All language subtitles for Deadbeat - 03x07 - Am-Ish.WEBRip.x264-[eSc].English.C.edit.Addic7ed.com_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,819 --> 00:00:13,928 Gentlemen, welcome to my universe. 2 00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:20,305 - Whoa! - Oh, holy shit. 3 00:00:35,131 --> 00:00:37,070 It's a feast for the eyes 4 00:00:37,095 --> 00:00:39,054 and a veritable buffet for the dick. 5 00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,959 Oh, good. My dick is starving. 6 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,074 So get into it 7 00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:45,034 'cause tonight, you're my guests here. 8 00:00:45,035 --> 00:00:47,180 Enjoy some women, do some drugs. 9 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,100 Nothing's off-limits. 10 00:00:49,125 --> 00:00:51,157 So, hey, man, have you been able 11 00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:52,261 to talk to ghosts your whole life 12 00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:54,161 - or is it like a... - Except for that. 13 00:00:54,162 --> 00:00:56,141 We don't talk about that in public. 14 00:00:56,142 --> 00:00:57,685 Oh, yeah, right. No, me neither. 15 00:00:57,710 --> 00:00:59,829 - That's... that's gross. - Come on, man! Don't be weird! 16 00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:01,617 - I'm being totally weird. - So, Danny, 17 00:01:01,618 --> 00:01:03,626 now, I've been following you for a long time, 18 00:01:03,627 --> 00:01:05,174 uh, not stalking you, obviously, 19 00:01:05,175 --> 00:01:06,304 but following you on Instagram, and, uh, 20 00:01:06,305 --> 00:01:09,144 I've noticed that all of these parties 21 00:01:09,145 --> 00:01:10,598 have orgies taking place. 22 00:01:10,599 --> 00:01:13,588 Do you know, kind of, when that tends to happen or... 23 00:01:13,589 --> 00:01:17,468 Orgies, uh, are like an avalanche. 24 00:01:17,469 --> 00:01:18,547 You can't force them. 25 00:01:18,548 --> 00:01:20,846 You just gotta let them happen naturally. 26 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,004 Although... hang on, they... 27 00:01:22,723 --> 00:01:25,568 they do make avalanches happen, right? 28 00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:27,648 They light the dynamite and throw it off the helicopter. 29 00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:28,815 Hey, man, could you take your shoes off? 30 00:01:28,816 --> 00:01:29,816 - Yeah! I'm so sorry. - Oh, shit... 31 00:01:29,817 --> 00:01:30,935 Nah, you're cool, man. 32 00:01:30,936 --> 00:01:33,805 - Just this little bitch. - Hey, Danny. 33 00:01:33,806 --> 00:01:35,845 Oh, excuse me, gentlemen. 34 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,329 I gotta let these ladies use my dick as a coke mirror. 35 00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:40,229 - Sure, sure, sure. - But enjoy yourself. 36 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,289 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 37 00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,626 Thank you, Danny Poker! 38 00:01:42,627 --> 00:01:44,506 Man, I can't fucking believe we're at a Danny Poker party. 39 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,010 I know, I know, right? 40 00:01:46,447 --> 00:01:49,447 It is, uh... it's very arousing. 41 00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,466 Hey. Really, dude? 42 00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,486 - Come on. - Don't listen to him. 43 00:01:54,487 --> 00:01:57,326 He doesn't see what I see, sweet stuff. 44 00:01:57,327 --> 00:01:59,336 You caught my eye from across the room. 45 00:01:59,337 --> 00:02:01,437 I want you in my mouth. 46 00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:05,064 I'm ready, are you? Shit! 47 00:02:05,065 --> 00:02:07,104 Ah, what happened to the chocolate? 48 00:02:07,105 --> 00:02:10,114 Don't worry. Just a blown fuse. 49 00:02:10,115 --> 00:02:12,054 Don't let your pussies dry up. 50 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,799 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 51 00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:02,084 Get out. 52 00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:04,194 - Suck face in the toilet. - Yeah, go suck toilet. 53 00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:07,124 What were you two even doing in here? 54 00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:10,024 What was... what was going on? 55 00:03:10,025 --> 00:03:12,014 You saw that piece-of-shit ghost, right? 56 00:03:12,015 --> 00:03:14,024 Yeah, I did. But are you testing me 57 00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:15,144 or are we allowed to talk about ghosts now? 58 00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,994 That guy shows up at all my parties, 59 00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,504 turns off all the goddamn electricity 60 00:03:18,529 --> 00:03:20,508 like some sort of retarded Thomas Edison. 