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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,939 Will the defendant please stand? 2 00:00:47,523 --> 00:00:52,528 Kempton Bunton, you are charged that on the 21st of March, 1961, 3 00:00:52,611 --> 00:00:57,491 you stole from the National Gallery the portrait of the Duke of Wellington 4 00:00:57,575 --> 00:01:03,121 by the artist Francisco Goya to the value of £140,000. 5 00:01:03,205 --> 00:01:05,332 How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? 6 00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:06,416 Not guilty. 7 00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:10,420 And that you created a public nuisance by depriving members of the public 8 00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,547 of the opportunity to view the portrait. 9 00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:14,842 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 10 00:01:14,925 --> 00:01:16,509 Same again, love. Not guilty. 11 00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:19,762 Mr. Cussen. 12 00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:22,515 Thank you, my lord. 13 00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:31,059 At this rate, you'll be giving that Shakespeare 14 00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:32,418 a run for his money. 15 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,922 Imagine if Jesus had been born a woman. 16 00:02:37,339 --> 00:02:38,465 Well, what's it called? 17 00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,467 The Adventures of Susan Christ. 18 00:02:42,636 --> 00:02:44,013 Not my cup of tea, then. 19 00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,557 Oh, well, you never know. 20 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,808 Recorded delivery? 21 00:02:48,975 --> 00:02:50,394 Aye. Good idea. 22 00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:52,646 That will be two shillings, Mr. Bunton. 23 00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:54,315 Come on, Mr. Singh. 24 00:02:54,398 --> 00:02:55,816 We know you're in there. 25 00:02:57,401 --> 00:02:58,444 I know he's in. 26 00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:01,822 - Harry? Come on. - All right. 27 00:03:01,905 --> 00:03:03,031 We'll come back. 28 00:03:03,114 --> 00:03:05,075 - I know he's in. - All right. 29 00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:06,368 He's cooking. 30 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,537 Right, cup of tea and then we'll go and do... 31 00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:09,955 Evening Chronicle. 32 00:03:10,038 --> 00:03:12,207 - How can I help you? - Is Barry Spence there, pet? 33 00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:14,501 - Just putting you through. - Thank you. 34 00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:17,713 Dorothy? 35 00:03:17,796 --> 00:03:18,797 I'm in here. 36 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,300 Dorothy, would you be a sweetie and just clean the heads for me? 37 00:03:22,383 --> 00:03:23,885 Oh, yes. Yes, of course. 38 00:03:23,969 --> 00:03:25,596 Uh, will I finish the fireplace first? 39 00:03:25,679 --> 00:03:28,557 It's entirely up to you, but I'm playing this afternoon. Busy, busy. 40 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,517 Oh, Dorothy, as I was passing Fenwick's the other day, 41 00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:33,937 I noticed that they had, um, a sign up. 42 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,439 "Storeman." Just in case your husband... 43 00:03:40,151 --> 00:03:41,820 Uh, I just mention it. 44 00:04:02,257 --> 00:04:04,717 - Mr. Bunton. - Curtain twitched. 45 00:04:09,764 --> 00:04:10,765 Dad! 46 00:04:13,351 --> 00:04:14,852 Post Office. In the street. 47 00:04:14,935 --> 00:04:17,021 I know. Buy me five minutes. 48 00:04:17,104 --> 00:04:19,732 - Mr. Bunton? - Cometh the hour, Jackie, lad. 49 00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:22,860 - Mr. Bunton? - Can I help? 50 00:04:22,943 --> 00:04:25,321 We're here to inspect your television license. 51 00:04:28,073 --> 00:04:29,074 Look at that. 52 00:04:30,284 --> 00:04:33,245 - What? - Fox. Big fella. 53 00:04:33,328 --> 00:04:36,123 Any house with a television is required to have a license. 54 00:04:36,666 --> 00:04:39,752 Our radar van detected a line output transformer signal 55 00:04:39,835 --> 00:04:40,836 from this address, 56 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,673 coming from a cathode ray tube this time last week. 57 00:04:43,756 --> 00:04:45,841 - We haven't got one of them. - That's a telly. 58 00:04:45,925 --> 00:04:48,468 Oh. Oh, we've got one of them. 59 00:04:48,552 --> 00:04:50,387 And do you have a license? 60 00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:51,471 In what sense? 61 00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:52,890 In the sense of having one 62 00:04:54,058 --> 00:04:55,225 or not having one. 63 00:04:56,185 --> 00:04:58,938 A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play. 64 00:04:59,021 --> 00:05:01,648 Gentlemen, join me. Robin Hood after the adverts. 65 00:05:01,731 --> 00:05:03,692 - Can we see your license, sir? - Don't need one. 66 00:05:03,775 --> 00:05:06,320 We only watch ITV, which is paid for by these. 67 00:05:06,403 --> 00:05:08,589 This is a mistake. I can go to the post office in the morning. 68 00:05:08,613 --> 00:05:11,033 This is no mistake. It is a political act. 69 00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:14,078 Witness, I cannot receive the BBC. 70 00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:15,912 To the left, ITV. 71 00:05:16,746 --> 00:05:19,624 I've taken the band-one coil from the turret tuner. 72 00:05:19,708 --> 00:05:23,295 - Here we go again. - My wife always supports me in private. 73 00:05:23,378 --> 00:05:27,216 It is thus physically impossible for this set to receive a televisual signal 74 00:05:27,299 --> 00:05:31,052 from the British Broadcasting Corporation, and that negates the imperative on me 75 00:05:31,135 --> 00:05:33,472 - to pay the license fee. - I've only got 16 bob here. 76 00:05:33,555 --> 00:05:35,866 - Jackie, fetch the kitty from the larder. - Don't you move. 77 00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:38,435 It's an unfair tax on ordinary people. 78 00:05:38,518 --> 00:05:41,355 Especially the oldies that can't afford it. 79 00:05:41,438 --> 00:05:44,816 Television, gentlemen, is the modern cure for loneliness. 80 00:05:44,899 --> 00:05:46,359 - We're a movement... - I'm not! 81 00:05:46,443 --> 00:05:48,319 Our aim is to persuade our government 82 00:05:48,402 --> 00:05:51,030 that old people should have free televisual viewing. 83 00:05:51,114 --> 00:05:53,575 Well, the law's the law, and no one's above it. 84 00:05:53,658 --> 00:05:55,159 Especially a nobody like you. 85 00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:57,954 Oi! You can't talk to me dad like that in his own house. 86 00:05:58,037 --> 00:05:59,873 - Or what? - You All right, Kempton? 87 00:05:59,956 --> 00:06:03,084 - Don't know, Barry. Never think about it. - You back again, stirring it. 88 00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:04,519 - Who are you? - Evening Chronicle. 89 00:06:04,543 --> 00:06:06,963 - Well, by statute... - Free TV for the OAP? 90 00:06:07,046 --> 00:06:08,422 I like it. 91 00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:11,009 I was pleased. Not a lot rhymes with TV. 92 00:06:11,092 --> 00:06:13,845 - I don't want this in the papers. - He does. That's why I'm here. 93 00:06:13,928 --> 00:06:17,598 Well, by statute, anyone owning a television needs a license. 94 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:22,728 Uh-huh. But I have modified this set by removing the BBC coil. 95 00:06:22,811 --> 00:06:24,688 So I owe the government nothing. 96 00:06:24,772 --> 00:06:26,899 That is an unarguable proposition 97 00:06:26,983 --> 00:06:29,318 and certainly sound in law. 98 00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:30,611 Hold it. 99 00:06:35,158 --> 00:06:37,243 - Thank you. - Now, then, Bunton. 100 00:06:51,089 --> 00:06:52,132 Sorry, Dad. 101 00:06:53,884 --> 00:06:55,260 Where to? Home? 102 00:06:55,343 --> 00:06:56,554 Marian. 103 00:07:06,104 --> 00:07:07,272 Sorry, love. 104 00:07:09,942 --> 00:07:11,193 Porridge. 105 00:07:13,153 --> 00:07:14,529 Thirteen days. 106 00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:19,242 Broke the law. 107 00:07:22,079 --> 00:07:23,330 Upset your mother. 108 00:07:24,122 --> 00:07:25,248 Again. 109 00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:36,927 - Why doesn't Mam ever come? - Don't know, Jackie. 110 00:07:37,010 --> 00:07:38,720 You'll have to ask her that yourself. 111 00:07:45,143 --> 00:07:47,520 When England faced its Waterloo, 112 00:07:47,604 --> 00:07:49,272 one man stood firm. 113 00:07:49,356 --> 00:07:50,398 This man. 114 00:07:50,482 --> 00:07:53,067 Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington. 115 00:07:53,151 --> 00:07:55,362 And when last week, this historic portrait 116 00:07:55,445 --> 00:07:57,530 was in danger of leaving the country forever, 117 00:07:57,614 --> 00:07:59,491 we also stood firm, 118 00:07:59,574 --> 00:08:04,787 raising the £140,000 required to secure it for us all. 119 00:08:04,871 --> 00:08:05,955 Was it really worth it? 120 00:08:09,876 --> 00:08:13,671 I mean, looking at it, it's not very big, is it? 121 00:08:15,965 --> 00:08:17,216 Sir Philip? 122 00:08:17,299 --> 00:08:19,051 Well, um, 123 00:08:19,677 --> 00:08:25,307 it's an outstanding example of late-period Goya. 124 00:08:25,933 --> 00:08:28,728 It really is. Outstanding. 125 00:08:28,811 --> 00:08:31,230 And at the National Gallery in London, 126 00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:32,899 the home secretary unveiled Goya's... 127 00:08:32,982 --> 00:08:35,777 This is champion, love. Bit of mustard? 128 00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,195 You had servants in prison, did you? 129 00:08:38,279 --> 00:08:40,156 You know I don't like getting up. 130 00:08:40,239 --> 00:08:41,782 - I'll get it, Dad. - No, you won't. 131 00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:43,200 The Iron Duke, I think... 132 00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:44,285 Jackie. 133 00:08:44,368 --> 00:08:45,762 ...embodies our own national character. 134 00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,038 Courage, resolve... 135 00:08:47,121 --> 00:08:48,956 Not the Duke of bloody Wellington. 136 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,582 ...refusal to countenance defeat. 137 00:08:52,543 --> 00:08:54,003 I sold one of me boats. 138 00:08:54,086 --> 00:08:56,047 So you didn't go to night class? 139 00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:57,673 Thought you'd be happy for us. 140 00:08:57,756 --> 00:08:59,776 I'd be happier if you were getting yourself qualified. 141 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,635 What's the armada down to, then? 142 00:09:01,718 --> 00:09:02,803 Just the one left. 143 00:09:02,886 --> 00:09:04,763 At any price, Home Secretary? 144 00:09:04,846 --> 00:09:06,307 Well, we're not in the business 145 00:09:06,390 --> 00:09:08,475 of putting a price on the nation's heritage. 146 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,227 They don't have to. 147 00:09:10,311 --> 00:09:13,272 It's the taxpayer, you and me, Jackie, that's paid for that painting. 148 00:09:13,355 --> 00:09:15,774 Since when have you paid any tax? 149 00:09:15,857 --> 00:09:17,609 "Welcome home, Kempton." 150 00:09:17,693 --> 00:09:19,528 You know what's going off here, Jackie? 151 00:09:19,611 --> 00:09:21,780 Toffs, looking after their own. 152 00:09:21,863 --> 00:09:23,615 Spending our hard-earned money 153 00:09:23,699 --> 00:09:26,910 on a half-baked portrait by some Spanish drunk 154 00:09:26,993 --> 00:09:29,204 of a duke who was a bastard to his men 155 00:09:29,287 --> 00:09:31,498 and who voted against universal suffrage. 156 00:09:31,582 --> 00:09:33,625 - Against what? - The vote. 157 00:09:33,709 --> 00:09:35,919 The Duke of Wellington didn't want you to have a say 158 00:09:36,002 --> 00:09:38,296 in how this country was run when he was prime minister. 159 00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:40,421 Think what they could have done with all that money. 160 00:09:40,465 --> 00:09:43,259 Given thousands and thousands of free TV licenses 161 00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:45,303 to war widows and pensioners, that's what. 162 00:09:45,386 --> 00:09:48,181 Are these speeches of yours going to put food on the table? 163 00:09:48,264 --> 00:09:50,641 You can stop that, Dolly. I'm back on the taxis tomorrow. 164 00:09:50,725 --> 00:09:53,186 ...has yet been taken by the British government 165 00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,688 on the question of the Common Market. 166 00:09:55,771 --> 00:09:57,315 "One who hopes." 167 00:09:57,398 --> 00:09:59,025 Translated from what, I couldn't say. 168 00:09:59,109 --> 00:10:00,860 Esperanto, presumably. 169 00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:02,820 I'm not paying for conversation. 170 00:10:03,529 --> 00:10:04,990 I'll keep my trap shut, then. 171 00:10:05,948 --> 00:10:08,076 In fact, he was a Polish eye doctor. 