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1
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_
2
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10 more minutes.
3
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Oh, what the... what the fuck?!
4
00:00:25,015 --> 00:00:26,462
Where's my money? Huh?
5
00:00:26,487 --> 00:00:28,881
- What fucking money?
- For services rendered?
6
00:00:28,882 --> 00:00:31,991
Last night? Your friend
Danny Poker owes me two grand.
7
00:00:32,001 --> 00:00:34,881
What fucking sex act
on God's green earth
8
00:00:34,891 --> 00:00:37,327
could possibly cost $2,000?
9
00:00:37,352 --> 00:00:40,286
- He diarrhea'd on my chest.
- Oh, yeah.
10
00:00:40,287 --> 00:00:41,805
- That adds up.
- Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:41,805 --> 00:00:42,905
It doesn't fucking matter.
I don't even know
12
00:00:42,915 --> 00:00:44,885
why I'm asking you 'cause money
13
00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:46,865
doesn't really mean anything
to you anymore, lady.
14
00:00:46,875 --> 00:00:48,945
I hate to break it to you.
You're kind of...
15
00:00:48,955 --> 00:00:50,865
you're fully dead.
16
00:00:50,875 --> 00:00:53,835
- What?
- You're fucking dead.
17
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,985
And it looks like you took
a pretty bad tumble, too.
18
00:00:55,995 --> 00:00:58,875
Your noodle's kind of hanging
out of your dome piece.
19
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,905
What the fuck?
20
00:01:02,915 --> 00:01:04,925
That motherfucker killed me?
21
00:01:04,935 --> 00:01:06,865
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
22
00:01:06,875 --> 00:01:09,437
It must've been when he tried
to throw me in the pool
23
00:01:09,462 --> 00:01:13,332
by the pussy and the asshole
like a goddamn bowling ball.
24
00:01:13,342 --> 00:01:16,143
Oh. Oh, I'll kill that motherfucker.
25
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,042
- That thin-dicked...
- Whoa, whoa, hold on!
26
00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:19,833
Brainless, crouton motherfucker bitch!
27
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:21,034
Let's just calm down here,
okay? Let... let...
28
00:01:21,044 --> 00:01:22,984
Shh, shh, shh.
29
00:01:22,994 --> 00:01:25,944
Oh, my God.
30
00:01:25,954 --> 00:01:28,934
It's beautiful.
31
00:01:28,944 --> 00:01:30,924
Damn.
32
00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:33,954
Oh, poor baby doesn't exist anymore.
33
00:01:33,964 --> 00:01:35,864
What is that?
34
00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:38,131
So remember on our way
here, I told our pilot
35
00:01:38,156 --> 00:01:39,644
to ignore our "flight path"
36
00:01:39,645 --> 00:01:41,877
and just cut across America
so we'd get there in time
37
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,862
for that sweet Cirque show "Vagine"?
38
00:01:43,872 --> 00:01:45,022
Yeah, the shortcut.
39
00:01:45,032 --> 00:01:47,882
Yeah, well, it's kind of
like that, but for ghosts.
40
00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:50,369
- Whoa.
- When I saw that Amish ghost
41
00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:52,176
go to his light at my orgy,
42
00:01:52,177 --> 00:01:54,117
I was like, "Holy shit."
43
00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:56,157
Now that's crazy."
44
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:59,097
So I hired a bunch of nerds
to make the tech, and boom!
45
00:01:59,715 --> 00:02:01,304
Shortcut to the light, my friend.
46
00:02:01,305 --> 00:02:03,384
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, no shit, all right?
47
00:02:03,394 --> 00:02:06,254
- So keep it to yourself.
- Yeah.
48
00:02:06,264 --> 00:02:07,681
Now, are you gonna stay in
bed all day, lazybones,
49
00:02:07,681 --> 00:02:09,183
or are you gonna help
me bury this body?
50
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:11,108
Sure.
51
00:02:11,118 --> 00:02:13,532
But can we hit up that b-fast
bouffant first, though?
52
00:02:13,557 --> 00:02:16,139
I'm fucking starving.
53
00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:17,497
Don't be gauche, Pac.
54
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,430
You bury before brunch,
55
00:02:20,455 --> 00:02:22,715
- not brunch before bury.
- Brunch before bury.
56
00:02:22,740 --> 00:02:24,630
- I know, I'm sorry.
- Remember what I told you?
57
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,650
- Yeah, bury before brunch...
- Bury before brunch,
58
00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:27,800
that's a good hunch.
