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00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:05,047
♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,429
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:19,645
Son, we're going to take a quick break
from the story of how I met your father
5
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:23,482
and talk about how I met my father.
[soft laugh]
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00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:26,652
I know you didn't ask
for this part, so bear with me.
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00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,320
SOPHIE'S SON [on phone]:
I didn't ask for any of this.
8
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,823
You said you needed help with your phone!
- Oh, son, you're hysterical.
9
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,493
Okay.
10
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,579
Tell me everything
you remember about my dad.
11
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,666
I met him at Lollapalooza.
12
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,794
He lolla'd my palooza,
and bam, here you are.
13
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,673
Okay. I'm gonna show you
this photo again.
14
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,926
- Ugh...
- This is the day you guys met,
15
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,554
so something in here
has to jog your memory.
16
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,932
[gasps] Oh, my God! That's him!
17
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,267
That's just an arm!
18
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:02,896
I know, but I remember
the barbed wire tattoo on his bicep.
19
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,775
He said he needed security
around his guns. [laughs]
20
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,111
Oh, my God,
and you still slept with him?
21
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,449
Wait, he's wearing a badge.
"Captain Concessions."
22
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,159
Was he working the festival?
23
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,120
Yes. Yes, he was.
24
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Well, you can almost see his name.
25
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:21,957
Ick!
26
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His name ends in "ick." Mom,
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you've got to remember. What is it?
28
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- His name was Mick!
- Really?
29
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,424
I don't remember,
but don't you hope it's Mick?
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00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,176
♪
31
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,677
Guys!
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The search for my father
has been narrowed down
33
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,890
to three potential dads.
[Ellen gasps]
34
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,100
Thanks to a lot of hard work
from my bestie.
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Oh, it was my pleasure.
36
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,188
These days, I'll do literally
anything to avoid my...
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00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,481
fiancé.
At least this time,
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00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:48,734
I didn't have to trick him
into learning a new life skill.
39
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,068
Hey, babe!
40
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:53,447
I'm finally an intermediate at Spanish
on Duolingo. Can we hang out now?
41
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,115
[sighs] Sorry.
42
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,201
You're not gonna be able to speak
to my abuela at the wedding
43
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,619
until you're level 70.
44
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,078
Sigue practicándo.
45
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,413
Entiendo.
46
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:02,122
♪
47
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,124
That poor sweet boy.
48
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,792
So how did you narrow it down
to three names?
49
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,170
Sophie's dad worked
for Captain Concessions in 1991,
50
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,339
his first name ends in "ick,"
so I went to their LinkedIn page
51
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,049
and did a deep dive
on all their current employees,
52
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:15,135
until I found an HR director
who has a second family in Poughkeepsie.
53
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,387
So, I blackmail him
into sending me the roster
54
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,223
of all the employees
that worked Lollapalooza '91,
55
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,308
and three of them have names
that end in "ick."
56
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,268
Oh. Simple.
57
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,479
Okay! Everyone gets an ick.
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Val and I are gonna take
Nick Foster in Staten Island.
59
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,150
Sid and Jesse, you guys get Rick Graham
60
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,777
in New Jersey...
- Oh.
61
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,237
...and Charlie and Ellen,
62
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,405
you guys get Dick Webber-Morris
in Yonkers.
63
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,908
Guys, do you see what's happening here?
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00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,159
This is a Mamma Mia!
65
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,953
Technically, it's not.
66
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,580
In Mamma Mia,
Meryl Streep slept with three guys.
67
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,706
My mom slept with one.
68
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,959
I think it's more of a reverse
gender-swapped Philomena.
69
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,670
Wha-- No, Philomena is an Irish nun
70
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,880
trying to find her son
who was taken away from her.
71
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,341
What we have here is a hetero
The Kids Are All Right.
72
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,592
No, I just googled it.
73
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:59,054
Sophie's life is most like
the beloved Paul Reiser TV show
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My Two Dads, but with three dads.
Final answer.
75
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[all agreeing]
76
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,020
Wait, guys, guys, guys!
