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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,223 For more than a year, 2 00:00:56,307 --> 00:01:01,020 ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high-level Western leaders 3 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,063 that the Soviet Union had been at work 4 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:06,567 on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon, 5 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,736 a doomsday device. 6 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:12,740 Intelligence sources traced the site of the top-secret Russian project 7 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,409 to the perpetually fog-shrouded wasteland 8 00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:18,871 below the Arctic peaks of the Zhokhov Islands. 9 00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:20,372 What they were building, 10 00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:24,335 or why it should be located in such a remote and desolate place, 11 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,420 no one could say. 12 00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,781 General Ripper, sir. 13 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,574 Group Captain Mandrake speaking. 14 00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:03,619 - This is General Ripper speaking. - Yes, sir. 15 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,746 Do you recognize my voice, Mandrake? 16 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,414 I do, sir. Why do you ask? 17 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,250 Why do you think I ask? 18 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,920 Well, I don't know, sir. We spoke just a few moments ago on the phone, didn't we? 19 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,381 You don't think I'd ask if you recognized my voice 20 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,175 unless it was pretty damned important, do you, Mandrake? 21 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:22,012 - No, I don't, sir, no. - All right, let's see if we can stay on the ball. 22 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,474 Has the wing confirmed holding at their fail-safe points? 23 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,435 Yes, sir, the confirmations have all just come in. 24 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:31,188 Very well. Now listen to me carefully. 25 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,775 The base is being put on condition red. 26 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,278 I want this flashed to all sections immediately. 27 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,656 Condition red, sir, yes. Jolly good idea. Keeps the men on their toes. 28 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:43,033 Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise. 29 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,995 Not an exercise, sir? 30 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,123 I shouldn't tell you this, Mandrake, 31 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:52,251 but you're a good officer and you have a right to know. 32 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,336 It looks like we're in a shooting war. 33 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,630 Oh, hell. 34 00:04:57,381 --> 00:05:00,301 - Are the Russians involved, sir? - Mandrake, that's all I've been told. 35 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:01,969 It just came in on the red phone. 36 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:06,140 My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean to do - seal it tight. 37 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,643 Now, I want you to transmit Plan “R” - 38 00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,729 “R” for Robert - to the wing. 39 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,647 Plan “R” for Robert. 40 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,190 Is it that bad, sir? 41 00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,818 - It looks like it's pretty hairy. - Yes, sir. 42 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,862 Plan “R” for Robert, sir. 43 00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:23,157 Now last, and possibly most important, 44 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,410 I want all privately owned radios to be immediately impounded. 45 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,911 Yes, sir. 46 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:31,373 They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs. 47 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:34,460 As I previously arranged, air police will have lists of all owners, 48 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,379 and I want every single one of them collected without exception. 49 00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:38,797 Yes, sir. 50 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,008 And after you've done that, report back to me. 51 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,551 Yes, sir. 52 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:10,746 In order to guard against surprise nuclear attack, 53 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:16,043 America's Strategic Air Command maintains a large force of 5-52 bombers, 54 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,462 airborne 24 hours a day. 55 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:23,467 Each 8-52 can deliver a nuclear bomb load of 50 megatons, 56 00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:27,221 equal to 16 times the total explosive force 57 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,348 of all the bombs and shells 58 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:33,060 used by all the armies in World War II. 59 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,646 Based in America, the Airborne Alert Force 60 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,108 is deployed from the Persian Gulf to the Arctic Ocean, 61 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,111 but they have one geographical factor in common. 62 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:46,156 They are all two hours from their targets inside Russia. 63 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,031 Major Kong, I know you'll think this is crazy, 64 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,743 but I just got a message from base over the CRM 114, 65 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,579 and it decodes as Wing Attack Plan 66 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,123 “R” for Romeo. 67 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:25,339 Goldie, did you say Wing Attack Plan “R”? 68 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,924 Yes, sir, I have. 69 00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:33,805 Goldie, how many times have I told you guys 70 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:37,100 that I don't want no horsing around on the airplane? 71 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,770 I'm not horsin' around, sir. That's how it decodes. 72 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:43,106 Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic and a rodeo, 73 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,443 and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. 74 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,445 You sure you got today's code? 75 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,325 - Yes, sir, it is. - There's just gotta be somethin' wrong. 76 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,118 Wait a second. I'm coming back. 77 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,991 Maybe you'd better get a confirmation from base. 78 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,659 Yes, sir. 79 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,433 Major Kong, is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test? 80 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:03,186 You know, give the go code and then recall to see who would actually go? 81 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,648 Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet. 82 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,818 And old Ripper wouldn't be giving us Plan “R” 83 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,279 unless them Russkies had already clobbered Washington 84 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,948 and a lot of other towns with a sneak attack. 85 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,199 Yes, sir. 86 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,827 Major Kong, message from base confirmed. 87 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,959 Well, boys, I reckon this is it. 88 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,047 Nuclear combat toe to toe with the Russkies. 89 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:50,233 Now, look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at making speeches, 90 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,111 but I got a pretty fair idea 91 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:56,865 that something doggone important's going on back there. 92 00:10:56,948 --> 00:11:00,494 Now, I got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions 93 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,331 that some of you fellows may be thinkin'. 94 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,334 Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human beings 95 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:12,005 if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat. 96 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,675 But I want you to remember one thing - 97 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,386 that folks back home is a-countin' on ya, 98 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,263 and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. 99 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,058 Tell you something else. 100 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:29,356 If this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, 101 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:33,360 I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions 102 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,197 and personal citations when this thing's over with. 103 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,117 And that goes for ever' last one of you, 104 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,870 regardless of your race, color or your creed. 105 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,791 Now, let's get this thing on the hump. We got some flyin' to do. 106 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,557 Buck, should I get it? 107 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,350 Yeah, you'll have to. 108 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,233 Hello? 109 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,860 Oh, yes, General Turgidson is here, 110 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,946 but I'm afraid he can't come to the phone at the moment. 111 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,240 Well, this is his secretary, Miss Scott. 112 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,368 Freddie, how are you? 113 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,078 Fine. And you? 114 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:29,291 Oh, we were just catching up on some of the general's paperwork. 115 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,503 Well, look, Freddie, he's very tied up at the moment. 116 00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:36,423 I'm afraid he can't come to the phone. 117 00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,883 Oh, just a minute. 118 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:41,261 General Turgidson. A Colonel Puntrich calling. 119 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,096 Tell him to call back. 120 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:46,600 Freddie, the general says could you call back in a minute or two? 121 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,853 Oh. He says it can't wait. 122 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:53,356 Aw, for Pete - Well, find out what he wants. 123 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,277 Freddie, the thing is, the general is in the powder room right now. 124 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,571 Could you tell me what it's about? 125 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,365 Just a second. 126 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,285 Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes ago 127 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,662 from Burpelson Air Force Base. 128 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,665 Got it. 129 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,544 It was directed to the 843rd Bomb Wing on airborne alert. 130 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:19,966 Yeah. It decoded as Wing Attack Plan 131 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:24,262 Well, uh, tell him to call, uh, what's-his-name - 132 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:27,265 Base Commander Ripper. Do I have to think of everything? 133 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,601 The general suggests you call General Ripper, 134 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,145 the 843rd base commander. 135 00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:35,482 Oh. All communications are dead. 136 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,276 Bull! Tell him to do it himself. 137 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:42,572 Freddie, the general asks if you could possibly try again yourself. 138 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,158 I see. 139 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:48,787 He says he's tried personally several times, but everything is dead. 140 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,581 Even the normal phone lines are shut down. 141 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,672 Give me that. 142 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,549 Fred? Buck. 143 00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,175 What's it look like? 144 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,761 Yeah? 145 00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,682 Well, are you sure it's Plan “R”? 