61 00:03:20,509 --> 00:03:21,618 Fucking ghosts, right? 62 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,220 I mean, you can't live with them 63 00:03:23,221 --> 00:03:24,879 'cause technically they're not alive, 64 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,789 and I could totally live without them, 65 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,799 so I guess I don't really have a point. 66 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,715 I mean, how am I gonna bounce that guy, right? 67 00:03:31,716 --> 00:03:33,856 I mean, if anybody sees me talking to a ghost, 68 00:03:33,857 --> 00:03:35,562 like, they're gonna know why I'm so good at cards. 69 00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,581 - Yeah, that would suck. - Yeah. 70 00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:39,622 Well, you know, I could talk to him. 71 00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:42,557 - Seriously? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 72 00:03:42,582 --> 00:03:45,492 Getting rid of ghosts is kind of my thing. 73 00:03:56,572 --> 00:03:58,431 Whoo! Yes. 74 00:03:58,432 --> 00:04:00,014 Hey-o! 75 00:04:00,015 --> 00:04:02,034 Hello, my name is Pac. Yes, I can see you. 76 00:04:02,035 --> 00:04:03,244 Unfortunately, this is a private event, 77 00:04:03,245 --> 00:04:06,074 so I'm gonna have to politely ask you to get the fuck out. 78 00:04:06,075 --> 00:04:09,074 I'd be more than happy to leave this Sodom and Gomorrah. 79 00:04:09,075 --> 00:04:11,667 - Good. - Just as long as he leaves, too. 80 00:04:12,438 --> 00:04:14,074 That is my son Elijah. 81 00:04:14,075 --> 00:04:16,064 He left for Rumspringa about a year ago 82 00:04:16,065 --> 00:04:17,214 and now it is time for him 83 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,154 to come back to the Amish community. 84 00:04:19,155 --> 00:04:21,224 Okay, what if he doesn't want to? 85 00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:22,786 He does. 86 00:04:22,787 --> 00:04:24,608 You see, I have six daughters. 87 00:04:24,609 --> 00:04:27,508 - Wow. - Elijah is my only son. 88 00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:30,598 He's the family's only hope to continue the bloodline. 89 00:04:30,599 --> 00:04:34,448 He just needs a friendly reminder. 90 00:04:34,449 --> 00:04:35,488 That's where I come in. 91 00:04:35,489 --> 00:04:37,548 All right, consider it done. 92 00:04:37,549 --> 00:04:40,518 - You can go. - How can I "consider it done" 93 00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:42,161 if you haven't done it yet? 94 00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:44,170 No, no, I mean it... I'm going to do it. 95 00:04:44,171 --> 00:04:46,903 - It's as good as done. - I'll just wait until you do it. 96 00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:49,300 Dude, it's a fucking figment of speech. 97 00:04:49,301 --> 00:04:52,170 - Will you get on with it? - Oh, my God! 98 00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:54,170 Yes, I will. 99 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,300 Hey, Elijah? Got some coke there, huh? 100 00:04:58,301 --> 00:05:01,286 - Yeah, man. - Okay, my name is Pac 101 00:05:01,287 --> 00:05:02,479 and I'm a medium. 102 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,196 And the ghost of your father is here. 103 00:05:04,197 --> 00:05:06,206 He wants you to put an end to all this 104 00:05:06,207 --> 00:05:08,176 and wrap up your Ramstinger. 105 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,186 - Rumspringa. - Roomstinger. 106 00:05:10,187 --> 00:05:12,156 - My dad's really here? - Yes, really. 107 00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:14,107 He's standing right here with us. 108 00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,276 Fuck you, Dad! 109 00:05:17,277 --> 00:05:19,216 No, uh, he's actually over here. 110 00:05:19,217 --> 00:05:21,116 Fuck you, Dad! 111 00:05:21,117 --> 00:05:23,226 This is the life I want to lead! 112 00:05:23,227 --> 00:05:26,116 Not... not that life of cow shit! 113 00:05:26,338 --> 00:05:28,788 Tell him that Hannah's husband has died. 114 00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:30,944 - Who's Hannah? - Wait, Hannah? 115 00:05:30,945 --> 00:05:32,954 - What about Hannah? - As children, 116 00:05:32,955 --> 00:05:35,054 they played double Dutch every night after dinner. 117 00:05:35,055 --> 00:05:36,501 - That's sweet. - She grew 118 00:05:36,526 --> 00:05:38,525 to be a full-bodied, sturdy woman... 119 00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:40,179 - Mm. - with long hair 120 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:42,491 and strong legs and good milking hands. 