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CTB Film Company
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Channel One Russia
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Yugra-Film Film Company
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00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:21,773
PKTK Ritm
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00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,532
Sberbank
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With the support of the Ministry of Culture
of the Russian Federation
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With the support of the government of the
Khanty-Mansi Autonomous Area (Yugra)
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and the Domestic Cinema Support Fund
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In cooperation with OTRK Yugra
and Solivs Film Company
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00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:53,638
present
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a film by Georgi Daneliya
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Koo! Kin-Dza-Dza
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Koo, koo, koo
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Kew!
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00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,920
Mama, mama, what are we to do
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00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,172
when the cold season comes?
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You don't have a warm scarf...
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Savages
19
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,898
Mr. Chizhov, it's your phone
20
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:27,819
Hello?
21
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,235
No, this isn't Frosya
22
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,297
People!
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00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,669
Tell me the number of your planet
in the Tentura
24
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,396
People!
25
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:08,481
I mixed up my contacts. What number
do I dial to teleport home?
26
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,162
I'll sign everything
27
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,997
Could you just do one small
favor for me, Lucy?
28
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:22,457
When you took your things, you accidentally
took my blue slippers too
29
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,255
Could you bring them back?
I'm quite attached to them. Goodbye
30
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,897
Fyodor, could you pass me
my instrument please?
31
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:47,774
I'll walk
32
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,956
Mama, mama, what are we to do
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00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,917
when the cold season comes?
34
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,086
Hello?
35
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,040
Yes, Frosya
36
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,125
I have your phone
37
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,086
I took it by mistake
38
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,555
Goose? You said it would be duck
39
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,520
All right, goose it is then.
Set the table
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00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,857
No, no, it won't get cold.
I'll be there in a minute
41
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,454
Hello, Mr. Chizhov!
42
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,370
Idiot
43
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:46,374
Did I scare you? I thought you'd like it
44
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,085
I'm Tolik, Yelena's son
45
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,999
Who's Yelena?
46
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,093
Yelena Tsarapkin, your cousin
47
00:04:55,754 --> 00:05:00,009
I came here to study to be a DJ,
but there was no room at the dorm
48
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,848
- Can I stay with you for now?
- No, you can't
49
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,645
Hello?
50
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,356
No, this isn't Frosya
51
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,569
- You dropped some candy
- Keep it
52
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:18,618
Uncle Vova, here's the thing.
I was robbed on the train
53
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,578
Could you lend me 1,500 roubles?
54
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,332
I'll pay you back as soon as mom
wires me some money
55
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:32,087
- I don't carry cash on me. Good night
- How about 300, then?
56
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,046
Listen, young man...
57
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,298
People!
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00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:40,550
People, tell me your planet's number
in the Tentura
59
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,847
Junkie
60
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,304
Or at least the number of your galaxy
in the Spiral
61
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,973
Your feet will freeze off.
Go down into the subway
62
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,480
No time for the subway.
Please help me
63
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,947
Here's my teleporter.
I mixed up my contacts
64
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,326
What number do I dial to
teleport back home?
65
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,866
Dial 911, they'll help
66
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:06,329
No, I can't! 911 is Pluke!
There are Chatlanians there!
67
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,373
Sure you can. Hold this
68
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,875
- Yes, hello?
- Where's the "9" here?
69
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,923
No, this isn't...
70
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,254
...Frosya
71
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,771
Woah!
72
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:37,022
Listen, I've had enough of this
73
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,372
I'll be damned!
74
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,716
- We're on Pluke, Uncle Vova!
- Where?
75
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,755
That fellow with the daisies
said that 911 was Pluke
76
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,512
I dialed the number,
and here we are on Pluke
77
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,056
Hold on
78
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:11,727
Tell your barefoot hypnotist
that these tricks won't work on me!
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00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,521
Uncle Vova, wait!
Something's coming!
80
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,271
A robot
81
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,328
A humanoid
82
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,669
Another trick?
83
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:30,139
Let me take a photo, Uncle Vova,
or no one will believe us
84
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,647
Say "cheese"!
85
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,573
That's enough!
86
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,251
Good day, friends. We are aliens
from the planet Earth
87
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,586
- We are...
- Kew
88
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,181
- Koo
- Koo
89
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,350
Hello
90
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,390
Chem'?
91
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,722
He wants money
92
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,891
I don't have that kind
93
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,320
Here, I have roubles, dollars...
94
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,486
I'll pay you. Just take us out of here
95
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,404
Kew!
96
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:29,990
Koo??
97
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,738
He wants your hat
98
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,289
My hat?
99
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,288
Here
100
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,081
And your coat
101
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,424
Now he wants your fiddle
102
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,466
I can't give you this,
it's a musical instrument
103
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,098
Now he wants your hat
104
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:55,975
Dream on!
105
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:02,735
Hey you, wise guy!
106
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,650
Let it go
107
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,319
There's nothing in there
108
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,321
Open it
109
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,821
Here, see for yourself
110
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,581
It's a laser pointer
111
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,421
That's shampoo. Soap for the head
112
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,007
Like it, huh? How about a swap?
113
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:38,810
I'll give you the hat and the drink for that
gizmo on his neck. And two chatles
114
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,397
Could you give us a lift?
See, it's quite odd, actually
115
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,867
We met this strange man,
and the kid pressed a button
116
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,953
What's taking you so long? Hurry up!
117
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,204
Hey! Come back, you jerk!
Give it back!
118
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,129
Forget it!
119
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,214
Let him have it!
120
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:26,020
I'll remember this! I'll get you later,
you half-witted cyborg!
121
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,997
- It's just shampoo
- I paid cash for that shampoo, maestro
122
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,791
Cash that certain people
say they don't carry around
123
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,382
I don't, for people like you
124
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,675
They're coming back
125
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,766
- Young man, what's your name again?
- I told you - Tolik
126
00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,767
Tolik, give them whatever they want,
or we're going to die here. Understand?
127
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,935
So how come you didn't
give them your fiddle?
128
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,858
Ketse!
129
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,573
They want a match
130
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:13,908
This?
131
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,248
Another one? Be my guest
132
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,087
Want the match?
133
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,633
First take us out of here,
then we'll give you the "koo"
134
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,518
"Kew" what? Here it is! Kew yourself
135
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,141
Here! Found it
136
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,189
Why do you want it?
137
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,732
It'll come in handy
138
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,111
Hello, fellow earthlings.
DJ Tolik Tsarapkin here
139
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:01,072
If I had video cameras built into my eyes
140
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,250
you'd see that sitting across from me are
two shameless, shabby-looking...
141
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,827
Stop it
142
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:11,796
- Just look at these weirdos
- Look, do me a favor. Be quiet
143
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,260
I've got a splitting headache
144
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,213
Ketse
145
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,476
Indeed, Uncle Vova
146
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:29,643
Ziegenbogen will be wearing
your slippers now
147
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,608
They speak Russian!
148
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,407
House slippers
149
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,195
You speak Russian?
150
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:44,033
We're trying. You were
thinking about slippers
151
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,242
I just repeated what you thought
152
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,878
- Why were you pretending...?
- Why yap for no reason?
153
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,714
How many matches will we get
if we take you to Earth?
154
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,585
- How many do you need?
- Two full boxes like that one
155
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:59,881
- Six
- What? I'll give you three, and that's it
156
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:04,181
Five
157
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,138
Four, and the gizmo
158
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,519
ls this your last word?
159
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,685
The lastest!
160
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,775
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
161
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,907
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
162
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,275
Here
163
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,335
Stop it! I'm begging you!
164
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,085
- What does this switch do?
- Don't touch it!
165
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,250
Flip the tsapa back!
Flip it back now!
166
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,595
OK! Darn it, I can't see a thing!
167
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,511
Give it to me. Give it
back to me, buddy!
168
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:46,511
- No way!
- Switch the tsapa off, you jerk!
169
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:50,933
- Give it back! We're going to crash!
- Four chatles or I'm keeping it
170
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,311
- It costs less than half a chatl
- Three, and that's final
171
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,321
- Your last word?
- The lastest
172
00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,987
Here! Count it!
173
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,902
You took a bite out of one.
