Original subtitles

Previously on "The Magicians"...

Christopher Plover.

The children's book author?

You're familiar with my work.

I've read Martin Chatwin's book.

Oh, you're the pervert who turned him into The Beast.

The age suspension spells Martin used,

they must still be keeping me alive.

I don't know what this signal is,

but I know why it's targeting me,

- and I'm gonna figure out... - Whoa, whoa, hang on!

Merritt, you don't know what that's gonna do.

You're right.

Ever since I found this page, I knew it was important.

- It's an instruction manual. - For what?

The World Seed.

It can grow into almost anything,

even an entire world.

The Couple has been looking for the World Seed page a long time,

and they are not good people.

And they know I have what they want.

Pregnant.

Shit.

Really appreciate it if we could keep this

- between you and I. - Of course.

Let's go find our books, shall we?

You better be able to speed-read.

No!

Okay, so what if we locate the tree

from Seb's tattoo and chop it down?

Would that sever this conduit?

In theory, yes,

he would be mortal and 100% stabbable.

Jesus, cock and balls, what's keeping Julia and El?

We just murdered the goddamn king back there.

- They should act like it. - Ooh, sorry.

Probably just Julia's toe worms.

Hey, we should stop so she can catch up.

You've got toe worms,

and you're moving at a normal speed.

Oh, I'm just used to...

Hey, what happened to your eye?

I lent it to Josh.

What happened to his eye?

Nothing! He's an idiot.

He went back to warn Tick and Rafe to get out

- before things go shit-shaped. - Okay.

Wait, and so why did you...

I'm worried, so I'm keeping an eye on him, okay?

- Christ. - Oh, it's a pun. I get it,

'cause you gave him your eye.

Shut the fuck up, Fen!

Okay.

Julia, you have to hurry. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just a little out of shape.

Okay, don't mean to push, but since we don't know

how the Centurions will react to Seb's body,

and you were intimately involved in making him dead,

we should probably move more quickly.

Uh... Eliot.

I wouldn't if I were you.

Seb.

Surprised?

Take them.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

Shit.

Sorry about that, Quentin.

_

Lame-ass Welters nerd.

Merritt?

What... what happened?

You tell me.

You said you were a Chatwin, you ripped off your patch,

and then you disappeared.

Where's Julia and... and Lipson and...

You've been gone three weeks.

Wha...

It was just a room.

No windows, no doors,

no one else there.

That's all I remember.

You remember more than I did when the signal grabbed me.

But I was there seconds, at least I thought.

Who knows how this shit works?

- It's a weird one. - What do your rocks say?

That young Merritt isn't under any memory curses,

so far as I can see.

My name is actually Plum, remember?

I just have to own it.

Leave the ranks of Chatwins who go by middle names

or nicknames or, you know, super-villain monikers.

Hi, Plum fucking Chatwin, cursed freak.

Well, on the plus, you don't have a brain injury,

you aren't psychotic,

and except for the disorientation

and a little bit of combination skin,

you're perfectly healthy.

Whoa, whoa, so... what?

You're done?

Well, first I'm gonna grab a bottle of tequila

so that I can really enjoy

my post-coma limited work hours,

but, uh, after that, yeah, I'm done.

Look, this weird room,

that's more than we've had to go on.

It's also nothing to go on at all.

The way traveling works,

you imagine a place,

see it in your mind's eye,

and then just go. What?

You do know this is the most you've actually taught

about traveling since you took up here.

Look, my point is,

you don't have to point on a map.

Just picture it.

You want me to go back?

Not really, because it's dangerous, but just pointing out...

That it's the only thing we have,

is what you're pointing out.

When I was a first year, I had this stupid idea

that teachers knew a ton more than me.

Gonna blow it for you.

Pretty much no one knows dick about anything,

especially traveler shit.

What the signal is, why,

no one's waiting around to solve it.

But I've never traveled by myself,

and I don't know how,

and even assuming you're not completely a shit teacher,

I can't go back there, not alone.

You won't be.

Oh, you stupid twat.

That hurts.

