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1
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,188
(GROANING)
2
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:59,127
Oh, honey,
you don't look so good.
3
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,661
You should stay home
from brunch.
4
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,363
Are you sure?
Mmm.
5
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,831
I really want to go.
6
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,866
You stay and rest.
7
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,636
You can see Grandma
when we get back.
8
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,842
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
9
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,706
Wanna fuck me, baby?
10
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:19,807
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Oh, yes. Yeah.
11
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,675
You wanna fuck me?
12
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,783
Hey, Erik. Do you know
if your dad still has
my clippers?
13
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,720
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
14
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,689
All right. Go back
to what you were doing.
15
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,327
(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
16
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,429
You wanna fuck me, baby?
17
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,301
Yeah.
18
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,844
(WOMAN MOANING)
19
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:00,714
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
20
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,383
Yes, please.
21
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,287
Oh, do me, baby.
22
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,388
Honey.
23
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,490
Yeah, just like that.
24
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,893
Oh, yeah!
So good, so good, baby.
25
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,328
Oh, yeah!
26
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,299
I told you I was paying.
27
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,934
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
28
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,836
Honey, she doesn't like
to waste money.
29
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,005
There's no way
I'm letting you pay full price
30
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,809
when there's a two-for-one
coupon sitting on the counter.
31
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:29,843
I'll be right out.
32
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,012
I'm coming, too.
Now I gotta pee.
33
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:32,980
I'll check on Erik.
34
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,315
ERIK: Oh, yeah.
35
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,317
Oh. Oh, that's good.
36
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,486
You like that?
I like that, too.
Oh, yeah!
37
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:40,854
HARRY: Here we go.
38
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,955
MOTHER: Okay, Mom.
39
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,891
Harder.
Harder? Okay.
40
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,293
Oh, yeah! So good.
41
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,960
Like this?
Yeah, right there, babe.
42
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,462
Like this? Like this?
Yeah.
43
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,863
Baby, do me just like that.
44
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:52,366
Okay, attagirl.
45
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,769
From behind?
Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
46
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,938
Okay.
All right.
47
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,840
You wanna cum for me, baby?
Oh, yeah.
48
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,875
Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
I'm so close. I will.
49
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:02,943
MOTHER: We're almost there.
50
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:03,977
You're gonna cum for me?
51
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,045
I'm about to. I'm about to.
52
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,914
That's it, baby.
53
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:10,384
(SCREAMING)
54
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,261
Grandma. Grandma.
55
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,598
HARRY: Grandma.
56
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,570
ERIK: And that's the day
my grandmother died.
57
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,606
And it's pretty much the story
of my life. But let me back
things up a little bit.
58
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,850
That's me. Not exactly
the life of the party.
59
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,821
That's my buddy,
Mike Coozeman.
60
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:51,825
Everybody calls him Cooze
'cause that's all
he's ever interested in.
61
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:55,095
Cooze is a self-proclaimed
ladies' man and a legend
in his own mind.
62
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,497
Sometimes his methods are...
63
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,998
(GROANS)
64
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,533
questionable.
65
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:03,371
Very smooth.
66
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,506
Oh, please.
I consider that foreplay.
67
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,574
Where's Ryan?
68
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,342
I don't know.
69
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:12,480
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing
with Stacey and Shelly.
70
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,850
ERIK: That's my best friend,
Ryan Grimm.
71
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,853
I don't know how he does it.
72
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:25,125
See, I told you there was
enough for both of you.
73
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,860
He moved here in second grade.
74
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:30,498
Believe it or not, back then,
I was the one showing him
the ropes.
75
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,366
Now he's the quarterback
of the football team,
76
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,635
and the coolest guy in school.
77
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,805
Hey, I brought you a vodka
and ginger ale so it won't
upset your stomach.
78
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,107
Oh, thanks.
79
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:43,977
That's Tracy, my girlfriend.
Pretty hot, huh?
80
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,546
We met in Biology,
junior year.
81
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,482
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
82
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,523
Oh!
83
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,792
I don't know what she saw
in me,
84
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:03,096
but when I finally got up
the nerve to ask her out,
she said yes.
85
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,668
And for some reason,
she kept going out with me.
86
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,472
It's like she totally gets me.
87
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,509
And I try my best to get her.
88
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,585
Come on. Take the low one.
It's easy.
89
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,455
(SIGHING)
90
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,922
Screw it.
91
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,726
(HORSE NEIGHING)
92
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:35,929
Oh!
93
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,935
Are you all right?
94
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:45,205
I don't know. Is it possible
to break your ass?
95
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:49,943
Okay, I promise I'll never
make you ride a horse again.
96
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:53,714
Looks like
she's perfect, right?
There's just one problem.
97
00:06:56,517 --> 00:07:01,622
Tracy's not ready
to have sex yet,
so that makes me a virgin.
98
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:05,225
Now, being one of
the only virgins in school
is bad enough,
99
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,427
but it's even worse for me.
100
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,163
Yup.
101
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,000
I'm a Stifler.
102
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,503
My cousins are
the legendary Stifler boys.
103
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:21,241
Steve, his brother, Matt,
and our other cousin, Dwight.
104
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,744
You see, with my last name
comes responsibility,
105
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,647
a reputation that I'm supposed
to live up to.
106
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,183
Unfortunately,
I've let down the family name
on more than one occasion.
107
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,719
What's your problem, Erik?
108
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,755
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
109
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:38,526
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked
that goat.
110
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:42,195
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy
by now.
111
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,131
ERIK: Stifler.
112
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:48,736
My name, my legacy, my curse.
113
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,076
I can't believe
you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.
114
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,078
The coroner's findings
were inconclusive.
115
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,781
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
116
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,984
Yeah, why don't you just
go on the Internet
like a normal person?
117
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,953
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
118
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,689
after you spent
the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.
119
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,559
Man, you are pathetic.
120
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:14,127
You know who I blame
for this? Tracy.
121
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,796
What? Why?
122
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,298
Because, if she would just
give up a little ass,
123
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:22,703
then maybe you wouldn't be
killing your relatives
with your money shot.
124
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:29,677
Erik, you cannot graduate
a virgin. For Christ's sake,
you're a Stifler.
125
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,587
Hey, sweetie.
How was your math class?
126
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,022
It was all right.
How was English?
127
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,124
Pretty interesting, actually.
128
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,026
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?
129
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,796
He was doing
that pencil thing all...
That's cool.
130
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,632
You okay?
131
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,133
Yeah, I'm fine.
132
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:59,106
Erik, we've been dating
for two years. I know when
something's bothering you.
133
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,507
Nothing's wrong.
134
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,276
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability
to read me.
135
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:06,747
Because I do. What is it?
136
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:10,117
You're gonna think
I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.
137
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,621
Come on, Erik,
you know you can talk to me
about anything.
138
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,590
All right.
139
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,163
It's the sex.
140
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,465
I mean,
141
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,869
we've been together
for two years.
Two years, Trace.
142
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,371
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
143
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,173
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
144
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,709
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
145
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,811
I mean, people are dying.
146
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,748
I told you, I'm not ready yet.
147
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,183
I am so ready.
148
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,352
Can't I be ready enough
for the both of us?
149
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,354
It doesn't work that way.
150
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,823
It should.
151
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,259
I'm sorry, Erik. I know
how patient you've been.
152
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,695
I know. It's just sometimes...
153
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,429
What?
154
00:09:56,463 --> 00:10:00,367
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you
to be a virgin
155
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,370
because the longer you stay
a virgin, the more pure
and innocent you seem.
156
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,105
The longer I stay a virgin,
157
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,375
the more I become
the laughingstock
of the entire school.
158
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,812
I'm sorry, but... I mean...
159
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,814
I'm sorry I brought it up.
160
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,783
(BELL RINGING)
161
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,885
I gotta go.
I'll see you after school.
162
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,221
Okay.
163
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:24,692
Bye.
164
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,801
I'm telling you,
his dick was this big.
165
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,838
NATALIE: What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.
166
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,873
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
167
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:42,309
Whatever.
168
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,845
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size
from dry humping.
169
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,313
Brooke, that's mean.
170
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,416
Just because I don't have
a catalog of the school's
dick sizes like you,
171
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,384
doesn't mean I don't know
a thing or two.
172
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:54,421
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
173
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,225
See? Told you.
174
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,793
Come on, Brooke.
175
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,428
It's not like that with us.
176
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,931
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.
177
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,166
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
178
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,902
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
179
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,270
Erik would never do that.
180
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,205
Yeah, that's what you said
about Trent.
181
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:15,475
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
182
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:19,412
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.
183
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:24,284
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up
with Holly.
184
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:28,789
Look, Tracy, we love you,
and we love Erik,
but let's get real.
185
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,258
He's a guy,
and guys have certain needs.
186
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:35,162
They really do. It's like
a caveman thing or something.
187
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,766
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up
this long.
188
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,802
Hey, Erik,
guess who I just talked to?
189
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:42,936
Who?
190
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,205
Your cousin Stifler
up at Michigan.
191
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,439
Why are you talking
to my cousin Dwight?
192
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,776
Oh, we talk all the time.
193
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,310
What?
We have a lot in common.
194
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,245
What's that crazy bastard
up to?
195
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:56,249
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is
drink and fuck.
196
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,786
And it just so happens
that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend
197
00:11:58,819 --> 00:11:59,920
for the Naked Mile.
198
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,021
What's the Naked Mile?
199
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,023
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
200
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,758
run naked through campus.
201
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,827
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.
202
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,896
Thousands of naked chicks?
203
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,965
Stifler says that this party
is gonna be epic.
204
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:14,001
Bottom line is,
this place is played out.
205
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,502
High school's over for us.
206
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,005
It's time to plant our flag
in a new land.
207
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:21,408
Porn, cumshot,
dead grandmother,
grounded for ever?
208
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,844
Don't worry.
209
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,979
Just tell your parents that,
you know, you're thinking
about going to school there.
210
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,315
I don't know, man.
Oh, please.
211
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,918
Your mom cried when
you told her you were going
to school in Boston.
212
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,386
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you
close to home.
213
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,355
I'll help you pack.
214
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,790
I'll make sandwiches.
215
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:37,825
Chicken salad?
216
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:38,826
Of course.
217
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,028
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
218
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,997
Yeah. We might stop by
and say hello.
219
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:47,300
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
220
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,502
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load
on his family.
221
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,371
Harry, please.
HARRY: I don't understand.
222
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,842
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck
in poontang.
223
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:57,244
I didn't have time
to spank my monkey.
224
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,848
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
225
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,417
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home
and pull dick.
226
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,986
We cut class to get ass.
227
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,355
Yes, I know. That saying is
on our family crest.
228
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,290
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
229
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,491
You know,
just in case you get diarrhea.
230
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,493
Mom.
I am so excited.
231
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:14,594
Aren't you excited, Harry?
232
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,463
I'm very excited.
233
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,266
Don't you get excited.
234
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,533
ERIK: It worked
just like you said.
235
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,536
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us
sandwiches.
236
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,105
Chicken salad?
Yup.
237
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,473
Sweet.
238
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,275
See, I told you.
Never doubt me.
239
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:32,880
RYAN: Man, this weekend
is gonna be tits.
I can't wait to see Stifler.
240
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,883
Hey, how come
you never call me Stifler?
241
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,417
You're more of an Erik.
242
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,618
(BEEPING)
243
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,587
Hold on.
244
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,355
That's Tracy.
I'd better take it.
245
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:43,390
All right, later.
246
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,896
Hey, sweetie. Listen,
about today, I'm really...
247
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,964
Erik, I wanna have sex.
248
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,400
Excuse me?
249
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,869
TRACY: I wanna have sex.
250
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,037
Are you serious?
251
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,439
Absolutely.
252
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:02,109
Do you have me on a conference
call? Because if you do,
that is so not cool.
253
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,977
Erik, this isn't a joke.
254
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,846
I want to have sex.
255
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,984
Yes! Yes, yes.
256
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,519
TRACY: Tonight.
257
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,586
What?
258
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,957
Tonight.
I wanna have sex tonight.
259
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,391
How am I supposed to get
out of my house?
260
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,927
That's up to you.
261
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,563
But at midnight,
I'll be in my basement
262
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,198
waiting to be ravished.
263
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:26,967
I'll be there.
