All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S05E13.Super.Bowl.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

- [over tv] now playing
to an open field ahead of him.

[phone ringing]
35, 40! What a block!

- Ray, phone.

- Take a message.

- Ray, phone.

- Hey, get me a--

- Oh, no, get it yourself.
That's the rule.

- [over tv] looking for the
blitz that he knows is coming.

- Hey, gianni,
you going to the kitchen?

- I'm watching the game.

- You're not thirsty?

You look like
you're thirsty.

- You look hungry too.

- What do I want?

- Pretzels and ginger ale.

- And macaroni and cheese.

- Man, are they annoying.

- Yeah, at least
you get to go home.

- Uh-huh.
All right, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah, yeah, get a good look
at this face, sucker,

'cause it's the last time
it'll be the face

Of a man who's never been

To the greatest place
a man could go.

- Wherever it is, I hope
they have mouthwash.

- Oh, gee, I don't know.

Do they have mouthwash

At the super bowl?

- What?

- Yeah, damn right "what?"

The paper is sending me
to tampa

To cover
the Friday press conference,

And then I get to hang out

And go to the game on Sunday.

Hoo-hoo-hoo, hee-hee!
- Ah!

- Oh, congratulations,
raymond.

- Oh, thank you.

- You lucky freak
of a moron.

- Hey, come on.

I don't know if it's wise

To insult the man
who has an extra ticket.

- If you're jacking me around,

I'm gonna rip
your arm off at the elbow.

- No jack, dude.

You and me leaving tomorrow,
super bowl.

- I don't usually do this.

- Oh, all right.

- This is the greatest moment
of my life.

I love you.
Thank you.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you,

Thank you.
- All right.

- This is incredible, man!
- Yeah.

- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.

- I got to go buy clothes.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna need underwear.

- Yeah, get underwear.
Get some underwear.

- Call you later.
- Okay.

- Super bowl!
- All right.

They still looking at me?

- Oh, yeah.

- You know what?

I'm just gonna stand here
and wait them out.

- [gasps]
you drew that yourself?

- They're coming!

[beethoven's "ode to joy"]

[music stops]

[heart beating]

["ode to joy" resumes]

Still there?

- Yup.

- Would you mind
distracting them

With some nudity?

All right, listen.

- What's this about
super bowl tickets?

- Oh, boy.

- You--you got
an extra ticket

To the super bowl...

And you're taking gianni?

- That ticket should be mine,
and you know it.

- All right, look,
first of all,

Put the fork down, dad.

- I'll put the fork down

When there's
a ticket on it.

- Wait a minute.
What about me?

- All right,
the both of you stop it.

Raymond, you have
to get two more tickets.

- I can't do that, ma.
I can't.

- Just call up someone.
You want me to call?

- Wait, no, ma,

There's nobody to--
you can't--

- What's the number
of the super bowl?

- That's not how it works, ma.

Look, listen.

Taking gianni
is the only fair thing, okay?

If I had asked
one of you to go,

Then the other one
would have been mad.

- No. You would have chosen
a family member,

And that would have
been honorable.

- Oh, come on.

Dad, would you have been happy
if I asked robert to go?

- Give me my ticket.

- Okay, listen, you know what?

I don't have a ticket
for either of you.

I'm sorry, I told gianni
I was going to take him,

And I'm gonna take him.

- Well, that's the way
it should be, I guess.

You take gianni, raymond.
Have a grand time.

Hey, why don't you get
one of those big

Number one foam fingers
and wave it in the air?

'cause you're number one,
raymond.

You're number one!

But remember this...

One is the loneliest number
that you'll ever do.

All right?

[door opens, shuts]

- All right,
now that he's gone,

Give me my ticket.

- Dad, I told you,
I don't have one.

- Fine! Fine!

Do what you want.

Let me tell you this.

I know what it's going
to say on my tombstone.

"my son went to the super bowl,
and now I'm dead."

- No, don't.
Don't, don't, ma.

Don't--don't do it.
- What?

- Don't try to get me
to change my mind, okay?

I see you're firing up
all the pistons

In your little
guilt machine.

- I don't have
a guilt machine, raymond.