Kind of late to ask for the anesthesia spell.

Done.

Now you can take people with you when you travel,

which is why it is important that you...

Yes, I read the chapters you gave me.

I get the principles.

We start with baby steps.

All you gotta do is travel us both across the lab.

Now, I'm gonna draw a circle.

Just aim for it.

And don't worry.

If you get lost, I'll be right there.

- Professor Adiyodi... - It's Penny.

Bringing you my troubles

has cocked things up enough already.

- I don't wanna make things worse. - Yeah, well,

messing up my life kind of runs in your family.

I'm used to it.

You're not convincing me.

Which Chatwin are you related to?

Honestly, I don't know.

My parents are British.

They have the proper sense

not to speak of the family curse.

Well, you are the third Chatwin I've met.

First one was The Beast, who basically tortured me

when I was a kid, but his sister Jane,

she did everything she could to stop him.

She changed time.

She was incredible.

So family curse?

Far as I'm concerned, the scales are even.

You could tip it either way.

Remember, aim for the circle.

Here goes nothing.

I did it. I actually did it.

I honestly thought I was just gonna, like, kill us both.

Like, straight up 50/50 chance...

Plum.

Yeah.

Where's the chalk circle?

It... it's... huh?

Hey, where's everybody going?

Dean Shiring got dial-up in the computer closet.

We're gonna use it to read the Starr Report,

or at least the blow job parts.

- Dial-up? - Starr Report? Thank you...

- That came out... - Oh.

I traveled us to 1998.

Yeah, well, I have a strong guess

which Chatwin you're related to.

"The Couple"? Never heard of 'em.

I hadn't either until they sent

a shiitake monster after me.

I'd like to know who they are

before they come looking for me again.

Well, I know a guy.

He owes me, like, three favors,

so let's see.

Thanks, Kady.

- Now you owe me three favors. - Hmm.

He wants to meet.

You are never gonna believe where.

What the hell happened here?

We've been redecorating.

Alice and Kady, I'm so very glad you've come.

- Zelda. - What are you doing here?

Rebuilding.

Come to see George, yes?

Didn't know you knew him.

Hmm. He's right over there.

Oh.

Hey, how did all this happen?

Are those hedges working with librarians?

Honestly, it was you.

After you helped me burn all those books,

I realized the Library needed to be rebuilt

from the ground up.

How did you convince them to help you?

I've been helping Kady and Harriet

remove Reed's Marks...

a sort of penance, if we're being honest...

but suddenly I found myself surrounded

by grateful magicians just looking for something to do.

What was that?

Our new recruits are enthusiastic,

but their education is spotty.

This branch is kept functioning by very specific spells,

but proper casting, especially here

in the Circumstances of the Neitherlands,

sometimes eludes them.

Alice, this is George.

So you're the one The Couple's after.

Do you know them?

No, but I know a guy who might.

I need a day to track him down.

Thanks, George.

Two favors to go.

As long as your waiting,

perhaps you could help us with a problem?

I've pulled some volumes from the Poison Room.

Highly dangerous.

You're some of the few I trust to look through them.

What are you looking for?

A way to fix magic.

Unless you have something more important to do.

Oh.

Thank God we got past the Centurions.

How the hell's the Dark King still alive?

We cut down his tree, stabbed him.

It doesn't seem possible.

El said he's a healer.

Maybe he cast something with his last breath.

I don't know, but our friends are back there.

I can see Josh hiding out, so he's safe for now,

but Julia and Eliot...

Did they get back here before us?

Hey!

Who the fuck are you?

Ah, cello.

Squirrel, daffodil.

- Okay. - Uh,

Margo, what are you doing?

Life lesson, Fen.

There's always a point where you can decide,

"That's not my problem."

Oh, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

We have friends to save, a Dark King to re-kill.

Hang with Mad Libs pedophile all you want.

I'm going back to double-tap the motherfucker

like he's Osama and I'm SEAL Team Bitch.

No, no. Excelsior in springtime.

- Excelsior in springtime. - Whatever you say.

I think he's trying to tell us something

about Fillory and the Dark King?