Give me a new one
174
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,529
Dream on
175
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,927
Uncle Vova, come over here
176
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:23,301
Look here. This is the
Kin-Dza-Dza Galaxy
177
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,017
This is planet Pluke, we're here
178
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,512
Where is your planet? Show me
179
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,685
Let me have a look. Right...
180
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,560
- Where's the Moon here?
- Don't even bother trying
181
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,816
For half a chatl any planetarium in the Center
will give us the number of your planet
182
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,203
Buckle up, we're landing
183
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:55,459
- Where's he going?
- Shh, be quiet
184
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,795
- Why?
- Just because
185
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:15,475
- They're buying stolen property there?
- Shut up. They can hear everything
186
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,773
I don't care what they can hear
187
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,736
They have a gravitsapa.
Give me the matchbox, I'll buy one
188
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:26,028
Hold your horses, wise guy!
First tell us what this gravitsapa is for
189
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:30,916
Without a gravitsapa, buddy, our pepelats
can only fly above the surface
190
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:34,536
Now, with a gravitsapa,
we'll get to any planet in five minutes
191
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,754
Give me the matches, Uncle Vova
192
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,340
Don't! They're swindlers
193
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,052
It's just nerves
194
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,762
It's stuffy in here
195
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:56,520
Tolik, son, would you turn
the AC on please?
196
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,527
See, I'm... Can you climb up there?
197
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:03,989
Where's the switch here?
198
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,121
Ah, that's better. Nice and quiet
199
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,784
Hand over the matches, Uncle Vova
200
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,538
Open it up! Right this second!
201
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,958
Uncle Vova, buddy,
don't worry about it
202
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,969
He's doing fine. He's taking a break
203
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,679
Thinking about the goose
204
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,267
OK. Hear for yourself,
if you don't believe me
205
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,438
Tolik, can you hear me?
206
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,607
You freaks! If you don't
let me out right now...
207
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:43,689
See? He's alert, and full of vigor
and determination
208
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:49,990
They won't let us in.
They'll only let you in
209
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,740
Don't think about your matches.
Just show them the ketse in my box
210
00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,542
Get going. The sooner you buy it,
the sooner you'll get home
211
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,254
Go
212
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,102
Uncle Vova, hold on a second!
213
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,681
Put this on your nose, buddy
214
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,604
Thank you, but it's not really my style
215
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,609
Who do you think you are?
216
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,524
I am a musician
217
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,069
No. You're a Patsak
218
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,864
He's also a Patsak. Him, too.
And Traz is a Chatlanian
219
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,242
So put the tsak on. Got it?
220
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,115
- Not really
- Look at me with this visualizer, buddy
221
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,835
Which dot lights up? The green one
222
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,042
Now let's try it on you.
Also green
223
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,499
That's because we're Patsaks
224
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,969
Now look at Wef. Which dot
do you see now? The orange one
225
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,510
That's because Mr. Wef is a Chatlanian
226
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,217
- Now do you understand?
- What?
227
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:59,351
Without a tsak any ecilop will tranklucate you
228
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,099
Pluke is a Chatlanian planet, buddy
229
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:07,565
That's why we Patsaks must wear tsaks
and do the "koo" before Chatlanians
230
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,699
Like this. Get it?
231
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,240
Would you do that
one more time, slowly?
232
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:14,616
Like this
233
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,498
Uncle Vova, you've got
concerts scheduled
234
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,119
your wife left you for Ziegenbogen,
and you're...
235
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,796
Don't make it harder for yourself, buddy
236
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,095
Uncle Vova! Leave the fiddle here
237
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:50,281
It's a cello! A CELLO!
238
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:54,657
And stop calling me Uncle Vova!
239
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,287
My name is Vladimir!
240
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,448
Vladimir Chizhov!
241
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,041
Got it?
242
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,078
No problem, Uncle Vova
243
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,015
Hi
244
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:24,561
Well, what do I think
about you,huh?
245
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,062
Go on, read my mind
246
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,868
This way, Patsak
247
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,265
Come, come, fiddler
248
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,370
Good day
249
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,968
Give us your ketse,
and you'll get a gravitsapa
250
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,387
Here you go
251
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,854
- Got to check it
- Please do
252
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:57,366
Koo, Uncle Vova
253
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:09,329
Go ahead, take a seat
254
00:22:16,293 --> 00:22:17,920
Sit there, Patsak
255
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,682
This place is for VIP clients only
256
00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:25,808
Tell Mr. Traz that I'm
no regular Joe, either
257
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:29,648
I'm a famous musician, and a
distinguished professor...
258
00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:34,361
He says we don't care
259
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:37,524
A VIP client is one with
at least two ketses
260
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,863
At least two ketses
261
00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:42,654
Tell him I have more than two
262
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:58,051
You keep ketses in that box?
263
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,133
Yes, I keep ketses in it
264
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,555
Ketses must be kept in a ketse-box
265
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,600
Without a ketse-box the ketse
loses its zura
266
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:11,481
Now I've got to run the check
all over again!
267
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,648
I do apologize if this is
a personal question
268
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,949
Ziegenbogen, is he a banker?
269
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:31,578
- That's irrelevant to the matter at hand.
- Of course, if you say so
270
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:38,334
- Here's a small gift from our company
- Thank you
271
00:23:42,630 --> 00:23:44,553
Will you excuse me for a moment?
272
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,711
Gentlemen! Something's wrong here.
Come and see!
273
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,902
Here's the Sun
274
00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:41,981
Here's the Moon. Here's Moscow
275
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:45,485
Here's the train station. We fly
along the tracks down to Tula...
276
00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:47,870
Get down!
277
00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:21,816
They'll be at it for a while
278
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,156
- What's going on?
- Bee said we should go to the Center
279
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:25,782
but Wef brought us here
280
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,823
because here it's "two chatles cheaper"
281
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:31,618
- What about Uncle Vova?
- Uncle Vova gave them all the matches
282
00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,199
Where is he? Did they
take him with them?
283
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,084
Nah, he's over there
284
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:44,176
You're going to dig like that
until your last breath
285
00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:49,173
- Only I can dig him up.
- Well, dig him up, then!
286
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,723
Why should I? He doesn't have
any more matches
287
00:25:53,343 --> 00:25:54,936
He has one
288
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,473
He's hiding it in his shoe
289
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:19,916
Guys, I just remembered.
It's not in his shoe
290
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,794
He keeps it in a secret pocket
in his underpants
291
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:24,045
Pull him out
292
00:26:36,887 --> 00:26:38,059
Uncle Vova!
293
00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:42,271
Is he dead?
294
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:46,735
Not necessarily. Take it easy, Patsak.
Let's find out
295
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,243
Still alive
296
00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:54,913
- Take off your pants, buddy
- What?
297
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,742
Drop your drawers, professor!
298
00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:02,129
Defend yourselves!
299
00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:05,166
But I'm warning you:
I used to be a boxer
300
00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:09,678
Easy there!
301
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:13,348
I was joking. I've got the match. Here
302
00:27:17,678 --> 00:27:20,056
Will this desert ever end?
303
00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:21,811
No
304
00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:24,810
What about trees or seas?
305
00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:28,481
Trees and seas were all
turned into lutz ages ago, buddy
306
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:30,316
You mean ketse?
307
00:27:30,732 --> 00:27:33,076
Fuel, you fool. Fuel!
308
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:36,948
What's ketse, then? A drug?
309
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:39,370
No
310
00:27:40,409 --> 00:27:42,912
Ketse is ketse
311
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,673
Oh, Lord...
312
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,805
Koo. One, two, three...
313
00:28:27,164 --> 00:28:29,417
TOLIK
314
00:28:57,569 --> 00:29:00,072
- Here. Eat
- What is it?
315
00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:01,994
Plastic porridge
316
00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,826
And for Uncle Vova?
317
00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:05,206
Later
318
00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:07,671
Look, Patsak, I like you,
so I'll explain
319
00:29:07,955 --> 00:29:12,461
If you have a few ketses,
you can wear yellow pants
320
00:29:13,377 --> 00:29:17,348
and a Patsak has to squat
before you not once, but twice
321
00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:19,175
And do the "koo"
322
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:22,098
If you have many ketses, son
323
00:29:22,552 --> 00:29:25,101
you can wear crimson pants
324
00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:32,358
And then both a Patsak and a Chatlanian
have to do the "koo" before you
325
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:36,067
And an ecilop has no right
to beat you up at night
326
00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:37,909
Ever
327
00:29:38,986 --> 00:29:41,705
Tolik, give the match to me
328
00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:44,958
I'll give you a pair of crimson pants
at the Center
329
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:46,827
I'm nobody
330
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:50,498
It's Uncle Vova who deserves
crimson pants
331
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,050
He's the coolest
332
00:29:53,250 --> 00:29:55,469
- The fiddler's gone, buddy
- What do you mean?
