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1
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Gentlemen, welcome to my universe.
2
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- Whoa!
- Oh, holy shit.
3
00:00:35,131 --> 00:00:37,070
It's a feast for the eyes
4
00:00:37,095 --> 00:00:39,054
and a veritable buffet for the dick.
5
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,959
Oh, good. My dick is starving.
6
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,074
So get into it
7
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'cause tonight, you're my guests here.
8
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Enjoy some women, do some drugs.
9
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,100
Nothing's off-limits.
10
00:00:49,125 --> 00:00:51,157
So, hey, man, have you been able
11
00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:52,261
to talk to ghosts your whole life
12
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- or is it like a...
- Except for that.
13
00:00:54,162 --> 00:00:56,141
We don't talk about that in public.
14
00:00:56,142 --> 00:00:57,685
Oh, yeah, right. No, me neither.
15
00:00:57,710 --> 00:00:59,829
- That's... that's gross.
- Come on, man! Don't be weird!
16
00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:01,617
- I'm being totally weird.
- So, Danny,
17
00:01:01,618 --> 00:01:03,626
now, I've been following
you for a long time,
18
00:01:03,627 --> 00:01:05,174
uh, not stalking you, obviously,
19
00:01:05,175 --> 00:01:06,304
but following you
on Instagram, and, uh,
20
00:01:06,305 --> 00:01:09,144
I've noticed that all of these parties
21
00:01:09,145 --> 00:01:10,598
have orgies taking place.
22
00:01:10,599 --> 00:01:13,588
Do you know, kind of,
when that tends to happen or...
23
00:01:13,589 --> 00:01:17,468
Orgies, uh, are like an avalanche.
24
00:01:17,469 --> 00:01:18,547
You can't force them.
25
00:01:18,548 --> 00:01:20,846
You just gotta let
them happen naturally.
26
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Although... hang on, they...
27
00:01:22,723 --> 00:01:25,568
they do make avalanches happen, right?
28
00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:27,648
They light the dynamite
and throw it off the helicopter.
29
00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:28,815
Hey, man, could you
take your shoes off?
30
00:01:28,816 --> 00:01:29,816
- Yeah! I'm so sorry.
- Oh, shit...
31
00:01:29,817 --> 00:01:30,935
Nah, you're cool, man.
32
00:01:30,936 --> 00:01:33,805
- Just this little bitch.
- Hey, Danny.
33
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Oh, excuse me, gentlemen.
34
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,329
I gotta let these ladies
use my dick as a coke mirror.
35
00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:40,229
- Sure, sure, sure.
- But enjoy yourself.
36
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,289
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
37
00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,626
Thank you, Danny Poker!
38
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Man, I can't fucking believe
we're at a Danny Poker party.
39
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,010
I know, I know, right?
40
00:01:46,447 --> 00:01:49,447
It is, uh... it's very arousing.
41
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,466
Hey. Really, dude?
42
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,486
- Come on.
- Don't listen to him.
43
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He doesn't see what I see, sweet stuff.
44
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You caught my eye from across the room.
45
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I want you in my mouth.
46
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:05,064
I'm ready, are you? Shit!
47
00:02:05,065 --> 00:02:07,104
Ah, what happened to the chocolate?
48
00:02:07,105 --> 00:02:10,114
Don't worry. Just a blown fuse.
49
00:02:10,115 --> 00:02:12,054
Don't let your pussies dry up.
50
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,799
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:02,084
Get out.
52
00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:04,194
- Suck face in the toilet.
- Yeah, go suck toilet.
53
00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:07,124
What were you two even doing in here?
54
00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:10,024
What was... what was going on?
55
00:03:10,025 --> 00:03:12,014
You saw that piece-of-shit ghost, right?
56
00:03:12,015 --> 00:03:14,024
Yeah, I did. But are you testing me
57
00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:15,144
or are we allowed to
talk about ghosts now?
58
00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,994
That guy shows up at all my parties,
59
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turns off all the goddamn electricity
60
00:03:18,529 --> 00:03:20,508
like some sort of
retarded Thomas Edison.
61
00:03:20,509 --> 00:03:21,618
Fucking ghosts, right?
