Original subtitles

I love the sadness.

It's haunting, like Da Vinci.

Really?

I like the pepperoni.

The pepperoni?

Yeah, I wasn't talking about

this priceless piece--

So fast. So easy.

Call now. Call us now.

24 hours a day, seven days a week, and now--

Can you hear me,

my little ghouls and ghoulettes?

It's your old friend Virgil here,

and if you can hear my voice,

that must mean you're within

striking distance of the drive-in,

and it's the spookiest night of the year,

so we thought we'll get some monsters

and mayhem up on the big screen for ya.

Sunset tonight's gonna be at 5:59,

so if you make your way out,

don't forget your silver bullets

and your crucifixes, 'cause you guys know

if the creatures come out after dark,

it's also when all the fun starts.

♪ Everybody wants a devil ♪

♪ Everybody wants it white and black ♪

♪ Everybody thinks they're angels ♪

♪ They got the answers we just wish we had ♪

♪ But they don't know ♪

♪ So here we go ♪

♪ Look in the mirror, they don't see it ♪

♪ They meet their reflection eye to eye ♪

♪ They say the words but don't mean it ♪

♪ Always preaching about the falling skies ♪

♪ They don't know ♪

♪ So here we go ♪

♪ Everybody in the shadows coming out today ♪

♪ Everybody in the shadows coming out to play ♪

♪ Everybody in the shadows coming out today ♪

♪ Everybody in the shadows coming out, here we go ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, oh, ooh, ooh, oh ♪

Hello, I'm a fancy Japanese businessman,

and I'd like to know if the blonde that just

pulled on the lot is available for purchase.

Attention, whoever this is,

this is an official theater walkie-talkie

and should only be used for official drive-in business.

No fucking shit, lady.

Does it sound like I'm ordering a pizza?

Real fucking cute.

What the fuck is your problem?

Get the hell out of my car, old man.

I almost thought you weren't gonna come.

But then I remembered how irresistible I am.

Okay, well, I got you a present.

-Oh, yeah? -Mm-hmm.

What the hell is it? Am I gonna like it?

Highly doubtful,

but it took me way too much time to make it,

so you're gonna wear it.

What? What the hell is this?

It's our costumes.

What do you have to say about this?

It's ruined, I can tell you that.

Trick or treaters are gonna be over in a couple of hours

and I still have to help Julian get into his astronaut costume.

It's not just about the pumpkin,

it's about the four hours it took to-- to carve it.

And numerous morning walks have been disturbed

by the previous night's party,

drunken antics of your customers.

Uh, sir, maybe I can be of some assistance?

Um, let me just say, we do not condone

the drinking of alcoholic beverages here at the drive-in.

Hey, listen, we're already out of room in the back.

We're running out of ice. Where do I put this?

Whoo!

Nachos Libre.

First of the night.

Why do you guys close down for the season

right before Halloween?

I figure that's your big money-making night.

Uh, fun fact, it's actually not good for a box office

for a movie to open on Halloween weekend.

Hmm. Mm.

I don't think you know what a fun fact means.

At any time next season,

you and your husband can come and enjoy a movie on us.

My husband?

Julian. Oh, uh, your roommate?

Julian's my dog.

Dog! Of course.

I'm not gay.

That's very homophobic.

How can it be homophobic if he's not gay?

You have a lot of hate in your heart.

Oh! Oh!

Dammit! Beer everywhere.

Oh!

Hey, excuse me.

What-- what are you gonna do about my pumpkin?

I don't fucking work here.

Here, take this.

Did you write on this?

What did you write on this?

I need $60.

-For what? -To buy something.

Hey. Welcome to the party, pal.

-See what I did there? -Yes.

What do you got?

Huh, eclectic yet spooky, I like it.

All right, I'll tell you what. Let's start with, uh, zombies.

Well, technically, Romero never used the word "zombie."

They do call them ghouls at one point,

-but frankly, the term-- -That's great stuff.

Can you get it started at around ten, please?

Take a beer.

Never mind, I'll just take it to the booth myself, then.

Sir, you're welcome to take any pumpkin,

for free, on us, as a gift.

That one has a swastika on it.

Oh, yeah, uh, that must be left over

from Indiana Jones weekend.

Out of context, it's very horrible, yeah.

Motherfucker!

I'll get the first aid kit.

I guess someone could make that rocket ship one

work with Julian's astronaut costume.

Ah, um, that's actually a penis.

Oh, my God. I get it.

-My God. -It's real.

Stepped on fucking glass.

All right, well, that's funny.

Is it?

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh, you guys recognize who that is?

The clown?

Oh, my God, just get to the part of the story

where you slept with the guy.

It's that fucking idiot from the pizza commercials.

Picasso Pizza.

-"Pizza that's a masterpiece?" -Exactly.

He's a pervert. You know that, right?

The clown? Oh, yeah.

Couple years ago, he got busted for putting cameras

in women's dressing rooms in the mall.

Yeah, but he got off pretty easy.

Yep. Big rich kid, pizza money.

What store was it?

-I think it was Cole's. -Hmm.

Have you finally realized

how impractical a barefoot costume is?

Listen, sister.

It's not called Die Easy, all right?

-What are you doing? -Just need to adapt.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You should take the ladder, pal.

Fine.

So, when are we putting on our costumes?

Yeah, uh, here's the thing.

I don't wanna do that.

I kinda like what I'm wearing now.

I know it's a sin to say,

but I don't even like Halloween.

Yeah, I mean, I don't like scary movies,

I don't like dressing up, and frankly,

I find that people that take it too seriously to be--

well, they're idiots.

So anybody that dresses up is an idiot?

No, no, no, no, just people

that take it too seriously.

All right. Attention.

You, I need your paint.

And who here has the best handwriting?

This is a Halloween emergency.

I have a calligraphy set back at home if need be.

There's not too many people out there.

Mm, it'll be all right.

Not even dark yet, and it's a beautiful night.

Mm, you know what it's a perfect night for, literally?

For me to put on my costume on?

Jesus Christ, fine!

But, I put this on,

and we are definitely fucking in costume tonight.

I mean, that is a given.

Excuse me. You there, on the roof.

There's a man down there holding a pumpkin

with a swastika.

Are you the manager?

Uh, yeah.

I mean, technically, we're closed for the season,

so if this is a complaint,

which I'm gonna assume it is,

-then I have to-- -Nah, nah.

I just wanna clear this with you.

I-- I think I'm gonna take this one.

I can definitely make this work

with Julian's Indiana Bones costume.

