DolbyD 5.1 + nickarad.eng

(triumphant music)

- Hey you mugs, uh, I mean, gentlemen.

Well, well, it's Laurel and
Hardy, as if I didn't know.

Hello boys, this is Pete
Smith, as if you didn't know.

Say, I'd like your help here
for a minute, do you mind?

No, of course not.

I just want you lads to show the audience

how much wood the average person totes.

Wood, got any?

No, like most guys, you don't realize

how many articles made of wood
products you carry around.

For instance, that newspaper.

Yeah, that newspaper is largely
made of trees, wood pulp.

Of course, most people know that,

but many people don't know
that a lot of other objects

come from a wood base.

Take Stan's glasses.

The rims are plastic.

About 60% of plastic is wood flour.

Powdered wood, my friends.

Got a fountain pen?

Just as I thought, plastic barrels.

Okay, gents, anything
else in your pockets?

Be careful of fish hooks, Stan.

A billfold.

Imitation leather made
with cellulose acetate,

a wood product.

Uh-oh, what's up?

Why, Mr. Laurel.

Oh sure, your wife's, of course.

Anyway, they're rayon,
another wood product.

Well, what else, boys? A cigarette case?

A plastic, also a cigarette holder.

More plastic.

Anymore wood, my lads?

(clanging)

No, but there's wood in
his hat, the sweatband.

Right, more imitation leather.

(twanging)

A new spring hat, eh?

More? Yeah, a pipe, the
bowl of which is wood.

The stem, plastic.

Book matches.

These matches are wood
pulp, so is the cover.

It's amazing the amount of wood we use.

Ain't it the truth?

And now, a penknife.

The handle, plastic.

Let's see what's in the suitcase, boys.

The suitcase, do you mind?

That's it, let's see what we have here.

Any slippers?

Yes, here we are.

They're real leather
like your shoes and belt,

but tanned and made durable
by tan bark from the forest.

Then, too, the counters
and insoles are wood fiber.

Okay, Ollie, let's proceed.

Wood in bottles?

Well, Hardy, uh, hardly, no pun intended.

Anyway, witch hazel and
cascara are just two

of several hundred drugs
and remedies from trees.

Next, an imitation leather toilet case.

Mirror with plastic back.

Brush back is plastic.

Bristles of both brushes
are cellulose plastic.

This bottle top is plastic.

So is soap container.

Bath sponge is cellulose plastic

and I'm not at all surprised.

Hey Stan, what else you got?

Come, come, fellas.

Don't tell you're running out of plastics.

Let's take a look at
some more of your junk.

Uh, I mean, your nice things.

Ah, a razor, handle is plastic
as are most electric shavers.

Ouch, that blade ain't no plastic, bub.

And now, writing paper,

scratch pad,

envelopes,

and book, all wood pulp, kiddies.

Pajamas are rayon and rayon
is a wood product, remember?

Hey, what you got there, chum?

Oh, shorts, eh? More rayon.

But Stan, such colors!

(Hardy laughs)

And now, a shirt,

tie,

and socks, all rayon.

Say, the suitcase.

Yeah, even that's made
out of laminated wood

covered with canvas.

And it's a good thing these
lads didn't come around here

with a trunk.

We'd be here for days.

Oh boys, you can go now.

Goodbye Stan, so long Oliver,
and thanks very much, guys.

Darn nice of you to help.

Hey!

Oh well, they need exercise anyway.

- Goodbye now and thanks
to you Pete Smith.

This is Lee Vickers carrying on.

Well, Laurel and Hardy
little realize the importance of wood

to their daily lives.

And I wonder if most of
us know just how important

forests and research are
to the winning of this war.

The answer may be found
at Madison, Wisconsin,

where the United States Forest Service

maintains its Forest Products Laboratory.

Here, for years has been carried on

a broad program of research

to increase uses of forest products

and find new uses for waste materials.

Here's where they figuratively
put the tree in a test tube.

(mellow music)

Research makes very
important contributions

to our welfare not only during peacetime,

but doubly so in wartime.

Without flash or fanfare,
these men patiently carry on.

Engineers, foresters, scientists, chemists

practicing their magic, searching out ways

to make our warplanes lighter
and therefore, faster,

pressing together thin veneers of wood,

developing materials
suitable for training planes

with a strength comparable
to that of steel.

No glue is used and it comes
out with a piano finish.

This saves time.

This compregnated slab is strong enough

to bear the weight of a four-ton elephant,

believe or not.

(circus music)

And here it is, an
all-wood training plane,

light, sure, swift, and safe.

Even the gas tank is wood.

Research has determined the
best woods for pontoon bridges.

The planking and rails are light,

but strong enough to
take terrific punishment.

(fanfare music)

A shortage of material
for gas mask charcoal

was answered by our chemists

finding a better charcoal
and an improved filter paper.

Wood for horse-drawn artillery
must be tough and light.

A pound may still be only 16 ounces,

but at the end of a day, it seems more.

Shipping cases for food and
other war material are tested.

This is called a shinnying machine.

(fanfare continues)

Cases for rifles and other
munitions must be strong

and every inch saved
means more cargo space

and cargo space is very important
to our lend-lease program.

These are some of the little
things that help to win a war.

Wood cellulose is an essential
element in gunpowder.

Research for greater
efficiency is continuous.

Barracks to house our soldiers
and trucks to move them,

all wood or partly wood.

Mess halls, recreation halls, armories.

Here is a laminated arch
with a span of 84 feet.

It will rest on the walls
without further support.

A laboratory triumph.

The steel it replaced can
now go into a battleship.

Some 30 types of skis were
put through grueling tests.

Now, when our boys
start out for ski patrol

on distant mountains,
they can feel confident

their skis are dependable.

(fanfare continues)

Forests and forest
products are indispensable.

America should make sure they are produced

abundantly and perpetually.

America should develop from its forests

new uses, new industries,

so that when these boys come home again,

there will be a job for each one of them.

(fanfare continues)

To help do this, to
produce better war supplies

for the front, and most important of all,

to help teach pirate nations
that the American people

hold those liberties conceived
by our patriot forefathers,

baptized in precious
blood at Valley Forge,

at San Juan Hill, at Chateau-Thierry,
and at Pearl Harbor,

those liberties so jealously guarded

by our national government,

more important than life itself,

that is the number one job

of the men at the Forest
Products Laboratory,

the men behind the men
behind the guns.

Let us too help keep it flying.

(fanfare continues)