62
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,220
I mean, you can't live with them
63
00:03:23,221 --> 00:03:24,879
'cause technically they're not alive,
64
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,789
and I could totally live without them,
65
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,799
so I guess I don't really have a point.
66
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,715
I mean, how am I gonna
bounce that guy, right?
67
00:03:31,716 --> 00:03:33,856
I mean, if anybody sees
me talking to a ghost,
68
00:03:33,857 --> 00:03:35,562
like, they're gonna know
why I'm so good at cards.
69
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,581
- Yeah, that would suck.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:39,622
Well, you know, I could talk to him.
71
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:42,557
- Seriously?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
72
00:03:42,582 --> 00:03:45,492
Getting rid of ghosts
is kind of my thing.
73
00:03:56,572 --> 00:03:58,431
Whoo! Yes.
74
00:03:58,432 --> 00:04:00,014
Hey-o!
75
00:04:00,015 --> 00:04:02,034
Hello, my name is Pac.
Yes, I can see you.
76
00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:03,244
Unfortunately, this is a private event,
77
00:04:03,245 --> 00:04:06,074
so I'm gonna have to politely
ask you to get the fuck out.
78
00:04:06,075 --> 00:04:09,074
I'd be more than happy to leave
this Sodom and Gomorrah.
79
00:04:09,075 --> 00:04:11,667
- Good.
- Just as long as he leaves, too.
80
00:04:12,438 --> 00:04:14,074
That is my son Elijah.
81
00:04:14,075 --> 00:04:16,064
He left for Rumspringa about a year ago
82
00:04:16,065 --> 00:04:17,214
and now it is time for him
83
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,154
to come back to the Amish community.
84
00:04:19,155 --> 00:04:21,224
Okay, what if he doesn't want to?
85
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:22,786
He does.
86
00:04:22,787 --> 00:04:24,608
You see, I have six daughters.
87
00:04:24,609 --> 00:04:27,508
- Wow.
- Elijah is my only son.
88
00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:30,598
He's the family's only hope
to continue the bloodline.
89
00:04:30,599 --> 00:04:34,448
He just needs a friendly reminder.
90
00:04:34,449 --> 00:04:35,488
That's where I come in.
91
00:04:35,489 --> 00:04:37,548
All right, consider it done.
92
00:04:37,549 --> 00:04:40,518
- You can go.
- How can I "consider it done"
93
00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:42,161
if you haven't done it yet?
94
00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:44,170
No, no, I mean it... I'm going to do it.
95
00:04:44,171 --> 00:04:46,903
- It's as good as done.
- I'll just wait until you do it.
96
00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:49,300
Dude, it's a fucking figment of speech.
97
00:04:49,301 --> 00:04:52,170
- Will you get on with it?
- Oh, my God!
98
00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:54,170
Yes, I will.
99
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,300
Hey, Elijah? Got some coke there, huh?
100
00:04:58,301 --> 00:05:01,286
- Yeah, man.
- Okay, my name is Pac
101
00:05:01,287 --> 00:05:02,479
and I'm a medium.
102
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,196
And the ghost of your father is here.
103
00:05:04,197 --> 00:05:06,206
He wants you to put an end to all this
104
00:05:06,207 --> 00:05:08,176
and wrap up your Ramstinger.
105
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,186
- Rumspringa.
- Roomstinger.
106
00:05:10,187 --> 00:05:12,156
- My dad's really here?
- Yes, really.
107
00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:14,107
He's standing right here with us.
108
00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,276
Fuck you, Dad!
109
00:05:17,277 --> 00:05:19,216
No, uh, he's actually over here.
110
00:05:19,217 --> 00:05:21,116
Fuck you, Dad!
111
00:05:21,117 --> 00:05:23,226
This is the life I want to lead!
112
00:05:23,227 --> 00:05:26,116
Not... not that life of cow shit!
113
00:05:26,338 --> 00:05:28,788
Tell him that Hannah's husband has died.
114
00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:30,944
- Who's Hannah?
- Wait, Hannah?
115
00:05:30,945 --> 00:05:32,954
- What about Hannah?
- As children,
116
00:05:32,955 --> 00:05:35,054
they played double Dutch
every night after dinner.
117
00:05:35,055 --> 00:05:36,501
- That's sweet.