Let's channel this energy
77
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,357
into actually finding my dad.
Okay? Ick on three.
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00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,943
One, two, three!
ALL: Ick!
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00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,696
♪
80
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,406
Okay, check it out.
81
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,825
I'm gonna go to the desk.
I'm gonna ask for Rick.
82
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,410
I'm gonna sign up for the free trial.
83
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,787
And then, I'm gonna cancel
before the end of the month.
84
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,081
[laughs]
[text chimes]
85
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,709
TAYLOR:
Hey. It's your airplane pal Taylor.
86
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,711
Remember that rapper
we were sitting next to?
87
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,880
SID: How could I forget?
TAYLOR: Well...
88
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,840
Li'l Toasty's new single just dropped,
89
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,592
and I think it's about
90
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,510
how he wanted to have a threesome with us!
91
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,888
What? No way. How do you know that?
92
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,348
Because it's called Mile High Menage.
93
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,850
We're freakin' famous!
94
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,310
Hey, Rick's about to come out.
95
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,477
[clears throat]
96
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,271
Why are you grinning
at your phone like an idiot?
97
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:52,900
Oh... No, nothing. Uh, my new bud Taylor
sent me something funny.
98
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,235
Oh. You have a new buddy.
99
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,778
Cool. Love that for you.
100
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,864
Funny Taylor. You know,
101
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,034
I've got some pretty hysterical hot takes
about Whole Foods you haven't heard.
102
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,745
Whole Foods? More like whole paycheck--
103
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,584
Hey, guys. I'm Rick.
104
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,337
[quietly]:
Could Sophie be half-Asian?
105
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,588
♪
106
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,464
[phone ringing]
107
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Dick and Dale's Exotic Entertainment.
108
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We're ripped, we strip, and you tip.
109
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:21,345
Oh, hey, Mom.
110
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,388
Do you think that's him?
111
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:27,059
Until I figure out why I self-sabotage,
I don't think I'll ever find love.
112
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,061
[scoffs] Rambling on
about his horrible love life.
113
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,312
Definitely Sophie's dad.
114
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,358
Hi there! Uh, are you Dick or Dale?
115
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Dick.
116
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,528
Dale passed years ago.
117
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:40,155
He tried the death-defying
alley-oop pole flip.
118
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,865
Nailed it.
119
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,116
But then got murdered.
120
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,081
I... bet he's giving lap dances
to angels now.
121
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,376
Dick, did you ever, by chance,
122
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,503
attend the music festival Lollapalooza?
123
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,797
No. Why are you asking me that?
124
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:59,883
Just a fun icebreaker, you know?
125
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,927
We like to get to know our strippers.
[laughs]
126
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,429
Ellen, may I speak to you by the...
butt-shot wall?
127
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,557
[phone ringing]
128
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,725
Well, he's lying. We already know
he went to Lollapalooza.
129
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,436
Clearly, we can't trust him to answer
our questions honestly.
130
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,815
We gotta see if he's got that
barbed wire tattoo on his arm.
131
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,899
Ask him to take his shirt off.
132
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,277
You can't just ask a stripper
to sample the merchandise
133
00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:21,154
without paying for the goods.
He's not Costco, Ellen!
134
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,699
Follow my lead.
135
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,576
Dick, my friend,
136
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,661
all the wall butts in the world
137
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,705
pale in comparison with yours.
ELLEN: Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,915
Now I'm in charge
of throwing my best friend here
139
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,294
her bachelorette party,
and I want you to be the stripper.
140
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:38,755
Oh. [laughs] I'm flattered,
but I've been out of the game for years.
141
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,050
That is such a shame
because my dream bachelorette
142
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,304
is a man like you
shakin' a donk like that
143
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,805
in a face like this.
144
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,683
Please?
[nervous laugh]
145
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,980
You know what? For you,
146
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,982
I'll dust this donk off one last time.
147
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,818
When's the party?
- In two hours.
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00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:03,197
♪
149
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,657
[ferry horn blasts]
- Hey, sorry I sent you guys all the way
150
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,242
to a gym in Jersey for nothing.