Charcuterie.

Either he had a stroke,

or some whimsical Fillorian shit happened to him.

Yes. Secrets and blueberries.

Spongy walrus hat.

On the edge of the Burnt River,

there's an insect called the Tongue Twister

that supposedly crawls into your skull

and confuses your words.

Is that like a stroke?

Fingernail clippings.

Hold up.

Somebody's near Josh.

Son of a shit, it's the Dark King.

He's coming.

Wait, no! God damn it!

- What happened? - Josh put my eye in his pocket,

so I can't see shit.

If he's got something to say about the Dark King,

we need to know it.

How?

If he's got Tongue Twisters in his brain hole?

I know a guy.

He's an idiot,

but he might be able to help.

Professor Fogg?

Hi.

Ski masks.

Big trend in the future?

Trying to avoid a time paradox.

Ah, smart and stupid.

You don't think I'll recognize your voices?

Kind of counted on you being a little drunk.

Hmm.

It's the afternoon.

Next time, try Pinter's facial distortion,

literally made for this sort of thing,

unless you, you know, prefer this look.

Yeah, look, what do you know

about time travelers?

They're a myth.

And yet, here we are.

Well, seems like you have a gift, Ms. Ski Mask,

but poor aim.

Can you help?

Maybe.

This time bridge is set for a fixed moment in time,

but we can remove the temporal compass

and adjust it to help you navigate back to 2020.

- Can you feel the vibration? - Yeah.

Good. It's pointing towards home.

Thanks, Professor Fogg.

No, gosh, thank you, thank you.

This might all make an excellent dissertation.

Might even be worth a promotion.

Oh, God, no.

Me, Dean? No.

I'd have to pay off a lot of colleagues' wives.

Good luck.

Did it work?

Are we back?

I don't know.

Excuse me.

Be a pal and sweep up the men's dining room?

Thanks.

Nope.

How is Seb still alive?

I have no idea.

I mean, you saw me run him through with a sword,

which is not something I expected to do

to anyone, kind of ever.

You okay?

Yeah, um, I just have a problem,

and it's getting worse.

How'd you get so pregnant?

The usual way, except it's Red Monkey Month,

so everything grows a lot faster.

I guess...

congratulations?

- Ugh. - Thanks, I think.

Present deal aside,

the whole circle of life of this,

it's kind of very moving.

In a far less dungeon-y timeline,

I'd definitely be asking you

to throw me a baby shower right about now.

I know a spell to make sparkling cider

get you hammered.

Perfect loophole for this situation.

Glad to see you're keeping your spirits up.

I wouldn't want it gloomy down here.

And now I've killed the conversation.

Are you going to execute us?

I can't.

I need your help.

Basic problem's the same.

We can't fix magic on Earth.

We did some stuff to the moon, and she's mad,

- and she's... - A monumental cunt?

Evidently.

So she's screwing up Circumstances.

My Akkadian's rusty, but I...

I think this says that we can win the moon's favor if we...

Virgin sacrifice.

Okay, well, that's out.

Not to mention, the method of death is pretty gross.

Ugh.

- That bad, huh? - No, it's just the lights flickered,

and now there's peanut butter in my turkey sandwich.

Thought wonky casting was an Earth-specific problem.

I think this issue's more basic.

All the new people learning Library operations,

including culinary charms.

At least Zelda can reassign hedges that cast for shit.

The moon, however, has job security.

Hmm. You're fired, Moon.

Wait, what if we could?

Fire the moon, I mean.

Kind of remember hearing

Earth would end in fiery apocalypse.

No, I'm saying, what if we got rid of it

and made a new one?

That's batshit.

This book is on Earth-works magic

in the South Pacific.

You know, how to create an island out of nothing.

Ye... that's not exactly the same.

These books are from the Poison Room,

not for amateurs.

If there's a way to make a new moon, it'll be in here.

- Say, "Ah." - Fire engine.

Well, there's your problem. He can't talk right.

No shit, Gordy. We wanna know why.

Check his ears. Anything in there?

Hmm.

Just your usual ear stuff.

