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00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,223
For more than a year,
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00:00:56,307 --> 00:01:01,020
ominous rumors had been privately circulating
among high-level Western leaders
3
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,063
that the Soviet Union
had been at work
4
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:06,567
on what was darkly hinted
to be the ultimate weapon,
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00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,736
a doomsday device.
6
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:12,740
Intelligence sources traced the site
of the top-secret Russian project
7
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,409
to the perpetually
fog-shrouded wasteland
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00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:18,871
below the Arctic peaks
of the Zhokhov Islands.
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00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:20,372
What they were building,
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00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:24,335
or why it should be located
in such a remote and desolate place,
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00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,420
no one could say.
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00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,781
General Ripper, sir.
13
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,574
Group Captain Mandrake speaking.
14
00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:03,619
- This is General Ripper speaking.
- Yes, sir.
15
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,746
Do you recognize my voice, Mandrake?
16
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,414
I do, sir. Why do you ask?
17
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,250
Why do you think I ask?
18
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,920
Well, I don't know, sir. We spoke just
a few moments ago on the phone, didn't we?
19
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,381
You don't think I'd ask
if you recognized my voice
20
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,175
unless it was pretty damned important,
do you, Mandrake?
21
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:22,012
- No, I don't, sir, no.
- All right, let's see if we can stay on the ball.
22
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,474
Has the wing confirmed
holding at their fail-safe points?
23
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,435
Yes, sir, the confirmations
have all just come in.
24
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:31,188
Very well. Now listen to me carefully.
25
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,775
The base is being put on condition red.
26
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,278
I want this flashed
to all sections immediately.
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00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,656
Condition red, sir, yes. Jolly good idea.
Keeps the men on their toes.
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00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:43,033
Group Captain,
I'm afraid this is not an exercise.
29
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,995
Not an exercise, sir?
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00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,123
I shouldn't tell you this, Mandrake,
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00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:52,251
but you're a good officer
and you have a right to know.
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00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,336
It looks like we're in a shooting war.
33
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,630
Oh, hell.
34
00:04:57,381 --> 00:05:00,301
- Are the Russians involved, sir?
- Mandrake, that's all I've been told.
35
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:01,969
It just came in on the red phone.
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00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:06,140
My orders are for this base to be sealed tight,
and that's what I mean to do - seal it tight.
37
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,643
Now, I want you to transmit Plan “R” -
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00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,729
“R” for Robert - to the wing.
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00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,647
Plan “R” for Robert.
40
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,190
Is it that bad, sir?
41
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,818
- It looks like it's pretty hairy.
- Yes, sir.
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00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,862
Plan “R” for Robert, sir.
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00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:23,157
Now last, and possibly most important,
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00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,410
I want all privately owned radios
to be immediately impounded.
45
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,911
Yes, sir.
46
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:31,373
They might be used
to issue instructions to saboteurs.
47
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:34,460
As I previously arranged,
air police will have lists of all owners,
48
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,379
and I want every single one of them
collected without exception.
49
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:38,797
Yes, sir.
50
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,008
And after you've done that,
report back to me.
51
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,551
Yes, sir.
52
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:10,746
In order to guard
against surprise nuclear attack,
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00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:16,043
America's Strategic Air Command
maintains a large force of 5-52 bombers,
54
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,462
airborne 24 hours a day.
55
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:23,467
Each 8-52 can deliver
a nuclear bomb load of 50 megatons,
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00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:27,221
equal to 16 times
the total explosive force
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00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,348
of all the bombs and shells
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00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:33,060
used by all the armies
in World War II.
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00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,646
Based in America,
the Airborne Alert Force
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00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,108
is deployed from the Persian Gulf
to the Arctic Ocean,
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00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:42,111
but they have
one geographical factor in common.
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00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:46,156
They are all two hours
from their targets inside Russia.
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00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,031
Major Kong,
I know you'll think this is crazy,
64
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,743
but I just got a message from base
over the CRM 114,
65
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,579
and it decodes
as Wing Attack Plan
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00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,123
“R” for Romeo.
67
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:25,339
Goldie, did you say
Wing Attack Plan “R”?
68
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,924
Yes, sir, I have.
69
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:33,805
Goldie, how many times
have I told you guys
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00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:37,100
that I don't want no horsing around
on the airplane?
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00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,770
I'm not horsin' around, sir.
That's how it decodes.
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00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:43,106
Well, I've been to one world fair,
a picnic and a rodeo,
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00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,443
and that's the stupidest thing
I ever heard come over a set of earphones.
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00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,445
You sure you got today's code?
75
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,325
- Yes, sir, it is.
- There's just gotta be somethin' wrong.
76
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,118
Wait a second. I'm coming back.
77
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,991
Maybe you'd better
get a confirmation from base.
78
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,659
Yes, sir.
79
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,433
Major Kong, is it possible
this is some kind of loyalty test?
80
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:03,186
You know, give the go code and then
recall to see who would actually go?
81
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,648
Ain't nobody
ever got the go code yet.
82
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,818
And old Ripper
wouldn't be giving us Plan “R”
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00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:12,279
unless them Russkies
had already clobbered Washington
84
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,948
and a lot of other towns
with a sneak attack.
85
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,199
Yes, sir.
86
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,827
Major Kong,
message from base confirmed.
87
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,959
Well, boys, I reckon this is it.
88
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,047
Nuclear combat
toe to toe with the Russkies.
89
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:50,233
Now, look, boys, I ain't much
of a hand at making speeches,
90
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,111
but I got a pretty fair idea
91
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:56,865
that something doggone important's
going on back there.
92
00:10:56,948 --> 00:11:00,494
Now, I got a fair idea
of the kind of personal emotions
93
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,331
that some of you fellows may be thinkin'.
94
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,334
Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even
be human beings
95
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:12,005
if you didn't have some pretty strong
personal feelings about nuclear combat.
96
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,675
But I want you to remember one thing -
97
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,386
that folks back home
is a-countin' on ya,
98
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,263
and by golly,
we ain't about to let 'em down.
99
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,058
Tell you something else.
100
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:29,356
If this thing turns out to be half as important
as I figure it just might be,
101
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:33,360
I'd say that you're all in line
for some important promotions
102
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,197
and personal citations
when this thing's over with.
103
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,117
And that goes for ever' last one of you,
104
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,870
regardless of your race, color
or your creed.
105
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:47,791
Now, let's get this thing on the hump.
We got some flyin' to do.
106
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,557
Buck, should I get it?
107
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,350
Yeah, you'll have to.
108
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,233
Hello?
109
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,860
Oh, yes, General Turgidson is here,
110
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,946
but I'm afraid he can't come
to the phone at the moment.
111
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,240
Well, this is his secretary, Miss Scott.
112
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,368
Freddie, how are you?
113
00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,078
Fine. And you?
114
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:29,291
Oh, we were just catching up
on some of the general's paperwork.
115
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,503
Well, look, Freddie,
he's very tied up at the moment.
116
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:36,423
I'm afraid he can't come to the phone.
117
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,883
Oh, just a minute.
118
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:41,261
General Turgidson.
A Colonel Puntrich calling.
119
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,096
Tell him to call back.
120
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:46,600
Freddie, the general says
could you call back in a minute or two?
121
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,853
Oh. He says it can't wait.
122
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:53,356
Aw, for Pete -
Well, find out what he wants.
123
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,277
Freddie, the thing is, the general
is in the powder room right now.
124
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,571
Could you tell me what it's about?
125
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,365
Just a second.
126
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,285
Apparently they monitored a transmission
about eight minutes ago
127
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,662
from Burpelson Air Force Base.
128
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,665
Got it.
129
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,544
It was directed to the 843rd Bomb Wing
on airborne alert.
130
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:19,966
Yeah.
It decoded as Wing Attack Plan
131
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:24,262
Well, uh, tell him
to call, uh, what's-his-name -
132
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:27,265
Base Commander Ripper.
Do I have to think of everything?
133
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,601
The general suggests
you call General Ripper,
134
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,145
the 843rd base commander.
135
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:35,482
Oh. All communications are dead.
136
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,276
Bull! Tell him to do it himself.
137
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:42,572
Freddie, the general asks
if you could possibly try again yourself.
138
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,158
I see.
139
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:48,787
He says he's tried personally
several times, but everything is dead.
140
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,581
Even the normal phone lines
are shut down.
141
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,672
Give me that.
142
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,549
Fred? Buck.
143
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,175
What's it look like?
144
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,761
Yeah?
145
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,682
Well, are you sure it's Plan “R”?
146
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,186
Huh. What's cooking
on the threat board?
147
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,605
Nothing? Nothing at all?
148
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,110
I don't like the look of this, Fred.
149
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,322
Tell you what you'd better do,
old buddy.
150
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,324
You'd better give Elmo
and Charlie a blast,
151
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,702
bump everything up to condition red
and stand by the blower.
152
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,245
I'll get back to you.
153
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,414
- What's up?
- Nothin', nothin'.
154
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:35,542
- Where's my shorts?
- On the floor.
155
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,377
Where are you going?
156
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,212
No place. N-No place.
157
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,841
I just thought I might, uh, mosey over
to the war room for a few minutes,
158
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,342
see what's doing over there.
159
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:47,679
- It's 3:00 in the morning.
- Well, the air force never sleeps.
160
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,514
- Buck, honey.
- Yeah?
161
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,600
I'm not sleepy either.
162
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,394
Oh.
163
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,313
I know how it is, baby.
164
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,399
Tell you what you do.
165
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,736
You just start your countdown,
166
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:07,699
and old Bucky will be back here
before you can say “blast-off.”
167
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,621
Your commie
has no regard for human life,
168
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,497
not even his own,
169
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,626
and for this reason, men,
I want to impress upon you
170
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:20,587
the need for extreme watchfulness.
171
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,756
The enemy may come individually
172
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,925
or he may come in strength.
173
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,510
He may even come in the uniform
of our own troops.
174
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,931
But however he comes,
we must stop him.
175
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,975
We must not allow him
to gain entrance to this base.
176
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:39,272
Now, I am going to give you
three simple rules.
177
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,777
First, trust no one,
whatever his uniform or rank,
178
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,279
unless he is known to you personally.
179
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,364
Second,
180
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:51,993
anyone or anything that approaches
within 200 yards of the perimeter
181
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:54,287
is to be fired upon.
182
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:55,372
Third,
183
00:15:56,289 --> 00:16:00,085
if in doubt, shoot first
and ask questions afterwards.
184
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:03,421
I would sooner accept a few casualties
through accident
185
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,634
than lose the entire base and its personnel
through carelessness.
186
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:11,930
Any variation on these rules
must come from me personally.
187
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,642
Now, men, in conclusion,
188
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,103
I would like to say
189
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:23,817
that in the two years it has been my privilege
to be your commanding officer,
190
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,695
I have always expected
the best from you
191
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:29,239
and you have never given me
anything less than that.
192
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,159
Today the nation is counting on us.
193
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,331
We are not going to let them down.
194
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,250
Good luck to you all.
195
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,824
Here's the attack profile, sir.
196
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,146
This is your attack profile.
197
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,316
To ensure that the enemy
cannot monitor voice transmission
198
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,777
or plant false transmission,
199
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:53,990
the CRM 114 is to be switched
into all receiver circuits.
200
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:59,871
The emergency base code prefix
is to be set on the dials of the CRM.
201
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:04,667
This will block any transmission other
than those preceded by a code prefix.
202
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,421
Stand by to set code prefix.
203
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,924
Roger. Ready to set code prefix.
204
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,842
Set code prefix.
205
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,812
Code prefix set.
206
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,605
Lock code prefix.
207
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,651
Code prefix locked.
208
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:33,279
Switch all receiver circuits
to CRM discriminators.
209
00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:37,659
All circuits switched
to CRM discriminators.
210
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,661
Check auto-destruct circuits.
211
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,874
Auto-destruct circuits checked.
212
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:54,509
Primary target -
the ICBM complex at Laputa.
213
00:18:54,592 --> 00:19:01,099
Target reference -
Yankee Golf Tango 360.
214
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,143
Thirty-megaton nuclear device
215
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:07,313
fused for airburst at 10,000 feet.
216
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:11,693
Twenty-megaton nuclear device
will be used if first malfunctions.
217
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,571
Otherwise,
proceed to secondary target -
218
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:18,533
missile complex
seven miles east of Barchov.
219
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:25,039
Target reference -
November Bravo X-ray, 108.
220
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,959
Fused for airburst at 10 -
221
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,670
Check. 12,000 feet.
222
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,516
Excuse me, sir.
223
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,685
Something rather interesting
has just cropped up.
224
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,189
- Listen to that. Music. Civilian broadcasting.
- N
225
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,275
I think those fellows in the Pentagon
have given us
226
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,652
some sort of exercise
to test our readiness.
227
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,905
Personally, I think
it's taking things a bit too far.
228
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:59,699
Our fellows will be inside Russian
radar cover in about 2O minutes.
229
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,493
Listen to that. Chockablock
full of stations all churning it out.
230
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,622
- Mandrake?
- Yes, sir.
