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This is the world...
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00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:06,695
196 million square miles.
3
00:00:06,769 --> 00:00:08,998
If I covered 100 square miles an hour
4
00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:11,003
every hour for the rest of my life
5
00:00:11,071 --> 00:00:12,936
I'd still only see half of it.
6
00:00:14,474 --> 00:00:17,307
This is the left nostril
of my brother Reese.
7
00:00:17,377 --> 00:00:20,743
It squeaks all night long.
8
00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,575
These are the freezing cold feet
9
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,739
of my little brother... Dewey.
10
00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:26,783
This is my oldest brother Francis.
11
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He's the one I really like
12
00:00:28,651 --> 00:00:31,381
so, of course,
he got sent to military school.
13
00:00:31,453 --> 00:00:32,578
My name is Malcolm.
14
00:00:32,654 --> 00:00:34,622
You want to know
what the best thing
15
00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:35,780
about childhood is?
16
00:00:35,856 --> 00:00:38,256
At some point, it stops.
17
00:00:38,325 --> 00:00:41,760
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
18
00:00:41,828 --> 00:00:44,318
♪ I don't know ♪
19
00:00:44,396 --> 00:00:47,660
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
20
00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:49,823
♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
21
00:00:50,085 --> 00:00:52,144
♪ And you're not so big ♪
22
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪
23
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,954
♪ And you're not so big ♪
24
00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:05,484
♪ Life is unfair ♪
25
00:01:14,802 --> 00:01:18,498
Malcolm, Reese, Dewey,
get in here!
26
00:01:21,173 --> 00:01:22,765
- Stop!
- I'm not touching you!
27
00:01:22,842 --> 00:01:24,118
There's only two toaster waffles.
28
00:01:24,142 --> 00:01:25,342
One of you has to have cereal.
29
00:01:26,845 --> 00:01:27,868
It's mine!
30
00:01:27,945 --> 00:01:28,969
Come on!
31
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Give it!
32
00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:31,305
You cheated!
33
00:01:31,381 --> 00:01:32,473
Give it! Give it!
34
00:01:32,548 --> 00:01:35,516
Huh, look at this.
35
00:01:35,584 --> 00:01:38,143
They're sending
an unmanned probe to Venus
36
00:01:38,219 --> 00:01:41,154
and letting a bunch
of schoolchildren name it.
37
00:01:41,222 --> 00:01:42,779
That's going to end badly.
38
00:01:43,629 --> 00:01:45,061
They do this every month.
39
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,427
He has sensitive skin.
40
00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:49,193
The hair gets itchy under his clothes.
41
00:01:49,266 --> 00:01:50,824
It always seems like such a shame
42
00:01:50,901 --> 00:01:52,390
to just dump this in the trash.
43
00:01:52,468 --> 00:01:54,629
Maybe birds would like
to make nests with it
44
00:01:54,704 --> 00:01:56,933
or maybe you boys could
use it for school projects.
45
00:01:56,968 --> 00:01:59,169
Arms up.
46
00:01:59,242 --> 00:02:01,076
Dude.
47
00:02:01,111 --> 00:02:03,044
Malcolm, come right home
from school.
48
00:02:03,112 --> 00:02:05,090
I made a play date for you with Stevie
Kenarban and you have to take a bath.
49
00:02:05,114 --> 00:02:06,637
What? Mom, no!
50
00:02:06,714 --> 00:02:07,976
Malcolm has a play date?!
51
00:02:08,049 --> 00:02:09,311
Shut up, Reese!
52
00:02:09,384 --> 00:02:11,351
With Stevie "The Wheelie" Kenarban?
53
00:02:11,418 --> 00:02:12,251
Oh, man!
54
00:02:12,286 --> 00:02:15,277
So, Malcolm,
why is playing a problem?
55
00:02:15,354 --> 00:02:17,378
First off
56
00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:19,185
I don't even know Stevie.
57
00:02:19,257 --> 00:02:20,985
His mother said
you boys ate lunch together.
58
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,116
One time.
59
00:02:22,193 --> 00:02:24,558
He rolled his wheelchair
over next to me.
60
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:26,958
It's not like
I could say, "Go away."
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00:02:27,029 --> 00:02:28,553
He's not even in my class.
62
00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:29,995
He's in the Krelboyne class
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00:02:30,065 --> 00:02:31,759
in the trailer
next to tetherball.
64
00:02:31,833 --> 00:02:33,357
You listen to me, young man.
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00:02:33,434 --> 00:02:35,492
That one lunch obviously
meant a lot to Stevie.
66
00:02:35,569 --> 00:02:37,298
He's a human being
with human feelings.