59
00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:30,199
Brunch before bury,
now, that's not a very...
60
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,309
- good idea.
- Good thing to do.
61
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:40,064
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
62
00:03:08,184 --> 00:03:10,965
I'm coming in for a landing.
63
00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:13,652
Pac, where have you been?
64
00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:15,582
Who, me? Oh, uh, nowhere.
65
00:03:15,607 --> 00:03:17,657
I just went for a weekend
to Vegas with Danny Pokertini.
66
00:03:18,071 --> 00:03:19,936
Dude, you could've
at least called, man.
67
00:03:19,936 --> 00:03:23,475
I was really worried...
68
00:03:23,475 --> 00:03:26,201
Oh, God. Oh!
69
00:03:26,202 --> 00:03:28,005
Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
70
00:03:28,006 --> 00:03:30,138
Oh, God, I've been holding
that in all morning.
71
00:03:30,138 --> 00:03:32,044
Still in that stage with each other
where I kind of wanna keep
72
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:33,563
a bit of the mystery
with Danny, you know?
73
00:03:33,564 --> 00:03:34,714
Like, maybe at this
point he doesn't think
74
00:03:34,724 --> 00:03:36,594
I have a butthole. And I'm
cool with that, right?
75
00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:37,774
- He's so awesome.
- Jesus, what is that?
76
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:40,260
Oh. Yeah, that stinks.
77
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,333
That's, uh... that's whaledolphin.
78
00:03:42,334 --> 00:03:44,224
It's where they stuff a
dolphin inside of a whale.
79
00:03:44,234 --> 00:03:45,264
It's kind of like turducken except for
80
00:03:45,274 --> 00:03:46,364
really, really rich people.
81
00:03:46,374 --> 00:03:48,204
Look, I'm glad that you're enjoying
82
00:03:48,214 --> 00:03:49,344
the high life with Danny,
83
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,274
but you've missed about
a week of work here.
84
00:03:51,284 --> 00:03:53,194
Do you have any idea how
awkward it's been for me?
85
00:03:53,204 --> 00:03:56,344
I promise he'll be here any minute.
86
00:03:56,354 --> 00:03:58,234
Sorry.
87
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,486
Come on, man! It's like
you don't even care
88
00:04:02,487 --> 00:04:04,249
- about the business anymore.
- I'm sorry.
89
00:04:04,249 --> 00:04:06,259
Did you just say it's like
I don't care about the business?
90
00:04:06,269 --> 00:04:08,229
- Yeah.
- Clyde, I am
91
00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:11,149
the fucking business!
92
00:04:11,159 --> 00:04:12,259
- Wow.
- Yeah.
93
00:04:12,269 --> 00:04:14,329
I bet I could solve, like,
94
00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:17,124
20 ghost cases in one day by myself.
95
00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,572
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
96
00:04:18,597 --> 00:04:20,324
Why don't you just
stick to solving one?
97
00:04:20,325 --> 00:04:21,385
- One?
- Just one.
98
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,096
- Piece of cake. What do you got?
- Here.
99
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,036
Haunted kite kiosk at the corner
of East 10th and Avenue B.
100
00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:28,634
Oh, ye olde haunted kite kiosk, huh?
101
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,599
No problem. And how
about while I'm at it,
102
00:04:30,609 --> 00:04:32,046
I solve 19 more?
103
00:04:32,046 --> 00:04:33,814
You really think you can do that?
104
00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,769
I really motherfucking do.
105
00:04:36,779 --> 00:04:38,749
That's how cocky I am.
106
00:04:38,759 --> 00:04:40,819
Wow.
107
00:04:40,829 --> 00:04:42,075
Danny really rubbed off on you, huh?
108
00:04:42,076 --> 00:04:43,701
That was by mistake. It was dark.
109
00:04:43,726 --> 00:04:45,185
- What?
- Nothing.
110
00:04:46,084 --> 00:04:47,145
Now, if you'll excuse me,
111
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,836
I have 20 ghost cases
to solve by myself.
112
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:52,998
And then you'll probably
apologize for doubting me,
113
00:04:53,023 --> 00:04:54,203
we will make up,
114
00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:57,488
and maybe you'll have made
something delicious for dinner.
115
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,928
Danny?
116
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,962
Yo, Dan boy?
117
00:05:06,963 --> 00:05:09,305
It's Pac! Hey, man.
118
00:05:09,305 --> 00:05:11,295
Listen, I was wondering if, uh, maybe...