172 00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:09,785 L. L. Zamenhof. 173 00:10:09,869 --> 00:10:12,288 His dream was to bring humanity together 174 00:10:12,372 --> 00:10:14,832 by means of a universal common language. 175 00:10:23,799 --> 00:10:25,760 Fucking hell. 176 00:10:25,843 --> 00:10:28,346 - What you doing, kidder? - Putting a cabin on it. 177 00:10:29,179 --> 00:10:30,556 Boat building, eh? 178 00:10:31,599 --> 00:10:34,059 Swan Hunter will be shitting themselves. 179 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,147 You gonna live on it? Get out the house? 180 00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:40,566 I sell them on as working boats. 181 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,488 - What are you doing home? - Ah, keeping me head down. 182 00:10:46,363 --> 00:10:47,698 Are you in trouble? 183 00:10:48,866 --> 00:10:50,159 Not in Newcastle. 184 00:10:53,746 --> 00:10:55,122 Got a little job for youse. 185 00:10:57,875 --> 00:10:59,168 I wanna keep me nose clean. 186 00:10:59,251 --> 00:11:00,311 - I'll source the car. - Nah. 187 00:11:00,335 --> 00:11:01,855 You just have to drive it and get rid of it. 188 00:11:01,879 --> 00:11:03,630 - Nah! I said no! - Well, you did it before. 189 00:11:03,713 --> 00:11:05,507 Yeah, and I regret it. 190 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:06,801 Well, think about it. 191 00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,428 A business opportunity. 192 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,557 How's hostilities? 193 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,435 He's writing away, and Mam's scrubbing the world clean. 194 00:11:19,271 --> 00:11:20,897 Bloody Marian. 195 00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:24,109 Aye. Bloody Marian. 196 00:11:31,408 --> 00:11:33,117 She normally sleeps through. 197 00:11:33,202 --> 00:11:36,162 It'll be fine. Don't worry. She knows you. She likes you. 198 00:11:36,246 --> 00:11:37,664 Oh, Dorothy, would you mind? 199 00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:39,749 Sorry. 200 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,959 Ah. 201 00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:42,586 I've always liked this dress. 202 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,589 Oh, it's taffeta. I hate it. It's so uncomfortable. 203 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,800 Darling, it's 7:30 for 8:00, not 8:30 for 10:00! 204 00:11:48,883 --> 00:11:51,511 Gordon Bennett. Thank you, Dorothy. 205 00:11:54,889 --> 00:11:57,225 So, what is it tonight? 206 00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,060 Golf club gala. 207 00:11:59,769 --> 00:12:02,856 - The only time they let the ladies in. - Don't you play there? 208 00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:04,566 Oh, God, no. 209 00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:06,484 It would be the end of civilization. 210 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:11,322 So, is your, um... Is your husband out? 211 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,745 I mean, back? I saw the paper. 212 00:12:18,788 --> 00:12:20,915 - Do you want me to stop coming? - No. 213 00:12:24,127 --> 00:12:25,962 No, no. It's... 214 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:27,964 It's fine, Dorothy. 215 00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:30,674 We're very happy with you, really. 216 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,471 I don't want to cause your husband any embarrassment. 217 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,931 Oh, no. No, we couldn't possibly have that. 218 00:12:38,015 --> 00:12:39,392 My husband the councilor. 219 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:43,871 It's a real conundrum, though, isn't it? 220 00:12:44,688 --> 00:12:47,733 I mean, if you can't receive the BBC, 221 00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:51,028 why should you pay the tax? 222 00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,406 I'll see you later. 223 00:12:57,326 --> 00:12:58,494 Any time this week. 224 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:00,496 It doesn't take five minutes to look like this. 225 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,581 - Let's just get going. - Where's my bag? 226 00:13:02,665 --> 00:13:04,249 - On the ottoman. - - Have you got keys? 227 00:13:04,332 --> 00:13:06,293 - We don't need keys. - I'm not driving. 228 00:13:07,461 --> 00:13:11,048 Susan, I'm not going down. 229 00:13:24,644 --> 00:13:26,604 You'd like this one, love. 230 00:13:31,819 --> 00:13:34,571 - Get yourself in there. - Would you take it easy? 231 00:13:34,654 --> 00:13:36,239 - Return of the prodigal son. - Oh! 232 00:13:36,323 --> 00:13:37,699 Don't give him any money. 233 00:13:37,782 --> 00:13:39,117 I haven't got any. 234 00:13:39,201 --> 00:13:40,618 Where have you two been? 235 00:13:40,702 --> 00:13:42,537 - The Green Tree. - Traitors. 236 00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:45,373 - Are you still barred from there? - A pint in there isn't a pint. 237 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,542 Oh, you could start a fight in a ploughed field, you. 238 00:13:47,625 --> 00:13:49,877 He accused me of nicking their toilet rolls. 239 00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:52,589 - You were. - I was, aye, but he had no evidence. 240 00:13:52,672 --> 00:13:54,216 - Habeas corpus. - You're an idiot. 241 00:13:54,299 --> 00:13:57,093 - Leave him alone, Mam. - Fish pie, Kenny? You look thin. 242 00:13:57,177 --> 00:13:58,720 What are you fussing around him for? 243 00:13:58,803 --> 00:14:00,763 For a change from fussing around you. 244 00:14:00,847 --> 00:14:03,975 Babycham for the lady. Dad, yours. 245 00:14:04,058 --> 00:14:05,244 - Thank you. - A bottle of brown. 246 00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:08,062 Now, be sure and use the coasters. You're not in Leeds now. 247 00:14:08,145 --> 00:14:10,690 Yeah, civilization here. 248 00:14:10,773 --> 00:14:13,485 - Put the news on, Dolly. - We haven't got a license. 249 00:14:13,568 --> 00:14:14,819 Whose side are you on? 250 00:14:14,902 --> 00:14:18,155 My side. I'm not turning that goggle-box on. 251 00:14:18,698 --> 00:14:21,117 A toast. To the Buntons. 252 00:14:22,076 --> 00:14:24,120 - Happy families. - Happy families. 253 00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:25,997 Fans flock like swallows in the spring 254 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,206 to the National Gallery... 255 00:14:27,289 --> 00:14:28,916 Not that sodding painting again. 256 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,377 National treasure? It's the poor bloody foot soldiers 257 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:33,630 that won his battles for him we should be celebrating. 258 00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:35,256 ♪ Kick down ♪ 259 00:14:35,339 --> 00:14:36,841 - ♪ Every door! ♪ - Quiet. 260 00:14:36,924 --> 00:14:39,802 ♪ -That's what doors are there for ♪ - Quiet! Quiet! 261 00:14:39,886 --> 00:14:41,428 I hope you're proud of yourself. 262 00:14:41,512 --> 00:14:44,355 They don't swallow what the establishment tells them. I'm proud of that. 263 00:14:45,724 --> 00:14:48,769 - Am I making a bed up for you? - Aye, couple of nights, Mam. 264 00:14:48,853 --> 00:14:51,022 She'll miss you, your dolly bird. 265 00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:53,107 Who we talking about? 266 00:14:53,190 --> 00:14:55,168 - Her that's married? Pammy? - She's separated, Mam. 267 00:14:55,192 --> 00:14:56,962 If she's not divorced, she's still a married woman. 268 00:14:56,986 --> 00:14:58,279 She was only married two months. 269 00:14:58,362 --> 00:15:00,007 Don't you go down that road, Jackie Bunton. 270 00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:01,782 I'm the devil incarnate, me. 271 00:15:01,865 --> 00:15:03,867 We don't know anything about your life in Leeds. 272 00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:06,953 - Plenty of cash, never in work. - I'm in construction. 273 00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:08,372 It's seasonal. 274 00:15:08,455 --> 00:15:10,142 You're always welcome here. Back room's yours. 275 00:15:10,166 --> 00:15:12,584 I wouldn't be surprised to hear she's in the family way. 276 00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:15,587 - Oh, fuck it. I've had enough. - I'll not have language in this house. 277 00:15:15,671 --> 00:15:18,674 - See you later, Dad. It's been lovely. - No. I said you're welcome. 278 00:15:18,757 --> 00:15:20,259 - I'm welcome. - Always welcome. 279 00:15:20,342 --> 00:15:22,612 Yeah, I heard you, all right? I'm never welcome in this house. 280 00:15:22,636 --> 00:15:23,887 I just don't want any swearing. 281 00:15:23,970 --> 00:15:25,365 You wonder why I take months away... 282 00:15:25,389 --> 00:15:26,973 I'll go and be United Nations. 283 00:15:27,057 --> 00:15:29,518 All I ask is for you just not to swear. 284 00:15:29,601 --> 00:15:31,322 The portrait of the first Duke of Wellington 285 00:15:31,352 --> 00:15:32,854 set a record price for a Goya. 286 00:15:32,938 --> 00:15:34,856 It was knocked down to an American 287 00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:38,527 after 90 seconds for £140,000. 288 00:15:40,571 --> 00:15:42,656 ♪ ...If you don't want money? ♪ 289 00:15:42,739 --> 00:15:45,450 ♪ What do you want If you don't want gold? ♪ 290 00:15:56,461 --> 00:15:58,839 I might have the body of a weak and feeble woman... 291 00:15:58,922 --> 00:16:00,381 Elizabeth I. 292 00:16:00,465 --> 00:16:02,843 ...but I've got the testicles of Henry VIII. 293 00:16:03,509 --> 00:16:06,972 You are three and tenpence short on yesterday, Bunton. 294 00:16:07,055 --> 00:16:09,265 Aye, an old fella. Skint. 295 00:16:09,349 --> 00:16:10,808 Why's he taking taxis, then? 296 00:16:10,891 --> 00:16:12,643 He's a war veteran. Can't walk. 297 00:16:12,727 --> 00:16:16,439 I am running a taxi firm, not a charity. 298 00:16:16,522 --> 00:16:19,650 - Take it out me wages. - I've had complaints. 299 00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:24,071 One, you talk too much, and, two, it's utter bollocks. 300 00:16:24,155 --> 00:16:26,991 You're sacked, with immediate effect. 301 00:16:27,074 --> 00:16:29,910 - I haven't been paid. - Sue me, then. 302 00:16:30,453 --> 00:16:32,037 But fuck off first. 303 00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:34,749 Oh, hello. Yes. 304 00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:38,419 I'll just take the address, please. Thank you. 305 00:16:41,296 --> 00:16:43,799 Thank you very much. Be there in a tick. 306 00:16:45,426 --> 00:16:47,219 There is nothing more powerful 307 00:16:47,302 --> 00:16:50,723 than when a community discovers what it cares about. 308 00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:57,312 And when a man accepts our essential interdependence, 309 00:16:58,355 --> 00:17:01,942 in that moment he, or she, 310 00:17:02,026 --> 00:17:03,485 becomes a woman. 311 00:17:06,321 --> 00:17:07,614 Or a man. 312 00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:10,659 As the case may be. 313 00:17:12,327 --> 00:17:13,620 How many have you got? 314 00:17:14,121 --> 00:17:16,957 The petition's only one part of the campaign. 315 00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:19,084 - Three? - Well, we've just set up. 316 00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,795 Kempton Bunton? That's not even a real name. 317 00:17:26,008 --> 00:17:28,052 Rome wasn't built in a day, Jackie. 318 00:17:28,635 --> 00:17:31,263 But, then again, I wasn't on that particular job. 319 00:17:31,346 --> 00:17:34,683 Oh, hello. Didn't know you were political, Jackie Bunton. 320 00:17:35,642 --> 00:17:38,102 Yeah, it's me dad. His latest campaign. 321 00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,189 Me nan would love a telly. 322 00:17:40,272 --> 00:17:42,607 Why don't you sign my petition, then, love? 323 00:17:43,107 --> 00:17:45,402 Uh... I don't know about that. 324 00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:50,031 The hat suits ya. 325 00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:54,828 I'd like to sign, Mr. Bunton. 326 00:17:56,663 --> 00:17:58,832 Unless you have any objections. 327 00:17:58,915 --> 00:18:01,460 Au contraire, Mrs. Gowling. Au contraire. 328 00:18:02,418 --> 00:18:03,837 Thank you. 329 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,797 Now, where do I put my paw print? 330 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,299 Just there, please. 331 00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:25,399 If Jackie goes to the bad, I'm holding you responsible. 332 00:18:25,483 --> 00:18:27,276 That'll be the straw, I promise you. 333 00:18:27,902 --> 00:18:30,905 You can do your petitions and write your plays in prison. 334 00:18:30,989 --> 00:18:33,366 They'll do your cooking and your washing for you and all. 335 00:18:33,449 --> 00:18:36,077 - But I've had it. - I've had it up to here. 336 00:18:42,791 --> 00:18:43,959 Peace offering. 337 00:18:58,432 --> 00:19:01,059 - Good dunkers, them ginger nuts. - What do you want? 338 00:19:02,185 --> 00:19:03,896 A pact. 339 00:19:05,314 --> 00:19:08,859 Two days in London. Give me two days. 340 00:19:08,942 --> 00:19:12,070 Then I'll be back for good. Get a job. Keep me head down. 341 00:19:12,154 --> 00:19:14,364 I didn't come down in the last shower, you know. 342 00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:15,908 Promise. Two days. 343 00:19:17,284 --> 00:19:19,662 To change anything, you have to go to Parliament. 