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Happy Thanksgiving, Chloe!
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Do you want me to make you
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my traditional turkey--
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Uh, this is Chloe's
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Thanksgiving tradition.
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She calls all of
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her married lovers
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while they're home
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with their families
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to freak 'em out.
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(phone rings)
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(singsongy)
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Gobble, gobble!
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Is your wife home?
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'Cause I'm wearing
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her t-shirt right now.
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MAN: Wait-- What?
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Hey, Harold!
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Did you see the parade?
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(inhales sharply)
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Get tested.
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(man crying)
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Oh, hey, Todd, real quick--
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While you're eating,
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your baby will be
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growing inside me.
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MAN: No! I--
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Hey, Tyrone,
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Happy Turkey Day.
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Did you tell your wife yet
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that you prefer white meat?
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MAN: Wait, no, no, no,
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no, no, no.
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♪ I'm not perfect,
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I'm no snitch ♪
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♪ But I can tell you ♪
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(whispers)
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♪ She's a... ♪
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(buzzer)
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♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪
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♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ♪
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Chloe,
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you ruined Thanksgiving
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for those men.
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Don't you feel bad?
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They're hypocrites.
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Pretending to be family
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men one day a year,
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and then sleeping
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around the rest?
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This whole holiday is
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fake--
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people pretending
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to like each other,
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everyone thinking
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it's okay to wear Uggs.
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What? Thanksgiving
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is a wonderful holiday.
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I was gonna fly home to
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Indiana to be with my family,
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but I couldn't afford
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the flight.
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You could sell
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your uterus.
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I got a guy.
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Next year.
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(door opens)
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Happy Fat America Day.
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Luther and I are on our way
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to volunteer at a soup kitchen.
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I don't wanna
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look too nice.
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I wanna borrow something
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that's, you know,
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kind of "of the people."
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Oh, you're volunteering?
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That's exactly what
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I was gonna do today.
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I-- Oh. Okay.
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(laughs)
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It's so rewarding.
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Helping those in need--
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Oh, that looks
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really nice--
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is a Colburn
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Thanksgiving tradition.
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You know, and if I can't
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be home to do it,
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maybe I should just go along
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with you guys. Is that okay?
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Do you have a reservation
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at the shelter?
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You need a reservation
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to help people?
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(laughs)
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(laughs)
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Indiana.
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Fly-over state.
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Biscuits.
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June, the 78th
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Street Shelter
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is the most exclusive
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in the city.
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You need a reservation if
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you want People magazine
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to take your picture
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with photogenic homeless.
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I put my name in
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a year ago.
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And he's
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James Van Der Beek.
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What have I told you about
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where to put the emphasis?
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Ugh!
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First Christmas card came.
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Guess who from.
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My dad and Karen.
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Of course, she's making
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him crouch down.
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I don't really think
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that she has a... choice.
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This is exactly why I'm
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not going home today.
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My mom's gonna put on
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a show for her guests,
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but everyone knows
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it's a Thanksgiving lie
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because they've been
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having a hard time
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ever since my dad cheated
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on her with some whore.
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That was... that was me.
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You set me up with your father.
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I'm the... whore.
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Right!
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Yeah.
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I forgot. Funny.
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Because on the surface,
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you don't look like a whore.
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(singsongy)
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Happy Thanksgiving.
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May I offer you
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a baked good?
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I'm doing gluten-free
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right now.
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Good for you.
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I tried doing vegan for a week.
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No energy. I couldn't even
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make it to the gym.
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Yeah, that must
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have been hard for you.
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I only have one foot.
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I like your sock.
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Thank you
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for volunteering today.
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If you have any problems,
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Reggie and Mike
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will take care of you.
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Fantastic.
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Showtime.
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There he is.
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Hello, friends.
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Would you care for
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some delicious gravy?
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Nice.
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This is what it's
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all about, isn't it?
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Sharing with those in need,
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giving of one's self
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so that you can...
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MAN: Hey, is that an Olsen?
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MAN: Mary-Kate!
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MAN: Ashley!