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00:02:37,369 --> 00:02:39,803
Now, you are going to be friends
with that crippled boy
68
00:02:39,872 --> 00:02:41,702
and you are going
to like it. Understood?
69
00:02:41,773 --> 00:02:43,707
Yes, ma'am. Understood.
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00:02:43,775 --> 00:02:46,669
If I give up now,
I won't get the lecture.
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00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:47,074
You kids...
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00:02:47,109 --> 00:02:47,541
Dang.
73
00:02:47,612 --> 00:02:49,203
You just take
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00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:51,679
your legs for granted like nothing
could ever happen to them.
75
00:02:51,748 --> 00:02:53,079
That is just wishful thinking.
76
00:02:53,149 --> 00:02:54,877
There's meningitis.
There are car accidents.
77
00:02:54,950 --> 00:02:57,180
I could be giving you a spanking
78
00:02:57,252 --> 00:02:58,878
and accidentally snap
your spinal cord.
79
00:02:58,953 --> 00:03:00,386
Every day is a lottery
80
00:03:00,454 --> 00:03:02,387
and first prize
is that you don't have to scoot
81
00:03:02,455 --> 00:03:04,980
yourself around town on a skateboard
with your hands.
82
00:03:05,058 --> 00:03:06,859
You think about that.
83
00:03:06,894 --> 00:03:09,418
I don't take my legs
for granted, Mom.
84
00:03:09,496 --> 00:03:11,555
I know, honey.
You're a good boy.
85
00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:13,723
Stop playing with yourself.
86
00:03:17,235 --> 00:03:19,032
Go on, just go.
87
00:03:19,103 --> 00:03:20,797
No, wait, wait, wait.
88
00:03:20,871 --> 00:03:22,361
Okay, I ran out of ham.
89
00:03:22,439 --> 00:03:24,702
One of you has
to have egg salad, okay?
90
00:03:24,774 --> 00:03:26,536
And don't ditch
your little brother.
91
00:03:26,608 --> 00:03:28,371
I don't want him
getting kidnapped.
92
00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,603
Yeah, Mom,
that would be terrible.
93
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,702
It's your turn to walk with him.
94
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,713
I walked him yesterday
and the day before.
95
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,873
I walked with him
when he wet his pants.
96
00:03:36,948 --> 00:03:38,381
Okay.
97
00:03:42,253 --> 00:03:44,550
Mom said to hold hands.
98
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:46,486
She did not say
to hold hands, Dewey.
99
00:03:46,556 --> 00:03:48,113
I'm not holding hands.
100
00:03:48,190 --> 00:03:49,782
Come on, hold hands. Please?
101
00:03:49,858 --> 00:03:51,984
No! You're in the first grade.
102
00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:54,119
You're too big for that.
103
00:03:54,195 --> 00:03:57,129
Look,
I'm walking right next to you.
104
00:03:57,197 --> 00:03:58,788
You'll be fine.
105
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:03,831
Damn it! This is why
everyone teases you.
106
00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:04,469
Hey, Malcolm.
107
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:05,798
Hey, Richard.
108
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,360
So my mom was telling
my dad last night
109
00:04:08,439 --> 00:04:09,838
about your brother.
110
00:04:09,907 --> 00:04:11,534
She said he's in jail.
111
00:04:11,608 --> 00:04:13,040
He's not in jail.
112
00:04:13,109 --> 00:04:14,701
He's at Marlin Academy.
113
00:04:14,777 --> 00:04:18,041
It's, like, one of the best
private schools in the country
114
00:04:18,113 --> 00:04:19,841
and it's totally unfair.
115
00:04:19,914 --> 00:04:22,973
Everyone acts like Francis
is just this big troublemaker
116
00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:24,846
and he's not.
117
00:04:24,918 --> 00:04:26,942
Dad, I know what
you're going to say
118
00:04:27,019 --> 00:04:29,350
and believe me,
I totally agree with you.
119
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,354
There is no excuse
for what I did.
120
00:04:31,422 --> 00:04:33,855
It was idiotic, immature,
totally reckless
121
00:04:33,924 --> 00:04:35,516
and I'm really sorry.
122
00:04:35,592 --> 00:04:37,752
I'm just...
I'm hoping against hope
123
00:04:37,827 --> 00:04:40,454
that you will give me
another chance, which, I admit
124
00:04:40,528 --> 00:04:42,120
I don't deserve
125
00:04:42,197 --> 00:04:45,029
but if you could just
find it in your heart
126
00:04:45,099 --> 00:04:46,691
to forgive me
127
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:49,098
I know I could earn
your trust back.
128
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,829
It's not like
it was even our car.