146 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,186 Huh. What's cooking on the threat board? 147 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,605 Nothing? Nothing at all? 148 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,110 I don't like the look of this, Fred. 149 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,322 Tell you what you'd better do, old buddy. 150 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,324 You'd better give Elmo and Charlie a blast, 151 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,702 bump everything up to condition red and stand by the blower. 152 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,245 I'll get back to you. 153 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,414 - What's up? - Nothin', nothin'. 154 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:35,542 - Where's my shorts? - On the floor. 155 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,377 Where are you going? 156 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,212 No place. N-No place. 157 00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,841 I just thought I might, uh, mosey over to the war room for a few minutes, 158 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,342 see what's doing over there. 159 00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:47,679 - It's 3:00 in the morning. - Well, the air force never sleeps. 160 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,514 - Buck, honey. - Yeah? 161 00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,600 I'm not sleepy either. 162 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,394 Oh. 163 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,313 I know how it is, baby. 164 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,399 Tell you what you do. 165 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,736 You just start your countdown, 166 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:07,699 and old Bucky will be back here before you can say “blast-off.” 167 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,621 Your commie has no regard for human life, 168 00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,497 not even his own, 169 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,626 and for this reason, men, I want to impress upon you 170 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:20,587 the need for extreme watchfulness. 171 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756 The enemy may come individually 172 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,925 or he may come in strength. 173 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,510 He may even come in the uniform of our own troops. 174 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,931 But however he comes, we must stop him. 175 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,975 We must not allow him to gain entrance to this base. 176 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:39,272 Now, I am going to give you three simple rules. 177 00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,777 First, trust no one, whatever his uniform or rank, 178 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,279 unless he is known to you personally. 179 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,364 Second, 180 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:51,993 anyone or anything that approaches within 200 yards of the perimeter 181 00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,287 is to be fired upon. 182 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:55,372 Third, 183 00:15:56,289 --> 00:16:00,085 if in doubt, shoot first and ask questions afterwards. 184 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:03,421 I would sooner accept a few casualties through accident 185 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,634 than lose the entire base and its personnel through carelessness. 186 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:11,930 Any variation on these rules must come from me personally. 187 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,642 Now, men, in conclusion, 188 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,103 I would like to say 189 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:23,817 that in the two years it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer, 190 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,695 I have always expected the best from you 191 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:29,239 and you have never given me anything less than that. 192 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,159 Today the nation is counting on us. 193 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,331 We are not going to let them down. 194 00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,250 Good luck to you all. 195 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,824 Here's the attack profile, sir. 196 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,146 This is your attack profile. 197 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,316 To ensure that the enemy cannot monitor voice transmission 198 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,777 or plant false transmission, 199 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:53,990 the CRM 114 is to be switched into all receiver circuits. 200 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:59,871 The emergency base code prefix is to be set on the dials of the CRM. 201 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:04,667 This will block any transmission other than those preceded by a code prefix. 202 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,421 Stand by to set code prefix. 203 00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,924 Roger. Ready to set code prefix. 204 00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,842 Set code prefix. 205 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,812 Code prefix set. 206 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,605 Lock code prefix. 207 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,651 Code prefix locked. 208 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:33,279 Switch all receiver circuits to CRM discriminators. 209 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:37,659 All circuits switched to CRM discriminators. 210 00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,661 Check auto-destruct circuits. 211 00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,874 Auto-destruct circuits checked. 212 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:54,509 Primary target - the ICBM complex at Laputa. 213 00:18:54,592 --> 00:19:01,099 Target reference - Yankee Golf Tango 360. 214 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,143 Thirty-megaton nuclear device 215 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:07,313 fused for airburst at 10,000 feet. 216 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:11,693 Twenty-megaton nuclear device will be used if first malfunctions. 217 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,571 Otherwise, proceed to secondary target - 218 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:18,533 missile complex seven miles east of Barchov. 219 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:25,039 Target reference - November Bravo X-ray, 108. 220 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,959 Fused for airburst at 10 - 221 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,670 Check. 12,000 feet. 222 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,516 Excuse me, sir. 223 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,685 Something rather interesting has just cropped up. 224 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,189 - Listen to that. Music. Civilian broadcasting. - N 225 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,275 I think those fellows in the Pentagon have given us 226 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,652 some sort of exercise to test our readiness. 227 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,905 Personally, I think it's taking things a bit too far. 228 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,699 Our fellows will be inside Russian radar cover in about 2O minutes. 229 00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,493 Listen to that. Chockablock full of stations all churning it out. 230 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,622 - Mandrake? - Yes, sir. 231 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,751 I thought I issued instructions for all radios on this base to be impounded. 232 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,046 Well, you did indeed, sir, and I was in the process of impounding this very one 233 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,631 when I happened to switch it on. 234 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:18,134 I thought, our fellows hitting Russian radar cover in 2O minutes, dropping all their stuff, 235 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:21,804 I'd better tell you because if they do, it'll cause a bit of a stink, what? 236 00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:25,099 Group Captain. 237 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:28,478 The officer exchange program does not give you any special prerogatives 238 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,396 to question my orders. 239 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,651 Well, I-I realize that, sir, but I thought you'd be rather pleased to hear the news. 240 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,904 After all, well, let's face it, we - 241 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:41,574 we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, do we? 242 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,576 Please sit down. 243 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,163 And turn that thing off. 244 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,414 Yes, sir. 245 00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,082 Uh, what about the planes, sir? 246 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,584 Surely we must issue the recall code immediately. 247 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:55,505 Group Captain, the planes are not going to be recalled. 248 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,591 My attack orders have been issued and the orders stand. 249 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,178 Well, if you'll excuse me saying so, sir, 250 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:06,766 that would be, to my way of thinking, rather - well, a rather odd way of looking at it. 251 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,185 You see, if a Russian attack was in progress, 252 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,480 we would certainly not be hearing civilian broadcasting. 253 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,109 - Are you certain of that, Mandrake? - I'm absolutely positive about that, sir. 254 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,194 And what if it is true? 255 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:22,198 Well, I'm afraid I'm still not with you, sir, because, I mean - 256 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,910 If a Russian attack was not in progress, 257 00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:28,079 then your use of Plan “R” - 258 00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,665 in fact, your orders to the entire wing - 259 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,087 Oh. 260 00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:40,174 Well, I would say, sir, that there was something... 261 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,094 dreadfully wrong somewhere. 262 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,597 Now, why don't you just take it easy, Group Captain, 263 00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:49,475 and please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater 264 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:52,020 and help yourself to whatever you'd like. 265 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:02,530 General Ripper, sir, 266 00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:04,991 as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force, 267 00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:08,328 it is my clear duty under the present circumstances 268 00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:11,789 to issue the recall code upon my own authority 269 00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,499 and bring back the wing. 270 00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,585 If you'll excuse me, sir. 271 00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:26,846 I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you for the key and the recall code. 272 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,681 Have you got them handy, sir? 273 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:31,184 I told you to take it easy, Group Captain. 274 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,853 There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now. 275 00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:36,356 I'm the only person who knows the three-letter code group. 276 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,108 Then I must insist, sir, that you give them to me. 277 00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:52,246 Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun? 278 00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:55,458 Mandrake, 279 00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,127 I suppose it never occurred to you 280 00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,297 that while we're chatting here so enjoyably, 281 00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:05,385 a decision is being made by the president 282 00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:09,472 and the joint chiefs in the war room at the Pentagon. 283 00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:15,144 And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing, 284 00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:19,315 there will be only one course of action open. 285 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,235 Total commitment. 286 00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:29,325 Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war? 287 00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:32,787 Uh, no, I don't think I do, sir, no. 288 00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:37,917 He said war was too important to be left to the generals. 