344 00:19:19,745 --> 00:19:21,622 You're wasting your life. 345 00:19:21,705 --> 00:19:23,541 How do you eat an elephant? 346 00:19:24,082 --> 00:19:27,377 - Who eats elephants? - One bite at a time. 347 00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:28,796 Stop this. 348 00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:32,966 Please, Kempton. Please, love, please. 349 00:19:35,385 --> 00:19:38,972 I'm begging you. Stop all your agitation. 350 00:19:39,056 --> 00:19:40,432 Two days, that's all. 351 00:19:40,515 --> 00:19:43,476 If I hit a brick wall down there, that will be the end of it. 352 00:19:44,102 --> 00:19:45,562 Two days, that's all I need. 353 00:19:45,645 --> 00:19:47,814 Then I swear to God, it'll be the last of it. 354 00:19:47,898 --> 00:19:50,192 The plays, the politics, the lot. 355 00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:53,570 Two days. 356 00:19:54,571 --> 00:19:56,989 One last chance. 357 00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:24,642 Do you have an appointment? 358 00:20:24,726 --> 00:20:27,729 - He'll want to see me. - I'm sorry? 359 00:20:27,812 --> 00:20:29,814 I've sent him my trilogy of plays, 360 00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:33,025 each one tackling a different aspect of social injustice. 361 00:20:33,526 --> 00:20:35,987 - He's not here. - Not here? 362 00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:37,905 He's gone to Granada. 363 00:20:37,989 --> 00:20:41,993 - Granada Television? - No, Granada in Spain. 364 00:20:43,244 --> 00:20:44,495 I could wait. 365 00:20:46,497 --> 00:20:47,581 Right. 366 00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,218 There you go, sir. 367 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:11,230 I need to speak to the boss, love. It's urgent. 368 00:21:11,313 --> 00:21:12,606 He's over there. 369 00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:15,359 - Sir, I have a story. - Is that right? 370 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,319 - It's a campaign... - I don't do campaigns. 371 00:21:17,403 --> 00:21:19,988 - It's about social injustice. - I don't do social injustice. 372 00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,553 - Can I buy you... - I don't do lunch. 373 00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:25,911 Another time. 374 00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,126 Friends, members, 375 00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,879 citizens of this great mother of Parliament... 376 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,339 Members, representatives, reps... 377 00:21:38,424 --> 00:21:40,008 Friends, reps... 378 00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:42,260 I come here, not... 379 00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:51,519 Friends, 380 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:53,855 fellow citizens, 381 00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:58,026 elected representatives of this noble house, 382 00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:00,028 lend me your ears. 383 00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:03,281 - Let's just move along. - I come not to make a protest, 384 00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:04,825 but to demand of this government... 385 00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:06,367 It's all right. 386 00:24:03,232 --> 00:24:04,275 Bugger. 387 00:24:40,937 --> 00:24:43,606 The portrait was missing when the first shift of attendants 388 00:24:43,689 --> 00:24:46,192 reported for duty here at 7:00 this morning. 389 00:24:46,275 --> 00:24:49,778 When the gallery closed last night, the Goya was still in its usual place. 390 00:24:49,862 --> 00:24:52,424 The National Gallery is appealing to anybody who was here yesterday 391 00:24:52,448 --> 00:24:55,534 and who saw anything or anybody they think was suspicious 392 00:24:55,618 --> 00:24:56,886 to get in touch with the police. 393 00:24:56,910 --> 00:24:58,722 Will it be out of the country already, Commissioner? 394 00:24:58,746 --> 00:25:02,791 Well, looking at the degree of planning and expertise involved, 395 00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:05,919 we're convinced that the Goya has been stolen to order 396 00:25:06,003 --> 00:25:11,049 by a well-funded, highly professional international criminal gang. 397 00:25:11,133 --> 00:25:13,302 Any suspects so far? 398 00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:15,137 It's not very good, is it? 399 00:25:18,098 --> 00:25:19,349 What about the police? 400 00:25:19,433 --> 00:25:21,644 No one's looking for the Duke of Wellington in Benwell. 401 00:25:21,727 --> 00:25:23,812 Christ! 402 00:25:23,896 --> 00:25:24,897 Don't touch it! 403 00:25:25,814 --> 00:25:27,107 Jesus Christ. 404 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,028 Christ is the man we need right now. 405 00:25:31,111 --> 00:25:32,821 - How come? - Carpenter. 406 00:25:33,571 --> 00:25:36,408 Someone who knows how to put a false back on that wardrobe. 407 00:25:37,034 --> 00:25:39,369 - I can do that. - Get on with it, then. 408 00:25:50,797 --> 00:25:54,092 - Communication. - Cut letters out the paper. 409 00:25:54,176 --> 00:25:55,177 No, do that, 410 00:25:55,260 --> 00:25:57,947 and you'd be telling them what paper you read, what glue you've got in the house, 411 00:25:57,971 --> 00:26:00,015 whether you use right- or left-handed scissors. 412 00:26:00,098 --> 00:26:02,309 That's three coordinates, and they've got you. 413 00:26:02,392 --> 00:26:05,020 That's why this letter cannot be posted from Newcastle. 414 00:26:05,103 --> 00:26:07,689 "Query not that I have the Goya. 415 00:26:07,772 --> 00:26:12,026 The act is an attempt to pick the pockets of those who love art more than charity." 416 00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:14,529 Bit of Robin Hood. Like that. 417 00:26:15,197 --> 00:26:16,656 - Mam. - Christ. 418 00:26:21,118 --> 00:26:23,955 - How was Aunt Betty? - Why are you wearing rubber gloves? 419 00:26:24,038 --> 00:26:26,123 Varnish. Been on the boat. 420 00:26:26,207 --> 00:26:28,668 - Hello, pet. - Oh, you're back. 421 00:26:28,751 --> 00:26:30,712 Didn't bring down the government, then? 422 00:26:30,795 --> 00:26:33,465 Ah, well, I exercised my democratic right. 423 00:26:33,548 --> 00:26:36,258 Now it's up to them. What matters is I'm back. 424 00:26:36,342 --> 00:26:38,595 So, you'll be going to the labor exchange. 425 00:26:38,678 --> 00:26:41,055 Tomorrow. First thing. Shall I put the kettle on? 426 00:26:41,138 --> 00:26:44,141 If you think it'll go with your outfit. 427 00:26:44,225 --> 00:26:47,854 So, you're gonna keep your name out of the papers? 428 00:26:47,937 --> 00:26:50,147 Aye, well, there's no reason for me 429 00:26:50,231 --> 00:26:52,649 to be of any interest to the press ever again. 430 00:26:52,734 --> 00:26:54,526 Why are you wearing rubber gloves? 431 00:26:55,569 --> 00:26:57,404 Uh, that blocked drain. 432 00:26:57,488 --> 00:26:59,115 We don't have a blocked drain. 433 00:26:59,740 --> 00:27:00,867 Next door's. 434 00:27:01,575 --> 00:27:03,870 We don't talk to next door. 435 00:27:03,953 --> 00:27:05,621 You've gotta build bridges. 436 00:27:12,003 --> 00:27:14,005 Paris, Vienna, then London... 437 00:27:14,088 --> 00:27:16,132 - I'm off. - Where to? 438 00:27:16,215 --> 00:27:17,924 Rainbow Rooms. 439 00:27:18,009 --> 00:27:20,469 Why in God's name would you want to go to a club 440 00:27:20,552 --> 00:27:22,138 with music and drinking and girls... 441 00:27:22,221 --> 00:27:23,698 - Take care. - ...when you could stop in 442 00:27:23,722 --> 00:27:25,266 and watch telly with me and your mam? 443 00:27:25,349 --> 00:27:27,070 Don't drink too much if you're on that bike. 444 00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:28,560 I'll be careful. See you later, Dad. 445 00:27:28,644 --> 00:27:30,396 - And wear your helmet. - Bye. 446 00:27:36,318 --> 00:27:37,653 Now, then. 447 00:27:37,736 --> 00:27:39,405 Oh, no. What have I done? 448 00:27:39,488 --> 00:27:42,949 Kempton Bunton, I want you to swear to me 449 00:27:43,033 --> 00:27:45,076 that you've given up all your nonsense. 450 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,453 I swear. 451 00:27:47,370 --> 00:27:49,456 - I swear. - Promise. 452 00:27:49,540 --> 00:27:51,667 Dolly, love, I've learnt my lesson. 453 00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:53,043 No more secrets? 454 00:27:53,126 --> 00:27:56,630 Nothing. Rien. Nada. I promise. 455 00:27:57,964 --> 00:28:02,343 Meanwhile, the hunt for the missing Goya portrait continues. 456 00:28:02,427 --> 00:28:05,138 I feel I can profile the thief pretty well. 457 00:28:05,221 --> 00:28:07,307 He's most likely highly physically tuned, 458 00:28:07,390 --> 00:28:09,935 almost certainly a trained commando, 459 00:28:10,018 --> 00:28:11,102 or ex-special forces. 460 00:28:13,271 --> 00:28:15,773 - You all right? - Do you expect the criminals 461 00:28:15,857 --> 00:28:17,775 - to eventually make contact? - Bit of biscuit. 462 00:28:17,859 --> 00:28:21,112 We are expecting some communication from the thieves. 463 00:28:21,196 --> 00:28:23,364 When it comes, we will respond. 464 00:28:26,826 --> 00:28:30,955 You remember Fat Stan, track marshal at the dogs? 465 00:28:31,039 --> 00:28:32,040 What? 466 00:28:32,123 --> 00:28:36,419 Well, his brother-in-law, Gert, nice fella, Dutch, 467 00:28:36,502 --> 00:28:40,548 well, he's foreman at this plastics injection molding plant, 468 00:28:40,631 --> 00:28:43,259 and he said to Fat Stan that there's a job going. 469 00:28:43,343 --> 00:28:44,927 But it's 10:00 at night. 470 00:28:45,678 --> 00:28:48,598 - He's on nights. - Who? Gert or Stan? 471 00:28:49,181 --> 00:28:51,058 Stan. I mean Gert. 472 00:28:52,142 --> 00:28:55,438 He's night-shift foreman. At night. 473 00:28:58,273 --> 00:29:01,276 I wouldn't expect I'll be long, but don't wait up. 474 00:29:03,779 --> 00:29:05,615 And as the noose tightens... 475 00:29:05,698 --> 00:29:07,867 - Ta-ra! - ...around the gang responsible, 476 00:29:07,950 --> 00:29:12,079 the National Gallery announce a £5,000 reward... 477 00:29:12,162 --> 00:29:13,623 ...for information. 478 00:29:23,758 --> 00:29:26,093 - How far are you going? - Morecambe Bay. 479 00:29:26,176 --> 00:29:28,470 Morecambe Bay will be just champion. 480 00:29:33,893 --> 00:29:35,602 Would you like a wine gum? 481 00:31:30,883 --> 00:31:32,259 What are you doing? 482 00:31:34,427 --> 00:31:35,804 Have you read this one? 483 00:31:37,389 --> 00:31:39,933 - What's it called? - The Girl on the Bicycle. 484 00:31:41,769 --> 00:31:44,730 No. And I don't think you should either. 485 00:31:44,813 --> 00:31:48,025 - So you have read it? - He's told me what it's about. 486 00:31:48,108 --> 00:31:49,484 Making money out of our grief. 487 00:31:49,567 --> 00:31:51,444 - It's just writing. - Well, it's wrong. 488 00:31:51,528 --> 00:31:54,406 Well, what else can he do? You'll never talk about it. 489 00:31:54,489 --> 00:31:57,284 What's there to talk about? It's done, isn't it? 490 00:31:59,619 --> 00:32:00,787 She's dead. 491 00:32:09,462 --> 00:32:10,797 I'm back! 492 00:32:18,054 --> 00:32:19,639 Where'd you find that? 493 00:32:19,722 --> 00:32:21,599 In the wardrobe in the back room. 494 00:32:22,225 --> 00:32:23,976 What were you doing in there? 495 00:32:24,060 --> 00:32:25,187 I live here. 496 00:32:38,282 --> 00:32:41,160 They've got that West Side Story on at the ABC, Percy Street. 497 00:32:41,243 --> 00:32:42,328 Do you fancy it tomorrow? 498 00:32:42,412 --> 00:32:45,331 We can't afford to waste money going to the pictures. 499 00:32:57,343 --> 00:33:01,138 It's Romeo and Juliet, but with singing and dancing, 500 00:33:01,222 --> 00:33:04,100 and it's set in New York, not Stratford-upon-Avon. 501 00:33:08,896 --> 00:33:11,148 - How far have you got? - Far enough. 502 00:33:11,232 --> 00:33:12,233 It's not Marian. 503 00:33:12,316 --> 00:33:14,526 There's a girl, dies in a bicycle crash. 504 00:33:14,610 --> 00:33:16,904 That girl's knocked off her bike by a bus in town. 505 00:33:16,988 --> 00:33:19,656 Our Marian came off her bike going downhill in the country. 506 00:33:19,740 --> 00:33:21,582 - Who's read this? - Nobody, I shouldn't think. 507 00:33:21,658 --> 00:33:23,452 I've only sent one copy out. 508 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,371 Who to? 509 00:33:25,871 --> 00:33:27,706 Telly. 510 00:33:29,208 --> 00:33:32,128 So the world and his wife's gonna know. 511 00:33:32,211 --> 00:33:34,963 - You've never let me talk about it. - Grief's private. 512 00:33:35,046 --> 00:33:38,509 I bought her that bike. If I'd got her anything else, she'd still be alive. 513 00:33:38,592 --> 00:33:40,010 Well, she isn't. 514 00:34:24,095 --> 00:34:25,305 Carry on. 515 00:34:25,388 --> 00:34:28,308 Pedal. That's it! Go on! 516 00:34:28,391 --> 00:34:30,977 Keep going! Keep going! 517 00:34:32,938 --> 00:34:34,230 Well done! 518 00:34:37,483 --> 00:34:38,776 He's not a writer. 519 00:34:38,859 --> 00:34:40,736 He has pretensions, but he can't write. 520 00:34:41,404 --> 00:34:43,823 - Where was it posted? - Morecambe. 521 00:34:43,906 --> 00:34:45,866 He's not an educated man. 522 00:34:45,950 --> 00:34:47,827 Could he be Italian? 