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Okay, that's a wrap.
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Fantastic.
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Thank you.
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You guys were great.
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Ta-ta!
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(bell dings)
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Oh, hi!
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Happy Thanksgiving.
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My name is June.
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I live in apartment 23.
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May I help you
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with your groceries?
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Rape!
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What? No.
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Rape!
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I was just trying
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to help you!
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Some lady is raping my wife!
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Rape!
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(door opens)
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Um...
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I just ran into
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Mrs. Hochberg in the hall.
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Did you, like,
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rape her or something?
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No. They thought I was,
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but I wasn't.
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I'm not attracted
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to either one of them.
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Really? 'Cause I bet
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back in the day,
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she was something special.
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(scoffs) This has been
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the worst Thanksgiving
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in my entire life.
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I haven't been able
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to find anyone to help,
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and I can't afford
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to be home with my family.
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I know who you should help--
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the Native Americans.
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Let's go to an Indian casino
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and drink white wine
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with the Cherokee!
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On Thanksgiving?
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You-- you don't think that's
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a little bit insensitive?
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No. We're helping.
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We're starting
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the healing process.
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And, June, the way
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you suck at Blackjack,
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you could change
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a lot of lives.
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I don't suck at Blackjack.
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I just don't play
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the way that you do.
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Nobody takes the insurance.
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I don't like
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being unprotected!
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Hey, Chloe,
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just so you're not shocked,
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I like to play
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two slot machines at once.
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So I'll be all like,
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"Bap-bap-bap-bap-bap."
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Yeah. You should
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totally do that.
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Why aren't we
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at the casino?
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Uh, that was a Thanksgiving lie.
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We're at my parents' house.
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We're just gonna go in
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for a quick five-course meal,
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we'll be done
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in nine hours, max.
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Nine hours? That is gonna
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bleed into Black Friday.
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June, you can have sex
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with black men
254
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any day of the week.
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What are we doing
256
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at your parents' house?
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You said that families
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put aside their problems
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for one day of the year,
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and I got to thinking,
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since my parents
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are back together,
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I'm gonna try and spend
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some real time with them,
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and I can't do it
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without you.
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Why me? I...
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(lowered voice)
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made out with your father!
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June, you're the first
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normal person I've met.
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You can help me
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have a normal Thanksgiving.
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Come on. You wanna help
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somebody this Thanksgiving?
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Help me.
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Okay. Okay.
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I will help you.
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I will put aside
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all this weird stuff
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with your father,
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and I will help you
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navigate this special day.
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I will be your
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emotional Sacagawea.
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Great!
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All right.
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Wait! June, wait.
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No, you can't just
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walk into the house.
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Are you crazy? My mom knows
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you almost porked my dad.
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She does? Wait, why?
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I had to tell her.
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She thought it was
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someone her own age,
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not some sweet
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young thang.
299
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,399
You can't hand me a sledgehammer
300
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,399
and expect me not to swing it.
301
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,401
(door squeaks)
302
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,281
(grunts)
303
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,788
Okay. Hop in.
304
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,788
What?
305
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,833
This is the only way to level
306
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,833
the playing field with her.
307
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,793
She'll replace her anger
308
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,793
with kinship.
309
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,129
This chair is
310
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,129
the great equalizer.
311
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,421
This is crazy!
312
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,299
I can't pretend
313
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,299
to be in a wheelchair
314
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,093
in front of your mother,
315
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,093
who is actually in a
316
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,093
wheelchair.
317
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,720
Besides,
318
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,720
she's seen me,
319
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,805
and she knows
320
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,805
that my legs work!
321
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,432
I told her that you were in a
322
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,432
horseback riding accident.
323
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,311
Your horse saw a snake,
324
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,311
it reared up
325
00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,436
and tossed
326
00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,436
you on a rock,
327
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,356
and you shattered
328
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,356
your pelvis in 60
329
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,356
places.
330
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,440
60 places?
331
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,442
Oh, my god. The doctor
332
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,442
bills must have been--
333
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:42,443
You know what?