231
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,751
I thought I issued instructions
for all radios on this base to be impounded.
232
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,046
Well, you did indeed, sir, and I was
in the process of impounding this very one
233
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,631
when I happened to switch it on.
234
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:18,134
I thought, our fellows hitting Russian radar
cover in 2O minutes, dropping all their stuff,
235
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:21,804
I'd better tell you because if they do,
it'll cause a bit of a stink, what?
236
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:25,099
Group Captain.
237
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:28,478
The officer exchange program does not
give you any special prerogatives
238
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,396
to question my orders.
239
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,651
Well, I-I realize that, sir, but I thought
you'd be rather pleased to hear the news.
240
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,904
After all, well, let's face it, we -
241
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:41,574
we don't want to start a nuclear war
unless we really have to, do we?
242
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,576
Please sit down.
243
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,163
And turn that thing off.
244
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,414
Yes, sir.
245
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,082
Uh, what about the planes, sir?
246
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,584
Surely we must issue
the recall code immediately.
247
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:55,505
Group Captain, the planes
are not going to be recalled.
248
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,591
My attack orders have been issued
and the orders stand.
249
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,178
Well, if you'll excuse me
saying so, sir,
250
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:06,766
that would be, to my way of thinking, rather -
well, a rather odd way of looking at it.
251
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,185
You see, if a Russian attack
was in progress,
252
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,480
we would certainly not be hearing
civilian broadcasting.
253
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,109
- Are you certain of that, Mandrake?
- I'm absolutely positive about that, sir.
254
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,194
And what if it is true?
255
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:22,198
Well, I'm afraid I'm still not with you, sir,
because, I mean -
256
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,910
If a Russian attack
was not in progress,
257
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:28,079
then your use of Plan “R” -
258
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,665
in fact, your orders to the entire wing -
259
00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,087
Oh.
260
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:40,174
Well, I would say, sir,
that there was something...
261
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,094
dreadfully wrong somewhere.
262
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,597
Now, why don't you just take it easy,
Group Captain,
263
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:49,475
and please make me a drink
of grain alcohol and rainwater
264
00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:52,020
and help yourself
to whatever you'd like.
265
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:02,530
General Ripper, sir,
266
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:04,991
as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force,
267
00:22:05,074 --> 00:22:08,328
it is my clear duty
under the present circumstances
268
00:22:08,411 --> 00:22:11,789
to issue the recall code
upon my own authority
269
00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,499
and bring back the wing.
270
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,585
If you'll excuse me, sir.
271
00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:26,846
I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you
for the key and the recall code.
272
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,681
Have you got them handy, sir?
273
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:31,184
I told you to take it easy,
Group Captain.
274
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,853
There's nothing anybody
can do about this thing now.
275
00:22:33,936 --> 00:22:36,356
I'm the only person who knows
the three-letter code group.
276
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:39,108
Then I must insist, sir,
that you give them to me.
277
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:52,246
Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening
a brother officer with a gun?
278
00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:55,458
Mandrake,
279
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,127
I suppose it never occurred to you
280
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,297
that while we're chatting here so enjoyably,
281
00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:05,385
a decision is being made by the president
282
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:09,472
and the joint chiefs
in the war room at the Pentagon.
283
00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:15,144
And when they realize there is
no possibility of recalling the wing,
284
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:19,315
there will be only
one course of action open.
285
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,235
Total commitment.
286
00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:29,325
Mandrake, do you recall what
Clemenceau once said about war?
287
00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:32,787
Uh, no, I don't think I do, sir, no.
288
00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:37,917
He said war was too important
to be left to the generals.
289
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,839
When he said that 5O years ago,
290
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,674
he might have been right.
291
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,093
But today...
292
00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:51,472
war is too important
to be left to politicians.
293
00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:54,100
They have neither the time,
294
00:23:54,183 --> 00:23:55,935
the training
295
00:23:56,018 --> 00:23:58,938
nor the inclination for strategic thought.
296
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:05,361
I can no longer sit back and allow
297
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,614
Communist infiltration,
298
00:24:08,698 --> 00:24:10,533
Communist indoctrination,
299
00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:13,453
Communist subversion
300
00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:17,748
and the international Communist conspiracy
301
00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:21,461
to sap and impurify
302
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:24,630
all of our precious bodily fluids.
303
00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:32,805
Staines, is everybody here?
304
00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:35,183
Mr. President,
the secretary of state is in Vietnam,
305
00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:39,312
the secretary of defense is in Laos
and the vice-president is in Mexico City.
306
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:42,482
We can establish contact with them
at any time if it's necessary.
307
00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:44,484
The undersecretaries
are all here, of course.
308
00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,487
Right. Now, General Turgidson,
what's going on here?
309
00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,573
Mr. President,
310
00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:55,286
about, uh, 35 minutes ago
311
00:24:55,369 --> 00:24:57,038
General Jack Ripper,
312
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,917
the commanding general
of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base,
313
00:25:01,918 --> 00:25:05,213
issued an order
to the 34 B-52's of his wing,
314
00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:07,507
which were airborne at the time
315
00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:11,677
as part of a special exercise
we were holding called Operation Dropkick.
316
00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:17,391
Now, it appears that the order
called for the planes to, uh,
317
00:25:17,475 --> 00:25:19,852
attack their targets inside Russia.
318
00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:24,190
The, uh, planes are fully armed
with nuclear weapons
319
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:27,735
with an average load of,
uh, 40 megatons each.
320
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:32,281
Now, the central display of Russia
will indicate the position of the planes.
321
00:25:33,658 --> 00:25:36,911
The triangles are their primary targets.
322
00:25:36,994 --> 00:25:40,957
The squares are their secondary targets.
323
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:46,170
The aircraft will begin penetrating
Russian radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes.
324
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:51,801
General Turgidson, I find this
very difficult to understand.
325
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:54,637
I was under the impression
that I was the only one in authority
326
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,265
to order the use of nuclear weapons.
327
00:25:58,349 --> 00:25:59,892
Uh, that's right, sir.
328
00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:02,395
You are the only person
authorized to do so.
329
00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:06,691
And although I, uh, hate to judge
before all the facts are in,
330
00:26:06,774 --> 00:26:10,570
it's beginning to look like General Ripper
exceeded his authority.
331
00:26:10,653 --> 00:26:14,699
It certainly does, far beyond the point
I would have imagined possible.
332
00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:19,161
Well, perhaps you're, uh, forgetting
the provisions of Plan sir.
333
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,122
Plan “R”?
334
00:26:22,456 --> 00:26:25,918
Plan “R” is an emergency war plan
335
00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:28,045
in which a lower-echelon commander
336
00:26:28,129 --> 00:26:31,841
may order nuclear retaliation
after a sneak attack
337
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:35,261
if the normal chain of command
has been disrupted.
338
00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:38,431
You, uh, approved it, sir.
You must remember.
339
00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:43,769
Uh, surely you must recall, sir, when
Senator Buford made that big hassle
340
00:26:43,853 --> 00:26:46,731
about our deterrent lacking credibility.
341
00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:51,652
The idea was for Plan “R” to be
a sort of, uh, retaliatory safeguard.
342
00:26:51,736 --> 00:26:53,613
A safeguard?
343
00:26:53,696 --> 00:26:56,949
Well, I admit the human element
seems to have failed us here.
344
00:26:57,033 --> 00:27:00,328
But the idea was to discourage
the Russkies from any hope
345
00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:03,039
that they could knock out Washington,
and yourself, sir,
346
00:27:03,122 --> 00:27:05,124
as part of a general sneak attack
347
00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:09,295
and escape retaliation because of
lack of proper command and control.
348
00:27:09,378 --> 00:27:12,173
Well, I assume then that the planes
will return automatically
349
00:27:12,256 --> 00:27:14,300
once they reach their fail-safe points.
350
00:27:14,383 --> 00:27:16,135
Well, no, sir, I'm afraid not.
351
00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:19,847
You see, the planes were holding
at their fail-safe points, uh,
352
00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:21,932
when the go code was issued.
353
00:27:22,016 --> 00:27:23,976
Now, once they fly beyond fail-safe,
354
00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:26,604
they, uh - they do not require
a second order to proceed.
355
00:27:26,687 --> 00:27:28,648
They will continue
until they reach their targets.
356
00:27:28,731 --> 00:27:31,734
Then why haven't you radioed the planes
countermanding the go code?
357
00:27:33,069 --> 00:27:36,447
Well, I'm afraid we're unable to
communicate with any of the aircraft.
358
00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:38,240
Why?
359
00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:41,035
As you may recall, sir-
360
00:27:41,118 --> 00:27:44,830
one of the provisions
of Plan “R” provides
361
00:27:44,914 --> 00:27:49,543
that once the go code is received
362
00:27:49,627 --> 00:27:53,214
the normal SSB radios in the aircraft
363
00:27:53,297 --> 00:27:55,341
are switched into
a special coded device
364
00:27:55,424 --> 00:27:58,552
which, I believe,
is designated as CRM 114.
365
00:27:58,636 --> 00:28:02,932
Now, in order to prevent the enemy
from issuing fake or, uh, confusing orders,
366
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:07,061
CRM 114 is designed
not to receive at all
367
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:12,149
unless the message is preceded by
the correct three-letter code group prefix.
368
00:28:13,317 --> 00:28:15,319
Then do you mean to tell me,
General Turgidson,
369
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:18,114
that you will be unable
to recall the aircraft?
370
00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:19,740
That's about the size of it, sir.
371
00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:24,203
However, we are plowing through every
possible three-letter combination of the code.
372
00:28:24,286 --> 00:28:29,250
Uh, but since there are,
uh, 17,000 permutations,
373
00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:33,087
uh, it's going to take us about
two and a half days to transmit them all.
374
00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:35,923
How soon did you say the planes
would penetrate Russian radar cover?
375
00:28:36,006 --> 00:28:37,925
About 18 minutes from now, sir.
376
00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:40,845
- Are you in contact with General Ripper?
- Uh, no, sir, no.
377
00:28:40,928 --> 00:28:44,473
General Ripper, uh, sealed off the base
and cut off all communications.
378
00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:46,225
Where did you get all this information?
379
00:28:46,308 --> 00:28:49,770
General Ripper called, uh,
Strategic Air Command headquarters
380
00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:52,106
shortly after he issued the go code.
381
00:28:52,189 --> 00:28:56,026
I have a portion of the transcript of that, uh,
conversation, if you'd like me to read it.
382
00:28:56,110 --> 00:28:57,403
Read it.
383
00:28:59,697 --> 00:29:03,159
The duty officer asked General Ripper
to confirm the fact
384
00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:06,787
that he had issued
the go code and he said, uh,
385
00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:11,250
“Yes, gentlemen, they are on their way
and no one can bring them back.
386
00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:14,044
For the sake of our country
and our way of life,
387
00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:16,839
I suggest you get the rest of SAC
in after them.
388
00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:21,177
Otherwise we will be totally
destroyed by Red retaliation.
389
00:29:21,844 --> 00:29:24,597
Uh, my boys will give you
the best kind of start -
390
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,224
1,400 megatons worth -
391
00:29:27,308 --> 00:29:30,811
and you sure as hell
won't stop them now.”
392
00:29:30,895 --> 00:29:33,689
“So let's get going.
There's no other choice.
393
00:29:33,773 --> 00:29:36,609
God willing, we will prevail,
394
00:29:36,692 --> 00:29:38,694
in peace and freedom from fear,
395
00:29:39,195 --> 00:29:42,114
and in true health
through the purity
396
00:29:42,198 --> 00:29:44,617
and essence of our natural...
397
00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:47,620
fluids.
398
00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:50,206
God bless you all.”
399
00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:54,168
Then he hung up.
400
00:29:55,252 --> 00:29:58,714
W-We're still trying to figure out
the meaning of that last phrase, sir.
401
00:29:58,798 --> 00:30:01,217
There's nothing to figure out,
General Turgidson.
402
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:03,302
This man is obviously a psychotic.
403
00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:06,514
Well, I'd like to hold off judgment
on a thing like that, sir,
404
00:30:06,597 --> 00:30:08,474
until all the facts are in.
405
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:12,978
General Turgidson, when you instituted
the human reliability tests,
406
00:30:13,062 --> 00:30:17,149
you assured me there was no possibility
of such a thing ever occurring.
407
00:30:19,026 --> 00:30:22,988
Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair
to condemn a whole program
408
00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,949
because of a single slip-up, sir.
409
00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:28,494
I want to speak to General Ripper
on the telephone personally.
410
00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:30,079
I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
411
00:30:30,162 --> 00:30:33,958
General Turgidson, I am becoming
less and less interested
412
00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:37,253
in your estimates
of what is possible and impossible.
413
00:30:38,921 --> 00:30:41,423
- General Faceman.
- Yes, sir.
414
00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:44,009
Are there any army units
stationed anywhere near Burpelson?
415
00:30:44,093 --> 00:30:46,262
I'll, uh - I'll just check, sir.
416
00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:52,142
Hello.
417
00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:57,523
I told you never to call me here.
Don't you know where I am?