289 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,839 When he said that 5O years ago, 290 00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,674 he might have been right. 291 00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,093 But today... 292 00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:51,472 war is too important to be left to politicians. 293 00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:54,100 They have neither the time, 294 00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:55,935 the training 295 00:23:56,018 --> 00:23:58,938 nor the inclination for strategic thought. 296 00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:05,361 I can no longer sit back and allow 297 00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,614 Communist infiltration, 298 00:24:08,698 --> 00:24:10,533 Communist indoctrination, 299 00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:13,453 Communist subversion 300 00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:17,748 and the international Communist conspiracy 301 00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:21,461 to sap and impurify 302 00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:24,630 all of our precious bodily fluids. 303 00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:32,805 Staines, is everybody here? 304 00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:35,183 Mr. President, the secretary of state is in Vietnam, 305 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:39,312 the secretary of defense is in Laos and the vice-president is in Mexico City. 306 00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:42,482 We can establish contact with them at any time if it's necessary. 307 00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:44,484 The undersecretaries are all here, of course. 308 00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,487 Right. Now, General Turgidson, what's going on here? 309 00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,573 Mr. President, 310 00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:55,286 about, uh, 35 minutes ago 311 00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,038 General Jack Ripper, 312 00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,917 the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base, 313 00:25:01,918 --> 00:25:05,213 issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his wing, 314 00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:07,507 which were airborne at the time 315 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:11,677 as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Dropkick. 316 00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:17,391 Now, it appears that the order called for the planes to, uh, 317 00:25:17,475 --> 00:25:19,852 attack their targets inside Russia. 318 00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:24,190 The, uh, planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons 319 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:27,735 with an average load of, uh, 40 megatons each. 320 00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:32,281 Now, the central display of Russia will indicate the position of the planes. 321 00:25:33,658 --> 00:25:36,911 The triangles are their primary targets. 322 00:25:36,994 --> 00:25:40,957 The squares are their secondary targets. 323 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:46,170 The aircraft will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes. 324 00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:51,801 General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. 325 00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:54,637 I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority 326 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,265 to order the use of nuclear weapons. 327 00:25:58,349 --> 00:25:59,892 Uh, that's right, sir. 328 00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:02,395 You are the only person authorized to do so. 329 00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:06,691 And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, 330 00:26:06,774 --> 00:26:10,570 it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority. 331 00:26:10,653 --> 00:26:14,699 It certainly does, far beyond the point I would have imagined possible. 332 00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:19,161 Well, perhaps you're, uh, forgetting the provisions of Plan sir. 333 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,122 Plan “R”? 334 00:26:22,456 --> 00:26:25,918 Plan “R” is an emergency war plan 335 00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:28,045 in which a lower-echelon commander 336 00:26:28,129 --> 00:26:31,841 may order nuclear retaliation after a sneak attack 337 00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:35,261 if the normal chain of command has been disrupted. 338 00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:38,431 You, uh, approved it, sir. You must remember. 339 00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:43,769 Uh, surely you must recall, sir, when Senator Buford made that big hassle 340 00:26:43,853 --> 00:26:46,731 about our deterrent lacking credibility. 341 00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:51,652 The idea was for Plan “R” to be a sort of, uh, retaliatory safeguard. 342 00:26:51,736 --> 00:26:53,613 A safeguard? 343 00:26:53,696 --> 00:26:56,949 Well, I admit the human element seems to have failed us here. 344 00:26:57,033 --> 00:27:00,328 But the idea was to discourage the Russkies from any hope 345 00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:03,039 that they could knock out Washington, and yourself, sir, 346 00:27:03,122 --> 00:27:05,124 as part of a general sneak attack 347 00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:09,295 and escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control. 348 00:27:09,378 --> 00:27:12,173 Well, I assume then that the planes will return automatically 349 00:27:12,256 --> 00:27:14,300 once they reach their fail-safe points. 350 00:27:14,383 --> 00:27:16,135 Well, no, sir, I'm afraid not. 351 00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:19,847 You see, the planes were holding at their fail-safe points, uh, 352 00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:21,932 when the go code was issued. 353 00:27:22,016 --> 00:27:23,976 Now, once they fly beyond fail-safe, 354 00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:26,604 they, uh - they do not require a second order to proceed. 355 00:27:26,687 --> 00:27:28,648 They will continue until they reach their targets. 356 00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:31,734 Then why haven't you radioed the planes countermanding the go code? 357 00:27:33,069 --> 00:27:36,447 Well, I'm afraid we're unable to communicate with any of the aircraft. 358 00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:38,240 Why? 359 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:41,035 As you may recall, sir- 360 00:27:41,118 --> 00:27:44,830 one of the provisions of Plan “R” provides 361 00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:49,543 that once the go code is received 362 00:27:49,627 --> 00:27:53,214 the normal SSB radios in the aircraft 363 00:27:53,297 --> 00:27:55,341 are switched into a special coded device 364 00:27:55,424 --> 00:27:58,552 which, I believe, is designated as CRM 114. 365 00:27:58,636 --> 00:28:02,932 Now, in order to prevent the enemy from issuing fake or, uh, confusing orders, 366 00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:07,061 CRM 114 is designed not to receive at all 367 00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:12,149 unless the message is preceded by the correct three-letter code group prefix. 368 00:28:13,317 --> 00:28:15,319 Then do you mean to tell me, General Turgidson, 369 00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:18,114 that you will be unable to recall the aircraft? 370 00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:19,740 That's about the size of it, sir. 371 00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:24,203 However, we are plowing through every possible three-letter combination of the code. 372 00:28:24,286 --> 00:28:29,250 Uh, but since there are, uh, 17,000 permutations, 373 00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:33,087 uh, it's going to take us about two and a half days to transmit them all. 374 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:35,923 How soon did you say the planes would penetrate Russian radar cover? 375 00:28:36,006 --> 00:28:37,925 About 18 minutes from now, sir. 376 00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:40,845 - Are you in contact with General Ripper? - Uh, no, sir, no. 377 00:28:40,928 --> 00:28:44,473 General Ripper, uh, sealed off the base and cut off all communications. 378 00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:46,225 Where did you get all this information? 379 00:28:46,308 --> 00:28:49,770 General Ripper called, uh, Strategic Air Command headquarters 380 00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:52,106 shortly after he issued the go code. 381 00:28:52,189 --> 00:28:56,026 I have a portion of the transcript of that, uh, conversation, if you'd like me to read it. 382 00:28:56,110 --> 00:28:57,403 Read it. 383 00:28:59,697 --> 00:29:03,159 The duty officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact 384 00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:06,787 that he had issued the go code and he said, uh, 385 00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:11,250 “Yes, gentlemen, they are on their way and no one can bring them back. 386 00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:14,044 For the sake of our country and our way of life, 387 00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:16,839 I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. 388 00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:21,177 Otherwise we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. 389 00:29:21,844 --> 00:29:24,597 Uh, my boys will give you the best kind of start - 390 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,224 1,400 megatons worth - 391 00:29:27,308 --> 00:29:30,811 and you sure as hell won't stop them now.” 392 00:29:30,895 --> 00:29:33,689 “So let's get going. There's no other choice. 393 00:29:33,773 --> 00:29:36,609 God willing, we will prevail, 394 00:29:36,692 --> 00:29:38,694 in peace and freedom from fear, 395 00:29:39,195 --> 00:29:42,114 and in true health through the purity 396 00:29:42,198 --> 00:29:44,617 and essence of our natural... 397 00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:47,620 fluids. 398 00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:50,206 God bless you all.” 399 00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:54,168 Then he hung up. 400 00:29:55,252 --> 00:29:58,714 W-We're still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir. 401 00:29:58,798 --> 00:30:01,217 There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. 402 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,302 This man is obviously a psychotic. 403 00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:06,514 Well, I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing like that, sir, 404 00:30:06,597 --> 00:30:08,474 until all the facts are in. 405 00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:12,978 General Turgidson, when you instituted the human reliability tests, 406 00:30:13,062 --> 00:30:17,149 you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring. 407 00:30:19,026 --> 00:30:22,988 Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program 408 00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,949 because of a single slip-up, sir. 409 00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:28,494 I want to speak to General Ripper on the telephone personally. 410 00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:30,079 I'm afraid that's impossible, sir. 411 00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:33,958 General Turgidson, I am becoming less and less interested 412 00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:37,253 in your estimates of what is possible and impossible. 413 00:30:38,921 --> 00:30:41,423 - General Faceman. - Yes, sir. 414 00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:44,009 Are there any army units stationed anywhere near Burpelson? 415 00:30:44,093 --> 00:30:46,262 I'll, uh - I'll just check, sir. 416 00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:52,142 Hello. 417 00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:57,523 I told you never to call me here. Don't you know where I am? 418 00:30:59,525 --> 00:31:02,194 Now look, baby, I can't - I can't talk to you now. 419 00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:04,154 My president needs me. 420 00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:08,284 - Of course Bucky would rather be with you. - What do you think about civil defense? 421 00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:09,577 Hmm. 422 00:31:09,660 --> 00:31:12,872 Why, of course, it isn't only physical. 423 00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,332 I deeply respect you as a human being. 424 00:31:15,416 --> 00:31:18,127 Someday I'm going to make you Mrs. Buck Turgidson. 425 00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,631 All - Listen, hon - Y-You go back to sleep, hon. 426 00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:25,551 Bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can. 427 00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:26,719 All right. 428 00:31:26,802 --> 00:31:29,972 Listen, shug, don't forget to say your prayers. 429 00:31:37,354 --> 00:31:39,398 Apparently, 430 00:31:39,481 --> 00:31:42,651 the 23rd Airborne Division is stationed seven miles away 431 00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:44,236 at, uh, Alvarado. 432 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,406 General Faceman, I want them to enter the base, 433 00:31:47,489 --> 00:31:50,951 locate General Ripper and put him in immediate telephone contact with me. 434 00:31:51,035 --> 00:31:52,536 Yes, sir. 435 00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:55,915 Mr. President, if I may advise, 436 00:31:55,998 --> 00:31:58,375 under condition red, it is standard procedure 437 00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,377 that the base be sealed off 438 00:32:00,461 --> 00:32:03,130 and the base defended by base security troops. 439 00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:07,176 Any force trying to enter there would certainly encounter very heavy casualties. 440 00:32:07,968 --> 00:32:12,097 General Turgidson, with all due respect for your, uh, defense team, 441 00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:14,683 my boys can brush 'em aside without too much trouble. 