- She grew
118
00:05:36,526 --> 00:05:38,525
to be a full-bodied, sturdy woman...
119
00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:40,179
- Mm.
- with long hair
120
00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:42,491
and strong legs and good milking hands.
121
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,475
Yeah, I can see why
anyone would like that.
122
00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:47,335
All the other men in the
village are married off.
123
00:05:47,336 --> 00:05:49,565
He'd literally be the only one
left she could marry.
124
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,795
- What's he saying?
- Uh, he's saying
125
00:05:51,796 --> 00:05:54,695
that Hannah's husband dropped dead.
126
00:05:54,696 --> 00:05:56,725
- R-really?
- Really. If you go back now,
127
00:05:56,726 --> 00:05:58,675
all the fresh milk you can handle.
128
00:06:01,217 --> 00:06:03,741
- Fine.
- Excellent. Good. Yeah.
129
00:06:03,766 --> 00:06:05,781
Okay, and now you can consider it done
130
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,287
and go into your light. Is it this one?
131
00:06:07,288 --> 00:06:09,679
I don't trust Elijah will make it
132
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,980
out of this devil's
playground on his own.
133
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,578
What are you talking about?
He's fine. Look at him.
134
00:06:13,579 --> 00:06:15,628
You must escort him home.
135
00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:17,608
Come on, man! You're ruining my night!
136
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,844
All I wanna do is have my way
with that chocolate fountain
137
00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:21,181
for a few half hours!
138
00:06:21,182 --> 00:06:23,111
Okay, fuck. Fine, fine. Yes, I'll go.
139
00:06:26,212 --> 00:06:28,231
Wait for me, my sweet.
140
00:06:32,262 --> 00:06:34,111
You've got this, man.
141
00:06:34,112 --> 00:06:35,201
Now, I know chicks can be intimidating,
142
00:06:35,202 --> 00:06:36,720
but you just gotta be aggressive, bro.
143
00:06:36,745 --> 00:06:38,654
Chicks love aggression!
144
00:06:38,655 --> 00:06:40,684
Are you equipped to give dating advice?
145
00:06:40,685 --> 00:06:41,866
No, not really.
146
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:43,874
Ooh, I'm starving. Are we gonna eat?
147
00:06:44,907 --> 00:06:47,733
- Hey, guys.
- Elijah!
148
00:06:47,877 --> 00:06:49,333
- Ta-da!
- Hi, guys.
149
00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,333
- The "prodigidal" son returns.
- Hi.
150
00:06:51,358 --> 00:06:53,308
Not me... him. Big huggers, huh?
151
00:06:53,309 --> 00:06:54,458
- That's nice.
- Hi.
152
00:06:54,459 --> 00:06:56,565
Super sweet, but I got
a big party to get back to,
153
00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,469
so let's wrap it up.
154
00:06:58,494 --> 00:06:59,663
- Last one.
- Hi!
155
00:06:59,664 --> 00:07:02,553
- Um, guys, this is Pac.
- Hello.
156
00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:04,593
He's from a West Coast community.
157
00:07:04,594 --> 00:07:05,703
Hi.
158
00:07:05,704 --> 00:07:08,473
He... he rides the short
wagon around town.
159
00:07:08,474 --> 00:07:09,220
Ah.
160
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,972
Hold on a second, did you
just introduce me as retarded?
161
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,049
Did you? Um...
162
00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:20,099
- Hi.
- Who the fuck is that?
163
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,229
- Elijah, language!
- Sorry.
164
00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,476
I'm still cleansing the mouth palate.
165
00:07:23,501 --> 00:07:24,258
- Who is that?
- Oh, that's
166
00:07:24,259 --> 00:07:25,407
Jebediah Klopfenstein,
167
00:07:25,408 --> 00:07:28,938
a recent transfer from
a community in Pennsylvania.
168
00:07:28,963 --> 00:07:31,082
- Shit.
- Hannah seems to like him.
169
00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,323
What's not to like?
170
00:07:32,324 --> 00:07:34,233
He's a paragon of Amish culture,
171
00:07:34,234 --> 00:07:36,095
pure as the day is long.
172
00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:38,452
Never even taken a Rumspringa.
173
00:07:38,477 --> 00:07:40,089
- That's fucking insane!
- Elijah!