119
00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:13,979
maybe I could borrow that little
shortcut device thingy?
120
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,700
You know, the one you showed me?
121
00:05:15,725 --> 00:05:16,978
Danny?
122
00:05:17,432 --> 00:05:19,024
Sounds like you're moving
up there or something.
123
00:05:19,024 --> 00:05:19,983
You need a hand or anything?
124
00:05:19,983 --> 00:05:21,043
I got two capable ones right here.
125
00:05:22,692 --> 00:05:23,998
Oh, okay. Scratch that.
126
00:05:24,022 --> 00:05:25,912
Sounds like you got some help already.
127
00:05:25,937 --> 00:05:27,191
Think it's, like, super-duper cool
128
00:05:27,192 --> 00:05:29,024
that you hired a female
mover, by the way.
129
00:05:29,049 --> 00:05:31,161
You know, you're
so progressive like that.
130
00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:33,684
It's like of course females
can lift heavy shit
131
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,509
just as well as men, right? Like, duh!
132
00:05:36,534 --> 00:05:38,524
Oh, shit.
133
00:05:39,704 --> 00:05:41,744
Oh, I think I found it.
It's right here!
134
00:05:42,087 --> 00:05:46,005
Danny, I got it. You think it's cool
if I borrow it for a couple hours?
135
00:05:46,006 --> 00:05:48,352
Okay, how about this?
136
00:05:48,353 --> 00:05:50,351
Uh, how about moan twice
137
00:05:50,361 --> 00:05:52,281
if it's cool if I borrow it.
138
00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:57,421
Yes! Okay, awesome.
139
00:05:57,431 --> 00:06:00,291
- Thank you, Danny!
- You're the best.
140
00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:02,311
Hi there.
141
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,301
- Hello, young man.
- Oh, my God.
142
00:06:04,311 --> 00:06:06,030
- You're the Quaker Oats guy.
- What?
143
00:06:06,030 --> 00:06:07,873
Oh, man, I grew up an orphan,
144
00:06:07,898 --> 00:06:09,261
so I'm very familiar with your work.
145
00:06:09,261 --> 00:06:11,502
So, what is this, a maple
and brown sugar kind of thing?
146
00:06:11,527 --> 00:06:13,537
Or is it more like an Aunt
Jemima rivalry or...?
147
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,447
You know what? Doesn't matter.
148
00:06:15,457 --> 00:06:17,447
I'm Benjamin Franklin.
149
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:19,804
You're the... what, the rice uncle?
150
00:06:19,984 --> 00:06:23,366
- I thought he was black.
- No! I'm Benjamin Franklin.
151
00:06:23,377 --> 00:06:24,826
The guy on the hundred dollar bill.
152
00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:26,510
Oh, okay. Yeah.
153
00:06:26,535 --> 00:06:28,267
I don't... I don't see a lot of those.
154
00:06:28,268 --> 00:06:30,287
Well, good sir, that
is of no consequence.
155
00:06:30,296 --> 00:06:33,226
You see, I require your help
156
00:06:33,236 --> 00:06:36,336
in proving a very important
scientific theory.
157
00:06:36,346 --> 00:06:40,226
I hypothesized that...
158
00:06:40,236 --> 00:06:41,406
Beautiful.
159
00:06:44,383 --> 00:06:47,256
Ta-da! Oh, this a kite?
160
00:06:47,266 --> 00:06:48,386
Thank you.
161
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:52,346
Thank you.
162
00:07:56,815 --> 00:07:58,243
Ladies and gentlemen,
163
00:07:58,339 --> 00:07:59,524
step right up.
164
00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:01,554
Watch as the Fantastic Jeff
165
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,494
amazes you with a
never-before-seen illusion
166
00:08:04,504 --> 00:08:06,454
of the highest caliber.
167
00:08:06,464 --> 00:08:09,504
I... I'll just need a... a volunteer.
168
00:08:09,514 --> 00:08:12,458
Uh, well, how about you?
169
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,832
Who, me?
170
00:08:13,833 --> 00:08:16,760
You're the only one who seems
to somehow be able to see me.
171
00:08:16,792 --> 00:08:19,157
Do you like magic?
172
00:08:19,182 --> 00:08:21,777
I do like magic. In fact,
I have a trick right here
173
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:24,160
I think you're gonna love.
174
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,100
I... what?
175
00:08:31,546 --> 00:08:33,119
Okay, yeah.