Hold up, what is that?

Give me a minute. It's deep in there.

And blammo.

Yep, it's a Tongue Twister.

How you feeling now?

Linoleum.

Shit, it wasn't the bug.

Huh, well, maybe not this one.

There's a bunch in there.

Hundreds.

Thousands.

All down his... mm...

spinal bones?

I can get 'em out if I can keep one.

Sure I'll regret asking. Why?

For the respect.

So I can write a... a...

- Paper? - Right, one of those.

It'd be huge for me.

I'll never get laughed at at VetCon again.

- How long is it gonna take? - Don't know.

Looks like each critter has an energy-meridian tether

as well as a physical one.

It's like he's possessed by a thousand little spirits, so...

This is a possession problem?

No, it's a bug problem,

and those bugs are possessing him.

Don't worry. I deal with cats all day.

They are possessed like you wouldn't believe.

Rhubarb.

That should do it.

He's bleeding out! Call a doctor!

Oh, yeah.

1920.

Maybe Fogg flipped a digit setting it.

If we can figure out what he got wrong,

we can fix his mistake.

I just wish we had some instructions.

Excuse me.

This area is for students and faculty only.

- I am faculty. - I'm a student.

And I am the King of Siam. Out.

Look, dude, I don't know wha...

Yeah, getting in a fight

is only gonna make this harder.

Thank you.

If we can't get in the Library,

then we are stuck here reenacting "The Help"

with these casually racist white people.

Lilian, you're imagining things.

We don't know anyone here who can help us.

I swear, Helen, I could sense something...

someone... watching me in the bath,

like... like a pervert ghost.

Maybe we do know someone who can help.

"Of one not easily jealous, but being wrought,

"perplexed in the extreme;

"of one whose hand, like the base Indian,

threw a pearl away richer than all his tribe... "

You're telling me this guy whacks off to people

he watches from the Astral Plane?

- Yeah. - "The melting mood... "

- Do we really need his help? - "As the Arabian trees... "

Look, in 100 years,

he's gonna be a really nice guy, so...

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

thank you. It just, it... ah.

It won't feel like "Othello" until I'm in blackface.

Okay, so he's got a ways to go.

Hyman.

Hey.

Do I know you?

Uh, yeah, I'm Pen... brooke, and this is Prune.

Ah, and you are visiting mystics?

- Right, from India, and... - And the...

- The Dark Continent. - Okay.

God give me strength.

Yeah, well, listen, we needed some help...

I'm sorry. I'm late to phrenology.

Okay, buddy.

Listen up, dude.

We know you're the pervert ghost of Brakebills,

so either you help us, or everybody knows.

I've looked through everything Seb gave us,

and it seems like some sort of communication spell.

It's going to take the three of us.

I have no clue what it does, though.

El?

Help here?

What's the point?

Once we're done, what reason does he have to keep us alive?

I don't think he'll kill us.

You.

I saw the way he talked to you.

Nobody is that hurt if they don't care.

I attract the best guys, don't I?

You attract basically everyone,

and with that broad of an appeal,

you're bound to magnetize

a couple of questionable monarchs.

We will figure something out.

- I promise. - Okay.

- Help. - Okay.

This sigil, it looks sort of like

part of a messenger charm that you would use

to send a letter across a lake

- or a river... - Oh, shit.

Yeah, I recognize it. Um, it was in a book

I was reading right after Q died.

- I was doing a lot of... - Grief Googling?

He wants to do a s�ance.

But I thought those were bullshit.

Not always.

It's dark magic, and it can go very wrong.

I never could figure it out, but maybe he did.

But why cooperative?

Three people means a lot of power.

Well, he must be trying to contact someone

who's been dead a very long time.

Oh, shit.

I think I know who.

Hello, Professor Frank.

Those two can't be in here during regular hours.

Uh, they're with me.

I'm doing a report on magic of the West Indies.

They are translating for me.

Huh.

Nothing, nothing. There is nothing here.

It is all theoretical.

There's not even an entry for a temporal compass.

As far as I can tell,

time bridges haven't even been invented yet.

