All language subtitles for en2Mad.About.You.S06.E21.1080p.WEBRIP-Amazon

Oh, most of my friends
love that.

♪ Tell me why
♪ I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who

♪ Can stop my heart
as much as you

♪ Let's take
each other's hand

♪ As we jump into
♪ The final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby

♪ Yeah ♪

You sure
you didn't see it?

Sorry.

A whole bag of cookies
just disappears?

Sure you bought 2 bags?

Yes. I'm positive.
I remember the guy
at the checkout counter

going, "ah, somebody
likes a lot of cookies,"

like I need this guy
commenting on my life.

Wait a second. Didn't
we finish the cookies
when my folk over?

Yes, but that was
the first bag.

There were, like, two left.
Your father had one,
and your mother said,

"Burt,
the sugar will kill ya,"
and then she ate it.

And we didn't start
the second bag?

No. They aren't here.
I got a craving.
I'm really upset.

Well, I'm gonna
call the police
and see what they know.

Maybe you ate 'em.

Yes, that's what I did.

I ate an entire bag
of Milano cookies
in one shot.

Not impossible.

Yeah, and then,
I didn't tell you

because so shaky
is our relationship,
so fragile,

the ties that bind us,
and so heinous a crime--

You tell me,
where'd they go?

I don't know.
Nobody knows.

You know what? It'll be
just one of those
sweet mysteries

Well, I don't like it.

I'm takin' a shower.

I'm finding
the cookies.

All right.
I'll wash up,
you'll save France.

[HUMMING]

[SMACKING]

[HUMMING]

♪ I'm in the mood

♪ For a shower

♪ Simply because

♪ I enjoy a nice shower

[SCREAMING]

Often before one's death,

one's life flashes
before one's eyes.

[ANGELIC VOICES SINGING]

Always know
I love you.

[BUBBLING]

They're not always
the most profound images.

But when taken together,
they do provide insight
into a person's psyche.

Your son Paul
has enormous potential.

BURT: Sure.
SYLVIA: Well, naturally.

If only he would
apply himself.

There's no question
the young man
has potential.

There's so much
he can do.

There so much I know
he wants to do.

[VROOMING]

[AMUSING MUSIC]

Finished!

Totally empty.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[VICTORY MUSIC]

Thank you!
Good night, Chicago!

Paul!
Paul!

Paul!
Paul!

Guess who's living
in Chicago now?

PAUL: Who?

Your cousin Victor's
wife Marilyn.

I told you they
split up, didn't I?

Yeah. Yes.
Yes, you did.

I hate to say
I told you so,

but she was never right
for him.

Paulie?

What? What are you doing?

Um...

Homework?

Really?
And who is that, Judy?

H-hello, Mrs. Buchman.

Hello.

Isn't your mother
expecting you for dinner?

I was just going.

Okay.

Burt, your son is kissing!

Paul, your mother
is your mother.

I know. I know.

You're not
gonna change her.

We discuss this
all the time.

I don't know why you have to
pay that woman $100 an hour.

I'll make it very simple
for you.

Your mother
is a horrible person.

Okay Period. End of sentence.

Free of charge.

A hundred dollars a week?

When I first met your mother,
do you know what I was making?
$65 a week.

SYLVIA: 60!

Sixty dollars a week,
I was making.

And I think
when Debbie was born,

I gave myself a raise,
a whopping $75.

SYLVIA: 80!
$80 a week!

But $100 a week to talk
about your problems?

Unheard of.

SYLVIA:
unheard of!

Didn't we teach you
about money?

You see how all the pictures
are facing the same way?

That's fundamental,
very important.

When you see a guy
with his money facing
every which direction,

do you know what it says?
The guy's a loser.

Big loser.

Plus, and this
is what I want you
to remember, Paulie--

The big bills
are on the inside,

and the singles
and the fives
on the outside.

Do you know why?

Because that way people
don't see the big bills
and rob you?

That's right, my smart boy.

You see? Organized and nice.

You see, you want to put
the applesauce on this side

and the green beans
on this side

because they're
very different flavors

and you don't want to
get them confused, you see?

Separate and nice.

He's so his father
it's unbelievable.

All right,
first of all, I'm not,

and, second of all,
what would be so bad
if I were?

He always phrases things
in such a way
that he can't be wrong.