176
00:08:33,205 --> 00:08:34,437
Bravo, Fantastic Jeff.
177
00:08:34,438 --> 00:08:36,102
That's a super neat-o
trick you got there,
178
00:08:36,102 --> 00:08:37,719
but I'm gonna need
that device back, man.
179
00:08:37,744 --> 00:08:39,188
- That's not even mine!
- Gladly.
180
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,774
I just need some help
with something first.
181
00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:43,370
It's some business
182
00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:45,370
- I left unfinished.
- Unfinished? Yeah.
183
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,522
Shocker. Okay, lay it on me.
184
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,913
The year was 1989.
185
00:08:49,913 --> 00:08:52,543
I was at the top of my game.
186
00:08:52,544 --> 00:08:55,634
The premier children's
birthday party magician
187
00:08:55,644 --> 00:08:58,548
in the entire west Westchester region.
188
00:08:58,549 --> 00:09:01,146
- Good for you.
- Little boys wanted to be me
189
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:04,228
and little girls wanted
the Little Mermaid,
190
00:09:04,228 --> 00:09:05,880
but the princesses booked up real fast,
191
00:09:05,905 --> 00:09:07,252
so sometimes they got me instead,
192
00:09:07,252 --> 00:09:09,222
but they always wound up
enjoying themselves.
193
00:09:09,232 --> 00:09:10,422
The point is
194
00:09:10,432 --> 00:09:13,352
I was the best.
195
00:09:13,362 --> 00:09:16,282
And now for my final illusion.
196
00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:20,352
I shall travel through space and time.
197
00:09:20,362 --> 00:09:24,704
But first, I need a little help
from the birthday boy.
198
00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,689
Where... where can I find...
199
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:27,699
Master Gene.
200
00:09:27,709 --> 00:09:29,849
May I borrow your watch?
201
00:09:37,689 --> 00:09:39,354
The best part of this trick
202
00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:41,435
was it wasn't just a hit with the kids.
203
00:09:41,858 --> 00:09:44,868
It was also a hit with the single moms.
204
00:09:44,893 --> 00:09:47,385
You know what I mean.
205
00:10:14,711 --> 00:10:18,435
Young Gene never got to see
the end of that trick.
206
00:10:18,435 --> 00:10:20,415
Sounds like we gotta track
down this Gene guy, right,
207
00:10:20,425 --> 00:10:22,239
perform the magic trick,
and we're done.
208
00:10:22,264 --> 00:10:23,863
- It's that easy.
- Yes.
209
00:10:23,863 --> 00:10:26,773
But first, we must find...
210
00:10:26,783 --> 00:10:27,943
the box.
211
00:10:30,853 --> 00:10:33,763
Look at that fucking
craftsmanship, will you?
212
00:10:33,773 --> 00:10:35,863
It's fucking cardboard.
213
00:10:35,873 --> 00:10:37,853
Excuse me? Hi.
214
00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:39,933
How much to rent out
your box for the night?
215
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:42,783
Oh, I'm sorry. It's already reserved.
216
00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:45,295
Okay, well, do you perhaps
have something similar
217
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,873
in a different color, maybe,
or a different material?
218
00:10:47,883 --> 00:10:50,893
- No.
- Levitating Luigi.
219
00:10:50,903 --> 00:10:52,653
Tell her you're him.
220
00:10:52,654 --> 00:10:55,848
Where is my mind today?
221
00:10:55,873 --> 00:10:57,623
Uh, I'm such a dope.
222
00:10:57,633 --> 00:11:00,363
I do believe that box
is actually on hold for me.
223
00:11:00,563 --> 00:11:02,653
You see, I am the great
Levitating Luigi.
224
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,643
You're Levitating Luigi,
225
00:11:04,653 --> 00:11:06,613
the floating king of New York?
226
00:11:06,623 --> 00:11:10,115
Yes, that is me.
227
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,583
Sometimes I can't even control it.
228
00:11:12,593 --> 00:11:15,753
Yeah, I'm gonna need to
see some identification.
229
00:11:15,763 --> 00:11:17,437
Yeah, that's reasonable.
230
00:11:17,438 --> 00:11:19,827
Um, unfortunately,
231
00:11:19,852 --> 00:11:23,404
my wallet seems to have disappeared.
232
00:11:23,429 --> 00:11:25,409
A little magician's humor, if you will.
233
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:27,389
- And I think you will.
- I won't.
234
00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:29,469
If you're actually Levitating Luigi...