442 00:32:15,559 --> 00:32:20,439 Mr. President, there are one or two points I'd like to make if I may. 443 00:32:21,357 --> 00:32:22,858 Go ahead, General. 444 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,948 One, our hopes for recalling the 843rd Bomb Wing 445 00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:33,452 are quickly being reduced to a very low order of probability. 446 00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:36,330 Two, in less than 15 minutes from now 447 00:32:36,413 --> 00:32:39,541 the Russkies will be making radar contact with the planes. 448 00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:43,420 Three, when they do they are gonna go absolutely ape 449 00:32:43,504 --> 00:32:45,664 and they're gonna strike back with everything they got. 450 00:32:45,923 --> 00:32:49,259 Four, if, prior to this time, 451 00:32:49,343 --> 00:32:52,763 we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities, 452 00:32:52,846 --> 00:32:55,975 we will suffer virtual annihilation. 453 00:32:56,058 --> 00:32:57,726 Now... 454 00:32:59,436 --> 00:33:00,938 five. 455 00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:04,400 If, on the other hand, 456 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,613 we were to immediately launch an all-out and coordinated attack 457 00:33:09,697 --> 00:33:11,448 on all their air fields and missile bases, 458 00:33:11,532 --> 00:33:14,660 we'd stand a damn good chance of catching them with their pants down. 459 00:33:14,743 --> 00:33:17,162 Hell, we've got a five-to-one missile superiority as it is. 460 00:33:17,246 --> 00:33:20,082 We could easily assign three missiles to every target 461 00:33:20,165 --> 00:33:23,460 and still have a very effective reserve force for any other contingencies. 462 00:33:23,544 --> 00:33:25,170 Now, six, 463 00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:28,841 an unofficial study which we undertook of this eventuality 464 00:33:28,924 --> 00:33:33,804 indicated that we would destroy 90% of their nuclear capabilities. 465 00:33:33,887 --> 00:33:36,056 We would, therefore, prevail 466 00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:40,269 and suffer only modest and acceptable civilian casualties from their remaining force, 467 00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:43,856 which would be badly damaged and uncoordinated. 468 00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:47,359 General, it is the avowed policy of our country 469 00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:49,737 never to strike first with nuclear weapons. 470 00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:51,905 Well, Mr. President, I would say 471 00:33:51,989 --> 00:33:54,533 that General Ripper has already invalidated that policy. 472 00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:59,079 That was not an act of national policy and there are still alternatives left open to us. 473 00:33:59,955 --> 00:34:01,373 Mr. President, 474 00:34:02,916 --> 00:34:05,085 we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth, 475 00:34:05,169 --> 00:34:07,963 both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. 476 00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:10,299 Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing, 477 00:34:10,966 --> 00:34:13,385 but it is necessary now to make a choice, 478 00:34:13,469 --> 00:34:16,180 to choose between two admittedly regrettable, 479 00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:19,725 but nevertheless distinguishable postwar environments- 480 00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:21,977 one, where you got 2O million people killed 481 00:34:22,061 --> 00:34:24,730 and the other where you got 150 million people killed. 482 00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,733 You're talking about mass murder, General, not war. 483 00:34:27,816 --> 00:34:31,320 Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. 484 00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:35,741 But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed tops, 485 00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:38,160 uh, depending on the breaks. 486 00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:42,247 I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since Adolf Hitler. 487 00:34:42,331 --> 00:34:44,249 Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, 488 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,376 if you were more concerned with the American people 489 00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:48,295 than with your image in the history books. 490 00:34:48,378 --> 00:34:52,674 General Turgidson, I think I've heard quite sufficient from you, thank you very much. 491 00:34:54,176 --> 00:34:56,428 Mr. President, they have the ambassador waiting upstairs. 492 00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:57,763 Oh, good. Any difficulty? 493 00:34:57,846 --> 00:35:00,099 They say he's having a fit about that squad of MP's. 494 00:35:00,182 --> 00:35:02,768 Yes, well, that can't be helped. Have him brought down here straight away. 495 00:35:02,851 --> 00:35:04,311 Yes, sir. 496 00:35:04,394 --> 00:35:06,980 Is - Is that the Russian ambassador you're talking about? 497 00:35:07,064 --> 00:35:09,191 Yes, it is, General. 498 00:35:11,235 --> 00:35:14,029 A-A-A-Am I to understand the Russian ambassador 499 00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:16,698 is to be admitted entrance to the - the war room? 500 00:35:17,199 --> 00:35:19,660 That is correct. He is here on my orders. 501 00:35:21,203 --> 00:35:24,498 I-I-I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, 502 00:35:24,581 --> 00:35:27,501 but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? 503 00:35:27,584 --> 00:35:32,506 I mean, he'll see everything. He'll - He'll see the big board! 504 00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:35,634 That is precisely the idea, General. 505 00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:38,053 That is precisely the idea. 506 00:35:39,638 --> 00:35:42,891 Staines, get Premier Kissoff on the hot line. 507 00:35:50,732 --> 00:35:53,861 Survival kit contents check. 508 00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:59,324 In them you will find one .45 caliber automatic, 509 00:35:59,408 --> 00:36:02,119 two boxes ammunition, 510 00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:05,497 four days concentrated emergency rations, 511 00:36:05,581 --> 00:36:08,876 one drug issue containing antibiotics, 512 00:36:08,959 --> 00:36:13,338 morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, 513 00:36:13,422 --> 00:36:17,176 sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, 514 00:36:17,259 --> 00:36:22,097 one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, 515 00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:25,142 $100 in rubles, 516 00:36:25,225 --> 00:36:27,394 $100 in gold, 517 00:36:27,477 --> 00:36:32,107 nine packs of chewing gum, one issue of prophylactics, 518 00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:36,236 three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings - 519 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:41,200 Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff. 520 00:36:46,455 --> 00:36:49,541 - You don't have any fresh fish? - I'm afraid not, sir. 521 00:36:49,625 --> 00:36:51,710 - Your eggs then. They are fresh? - Oh, yes, sir. 522 00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:53,420 I will have poached eggs. 523 00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:55,756 And bring me some cigars, please. Havana cigars. 524 00:36:55,839 --> 00:36:57,716 - And that will be all for you, sir? - Yes. 525 00:36:57,799 --> 00:36:59,301 Then I'll see to it right away. 526 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:02,554 Try one of these Jamaican cigars, Ambassador. They're pretty good. 527 00:37:02,638 --> 00:37:06,141 Thank you, no. I do not support the work of imperialist stooges. 528 00:37:06,225 --> 00:37:08,894 Oh. Only commie stooges, huh? 529 00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,562 Psst! Mr. President. 530 00:37:12,231 --> 00:37:15,859 You gonna let that lousy commie punk vomit all over us like this? 531 00:37:15,943 --> 00:37:19,488 Mr. President, we haven't been able to reach Premier Kissoff in the Kremlin. 532 00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:23,116 They say they don't know where he is and he won't be back for another two hours. 533 00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:26,495 - Try B86543, Moscow. - Yes, sir. 534 00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:28,789 You would never have found him through his office, Mr. President. 535 00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:32,709 Our premier is a man of the people, but he is also a man, if you follow my meaning. 536 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,586 - Fine. - Degenerate atheistic commie. 537 00:37:34,670 --> 00:37:35,921 What did you say? 538 00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:38,674 I said Premier Kissoff is a degenerate atheistic commie! 539 00:37:38,757 --> 00:37:40,968 Mr. President, I formally request that you have this ignorant - 540 00:37:41,051 --> 00:37:42,469 I'm sorry, Mr. President. 541 00:37:42,552 --> 00:37:45,555 Mr. President! I think they're trying the number. 542 00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,604 You filthy bully! You filthy brute! 543 00:37:55,065 --> 00:37:56,984 You war - Ohh! You war-mongering bully! 544 00:37:57,067 --> 00:38:00,195 Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room! 545 00:38:00,279 --> 00:38:02,948 What is going on here? I demand an explanation. 546 00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:06,785 This clumsy fool tried to plant that ridiculous camera on me. 547 00:38:06,868 --> 00:38:09,871 Yeah, you bet your sweets, Mr. Commie. Look at this, Mr. President. 548 00:38:09,955 --> 00:38:13,792 This lousy commie rat was taking pictures with this thing. Of the big board! 549 00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,670 Mr. Ambassador! 550 00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:18,213 This - This clumsy fool 551 00:38:18,297 --> 00:38:20,924 attempted to plant that ridiculous camera on me. 552 00:38:21,008 --> 00:38:23,969 That's a damn lie! I saw him with my own eyes! 553 00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:25,512 Gentlemen, this is outrageous. 554 00:38:25,595 --> 00:38:28,265 I've never heard of such behavior in the war room before. 555 00:38:28,348 --> 00:38:30,851 Mr. President, I think they're getting him on the line. 556 00:38:58,754 --> 00:39:00,714 You sure gotta hand it to those commies. 557 00:39:00,797 --> 00:39:02,466 Yeah. 558 00:39:02,549 --> 00:39:05,344 Gee, those trucks sure look like the real thing, don't they? 559 00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:07,387 I wonder where they got 'em from. 560 00:39:07,471 --> 00:39:09,723 Probably bought them from the army as war surplus. 561 00:39:13,310 --> 00:39:17,105 Okay, open up at 200 yards. 562 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:18,583 Tell him where you are and that you'll enter the conversation if I say anything untrue, 563 00:40:18,667 --> 00:40:22,337 but please don't tell him anything more than that. 564 00:40:22,421 --> 00:40:25,757 Alexi. Alexi, please, I beg you. 565 00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:29,261 I don't have a phone. 566 00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:31,346 Give him your phone, Frank. 567 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,494 Da. 568 00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:00,333 I've done as you asked. 569 00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:03,295 Be careful, Mr. President. I think he is drunk. 570 00:41:06,173 --> 00:41:10,260 Hello? Uh, hello, D - Hello, Dmitri. 571 00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:12,762 Listen, I - I can't hear too well. 572 00:41:12,846 --> 00:41:16,057 Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? 573 00:41:16,892 --> 00:41:18,560 Oh, that's much better. 574 00:41:18,643 --> 00:41:21,313 Yes. Yes. 575 00:41:22,397 --> 00:41:25,150 Fine. I can hear you now, Dmitri. 576 00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:28,695 Clear and plain and coming through fine. 577 00:41:28,778 --> 00:41:31,406 I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good. 578 00:41:31,490 --> 00:41:33,283 Then... 579 00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:36,828 Well, then as you say, we're both coming through fine. 580 00:41:36,912 --> 00:41:40,916 Good. Well, it's good that you're fine and - and I'm fine. 581 00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:43,960 I agree with you. It's great to be fine. 582 00:41:45,962 --> 00:41:48,298 Now then, Dmitri, 583 00:41:48,381 --> 00:41:50,175 you know how 584 00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:53,887 we've always talked about the possibility 585 00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:56,723 of something going wrong with the bomb. 586 00:41:58,016 --> 00:41:59,893 The bomb, Dmitri. 587 00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:03,188 The hydrogen bomb. 588 00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:06,816 Well, now, what happened is, uh, 589 00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:09,444 one of our base commanders, 590 00:42:09,528 --> 00:42:11,196 he had a sort of- 591 00:42:11,279 --> 00:42:14,491 Well, he went a little funny in the head. 592 00:42:14,574 --> 00:42:17,661 You know, just a little... funny. 593 00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:21,957 And, uh, he went and did a silly thing. 594 00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:24,292 Well, I'll tell you what he did. 595 00:42:24,376 --> 00:42:26,461 He ordered his planes... 596 00:42:28,213 --> 00:42:30,340 to attack your country. 597 00:42:30,423 --> 00:42:33,426 Uh - Well, let me finish, Dmitri. 598 00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,388 Let me finish, Dmitri. 599 00:42:36,471 --> 00:42:39,558 Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? 600 00:42:39,641 --> 00:42:42,602 Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri? 601 00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:47,857 Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? 602 00:42:49,317 --> 00:42:51,695 Of course I like to speak to you. 603 00:42:51,778 --> 00:42:54,239 Of course I like to say hello. 604 00:42:54,322 --> 00:42:56,449 Not now, but any time, Dmitri. 605 00:42:56,533 --> 00:43:00,745 I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened. 606 00:43:00,829 --> 00:43:03,790 It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. 607 00:43:03,873 --> 00:43:08,253 Listen, if it wasn't friendly, you probably wouldn't have even got it. 608 00:43:10,714 --> 00:43:14,593 They will not reach their targets for at least another hour. 609 00:43:15,302 --> 00:43:18,471 I am - I am positive, Dmitri. 