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00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,738
♪ ♪
2
00:00:20,777 --> 00:00:22,645
LOUISE:
Okay, off to school.
3
00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:24,480
Again. It's like every day
with that place.
4
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,116
At least part of the day will be
taken up with that assembly.
5
00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:29,886
Right. Assemblies are...
always so not boring.
6
00:00:29,886 --> 00:00:31,688
- I love assembling.
- What assembly?
7
00:00:31,788 --> 00:00:33,656
It's called
the "College Is Cool" assembly.
8
00:00:33,656 --> 00:00:36,025
I-I guess they want us
to think college is cool.
9
00:00:36,025 --> 00:00:38,228
Well, then they should have
called it "Coolidge."
10
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College? Already?
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00:00:39,629 --> 00:00:41,431
But you're too young
to think about that.
12
00:00:41,431 --> 00:00:42,799
I think college sounds
kind of fun.
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00:00:42,899 --> 00:00:44,234
You get to live in a dorm.
14
00:00:44,334 --> 00:00:46,035
I've always wanted to
wear flip-flops in the shower.
15
00:00:46,035 --> 00:00:47,503
You don't need to go
off to college.
16
00:00:47,503 --> 00:00:49,806
Stay home with us.
Wear flip-flops here.
17
00:00:49,806 --> 00:00:51,174
Our tub is disgusting.
18
00:00:51,174 --> 00:00:53,209
Lin, relax.
They're not going today.
19
00:00:53,209 --> 00:00:54,544
It's still a ways off.
20
00:00:54,644 --> 00:00:56,746
Yeah, right.
What, like ten years?
21
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- Four years.
- Oh, God.
22
00:00:57,947 --> 00:00:59,148
Well, we better head out.
23
00:00:59,148 --> 00:01:00,850
Oh, yeah, don't want to miss
a minute. Bye.
24
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,552
- Bye, Mom.
- GENE: Bye, Mama. - No, kids, don't go!
25
00:01:02,552 --> 00:01:04,387
Oh, God. Oh, God.
26
00:01:04,821 --> 00:01:06,556
(sighs) My babies!
27
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- (hyperventilating)
- Lin. Breathe.
28
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Easy.
29
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(Linda sighs)
30
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Linda? You okay?
31
00:01:13,563 --> 00:01:15,465
You've been making that sound
a lot.
32
00:01:15,565 --> 00:01:16,366
Yeah, Teddy.
33
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I'm just thinking about
how our children
34
00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:20,703
are gonna leave us one day,
and then we'll be all alone.
35
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With each other?
36
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I guess.
37
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Yeah,
you'll-you'll still have me.
38
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- And me.
- Well, more me.
39
00:01:26,476 --> 00:01:27,210
Yeah, probably more you.
40
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- BOB: Mm.
- Eh, I better get going.
41
00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:30,313
Two funerals this weekend.
42
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Oh, was it a murder-suicide?
43
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- Geez.
- Teddy. - Sorry, sorry.
44
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My mom got me
hooked on Dateline.
45
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Good show. You get to see
a lot of the country.
46
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Um... bye?
47
00:01:37,854 --> 00:01:39,155
Bye! Enjoy your funerals.
48
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- (entry bell chimes)
- Hi. Uh, my car broke down.
49
00:01:41,191 --> 00:01:43,259
Can I use your phone
to call a tow truck?
50
00:01:43,359 --> 00:01:45,094
Oh, no. Course you can, hon.
51
00:01:45,228 --> 00:01:46,763
I'll get you the number
of the tow guy we like.
52
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- Head Shoulders Knees and Tows.
- Thank you so much.
53
00:01:48,932 --> 00:01:51,034
My son gave me a fancy phone,
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but I never remember
to charge it.
55
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I'm like that with toilets.
I never remember to flush 'em.
56
00:01:55,271 --> 00:01:56,806
Yeah, technology, right?
57
00:01:56,806 --> 00:01:59,075
Oh, hi, I'm at Bob's Burgers
on, um...
58
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:01,044
- On Ocean Avenue.
- On Ocean Avenue.
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00:02:01,044 --> 00:02:03,613
...on Ocean Avenue,
and I need a tow truck.
60
00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:05,215
Yes, my name is Bea Cromwell.
61
00:02:05,215 --> 00:02:07,450
- Huh. Your name sounds familiar.
- Really?
62
00:02:07,450 --> 00:02:09,986
Eh, maybe it's just
'cause it reminds me of bees.
63
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,221
(whispering):
I'm leaving. Bye, Bob.