235
00:11:29,479 --> 00:11:31,459
- I am.
- Then prove it.
236
00:11:31,469 --> 00:11:33,439
Okay.
237
00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:38,579
Uh.
238
00:11:41,579 --> 00:11:44,479
That's impressive.
239
00:11:44,489 --> 00:11:46,499
- Mm-hmm.
- I believe you.
240
00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:51,429
Oh, this is great. Hey, how are you?
241
00:11:51,439 --> 00:11:54,220
Uh, I am making a very
special meal tonight
242
00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:57,215
and I would like to go with
your finest rib eye, please.
243
00:11:57,225 --> 00:11:58,275
Although, you know what, hang on.
244
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,963
I'm basically, like... I want...
245
00:11:59,988 --> 00:12:02,580
I want it to look like I put
a lot of effort into this meal,
246
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:03,700
like, almost too much effort.
247
00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:06,540
So perhaps the filet
would be a better choice.
248
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:07,700
Is that too romantic?
249
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:09,650
This is not like a romantic
type of engagement.
250
00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:12,660
Uh, perhaps the lamb
would be a better choice.
251
00:12:12,670 --> 00:12:15,620
- The lamb.
- Although,
252
00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:19,297
does that have, like, unintended
biblical references at all?
253
00:12:19,307 --> 00:12:21,648
That's not what I'm going for and I don't
want him to read too much into it.
254
00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:24,555
Basically, I'm just looking for a meal
that I can throw in his face.
255
00:12:24,556 --> 00:12:26,534
Not literally. I obviously would like
256
00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:27,724
to enjoy the meal together
at a certain point,
257
00:12:27,734 --> 00:12:30,524
but I kind of want his
reaction just to be like,
258
00:12:30,534 --> 00:12:31,724
"Oh, shit! I can't believe"
259
00:12:31,734 --> 00:12:34,307
that I didn't follow through
with the thing that I, Pac,
260
00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:36,041
so cockily promised that I would.
261
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:38,287
And, oh, my God, Clyde,
you made this amazing meal.
262
00:12:38,312 --> 00:12:40,080
It looks so amazing
and delicious and I'm so sorry.
263
00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:42,030
And I don't even like Danny Poker.
264
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:45,010
I just wanna fucking forget
that this thing ever happened.
265
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:46,767
Can we please just fucking forget
266
00:12:46,768 --> 00:12:48,737
"that it ever happened?!"
267
00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:53,847
Fuck it, I'm gonna go get some fish.
268
00:13:02,787 --> 00:13:03,867
There he is.
269
00:13:08,737 --> 00:13:10,228
Okay.
270
00:13:11,837 --> 00:13:14,532
- Can I help you?
- Yes, you can.
271
00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:16,260
I'm looking for Gene.
272
00:13:16,285 --> 00:13:17,735
He just stepped into his office.
273
00:13:17,735 --> 00:13:19,675
Oh, good. Okay, well,
I'll just head right back there.
274
00:13:19,685 --> 00:13:21,170
Oh, no. I'm sorry, you
can't go back there.
275
00:13:21,195 --> 00:13:22,837
He's on a very important
conference call.
276
00:13:22,838 --> 00:13:25,672
You're not listening to me.
America is way behind
277
00:13:25,697 --> 00:13:27,490
when it comes to how
we clean our anuses.
278
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,420
Now, the Italians
have just launched a bidet
279
00:13:30,445 --> 00:13:32,746
that harnesses car-washing technology
280
00:13:32,757 --> 00:13:35,737
leaving the butthole so
clean, it's hairless.
281
00:13:35,747 --> 00:13:37,787
- Hairless, Bob!
- Uh, you know what?
282
00:13:37,797 --> 00:13:39,245
I'm just gonna go back
there, do a magic trick
283
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:40,923
- real quick.
- No, no, no, no, no.
284
00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:43,903
- Gene hates magic.
- What? No!
285
00:13:43,913 --> 00:13:45,983
- He loves magic.
- He hates magic?
286
00:13:46,543 --> 00:13:48,893
- Who hates magic?
- I just said.
287
00:13:48,903 --> 00:13:50,437
Gene does. He hates it.
288
00:13:50,606 --> 00:13:52,256
He won't sit through
a trick of any kind.
289
00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:55,201
Oh, sorry. Hang on, shut up.
290
00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:56,321
Oh, fuck.
291
00:13:56,331 --> 00:13:58,559
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Uh, okay, great.
292
00:13:58,559 --> 00:13:59,689
Thank you for your help, fuckface.