Luckily for me, I have a miniature whip.

Not really sure who you are

or what that means, but, okay.

Hey, uh, we have any more paint?

-I ran out. -No, absolutely not.

What? It's from the movie.

Simon made me do it.

Take it off!

-What the hell? -What kinda theater is this?

Shut up, assholes, we're closed.

Thank God you stopped him before he got to the ER.

Well, you've ruined Halloween. I hope you're happy.

Yeah, possibly saved your life.

Yet I can see you have no problem with her

dressed as a prostitute.

By the way, should all three of us really be up here?

I mean, there's gotta be some kind of weight limit.

How many Nachos Libre is that for you today?

Yeah, okay, fat John McClane.

You want some help off the roof?

All right, guys, guys, guys. Hey, beer, all right?

Let's try not to kill each other tonight.

I can't promise that.

Especially not on All Hallows Eve.

God, you're just a lot of big talk and a stupid badge.

Guys. A toast.

To Halloween and all it comes with.

What the fuck does that mean?

I don't know, just cheers.

♪ And we're running, and running ♪

♪ And running after midnight ♪

♪ Say we're running ♪

♪ And running ♪

♪ And running to ♪

Is she dead?

-God, I hope so. -Why would you hope so?

Well, for one, if she's not dead,

neither one of us are doing a very good job of reviving her.

And what's up with that AIDS on the mirror thing?

What? Oh, don't worry. That's just lipstick.

I don't think you can put actual AIDS on a mirror.

Is this fucking funny to you?

Oh, I mean, bud, you know, like anything,

there are funny parts.

What did you do?

What do you mean, what did I do?

How could I make this more clear?

Whenever something bad goes in my life,

I can usually pinpoint the source.

So, I ask you again, what did you do?

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

My God, I mean, do we even know if she's dead?

-Did you check her pulse? -You wanna go make sure?

Wait, what do you mean, check?

"Make sure" kind of implies that if she's not dead,

we'll be finishing the job.

Only thing I did was wake up about an hour before you

into a horrifying situation.

And as unbelievable as it may seem,

I assure you, things can get worse.

So let's focus on what I'm gonna do.

Which is my best,

to make sure that doesn't happen!

So now then...

let's go make sure your girlfriend's dead.

Did you get a haircut?

Yes, I did, not sure why you care.

Honestly, it's none of your business.

I can't ask if you got a haircut?

I just don't know why one guy would ask another guy

if he got a haircut, I mean, who cares?

Honestly, it's a little gay.

It's gay?

It's gay if I ask if you got a haircut?

I don't think it's very straight.

I mean, come on, back me up here.

Don't you think it's a little gay?

Jesus.

How'd she get in here?

I never know.

What is she doing here?

Touch-ups.

What costume is that?

Really?

There's no room.

Oh, come on, there's always room for this.

No-- Move back-- move it back, it's caught--

It's caught! It's-- Move it! Back--

This is ridiculous.

You think I wanna do this?

Apparently.

Covering the floor with plastic,

with a bunch of drunk people,

you know how stupid that is?

The drunk people aren't even supposed to be here.

But, you know, there's a line at the drive in,

or it's cool they know the owner.

I do know the owner.

He's the moron behind this asinine plastic plan.

Have you given any thought to what you're gonna do

with all the water?

What water?

Well, you know, women love to

forward-thinking in regards to party planning.

So we're gonna get a nice layer of slippery moisture

going on here from their filthy pussies.

It's gonna be like a slip 'n slide.

No, I haven't thought about it.

Ooh! Smooth lay down all this plastic,

I sure hope his pants have a Velcro fly,

'cause I can't get his penis in my mouth fast enough.

Motherfucker!

Was that expensive?

No, it's just a-- just a family heirloom.

Maybe my grandfather got it in the war.

Oh, well, he's dead, so he has no say.

I mean, chances are he didn't want his fancy house

to go to his Nancy of a grandkid either.

You know, take solace in the fact

that it's just some bullshit he stole off a Chinaman.

Pretty sure there weren't any Chinamen.

Well, you know,

they all look the same at the end of a bayonet.

Listen.

-About tonight... -Is she blonde?

What?

Is her hair blonde in color?

Uh, yeah. How'd you know that?

Well, it's typically your pattern.

Brunette, redhead, blonde.

You've hid this chick away for a while,

but now the drive-in's open,

you have no choice but to bring her around.

So, you know, this is where you say to me,

"I really, really like this girl.

Can you do your best to please not scare her away?"

To which I answer, "Of course, buddy!

Whatever it is you need."

In fact, you know, I better start doing

some more drinking as to soothe my savage tongue.

What's this?

That's called whiskey, and it's for emergencies only.

Lemme ask you something?

You find that you jerk off more,

or less, now that you're in a relationship?

And it was the haircut question that was gay?

I'm just collecting a little bit of data.

Well, oddly, I find

I jerk off more in the relationship.

That's what I thought, that checks out.

Six months.

This thing will not make it

to the next drive-in season.

-Guaranteed. -My relationship?

Yeah, your relationship.

In fact, I will even give you odds.

No, no, no, I'm not betting against that, even with odds.

You know, I happen to find that it's a good thing

that I jerk off more.

Okay. You know what? Five months.

You know, this is-- this is a new level for me, all right?

I've never been to this stage.

You know, as usual in the beginning,

you know, I'll use anything.

But then when I get to the climax I--

I use her as the fuel.

As some kinda courtesy to her?

Okay, come on, you're making it sound gross,

but I think that means something.

Well, I think you should probably save

some of this stuff for your vows.

Wait-- wait a minute.

And what do you mean, "That checks out"?

You've been monitoring my jerk off habits?

So, I suppose I should be more like you.

Preying on the young.

Pitting my hopes and dreams

to jello shots and naiveté.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Who should I be preying on exactly?

Old women?

They're brutal beasts that are fueled

by white wine and pilates.

You know you're coming dangerously close

to the definition of a woman hater.

I don't hate women.

Really?

So when we play Monopoly...

and you make them be the iron?

That's more of a tradition thing?

The worst part about the stupid abortion of a plastic plan

isn't even the putting down of the plastic,

it's the picking it up the next morning.

Oh, that's nice.

Seriously, do you have keys?

Picking up a beaten, ripped shell of a corpse

that's left behind from a night that's forever gone

and used to be full of limitless possibilities.

Yeah, it's strange you have such strong feelings

for a process that I've never seen you participate in.