129
00:04:51,903 --> 00:04:53,870
Spath, Spath, Spath!
130
00:04:53,938 --> 00:04:55,268
All right
131
00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:56,599
here's how it works.
132
00:04:56,675 --> 00:04:58,642
You can beg for mercy
on your belly
133
00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:01,142
lick the bottom of my shoes
134
00:05:01,211 --> 00:05:02,735
or take a beating.
135
00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:04,905
You must pick at least two
136
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:08,142
but... but-but,
if you pick three
137
00:05:08,216 --> 00:05:10,150
you get a pass
for the next two weeks.
138
00:05:10,218 --> 00:05:11,343
All right?
139
00:05:11,418 --> 00:05:12,885
Now, that's your best value.
140
00:05:12,953 --> 00:05:15,182
Dave Spath.
141
00:05:15,254 --> 00:05:17,322
He never gets sent anywhere.
142
00:05:17,357 --> 00:05:18,721
What do you do
if he catches you?
143
00:05:18,791 --> 00:05:19,723
Roll in a ball.
144
00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:20,936
What if he starts kicking you?
145
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,085
Stay in a ball.
146
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,355
Okay. Come on.
147
00:05:25,763 --> 00:05:27,253
Wait.
148
00:05:30,099 --> 00:05:31,657
Never mind.
149
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,962
Those of you finished
with your tempera paints
150
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,301
may bring your work up here
151
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,637
and start on
your charcoal still lifes.
152
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,609
You may take two pieces
of fruit only
153
00:05:45,644 --> 00:05:46,368
and please be careful with them.
154
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:48,777
I bought them with my own money.
155
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:52,647
My own money.
156
00:05:53,318 --> 00:05:55,513
God, Malcolm, that's so good.
157
00:06:02,159 --> 00:06:04,524
Oh, Malcolm, this is wonderful.
158
00:06:04,593 --> 00:06:06,356
The perspective is good.
159
00:06:06,429 --> 00:06:07,588
The composition is clean
160
00:06:07,662 --> 00:06:09,926
and it even shows signs
of actual technique.
161
00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:12,261
I have to say this
is the high point of my day.
162
00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:14,926
How's that for sad?
163
00:06:29,712 --> 00:06:30,712
Are you okay?
164
00:06:30,746 --> 00:06:32,576
Um, yeah, I'm fine.
165
00:06:32,647 --> 00:06:34,274
Malcolm.
166
00:06:34,348 --> 00:06:35,439
What?
167
00:06:35,515 --> 00:06:37,449
They need to see you
in the office.
168
00:06:37,517 --> 00:06:40,974
Okay.
169
00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:44,078
I think they mean right now.
170
00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:45,588
Okay.
171
00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:51,082
Get up, Malcolm.
172
00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:00,465
Hi. I'm Caroline.
173
00:07:00,535 --> 00:07:02,162
Want to have a seat?
174
00:07:04,671 --> 00:07:05,968
Are you Malcolm?
175
00:07:06,039 --> 00:07:08,029
Yes, and I didn't do anything.
176
00:07:08,107 --> 00:07:09,870
You're not in trouble, Malcolm.
177
00:07:09,942 --> 00:07:11,909
You're here
'cause some of your teachers
178
00:07:11,977 --> 00:07:13,638
think you're, um... You know what?
179
00:07:13,711 --> 00:07:15,702
I just want to play
some games with you.
180
00:07:15,779 --> 00:07:16,973
Puzzles, stuff like that.
181
00:07:17,047 --> 00:07:18,138
Why?
182
00:07:18,214 --> 00:07:19,806
Boy, oh, boy
183
00:07:19,882 --> 00:07:23,248
you are a suspicious
little dickens, aren't you?
184
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:26,150
Now, you can look
at this picture for 60 seconds
185
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,050
and I want you to tell me
186
00:07:28,121 --> 00:07:30,385
everything that's wrong
with it, okay?
187
00:07:30,457 --> 00:07:32,481
The man only has four fingers.
188
00:07:32,558 --> 00:07:34,287
Right, but this time
189
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:38,056
I want you to take your time
and really look...
190
00:07:38,129 --> 00:07:39,823
The car shadow's
going the wrong way
191
00:07:39,896 --> 00:07:41,726
the steering wheel's
on the wrong side
192
00:07:41,797 --> 00:07:42,957
there's no brake pedal
193
00:07:43,032 --> 00:07:44,710
the words in the mirror
should be backwards
194
00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:46,667
the guy's watch wouldn't say 12:00
195
00:07:46,702 --> 00:07:47,779
if he's looking at a sunset
196
00:07:47,803 --> 00:07:49,895
and I have red paint on my ass.