Time bridges?

Like Professor Sato's work?

Is that...

- Hey. - Yeah.

This looks exactly like the time bridge

that we pulled the compass out of.

- He's building it... - Today.

That can't be a coincidence.

But still, it doesn't make any sense.

I mean, why take us here, to today?

And why 1998?

Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh...

You traveled to the year of our Lord 1998?

No, no, no. Horsefeathers.

What, was the world overrun with metal automatons

taking over all the work of men?

Yes.

- Look. - Oh, my God.

September, 1998.

I was holding it when we traveled to 1998,

and then I was holding the compass

that was made today when we landed here today.

Oh, they're totems.

Remedial traveler students sometimes have trouble

picturing their destinations, so holding an object

from that place can sometimes help.

Okay, so that, but time instead of space.

So I guess in order to get home...

We need something from our time.

"From our time," I was gonna say that.

Hey, you know this language?

Um...

the front half looks like Old Church Slavonic.

The back half, I don't recognize it.

The Slavonic part I could read.

It's something about a seed that could grow into anything.

What if it could grow into a moon?

- I don't believe it. - What?

This book is missing a page,

something called the World Seed.

How do you know what it's about

if the page is missing?

Because it's what The Couple's after,

the page, and I have it.

What?

Meanwhile, we're trying to solve a different problem,

but then... but there's this book that happens to be

the same book that the World Seed page came from?

Coincidence, synchronicity, or...

I always assume trap.

How much do you trust the hedges?

About as much as you trust the Library.

Hmm.

Then there's no way this isn't a con.

We're looking for an answer that requires unusual power.

Something unusually powerful.

Logically, it's gonna be rare,

a lot of people wanting it, right?

So not weird, right?

- Just saying. - True.

I mean, it can't be this easy, can it?

Maybe everything's been really hard for a long time,

and we caught a single fucking break for once.

Oh, hey, Smoothie Castle card from 2009.

So we don't have anything from 2020?

Great, so we're just stuck in this backwards-ass place.

- Did you do this? - Do what?

Brakebills has given me the icy mitt.

I've been streeted.

Oh, my... expelled!

Someone ratted me out to the faculty.

Well, it wasn't us.

Someone must have overheard our conversation.

Wha... eavesdropping on a private moment?

Who would do that?

You, constantly,

which is why you're getting expelled.

Did you give her permission to use irony in this way?

Just... good riddance to the both of you.

This is bad.

He was supposed to stay, get caught projecting,

and then be trapped when someone hides his body.

Okay, so then expulsion actually saves him

from being trapped in Astral Purgatory for a century

and saves generations of Brakebills women

- from being spied on. - You don't get it.

If Hyman doesn't get trapped, he can't help future me,

and future me can't save magic, and we lose it forever.

We need to fix this.

How?

By trapping him ourselves?

Exactly.

Wait.

On the bright side, this is my chance to finally go to Europe.

I hear Weimar Berlin's got some swell

"erotique" attractions.

I bet.

God, what am I doing?

I came to Brakebills to learn, you know?

And the lesson of my expulsion is clear as a creek.

Maybe, and I know this is crazy,

but maybe it is wrong to spy on people in the shower.

Well...

I know!

Then why did God give you the ability

to spy on people in the shower?

Look, I can't tell you how to live your life, but...

Look, being a traveler can feel like a burden, yes,

but not being a traveler,

not being able to use your gift,

it's worse.

Believe me.

There's no harm in looking, right?

You know?

- Oh. - You're a good egg, Penbrooke.

Okay.

Hey, before I forget,

any idea how I can score some tickets

to the women's Welters match?

It's in an hour.

Women's Welters has a match tonight?

That's not on the schedule.

Oh, it's a surprise match, yeah.

They are probably in the locker room right now.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, I see.

I am going to need to finish packing by myself.

- In private, okay? - Yeah, okay. Cool.

Great. Uh, yeah, bye.

Okay, it worked. We only have a few minutes.

Okay, um, hear me out on something.

Yes, it's bad. Magic's at stake.

Do I have to do the speech again?