418
00:30:59,525 --> 00:31:02,194
Now look, baby, I can't -
I can't talk to you now.
419
00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:04,154
My president needs me.
420
00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:08,284
- Of course Bucky would rather be with you.
- What do you think about civil defense?
421
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:09,577
Hmm.
422
00:31:09,660 --> 00:31:12,872
Why, of course, it isn't only physical.
423
00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,332
I deeply respect you
as a human being.
424
00:31:15,416 --> 00:31:18,127
Someday I'm going to make you
Mrs. Buck Turgidson.
425
00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,631
All - Listen, hon -
Y-You go back to sleep, hon.
426
00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:25,551
Bucky'll be back there
just as soon as he can.
427
00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:26,719
All right.
428
00:31:26,802 --> 00:31:29,972
Listen, shug, don't forget
to say your prayers.
429
00:31:37,354 --> 00:31:39,398
Apparently,
430
00:31:39,481 --> 00:31:42,651
the 23rd Airborne Division
is stationed seven miles away
431
00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:44,236
at, uh, Alvarado.
432
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,406
General Faceman,
I want them to enter the base,
433
00:31:47,489 --> 00:31:50,951
locate General Ripper and put him
in immediate telephone contact with me.
434
00:31:51,035 --> 00:31:52,536
Yes, sir.
435
00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:55,915
Mr. President, if I may advise,
436
00:31:55,998 --> 00:31:58,375
under condition red,
it is standard procedure
437
00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,377
that the base be sealed off
438
00:32:00,461 --> 00:32:03,130
and the base defended
by base security troops.
439
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:07,176
Any force trying to enter there would
certainly encounter very heavy casualties.
440
00:32:07,968 --> 00:32:12,097
General Turgidson, with all due respect
for your, uh, defense team,
441
00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:14,683
my boys can brush 'em aside
without too much trouble.
442
00:32:15,559 --> 00:32:20,439
Mr. President, there are one or two points
I'd like to make if I may.
443
00:32:21,357 --> 00:32:22,858
Go ahead, General.
444
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,948
One, our hopes for recalling
the 843rd Bomb Wing
445
00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:33,452
are quickly being reduced
to a very low order of probability.
446
00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:36,330
Two, in less than 15 minutes from now
447
00:32:36,413 --> 00:32:39,541
the Russkies will be making
radar contact with the planes.
448
00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:43,420
Three, when they do
they are gonna go absolutely ape
449
00:32:43,504 --> 00:32:45,664
and they're gonna strike back
with everything they got.
450
00:32:45,923 --> 00:32:49,259
Four, if, prior to this time,
451
00:32:49,343 --> 00:32:52,763
we have done nothing further
to suppress their retaliatory capabilities,
452
00:32:52,846 --> 00:32:55,975
we will suffer virtual annihilation.
453
00:32:56,058 --> 00:32:57,726
Now...
454
00:32:59,436 --> 00:33:00,938
five.
455
00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:04,400
If, on the other hand,
456
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,613
we were to immediately launch
an all-out and coordinated attack
457
00:33:09,697 --> 00:33:11,448
on all their air fields
and missile bases,
458
00:33:11,532 --> 00:33:14,660
we'd stand a damn good chance
of catching them with their pants down.
459
00:33:14,743 --> 00:33:17,162
Hell, we've got a five-to-one
missile superiority as it is.
460
00:33:17,246 --> 00:33:20,082
We could easily assign three missiles
to every target
461
00:33:20,165 --> 00:33:23,460
and still have a very effective reserve force
for any other contingencies.
462
00:33:23,544 --> 00:33:25,170
Now, six,
463
00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:28,841
an unofficial study
which we undertook of this eventuality
464
00:33:28,924 --> 00:33:33,804
indicated that we would destroy 90%
of their nuclear capabilities.
465
00:33:33,887 --> 00:33:36,056
We would, therefore, prevail
466
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:40,269
and suffer only modest and acceptable
civilian casualties from their remaining force,
467
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:43,856
which would be badly damaged
and uncoordinated.
468
00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:47,359
General, it is the avowed policy
of our country
469
00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:49,737
never to strike first
with nuclear weapons.
470
00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:51,905
Well, Mr. President, I would say
471
00:33:51,989 --> 00:33:54,533
that General Ripper
has already invalidated that policy.
472
00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:59,079
That was not an act of national policy
and there are still alternatives left open to us.
473
00:33:59,955 --> 00:34:01,373
Mr. President,
474
00:34:02,916 --> 00:34:05,085
we are rapidly approaching
a moment of truth,
475
00:34:05,169 --> 00:34:07,963
both for ourselves as human beings
and for the life of our nation.
476
00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:10,299
Now, truth is not always
a pleasant thing,
477
00:34:10,966 --> 00:34:13,385
but it is necessary now
to make a choice,
478
00:34:13,469 --> 00:34:16,180
to choose between
two admittedly regrettable,
479
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:19,725
but nevertheless distinguishable
postwar environments-
480
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:21,977
one, where you got
2O million people killed
481
00:34:22,061 --> 00:34:24,730
and the other where you got
150 million people killed.
482
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,733
You're talking about mass murder,
General, not war.
483
00:34:27,816 --> 00:34:31,320
Mr. President, I'm not saying
we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
484
00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:35,741
But I do say no more than
10 to 20 million killed tops,
485
00:34:35,824 --> 00:34:38,160
uh, depending on the breaks.
486
00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:42,247
I will not go down in history as the greatest
mass murderer since Adolf Hitler.
487
00:34:42,331 --> 00:34:44,249
Perhaps it might be better,
Mr. President,
488
00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,376
if you were more concerned
with the American people
489
00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:48,295
than with your image in the history books.
490
00:34:48,378 --> 00:34:52,674
General Turgidson, I think I've heard quite
sufficient from you, thank you very much.
491
00:34:54,176 --> 00:34:56,428
Mr. President, they have
the ambassador waiting upstairs.
492
00:34:56,512 --> 00:34:57,763
Oh, good. Any difficulty?
493
00:34:57,846 --> 00:35:00,099
They say he's having a fit
about that squad of MP's.
494
00:35:00,182 --> 00:35:02,768
Yes, well, that can't be helped.
Have him brought down here straight away.
495
00:35:02,851 --> 00:35:04,311
Yes, sir.
496
00:35:04,394 --> 00:35:06,980
Is - Is that the Russian ambassador
you're talking about?
497
00:35:07,064 --> 00:35:09,191
Yes, it is, General.
498
00:35:11,235 --> 00:35:14,029
A-A-A-Am I to understand
the Russian ambassador
499
00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:16,698
is to be admitted entrance
to the - the war room?
500
00:35:17,199 --> 00:35:19,660
That is correct.
He is here on my orders.
501
00:35:21,203 --> 00:35:24,498
I-I-I don't know
exactly how to put this, sir,
502
00:35:24,581 --> 00:35:27,501
but are you aware of what a serious
breach of security that would be?
503
00:35:27,584 --> 00:35:32,506
I mean, he'll see everything.
He'll - He'll see the big board!
504
00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:35,634
That is precisely the idea, General.
505
00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:38,053
That is precisely the idea.
506
00:35:39,638 --> 00:35:42,891
Staines, get Premier Kissoff
on the hot line.
507
00:35:50,732 --> 00:35:53,861
Survival kit contents check.
508
00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:59,324
In them you will find one
.45 caliber automatic,
509
00:35:59,408 --> 00:36:02,119
two boxes ammunition,
510
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:05,497
four days concentrated
emergency rations,
511
00:36:05,581 --> 00:36:08,876
one drug issue
containing antibiotics,
512
00:36:08,959 --> 00:36:13,338
morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills,
513
00:36:13,422 --> 00:36:17,176
sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills,
514
00:36:17,259 --> 00:36:22,097
one miniature combination
Russian phrase book and Bible,
515
00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:25,142
$100 in rubles,
516
00:36:25,225 --> 00:36:27,394
$100 in gold,
517
00:36:27,477 --> 00:36:32,107
nine packs of chewing gum,
one issue of prophylactics,
518
00:36:32,191 --> 00:36:36,236
three lipsticks,
three pair of nylon stockings -
519
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:41,200
Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good
weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
520
00:36:46,455 --> 00:36:49,541
- You don't have any fresh fish?
- I'm afraid not, sir.
521
00:36:49,625 --> 00:36:51,710
- Your eggs then. They are fresh?
- Oh, yes, sir.
522
00:36:51,793 --> 00:36:53,420
I will have poached eggs.
523
00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:55,756
And bring me some cigars, please.
Havana cigars.
524
00:36:55,839 --> 00:36:57,716
- And that will be all for you, sir?
- Yes.
525
00:36:57,799 --> 00:36:59,301
Then I'll see to it right away.
526
00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:02,554
Try one of these Jamaican cigars,
Ambassador. They're pretty good.
527
00:37:02,638 --> 00:37:06,141
Thank you, no. I do not support
the work of imperialist stooges.
528
00:37:06,225 --> 00:37:08,894
Oh. Only commie stooges, huh?
529
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,562
Psst! Mr. President.
530
00:37:12,231 --> 00:37:15,859
You gonna let that lousy commie punk
vomit all over us like this?
531
00:37:15,943 --> 00:37:19,488
Mr. President, we haven't been able
to reach Premier Kissoff in the Kremlin.
532
00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:23,116
They say they don't know where he is
and he won't be back for another two hours.
533
00:37:24,284 --> 00:37:26,495
- Try B86543, Moscow.
- Yes, sir.
534
00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:28,789
You would never have found him
through his office, Mr. President.
535
00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:32,709
Our premier is a man of the people,
but he is also a man, if you follow my meaning.
536
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,586
- Fine.
- Degenerate atheistic commie.
537
00:37:34,670 --> 00:37:35,921
What did you say?
538
00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:38,674
I said Premier Kissoff
is a degenerate atheistic commie!
539
00:37:38,757 --> 00:37:40,968
Mr. President, I formally request
that you have this ignorant -
540
00:37:41,051 --> 00:37:42,469
I'm sorry, Mr. President.
541
00:37:42,552 --> 00:37:45,555
Mr. President!
I think they're trying the number.
542
00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,604
You filthy bully! You filthy brute!
543
00:37:55,065 --> 00:37:56,984
You war - Ohh!
You war-mongering bully!
544
00:37:57,067 --> 00:38:00,195
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here!
This is the war room!
545
00:38:00,279 --> 00:38:02,948
What is going on here?
I demand an explanation.
546
00:38:03,031 --> 00:38:06,785
This clumsy fool tried to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.
547
00:38:06,868 --> 00:38:09,871
Yeah, you bet your sweets, Mr. Commie.
Look at this, Mr. President.
548
00:38:09,955 --> 00:38:13,792
This lousy commie rat was taking pictures
with this thing. Of the big board!
549
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,670
Mr. Ambassador!
550
00:38:16,753 --> 00:38:18,213
This - This clumsy fool
551
00:38:18,297 --> 00:38:20,924
attempted to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.
552
00:38:21,008 --> 00:38:23,969
That's a damn lie!
I saw him with my own eyes!
553
00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:25,512
Gentlemen, this is outrageous.
554
00:38:25,595 --> 00:38:28,265
I've never heard of such behavior
in the war room before.
555
00:38:28,348 --> 00:38:30,851
Mr. President,
I think they're getting him on the line.
556
00:38:58,754 --> 00:39:00,714
You sure gotta hand it to those commies.
557
00:39:00,797 --> 00:39:02,466
Yeah.
558
00:39:02,549 --> 00:39:05,344
Gee, those trucks sure look like
the real thing, don't they?
559
00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:07,387
I wonder where they got 'em from.
560
00:39:07,471 --> 00:39:09,723
Probably bought them from the army
as war surplus.
561
00:39:13,310 --> 00:39:17,105
Okay, open up at 200 yards.
562
00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:18,583
Tell him where you are and that you'll enter
the conversation if I say anything untrue,
563
00:40:18,667 --> 00:40:22,337
but please don't tell him
anything more than that.
564
00:40:22,421 --> 00:40:25,757
Alexi. Alexi, please, I beg you.
565
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:29,261
I don't have a phone.
566
00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:31,346
Give him your phone, Frank.
567
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,494
Da.
568
00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:00,333
I've done as you asked.
569
00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:03,295
Be careful, Mr. President.
I think he is drunk.
570
00:41:06,173 --> 00:41:10,260
Hello?
Uh, hello, D - Hello, Dmitri.
571
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:12,762
Listen, I - I can't hear too well.
572
00:41:12,846 --> 00:41:16,057
Do you suppose you could
turn the music down just a little?
573
00:41:16,892 --> 00:41:18,560
Oh, that's much better.
574
00:41:18,643 --> 00:41:21,313
Yes. Yes.
575
00:41:22,397 --> 00:41:25,150
Fine. I can hear you now, Dmitri.
576
00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:28,695
Clear and plain and coming through fine.
577
00:41:28,778 --> 00:41:31,406
I'm coming through fine too, eh?
Good.
578
00:41:31,490 --> 00:41:33,283
Then...