You know, if you could put actual AIDS on a mirror,

it'd probably would have something to do with that

Bloody Mary lady. Did you ever do that?

Say it three times in the mirror?

Check her pulse.

Not like that.

Not like what?

You can't use your thumb, you have a pulse in your thumb.

You do!

I don't know, I don't feel anything.

You seem pretty confident.

Take a look at the confident marks on her neck.

Somebody choked her.

I don't know if that killed her,

but her lack of enthusiasm about the situation

makes me pretty fucking confident that she's dead.

When did you get that coffee?

Does that make a difference?

Yeah, it does.

Did you get yourself a cup of coffee

and then find the body,

or did you realize she was dead

and then decided to make yourself a cup of Joe?

Who care--

She's definitely dead.

I think you need to focus on some bigger picture questions.

Like who killed her?

Nope. In fact, we just know dead.

We don't know kill.

What, like she died of natural causes?

Like someone choked her, and she couldn't breathe,

so she naturally died?

I'm saying, I don't know. She's in a tub.

How do people usually die in a tub?

They drown.

That might have been a new record for ya.

Now, hypothetical question.

Let's say I died there.

Do you try to save me yourself, or do you go get help?

That's your answer for everything.

You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

You're already taking off your costume.

Yeah, I mean, uh, funny story.

There was this accident.

Took me five hours alone to make that wig.

Well, it's flammable, in case you were wondering.

You know, you have nice feet.

Many don't.

I think it's the shoes that fuck you guys carrying

those puppies in there.

It's funny, the wearing of shoes can fuck your feet,

but then the not wearing shoes

can equally fuck your feet.

I like to hit a nice 50/50

sneaker/flip flop split myself.

What I'm getting at is that, um,

I would like to suck your toes.

Listen, if you wanna take the courses,

take the courses.

If you don't, then don't.

I just want you to be happy.

And what would make me happy

is you making one fucking decision.

Oh, my God. You're so selfless.

You just want me to be happy.

Actually, it's selfish 'cause you're never happy,

and I'd just like to have something different.

The best-selling album

from 1996 was Jagged Little Pill.

Now, I'm just saying,

if the rock anthems in my youth

were screamed at me by some spurned Canadian lady,

oh, I'm bound to have some intimacy issues.

You said we'd try New York.

You said we'd see if it was something

we could realistically handle.

Oh, my God.

I love how New York is the answer to everything.

Like, running away from your problems

is the solution.

If location's the problem,

isn't escape the most logical answer?

What exactly is the problem?

Really? The same night, same party, same people.

There's that weird guy.

There's that fucking girl I hate.

My ex-boyfriend's over there.

I fucked that guy.

I've had sex with this guy.

It's the same thing every night!

Wait, how many of these guys did you fuck?

Oh...

Have you seen the women my age

that would be willing to sleep with me?

Not a great group.

A lot of baggage in that group.

And by baggage, I mean fat.

Well, am I above sticking my penis in a fat woman?

Thank you for asking, no, I am not.

You live in a land

where you watch and worship people

projected on a big screen.

I wanna be on the other side of that screen.

How do I know the other side of that screen

isn't just a more expensive,

soul-sucking, shittier version than this side?

You don't.

It's a question people answer for themselves.

Do you want a guarantee?

I can guarantee you this side of the screen

is not always gonna include me.

Is that a threat?

Threat's a strong word.

Yeah, how about fuck you? Is that a strong word?

Fuck you's two words,

and coming from a weak-willed guy

that's lost all of his ambition?

Not really.

This is a fucking joke.

Oh, my God.

Are you s--

That's it.

You know, I don't even know if I'm in love with you.

I imagine a world where I am,

and that is the world that I thought I wanted.

I just wanna take that little piece of you

that wants to do better and nurture it.

I love this place too...

but I can't start feeling nostalgic until I leave.

It's kind of how nostalgia works.

Even though I may go and fail,

just know that I think if you stay here

without trying anything else...

you've already failed.

I gotta pee.

What if it turns out that I do want kids,

I mean, I'm supposed to do that with a woman my age?

You imagine how retarded that kid would be?

I don't mean just, like, a dusting of Down syndrome,

I'm talking about full-blown, you know,

rubbing-shit-in-the-air retarded.

It's occupied.

How long has he been in here?

Like it's gonna solve all of our fucking problems.

Fuck, go then! Just fucking get out of here.

I can't take it. I don't even fucking give a shit.

Fuck.

This fucking party's fucking on tonight.

Fucking on, come on.

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

You ever danced with the devil

in the pale moonlight?

-What? -I'm saying, I don't know.

She's in a tub.

How do people usually die in a tub?

They drown.

Those marks on her neck are gonna be a problem.

What do you mean those marks on her neck

are gonna be a problem?

Well, I mean, if she just

drunkenly drowned in the tub,

I'd say the next step would be to call the police

and let them do some policing.

But, those marks on her neck,

I mean, we're gonna have to cut her up.

Cut-- cut her up?

What the fuck are you talking about?

Uh, cut her up means take the one big piece,

and you make it smaller pieces.

Then we're gonna take those small pieces

and drive across the big, vast state of Pennsylvania.

I would put on some clothing,

it's gonna take us a little bit.

We need to puncture her.

Drain all the liquid that we can.

Pulverize the teeth.

Cut off the fingers.

Disfigure the face.

We'd be wise to crush

as much of the skeleton as we can beforehand.

People would be less apt to call the cops

if their dog digs up a disfigured

piece of meat versus a whole body.

The fucking dog would probably eat the meat

before anyone of importance

came along to investigate further.

The good news about Pennsylvania is

the bigger the state,

the more area there is to hide things.

And when in doubt, use fire.

Hey, when I asked about cutting her up,

I wasn't looking for the fucking mechanics.

If we push, I think we can be back by dawn.

How long do you figure it takes to cut up a body?

Is that a fucking serious question?

I'm hoping it's not much harder than deboning a chicken.

Okay, let me be very clear about what we are not doing.

We're gonna need tools, duct tape

and a shit ton of Febreze.

We won't be doing that.

What we will be doing is

-calling the police. -Calling the police.

-I'm serious. -I'm serious.

I think it's a fine idea.

Okay, the police are the people

that catch the bad guy.

And what if the police decide

that you are the bad guy?

They won't, because I didn't do anything.

You didn't do anything?

Well, that's a relief.

Case closed, I guess.

Let's go ahead and get you outta here.

Officer Black, take off his cuffs.

Let's get him downstairs, and process his paperwork.

He didn't do anything.