I stole this from Professor Sato's things.

Stasis charm, freezes the wearer in time.

Plum, the body isn't supposed to be preserved.

- It's supposed to die. - Who says?

No one ever found his body.

Maybe we were the ones who hid it in the first place.

That's not how time works.

How do you know?

What matters is he'd still be trapped

and still be on the Astral Plane.

Unless it's a shitty hiding spot, and Hyman finds it.

Unless he doesn't,

and 100 years from now we can fix him.

What's the point of having this stupid ability

if I can't change anything?

Who says there's a point?

You are born with this shit,

and you spend the rest of your life

trying to survive it.

Okay? Let's go.

Or you have it ripped away

just when you figured out you wanted it.

I am sorry your shit is broken,

but the Penny I've heard about

wouldn't give a damn whether it fucks the future or not.

He would do the right thing for his friend.

I guess having your shit break changes a person.

Okay,

so what kind of person is new Penny gonna be?

Shit. I know how to get us back home.

Let's do this, and I'll explain.

Okay.

Gonna be sore when he wakes up.

If he wakes up.

- You ready to go? - Yeah.

"Quentin Coldwater, Welters"...

how does that help?

I dropped it the day you reappeared.

When it broke, it...

Became a new thing.

Made the day we left, so shall we?

Yeah.

He's stable.

Thank you.

And talking words good. My work here is done.

Respect, here I come.

- Oh! - Shit.

All right, talk.

It's been centuries since I've been able to speak.

It's so liberating.

You've been infected for centuries?

Yes, from the... just after your reign ended until today.

Tell us everything that happened.

Screw that. What's up with the Dark King?

Who is he, where does he come from,

and how do we kill him?

Well, I heard the same story you did.

The Dark King showed up

shortly after the arrival of The Takers,

that only he could vanquish them.

So I was curious.

Who was this Magician?

What was his story?

So I sought him out,

and I was shocked to discover

that I knew him.

Ooh, you are good at telling stories.

Thank you.

Now, in order to talk about who he is

and where he actually came from,

we need to look further back

to a time before Martin Chatwin became The Beast.

- Really? - Shh.

Long before he discovered the Wellspring,

Martin had another plan

to make sure that he never got sent back to Earth.

A conduit spell to tie himself to Fillory.

Once we begin, we will only have a few moments.

Seb, we should talk about this.

Look, we know what you're trying to do.

I strongly doubt that.

We know it. The Dark King used it,

except we chopped down his tree.

But there's an essential fact

that perhaps you don't know about the trees of Fillory.

You see, there are many, but in truth, only one.

What kind of bullshit is that?

Yeah, I mean, I'm Fillorian, and I've never heard that.

You see, the roots of the trees of Fillory intertwine

such that they become one,

not just with each other,

but with the land, and anyone tied to that

can't be killed by just chopping down a single tree

or even an entire forest.

They can only be stopped by destroying all of Fillory.

Wait, so you're saying Martin tried,

but screwed up or whatever?

He was thwarted by someone heroic

who knew what he could become,

Martin's own brother Rupert,

Rupert Sebastian Chatwin.

Oh, my Gods, what a twist.

You're such a natural at this.

He realized that the only way

to stop his brother was sacrifice,

so he tied himself to the conduit

before his brother could.

When Martin discovered what had happened,

oh, he was furious.

He couldn't kill his own brother,

but he could curse him with eternal sleep.

The people of Fillory thought he was dead.

- What's happening to him? - Exactly what's meant to.

What happened?

You happened.

You brought surges of magic so huge you woke Rupert up,

and he brought The Takers,

and then when he held them at bay,

the Fillorians, in gratitude, made him High King.

But why did he do all that?

Yeah, if he was so good, why did he become so evil?

Because while he slumbered,

he lost the one thing he cared about,

the man he loved.

Rupert, is that really you?

Lance!

Lance?

Lance Morrison?

Rupert.

Yes, yes, it's me.

Finally, you're here.

My love, my stars, my heart.

I sound like a fool.

You cannot know...

Do you know how much I've missed you?