264
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,590
Hypocrite.
265
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,595
So you get the beer
and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.
266
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,364
You got it.
What's Erik bringing?
267
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,598
Sandwiches.
268
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:02,535
Nice. Chicken salad
and college pussy.
269
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,471
My favorite combination.
270
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,039
Yeah, well,
at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.
271
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,374
Ow.
272
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,176
Hey, what do you think Erik's
doing right now?
273
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:12,445
Probably beating off
to dumpster porn.
274
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,615
No more beating off
to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.
275
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,051
Tonight, Erik Stifler
becomes a man.
276
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,990
Hi.
Come on in.
277
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,499
All right, listen.
No.
278
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,701
No talking.
279
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,175
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
280
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,096
Wait.
281
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,530
What?
282
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:38,798
Did you hear something?
283
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,635
No. Don't worry,
my parents are passed out.
284
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:48,041
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
285
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:51,144
Here, I'll help you relax.
286
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,061
You brought something, right?
287
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,332
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
288
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,236
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
289
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,771
No, no, don't worry.
I've got one.
290
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,245
Do you wanna put it on
or should I?
291
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,046
Let's put it on together.
292
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,199
Are you ready?
293
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,235
Yeah.
294
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,103
(DOOR OPENING)
295
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:53,273
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar.
Now!
296
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,252
What are you still doing up?
297
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,354
Honey, what are you still
doing up?
298
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,157
Yoga.
299
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,558
I ate too much at dinner.
300
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,825
Why don't you take
an Alka-Seltzer?
301
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,694
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
302
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,163
I just need a nightcap.
303
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,397
(FARTING)
304
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,867
Excuse me.
305
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,303
Sounds like you could use
an Alka-Seltzer.
306
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,672
Daddy. Here,
let me get you your drink.
307
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,674
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
308
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,576
No, Daddy, I really want to.
309
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,645
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.
310
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,326
(RUSTLING)
311
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,128
What was that?
312
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,231
What was what?
313
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:53,166
I didn't hear anything.
314
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,169
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
315
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,334
I must be hearing things.
316
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,503
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
317
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,305
(FARTING)
318
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:34,907
What the...
319
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,814
(GROANING)
320
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,318
(SCREAMING)
321
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,825
You all right, baby?
322
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,394
I'm fine, Daddy.
323
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:11,344
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
324
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,781
I'm calling the police.
325
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,888
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
326
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,399
Ryan? Ryan?
327
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,467
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
328
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:36,336
What the fuck?
329
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,937
It's me. It's Erik.
330
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,907
Dude, why are you naked
in my room?
331
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,711
And with a rubber
on your dick.
332
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,914
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
333
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,783
Look, I'm in serious trouble,
okay? I need your help.
334
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:51,918
(SNIFFING)
335
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,787
What's that smell?
336
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,889
Did you step in dog shit?
337
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,826
Yeah.
338
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,862
Hey, man,
thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.
339
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,765
No, thanks.
Why don't you just burn them?
340
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,734
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
341
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,337
Wonder if I get a reward
for turning you in.
342
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,539
NEWSREADER: If the alleged
improprieties are confirmed,
343
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,007
it could be devastating
for the White House.
344
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,543
Sources near the
administration would neither
345
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,346
confirm nor deny
the allegations.
346
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:22,949
And in local news,
a masked burglar broke
into an area residence,
347
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:27,086
defecated in the family's
dryer, and then exposed
himself to a teenage girl.
348
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,788
Police are continuing
the search,
349
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,558
but the whereabouts and
identity of the perpetrator
is unknown.
350
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:33,493
What is wrong
with these people?
351
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,027
And now, Dakota Snow
with the weekend forecast.
352
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,062
I don't know.
353
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:45,905
You scared me.
354
00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,507
Sorry.
355
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,008
Listen, about last night...
356
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:52,512
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather
not talk about it.
357
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:55,782
I really think that we should.
358
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:58,551
Erik, you took a crap
in my dryer.
359
00:21:58,585 --> 00:22:01,821
Your dad scared
the shit out of me.
360
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,122
Wait.
You know, let's just...
361
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,324
Let's forget about it, okay?
362
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:09,996
Okay, but what about
the other thing?
363
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:15,101
The sex?
364
00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:17,970
I'm taking last night
as a sign from above.
365
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,572
But maybe... I mean, if your
dad didn't come down...
366
00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:23,142
Erik, I love you. I'm just...
367
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,911
I'm not ready yet.
368
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,613
Really?
369
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,616
Really.
370
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:32,652
But I also realized
just how ready you are.
371
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:35,988
I don't wanna break up
over sex.
372
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:38,991
I don't think we have to.
373
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:43,129
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me
to keep you tied down.
374
00:22:45,097 --> 00:22:47,600
So, this is what
I'm proposing.
375
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,404
A guilt-free pass
for this weekend.
376
00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:54,607
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
377
00:22:54,641 --> 00:22:56,943
with no consequences.
378
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:00,847
You're sure about this?
379
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,116
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
380
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:07,620
so I'm okay with this.
381
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:10,723
One weekend.
Get it out of your system,
382
00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:13,726
and come back to me.
383
00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:17,396
Is this some kind of a test?
384
00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:19,699
Not at all.
385
00:23:27,507 --> 00:23:29,141
RYAN: ...and one of bomb beer.
COOZE: Yes.
386
00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:30,477
See, this is perfect.
387
00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:33,145
Hey, we all set?
388
00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:34,614
I don't know.
389
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:35,882
I told you he'd puss out.
390
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,985
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
391
00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,687
What's the problem?
392
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,022
There is no problem.
393
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,191
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend,
394
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:47,627
which means I can do
anything I want.
395
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:48,961
Anything?
396
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,397
You mean...
397
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:55,635
Yeah, she said
that love and sex
don't have to be linked.
398
00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:57,203
She wants me to get it
out of my system.
399
00:23:57,236 --> 00:24:03,142
Dude, your girlfriend just
went from the lamest
to the coolest in one shot.
400
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:05,144
You guys think it could be,
like, some sort of a test?
401
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:07,246
No, no.
No, no.
402
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,048
Tracy's a smart girl.
403
00:24:09,081 --> 00:24:10,717
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
404
00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:13,185
Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.
405
00:24:13,219 --> 00:24:14,253
You think so?
406
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:15,722
Absolutely.
407
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,190
You're driving.
408
00:24:18,224 --> 00:24:21,761
Now get in the car
so we can go get you
some random pussy.
409
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:25,532
Gentlemen,
it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,
410
00:24:25,565 --> 00:24:28,000
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
411
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:30,202
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
412
00:24:30,236 --> 00:24:32,739
And I am too drunk to drive.
413
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:34,707
Hit it.
414
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:38,010
(HIGHWAY TO HELL PLAYING)
415
00:24:56,563 --> 00:24:59,031
You sure this shit's safe?
416
00:24:59,065 --> 00:25:02,669
It's as safe as
any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.
417
00:25:05,772 --> 00:25:07,574
Look at the size
of that fucking chicken.
418
00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:08,675
Where?
419
00:25:08,708 --> 00:25:09,842
(TIRES SCREECHING)
420
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:14,246
RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
What fucking chicken?
421
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,583
Relax, he's hallucinating.
422
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:19,719
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
423
00:25:19,752 --> 00:25:22,822
Yeah, Tracy.
What were you thinking?
424
00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:25,291
But you guys told me
I had to give him
a reason to stick around.
425
00:25:25,324 --> 00:25:27,594
Yeah, you give him a reason,
426
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:30,062
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
427
00:25:30,096 --> 00:25:31,330
You've got to stop this.
428
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:34,834
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's
gonna happen?
429
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:36,268
That it will get it
out of his system.
430
00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:38,137
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.
431
00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,306
He's gonna go from
getting laid
back to dry humping.
432
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:42,274
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
433
00:25:42,308 --> 00:25:46,646
Risky? It's a fucking
Pandora's box, literally.
434
00:25:46,679 --> 00:25:51,150
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet
on the inside of the box,
435
00:25:51,183 --> 00:25:54,687
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick
on the outside of the lid.
436
00:25:54,721 --> 00:25:56,589
Never thought of it like that.
437
00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:58,825
Tracy, men are like dogs
438
00:25:58,858 --> 00:26:01,661
that run around and hump
anything they see.
439
00:26:01,694 --> 00:26:04,764
Now go and get your dog
back on its leash.
440
00:26:21,347 --> 00:26:23,215
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
441
00:26:27,854 --> 00:26:29,321
Come on, Erik.
442
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:37,930
I knew it was
too good to be true.
443
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:46,372
Sorry, kids.
It's for the best.
444
00:27:13,265 --> 00:27:14,366
Tracy?
445
00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:16,703
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
446
00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:17,904
Hi.
Hi.
447
00:27:17,937 --> 00:27:19,839
You're back for more yoga.
448
00:27:19,872 --> 00:27:21,340
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
449
00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:26,412
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible,
we can try some new...
450
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:31,784
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
451
00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:35,254
No.
452
00:27:35,287 --> 00:27:37,389
Oh, well, my wife just got it,
453
00:27:37,423 --> 00:27:40,960
and there's some stuff
in there that requires
some serious stretching,
454
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:43,830
if you know what I mean.
455
00:27:43,863 --> 00:27:47,466
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
456
00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:50,336
Oh, you know,
just some boyfriend stuff.
457
00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:53,339
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
458
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:56,876
Well, if there's
anything I can do.
459
00:27:56,909 --> 00:28:00,346
No offense or anything,
but I don't think
you'd understand.
460
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:02,348
Oh, I see.
461
00:28:03,449 --> 00:28:05,785
You know, my son had
his fair share
462
00:28:05,818 --> 00:28:09,722
of relationship/sexual/
463
00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:13,760
pastry-related difficulties,
464
00:28:13,793 --> 00:28:19,732
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.
465
00:28:19,766 --> 00:28:23,335
Well, do you have any advice
for a girl dumb enough
to give her virgin boyfriend
466
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:26,438
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend?
467
00:28:26,472 --> 00:28:29,876
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
468
00:28:29,909 --> 00:28:33,179
That means he could do
whatever he wants this weekend
with no consequences.
469
00:28:33,212 --> 00:28:35,414
Oh my!
470
00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:39,251
Well, that certainly sounds
progressive,
471
00:28:39,285 --> 00:28:43,856
and a safe bet on
what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.
472
00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:48,494
He's at the Naked Mile
this weekend.
473
00:28:48,527 --> 00:28:52,932
You gave your boyfriend
a guilt-free pass to the Naked
Mile? Are you kidding me?
474
00:28:52,965 --> 00:28:56,268
Tracy, the Naked Mile
is insane. You...
475
00:28:56,302 --> 00:29:00,239
From what I hear. I wouldn't
know from personal experience
476
00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:04,343
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever
to do with it.
477
00:29:04,376 --> 00:29:07,246
But, look, Tracy,
478
00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:10,516
even if your boyfriend is
at this Naked Mile,
479
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:13,452
it doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
480
00:29:14,854 --> 00:29:15,855
Really?
481
00:29:15,888 --> 00:29:18,925
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
482
00:29:20,359 --> 00:29:23,295
Relationships are
all about trust.
483
00:29:26,398 --> 00:29:28,835
Yeah, I guess you're right.
484
00:29:29,568 --> 00:29:32,538
Well, namaste.
485
00:29:33,072 --> 00:29:34,340
Namaste.
486
00:29:52,424 --> 00:29:54,360
Hey, have you seen my phone?
487
00:29:54,393 --> 00:29:55,527
No.
488
00:29:55,561 --> 00:29:57,930
Maybe you left it
back at school.
489
00:29:57,964 --> 00:29:59,866
No, no, I thought
I put in my backpack.
490
00:30:03,602 --> 00:30:06,839
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead?
I gotta take a piss.
491
00:30:06,873 --> 00:30:09,141
Just piss in a can
or something.
492
00:30:10,642 --> 00:30:12,845
Man, I could cut my dick
on the lip.
493
00:30:12,879 --> 00:30:14,346
Well, piss out the window.
494
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:44,143
Love that breeze off the lake.
495
00:30:57,056 --> 00:30:59,558
COOZE: This place
is incredible.