121 00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,475 Yeah, I can see why anyone would like that. 122 00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:47,335 All the other men in the village are married off. 123 00:05:47,336 --> 00:05:49,565 He'd literally be the only one left she could marry. 124 00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,795 - What's he saying? - Uh, he's saying 125 00:05:51,796 --> 00:05:54,695 that Hannah's husband dropped dead. 126 00:05:54,696 --> 00:05:56,725 - R-really? - Really. If you go back now, 127 00:05:56,726 --> 00:05:58,675 all the fresh milk you can handle. 128 00:06:01,217 --> 00:06:03,741 - Fine. - Excellent. Good. Yeah. 129 00:06:03,766 --> 00:06:05,781 Okay, and now you can consider it done 130 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,287 and go into your light. Is it this one? 131 00:06:07,288 --> 00:06:09,679 I don't trust Elijah will make it 132 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,980 out of this devil's playground on his own. 133 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,578 What are you talking about? He's fine. Look at him. 134 00:06:13,579 --> 00:06:15,628 You must escort him home. 135 00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:17,608 Come on, man! You're ruining my night! 136 00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,844 All I wanna do is have my way with that chocolate fountain 137 00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:21,181 for a few half hours! 138 00:06:21,182 --> 00:06:23,111 Okay, fuck. Fine, fine. Yes, I'll go. 139 00:06:26,212 --> 00:06:28,231 Wait for me, my sweet. 140 00:06:32,262 --> 00:06:34,111 You've got this, man. 141 00:06:34,112 --> 00:06:35,201 Now, I know chicks can be intimidating, 142 00:06:35,202 --> 00:06:36,720 but you just gotta be aggressive, bro. 143 00:06:36,745 --> 00:06:38,654 Chicks love aggression! 144 00:06:38,655 --> 00:06:40,684 Are you equipped to give dating advice? 145 00:06:40,685 --> 00:06:41,866 No, not really. 146 00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:43,874 Ooh, I'm starving. Are we gonna eat? 147 00:06:44,907 --> 00:06:47,733 - Hey, guys. - Elijah! 148 00:06:47,877 --> 00:06:49,333 - Ta-da! - Hi, guys. 149 00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,333 - The "prodigidal" son returns. - Hi. 150 00:06:51,358 --> 00:06:53,308 Not me... him. Big huggers, huh? 151 00:06:53,309 --> 00:06:54,458 - That's nice. - Hi. 152 00:06:54,459 --> 00:06:56,565 Super sweet, but I got a big party to get back to, 153 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,469 so let's wrap it up. 154 00:06:58,494 --> 00:06:59,663 - Last one. - Hi! 155 00:06:59,664 --> 00:07:02,553 - Um, guys, this is Pac. - Hello. 156 00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:04,593 He's from a West Coast community. 157 00:07:04,594 --> 00:07:05,703 Hi. 158 00:07:05,704 --> 00:07:08,473 He... he rides the short wagon around town. 159 00:07:08,474 --> 00:07:09,220 Ah. 160 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,972 Hold on a second, did you just introduce me as retarded? 161 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,049 Did you? Um... 162 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:20,099 - Hi. - Who the fuck is that? 163 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,229 - Elijah, language! - Sorry. 164 00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,476 I'm still cleansing the mouth palate. 165 00:07:23,501 --> 00:07:24,258 - Who is that? - Oh, that's 166 00:07:24,259 --> 00:07:25,407 Jebediah Klopfenstein, 167 00:07:25,408 --> 00:07:28,938 a recent transfer from a community in Pennsylvania. 168 00:07:28,963 --> 00:07:31,082 - Shit. - Hannah seems to like him. 169 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,323 What's not to like? 170 00:07:32,324 --> 00:07:34,233 He's a paragon of Amish culture, 171 00:07:34,234 --> 00:07:36,095 pure as the day is long. 172 00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:38,452 Never even taken a Rumspringa. 173 00:07:38,477 --> 00:07:40,089 - That's fucking insane! - Elijah! 174 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:41,189 Sorry. 175 00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:42,894 I thought my dumb dad said 176 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,004 she wouldn't have any fucking suitors. 177 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,464 - Well, he did. - I can't compete 178 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,304 with Amish Seann William Scott. 179 00:07:47,305 --> 00:07:48,434 Oh, yeah. Nailed it. 180 00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,324 Hey, listen, listen, listen to me. 181 00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:57,364 Okay, so he's a bona fide bohunk times 10. 182 00:07:57,365 --> 00:07:59,384 Okay, so what? So are we, right? 