197
00:07:49,971 --> 00:07:51,233
That's right.
198
00:07:51,306 --> 00:07:53,398
Red paint all over my ass!
199
00:08:19,093 --> 00:08:20,719
These are good cookies.
200
00:08:20,794 --> 00:08:25,423
Yeah... they're good.
201
00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:30,000
So what can you do?
202
00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:31,762
I mean, what do you want to do?
203
00:08:31,797 --> 00:08:35,193
I know... a joke.
204
00:08:35,272 --> 00:08:37,137
Yeah? Okay.
205
00:08:39,308 --> 00:08:40,969
A guy...
206
00:08:41,043 --> 00:08:42,907
goes into...
207
00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:44,036
a bar...
208
00:08:44,112 --> 00:08:46,739
and he...
209
00:08:46,814 --> 00:08:51,216
has a... frog on
210
00:08:51,284 --> 00:08:52,443
his...
211
00:08:52,517 --> 00:08:53,814
Frog on his head.
212
00:08:54,024 --> 00:08:57,789
And the... bartender...
213
00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:00,191
Wait, I screwed up.
214
00:09:01,563 --> 00:09:03,325
A frog...
215
00:09:03,397 --> 00:09:05,397
goes into... a bar.
216
00:09:05,432 --> 00:09:07,396
You want to watch TV?
217
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:10,436
Can't. Not allowed.
218
00:09:10,503 --> 00:09:13,471
What? You mean, ever?
219
00:09:13,539 --> 00:09:15,632
Mom says...
220
00:09:15,708 --> 00:09:17,140
TV makes you...
221
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,140
stupid.
222
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:20,199
No, TV makes you normal.
223
00:09:20,277 --> 00:09:21,835
How can they do that?
224
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:23,970
He's in a wheelchair.
225
00:09:24,046 --> 00:09:26,446
So what do you do all day,
homework?
226
00:09:26,515 --> 00:09:30,381
Mostly... read... comics.
227
00:09:30,451 --> 00:09:31,941
You have comic books?
228
00:09:39,388 --> 00:09:41,014
Whoa!
229
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,422
You really have
Youngblood, number one?
230
00:09:45,493 --> 00:09:48,222
Want to... read it?
231
00:09:48,295 --> 00:09:51,627
No way. I'd wreck it.
232
00:09:51,698 --> 00:09:55,064
Oh... did you read
the last Savage Dragon
233
00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:56,794
when they split him in two?
234
00:09:56,868 --> 00:09:59,131
Yeah. Brilliant.
235
00:09:59,203 --> 00:10:01,796
I like how he never has to
learn a lesson or anything.
236
00:10:01,871 --> 00:10:04,362
He just gets to pound on everyone.
237
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:10,013
You're under galactic arrest.
238
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:13,245
Think again, space flatfoot.
239
00:10:13,319 --> 00:10:14,547
You cannot escape.
240
00:10:14,659 --> 00:10:16,592
Saturday morning
is the only thing
241
00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:19,184
my family does better
than anyone else.
242
00:10:20,058 --> 00:10:21,753
Damn!
243
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,419
You boys,
you keep this house clean
244
00:10:25,495 --> 00:10:27,792
till your dad comes home.
245
00:10:27,863 --> 00:10:29,796
Two of you can have
slices of pizza for lunch.
246
00:10:29,864 --> 00:10:31,263
The other one can have...
247
00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:33,424
I don't know.
I think they're peas.
248
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,627
Somebody get that.
249
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,636
- Not it.
- Not it.
250
00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:41,931
Hello.
251
00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:43,440
Young Master Malcolm.
252
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:44,599
Francis, hi.
253
00:10:44,675 --> 00:10:46,233
Hey, man
254
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,243
I wrote you guys
a really long letter yesterday
255
00:10:48,311 --> 00:10:50,438
but, listen, they only gave me,
like, three minutes
256
00:10:50,512 --> 00:10:52,309
so would you put
the special prosecutor on?
257
00:10:52,381 --> 00:10:54,245
Mom, it's Francis.
258
00:10:57,684 --> 00:10:59,015
Hey, Francis, how's school?
259
00:10:59,086 --> 00:11:00,849
Oh, couldn't be better, Mom.
260
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:03,013
My new roommate showed me
how to kill mice
261
00:11:03,089 --> 00:11:05,716
with a hammer yesterday,
so, you know, between that
262
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,485
and the general atmosphere
of simmering homoeroticism
263
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:10,754
I think I'm really starting
to turn around.
264
00:11:10,828 --> 00:11:12,089
Honey, it's only until summer.
265
00:11:12,161 --> 00:11:13,594
Come on, push it!