64
00:02:11,321 --> 00:02:12,722
- Bye, Linda.
- Yeah, it's a gray Toyota.
65
00:02:12,822 --> 00:02:13,856
- Bye, Teddy.
- Bye, Teddy.
66
00:02:13,856 --> 00:02:14,991
Don't do a murder-suicide.
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- We won't.
- Probably won't.
68
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:17,660
Okay. Thank you. Bye.
69
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,195
- Are they coming?
- Yes.
70
00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:21,564
They said they're busy today,
so it'll be around 45 minutes.
71
00:02:21,664 --> 00:02:22,832
Is it okay if I wait here?
72
00:02:22,932 --> 00:02:24,701
- Sure. Coffee?
- Okay. Thanks.
73
00:02:24,801 --> 00:02:26,436
- So, you live nearby?
- Um...
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00:02:26,536 --> 00:02:28,238
- No, Connecticut.
- Ooh, Connecticut.
75
00:02:28,238 --> 00:02:30,473
Did you know
it's spelled "Connect-icut"?
76
00:02:30,573 --> 00:02:31,941
- Weird, huh?
- Uh... yup.
77
00:02:31,941 --> 00:02:33,243
What is that?
You print out a whole book?
78
00:02:33,243 --> 00:02:35,578
Uh... yeah, in-in a way,
it's a manuscript.
79
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Ooh, you're a writer?
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00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,548
Were you sick of
writing in Connecticut?
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Too much nice foliage?
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00:02:39,749 --> 00:02:41,217
Sometimes stuff's just too nice.
83
00:02:41,217 --> 00:02:43,086
No, I'm in town for a reading
of one of my books.
84
00:02:43,086 --> 00:02:45,722
Oh, what do you write?
Maybe I've read your stuff.
85
00:02:45,855 --> 00:02:47,223
You write
any of those audiobooks?
86
00:02:47,223 --> 00:02:50,460
I've written, uh, in a few
different genres, actually.
87
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:52,328
- Kids' books, adult fiction...
- (gasps)
88
00:02:52,328 --> 00:02:55,832
You're Bea Cromwell!
I know how I know your name!
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You wrote Snail and Newt.
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00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,435
Oh, my God...!
91
00:02:59,435 --> 00:03:02,338
Yeah, well, that was many,
many years ago, yes, yes.
92
00:03:02,338 --> 00:03:04,340
Bob, this is Bea Cromwell.
93
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,842
She wrote
all the Snail and Newts.
94
00:03:05,942 --> 00:03:07,911
Uh, yes,
I-I heard you screaming.
95
00:03:07,911 --> 00:03:10,079
Uh, our family has
really enjoyed your books.
96
00:03:10,179 --> 00:03:12,782
Aw, we must have read
Snail and Newt to our kids
97
00:03:12,782 --> 00:03:14,250
100 times
when they were little.
98
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:16,753
"Snail and Newt gaze at
the sweet strawberry tart.
99
00:03:16,753 --> 00:03:18,121
"'You don't think they'll be mad
100
00:03:18,221 --> 00:03:20,256
"if we take a nibble,
right, Snail?'
101
00:03:20,256 --> 00:03:21,357
"'I don't think so, Newt.
102
00:03:21,457 --> 00:03:22,759
"'What if they left it for us?
103
00:03:22,859 --> 00:03:24,427
"Then it would be rude
for us not to eat it,'
104
00:03:24,527 --> 00:03:25,361
"replied Snail.
105
00:03:25,361 --> 00:03:26,596
"'I hate being rude.
106
00:03:26,596 --> 00:03:28,097
"We'd better eat
the whole thing.'
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Snail and Newt begin
to devour the tart..."
108
00:03:29,799 --> 00:03:31,834
"Finally, there it was,
the mysterious treasure
109
00:03:31,935 --> 00:03:34,404
"they had hiked,
biked and climbed to find.
110
00:03:34,504 --> 00:03:36,072
"'We're rich,' said Newt.
111
00:03:36,072 --> 00:03:38,141
"'I do hope we don't get
hoity-toity,' said Snail.
112
00:03:38,141 --> 00:03:41,244
(yawning):
"'Yes. Hoity or toity,
113
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but not both,' said Newt."
114
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(Bob snoring)
115
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- Dad, wake up!
- Dad, Dad. - Keep reading.
116
00:03:47,884 --> 00:03:49,285
Ah! Sorry, sorry. I'm awake.
117
00:03:49,385 --> 00:03:51,454
"The pond was quiet.