610 00:43:18,555 --> 00:43:22,726 Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick. 611 00:43:23,727 --> 00:43:25,145 Well, I'll tell you. 612 00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:28,898 We'd like to give your air staff a complete rundown on the targets, 613 00:43:28,982 --> 00:43:32,319 the flight plans and the defensive systems of the planes. 614 00:43:32,402 --> 00:43:36,114 Yes, I mean, I-if we are unable to recall the planes, 615 00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:39,451 then I'd say that, uh... 616 00:43:39,534 --> 00:43:44,623 well, uh, we're just going to have to help you destroy them, Dmitri. 617 00:43:45,957 --> 00:43:47,917 I know they're our boys. 618 00:43:48,918 --> 00:43:51,421 All right. Well, listen. Now, who should we call? 619 00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:56,134 Who should we call, Dmitri? The - What was - The people - 620 00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:58,219 Sorry, you faded away there. 621 00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:02,057 The People's Central Air Defense headquarters. 622 00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:04,351 Where is that, Dmitri? 623 00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,103 In Omsk. Right. 624 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:09,731 Yes. 625 00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:11,816 Oh, you'll call them first, will you? 626 00:44:12,776 --> 00:44:14,110 Uh-huh. 627 00:44:14,194 --> 00:44:17,197 Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dmitri? 628 00:44:18,073 --> 00:44:21,451 Wh - What? I see. Just ask for Omsk information. 629 00:44:21,534 --> 00:44:23,036 Mmm. 630 00:44:23,995 --> 00:44:26,331 I'm sorry too, Dmitri. 631 00:44:26,414 --> 00:44:28,208 I'm very sorry. 632 00:44:28,291 --> 00:44:32,170 All right, you're sorrier than I am. But I am sorry as well. 633 00:44:34,506 --> 00:44:36,675 I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri. 634 00:44:36,758 --> 00:44:38,677 Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, 635 00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,888 because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are. 636 00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:45,266 So we're both sorry, all right? All right. 637 00:44:46,434 --> 00:44:50,271 Yes, he's right here. Yes, he wants to talk to you. Just a second. 638 00:44:55,735 --> 00:44:57,362 Da. 639 00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:00,949 Da. 640 00:45:03,993 --> 00:45:07,122 What? 641 00:45:07,956 --> 00:45:11,126 Nyet. 642 00:45:18,258 --> 00:45:19,926 Dasvidaniya. 643 00:45:23,388 --> 00:45:25,181 What? 644 00:45:25,265 --> 00:45:26,391 What is it? What? 645 00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:27,976 The fools. 646 00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:30,103 The mad fools. 647 00:45:30,854 --> 00:45:33,148 What's happened? 648 00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,650 The Doomsday Machine. 649 00:45:35,734 --> 00:45:38,278 The D - The Doomsday Machine? What is that? 650 00:45:38,361 --> 00:45:43,199 A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth. 651 00:45:43,825 --> 00:45:45,869 All human and animal life? 652 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,177 Mandrake. 653 00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:04,429 Yes, Jack? 654 00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:07,515 Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water? 655 00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:10,185 Well, no, I - 656 00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,479 I can't say I have, Jack. 657 00:46:13,897 --> 00:46:16,983 Vodka. That's what they drink, isn't it? 658 00:46:17,066 --> 00:46:18,777 Never water. 659 00:46:18,860 --> 00:46:20,278 Well, I - 660 00:46:20,361 --> 00:46:23,239 I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes. 661 00:46:23,323 --> 00:46:26,785 On no account will a commie ever drink water. 662 00:46:26,868 --> 00:46:28,870 And not without good reason. 663 00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:32,916 Oh, uh, yes. 664 00:46:32,999 --> 00:46:36,336 I, um, can't quite... 665 00:46:36,419 --> 00:46:39,339 see what you're getting at, Jack. 666 00:46:39,422 --> 00:46:41,508 Water. That's what I'm getting at. 667 00:46:41,591 --> 00:46:43,051 Water. 668 00:46:44,052 --> 00:46:47,555 Mandrake, water is the source of all life. 669 00:46:48,973 --> 00:46:51,601 Seven-tenths of this earth's surface is water. 670 00:46:52,602 --> 00:46:54,604 Why, do you realize that... 671 00:46:56,064 --> 00:46:58,608 70% of you is water? 672 00:46:59,359 --> 00:47:00,652 Oh, how odd. 673 00:47:00,735 --> 00:47:02,487 And as human beings, 674 00:47:02,570 --> 00:47:05,698 you and I need fresh, pure water 675 00:47:05,782 --> 00:47:08,701 to replenish our precious bodily fluids. 676 00:47:08,785 --> 00:47:10,995 - Yes. - Are you beginning to understand? 677 00:47:11,079 --> 00:47:12,872 Yes. 678 00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:18,044 Mandrake. 679 00:47:19,671 --> 00:47:22,549 Mandrake, have you never wondered why 680 00:47:22,632 --> 00:47:25,969 I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, 681 00:47:26,052 --> 00:47:28,513 and only pure grain alcohol? 682 00:47:29,389 --> 00:47:32,600 Well, I-i-it did occur to me Jack, yes. 683 00:47:33,810 --> 00:47:36,312 Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation? 684 00:47:36,396 --> 00:47:38,690 Fluoridation of water? 685 00:47:38,773 --> 00:47:41,276 Uh, yes. I - I have heard of that, Jack. 686 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:42,861 Yes. Yes. 687 00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:44,612 Well, do you know what it is? 688 00:47:44,696 --> 00:47:47,824 No. No, I don't know what it is, no. 689 00:47:47,907 --> 00:47:49,868 Do you realize 690 00:47:49,951 --> 00:47:51,953 that fluoridation 691 00:47:52,036 --> 00:47:54,873 is the most monstrously conceived 692 00:47:54,956 --> 00:47:57,750 and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face? 693 00:48:04,382 --> 00:48:06,134 Two can play at that game, soldier. 694 00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:13,516 That's nice shooting, soldier! 695 00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:40,501 Mandrake, come here. 696 00:48:40,585 --> 00:48:42,462 Are you calling me, Jack? 697 00:48:42,545 --> 00:48:44,923 Come over here and help me with this belt. 698 00:48:46,382 --> 00:48:48,051 I, uh- 699 00:48:48,134 --> 00:48:51,012 I haven't had very much experience, you know, 700 00:48:51,095 --> 00:48:53,973 with those sort of machines, Jack. 701 00:48:54,057 --> 00:48:57,268 I've only ever pressed a button in my old Spitfire. 702 00:48:57,352 --> 00:48:59,771 Mandrake, in the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress, 703 00:48:59,854 --> 00:49:01,606 come here and feed me this belt, boy. 704 00:49:01,689 --> 00:49:05,360 Jack. I'd love to come, but, um, 705 00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:08,905 what's happened, you see, the string in my leg's gone. 706 00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:12,033 - The what? - The string. 707 00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:14,243 I never told you, but you see - 708 00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:18,164 Got a gammy leg. Oh, dear. Gone, shot off. 709 00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:23,962 Mandrake. Come over here. The Red Coats are coming. Come on. 710 00:49:25,004 --> 00:49:29,384 When it is detonated, it will produce enough lethal radioactive fallout 711 00:49:29,467 --> 00:49:32,595 so that within 10 months, the surface of the Earth 712 00:49:32,679 --> 00:49:34,555 will be as dead as the moon. 713 00:49:34,639 --> 00:49:37,433 Ah, come on, de Sadesky. That's ridiculous. 714 00:49:37,517 --> 00:49:41,646 Our studies show that even the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks. 715 00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:45,358 You've obviously never heard of Cobalt Thorium G. 716 00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:46,943 Well, what about it? 717 00:49:47,026 --> 00:49:50,780 Cobalt Thorium G has a radioactive half-life of 93 years. 718 00:49:50,863 --> 00:49:53,992 If you take, say, 5O H-bombs in the hundred megaton range 719 00:49:54,075 --> 00:49:56,452 and jacket them with Cobalt Thorium G, 720 00:49:56,536 --> 00:50:01,124 when they are exploded, they will produce a doomsday shroud, 721 00:50:01,207 --> 00:50:03,584 a lethal cloud of radioactivity 722 00:50:03,668 --> 00:50:08,047 which will encircle the Earth for 93 years. 723 00:50:08,131 --> 00:50:10,258 Oh, what a load of commie bull. 724 00:50:10,341 --> 00:50:11,843 I mean, after all - 725 00:50:12,885 --> 00:50:15,513 I'm afraid I don't understand something, Alexi. 726 00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:19,350 Is the premier threatening to explode this if our planes carry out their attack? 727 00:50:19,434 --> 00:50:21,936 No, sir. It is not a thing a sane man would do. 728 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:24,856 The Doomsday Machine is designed to trigger itself automatically. 729 00:50:24,939 --> 00:50:27,191 - But surely you can disarm it somehow? - No. 730 00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:31,362 It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it. 731 00:50:31,446 --> 00:50:33,948 - Automatically? - It's an obvious commie trick, Mr. President. 732 00:50:34,032 --> 00:50:36,576 We're wasting valuable ti - Look at the big board. 733 00:50:36,659 --> 00:50:38,578 They're getting ready to clobber us. 734 00:50:38,661 --> 00:50:41,164 But this is absolute madness, Ambassador. 735 00:50:41,247 --> 00:50:42,874 Why should you build such a thing? 736 00:50:42,957 --> 00:50:45,626 There were those of us who fought against it, but in the end, 737 00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:48,379 we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, 738 00:50:48,463 --> 00:50:51,966 the space race and the peace race. 739 00:50:52,050 --> 00:50:57,221 And at the same time, our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. 740 00:50:57,305 --> 00:51:00,641 Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending 741 00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:03,061 on defense in a single year. 742 00:51:03,144 --> 00:51:05,813 But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country 743 00:51:05,897 --> 00:51:07,690 was working along similar lines 744 00:51:07,774 --> 00:51:09,859 and we were afraid of a doomsday gap. 745 00:51:09,942 --> 00:51:13,154 This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything like that. 746 00:51:13,237 --> 00:51:16,115 Our source was The New York Times. 747 00:51:16,866 --> 00:51:20,078 Dr. Strangelove, do we have anything like that in the works? 748 00:51:20,161 --> 00:51:22,371 A moment, please, Mr. President. 749 00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:28,628 Under the authority granted me 750 00:51:28,711 --> 00:51:32,840 as director of weapons research and development, 751 00:51:32,924 --> 00:51:37,136 I commissioned last year a study of this project 752 00:51:37,220 --> 00:51:39,597 by the Bland Corporation. 753 00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,725 Based on the findings of the report, 754 00:51:42,809 --> 00:51:48,231 my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent 755 00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:52,276 for reasons which, at this moment, must be all too obvious. 756 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,780 Then you mean it is possible for them to have built such a thing? 757 00:51:59,784 --> 00:52:02,829 Mr. President, the technology required 758 00:52:02,912 --> 00:52:09,168 is easily within the means of even the smallest nuclear power. 759 00:52:09,252 --> 00:52:13,422 It requires only the will to do so. 760 00:52:14,298 --> 00:52:18,052 But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically 761 00:52:18,136 --> 00:52:20,555 and at the same time, impossible to untrigger? 762 00:52:20,638 --> 00:52:24,809 Mr. President, it is not only possible, 763 00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:26,519 it is essential. 764 00:52:26,602 --> 00:52:31,065 That is the whole idea of this machine, you know. 765 00:52:31,149 --> 00:52:36,362 Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy 766 00:52:36,445 --> 00:52:39,157 the fear to attack. 767 00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:44,036 And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process 768 00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,999 which rules out human meddling, 769 00:52:48,082 --> 00:52:52,044 the Doomsday Machine is terrifying. 770 00:52:52,128 --> 00:52:54,338 Yes, and simple to understand. 771 00:52:54,422 --> 00:52:57,884 And completely credible and convincing. 772 00:52:57,967 --> 00:53:00,970 Gee, I wish we had one of them Doomsday Machines, Stainsey. 773 00:53:01,053 --> 00:53:03,139 But this is fantastic, Strangelove. 774 00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:05,183 How can it be triggered automatically? 775 00:53:05,266 --> 00:53:08,895 Well, it's remarkably simple to do that. 776 00:53:08,978 --> 00:53:12,481 When you merely wish to bury bombs, 777 00:53:12,565 --> 00:53:14,984 there's no limit to the size. 778 00:53:15,067 --> 00:53:17,278 After that, they are connected 779 00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:21,324 to a gigantic complex of computers. 780 00:53:21,407 --> 00:53:27,246 Now then, a specific and clearly defined set of circumstances 781 00:53:27,330 --> 00:53:30,708 under which the bombs are to be exploded 782 00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:34,879 is programmed into a tape memory bank. 783 00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:37,506 - Hmm. Strangelove. - A single roll of tape 784 00:53:37,590 --> 00:53:40,468 - can store all the information - - What kind of a name is that? 785 00:53:40,551 --> 00:53:42,261 That ain't no Kraut name, is it, Stainsey? 786 00:53:42,345 --> 00:53:44,555 He changed it when he became a citizen. 787 00:53:44,639 --> 00:53:46,599 It used to be Merkwurdichliebe. 788 00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:52,104 Well, a Kraut by any other name, uh, Stainsey? 789 00:53:53,898 --> 00:53:58,236 ...is that the whole point of the Doomsday Machine 790 00:53:58,319 --> 00:54:01,697 is lost if you keep it a secret. 791 00:54:01,781 --> 00:54:04,242 Why didn't you tell the world, eh? 792 00:54:04,325 --> 00:54:08,704 It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. 793 00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:12,083 As you know, the premier loves surprises. 