334
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:42,443
You know what?
335
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,072
It's not real.
336
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,072
Come on, Sacagawea.
337
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,447
I need you.
338
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,447
(moans)
339
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,284
Please!
340
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,452
Well, I hate lying,
341
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,454
especially on
342
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,454
Turkey Day.
343
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,456
But if this is
344
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,456
the only way
345
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,457
that you can
346
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,457
reconnect--
347
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,293
Great!
348
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,293
I will-- Oh, god, wait.
349
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,128
Wait. Hold on.
350
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,128
But what about my horse?
351
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,462
What was his name?
352
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,462
You didn't tell me.
353
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,797
I don't know
354
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,797
what to do!
355
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,507
(doorbell rings)
356
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,507
Is it a Palomino?
357
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,507
What if it comes up?
358
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,968
Hey! Hi, you!
359
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,968
(door squeaks)
360
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,637
Who wants a welcome
361
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,637
soup shot in their tummy?
362
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,098
Shut your face, mom!
363
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,099
Chloe,
364
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,474
she's not trying
365
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,474
to be rude to you.
366
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,560
She's just trying to be nice.
367
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,560
(scoffs) Fine. Whatever.
368
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,562
She's always hated
369
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,562
my welcome soup shots,
370
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,646
even though
371
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,646
she's never tried one.
372
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,107
I'll try
373
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,107
one in hell!
374
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,482
Is that my princess?
375
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,484
Hi, daddy! It is me!
376
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,486
Hi! Mm.
377
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,364
You guys remember June.
378
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,198
Hello, June.
379
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,783
You're looking...
380
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:30,951
handsome.
381
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,872
Hi, Karen.
382
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,706
Come.
383
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,499
Give me a hug.
384
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,500
You mean...
385
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,087
in our, uh...
386
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,087
in our chairs?
387
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,713
Oh, yes, dear,
388
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,713
in our chairs.
389
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,924
I am gonna give you tips
390
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,924
I wish someone had given me
391
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,508
when I was first in the chair.
392
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,508
Wow.
393
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,136
Now here's what's gonna happen.
394
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,805
I'm gonna reach over,
395
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,805
and I'm gonna set your brake.
396
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,805
Ooh!
397
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:55,309
I'm gonna scoot my weight
398
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:55,309
to the end of my chair,
399
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,978
and then I'm gonna extend
400
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,978
my arms around you,
401
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,315
and I'm gonna bring your body
402
00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:01,315
close to my body.
403
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,523
Oh!
404
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,523
Mm-hmm.
405
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,234
We're hugging now.
406
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,236
This is a hug.
407
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:11,532
(exhales deeply) That got
408
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:11,532
pretty real back there.
409
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,453
I don't think I ever
410
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,453
want to be homeless.
411
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,121
We should buy that second house
412
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,121
we've been talking about
413
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,164
just so I have a backup.
414
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,539
Sedona!
415
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,375
(pounding on door)
416
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,544
Oh, hey, guys.
417
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,005
Clarence sent us
418
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,005
to get you.
419
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,798
You left before
420
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,798
your shift was over.
421
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,343
No. I-I came.
422
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,343
I helped out.
423
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,595
I-I signed two autographs
424
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,595
for a bipolar prostitute.
425
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,222
(laughs)
426
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:38,352
That's... Luther, put that
427
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:38,352
in the "perfect joke" file.
428
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,560
All right.
429
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,856
Celebrities like you always
430
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,856
leave early on Thanksgiving.
431
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,608
Mike, you think
432
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,608
People magazine
433
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,486
would find it
434
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,486
interesting to know
435
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,946
that James Van Der Beek
436
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,946
ladled and left?
437
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,948
Very interesting,
438
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,948
Reggie.
439
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,158
No, no, no.
440
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,158
We didn't leave.
441
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,243
We-- we... we just
442
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,243
had to come back,
443
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,620
'cause-- 'cause we,
444
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,620
uh, forgot...
445
00:08:57,662 --> 00:09:00,499
our... hats.