151
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,245
Oh, it wasn't for nothing.
We both Zumba'd our asses off.
152
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,539
Hoo-hoo!
[Sophie laughs]
153
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,583
I hope Staten Island Nick is your dad.
154
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,585
We never get to hang out on islands.
155
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:18,670
Manhattan is an island.
156
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,382
Okay, sweetie.
157
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,426
[Valentina and Sophie laugh]
158
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:31,934
Oh, my God.
What if my dad owns a hot dog store?
159
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,311
I'll be a hot dog heiress.
160
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:36,772
[sighs]
161
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,651
Wish me luck.
FRIENDS: Good luck. You got this, go.
162
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[clears throat] Hey.
163
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,948
Uh, can I speak to Nick, please?
164
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,825
Oh, I'm just a real hot dog head
165
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:52,204
who is dying to meet the founder
of Nick's of Staten Island.
166
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,332
The founder of
Nick's of Staten Island is...
167
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,750
SOPHIE:
Dead.
168
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:58,669
This guy's dead.
169
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,712
Oh! Uh...
170
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,756
Charlie and Ellen just texted
that your dad
171
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,675
may be a washed-up male stripper.
172
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,635
Oof.
173
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,595
Suddenly, dead's not looking so bad.
174
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,098
♪
175
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,187
So there's a 50% chance my dad's dead.
176
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,439
[sighs]
177
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,649
Should we, like,
178
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,735
say something to honor him?
179
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,696
Uh...
180
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:29,408
♪ ...mazing Grace ♪
181
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,620
♪ How sweet ♪
182
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,290
♪ The sound ♪
183
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,293
♪ That saved ♪
184
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,879
♪ A wretch ♪
185
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:42,880
♪ Like-- ♪
186
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,673
Whoa, we got a mourner.
We got a mourner. Fan out.
187
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,098
He's here for Nick.
188
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,141
Oh, my God.
189
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,809
He's got the barbed wire tattoo.
190
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,687
[gasps]
191
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,023
That must be my much older half-brother,
192
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:04,276
and he got the tattoo to honor our dad...
193
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,653
Sophie. That's your dad.
194
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,699
Then whose gravestone is that?
195
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,743
Your grandfather's.
196
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,745
Oh... duh.
197
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,082
Val, can you text me what's going on
so I don't seem dumb in front of everyone?
198
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,795
So, my friends and I followed my dad
199
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,423
back onto the Staten Island Ferry.
200
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,425
We were like sexy spies.
201
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,178
On a boat that smelled like trash.
202
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,347
Full disclosure,
203
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,766
sometimes,
I still miss my Tamagotchi.
204
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:38,393
Full disclosure, I still have mine.
205
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,938
Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to the front
and do "king of the world" with me?
206
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,064
[both giggle]
207
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:44,733
[sighs] I was just texting Taylor.
What'd you say?
208
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,361
Never mind.
209
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,491
I can't believe we're tailing my dad.
210
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,118
I'm so excited to see
what amazing new place
211
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,495
he's gonna take us.
212
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,455
♪
213
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,250
Back here, huh?
214
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,627
Don't hate it.
215
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,630
Ah.
216
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:10,300
Welcome to straight-Ellen's bachelorette!
217
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,719
We have penis hats,
218
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,888
a penis piñata,
219
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,891
and a pineapple upside-down penis cake!
220
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,561
That is... extremely realistic.
221
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,229
The detail is amazing.
222
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,232
Are those pubes made of coconut flakes?
223
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,984
It's a triumph.
224
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,485
[doorbell rings]
Oh!
225
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,863
There's our entertainment.
226
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,532
Now, remember, ladies, you can look,
227
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:34,908
but you can't touch.
228
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,118
Not gonna be a problem.
229
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,246
[pirate accent]:
Ahoy, landlubbers.
230
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,624
Who's ready to walk my plank?
231
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:47,546
So, are we... waiting for the rest
of the guests or...