All I have is the hope

That our family
could be happy.

- There's a lot of miles
on that machine,

But it runs like new.

- Can you believe this?

It's the best assignment
I've ever gotten,

And I can't even
enjoy it now

'cause everybody hates me.

- I understand, ray.
I mean, you know what?

It's your trip,

And you're entitled
to take your friend

Instead of your brother
or your father or your wife.

- Wife?

- Yeah, wife.

That's me, remember?

[hums "here comes the bride"]

- No, I know the song.

[hums "here comes the bride"]

Yeah.

I know that song.

The happiest day
of my life.

- You get to go
on this great trip,

And it never even occurred
to you to ask me.

- But...That's because
this is football!

- So what?
- Oh, come on.

If you had two tickets

To the pottery barn
grand championships...

Would you want to take me?

- Ray, I don't care
about the football,

But what about us
getting away together?

I mean, you're going
to this nice hotel.

We could have dinner--

- Okay, see?
That's the problem.

I mean, the hotel--you know,
with the paper's budget,

It's probably
like a halfway house,

And the food's gonna stink.
- You just told me

This was the greatest
assignment you'd ever gotten.

- Well, that's the key word,
assignment.

Nobody brings their wives,

'cause that weekend
they're married to the game.

Assignment.

- You know what?

You said you were going
to take gianni.

So you should take gianni.
- Oh, I did tell him.

I told him
I was going to take him.

- All right, so just go.

- Look, I don't want to go
if you're gonna hate me.

- I don't hate you, ray.

- Oh, come on.
Look, when I get back,

You and I,
we'll go somewhere.

- You know, we should, because
we never get away together.

- Okay, then we will.
We will, all right?

And we'll go
where you want to go:

You know, girlie land.

- Okay.

- Yeah, I mean it.
It'll be great.

We'll wear matching sweaters,

And we'll walk
in the mountains,

And we won't come home
until we find a rainbow.

- Okay, you're all set.

Somebody'll be here in a minute
to help you with your bags.

- All righty, thank you.
- Great.

- Hey, ray, they got
a frozen yogurt machine

In that restaurant.

You want a cone?

- No, not now.
It's 10:30 in the morning.

- There are no rules
this week, pal.

- No.

- I'm getting one.

- Vanilla-chocolate swirly.

- So barone finally makes it
to the big one.

- Hey, stu, I didn't know

The "daily news"
covered the super bowl.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Funny.

Hey, you know mary jo,
my wife.

- Oh, yeah. Hi.

- Sure. Hi, ray.
- How are you?

- Nice to see you.

- Hey, barone.

- Hey, doug, what's up?

- Not much.
- Hi, ray.

- Oh, hi, lori. Hi. Boy.

- How are you doing?

- Hey, rich.
- Hi, lisa.

Hi.

- Nice to see you.

- Wow.
Look at all you...Couples.

- Is debra here?

- Uh, no, no.

She wanted to come,
but her eye,

She got hit in the head
with a flute.

Yeah. Yeah.

The kids--you know the kids,
they throw--

- Oh, my goodness.

- No, no, she's okay.
She's fine.

She just can't look
at things right now. Yeah.

- Okay, well,
when I see her at school,

I promise not to
rub it in too much

About all the fun
she missed.

- Yeah, right, right.

Damn it, that's right.
Yeah, yeah.

Although if you did tell her,

She probably wouldn't
understand too much,

'cause that flute thing
banged her up pretty bad.

Yeah, yeah.

- Here you go, raymie.
Got you sprinkles.

No rules.

- I'm sorry, gianni.

- So when does she
get here?

- She's driving in
from the airport now, man.

- I can't believe
you're bringing her here.

- All the guys
brought their wives.

She deserves
to have some fun, you know?

There's crafts festivals
and outlet stores.

Listen,

It's not going
to affect us at all, man.

Huh?

We're still gonna
golf all day.

It's just that at night,

If there's a chance
for hotel sex,

I'd rather have her
in the room than you.

- You don't know that.

- Come on, man.

We still get to go
to the super bowl, all right?

Isn't that what
it's all about, huh?