794 00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:02,591 Stay with me, Mandrake. 795 00:55:07,722 --> 00:55:10,558 All right, Mandrake. Now feed me, feed me, boy. 796 00:55:40,588 --> 00:55:43,388 Jack, don't you think we'd be better off in some other part of the room 797 00:55:43,466 --> 00:55:45,384 away from all this flying glass? 798 00:55:45,468 --> 00:55:47,303 Nah, nah. We're okay here. 799 00:55:49,305 --> 00:55:51,015 - Mandrake. - Hmm? 800 00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:53,351 Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, 801 00:55:53,434 --> 00:55:58,230 there are studies under way to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, 802 00:55:58,314 --> 00:56:02,151 soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? 803 00:56:02,234 --> 00:56:04,779 Ice cream, Mandrake. Children's ice cream. 804 00:56:04,862 --> 00:56:06,030 Good Lord. 805 00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:08,157 Do you know when fluoridation first began? 806 00:56:09,617 --> 00:56:11,452 Uh, no, no, I don't, Jack. 807 00:56:11,535 --> 00:56:13,954 1946. 808 00:56:14,038 --> 00:56:17,124 1946, Mandrake. 809 00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:20,252 How does that coincide with your postwar commie conspiracy, huh? 810 00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:24,298 It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? 811 00:56:24,382 --> 00:56:30,096 A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids 812 00:56:30,179 --> 00:56:33,432 without the knowledge of the individual 813 00:56:33,516 --> 00:56:35,851 and certainly without any choice. 814 00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:39,772 That's the way your hard-core commie works. 815 00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:44,443 Uh, Jack, Jack, listen. Tell me. 816 00:56:44,527 --> 00:56:47,947 Tell me, Jack, when did you first become - 817 00:56:48,030 --> 00:56:50,908 well, develop this theory? 818 00:56:51,992 --> 00:56:54,036 Well, I, uh - 819 00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,748 I-I first became aware of it, Mandrake, 820 00:56:57,832 --> 00:57:00,084 during the physical act of love. 821 00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:01,669 Huh. 822 00:57:01,752 --> 00:57:07,675 Yes, a, uh - a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. 823 00:57:08,676 --> 00:57:12,346 Luckily, I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. 824 00:57:13,848 --> 00:57:15,474 Loss of essence. 825 00:57:15,558 --> 00:57:17,017 Yeah. 826 00:57:17,101 --> 00:57:20,020 I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. 827 00:57:20,980 --> 00:57:24,733 Women, uh - Women sense my power 828 00:57:24,817 --> 00:57:26,944 and they seek the life essence. 829 00:57:28,404 --> 00:57:31,824 - I do not avoid women, Mandrake. - No. 830 00:57:31,907 --> 00:57:34,785 But I do deny them my essence. 831 00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:37,705 Yes, Jack. 832 00:57:50,384 --> 00:57:52,761 Cease fire! 833 00:58:13,616 --> 00:58:15,618 The boys must have surrendered. 834 00:58:15,701 --> 00:58:17,912 Well, there it is. 835 00:58:17,995 --> 00:58:19,747 Now, Jack, listen, 836 00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:23,000 while there's still time, I beg you, let's recall the wing and - 837 00:58:25,211 --> 00:58:27,630 Those boys were like my children, Mandrake. 838 00:58:29,632 --> 00:58:31,217 Now they've let me down. 839 00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:33,135 No, no, Jack, not a bit of it. 840 00:58:33,219 --> 00:58:36,347 No, I'm sure they all gave of their very best. 841 00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,933 And I'm equally sure they all died thinking of you - 842 00:58:39,016 --> 00:58:41,852 every man Jack of them - Jack. 843 00:58:41,936 --> 00:58:44,313 Supposing a bit of water has gone off, eh? 844 00:58:44,396 --> 00:58:47,107 Certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things. 845 00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:50,069 But you look at me now. Do I look all rancid and clotted? 846 00:58:50,152 --> 00:58:52,613 You look at me, Jack, eh? Look, eh? Huh? Huh? 847 00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:56,283 I drink a lot of water, you know. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack. 848 00:58:56,367 --> 00:58:57,368 That's what I am. 849 00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:00,371 And I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, 850 00:59:00,454 --> 00:59:02,706 that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids. 851 00:59:02,790 --> 00:59:05,334 Not a thing, Jackie. 852 00:59:05,417 --> 00:59:07,711 Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner of war? 853 00:59:07,795 --> 00:59:11,382 Well, Jack, the time's running very - 854 00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:14,260 - What? - Were you ever a prisoner of war? 855 00:59:14,343 --> 00:59:16,971 Uh, yes, I was, as a matter of fact, Jack, I was. 856 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:20,432 - Did they torture you? - Uh, yes, they did. 857 00:59:20,516 --> 00:59:23,227 I was tortured by the Japanese, Jack, if you must know. 858 00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:25,896 - Not a pretty story. - Well, what happened? 859 00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:28,065 Oh, well, I don't know, Jack. 860 00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:30,693 It's difficult to think of under these conditions, 861 00:59:30,776 --> 00:59:33,904 but, well, what happened was they got me on the old, 862 00:59:33,988 --> 00:59:36,448 uh, Rangoon-lchinawa Railway. 863 00:59:36,532 --> 00:59:40,869 I was laying train lines for the bloody Japanese puff-puffs. 864 00:59:40,953 --> 00:59:44,206 No, I mean, when they tortured you, did you talk? 865 00:59:44,290 --> 00:59:45,958 Oh. 866 00:59:46,041 --> 00:59:49,837 No, I -Well, I don't think they wanted me to talk, really. 867 00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,298 I don't think they wanted me to say anything. 868 00:59:52,381 --> 00:59:55,426 It was just their way of having a bit of fun, the swines. 869 00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:59,013 The strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras. 870 01:00:00,681 --> 01:00:03,934 You know, those clowns outside are gonna give me a pretty good going over 871 01:00:04,018 --> 01:00:06,520 in a few minutes, for the code. 872 01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:08,105 Yes - 873 01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,943 Yes, well, you may have, uh - You may have quite a point there, Jack. 874 01:00:14,028 --> 01:00:16,739 I don't know how well I could stand up under torture. 875 01:00:16,822 --> 01:00:20,242 Well, of course, the answer to that is, boy, no one ever does. 876 01:00:20,326 --> 01:00:24,455 And my advice to you, Jack, is to give me the code now, 877 01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:27,333 and if those devils come back and try any rough stuff, 878 01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:30,836 we'll fight 'em together, boy, like we did just now on the floor, eh? 879 01:00:30,919 --> 01:00:34,465 You with your gun, and me with the belt and the ammo, feeding you, Jack. 880 01:00:34,548 --> 01:00:37,301 “Feed me,” you said, and I was feeding you, Jack. 881 01:00:37,384 --> 01:00:39,970 You know, Mandrake, 882 01:00:40,054 --> 01:00:43,057 I happen to believe in a life after this one, 883 01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:47,519 and I know I'll have to answer for what I've done. 884 01:00:50,022 --> 01:00:51,482 And I think I can. 885 01:00:51,565 --> 01:00:54,902 Yes, well, of course you can, Jack. Of course you can. You can. 886 01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,154 I'm a religious man myself, you know, Jack. 887 01:00:57,237 --> 01:01:00,824 I believe in all that sort of thing, and, uh, I'm hoping you know, Jack. 888 01:01:00,908 --> 01:01:02,868 You've dropped your gun, Jack. 889 01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:06,080 Yes, you know what - Here. No, Jack, let me take that for you. 890 01:01:06,163 --> 01:01:09,041 I'll take that for you, Jack. And you know what I'm hoping, Jack? 891 01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:12,169 I'm hoping you're going to give me the code, boy, that's what I'm hoping. 892 01:01:12,252 --> 01:01:15,964 You're going to have a little wash and brush up, are you? What a good idea. 893 01:01:16,048 --> 01:01:19,051 Always did wonders for a man that, Jack. A little wash and brush up. 894 01:01:19,134 --> 01:01:21,512 Water on the back of the neck. Makes you feel marvelous. 895 01:01:21,595 --> 01:01:24,848 That's what we need, Jack. Water on the back of the neck and the code. 896 01:01:24,932 --> 01:01:27,184 Supposing I play a little guessing game with you, Jack boy. 897 01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:29,853 I'll try and guess - I'll try and guess what the code is. 898 01:01:47,496 --> 01:01:51,917 Copilot to Navigator. I'm ready with the fuel figures now. 899 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:55,045 We have 109,000 total, 900 01:01:55,129 --> 01:01:57,881 79,000 in the mains 901 01:01:57,965 --> 01:02:00,676 and 30,000 in the auxiliaries. 902 01:02:00,759 --> 01:02:04,012 And that works out to roughly seven hours, 15 minutes 903 01:02:04,096 --> 01:02:06,390 endurance for this time. 904 01:02:08,016 --> 01:02:11,520 DSO to Captain. I have an unidentified radar blip. 905 01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,733 Distance, 6O miles. 906 01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:20,279 Approximate speed, Mach 3. 907 01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:22,781 Looks like a missile tracking us. 908 01:02:24,867 --> 01:02:26,952 Confirmed. Definite missile track. 909 01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:29,621 Commence evasive action right. 910 01:02:35,836 --> 01:02:38,380 Missile still closing range. 911 01:02:39,506 --> 01:02:43,594 Distance, 5O miles. Continue evasive action. 912 01:02:43,677 --> 01:02:45,846 Lock ECM to target intercept mode. 913 01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:49,183 ECM locked to target intercept mode. 914 01:02:50,184 --> 01:02:52,561 Missile still tracking and closing distance. 915 01:02:52,644 --> 01:02:54,396 Range, 40 miles. 916 01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:56,690 Continue evasive action. 917 01:03:00,110 --> 01:03:03,864 Electronic guidance scrambler to blue grid. 918 01:03:03,947 --> 01:03:07,451 Missile still tracking steady and closing distance. 919 01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:09,369 Range, 30 miles. 920 01:03:11,538 --> 01:03:14,041 Missile still closing, true and steady. 921 01:03:14,124 --> 01:03:15,876 Continue evasive action. 922 01:03:23,425 --> 01:03:25,469 Range, 2O miles. 923 01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:29,348 Missile still closing distance and tracking steady. 924 01:03:29,431 --> 01:03:31,850 Attack range gate on maximum scan. 925 01:03:31,934 --> 01:03:34,394 Range gate on maximum scan. 926 01:03:35,062 --> 01:03:37,356 Range, 10 miles. 927 01:03:37,439 --> 01:03:40,984 Missile track deflecting. Continue evasive action. 928 01:03:41,068 --> 01:03:44,530 Deflection increasing. Range, eight miles. 929 01:03:44,613 --> 01:03:48,659 Deflection still increasing. Range, six miles. 930 01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:51,495 Missile still deflecting. Range, four miles. 931 01:03:57,751 --> 01:04:00,504 Range, two miles. Missile still deflecting. 932 01:04:00,587 --> 01:04:02,506 Range, one mile. Missile detonated. 933 01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:11,598 - Start lever to cut off. - Cut off. 934 01:04:14,977 --> 01:04:17,938 - Lost engine power. - Lost power. Got it. 935 01:04:24,862 --> 01:04:27,281 Reselect essential power. 936 01:04:27,364 --> 01:04:29,645 - Oh, shoot. There goes six. - Essential power reselected. 937 01:04:36,748 --> 01:04:38,876 The hatch is stuck. 938 01:04:41,128 --> 01:04:43,463 - Hit emergency power. - Okay. 939 01:04:45,340 --> 01:04:48,218 - Extinguishers. - Roger. 940 01:04:54,975 --> 01:04:57,019 Transfer switches. 941 01:04:57,102 --> 01:04:59,479 - Transferred. - Push pumps up. 942 01:04:59,563 --> 01:05:00,564 Cut off. 943 01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:14,328 Fuel valves three, four and six. 944 01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,468 - Give me full power. - Roger. 945 01:05:41,730 --> 01:05:43,607 Peace on earth. 946 01:05:43,690 --> 01:05:45,901 Peace on earth. 947 01:05:45,984 --> 01:05:48,236 Peace on earth. 948 01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:49,821 POE. 949 01:05:51,031 --> 01:05:54,034 Purity of essence. 950 01:05:54,117 --> 01:05:57,788 POE. 951 01:05:57,871 --> 01:05:59,873 OPE. 952 01:06:08,757 --> 01:06:10,467 Put your hands over your head. 953 01:06:10,550 --> 01:06:13,804 What the devil do you think you're doing, shooting your way in here? Who are you? 954 01:06:13,887 --> 01:06:15,722 I said, put your hands over your head. 955 01:06:16,765 --> 01:06:19,267 What kind of suit do you call that, fella? 956 01:06:19,351 --> 01:06:21,311 What do you mean, suit? 957 01:06:21,395 --> 01:06:26,316 This happens to be an RAF uniform, sir, and I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. 958 01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,318 I am General Ripper's executive officer. 959 01:06:28,402 --> 01:06:29,903 Where's General Ripper? 960 01:06:29,987 --> 01:06:32,864 He's dead, in the bathroom. 961 01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:36,410 - Where's the bathroom? - Next to you. 962 01:06:45,961 --> 01:06:48,755 Look, I don't know what sort of stupid game this is you're playing, 963 01:06:48,839 --> 01:06:51,008 but I've got a very good idea what the recall code is 964 01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:53,593 and I have to get in touch with SAC headquarters immediately. 965 01:06:53,677 --> 01:06:57,222 I said put your hands over your head and keep them there. Come on. 966 01:06:57,305 --> 01:06:59,141 - Got any witnesses? - Witnesses? 967 01:06:59,224 --> 01:07:01,184 What are you talking about, witnesses? He shot himself. 968 01:07:01,268 --> 01:07:03,270 While he was shaving, huh? 969 01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:08,900 Now look, Colonel Bat Guano, if that really is your name, 970 01:07:08,984 --> 01:07:12,821 may I tell you that I have a very, very good idea, 971 01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:16,074 I think, I hope, I pray, what the recall code is. 972 01:07:16,158 --> 01:07:18,035 It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept repeating. 973 01:07:18,118 --> 01:07:20,412 It's a variation on “peace on earth” or “purity of essence.” 