333
00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:58,218
I pressed the kapa and he flew away
334
00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:01,265
Say that again?
335
00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:04,970
We don't need the fiddler, buddy.
He was just a waste of fuel
336
00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:12,940
Uncle Vova?
337
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:16,027
Uncle Vova?
338
00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:31,379
Turn back
339
00:30:31,705 --> 00:30:34,549
Don't worry, we have an
extra escape pod
340
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,047
Brand new
341
00:30:36,293 --> 00:30:38,387
Turn back or I'll burn this!
342
00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:44,726
Stop!
343
00:30:45,344 --> 00:30:46,766
Stop!
344
00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,189
Wait for me!
345
00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:56,689
Wait for me!
346
00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:00,325
Good day, I'm...
347
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,709
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot
348
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,548
You see, I had an accident...
349
00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:22,927
I wanted to take a shower
and the cabin just fell off
350
00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:25,008
Could you give me a lift to the Center...?
351
00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:28,437
This is a cello. A musical instrument
352
00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,223
I know them! They're coming for me!
353
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:50,386
I'm over here! Over here!
354
00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:56,608
"Koo" what? Stop kooing me!
355
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:07,327
Stay here and keep out of sight.
And don't think about the match!
356
00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:39,397
Where's Tolik?
357
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,237
Right here, Uncle Vova
358
00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:07,805
Tolik, come out. That jerk saw you
359
00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:14,094
Koo, officer ecilop
360
00:34:17,347 --> 00:34:19,520
Give the match to the creep
361
00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:22,439
- What match?
- Give it to him
362
00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:25,606
Officer ecilop, they're hallucinating
after the shampoo
363
00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:27,528
They drank all of my shampoo
364
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:29,776
I thought I'd wash my hair
after I teleported
365
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:31,453
I don't have any matches
366
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,744
He can't hear you, buddy. He's deaf
367
00:34:35,282 --> 00:34:38,126
Shame on you! How dare you
lie to an ecilop?
368
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:39,998
Give me your foot, you swindler!
369
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,297
What are you doing, moron?
370
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:45,045
Be quiet now, thinker
371
00:35:08,607 --> 00:35:09,904
Bye Patsaks!
372
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:33,765
Why were you thinking
about the match?
373
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:35,304
Imbecile!
374
00:35:35,759 --> 00:35:39,480
Why were you thinking about
the match, you cretin, you idiot?
375
00:35:39,929 --> 00:35:43,058
Patsakian dimwit!
376
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:49,113
Tolik, help me out over here!
377
00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:56,159
What a tragedy! What a tragedy!
378
00:35:56,738 --> 00:36:00,743
I only thought about the match
because you told me not to
379
00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:04,663
I was going to think about the goose
380
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:08,299
There's still hope, gentlemen
381
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,469
We'll go see your government
382
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,970
I'll tell them who I am,
put on a free performance for them
383
00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:19,348
We'll establish cultural and economic ties
384
00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:23,978
We'll trade you ketses for
pepelatses and yellow pants
385
00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:27,812
To get to the government,
you need to have a gravitsapa
386
00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:30,943
The government lives
on another planet, buddy
387
00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:33,734
They have butterflies there, too
388
00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:35,865
Tolik, get him!
389
00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:38,617
What are you doing! Drop it!
390
00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:40,290
Stop, you jerk!
391
00:36:56,381 --> 00:36:58,304
So long, DJ!
392
00:37:06,975 --> 00:37:08,568
Never before...
393
00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:12,739
Never before in all the Galaxy...
394
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:20,247
...has there been such
a despicable Patsak as you!
395
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:27,666
Tolik Tsarapkin
396
00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:43,978
The woods are so beautiful in winter
397
00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:46,765
Fir trees put on their fur hats
398
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,068
Birds sing
399
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,612
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
400
00:38:03,448 --> 00:38:06,292
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
401
00:38:07,911 --> 00:38:09,083
Hello?
402
00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:13,045
Hello? This is Tolik
403
00:38:13,708 --> 00:38:15,631
Yelena Tsarapkin's son
404
00:38:16,503 --> 00:38:18,221
All right, let's have goose...
405
00:38:18,379 --> 00:38:20,097
Give me that! Hello?
406
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:23,969
Speak up!
407
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:27,518
Uncle Vova...
408
00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:31,314
I was just kidding
409
00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:39,906
Tolik, please address
me by my full name
410
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:41,866
It would be more polite
411
00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:44,281
Why? I'm your nephew
412
00:38:45,198 --> 00:38:50,295
Because I don't have a cousin
named Yelena Tsarapkin
413
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:52,668
That's why
414
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,587
No cousin? Fine
415
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,969
Hello, earthlings. DJ Tolik Tsarapkin here
416
00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:20,446
Tolik! A tornado! Get down!
417
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:47,769
AN ABRIDGED CHATLANIAN-PATSAK
DICTIONARY
418
00:39:48,428 --> 00:39:51,181
PEPELATS - a spaceship
GRAVITSAPA - an anti-gravity kapa
419
00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:54,393
ECILOP - a policeman
TSAK - a nose bell
420
00:39:54,851 --> 00:39:57,479
ETSIKH - prison
KETSE - a match
421
00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,611
KEW - a socially acceptable obscenity
KOO - all other words
422
00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:16,046
Bless you!
423
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,005
Hey! Wait up!
424
00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:24,138
No come closer! What you want?
425
00:40:24,464 --> 00:40:26,933
We are Patsaks from the planet Earth
426
00:40:27,216 --> 00:40:30,891
- Can you take us to the Center?
- Three chatles please
427
00:40:31,471 --> 00:40:34,099
We don't have any money.
But we'll work for it
428
00:40:38,811 --> 00:40:40,313
What do you can?
429
00:40:40,897 --> 00:40:43,741
- Anything
- Be you specific
430
00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:49,536
Specific? Vladimir here is
specifically a famous fiddler
431
00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:53,997
Him Play
432
00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,086
- Here?
- There!
433
00:40:56,746 --> 00:40:58,623
I'm very sorry, but I can't!
434
00:40:58,957 --> 00:41:01,335
To play this instrument
I need to be sitting down
435
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,133
Thank you, goodbye
436
00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:06,885
Wait!
437
00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:10,014
- Here, sit on me
- This is ridiculous
438
00:41:10,635 --> 00:41:12,262
If they leave, we're dead
439
00:41:23,856 --> 00:41:25,199
Play already!
440
00:41:39,706 --> 00:41:43,051
No play like that! We puke
441
00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:49,466
Thank you, goodbye
442
00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:53,143
Hold it! i'll play
443
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,724
Hand it over
444
00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:00,811
You play or we leave
445
00:42:03,438 --> 00:42:05,816
Here. Be careful with it
446
00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:11,955
Don't touch it! It's tuned
447
00:42:12,697 --> 00:42:13,869
I'm tuning it guitar-like
448
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:18,165
We not want guitar. We want fiddle.
You play with stick
449
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:21,376
And sit
450
00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:25,669
To play this instrument you need
to be sitting down
451
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:28,174
Vladimir
452
00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:31,633
Look, you sat on me
453
00:42:32,008 --> 00:42:34,261
You play or we leave
454
00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:50,360
Wait. We turn volume up. Koo
455
00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:58,618
And Sing!
456
00:42:59,786 --> 00:43:02,005
One, two, three
457
00:43:02,455 --> 00:43:06,551
Mama, mama, what are we to do?
458
00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:11,760
This we like a lot
459
00:43:15,176 --> 00:43:17,975
This we no puke
460
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:24,235
OK, grandma, you go:
oompa, oompa, oomph
461
00:43:25,103 --> 00:43:28,027
You, pops, you only go: dun.
Bring it on!