266
00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:15,254
Give it up, prom date.
267
00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:17,491
Yeah, listen, um...
I know I shouldn't ask
268
00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:19,157
but would you be able
269
00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:22,201
to send me my allowance
like, a couple of weeks early
270
00:11:22,268 --> 00:11:22,781
'cause I kind of need some...?
271
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:23,294
Oh, my God! Are you smoking?
272
00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:24,099
What?
273
00:11:24,172 --> 00:11:25,332
You're smoking.
274
00:11:25,407 --> 00:11:27,407
I can hear you smoking.
You're smoking, aren't you?
275
00:11:27,441 --> 00:11:29,567
Mom, I'm not smoking. Geez.
276
00:11:29,642 --> 00:11:30,802
After seeing the anguish
277
00:11:30,877 --> 00:11:33,538
your father and I
went through to quit
278
00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:35,375
didn't any of that
register with you?
279
00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:36,879
Okay, listen.
280
00:11:36,948 --> 00:11:38,381
I'll talk to your dad.
281
00:11:38,449 --> 00:11:40,439
Maybe we can send you
part of it.
282
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:41,916
Honey, I have to go.
283
00:11:41,985 --> 00:11:43,246
I'm late for work.
284
00:11:43,319 --> 00:11:44,581
I'll call you later.
285
00:11:44,653 --> 00:11:46,382
Okay, thanks, Mom. I love you.
286
00:11:48,056 --> 00:11:50,285
Oh... I love you.
287
00:11:59,525 --> 00:12:01,082
- No, you shut up!
- Make me!
288
00:12:01,158 --> 00:12:02,158
I'll make you right...
289
00:12:05,656 --> 00:12:08,749
You'd better not be fighting
in there, Reese, Malcolm!
290
00:12:11,548 --> 00:12:13,140
I said, you better not
be fighting...
291
00:12:14,717 --> 00:12:19,153
For crying out loud!
Reese! Malcolm!
292
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,387
Yes. Can I help you?
293
00:12:22,457 --> 00:12:23,924
Oh. My good... um, hi.
294
00:12:23,992 --> 00:12:25,424
Hel... hello. I'm...
295
00:12:25,492 --> 00:12:27,790
Are you...?
I'm... Caroline Miller
296
00:12:27,861 --> 00:12:29,487
from Malcolm's school.
297
00:12:29,562 --> 00:12:30,961
I sent you some letters
298
00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:34,021
and left some messages
on your answering machine.
299
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:35,656
Okay, fine. You caught me.
300
00:12:35,733 --> 00:12:36,665
What do you want?
301
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:38,065
Um... well,
it's been three weeks
302
00:12:38,135 --> 00:12:39,158
and you haven't responded
303
00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,361
and it's really important...
304
00:12:40,437 --> 00:12:41,717
I mean, well, for Malcolm's sake
305
00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:43,294
that the parents be
as involved in...
306
00:12:43,372 --> 00:12:46,067
So you're here to insult
my parenting skills?
307
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,108
No. I'm sure you're
a terrific parent.
308
00:12:49,476 --> 00:12:51,410
Who's the baby now?
309
00:12:53,546 --> 00:12:54,877
I'm here because I think
310
00:12:54,947 --> 00:12:57,574
that there is a tremendous
opportunity for...
311
00:12:57,649 --> 00:13:00,048
Could you, you know,
maybe put a top on?
312
00:13:00,117 --> 00:13:01,209
They're just boobs, lady.
313
00:13:01,285 --> 00:13:02,862
You see them in the mirror
every morning.
314
00:13:02,886 --> 00:13:04,580
I'm sure yours
are a lot nicer than mine.
315
00:13:04,654 --> 00:13:05,586
That's actually not...
316
00:13:05,655 --> 00:13:06,895
Let me tell you something else.
317
00:13:06,955 --> 00:13:08,217
The reason I didn't respond
318
00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:09,570
is because it is a load of crap.
319
00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:10,784
What?
320
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,348
You are not going
to stick my Malcolm
321
00:13:12,426 --> 00:13:13,450
in some special ed class.
322
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:14,857
What is it with you people?
323
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,418
Why do you have to label everybody?
324
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:17,860
Malcolm may be a little strange
325
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,830
and, I know, I know,
he never shuts up
326
00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:21,125
but he is not disturbed.
327
00:13:21,199 --> 00:13:22,598
You know, he is a good boy...
328
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,463
Please!
329
00:13:24,534 --> 00:13:25,626
You know what?
330
00:13:25,702 --> 00:13:27,397
You don't understand at all, okay?