496
00:30:59,591 --> 00:31:02,661
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
497
00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:05,631
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
498
00:31:05,664 --> 00:31:08,600
Fuck off. I told you,
I got in on my SAT scores.
499
00:31:08,634 --> 00:31:11,070
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
500
00:31:11,103 --> 00:31:12,939
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)
501
00:31:12,972 --> 00:31:15,441
Whatever. Still got in.
502
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:18,644
Hey, why does it smell
like piss back here?
503
00:31:21,647 --> 00:31:23,983
RYAN: This is it.
Beta Delta Psi.
504
00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:25,952
ERIK: Is this the place?
RYAN: Yeah.
505
00:31:25,985 --> 00:31:26,919
Cool.
506
00:31:28,955 --> 00:31:29,655
Whoa.
507
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,629
What's going on here?
508
00:31:37,663 --> 00:31:39,431
I have no idea.
509
00:31:47,606 --> 00:31:50,977
ALL: Drink. Drink.
Drink. Drink.
510
00:31:56,215 --> 00:31:58,184
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
511
00:31:58,217 --> 00:31:59,118
Hold your drink!
512
00:32:03,189 --> 00:32:04,523
MAN: Whoa.
513
00:32:10,696 --> 00:32:12,531
MAN: Okay.
514
00:32:13,032 --> 00:32:14,400
Yeah.
515
00:32:18,237 --> 00:32:20,672
How you feeling there,
Stretch?
516
00:32:21,173 --> 00:32:22,474
Little dizzy?
517
00:32:24,010 --> 00:32:25,677
'Cause guess what?
518
00:32:25,711 --> 00:32:29,648
Stifler can drink this shit
all day long.
519
00:32:32,184 --> 00:32:33,585
(ALL CHEERING)
520
00:32:35,087 --> 00:32:36,488
ALL: Stifler!
521
00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:40,126
Your cousin is my hero.
522
00:32:41,227 --> 00:32:42,761
(MAN WHISTLING)
523
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:45,464
All right, everybody freeze!
Oh, shit.
524
00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:47,099
Campus security.
525
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,002
Nobody takes another drink...
526
00:32:54,273 --> 00:32:57,543
...till I got my bet down.
I got $200 on Stifler!
527
00:33:02,214 --> 00:33:05,184
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
528
00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:07,019
OFFICER: Let's do it. Do it!
529
00:33:07,053 --> 00:33:07,753
Yeah.
530
00:33:25,104 --> 00:33:28,140
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
531
00:33:28,174 --> 00:33:30,008
But you're no match
for the Stif-man.
532
00:33:31,710 --> 00:33:33,579
Fuck you, Stifler.
533
00:33:35,247 --> 00:33:36,582
Yeah.
534
00:33:38,117 --> 00:33:39,285
Yeah.
535
00:33:42,721 --> 00:33:44,490
(ALL MURMURING)
536
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:45,824
What's the matter, Boy Band?
537
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:48,794
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
538
00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:52,298
(BELCHING)
539
00:33:55,667 --> 00:33:57,236
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
540
00:33:57,269 --> 00:33:58,704
(BLOWING)
541
00:33:58,737 --> 00:34:01,173
Yeah, take in
the Stifler essence.
542
00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:04,143
Mighty pungent.
543
00:34:04,176 --> 00:34:05,711
(ALL YELLING)
544
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:14,986
Yeah!
545
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:19,125
And still Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
546
00:34:19,158 --> 00:34:24,163
Dwight "The Iron Liver"
Stifler!
547
00:34:24,196 --> 00:34:25,664
(ALL CHEERING)
548
00:34:26,365 --> 00:34:29,601
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
549
00:34:34,673 --> 00:34:35,841
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
550
00:34:37,309 --> 00:34:39,211
He's okay. He's okay.
551
00:34:46,152 --> 00:34:47,853
Hey, cousin.
552
00:34:49,355 --> 00:34:51,323
How you doing?
553
00:34:51,357 --> 00:34:54,326
I'm fine, Dwight.
Are you okay?
554
00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:56,262
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
555
00:34:57,329 --> 00:34:59,265
I'm fine.
556
00:34:59,298 --> 00:35:02,834
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
557
00:35:04,903 --> 00:35:06,272
That sucks, man.
558
00:35:11,743 --> 00:35:13,145
Should we take him
to the hospital?
559
00:35:13,179 --> 00:35:14,880
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.
560
00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:18,850
He told me he does this,
like, once a month.
561
00:35:18,884 --> 00:35:22,888
Okay, well,
you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
562
00:35:30,229 --> 00:35:31,897
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
563
00:35:39,805 --> 00:35:42,674
So, when are we gonna
start partying?
564
00:35:42,708 --> 00:35:45,344
Oh, someone's feeling
a little frisky.
565
00:35:45,377 --> 00:35:48,680
Let's just say
I finally decided
to live up to the family name.
566
00:35:50,782 --> 00:35:54,720
Stifler? We got
a serious problem, man.
567
00:35:54,753 --> 00:35:57,823
Mike and the guys just got
arrested trying to steal
a monkey from the zoo.
568
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:02,461
So what's the problem?
Just take the money
out of my bail fund.
569
00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,863
They're almost half
our football team.
570
00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:07,799
We gotta put a team
on the field, man,
or we're done.
571
00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:10,369
Why?
'Cause we're already
on probation.
572
00:36:10,402 --> 00:36:13,305
We gotta participate
in every intermural event
573
00:36:13,339 --> 00:36:15,407
or we're kicked
off campus, man.
574
00:36:15,441 --> 00:36:17,175
We're four guys short.
575
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:22,781
I play football.
576
00:36:24,250 --> 00:36:25,951
I played freshman year.
577
00:36:27,819 --> 00:36:28,954
What about you?
578
00:36:29,955 --> 00:36:31,323
A little Nerf here and there.
579
00:36:31,357 --> 00:36:33,792
Good enough. Stifler?
580
00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:34,960
Mmm?
581
00:36:34,993 --> 00:36:37,796
Can you play?
582
00:36:43,869 --> 00:36:47,806
Don't ever
583
00:36:47,839 --> 00:36:49,908
ask if Stifler can play.
584
00:37:00,452 --> 00:37:01,753
I'm good.
585
00:37:04,990 --> 00:37:09,261
The team we're playing's
been undefeated
five straight years.
586
00:37:09,295 --> 00:37:11,497
These guys must be
pretty serious.
587
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:13,899
Fucking-A-right,
they're serious.
588
00:37:13,932 --> 00:37:16,435
Lambda Pi Gamma.
589
00:37:16,468 --> 00:37:19,571
They're our arch rivals
in everything: Sports,
women, booze.
590
00:37:20,539 --> 00:37:23,442
These guys are fucking evil.
591
00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:26,011
MAN 1: Get ready!
592
00:37:26,044 --> 00:37:27,579
MAN 2: Come on!
593
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,515
Down!
594
00:37:30,349 --> 00:37:32,884
Blue 42.
595
00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:33,952
They're midgets.
596
00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:34,953
Hut, hut!
597
00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:40,959
Don't let their size fool you.
598
00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:44,863
These guys are
fucking animals.
599
00:37:44,896 --> 00:37:48,467
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
600
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:52,971
Those rich midgets from those
infomercials gave the school
some huge grant,
601
00:37:53,004 --> 00:37:56,775
and started a school
for the vertically challenged
and a fraternity.
602
00:37:56,808 --> 00:37:59,411
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
603
00:37:59,445 --> 00:38:00,479
Hot feet!
604
00:38:00,512 --> 00:38:01,580
DWIGHT: That's right.
605
00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:02,781
Breakdown.
606
00:38:02,814 --> 00:38:05,417
These guys are
the best of the best.
607
00:38:06,552 --> 00:38:09,020
ROCK: Well, well, well.
608
00:38:09,054 --> 00:38:12,891
If it isn't
the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
609
00:38:12,924 --> 00:38:15,961
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
610
00:38:15,994 --> 00:38:18,564
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass
stomped, Toto.
611
00:38:18,597 --> 00:38:19,865
(LAUGHING)
612
00:38:19,898 --> 00:38:23,569
Toto was the dog,
you fucking idiot.
613
00:38:23,602 --> 00:38:26,905
Lick my balls,
big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
614
00:38:26,938 --> 00:38:29,107
It's little person, fuck-nut.
615
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:33,044
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
616
00:38:33,078 --> 00:38:34,380
You little...
617
00:38:34,413 --> 00:38:35,947
(ALL YELLING)
618
00:38:38,650 --> 00:38:41,620
You want it? You want it?
Come on.
Take it easy.
619
00:38:41,653 --> 00:38:43,389
Whoa. Whoa.
620
00:38:43,422 --> 00:38:45,023
Out of my way, assholes.
621
00:38:48,594 --> 00:38:50,596
ERIK: What's that guy's
problem?
622
00:38:50,629 --> 00:38:53,365
That's Rock.
He's fucking crazy.
623
00:38:53,399 --> 00:38:54,900
He plays dirty.
ROCK: Out of my way,
you fucking idiot.
624
00:38:54,933 --> 00:38:57,068
Last year, he bit a chunk
out of my thigh.
625
00:38:57,102 --> 00:38:59,538
COOZE: Jesus!
626
00:38:59,571 --> 00:39:01,573
COOZE: Hey, his girlfriend's
pretty hot.
627
00:39:02,908 --> 00:39:07,078
Yeah. And what's with
that regular-size guy?
628
00:39:07,112 --> 00:39:11,349
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in.
Legacy.
629
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:15,921
What a douchebag.
630
00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:17,689
Can he play?
631
00:39:18,524 --> 00:39:21,593
No, he sucks.
632
00:39:21,627 --> 00:39:22,828
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
633
00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:24,530
Give me mini five!
634
00:39:24,563 --> 00:39:25,964
Go! Go!
635
00:39:25,997 --> 00:39:27,633
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
636
00:39:30,936 --> 00:39:32,137
Lick it. Lick it.
637
00:39:33,138 --> 00:39:34,105
Hey, keep your head up.
638
00:39:34,139 --> 00:39:37,008
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
639
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:38,376
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
640
00:39:46,151 --> 00:39:47,653
(SCREAMING)
641
00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:50,922
(GROANING)
642
00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:51,923
Holy shit!
643
00:40:01,633 --> 00:40:03,935
Keep your head up, bitch.
644
00:40:09,641 --> 00:40:13,111
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate
these little bastards.
645
00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:16,081
Down!
646
00:40:16,114 --> 00:40:17,683
Set!
647
00:40:18,049 --> 00:40:19,150
Hut!
648
00:40:23,054 --> 00:40:24,590
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
649
00:40:25,190 --> 00:40:27,092
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
650
00:40:37,536 --> 00:40:39,004
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
651
00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:03,128
(GROANING)
652
00:41:03,161 --> 00:41:04,996
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
653
00:41:21,747 --> 00:41:23,615
Beta!
Come on!
654
00:41:23,649 --> 00:41:25,717
Let's go, fellas.
Get on the line.
655
00:41:26,585 --> 00:41:28,219
Down!
656
00:41:29,054 --> 00:41:30,689
How you feeling, Stifler?
657
00:41:30,722 --> 00:41:33,124
I'm 6'1", Frodo.
How about you?
658
00:41:37,128 --> 00:41:38,196
Hut!
659
00:41:41,132 --> 00:41:42,701
(SCREAMING)
660
00:41:42,734 --> 00:41:44,603
The little fucker's
biting me again.
661
00:41:45,203 --> 00:41:46,738
(SCREAMING)
662
00:41:51,610 --> 00:41:53,078
Not in my eye!
663
00:41:57,248 --> 00:41:58,817
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
664
00:42:01,753 --> 00:42:04,255
Funny, you don't look 6'1"
from here, shit stain.
665
00:42:12,197 --> 00:42:13,799
(I WISH PLAYING)
666
00:42:34,152 --> 00:42:35,153
DWIGHT: God,
667
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:38,256
I hate that fucking guy.
668
00:42:38,289 --> 00:42:40,091
I'm getting killed out there.
669
00:42:40,125 --> 00:42:41,192
I can't get loose.
670
00:42:41,226 --> 00:42:44,730
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.
671
00:42:44,763 --> 00:42:47,065
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
672
00:42:47,098 --> 00:42:50,769
I just got a hunk
taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.