579
00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:36,828
Well, then as you say,
we're both coming through fine.
580
00:41:36,912 --> 00:41:40,916
Good. Well, it's good
that you're fine and - and I'm fine.
581
00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:43,960
I agree with you.
It's great to be fine.
582
00:41:45,962 --> 00:41:48,298
Now then, Dmitri,
583
00:41:48,381 --> 00:41:50,175
you know how
584
00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:53,887
we've always talked
about the possibility
585
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:56,723
of something going wrong
with the bomb.
586
00:41:58,016 --> 00:41:59,893
The bomb, Dmitri.
587
00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:03,188
The hydrogen bomb.
588
00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:06,816
Well, now, what happened is, uh,
589
00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:09,444
one of our base commanders,
590
00:42:09,528 --> 00:42:11,196
he had a sort of-
591
00:42:11,279 --> 00:42:14,491
Well, he went
a little funny in the head.
592
00:42:14,574 --> 00:42:17,661
You know, just a little... funny.
593
00:42:17,744 --> 00:42:21,957
And, uh, he went and did a silly thing.
594
00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:24,292
Well, I'll tell you what he did.
595
00:42:24,376 --> 00:42:26,461
He ordered his planes...
596
00:42:28,213 --> 00:42:30,340
to attack your country.
597
00:42:30,423 --> 00:42:33,426
Uh - Well, let me finish, Dmitri.
598
00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,388
Let me finish, Dmitri.
599
00:42:36,471 --> 00:42:39,558
Well, listen,
how do you think I feel about it?
600
00:42:39,641 --> 00:42:42,602
Can you imagine
how I feel about it, Dmitri?
601
00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:47,857
Why do you think I'm calling you?
Just to say hello?
602
00:42:49,317 --> 00:42:51,695
Of course I like to speak to you.
603
00:42:51,778 --> 00:42:54,239
Of course I like to say hello.
604
00:42:54,322 --> 00:42:56,449
Not now, but any time, Dmitri.
605
00:42:56,533 --> 00:43:00,745
I'm just calling up to tell you
something terrible has happened.
606
00:43:00,829 --> 00:43:03,790
It's a friendly call.
Of course it's a friendly call.
607
00:43:03,873 --> 00:43:08,253
Listen, if it wasn't friendly,
you probably wouldn't have even got it.
608
00:43:10,714 --> 00:43:14,593
They will not reach their targets
for at least another hour.
609
00:43:15,302 --> 00:43:18,471
I am - I am positive, Dmitri.
610
00:43:18,555 --> 00:43:22,726
Listen, I've been all over this
with your ambassador. It is not a trick.
611
00:43:23,727 --> 00:43:25,145
Well, I'll tell you.
612
00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:28,898
We'd like to give your air staff
a complete rundown on the targets,
613
00:43:28,982 --> 00:43:32,319
the flight plans
and the defensive systems of the planes.
614
00:43:32,402 --> 00:43:36,114
Yes, I mean, I-if we are unable
to recall the planes,
615
00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:39,451
then I'd say that, uh...
616
00:43:39,534 --> 00:43:44,623
well, uh, we're just going to have to
help you destroy them, Dmitri.
617
00:43:45,957 --> 00:43:47,917
I know they're our boys.
618
00:43:48,918 --> 00:43:51,421
All right. Well, listen.
Now, who should we call?
619
00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:56,134
Who should we call, Dmitri?
The - What was - The people -
620
00:43:56,217 --> 00:43:58,219
Sorry, you faded away there.
621
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:02,057
The People's Central Air Defense
headquarters.
622
00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:04,351
Where is that, Dmitri?
623
00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,103
In Omsk. Right.
624
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:09,731
Yes.
625
00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:11,816
Oh, you'll call them first, will you?
626
00:44:12,776 --> 00:44:14,110
Uh-huh.
627
00:44:14,194 --> 00:44:17,197
Listen, do you happen to have
the phone number on you, Dmitri?
628
00:44:18,073 --> 00:44:21,451
Wh - What? I see.
Just ask for Omsk information.
629
00:44:21,534 --> 00:44:23,036
Mmm.
630
00:44:23,995 --> 00:44:26,331
I'm sorry too, Dmitri.
631
00:44:26,414 --> 00:44:28,208
I'm very sorry.
632
00:44:28,291 --> 00:44:32,170
All right, you're sorrier than I am.
But I am sorry as well.
633
00:44:34,506 --> 00:44:36,675
I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri.
634
00:44:36,758 --> 00:44:38,677
Don't say that you're
more sorry than I am,
635
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,888
because I am capable of being
just as sorry as you are.
636
00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:45,266
So we're both sorry, all right?
All right.
637
00:44:46,434 --> 00:44:50,271
Yes, he's right here. Yes, he wants
to talk to you. Just a second.
638
00:44:55,735 --> 00:44:57,362
Da.
639
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:00,949
Da.
640
00:45:03,993 --> 00:45:07,122
What?
641
00:45:07,956 --> 00:45:11,126
Nyet.
642
00:45:18,258 --> 00:45:19,926
Dasvidaniya.
643
00:45:23,388 --> 00:45:25,181
What?
644
00:45:25,265 --> 00:45:26,391
What is it? What?
645
00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:27,976
The fools.
646
00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:30,103
The mad fools.
647
00:45:30,854 --> 00:45:33,148
What's happened?
648
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,650
The Doomsday Machine.
649
00:45:35,734 --> 00:45:38,278
The D - The Doomsday Machine?
What is that?
650
00:45:38,361 --> 00:45:43,199
A device which will destroy
all human and animal life on earth.
651
00:45:43,825 --> 00:45:45,869
All human and animal life?
652
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,177
Mandrake.
653
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:04,429
Yes, Jack?
654
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:07,515
Have you ever seen a commie
drink a glass of water?
655
00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:10,185
Well, no, I -
656
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,479
I can't say I have, Jack.
657
00:46:13,897 --> 00:46:16,983
Vodka.
That's what they drink, isn't it?
658
00:46:17,066 --> 00:46:18,777
Never water.
659
00:46:18,860 --> 00:46:20,278
Well, I -
660
00:46:20,361 --> 00:46:23,239
I believe that's what
they drink, Jack, yes.
661
00:46:23,323 --> 00:46:26,785
On no account
will a commie ever drink water.
662
00:46:26,868 --> 00:46:28,870
And not without good reason.
663
00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:32,916
Oh, uh, yes.
664
00:46:32,999 --> 00:46:36,336
I, um, can't quite...
665
00:46:36,419 --> 00:46:39,339
see what you're getting at, Jack.
666
00:46:39,422 --> 00:46:41,508
Water.
That's what I'm getting at.
667
00:46:41,591 --> 00:46:43,051
Water.
668
00:46:44,052 --> 00:46:47,555
Mandrake,
water is the source of all life.
669
00:46:48,973 --> 00:46:51,601
Seven-tenths
of this earth's surface is water.
670
00:46:52,602 --> 00:46:54,604
Why, do you realize that...
671
00:46:56,064 --> 00:46:58,608
70% of you is water?
672
00:46:59,359 --> 00:47:00,652
Oh, how odd.
673
00:47:00,735 --> 00:47:02,487
And as human beings,
674
00:47:02,570 --> 00:47:05,698
you and I need fresh, pure water
675
00:47:05,782 --> 00:47:08,701
to replenish
our precious bodily fluids.
676
00:47:08,785 --> 00:47:10,995
- Yes.
- Are you beginning to understand?
677
00:47:11,079 --> 00:47:12,872
Yes.
678
00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:18,044
Mandrake.
679
00:47:19,671 --> 00:47:22,549
Mandrake, have you
never wondered why
680
00:47:22,632 --> 00:47:25,969
I drink only distilled water,
or rainwater,
681
00:47:26,052 --> 00:47:28,513
and only pure grain alcohol?
682
00:47:29,389 --> 00:47:32,600
Well, I-i-it did occur to me Jack, yes.
683
00:47:33,810 --> 00:47:36,312
Have you ever heard of a thing
called fluoridation?
684
00:47:36,396 --> 00:47:38,690
Fluoridation of water?
685
00:47:38,773 --> 00:47:41,276
Uh, yes. I - I have heard of that, Jack.
686
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:42,861
Yes. Yes.
687
00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:44,612
Well, do you know what it is?
688
00:47:44,696 --> 00:47:47,824
No. No, I don't know what it is, no.
689
00:47:47,907 --> 00:47:49,868
Do you realize
690
00:47:49,951 --> 00:47:51,953
that fluoridation
691
00:47:52,036 --> 00:47:54,873
is the most monstrously conceived
692
00:47:54,956 --> 00:47:57,750
and dangerous Communist plot
we have ever had to face?
693
00:48:04,382 --> 00:48:06,134
Two can play at that game, soldier.
694
00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:13,516
That's nice shooting, soldier!
695
00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:40,501
Mandrake, come here.
696
00:48:40,585 --> 00:48:42,462
Are you calling me, Jack?
697
00:48:42,545 --> 00:48:44,923
Come over here
and help me with this belt.
698
00:48:46,382 --> 00:48:48,051
I, uh-
699
00:48:48,134 --> 00:48:51,012
I haven't had very much experience,
you know,
700
00:48:51,095 --> 00:48:53,973
with those sort of machines, Jack.
701
00:48:54,057 --> 00:48:57,268
I've only ever pressed a button
in my old Spitfire.
702
00:48:57,352 --> 00:48:59,771
Mandrake, in the name of Her Majesty
and the Continental Congress,
703
00:48:59,854 --> 00:49:01,606
come here and feed me this belt, boy.
704
00:49:01,689 --> 00:49:05,360
Jack. I'd love to come, but, um,
705
00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:08,905
what's happened, you see,
the string in my leg's gone.
706
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:12,033
- The what?
- The string.
707
00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:14,243
I never told you, but you see -
708
00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:18,164
Got a gammy leg.
Oh, dear. Gone, shot off.
709
00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:23,962
Mandrake. Come over here.
The Red Coats are coming. Come on.
710
00:49:25,004 --> 00:49:29,384
When it is detonated, it will produce
enough lethal radioactive fallout
711
00:49:29,467 --> 00:49:32,595
so that within 10 months,
the surface of the Earth
712
00:49:32,679 --> 00:49:34,555
will be as dead as the moon.
713
00:49:34,639 --> 00:49:37,433
Ah, come on, de Sadesky.
That's ridiculous.
714
00:49:37,517 --> 00:49:41,646
Our studies show that even the worst fallout
is down to a safe level after two weeks.
715
00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:45,358
You've obviously never heard
of Cobalt Thorium G.
716
00:49:45,441 --> 00:49:46,943
Well, what about it?
717
00:49:47,026 --> 00:49:50,780
Cobalt Thorium G has
a radioactive half-life of 93 years.
718
00:49:50,863 --> 00:49:53,992
If you take, say, 5O H-bombs
in the hundred megaton range
719
00:49:54,075 --> 00:49:56,452
and jacket them with Cobalt Thorium G,
720
00:49:56,536 --> 00:50:01,124
when they are exploded,
they will produce a doomsday shroud,
721
00:50:01,207 --> 00:50:03,584
a lethal cloud of radioactivity
722
00:50:03,668 --> 00:50:08,047
which will encircle the Earth
for 93 years.
723
00:50:08,131 --> 00:50:10,258
Oh, what a load of commie bull.
724
00:50:10,341 --> 00:50:11,843
I mean, after all -
725
00:50:12,885 --> 00:50:15,513
I'm afraid I don't understand
something, Alexi.
726
00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:19,350
Is the premier threatening to explode this
if our planes carry out their attack?
727
00:50:19,434 --> 00:50:21,936
No, sir.
It is not a thing a sane man would do.
728
00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:24,856
The Doomsday Machine is designed
to trigger itself automatically.
729
00:50:24,939 --> 00:50:27,191
- But surely you can disarm it somehow?
- No.
730
00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:31,362
It is designed to explode if any attempt
is ever made to untrigger it.
731
00:50:31,446 --> 00:50:33,948
- Automatically?
- It's an obvious commie trick, Mr. President.
732
00:50:34,032 --> 00:50:36,576
We're wasting valuable ti -
Look at the big board.
733
00:50:36,659 --> 00:50:38,578
They're getting ready to clobber us.
734
00:50:38,661 --> 00:50:41,164
But this is absolute madness,
Ambassador.
735
00:50:41,247 --> 00:50:42,874
Why should you build such a thing?
736
00:50:42,957 --> 00:50:45,626
There were those of us
who fought against it, but in the end,
737
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:48,379
we could not keep up with the expense
involved in the arms race,
738
00:50:48,463 --> 00:50:51,966
the space race and the peace race.
739
00:50:52,050 --> 00:50:57,221
And at the same time, our people grumbled
for more nylons and washing machines.
740
00:50:57,305 --> 00:51:00,641
Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small
fraction of what we'd been spending
741
00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:03,061
on defense in a single year.
742
00:51:03,144 --> 00:51:05,813
But the deciding factor
was when we learned that your country
743
00:51:05,897 --> 00:51:07,690
was working along similar lines
744
00:51:07,774 --> 00:51:09,859
and we were afraid
of a doomsday gap.