174
00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,189
Sorry.
175
00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:42,894
I thought my dumb dad said
176
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,004
she wouldn't have any fucking suitors.
177
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,464
- Well, he did.
- I can't compete
178
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,304
with Amish Seann William Scott.
179
00:07:47,305 --> 00:07:48,434
Oh, yeah. Nailed it.
180
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,324
Hey, listen, listen, listen to me.
181
00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:57,364
Okay, so he's a bona
fide bohunk times 10.
182
00:07:57,365 --> 00:07:59,384
Okay, so what? So are we, right?
183
00:07:59,385 --> 00:08:01,364
Plus, think about your odds.
They're still pretty good.
184
00:08:01,365 --> 00:08:03,801
There's only one other guy
and he's a fucking transfer.
185
00:08:03,802 --> 00:08:05,709
You were her double Dutch partner, man.
186
00:08:05,710 --> 00:08:07,709
Come on, show her the ropes.
187
00:08:07,710 --> 00:08:09,559
Show her the ropes, jump her in.
188
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,699
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
189
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:11,719
Come on! Let's go.
190
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,639
- Come on.
- All right.
191
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:16,699
Hey, hey, get the fuck out there.
192
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,750
Come on, go. Go, go, go, go.
193
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,759
Fuck!
194
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,729
Just wipe it off casually, man.
195
00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:31,589
Just... this doesn't
need to be a disaster.
196
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:32,749
- Yes.
- Okay.
197
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:34,590
Bailamos.
198
00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:39,759
- Hi. Hi, Hannah.
- Elijah!
199
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,729
Oh, it's been so long!
200
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,709
Yes! Um, may I have this dance?
201
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,680
Um, actually...
202
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,569
Bring her back. Bring her back
to her childhood, yeah!
203
00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:42,560
Amish Style.
204
00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:48,700
Amish Style.
205
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,610
Fuck!
206
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:08,589
Hey, you ladies ever been
with an Indian Jew before?
207
00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:09,710
Eh, your loss.
208
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,280
Excuse me, ladies.
209
00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:15,220
You wanna do a group shot here
210
00:10:15,221 --> 00:10:17,350
and get the group party started,
if you know what I mean?
211
00:10:19,301 --> 00:10:21,200
- I don't know what you mean.
- All right, well,
212
00:10:21,201 --> 00:10:22,340
why don't I start the avalanche?
213
00:10:22,341 --> 00:10:25,260
Pour whatever kind of booze
you wanna drink in there
214
00:10:25,261 --> 00:10:27,250
and I'll swallow whatever
it is you give me.
215
00:10:30,211 --> 00:10:31,972
Uh-oh! Oh, no!
216
00:10:31,973 --> 00:10:35,287
My tongue is stuck. Aw, man!
217
00:10:35,312 --> 00:10:38,042
Hey, can one of you
just lick right here?
218
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:40,042
Kind of get it loose. If you both do it,
219
00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:41,962
it will happen a lot quicker.
220
00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:43,062
- N-no?
- Perv.
221
00:10:43,063 --> 00:10:45,509
Don't leave me here... ow, my tongue!
222
00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:48,092
Ah, fuck. I thought
that was gonna work.
223
00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:51,083
Damn it!
224
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:55,650
Pac, come on, man!
You had to call now?
225
00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:57,584
I was about to get an orgy started
226
00:10:57,585 --> 00:10:59,196
with, like, so many chicks.
227
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,798
Oh, that's so many rad, Clyde.
228
00:11:00,799 --> 00:11:02,577
Listen, I need you to
find everything you can
229
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,587
about a guy named
Jebediah Klopfenstein.
230
00:11:04,588 --> 00:11:06,547
He's a legit hunk-asaurus,
231
00:11:06,548 --> 00:11:08,115
so maybe type that into your search.
232
00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:10,095
Does that have anything
to do with a ghost case?
233
00:11:10,096 --> 00:11:12,045
Yeah, of course it's for
the ghost case, man.
234
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,712
I'm just... I'm trying to
get back to the party, okay?
235
00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:15,927
Bro, you've gotta get
a smartphone, okay?
236
00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:17,943
You need to be able to look
that stuff up yourself.
237
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,663
I know. I just... I like my flip phone.