Although, we should think about this for second.

I mean, as airtight as alibi as

"I didn't do anything" is,

I think I'm under some sort of general obligation

to ask you a few questions.

I mean, if that's okay with you, Mr. Hayes?

I think that dead little girl's mother

might want me to ask a few questions.

Do you ever think about that

in your psycho little head?

That girl had a mother.

That girl had a father.

And now they have to do

the toughest thing a parent ever has to do.

They have to bury their little girl.

-That ain't right. -No! That ain't right.

-She had a sister. -Okay.

I'll do the family stuff.

Tell me, tough guy.

You have anything to drink last night?

Sounds like you had more than a couple.

A real booze hound.

Oh, is that true? You a booze hound?

Did you have anything to drink today,

Mr. Booze Hound?

What we're dealing with here is a young white girl.

So rest assured the police will come,

they will have questions, but, uh,

with each other as alibis and pretty soon

with a little elbow grease, no body,

I think we can get past this.

So, did you murder the girl in the tub?

-Nope. -Whoo, he's good.

So you're a funny guy.

You think this is a big joke?

Well this ain't no joke, brother.

A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.

That is a joke.

You know, we had a funny guy like you down on the force.

You wanna know what happened to him?

If I had to guess, I imagine he was

well-liked by his coworkers,

excelled at his job and got promoted--

No! No, no, no, no!

No, that's not what happened!

You know, we got your buddy in the other room.

He's telling us another story.

Maybe I'll go ask him a few questions.

We have one story and we stick to it.

You can't tell 'em anything we don't know.

Something happened.

We're talking about an environment

where there's a known sex offender

walking around dressed as a clown.

-Well, we shot your buddy. -Shot him dead.

-Really? -You don't think so?

I didn't like his answers.

What do you think about that?

Well, I think the whole thing

sounds like a shocking abuse of authority.

All right, all right, all right, I have a question.

Considering we're dealing with a murderer,

you certainly don't seem to be very alarmed.

I mean, theoretically, there's still

a killer out there lurking about, correct?

Well, I can't speak to his lurking,

but unless you think our killer

is the hockey mask-wearing machete-wielding variety,

and he's just biding his time 'til you and I

carelessly go butt fuck by the lake,

why would the killer return to the scene of a crime?

To cover his tracks.

Gosh.

I can't say I like what you're implying there.

So let's look at a couple facts, shall we?

We have a girl.

Your girl.

Currently deceased.

Got a party full of people,

watched you argue, as they often do.

We got drugs, we got booze,

and the only thing we know for sure about this girl?

She currently resides in a tub.

Whose tub?

Your tub.

Now, given those facts, who would you think did it?

Oh, and of course, the, uh,

most damning piece of evidence.

-The vampire. -The vampire.

The vampire was what I was gonna say.

You ever danced with the devil

in the pale moonlight?

What?

Sorry.

I said, you ever danced with the devil

in the pale moonlight?

Don't worry, I say that to all my prey.

Yeah, I know about that.

Wow. You can drink a lot.

Yeah. I can.

So this whole house is yours?

Yeah. It is.

Hmm.

Oh, careful.

Oh, you're-- you're freezing.

You, uh...

You wanna come inside?

Yeah, let's go inside.

Ah, but you're right.

Murder and cheating rarely intersected,

-you should be fine. -Oh, no, I-- I didn't cheat.

I-- I mean, I don't think I--

What? Came?

Ugh, now you're making it disgusting, pervert.

I'm guessing a few people, well, your girlfriend,

dead one, included, may not share

your liberal view of infidelity.

It's called emotional cheating,

and it happens to a lot of people.

Leave it at home, Tom.

Oh, I almost forgot one thing, show him the tablecloth.

Whose blood you suppose that is?

I-- I don't know.

So we should probably get rid of that too, huh?

If you're being 100% honest,

can you say that you remember

everything that happened last night?

He eats cats.

Okay, I now realize trying to explain ALF

to someone who hasn't seen ALF

kinda makes me sound like a lunatic.

I mean, how you know who Michael Keaton's Batman is

but you haven't heard of ALF?

Wait, okay, Michael Keaton is Pennsylvania pride.

I actually saw him in a Long John Silver's once.

He was totally cool.

I still feel like he comes up in pop culture like,

he's bowled a 286.

I mean, ALF,

he was this third man in Three Men and a Baby.

Wait, you saying his name over and over again

does not make me know this person.

All right.

Okay, is something wrong with your dick?

'Cause-- Yep, that should help.

I mean--

I mean, he's not like, uh,

it's like a-- like a puppet.

It's like a-- it's like a man

and like his little-- little man.

Like little brown puppet man .

Right. I should have known.

There were signs.

I'm not blowing a retard.

I am not my mom.

So you admit it.

Admit what?

That you were with the other girl.

That's what we're talking about, right?

How would he know that? How would anyone know that?

This isn't gonna work.

What, are you too busy

thinking about your fucking friend, Ralph?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Ugh.

You know, a finger or two up the old anus

oftentimes gets the ball rolling.

Read into that what you will.

I got a hobby. You want to know what it is?

-He likes trains. -That's right, I like trains.

And I built this town for the trains to roll through,

little place I like to call Timberlake Falls.

It's lovely!

And the only thing I love more than the train

and the good, hardworking people of Timberlake Falls--

I thought it was more like a retirement community

-slash fishing village kinda-- -No!

There's restaurants, shops.

There's a post office.

People work there.

The point is,

I got a brand new hobby,

and that hobby is sticking you in a dark hole

where the next light you see

will be the flames burning your flesh

in eternal damnation!

And that's why...

we cut.

Look at it this way.

We're just doing the cutting.

It's the difference between stealing someone's wallet

versus finding a wallet and keeping the money.

This feels worse.

I can understand how you're conflicted.

I wasn't as fond of her myself.

But when we get through this, and I promise you,

we will get through this,

I guarantee you I will make every effort to--

What the fuck!

I did that for you.

That right there is the point of no return.

Whenever someone's gonna find this body and say,

"Hey, why are there three fucking chop marks in it?",

you're gonna know the answer to that

'cause you saw me do it.

We don't have time to grieve.

We're burning daylight.

Can you do me a favor and get her purse and her phone?

They're gonna have to come with us.

Hey! Her purse and her phone.

Can you get them for me? Please and thank you.

-♪ One night ♪ -Excuse me.

♪ Under the starlight ♪

-Excuse me? -♪ One night ♪

♪ Without a lamplight ♪

Excuse me, yeah.