745
00:51:09,942 --> 00:51:13,154
This is preposterous.
I've never approved of anything like that.
746
00:51:13,237 --> 00:51:16,115
Our source was The New York Times.
747
00:51:16,866 --> 00:51:20,078
Dr. Strangelove, do we have
anything like that in the works?
748
00:51:20,161 --> 00:51:22,371
A moment, please, Mr. President.
749
00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:28,628
Under the authority granted me
750
00:51:28,711 --> 00:51:32,840
as director of weapons research
and development,
751
00:51:32,924 --> 00:51:37,136
I commissioned last year
a study of this project
752
00:51:37,220 --> 00:51:39,597
by the Bland Corporation.
753
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:42,725
Based on the findings of the report,
754
00:51:42,809 --> 00:51:48,231
my conclusion was that this idea
was not a practical deterrent
755
00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:52,276
for reasons which, at this moment,
must be all too obvious.
756
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,780
Then you mean it is possible
for them to have built such a thing?
757
00:51:59,784 --> 00:52:02,829
Mr. President,
the technology required
758
00:52:02,912 --> 00:52:09,168
is easily within the means
of even the smallest nuclear power.
759
00:52:09,252 --> 00:52:13,422
It requires only the will to do so.
760
00:52:14,298 --> 00:52:18,052
But how is it possible for this thing
to be triggered automatically
761
00:52:18,136 --> 00:52:20,555
and at the same time,
impossible to untrigger?
762
00:52:20,638 --> 00:52:24,809
Mr. President,
it is not only possible,
763
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:26,519
it is essential.
764
00:52:26,602 --> 00:52:31,065
That is the whole idea
of this machine, you know.
765
00:52:31,149 --> 00:52:36,362
Deterrence is the art of producing
in the mind of the enemy
766
00:52:36,445 --> 00:52:39,157
the fear to attack.
767
00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:44,036
And so, because of the automated
and irrevocable decision-making process
768
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,999
which rules out human meddling,
769
00:52:48,082 --> 00:52:52,044
the Doomsday Machine is terrifying.
770
00:52:52,128 --> 00:52:54,338
Yes, and simple to understand.
771
00:52:54,422 --> 00:52:57,884
And completely credible and convincing.
772
00:52:57,967 --> 00:53:00,970
Gee, I wish we had one of them
Doomsday Machines, Stainsey.
773
00:53:01,053 --> 00:53:03,139
But this is fantastic, Strangelove.
774
00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:05,183
How can it be triggered automatically?
775
00:53:05,266 --> 00:53:08,895
Well, it's remarkably simple to do that.
776
00:53:08,978 --> 00:53:12,481
When you merely wish to bury bombs,
777
00:53:12,565 --> 00:53:14,984
there's no limit to the size.
778
00:53:15,067 --> 00:53:17,278
After that, they are connected
779
00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:21,324
to a gigantic complex of computers.
780
00:53:21,407 --> 00:53:27,246
Now then, a specific and clearly defined
set of circumstances
781
00:53:27,330 --> 00:53:30,708
under which the bombs
are to be exploded
782
00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:34,879
is programmed
into a tape memory bank.
783
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:37,506
- Hmm. Strangelove.
- A single roll of tape
784
00:53:37,590 --> 00:53:40,468
- can store all the information -
- What kind of a name is that?
785
00:53:40,551 --> 00:53:42,261
That ain't no Kraut name,
is it, Stainsey?
786
00:53:42,345 --> 00:53:44,555
He changed it
when he became a citizen.
787
00:53:44,639 --> 00:53:46,599
It used to be Merkwurdichliebe.
788
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:52,104
Well, a Kraut by any other name,
uh, Stainsey?
789
00:53:53,898 --> 00:53:58,236
...is that the whole point
of the Doomsday Machine
790
00:53:58,319 --> 00:54:01,697
is lost if you keep it a secret.
791
00:54:01,781 --> 00:54:04,242
Why didn't you tell the world, eh?
792
00:54:04,325 --> 00:54:08,704
It was to be announced
at the Party Congress on Monday.
793
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:12,083
As you know,
the premier loves surprises.
794
00:55:00,589 --> 00:55:02,591
Stay with me, Mandrake.
795
00:55:07,722 --> 00:55:10,558
All right, Mandrake.
Now feed me, feed me, boy.
796
00:55:40,588 --> 00:55:43,388
Jack, don't you think we'd be better off
in some other part of the room
797
00:55:43,466 --> 00:55:45,384
away from all this flying glass?
798
00:55:45,468 --> 00:55:47,303
Nah, nah. We're okay here.
799
00:55:49,305 --> 00:55:51,015
- Mandrake.
- Hmm?
800
00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:53,351
Do you realize that in addition
to fluoridating water, why,
801
00:55:53,434 --> 00:55:58,230
there are studies under way
to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices,
802
00:55:58,314 --> 00:56:02,151
soup, sugar, milk, ice cream?
803
00:56:02,234 --> 00:56:04,779
Ice cream, Mandrake.
Children's ice cream.
804
00:56:04,862 --> 00:56:06,030
Good Lord.
805
00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:08,157
Do you know
when fluoridation first began?
806
00:56:09,617 --> 00:56:11,452
Uh, no, no, I don't, Jack.
807
00:56:11,535 --> 00:56:13,954
1946.
808
00:56:14,038 --> 00:56:17,124
1946, Mandrake.
809
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:20,252
How does that coincide with
your postwar commie conspiracy, huh?
810
00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:24,298
It's incredibly obvious, isn't it?
811
00:56:24,382 --> 00:56:30,096
A foreign substance is introduced
into our precious bodily fluids
812
00:56:30,179 --> 00:56:33,432
without the knowledge of the individual
813
00:56:33,516 --> 00:56:35,851
and certainly without any choice.
814
00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:39,772
That's the way
your hard-core commie works.
815
00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:44,443
Uh, Jack, Jack, listen. Tell me.
816
00:56:44,527 --> 00:56:47,947
Tell me, Jack, when did you
first become -
817
00:56:48,030 --> 00:56:50,908
well, develop this theory?
818
00:56:51,992 --> 00:56:54,036
Well, I, uh -
819
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,748
I-I first became aware of it, Mandrake,
820
00:56:57,832 --> 00:57:00,084
during the physical act of love.
821
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:01,669
Huh.
822
00:57:01,752 --> 00:57:07,675
Yes, a, uh - a profound sense of fatigue,
a feeling of emptiness followed.
823
00:57:08,676 --> 00:57:12,346
Luckily, I-I was able to interpret
these feelings correctly.
824
00:57:13,848 --> 00:57:15,474
Loss of essence.
825
00:57:15,558 --> 00:57:17,017
Yeah.
826
00:57:17,101 --> 00:57:20,020
I can assure you
it has not recurred, Mandrake.
827
00:57:20,980 --> 00:57:24,733
Women, uh - Women sense my power
828
00:57:24,817 --> 00:57:26,944
and they seek the life essence.
829
00:57:28,404 --> 00:57:31,824
- I do not avoid women, Mandrake.
- No.
830
00:57:31,907 --> 00:57:34,785
But I do deny them my essence.
831
00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:37,705
Yes, Jack.
832
00:57:50,384 --> 00:57:52,761
Cease fire!
833
00:58:13,616 --> 00:58:15,618
The boys must have surrendered.
834
00:58:15,701 --> 00:58:17,912
Well, there it is.
835
00:58:17,995 --> 00:58:19,747
Now, Jack, listen,
836
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:23,000
while there's still time, I beg you,
let's recall the wing and -
837
00:58:25,211 --> 00:58:27,630
Those boys were like my children,
Mandrake.
838
00:58:29,632 --> 00:58:31,217
Now they've let me down.
839
00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:33,135
No, no, Jack, not a bit of it.
840
00:58:33,219 --> 00:58:36,347
No, I'm sure they all gave
of their very best.
841
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,933
And I'm equally sure they all died
thinking of you -
842
00:58:39,016 --> 00:58:41,852
every man Jack of them - Jack.
843
00:58:41,936 --> 00:58:44,313
Supposing a bit of water has gone off, eh?
844
00:58:44,396 --> 00:58:47,107
Certainly one can never be too sure
about those sort of things.
845
00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:50,069
But you look at me now.
Do I look all rancid and clotted?
846
00:58:50,152 --> 00:58:52,613
You look at me, Jack, eh?
Look, eh? Huh? Huh?
847
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:56,283
I drink a lot of water, you know.
I'm what you might call a water man, Jack.
848
00:58:56,367 --> 00:58:57,368
That's what I am.
849
00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:00,371
And I can swear to you, my boy,
swear to you,
850
00:59:00,454 --> 00:59:02,706
that there's nothing wrong
with my bodily fluids.
851
00:59:02,790 --> 00:59:05,334
Not a thing, Jackie.
852
00:59:05,417 --> 00:59:07,711
Mandrake, were you ever
a prisoner of war?
853
00:59:07,795 --> 00:59:11,382
Well, Jack, the time's running very -
854
00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:14,260
- What?
- Were you ever a prisoner of war?
855
00:59:14,343 --> 00:59:16,971
Uh, yes, I was,
as a matter of fact, Jack, I was.
856
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:20,432
- Did they torture you?
- Uh, yes, they did.
857
00:59:20,516 --> 00:59:23,227
I was tortured by the Japanese,
Jack, if you must know.
858
00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:25,896
- Not a pretty story.
- Well, what happened?
859
00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:28,065
Oh, well, I don't know, Jack.
860
00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:30,693
It's difficult to think of
under these conditions,
861
00:59:30,776 --> 00:59:33,904
but, well, what happened
was they got me on the old,
862
00:59:33,988 --> 00:59:36,448
uh, Rangoon-lchinawa Railway.
863
00:59:36,532 --> 00:59:40,869
I was laying train lines
for the bloody Japanese puff-puffs.
864
00:59:40,953 --> 00:59:44,206
No, I mean,
when they tortured you, did you talk?
865
00:59:44,290 --> 00:59:45,958
Oh.
866
00:59:46,041 --> 00:59:49,837
No, I -Well, I don't think
they wanted me to talk, really.
867
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,298
I don't think they wanted me
to say anything.
868
00:59:52,381 --> 00:59:55,426
It was just their way of having
a bit of fun, the swines.
869
00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:59,013
The strange thing is
they make such bloody good cameras.
870
01:00:00,681 --> 01:00:03,934
You know, those clowns outside are
gonna give me a pretty good going over
871
01:00:04,018 --> 01:00:06,520
in a few minutes, for the code.
872
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:08,105
Yes -
873
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,943
Yes, well, you may have, uh -
You may have quite a point there, Jack.
874
01:00:14,028 --> 01:00:16,739
I don't know how well
I could stand up under torture.
875
01:00:16,822 --> 01:00:20,242
Well, of course, the answer to that
is, boy, no one ever does.
876
01:00:20,326 --> 01:00:24,455
And my advice to you, Jack,
is to give me the code now,
877
01:00:24,538 --> 01:00:27,333
and if those devils come back
and try any rough stuff,
878
01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:30,836
we'll fight 'em together, boy,
like we did just now on the floor, eh?
879
01:00:30,919 --> 01:00:34,465
You with your gun, and me with the belt
and the ammo, feeding you, Jack.
880
01:00:34,548 --> 01:00:37,301
“Feed me,” you said,
and I was feeding you, Jack.
881
01:00:37,384 --> 01:00:39,970
You know, Mandrake,
882
01:00:40,054 --> 01:00:43,057
I happen to believe
in a life after this one,
883
01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:47,519
and I know I'll have to answer
for what I've done.
884
01:00:50,022 --> 01:00:51,482
And I think I can.
885
01:00:51,565 --> 01:00:54,902
Yes, well, of course you can, Jack.
Of course you can. You can.
886
01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,154
I'm a religious man myself,
you know, Jack.
887
01:00:57,237 --> 01:01:00,824
I believe in all that sort of thing,
and, uh, I'm hoping you know, Jack.
888
01:01:00,908 --> 01:01:02,868
You've dropped your gun, Jack.
889
01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:06,080
Yes, you know what -
Here. No, Jack, let me take that for you.
890
01:01:06,163 --> 01:01:09,041
I'll take that for you, Jack.
And you know what I'm hoping, Jack?
891
01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:12,169
I'm hoping you're going to give me
the code, boy, that's what I'm hoping.
892
01:01:12,252 --> 01:01:15,964
You're going to have a little wash
and brush up, are you? What a good idea.
893
01:01:16,048 --> 01:01:19,051
Always did wonders for a man that, Jack.
A little wash and brush up.
894
01:01:19,134 --> 01:01:21,512
Water on the back of the neck.
Makes you feel marvelous.
895
01:01:21,595 --> 01:01:24,848
That's what we need, Jack.
Water on the back of the neck and the code.
896
01:01:24,932 --> 01:01:27,184
Supposing I play a little guessing game
with you, Jack boy.
897
01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:29,853
I'll try and guess -
I'll try and guess what the code is.