238
00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:21,634
It makes hanging up
feel more urgent, you know?
239
00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:28,563
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
240
00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:29,753
At least we tried.
241
00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:31,413
I just don't belong here.
242
00:11:31,414 --> 00:11:33,383
What? No, no, no, no. No, no, Elijah.
243
00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:34,949
I don't know. You can't give up, okay?
244
00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:36,704
And not just because I wanna
go eat a chocolate fountain,
245
00:11:36,705 --> 00:11:38,170
but because, I gotta tell you,
246
00:11:38,171 --> 00:11:40,220
there's something fishy
about that Jebediah guy.
247
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:42,100
- What do you mean?
- What do I mean?
248
00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:43,150
Didn't your sister say he never went
249
00:11:43,151 --> 00:11:44,220
on his Ramstein or whatever?
250
00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:45,804
- Yeah.
- So how the fuck
251
00:11:45,829 --> 00:11:47,758
could he possibly know that dance?
252
00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:49,828
Am I right?
253
00:11:49,829 --> 00:11:52,818
- He's a fucking phony!
- He's a fucking phony!
254
00:11:52,819 --> 00:11:55,189
Okay, even if that's true,
how do we prove it?
255
00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:57,269
Dude, I can't be the retard
and the mastermind, okay?
256
00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:00,229
- It's too much for me to handle.
- There's only one way.
257
00:12:00,230 --> 00:12:02,339
- Your father says there's only...
- That asshole's still here?
258
00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:05,191
Yeah, that asshole is still here.
259
00:12:05,374 --> 00:12:07,129
Fuck you, Dad!
260
00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:09,289
No, he... he's actually over here.
261
00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:12,129
- Whatever.
- No, not "whatever," okay?
262
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:14,229
His unfinished business is you.
263
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,179
He's not going anywhere because you are
264
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,319
the most important fucking thing to him.
265
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,279
He never said that to me.
266
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,199
Well, he's trying to right now
267
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,159
in a really weird, roundabout way.
268
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,220
So why don't we hear
the clingy old fucker out?
269
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:30,310
- All right.
- Yeah?
270
00:12:31,946 --> 00:12:33,679
Does he have a white glove?
271
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,250
Jebediah Klopfenstein!
272
00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:43,310
I challenge you to an Amish-Off!
273
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:47,299
Bitch.
274
00:12:47,577 --> 00:12:49,597
- What was that?
- Um, nothing.
275
00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:59,159
Because I am the most bearded
Amish man in this community,
276
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,279
it is my duty and honor
277
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,279
to judge the age-old tradition,
278
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,239
the Amish-Off.
279
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,170
My beard is longer.
280
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:11,189
I should be judging this Amish-Off
281
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,140
and you know it.
282
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,120
Ooh, intense.
283
00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:25,566
Well, now that that is settled,
284
00:13:25,759 --> 00:13:28,279
we may commence with the competition.
285
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,259
Two men enter,
286
00:13:31,364 --> 00:13:32,179
two men leave,
287
00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:36,219
but one man will feel
a little bad about himself
288
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:39,974
and be less impressive
to the opposite sex.
289
00:13:39,999 --> 00:13:42,260
So, without further ado,
290
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:45,978
one, two, three,
291
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:49,159
- Amish-Off!
- Yeah!
292
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,309
Elijah, Elijah, Elijah!
293
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,129
Elijah!
294
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,249
Go!
295
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,269
Come on!
296
00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:56,798
Put your body weight into it.
297
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:01,309
- Kill him!
- Time's up.
298
00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:03,169
Unh!
299
00:14:03,170 --> 00:14:04,259
Whoo!
300
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,299
Time's up.
301
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,268
Go!
302
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,140
How hard is it to peel a potato, man?
303
00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:26,299
Noink.
304
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,219
Come on!
305
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,240
- Come on, peel.
- Time's up.
306
00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,279
- Hey.
- You know that
307
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,139
Jebediah Klopfenstein
you were asking me about?
308
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,159
- Yeah.
- Well, turns out
309
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,199
Jebediah Klopfenstein's
not even his real name.
310
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,179
His real name is Jedediah Klopfenstein.
311
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,837
I didn't hear any
difference there, so...