523 00:34:47,910 --> 00:34:49,787 No. British. Northern. 524 00:34:49,870 --> 00:34:51,414 This comma here tells us a lot. 525 00:34:51,497 --> 00:34:52,998 How do you mean? 526 00:34:53,082 --> 00:34:56,001 It's gratuitous. It evidences poor education. 527 00:34:56,085 --> 00:34:57,920 - He's an autodidact. - A car mechanic? 528 00:34:59,380 --> 00:35:02,299 He's self-taught, over a lifetime. 529 00:35:02,383 --> 00:35:04,176 I'd put him somewhere in his late 50s. 530 00:35:04,259 --> 00:35:07,262 So, uh, what's his mental state, then? 531 00:35:08,388 --> 00:35:12,477 "The act is an attempt to pick the pockets of those who love art more than charity." 532 00:35:13,352 --> 00:35:15,855 He's a fantasist who believes he's an idealist. 533 00:35:15,938 --> 00:35:17,523 A kind of Don Quixote. 534 00:35:17,607 --> 00:35:19,900 Oh, the, uh... The windmill fella. 535 00:35:21,026 --> 00:35:24,321 He'll be active in his community, known for his local campaigns. 536 00:35:24,404 --> 00:35:27,449 Parking, litter, pub hours, that sort of thing. 537 00:35:27,532 --> 00:35:29,451 Thank you. That's very helpful. 538 00:35:31,578 --> 00:35:32,747 My pleasure. 539 00:35:34,874 --> 00:35:37,001 - Could someone sign me out? - I wouldn't dare. 540 00:35:37,084 --> 00:35:39,128 You'd be telling everybody what I had for breakfast. 541 00:35:45,759 --> 00:35:48,137 - Nice arse. - You're a married man, Reg. 542 00:35:48,220 --> 00:35:50,264 I can look at the menu as long as I eat at home. 543 00:35:50,347 --> 00:35:51,988 So has this fella got the painting, then? 544 00:35:52,016 --> 00:35:54,809 Time-wasting bastard. He's just after the reward. 545 00:35:54,893 --> 00:35:55,894 Yeah. 546 00:35:55,977 --> 00:35:57,604 The Italians still favourite, then? 547 00:35:57,687 --> 00:35:59,731 That's where the clever money is. 548 00:36:10,033 --> 00:36:13,119 - My first day. - Might be your last. 549 00:36:22,504 --> 00:36:23,963 Watch these ones, man. 550 00:36:24,047 --> 00:36:26,466 They're fast. Get three like bricks, yeah? 551 00:36:32,388 --> 00:36:34,641 In the future, they'll have robots doing this. 552 00:36:34,724 --> 00:36:36,685 Yeah, I can't wait. 553 00:36:36,768 --> 00:36:40,897 The likes of me and you will spend our day developing our minds 554 00:36:40,980 --> 00:36:43,149 with literature and orchestral concerts. 555 00:36:43,232 --> 00:36:46,110 Look, please, just keep up. 556 00:36:46,194 --> 00:36:48,404 Come on, mind your bloomers. 557 00:36:48,487 --> 00:36:51,532 - It's his first day, Mr. Walker. - Ah, well, you can watch it and all. 558 00:36:51,615 --> 00:36:53,868 Still getting used to your lot touching our white loaves. 559 00:36:53,952 --> 00:36:55,661 - Eh? - Yes, sir. 560 00:36:56,579 --> 00:36:57,580 Come on. 561 00:37:04,170 --> 00:37:05,254 Bugger. 562 00:37:17,099 --> 00:37:18,934 'King hell. Nothing. 563 00:37:20,353 --> 00:37:22,104 Don't you want them papers, mister? 564 00:37:22,771 --> 00:37:24,565 No, you have them, bonny lad. 565 00:37:24,648 --> 00:37:26,984 Good firelighters, but you won't find any of them 566 00:37:27,067 --> 00:37:28,736 speaking truth to power. 567 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,322 What you playing, lads? Tip and run? 568 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:35,534 - Can I have a bowl? - No, you're all right, pops. 569 00:37:53,301 --> 00:37:54,302 Christ. 570 00:38:10,193 --> 00:38:14,364 You are Kempton Bunton and I claim me £5,000 reward. 571 00:38:14,447 --> 00:38:16,491 Daft bugger. I nearly shit myself. 572 00:38:17,284 --> 00:38:18,868 What did you open it up for? 573 00:38:18,951 --> 00:38:22,372 No reaction to my first communication, so I took the ticket off the back, 574 00:38:22,455 --> 00:38:24,082 proof positive that I've got it. 575 00:38:24,166 --> 00:38:27,084 This to the workingman's paper, The Daily Mirror. 576 00:38:27,169 --> 00:38:29,128 Mam. 577 00:38:29,212 --> 00:38:30,755 Quick, quick. Sort this lot out. 578 00:38:30,838 --> 00:38:31,881 What? 579 00:38:39,764 --> 00:38:44,310 ♪ And round about 11:00 My idea of heaven is a nice cup of tea ♪ 580 00:38:44,394 --> 00:38:45,978 ♪ -I like a nice cup of tea... ♪ 581 00:38:46,062 --> 00:38:47,730 Oh, stop it, you daft brush. 582 00:38:47,814 --> 00:38:49,106 Anyhow, it's half-3:00. 583 00:38:49,190 --> 00:38:52,694 You were a beautiful dancer. Graceful, fluid. 584 00:38:52,777 --> 00:38:54,654 - I wasn't that good. - You were that good. 585 00:38:54,737 --> 00:38:56,405 Ginger Rogers of Whitley Bay. 586 00:38:56,488 --> 00:38:58,825 I always said we should have entered them competitions. 587 00:38:58,908 --> 00:39:01,410 - We'd never have won. - Swept the board. 588 00:39:01,493 --> 00:39:02,494 Hmm. 589 00:39:02,578 --> 00:39:05,247 You're looking at Hollisons' new star baker. 590 00:39:05,331 --> 00:39:06,916 Hollisons? I thought it was plastics. 591 00:39:06,999 --> 00:39:10,169 No. I'm Lord Bunton of the baps. Number two oven man. 592 00:39:10,252 --> 00:39:12,922 - Much better. You can't eat plastic. - So will it be regular? 593 00:39:13,005 --> 00:39:16,300 Aye. I've taken to it like a swan to water. 594 00:39:16,383 --> 00:39:18,760 And a free loaf every day. 595 00:39:18,845 --> 00:39:21,180 - Tomorrow, a pork pie. - Pork pie? 596 00:39:21,263 --> 00:39:23,140 - Slightly damaged. - You're slightly damaged. 597 00:39:23,224 --> 00:39:25,767 Today, 14-ounce Danish. 598 00:39:26,435 --> 00:39:28,604 Slightly damaged? 599 00:39:28,687 --> 00:39:31,565 Light and airy, for ladies who are watching their figure. 600 00:39:31,648 --> 00:39:34,735 - Yeah, I'm not, though, am I? - You're better off wobbling than rattling. 601 00:39:35,902 --> 00:39:37,446 ♪ I like a nice cup of tea ♪ 602 00:39:37,529 --> 00:39:38,905 ♪ In the morning ♪ 603 00:39:38,989 --> 00:39:40,907 ♪ I like a nice cup of tea with my tea... ♪ 604 00:39:40,991 --> 00:39:44,828 ♪ I like a nice cup of tea In the morning ♪ 605 00:39:44,911 --> 00:39:49,916 ♪ For to start the day, you see ♪ 606 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,669 ♪ And at half past 11:00 ♪ 607 00:39:52,753 --> 00:39:59,050 ♪ Well, my idea of heaven Is a nice cup of tea ♪ 608 00:39:59,134 --> 00:40:02,804 ♪ I like a nice cup of tea With my dinner... ♪ 609 00:40:02,888 --> 00:40:06,558 Jackie Bunton, is this your idea of a Saturday night out? 610 00:40:06,642 --> 00:40:08,852 Just wait, would you? Come on, follow me. 611 00:40:11,104 --> 00:40:12,147 Jackie... 612 00:40:13,982 --> 00:40:16,610 - What are you doing? - Madam, care to view? 613 00:40:25,660 --> 00:40:26,787 Gosh. 614 00:40:29,831 --> 00:40:31,166 What do you think? 615 00:40:32,667 --> 00:40:34,085 Yours, are they? 616 00:40:35,045 --> 00:40:36,629 One day, aye. 617 00:40:36,712 --> 00:40:39,925 Mmm, are we gonna be millionaires? 618 00:40:42,468 --> 00:40:44,095 That's what I wanna do. 619 00:40:45,638 --> 00:40:47,432 Build boats like this. 620 00:40:48,433 --> 00:40:49,600 On the Tyne? 621 00:40:50,268 --> 00:40:51,269 Nah. 622 00:40:52,019 --> 00:40:55,731 California, New Zealand, Australia. 623 00:40:58,234 --> 00:40:59,860 You just wanna get away. 624 00:41:05,825 --> 00:41:09,286 Mam wants me to wear a shirt and tie, and Dad wants me to punch the Pope. 625 00:41:09,370 --> 00:41:11,706 What's the Pope done to upset your dad? 626 00:41:12,748 --> 00:41:15,668 The Pope, prime minister... 627 00:41:35,896 --> 00:41:37,231 Dolly, love, 628 00:41:37,314 --> 00:41:41,276 it's bad enough me having to get up at the crack of a sparrow's fart, but you... 629 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,652 Don't mind. 630 00:41:42,736 --> 00:41:46,907 A full English breakfast served by an Irish rose. 631 00:41:46,991 --> 00:41:48,909 Eat up. You're late. 632 00:41:48,993 --> 00:41:52,121 Oh, that's the shipping ticket that was attached to the back of the Goya. 633 00:41:52,204 --> 00:41:54,081 And he sent it to... 634 00:41:54,164 --> 00:41:55,874 The Daily Mirror, Home Secretary. 635 00:41:55,958 --> 00:41:57,667 So an arrest is imminent? 636 00:41:57,751 --> 00:41:59,919 Uh, not as such. 637 00:42:00,795 --> 00:42:03,257 But we know where this note was posted? 638 00:42:03,340 --> 00:42:06,135 - Oh, Central Birmingham. - The Italians? 639 00:42:07,636 --> 00:42:11,306 We're re-evaluating that aspect of the enquiry, sir. 640 00:42:11,390 --> 00:42:14,976 But we can pinpoint precisely the whereabouts of this person? 641 00:42:15,769 --> 00:42:18,938 Well, sir, we're pretty sure he resides between Morecambe and Birmingham 642 00:42:19,022 --> 00:42:22,609 and has traveled in that area at some time for work. 643 00:42:22,692 --> 00:42:26,070 So he could be one of about 23 million people? 644 00:42:26,863 --> 00:42:29,574 If he's still in the area, yes, sir. 645 00:42:31,493 --> 00:42:32,786 "The Duke is safe, 646 00:42:32,869 --> 00:42:35,371 his temperature cared for, his future uncertain. 647 00:42:35,454 --> 00:42:38,124 We ask that some nonconformist type of person 648 00:42:38,207 --> 00:42:40,209 with the sportitude of a Billy Butlin 649 00:42:40,293 --> 00:42:42,754 and the fearless fortitude of a Montgomery..." 650 00:42:42,837 --> 00:42:45,840 Sportitude, fortitude. The man's a bloody poet. 651 00:42:45,924 --> 00:42:48,634 Perhaps we can lock W. H. Auden up at last. 652 00:42:48,718 --> 00:42:51,054 What's he actually asking for? 653 00:42:54,182 --> 00:42:57,685 £140,000, Home Secretary. 654 00:42:57,768 --> 00:43:00,146 Good grief. For what? 655 00:43:00,229 --> 00:43:02,440 Charity. As yet unspecified. 656 00:43:03,024 --> 00:43:04,567 Clearly a lunatic. 657 00:43:04,650 --> 00:43:06,694 Well, we will, of course, follow any credible... 658 00:43:06,777 --> 00:43:08,446 - Be quiet, Macpherson. - Sir. 659 00:43:08,529 --> 00:43:11,199 Gentlemen, I'm fully prepared for martyrdom, 660 00:43:11,282 --> 00:43:13,409 but I would rather like it delayed. 661 00:43:13,492 --> 00:43:15,869 And you chaps, I believe, need to keep your jobs. 662 00:43:15,953 --> 00:43:17,705 So we'll meet again in 48 hours 663 00:43:17,788 --> 00:43:21,292 when you will tell me of the very significant progress you have made 664 00:43:21,375 --> 00:43:24,753 in solving this extremely serious crime. 665 00:43:24,837 --> 00:43:26,422 Yes, Home Secretary. 666 00:43:44,773 --> 00:43:45,899 I'm back. 667 00:43:47,693 --> 00:43:49,820 Where have you been? 668 00:43:51,071 --> 00:43:54,366 Large white sliced. Slightly damaged. 669 00:43:58,536 --> 00:44:00,080 This came for you. 670 00:44:03,834 --> 00:44:05,836 The BBC. The play. 671 00:44:06,378 --> 00:44:08,671 The one that's not about the accident. 672 00:44:08,756 --> 00:44:11,091 They'll be wanting me to go down to London 673 00:44:11,716 --> 00:44:13,301 to supervise the production. 674 00:44:16,638 --> 00:44:18,891 "Thank you for giving the drama department 675 00:44:18,974 --> 00:44:22,144 the opportunity of reading your intriguing play. 676 00:44:23,020 --> 00:44:26,398 Unfortunately, it is difficult to find an audience 677 00:44:26,481 --> 00:44:28,441 for plays about grief." 678 00:44:32,654 --> 00:44:34,822 Whoever they get to read plays can't be writers, 679 00:44:34,906 --> 00:44:36,408 that's all I can say. 680 00:44:39,118 --> 00:44:40,787 Well, whoever they are, 681 00:44:42,038 --> 00:44:44,081 well, maybe it's best they've said no. 682 00:44:49,712 --> 00:44:50,713 Aye. 683 00:44:57,094 --> 00:44:58,721 What's for tea? 684 00:44:58,805 --> 00:45:00,848 - Sausage and mash. - Grand. 685 00:45:02,058 --> 00:45:03,309 Prial of kings. 686 00:45:04,894 --> 00:45:05,978 Akqua. 687 00:45:07,313 --> 00:45:09,273 What a steaming pile of shite. 688 00:45:12,151 --> 00:45:14,696 - Prial of aces. - What? No. 689 00:45:14,779 --> 00:45:16,530 There he is. 690 00:45:17,198 --> 00:45:21,118 I might have known. Mr. Akram. You still on Paki time, are you? 691 00:45:21,202 --> 00:45:23,079 - No, sir. - You've had your ten minutes. 692 00:45:23,162 --> 00:45:25,247 - Sorry, sir. - Let him finish the game. 693 00:45:25,331 --> 00:45:26,332 You what? 694 00:45:26,415 --> 00:45:28,084 Me and Javid broke at the same time. 695 00:45:28,167 --> 00:45:29,710 Kempton, please, it don't matter. 696 00:45:29,793 --> 00:45:32,964 It does matter. We get a 15-minute break and we've only had nine minutes of it. 697 00:45:33,047 --> 00:45:34,566 You don't understand. It's different for me... 698 00:45:34,590 --> 00:45:37,468 Are you accusing me of racialist discrimination? 699 00:45:37,551 --> 00:45:38,844 No, no, no, no, no. 700 00:45:38,927 --> 00:45:41,180 Hey, hey. I like Pakis, me. 701 00:45:41,263 --> 00:45:42,889 I mean, if it wasn't for your lot, 702 00:45:42,973 --> 00:45:46,518 well, I wouldn't be able to get a pint of milk on a Christmas morning, eh? 703 00:45:47,978 --> 00:45:49,688 I going back up now, sir. 704 00:45:50,397 --> 00:45:51,648 Sit down, Bunton. 705 00:45:52,899 --> 00:45:54,318 You can finish your game. 706 00:45:54,401 --> 00:45:57,028 "I will not let anyone walk through my mind 707 00:45:57,112 --> 00:45:58,530 with their dirty feet." 708 00:45:58,614 --> 00:46:00,156 Mahatma Gandhi. 709 00:46:04,285 --> 00:46:07,581 Well, that is brilliant, that is. 710 00:46:08,957 --> 00:46:10,584 I'll tell you what, Bunton. 711 00:46:10,667 --> 00:46:13,294 Get your card, clock off and fuck off. 712 00:46:14,462 --> 00:46:16,715 You can have as long a break as you want then. 713 00:46:27,934 --> 00:46:30,228 Can I have one of them pork pies, please, pet? 714 00:46:30,311 --> 00:46:32,105 Yeah, one pork pie. Anything else? 715 00:46:32,188 --> 00:46:33,439 No, thank you. 716 00:46:35,066 --> 00:46:37,568 Uh, can you just damage it a bit, please? 