Are these your clothes in the dryer?

'Cause they've been in here for a while,

and I'm about to throw 'em on the ground.

Uh, I'm not doing laundry, and those are women's clothes.

Okay, well, they could be your girlfriend's clothes

or some other weird reason.

You're sitting in a laundromat, not doing laundry.

I don't have a girlfriend. How about you?

Nope, never had a girlfriend.

Kissed a few girls before, but nothing ever stuck.

No, I meant, how about you?

You wanna be my girlfriend?

No, thanks.

I don't think I've seen you here before.

You live around here?

You don't think you've seen me

in the laundromat before?

Yeah.

Well, the washing machine I usually use is broken,

so I came here.

But somebody definitely knows where I am,

if that's what you're getting at.

What are you, the sheriff of the laundromat or something?

No. I mean, I ran for sheriff of the laundromat,

but I lost an election that was clearly rigged.

You probably wanna hear the whole story.

No, I'm actually really sorry I asked,

that sounds boring.

I can assure you, laundromat politics are anything but.

If you must know, I'm waiting for someone.

I bet.

What happens when you find them?

Does it start with R and end with ape?

No, I'm searching for justice.

You probably wanna hear the whole story.

Nope.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It all started six months ago.

I was doing some thrift store shopping.

Nothing really blowing my hair back.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, I see it.

Baby blue, right size, perfect color.

You know, I'd been hurt before.

Thought I'd found the perfect shirt

only to have it fit too tight

or have a hole in the armpit or a bleach stain.

It fit like a glove.

Something happened that day.

The sun was a little brighter.

Food tasted a little better,

and it would stay that way until...

that day.

What happened?

It happened right here in this very laundromat.

I remember it like it was yesterday,

and even remember the date.

September 11th.

Baby Blue went missing.

Stolen?

Well, I mean, clothing doesn't just get up and walk away.

I hear some boots are made for walkin'.

Okay, I get jokes.

See, ugh, I tried to remember the last place

that I had laundered it.

Then I remembered the laundromat.

A hornet's nest had driven me from my own washer.

Was there anyone else in the laundromat?

Then I remembered the cowboy.

I called him the cowboy because, well,

he wore a cowboy hat,

and 'cause of the immortal words he spoke to me.

Howdy.

So you're going to wait down here all day

on the off chance that the cowboy

decides to do laundry?

And an even slimmer chance, that he stole your shirt?

Oh, he stole it, all right.

He's sick.

And I've been monitoring his laundry habits.

Tuesdays seem to be a sweet spot.

And how long do you plan on waiting here?

As long as it takes.

And you don't find that boring?

Well, I mean, I work nights and, uh, whiskey helps.

Have you actually ever seen the cowboy wear your shirt?

Oh, no, no, no. He's way too smart for that.

He wasn't counting on one thing.

Your delusions and flexible schedule?

-Exactly. -Okay.

So, I see him in here the other day

and I set the trap.

"Howdy." he says, like a fucking idiot.

Say, "I'm moving to Delaware."

"So you won't be seeing me around here no more.

Not in this town, and certainly not in this laundromat."

It's gonna be great.

The cowboy is going to mosey on in here

without a care in the world.

And then he'll see me,

"Ah, ah, I thought you moved to Delaware?"

Nope, asshole, just doing some laundry.

Need to borrow some quarters?

Then I got him.

So why'd you actually pack a suitcase

full of clothes and bring it to the laundromat?

For weight. Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

I'm just saying, there's probably easier ways to do it.

I could seduce him,

spend the night,

steal the shirt the next morning.

You'd be willing to do that for me?

Maybe. I guess I'd have to see the shirt.

Oh, and by the way, back there,

you were just like, "Hey, maybe these are

your girlfriend's clothes."

Very subtle way of finding out if I'm single.

I think we've established

that it's probably gonna stay that way for you.

Oh, yet here you are.

Waiting with me in the laundromat, interesting.

I'm doing laundry!

And I guess it would be kind of cool

to see the cowboy punch you in the throat.

He sounds kinda hot.

What's your name?

You struck me as the kind of fellow

that likes to be in control of a situation.

But what I found about most men's sexual desires,

is it's the opposite of the image

they like to portray.

Dominate might be the wrong word.

Humiliate's more of the word I'm looking for.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

Don't you think it's humiliating

when you make a girl suck your cock?

I haven't thought about it.

Why does everybody lie about their sexual hang-ups?

I could do a really, really good job at humiliating you.

Let's get something straight.

I'm not one of these guys

who's all hung up on not hitting women.

Yeah. Would that ring your bell?

Me making you suck a cock?

Let's put the cuckoo

back in the clock, shall we?

No, you don't need to get all huffy puffy.

I'm just saying you have some

female domination in your future.

Honestly, I don't feel like I'm the marriage type.

Are you eating?

Yeah, I have to. I mean, to live.

What do you want, two bodies to dispose of?

I'll tell you, though, this is taking a lot longer

than I thought it was going to.

It's gonna be fucking dark soon.

We can't do this.

This is never gonna work.

Well, I certainly wish

you'd expressed those concerns before!

Look, this little lady here

would tell anybody who would listen to her

her dreams and aspirations to leave this one horse town.

Maybe one day that's just what she did.

Oh, look, I gotta hand it to you.

Wait, is this her...

That's great!

It's not bad, right? No leaks.

Oh, my God. I have to throw up.

This isn't gonna work.

What, are you too busy

thinking about your fucking friend, Ralph?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Ugh.

You know, a digit or two up the old anus

oftentimes gets the ball rolling.

Read into that what you will.

Right.

This one's yours.

No, that one's not mine.

Your matching face paint gives you away.

For what it's worth...

I think his blood alcohol level

has rendered him useless

for my immediate purposes as well.

How long has he been useless for you?

What?

There are only two reasons

a man would wear Raggedy Andy face paint.

He's trying to fuck you.

And hey, who could blame him.

Or, he is already fucking you,

and he's just been worn down

to some kind of submission point.

So what now?

Some hair pulling?

Us tumbling out onto the front lawn?

Agreed.

In our ridiculous costumes

this could provide some levity, but...

given what I'm taking is disillusionment from you,

I'm hoping we can avoid that?

Fuck it, it's way too fucking cold out,

and he's not worth it.

I think that's an excellent choice.

And I even have an alternative.

It's called cocaine,

and everybody's doing it.

Now, I'm of course not suggesting that drugs

are the answer, but they can be a answer.

Fuck it.