974 01:07:20,495 --> 01:07:24,499 - EOP, OPE. it's one of those. - Put your hands up on top of your head. 975 01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:26,043 Start walkin'. 976 01:07:26,126 --> 01:07:29,463 Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody March hare 977 01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:32,841 and sent the whole wing to attack the Soviets? 978 01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:36,386 - What are you talking about? - I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 979 01:07:36,470 --> 01:07:40,515 I'm going to pick up this red telephone, which is connected to SAC, 980 01:07:40,599 --> 01:07:43,351 and I hope - 981 01:07:43,435 --> 01:07:45,771 Blast. Blast. 982 01:07:45,854 --> 01:07:49,858 Shot away, I expect, by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting. 983 01:07:51,193 --> 01:07:53,403 Right. 984 01:07:53,487 --> 01:07:56,782 All right, Charlie, I've been wasting too much time on you. 985 01:07:56,865 --> 01:07:59,117 I've got a lot of wounded men outside. 986 01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:00,744 Start walking. 987 01:08:22,849 --> 01:08:26,853 All the radio gear is out, including the CRM 114. 988 01:08:26,937 --> 01:08:30,107 I think the auto-destruct mechanism got hit and blew itself up. 989 01:08:34,569 --> 01:08:37,781 The fire is out. Emergency power is on. 990 01:08:37,864 --> 01:08:41,368 Everything seems to check out all right. Will advise. 991 01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:43,161 Roger. Navigator. 992 01:08:43,245 --> 01:08:48,625 I've worked out our rate of fuel loss at approximately 162 per minute. 993 01:08:48,708 --> 01:08:51,503 This gives us a radius of action sufficient to take out 994 01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,797 primary and secondary targets, 995 01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,509 but we will not - repeat - not be able to make it back 996 01:08:57,592 --> 01:08:59,302 to any base or neutral country. 997 01:09:00,262 --> 01:09:05,100 However, we would have enough fuel to ditch at weather ship Tango Delta, 998 01:09:05,183 --> 01:09:08,895 grid coordinates 003691. 999 01:09:13,733 --> 01:09:15,986 Well, boys, we got three engines out, 1000 01:09:16,069 --> 01:09:19,865 we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule, 1001 01:09:19,948 --> 01:09:22,159 the radio is gone and we're leaking fuel, 1002 01:09:22,242 --> 01:09:25,579 and if we was flying any lower, why, we'd need sleigh bells on this thing. 1003 01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:28,623 But we got one little budge on them Russkies. 1004 01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:30,667 At this height, why, they might harpoon us, 1005 01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:33,879 but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen. 1006 01:09:45,015 --> 01:09:46,892 The other way. 1007 01:09:46,975 --> 01:09:49,853 - Where are you taking me? - The main gate. 1008 01:09:49,936 --> 01:09:51,479 Colonel! 1009 01:09:51,563 --> 01:09:55,025 Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here. 1010 01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:56,902 - You want to know what I think? - Yes. 1011 01:09:56,985 --> 01:09:59,779 I think you're some kind of deviated “prevert.” 1012 01:09:59,863 --> 01:10:02,365 And I think General Ripper found out about your “preversion,” 1013 01:10:02,449 --> 01:10:05,118 and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of “preverts.” 1014 01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:07,204 Now move. 1015 01:10:07,287 --> 01:10:10,415 On top of that, I don't know anything about any planes attacking Russia. 1016 01:10:10,498 --> 01:10:14,586 I was told to get General Ripper on the phone with the president of the United States. 1017 01:10:14,669 --> 01:10:19,549 Now, just one second. You just said “the president.” 1018 01:10:19,633 --> 01:10:21,718 What about the president? 1019 01:10:21,801 --> 01:10:24,971 Now, the president wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he? 1020 01:10:25,055 --> 01:10:27,641 Now, General Ripper is dead, is he not? 1021 01:10:27,724 --> 01:10:29,851 I am General Ripper's executive officer, 1022 01:10:29,935 --> 01:10:33,063 so the president will bloody well want to speak to me, won't he? 1023 01:10:33,146 --> 01:10:36,733 There's a telephone box over there and the line may be open. 1024 01:10:36,816 --> 01:10:39,527 You want to talk to the president of the United States? 1025 01:10:39,611 --> 01:10:42,489 I don't want to talk to him, Colonel. I've got to talk to him. 1026 01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:46,409 And I can assure you, if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, 1027 01:10:46,493 --> 01:10:50,747 the Court of Inquiry on this'll give you such a pranging, 1028 01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:54,626 you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant! 1029 01:10:58,505 --> 01:11:00,340 Okay. Go ahead. 1030 01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:03,718 Try and get the president of the United States on the phone. 1031 01:11:05,929 --> 01:11:09,182 If you try any “preversions” in there, I'll blow your head off. 1032 01:11:22,529 --> 01:11:25,240 Operator? This is Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. 1033 01:11:25,323 --> 01:11:27,450 I'm speaking from Burpelson Air Force Base. 1034 01:11:27,534 --> 01:11:29,202 Look, something very urgent has come up 1035 01:11:29,286 --> 01:11:31,371 and I want you to place an emergency person-to-person call 1036 01:11:31,454 --> 01:11:34,541 with President Merkin Muffley in the Pentagon, Washington, DC. 1037 01:11:35,834 --> 01:11:39,170 Uh, uh, Burpelson 39180. 1038 01:11:40,547 --> 01:11:42,716 No. I'm perfectly serious, Operator. The president. 1039 01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:45,302 Yes, the president of the United States. 1040 01:11:45,385 --> 01:11:47,512 Oh. I'm sorry. I haven't got enough change. 1041 01:11:47,595 --> 01:11:49,472 Um, could you, uh - 1042 01:11:49,556 --> 01:11:51,891 Could you make this a collect call, Operator? 1043 01:12:04,154 --> 01:12:06,406 Just one second, Operator. 1044 01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:08,992 They won't accept the call. Have you got 55 cents? 1045 01:12:09,075 --> 01:12:12,537 Well, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you? 1046 01:12:14,873 --> 01:12:16,374 Operator? 1047 01:12:16,458 --> 01:12:18,001 Uh, look, um, 1048 01:12:18,084 --> 01:12:21,254 is it possible to make this an ordinary - ordinary trunk call? 1049 01:12:21,338 --> 01:12:26,676 Well, what do you call it? You know - Oh, uh, station to station. 1050 01:12:31,348 --> 01:12:34,351 Oh, blast! I'm still 20 cents short. 1051 01:12:34,434 --> 01:12:36,561 Uh- 1052 01:12:36,644 --> 01:12:40,023 Operator, hold on. I shan't keep you a second. 1053 01:12:40,106 --> 01:12:42,692 Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine. 1054 01:12:42,776 --> 01:12:46,613 I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there. 1055 01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:51,534 That's private property. 1056 01:12:51,618 --> 01:12:54,537 Colonel, can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you - 1057 01:12:54,621 --> 01:12:57,248 your frame, outlook, way of life and everything - 1058 01:12:57,332 --> 01:13:00,085 when they've learned that you have obstructed a telephone call 1059 01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:01,920 to the president of the United States? 1060 01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:04,172 Can you imagine? 1061 01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:06,925 Shoot it off! Shoot with a gun. 1062 01:13:07,008 --> 01:13:09,677 That's what the bullets are for, you twit! 1063 01:13:09,761 --> 01:13:11,262 Okay. 1064 01:13:11,346 --> 01:13:13,056 I'm gonna get your money for you. 1065 01:13:13,139 --> 01:13:16,059 But if you don't get the president of the United States on that phone, 1066 01:13:16,142 --> 01:13:17,977 - you know what's going to happen to you? - What? 1067 01:13:18,061 --> 01:13:21,314 You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company. 1068 01:13:30,407 --> 01:13:33,243 This is SAC Communications Control. 1069 01:13:33,326 --> 01:13:36,830 The recall code OPE 1070 01:13:36,913 --> 01:13:38,832 is being acknowledged “roger” 1071 01:13:38,915 --> 01:13:43,753 by the elements of the 843 Bomb Wing. 1072 01:13:43,837 --> 01:13:45,797 These are the details. 1073 01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:50,635 Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38 1074 01:13:50,718 --> 01:13:54,097 are reported destroyed by enemy action. 1075 01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:57,517 All other missions have acknowledged recall code. 1076 01:13:58,977 --> 01:14:01,604 This is SAC Communications Control. Over and out. 1077 01:14:01,688 --> 01:14:04,482 Gentlemen, gentlemen. 1078 01:14:04,566 --> 01:14:06,901 Ah, gentlemen. 1079 01:14:06,985 --> 01:14:08,945 Mr. President. 1080 01:14:09,028 --> 01:14:11,281 Uh, I'm not a sentimentalist at all by nature, 1081 01:14:11,364 --> 01:14:14,492 but, uh, I think I know what's in every heart in this room. 1082 01:14:14,576 --> 01:14:17,704 I think we ought to all just, uh, bow our heads 1083 01:14:17,787 --> 01:14:20,415 and give a short prayer of thanks for our deliverance. 1084 01:14:20,498 --> 01:14:23,209 Lord! 1085 01:14:23,293 --> 01:14:27,839 We have heard the wings of the angel of death 1086 01:14:27,922 --> 01:14:30,675 fluttering over our heads from the valley of fear. 1087 01:14:30,758 --> 01:14:33,553 You have seen fit to deliver us from the forces of evil. 1088 01:14:33,636 --> 01:14:35,305 Excuse me, sir. 1089 01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:38,475 Premier Kissoff's calling again, and he's hopping mad. 1090 01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:49,027 Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased. 1091 01:14:49,110 --> 01:14:52,989 Now works out at 205. 1092 01:14:54,532 --> 01:15:00,914 Estimate remaining fuel at 8790. 1093 01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:07,462 Uh, roger, confirm 205 per minute 1094 01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:11,591 and remaining fuel 8790. 1095 01:15:18,097 --> 01:15:22,143 No. No, Dmitri, there must be some mistake. 1096 01:15:22,227 --> 01:15:24,270 No, I'm certain of that. 1097 01:15:24,354 --> 01:15:26,773 I-I'm perfectly certain of that, Dmitri. 1098 01:15:28,650 --> 01:15:30,485 Just a second. 1099 01:15:30,568 --> 01:15:33,905 You know what he says? He says that one of the planes hasn't turned back. 1100 01:15:33,988 --> 01:15:36,699 He says, according to information forwarded by our air staffs, 1101 01:15:36,783 --> 01:15:39,452 it's headed for the missile complex at Laputa. 1102 01:15:42,121 --> 01:15:43,623 Wha - Ha! 1103 01:15:43,706 --> 01:15:45,708 That's impossible, Mr. President. 1104 01:15:45,792 --> 01:15:47,710 I mean, uh, look at the big board. 1105 01:15:47,794 --> 01:15:51,214 Thirty-four planes. 3O recalls acknowledged and four splashes, 1106 01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:53,800 and one of them was targeted for Laputa. 1107 01:15:56,761 --> 01:15:59,889 Dmitri? Look, we've got an acknowledgement from every plane 1108 01:15:59,973 --> 01:16:02,141 except the four you shot down. 1109 01:16:03,351 --> 01:16:05,019 Oh. 1110 01:16:05,103 --> 01:16:06,604 Oh. 1111 01:16:10,108 --> 01:16:12,860 He - Hang on a second, Dmitri. 1112 01:16:12,944 --> 01:16:16,322 He says their air defense now only claims three aircraft confirmed. 1113 01:16:16,406 --> 01:16:18,491 The fourth may only be damaged. 1114 01:16:20,994 --> 01:16:25,748 Mr. President, I'm beginning to smell a big fat commie rat. 1115 01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:29,627 I mean, supposing Kissoff is lying about that fourth plane, 1116 01:16:29,711 --> 01:16:31,629 just looking for an excuse to clobber us? 1117 01:16:31,713 --> 01:16:35,258 I mean, if the spaghetti hits the fan, now we're really in trouble. 1118 01:16:38,595 --> 01:16:44,517 Dmitri? Look, if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target, 1119 01:16:44,601 --> 01:16:46,603 is this - is this going to, oh - 1120 01:16:46,686 --> 01:16:48,938 is this going to set off the Doomsday Machine? 1121 01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:53,943 Are you sure? 1122 01:16:55,486 --> 01:16:59,866 Well, I - I guess you're just going to have to get that plane, Dmitri. 1123 01:16:59,949 --> 01:17:03,119 Dmitri, I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low, 1124 01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:04,746 but they're trained to do it. 1125 01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:06,539 It's initiative. 1126 01:17:08,625 --> 01:17:11,794 Look, Dmitri, you know exactly where they're going, 1127 01:17:11,878 --> 01:17:15,882 and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane. 1128 01:17:17,258 --> 01:17:20,178 Listen, I mean, it's not gonna help either one of us if- 1129 01:17:20,261 --> 01:17:23,931 if the Doomsday Machine goes off, now, is it? 1130 01:17:24,015 --> 01:17:29,479 Dmitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this. 1131 01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:33,983 Dmitri, keep your feet on the ground when you're talking, Dmitri. 1132 01:17:34,067 --> 01:17:36,152 I am not - I am not getting - 1133 01:17:36,235 --> 01:17:40,323 No, Dmitri, I'm just worried, that's all. 1134 01:17:40,406 --> 01:17:43,701 Now look, if our air staff say its primary target is Laputa 1135 01:17:43,785 --> 01:17:45,828 and its secondary target is Barchov, 1136 01:17:45,912 --> 01:17:49,165 I mean, it's true, Dmitri, you've got to believe it. 1137 01:17:49,248 --> 01:17:52,960 Look, can I give - Dmitri? Can I give you just one word - 1138 01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:56,255 Can I give you just one word of advice, Dmitri? 1139 01:17:56,339 --> 01:18:01,761 Listen, Dmitri, put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss. 1140 01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:11,813 Uh, sir, if we continue to lose fuel at the present rate, 1141 01:18:11,896 --> 01:18:15,817 I estimate we only have, uh, 38 minutes flying time, 1142 01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:18,569 which will not even take us as far as the primary. 1143 01:18:19,278 --> 01:18:22,532 Doggone it, Sweets, you told me that you'd get me to the primary! 1144 01:18:22,615 --> 01:18:26,536 I'm sorry, sir. That estimate was based on the original loss rate factor, 1145 01:18:26,619 --> 01:18:28,371 not at 205. 1146 01:18:28,454 --> 01:18:32,917 I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it. You just get me to the primary, you hear? 1147 01:18:33,835 --> 01:18:36,754 I'm sorry, sir, but those are the figures. 