The loudest sound was
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00:03:51,454 --> 00:03:53,122
"the crickets
in the long grass.
119
00:03:53,122 --> 00:03:55,859
"Snail held Newt's hand
as the changes gripped him
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00:03:55,859 --> 00:03:58,828
"and he became a true
creature of the under-pond.
121
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(crying):
"'Newt.
122
00:04:00,663 --> 00:04:03,666
"'Newt, I would give anything
to go with you.
123
00:04:03,666 --> 00:04:05,268
If only I could...'"
124
00:04:05,268 --> 00:04:06,803
I'm sorry, Bob. You take it.
125
00:04:06,803 --> 00:04:08,338
"'If only I could.'
126
00:04:08,338 --> 00:04:10,206
"And when Newt couldn't stay
in the open air
127
00:04:10,306 --> 00:04:12,609
"for another moment,
he let go of Snail
128
00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:15,078
"and slipped
under the surface of the pond.
129
00:04:15,178 --> 00:04:17,180
(sniffles):
'Goodbye, Newt.'"
130
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:18,281
God, it got me, too.
131
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Those are the best books
132
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about snails and newts
ever written.
133
00:04:21,017 --> 00:04:22,585
So, is that
what your reading is for?
134
00:04:22,685 --> 00:04:24,320
- Did you write another one?
- Oh, uh, no.
135
00:04:24,454 --> 00:04:26,089
I-I loved writing those books,
136
00:04:26,089 --> 00:04:28,591
but I wrote them years ago
when my kids were little.
137
00:04:28,691 --> 00:04:31,027
I-I write dramatic thrillers
now for adults.
138
00:04:31,127 --> 00:04:33,563
Books for adults?
I guess that's a thing.
139
00:04:33,563 --> 00:04:34,497
Yes. Yes, it is.
140
00:04:34,597 --> 00:04:36,432
My new book is about
a middle-aged librarian
141
00:04:36,432 --> 00:04:39,102
who learns mixed martial arts
to infiltrate the mob
142
00:04:39,102 --> 00:04:40,970
and break up
a rare books crime ring.
143
00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:42,372
Yeah, that book sounds good.
144
00:04:42,472 --> 00:04:44,607
I didn't really listen to
what you said it was about,
145
00:04:44,607 --> 00:04:45,975
but, Bea,
146
00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:47,677
the Snail and Newt books
were magical.
147
00:04:47,777 --> 00:04:50,179
- Uh, thanks. I don't...
- And if you can make that kind of magic,
148
00:04:50,179 --> 00:04:51,514
why would you ever stop?
149
00:04:51,514 --> 00:04:54,017
You think David Copperfield
would say, "No more magic"
150
00:04:54,017 --> 00:04:55,985
and never pull out
another dove from his blouse?
151
00:04:55,985 --> 00:04:57,754
You're very sweet, Linda,
sort of,
152
00:04:57,854 --> 00:05:00,223
but I'm not writing
another Snail and Newt book.
153
00:05:00,223 --> 00:05:02,125
But maybe? Maybe?
154
00:05:02,225 --> 00:05:03,960
Am I seeing a nod?
Was that a nod?
155
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,828
Lin, you're the one
who's nodding.
156
00:05:05,929 --> 00:05:08,932
Yeah, okay. All right, okay.
157
00:05:09,032 --> 00:05:10,900
GENE (singsongy):
Pizza day, a-pizza day.
158
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,302
I've been chanting this
all morning,
159
00:05:12,302 --> 00:05:15,471
and the teachers love it
'cause it's pizza day.
160
00:05:15,572 --> 00:05:17,140
(gasps) Ah. Crap.
161
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,441
Huh. Look at Mr. Frond.
162
00:05:18,441 --> 00:05:20,310
Okay. So far I hate this game.
163
00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:22,178
Yeah, I sort of wish
there was more to it.
164
00:05:22,178 --> 00:05:24,280
What has he got there?
Why is he acting so squirmy?
165
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,349
- Let's go make him squirmier.
- But it's pizza day!
166
00:05:26,349 --> 00:05:28,184
It's in the Constitution.
167
00:05:28,184 --> 00:05:29,185
Okay, fine.
168
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,853
- Uh, Mr. Frond?
- (gasps)
169
00:05:30,853 --> 00:05:32,622
What you got
behind your back there?
170
00:05:32,722 --> 00:05:34,157
Uh-- Nothing. Ah!
171
00:05:34,157 --> 00:05:35,525
Is that cat food?
172
00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:36,826
Yes. That's my lunch.