673
00:42:50,802 --> 00:42:52,503
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.
674
00:42:52,537 --> 00:42:56,842
Let's go out there and show
these little sons of bitches
what being a Beta's all about.
675
00:42:56,875 --> 00:42:58,644
You understand
what I'm saying, fellas?
Yeah, yeah.
676
00:42:58,677 --> 00:43:01,146
All right, Beta on three.
677
00:43:01,179 --> 00:43:02,881
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
678
00:43:04,115 --> 00:43:05,216
Down!
Set!
679
00:43:06,151 --> 00:43:07,152
DWIGHT: Hut!
680
00:43:12,691 --> 00:43:13,759
Go!
681
00:43:17,696 --> 00:43:18,830
Go!
682
00:43:19,364 --> 00:43:20,832
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
683
00:43:23,735 --> 00:43:25,136
(ALL CHEERING)
684
00:43:43,354 --> 00:43:44,890
MAN: You little punk!
685
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:05,443
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
686
00:44:05,476 --> 00:44:06,344
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.
687
00:44:07,846 --> 00:44:10,248
All right, we got
five seconds left, guys.
688
00:44:10,281 --> 00:44:13,218
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it
to the nearest guy.
689
00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:15,220
It's our only chance.
690
00:44:15,253 --> 00:44:17,889
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
691
00:44:17,923 --> 00:44:18,957
Beta on three.
Who's with me?
692
00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:21,659
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
693
00:44:29,968 --> 00:44:31,336
Down!
694
00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:36,808
Set!
695
00:44:50,455 --> 00:44:51,757
Hut!
696
00:44:52,824 --> 00:44:54,692
(MY HERO PLAYING)
697
00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:27,826
(WHOOPING)
698
00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:34,032
(ALL CHEERING)
699
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:47,813
(GROANING)
700
00:45:52,951 --> 00:45:54,786
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
701
00:45:54,820 --> 00:45:56,387
(CHEERING)
702
00:45:58,289 --> 00:45:59,490
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!
703
00:45:59,524 --> 00:46:01,492
(GROANS)
704
00:46:01,526 --> 00:46:03,962
You're still my bitch,
Stifler.
705
00:46:03,995 --> 00:46:05,096
Yeah!
706
00:46:06,297 --> 00:46:07,833
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
707
00:46:07,866 --> 00:46:09,367
MAN 1: Nice shot, man.
MAN 2: Yeah.
708
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:19,978
I can't believe
we lost to midgets.
709
00:46:20,011 --> 00:46:23,081
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
710
00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:27,385
Right now, we have
more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.
711
00:46:27,418 --> 00:46:29,821
From what I understand,
712
00:46:29,855 --> 00:46:33,258
my cousin has
a guilt-free pass
713
00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:36,461
to bang all the girls
he can find.
714
00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:38,329
That I do.
715
00:46:38,363 --> 00:46:42,533
Oh, that is good news.
716
00:46:42,567 --> 00:46:46,371
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think
you were adopted.
717
00:46:46,404 --> 00:46:47,839
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
718
00:46:47,873 --> 00:46:49,875
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
719
00:46:55,646 --> 00:46:57,048
Gentlemen,
720
00:46:58,449 --> 00:47:02,420
welcome to paradise.
721
00:47:10,361 --> 00:47:11,897
Boys and girls,
722
00:47:11,930 --> 00:47:14,900
we have a celebrity
in our midst.
723
00:47:14,933 --> 00:47:18,569
The Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
724
00:47:18,603 --> 00:47:22,440
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
725
00:47:22,473 --> 00:47:24,009
(ALL CHEERING)
726
00:47:30,949 --> 00:47:32,617
(WHOOPS)
727
00:47:32,650 --> 00:47:35,887
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find
some lady friends.
728
00:47:35,921 --> 00:47:38,990
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
729
00:47:41,492 --> 00:47:45,063
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
730
00:47:45,096 --> 00:47:47,465
You're nuts.
Jimmy's party had two kegs
731
00:47:47,498 --> 00:47:50,468
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other
on the pool table
732
00:47:50,501 --> 00:47:52,437
in front of everybody.
733
00:47:52,470 --> 00:47:53,939
What the hell are you two
talking about?
734
00:47:53,972 --> 00:47:54,872
What?
735
00:47:54,906 --> 00:47:58,143
Two kegs, theater chicks.
Well, guess what?
736
00:47:58,176 --> 00:48:01,446
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze
and pussy,
737
00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:04,582
and we're sitting
at the bar talking
about high-school parties.
738
00:48:11,689 --> 00:48:15,193
Ryan? Ryan!
What's your problem?
739
00:48:15,226 --> 00:48:17,062
That Great Falls attitude.
740
00:48:17,095 --> 00:48:19,397
All you guys do is talk
about Great Falls
741
00:48:19,430 --> 00:48:21,466
like it's the end-all
and be-all of existence.
742
00:48:21,499 --> 00:48:25,070
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why
I'm going to California.
743
00:48:25,103 --> 00:48:26,637
I'm not gonna get stuck
like the rest of them.
744
00:48:26,671 --> 00:48:28,006
Yeah, I know.
I think that's great.
745
00:48:28,039 --> 00:48:32,077
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is
about for me.
746
00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:34,145
What do you mean?
To see if I can do it.
747
00:48:34,179 --> 00:48:37,648
If I can start over
and accept being low man
on the totem pole.
748
00:48:37,682 --> 00:48:39,150
Ryan, it's just
a weekend, man.
749
00:48:39,184 --> 00:48:41,953
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
750
00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:46,057
Man, I sound like a chick.
751
00:48:46,091 --> 00:48:47,492
Mmm-hmm.
752
00:48:47,525 --> 00:48:48,994
I really need to go
get some pussy.
753
00:48:49,027 --> 00:48:49,995
Yeah.
754
00:48:53,164 --> 00:48:54,399
Oh, shit.
755
00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:56,434
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
756
00:48:56,467 --> 00:49:00,038
No, no, no, no. It's fine.
I can't believe I did that.
757
00:49:00,071 --> 00:49:01,506
Here, come with me.
758
00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:04,175
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
759
00:49:04,209 --> 00:49:05,176
Quick, take off your shirt.
760
00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:06,978
Excuse me?
761
00:49:07,012 --> 00:49:09,147
Well, I just...
I wanna get the stain out.
Oh, yeah, right.
762
00:49:09,180 --> 00:49:10,648
I knew that.
763
00:49:14,185 --> 00:49:15,586
Are we allowed
to be back here?
764
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:17,188
Oh, yeah, don't worry.
I used to bartend here.
765
00:49:17,222 --> 00:49:19,224
Cool.
766
00:49:19,257 --> 00:49:22,160
Look, I'm really, really sorry
about this. Right.
767
00:49:24,729 --> 00:49:27,065
Accidents happen.
768
00:49:27,098 --> 00:49:29,534
I'm Brandy, by the way.
I'm Erik.
769
00:49:29,567 --> 00:49:32,103
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite
my head off right now
770
00:49:32,137 --> 00:49:33,238
if I spilled a drink on him.
771
00:49:33,271 --> 00:49:34,505
I'm...
772
00:49:36,274 --> 00:49:38,043
I'm not in a fraternity.
773
00:49:38,076 --> 00:49:40,245
Oh, you're not?
So you're independent?
774
00:49:40,278 --> 00:49:41,446
What's that?
775
00:49:41,479 --> 00:49:44,082
You know,
a student who's not Greek.
776
00:49:44,115 --> 00:49:47,518
No, I'm just visiting
for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.
777
00:49:47,552 --> 00:49:48,586
High school?
778
00:49:48,619 --> 00:49:49,754
Yeah.
779
00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:53,158
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
780
00:49:53,191 --> 00:49:56,194
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls
when I say that.
781
00:49:56,227 --> 00:49:58,163
Why? It's hysterical.
782
00:49:58,196 --> 00:50:00,565
That's what I say.
What are your names?
783
00:50:00,598 --> 00:50:02,467
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
784
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:05,303
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.
785
00:50:05,336 --> 00:50:06,704
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Ryan.
786
00:50:06,737 --> 00:50:09,107
Hey, ladies.
787
00:50:09,140 --> 00:50:13,544
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind
of rock band?
788
00:50:13,578 --> 00:50:16,614
It's an organization
that works to protect human
rights all over the world.
789
00:50:16,647 --> 00:50:17,782
Oh, yeah.
790
00:50:17,815 --> 00:50:20,118
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.
791
00:50:21,086 --> 00:50:23,288
Down here, asshole.
792
00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:24,589
What the hell do you want?
793
00:50:24,622 --> 00:50:25,723
Just what he said.
794
00:50:25,756 --> 00:50:28,226
For you two to get away
from our dates.
795
00:50:28,259 --> 00:50:30,261
In your dreams, Willow.
796
00:50:30,295 --> 00:50:33,198
There is no way
these girls are here with you.
797
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,634
Are you?
798
00:50:38,803 --> 00:50:40,705
But why?
They're cool.
799
00:50:40,738 --> 00:50:42,640
And sexy.
800
00:50:42,673 --> 00:50:44,709
You gotta be fucking
kidding me.
801
00:50:44,742 --> 00:50:45,610
(GROANS)
802
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:48,246
Ain't nobody kidding
around here, punk.
803
00:50:48,279 --> 00:50:50,281
If you got a problem,
we could settle this
right here.
804
00:50:50,315 --> 00:50:51,816
Oh, I would love to.
805
00:50:51,849 --> 00:50:54,752
Okay, stop it, you guys.
806
00:50:54,785 --> 00:50:59,056
Listen, it was really nice
meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.
807
00:50:59,857 --> 00:51:02,059
Come on, baby, let's dance.
808
00:51:13,171 --> 00:51:15,072
That did not just happen.
809
00:51:19,710 --> 00:51:23,748
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
810
00:51:26,851 --> 00:51:31,689
Oh, get sexy, ladies,
I love it. Oh, I feel
a stirring in my loins.
811
00:51:36,861 --> 00:51:38,663
You've gotta meet my roommate.
812
00:51:40,331 --> 00:51:43,268
I would love to.
813
00:51:43,301 --> 00:51:46,171
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
814
00:51:46,204 --> 00:51:47,438
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.
815
00:51:47,472 --> 00:51:53,178
I told you guys,
don't underestimate
those little bastards.
816
00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:56,447
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
817
00:51:58,783 --> 00:51:59,650
Slut!
818
00:51:59,684 --> 00:52:01,786
ROCK: Out of my way,
you fucking idiot.
819
00:52:03,954 --> 00:52:06,724
Holy shit!
820
00:52:06,757 --> 00:52:10,161
I thought this place had
a no-loser policy. What are
you assholes doing here?
821
00:52:10,195 --> 00:52:11,696
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
822
00:52:11,729 --> 00:52:15,366
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it
short and thick,
823
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,402
rather than tall and skinny.
824
00:52:20,805 --> 00:52:24,742
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like
a roller coaster.
825
00:52:24,775 --> 00:52:25,943
Yeah, it has
a height requirement,
826
00:52:25,976 --> 00:52:30,348
and I'm afraid you just
don't measure up!
Motherfucker.
827
00:52:31,949 --> 00:52:34,452
Easy! Easy! Easy!
Whoa!
828
00:52:34,485 --> 00:52:35,920
This isn't over, Shitler.
829
00:52:35,953 --> 00:52:37,755
Oh, you got that right!
830
00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:42,427
Never get in my way, woman.
831
00:52:50,701 --> 00:52:51,902
What's up?
832
00:52:56,941 --> 00:52:58,309
Bitch.
833
00:53:00,945 --> 00:53:02,380
BRANDY: That did not happen.
834
00:53:02,413 --> 00:53:05,383
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets
with nylons on my head
835
00:53:05,416 --> 00:53:07,852
and the condom still on.
836
00:53:07,885 --> 00:53:09,654
I can't believe
I just told you that story.
837
00:53:09,687 --> 00:53:11,456
I think it's great.
838
00:53:11,489 --> 00:53:14,792
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget
your first time.
839
00:53:14,825 --> 00:53:16,761
Well, it wasn't...
840
00:53:16,794 --> 00:53:17,928
Technically...
841
00:53:17,962 --> 00:53:19,764
Oh, no, wait.