717 00:46:38,444 --> 00:46:39,445 Damage it? 718 00:46:39,529 --> 00:46:41,572 Just chip a bit of pastry off the side. 719 00:46:42,908 --> 00:46:45,160 - Uh, I can. - Thank you. 720 00:46:53,543 --> 00:46:54,710 Rag and bone! 721 00:47:03,178 --> 00:47:05,471 Just a pub. A stupid, petty crime. 722 00:47:11,226 --> 00:47:12,478 Where were you? 723 00:47:13,187 --> 00:47:15,022 So what's your answer to that, then? 724 00:47:19,944 --> 00:47:21,111 What you doing here? 725 00:47:21,195 --> 00:47:23,238 Stopping over for a couple of nights, Dad. 726 00:47:23,322 --> 00:47:26,075 - This is Pammy. - Hiya, Mr. Bunton. 727 00:47:26,701 --> 00:47:29,620 - What do you want? - Talking to your lad. 728 00:47:29,704 --> 00:47:32,790 - In a bedroom? - Well, when we knocked on the front door, 729 00:47:32,873 --> 00:47:35,751 Pamela here didn't seem to think your Kenny was at home. 730 00:47:35,835 --> 00:47:38,045 But would you believe it, we found him up here. 731 00:47:38,128 --> 00:47:40,673 - Shall we all go downstairs? - We're all right. 732 00:47:41,631 --> 00:47:45,177 Kenny should have given evidence yesterday at Leeds Crown Court. 733 00:47:45,260 --> 00:47:46,762 But he did a runner. 734 00:47:46,846 --> 00:47:49,348 - What you done, Kenneth? - Me? Nothing. 735 00:47:49,431 --> 00:47:51,391 They want me to grass up a pal of mine. 736 00:47:52,142 --> 00:47:53,853 You need a witness summons, then. 737 00:47:53,936 --> 00:47:56,355 Has everyone in this family got a law degree? 738 00:47:56,438 --> 00:48:00,734 I'm not legally qualified as such. I'm more a talented amateur. 739 00:48:00,817 --> 00:48:04,238 One witness summons. Leeds Crown Court. 740 00:48:04,321 --> 00:48:05,572 Thursday. 741 00:48:05,655 --> 00:48:06,906 Thank you. 742 00:48:07,491 --> 00:48:09,284 We'll see ourselves out. 743 00:48:09,784 --> 00:48:11,078 Ta-ra, boys. 744 00:48:11,620 --> 00:48:12,829 Ta-ra. 745 00:48:16,458 --> 00:48:18,793 You can't stay in this room. I write in here. 746 00:48:18,877 --> 00:48:21,838 Well, Mam said it would be all right. 747 00:48:21,921 --> 00:48:24,341 - Where is she? - Shops. I give her some money. 748 00:48:24,883 --> 00:48:26,760 Not enough dinner now we're here. 749 00:48:28,052 --> 00:48:31,055 Dinner's what they have down south. Up here, it's tea. 750 00:48:32,682 --> 00:48:36,060 I'm against hanging on principle, unless it's for something really serious. 751 00:48:36,144 --> 00:48:37,729 That doesn't even make sense. 752 00:48:37,812 --> 00:48:40,690 - Are you saying I'm thick? - You know you're thick. 753 00:48:40,774 --> 00:48:43,151 Kenny's mate stole a car, Dolly. 754 00:48:43,234 --> 00:48:45,028 He won't be hung for that. 755 00:48:45,111 --> 00:48:46,613 - "Hanged." - Huh? 756 00:48:48,447 --> 00:48:49,949 It's "hanged." 757 00:48:54,913 --> 00:48:56,539 I love your toad-in-the-hole, Mam. 758 00:48:56,622 --> 00:48:57,749 Thank you, Jackie. 759 00:48:58,374 --> 00:49:03,004 So, Pamela, what is your current domestic situation? 760 00:49:03,087 --> 00:49:04,380 Give it a rest, Mam. 761 00:49:04,463 --> 00:49:06,299 I work for Mrs. Gowling. 762 00:49:06,382 --> 00:49:09,718 That's the wife of Councilor Gowling. You may have heard of him. 763 00:49:09,802 --> 00:49:11,113 And what's it got to do with him? 764 00:49:11,137 --> 00:49:12,781 It's the difference between right and wrong. 765 00:49:12,805 --> 00:49:14,307 Dad. 766 00:49:14,390 --> 00:49:15,599 I agree with your mother. 767 00:49:15,683 --> 00:49:18,311 It would be wrong for you two to be living in sin under our roof. 768 00:49:18,894 --> 00:49:21,772 What's happened to you? You'll be voting Tory next. 769 00:49:25,151 --> 00:49:27,195 Play for Today's on in five minutes. 770 00:49:28,404 --> 00:49:29,655 We can't get BBC. 771 00:49:30,364 --> 00:49:31,407 Why not? 772 00:49:31,490 --> 00:49:33,242 Dad took the band-one coil out. 773 00:49:33,326 --> 00:49:36,704 If you can't get the BBC, you don't have to have a license. 774 00:49:36,787 --> 00:49:39,206 But you've got one sellotaped to the side of your television. 775 00:49:39,290 --> 00:49:41,709 - No, we haven't. - That's mine. 776 00:49:43,043 --> 00:49:44,670 What did you do that for? 777 00:49:45,463 --> 00:49:46,964 To be normal. 778 00:49:47,047 --> 00:49:48,549 Just fit the gizmo back in, then. 779 00:49:50,050 --> 00:49:51,635 Dad's lost the coil. 780 00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:55,055 So you pay for a television license and you still can't receive BBC? 781 00:49:55,138 --> 00:49:56,682 Oh, we don't like Play for Today. 782 00:49:56,765 --> 00:49:59,810 It's just an excuse for a lot of bad behaviour. 783 00:50:03,689 --> 00:50:05,523 Have you set your alarm, love? 784 00:50:06,024 --> 00:50:07,192 What for? 785 00:50:07,275 --> 00:50:09,652 Aren't you 6:00 to 2:00 tomorrow? 786 00:50:09,737 --> 00:50:11,238 Aye, aye, you're right. 787 00:50:12,823 --> 00:50:13,949 Belt and braces. 788 00:50:14,032 --> 00:50:15,676 Sandwich loaf tomorrow, if you can manage. 789 00:50:15,700 --> 00:50:16,618 No problem. 790 00:50:16,701 --> 00:50:18,370 No, I'm not! Oh, will you piss off! 791 00:50:18,453 --> 00:50:19,704 Language! 792 00:50:20,247 --> 00:50:22,457 She's got a nerve. 793 00:50:22,540 --> 00:50:24,751 Count your blessings they're only arguing. 794 00:50:30,757 --> 00:50:34,219 Meet the Quality Street gang sizing up the works of art. 795 00:50:34,302 --> 00:50:38,473 The Boss. Very smooth, but inside he's a hard nut. 796 00:50:38,556 --> 00:50:40,308 And Fingers. Slim, elegant Fingers. 797 00:50:40,392 --> 00:50:41,559 Everything he touches... 798 00:50:42,727 --> 00:50:45,980 It must have been a great source of anxiety to the National Gallery staff. 799 00:50:46,063 --> 00:50:48,650 Have you, in fact, ever had a painting stolen before? 800 00:50:48,733 --> 00:50:50,109 Never, never. 801 00:51:00,412 --> 00:51:01,663 Ta. 802 00:51:01,746 --> 00:51:03,998 - ...about the thieves themselves? - Well, we don't think 803 00:51:04,081 --> 00:51:06,959 that they were professional criminals in the strict sense... 804 00:51:07,460 --> 00:51:09,003 - Doll? - What? 805 00:51:09,086 --> 00:51:10,963 ...misguided people... 806 00:51:11,047 --> 00:51:12,048 What? 807 00:51:12,131 --> 00:51:13,800 They spoke of, uh, charity in their note. 808 00:51:13,883 --> 00:51:14,884 Nothing. 809 00:51:14,967 --> 00:51:17,887 The best form of charity they could do would be to return the picture... 810 00:51:41,118 --> 00:51:42,995 Oh, yeah. 811 00:51:44,413 --> 00:51:45,998 You like that, all I'll say. 812 00:51:55,924 --> 00:51:57,551 Shh. 813 00:52:04,808 --> 00:52:06,017 I need a piss. 814 00:52:06,602 --> 00:52:08,604 And I thought you were Cary Grant. 815 00:52:50,020 --> 00:52:51,854 - You beauty. - Dad! 816 00:52:51,938 --> 00:52:54,649 Three horse accumulator! Twenty quid! 817 00:52:54,732 --> 00:52:57,402 The Mirror. They're making you an offer. 818 00:52:59,945 --> 00:53:02,198 I give them the painting, they put on an exhibition, 819 00:53:02,282 --> 00:53:03,824 charge the public to see the Duke 820 00:53:03,908 --> 00:53:05,951 and give me the proceeds. Bingo! 821 00:53:06,452 --> 00:53:07,953 How much will an exhibition raise? 822 00:53:08,037 --> 00:53:10,873 30,000... 50,000. Who knows? 823 00:53:10,956 --> 00:53:13,626 The painting's not been out the news, has it? 824 00:53:13,709 --> 00:53:17,422 I'll be able to pay for God knows how many TV licenses. 825 00:53:18,088 --> 00:53:20,508 You're not really gonna use it all on telly licenses? 826 00:53:20,591 --> 00:53:22,760 - Why not? - Just saying. 827 00:53:22,843 --> 00:53:24,804 Who couldn't make use of a couple of grand? 828 00:53:24,887 --> 00:53:27,723 - You think Robin Hood took a rake-off? - Aye. 829 00:53:27,807 --> 00:53:29,725 Jackie. Robin Hood? 830 00:53:30,350 --> 00:53:32,144 What if they're in it with the coppers? 831 00:53:32,227 --> 00:53:33,688 You give them the painting, 832 00:53:33,771 --> 00:53:35,648 they don't cough up and they shop you. 833 00:53:36,190 --> 00:53:37,357 The Mirror? 834 00:53:38,108 --> 00:53:40,319 This is the workers' paper, Jackie lad. 835 00:53:40,402 --> 00:53:42,237 How are you gonna get them the painting? 836 00:53:42,863 --> 00:53:45,741 Well, I'll worry about that tomorrow. Tonight, celebration. 837 00:53:45,825 --> 00:53:47,284 Fish supper, family outing. 838 00:53:47,367 --> 00:53:49,161 No, but, Dad, Irene's coming round. 839 00:53:49,787 --> 00:53:51,914 The more the merrier. Bring her along. 840 00:53:52,915 --> 00:53:54,374 So, Mrs. Bunton, 841 00:53:54,458 --> 00:53:56,418 how did you and Mr. Bunton meet? 842 00:53:56,501 --> 00:53:58,420 In his mother's pub in Tynemouth. 843 00:53:58,503 --> 00:54:00,589 He wiped me table four times. 844 00:54:00,672 --> 00:54:02,967 It worked. You came back. 845 00:54:03,050 --> 00:54:05,344 When she saw he was sweet on me, his mother said, 846 00:54:05,427 --> 00:54:07,096 "Some of his faults are good faults." 847 00:54:07,179 --> 00:54:09,389 Why can't we go to the seaside? 848 00:54:09,473 --> 00:54:10,474 How far's Tynemouth? 849 00:54:10,557 --> 00:54:13,360 Ah, you wouldn't wanna be dragged by your balls from here to Tynemouth. 850 00:54:13,393 --> 00:54:15,562 Kenneth, language. 851 00:54:15,645 --> 00:54:18,398 Irene's new to the family, and she hasn't been married. 852 00:54:18,482 --> 00:54:21,568 No, I'm still looking for me Prince Charming. 853 00:54:21,651 --> 00:54:23,487 Good luck finding him in Benwell. 854 00:54:23,570 --> 00:54:26,323 - Benwell Village. - Oh, you're so posh, Mam. 855 00:54:27,031 --> 00:54:28,700 Here, we'll carry you. 856 00:54:28,783 --> 00:54:30,327 No, don't! Oh, my God! 857 00:54:31,578 --> 00:54:33,372 - Carriage for the queen! - Stop it. 858 00:54:33,455 --> 00:54:34,914 You're daft in the head. 859 00:54:34,998 --> 00:54:37,459 Make way for the queen! Here she is. 860 00:54:37,542 --> 00:54:39,944 Go on, Queen of Benwell Village! Come on, wave to the public. 861 00:54:40,086 --> 00:54:42,171 ♪ I have loved you more each day ♪ 862 00:54:42,255 --> 00:54:45,550 ♪ Walking back to happiness, woopah... ♪ 863 00:54:45,634 --> 00:54:48,803 Four pie and chips, two cod and chips, mushy peas, three, 864 00:54:48,887 --> 00:54:50,680 and two pots of tea, please. 865 00:54:50,764 --> 00:54:52,348 - Four pie and chips... - Hello, pet. 866 00:54:52,431 --> 00:54:53,975 ...two cod and chips, three mushy peas 867 00:54:54,058 --> 00:54:55,860 - and two pots of tea. - I'm going for a piss. 868 00:54:55,935 --> 00:54:57,617 On second thoughts, I'd prefer a lemonade. 869 00:54:57,646 --> 00:55:00,356 - And a lemonade, please, pet. - And a lemonade! 870 00:55:00,439 --> 00:55:02,400 - Anything else? - What you gonna do with it? 871 00:55:02,483 --> 00:55:03,526 - What? - The painting. 872 00:55:05,069 --> 00:55:06,905 - What painting? - Oh, I don't know. 873 00:55:06,988 --> 00:55:10,408 The painting of the Duke of Wellington by Francisco José de Goya. 874 00:55:12,827 --> 00:55:13,870 What are you suggesting? 875 00:55:13,953 --> 00:55:16,122 I'm suggesting that if you were to move the painting 876 00:55:16,205 --> 00:55:18,416 somewhere neutral, safe, out the house, 877 00:55:18,499 --> 00:55:22,378 I could tell the authorities where it is and we could split the 5,000 reward. 878 00:55:23,004 --> 00:55:26,799 - Or? - Or you can hang on to it, 879 00:55:26,882 --> 00:55:28,634 and one day some very public-minded citizen 880 00:55:28,717 --> 00:55:30,844 tells the police everything and gets all the money. 881 00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:32,531 But we wouldn't want that to happen, would we? 882 00:55:32,555 --> 00:55:35,849 Because I like you, and you would have to go to prison. 883 00:55:35,933 --> 00:55:38,394 - Two and a half thousand? - Each. 884 00:55:38,477 --> 00:55:40,062 I can't do what I need to do 885 00:55:40,145 --> 00:55:42,165 - with two and a half grand. - What do you wanna do? 886 00:55:42,189 --> 00:55:44,400 - Help people. - Oh, help yourself, more like. 887 00:55:45,568 --> 00:55:48,195 - Are you short of money? - Who isn't? 888 00:55:48,279 --> 00:55:50,531 ...four specials, four cod and chips, 889 00:55:50,614 --> 00:55:51,615 two mushy peas... 890 00:55:52,950 --> 00:55:54,493 She knows about it. 891 00:55:54,577 --> 00:55:55,578 What? 892 00:55:55,661 --> 00:55:56,787 The Duke. 893 00:55:57,287 --> 00:55:58,456 - Who? Mam? - Pammy. 894 00:55:58,539 --> 00:56:00,600 She's after the reward money. She wants to split it with me. 895 00:56:00,624 --> 00:56:02,876 - But what about the Mirror offer? - I know. I know. 896 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,003 But if she goes to the police now, we're done for. 897 00:56:05,087 --> 00:56:07,673 If I take it back tonight, maybe they'll go easy on me. 898 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,135 - Well, what'll you tell Mam? - What can I tell her? 899 00:56:12,219 --> 00:56:14,596 Here, I'm gonna slip back. Keep them entertained. 900 00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:16,074 What am I supposed to do? You can't... 901 00:56:16,098 --> 00:56:18,016 I don't know. Take them to the Green Tree. 902 00:56:18,100 --> 00:56:20,728 ♪ Spread the news, I'm on my way ♪ 903 00:56:20,811 --> 00:56:22,896 ♪ Woopah, oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 904 00:56:22,980 --> 00:56:28,026 ♪ All my blues have blown away Woopah, oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 905 00:56:29,486 --> 00:56:30,653 Kempton? 906 00:56:52,091 --> 00:56:53,092 I can explain. 