I think I got some straws in my purse from the drive-in.

And there's a mirror over here somewhere.

-Mm-mm-mm, can't do it. -No?

No, something about doing hard drugs

and having to look at myself when I do them depresses me.

Bible?

That is fine.

Is your boyfriend some kind of bible beater?

I don't know what the Bible's all about.

It probably came with the house.

He inherited it and all the shit in it.

He just lets things happen to him,

that's kind of his thing.

So who's this guy in all the pictures?

Oh, that's Addison, that's his butt buddy.

Does he live here, too?

He might as well.

Who's he dating, him or you?

There are a lot of pictures of him.

Yeah, there's one back there of me, actually.

This one?

Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Probably just waiting to get a proper frame.

Do you wanna kill him?

You think we could get away with it?

There's only one way to find out.

It's pretty hard to kill somebody who's already dead.

It's a cool house.

It's a cold house.

And he lives here all alone?

Yeah. I wish he never got it.

It's given him just enough reason

to never do anything.

Oh, my God, this is the sleeping bag.

The sleeping bag we first had sex in.

-Sleeping bag? -Yeah.

That's below futon.

So you lived in New York?

Yeah.

I'm moving there this summer.

My aunt lives in Astoria.

You know where that is?

Don't tell people you're going to New York.

What? Why?

Because... one day you might not go,

and you'll begrudgingly have to stop saying it.

Well, I'm definitely going, so don't worry about me.

Listen, I don't mean to discourage you.

I mean, you're about 180 pounds lighter,

that should make it easier for you to get there.

I had to swear off relationships altogether.

Someone you'll wind up hating has robbed you

of your most precious resource.

-So true. -Time.

It's precious because you can't get it back.

Humans can really waste your time.

Don't bother with them.

Unless they get in your way.

Then you mow them the fuck down.

Are you with me?

-Are you with me? -Yeah.

Oh, shit.

-You're bleeding. -Oh, fuck!

-Oh, wait, wait. -Oh, my God.

Don't tip it-- don't tip it back, tip it forward.

-Oh my God. -Good, good.

-I'm such an idiot. -No, no, no, no.

It's a little one, it's a small one, you're good.

Fucking idiot, I ruined your fucking coke.

-No, it's okay. -Oh, fuck.

That's perfectly fine.

And I think you look great.

What are you doing?

Do you wanna fuck around on top of him?

♪ Life is a motherfucker ♪

What was that thing you said again, you know,

about the ones that get in your way?

What wa-- What was-- What...

What was that?

Mow 'em the fuck down.

Excuse me for a second.

Hey, hold on, hold on!

Fuck!

♪ If I point my gun at you ♪

♪ Are you gonna see it my way? ♪

♪ And if I tell you what to do ♪

Sharon Tate.

-Jesus! Piss outside. -I already did.

Hot dogs with all the trimmings.

For men and boys, girls and women.

Showtime starts in one minute.

When things are heating up...

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

... why not take one last trip

to the concession stand

to cool down with a tasty treat?

Whatever happened to cursive writing?

You remember that shit?

In school, they acted like

it was the only way you'd be able to communicate.

Meanwhile, I never use it.

Oh!

Computers.

It's like everything else, the machines are taking over.

How close do you think we are to creating a robot

we can have sex with?

Oh, tech's there, that's what's gonna happen.

Machines are gonna rise up, intercourse us and kill us.

Would you be upset if I had sex with a robot?

Is that cheating?

Surprisingly, I've never thought of it.

Well, if you say it's cheating, I'm gonna call bullshit

'cause you have a vibrator and that's

pretty much the same fucking thing.

Why would you be fucking the robot and not me?

Well, I would imagine it's because

the robot might be willing to do a few things

that you're not willing to do, at least not while sober.

Mm.

Now, I would definitely have sex with a robot.

That's a shocker.

I may have already, I'm not sure.

Is a vacuum a robot?

The problem would be if you started

to prefer sex with a robot over your partner.

It is interesting.

He does jerk off more now

that he's in the relationship.

Now, he says he uses you

as the final fuel for the orgasm,

if that's any consolation.

Well, I think that's a standup move.

How does he know all this?

The same way I know you have a fucking vibrator.

Okay, thank you for all of this.

You're very welcome.

Wait, was that not sincere?

The good news is, if you take those courses

I was telling you about?

You'd be better equipped to maintain your robot.

What courses?

These, uh, electrician courses.

Said it only took him, what, two years?

And entry level $15 an hour.

Why would you want to do that?

Uh, because $15 an hour

is a hell of a lot more than I make now

and I like to use money to buy goods and services?

You don't want to be a fucking electrician.

Well, I don't wanna sling popcorn either.

What the fuck is wrong with slinging popcorn?

Nothing, I just want more

in my bank account than $500.

You're actually gonna have to do something

about that to change that, did you know it?

Hey, you know what?

You make his personal life miserable.

Does he have to be miserable at work as well?

God, I am miserable at work.

No, I mean, you would be

more miserable as an electrician.

As the only one here

who's an actual electrician,

I can say that I'm not miserable.

Well, okay, how about I check back with you

in a couple of years when you're cleaning out

the anus of your sex robot,

and you have to take a real hard look at your life?

The whole thing about liking your job

sounds great in theory, but do you know

that many people that actually love their job?

I don't care.

I just know that he wouldn't like your job.

So why do you assume it's me that makes

his personal life miserable?

Okay, I never said my life was miserable.

Well, of course your life is miserable.

Why the fuck do you think he's jerking off so much?

Okay, I don't jerk--

I jerk off the normal amount, all right?

It's a pretty sweet gig, though.

You get health insurance, paid time off.

Do you get stock options?

Well, certain companies, you can--

Oh, my God. She is not being serious.

Those people who say that it's never too late

to go back to school, that is absolutely not true.

It is too late. There is an expiration date.

Plus, it's a proven fact that most electricians

are convicted sex offenders.

Are you so scared of success

that you're determined to bring

everybody down to your level?

I'm not scared of success,

I've achieved success.

I've gotten everything I want.

For your information, sister,

I am a natural-born leader.

Oh, God, at what?

Okay. Look at movies.

You know, whatever disaster it is,

be it robot, alien or zombie,

I'm your natural leader type.

I'm sarcastic, quick on my feet,

seemingly never amounted to much.

I probably still have an ex-girlfriend

that carries a bit of a torch for me.

So, in this situation, does our hero

get winded after running 30 yards?

'Cause you seem to have a problem with that.

Believe you me.