I don't. No. That's not--
I don't. No, I don't.

And if I did,
I do it less than you.

See?
Paul?

That was a little childish.
I caught that.

It's not always
about winning, Paul.

Thank you.

Okay, so how come
when she wins, that's okay?

It'll be
your third light.

Don't give her lights.
Give her landmarks.

Third light.
It's across from
Monty's house of pies.

You'll see it.
There's a big store
across the street.

Pies.
A big pie store.

Monty's house of pies.
You know what?

They'll see the "M"
from Monty's--big,
like a mountain range.

Do you want to
talk to her?

Do you want her to
find it, or don't you?

One of us is doing this.
You or me?

You.
Thank you.

But you're
doing it badly.

No. See, it's a strip mall

Right after
the Cloverleaf turn.

It's the 28th light.

You'll see
there's a pet world,

and then
there's a baseball card
and memorabilia shop.

You'll see a big sign,
"Doug's Cards."

Make the right,
then you'll see
another light.

You know what?
You can't miss it.
There's a huge wooden owl.

The owl is gone.
Just look for the light.

Hold on a second.
Excuse me.

Is this not exactly
the kind of thing you hate
when I do to you?

Does it bother you?

No, but the point is
when I do this kind
of thing to you,

you hate it.

Because it bothers me.
I understand.

So, if this bothers you,
tell me.

You're missing my point.
The point is, why can't
you see the similarity

between when you do this
and when I do this?

Because when you do it,
it's annoying.

[SIGHS]

It's the 28th light.

Well, who we marry
says a lot about us.

Meaning what?

Well, for example, Paul,
when you talk about Jamie,

it sounds like you're
talking about your mother.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Meaning what? That
I'm like his mother?

Well, maybe.

In some ways.

Or maybe you're
the exact opposite.

What do you think, Paul?
Is Jamie like your mother?

Um...

You know--

If--

It's--

Who knows? You know?
Really? I don't know.

When in the face of death,

the mind calls forth
a dizzying array of
seemingly unrelated images.

Oh, uh--

All right, uh--

I see. Now you--

Ha! What do you
think of that?

Paulie, what
have we learned?

When you play
against my mom...

Both: You ain't
never gonna win.

That's correct,
my friend.

Everything comes
to the surface.

Look at this.

Cigarettes and matches--

Very nice for a 13-year-old boy.

Where'd you
find all this?

Where? I found it.

It was just sitting out?

No, it wasn't just sitting out.

It was in a box.

Florsheim shoes.

Inside a bag.

In the closet.

In a bigger box marked "letters from grandma."

What was I, born yesterday?

You ain't
never gonna win.

But, in truth,
these images all may
be different expressions

of the same basic desire.

I want to win, Lord!

[ BABY ELEPHANT WALKSPLAYS ]

Look at this.

Oh, for god's sake.

Naked girls, Burt.

I see.

Not only naked, but look. Look how they're sitting.

And I'm not a prude, Burt.

No, no, no.

I don't know any one of our friends

who would say Sylvia Buchman is a prude.

No, no, no.
They wouldn't.

Look at this. Can you imagine if these girls' parents were alive

and they stumbled across this?

They'd--they'd--they-d-- I don't know what.

He just leaves these
sitting around--
My brilliant son?

No, he didn't leave them sitting around.

I looked, I came across.

It was inside a little valise.

In a blanket.

Above the dryer.

In the crawlspace.

Oh.

[BABY ELEPHANT WALKSPLAYS ]

You ain't never
gonna win.

I want to win, lord!

I want to win!

You're not gonna get
anything past Jamie, ever,

So you can just stop tryin'.

Yeah, but why is that?

I was once gettin'
my nails done

at this place called
Vivian's, a great little
shop I discovered.

And, for some reason,
I just didn't feel like
sharin' it with anyone.

Sure.

I see Jamie and I'd
just gotten my nails done,

and she goes, "hi, Fran."

Like that.

"Hi, Fran."

Like there was this
little awkward silence,
like, "Fran."

Isn't there anything
you're not sharing
with me?"

Oh, stop it.

No. I am telling you,

she has this radar,
and it goes right to
the back of your brain.

Well, women,
you gotta understand,
are different.

It's not just
a man-woman thing.

It's Jamie.

I mean, you can
lie to a woman,

you just gotta work
a whole lot harder.