183 00:07:59,385 --> 00:08:01,364 Plus, think about your odds. They're still pretty good. 184 00:08:01,365 --> 00:08:03,801 There's only one other guy and he's a fucking transfer. 185 00:08:03,802 --> 00:08:05,709 You were her double Dutch partner, man. 186 00:08:05,710 --> 00:08:07,709 Come on, show her the ropes. 187 00:08:07,710 --> 00:08:09,559 Show her the ropes, jump her in. 188 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,699 - Yeah. - Yeah! 189 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:11,719 Come on! Let's go. 190 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,639 - Come on. - All right. 191 00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:16,699 Hey, hey, get the fuck out there. 192 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,750 Come on, go. Go, go, go, go. 193 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,759 Fuck! 194 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,729 Just wipe it off casually, man. 195 00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:31,589 Just... this doesn't need to be a disaster. 196 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:32,749 - Yes. - Okay. 197 00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:34,590 Bailamos. 198 00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:39,759 - Hi. Hi, Hannah. - Elijah! 199 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,729 Oh, it's been so long! 200 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,709 Yes! Um, may I have this dance? 201 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,680 Um, actually... 202 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,569 Bring her back. Bring her back to her childhood, yeah! 203 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:42,560 Amish Style. 204 00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:48,700 Amish Style. 205 00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,610 Fuck! 206 00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:08,589 Hey, you ladies ever been with an Indian Jew before? 207 00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:09,710 Eh, your loss. 208 00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,280 Excuse me, ladies. 209 00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:15,220 You wanna do a group shot here 210 00:10:15,221 --> 00:10:17,350 and get the group party started, if you know what I mean? 211 00:10:19,301 --> 00:10:21,200 - I don't know what you mean. - All right, well, 212 00:10:21,201 --> 00:10:22,340 why don't I start the avalanche? 213 00:10:22,341 --> 00:10:25,260 Pour whatever kind of booze you wanna drink in there 214 00:10:25,261 --> 00:10:27,250 and I'll swallow whatever it is you give me. 215 00:10:30,211 --> 00:10:31,972 Uh-oh! Oh, no! 216 00:10:31,973 --> 00:10:35,287 My tongue is stuck. Aw, man! 217 00:10:35,312 --> 00:10:38,042 Hey, can one of you just lick right here? 218 00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:40,042 Kind of get it loose. If you both do it, 219 00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:41,962 it will happen a lot quicker. 220 00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:43,062 - N-no? - Perv. 221 00:10:43,063 --> 00:10:45,509 Don't leave me here... ow, my tongue! 222 00:10:46,335 --> 00:10:48,092 Ah, fuck. I thought that was gonna work. 223 00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:51,083 Damn it! 224 00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:55,650 Pac, come on, man! You had to call now? 225 00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:57,584 I was about to get an orgy started 226 00:10:57,585 --> 00:10:59,196 with, like, so many chicks. 227 00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,798 Oh, that's so many rad, Clyde. 228 00:11:00,799 --> 00:11:02,577 Listen, I need you to find everything you can 229 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,587 about a guy named Jebediah Klopfenstein. 230 00:11:04,588 --> 00:11:06,547 He's a legit hunk-asaurus, 231 00:11:06,548 --> 00:11:08,115 so maybe type that into your search. 232 00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:10,095 Does that have anything to do with a ghost case? 233 00:11:10,096 --> 00:11:12,045 Yeah, of course it's for the ghost case, man. 234 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,712 I'm just... I'm trying to get back to the party, okay? 235 00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:15,927 Bro, you've gotta get a smartphone, okay? 236 00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:17,943 You need to be able to look that stuff up yourself. 237 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,663 I know. I just... I like my flip phone. 238 00:11:19,664 --> 00:11:21,634 It makes hanging up feel more urgent, you know? 239 00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:28,563 - Hey. - Hey, man. 240 00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:29,753 At least we tried. 