[singing] the super bowl,
we're at the super bowl.

- I don't feel
like dancing now.

I guess
I got to go move in

With your fat
reporter friend.

- Hey, he's a good guy.
Mike really is--he's a good guy.

- Yeah, and where am I
gonna end up tomorrow,

When you fly in
your mother?

[knock at door]

- Come on, man.

Just be cool, all right?
Just be cool.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- Ha ha ha.
Oh.

Hi, gianni.

- Hello.

- Everything all right?

- Yeah, no, no.
Everything's great.

- I'll see you two later.
- Okay.

Oh, man.
Now I feel bad.

- No, don't. He still gets
to go to the game on Sunday,

And you're here.

Come on, everything works out
for everybody.

- All right, well...

Oh, my gosh.
Look at this.

- Yeah, guess I was wrong
about the hotel.

It's pretty nice.

- Oh, gosh, yeah,
it's just--it's--

Oh, ray, it's beautiful.
Thank you for calling me.

- Well, it was weird
without you here.

So my mom had no problem
taking the kids?

- No. How lucky are we that
she lives across the street?

- Whoa. Whoa.

What, were you drinking
on the plane?

- A little bit.

So it is so warm here.
I can't believe it.

It's 15 degrees
in new york.

- I know.
Hey, uh, listen,

The restaurants
are all closed,

But they got
the 24-hour room service

If we want it.
- Uh-huh.

- Or...

I could put this "do not
disturb" sign on the door,

And we would not
be disturbed.

- Hmm.

- Hold on, before
you make your decision,

Let me just--let me
throw this into the mix.

- Come here.

- You are drunk.
- Oh, yes.

- Ray, you want
to get some breakfast?

- Good morning.

- Ooh, you look nice.

- You should see me
up close.

[knock on door]

- Yoo-hoo!
Anybody home?

- Who's that?

- Oh, you know,
that's stu and mary jo.

Yeah, last night I told them
that you were coming.

- Mary jo is here?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh.

Hi!
- Hi!

I'm so glad you came.
How's your eye?

- Crafts festival!
What's up?

Can you believe this?
I told them to come by,

'cause they're going
to this place

That's right up your alley.

- Oh, debra,
you wouldn't believe it.

They have this whole
international market

Set up downtown,

Arts and crafts
from 50 different countries.

- 50 countries?

I'll bet some
of them are foreign.

- That sounds great.
So when?

Ray, you should get ready.

- Oh, well, you know,
stu and I

Got to go
to that press conference,

So why don't you guys
go ahead? Go ahead.

- Okay,
so we'll meet you later?

Is there, like, an entrance?

- Oh, we won't be done golfing.

In fact, you guys should
get dinner on your own.

We'll see you later.

- All right.
I'm sure we can manage.

Oh, debra, come on.

The shuttle's
probably down there.

- Great, so go, you know,
go tchotchke crazy.

- Uh, wait, ray.

- What?

- Could we, uh, talk?

- Do you need to get ready?

Do you want me
to hold the shuttle?

- Yeah. Do you want her
to hold the shuttle?

- No, ray.

- You want to take
the next shuttle?

'cause, what, they leave,
like, every half hour, right?

- I'm not getting
on any shuttle.

- Yeah.

She was on a shuttle once,

And someone, um...

Called her fat.

- Well, maybe debra can
catch up with us later.

- Yeah, all right.

- I'll see you
at the press conference.

- Right.
I'll see you there.

Don't you want to go
to the crafts place?

- By myself?

- What are you talking about?

All the wives are going.
That's what happens here.

Every day the ladies
do something really cool.

- While the men golf.

- That's what happens here.

- And when are we together, ray?
Does that happen here?

- No, I'm gonna see you
tonight, right?

And then it's gonna
really happen.

Come on.
Why aren't you happy?

I thought
you would like this.

- Well, I can see
why you like it, ray,

Because let me see if
I get this itinerary correct.

Um, in the morning,

You drop me off
at wives' day camp,

And then at night, I get
to be your super bowl whore.

- Wow. Talk about putting
a bad spin on it.

- Well, how would you
describe it, ray?

- It's fun.