293
00:13:59,699 --> 00:14:03,322
Hey, Danny! What's going on, man?
294
00:14:03,402 --> 00:14:07,212
You know how when you're fucking
a chick without a condom
295
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,382
and you're just about to pop
296
00:14:08,392 --> 00:14:10,296
and you say, "Bitch, you on the pill?"
297
00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:11,651
And she says, "Yeah,
yeah, I'm on the pill.
298
00:14:11,652 --> 00:14:13,638
I want you to come inside me, Danny."
299
00:14:13,638 --> 00:14:15,923
And you do and then it
feels fucking great
300
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,983
and then you get that call
nine months later,
301
00:14:18,993 --> 00:14:21,410
"Danny Poker, you gave me herpes."
302
00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:22,387
Oh.
303
00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:24,732
Bitch shouldn't have trusted me, right?
304
00:14:24,915 --> 00:14:27,486
Yeah, that is not where
I thought that was going.
305
00:14:27,511 --> 00:14:30,351
Just like I shouldn't have trusted you.
306
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,121
Okay, Danny, listen. Let me explain.
307
00:14:33,146 --> 00:14:34,607
I take you to Vegas,
308
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,488
I let you help me bury a body,
309
00:14:36,513 --> 00:14:38,765
I drank mimosas with you at brunch,
310
00:14:38,766 --> 00:14:40,583
and this is how you repay me.
311
00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:42,588
By stealing my shit!
312
00:14:42,598 --> 00:14:44,578
No, no, no, I didn't steal your shit.
313
00:14:44,588 --> 00:14:48,398
- I was borrowing your shit.
- Listen to me very carefully,
314
00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:49,518
you piece of shit.
315
00:14:49,528 --> 00:14:53,006
You're gonna return my device right now
316
00:14:53,007 --> 00:14:54,897
or you're gonna be a ghost.
317
00:14:54,907 --> 00:14:56,997
No, hold on. Danny, you cut
out there for a second.
318
00:14:57,007 --> 00:15:00,087
- What did you say?
- I said bring the device back.
319
00:15:00,097 --> 00:15:02,927
- I want you to bring it back.
- Oh, no, no, after that.
320
00:15:02,937 --> 00:15:03,997
After that. I heard that part.
321
00:15:04,007 --> 00:15:05,746
I said bring the device here
322
00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:08,746
or I'm gonna fucking kill you!
323
00:15:08,756 --> 00:15:11,676
Ah. Oh.
324
00:15:12,766 --> 00:15:13,806
'Kay.
325
00:15:16,463 --> 00:15:18,117
Ah, shut up a-your face.
326
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,669
Ah ha, get off-a the phone.
327
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,104
Buongiorno!
328
00:15:21,105 --> 00:15:24,240
I'm-a here to demonstrate
the new Italiano refrigeratore,
329
00:15:24,304 --> 00:15:26,344
the Leftover Pasta Keeper 5000!
330
00:15:26,354 --> 00:15:29,194
You were just here a little...
dude, just get out of here.
331
00:15:29,204 --> 00:15:31,274
Donald, Donald, that's enough, okay?
332
00:15:31,284 --> 00:15:32,404
Why don't you go take a cigarette break?
333
00:15:32,405 --> 00:15:35,344
- You know I don't smoke.
- Mm-hmm.
334
00:15:35,843 --> 00:15:37,903
Well, if the Italians
are treating their fridges
335
00:15:37,913 --> 00:15:40,043
with the same inventive tenacity
as they are their toilets,
336
00:15:40,053 --> 00:15:42,003
sweet mother of Mary, I want in.
337
00:15:42,013 --> 00:15:44,833
- Let me see what you got.
- Grazie Mille.
338
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:47,873
Allow me to demonstrate
some of its bellissimo features.
339
00:15:47,883 --> 00:15:50,903
- Please do.
- The Leftover Pasta Keeper 5000
340
00:15:50,913 --> 00:15:53,893
is all about making your life
easier, more beautiful.
341
00:15:53,903 --> 00:15:54,903
La dolce vita for you, huh?
342
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,053
- You like?
- Yeah.
343
00:15:56,218 --> 00:15:58,376
Now, what would you say
if I tell you that this fridge
344
00:15:58,401 --> 00:16:00,823
can tell you how much
milk you have left?
345
00:16:01,506 --> 00:16:03,768
Well, I would be very interested
to hear how it can do that.