462
00:43:33,486 --> 00:43:35,864
Stop. Faster please
463
00:43:36,823 --> 00:43:38,746
Why he no sing?
464
00:43:39,700 --> 00:43:41,873
He'll go "oooh" in between
465
00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:44,626
Spare me please
466
00:43:45,081 --> 00:43:47,334
And porridge eat you want?
467
00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:51,762
"Do you want to eat?"
Mind your grammar please
468
00:43:52,547 --> 00:43:55,391
We talk, you mind grammar.
Then you be of any use
469
00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:59,345
Do "koo" now, or the ecilop
tranklucate us!
470
00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:15,028
A hologram?
471
00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:16,575
That's Pezhe
472
00:44:16,779 --> 00:44:18,122
Who's Pezhe?
473
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:21,913
He great!
474
00:44:24,287 --> 00:44:26,335
I so love Pezhe!
475
00:44:26,956 --> 00:44:28,299
Me too
476
00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:34,385
We praise skies all the time
that he let us on Pluke
477
00:44:39,969 --> 00:44:43,064
- Was it even worse on your planet?
- Air
478
00:44:44,307 --> 00:44:45,354
No air?
479
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:48,231
Air yes, but not everyone breathe
480
00:44:48,811 --> 00:44:50,154
What do you mean?
481
00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:52,944
If you have money you breathe
482
00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:56,869
- And if you have no money?
- Then you blow up your balloon
483
00:45:15,755 --> 00:45:18,929
Quick! Get in cage.
Patsaks must sing in cage
484
00:45:19,091 --> 00:45:21,139
A nightingale doesn't sing
in a cage, grandma
485
00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:27,934
Let's get in, if that's the rule
486
00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:31,608
One, two, three...
487
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:38,821
You, nightingale, do it the right way:
sit on the fiddler
488
00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:42,745
- How do you know what's the right way?
- I thought it look nice
489
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,577
Some aesthete...
490
00:45:46,661 --> 00:45:48,254
One, two, three...
491
00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:54,718
Hey, Patsak! Stop making faces at me!
492
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:57,009
Don't you like Chatlanians?
493
00:45:58,839 --> 00:46:01,592
Smile, smile yourself!
Stretch lips to ears
494
00:46:01,801 --> 00:46:03,144
Like this
495
00:46:06,639 --> 00:46:08,687
Are you baring your teeth at me?
496
00:46:09,058 --> 00:46:13,234
A Patsak's smile must be
joyful and sincere
497
00:46:15,648 --> 00:46:19,528
Listen here, pops. Either you shut up
and we play, or goodbye!
498
00:46:19,902 --> 00:46:21,119
Our goose is getting cold
499
00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:22,454
What?
500
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:26,917
A misfire
501
00:46:27,743 --> 00:46:30,087
Hold on. You just wait!
502
00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:32,791
Must leave now
503
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,966
Here hill. Need to push cart
504
00:46:41,299 --> 00:46:43,722
One, two, and push!
505
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:50,061
Goodbye Patsaks!
506
00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:02,324
You think you can run away from me?
507
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:04,621
Nightingales!
508
00:47:44,904 --> 00:47:46,497
Let's get out of here
509
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:55,714
Switch off your phone
510
00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:57,466
Wait a second
511
00:47:57,792 --> 00:47:59,044
Hello?
512
00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:01,921
Frosya, could you give me
some garlic?
513
00:48:03,839 --> 00:48:05,967
This is Vladimir Chizhov.
Could you do me a favor?
514
00:48:06,133 --> 00:48:09,728
Ask Frosya to call Fima in London
and tell him to call Parmakov...
515
00:48:10,429 --> 00:48:12,056
Don't worry, daddy
516
00:48:13,224 --> 00:48:14,271
Daddy!
517
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:21,945
Daddy!
518
00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:26,697
Look what that clown Pezhe
has done to the planet!
519
00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:31,125
Patsaks are flashing their butts
at us in broad daylight!
520
00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:37,749
Daddy, don't look at all this!
521
00:48:58,060 --> 00:48:59,858
Earth is somewhere out there
522
00:49:05,568 --> 00:49:08,196
How long have we been stuck here
on this Pluke?
523
00:49:09,864 --> 00:49:12,208
Forty-seven hours and twenty minutes
524
00:49:14,743 --> 00:49:17,838
I have a rehearsal in London in 4 hours
525
00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:26,259
Uncle Vova...
526
00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:29,933
ls it hard to get into show business?
527
00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:33,516
I don't know
528
00:49:35,723 --> 00:49:37,441
How did you get into it?
529
00:49:39,477 --> 00:49:41,104
Paid half a ketse for it
530
00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:56,252
You poor thing
531
00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,917
Don't worry, I won't let anything bad
happen to you anymore
532
00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:08,134
Good evening
533
00:50:21,936 --> 00:50:23,108
ls this for me?
534
00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:25,865
Thank you very much
535
00:50:30,110 --> 00:50:32,158
Do you want me to play?
536
00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:42,016
Well, you scared off the only
music connoisseur on this planet
537
00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:46,191
FITYULKA
538
00:51:58,073 --> 00:52:01,794
Tolik, have you seen my wallet
by any chance?
539
00:52:03,537 --> 00:52:05,210
No. Did you lose it?
540
00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:07,423
Must have fallen out
541
00:52:07,625 --> 00:52:09,172
No, it couldn't have fallen out
542
00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:11,386
The pocket was zipped up
543
00:52:13,589 --> 00:52:15,262
Are you saying I took it?
544
00:52:20,095 --> 00:52:21,893
Here. See for yourself!
545
00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:14,028
Hi there
546
00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:19,948
- Where's your flying pigpen?
- Over there. We ran out of lutz
547
00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,415
It's all your fault, jerk
548
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,623
Think that I'm holding a tranklucator
549
00:53:30,165 --> 00:53:32,338
Hey! Turn around
550
00:53:34,878 --> 00:53:38,052
Uncle Tolik, don't kill me!
We're both Patsaks
551
00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:40,430
We're brothers! He's a Chatlanian
552
00:53:40,676 --> 00:53:43,429
Kill him instead. He made me do it!
Uncle Tolik...
553
00:53:43,595 --> 00:53:47,099
Don't listen to him, Uncle Tolik!
I love you like a son
554
00:53:47,266 --> 00:53:49,189
I swear by my lifeblood!
555
00:53:49,643 --> 00:53:52,567
Lies! He's lying, Uncle Tolik!
556
00:53:52,688 --> 00:53:55,282
He said, "To hell with them.
To hell with them"
557
00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:58,402
You can step on my face
if you want to, buddy
558
00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:00,328
That can wait
559
00:54:00,946 --> 00:54:02,914
Now, raise the cage and step aside
560
00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:11,544
After you, Vladimir
561
00:54:14,334 --> 00:54:16,382
Well, you can sit on me,
if you want to
562
00:54:17,838 --> 00:54:21,388
I'll teach you how to play. It's simple:
you grab the stick with your hand...
563
00:54:21,633 --> 00:54:24,307
No, thank you. I'd rather be a chair
564
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:41,908
Mama, mama, what are we to do
565
00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:45,791
when the freezing season comes?
566
00:54:46,658 --> 00:54:50,253
You don't have a warm scarf
567
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,500
I don't have a warm coat
568
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:22,945
Uncle Tolik, keep going, buddy!
569
00:55:23,987 --> 00:55:25,409
They like it
570
00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:28,330
- They get it
- An ecilop!
571
00:55:45,843 --> 00:55:48,847
Well, humanoids, is there enough
for a gravitsapa?
572
00:55:49,596 --> 00:55:51,815
No, buddy, you need
a lot more than that
573
00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:55,774
Vladimir, keep your eyes on them.
There are 13 chatles there
574
00:56:09,157 --> 00:56:12,957
Pick about 300 of these things.
Then, in the next show, when I come onstage...
575
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:14,747
What are you doing, buddy?
576
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,462
That's a last breath. A grave
577
00:56:29,678 --> 00:56:33,308
Does no one sing in cages on Earth?
578
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:37,652
Mr. Wef, on Earth only animals
are kept in cages
579
00:56:38,437 --> 00:56:41,441
- Are animals Patsaks?