907 00:56:55,720 --> 00:56:56,721 Oh... 908 00:56:58,180 --> 00:56:59,557 Oh, my good God. 909 00:57:06,856 --> 00:57:08,274 It was you? 910 00:57:10,151 --> 00:57:11,903 You stole the painting? 911 00:57:11,986 --> 00:57:13,946 It's not theft for money. 912 00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:16,824 It's, you know, for the campaign. 913 00:57:19,619 --> 00:57:20,995 You're a madman. 914 00:57:22,246 --> 00:57:23,665 I'm living with a madman. 915 00:57:25,041 --> 00:57:26,583 But you swore to me. You promised. 916 00:57:26,668 --> 00:57:29,671 - If you've involved our Jackie... - Jackie's had nothing to do with it. 917 00:57:29,754 --> 00:57:31,439 Well, why's he wearing rubber gloves half the time? 918 00:57:31,463 --> 00:57:33,883 - He helped me build the panel. - So he is involved? 919 00:57:33,966 --> 00:57:37,344 He hasn't touched the painting, not without rubber gloves on. 920 00:57:38,595 --> 00:57:40,764 - I'm shaking. - It's the shock. 921 00:57:40,848 --> 00:57:43,809 Shock, yes. I'm shocked there's a stolen masterpiece in me wardrobe. 922 00:57:43,893 --> 00:57:45,102 I'm taking it back. 923 00:57:45,644 --> 00:57:47,604 Anything else I need to know? 924 00:57:48,439 --> 00:57:51,067 - I lost me job at the bakery. - Oh, there's a surprise. 925 00:57:51,150 --> 00:57:53,860 I stood up against racial bigotry. 926 00:57:53,944 --> 00:57:55,666 - Well done. - Someone had to say something. 927 00:57:55,737 --> 00:57:57,739 Yes, and he's called Martin Luther-bloody-King, 928 00:57:57,823 --> 00:57:59,241 not Kempton Bunton. 929 00:57:59,325 --> 00:58:03,579 You swore you'd get a job. We had an agreement. 930 00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:05,581 You lied. 931 00:58:06,165 --> 00:58:08,625 You lied. You lied when you said all this would stop. 932 00:58:08,709 --> 00:58:10,669 You don't care, do you? No, no, no, it's just... 933 00:58:10,752 --> 00:58:13,422 Just me, me, me, isn't it? No one else exists. 934 00:58:14,923 --> 00:58:16,925 Pammy knows I've got it. 935 00:58:17,926 --> 00:58:19,135 Oh, heavens. 936 00:58:19,219 --> 00:58:21,680 There's a reward. 5,000. She's after the money. 937 00:58:21,763 --> 00:58:22,973 So then if... 938 00:58:23,056 --> 00:58:25,018 - She'll go to the police. - It's possible, but... 939 00:58:25,100 --> 00:58:27,102 - And they'll come here. - Only if it's... 940 00:58:27,185 --> 00:58:29,020 In the street! 941 00:58:29,104 --> 00:58:31,940 - They'll drag you out in handcuffs! - Listen. Listen, calm down. 942 00:58:32,023 --> 00:58:33,358 I can't calm down! 943 00:58:33,441 --> 00:58:34,943 I'm at top pitch! 944 00:58:35,026 --> 00:58:38,571 I'm taking the painting back to London tonight quietly. 945 00:58:38,655 --> 00:58:41,574 That would be the best thing for us. For all of us. 946 00:58:41,658 --> 00:58:43,534 I might have to do a bit of time... 947 00:58:43,618 --> 00:58:46,371 It's a £140,000 painting. You'll do life! 948 00:58:46,454 --> 00:58:47,956 No, love, it's not like that. 949 00:58:48,039 --> 00:58:52,168 I was gonna use it for, you know, the greater good of mankind. 950 00:58:52,252 --> 00:58:54,963 Mankind! What about your own kind? 951 00:58:55,046 --> 00:58:58,133 You've broken this family. You're disgusting. 952 00:58:58,633 --> 00:59:01,886 Get out, you bastard. Just go... Get out! 953 00:59:13,231 --> 00:59:16,776 Dad! Dad, I'm coming with you. 954 00:59:16,859 --> 00:59:18,361 No, you're not. This is my thing. 955 00:59:18,444 --> 00:59:20,005 - No, but, Dad... - Nothing to do with you. 956 00:59:20,029 --> 00:59:21,864 Now, stay and look after your mother. 957 01:00:12,664 --> 01:00:14,124 Excuse me, sir. 958 01:00:14,917 --> 01:00:16,751 Are you taking one of our paintings? 959 01:00:17,877 --> 01:00:20,172 No, son. I'm bringing one back. 960 01:00:22,216 --> 01:00:24,634 Meanwhile, in an unexpected development, 961 01:00:24,718 --> 01:00:28,513 Goya's portrait of the Duke of Wellington has been returned, by hand, 962 01:00:28,597 --> 01:00:29,723 to where it was stolen 963 01:00:29,806 --> 01:00:31,725 from London's National Gallery. 964 01:00:31,808 --> 01:00:34,018 At a press conference, an official described 965 01:00:34,102 --> 01:00:36,980 how a member of the public had simply walked in off the streets 966 01:00:37,063 --> 01:00:40,817 with the painting under his arm, wrapped up in a bit of old brown paper. 967 01:00:40,900 --> 01:00:43,945 And when our reporter tried it, nobody batted an eyelid. 968 01:00:44,028 --> 01:00:45,822 Devlin looked down from his bench and said, 969 01:00:45,905 --> 01:00:48,575 "Mr. Hutchinson, are you trying to show this court contempt?" 970 01:00:48,658 --> 01:00:51,077 I said, "My lord, no, I'm actually trying to hide it." 971 01:00:52,245 --> 01:00:54,682 Well, first rule of advocacy: don't be funnier than the judge. 972 01:00:54,706 --> 01:00:55,707 Yes. 973 01:00:55,790 --> 01:00:58,417 Mr. Bunton, I'm your barrister, Jeremy Hutchinson. 974 01:00:58,502 --> 01:01:00,086 Oh, that's a shame. 975 01:01:00,169 --> 01:01:02,251 I thought you were going to offer me a gin and tonic. 976 01:01:03,131 --> 01:01:04,340 Well, I'm out tonight. 977 01:01:04,423 --> 01:01:06,676 My wife is in The Cherry Orchard. 978 01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:09,345 - Playing Ranevskaya? - Indeed. 979 01:01:10,471 --> 01:01:12,724 Like life, I can never decide if The Cherry Orchard 980 01:01:12,807 --> 01:01:14,558 is a tragedy or a farce. 981 01:01:14,642 --> 01:01:16,269 You know the play? 982 01:01:16,352 --> 01:01:19,397 It's one of me favorites. I lost a child meself. 983 01:01:20,439 --> 01:01:21,565 I'm sorry. 984 01:01:22,441 --> 01:01:23,609 I'm a playwright. 985 01:01:24,235 --> 01:01:26,487 As a matter of fact, I prefer Chekhov to Shakespeare. 986 01:01:26,570 --> 01:01:29,240 For me, the Bard is overfond of his kings. 987 01:01:29,323 --> 01:01:31,200 Eric Crowther. Junior counsel. 988 01:01:31,284 --> 01:01:34,912 Mr. Hutchinson's wife is the actress Dame Peggy Ashcroft. 989 01:01:34,996 --> 01:01:37,956 - Yes. - Oh. You're a lucky man. 990 01:01:38,041 --> 01:01:39,041 Well... 991 01:01:39,125 --> 01:01:41,544 Court number one, eh? 992 01:01:41,627 --> 01:01:43,629 - Mmm. - The Old Bailey. 993 01:01:43,712 --> 01:01:45,964 The crucible of British criminal justice. 994 01:01:46,048 --> 01:01:49,468 - Dr. Crippen. - Derek Bentley. Ruth Ellis. 995 01:01:50,344 --> 01:01:52,471 Well, they were all hung... I mean, hanged. 996 01:01:52,555 --> 01:01:55,223 Well, they didn't have Mr. Hutchinson defending them. 997 01:01:55,891 --> 01:01:58,811 - Who's prosecuting? - Neddie Cussen. 998 01:01:59,562 --> 01:02:01,939 - Score's seven to two. - To you? 999 01:02:02,022 --> 01:02:05,233 To him. Yes, born prosecutor, Neddie. 1000 01:02:05,317 --> 01:02:07,820 Defendant's always guilty until proven innocent. 1001 01:02:07,903 --> 01:02:09,279 Well, can you get me off? 1002 01:02:11,198 --> 01:02:12,240 Mr. Bunton... 1003 01:02:13,366 --> 01:02:16,203 You returned the Goya by hand and confessed to the theft. 1004 01:02:16,286 --> 01:02:19,289 You gave the police a detailed explanation of how you stole it 1005 01:02:19,372 --> 01:02:21,458 and you've explained your motive. 1006 01:02:22,250 --> 01:02:23,752 Can I get you off? 1007 01:02:26,338 --> 01:02:28,131 Almost certainly not. 1008 01:02:29,091 --> 01:02:30,843 Meanwhile, 1009 01:02:30,926 --> 01:02:33,804 Kempton Bunton, the Newcastle man accused of stealing 1010 01:02:33,887 --> 01:02:37,891 Goya's portrait of the Duke of Wellington, arrived at the Old Bailey this morning 1011 01:02:37,975 --> 01:02:40,143 for the first day of his trial. 1012 01:02:40,227 --> 01:02:41,686 And it was quite an entrance. 1013 01:02:41,769 --> 01:02:43,355 Did you steal the Goya, Mr. Bunton? 1014 01:02:43,438 --> 01:02:44,897 No, I borrowed it. 1015 01:02:45,398 --> 01:02:47,942 - Why? - For the greater good. 1016 01:02:48,693 --> 01:02:50,112 We can still get there. 1017 01:02:52,572 --> 01:02:54,699 He's made his bed. He can lie in it. 1018 01:02:58,995 --> 01:03:00,747 The rest of the day was taken up 1019 01:03:00,830 --> 01:03:03,082 with empaneling the 12 citizens, 1020 01:03:03,165 --> 01:03:05,084 12 good men and women 1021 01:03:05,167 --> 01:03:07,712 who will tomorrow begin to hear what promises to be 1022 01:03:07,795 --> 01:03:10,632 one of the most eagerly awaited criminal trials 1023 01:03:10,715 --> 01:03:11,883 since the war. 1024 01:03:11,966 --> 01:03:14,511 Another triumph for the Duke of Wellington. 1025 01:03:14,594 --> 01:03:18,389 And as queues begin to gather for access to the public gallery, 1026 01:03:18,473 --> 01:03:21,684 there is no doubt that even by the Old Bailey's standards, 1027 01:03:21,768 --> 01:03:25,021 this one looks like being a very hot ticket. 1028 01:03:31,443 --> 01:03:32,904 Are you Kempton Bunton? 1029 01:03:32,987 --> 01:03:33,988 Aye. 1030 01:03:34,071 --> 01:03:36,658 But not named after Kempton racetrack, 1031 01:03:36,741 --> 01:03:38,826 as some would have it. 1032 01:03:38,910 --> 01:03:41,328 Even though it is probable that I was conceived there. 1033 01:03:41,412 --> 01:03:43,164 It's a yes-or-no answer. 1034 01:03:43,748 --> 01:03:45,124 Yes, my lord. 1035 01:03:45,207 --> 01:03:47,418 Me mother named me after Kempton Cannon, 1036 01:03:47,501 --> 01:03:50,754 the jockey who rode St. Amant, the winner of that year's Derby. 1037 01:03:51,630 --> 01:03:55,092 - Do you want me to explain Bunton? - I didn't want you to explain Kempton. 1038 01:03:56,593 --> 01:03:58,054 Charges. 1039 01:03:59,471 --> 01:04:01,098 Kempton Bunton, you are charged 1040 01:04:01,182 --> 01:04:04,476 that on the 21st of March, 1961, 1041 01:04:04,560 --> 01:04:06,978 you stole a picture frame to the value of £80, 1042 01:04:07,063 --> 01:04:09,022 property of the National Gallery. 1043 01:04:09,106 --> 01:04:11,400 How do you plead, guilty or not guilty? 1044 01:04:11,483 --> 01:04:12,568 Not guilty. 1045 01:04:12,651 --> 01:04:15,779 In the second count, you are charged that on the same day, 1046 01:04:15,862 --> 01:04:20,701 you stole from the National Gallery the portrait of the Duke of Wellington 1047 01:04:20,784 --> 01:04:23,329 by the artist Francisco Goya 1048 01:04:23,412 --> 01:04:26,748 to the value of £140,000. 1049 01:04:26,832 --> 01:04:28,917 How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? 1050 01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:30,877 - Not guilty. - Yes! 1051 01:04:32,963 --> 01:04:34,756 For those unfamiliar with court proceedings, 1052 01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:36,800 that was the plea, not the verdict. 1053 01:04:38,635 --> 01:04:42,806 Kempton Bunton, you are further charged that following the theft of the portrait, 1054 01:04:42,889 --> 01:04:46,059 you made demands with menaces for its return. 1055 01:04:46,142 --> 01:04:47,936 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 1056 01:04:48,019 --> 01:04:49,229 Not guilty. 1057 01:04:49,312 --> 01:04:51,439 And that you created a public nuisance 1058 01:04:51,522 --> 01:04:55,360 by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait. 1059 01:04:55,443 --> 01:04:57,695 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 1060 01:04:57,779 --> 01:04:59,364 Same again, love. Not guilty. 1061 01:05:01,032 --> 01:05:02,033 Mr. Cussen. 1062 01:05:03,869 --> 01:05:05,411 Thank you, my lord. 1063 01:05:05,495 --> 01:05:09,665 And at 5:00 a.m., when you returned from your rest break, 1064 01:05:09,749 --> 01:05:11,417 what did you see? 1065 01:05:11,501 --> 01:05:13,836 The painting was gone, sir. Clearly stolen. 1066 01:05:14,879 --> 01:05:16,297 Thank you. 1067 01:05:16,381 --> 01:05:18,508 Uh, Mr. Edbury, if you could remain there, 1068 01:05:18,591 --> 01:05:21,302 my learned friend will have some questions for you. 1069 01:05:23,679 --> 01:05:24,889 Mr. Hutchinson. 1070 01:05:27,183 --> 01:05:28,726 No questions, my lord. 1071 01:05:29,810 --> 01:05:33,147 "The conception, design and execution of this act 1072 01:05:33,230 --> 01:05:36,275 was solely, singularly and entirely my own." 1073 01:05:36,776 --> 01:05:40,488 - And that statement is signed? - Kempton Bunton. 1074 01:05:41,489 --> 01:05:43,365 Thank you, Detective Inspector. 1075 01:05:43,449 --> 01:05:46,702 If you would stay there, Mr. Hutchinson will have some questions for you. 1076 01:05:49,246 --> 01:05:50,748 Mr. Hutchinson. 1077 01:05:51,582 --> 01:05:54,334 The defense has no questions for this witness. 1078 01:05:56,045 --> 01:05:58,338 At this rate, we'll be finished by tea. 1079 01:05:58,964 --> 01:06:00,132 And, Dr. Unsworth, 1080 01:06:00,215 --> 01:06:02,426 what is your professional opinion of the hand? 1081 01:06:03,260 --> 01:06:06,847 The childlike scrawl across all the ransom notes is, 1082 01:06:06,931 --> 01:06:08,808 when compared to his normal script, 1083 01:06:08,891 --> 01:06:12,812 unequivocally the feebly disguised hand of the accused, Mr. Bunton. 1084 01:06:12,895 --> 01:06:16,481 I'm grateful, Dr. Unsworth. If you would remain on stand. 1085 01:06:17,316 --> 01:06:19,609 Any cross examination, Mr. Hutchinson, 1086 01:06:19,693 --> 01:06:21,904 or are you trying to give it up? 1087 01:06:23,197 --> 01:06:24,999 The defense has no questions for this witness. 1088 01:06:33,540 --> 01:06:36,168 - What are you doing? - The dirt in this house. 1089 01:06:36,251 --> 01:06:37,252 Stop it. 1090 01:06:37,294 --> 01:06:39,087 Someone's gotta keep this place clean. 1091 01:06:39,171 --> 01:06:42,006 Lord knows your father will drag us into the gutter. 