I mean, to be honest
with you, it's almost
not even wort

Unless, of course,
you're very, very good.

How did she know
I didn't read the book?

Sweetie--
I could have
read the book.

No, no, no.
You didn't commit.

I committed. She said,

"Did you ever read
Angela's Ashes?"

And I said, "mm-hmm."

You've never read it.

No, but she
doesn't know that.

And I've been meaning
to read it, so that's
like something.

It's not like
I never heard of it.

Sweetie, you can't lie.
Just accept it.

What?

You can't.
You don't have it in you.

You're an honest person.

That is a terrible thing
to say.

No. It's one of the things
I love most about you.

Let me tell you
something.

I could lie
as good as anybody.

You really can't.

Hey, of course I can.

Hmm...No, you can't,
but it's okay.

You know what?
Now you're really
buggin' me.

Sweetie!
Just drop it!

[BABY ELEPHANT WALKSPLAYS ]

But I used to be able
to lie, didn't I?

When?

I don't know.
Before, years ago.

Oh, yeah. Years ago
you were very strong.

I mean, when you
applied yourself,

you could lie like
nobody's business.

What happened was
I did the assignment,

and then I did
the bonus questions, too--

You know, the ones
we really didn't even
have to do--

But I didn't like
the way those came out,
so I ripped 'em up.

But I wasn't thinking,
and I accidentally
ripped up the whole thing.

With the other answers,
the ones we were
supposed to do.

So that's why
when you asked,
did I do the assignment,

I said,
"well, yes, I did it,
but I don't have it."

All right, then.

Sit down.

No.
But I mean after that,
as a grownup.

I used to lie,
didn't I?

Sure.
Yeah.

Yeah. You remember
the girl from Cincinnati?

Who was that?

I don't know her name.

You don't remember her?
She was from Cincinnati.

PAUL: Her?
IRA: No.

PAUL: Her?
IRA: No.

PAUL: Her?
IRA: No.

You mean her?
No. She had,
like, reddish hair.

You met her in Florida.

[TING]

Don't know who
you're talking about.

Oh, yes, you do.
We met her in Florida.

She was on vacation
from Cincinnati.

Her grandmother
had a boat.

And my grandmother
got this guy's boat,

so we came down
from Cleveland.

[TING]
Cleveland.

Cleveland.

Yeah, sure.
Of course. Yeah.
Right.

You remember
all the crap you told her
about you and boats?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's so funny.
I practically
grew up on boats.

My-- My father had--

He built, actually,
a 40-foot, uh...

So you know what
a storm chaser is?

No.
It's a boat.

And from the time
I was, like, three,

I used to always
go out and, uh...

I used to sit
on my dad's lap.

You know, he let me
hold the wheel,

and we used to just
sail across the water.

Nobody around for miles,
just me, my old man,
and the wind.

Yeah.

I remember, he always
used to say to me,

He said,
"son, never forget
that a man and his boat

"Are like 2 hearts
in one soul...

"Caressing each other
and holding each other
lovingly and tenderly.

"But always serving
one common master,

which is their dance
across an ageless sea."

I don't know.
I've-- I just--

I guess I've always
lived my life that way.

I want you to take me
right here and right now.

My god, I was good.

I'm tellin' ya.

What happened to me?

[ANGELIC VOICES SINGING]

[BABY ELEPHANT WALKSPLAYS ]

Man, these are good.

You see, Paulie,

the trick is, you have
to balance yourself.

I mean, it's like
this sandwich here,
for example.

This is a big sandwich.

Yes.

I mean, you figure
between the salami
and the provolone

and the mayonnaise--
and I'm usin'
the real kind here--

Mm-hmm.
You add it all up,
you're talkin' about,

well, like, uh...
A million calories.

All right.

But everything
in balance, my friend.

What do you suppose
that I had for breakfast?

A smaller one of these?

No, no, no. The juice
of one grapefruit.

That's all?

Just that.

It's all a question
of balance, my friend.

[CRUNCHING]

Mmm!

I could stop eatin'
any time I want.

You see what it is?
It's twice
the chocolate now.

Now, that's just unfair.

Toying with people's lives.

I could stop eatin'
any time I want to.

Servings
per container--

Eight? What,
are they kidding me?

There's no way
this is making it through
eight people.