446
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,418
(indistinct conversations,
447
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,418
dishes clatter, baby crying)
448
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,463
This is excruciating.
449
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,463
How long have we been here?
450
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:09,049
Ugh. 45 minutes.
451
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:11,885
(clangs)
452
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,554
(dribbles)
453
00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:21,520
(indistinct conversations)
454
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,896
I have a present for you.
455
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,023
Two hands on your wheels
456
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,816
doesn't mean
457
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,816
you can't still party.
458
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:30,028
Oh, wow, that's really nice.
459
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,071
You think that's nice?
460
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,655
(singsongy)
461
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,655
Wait till you see this.
462
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,200
Oh, is that
463
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,200
for my glasses?
464
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,035
Nope, it's a Tampon holder.
465
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,287
It's that "T" of the "M,"
466
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,705
you need to go to the ladies',
467
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,623
but you don't want to wheel
468
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,623
all the way over
469
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,459
to wherever
470
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,459
you put your purse.
471
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,461
Well, that is
472
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,461
very thoughtful of you.
473
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,837
Thank you for being
474
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,837
so welcoming
475
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,130
despite... everything.
476
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:52,717
My motto is
477
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:52,717
"Keep rolling forward."
478
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,638
I don't understand
479
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,638
what the problem is.
480
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,806
I didn't do anything wrong.
481
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,641
Could you excuse me
482
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,641
for a second?
483
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,642
I think I'm needed.
484
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,643
Okay.
485
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,312
Honey,
486
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,312
you know you're pretty.
487
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,688
You got it all going on.
488
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,691
But sometimes guests,
489
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,691
like my boss,
490
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,651
can misconstrue it
491
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,651
when you sit on their lap
492
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,321
and feed them Ambrosia salad
493
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,321
with your fingers.
494
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,656
You put your fingers inside
495
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,656
of your dad's boss' mouth?
496
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,033
June,
497
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,701
if there's a sexy piece
498
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,701
of man-meat in front of me,
499
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,036
I'm gonna want
500
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,036
to eat it.
501
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,455
Chloe...
502
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,664
take a look at
503
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,664
that sexy piece of man-meat
504
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,833
without your intention
505
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,833
of wanting to ruin the holiday,
506
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,627
and let me know
507
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,627
if you're still hungry.
508
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,339
(indistinct conversations)
509
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,134
Oh, my god. He looks
510
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,134
like a giant cheesy poof.
511
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,344
Good catch.
512
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,344
That was a close one.
513
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,221
That's what
514
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,221
I'm here for.
515
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,015
So, Scott,
516
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,015
how have you been?
517
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,812
Would you excuse me?
518
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,812
I have to check on the turkey.
519
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,566
I've been good, too.
520
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:52,235
Just, uh, don't ask
521
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:52,235
me to dance, 'cause
522
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:52,235
I can't.
523
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,696
(indistinct conversations)
524
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,074
Oh, my god.
525
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,074
This plate has been licked.
526
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:58,908
All right, James.
527
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,368
Lunch break.
528
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,745
Where's Luther?
529
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,745
I need him to make
530
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,745
me a res at Babbo.
531
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,291
Uh, we eat here...
532
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,291
at the shelter.
533
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,209
I don't wanna
534
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,209
eat here.
535
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,803
Pretty great to have all
536
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,803
this food today, huh?
537
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,348
Oh, yeah.
538
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,723
Yeah, I used to get
539
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,723
pretty hungry
540
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,601
back when my mom
541
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,601
first got put in jail,
542
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,645
and the only soft
543
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,645
thing in my life
544
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:28,229
was a trash bag
545
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:28,229
filled with old pillows.
546
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:31,650
My grandma hoped
547
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:31,650
a pet would help me
548
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:31,650
get through it.
549
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:33,734
So she got me what she
550
00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:33,734
thought was a hamster.
551
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,196
(thinking) My god...
552
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,574
how long have I been chewing
553
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,574
on this turkey?
554
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,576
Feels like forever.
555
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,744
Wait. Is that a tendon?