- More like Chatlanians
580
00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:47,239
So you have the same flagrant
racism as here, on Pluke
581
00:56:48,363 --> 00:56:52,789
Only on Earth it was the Patsaks
who took power, not the Chatlanians
582
00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:56,881
Together with Uncle Tolik's friend,
a nightingale
583
00:57:06,506 --> 00:57:08,053
Well, Vladimir?
584
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:11,307
Hey, Patsak!
585
00:57:11,595 --> 00:57:13,313
This is where you go "koo"
586
00:57:13,722 --> 00:57:14,814
I didn't hear it
587
00:57:15,015 --> 00:57:16,767
Well, don't stick fingers
in your ears
588
00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:18,485
I can't bear listening to this
589
00:57:19,019 --> 00:57:20,316
Then just watch
590
00:57:20,604 --> 00:57:23,232
When I raise one finger, you sing "koo"
591
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:26,243
Two fingers, "ee". Got it?
592
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:30,280
Go!
593
00:57:30,405 --> 00:57:33,625
Mama, mama, what are we to do
594
00:57:33,951 --> 00:57:35,828
when the cold season comes?
595
00:57:36,036 --> 00:57:38,459
I don't have a warm scarf
596
00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:41,213
You don't have a warm coat
597
00:57:42,834 --> 00:57:44,177
Vladimir?
598
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,427
He's just dumb!
599
00:57:49,383 --> 00:57:52,478
I am among the five best
musicians in the world!
600
00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:55,309
Do you expect me to go "cuckoo"
with you here?
601
00:57:56,348 --> 00:57:57,395
Enough!
602
00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:07,568
Uncle Tolik, don't fret.
He's just jealous
603
00:58:35,303 --> 00:58:39,900
Never before in all the Galaxy has there
been such a talentless Patsak as him
604
00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:47,900
Says he's among the top five
musicians on the planet
605
00:58:48,066 --> 00:58:50,114
when he can't even memorize two notes
606
00:58:51,737 --> 00:58:52,784
Jerk
607
00:59:00,412 --> 00:59:03,461
I have a business proposal.
You and I lose them in the Center
608
00:59:04,124 --> 00:59:07,344
We buy a gravitsapa and fly to Earth
609
00:59:07,836 --> 00:59:10,806
We split the matches evenly:
2 boxes for you, 3 for me. Deal?
610
00:59:12,299 --> 00:59:15,178
- How are we going to buy the gravitsapa?
- No problem
611
00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:19,682
Here
612
00:59:21,725 --> 00:59:23,978
Gentlemen virtuosos of Planet Pluke
613
00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:27,732
Come here for a moment.
Mr. Abradox has a surprise for you
614
00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:56,677
Ketse!
615
01:00:15,779 --> 01:00:18,953
Woah! What's that? A zeppelin?
616
01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:22,161
It's the last breath of Pezhe
617
01:00:22,536 --> 01:00:23,583
ls he dead?
618
01:00:23,870 --> 01:00:27,170
What are you saying, buddy?
Pezhe is very much alive
619
01:00:27,624 --> 01:00:30,423
Who is this Pezhe anyway?
Your president?
620
01:00:31,419 --> 01:00:34,047
Pezhe is Pezhe, buddy
621
01:00:35,590 --> 01:00:37,763
I love Pezhe very much
622
01:00:59,072 --> 01:01:01,325
Couldn't we have landed a little closer?
623
01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:04,791
Then we'd have to pay for
a landing ticket
624
01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:21,102
Piece of cake, Vladimir.
Come on over
625
01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:24,181
I don't think I can, Tolik.
I am acrophobic
626
01:01:24,431 --> 01:01:27,810
- You're what?
- Acrophobic. It's a condition
627
01:01:28,018 --> 01:01:29,645
The fear of heights
628
01:01:30,312 --> 01:01:32,314
All right. Wait there, then
629
01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:34,695
Let's go
630
01:01:37,319 --> 01:01:41,199
- Uncle Tolik, put on a tsak, buddy
- I will, later
631
01:01:41,656 --> 01:01:44,250
Hey! Want some cosmic dust?
632
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:51,758
- Does the fiddler have any chatles?
- No
633
01:01:52,876 --> 01:01:54,298
It's fresh. Yesterday's
634
01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:58,674
Tell him to bury himself
in the sand if he sees an ecilop
635
01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:07,641
Guys, let's carry him over
636
01:02:08,475 --> 01:02:10,273
No need to carry him
637
01:02:10,852 --> 01:02:13,526
I can bring him over on my tsurlap
for one chatl
638
01:02:13,813 --> 01:02:15,281
Deal
639
01:02:19,653 --> 01:02:21,826
Get on. Acrophobes...
640
01:02:22,489 --> 01:02:25,242
- Are we going around it?
- Get on already
641
01:02:25,659 --> 01:02:28,378
Just try not to breathe on my neck
642
01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:33,125
And don't touch me
643
01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:36,253
I hate acrophobes
644
01:02:37,337 --> 01:02:40,136
You're the cause of all this mess
645
01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:44,645
- Hey! Where are you going?
- Get your hands off of me!
646
01:02:49,224 --> 01:02:52,353
- Hold on, Uncle Vova!
- Don't! The plank will snap!
647
01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,195
Abradox will save them!
648
01:02:56,606 --> 01:02:58,859
He won't pay. Let's go
649
01:02:59,442 --> 01:03:01,160
- What about Uncle Vova?
- What about him?
650
01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:05,161
- You said he didn't have money. Let's go
- I'll pay. Save them
651
01:03:06,074 --> 01:03:08,418
Two chatles. There are two of them
652
01:03:09,035 --> 01:03:11,538
Here's one. Here's two
653
01:03:11,871 --> 01:03:14,044
Add one more. For the ecilop
654
01:03:21,089 --> 01:03:22,682
Hey you, stop!
655
01:03:24,551 --> 01:03:26,098
Listen you, acrophobe
656
01:03:26,594 --> 01:03:30,144
I'm not paying. It's all your fault
that we're hanging here
657
01:03:31,349 --> 01:03:33,147
Quit mooing and pay up!
658
01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:41,406
Acrophobes. I'd strangle you all
659
01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:47,290
I don't have any money. None
660
01:03:48,408 --> 01:03:52,163
Now I understand why Lucy left you
for Ziegenbogen
661
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:54,582
Oh yeah? Why?
662
01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:57,254
Because you're a miser and a coward
663
01:03:57,917 --> 01:03:59,919
- Who, me?
- Who else?
664
01:04:01,338 --> 01:04:04,558
Watch my hand, hero
665
01:04:06,051 --> 01:04:08,600
By the shores of Gitche Gumee
666
01:04:08,928 --> 01:04:11,351
By the shining Big-Sea-Water
667
01:04:11,723 --> 01:04:12,770
That's one!
668
01:04:13,016 --> 01:04:15,519
Stood the wigwam of Nokomis
669
01:04:15,769 --> 01:04:18,522
Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
670
01:04:18,897 --> 01:04:21,320
Rose the black and gloomy pine-trees
671
01:04:21,691 --> 01:04:22,738
That's two!
672
01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:25,617
- Hey! Stop joking around
- Be quiet
673
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:28,581
Dark behind it rose the forest
674
01:04:28,823 --> 01:04:31,918
Rose the firs with cones upon them
675
01:04:32,452 --> 01:04:35,251
Bright before it beat the water
676
01:04:35,872 --> 01:04:39,752
Beat the clear and sunny water
677
01:04:40,335 --> 01:04:42,929
- That's three!
- Enough! I'll pay!
678
01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:44,885
Don't interrupt me!
679
01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:51,059
There the wrinkled old Nokomis
680
01:04:52,097 --> 01:04:54,976
Nursed the little Hiawatha
681
01:04:55,433 --> 01:05:00,189
Rocked him in his linden cradle
682
01:05:06,027 --> 01:05:08,405
Rocked him in his...
683
01:05:14,619 --> 01:05:19,921
Rocked him in his linden cradle
684
01:05:20,542 --> 01:05:21,668
Stop. you scum!
685
01:05:22,043 --> 01:05:26,924
Bedded soft in moss and rushes
686
01:05:27,173 --> 01:05:28,971
Hey you, humanoids!