232
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,256
Nope! Gang's all here!
233
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,967
What I lack in friends,
I make up for in horniness,
234
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,260
so get dancin'!
235
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,512
Ah! Okay, Ellen.
236
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,933
Are you ready for me to...
237
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,853
shiver your timbers?
- Oh!
238
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,521
Sure, big boy. Drop anchor.
239
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,565
[no accent]:
Oh, th-that costs extra.
240
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,774
Never mind. Full steam ahead.
241
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,318
That also costs extra.
242
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,652
Just do what we paid for.
243
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:17,159
♪ Pirates of the Caribbean remix ♪
244
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,834
Really? He's going one scarf at a time?
245
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,461
Let me try and speed this along.
246
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,671
Take your shirt off, Dick. Woo!
247
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,048
[knowing laugh]
248
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,550
[pirate accent]:
Don't worry, little lady.
249
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,220
All in due time.
250
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,473
All... in due time.
251
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,232
♪
252
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,695
♪
253
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,532
Okay. It's now or never. Right?
254
00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,283
I'm just gonna walk up to him and say...
255
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,745
I'm Sophie. I'm your daughter.
256
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:02,579
Mm-hmm.
257
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,040
Here I go.
258
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,167
I'm doing it!
259
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,920
Watch me go!
260
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,964
I'm going. Am I going?
261
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,715
No, you're just crushing Val's hand.
262
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,759
- [gasps] Sorry.
- Oh...
263
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,637
Sorry. I've just--
I've been waiting for this moment...
264
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,974
my entire life,
imagining what my dad would be like.
265
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,935
What if he's terrible? [gasps]
266
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,436
What if he signs me up for basketball
267
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,105
and pushes me to my limit,
268
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,148
until I finally break down
and have to tell him,
269
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,234
"Dad, basketball's your dream,
but it's not mine!"
270
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,862
- She's right...
- What?
271
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,531
I mean, not about
her weirdly specific fear,
272
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,576
but we should vet him
and make sure he's dad-worthy
273
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,494
before we reveal her true identity.
274
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,788
You're right.
We should give him some dad tests.
275
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,914
Good idea.
276
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,125
Hey, let's see if he'd take
a bullet for Sophie, huh?
277
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,127
But, if he passes, he's dead.
278
00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:52,671
And if he fails, I'm dead.
279
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:56,300
See you guys come up
with any good ideas...
280
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,803
[electric guitar riff]
ROCKER VOICES: Dad Tests!
281
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,807
Oh! Oh no! Ow! I fell!
282
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,894
Can somebody, anybody, help me?
283
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,353
Oh!
- You okay, pal?
284
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:11,732
- Oh, I'm fine, thanks.
- Your shoes have no traction.
285
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,483
You gotta rock something like these.
286
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,819
Hey, what size are you?
- 11 wide.
287
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:19,281
No way. Foot twins.
Here, try these bad boys on.
288
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,784
Nick is literally giving him
the shoes off his feet.
289
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,746
Tell you what. Keep 'em.
I got another pair in back.
290
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,748
Now, you go out there
and follow your dreams.
291
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:29,666
I promise I'll make you proud.
292
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,127
I'm a little proud already.
293
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,883
♪ rock music ♪
294
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:38,884
[ding]
295
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:43,180
Uh, hey, would you mind
tossing me a ketchup packet?
296
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,015
Oh, sure thing, ace.
297
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,142
[sighs]
298
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:49,019
Oh, thanks. Uh, I only need one.
299
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:51,855
Nice arm, slugger.
[laughs]
300
00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,357
Thank you.
301
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,192
- Hey. Go long.
- Okay.
302
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,987
I caught it!
- Yeah, you did, champ!
303
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:02,366
[mouthing]
304
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:04,952
[ding]
305
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,453
♪ rock music ♪
306
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,957
[slams book]
[loud sigh]
307
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792
You okay?
308
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:16,588
Not really. Grad school is way too hard.
309
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,966
I think I'm gonna quit
and start an OnlyFans.