556
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,747
Oh, my god,
557
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,747
I-I can't eat a tendon.
558
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,166
I need to spit this out
559
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,166
into a napkin,
560
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,751
but the sad kid
561
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,751
keeps on looking at me.
562
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:54,255
Maybe I can wash it down
563
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:54,255
with orange drink.
564
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,798
There's lipstick on that cup.
565
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:56,966
Oh, my god.
566
00:11:57,008 --> 00:12:00,094
They're reusing cups.
567
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,140
Yoo-hoo! Hi.
568
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,975
Down here.
569
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,769
Oh! Hey, June, I didn't
570
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,769
see you down there.
571
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,813
Yeah. Or in the hallway
572
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,813
or the TV room.
573
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,358
Anyway, uh, listen,
574
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,775
I know this is
575
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,775
a little awkward.
576
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,612
But, um, Karen and I seem
577
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,612
to be getting along great.
578
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,239
And you and I
579
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,239
don't have to pretend
580
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,448
like we don't
581
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,448
know each other.
582
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,949
I mean, the last
583
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,949
time I saw you,
584
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:25,495
my toes were
585
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:25,495
in your mouth.
586
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:26,621
Oh! That
587
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:26,621
was the timer.
588
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,789
I have to check
589
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,789
something in the kitchen.
590
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,791
Hey. That is not
591
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,791
where the kitchen is!
592
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,461
I know what you're doing--
593
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,461
Oh.
594
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:37,465
God. This rug
595
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:37,465
is like a swamp.
596
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,765
Oh, god.
597
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,645
Yep, stairs can
598
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,645
be tricky.
599
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,855
Mm. Here's what's gonna happen.
600
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:56,526
I'm gonna reach
601
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:56,526
over. (sighs) And I'm
602
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:56,526
gonna set your brake.
603
00:12:56,568 --> 00:13:00,321
I'm gonna slip my right hand
604
00:12:56,568 --> 00:13:00,321
under your left buttock,
605
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,740
and I'm gonna heft
606
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,740
your weight...
607
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,284
(strained voice) from one chair
608
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,284
to the other. Okay.
609
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,410
Okay. Good girl.
610
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,704
Oh, beautiful.
611
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,704
Beautiful. You all right?
612
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:08,663
Yes.
613
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:08,663
(beeps)
614
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:09,997
Et voila.
615
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,249
(whirring)
616
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,833
Seriously?
617
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,795
I've got a knitting
618
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,795
project in the side
619
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,795
pouch. Feel free.
620
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,266
See you
621
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,266
downstairs!
622
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,934
Hey-- Oh...
623
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,934
(beeps)
624
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,478
June, where the
625
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,478
hell have you been?
626
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,062
I've been trying to
627
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,062
talk to your father,
628
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,731
but he's acting
629
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,731
like a child.
630
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,108
(scoffs) Well, my mom
631
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,108
just said she likes
632
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,108
my hair down,
633
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,151
so obviously,
634
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,151
I put it up.
635
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,736
How do you make
636
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,736
this thing go down?
637
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,238
Are you even listening
638
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,238
to me? This is red
639
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:42,238
hour, June!
640
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,281
This is right before dinner
641
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,865
when my mom and I
642
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,865
get in a huge fight,
643
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,867
and I blow everything
644
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,867
up! You're supposed
645
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,867
to stop me!
646
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,869
Tell me to breathe
647
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,869
or something!
648
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,913
God, did you ever think
649
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,913
that maybe your mother is
650
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,332
not the one
651
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,332
with the problem?
652
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,875
She is a wonderful
653
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,875
human being.
654
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,337
It is your father
655
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,337
who has real issues
656
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,588
with women in
657
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,588
wheelchairs.
658
00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,964
What are you
659
00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,964
talking about?
660
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,549
You're supposed to be
661
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,549
my emotional Sacagawea.
662
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,549
(beeps)
663
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,259
Sacagawea's busy.
664
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:05,886
(whirring)
665
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,729
(singsongy) Oh, dinnertime!