898
01:01:47,496 --> 01:01:51,917
Copilot to Navigator.
I'm ready with the fuel figures now.
899
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:55,045
We have 109,000 total,
900
01:01:55,129 --> 01:01:57,881
79,000 in the mains
901
01:01:57,965 --> 01:02:00,676
and 30,000 in the auxiliaries.
902
01:02:00,759 --> 01:02:04,012
And that works out to roughly
seven hours, 15 minutes
903
01:02:04,096 --> 01:02:06,390
endurance for this time.
904
01:02:08,016 --> 01:02:11,520
DSO to Captain.
I have an unidentified radar blip.
905
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,733
Distance, 6O miles.
906
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:20,279
Approximate speed, Mach 3.
907
01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:22,781
Looks like a missile tracking us.
908
01:02:24,867 --> 01:02:26,952
Confirmed. Definite missile track.
909
01:02:27,035 --> 01:02:29,621
Commence evasive action right.
910
01:02:35,836 --> 01:02:38,380
Missile still closing range.
911
01:02:39,506 --> 01:02:43,594
Distance, 5O miles.
Continue evasive action.
912
01:02:43,677 --> 01:02:45,846
Lock ECM to target intercept mode.
913
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:49,183
ECM locked to target intercept mode.
914
01:02:50,184 --> 01:02:52,561
Missile still tracking
and closing distance.
915
01:02:52,644 --> 01:02:54,396
Range, 40 miles.
916
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:56,690
Continue evasive action.
917
01:03:00,110 --> 01:03:03,864
Electronic guidance scrambler
to blue grid.
918
01:03:03,947 --> 01:03:07,451
Missile still tracking steady
and closing distance.
919
01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:09,369
Range, 30 miles.
920
01:03:11,538 --> 01:03:14,041
Missile still closing, true and steady.
921
01:03:14,124 --> 01:03:15,876
Continue evasive action.
922
01:03:23,425 --> 01:03:25,469
Range, 2O miles.
923
01:03:25,552 --> 01:03:29,348
Missile still closing distance
and tracking steady.
924
01:03:29,431 --> 01:03:31,850
Attack range gate on maximum scan.
925
01:03:31,934 --> 01:03:34,394
Range gate on maximum scan.
926
01:03:35,062 --> 01:03:37,356
Range, 10 miles.
927
01:03:37,439 --> 01:03:40,984
Missile track deflecting.
Continue evasive action.
928
01:03:41,068 --> 01:03:44,530
Deflection increasing.
Range, eight miles.
929
01:03:44,613 --> 01:03:48,659
Deflection still increasing.
Range, six miles.
930
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:51,495
Missile still deflecting.
Range, four miles.
931
01:03:57,751 --> 01:04:00,504
Range, two miles.
Missile still deflecting.
932
01:04:00,587 --> 01:04:02,506
Range, one mile.
Missile detonated.
933
01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:11,598
- Start lever to cut off.
- Cut off.
934
01:04:14,977 --> 01:04:17,938
- Lost engine power.
- Lost power. Got it.
935
01:04:24,862 --> 01:04:27,281
Reselect essential power.
936
01:04:27,364 --> 01:04:29,645
- Oh, shoot. There goes six.
- Essential power reselected.
937
01:04:36,748 --> 01:04:38,876
The hatch is stuck.
938
01:04:41,128 --> 01:04:43,463
- Hit emergency power.
- Okay.
939
01:04:45,340 --> 01:04:48,218
- Extinguishers.
- Roger.
940
01:04:54,975 --> 01:04:57,019
Transfer switches.
941
01:04:57,102 --> 01:04:59,479
- Transferred.
- Push pumps up.
942
01:04:59,563 --> 01:05:00,564
Cut off.
943
01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:14,328
Fuel valves three, four and six.
944
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,468
- Give me full power.
- Roger.
945
01:05:41,730 --> 01:05:43,607
Peace on earth.
946
01:05:43,690 --> 01:05:45,901
Peace on earth.
947
01:05:45,984 --> 01:05:48,236
Peace on earth.
948
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:49,821
POE.
949
01:05:51,031 --> 01:05:54,034
Purity of essence.
950
01:05:54,117 --> 01:05:57,788
POE.
951
01:05:57,871 --> 01:05:59,873
OPE.
952
01:06:08,757 --> 01:06:10,467
Put your hands over your head.
953
01:06:10,550 --> 01:06:13,804
What the devil do you think you're doing,
shooting your way in here? Who are you?
954
01:06:13,887 --> 01:06:15,722
I said, put your hands over your head.
955
01:06:16,765 --> 01:06:19,267
What kind of suit
do you call that, fella?
956
01:06:19,351 --> 01:06:21,311
What do you mean, suit?
957
01:06:21,395 --> 01:06:26,316
This happens to be an RAF uniform, sir,
and I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake.
958
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,318
I am General Ripper's
executive officer.
959
01:06:28,402 --> 01:06:29,903
Where's General Ripper?
960
01:06:29,987 --> 01:06:32,864
He's dead, in the bathroom.
961
01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:36,410
- Where's the bathroom?
- Next to you.
962
01:06:45,961 --> 01:06:48,755
Look, I don't know what sort
of stupid game this is you're playing,
963
01:06:48,839 --> 01:06:51,008
but I've got a very good idea
what the recall code is
964
01:06:51,091 --> 01:06:53,593
and I have to get in touch
with SAC headquarters immediately.
965
01:06:53,677 --> 01:06:57,222
I said put your hands over your head
and keep them there. Come on.
966
01:06:57,305 --> 01:06:59,141
- Got any witnesses?
- Witnesses?
967
01:06:59,224 --> 01:07:01,184
What are you talking about, witnesses?
He shot himself.
968
01:07:01,268 --> 01:07:03,270
While he was shaving, huh?
969
01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:08,900
Now look, Colonel Bat Guano,
if that really is your name,
970
01:07:08,984 --> 01:07:12,821
may I tell you
that I have a very, very good idea,
971
01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:16,074
I think, I hope, I pray,
what the recall code is.
972
01:07:16,158 --> 01:07:18,035
It's some sort of recurrent theme
he kept repeating.
973
01:07:18,118 --> 01:07:20,412
It's a variation on “peace on earth”
or “purity of essence.”
974
01:07:20,495 --> 01:07:24,499
- EOP, OPE. it's one of those.
- Put your hands up on top of your head.
975
01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:26,043
Start walkin'.
976
01:07:26,126 --> 01:07:29,463
Don't you know that General Ripper
went as mad as a bloody March hare
977
01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:32,841
and sent the whole wing
to attack the Soviets?
978
01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:36,386
- What are you talking about?
- I'll tell you what I'm talking about.
979
01:07:36,470 --> 01:07:40,515
I'm going to pick up this red telephone,
which is connected to SAC,
980
01:07:40,599 --> 01:07:43,351
and I hope -
981
01:07:43,435 --> 01:07:45,771
Blast. Blast.
982
01:07:45,854 --> 01:07:49,858
Shot away, I expect, by one of your men
during this ridiculous fighting.
983
01:07:51,193 --> 01:07:53,403
Right.
984
01:07:53,487 --> 01:07:56,782
All right, Charlie, I've been
wasting too much time on you.
985
01:07:56,865 --> 01:07:59,117
I've got a lot of wounded men outside.
986
01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:00,744
Start walking.
987
01:08:22,849 --> 01:08:26,853
All the radio gear is out,
including the CRM 114.
988
01:08:26,937 --> 01:08:30,107
I think the auto-destruct mechanism
got hit and blew itself up.
989
01:08:34,569 --> 01:08:37,781
The fire is out.
Emergency power is on.
990
01:08:37,864 --> 01:08:41,368
Everything seems to check out all right.
Will advise.
991
01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:43,161
Roger. Navigator.
992
01:08:43,245 --> 01:08:48,625
I've worked out our rate of fuel loss
at approximately 162 per minute.
993
01:08:48,708 --> 01:08:51,503
This gives us a radius of action
sufficient to take out
994
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,797
primary and secondary targets,
995
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,509
but we will not - repeat -
not be able to make it back
996
01:08:57,592 --> 01:08:59,302
to any base or neutral country.
997
01:09:00,262 --> 01:09:05,100
However, we would have enough fuel
to ditch at weather ship Tango Delta,
998
01:09:05,183 --> 01:09:08,895
grid coordinates 003691.
999
01:09:13,733 --> 01:09:15,986
Well, boys, we got three engines out,
1000
01:09:16,069 --> 01:09:19,865
we got more holes in us
than a horse trader's mule,
1001
01:09:19,948 --> 01:09:22,159
the radio is gone
and we're leaking fuel,
1002
01:09:22,242 --> 01:09:25,579
and if we was flying any lower,
why, we'd need sleigh bells on this thing.
1003
01:09:25,662 --> 01:09:28,623
But we got one little budge
on them Russkies.
1004
01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:30,667
At this height,
why, they might harpoon us,
1005
01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:33,879
but they dang sure ain't gonna
spot us on no radar screen.
1006
01:09:45,015 --> 01:09:46,892
The other way.
1007
01:09:46,975 --> 01:09:49,853
- Where are you taking me?
- The main gate.
1008
01:09:49,936 --> 01:09:51,479
Colonel!
1009
01:09:51,563 --> 01:09:55,025
Colonel, I must know what you think
has been going on here.
1010
01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:56,902
- You want to know what I think?
- Yes.
1011
01:09:56,985 --> 01:09:59,779
I think you're some kind
of deviated “prevert.”
1012
01:09:59,863 --> 01:10:02,365
And I think General Ripper
found out about your “preversion,”
1013
01:10:02,449 --> 01:10:05,118
and that you were organizing
some kind of mutiny of “preverts.”
1014
01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:07,204
Now move.
1015
01:10:07,287 --> 01:10:10,415
On top of that, I don't know anything
about any planes attacking Russia.
1016
01:10:10,498 --> 01:10:14,586
I was told to get General Ripper on the phone
with the president of the United States.
1017
01:10:14,669 --> 01:10:19,549
Now, just one second.
You just said “the president.”
1018
01:10:19,633 --> 01:10:21,718
What about the president?
1019
01:10:21,801 --> 01:10:24,971
Now, the president wants to speak
to General Ripper, doesn't he?
1020
01:10:25,055 --> 01:10:27,641
Now, General Ripper is dead,
is he not?
1021
01:10:27,724 --> 01:10:29,851
I am General Ripper's executive officer,
1022
01:10:29,935 --> 01:10:33,063
so the president will bloody well
want to speak to me, won't he?
1023
01:10:33,146 --> 01:10:36,733
There's a telephone box over there
and the line may be open.
1024
01:10:36,816 --> 01:10:39,527
You want to talk to the president
of the United States?
1025
01:10:39,611 --> 01:10:42,489
I don't want to talk to him, Colonel.
I've got to talk to him.
1026
01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:46,409
And I can assure you, if you don't put that
gun away and stop this stupid nonsense,
1027
01:10:46,493 --> 01:10:50,747
the Court of Inquiry on this'll
give you such a pranging,
1028
01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:54,626
you'll be lucky if you end up wearing
the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!
1029
01:10:58,505 --> 01:11:00,340
Okay. Go ahead.
1030
01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:03,718
Try and get the president
of the United States on the phone.
1031
01:11:05,929 --> 01:11:09,182
If you try any “preversions” in there,
I'll blow your head off.
1032
01:11:22,529 --> 01:11:25,240
Operator?
This is Group Captain Lionel Mandrake.
1033
01:11:25,323 --> 01:11:27,450
I'm speaking
from Burpelson Air Force Base.
1034
01:11:27,534 --> 01:11:29,202
Look, something very urgent has come up
1035
01:11:29,286 --> 01:11:31,371
and I want you to place
an emergency person-to-person call
1036
01:11:31,454 --> 01:11:34,541
with President Merkin Muffley
in the Pentagon, Washington, DC.
1037
01:11:35,834 --> 01:11:39,170
Uh, uh, Burpelson 39180.
1038
01:11:40,547 --> 01:11:42,716
No. I'm perfectly serious, Operator.
The president.
1039
01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:45,302
Yes, the president
of the United States.
1040
01:11:45,385 --> 01:11:47,512
Oh. I'm sorry.
I haven't got enough change.
1041
01:11:47,595 --> 01:11:49,472
Um, could you, uh -
1042
01:11:49,556 --> 01:11:51,891
Could you make this
a collect call, Operator?
1043
01:12:04,154 --> 01:12:06,406
Just one second, Operator.
1044
01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:08,992
They won't accept the call.
Have you got 55 cents?
1045
01:12:09,075 --> 01:12:12,537
Well, you don't think I'd go into combat
with loose change in my pocket, do you?
1046
01:12:14,873 --> 01:12:16,374
Operator?
1047
01:12:16,458 --> 01:12:18,001
Uh, look, um,
1048
01:12:18,084 --> 01:12:21,254
is it possible to make this an ordinary -
ordinary trunk call?
1049
01:12:21,338 --> 01:12:26,676
Well, what do you call it?
You know - Oh, uh, station to station.