346
00:16:03,769 --> 00:16:04,788
I bet you would.
347
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,718
Now, I could just tell you,
348
00:16:06,728 --> 00:16:08,728
but I'm Italian and we love the theater.
349
00:16:08,738 --> 00:16:10,848
We love il teatro, so
I'm gonna show you.
350
00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:13,742
I just need to borrow your watch.
351
00:16:13,768 --> 00:16:15,918
- Uh...
- Your watch, your watch.
352
00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,903
- I borrow your watch.
- Okay, all right, all right.
353
00:16:17,913 --> 00:16:18,993
And this is gonna help you show me
354
00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:20,427
how the fridge keeps track of my milk?
355
00:16:20,452 --> 00:16:22,958
Oh, Si. I take your watch,
356
00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,913
which I borrow.
357
00:16:24,923 --> 00:16:27,063
I come over here and I step
inside of the magic box...
358
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,053
- step inside of the fridge!
- Wait, what the hell?
359
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:31,053
- I step inside of the fridge.
- What? No. I'm sorry. No.
360
00:16:31,063 --> 00:16:33,023
No magic, no magic. What are you
trying to pull over here?
361
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,893
Do you wanna hear about the milk or not?
362
00:16:34,903 --> 00:16:36,073
I would like to hear
about milk, not magic.
363
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:37,973
You!
364
00:16:37,983 --> 00:16:39,973
You're a lying, thieving magician!
365
00:16:39,983 --> 00:16:42,751
- Aha!
- This man has stolen my act.
366
00:16:42,776 --> 00:16:46,766
I am the real Levitating Luigi.
367
00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:49,325
Oh, shart, no. Listen,
hey, Luigi, buddy?
368
00:16:49,325 --> 00:16:51,269
I... I didn't... I
didn't steal your act.
369
00:16:51,270 --> 00:16:52,935
Hey, hey, I thought you
said you were Italian.
370
00:16:52,936 --> 00:16:54,885
- Aha!
- Well, I did.
371
00:16:54,894 --> 00:16:56,852
I did say that, but, guys, this...
372
00:16:56,853 --> 00:16:58,586
this is not what it seems, okay?
373
00:16:58,586 --> 00:17:01,806
Oh, so you're saying it's an illusion?
374
00:17:02,576 --> 00:17:03,686
Whoa!
375
00:17:03,696 --> 00:17:05,756
Did you see that? Hoo!
376
00:17:05,766 --> 00:17:07,696
Did you really pull that
out of your hat?
377
00:17:08,436 --> 00:17:10,536
Ow! Fart!
378
00:17:10,576 --> 00:17:11,796
What was that?
379
00:17:15,726 --> 00:17:17,606
Ah.
380
00:17:17,616 --> 00:17:19,626
Impressive.
381
00:17:19,890 --> 00:17:22,840
Perhaps I underestimated you.
382
00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:24,050
Perhaps you did.
383
00:17:24,617 --> 00:17:26,030
Ha!
384
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,040
Cha, cha!
385
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:30,947
What? Ow, ow!
386
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,103
Dude, ow! Okay, dude, I think
you scratched my cornmeal.
387
00:17:33,128 --> 00:17:35,118
Stop, stop, stop.
388
00:17:42,797 --> 00:17:43,987
Ha! Oh, fuck.
389
00:18:06,513 --> 00:18:09,413
Fuck.
390
00:18:11,473 --> 00:18:14,373
Are you gonna throw up?
391
00:18:29,992 --> 00:18:32,102
Ah!
392
00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:34,137
No, no. No, Luigi!
393
00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:41,553
I catch you stealing my act again,
394
00:18:41,563 --> 00:18:43,523
I will fucking kill you.
395
00:18:47,553 --> 00:18:50,493
I was already down, you dick.
396
00:18:50,503 --> 00:18:53,413
Oh, Gene.
397
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:54,573
- Gene?
- What?
398
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:56,583
Gene, I got a confession to make.
399
00:18:56,861 --> 00:19:00,508
I am not an Italian
refrigerator salesman.
400
00:19:00,533 --> 00:19:02,483
Yeah, I know.
401
00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:05,503
- You're a magician.
- Nope, nope.
402
00:19:05,513 --> 00:19:08,187
No, I'm not that either.
403
00:19:09,573 --> 00:19:13,443
I'm, uh... I'm actually a medium.
404
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,553
And I'm here with the
ghost of Fantastic Jeff.
405
00:19:15,563 --> 00:19:17,316
Is that ringing any bells?