241 00:11:29,754 --> 00:11:31,413 I just don't belong here. 242 00:11:31,414 --> 00:11:33,383 What? No, no, no, no. No, no, Elijah. 243 00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:34,949 I don't know. You can't give up, okay? 244 00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:36,704 And not just because I wanna go eat a chocolate fountain, 245 00:11:36,705 --> 00:11:38,170 but because, I gotta tell you, 246 00:11:38,171 --> 00:11:40,220 there's something fishy about that Jebediah guy. 247 00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:42,100 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 248 00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:43,150 Didn't your sister say he never went 249 00:11:43,151 --> 00:11:44,220 on his Ramstein or whatever? 250 00:11:44,221 --> 00:11:45,804 - Yeah. - So how the fuck 251 00:11:45,829 --> 00:11:47,758 could he possibly know that dance? 252 00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:49,828 Am I right? 253 00:11:49,829 --> 00:11:52,818 - He's a fucking phony! - He's a fucking phony! 254 00:11:52,819 --> 00:11:55,189 Okay, even if that's true, how do we prove it? 255 00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:57,269 Dude, I can't be the retard and the mastermind, okay? 256 00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:00,229 - It's too much for me to handle. - There's only one way. 257 00:12:00,230 --> 00:12:02,339 - Your father says there's only... - That asshole's still here? 258 00:12:02,340 --> 00:12:05,191 Yeah, that asshole is still here. 259 00:12:05,374 --> 00:12:07,129 Fuck you, Dad! 260 00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:09,289 No, he... he's actually over here. 261 00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:12,129 - Whatever. - No, not "whatever," okay? 262 00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:14,229 His unfinished business is you. 263 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:16,179 He's not going anywhere because you are 264 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,319 the most important fucking thing to him. 265 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,279 He never said that to me. 266 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,199 Well, he's trying to right now 267 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,159 in a really weird, roundabout way. 268 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,220 So why don't we hear the clingy old fucker out? 269 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:30,310 - All right. - Yeah? 270 00:12:31,946 --> 00:12:33,679 Does he have a white glove? 271 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,250 Jebediah Klopfenstein! 272 00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:43,310 I challenge you to an Amish-Off! 273 00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:47,299 Bitch. 274 00:12:47,577 --> 00:12:49,597 - What was that? - Um, nothing. 275 00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:59,159 Because I am the most bearded Amish man in this community, 276 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,279 it is my duty and honor 277 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,279 to judge the age-old tradition, 278 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,239 the Amish-Off. 279 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,170 My beard is longer. 280 00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:11,189 I should be judging this Amish-Off 281 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,140 and you know it. 282 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,120 Ooh, intense. 283 00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:25,566 Well, now that that is settled, 284 00:13:25,759 --> 00:13:28,279 we may commence with the competition. 285 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,259 Two men enter, 286 00:13:31,364 --> 00:13:32,179 two men leave, 287 00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:36,219 but one man will feel a little bad about himself 288 00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:39,974 and be less impressive to the opposite sex. 289 00:13:39,999 --> 00:13:42,260 So, without further ado, 290 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:45,978 one, two, three, 291 00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:49,159 - Amish-Off! - Yeah! 292 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,309 Elijah, Elijah, Elijah! 293 00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,129 Elijah! 