687
01:05:29,134 --> 01:05:32,889
If you don't pull him up now,
I'll sell you to Moscow Zoo
688
01:05:33,388 --> 01:05:35,186
For three chatles apiece
689
01:05:45,233 --> 01:05:46,530
Chatl
690
01:05:57,203 --> 01:05:58,671
Patsaks in the back
691
01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:17,228
Man, that's totally unreal!
I can't even see the bottom
692
01:06:18,141 --> 01:06:21,236
There is no bottom, buddy.
It's the edge of the planet
693
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:24,489
ls it flat, lying on the backs
of three elephants?
694
01:06:24,814 --> 01:06:26,987
Oh, no. When they were testing
the gigatsapa
695
01:06:27,192 --> 01:06:29,194
they forgot to put the purz
into the ketse-box
696
01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:30,532
So a piece broke off
697
01:06:31,196 --> 01:06:32,243
Completely
698
01:06:55,386 --> 01:06:57,309
They're pumping up the last breath, huh?
699
01:06:57,847 --> 01:07:00,726
Patsak, I love Pezhe very much!
Get it?
700
01:07:01,059 --> 01:07:02,311
- Me too
- And me!
701
01:07:02,477 --> 01:07:04,821
And I koo him even more
702
01:07:34,634 --> 01:07:36,807
Hey, Patsak! Want to buy a gravitsapa?
703
01:07:38,846 --> 01:07:41,599
A dual-zur model with a
magnetic kapa. Look
704
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:42,938
Does it work?
705
01:07:43,101 --> 01:07:45,069
What do you take me for?
Like clockwork
706
01:07:47,438 --> 01:07:48,940
Listen for yourself
707
01:07:53,695 --> 01:07:54,742
So you'll buy it?
708
01:07:55,029 --> 01:07:58,579
Guys, there's a man selling
a gravitsapa there. Do we want it?
709
01:07:58,783 --> 01:08:00,831
Later. First we need the address
710
01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:03,413
Yellow pants! "Koo" twice!
711
01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:27,020
- Want some mirages?
- What mirages?
712
01:08:27,854 --> 01:08:29,231
Good mirages
713
01:08:30,148 --> 01:08:32,367
Tsarapkin, is that you?
714
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:36,245
Lizyakina
715
01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:39,824
Tolik, you're like, woah!
716
01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:42,707
You should have called and said
you were going to Pluke
717
01:08:43,077 --> 01:08:45,956
Your mom is totally freaking out
718
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:50,044
I tried. Couldn't get the signal
719
01:08:51,252 --> 01:08:55,678
Uncle Vova, this is Lida Lizyakina
from the ninth grade
720
01:08:56,924 --> 01:08:58,221
Hello
721
01:08:58,718 --> 01:09:01,562
Hi. I saw you on TV
722
01:09:04,891 --> 01:09:07,519
Tolik, are there any clubs around here?
723
01:09:08,436 --> 01:09:11,110
I don't know, I haven't checked yet
724
01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:16,619
Cool. Do you want me to kiss you?
725
01:09:17,445 --> 01:09:18,742
Sure
726
01:09:25,787 --> 01:09:27,209
Pay up. Two chatles
727
01:09:27,580 --> 01:09:29,582
- For what?
- For the mirage
728
01:09:36,089 --> 01:09:38,183
Want to see more?
729
01:09:39,258 --> 01:09:41,977
Don't buy it, Tolik.
That's a pirated mirage
730
01:09:42,261 --> 01:09:44,810
Let's go. I have a legal copy
731
01:09:45,390 --> 01:09:46,562
The adult version
732
01:09:59,779 --> 01:10:02,123
Think the diameter of your planet's orbit
733
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:05,919
- The diameter of the orbit?
- Yes, the diameter. Are you deaf?
734
01:10:06,577 --> 01:10:11,128
- 2 x pi x radius, Uncle Vova.
- Two pi R? No, that's something else
735
01:10:13,167 --> 01:10:15,295
- Give her one of your hairs
- Why?
736
01:10:15,795 --> 01:10:18,890
She'll extract the coordinates
from your DNA, buddy
737
01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,115
It's dyed
738
01:10:40,653 --> 01:10:43,327
It's not dye. It's conditioner
739
01:10:44,031 --> 01:10:46,375
Doesn't matter. The structure
is damaged
740
01:10:46,826 --> 01:10:49,705
Pull one out from your nose.
There's one sticking out
741
01:10:50,288 --> 01:10:51,255
Shut up
742
01:10:51,414 --> 01:10:54,258
Do you use conditioner on your
nose hair too, Hiawatha?
743
01:10:56,669 --> 01:10:57,921
You give me one
744
01:10:58,546 --> 01:10:59,763
No problem
745
01:11:08,264 --> 01:11:09,311
Shampoo?
746
01:11:09,891 --> 01:11:13,020
Yup, the real thing. From Vietnam.
Mom bought it in town
747
01:11:13,978 --> 01:11:15,480
This will do
748
01:11:23,362 --> 01:11:26,912
This will take a minute. You can
call Earth in the mean time
749
01:11:27,408 --> 01:11:30,252
- That's great!
- Think your phone number
750
01:11:31,412 --> 01:11:33,085
With the area code?
751
01:11:35,374 --> 01:11:36,591
Hello?
752
01:11:36,876 --> 01:11:40,255
Who's this? Speak up
753
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,723
Say something. Time's ticking
754
01:11:43,424 --> 01:11:46,348
Mom, hi! How are things?
755
01:11:47,053 --> 01:11:51,980
Tolik! Tolik! ls that you?
Tolik? Tolik, where are you?
756
01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:55,565
I'm at Uncle Vova's country house
757
01:11:56,312 --> 01:12:01,193
Uncle Vova's? Tolik, why did you
go see that snob?
758
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:02,993
I told you not to!
759
01:12:05,321 --> 01:12:07,323
Mom, he can hear you
760
01:12:07,949 --> 01:12:10,043
Time's up. Over and out
761
01:12:16,791 --> 01:12:19,214
Hey, that sounded like
Yelena Mashkova
762
01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,136
That's right
763
01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:23,760
Wait a minute. You said your mother
was Yelena Tsarapkin
764
01:12:24,048 --> 01:12:27,268
Look, fiddler, his mother married his father
765
01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:29,262
And so she became a Tsarapkin
766
01:12:29,637 --> 01:12:30,684
Understand?
767
01:12:31,514 --> 01:12:33,266
Remember this once and for all, Patsaks
768
01:12:33,516 --> 01:12:37,771
The number of your planet is
Uzm-27 in the Spiral, 16 in the Tentura
769
01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:42,358
Tolik, I'm very sorry
770
01:12:42,859 --> 01:12:44,031
Just forget it
771
01:12:45,278 --> 01:12:48,873
Uncle Vova, may I stay the night
at your place when we get back?
772
01:12:49,991 --> 01:12:51,413
Of course
773
01:12:52,827 --> 01:12:55,922
You know what, Tolik?
You can move in with me
774
01:12:56,539 --> 01:12:59,258
- Nah, mom wouldn't like it
- What's the number?
775
01:13:00,126 --> 01:13:02,675
Twenty-seven in the Spiral,
16 in the Tentura
776
01:13:03,421 --> 01:13:05,924
Your mom can move in, too
777
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:11,771
Uncle Vova, is Ziegenbogen a banker?
- No, a flutist
778
01:13:17,560 --> 01:13:19,858
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
779
01:13:20,354 --> 01:13:22,698
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
780
01:13:37,580 --> 01:13:40,584
Uncle Vova, look. My jacket
and your coat
781
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:44,171
- Were they the ones who stole our matches?
- Yes, that's them
782
01:13:47,173 --> 01:13:50,677
Crimson pants. They'll throw you
in an etsikh with nails for life!
783
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:56,978
- Tolik, don't
- I'll be right back
784
01:14:08,027 --> 01:14:10,280
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
785
01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:15,538
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
786
01:14:16,077 --> 01:14:17,579
Ni
787
01:14:18,204 --> 01:14:19,797
Ni
788
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,462
I forgive you the ketses
789
01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:25,173
but you're going to have
to return ourjacket and coat
790
01:14:29,006 --> 01:14:34,354
Lizyakina! Have some pride.
Stop chasing after him
791
01:14:35,429 --> 01:14:37,852
Can't trick me, lady.