666
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,273
(silverware clinks, laughter,
667
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,273
indistinct conversations)
668
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,068
Well, I just took
669
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:21,068
some ibuprofen-- wink--
670
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,737
so I passed that
671
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,737
little episode on my own,
672
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,823
no thanks to you.
673
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,823
Uh-huh. Look at Scott.
674
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,784
He's sitting as far away
675
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,784
from me as possible.
676
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,577
You know, I've been
677
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,577
thinking about it,
678
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,996
and he didn't even
679
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,996
call me once
680
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,832
after my horseback
681
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,832
riding accident.
682
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,625
(whispers) You
683
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,625
didn't have an accident.
684
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,753
But he thinks I did,
685
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,753
and he never sent me
686
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,753
balloons
687
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:39,962
or came to visit me
688
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:39,962
in the hospital,
689
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,005
(whispers) or anything.
690
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,507
Are you drunk?
691
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,175
I have a cup holder.
692
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,301
(fork clinks glass)
693
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,344
(singsongy) Ding, ding!
694
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,846
(singsongy)
695
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,846
Fork made the sound.
696
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,848
You don't have to
697
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,848
say it, too.
698
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,932
Before we eat, I'd
699
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,932
like to go around the
700
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,932
table
701
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,143
and say what we're
702
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,143
thankful for.
703
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:57,146
I'm thankful for all of
704
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:57,146
us being here together...
705
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,650
especially June,
706
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,650
our newest addition.
707
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:01,942
I'm thankful we were able
708
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:01,942
to get the Syracuse game
709
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:02,943
on the dish, right, Tom?
710
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:03,944
(laughter)
711
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,946
Ha! Hilarious!
712
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,741
I'm thankful
713
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,741
the snowy owl
714
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,201
is no longer on the
715
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,201
endangered species list.
716
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,536
To our troops
717
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,536
overseas.
718
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,537
MAN: I'm thankful
719
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,537
for chocolate.
720
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,247
WOMAN:
721
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,247
And the Mars rover.
722
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,249
And yams!
723
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,249
(laughter)
724
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,959
How come
725
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,959
no one said legs?
726
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,213
Uh, you mean, like,
727
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,213
turkey legs?
728
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,214
No!
729
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,551
I mean you all have
730
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,551
working legs,
731
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,220
and none of you
732
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,220
give a damn about them!
733
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,889
Yams?
734
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,181
Legs!
735
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,181
(silverware clatters)
736
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,974
(clenches teeth)
737
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,974
June, pull yourself together!
738
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,436
(normal voice)
739
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,436
Everybody, I am so sorry
740
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:40,981
that June is trying
741
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:40,981
to ruin our special
742
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:40,981
Thanksgiving dinner.
743
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,400
What are you
744
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,400
talking about?
745
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,194
You wouldn't even be here
746
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,194
if it weren't for me.
747
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:49,240
You'd be screwing that
748
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:49,240
life-size cheddar cheese
749
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:49,240
over there
750
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,992
and arguing with
751
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,992
your selfish father!
752
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,994
I'm Sacagawea!
753
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,288
I'm on a coin!
754
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,748
I'm money, bitch!
755
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,168
June's legs work!
756
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,045
I walked in on her getting nuts
757
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,045
from on top of the fridge,
758
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,923
and I didn't want
759
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,923
to say anything
760
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,467
because I didn't want
761
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,467
to ruin Thanksgiving.
762
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,719
Uh, June, honey, ignore her.
763
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,719
This isn't about you.
764
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,012
Chloe's always had a complicated
765
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,012
relationship with my chair.
766
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,890
That's why I put a lock
767
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,890
on your tampon holder.
768
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,018
Wait. What are you doing?
769
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,018
What are you doing?
770
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,019
Stand up!
771
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,855
KAREN:
772
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,855
Don't. Don't.
773
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,065
Stop it! Chloe!
774
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,065
Stop it!
775
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,818
(grunting)
776
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,818
No!
777
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,235
She's done this to me before.
778
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,235
Set your brake. Set your brake!
779
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:30,030
Aah!