[BURP]

The whole bag?

I ate an entire bag
of cookies?

Why didn't you stop me?

Or at least go get me
some milk or somethin'?

And I know you're
not supposed to eat
that many cookies.

So I know
I'm out of control.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

MOM: What?
You're not eating.

I'm eating. I've been eating
since I got home from camp.

MOM: So you'll eat
a little more.

I mean,
I'm sure it's connected
to my childhood somehow,

You know, but I don't
know exactly how.

Hmm.

Well, what do you
think it might be?

[RAVEL'S BOLEROPLAYS]

I don't know.

[RAVEL'S BOLEROPLAYS]

Hard to say, really.

Maybe, just maybe,

there's, like,
a sexual component,
you know?

Because I know it's
always related somehow
to sexual things.

I don't know
exactly how,

but I'm suggesting
maybe it's that.

[THEME FROM ROCKYPLAYS]

Maybe fighting or
wanting to have a fight.

[THEME FROM ROCKYPLAYS]

Or my mother.
Maybe it's old anger
at my mother.

[THEME FROM ROCKYPLAYS]

Maybe Jamie and my mother.

[BELL RINGS]
[THEME FROM ROCKYPLAYS]

[CROWD CHEERS]

You know, something to do
with the two of them,

maybe something
between them.

Maybe something I feel
towards both of them.

Eh...

I just want to win, Lord!

I really, really,
would like to win.

Maybe it's about winning,
wanting to win,

feeling a need to win...

Having a desire to win?

I like to win.

Winning?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Perhaps with anger?

Mixed in there with
the anger, I'm guessing?

[RAVEL'S BOLEROPLAYS]

With the whole sexual thing.

And a little, like,
my childhood.

Wanting to measure up.

You know, fear of not
measuring up somehow.

My father?

Is it my father somehow?

As the breadwinner,
you know,

or, like,
the rock of the family?

[COWBELL RINGS]

Ooh. Uh...

Well, just whatever.

You know,
my father in general.

Look, Paul, actually,
I can't help you.

Just a little!

If I could win
just a little!

What if you can't?

How's that?

Uh, I say,
what if you can't win?

Do you still
want to live?

Yes, but not as much.

GOD: [LAUGHING] Paul...

You-- You kill me.

Don't you realize

that there are things
much more important
than winning?

Think, man.

Think.

[DRUMS BEAT]

[ANGELIC VOICES SINGING]

[DRUMS BEAT]

[CYMBALS CLANG]

Oh.

Sure.

Oh!

Oh, boy.

Hey, stop. Stop,
stop, stop, stop!

I ate the cookies,
all the cookies.

I ate all the cookies.
Okay, here's the bag.

I hid it in the couch
when you came in.

I wasn't gonna tell you,
but I am, okay?

I-- I am the eater
of the cookies.

But I just want you
to understand something.

I could've gotten away
with this if
I wanted to, you know.

I mean, I could've
never told you,

and you never would
have known, right?

I mean, before
when I told you that
I didn't eat the cookies,

I said, "oh, I didn't
eat the cookies."

You believed me,
didn't you?

Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

Which means
I can lie to you.

I choose not to.

That's right.
I mean, you could
have been looking

for that bag
the rest of your life.

You never would have
found it, you know?

And I would have won.
I would have won.

I would have
had my little secret,

and you would have
gone insane, looking
for those cookies.

You would have ended up
in a home somewhere.

I'd have to visit you
twice a month
until we're dead.

But I didn't. I didn't,
and you know why?

Why?

I don't want to lie to you.

It makes me feel bad.

I love you.

Everything else
is just silliness.

And if there's
anything clogging up
whatever you and I have,

I don't want it, and
I won't let it be there.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So that's why you
weren't gonna tell me,

just so you could prove
you could lie?

Uh-huh.

Wow.
Yeah. I know.

But I get it now.
Very clever now.

Well, good.

Can I ask you
just one thing?

Go ahead.

Why did you eat 15 cookies
in the first place?

They were just
very good.

I see.
Sure.

♪ I'm gonna take a shower

♪ Because I enjoy

♪ A shower

♪ But

♪ I don't enjoy

♪ Falling

♪ So this way

♪ I maybe won't fall

♪ I put little sticky things
on the tub floor

♪ They will help the friction

♪ So I don't fall

♪ And die