331
00:13:27,471 --> 00:13:29,495
So if I could just
come in for a minute
332
00:13:29,572 --> 00:13:31,869
I could explain everything,
okay?
333
00:13:34,175 --> 00:13:36,608
Ow! Ow! Ow!
334
00:14:01,334 --> 00:14:02,426
Good, hon.
335
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:05,364
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
336
00:14:05,437 --> 00:14:07,165
There's something
we have to talk about.
337
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:14,801
I thought we weren't
going to mention that
338
00:14:14,877 --> 00:14:16,037
until after the biopsy.
339
00:14:16,112 --> 00:14:16,975
It's not that.
340
00:14:17,045 --> 00:14:18,137
It's about Malcolm.
341
00:14:18,213 --> 00:14:18,941
I didn't do it.
342
00:14:19,014 --> 00:14:19,912
He did it. I saw him.
343
00:14:19,981 --> 00:14:21,709
A teacher from school came by
344
00:14:21,782 --> 00:14:23,874
and she ran
some tests with Malcolm.
345
00:14:23,909 --> 00:14:26,115
He has an IQ of 165.
346
00:14:26,187 --> 00:14:28,586
Who?
347
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:30,918
Malcolm. He's a genius.
348
00:14:30,989 --> 00:14:32,354
He's going to a special class.
349
00:14:32,424 --> 00:14:33,652
What?
350
00:14:33,725 --> 00:14:35,316
Malcolm's special?
351
00:14:35,393 --> 00:14:36,737
Where do you think that came from?
352
00:14:36,761 --> 00:14:38,660
They have a special program
for gifted children.
353
00:14:38,728 --> 00:14:40,787
They have advanced textbooks
and devoted teachers
354
00:14:40,864 --> 00:14:43,263
and good things they don't want
to waste on normal kids.
355
00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:44,594
You start on Monday.
356
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:46,051
In the Krelboyne class?
357
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,436
Mom, no. I don't want to.
358
00:14:47,503 --> 00:14:49,402
What are you talking about?
359
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,098
Of course you want to.
360
00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:53,139
No. I want to stay
in my own class.
361
00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:55,470
I don't want to be a Krelboyne.
362
00:14:55,541 --> 00:14:57,907
Mom, seriously, Krelboynes
get their butts kicked.
363
00:14:57,977 --> 00:15:00,376
Just stop one minute.
364
00:15:00,445 --> 00:15:03,004
There's nothing wrong
with being smart.
365
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,479
And there's nothing wrong
366
00:15:04,548 --> 00:15:06,139
with being cut from the herd.
367
00:15:06,216 --> 00:15:07,979
It makes you the one buffalo
that isn't there
368
00:15:08,051 --> 00:15:09,347
when the Indians run the rest
369
00:15:09,418 --> 00:15:11,352
- of them off the cliff.
- Huh?
370
00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:12,943
Mom, this isn't fair.
371
00:15:13,021 --> 00:15:14,955
If I don't want to go,
why do I have to?
372
00:15:15,023 --> 00:15:17,422
Because it's not just up to you.
373
00:15:17,491 --> 00:15:18,734
We have to do what's best for you.
374
00:15:18,758 --> 00:15:21,248
Mom, please!
Don't make me go! Please!
375
00:15:21,326 --> 00:15:22,816
Malcolm, calm down.
376
00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,088
But it isn't fair!
377
00:15:24,162 --> 00:15:26,255
That's right. It isn't fair.
378
00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:28,160
It's the first time
anyone in this family
379
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,425
has ever been given an edge
380
00:15:29,499 --> 00:15:30,863
and you are not going to waste it.
381
00:15:30,933 --> 00:15:31,933
Dad?
382
00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:33,001
Honey?
383
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:36,434
Well...
384
00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:38,266
Look, honey...
385
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:44,268
Malcolm, you see...
386
00:15:47,345 --> 00:15:49,437
Oh, for crying out loud.
387
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:52,208
How come there's never
any iced tea in this pitcher?
388
00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:53,772
I make a fresh batch
every morning
389
00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:55,510
and it's gone
by the time I get home.
390
00:15:55,584 --> 00:15:58,052
I want a better family!
391
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,282
Malcolm...
392
00:16:03,632 --> 00:16:06,225
I don't want to go
to a special class.
393
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,892
People think
I'm weird enough already.
394
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,434
I know.
395
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,160
I like where I am.
I want to stay.
396
00:16:11,195 --> 00:16:12,818
Sweetie, life does not give you
397
00:16:12,894 --> 00:16:14,156
a lot of chances to move up
398
00:16:14,229 --> 00:16:15,923
even if you deserve it.
399
00:16:15,996 --> 00:16:17,395
Look at your dad and me.