310
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,135
Do you think me washing my dog
in lingerie for money
311
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,554
is a good path for me?
312
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,265
I think...
313
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:29,935
you shouldn't let a moment
of frustration derail you.
314
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,521
Education's important.
You should stay in school.
315
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,273
♪ rock music ♪
316
00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:35,274
[ding]
317
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,819
But, end of the day,
318
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,612
it's your life and your body,
319
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,114
and anyone who tells you otherwise
320
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,408
is trying to stigmatize your sexuality
to control you.
321
00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,659
All work has dignity.
322
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,870
♪ rock music ♪
323
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:48,871
[ding]
324
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,334
Your dad is like
a Mr. Rogers-level good dude!
325
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,836
Great!
326
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,380
Okay, after his shift is over,
327
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,799
I'm gonna go in and introduce myself.
328
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,010
- Can I come, too?
- Me, too. We can all share your dad?
329
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,012
- No!
- O-Of course not.
330
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,973
Soph, we will give you some privacy.
331
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,017
[whispers]:
We'll come back and hang with him later.
332
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,476
Oh, my God, wait! I didn't tell
333
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,312
Charlie and Ellen that we found my dad,
334
00:14:13,312 --> 00:14:14,563
so can one of you guys?
335
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,606
Sure, sweetie.
336
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,857
They didn't.
337
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,234
♪ Pirates remix continues ♪
338
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,695
It's been an hour.
He has to take his shirt off next.
339
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,160
Come on!
340
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,496
Who strips from the bottom up?
341
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,668
[crying]
342
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,172
Dick? What's wrong?
343
00:14:40,172 --> 00:14:41,798
[whimpers]
344
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,300
I miss Dale.
345
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,971
[turns off boombox]
I haven't stripped since he passed away.
346
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,099
It-it just doesn't feel right to go
full nude without him here.
347
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,644
God, I totally understand.
348
00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:55,521
I mean, if Ellen and I
were a team of strippers,
349
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,648
a-and she pulled off
a daring stripper move
350
00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,025
and then got murdered
in a totally unrelated incident,
351
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,027
I don't think I'd ever strip again either.
352
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,279
Yes, you would.
353
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,240
Because you'd know that I'd want you
354
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,450
to shake that thing harder than ever.
355
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,826
For me.
356
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,328
For us.
357
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,122
And I bet that's what Dale
would want for you, too.
358
00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:16,625
You're right.
359
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,337
CHARLIE/RACHEL/ELLEN:
Strip. Strip. Strip.
360
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,882
Strip. Strip. Strip. Strip.
[restarts boombox]
361
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:27,511
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
- Dale! This is for you!
362
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,556
[faster]:
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
363
00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:31,974
- No barbed wire tattoo!
- Oh, man!
364
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,725
I-I mean...
365
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,686
[aroused]:
Oh, man...
366
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,897
Dick, we know you were lying
about going to Lollapalooza.
367
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,399
Why didn't you just tell the truth?
368
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,900
Bad memories.
369
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,694
Dale met his murderer at that festival.
370
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,452
[quiet sports chatter on TV]
371
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,039
Get there. Get there!
372
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:59,501
[crowd cheering on TV]
Yes! Let's go, Mets!
373
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,560
[laughs] You're lying!
374
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,312
I'm not! Hand to God,
375
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,105
I know all the words to the Macarena.
376
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481
Why?
377
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,901
When I was 12, it was my Everest.
378
00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:26,820
Alright. Put your phone away
379
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,906
'cause I got us a ridiculous
amount of barbecue,
380
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:30,699
a box of cigars, and a home brew kit.
381
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:31,783
'Cause I love you, man!
382
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,870
I-I don't know why I'm trying
to downplay it. I love you!
383
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:38,290
Okay... Thanks...
384
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,292
"Thanks." [scoffs]
385
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,294
Trying to get
our frickin' spark back, man.
386
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,545
Something's off with us.
387
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:47,049
Bro,
we are the Spam of friendship.
388
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,592
Okay? Our shelf life is forever.