294 00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,249 Go! 295 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,269 Come on! 296 00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:56,798 Put your body weight into it. 297 00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:01,309 - Kill him! - Time's up. 298 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:03,169 Unh! 299 00:14:03,170 --> 00:14:04,259 Whoo! 300 00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,299 Time's up. 301 00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,268 Go! 302 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,140 How hard is it to peel a potato, man? 303 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:26,299 Noink. 304 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,219 Come on! 305 00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,240 - Come on, peel. - Time's up. 306 00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,279 - Hey. - You know that 307 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,139 Jebediah Klopfenstein you were asking me about? 308 00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,159 - Yeah. - Well, turns out 309 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,199 Jebediah Klopfenstein's not even his real name. 310 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,179 His real name is Jedediah Klopfenstein. 311 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,837 I didn't hear any difference there, so... 312 00:14:55,838 --> 00:14:58,713 Jedediah. There's a "D" in there. 313 00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,704 He created this alias so he can throw his "D" 314 00:15:00,705 --> 00:15:02,278 all over the Amish community. 315 00:15:02,279 --> 00:15:05,087 Yes, Clyde! You just cracked the whole case wide open, man. 316 00:15:05,088 --> 00:15:06,258 Text me everything you have on him. 317 00:15:06,259 --> 00:15:07,358 Will do. 318 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,349 So, uh, on another note, how is the party going? 319 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:13,185 Uh, I assume by that you mean how's your chocolate fountain? 320 00:15:13,186 --> 00:15:14,472 Indeed, I do. 321 00:15:14,473 --> 00:15:16,442 - Still flowing. - Uh, yes. 322 00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:19,035 I knew it would be, Clyde. I just... I knew it would be. 323 00:15:19,036 --> 00:15:20,965 Okay, bye. 324 00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:25,065 Something else is flowing right here. 325 00:15:31,006 --> 00:15:32,135 Dude, dude, what are you doing? 326 00:15:32,136 --> 00:15:34,135 This is my wife. 327 00:15:34,136 --> 00:15:37,035 - Cool. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 328 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,155 Could you go away from us, please? 329 00:15:38,156 --> 00:15:39,985 All right. Geez, sorry. 330 00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:42,035 I thought the avalanche was starting. 331 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:54,641 Time's up. 332 00:15:54,903 --> 00:15:56,873 Ah, fuck it! 333 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,478 - You win. - Whoo! 334 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,562 Yeah! 335 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,633 - Ooh! - Ooh! 336 00:16:08,563 --> 00:16:10,502 You're so crazy! 337 00:16:14,653 --> 00:16:16,351 What is that sound? 338 00:16:16,352 --> 00:16:18,291 I, uh, haven't a clue. 339 00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:19,351 Appears to be coming 340 00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:20,740 - from your pocket. - Hannah! 341 00:16:20,741 --> 00:16:22,965 That's not mine! 342 00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:24,105 Oh, no? 343 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,521 Oh, shit! 344 00:16:28,546 --> 00:16:29,645 I just popped my suspenders. 345 00:16:29,764 --> 00:16:31,604 That's funny... 346 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,652 because I just dialed the number 347 00:16:34,653 --> 00:16:37,286 of one Jedediah Klopfenstein. 348 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,569 - Bam! - See, that's not me. 349 00:16:38,570 --> 00:16:40,013 That's got a "D" in it. 350 00:16:40,014 --> 00:16:42,033 Yeah, well, the "D" is in your mouth now, buddy. 351 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,983 The jig is up. 352 00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:45,163 That's right, everybody. 353 00:16:45,524 --> 00:16:47,493 I'm not West Coast Amish. 354 00:16:47,518 --> 00:16:49,012 I'm also not retarded. 355 00:16:49,014 --> 00:16:50,113 I wanted to clear that up earlier, 356 00:16:50,114 --> 00:16:51,399 but I wanted to find the right time. 357 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,770 I'm just a regular guy who talks to ghosts 358 00:16:53,771 --> 00:16:56,670 who happens to have just saved the purity of your bloodline. 359 00:16:56,671 --> 00:16:59,650 Uh, wait. You talk to ghosts? 360 00:16:59,651 --> 00:17:01,540 Yeah, that's not important. 