1092 01:06:43,508 --> 01:06:44,759 That's not true. 1093 01:06:44,843 --> 01:06:47,262 And it's not Dad's fault Marian died. 1094 01:06:47,346 --> 01:06:49,740 He bought her that bike, so as far as he's concerned, he killed her. 1095 01:06:49,764 --> 01:06:53,267 - Do you think I don't know that? - Well, tell him, then. Talk about it. 1096 01:06:53,352 --> 01:06:56,354 Why do you think he does his plays and his leaflets and petitions? 1097 01:06:56,438 --> 01:06:59,023 - Defend him all you like. - I stole the painting. 1098 01:07:00,191 --> 01:07:02,777 Do you hear me? I stole the Goya. 1099 01:07:03,945 --> 01:07:04,946 What? 1100 01:07:06,489 --> 01:07:09,242 No. No, you didn't take that painting. 1101 01:07:09,325 --> 01:07:12,621 - No, you did not. - Aye. It was me, not Dad. 1102 01:07:14,413 --> 01:07:18,292 Please, no, no, just please tell me you're talking nonsense, Jackie Bunton. 1103 01:07:20,169 --> 01:07:22,046 - Oh, my God, I'm shaking. - Mam. 1104 01:07:22,130 --> 01:07:25,008 - I'm shaking. Look at me. I'm shaking. - I was just... 1105 01:07:25,091 --> 01:07:26,772 Stop it. You're just making yourself shake. 1106 01:07:26,801 --> 01:07:27,927 - No. - Sit down. 1107 01:07:28,011 --> 01:07:29,470 Oh! 1108 01:07:29,553 --> 01:07:30,679 What... 1109 01:07:31,847 --> 01:07:32,848 Well, 1110 01:07:33,516 --> 01:07:35,143 when did you go to London? 1111 01:07:38,312 --> 01:07:39,897 It was that week I took off work. 1112 01:07:39,981 --> 01:07:43,317 But you... You said you went to Leeds. 1113 01:07:44,735 --> 01:07:46,320 You lied. 1114 01:07:46,404 --> 01:07:49,031 I was sick of you skivvying for Lady Muck. 1115 01:07:49,115 --> 01:07:51,325 Sick of them all laughing at Dad. 1116 01:07:51,409 --> 01:07:54,620 I thought the painting might be like, well, it might change everything. 1117 01:07:54,703 --> 01:07:57,248 So you're a liar and a thief. 1118 01:07:57,331 --> 01:07:59,917 I just thought if he had something them bloody toffs wanted, 1119 01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:02,795 they'd have to listen to, you know, his TV crusade. 1120 01:08:02,878 --> 01:08:05,339 Crusade? Jesus Christ, is he now? 1121 01:08:10,594 --> 01:08:11,720 But how? 1122 01:08:12,387 --> 01:08:14,222 I mean, how did you take it? 1123 01:08:16,391 --> 01:08:17,392 I cased the gallery. 1124 01:08:18,894 --> 01:08:22,981 The Goya was just sat there on an easel, not even a guard standing by it. 1125 01:08:24,608 --> 01:08:27,695 All I had to do was find somewhere I could break in. 1126 01:08:29,279 --> 01:08:30,698 I went to the toilet. 1127 01:08:31,406 --> 01:08:34,201 And I opened the toilet window and leaned out. 1128 01:08:34,868 --> 01:08:39,039 There was a courtyard below with all builders' stuff and ladders. 1129 01:08:40,373 --> 01:08:41,416 Excuse me, mate. 1130 01:08:41,499 --> 01:08:43,937 I went up to the security fella and asked him how you get a job. 1131 01:08:43,961 --> 01:08:45,378 Well, you could try the office. 1132 01:08:45,462 --> 01:08:48,048 Cleaners' work, early mornings. 4:30. 1133 01:08:48,924 --> 01:08:51,343 Get night rates, though. Lucky buggers. 1134 01:08:52,052 --> 01:08:53,428 I was born lucky. 1135 01:08:54,637 --> 01:08:56,223 And then I figured, 1136 01:08:56,723 --> 01:09:00,060 if the cleaners were in at half-4:00, they'd have to turn the alarms off. 1137 01:09:00,643 --> 01:09:01,978 So I went back early morning. 1138 01:09:03,396 --> 01:09:05,690 Put a ladder up just below the toilet window, 1139 01:09:06,816 --> 01:09:08,109 climbed up and... 1140 01:09:08,735 --> 01:09:11,863 I could hear one of them automatic floor polishers. 1141 01:09:13,448 --> 01:09:15,617 So I waited until he'd passed and then I... 1142 01:09:17,744 --> 01:09:19,537 I just walked across the floor. 1143 01:09:19,621 --> 01:09:21,748 Don't suppose you've ever been to Newcastle? 1144 01:09:28,129 --> 01:09:29,881 What did your father say when you told him? 1145 01:09:31,508 --> 01:09:32,884 Fucking hell! 1146 01:09:32,967 --> 01:09:35,803 - What do you think? - I think... fucking hell! 1147 01:09:35,887 --> 01:09:37,221 140 grand. 1148 01:09:37,304 --> 01:09:39,724 If you could sell it, which you can't. 1149 01:09:39,807 --> 01:09:41,475 I know. I'm not daft. 1150 01:09:41,558 --> 01:09:44,436 But for pictures, the insurance will pay out 10% for safe returns. 1151 01:09:44,520 --> 01:09:47,023 - Have you got a screw loose? - Are you angry with us? 1152 01:09:47,106 --> 01:09:50,317 Angry? No, I'm furious, you stupid penis! 1153 01:09:50,401 --> 01:09:52,820 You've nicked the best-known painting on the planet. 1154 01:09:52,904 --> 01:09:54,030 'Kinnell! 1155 01:09:54,113 --> 01:09:56,908 Why can't we use it to get them free telly licenses? 1156 01:09:56,991 --> 01:09:58,034 Blackmail the bastards. 1157 01:09:58,117 --> 01:10:01,203 Hold the bugger to ransom to better the lot of the common man? 1158 01:10:02,163 --> 01:10:03,497 One problem. 1159 01:10:05,041 --> 01:10:06,167 What's that? 1160 01:10:06,250 --> 01:10:09,711 Two words. Mrs. Dorothy Bunton. 1161 01:10:12,089 --> 01:10:13,424 We'll have to hide it from her. 1162 01:10:13,507 --> 01:10:16,343 You can't hide anything from a woman in her own house. 1163 01:10:16,427 --> 01:10:18,887 No, if she finds it, I stole it. 1164 01:10:18,970 --> 01:10:21,973 - I'm not having you take the blame. - I stole it. 1165 01:10:25,143 --> 01:10:27,479 On the telly, it was in a frame. 1166 01:10:27,563 --> 01:10:30,023 Shit. I took it off. 1167 01:10:30,816 --> 01:10:33,360 I must have left it under the bed in me digs. Sorry. 1168 01:10:33,444 --> 01:10:36,112 You'd lose your balls if they weren't in a bag. 1169 01:10:39,032 --> 01:10:41,242 It's not very good, is it? 1170 01:11:16,069 --> 01:11:20,991 "I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm 1171 01:11:21,491 --> 01:11:26,746 that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth... 1172 01:11:26,829 --> 01:11:29,082 ...and nothing but the truth." 1173 01:11:29,165 --> 01:11:31,376 Excuse me. Thank you. 1174 01:11:37,172 --> 01:11:39,259 How old are you, Mr. Bunton? 1175 01:11:39,342 --> 01:11:41,719 I don't know. I feel about 23. 1176 01:11:42,970 --> 01:11:44,764 You don't know your date of birth? 1177 01:11:44,847 --> 01:11:46,599 I never had a birth certificate. 1178 01:11:46,682 --> 01:11:47,933 1900, I think. 1179 01:11:48,017 --> 01:11:49,894 Do you know where you were born? 1180 01:11:49,977 --> 01:11:51,562 The back bedroom. 1181 01:11:53,397 --> 01:11:55,315 Of your mother's house in Newcastle? 1182 01:11:55,399 --> 01:11:56,275 Byker. 1183 01:11:56,358 --> 01:11:59,695 If Newcastle was a dog, you lifted its tail, 1184 01:11:59,779 --> 01:12:01,781 that hole there, that's Byker. 1185 01:12:03,991 --> 01:12:08,245 Your father fought in the First World War at Ypres. 1186 01:12:08,328 --> 01:12:10,330 Wipers. He weren't an officer. 1187 01:12:10,915 --> 01:12:12,624 He came back in a wheelchair? 1188 01:12:12,708 --> 01:12:15,252 Aye. Tank ran over his legs. 1189 01:12:15,335 --> 01:12:17,922 How did he feel about the Germans after that? 1190 01:12:18,005 --> 01:12:20,715 Never a bad word. The Germans didn't have tanks. 1191 01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:23,218 You helped him to run his business. 1192 01:12:23,302 --> 01:12:26,221 Aye. He was a street bookie, and I did his running for him. 1193 01:12:26,305 --> 01:12:29,975 It was illegal, but you could bribe the beat bobby with 12 shillings. 1194 01:12:30,059 --> 01:12:31,220 I was as guilty as anybody... 1195 01:12:31,268 --> 01:12:33,728 And who hasn't been guilty of a youthful indiscretion, 1196 01:12:33,812 --> 01:12:35,189 ladies and gentlemen of the jury? 1197 01:12:35,272 --> 01:12:38,567 The past, as they say, is another country. 1198 01:12:39,193 --> 01:12:43,238 Your father died, and you lived with your mother who ran pubs. 1199 01:12:43,322 --> 01:12:44,989 Aye. It were a rough game, 1200 01:12:45,073 --> 01:12:46,950 but she had a left hook like Henry Cooper's. 1201 01:12:47,033 --> 01:12:49,994 Luckily she didn't cut quite as easy. 1202 01:12:50,078 --> 01:12:51,330 In the Second World War, 1203 01:12:51,413 --> 01:12:53,415 you were refused service on medical grounds. 1204 01:12:53,498 --> 01:12:55,542 I done me bit. I drove lorries. 1205 01:12:56,125 --> 01:12:57,544 You married young? 1206 01:12:57,627 --> 01:12:59,921 - I had to marry. - "Had to marry"? 1207 01:13:00,964 --> 01:13:04,300 It was love. The decision was made for me. 1208 01:13:05,927 --> 01:13:08,555 Did you intend to steal this painting 1209 01:13:08,638 --> 01:13:12,141 in the sense of permanently depriving the gallery of it? 1210 01:13:12,225 --> 01:13:13,226 Never. 1211 01:13:13,852 --> 01:13:17,063 Did you ever demand money with menaces at any time from anyone? 1212 01:13:17,146 --> 01:13:18,397 No, sir. 1213 01:13:18,481 --> 01:13:22,110 In 1960, did you communicate with the Post Office 1214 01:13:22,193 --> 01:13:23,945 about your television license? 1215 01:13:24,028 --> 01:13:26,155 Aye, I told them I had no intention of paying it 1216 01:13:26,239 --> 01:13:27,615 because I couldn't receive BBC. 1217 01:13:27,699 --> 01:13:29,408 You went to prison for not paying it. 1218 01:13:29,492 --> 01:13:30,493 I did. 1219 01:13:30,576 --> 01:13:34,288 On your release, you continued a campaign for free television 1220 01:13:34,372 --> 01:13:37,000 for pensioners and war veterans, is that correct? 1221 01:13:37,083 --> 01:13:40,586 I could afford a license myself. It was about the principle of the thing. 1222 01:13:40,669 --> 01:13:44,048 All me life I've looked out for other people and got into trouble for it. 1223 01:13:44,132 --> 01:13:46,759 When did that begin, looking out for others? 1224 01:13:48,219 --> 01:13:49,845 I were about 14, 1225 01:13:51,222 --> 01:13:52,598 summer holidays. 1226 01:13:52,681 --> 01:13:56,394 I'd just finished reading Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, 1227 01:13:56,477 --> 01:13:58,896 and I felt a need to explore Sunderland. 1228 01:14:00,773 --> 01:14:04,735 But I got distracted and found myself on South Shields Beach. 1229 01:14:05,486 --> 01:14:08,113 I chucked myself in the sea to cool down. 1230 01:14:08,196 --> 01:14:10,366 A rip tide dragged me out. 1231 01:14:11,158 --> 01:14:13,952 I was on me own, exhausted, about a mile out, 1232 01:14:14,036 --> 01:14:16,163 and I knew there was no way I'd get back in. 1233 01:14:16,747 --> 01:14:18,373 But I had faith. 1234 01:14:18,457 --> 01:14:20,668 Not in God, but in people. 1235 01:14:22,169 --> 01:14:24,648 I knew some nosy bugger would see a pile of clothes on the beach 1236 01:14:24,672 --> 01:14:26,549 and put two and two together. 1237 01:14:27,758 --> 01:14:30,761 So I trusted in that, and waited. 1238 01:14:32,512 --> 01:14:37,309 Conserved me energy by floating, not swimming. 1239 01:14:38,643 --> 01:14:42,230 Looked at the sky... ...smile on me face. 1240 01:14:42,981 --> 01:14:44,775 You could call it trust. 1241 01:14:45,692 --> 01:14:48,946 An hour later, the lifeboat pulled up alongside 1242 01:14:49,029 --> 01:14:50,322 and hauled me in. 1243 01:14:50,405 --> 01:14:55,410 The skipper was a milkman from Blyth, by all accounts, a bit of a bastard. 1244 01:14:56,661 --> 01:14:58,163 Excuse my French. 1245 01:14:58,246 --> 01:15:01,416 But, you know, as a milkman, I mean, but there's good and bad in all of us. 1246 01:15:01,916 --> 01:15:03,168 He saved my life that day. 1247 01:15:03,251 --> 01:15:05,462 Could have been anyone, but I knew someone would. 1248 01:15:06,254 --> 01:15:08,673 I'm not me without you. Do you get me? 1249 01:15:08,756 --> 01:15:11,343 - We all need each other? - No, you are me. 1250 01:15:12,051 --> 01:15:15,972 It's you that makes me me, and it's me that makes you you. 1251 01:15:16,055 --> 01:15:17,974 Humanity is a collective project. 1252 01:15:18,057 --> 01:15:21,519 Look, on me own, I'm a single brick. 1253 01:15:21,603 --> 01:15:22,604 A bit useless. 1254 01:15:23,355 --> 01:15:25,315 What good's a brick on its tod? 1255 01:15:25,398 --> 01:15:28,025 But you put a load of bricks together, you get a building. 1256 01:15:28,109 --> 01:15:30,487 You build a building, you create a shadow. 1257 01:15:30,570 --> 01:15:32,655 Already you've changed the world. 1258 01:15:32,739 --> 01:15:35,241 Your philosophy, I think it earns the appellation. 1259 01:15:35,324 --> 01:15:38,911 How did you apply this thinking to your own struggle? 1260 01:15:40,622 --> 01:15:44,000 You can't help the dead, but you can be inspired by them. 1261 01:15:44,083 --> 01:15:46,561 Some of them kids that this country sent out to France and Belgium 1262 01:15:46,586 --> 01:15:48,630 in 1914 came back. 1263 01:15:48,713 --> 01:15:50,006 They're over 65 now, 1264 01:15:50,089 --> 01:15:52,800 pensioners with not two pennies to rub together. 1265 01:15:52,884 --> 01:15:54,635 And isolation, 1266 01:15:54,719 --> 01:15:57,179 or not being connected, to use the modern lingo, 1267 01:15:57,263 --> 01:15:58,639 is no kind of life. 1268 01:15:58,722 --> 01:16:00,892 So what you grandly call my philosophy, 1269 01:16:00,975 --> 01:16:02,684 the "I'm you and you're me" thing, 1270 01:16:02,768 --> 01:16:07,273 tells me that every time someone gets cut off from the rest of us, 1271 01:16:07,356 --> 01:16:11,152 this nation, this country, becomes a foot shorter. 1272 01:16:26,082 --> 01:16:29,753 Mr. Bunton, I suspect the jury are asking themselves 1273 01:16:29,836 --> 01:16:33,257 how any of this applies to the theft of the Goya. 1274 01:16:33,340 --> 01:16:35,717 - Well, I saw on the news... - The ITV news? 1275 01:16:36,968 --> 01:16:38,136 Very good. 1276 01:16:38,219 --> 01:16:43,016 I seen that the government was paying out £140,000 for this painting. 