1148 01:18:36,838 --> 01:18:39,716 We'll be lucky to reach weather ship at Tango Delta. 1149 01:18:39,799 --> 01:18:41,968 Well, shoot! 1150 01:18:42,051 --> 01:18:45,304 We ain't come this far just to dump this thing in the drink. 1151 01:18:46,472 --> 01:18:48,474 What's the nearest target of opportunity? 1152 01:18:57,316 --> 01:18:59,902 Sir, if the rate of loss does not increase, 1153 01:18:59,986 --> 01:19:03,906 we have a chance to reach target 384, 1154 01:19:03,990 --> 01:19:08,619 grid coordinate 003691 1155 01:19:08,703 --> 01:19:12,665 and possibly make it from there to the Tango Delta weather ship. 1156 01:19:12,749 --> 01:19:14,917 What kind of a target is that anyhow? 1157 01:19:15,001 --> 01:19:18,921 Sir, that's the ICBM complex at Kotlas. 1158 01:19:19,005 --> 01:19:20,590 All right. 1159 01:19:20,673 --> 01:19:23,718 Designating new target - 384. 1160 01:19:23,801 --> 01:19:27,805 Give me a rough heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out, will ya? 1161 01:19:39,859 --> 01:19:41,778 Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed, Dmitri, 1162 01:19:41,861 --> 01:19:44,739 and remember, there's just one thing - we are all in this together. 1163 01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:48,576 We're right behind you, Dmitri. We're with you all the way. 1164 01:19:48,659 --> 01:19:51,287 Yes, well, we'll keep the line open. 1165 01:19:52,455 --> 01:19:54,373 All right, Dmitri. 1166 01:19:56,876 --> 01:20:00,755 General Turgidson, is there really a chance for that plane to get through? 1167 01:20:02,757 --> 01:20:05,218 Mr. President, if I may speak freely, 1168 01:20:05,301 --> 01:20:08,888 the Russki talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how. 1169 01:20:08,971 --> 01:20:12,016 You just can't expect a bunch of ignorant peons 1170 01:20:12,099 --> 01:20:14,101 to understand a machine like some of our boys. 1171 01:20:14,185 --> 01:20:16,020 That's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador. 1172 01:20:16,103 --> 01:20:18,856 You take your average Russki, we all know how much guts he's got. 1173 01:20:18,940 --> 01:20:21,901 Hell, look at all them Nazis killed off, and he still wouldn't quit. 1174 01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:23,861 Can't you stick to the point, General? 1175 01:20:23,945 --> 01:20:26,322 Well, uh, sir, 1176 01:20:26,405 --> 01:20:29,826 if the pilot's good, see, I mean, if he's really sharp, 1177 01:20:29,909 --> 01:20:32,119 he can barrel that baby in so low - 1178 01:20:32,203 --> 01:20:34,413 You ought to see it sometime. it's a sight. 1179 01:20:34,497 --> 01:20:36,457 A big plane like a 52. Vroom! 1180 01:20:36,541 --> 01:20:39,669 Its jet exhaust frying chickens in a barnyard. 1181 01:20:39,752 --> 01:20:42,713 - Yeah, but has he got a chance? - Has he got a chance? 1182 01:20:42,797 --> 01:20:45,258 Hell, yeah... he's... 1183 01:20:46,759 --> 01:20:48,302 got a... 1184 01:21:09,866 --> 01:21:11,367 Navigator to Captain. 1185 01:21:11,450 --> 01:21:15,788 Approaching target at distance 10 miles. 1186 01:21:15,872 --> 01:21:19,292 Switch from green grid to target orange. 1187 01:21:19,375 --> 01:21:22,378 Roger. Ready for final bomb run check. 1188 01:21:22,461 --> 01:21:23,963 - Take over, Ace. - Roger. 1189 01:21:29,302 --> 01:21:31,762 - DSO ready. - Bombardier ready, sir. 1190 01:21:31,846 --> 01:21:33,973 Bomb fusing master safety on. 1191 01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:37,226 Electronic barometric time and impact. 1192 01:21:37,310 --> 01:21:42,565 Uh, bomb fusing, master safeties on, electronic barometric time and impact. 1193 01:21:42,648 --> 01:21:46,444 Fuse for ground burst. Delay factor yellow three. 1194 01:21:46,527 --> 01:21:49,113 Fuse for ground burst. Delay factor yellow three. 1195 01:21:49,196 --> 01:21:51,949 Bomb fusing circuits one through four test. 1196 01:21:52,033 --> 01:21:54,410 Bomb fusing circuits one through four test. 1197 01:21:54,493 --> 01:21:55,745 Lights on. 1198 01:21:55,828 --> 01:21:58,623 Bomb arming test lights on one through four. 1199 01:21:58,706 --> 01:22:01,584 Bomb arming test lights on one through four. 1200 01:22:01,667 --> 01:22:04,253 Engage primary trigger switch override. 1201 01:22:04,337 --> 01:22:07,465 Primary trigger switch override engaged. 1202 01:22:07,548 --> 01:22:10,051 Track indicators to maximum deflection. 1203 01:22:10,134 --> 01:22:12,637 Track indicators to maximum deflection. 1204 01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:15,806 Detonator set to zero altitude. 1205 01:22:15,890 --> 01:22:18,768 Detonator set to zero altitude. 1206 01:22:18,851 --> 01:22:20,519 Release first safety. 1207 01:22:24,857 --> 01:22:26,692 First safety released. 1208 01:22:28,110 --> 01:22:29,445 First safety. 1209 01:22:29,528 --> 01:22:31,530 Release second safety. 1210 01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:37,286 Second safety released. 1211 01:22:38,162 --> 01:22:39,163 Second safety. 1212 01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:49,382 Check bomb door circuits one through four. 1213 01:22:59,934 --> 01:23:04,480 Uh, bomb door circuits negative function. 1214 01:23:04,563 --> 01:23:06,065 Lights red. 1215 01:23:06,148 --> 01:23:08,734 - Switch in back-up circuits. - Roger. 1216 01:23:10,236 --> 01:23:12,822 Back-up circuits switched in. Still negative function. 1217 01:23:12,905 --> 01:23:14,657 Engage emergency power. 1218 01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:16,701 Roger. 1219 01:23:16,784 --> 01:23:19,495 Uh, emergency power on. Still negative function. 1220 01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:23,582 Operate manual override. 1221 01:23:25,126 --> 01:23:26,711 Roger. 1222 01:23:36,178 --> 01:23:38,597 Uh, still negative function. 1223 01:23:38,681 --> 01:23:41,517 The Teleflex drive cable must be sheared away. 1224 01:23:41,600 --> 01:23:43,185 Fire the explosive bolts! 1225 01:23:44,270 --> 01:23:45,771 Roger. 1226 01:23:58,451 --> 01:24:01,662 Uh, still negative, sir. 1227 01:24:02,455 --> 01:24:04,040 The operating circuits are dead, sir. 1228 01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:12,631 Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I'm going down below and see what I can do. 1229 01:24:12,715 --> 01:24:14,383 Roger. 1230 01:24:26,312 --> 01:24:27,897 Stay on the bomb run, boys. 1231 01:24:27,980 --> 01:24:31,984 I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek. 1232 01:25:25,579 --> 01:25:28,290 Target range grid reference checks. 1233 01:25:28,374 --> 01:25:30,835 Target distance, eight miles. 1234 01:25:30,918 --> 01:25:32,795 Roger. Eight miles. 1235 01:25:32,878 --> 01:25:35,381 Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid. 1236 01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:37,883 Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid. 1237 01:25:46,559 --> 01:25:49,145 Target distance, seven miles. 1238 01:25:49,228 --> 01:25:52,523 Correct track indicator minus seven. 1239 01:25:52,606 --> 01:25:53,941 Roger. Seven miles. 1240 01:25:54,024 --> 01:25:56,193 Check GPI acceleration factor. 1241 01:25:56,277 --> 01:25:58,320 GPI acceleration factor set. 1242 01:26:01,740 --> 01:26:04,160 Target distance, six miles. 1243 01:26:04,243 --> 01:26:06,495 Roger. Six miles. 1244 01:26:06,579 --> 01:26:08,747 Pulse indent transponder active. 1245 01:26:08,831 --> 01:26:10,541 Pulse indent transponder active. 1246 01:26:17,590 --> 01:26:20,676 Target distance, five miles. 1247 01:26:20,759 --> 01:26:24,680 Five miles. Homing alignment factor to zero mode. 1248 01:26:24,763 --> 01:26:26,765 Homing alignment factor to zero mode. 1249 01:26:30,352 --> 01:26:32,897 Target distance, four miles. 1250 01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:37,610 Roger. Four miles. Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link. 1251 01:26:37,693 --> 01:26:40,362 Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link. 1252 01:26:50,539 --> 01:26:53,083 Target distance, three miles. 1253 01:26:53,167 --> 01:26:55,544 Roger. Three miles. 1254 01:26:55,628 --> 01:26:57,296 Target in sight! 1255 01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:59,381 Where in hell is Major Kong? 1256 01:27:11,936 --> 01:27:14,730 Yee-haw! 1257 01:27:16,065 --> 01:27:18,776 Yee-haw! 1258 01:27:18,859 --> 01:27:20,986 Yee-haw! 1259 01:27:23,155 --> 01:27:24,406 Hey, what about Major Kong? 1260 01:27:24,490 --> 01:27:28,452 Yee-haw! 1261 01:27:28,535 --> 01:27:32,748 Wah-ah-ha! 1262 01:27:32,831 --> 01:27:35,459 Ha-whoo-how.! 1263 01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:54,270 Mr. President. 1264 01:27:54,353 --> 01:27:59,441 I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens. 1265 01:27:59,525 --> 01:28:02,444 It would be quite easy. 1266 01:28:04,780 --> 01:28:09,952 At the bottom of, uh... some of our deeper mine shafts. 1267 01:28:10,035 --> 01:28:14,623 The radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep. 1268 01:28:14,707 --> 01:28:19,169 And in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling space 1269 01:28:19,253 --> 01:28:21,297 could easily be provided. 1270 01:28:21,380 --> 01:28:23,757 How long would you have to stay down there? 1271 01:28:23,841 --> 01:28:25,801 Well, let's see now, eh - 1272 01:28:27,928 --> 01:28:29,930 Cobalt Thorium G. 1273 01:28:30,931 --> 01:28:32,433 Uh- 1274 01:28:37,146 --> 01:28:38,647 Uh- 1275 01:28:40,858 --> 01:28:43,819 Radioactive half-life of - 1276 01:28:45,029 --> 01:28:46,780 Hmm. 1277 01:28:46,864 --> 01:28:50,326 I would think that, uh, possibly, uh, 1278 01:28:50,409 --> 01:28:51,910 100 years. 1279 01:28:53,829 --> 01:28:57,875 You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years? 1280 01:28:57,958 --> 01:29:00,002 It would not be difficult, mein Fuhrer. 1281 01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:02,004 Nuclear reactors could - 1282 01:29:02,087 --> 01:29:04,840 I'm sorry, Mr. President. 1283 01:29:04,923 --> 01:29:08,761 Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. 1284 01:29:08,844 --> 01:29:11,597 Greenhouses could maintain plant life. 1285 01:29:11,680 --> 01:29:14,600 Animals could be bred and slaughtered 1286 01:29:15,434 --> 01:29:19,897 A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country, 1287 01:29:19,980 --> 01:29:22,941 but I would guess that, uh, 1288 01:29:23,025 --> 01:29:27,529 dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided. 1289 01:29:27,613 --> 01:29:33,535 Well, I would hate to have to decide who stays up and who goes down. 1290 01:29:33,619 --> 01:29:36,413 Well, uh, that would not be necessary, Mr. President. 1291 01:29:37,664 --> 01:29:40,542 It could easily be accomplished with a computer, 1292 01:29:40,626 --> 01:29:42,920 and the computer could be set and programmed 1293 01:29:43,003 --> 01:29:48,967 to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility, intelligence, 1294 01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:51,887 and a cross section of necessary skills. 1295 01:29:51,970 --> 01:29:54,223 Of course, it would be absolutely vital 1296 01:29:54,306 --> 01:29:58,185 that our top government and military men be included 1297 01:29:58,268 --> 01:30:00,813 to foster and impart the required principles 1298 01:30:00,896 --> 01:30:03,148 of leadership and tradition. 1299 01:30:09,154 --> 01:30:12,074 Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? 1300 01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:14,993 There would be much time and little to do. 1301 01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:18,747 But with the proper breeding techniques 1302 01:30:18,831 --> 01:30:24,211 and a ratio of, say, 10 females to each male, 1303 01:30:24,294 --> 01:30:26,713 I would guess that they could then work their way back 1304 01:30:26,797 --> 01:30:30,968 to the present gross national product within, say, 20 years. 1305 01:30:32,010 --> 01:30:35,347 But look here, Doctor, wouldn't this nucleus of survivors 1306 01:30:35,431 --> 01:30:38,851 be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd... 1307 01:30:39,893 --> 01:30:43,605 well, envy the dead and not want to go on living? 1308 01:30:43,689 --> 01:30:46,442 And also - Excuse me. 1309 01:30:55,701 --> 01:30:59,788 Also, when they go down into the mine, everyone would still be alive. 1310 01:30:59,872 --> 01:31:01,874 There will be no shocking memories, 1311 01:31:01,957 --> 01:31:06,628 and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind, 1312 01:31:06,712 --> 01:31:12,009 combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead. 1313 01:31:12,092 --> 01:31:14,136 Ha! 1314 01:31:29,610 --> 01:31:31,111 Doctor, 1315 01:31:33,739 --> 01:31:36,158 you mentioned the, uh, ratio 1316 01:31:36,241 --> 01:31:39,119 of, uh, 10 women to each man. 1317 01:31:39,203 --> 01:31:42,247 Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment 1318 01:31:42,331 --> 01:31:46,126 of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship? 1319 01:31:46,210 --> 01:31:49,421 I mean, as far as men were concerned? 1320 01:31:49,505 --> 01:31:51,340 Regrettably, yes. 1321 01:31:51,423 --> 01:31:56,678 But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. 1322 01:31:56,762 --> 01:32:01,892 I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... 1323 01:32:03,644 --> 01:32:05,395 service along these lines, 1324 01:32:05,479 --> 01:32:09,399 the women will have to be selected for their sexual... characteristics, 1325 01:32:09,483 --> 01:32:13,278 which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature. 1326 01:32:13,362 --> 01:32:17,241 I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor. 1327 01:32:18,617 --> 01:32:19,785 Thank you, sir. 1328 01:32:20,536 --> 01:32:24,331 I think we ought to look at this from the military point of view. I mean, uh... 1329 01:32:25,541 --> 01:32:29,962 supposing the Russkies stashed away some big bombs, see, and we didn't. 1330 01:32:30,045 --> 01:32:32,923 When they come out in a hundred years, they could take over. 1331 01:32:33,006 --> 01:32:34,550 I agree, Mr. President. 1332 01:32:34,633 --> 01:32:38,178 They might try an immediate sneak attack so they could take over our mine shaft space. 1333 01:32:38,262 --> 01:32:41,056 Yeah. I think it would be extremely naive of us, Mr. President, 1334 01:32:41,139 --> 01:32:44,017 to imagine that these new developments are going to cause any change 1335 01:32:44,101 --> 01:32:46,061 in Soviet expansionist policy. 1336 01:32:46,144 --> 01:32:48,939 I mean, we must be increasingly on the alert 1337 01:32:49,022 --> 01:32:51,567 to prevent them from taking over other mine shaft space 1338 01:32:51,650 --> 01:32:53,735 in order to breed more prodigiously than we do, 1339 01:32:53,819 --> 01:32:56,738 thus knocking us out through superior numbers when we emerge. 1340 01:32:56,822 --> 01:33:00,784 Mr. President, we must not allow a mine shaft gap! 1341 01:33:00,867 --> 01:33:04,871 Sir, I have a plan. 1342 01:33:06,957 --> 01:33:09,167 Mein Fuhrer, 1343 01:33:09,251 --> 01:33:11,003 I can walk! 110575

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