361 00:17:01,541 --> 00:17:02,700 It's... shit. It's a force of habit. 362 00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:03,908 I'm sorry. I'm always explaining that shit. 363 00:17:03,909 --> 00:17:05,038 Just forget about that part. All you need to know 364 00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:07,868 is that with my technological savvy 365 00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:09,838 and Elijah's bravery, 366 00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:12,633 we just saved sweet Hannah 367 00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:15,075 from this despicable piece-of-shit predator. 368 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,089 Noink. This yuck-mouthed, dancing, 369 00:17:18,114 --> 00:17:19,313 douchebag imposter 370 00:17:19,668 --> 00:17:22,349 goes all across the country infiltrating Amish communities, 371 00:17:22,350 --> 00:17:24,529 tricking girl after girl 372 00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:28,429 after girl after girl. 373 00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:31,172 Holy shit, how many hot Amish girls are there? 374 00:17:31,173 --> 00:17:33,171 You bang all these chicks? 375 00:17:33,172 --> 00:17:34,796 - Should I become Amish? - Pac! 376 00:17:34,797 --> 00:17:36,826 Huh? Yeah, look. Here, see for yourself. 377 00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:39,006 - Unh! - Ooh... 378 00:17:39,007 --> 00:17:41,866 ew! 379 00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:43,794 Take him away. 380 00:17:45,078 --> 00:17:48,006 Gently, of course. 381 00:17:48,316 --> 00:17:50,385 We don't believe in violence. 382 00:17:56,447 --> 00:17:59,306 So, um, 383 00:17:59,307 --> 00:18:01,276 would you get a cider with me? 384 00:18:01,277 --> 00:18:03,367 I thought you'd never ask. 385 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,316 - Thank you... - Hey. 386 00:18:09,317 --> 00:18:11,336 - For your help, Pac. - Yeah, don't worry about it. 387 00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:14,247 - You can just... you can go. - Yeah, yeah, will do. 388 00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:19,396 What's going on? What... why are you still here? 389 00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:21,356 - Just leave already! - I don't know. 390 00:18:21,357 --> 00:18:24,729 - Something's wrong. - Elijah and Hannah 391 00:18:24,841 --> 00:18:25,992 have stolen a carriage! 392 00:18:25,993 --> 00:18:27,972 Oh, shit. I know exactly where they're going. 393 00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:29,761 - Vegas. - What? 394 00:18:29,762 --> 00:18:32,302 They asked if the horse had enough hay in him 395 00:18:32,303 --> 00:18:33,915 to make it to Manhattan! 396 00:18:33,916 --> 00:18:35,995 Well, that was my next guess. 397 00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,906 Hey, ladies. 398 00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:45,055 - Hey, handsome head. - Hello. 399 00:18:45,056 --> 00:18:48,925 You wanna find a bedroom with me? 400 00:18:48,926 --> 00:18:50,055 - Interesting. - Mm. 401 00:18:50,056 --> 00:18:52,085 For one-on-one sex? 402 00:18:52,086 --> 00:18:53,985 - Yeah. - How old-fashioned. 403 00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:56,055 Whoa! Um, I'm not complaining, 404 00:18:56,056 --> 00:18:57,895 but that was a little violent. 405 00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:01,895 Oh. 406 00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:03,915 You're making me your little prisoner, huh? 407 00:19:03,916 --> 00:19:05,055 - Mm-hmm. - I like that. 408 00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:07,935 Waterboard me. Just kidding. 409 00:19:07,936 --> 00:19:10,045 - Seriously, don't waterboard me. - Okay. 410 00:19:12,876 --> 00:19:13,965 Don't stop. I really like this. 411 00:19:13,966 --> 00:19:16,035 I really do. 412 00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:19,381 What the fuck?! Oh, fuck! 413 00:19:19,756 --> 00:19:20,992 Fuck, I can't even see! 414 00:19:21,311 --> 00:19:23,546 I mean, I guess I can. I just... I don't wanna open my eyes! 415 00:19:23,671 --> 00:19:24,731 Fuck. 416 00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:28,876 Okay. Wait, a little more. 417 00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:31,911 Dude, I'm fucking 418 00:19:31,912 --> 00:19:33,286 handling this, okay? 419 00:19:33,429 --> 00:19:34,517 You gotta vanish. 420 00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:35,567 My new friend can't see you here. 421 00:19:35,568 --> 00:19:37,457 - Get out. Get out of here. - Aw! 422 00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,537 All right, fine! 423 00:19:39,538 --> 00:19:42,547 Dude! Dude, what the hell? 424 00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,597 You got what you wanted. You got the dream girl, right? 