406
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:21,044
- What?
- Yeah, he was trying
407
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,084
to perform a magic trick
at your birthday party
408
00:19:23,094 --> 00:19:25,244
when he took your watch into that box
409
00:19:25,254 --> 00:19:29,144
and then he tried to travel
through space and time.
410
00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:31,144
But he died before he
could finish the trick
411
00:19:31,154 --> 00:19:35,214
and now his ghost can't
move on until he does.
412
00:19:35,597 --> 00:19:38,820
But... no, that's not possible.
413
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:39,955
No, this is all a prank.
414
00:19:40,502 --> 00:19:42,522
That incident, it's in public records.
415
00:19:42,532 --> 00:19:44,103
You could've accessed that very easily.
416
00:19:44,104 --> 00:19:46,522
Yeah, ghosts, they're
about as real as magic.
417
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,034
So can you just give me my watch back
418
00:19:50,044 --> 00:19:51,104
and leave my store, please?
419
00:19:51,114 --> 00:19:53,054
I...
420
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:59,044
Oh, shit. I think... I
think Luigi took it.
421
00:19:59,054 --> 00:20:00,084
All right, you know what? That's it.
422
00:20:00,094 --> 00:20:02,134
I'm calling the cops.
423
00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:08,214
May I borrow your watch?
424
00:20:08,445 --> 00:20:09,475
How?
425
00:20:12,154 --> 00:20:13,224
You see that?
426
00:20:16,134 --> 00:20:18,204
That's what I was looking for.
427
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,114
Thank you.
428
00:20:22,124 --> 00:20:24,034
Wait, wait, wait! No,
what about my thing?
429
00:20:24,044 --> 00:20:26,084
If I don't get that back,
Danny will kill me!
430
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:30,224
Left breast pocket!
431
00:20:30,234 --> 00:20:32,234
Oh, yes.
432
00:20:32,244 --> 00:20:34,194
Oh.
433
00:20:43,107 --> 00:20:44,133
Danny, it's Pac.
434
00:20:44,144 --> 00:20:45,224
Please don't kill me, Danny Poker.
435
00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:47,114
I just wanted to borrow it
436
00:20:47,124 --> 00:20:48,254
so I could solve a bunch
of ghost cases in one day
437
00:20:48,264 --> 00:20:50,094
and prove to Clyde
that I can do it without him,
438
00:20:50,104 --> 00:20:52,144
you know? I mean, is that so crazy?
439
00:20:52,154 --> 00:20:53,204
But I did it.
440
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,580
I solved, like, 20 cases in one day.
441
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:56,931
It was amazing.
442
00:20:56,931 --> 00:20:58,949
And then this fucking ghost magician
443
00:20:58,974 --> 00:21:00,701
took the thing hostage
and I lost control,
444
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:02,671
and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
445
00:21:02,681 --> 00:21:06,397
- 20 cases in one day?
- Yeah, maybe more. I don't know.
446
00:21:06,422 --> 00:21:07,522
I don't remember right now
447
00:21:07,547 --> 00:21:09,238
because I'm so fucking scared, Danny.
448
00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:11,381
But I made... I made a lot of money.
449
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:13,956
Look, I understand
if you need to kill me, Danny.
450
00:21:13,957 --> 00:21:15,932
I get it. But from one
friend to another,
451
00:21:15,932 --> 00:21:18,892
I'm asking you, please just do it quick
452
00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,782
and then send me into the
light with your device
453
00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:23,802
- so I don't have to be a ghost.
- Pac.
454
00:21:23,812 --> 00:21:27,852
You know, I feel like
maybe I overreacted earlier.
455
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,179
What? What'd you say?
456
00:21:30,179 --> 00:21:32,090
Well, we all make mistakes, right?
457
00:21:32,115 --> 00:21:34,079
- Yeah.
- Once, I accidentally
458
00:21:34,079 --> 00:21:36,109
pushed "yes" on the checkout
thing at Whole Foods
459
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,049
when it asked if you
wanna donate a dollar
460
00:21:38,059 --> 00:21:40,039
to that kids' cancer fund.
461
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:43,069
Oh. Oh, it's the worst, right?
462
00:21:43,481 --> 00:21:46,551
20 ghost cases in one day
is pretty fucking good.
463
00:21:46,576 --> 00:21:48,476
It's pretty fucking good.
464
00:21:52,259 --> 00:21:55,384
What do you say you and me
go into business together?
33992
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