312
00:14:55,838 --> 00:14:58,713
Jedediah. There's a "D" in there.
313
00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,704
He created this alias
so he can throw his "D"
314
00:15:00,705 --> 00:15:02,278
all over the Amish community.
315
00:15:02,279 --> 00:15:05,087
Yes, Clyde! You just cracked
the whole case wide open, man.
316
00:15:05,088 --> 00:15:06,258
Text me everything you have on him.
317
00:15:06,259 --> 00:15:07,358
Will do.
318
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,349
So, uh, on another note,
how is the party going?
319
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:13,185
Uh, I assume by that you mean
how's your chocolate fountain?
320
00:15:13,186 --> 00:15:14,472
Indeed, I do.
321
00:15:14,473 --> 00:15:16,442
- Still flowing.
- Uh, yes.
322
00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:19,035
I knew it would be, Clyde.
I just... I knew it would be.
323
00:15:19,036 --> 00:15:20,965
Okay, bye.
324
00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:25,065
Something else is flowing right here.
325
00:15:31,006 --> 00:15:32,135
Dude, dude, what are you doing?
326
00:15:32,136 --> 00:15:34,135
This is my wife.
327
00:15:34,136 --> 00:15:37,035
- Cool.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
328
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,155
Could you go away from us, please?
329
00:15:38,156 --> 00:15:39,985
All right. Geez, sorry.
330
00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:42,035
I thought the avalanche was starting.
331
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:54,641
Time's up.
332
00:15:54,903 --> 00:15:56,873
Ah, fuck it!
333
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,478
- You win.
- Whoo!
334
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,562
Yeah!
335
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,633
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
336
00:16:08,563 --> 00:16:10,502
You're so crazy!
337
00:16:14,653 --> 00:16:16,351
What is that sound?
338
00:16:16,352 --> 00:16:18,291
I, uh, haven't a clue.
339
00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:19,351
Appears to be coming
340
00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:20,740
- from your pocket.
- Hannah!
341
00:16:20,741 --> 00:16:22,965
That's not mine!
342
00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:24,105
Oh, no?
343
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,521
Oh, shit!
344
00:16:28,546 --> 00:16:29,645
I just popped my suspenders.
345
00:16:29,764 --> 00:16:31,604
That's funny...
346
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,652
because I just dialed the number
347
00:16:34,653 --> 00:16:37,286
of one Jedediah Klopfenstein.
348
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,569
- Bam!
- See, that's not me.
349
00:16:38,570 --> 00:16:40,013
That's got a "D" in it.
350
00:16:40,014 --> 00:16:42,033
Yeah, well, the "D" is in
your mouth now, buddy.
351
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,983
The jig is up.
352
00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:45,163
That's right, everybody.
353
00:16:45,524 --> 00:16:47,493
I'm not West Coast Amish.
354
00:16:47,518 --> 00:16:49,012
I'm also not retarded.
355
00:16:49,014 --> 00:16:50,113
I wanted to clear that up earlier,
356
00:16:50,114 --> 00:16:51,399
but I wanted to find the right time.
357
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,770
I'm just a regular guy
who talks to ghosts
358
00:16:53,771 --> 00:16:56,670
who happens to have just saved
the purity of your bloodline.
359
00:16:56,671 --> 00:16:59,650
Uh, wait. You talk to ghosts?
360
00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:01,540
Yeah, that's not important.
361
00:17:01,541 --> 00:17:02,700
It's... shit. It's a force of habit.
362
00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:03,908
I'm sorry. I'm always
explaining that shit.
363
00:17:03,909 --> 00:17:05,038
Just forget about that part.
All you need to know
364
00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:07,868
is that with my technological savvy
365
00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:09,838
and Elijah's bravery,
366
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:12,633
we just saved sweet Hannah
367
00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:15,075
from this despicable
piece-of-shit predator.
368
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,089
Noink. This yuck-mouthed, dancing,
369
00:17:18,114 --> 00:17:19,313
douchebag imposter
370
00:17:19,668 --> 00:17:22,349
goes all across the country
infiltrating Amish communities,
371
00:17:22,350 --> 00:17:24,529
tricking girl after girl
372
00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:28,429
after girl after girl.
373
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:31,172
Holy shit, how many
hot Amish girls are there?