425 00:19:44,598 --> 00:19:46,577 You got high standing in your fucking community or whatever. 426 00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:48,447 What... what are you doing here? 427 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,547 - Dude, this was all her. - Oh, it was all her? 428 00:19:50,548 --> 00:19:52,407 You expect me to believe that shit? 429 00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:57,537 When Elijah told me of the wonders he saw in the world, 430 00:19:57,538 --> 00:20:00,577 I realized I can't settle down without experiencing Rumspringa. 431 00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:02,477 - Ugh. - I don't want her 432 00:20:02,478 --> 00:20:04,417 to have any regrets after we're married. 433 00:20:04,418 --> 00:20:06,417 So you brought her here? Dude, this is where regrets come 434 00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:07,587 to get fucking pregnant, okay? 435 00:20:07,588 --> 00:20:09,577 You gotta hit that blunt once or twice, 436 00:20:09,578 --> 00:20:11,162 take her home, get out of here. 437 00:20:11,163 --> 00:20:13,102 - No, we're going home. - Good. Fucking great. 438 00:20:13,104 --> 00:20:14,283 - Go now. - As soon as we experience 439 00:20:14,284 --> 00:20:16,173 the life-altering event 440 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,113 that everyone around here keeps talking about 441 00:20:18,114 --> 00:20:21,203 called, um, Danny's Poker Orgy. 442 00:20:21,204 --> 00:20:23,093 Oh, God, I hate that idea so hard. 443 00:20:23,094 --> 00:20:24,263 - Sounds exciting! - No, Elijah, Elijah, Elijah. 444 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,173 No. Come on, man, you can't be cool with this! 445 00:20:26,174 --> 00:20:27,323 Dude, I'm sorry, Pac. I... 446 00:20:27,324 --> 00:20:31,163 I think we'll look back on this someday and laugh. 447 00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:33,253 - I don't think so. - Pac, no! Stop them! 448 00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:35,233 I'm trying! They're so horny 449 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,123 and young. 450 00:20:37,124 --> 00:20:39,224 Nice shot, Josh! 451 00:20:42,314 --> 00:20:44,283 - You ready to go home? - Yep. 452 00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,133 - Okay. - Good choice, good choice. 453 00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:48,432 - Yeah, yeah. Skedaddle. - Come, Hannah. 454 00:20:49,184 --> 00:20:50,249 Okay! 455 00:20:51,115 --> 00:20:52,667 There. Well, looks like your son 456 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,697 is officially done with his Rimjobba. 457 00:20:54,698 --> 00:20:57,617 I wanna thank you for all your help today, Pac. 458 00:20:57,618 --> 00:21:00,617 You know, I hope you learned something today 459 00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:02,567 about the Amish people. 460 00:21:02,568 --> 00:21:04,567 We're not just ring bologna... 461 00:21:04,568 --> 00:21:05,667 Oh, my God, shut your face! Shut up your face 462 00:21:05,668 --> 00:21:07,607 and just fucking leave already, okay? 463 00:21:07,608 --> 00:21:09,193 I didn't learn anything. I never do. 464 00:21:09,194 --> 00:21:11,342 I just wanted to try the goddamn chocolate fountain! 465 00:21:11,343 --> 00:21:12,986 Hey, anybody got 466 00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:14,956 a larger-than-an-eight-gauge butt plug? 467 00:21:15,689 --> 00:21:18,908 Oh, I can't wait to get out of this den of iniquity! 468 00:21:18,909 --> 00:21:21,849 Oh! 469 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:34,788 It's what I do. 470 00:21:34,789 --> 00:21:36,708 Thank you. 471 00:21:36,709 --> 00:21:38,918 Ah, fuck! 472 00:21:38,919 --> 00:21:40,868 Hey, guy! 473 00:21:40,869 --> 00:21:42,888 Let's keep the fountain for another hour 474 00:21:42,889 --> 00:21:44,858 for my brother. 475 00:21:50,312 --> 00:21:54,251 Now, this is the room where the magic happens. 476 00:21:54,276 --> 00:21:55,455 But when I'm not doing card tricks, 477 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,429 I like to have orgies in here. 478 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,193 - Oh, hello, ladies. - Oh. 479 00:21:59,194 --> 00:22:01,083 Toss me a towel. Should be fun. 480 00:22:01,084 --> 00:22:02,213 You know what? Let's, uh... 481 00:22:02,214 --> 00:22:04,358 let's use the backup orgy room, all right? 482 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,012 Come back, come back, come back, come back! 483 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:09,029 It's really not as bad as it looks, I promise. 484 00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:11,416 - Avalanche. - Fuck you! 485 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,220 Amish Style! 34715

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