When the robots come, and they rise up to,

you know, fuck us/kill us,

I'll be ready to lead.

Trust me, you do not want to be a fucking electrician.

That's not in dispute.

Nobody wants to be an electrician.

Shit.

Who's that?

Well, I can't see 'cause there's a wall there.

Hello, guys. I need to talk to you.

Just wanna ask you a couple of questions

about a party you had here last night.

Don't say anything and he'll go away.

-Be right there! -What the fuck are you doing?

Hello?

We need to know who that is.

It's probably just some idiot customer.

Then you answer it.

I would, but it really looks like it's my time of the month.

Look, it's only 5:30,

there's no way that can be anybody important.

All formal complaints must be lodged down

at the drive-in during regular business hours.

You said it one million times,

I just need you to say it right now.

But what if it's not nobody?

Well, we need to know that, too.

Mr. Hayes?

Yeah, I'm the manager of the drive-in.

Great. Are you the owner of this house?

Yeah. It's, uh-- it's a private residence.

And you're Mr. Hayes?

Yeah. How do you know that?

It's right down there in the mailbox.

Oh, yeah, right.

So, would you be the person

who was hosting a party here last night?

A Halloween party?

Uh, yeah, I mean, at the drive-in.

We're closing for the season,

so we had a-- a small staff party.

But it was a Halloween party? People in costume?

Yeah. I dressed up too. Uh, do you dress up?

Never really celebrated the day, Mr. Hayes.

Do you live here alone?

Yep.

I thought I heard another person in there.

Nope.

Are you okay, Mr. Hayes? You seem anxious.

Is there something wrong?

Yeah, I'm just, uh-- just a little hungover.

Makes sense.

Probably had something to do with the alcohol.

I don't know if I look familiar to you.

Don't worry, I'm not here in any official capacity.

If I was, I'd come out with a partner.

It's procedure.

I'm just hoping you can help me.

With what?

I'm looking for a girl.

-What? -She was here,

she was at the party.

Is she missing?

Yep, and that has me very worried.

I wanted to get here sooner, but there were some issues.

I think there's a fair chance she may be here in this house.

No, like I told you, I'm here by myself.

Mr. Hayes, this is all I need.

I just need to come in and ask you a few very basic questions.

You answer honestly, and I'm fairly certain

I can determine whether she's in the house or not.

I'm not here to bother you, I'm here to help.

But time is a factor.

Mr. Hayes, did you have some sort of accident today?

-What? -Your shirt,

it has something on it.

-Did you cut yourself? -Oh, no, that's, uh...

barbecue sauce from smoking ribs out back.

Really?

-Hangover cure? -Yeah, it's a, uh,

consuming endeavor.

-Hmm, I bet. -Mm-hmm.

You know I do love ribs...

but they are some messy suckers, ain't they?

You know...

... I think I can smell 'em.

Mm.

Tastes okay to me.

Sweet.

So, Mr. Hayes, are you gonna let me in?

What'd you say your name was?

Clyde.

Yeah, I'm, uh-- Mr. Clyde, I'm really busy,

but, you know, if you wanna leave your name and number,

-I'll be sure-- -Unfortunately,

the situation at hand has the potential

to be fairly severe.

So I'm gonna have to adjust accordingly

as to the next thing I do.

Mr. Hayes, I have to get into the house,

but I wanna be 100% clear,

I mean you no harm.

But if you stand in my way,

I will have to overpower you for the greater good.

-You're gonna attack me? -I've done it.

If you would prefer to restrain yourself

while I look around the house,

I am more than happy with that route.

But now, as I say, we are short on time,

so I'm only gonna be able to go with the standard three count.

-One... -What-- just give me--

You got two more. Two. Two and a half.

Are your eyes closed?

Are they not supposed to be?

Well, typically, when your eyes are closed,

you're thinking about somebody else.

So I'm supposed to look at you the whole time?

'Cause, I mean, I can't really see your face,

so I can't be 100% sure it's you.

I'm not saying you need to stare at me the whole time,

I'm just talking about being in the moment.

All right, well, I'll just stare at the ceiling

with my eyes wide open.

Like a maniac.

-What the fuck? -Bro.

What the fuck, get out of here!

-You guys want me to leave? -God.

Why does she have more than one pair of shoes here?

-What is she, living here now? -Get out.

Don't you come at me with an erection, number one.

You know, this is your fault.

You guys were supposed to pick me up.

Took me an hour to walk here from the beer store.

Took you an hour to walk a mile?

That's certainly not the point.

Take a look at the sun, guys, it's almost dusk.

You guys are fucking killing me.

All right, listen, I'm not going.

Well, that's stupid.

She scored tickets, we're driving to Philly.

Tickets to what? The gay show?

All right, you know what, I told you

we should've done this in the car.

You're the one that wanted to come home

-and change your shirt. -Are you crazy?

A Frighteners, Dead Alivedouble feature,

that comes along once, maybe twice in a lifetime.

Your next blowjob is so far away

from this moment right now.

Well, you know what, the good news is

I don't need you fucking fools. Just your car keys.

I don't have my car, we're taking hers.

Is that my shirt?

That's just great.

You know what? You don't need a fucking car.

Well, it's a drive-in,

so it's fairly fucking important--

-Yeah, you know what? -What are you doing?

Well, I want you to leave, so...

I was just sucking his dick and I kissed you, so...

I don't care for what you did just there.

Can I borrow your radio?

That sounded like another girl's shoe.

Oh, uh, Mr. Hayes?

No, he's upstairs getting blown.

Can I help you guys?

What are you, a couple of-- ah, shit.

My name is Clyde and this is Ethan.

Super, guys, look, I'd love to chat,

but I'm on my way to the movies.

-Movies? -Yeah. Forget about it.

It's a recent development.

But please come inside and, uh, I sure as hell

hope you have some literature to leave for me.

Two and a half!

Does anyone ever take the option

to restrain themselves?

You'd be surprised.

Most people would do a lot to avoid confrontation.

Can-- can I get you something?

You know what I would love?

I would love a glass of water.

You must not get too many trick or treaters around here,

being so isolated at all.

Uh, not really.

Help yourself.

Are you the owner of the drive-in as well?

Uh, nope.

Job just kinda came with the place.

-Right place, right time? -Yeah.

So...

this girl.

Uh, yeah, do you have a picture or...

No.

Is she in some sort of trouble?

I think she's very dead, Mr. Hayes.

Does this house have a basement?

What was that?

Uh, I-- I didn't hear anything.