842
00:53:19,797 --> 00:53:23,834
You mean you didn't even
get to...
He came down too fast.
843
00:53:23,868 --> 00:53:28,273
Thank you. Thank you for
laughing at my misfortune.
844
00:53:28,306 --> 00:53:31,809
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
845
00:53:32,877 --> 00:53:34,279
This is me.
846
00:53:35,780 --> 00:53:37,882
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
847
00:53:37,915 --> 00:53:41,419
I don't know. There's
something about running
naked down the street
848
00:53:41,452 --> 00:53:43,288
while you're still a virgin...
849
00:53:43,321 --> 00:53:44,922
Didn't stop you before.
850
00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:46,757
Touche.
851
00:53:46,791 --> 00:53:50,027
You never know,
that virgin thing,
852
00:53:50,060 --> 00:53:53,331
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
853
00:53:55,833 --> 00:53:57,402
Thanks for walking me home.
854
00:53:57,435 --> 00:53:58,869
Good night.
855
00:54:19,890 --> 00:54:22,793
What the hell happened
to you last night?
856
00:54:23,894 --> 00:54:25,029
What's up, fellas?
857
00:54:25,062 --> 00:54:26,297
What's up?
858
00:54:26,331 --> 00:54:30,034
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some
midgets at the bar.
859
00:54:30,067 --> 00:54:33,504
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
860
00:54:33,538 --> 00:54:37,875
Well, Mother,
if you must know,
I was with a girl.
861
00:54:41,779 --> 00:54:43,581
Bullshit. What girl?
862
00:54:43,614 --> 00:54:46,351
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority
and she's hot,
863
00:54:46,384 --> 00:54:48,619
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
864
00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:51,389
Dude, I don't get it.
865
00:54:51,422 --> 00:54:55,860
We come to college,
we get blown off
by chicks for midgets,
866
00:54:55,893 --> 00:54:58,796
and you're hanging out
with a sorority girl?
867
00:54:58,829 --> 00:55:01,366
What the fuck
is going on here?
868
00:55:01,399 --> 00:55:03,901
So, what are you gonna do?
869
00:55:04,802 --> 00:55:07,838
What do you mean?
He's gonna nail that chick.
870
00:55:09,374 --> 00:55:10,775
Aren't you?
871
00:55:10,808 --> 00:55:11,976
What?
872
00:55:14,479 --> 00:55:16,113
Yeah.
873
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:19,550
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass,
why wouldn't I?
874
00:55:19,584 --> 00:55:22,853
Why the hesitation, man?
875
00:55:22,887 --> 00:55:25,990
Oh, shit!
You're not gonna do it.
I said I'll do it.
876
00:55:26,023 --> 00:55:29,560
Erik, you've been given
a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.
877
00:55:29,594 --> 00:55:30,861
I won't.
878
00:55:30,895 --> 00:55:32,062
Yes, you will.
879
00:55:32,096 --> 00:55:32,997
No.
880
00:55:33,898 --> 00:55:36,000
I... I gotta get out of here.
881
00:55:51,682 --> 00:55:53,050
(BEEPING)
882
00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:57,488
(PHONE RINGING)
883
00:55:57,522 --> 00:55:58,556
Hello?
884
00:55:58,589 --> 00:56:00,357
ERIK: Hey, it's me.
885
00:56:02,493 --> 00:56:04,094
Calling to see
how you're doing.
886
00:56:04,128 --> 00:56:05,162
I'm fine,
887
00:56:05,195 --> 00:56:07,031
I'm just studying.
888
00:56:07,064 --> 00:56:08,065
Okay.
889
00:56:09,199 --> 00:56:10,435
Cool.
890
00:56:10,468 --> 00:56:14,639
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run
in the Naked Mile?
891
00:56:14,672 --> 00:56:18,476
No, not yet. But you know me,
I'll probably just wimp out.
892
00:56:18,509 --> 00:56:19,910
I mean, you don't have to.
893
00:56:20,645 --> 00:56:22,947
Yeah, I know.
894
00:56:22,980 --> 00:56:25,115
Are you okay? I mean,
you sound a little weird.
895
00:56:25,683 --> 00:56:26,651
I'm fine.
896
00:56:28,152 --> 00:56:30,955
I'm fine. I just wanted
to call and say hello.
897
00:56:30,988 --> 00:56:35,593
Thanks, but you don't need
to check in. I mean, go,
have fun.
898
00:56:35,626 --> 00:56:37,962
That's what this weekend's
all about.
899
00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:40,531
You're the greatest.
900
00:56:46,704 --> 00:56:48,405
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
901
00:56:52,510 --> 00:56:53,944
Erik Stifler.
902
00:56:57,648 --> 00:57:00,150
Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
Hello, Erik, good to see you.
903
00:57:00,184 --> 00:57:03,921
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents'
New Year's party, right?
904
00:57:03,954 --> 00:57:07,658
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in
the new year.
905
00:57:07,692 --> 00:57:11,629
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie
in front of everybody.
906
00:57:11,662 --> 00:57:14,965
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
907
00:57:14,999 --> 00:57:17,468
and strangely enough,
I enjoy it.
908
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:22,973
So, what are you doing
up here?
909
00:57:24,174 --> 00:57:27,077
Oh, well,
I went to school here
910
00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:31,181
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then
911
00:57:31,215 --> 00:57:32,617
and check out the campus.
912
00:57:32,650 --> 00:57:37,021
That's the only reason
I'm here. No other reason
that I can think of.
913
00:57:37,054 --> 00:57:40,491
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
914
00:57:40,525 --> 00:57:42,593
Actually,
it's kind of personal.
915
00:57:42,627 --> 00:57:44,929
Oh. Well, say no more.
Okay.
916
00:57:44,962 --> 00:57:46,096
Okay, listen, good seeing you.
917
00:57:46,130 --> 00:57:47,698
Yeah, for sure.
918
00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:56,206
Mr. Levenstein,
you were a counselor
919
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,275
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?
920
00:57:58,308 --> 00:58:02,079
Yes. Yes, I was.
And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...
921
00:58:02,112 --> 00:58:05,650
Yeah.
...I might add.
I gave him some advice.
922
00:58:05,683 --> 00:58:08,753
Advice. Do you think I could
923
00:58:11,255 --> 00:58:13,658
confide something in you?
924
00:58:13,691 --> 00:58:16,226
Well, sure.
Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.
925
00:58:16,260 --> 00:58:17,628
Okay.
926
00:58:18,262 --> 00:58:19,564
I'm a virgin.
927
00:58:19,597 --> 00:58:21,065
Okay, can I stop you there?
928
00:58:21,098 --> 00:58:24,134
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
929
00:58:25,703 --> 00:58:26,704
Yeah.
930
00:58:29,073 --> 00:58:33,210
Well, so you're a virgin.
What's the big deal?
931
00:58:33,243 --> 00:58:37,648
Well, the other night,
my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...
932
00:58:39,817 --> 00:58:43,253
Right. But her father
came down before we had
the chance to.
933
00:58:43,287 --> 00:58:45,790
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
934
00:58:45,823 --> 00:58:48,759
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
935
00:58:48,793 --> 00:58:51,161
You got the guilt-free pass?
936
00:58:52,797 --> 00:58:54,832
What do you mean?
937
00:58:54,865 --> 00:58:59,804
Well, I mean,
you've got the old
guilt-free pass dilemma.
938
00:58:59,837 --> 00:59:01,739
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
939
00:59:01,772 --> 00:59:03,841
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
940
00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:06,844
I believe I know more
about this than you think.
941
00:59:08,746 --> 00:59:11,616
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.
942
00:59:11,649 --> 00:59:15,085
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl
all over me.
943
00:59:16,253 --> 00:59:19,624
Well, you know, my son Jim
944
00:59:19,657 --> 00:59:21,726
went through kind of
a similar dilemma.
945
00:59:21,759 --> 00:59:23,661
He was going out
with this very attractive
946
00:59:23,694 --> 00:59:26,030
foreign-exchange student
named Nadia.
947
00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:29,133
Right, right, yeah.
That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?
948
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:30,635
Yes.
Twice.
949
00:59:30,668 --> 00:59:31,802
Yes.
Over the Internet.
950
00:59:31,836 --> 00:59:33,638
Yes, that's the one.
Yeah.
951
00:59:33,671 --> 00:59:37,141
Well, blowing loads aside...
952
00:59:37,174 --> 00:59:38,275
Yeah.
953
00:59:38,308 --> 00:59:40,645
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
954
00:59:40,678 --> 00:59:42,212
and he turned her down
955
00:59:42,246 --> 00:59:46,617
because he had fallen in love
with Michelle,
956
00:59:46,651 --> 00:59:51,822
who he later married,
and is now the mother
of my grandchild.
957
00:59:51,856 --> 00:59:56,093
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up
with this sorority girl?
958
00:59:56,126 --> 00:59:58,863
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer
to that, Erik.
959
01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:03,167
Well, gotta run.
960
01:00:06,303 --> 01:00:09,774
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
961
01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:30,795
Last night was amazing.
962
01:00:31,361 --> 01:00:33,731
Yeah, it was.
963
01:00:33,764 --> 01:00:36,834
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
964
01:00:36,867 --> 01:00:38,235
Definitely.
965
01:00:40,404 --> 01:00:41,806
Definitely.
966
01:00:49,279 --> 01:00:53,217
Hey, buddy. You know how
to get to Murray Street?
967
01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:56,353
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland,
down to...
968
01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:58,422
What the...
969
01:01:00,725 --> 01:01:01,926
What is this?
Enter the Midget?
970
01:01:01,959 --> 01:01:04,795
It's little people, asshole.
971
01:01:06,230 --> 01:01:07,898
Come get some.
972
01:01:09,166 --> 01:01:11,335
Come get some, baby!
973
01:01:11,869 --> 01:01:13,670
(SCREAMING)
974
01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:21,445
(PANTING)
975
01:01:21,478 --> 01:01:23,413
Midgets jumped Stifler.
976
01:01:23,447 --> 01:01:24,915
What?
What?
977
01:01:25,883 --> 01:01:28,485
The midgets jumped Stifler.
978
01:01:28,518 --> 01:01:30,220
He's in the hospital
right now.
979
01:01:34,959 --> 01:01:36,426
Oh, shit.
980
01:01:36,460 --> 01:01:38,295
Holy shit.
981
01:01:39,396 --> 01:01:41,231
Man, he is fucked up.
982
01:01:42,299 --> 01:01:43,868
First Grandma, and now this.
983
01:01:43,901 --> 01:01:45,002
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
984
01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:46,871
Yeah, man.
985
01:01:46,904 --> 01:01:49,907
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down,
will you? I got a huge
fucking headache.
986
01:01:49,940 --> 01:01:51,942
We thought this guy was you.
987
01:01:53,277 --> 01:01:54,378
Fuck, no.
988
01:01:55,245 --> 01:01:56,480
I don't know what happened
to that pussy.
989
01:01:57,547 --> 01:01:59,750
Hey, man,
what the hell happened?
990
01:01:59,784 --> 01:02:03,420
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black
and ski masks.
991
01:02:03,453 --> 01:02:04,688
Like I wouldn't know
it was them.
992
01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:08,325
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able
to run in the Mile?
993
01:02:08,358 --> 01:02:10,460
Doesn't look like it.
994
01:02:10,494 --> 01:02:13,931
Doc says the Stif-man's
gonna be laid up for at least
a couple of more days.
995
01:02:13,964 --> 01:02:16,200
Hey, don't worry. We will find
those little fuckers.
996
01:02:16,233 --> 01:02:21,806
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
997
01:02:21,839 --> 01:02:25,342
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,
998
01:02:25,375 --> 01:02:27,444
and run naked
999
01:02:27,477 --> 01:02:31,315
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
1000
01:02:31,348 --> 01:02:32,549
You understand?
1001
01:02:32,582 --> 01:02:34,318
Yeah.
Yeah.
1002
01:02:34,351 --> 01:02:37,788
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get
some sleep.
1003
01:02:42,592 --> 01:02:45,062
Hey, Erik,
stick around for a second.
1004
01:02:45,095 --> 01:02:46,330
Yeah.
1005
01:02:47,564 --> 01:02:50,434
Listen, I know
what you're going through.
1006
01:02:50,467 --> 01:02:53,437
You do?
Sure, yeah.