374
00:17:31,173 --> 00:17:33,171
You bang all these chicks?
375
00:17:33,172 --> 00:17:34,796
- Should I become Amish?
- Pac!
376
00:17:34,797 --> 00:17:36,826
Huh? Yeah, look. Here, see for yourself.
377
00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:39,006
- Unh!
- Ooh...
378
00:17:39,007 --> 00:17:41,866
ew!
379
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:43,794
Take him away.
380
00:17:45,078 --> 00:17:48,006
Gently, of course.
381
00:17:48,316 --> 00:17:50,385
We don't believe in violence.
382
00:17:56,447 --> 00:17:59,306
So, um,
383
00:17:59,307 --> 00:18:01,276
would you get a cider with me?
384
00:18:01,277 --> 00:18:03,367
I thought you'd never ask.
385
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,316
- Thank you...
- Hey.
386
00:18:09,317 --> 00:18:11,336
- For your help, Pac.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.
387
00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:14,247
- You can just... you can go.
- Yeah, yeah, will do.
388
00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:19,396
What's going on?
What... why are you still here?
389
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:21,356
- Just leave already!
- I don't know.
390
00:18:21,357 --> 00:18:24,729
- Something's wrong.
- Elijah and Hannah
391
00:18:24,841 --> 00:18:25,992
have stolen a carriage!
392
00:18:25,993 --> 00:18:27,972
Oh, shit. I know exactly
where they're going.
393
00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:29,761
- Vegas.
- What?
394
00:18:29,762 --> 00:18:32,302
They asked if the horse
had enough hay in him
395
00:18:32,303 --> 00:18:33,915
to make it to Manhattan!
396
00:18:33,916 --> 00:18:35,995
Well, that was my next guess.
397
00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,906
Hey, ladies.
398
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:45,055
- Hey, handsome head.
- Hello.
399
00:18:45,056 --> 00:18:48,925
You wanna find a bedroom with me?
400
00:18:48,926 --> 00:18:50,055
- Interesting.
- Mm.
401
00:18:50,056 --> 00:18:52,085
For one-on-one sex?
402
00:18:52,086 --> 00:18:53,985
- Yeah.
- How old-fashioned.
403
00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:56,055
Whoa! Um, I'm not complaining,
404
00:18:56,056 --> 00:18:57,895
but that was a little violent.
405
00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:01,895
Oh.
406
00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:03,915
You're making me
your little prisoner, huh?
407
00:19:03,916 --> 00:19:05,055
- Mm-hmm.
- I like that.
408
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:07,935
Waterboard me. Just kidding.
409
00:19:07,936 --> 00:19:10,045
- Seriously, don't waterboard me.
- Okay.
410
00:19:12,876 --> 00:19:13,965
Don't stop. I really like this.
411
00:19:13,966 --> 00:19:16,035
I really do.
412
00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:19,381
What the fuck?! Oh, fuck!
413
00:19:19,756 --> 00:19:20,992
Fuck, I can't even see!
414
00:19:21,311 --> 00:19:23,546
I mean, I guess I can. I just...
I don't wanna open my eyes!
415
00:19:23,671 --> 00:19:24,731
Fuck.
416
00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:28,876
Okay. Wait, a little more.
417
00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:31,911
Dude, I'm fucking
418
00:19:31,912 --> 00:19:33,286
handling this, okay?
419
00:19:33,429 --> 00:19:34,517
You gotta vanish.
420
00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:35,567
My new friend can't see you here.
421
00:19:35,568 --> 00:19:37,457
- Get out. Get out of here.
- Aw!
422
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,537
All right, fine!
423
00:19:39,538 --> 00:19:42,547
Dude! Dude, what the hell?
424
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,597
You got what you wanted.
You got the dream girl, right?
425
00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:46,577
You got high standing in your
fucking community or whatever.
426
00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:48,447
What... what are you doing here?
427
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,547
- Dude, this was all her.
- Oh, it was all her?
428
00:19:50,548 --> 00:19:52,407
You expect me to believe that shit?
429
00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:57,537
When Elijah told me of
the wonders he saw in the world,
430
00:19:57,538 --> 00:20:00,577
I realized I can't settle down
without experiencing Rumspringa.