389
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:49,885
Yeah, that's what I thought.
390
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,346
But you've been texting all day
with your new friend Taylor.
391
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:53,889
What? Who cares?
392
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:55,641
Taylor's great, but she's not you.
393
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,351
You complete me, bro!
394
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,853
Wow. Did I just come up with that?
- Wait, wait, wait.
395
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,064
Taylor's a woman?
- Yeah...
396
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,024
Did I not mention that?
397
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,526
No, you didn't.
398
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:07,736
Okay. Well, yeah, she is.
399
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:12,115
And where did you meet
this new girl... friend?
400
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,201
[scoffs] I don't know
why you're being so weird.
401
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,787
It's not even a big deal.
We met on a flight to LA.
402
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,539
She's also in
a long-distance relationship,
403
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,332
and we bonded over it. That's it.
404
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,125
- Got it.
- Yeah.
405
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,461
[sighs] It's just...
406
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,755
I mean, you've been
texting her a lot lately
407
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:28,423
like you do
when you're really into someone.
408
00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,426
Whatever. You know what?
You're the best guy I know,
409
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,929
and if you think this is innocent,
then it is. Alright? End of story.
410
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,558
Now, this homebrew kit said
it's gonna take 6 to 8 weeks,
411
00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,560
so let's just go to the bar, huh?
412
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,233
[text chimes]
413
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,819
It's settled.
414
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:51,780
You are singing me the Macarena
the next time we see each other.
415
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:55,617
Maybe... next Saturday?
416
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,245
My friends and I are doing karaoke
if you wanna come.
417
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:02,583
Taylor, I'm sorry.
I don't think we should talk anymore.
418
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,420
No worries.
419
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,838
I-I totally get it.
420
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,632
♪
421
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:17,639
JESSE:
Mm! This cake is delicious.
422
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:19,683
Try the balls. They're made of nuts.
423
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,560
Genius!
- Wow.
424
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,228
Oh hey, here she is. Hey, how'd it go?
425
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,480
I, um...
426
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,774
couldn't go through with it.
427
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,401
What happened?
428
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,404
I don't know.
I was about to introduce myself,
429
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,489
and then I realized that he's a Mets fan.
430
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,035
Fair. That's a brutal legacy to take on.
431
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,454
No. I realized
432
00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,664
that him being a Mets fan is just
433
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,792
one of a thousand things
that I don't know about him,
434
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,794
and catching up and learning
all of those things,
435
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,298
and then having to tell him
every little quirk about me,
436
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,593
I don't know. It felt like too much.
437
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,094
And maybe it's just...
438
00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,389
too late for us.
439
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,642
Or...
440
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,644
maybe today just wasn't the day.
441
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,103
You know? Totally.
442
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,271
It's not just that.
443
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,607
Even if we did get caught up
on all the little things,
444
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,526
who knows if he would even like me?
445
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:14,613
Soph, your dad is absolutely
gonna love you.
446
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:15,656
When you're ready.
447
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,450
Yeah.
448
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,285
When I am ready.
449
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,204
NICK:
Hi.
450
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:25,791
♪ Can't forget we only get what we give ♪
451
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:28,836
♪ Oh, you got the music in you ♪
452
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:31,213
♪ Don't let go ♪
453
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,549
♪ You've got the music in you ♪
454
00:19:33,549 --> 00:19:35,425
♪ One dance left ♪
455
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,845
♪ This world is gonna pull through ♪
456
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:39,721
♪ Don't give up ♪
457
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,974
♪ You've got a reason to live ♪
458
00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:43,934
♪ Don't forget ♪
459
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,186
♪ We only get what we give ♪
460
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,021
♪ Don't let go ♪
461
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,357
♪ You got the music in you ♪
462
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,276
♪ One dance left ♪
463
00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:54,570
♪ This world is gonna pull through ♪
464
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:56,488
♪ Don't give up ♪
465
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:58,824
♪ You've got a reason to live ♪
466
00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:00,784
♪ Don't forget... ♪
467
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:05,384
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