I had the same problem
1007
01:02:53,470 --> 01:02:56,240
when I was in middle school.
1008
01:02:56,273 --> 01:02:59,443
But living up to
the family name
is not an easy thing, man.
1009
01:02:59,476 --> 01:03:02,046
Yeah. What did you do?
1010
01:03:04,414 --> 01:03:08,252
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class,
stole the principal's car,
1011
01:03:08,285 --> 01:03:09,887
and then I fucked
a lunch lady.
1012
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:11,889
Oh.
1013
01:03:11,922 --> 01:03:13,390
But, hey, that's me.
1014
01:03:14,391 --> 01:03:16,560
What do you think I should do?
1015
01:03:16,593 --> 01:03:21,098
It's not for me to decide
or advise. You gotta figure
that out on your own.
1016
01:03:21,131 --> 01:03:25,535
But I will say this. We got
a pretty fucked-up family,
1017
01:03:25,569 --> 01:03:27,938
and it's nice having
a guy like you around.
1018
01:03:31,441 --> 01:03:33,077
Now, seriously, go.
1019
01:03:34,344 --> 01:03:35,479
Okay.
1020
01:03:37,447 --> 01:03:39,383
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
1021
01:03:44,354 --> 01:03:46,490
All I have to say is,
1022
01:03:46,523 --> 01:03:49,960
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass
into this school.
1023
01:03:55,933 --> 01:03:59,136
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
1024
01:04:09,579 --> 01:04:12,049
ROCK: Look who decided
to show up.
1025
01:04:12,082 --> 01:04:14,051
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
1026
01:04:14,084 --> 01:04:15,585
I guess I was right.
1027
01:04:15,619 --> 01:04:18,855
Check it out. They still got
their clothes on.
1028
01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:26,897
Where is old Shitler? I guess
the king of the Naked Mile
didn't make it this year.
1029
01:04:28,065 --> 01:04:31,401
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
1030
01:04:31,969 --> 01:04:33,503
(ALL CHEERING)
1031
01:04:43,613 --> 01:04:47,551
The king has arrived!
Bring out your titties!
1032
01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:54,691
You really think that little
beating you gave me
could keep me away?
1033
01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:57,627
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch
of five-year-olds.
1034
01:04:57,661 --> 01:05:00,564
This is my fucking school.
1035
01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:06,103
Guys.
1036
01:05:06,136 --> 01:05:09,373
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
1037
01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:11,675
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
1038
01:05:13,210 --> 01:05:17,414
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have
your clothes on?
1039
01:05:17,447 --> 01:05:19,149
Listen, Stifler,
we were talking and...
1040
01:05:19,183 --> 01:05:21,218
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.
1041
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:24,588
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.
1042
01:05:25,689 --> 01:05:28,092
Looking sexy as always.
1043
01:05:28,125 --> 01:05:30,394
Heard you were
in the hospital.
1044
01:05:30,427 --> 01:05:32,662
Just a little beating
by a bunch of midgets.
1045
01:05:32,696 --> 01:05:34,431
Hey, Cooze.
1046
01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:38,035
Jill the Thrill.
Back on the Cooze radar.
1047
01:05:39,003 --> 01:05:40,971
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)
1048
01:05:42,706 --> 01:05:43,707
Hey, Erik.
1049
01:05:44,574 --> 01:05:46,010
Hey, Brandy.
1050
01:05:46,043 --> 01:05:47,978
Ryan.
Alexis.
1051
01:05:48,012 --> 01:05:50,080
So, you ladies ready
to run this Mile
1052
01:05:50,114 --> 01:05:53,550
and get extra fucking sexy?
1053
01:05:53,583 --> 01:05:54,551
Hell, yeah!
Hell, yeah!
1054
01:05:54,584 --> 01:05:56,253
What about you guys?
1055
01:05:56,286 --> 01:05:58,588
Yeah, what are you guys doing
still dressed?
1056
01:05:58,622 --> 01:06:00,757
Well, we figured
we'd just watch the Mile
1057
01:06:00,790 --> 01:06:02,559
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
1058
01:06:02,592 --> 01:06:06,163
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
1059
01:06:06,196 --> 01:06:08,665
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
1060
01:06:08,698 --> 01:06:10,234
Absolutely out of control.
1061
01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:30,520
Yeah! That's what I'm
fucking talking about, boys.
1062
01:06:30,554 --> 01:06:34,058
Set the cocks free!
1063
01:06:34,091 --> 01:06:36,126
Let's huddle up over here.
Come on, fellas.
1064
01:06:37,227 --> 01:06:38,595
Cock huddle.
1065
01:06:38,628 --> 01:06:40,730
All right, bitch tits.
1066
01:06:40,764 --> 01:06:42,732
I got a little surprise
for you fuckers.
1067
01:06:42,766 --> 01:06:43,767
What do you got?
1068
01:06:45,235 --> 01:06:48,272
Just a little pharmaceutical
delight for later.
1069
01:06:49,573 --> 01:06:52,109
JACKSON: Stifler!
You uncircumcised twat!
1070
01:06:52,142 --> 01:06:54,611
Jackson, you little-dicked
motherfucker.
1071
01:06:54,644 --> 01:06:55,645
What is this?
1072
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:57,214
It looks like some kind of E.
1073
01:06:57,247 --> 01:06:59,683
Should we take it now?
He said save it for later.
1074
01:06:59,716 --> 01:07:02,152
Fuck that! I'm about to run
naked through the streets.
1075
01:07:02,186 --> 01:07:04,054
I need all the drug-induced
courage I can get.
1076
01:07:07,091 --> 01:07:08,725
I'm so glad
you guys decided to run.
1077
01:07:08,758 --> 01:07:10,594
You must work out.
1078
01:07:10,627 --> 01:07:12,762
Yeah, well, I play football.
1079
01:07:12,796 --> 01:07:15,165
I love football players.
1080
01:07:15,199 --> 01:07:17,101
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1081
01:07:18,202 --> 01:07:19,769
That guy's a prick!
1082
01:07:19,803 --> 01:07:22,038
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1083
01:07:22,306 --> 01:07:24,108
What E?
1084
01:07:24,141 --> 01:07:26,042
The pills you gave us.
1085
01:07:26,710 --> 01:07:28,612
Oh, shit! You retards.
1086
01:07:28,645 --> 01:07:31,848
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour
hard-on drug.
1087
01:07:31,881 --> 01:07:33,817
Oh, shit.
DWIGHT: I scored some
at the hospital.
1088
01:07:33,850 --> 01:07:36,653
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1089
01:07:36,686 --> 01:07:38,355
Oh, God.
Holy fuck, you didn't...
1090
01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:40,624
Holy shit!
1091
01:07:40,657 --> 01:07:44,761
I don't think I can talk
this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.
1092
01:07:44,794 --> 01:07:48,165
Hey, do not run
behind me. Okay?
1093
01:07:48,198 --> 01:07:50,700
It's... It's just that
we thought that it was...
1094
01:07:50,734 --> 01:07:53,203
Honey, don't apologize.
1095
01:07:53,237 --> 01:07:55,372
Yeah, you guys are running
with us.
1096
01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:59,676
Oh, man! This is going to be
the best Naked Mile ever!
1097
01:07:59,709 --> 01:08:01,145
Good evening...
1098
01:08:01,178 --> 01:08:02,846
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
1099
01:08:03,580 --> 01:08:05,149
(BEEPING)
1100
01:08:05,182 --> 01:08:06,283
Who is that guy?
1101
01:08:06,316 --> 01:08:10,820
That is big,
bad Noah Levenstein.
1102
01:08:10,854 --> 01:08:15,159
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1103
01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:16,726
My bad. My bad.
Welcome to the Naked Mile.
1104
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:18,262
(ALL CHEERING)
1105
01:08:22,632 --> 01:08:25,202
Yes, you know, when I started
this race many, many...
1106
01:08:25,235 --> 01:08:27,571
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1107
01:08:27,604 --> 01:08:30,774
...many years ago.
It was just...
Just a passive protest.
1108
01:08:30,807 --> 01:08:34,811
Just a way to "stick it
to the man," so to speak.
1109
01:08:36,246 --> 01:08:38,648
Right on. Right on.
1110
01:08:38,682 --> 01:08:42,419
But over the years,
it's become somewhat
less political.
1111
01:08:42,452 --> 01:08:45,855
And now, it's just
1112
01:08:45,889 --> 01:08:48,825
some sort of Roman orgy,
1113
01:08:48,858 --> 01:08:52,162
which I'm down with,
by the way.
1114
01:08:52,196 --> 01:08:54,731
But let's keep
one thing in mind.
1115
01:08:54,764 --> 01:08:59,336
This is about
showing the world
your youthful exuberance,
1116
01:08:59,369 --> 01:09:02,872
and your unabashed commitment
to higher learning,
1117
01:09:02,906 --> 01:09:05,342
and having fun
while you're doing it,
1118
01:09:05,375 --> 01:09:09,246
which is where
the naked part comes in.
1119
01:09:09,279 --> 01:09:10,847
ALL: Yeah!
1120
01:09:14,918 --> 01:09:18,222
And being completely naked is,
of course,
1121
01:09:18,255 --> 01:09:20,390
a perfectly natural thing.
1122
01:09:20,424 --> 01:09:24,228
There's not one part
of one's body
1123
01:09:24,261 --> 01:09:26,463
one should be ashamed of,
1124
01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:31,301
be it one's pubic region
1125
01:09:31,335 --> 01:09:33,770
or one's breasts,
1126
01:09:33,803 --> 01:09:36,273
as in the case
with you young ladies...
1127
01:09:36,306 --> 01:09:37,841
(ALL CHEERING)
1128
01:09:40,810 --> 01:09:43,847
...and a couple
of you young men.
1129
01:09:46,716 --> 01:09:49,953
But you should all just revel
in the glory of being seen
1130
01:09:49,986 --> 01:09:52,422
as the people you are.
1131
01:09:52,456 --> 01:09:53,923
Incidentally,
if anyone has anything...
1132
01:09:53,957 --> 01:09:55,859
Come on,
let's fucking do this!
1133
01:09:59,496 --> 01:10:01,331
I second that motion,
young man.
1134
01:10:01,365 --> 01:10:03,867
Okay, everybody ready.
1135
01:10:06,270 --> 01:10:07,871
Get set...
1136
01:10:37,434 --> 01:10:38,902
Still going?
1137
01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:40,904
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1138
01:10:41,871 --> 01:10:43,840
You love the Boss Hogg!
1139
01:10:45,542 --> 01:10:46,976
(WHOOPING)
1140
01:11:00,957 --> 01:11:04,728
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1141
01:11:04,761 --> 01:11:08,765
I'm adrift in a sea
of boobies, and my balls
are scraping the pavement.
1142
01:11:08,798 --> 01:11:09,899
Oh, heads up.
1143
01:11:16,906 --> 01:11:18,475
Nice cocks.
1144
01:11:18,508 --> 01:11:20,510
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1145
01:11:20,544 --> 01:11:22,846
Dude, you have serious issues.
1146
01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:08,024
Hey, naked people only!
1147
01:12:08,057 --> 01:12:09,459
(LAUGHING)
1148
01:12:42,125 --> 01:12:43,927
Are you all right?
1149
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:45,829
I'm fine.
1150
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,664
Come on, sweetie.
Let's finish this thing.
1151
01:12:57,607 --> 01:13:00,677
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud,
but strange tradition
1152
01:13:00,710 --> 01:13:02,045
called the Naked Mile.
1153
01:13:02,078 --> 01:13:03,613
Ever year after exams
1154
01:13:03,647 --> 01:13:05,982
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1155
01:13:06,015 --> 01:13:07,951
in nothing more
than their birthday suits.
1156
01:13:09,553 --> 01:13:11,054
(LAUGHING)
1157
01:13:12,489 --> 01:13:15,191
This is the greatest
thing ever!
1158
01:13:15,224 --> 01:13:17,527
Hell, yeah!
1159
01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:19,996
I can't believe we did this!
1160
01:13:20,029 --> 01:13:23,600
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1161
01:13:23,633 --> 01:13:25,669
Beta House fucking rules!
1162
01:13:33,009 --> 01:13:36,946
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1163
01:13:38,247 --> 01:13:40,149
I did it. I really did it.