What took you so long?

Lance, I've been trying.

- You left me. - No.

You abandoned me.

No, I needed to stop my brother.

And now I'm dead, and you can never die.

It's cold here. I'm so alone.

I've almost given up so many times.

No, no, just... don't.

I will not break my promise to you, okay?

I finally know what to do.

We'll be together soon, so soon.

- How? - Just wait by the door.

I've tried. I can't pass through it.

No, I know, but you will be able to soon.

That's why I reached out to you,

to tell you to wait by the door.

Okay, okay.

Rupert...

Listen to me. Wait by the door.

Eliot.

What the fuck did you do?

And you actually think this page might contain the answer?

Tell us what you need.

Our resources are at your disposal.

I just need to go and get it.

We'll send someone.

I'd rather get it myself.

A few librarians, security...

seems prudent to send one person.

You almost had me.

Just peanut butter and turkey sandwiches.

I'm afraid I'm not following.

We're in the Library, where there's glitches

'cause of hedges, right?

So why do these glitches keep happening

during lunar intervals?

Why are the Neitherlands affected by the Earth's moon?

Makes no sense. Where am I really?

Earth, which you manage to figure out

every motherfucking time.

What is this? Some sort of illusion?

Psychic spell.

Basically you're in the Matrix,

which means we're still on Earth, hence glitches.

How many times have I done this?

18.

Been sending you back to the beginning.

It's getting tiresome.

Wait, the... the books,

fixing the moon, it was all just...

Bullshit.

Starting with you getting Kady to text me.

- Who are you? - Come on.

I'm insulted.

You've been asking about me.

The Couple.

Less impressive the 18th time you figure it out.

Look, you're sick of this.

I'm really sick of this.

Why don't we have this convo in the real world, huh?

Not doing this 19 times.

Give me the page, or I kill Kady.

How do I know that's really Kady?

How do I know this is even real?

Only one way to know,

and that's to feel it.

What are you doing?

Phosphoromancer, right?

Please don't do this.

- I know you use this finger a lot. - Please, please. No!

Promise... give me the page.

If the finger's still viable, I reattach.

Middle finger, also very important.

Love spells need a ring finger.

Oh...

Pinkies are crucial.

Well? Alice?

Okay.

Okay.

You want my thumb too?

Disappointed that this isn't working,

because the next cut isn't your thumb.

It's Kady.

The page, or kill Kady.

What's it gonna be?

Okay, okay, you win. It's yours. It's...

it's fucking yours.

Oh, good.

Relieved.

Now, where do I go?

Oh, hold that thought.

I forgot my pen.

Okay.

Is he all right?

What do you care?

It was never my intention to hurt him.

You think that matters?

I lost someone too.

And I loved him so much.

I know the pain.

It's not an excuse to hurt people

just because you want him back.

Maybe you didn't love him as much as you think,

because you don't understand.

I have work to do.

You see what you're up against.

Fillory can never be free

so long as the Dark King reigns.

One thing I'm confused about.

Where do you fit in to all of this?

Well, Rupert recognized me.

Oh, he's always disliked me.

He's the one who cursed me with the Tongue Twisters.

No, I shall find no happiness in Fillory

so long as he's around.

So after you leave here, what?

Just gonna hit the streets?

Oh, hardly.

I shall write.

The things I have seen, the stories I can tell.

His stories are very good.

Just not exactly kid-appropriate.

Oh, oh, oh, vexing.

Oh, flattery flophouse.

Did you really have to do that?

He seemed like such a nice...

Pedophile?

He's grooming you, Fen,

because you act like you're 12.

Oh, Gods.

Remember, make sure to lock on the right vibration.

Can you feel it?

Mm, it feels like home.

Here we go.

Hi.

I think... I think... I think we did it.

Should I let go of your ha...

This... did you...

No, not on purpose.

I do... I'm not sure I even did this at all.

Whoa, why do I feel like I've...

Been here before.

Because this is it.

This is where the signal brought us.

Okay, okay, I'll just travel us out.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- Plum. - It's not working.

We can't leave.