780
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:30,030
Ugh! Ow! Ow!
781
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,699
Stop it!
782
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,699
Get off of me!
783
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,743
Get-- Oh, my--
784
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,119
Oh!
785
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,119
(thud)
786
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,537
Chloe!
787
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,833
Seriously, June?
788
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,041
You are laying
789
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,041
on the ground,
790
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:44,545
pretending to be crippled
791
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:44,545
on Thanksgiving?
792
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,931
It's a miracle?
793
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,726
You don't... need
794
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,726
the chair?
795
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,521
No. I am so sorry.
796
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,105
I was just trying to help.
797
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,649
The only reason
798
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,649
I got in this chair
799
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,067
was just so you'd forgive me
800
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,067
for dry-humping your husband.
801
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,235
(all gasp)
802
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,113
You were the whore?
803
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,490
Chloe said that you knew.
804
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,368
Nope. No.
805
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:20,080
So Scott wasn't avoiding me
806
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:20,080
because I was in the chair.
807
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,081
Scott was avoiding me
808
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,917
because he was afraid
809
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,917
I'd make a scene,
810
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,084
like this one.
811
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,084
(chuckles)
812
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,753
Get out!
813
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,753
JUNE: Of course.
814
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,092
Go.
815
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,387
(meows)
816
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,387
(gasps)
817
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,724
Oh, boy. Freckles wanted to get
818
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,724
out of here worse than me.
819
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:38,933
Is he an outdoor cat?
820
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,102
No? All right then.
821
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,108
(sighs)
822
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,945
I'm sorry. I think
823
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,945
you're wearing my jacket.
824
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,947
I must have left it
825
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,947
on the chair back there.
826
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,824
No, I'm wearing
827
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,824
my jacket.
828
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:57,952
No, that's mine.
829
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:57,952
I... paid $1,500 for it.
830
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:01,205
You don't think I can
831
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:01,205
afford a $1,500 jacket?
832
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,999
Why, because
833
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,999
I'm black?
834
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,918
You're not
835
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,918
black.
836
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,126
I'm black.
837
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,963
Says it's mine right here.
838
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,963
I'm Wayne.
839
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,549
You destroyed
840
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,549
the festive lining?
841
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,593
You animal!
842
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,762
(both grunting)
843
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,307
Sucks working
844
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,307
holidays, huh?
845
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,768
(grunting)
846
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,768
Take it off!
847
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,143
I mean...
848
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,104
(grunting continues)
849
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,190
(crickets chirping)
850
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,818
(lowered voice)
851
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,818
June, oh, my god.
852
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,445
You were great!
853
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,447
Yeah. Yeah.
854
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,447
It was just so great.
855
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,657
Everything about that
856
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,657
was just great--
857
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,660
So great that your mother
858
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,660
has been glaring at me
859
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,580
through that window
860
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,580
for the last 20 minutes.
861
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,165
Why did you tell me that
862
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,165
she knew about Scott and me?
863
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,668
So you would get
864
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,668
in the chair.
865
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,670
You had to believe
866
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,670
that was the only way
867
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,172
she could get past
868
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,172
her anger and accept you.
869
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,174
Then why did you throw
870
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,174
me out of the chair?
871
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,010
So then she would
872
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,010
super hate you
873
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,887
when she found out
874
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,887
you could actually walk,
875
00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,973
and then they would give me
876
00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,973
cash to get away from you.
877
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,223
They gave you money?
878
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,225
$2,000.
879
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,185
I knew they wouldn't want
880
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,185
me living with someone
881
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,270
who would lie about
882
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,270
something like that.
883
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,815
But the way that
884
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,815
you bonded with my mom,
885
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,233
and then outed your
886
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,233
fling with my dad--
887
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,860
nobody could have
888
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,860
seen that coming.
889
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:17,115
So this whole thing
890
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:17,115
was a scam for money?
891
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:17,115
(bills rustling)
892
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,366
You used me to
893
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,366
manipulate your parents,
894
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,494
you made me lie
895
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,494
to your poor mother
896
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,870
about being
897
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,870
in a wheelchair--
898
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,247
$800, $900...