1164
01:13:42,051 --> 01:13:44,754
Way to go, Coz.
That's my cousin.
1165
01:13:46,523 --> 01:13:48,958
DWIGHT: Yeah, buddy!
1166
01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:51,094
Some people call it
lewd behavior,
1167
01:13:51,127 --> 01:13:54,063
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1168
01:13:54,097 --> 01:13:55,431
And maybe,
1169
01:13:59,503 --> 01:14:01,170
find love.
1170
01:14:01,204 --> 01:14:03,740
This is Hal Michaels,
reporting from the Naked Mile.
1171
01:14:14,551 --> 01:14:16,620
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1172
01:14:40,176 --> 01:14:42,779
Stifler has arrived!
1173
01:14:49,686 --> 01:14:51,487
(HOWLING)
1174
01:14:52,055 --> 01:14:53,757
Yeah! Yeah!
1175
01:14:55,058 --> 01:14:57,727
Holy shit! Is this even
the same house?
1176
01:15:02,131 --> 01:15:05,101
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.
1177
01:15:05,134 --> 01:15:06,603
It's those guys.
1178
01:15:11,741 --> 01:15:13,109
And ended like that.
1179
01:15:13,142 --> 01:15:14,544
Wow, taking those pills
1180
01:15:14,578 --> 01:15:17,547
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did
for your social lives.
1181
01:15:17,581 --> 01:15:19,148
Oh, yeah.
1182
01:15:19,182 --> 01:15:21,050
You wanna dance?
1183
01:15:21,084 --> 01:15:24,654
Is my dick hard? Of course
the Cooze wants to dance.
1184
01:15:24,688 --> 01:15:25,822
(SCREAMS)
1185
01:15:27,356 --> 01:15:29,559
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1186
01:15:29,593 --> 01:15:31,795
Or are you one of those
football players who's
too cool to dance?
1187
01:15:31,828 --> 01:15:34,864
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1188
01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:41,805
Come on, cutie.
1189
01:15:42,606 --> 01:15:44,107
What a bastard.
1190
01:15:44,140 --> 01:15:47,711
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1191
01:15:47,744 --> 01:15:50,213
I'm so sorry, honey.
1192
01:15:50,246 --> 01:15:52,616
Is there anything
we can do for you?
1193
01:15:52,649 --> 01:15:55,051
No, I think I just want
to be alone.
1194
01:15:55,084 --> 01:15:58,287
No way. We are not
leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.
1195
01:15:58,321 --> 01:16:01,190
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad
about it now.
1196
01:16:01,224 --> 01:16:04,227
Would you quit being so
logical, Tracy? We're girls.
1197
01:16:04,260 --> 01:16:06,362
Boys should know better
than to trust us
to be rational.
1198
01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:07,330
It's not in our nature.
1199
01:16:07,363 --> 01:16:09,298
It's really not.
1200
01:16:09,332 --> 01:16:13,102
So, you are going
to get dressed.
1201
01:16:13,136 --> 01:16:15,605
Then, we're going
to Allison's party.
1202
01:16:15,639 --> 01:16:17,674
That will get your mind
off of Erik.
1203
01:16:17,707 --> 01:16:19,643
I don't want to.
1204
01:16:19,676 --> 01:16:22,779
Well, you don't have a vote
in this. Now get dressed.
1205
01:16:35,258 --> 01:16:38,695
Check out our boy.
Think he's going
to lose it tonight?
1206
01:16:38,728 --> 01:16:42,666
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off
in the bathroom.
1207
01:16:42,699 --> 01:16:44,100
I'll bet 20 bucks says
he nails her.
1208
01:16:44,133 --> 01:16:45,201
(SCOFFS)
1209
01:16:45,234 --> 01:16:46,636
Oh, you're on.
1210
01:16:49,873 --> 01:16:52,208
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1211
01:16:52,241 --> 01:16:55,311
Do you guys have any idea
how much everybody here
has been talking about you?
1212
01:16:55,344 --> 01:16:56,913
I was getting that feeling.
1213
01:16:56,946 --> 01:16:58,247
Yeah!
1214
01:16:59,382 --> 01:17:01,851
Okay, listen up,
'cause I got a plan
1215
01:17:01,885 --> 01:17:05,889
that's gonna make
you guys legends.
1216
01:17:12,161 --> 01:17:14,197
Ladies and gentlemen!
1217
01:17:14,230 --> 01:17:18,802
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1218
01:17:18,835 --> 01:17:23,707
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1219
01:17:23,740 --> 01:17:25,709
Yeah, Cooze!
1220
01:17:25,742 --> 01:17:27,176
(ALL CHEERING)
1221
01:17:29,746 --> 01:17:33,116
Tonight is the dawning
of a new era
1222
01:17:33,149 --> 01:17:35,284
in meaningless
male competition.
1223
01:17:35,318 --> 01:17:40,223
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1224
01:17:45,494 --> 01:17:48,264
For the first phase
of the competition,
1225
01:17:48,297 --> 01:17:51,768
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each
of our contestants.
1226
01:17:51,801 --> 01:17:54,904
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1227
01:17:54,938 --> 01:17:58,975
First person to drop
the bucket is the loser.
1228
01:17:59,008 --> 01:18:00,476
(ALL BOOING)
1229
01:18:00,509 --> 01:18:02,812
So let the penis games begin!
1230
01:18:14,423 --> 01:18:17,794
Commence the pouring!
1231
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:25,201
You like that?
1232
01:18:25,234 --> 01:18:26,836
Oh, yeah, baby!
1233
01:18:29,005 --> 01:18:30,406
(GROANING)
1234
01:18:44,954 --> 01:18:48,057
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1235
01:18:51,961 --> 01:18:53,329
Still good.
1236
01:19:10,513 --> 01:19:12,816
Next competition.
1237
01:19:15,051 --> 01:19:17,787
The ring toss.
1238
01:19:17,821 --> 01:19:19,755
Let's have it, girls.
Come on.
1239
01:19:24,260 --> 01:19:26,796
That's right! On that penis!
1240
01:19:26,830 --> 01:19:28,764
Come on, baby,
just like Six Flags.
1241
01:19:31,534 --> 01:19:32,969
Wrong head!
1242
01:19:37,473 --> 01:19:39,075
Ring around the cocksy.
1243
01:19:41,310 --> 01:19:43,312
You needed
an extra inch on that one.
1244
01:19:53,056 --> 01:19:54,557
Can you believe this?
1245
01:19:55,424 --> 01:19:57,060
Do not let Cooze win.
1246
01:20:01,564 --> 01:20:03,799
Next competition!
1247
01:20:10,039 --> 01:20:12,541
I got a nine-inch strike zone,
baby.
1248
01:20:12,575 --> 01:20:14,944
You cocky prick.
You can't miss it!
1249
01:20:20,884 --> 01:20:22,451
It's a hardball, son!
1250
01:20:22,485 --> 01:20:23,953
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1251
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:25,621
Swing, boner!
1252
01:20:25,654 --> 01:20:27,356
Deep center, baby!
1253
01:20:33,096 --> 01:20:34,931
Foul ball!
1254
01:20:49,012 --> 01:20:49,946
Bunt.
1255
01:21:00,957 --> 01:21:03,659
That is it.
We're calling it a tie.
1256
01:21:03,692 --> 01:21:06,429
Your Co-Hard-on Champions
of the World,
1257
01:21:06,462 --> 01:21:10,099
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1258
01:21:10,133 --> 01:21:11,901
(ALL CHEERING)
1259
01:21:26,983 --> 01:21:31,187
Fifty-six, fifty-seven,
fifty-eight, fifty-nine...
1260
01:22:58,107 --> 01:22:59,475
BROOKE: Boys are
a bad influence.
1261
01:22:59,508 --> 01:23:03,046
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing
or who he's doing it with.
1262
01:23:03,079 --> 01:23:06,182
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1263
01:23:06,215 --> 01:23:10,153
The bottom line is this.
You two will never be
on the same level again.
1264
01:23:10,186 --> 01:23:14,023
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1265
01:23:14,057 --> 01:23:16,159
So, what? I'm supposed
to break up with him?
1266
01:23:16,192 --> 01:23:18,994
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.
1267
01:23:20,329 --> 01:23:23,099
You need to sleep
with somebody. Tonight.
1268
01:23:23,132 --> 01:23:25,268
Brooke.
Shut up, Natalie.
1269
01:23:25,301 --> 01:23:28,071
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1270
01:23:28,104 --> 01:23:29,705
you decide to do it with Erik.
1271
01:23:29,738 --> 01:23:34,277
All you're going to be
thinking is that he's already
had sex with some other girl.
1272
01:23:34,310 --> 01:23:36,745
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1273
01:23:36,779 --> 01:23:39,315
Oh, look. There's Trent.
1274
01:23:41,217 --> 01:23:43,052
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1275
01:23:45,088 --> 01:23:46,322
Perfect.
1276
01:23:56,799 --> 01:23:59,368
Hey, cool. A pool table.
Do you play?
1277
01:24:00,736 --> 01:24:02,538
Sometimes.
1278
01:24:02,571 --> 01:24:04,507
Well, what do you want
to play?
1279
01:24:04,540 --> 01:24:05,841
I don't care.
1280
01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:10,613
Okay. Well, how about
nine-ball? Look, nine-ball.
1281
01:24:10,646 --> 01:24:14,250
It's... It's easy. You just
have to get the balls in order
from one through nine.
1282
01:24:14,283 --> 01:24:18,754
I'll show you.
I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.
1283
01:24:21,324 --> 01:24:22,825
Erik.
Yeah.
1284
01:24:22,858 --> 01:24:24,227
(CRASHING)
1285
01:24:25,794 --> 01:24:27,196
Come here.
1286
01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:46,749
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend,
this night?
1287
01:24:47,883 --> 01:24:49,685
Erik?
Yes?
1288
01:24:49,718 --> 01:24:52,155
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1289
01:24:53,922 --> 01:24:57,160
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt
I'll be very good.
1290
01:24:57,193 --> 01:25:00,196
Don't worry. I know how
to handle guys like you.
1291
01:25:01,264 --> 01:25:02,698
Guys like me?
1292
01:25:02,731 --> 01:25:04,600
Virgins.
1293
01:25:04,633 --> 01:25:06,802
I can take care of virgins.
1294
01:25:08,271 --> 01:25:11,274
You mean,
I'm not your first virgin?
1295
01:25:11,307 --> 01:25:13,376
I have a bit of a confession.
1296
01:25:14,677 --> 01:25:17,346
Some girls like blonds,
some like muscles.
1297
01:25:18,714 --> 01:25:20,249
I like virgins.
1298
01:25:22,751 --> 01:25:24,853
Are you ready
for a special night?
1299
01:25:27,323 --> 01:25:29,192
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1300
01:25:41,470 --> 01:25:45,774
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you
here tonight.
1301
01:25:45,808 --> 01:25:48,444
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,
1302
01:25:48,477 --> 01:25:52,215
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know
anything about it.
1303
01:25:52,248 --> 01:25:54,683
You're not just here
to set me up?
1304
01:25:54,717 --> 01:25:57,886
I would never want
to let anything happen
to that gorgeous face.
1305
01:26:00,489 --> 01:26:04,227
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy
territory like this?
1306
01:26:04,260 --> 01:26:07,863
I dance where I want,
with who I want.
1307
01:26:09,432 --> 01:26:11,234
I like your style.
1308
01:26:13,269 --> 01:26:14,837
And your ass.
1309
01:26:28,317 --> 01:26:30,686
You know,
I don't usually go for
1310
01:26:30,719 --> 01:26:33,789
suburban, jock,
Abercrombie clones,
1311
01:26:33,822 --> 01:26:36,725
but there is something
about you.
Yeah?
1312
01:26:36,759 --> 01:26:40,329
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist,
vegan bisexuals.
1313
01:26:50,973 --> 01:26:53,976
This guy's got good taste.
1314
01:26:54,009 --> 01:26:57,313
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident
downstairs?
1315
01:26:57,346 --> 01:27:01,884
They don't call me "Everhard"
because I've only got
one bullet in the chamber.
1316
01:27:01,917 --> 01:27:04,420
But just to be sure...
1317
01:27:04,453 --> 01:27:06,789
Should you be taking
more of that?