1050
01:12:31,348 --> 01:12:34,351
Oh, blast! I'm still 20 cents short.
1051
01:12:34,434 --> 01:12:36,561
Uh-
1052
01:12:36,644 --> 01:12:40,023
Operator, hold on.
I shan't keep you a second.
1053
01:12:40,106 --> 01:12:42,692
Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine.
1054
01:12:42,776 --> 01:12:46,613
I want you to shoot the lock off it.
There may be some change in there.
1055
01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:51,534
That's private property.
1056
01:12:51,618 --> 01:12:54,537
Colonel, can you possibly imagine
what is going to happen to you -
1057
01:12:54,621 --> 01:12:57,248
your frame, outlook,
way of life and everything -
1058
01:12:57,332 --> 01:13:00,085
when they've learned that you
have obstructed a telephone call
1059
01:13:00,168 --> 01:13:01,920
to the president of the United States?
1060
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:04,172
Can you imagine?
1061
01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:06,925
Shoot it off! Shoot with a gun.
1062
01:13:07,008 --> 01:13:09,677
That's what the bullets are for, you twit!
1063
01:13:09,761 --> 01:13:11,262
Okay.
1064
01:13:11,346 --> 01:13:13,056
I'm gonna get your money for you.
1065
01:13:13,139 --> 01:13:16,059
But if you don't get the president
of the United States on that phone,
1066
01:13:16,142 --> 01:13:17,977
- you know what's going to happen to you?
- What?
1067
01:13:18,061 --> 01:13:21,314
You're gonna have to answer
to the Coca-Cola company.
1068
01:13:30,407 --> 01:13:33,243
This is SAC Communications Control.
1069
01:13:33,326 --> 01:13:36,830
The recall code OPE
1070
01:13:36,913 --> 01:13:38,832
is being acknowledged “roger”
1071
01:13:38,915 --> 01:13:43,753
by the elements of the 843 Bomb Wing.
1072
01:13:43,837 --> 01:13:45,797
These are the details.
1073
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:50,635
Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38
1074
01:13:50,718 --> 01:13:54,097
are reported destroyed
by enemy action.
1075
01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:57,517
All other missions
have acknowledged recall code.
1076
01:13:58,977 --> 01:14:01,604
This is SAC Communications Control.
Over and out.
1077
01:14:01,688 --> 01:14:04,482
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
1078
01:14:04,566 --> 01:14:06,901
Ah, gentlemen.
1079
01:14:06,985 --> 01:14:08,945
Mr. President.
1080
01:14:09,028 --> 01:14:11,281
Uh, I'm not a sentimentalist
at all by nature,
1081
01:14:11,364 --> 01:14:14,492
but, uh, I think I know
what's in every heart in this room.
1082
01:14:14,576 --> 01:14:17,704
I think we ought to
all just, uh, bow our heads
1083
01:14:17,787 --> 01:14:20,415
and give a short prayer of thanks
for our deliverance.
1084
01:14:20,498 --> 01:14:23,209
Lord!
1085
01:14:23,293 --> 01:14:27,839
We have heard the wings
of the angel of death
1086
01:14:27,922 --> 01:14:30,675
fluttering over our heads
from the valley of fear.
1087
01:14:30,758 --> 01:14:33,553
You have seen fit to deliver us
from the forces of evil.
1088
01:14:33,636 --> 01:14:35,305
Excuse me, sir.
1089
01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:38,475
Premier Kissoff's calling again,
and he's hopping mad.
1090
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:49,027
Fuel flow on active engines
and leakage has increased.
1091
01:14:49,110 --> 01:14:52,989
Now works out at 205.
1092
01:14:54,532 --> 01:15:00,914
Estimate remaining fuel at 8790.
1093
01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:07,462
Uh, roger, confirm 205 per minute
1094
01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:11,591
and remaining fuel 8790.
1095
01:15:18,097 --> 01:15:22,143
No. No, Dmitri,
there must be some mistake.
1096
01:15:22,227 --> 01:15:24,270
No, I'm certain of that.
1097
01:15:24,354 --> 01:15:26,773
I-I'm perfectly certain of that, Dmitri.
1098
01:15:28,650 --> 01:15:30,485
Just a second.
1099
01:15:30,568 --> 01:15:33,905
You know what he says? He says that
one of the planes hasn't turned back.
1100
01:15:33,988 --> 01:15:36,699
He says, according to information
forwarded by our air staffs,
1101
01:15:36,783 --> 01:15:39,452
it's headed for the missile complex
at Laputa.
1102
01:15:42,121 --> 01:15:43,623
Wha - Ha!
1103
01:15:43,706 --> 01:15:45,708
That's impossible, Mr. President.
1104
01:15:45,792 --> 01:15:47,710
I mean, uh, look at the big board.
1105
01:15:47,794 --> 01:15:51,214
Thirty-four planes. 3O recalls
acknowledged and four splashes,
1106
01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:53,800
and one of them
was targeted for Laputa.
1107
01:15:56,761 --> 01:15:59,889
Dmitri? Look, we've got
an acknowledgement from every plane
1108
01:15:59,973 --> 01:16:02,141
except the four you shot down.
1109
01:16:03,351 --> 01:16:05,019
Oh.
1110
01:16:05,103 --> 01:16:06,604
Oh.
1111
01:16:10,108 --> 01:16:12,860
He - Hang on a second, Dmitri.
1112
01:16:12,944 --> 01:16:16,322
He says their air defense now
only claims three aircraft confirmed.
1113
01:16:16,406 --> 01:16:18,491
The fourth may only be damaged.
1114
01:16:20,994 --> 01:16:25,748
Mr. President, I'm beginning
to smell a big fat commie rat.
1115
01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:29,627
I mean, supposing Kissoff
is lying about that fourth plane,
1116
01:16:29,711 --> 01:16:31,629
just looking for an excuse
to clobber us?
1117
01:16:31,713 --> 01:16:35,258
I mean, if the spaghetti hits the fan,
now we're really in trouble.
1118
01:16:38,595 --> 01:16:44,517
Dmitri? Look, if this report is true
and the plane manages to bomb the target,
1119
01:16:44,601 --> 01:16:46,603
is this - is this going to, oh -
1120
01:16:46,686 --> 01:16:48,938
is this going to set off
the Doomsday Machine?
1121
01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:53,943
Are you sure?
1122
01:16:55,486 --> 01:16:59,866
Well, I - I guess you're just going
to have to get that plane, Dmitri.
1123
01:16:59,949 --> 01:17:03,119
Dmitri, I'm sorry they're jamming
your radar and flying so low,
1124
01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:04,746
but they're trained to do it.
1125
01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:06,539
It's initiative.
1126
01:17:08,625 --> 01:17:11,794
Look, Dmitri, you know
exactly where they're going,
1127
01:17:11,878 --> 01:17:15,882
and I'm sure your entire air defense
can stop a single plane.
1128
01:17:17,258 --> 01:17:20,178
Listen, I mean, it's not gonna
help either one of us if-
1129
01:17:20,261 --> 01:17:23,931
if the Doomsday Machine goes off,
now, is it?
1130
01:17:24,015 --> 01:17:29,479
Dmitri, there's no point in you
getting hysterical at a moment like this.
1131
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:33,983
Dmitri, keep your feet on the ground
when you're talking, Dmitri.
1132
01:17:34,067 --> 01:17:36,152
I am not - I am not getting -
1133
01:17:36,235 --> 01:17:40,323
No, Dmitri, I'm just worried, that's all.
1134
01:17:40,406 --> 01:17:43,701
Now look, if our air staff say
its primary target is Laputa
1135
01:17:43,785 --> 01:17:45,828
and its secondary target is Barchov,
1136
01:17:45,912 --> 01:17:49,165
I mean, it's true, Dmitri,
you've got to believe it.
1137
01:17:49,248 --> 01:17:52,960
Look, can I give - Dmitri?
Can I give you just one word -
1138
01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:56,255
Can I give you just one word
of advice, Dmitri?
1139
01:17:56,339 --> 01:18:01,761
Listen, Dmitri, put everything you've got
into those two sectors and you can't miss.
1140
01:18:08,142 --> 01:18:11,813
Uh, sir, if we continue
to lose fuel at the present rate,
1141
01:18:11,896 --> 01:18:15,817
I estimate we only have,
uh, 38 minutes flying time,
1142
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:18,569
which will not even take us
as far as the primary.
1143
01:18:19,278 --> 01:18:22,532
Doggone it, Sweets, you told me
that you'd get me to the primary!
1144
01:18:22,615 --> 01:18:26,536
I'm sorry, sir. That estimate was based
on the original loss rate factor,
1145
01:18:26,619 --> 01:18:28,371
not at 205.
1146
01:18:28,454 --> 01:18:32,917
I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it.
You just get me to the primary, you hear?
1147
01:18:33,835 --> 01:18:36,754
I'm sorry, sir, but those are the figures.
1148
01:18:36,838 --> 01:18:39,716
We'll be lucky to reach
weather ship at Tango Delta.
1149
01:18:39,799 --> 01:18:41,968
Well, shoot!
1150
01:18:42,051 --> 01:18:45,304
We ain't come this far
just to dump this thing in the drink.
1151
01:18:46,472 --> 01:18:48,474
What's the nearest target of opportunity?
1152
01:18:57,316 --> 01:18:59,902
Sir, if the rate of loss does not increase,
1153
01:18:59,986 --> 01:19:03,906
we have a chance to reach target 384,
1154
01:19:03,990 --> 01:19:08,619
grid coordinate 003691
1155
01:19:08,703 --> 01:19:12,665
and possibly make it from there
to the Tango Delta weather ship.
1156
01:19:12,749 --> 01:19:14,917
What kind of a target is that anyhow?
1157
01:19:15,001 --> 01:19:18,921
Sir, that's the ICBM complex at Kotlas.
1158
01:19:19,005 --> 01:19:20,590
All right.
1159
01:19:20,673 --> 01:19:23,718
Designating new target - 384.
1160
01:19:23,801 --> 01:19:27,805
Give me a rough heading on that just as soon
as you can get it worked out, will ya?
1161
01:19:39,859 --> 01:19:41,778
Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed,
Dmitri,
1162
01:19:41,861 --> 01:19:44,739
and remember, there's just one thing -
we are all in this together.
1163
01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:48,576
We're right behind you, Dmitri.
We're with you all the way.
1164
01:19:48,659 --> 01:19:51,287
Yes, well, we'll keep the line open.
1165
01:19:52,455 --> 01:19:54,373
All right, Dmitri.
1166
01:19:56,876 --> 01:20:00,755
General Turgidson, is there really
a chance for that plane to get through?
1167
01:20:02,757 --> 01:20:05,218
Mr. President, if I may speak freely,
1168
01:20:05,301 --> 01:20:08,888
the Russki talks big, but frankly,
we think he's short of know-how.
1169
01:20:08,971 --> 01:20:12,016
You just can't expect
a bunch of ignorant peons
1170
01:20:12,099 --> 01:20:14,101
to understand a machine
like some of our boys.
1171
01:20:14,185 --> 01:20:16,020
That's not meant as an insult,
Mr. Ambassador.
1172
01:20:16,103 --> 01:20:18,856
You take your average Russki,
we all know how much guts he's got.
1173
01:20:18,940 --> 01:20:21,901
Hell, look at all them Nazis killed off,
and he still wouldn't quit.
1174
01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:23,861
Can't you stick to the point, General?
1175
01:20:23,945 --> 01:20:26,322
Well, uh, sir,
1176
01:20:26,405 --> 01:20:29,826
if the pilot's good, see,
I mean, if he's really sharp,
1177
01:20:29,909 --> 01:20:32,119
he can barrel that baby in so low -
1178
01:20:32,203 --> 01:20:34,413
You ought to
see it sometime. it's a sight.
1179
01:20:34,497 --> 01:20:36,457
A big plane like a 52. Vroom!
1180
01:20:36,541 --> 01:20:39,669
Its jet exhaust frying chickens
in a barnyard.
1181
01:20:39,752 --> 01:20:42,713
- Yeah, but has he got a chance?
- Has he got a chance?
1182
01:20:42,797 --> 01:20:45,258
Hell, yeah... he's...
1183
01:20:46,759 --> 01:20:48,302
got a...
1184
01:21:09,866 --> 01:21:11,367
Navigator to Captain.
1185
01:21:11,450 --> 01:21:15,788
Approaching target
at distance 10 miles.
1186
01:21:15,872 --> 01:21:19,292
Switch from green grid
to target orange.
1187
01:21:19,375 --> 01:21:22,378
Roger.
Ready for final bomb run check.
1188
01:21:22,461 --> 01:21:23,963
- Take over, Ace.
- Roger.
1189
01:21:29,302 --> 01:21:31,762
- DSO ready.
- Bombardier ready, sir.
1190
01:21:31,846 --> 01:21:33,973
Bomb fusing master safety on.
1191
01:21:34,056 --> 01:21:37,226
Electronic barometric time
and impact.
1192
01:21:37,310 --> 01:21:42,565
Uh, bomb fusing, master safeties on,
electronic barometric time and impact.