400
00:16:17,464 --> 00:16:19,146
Malcolm, I'm proud of you.
401
00:16:19,181 --> 00:16:20,828
You boys are so lucky.
402
00:16:20,902 --> 00:16:23,165
You have so many gifts
that other kids don't have.
403
00:16:23,236 --> 00:16:26,432
And I don't just mean
Stevie Kenarban, either.
404
00:16:26,505 --> 00:16:29,338
I mean, look at those
Parker boys across the street.
405
00:16:29,408 --> 00:16:30,999
They may be healthy,
but honest to God
406
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:32,720
those are the ugliest
little boys ever born.
407
00:16:32,744 --> 00:16:34,973
They look like boiled beets,
don't you think?
408
00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:36,706
And those Henderson kids?
409
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:38,110
That electrocuted their dog
410
00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:39,658
when they were trying
to get free cable.
411
00:16:39,682 --> 00:16:40,564
How smart can they be?
412
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,429
Just remember
413
00:16:42,499 --> 00:16:44,796
any kid who makes fun of you
414
00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:46,459
is a creepy little loser
415
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:48,126
who'll end up working
in a car wash.
416
00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:52,332
This shouldn't make me
feel better, but it does.
417
00:16:52,406 --> 00:16:54,635
You'll be all right, sweetie.
418
00:16:54,707 --> 00:16:56,572
If you don't make
a big deal out of this
419
00:16:56,642 --> 00:16:58,189
nobody else will either.
420
00:16:58,224 --> 00:16:59,737
And I just can't say enough
421
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:02,404
about how proud
we should all be of Malcolm
422
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,710
for getting into
the gifted program.
423
00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:07,306
Now Malcolm may not look
different than the rest of us
424
00:17:07,384 --> 00:17:08,907
but he is.
425
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,975
Very different.
426
00:17:11,053 --> 00:17:13,350
In his brain.
427
00:17:13,421 --> 00:17:16,480
And I think we should
recognize him for that.
428
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:21,824
Bye.
429
00:17:21,894 --> 00:17:24,453
All righty,
today we are starting a new section
430
00:17:24,529 --> 00:17:26,120
on the Peloponnesian War
431
00:17:26,197 --> 00:17:28,893
which I know
you are all going to love.
432
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:31,024
Malcolm?
433
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:34,125
Are you okay?
434
00:17:35,537 --> 00:17:37,401
Uh, yeah.
435
00:17:37,471 --> 00:17:38,665
Fine.
436
00:17:38,739 --> 00:17:39,671
All right.
437
00:17:39,739 --> 00:17:41,001
Excuse me.
438
00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:47,439
Stop staring at me!
439
00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:58,184
Why do they keep doing that?
440
00:17:58,252 --> 00:17:59,651
You're new.
441
00:17:59,721 --> 00:18:00,653
Oh, great.
442
00:18:00,721 --> 00:18:02,415
So I'm the freak
of the freak show?
443
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:04,473
Just... chill out.
444
00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:05,846
Don't tell me to chill out.
445
00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,179
You chill out.
446
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,616
Nobody can live like this.
447
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:10,654
- I'm okay.
- Oh, sure.
448
00:18:10,721 --> 00:18:13,120
You're okay because it doesn't
make any difference to you.
449
00:18:13,189 --> 00:18:14,656
You've always been a freak.
450
00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:17,021
I used to be normal.
451
00:18:17,092 --> 00:18:19,355
Wait.
Who just said that?
452
00:18:21,596 --> 00:18:23,119
You're going to take that
the wrong way
453
00:18:23,196 --> 00:18:24,196
aren't you?
454
00:18:24,231 --> 00:18:26,198
You...
455
00:18:26,265 --> 00:18:27,857
suck.
456
00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:36,363
It's so cool!
457
00:18:36,439 --> 00:18:39,805
Around here, being smart is
exactly like being radioactive.
458
00:18:52,351 --> 00:18:55,342
I can't believe I'm doing this.
459
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,787
Stevie?
460
00:19:02,859 --> 00:19:04,883
What?
461
00:19:05,695 --> 00:19:07,429
Look
462
00:19:07,464 --> 00:19:09,164
I...
463
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:10,926
Score!
464
00:19:13,535 --> 00:19:15,001
Hey, Spath!
465
00:19:15,069 --> 00:19:17,594
Why don't you stop
being such a buttwipe?!
466
00:19:17,671 --> 00:19:19,263
Ooh.
467
00:19:21,043 --> 00:19:22,532
What'd you call me?
468
00:19:22,610 --> 00:19:23,702
You heard me!