1318
01:27:06,822 --> 01:27:10,393
More? I didn't take it
the first time.
1319
01:27:12,528 --> 01:27:14,797
You mean...
That's right, baby.
1320
01:27:14,830 --> 01:27:17,266
We're gonna have
a good time tonight.
1321
01:27:19,001 --> 01:27:23,839
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1322
01:27:24,573 --> 01:27:26,041
Excuse me?
1323
01:27:26,074 --> 01:27:28,311
I said, get on the bed
1324
01:27:28,344 --> 01:27:31,046
you worthless peasant!
1325
01:27:31,079 --> 01:27:34,317
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1326
01:27:34,350 --> 01:27:37,019
Oh, God!
I said, get on the bed,
1327
01:27:37,886 --> 01:27:39,855
and I meant it.
1328
01:27:41,457 --> 01:27:44,893
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.
1329
01:27:46,028 --> 01:27:47,796
And I'm into it.
1330
01:27:48,497 --> 01:27:49,998
Shut up!
1331
01:27:50,032 --> 01:27:51,534
(SCREAMING)
1332
01:27:53,035 --> 01:27:55,538
All right! All right!
All right!
1333
01:28:13,489 --> 01:28:14,890
Brandy.
1334
01:28:16,058 --> 01:28:20,396
Look, I can't do this.
I'm really sorry, okay?
1335
01:28:20,429 --> 01:28:22,498
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,
1336
01:28:22,531 --> 01:28:24,800
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1337
01:28:24,833 --> 01:28:28,036
would love to sleep with you,
including me.
1338
01:28:28,070 --> 01:28:29,838
But I just can't.
1339
01:28:31,974 --> 01:28:33,409
I'm in love.
1340
01:28:36,912 --> 01:28:39,582
I hope this girl knows
how lucky she is.
1341
01:28:39,615 --> 01:28:41,049
I seriously doubt that.
1342
01:28:52,628 --> 01:28:55,598
Got to say it again.
It's a very nice surprise.
1343
01:28:56,899 --> 01:28:58,401
What can I say?
I'm full of them.
1344
01:28:58,434 --> 01:28:59,635
So, what about Erik?
1345
01:29:00,836 --> 01:29:03,506
We're on a weekend
guilt-free pass.
1346
01:29:03,539 --> 01:29:06,442
We can do anything we want.
1347
01:29:06,475 --> 01:29:08,444
Anything?
1348
01:29:08,477 --> 01:29:09,545
Anything.
1349
01:29:09,578 --> 01:29:10,979
I like the sound of that.
1350
01:29:27,996 --> 01:29:29,398
Is this your room?
1351
01:29:29,432 --> 01:29:31,700
Why, yes, it is,
my diminutive goddess.
1352
01:29:33,569 --> 01:29:37,172
Good, because we are
going to need
1353
01:29:37,205 --> 01:29:38,974
a little bit of privacy.
1354
01:29:43,579 --> 01:29:45,380
(MOANING)
1355
01:29:50,052 --> 01:29:54,122
That's it, you pathetic slave.
Keep doing that.
1356
01:29:54,156 --> 01:29:56,925
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1357
01:29:56,959 --> 01:29:59,695
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1358
01:29:59,728 --> 01:30:01,664
I didn't mean we had to stop.
1359
01:30:01,697 --> 01:30:05,133
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1360
01:30:06,502 --> 01:30:08,203
You ready to get kinky?
1361
01:30:08,236 --> 01:30:10,138
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1362
01:30:11,139 --> 01:30:12,675
Not even close.
1363
01:30:16,945 --> 01:30:18,647
What is that noise?
1364
01:30:20,649 --> 01:30:21,717
(MOANING)
1365
01:30:24,152 --> 01:30:26,054
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1366
01:30:26,088 --> 01:30:27,590
What the hell?
1367
01:30:33,629 --> 01:30:35,698
You got to be kidding me.
1368
01:30:56,218 --> 01:30:57,653
(HORSE SNUFFLING)
1369
01:31:05,127 --> 01:31:07,663
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1370
01:31:10,065 --> 01:31:12,735
Yeah, I do.
1371
01:31:20,242 --> 01:31:21,810
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1372
01:31:25,814 --> 01:31:27,650
(PANTING)
1373
01:31:27,683 --> 01:31:31,286
Hi, Mr. Sterling.
Is Tracy home?
1374
01:31:31,319 --> 01:31:33,756
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1375
01:31:33,789 --> 01:31:36,692
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1376
01:31:36,725 --> 01:31:37,826
Oh.
1377
01:31:38,794 --> 01:31:42,064
Okay. Well,
sorry to disturb you, then.
1378
01:31:42,097 --> 01:31:43,165
Have a good night!
1379
01:31:47,836 --> 01:31:49,705
Crazy little fucker.
1380
01:31:55,077 --> 01:31:57,613
We gotta find Tracy.
We gotta find Tracy.
1381
01:31:57,646 --> 01:32:00,683
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1382
01:32:00,716 --> 01:32:03,786
I don't think sex has to be
just one-on-one.
1383
01:32:03,819 --> 01:32:05,053
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1384
01:32:05,087 --> 01:32:06,589
What the hell?
1385
01:32:08,256 --> 01:32:11,293
Tracy!
1386
01:32:13,061 --> 01:32:13,796
Hey!
1387
01:32:17,666 --> 01:32:19,201
Trace!
1388
01:32:19,234 --> 01:32:20,703
What the hell
are you doing here?
1389
01:32:20,736 --> 01:32:22,771
And on a horse!
1390
01:32:22,805 --> 01:32:24,840
Where's Tracy?
I have to see her.
1391
01:32:24,873 --> 01:32:27,676
We think it's best
if you just leave her alone.
1392
01:32:27,710 --> 01:32:29,277
What? Why?
1393
01:32:29,311 --> 01:32:32,615
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1394
01:32:32,648 --> 01:32:36,752
What are you talking about?
She saw you
kiss that girl on TV.
1395
01:32:36,785 --> 01:32:40,322
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.
1396
01:32:40,355 --> 01:32:42,891
Wake up, Erik.
There is no such thing.
1397
01:32:44,192 --> 01:32:45,527
Where is Tracy?
1398
01:32:45,560 --> 01:32:49,231
Oh, we gave Tracy
a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.
1399
01:32:53,235 --> 01:32:55,270
Tracy! Trace!
1400
01:32:59,808 --> 01:33:02,878
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1401
01:33:02,911 --> 01:33:05,781
I think she went upstairs
with Trent a little...
1402
01:33:06,248 --> 01:33:07,650
Tracy!
1403
01:33:09,217 --> 01:33:10,653
Tracy.
1404
01:33:15,090 --> 01:33:16,792
(WOMAN MOANING)
1405
01:33:16,825 --> 01:33:19,795
Trace, can you hear me?
Are you in there?
1406
01:33:19,828 --> 01:33:22,865
Trace, if you can hear me,
I am sorry.
1407
01:33:22,898 --> 01:33:24,900
I am really sorry
about everything, okay?
1408
01:33:24,933 --> 01:33:28,370
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.
1409
01:33:28,403 --> 01:33:31,106
I mean I did use it,
but it was only
for a few seconds.
1410
01:33:31,139 --> 01:33:34,242
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking
for you, okay?
1411
01:33:34,276 --> 01:33:38,246
Look, I don't care
about the sex. I really don't.
1412
01:33:38,280 --> 01:33:41,383
It's not the most important
thing. You are.
1413
01:33:41,416 --> 01:33:43,618
Trace, I love you.
1414
01:33:45,153 --> 01:33:46,822
Can you hear me? I love you!
1415
01:33:46,855 --> 01:33:49,391
Do you mind?
I'm trying to get laid here.
1416
01:33:52,695 --> 01:33:54,396
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?
1417
01:34:03,806 --> 01:34:06,775
When I heard her, I thought...
1418
01:34:07,943 --> 01:34:09,845
I couldn't do it, either.
1419
01:34:13,415 --> 01:34:15,183
I love you, too.
1420
01:34:28,731 --> 01:34:30,398
(ALL CHEERING)
1421
01:34:42,978 --> 01:34:44,312
Should we?
1422
01:34:59,361 --> 01:35:01,930
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)
1423
01:35:37,299 --> 01:35:38,867
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
1424
01:35:54,316 --> 01:35:56,351
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.
1425
01:35:56,384 --> 01:36:00,055
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be
right here.
1426
01:36:00,956 --> 01:36:02,891
Where the hell is Erik?
1427
01:36:02,925 --> 01:36:06,361
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.
1428
01:36:08,263 --> 01:36:09,364
Somebody call a taxi?
1429
01:36:09,397 --> 01:36:11,233
Where the fuck did you go?
1430
01:36:11,266 --> 01:36:12,334
To get some breakfast.
1431
01:36:12,367 --> 01:36:14,336
Oh, sweet.
I'm starving.
1432
01:36:19,541 --> 01:36:21,844
(GROANING)
1433
01:36:21,877 --> 01:36:23,278
I take it you guys
had a good night.
1434
01:36:23,311 --> 01:36:25,347
Oh, completely
out of hand, bro.
1435
01:36:25,380 --> 01:36:26,982
Where are the girls?
1436
01:36:27,015 --> 01:36:31,053
They all split this morning.
Said they had to drive
to State for some big party.
1437
01:36:31,086 --> 01:36:32,821
That must make you feel
pretty special.
1438
01:36:32,855 --> 01:36:35,357
"Special"?
Who cares about special?
1439
01:36:35,390 --> 01:36:37,492
All I care about is the sex.
1440
01:36:37,525 --> 01:36:41,930
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.
1441
01:36:41,964 --> 01:36:44,867
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1442
01:36:44,900 --> 01:36:47,369
I don't wanna talk about it.
Ever.
1443
01:36:49,938 --> 01:36:54,442
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal
with that Brandy chick?
1444
01:36:56,979 --> 01:36:58,380
No.
1445
01:36:58,413 --> 01:37:01,016
I told you. Pay up.
1446
01:37:01,049 --> 01:37:03,952
But I did have sex
with Tracy last night.
1447
01:37:08,123 --> 01:37:09,291
What are you talking about?
1448
01:37:09,324 --> 01:37:11,326
Tracy.
1449
01:37:11,359 --> 01:37:13,996
I drove home
in the middle of the night,
I ran out of gas,
1450
01:37:14,029 --> 01:37:17,032
stole a horse, rode over
to Allison's party...
1451
01:37:17,065 --> 01:37:19,401
We had sex in the guest room.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1452
01:37:19,434 --> 01:37:21,069
You stole a horse?
Yup.
1453
01:37:21,103 --> 01:37:23,038
A real horse? Like the kind
you ride and shit?
1454
01:37:23,071 --> 01:37:24,406
Yeah, a real horse.
1455
01:37:24,439 --> 01:37:26,074
That's fucking fantastic.
1456
01:37:26,108 --> 01:37:27,876
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1457
01:37:27,910 --> 01:37:30,478
Neither did I.
Where did you find a horse?
1458
01:37:30,512 --> 01:37:32,547
Are there horses
in Great Falls?
1459
01:37:34,649 --> 01:37:36,118
Proud of you,
1460
01:37:37,052 --> 01:37:38,453
Stifler.
1461
01:37:40,022 --> 01:37:42,991
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1462
01:37:52,134 --> 01:37:54,937
RYAN: So, how do you feel?
Best night of my entire life.
1463
01:37:54,970 --> 01:37:57,405
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!
1464
01:38:13,455 --> 01:38:15,157
Mail call, bitches.
1465
01:38:16,724 --> 01:38:17,960
Scooter.
1466
01:38:19,027 --> 01:38:20,428
Scratchy.
1467
01:38:21,429 --> 01:38:22,664
Tripod.
1468
01:38:28,070 --> 01:38:29,171
What the hell?
1469
01:38:29,204 --> 01:38:30,638
What is it, man?
1470
01:38:31,539 --> 01:38:33,041
I don't know.
1471
01:38:45,020 --> 01:38:46,989
Smile for the camera, baby.
1472
01:38:55,563 --> 01:38:58,033
Oh, man. That is fucked up.
1473
01:39:01,069 --> 01:39:02,604
Stifler!
1474
01:39:03,438 --> 01:39:04,706
(MY HERO PLAYING)
101587
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