It's a pirated mirage
792
01:14:38,224 --> 01:14:40,272
Then tell your mirage that decent girls
793
01:14:40,518 --> 01:14:43,192
wear tsaks in their noses
instead of the navel
794
01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:46,445
And only one, not five
795
01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,833
Gentlemen, one moment please
796
01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:28,032
Bravo, maestro!
797
01:15:58,929 --> 01:16:04,151
Hail, Earthling! If you ever set foot
on this miserable planet
798
01:16:04,852 --> 01:16:09,904
know that the first visitors from Earth
were Tolik Tsarapkin
799
01:16:10,816 --> 01:16:14,912
and his uncle, a famous cellist,
Vladimir...
800
01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,787
Well, that's that
801
01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:36,013
Patsak, where is he, your Hiawatha?
802
01:16:36,467 --> 01:16:38,845
- He's in the etsikh
- And the other two?
803
01:16:41,931 --> 01:16:42,978
Them too
804
01:16:43,849 --> 01:16:46,728
That'll teach him to scare the planet
805
01:16:47,394 --> 01:16:49,943
"Rocked him in his linden cradle"
806
01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:53,200
- Damn acrophobes
- Quiet now
807
01:17:22,138 --> 01:17:23,355
Hello, tin man
808
01:17:23,472 --> 01:17:26,772
- Did they let you go?
- They stole the match and hit me in the eye
809
01:17:27,726 --> 01:17:31,321
- ls that our fiddle?
- It's mine now. I glued it back together
810
01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:34,233
- Help me fetch the cage
- Why?
811
01:17:34,483 --> 01:17:37,453
We'll perform, make some money
to bail our guys out. Let's go
812
01:17:38,195 --> 01:17:40,914
Tsarapkin, I've gone solo
I don't need anyone
813
01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:42,745
Shove off. Don't mess up my act
814
01:17:46,203 --> 01:17:48,046
- Give me the fiddle
- No way
815
01:17:53,210 --> 01:17:54,678
I'm asking you nicely
816
01:17:55,337 --> 01:17:57,339
Don't come any closer, Patsak,
or I'll poke you!
817
01:17:57,548 --> 01:17:58,595
Oh really?
818
01:18:00,801 --> 01:18:01,848
Jerk!
819
01:18:07,224 --> 01:18:09,477
I wish I could smash the fiddle
against his head, too
820
01:18:09,727 --> 01:18:12,526
Don't think about that, Tsarapkin!
Think about the goose instead
821
01:18:12,980 --> 01:18:15,358
Or about Lida Lizyakina
from the ninth grade
822
01:18:18,861 --> 01:18:20,204
Honk-honk-honk!
823
01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:33,633
Idiot
824
01:18:33,834 --> 01:18:36,883
You should have seen the pepelats
he bought with our match!
825
01:18:37,129 --> 01:18:39,302
A triple micro-tsapa with a magneto-zur
826
01:18:39,465 --> 01:18:43,345
Aromatic spiral bolts, a laser-equipped
toilet in the mainframe
827
01:18:44,762 --> 01:18:46,764
Can you talk with the deaf?
828
01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:49,476
- Sure, why?
- I have a business proposal for him
829
01:18:49,767 --> 01:18:52,020
- What is it?
- He takes me to Earth and back
830
01:18:52,436 --> 01:18:54,313
and I give him ten boxes of ketses
831
01:18:54,772 --> 01:18:56,240
OK, and 3,000 boxes for me
832
01:18:56,690 --> 01:18:58,408
- How many?
- Tsarapkin
833
01:18:58,859 --> 01:19:01,112
Dough is not a problem.
I've got dough
834
01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:06,580
Yen, euros, dollars, roubles... OK?
835
01:19:31,429 --> 01:19:35,024
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
836
01:19:37,391 --> 01:19:40,565
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
837
01:19:50,703 --> 01:19:52,831
Buckle up Patsak. We're going
to crash land soon
838
01:19:53,831 --> 01:19:56,129
- Why?
- Just because
839
01:20:07,928 --> 01:20:10,807
We're falling. I pinched the gravitsapa
840
01:20:11,181 --> 01:20:13,525
- Why?
- We'll install it on our... Tsarapkin!
841
01:20:14,101 --> 01:20:18,652
Think about Lida Lizyakina
from the ninth grade. Now!
842
01:20:20,691 --> 01:20:22,910
- Come on, think!
- Lizyakina
843
01:20:23,193 --> 01:20:24,240
Good boy
844
01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:28,166
So, we'll install it on our pepelats,
and I keep the deaf guy's share
845
01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:30,500
Put it back, you scum!
846
01:20:30,784 --> 01:20:32,331
We're going to crash!
847
01:20:53,557 --> 01:20:57,027
You scumbag! You broke the sky
in the office of my beloved Pezhe!
848
01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:06,320
Come out, Patsak
849
01:21:07,738 --> 01:21:09,706
Yeah, yeah, tin man.
Just a second
850
01:21:22,211 --> 01:21:25,385
Everyone on the floor!
Hands behind your heads!
851
01:21:34,973 --> 01:21:37,396
Pezhe's coming with me.
The rest don't move for an hour
852
01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:41,397
Are we koo or not koo?
853
01:21:41,980 --> 01:21:43,698
Koo, Uncle Tolik!
854
01:21:44,608 --> 01:21:45,860
Koo, buddy
855
01:22:08,966 --> 01:22:10,013
What number?
856
01:22:10,259 --> 01:22:11,761
Bring out Uncle Vova
857
01:22:14,138 --> 01:22:15,515
And the other two
858
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:17,100
Why them?
859
01:22:18,058 --> 01:22:19,355
Just because
860
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:30,446
That's one tough Patsak
861
01:22:30,779 --> 01:22:32,702
Hello Vladimir Chizhov
862
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:47,179
- A video?
- No
863
01:22:50,716 --> 01:22:55,768
I've been meaning to talk to you.
This thing here is called a tsak
864
01:22:56,680 --> 01:23:01,026
- I think, you...
- Vova, just hit him in the face already
865
01:23:03,187 --> 01:23:07,488
What's that?
What are you holding there?
866
01:23:07,858 --> 01:23:11,362
A Plukian musical instrument.
My grandfather gave it to me
867
01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:14,323
Ah, here come those two creeps
868
01:23:21,622 --> 01:23:22,669
Hey there
869
01:23:25,334 --> 01:23:27,086
Koo, Uncle Tolik!
870
01:23:30,130 --> 01:23:31,347
Koo, buddy
871
01:23:40,974 --> 01:23:42,726
- Tsapa?
- Check
872
01:23:45,354 --> 01:23:47,106
- Kapa?
- Check
873
01:23:47,856 --> 01:23:48,982
Tsapa?
874
01:23:50,234 --> 01:23:51,531
I said, tsapa!
875
01:23:51,693 --> 01:23:56,369
Stop yelling. Tsarapkin, there's
some junkie asking for you
876
01:24:02,246 --> 01:24:04,544
People! That was some
dialing that you did
877
01:24:04,665 --> 01:24:07,339
It took ages to find you.
Here's your candy back
878
01:24:08,377 --> 01:24:09,503
Hi
879
01:24:10,003 --> 01:24:13,633
Hi. If you want,
I can return you to Earth
880
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:14,929
I found out the number
881
01:24:15,050 --> 01:24:18,304
How about this? We go to Earth,
buy matches, come back
882
01:24:18,637 --> 01:24:20,765
and hide them. Then we go back and buy...
883
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:24,063
You can't bring ketses with you.
Ketses are contraband
884
01:24:24,268 --> 01:24:25,986
- We'll split it with you 50:50
- No
885
01:24:26,186 --> 01:24:27,529
-90:10
-No
886
01:24:27,646 --> 01:24:29,068
- 90:9
- No!
887
01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:32,284
Quit haggling, astronauts.
We'll fly on the pepelats
888
01:24:32,901 --> 01:24:34,903
- Stay out of this
- 90:9
889
01:24:35,153 --> 01:24:36,279
No, no, and no!
890
01:24:36,738 --> 01:24:38,740
Off you go then, mister. Go home
891
01:24:44,079 --> 01:24:45,672
- Tsapa
- Check
892
01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,633
- Kapa
- Check
893
01:24:50,752 --> 01:24:53,301
Guys, do you like dumplings?