469
00:19:23,778 --> 00:19:25,039
I don't care anymore!
470
00:19:25,112 --> 00:19:26,909
I just don't care, Spath, okay?
471
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,311
Alls you ever do
is make everybody miserable!
472
00:19:29,382 --> 00:19:31,747
Except for your little
monkey-slaves over there.
473
00:19:31,817 --> 00:19:33,808
Who, by the way,
only pretend to like you.
474
00:19:33,885 --> 00:19:35,909
They hate you as much
as everyone else does!
475
00:19:35,986 --> 00:19:37,786
And you're just too busy
being mean and stupid
476
00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:38,913
to ever figure it out!
477
00:19:38,988 --> 00:19:42,252
I keep trying to run,
but my legs won't work.
478
00:19:42,324 --> 00:19:45,259
They are important.
479
00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:46,418
Wow.
480
00:19:46,494 --> 00:19:48,394
I don't know about you
481
00:19:48,463 --> 00:19:50,896
but the Krelboyne
really hurt my feelings.
482
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:56,060
Hey...
483
00:19:56,134 --> 00:19:58,932
Go away, Stevie.
484
00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:00,663
It's good you two are friends.
485
00:20:00,738 --> 00:20:03,331
He won't mind sharing
his wheelchair.
486
00:20:03,406 --> 00:20:07,171
Okay, this is where something
good happens, finally.
487
00:20:07,242 --> 00:20:08,675
So we're going to slow down
488
00:20:08,744 --> 00:20:10,711
and make it last
as long as possible.
489
00:20:21,652 --> 00:20:24,415
♪ The possible dream ♪
490
00:20:24,488 --> 00:20:29,083
♪ Finale of scenes ♪
491
00:20:29,158 --> 00:20:32,024
♪ The moment
that some call eternal ♪
492
00:20:32,093 --> 00:20:36,859
♪ That some call insane ♪
493
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:50,333
Dude, you hit a cripple.
494
00:20:55,245 --> 00:20:57,212
I didn't mean to...
I wasn't trying...
495
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,043
Stevie, I'm sorry.
496
00:21:01,616 --> 00:21:04,379
Ow...
497
00:21:04,452 --> 00:21:07,249
aah...
498
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,912
ow!
499
00:21:08,988 --> 00:21:10,716
What's your problem?
500
00:21:10,789 --> 00:21:13,222
I mean, he's in a wheelchair
and he has glasses.
501
00:21:18,295 --> 00:21:20,956
♪ I've seen better days ♪
502
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,554
♪ I've been a star of many plays ♪
503
00:21:25,611 --> 00:21:27,077
So then, the principal comes out
504
00:21:27,145 --> 00:21:29,238
and everyone's
all talking at once.
505
00:21:29,314 --> 00:21:30,712
So the story he puts together
506
00:21:30,781 --> 00:21:32,874
is that Spath attacks Stevie
for his lunch
507
00:21:32,950 --> 00:21:35,315
and I'm like this hero
that stepped in to defend him.
508
00:21:35,385 --> 00:21:37,818
It was beautiful.
509
00:21:37,886 --> 00:21:41,321
Okay, it wasn't funny
when Spath started crying.
510
00:21:41,389 --> 00:21:44,017
No, wait, it was.
511
00:21:45,358 --> 00:21:48,155
Dad's hair... ugh.
512
00:21:48,227 --> 00:21:51,219
Yeah, I know. It's gross.
513
00:21:51,297 --> 00:21:53,230
But, hey, if a bunch of birds
514
00:21:53,298 --> 00:21:55,162
can make the best
out of what they get
515
00:21:55,232 --> 00:21:56,324
then so can I.
516
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,332
Malcolm?
517
00:21:57,401 --> 00:21:58,992
Like having to go to special class.
518
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,161
I can make it work out, right?
519
00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:02,498
Malcolm?
520
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:03,663
Not now!
521
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:04,831
Or my family.
522
00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:06,839
We're not the greatest family
in the world
523
00:22:06,907 --> 00:22:08,499
but we can get better.
524
00:22:08,576 --> 00:22:10,042
I mean, it's not impossible.
525
00:22:10,110 --> 00:22:11,042
Malcolm?
526
00:22:11,111 --> 00:22:12,169
What?!
527
00:22:12,245 --> 00:22:13,336
Can I get out?
528
00:22:13,412 --> 00:22:14,777
No, stop asking.
529
00:22:14,847 --> 00:22:18,009
So basically, I think
everything's going to be okay.
530
00:22:19,250 --> 00:22:21,183
A bug went up my nose.
531
00:22:21,251 --> 00:22:23,115
So what do you want me to do
about it?
35728
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