899
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,916
$1,000. There.
900
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,585
That should be enough to get you
901
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,585
home to Indiana for Christmas.
902
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,211
What?
903
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,089
You seemed super sad
904
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,089
this morning
905
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,214
when you couldn't go home,
906
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,842
and then you were yammering on
907
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,842
about helping people,
908
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,636
so I thought, "Why not
909
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,636
use my screwed-up family
910
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,220
to get you
911
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,220
home to yours?"
912
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,807
Chloe, that...
913
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,433
(sighs)
914
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,433
...that was-- that was
915
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,433
really nice of you.
916
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,978
It is nice.
917
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,978
I'm really nice.
918
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,731
June, why aren't you
919
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,731
fanning yourself
920
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,731
with your money?
921
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,484
I'm really excited
922
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,484
about going home for
923
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,484
Christmas and all,
924
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,278
but I mean, I kind of
925
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,278
just feel really bad
926
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,237
that I blew up
927
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,237
Thanksgiving.
928
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,865
Are you
929
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,865
kidding me?
930
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,241
That was the best Thanksgiving
931
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,241
I've ever had with my family.
932
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,243
Oh! Right.
933
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,243
Seriously.
934
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,286
After you
935
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,286
left, we ate,
936
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,539
my mom and dad bonded
937
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,539
in their hatred of you,
938
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,498
and then we
939
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,498
played Charades.
940
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,500
I guess I
941
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,500
did kinda--
942
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,835
Okay, now
943
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,835
stop smiling,
944
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,252
because I have to
945
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,252
pretend to tell you
946
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,504
that I'm moving out.
947
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,050
Okay, this is me
948
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,050
telling you.
949
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,843
You're gonna take
950
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,843
these leftovers,
951
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,260
and you're gonna
952
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,260
smash it on the ground,
953
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,721
and then you're gonna walk
954
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,721
to the end of the block,
955
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,932
and I'm gonna come
956
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,932
and get you in a cab.
957
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,767
You wanna pick up
958
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,767
some pie on the way home?
959
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,268
I'm in the mood.
960
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,770
I know you're probably
961
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,770
thinking that you want pumpkin,
962
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,313
but I'm gonna throw
963
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,313
something out there--
964
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,150
Dutch apple. Huh?
965
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,150
You like that idea?
966
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,317
(clatter)
967
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,317
It's your call.
968
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,278
We should talk like this
969
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,278
to each other all the time,
970
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,947
'cause this is
971
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,947
really fun.
972
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,908
(speaking inaudibly)
973
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,292
Oh. Dutch apple.
974
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,292
So good, right?
975
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,046
So this is what guys
976
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,046
make love to
977
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,339
when they can't
978
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,339
get girls?
979
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,593
Hmm. I get it.
980
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:01,594
(door opens)
981
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,930
I had
982
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,930
the most amazing day.
983
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,681
Aw, isn't helping people
984
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,681
the best?
985
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,681
(door closes)
986
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,307
I have reached bottom.
987
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,307
Literally.
988
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,393
A homeless man's bottom
989
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:09,393
was on my face.
990
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,728
They made me wait
991
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,728
on the meat scale
992
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,021
while the officer
993
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,021
took my statement.
994
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,356
I don't know
995
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,356
if it was the stress,
996
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,109
or the food,
997
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,109
or the bum fight,
998
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,317
but somehow, some way,
999
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,737
I lost 2 pounds on
1000
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,737
the fattest day of the year.
1001
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,573
Do you know
1002
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:22,573
what that means?
1003
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,324
I negated the Christmas gain!
1004
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,826
I'm going
1005
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,826
into the holiday season
1006
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,828
two pounds underweight!
1007
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,828
Nice!
1008
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:31,624
Looking good, skinny!
1009
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:31,624
(sighs)
1010
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:36,003
I am caught in the shallow end
1011
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:36,003
of a very dark pool.
1012
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:37,337
Think that's a good idea.
58281
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