431
00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:02,477
- Ugh.
- I don't want her
432
00:20:02,478 --> 00:20:04,417
to have any regrets
after we're married.
433
00:20:04,418 --> 00:20:06,417
So you brought her here? Dude,
this is where regrets come
434
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:07,587
to get fucking pregnant, okay?
435
00:20:07,588 --> 00:20:09,577
You gotta hit that blunt once or twice,
436
00:20:09,578 --> 00:20:11,162
take her home, get out of here.
437
00:20:11,163 --> 00:20:13,102
- No, we're going home.
- Good. Fucking great.
438
00:20:13,104 --> 00:20:14,283
- Go now.
- As soon as we experience
439
00:20:14,284 --> 00:20:16,173
the life-altering event
440
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,113
that everyone around here
keeps talking about
441
00:20:18,114 --> 00:20:21,203
called, um, Danny's Poker Orgy.
442
00:20:21,204 --> 00:20:23,093
Oh, God, I hate that idea so hard.
443
00:20:23,094 --> 00:20:24,263
- Sounds exciting!
- No, Elijah, Elijah, Elijah.
444
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,173
No. Come on, man,
you can't be cool with this!
445
00:20:26,174 --> 00:20:27,323
Dude, I'm sorry, Pac. I...
446
00:20:27,324 --> 00:20:31,163
I think we'll look back
on this someday and laugh.
447
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:33,253
- I don't think so.
- Pac, no! Stop them!
448
00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:35,233
I'm trying! They're so horny
449
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,123
and young.
450
00:20:37,124 --> 00:20:39,224
Nice shot, Josh!
451
00:20:42,314 --> 00:20:44,283
- You ready to go home?
- Yep.
452
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,133
- Okay.
- Good choice, good choice.
453
00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:48,432
- Yeah, yeah. Skedaddle.
- Come, Hannah.
454
00:20:49,184 --> 00:20:50,249
Okay!
455
00:20:51,115 --> 00:20:52,667
There. Well, looks like your son
456
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,697
is officially done with his Rimjobba.
457
00:20:54,698 --> 00:20:57,617
I wanna thank you for all
your help today, Pac.
458
00:20:57,618 --> 00:21:00,617
You know, I hope you
learned something today
459
00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:02,567
about the Amish people.
460
00:21:02,568 --> 00:21:04,567
We're not just ring bologna...
461
00:21:04,568 --> 00:21:05,667
Oh, my God, shut your face!
Shut up your face
462
00:21:05,668 --> 00:21:07,607
and just fucking leave already, okay?
463
00:21:07,608 --> 00:21:09,193
I didn't learn anything. I never do.
464
00:21:09,194 --> 00:21:11,342
I just wanted to try the
goddamn chocolate fountain!
465
00:21:11,343 --> 00:21:12,986
Hey, anybody got
466
00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:14,956
a larger-than-an-eight-gauge butt plug?
467
00:21:15,689 --> 00:21:18,908
Oh, I can't wait to get out
of this den of iniquity!
468
00:21:18,909 --> 00:21:21,849
Oh!
469
00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:34,788
It's what I do.
470
00:21:34,789 --> 00:21:36,708
Thank you.
471
00:21:36,709 --> 00:21:38,918
Ah, fuck!
472
00:21:38,919 --> 00:21:40,868
Hey, guy!
473
00:21:40,869 --> 00:21:42,888
Let's keep the fountain for another hour
474
00:21:42,889 --> 00:21:44,858
for my brother.
475
00:21:50,312 --> 00:21:54,251
Now, this is the room
where the magic happens.
476
00:21:54,276 --> 00:21:55,455
But when I'm not doing card tricks,
477
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,429
I like to have orgies in here.
478
00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,193
- Oh, hello, ladies.
- Oh.
479
00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:01,083
Toss me a towel. Should be fun.
480
00:22:01,084 --> 00:22:02,213
You know what? Let's, uh...
481
00:22:02,214 --> 00:22:04,358
let's use the backup
orgy room, all right?
482
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,012
Come back, come back,
come back, come back!
483
00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:09,029
It's really not as bad
as it looks, I promise.
484
00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:11,416
- Avalanche.
- Fuck you!
485
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,220
Amish Style!
34715
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