1277 01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:44,685 That, for me, became about numbers. 1278 01:16:44,768 --> 01:16:48,939 If you put all that money into a bank account earning 10% interest, 1279 01:16:49,022 --> 01:16:53,610 you could pay for 3,500 TV licenses a year 1280 01:16:53,694 --> 01:16:55,529 and reconnect with all them people. 1281 01:17:04,329 --> 01:17:06,039 No further questions, my lord. 1282 01:17:24,432 --> 01:17:29,895 You saw the painting on the ITV news, and realizing it was worth £140,000, 1283 01:17:29,979 --> 01:17:34,775 you decide to come down to London to steal it for personal gain, didn't you? 1284 01:17:34,859 --> 01:17:37,069 I thought I'd kidnap it for a while, aye. 1285 01:17:38,821 --> 01:17:42,492 Where did you stay whilst you planned the heist? 1286 01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:44,577 I took digs near a bucket shop. 1287 01:17:45,286 --> 01:17:46,746 What's a bucket shop? 1288 01:17:46,829 --> 01:17:49,957 A shop that sells buckets. 1289 01:17:50,040 --> 01:17:51,542 Was that deliberate? 1290 01:17:51,626 --> 01:17:54,128 - No, but it came in useful. - In what way? 1291 01:17:54,211 --> 01:17:56,839 Well, this isn't my city, is it? I don't know my way around. 1292 01:17:56,922 --> 01:17:59,967 So I'd get to Camden and ask a local, "Do you know where I can buy a bucket?" 1293 01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:01,677 And that way you would get directions? 1294 01:18:01,761 --> 01:18:03,971 Everyone knows where you can buy a bucket. 1295 01:18:05,430 --> 01:18:07,767 Do you know the address of the shop? 1296 01:18:08,475 --> 01:18:11,646 Why? Do you need a bucket? 1297 01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:14,148 We... No, we need... We... 1298 01:18:14,231 --> 01:18:16,066 Excuse me. We need the address 1299 01:18:16,150 --> 01:18:17,832 because you said that you removed the frame 1300 01:18:17,902 --> 01:18:20,195 and hid it under the bed in your lodgings. 1301 01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,031 So is the bucket shop still there? 1302 01:18:22,114 --> 01:18:25,075 I've no idea. I've not been back. I'm not short of buckets meself. 1303 01:18:25,159 --> 01:18:28,453 Mr. Bunton, you are on trial. 1304 01:18:28,537 --> 01:18:30,664 This is not an audition for a music hall. 1305 01:18:30,747 --> 01:18:32,124 Sorry, my lord. 1306 01:18:38,838 --> 01:18:41,591 What am I looking at? Ten years? 1307 01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:47,013 I'll make my closing speech, and then the judge will give his summing-up, 1308 01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:51,893 which, I warn you, may sound a bit like the second speech for the prosecution. 1309 01:18:52,811 --> 01:18:56,147 All the benches up there have this Latin phrase on them. 1310 01:18:56,231 --> 01:18:58,692 "Domine dirige nos." 1311 01:18:58,775 --> 01:18:59,818 "Lord, direct us." 1312 01:19:00,402 --> 01:19:02,571 God help us, more like. 1313 01:19:05,281 --> 01:19:07,075 Well, I'll give you two some time. 1314 01:19:07,158 --> 01:19:08,535 Please. 1315 01:19:18,962 --> 01:19:21,505 - Well, you're all over the papers. - Am I? 1316 01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:26,260 You could have told me. 1317 01:19:26,344 --> 01:19:28,096 We could have dealt with it together. 1318 01:19:29,806 --> 01:19:30,932 Could we? 1319 01:19:36,938 --> 01:19:38,522 I read the rest of your play. 1320 01:19:39,107 --> 01:19:41,609 I'm sorry you felt you were to blame. You're not. 1321 01:19:47,991 --> 01:19:49,617 I went to see her. 1322 01:19:51,953 --> 01:19:54,372 - Nice spot, isn't it? - Uh-huh. Lovely. 1323 01:19:57,833 --> 01:20:00,753 - Cleaned it up a bit. - I like the wildness. 1324 01:20:01,837 --> 01:20:04,673 - She died in the country. - Any excuse to do nothing. 1325 01:20:11,305 --> 01:20:13,056 How long will you get? 1326 01:20:13,140 --> 01:20:14,267 I don't know. 1327 01:20:15,393 --> 01:20:16,394 Ten years. 1328 01:20:21,399 --> 01:20:23,025 You didn't take the painting. 1329 01:20:24,610 --> 01:20:26,820 Would you rather Jackie was in the dock? 1330 01:20:29,990 --> 01:20:31,617 I'm sorry, Dolly. 1331 01:20:33,661 --> 01:20:35,621 It's a mess. 1332 01:20:40,333 --> 01:20:41,960 It's a mess, all right. 1333 01:20:52,262 --> 01:20:55,974 As night follows day, Kempton Bunton stole the Goya. 1334 01:20:57,893 --> 01:20:59,519 So say the prosecution. 1335 01:21:00,062 --> 01:21:01,646 Now... 1336 01:21:02,689 --> 01:21:04,066 ...that puzzled me, 1337 01:21:05,233 --> 01:21:09,112 because nothing is a crime in this country 1338 01:21:09,196 --> 01:21:13,866 unless it is expressly forbidden by law. 1339 01:21:14,659 --> 01:21:18,746 If your neighbour borrows your lawnmower and doesn't return it for months, 1340 01:21:18,830 --> 01:21:22,459 it is frustrating, it is annoying, 1341 01:21:22,542 --> 01:21:24,627 but it is not theft. 1342 01:21:26,128 --> 01:21:31,008 Because he had no intention of permanently depriving you of it. 1343 01:21:32,259 --> 01:21:35,304 Kempton Bunton is your neighbour. 1344 01:21:35,388 --> 01:21:38,099 He is not a thief. 1345 01:21:38,182 --> 01:21:41,769 He borrowed your Goya to... 1346 01:21:41,853 --> 01:21:45,189 ...try and do a bit of good in this world, 1347 01:21:45,773 --> 01:21:47,191 in a world where... 1348 01:21:49,110 --> 01:21:50,277 I am you... 1349 01:21:52,238 --> 01:21:53,572 and you are me, 1350 01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:55,992 to try and benefit 1351 01:21:56,075 --> 01:21:58,828 some of the most vulnerable people in society. 1352 01:21:58,911 --> 01:22:03,457 He returned it, delivered it in person, the Goya. 1353 01:22:03,540 --> 01:22:06,919 Late, yes, yes... 1354 01:22:08,629 --> 01:22:09,630 yes. 1355 01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:17,096 Who amongst us hasn't been late returning a lawnmower? 1356 01:22:21,017 --> 01:22:23,019 When all is said and done... 1357 01:22:27,481 --> 01:22:29,275 he's a pretty good neighbour, really. 1358 01:22:30,692 --> 01:22:31,693 Isn't he? 1359 01:22:35,239 --> 01:22:36,490 Thank you. 1360 01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:49,920 And in response to Mr. Bunton's confession 1361 01:22:50,003 --> 01:22:52,088 that he took the Goya, 1362 01:22:52,172 --> 01:22:54,716 you may consider that as a result of his defense, 1363 01:22:54,800 --> 01:22:57,636 every gallery in the country will be powerless to prevent anyone 1364 01:22:57,719 --> 01:23:00,889 from borrowing a Rubens for the weekend, 1365 01:23:00,972 --> 01:23:03,892 to hang in the hallway to impress the chair of the Rotary Club. 1366 01:23:03,975 --> 01:23:06,603 Can this country really allow such behaviour 1367 01:23:06,687 --> 01:23:09,230 to be placed outside our criminal law? 1368 01:23:09,773 --> 01:23:13,068 Now, that is a question I urge you to focus on now, 1369 01:23:13,819 --> 01:23:16,988 as you retire to consider your verdicts. 1370 01:23:31,794 --> 01:23:33,296 This is a good sandwich. 1371 01:23:34,797 --> 01:23:35,840 It is. 1372 01:23:35,923 --> 01:23:38,176 For cheese. 1373 01:24:09,874 --> 01:24:11,917 Will the foreman please stand? 1374 01:24:12,543 --> 01:24:14,044 And the defendant. 1375 01:24:15,045 --> 01:24:16,589 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 1376 01:24:16,672 --> 01:24:20,342 have you reached verdicts upon which all 12 of you are agreed? 1377 01:24:21,176 --> 01:24:22,177 We have. 1378 01:24:22,762 --> 01:24:25,264 On the charge of the theft of a picture frame 1379 01:24:25,347 --> 01:24:29,018 to the value of £80, property of the National Gallery, 1380 01:24:29,101 --> 01:24:31,561 do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty? 1381 01:24:31,645 --> 01:24:32,646 Guilty. 1382 01:24:36,566 --> 01:24:39,236 Establishment fix-up! Establishment fix-up! 1383 01:24:39,319 --> 01:24:41,446 There will be silence! 1384 01:24:42,239 --> 01:24:44,908 Or I shall order the public gallery cleared. 1385 01:24:46,910 --> 01:24:49,663 On the charge of the theft of the Goya portrait 1386 01:24:49,746 --> 01:24:51,123 of the Duke of Wellington, 1387 01:24:51,206 --> 01:24:54,334 do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty? 1388 01:25:05,679 --> 01:25:06,971 Not guilty. 1389 01:25:21,486 --> 01:25:24,448 On the charge of demanding money with menaces 1390 01:25:24,531 --> 01:25:25,824 for the return of the portrait, 1391 01:25:25,907 --> 01:25:28,702 do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty? 1392 01:25:28,785 --> 01:25:29,869 Not guilty. 1393 01:25:32,706 --> 01:25:33,790 Silence! 1394 01:25:34,373 --> 01:25:36,417 Silence in court. 1395 01:25:37,961 --> 01:25:40,588 On the charge of creating a public nuisance 1396 01:25:40,672 --> 01:25:43,717 by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait, 1397 01:25:43,800 --> 01:25:45,201 do you find the defendant guilty... 1398 01:25:45,259 --> 01:25:46,469 Not guilty. 1399 01:25:52,934 --> 01:25:55,561 It's a hat-trick! 1400 01:25:55,644 --> 01:25:57,355 Whoo! 1401 01:25:57,438 --> 01:26:00,066 ♪ And did those feet ♪ 1402 01:26:00,149 --> 01:26:01,442 ♪ In ancient time... ♪ 1403 01:26:01,525 --> 01:26:04,237 Silence! Silence in court. 1404 01:26:04,320 --> 01:26:06,864 ♪ Walk up on England's mountains ♪ 1405 01:26:06,947 --> 01:26:09,032 I will have silence. 1406 01:26:09,117 --> 01:26:10,743 ♪ And did the... ♪ 1407 01:26:10,826 --> 01:26:13,537 - Silence in court! ♪ -...Holy Lamb of God... ♪ 1408 01:26:13,621 --> 01:26:15,038 Remove that woman. 1409 01:26:15,789 --> 01:26:17,666 I'm not going anywhere. 1410 01:26:22,880 --> 01:26:29,595 ♪ And did thy countenance divine ♪ 1411 01:26:29,678 --> 01:26:35,684 ♪ Shine forth upon our clouded hills? ♪ 1412 01:26:36,852 --> 01:26:41,481 ♪ And was Jerusalem builded here... ♪ 1413 01:26:41,565 --> 01:26:43,150 Thank you. 1414 01:26:44,151 --> 01:26:46,486 ♪ Among those dark ♪ 1415 01:26:46,570 --> 01:26:51,491 ♪ Satanic mills... ♪ 1416 01:26:53,576 --> 01:26:55,453 Give us one of those bags. 1417 01:26:56,371 --> 01:26:58,373 - You're here. - Course I'm here. 1418 01:26:58,456 --> 01:27:00,208 Where else do you think I'd be? 1419 01:27:00,959 --> 01:27:04,046 I haven't been wasting me time. I've written a couple of plays. 1420 01:27:04,129 --> 01:27:05,463 Hmm. 1421 01:27:05,547 --> 01:27:07,715 Shakespeare must be shivering in his boots. 1422 01:27:07,799 --> 01:27:11,261 I expect so. And Chekhov. 1423 01:27:12,595 --> 01:27:13,846 Who's Chekhov? 1424 01:27:15,473 --> 01:27:18,268 Do you remember that play we went to see about the three sisters? 1425 01:27:18,351 --> 01:27:24,316 ♪ I will not cease from mental fight ♪ 1426 01:27:24,399 --> 01:27:30,822 ♪ Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand ♪ 1427 01:27:30,905 --> 01:27:37,454 ♪ Till we have built Jerusalem ♪ 1428 01:27:37,995 --> 01:27:40,415 ♪ In England's green ♪ 1429 01:27:40,498 --> 01:27:45,420 ♪ And pleasant land ♪ 1430 01:27:45,503 --> 01:27:46,963 There she is. 1431 01:27:55,304 --> 01:27:57,974 - Welcome home, Dad. - Welcome home, Dad. 1432 01:27:58,057 --> 01:27:59,684 I'll put the kettle on. 1433 01:28:01,143 --> 01:28:02,604 Is one of those for me? 1434 01:28:04,981 --> 01:28:06,065 Wet your whistle. 1435 01:28:06,148 --> 01:28:07,984 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1436 01:28:12,529 --> 01:28:15,199 - I needed that. - I bet you did. 1437 01:28:15,282 --> 01:28:16,993 Best I've ever tasted. 1438 01:28:25,209 --> 01:28:27,378 The Director of Public Prosecutions and I 1439 01:28:27,461 --> 01:28:30,381 have considered the evidence in the case, 1440 01:28:31,632 --> 01:28:32,799 and your confession. 1441 01:28:34,718 --> 01:28:38,889 It goes without saying, it is an offense of the utmost gravity. 1442 01:28:40,974 --> 01:28:44,478 However, in order to prosecute, 1443 01:28:44,561 --> 01:28:46,355 we would be compelled to call... 1444 01:28:48,565 --> 01:28:49,733 the original defendant. 1445 01:28:49,816 --> 01:28:51,818 It puts us in a delicate position, 1446 01:28:52,653 --> 01:28:56,156 given the public spectacle your father seems to create. 1447 01:28:56,907 --> 01:28:59,075 So, it has been decided that... 1448 01:29:01,119 --> 01:29:03,789 ...prosecuting you may not be in the public interest. 1449 01:29:03,872 --> 01:29:07,333 What, you mean Kempton would make you look stupid again? 1450 01:29:08,168 --> 01:29:09,169 Sorry. I didn't mean... 1451 01:29:09,252 --> 01:29:13,131 Of course, if a single word of this were ever to go beyond these walls, 1452 01:29:13,214 --> 01:29:15,175 we could always change our minds. 1453 01:29:16,592 --> 01:29:18,303 - Clear? - Clear. 1454 01:29:29,981 --> 01:29:31,482 - Irene? - I will. 1455 01:29:31,566 --> 01:29:34,069 - Will you marry me? - I just said I will. 1456 01:29:40,825 --> 01:29:42,994 Just like you on this island, Dr. No. 1457 01:29:43,078 --> 01:29:46,831 It depends, Mr. Bond, on which side of the glass you are. 1458 01:29:48,249 --> 01:29:51,836 A medium dry martini, lemon peel, shaken, not stirred. 1459 01:29:51,919 --> 01:29:53,588 - Vodka? - Of course. 1460 01:30:04,432 --> 01:30:06,392 It's that bloody picture again. 1461 01:30:06,476 --> 01:30:08,227 He should put that into a wardrobe. 1462 01:30:08,769 --> 01:30:10,730 He'd have to get Jackie to fix it for him. 1463 01:30:11,981 --> 01:30:14,817 Well, Dr. No, you haven't done badly, considering. 1464 01:30:14,900 --> 01:30:17,027 A handicap is what you make of it... 112953

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