I'm having fun,
and you're having fun.

Why you got to get
all potty-mouthed?

- Sorry. My pimp told me
you liked it rough.

- What are you talking about?

Come on,
what did I do wrong?

- I should have known
this was too good to be true.

- Will you please tell me
what the problem is?

- That makes it even worse.
You just don't get it!

- No, no. I don't get it.
What? I'm here.

I'm at the super bowl
with my best friend.

I'm having a great time...

With your blessing,
mind you,

And then I see
the other wives are here,

And they're having fun.

And I thought that
you would have fun too.

I really did, I really thought
that you would like it.

Instead,
you're yelling at me.

I mean, that's not fair.

You weren't even
supposed to be here.

- What did you say?

- What, the whole thing?

- No, just that last thing.

- Oh. Whatever that was,
that wasn't the last thing,

'cause the last thing
was going to be,

"I'm sorry and I'm stupid."

Oh. Oh.

Come on.

What's the matter?

- You know what?

You never make plans
with me.

We hardly spend
any time together,

And it doesn't seem
to bother you.

The last thing we did
together, what was it?

Uh, oh, we stopped
at a drive-through

On the way home from me
taking you to the doctor

To get your ear drained.

- That's right.
We had those great tacos.

- Look, I know that
this is the super bowl,

But it's just...

I was so happy
on the plane ride over here

Because I thought
that you--

Oh, you know, forget it.
I'm gonna go home.

- No. No, no. You're not
gonna go home.

No, look, I'm not
gonna go golfing.

I'll go to the press conference,
and you and I get

The first shuttle
to the 50 countries.

- No, ray.

- No, come on, I want to.
We're gonna do that.

And after that,
we're gonna have dinner,

And then after that, no sex.
You deserve it.

- Doing that
because you feel bad

Is not what I wanted.

- Listen, no.
That's where you're wrong, okay?

I want to spend time with you.

- Well, you'll have
a good 20 minutes

When you take me
to the airport.

- Well, look,
that's not even funny.

Will you stop packing, please?

Come on, we're gonna
hang out today.

We're gonna hang out
tomorrow too,

And we're gonna
hang out Sunday.

I'm not even going to go
to the super bowl!

- What?

- Listen, I know it's hard
for you to believe me,

But I like spending time
with you, and I mean it.

I won't go--I will not go
to the super bowl.

- All right, I get
what you're trying to do.

- I'm not trying, all right?
I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna rip up the tickets.
Where are they?

- Yeah, all right, okay.

- You don't think so, right?

You think I'm playing?
All right.

Just let me find them.

Here they are.
Here they are.

- All right,
I get it, ray.

- No, no, you don't get it.
There you go!

- Stop!
What are you doing?

- I don't stop it, baby.
I keep going, see?

Oh, maybe you think

I could scotch-tape them
back together, okay.

- No. Ray, don't!

- Now I can't. See?
Whoa, wait a minute.

Here's two little pieces
that fell.

Maybe I can get in
with just these pieces.

You think so?
[mumbles] I don't think so.

All gone.

- I can't believe
you did that.

- I love you.

- Why would you
do that to me?

- Come on!
You're supposed to be happy!

What are you doing?
Hitting isn't happy.

- Why would you rip up
the super bowl tickets?

I don't want you
to give up the super bowl.

How selfish
do you think I am?

You love the super bowl!

- That's the point
I'm trying to make.

I love you
more than the super bowl!

- The offer
would've been enough.

For the rest of my life,
I'm gonna be known

As the wife who made you
eat your super bowl tickets!

- No, wait a minute.

I only ate the tickets
so you could be happy.

You have to be happy!

- Nobody told you
to do that!

- That's right!
That's the good part!

I want to spend time
with you!

- And I want to spend time
with you!

- Well, we got
plenty of time now!

Now I'm a little unhappy.

- What about gianni?

You ripped up
his ticket too.

What are you
gonna tell him?

That you made me do it.

- Second down and nine.

[cheering]
near the 35.

Just over nine minutes
to go in the quarter

And they need
to score on this drive.

Looking for the blitz
that he knows is coming.

And it is!