1193
01:21:42,648 --> 01:21:46,444
Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.
1194
01:21:46,527 --> 01:21:49,113
Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.
1195
01:21:49,196 --> 01:21:51,949
Bomb fusing circuits
one through four test.
1196
01:21:52,033 --> 01:21:54,410
Bomb fusing circuits
one through four test.
1197
01:21:54,493 --> 01:21:55,745
Lights on.
1198
01:21:55,828 --> 01:21:58,623
Bomb arming test lights on
one through four.
1199
01:21:58,706 --> 01:22:01,584
Bomb arming test lights on
one through four.
1200
01:22:01,667 --> 01:22:04,253
Engage primary
trigger switch override.
1201
01:22:04,337 --> 01:22:07,465
Primary trigger switch
override engaged.
1202
01:22:07,548 --> 01:22:10,051
Track indicators to maximum deflection.
1203
01:22:10,134 --> 01:22:12,637
Track indicators to maximum deflection.
1204
01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:15,806
Detonator set to zero altitude.
1205
01:22:15,890 --> 01:22:18,768
Detonator set to zero altitude.
1206
01:22:18,851 --> 01:22:20,519
Release first safety.
1207
01:22:24,857 --> 01:22:26,692
First safety released.
1208
01:22:28,110 --> 01:22:29,445
First safety.
1209
01:22:29,528 --> 01:22:31,530
Release second safety.
1210
01:22:35,117 --> 01:22:37,286
Second safety released.
1211
01:22:38,162 --> 01:22:39,163
Second safety.
1212
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:49,382
Check bomb door circuits
one through four.
1213
01:22:59,934 --> 01:23:04,480
Uh, bomb door circuits
negative function.
1214
01:23:04,563 --> 01:23:06,065
Lights red.
1215
01:23:06,148 --> 01:23:08,734
- Switch in back-up circuits.
- Roger.
1216
01:23:10,236 --> 01:23:12,822
Back-up circuits switched in.
Still negative function.
1217
01:23:12,905 --> 01:23:14,657
Engage emergency power.
1218
01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:16,701
Roger.
1219
01:23:16,784 --> 01:23:19,495
Uh, emergency power on.
Still negative function.
1220
01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:23,582
Operate manual override.
1221
01:23:25,126 --> 01:23:26,711
Roger.
1222
01:23:36,178 --> 01:23:38,597
Uh, still negative function.
1223
01:23:38,681 --> 01:23:41,517
The Teleflex drive cable
must be sheared away.
1224
01:23:41,600 --> 01:23:43,185
Fire the explosive bolts!
1225
01:23:44,270 --> 01:23:45,771
Roger.
1226
01:23:58,451 --> 01:24:01,662
Uh, still negative, sir.
1227
01:24:02,455 --> 01:24:04,040
The operating circuits are dead, sir.
1228
01:24:09,378 --> 01:24:12,631
Stay on the bomb run, Ace.
I'm going down below and see what I can do.
1229
01:24:12,715 --> 01:24:14,383
Roger.
1230
01:24:26,312 --> 01:24:27,897
Stay on the bomb run, boys.
1231
01:24:27,980 --> 01:24:31,984
I'm gonna get them doors open
if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek.
1232
01:25:25,579 --> 01:25:28,290
Target range grid reference checks.
1233
01:25:28,374 --> 01:25:30,835
Target distance, eight miles.
1234
01:25:30,918 --> 01:25:32,795
Roger. Eight miles.
1235
01:25:32,878 --> 01:25:35,381
Telemetric guidance computer
into orange grid.
1236
01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:37,883
Telemetric guidance computer
into orange grid.
1237
01:25:46,559 --> 01:25:49,145
Target distance, seven miles.
1238
01:25:49,228 --> 01:25:52,523
Correct track indicator minus seven.
1239
01:25:52,606 --> 01:25:53,941
Roger. Seven miles.
1240
01:25:54,024 --> 01:25:56,193
Check GPI acceleration factor.
1241
01:25:56,277 --> 01:25:58,320
GPI acceleration factor set.
1242
01:26:01,740 --> 01:26:04,160
Target distance, six miles.
1243
01:26:04,243 --> 01:26:06,495
Roger. Six miles.
1244
01:26:06,579 --> 01:26:08,747
Pulse indent transponder active.
1245
01:26:08,831 --> 01:26:10,541
Pulse indent transponder active.
1246
01:26:17,590 --> 01:26:20,676
Target distance, five miles.
1247
01:26:20,759 --> 01:26:24,680
Five miles.
Homing alignment factor to zero mode.
1248
01:26:24,763 --> 01:26:26,765
Homing alignment factor to zero mode.
1249
01:26:30,352 --> 01:26:32,897
Target distance, four miles.
1250
01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:37,610
Roger. Four miles.
Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link.
1251
01:26:37,693 --> 01:26:40,362
Auto CDC into manual Teleflex link.
1252
01:26:50,539 --> 01:26:53,083
Target distance, three miles.
1253
01:26:53,167 --> 01:26:55,544
Roger. Three miles.
1254
01:26:55,628 --> 01:26:57,296
Target in sight!
1255
01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:59,381
Where in hell is Major Kong?
1256
01:27:11,936 --> 01:27:14,730
Yee-haw!
1257
01:27:16,065 --> 01:27:18,776
Yee-haw!
1258
01:27:18,859 --> 01:27:20,986
Yee-haw!
1259
01:27:23,155 --> 01:27:24,406
Hey, what about Major Kong?
1260
01:27:24,490 --> 01:27:28,452
Yee-haw!
1261
01:27:28,535 --> 01:27:32,748
Wah-ah-ha!
1262
01:27:32,831 --> 01:27:35,459
Ha-whoo-how.!
1263
01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:54,270
Mr. President.
1264
01:27:54,353 --> 01:27:59,441
I would not rule out the chance to preserve
a nucleus of human specimens.
1265
01:27:59,525 --> 01:28:02,444
It would be quite easy.
1266
01:28:04,780 --> 01:28:09,952
At the bottom of, uh...
some of our deeper mine shafts.
1267
01:28:10,035 --> 01:28:14,623
The radioactivity would never penetrate
a mine some thousands of feet deep.
1268
01:28:14,707 --> 01:28:19,169
And in a matter of weeks,
sufficient improvements in dwelling space
1269
01:28:19,253 --> 01:28:21,297
could easily be provided.
1270
01:28:21,380 --> 01:28:23,757
How long would you have to
stay down there?
1271
01:28:23,841 --> 01:28:25,801
Well, let's see now, eh -
1272
01:28:27,928 --> 01:28:29,930
Cobalt Thorium G.
1273
01:28:30,931 --> 01:28:32,433
Uh-
1274
01:28:37,146 --> 01:28:38,647
Uh-
1275
01:28:40,858 --> 01:28:43,819
Radioactive half-life of -
1276
01:28:45,029 --> 01:28:46,780
Hmm.
1277
01:28:46,864 --> 01:28:50,326
I would think that, uh, possibly, uh,
1278
01:28:50,409 --> 01:28:51,910
100 years.
1279
01:28:53,829 --> 01:28:57,875
You mean, people could actually
stay down there for a hundred years?
1280
01:28:57,958 --> 01:29:00,002
It would not be difficult, mein Fuhrer.
1281
01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:02,004
Nuclear reactors could -
1282
01:29:02,087 --> 01:29:04,840
I'm sorry, Mr. President.
1283
01:29:04,923 --> 01:29:08,761
Nuclear reactors could provide power
almost indefinitely.
1284
01:29:08,844 --> 01:29:11,597
Greenhouses could maintain plant life.
1285
01:29:11,680 --> 01:29:14,600
Animals could be bred and slaughtered
1286
01:29:15,434 --> 01:29:19,897
A quick survey would have to be made
of all the available mine sites in the country,
1287
01:29:19,980 --> 01:29:22,941
but I would guess that, uh,
1288
01:29:23,025 --> 01:29:27,529
dwelling space for several hundred thousands
of our people could easily be provided.
1289
01:29:27,613 --> 01:29:33,535
Well, I would hate to have to decide
who stays up and who goes down.
1290
01:29:33,619 --> 01:29:36,413
Well, uh, that would not
be necessary, Mr. President.
1291
01:29:37,664 --> 01:29:40,542
It could easily be accomplished
with a computer,
1292
01:29:40,626 --> 01:29:42,920
and the computer could be set
and programmed
1293
01:29:43,003 --> 01:29:48,967
to accept factors from youth, health,
sexual fertility, intelligence,
1294
01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:51,887
and a cross section
of necessary skills.
1295
01:29:51,970 --> 01:29:54,223
Of course, it would be absolutely vital
1296
01:29:54,306 --> 01:29:58,185
that our top government
and military men be included
1297
01:29:58,268 --> 01:30:00,813
to foster and impart
the required principles
1298
01:30:00,896 --> 01:30:03,148
of leadership and tradition.
1299
01:30:09,154 --> 01:30:12,074
Naturally, they would breed
prodigiously, eh?
1300
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:14,993
There would be much time
and little to do.
1301
01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:18,747
But with the proper breeding techniques
1302
01:30:18,831 --> 01:30:24,211
and a ratio of, say,
10 females to each male,
1303
01:30:24,294 --> 01:30:26,713
I would guess that they
could then work their way back
1304
01:30:26,797 --> 01:30:30,968
to the present gross national product
within, say, 20 years.
1305
01:30:32,010 --> 01:30:35,347
But look here, Doctor,
wouldn't this nucleus of survivors
1306
01:30:35,431 --> 01:30:38,851
be so grief stricken and anguished
that they'd...
1307
01:30:39,893 --> 01:30:43,605
well, envy the dead
and not want to go on living?
1308
01:30:43,689 --> 01:30:46,442
And also - Excuse me.
1309
01:30:55,701 --> 01:30:59,788
Also, when they go down into the mine,
everyone would still be alive.
1310
01:30:59,872 --> 01:31:01,874
There will be no shocking memories,
1311
01:31:01,957 --> 01:31:06,628
and the prevailing emotion will be
one of nostalgia for those left behind,
1312
01:31:06,712 --> 01:31:12,009
combined with a spirit of bold curiosity
for the adventure ahead.
1313
01:31:12,092 --> 01:31:14,136
Ha!
1314
01:31:29,610 --> 01:31:31,111
Doctor,
1315
01:31:33,739 --> 01:31:36,158
you mentioned the, uh, ratio
1316
01:31:36,241 --> 01:31:39,119
of, uh, 10 women to each man.
1317
01:31:39,203 --> 01:31:42,247
Now, wouldn't that necessitate
the abandonment
1318
01:31:42,331 --> 01:31:46,126
of the so-called monogamous
sexual relationship?
1319
01:31:46,210 --> 01:31:49,421
I mean, as far
as men were concerned?
1320
01:31:49,505 --> 01:31:51,340
Regrettably, yes.
1321
01:31:51,423 --> 01:31:56,678
But it is, you know, a sacrifice required
for the future of the human race.
1322
01:31:56,762 --> 01:32:01,892
I hasten to add that since each man
will be required to do prodigious...
1323
01:32:03,644 --> 01:32:05,395
service along these lines,
1324
01:32:05,479 --> 01:32:09,399
the women will have to be selected
for their sexual... characteristics,
1325
01:32:09,483 --> 01:32:13,278
which will have to be
of a highly stimulating nature.
1326
01:32:13,362 --> 01:32:17,241
I must confess, you have
an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
1327
01:32:18,617 --> 01:32:19,785
Thank you, sir.
1328
01:32:20,536 --> 01:32:24,331
I think we ought to look at this from
the military point of view. I mean, uh...
1329
01:32:25,541 --> 01:32:29,962
supposing the Russkies stashed away
some big bombs, see, and we didn't.
1330
01:32:30,045 --> 01:32:32,923
When they come out in a hundred years,
they could take over.
1331
01:32:33,006 --> 01:32:34,550
I agree, Mr. President.
1332
01:32:34,633 --> 01:32:38,178
They might try an immediate sneak attack
so they could take over our mine shaft space.
1333
01:32:38,262 --> 01:32:41,056
Yeah. I think it would be
extremely naive of us, Mr. President,
1334
01:32:41,139 --> 01:32:44,017
to imagine that these new developments
are going to cause any change
1335
01:32:44,101 --> 01:32:46,061
in Soviet expansionist policy.
1336
01:32:46,144 --> 01:32:48,939
I mean, we must be
increasingly on the alert
1337
01:32:49,022 --> 01:32:51,567
to prevent them from taking over
other mine shaft space
1338
01:32:51,650 --> 01:32:53,735
in order to breed more prodigiously
than we do,
1339
01:32:53,819 --> 01:32:56,738
thus knocking us out through
superior numbers when we emerge.
1340
01:32:56,822 --> 01:33:00,784
Mr. President,
we must not allow a mine shaft gap!
1341
01:33:00,867 --> 01:33:04,871
Sir, I have a plan.
1342
01:33:06,957 --> 01:33:09,167
Mein Fuhrer,
1343
01:33:09,251 --> 01:33:11,003
I can walk!
110575
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