Mr. Hayes, where's the body?

The sooner you take me to it, the sooner I can kill her.

Whoa, okay, that I heard.

Sun's going down, but we still have time.

They're not very active when they first rise.

Sorry we didn't get a proper breakup.

I'm sure it would have been underwhelming.

Taking your jacket.

She got away from me.

Hey.

Hello?

Hey.

Hey.

Is that fucking funny?

You know, I don't think

I've ever seen you breathe that hard.

Besides that one time I watched you change a tire.

You got a light?

Thanks.

Pretty amazing one's mindset before and after they come.

Sad what men go through for the elusive...

I knew it was over when I caught him up there

with the fucking vampire.

Great. Well, I mean, that means I win a bet.

And let me be the first to say,

I will be sad to see you go.

Are you ever serious?

I don't know, are you ever funny?

You know, I got a joke for you.

Tell me if you've heard this one.

Rape.

Rape. Get it?

-Hilarious. -You get it, because--

Rape.

-Rape! -Stop.

-Rape! -Knock it off!

Somebody help! Rape!

You know, I've faked a lot of orgasms in my life,

-but never nothing like this. -Enough!

Rape!

-Knock it off. -Rape!

-Stop. -Rape!

Help me, somebody!

Help me, somebody!

And I dunno about you guys,

but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.

Uh, don't let your sweet dreams become nightmares

because tonight is the night.

There are monsters tonight, folks.

And they don't all wear masks.

♪ Daddy's gone a-hunting ♪

♪ Off to fetch a rabbit skin ♪

♪ To wrap his baby bunting in ♪

Hi, there.

I'm sorry to report that last night you were a victim...

Occupied.

How long has he been in here?

...of the date rape drug, Rohypnol.

Jesus Christ.

What?

Lock all the doors and windows!

Did you fix that latch on the side door?

I think you know the answer to that.

Do you have any weapons anywhere?

I think my grandfather kept an ax in the shed.

There's another one out there.

Another what?

How much do you know about vampires?

Doesn't matter.

Last night, you were also the victim

of a vampire bite.

I wasn't allowed to finish what I started

because the roofie left your blood tainted,

which I'm highly susceptible to.

When the time comes...

one of you...

is gonna have to stake me.

To be safe.

Tip to the heart. One--

I get it. All right, you heard the man.

Why don't you go to the shed and see if there's any weapons

-we can find? -Oh, yeah?

We're gonna listen to what this guy

has to say about vampires?

You mean the man imparting his dying words

through a wound in his throat?

-Yeah, I'll hear him out. -We don't know that he's dying!

-I'm most certainly dying. -Shut the fuck up, Clyde!

Your physical body is dead.

Your transition and the fact that somebody

partially mutilated your body

is gonna leave you in a very weakened state.

Probably take two weeks of feeding and care

to get you back to stable strength.

Fortunately, I'd say sunrise is gonna take care of you

in roughly 12 hours.

If, and this is a big fucking if,

there is something out there,

I'm not gonna be the one going to the shed.

I'll be as dead as this guy.

She's not an "if."

-She's a vampire. -Yeah, we heard you.

I've hunted and tracked vampires for over 20 years.

I tracked her here.

Oh, you know, you seem really good at your job.

A girl! Tall, pale, brunette.

Probably dressed as a vampire.

Did either of you ever encounter a woman like this?

Right, I'll go to the shed.

So...

what do you think this vampire wants?

I never wanted this.

Okay? This was just about the house.

Winter is coming, and this is fucking Pennsylvania.

I wish I could do you quick and painlessly myself,

but that's double-dipping,

and them are the rules.

Oh, I can do this.

Hold on.

So which, of any of this shit, is a weapon?

Is that-- Is this fucking rice in here?

She's already been invited in.

There's little you could do to combat her attack.

At this hour, you won't survive.

Well, it's a matter of opinion, Clyde,

and I don't give a fuck about yours.

I won't go into it, but the long and short is,

for many years, certain sects of Jehovah's Witnesses

hunted and killed vampires.

In a plan based on cost and efficiency,

a few years back,

they got into the bottled water business.

Unrelated to vampire hunters,

this was just something for the other 90%

of door-knocking dummies who got thirsty.

Nonetheless,

the end result was a mass-produced

holy fucking water.

Not a great choice, I know.

Dying from the outside in.

Or the inside out.

But the holy water will be quicker.

Both will be an intense burning like nothing you've ever felt.

Both will last longer than you'd like.

You were supposed to be painless.

In fact, you...

were supposed to be pleasant.

Now.

Well, you tell me, Mr. Addison, Mr. Hayes,

how many more people are gonna have to die

horribly painful deaths?!

Huh?

I couldn't find that fucking ax anywhere,

but I did tie the side door shut with some bungee cords.

Oh, shit.

-He's dead? -He's dead.

Oh, my God, did you stake him?

That's what the man said to do.

On the good news front,

it actually turned out to be helpful for once

that we covered the floor in plastic.

I wasn't even gone that long.

He died in that time?

Yeah, he was bleeding fairly heavily from the neck.

So he died, and then you staked him?

Or he died because you staked him?

What difference does it make?

♪ I've fallen for your stories ♪

♪ Oh so many times ♪

♪ And now it's getting boring ♪

♪ Your excuses and your lies ♪

Did you order a pizza?

Drop the pizza on the porch, I got her.

-Now what? -Run.

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

Still out there, still very much a vampire.

♪ I'm out, I'm out ♪

♪ I'm out the door, out the door ♪

♪ I don't need, I don't need ♪

♪ You hanging 'round me anymore ♪

♪ Without you by my side ♪

Uh, yeah, you have a picture or...

No.

Is she in some sort of trouble?

I think she's very dead, Mr. Hayes.

Does this house have a basement?

What was that?

I-- I-- I didn't hear anything.

Mr. Hayes, where's the body?

The sooner you take me to her, the sooner I can kill her.

♪ Ay-ay-ay ♪

♪ I'm at the door ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay ♪ ♪ Ay-ay-ay ♪

♪ I'm better off on my own ♪

♪ I don't need to relive in a bit ♪

♪ So why don't you check if I asked ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm waiting for ♪

♪ I'm out, I'm out ♪

♪ I'm out the door, I'm out the door ♪

♪ I don't need, I don't need ♪

♪ You hanging 'round me anymore ♪

♪ It feels good, it feels good ♪

♪ Without you by my side ♪

♪ So long ♪

♪ And thank you for the ride ♪

♪ I only see you in a nightmare ♪