894
01:24:54,548 --> 01:24:55,595
Sure
895
01:24:56,717 --> 01:24:58,435
OK, so then first we...
896
01:24:58,719 --> 01:24:59,766
We've landed
897
01:25:11,231 --> 01:25:13,529
Guys, this isn't Earth. You missed it
898
01:25:14,318 --> 01:25:15,535
This is Xanud
899
01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:16,741
What Xanud?
900
01:25:17,029 --> 01:25:19,623
- The planet where I was born
- Me too
901
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,127
Woah!
902
01:25:24,703 --> 01:25:26,956
- You like it?
- I'll be damned!
903
01:25:28,749 --> 01:25:30,797
Uncle Tolik, like we told you
904
01:25:31,084 --> 01:25:32,961
the planet Xanud costs
almost nothing now
905
01:25:33,462 --> 01:25:36,136
A month of singing "Mama",
and the planet is ours
906
01:25:36,840 --> 01:25:38,638
Another month, and we can buy the air
907
01:25:39,051 --> 01:25:41,930
Everybody without air
will come here
908
01:25:43,013 --> 01:25:46,643
They'll be crawling on all fours
and we'll just spit on them
909
01:25:47,100 --> 01:25:49,603
- What for?
- For fun
910
01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:53,027
Half the planet is yours,
the other half is ours, deal?
911
01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:56,994
It's tempting, of course
912
01:25:57,402 --> 01:26:00,246
But we need to return to Moscow.
Let's not waste time
913
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:03,579
You shut up. We're not talking to you
914
01:26:04,409 --> 01:26:06,707
Uncle Tolik, come here, buddy
915
01:26:10,248 --> 01:26:13,627
Look here. We are here.
Earth is here
916
01:26:15,295 --> 01:26:19,050
Earth is in the Antitentura, buddy.
There's no way we can reach it
917
01:26:19,591 --> 01:26:21,013
How so?
918
01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,307
I've been unlucky all my life
919
01:26:24,388 --> 01:26:27,358
- Did you learn that at the planetarium?
- Yes, buddy
920
01:26:27,766 --> 01:26:32,613
- Then why did you keep quiet?
- We didn't, buddy!
921
01:26:32,938 --> 01:26:34,736
We tried to convince him
922
01:26:35,399 --> 01:26:37,026
The kid screwed it all up
923
01:26:37,275 --> 01:26:39,118
"We'll fly on the pepelats"
924
01:26:39,528 --> 01:26:41,155
The pepelats can't make it to Earth
925
01:26:41,613 --> 01:26:43,832
Enough talk, let's go divide the planet
926
01:26:44,908 --> 01:26:46,455
They're lying, Uncle Vova
927
01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:54,509
Take us to Earth, right now!
928
01:26:55,043 --> 01:26:58,593
Uncle Tolik, we can't!
I swear on the kapa!
929
01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,306
No, they're not lying
930
01:27:05,345 --> 01:27:09,225
For those ketses they'd crawl
on all fours across the entire Galaxy
931
01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:11,355
Of course!
932
01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:29,999
Put the mask on, Vova
933
01:27:30,412 --> 01:27:32,881
The oxygen here is only
30% of the norm
934
01:27:49,681 --> 01:27:51,649
Arthur Ziegenbogen
935
01:27:52,392 --> 01:27:54,486
Flute concerto
936
01:27:55,896 --> 01:27:58,695
In memoriam of the great cellist
937
01:27:59,900 --> 01:28:02,119
Performed by the composer
938
01:28:25,050 --> 01:28:28,350
- Uncle Tolik, don't kill me!
- Don't listen to him, Uncle Tolik!
939
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:31,473
- We're Patsaks. We're brothers!
- I love you like a son!
940
01:28:32,849 --> 01:28:34,396
Go to hell, you two
941
01:28:45,403 --> 01:28:46,871
Uncle Vova, put this on
942
01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:49,916
No one needs the fiddler, Uncle Tolik
943
01:28:52,911 --> 01:28:54,788
No one needs me, either
944
01:28:56,915 --> 01:29:02,263
Don't. You're still young.
You'll adapt
945
01:29:08,093 --> 01:29:11,347
Uncle Vova, I lied to you
946
01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:16,147
Nobody stole my money
947
01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:19,062
I lost it all in a street scam
948
01:29:22,524 --> 01:29:24,618
Just don't tell mom
949
01:29:26,611 --> 01:29:27,658
OK?
950
01:29:37,163 --> 01:29:40,383
Tsarapkin, after we crash-landed,
my micro-tsapa has been glitchy
951
01:29:41,126 --> 01:29:44,471
Sing, before you blow up your balloon.
I'll record it onto the tsapa
952
01:29:52,429 --> 01:29:56,354
Bee said we should tranklucate the fiddler,
"He has a bad influence on the boy"
953
01:29:57,142 --> 01:29:59,736
And Wef said, "What will Tsarapkin sit on?"
954
01:30:00,312 --> 01:30:02,360
He's greedy, like all Chatlanians
955
01:30:03,857 --> 01:30:04,983
people!
956
01:30:06,026 --> 01:30:07,369
I forgot to tell you
957
01:30:07,819 --> 01:30:10,368
You can't get to Earth on that ship
958
01:30:10,989 --> 01:30:14,619
We know. It's in the Antitentura.
So use your teleporter then
959
01:30:16,578 --> 01:30:19,502
Buddies, what about us?
960
01:30:20,123 --> 01:30:22,467
- Don't you feel sorry for us?
- Come along
961
01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:24,378
What? Me?
962
01:30:24,669 --> 01:30:28,765
To the planet where you can't tell
a savage Patsak from a Chatlanian?
963
01:30:29,925 --> 01:30:32,348
- You can go back if you don't like it
- No, buddies
964
01:30:32,761 --> 01:30:34,604
Heavens be my witness:
965
01:30:34,846 --> 01:30:40,694
a society with no pants-color
differentiation has no future!
966
01:30:44,189 --> 01:30:45,941
I'm sorry, I can't wait any longer
967
01:30:46,149 --> 01:30:48,743
Friend, alien! Wait just
a few more minutes
968
01:30:48,985 --> 01:30:50,703
Tsarapkin, let's record the entire act
969
01:30:51,029 --> 01:30:52,952
Be quick, I'm suffocating
970
01:30:53,365 --> 01:30:55,788
Mama, mama, what are we to do
971
01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:57,999
when the cold season comes?
972
01:30:58,244 --> 01:31:00,747
I have no warm scarf
973
01:31:00,997 --> 01:31:03,625
You have no warm coat
974
01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:25,401
Woah!
975
01:31:28,149 --> 01:31:29,696
I'll be damned
976
01:31:43,498 --> 01:31:45,500
Hello, Mr. Chizhov!
977
01:31:46,668 --> 01:31:48,090
Idiot
978
01:31:48,795 --> 01:31:51,594
Did I scare you? I thought you'd like it
979
01:31:52,424 --> 01:31:54,677
I'm Tolik, Yelena's son
980
01:31:56,594 --> 01:31:59,939
Hello? No, this isn't Frosya
981
01:32:00,557 --> 01:32:03,561
- You dropped some candy
- Keep it
982
01:32:04,144 --> 01:32:07,398
Uncle Vova, here's the thing.
I was robbed on the train
983
01:32:07,772 --> 01:32:09,774
Could you lend me 1,500 roubles?
I'll pay you back
984
01:32:09,858 --> 01:32:11,280
as soon as mom
wires me some money
985
01:32:11,401 --> 01:32:13,950
I don't carry cash on me. Good night
986
01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:16,160
How about 300, then?
987
01:32:16,698 --> 01:32:18,041
Listen, young man
988
01:32:18,825 --> 01:32:21,078
if you don't leave me alone...
989
01:32:45,935 --> 01:32:47,232
Your phone is ringing
990
01:32:50,273 --> 01:32:51,866
- Hello?
- It's Frosya
991
01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:54,949
Ziegenbogen brought your old slippers
992
01:32:55,403 --> 01:32:56,825
Should I take them?
993
01:32:57,989 --> 01:33:01,163
Don't. Koo, Uncle Vova?
994
01:33:19,052 --> 01:33:22,852
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