173
00:05:36,826 --> 00:05:38,161
Adults eat different things.
174
00:05:38,161 --> 00:05:40,129
So we've got that
to look forward to.
175
00:05:40,129 --> 00:05:41,431
(groaning)
176
00:05:41,564 --> 00:05:42,932
GENE:
Cat food and a cat toy?
177
00:05:42,932 --> 00:05:44,300
You're really into the culture.
178
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,469
- Yep. Uh-huh.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Frond.
179
00:05:46,569 --> 00:05:47,971
- What's going on here?
- Nothing!
180
00:05:48,071 --> 00:05:50,240
Okay, then I guess
we'll just follow you
181
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,008
and watch you
during your eat and play time.
182
00:05:52,108 --> 00:05:53,443
(quietly):
All right, all right, listen.
183
00:05:53,443 --> 00:05:55,445
My cat is stuck in the tree
in front of school,
184
00:05:55,445 --> 00:05:58,248
and I'm trying to lure him down
before anyone finds out.
185
00:05:58,348 --> 00:06:00,783
Why is your cat stuck
in a tree at school?
186
00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:02,252
(whispering):
I had to bring him.
187
00:06:02,252 --> 00:06:04,087
Dr. Bojangles has one more day
of his allergy meds,
188
00:06:04,087 --> 00:06:05,855
and he needs it
every three hours.
189
00:06:05,955 --> 00:06:08,391
I tried to sneak him into work
with me, but he got out.
190
00:06:08,491 --> 00:06:10,126
- He's very athletic.
- (groaning)
191
00:06:10,126 --> 00:06:11,594
I don't know
where he gets it from,
192
00:06:11,694 --> 00:06:13,062
but it's definitely not from me.
193
00:06:13,162 --> 00:06:14,631
Anyway, he climbed up the tree
in front of the school,
194
00:06:14,631 --> 00:06:16,132
and now he's stuck up there.
195
00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:18,067
And if Principal Spoors finds
out I brought Dr. Bojangles
196
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:20,503
to school again,
I'll be in so much trouble.
197
00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:22,805
He's weird about
bringing cats to school.
198
00:06:22,805 --> 00:06:24,240
I have to get him down
during lunch
199
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,142
because I'm supposed to be
"available for counseling"
200
00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:28,111
fourth period,
and then it's the assembly
201
00:06:28,244 --> 00:06:29,946
and I have to introduce
the college people.
202
00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:31,781
And they want me to say,
"Make some noise
203
00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:33,016
for continuing education,"
204
00:06:33,116 --> 00:06:34,617
and I just don't think
I can pull off
205
00:06:34,617 --> 00:06:36,386
- the phrase "make some noise."
- No, you can't.
206
00:06:36,486 --> 00:06:38,154
So you're just gonna go
to the front of the school
207
00:06:38,154 --> 00:06:40,189
where everyone in the school
can see you
208
00:06:40,189 --> 00:06:42,025
'cause of
this thing called windows,
209
00:06:42,025 --> 00:06:43,793
and you're gonna be
holding some cat food
210
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,094
and jiggling a cat toy?
211
00:06:45,094 --> 00:06:46,896
And jiggling your moneymaker, probably.
212
00:06:46,896 --> 00:06:48,331
You need a cover story.
Like, for instance,
213
00:06:48,431 --> 00:06:51,401
a guidance counselor
and a few students outside,
214
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:54,704
doing something that is totally
normal and not cat-related.
215
00:06:54,804 --> 00:06:57,607
- Interesting.
- And maybe all these kind students
216
00:06:57,607 --> 00:06:59,676
receive in return for helping is
217
00:06:59,776 --> 00:07:02,045
a couple of "get out
of detention free" cards?
218
00:07:02,045 --> 00:07:04,113
What the heck is a "get out
of detention free" card?
219
00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:05,848
To get us out of
future detentions.
220
00:07:05,848 --> 00:07:08,251
Doesn't it sound like something
that should already exist?
221
00:07:08,351 --> 00:07:09,485
No, I-I can't bribe kids
222
00:07:09,485 --> 00:07:12,121
with "get out of detention free"
cards. They're not real.
223
00:07:12,222 --> 00:07:13,923
Plus, it would be unethical.
Okay, it's a deal.
224
00:07:14,023 --> 00:07:15,391
- Yes!
- Let me at that thing!
225
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:16,993
- (grunting)
- (tuts)
226
00:07:16,993 --> 00:07:19,062
(quietly):
Bob, look what I got from upstairs.
227
00:07:19,162 --> 00:07:21,497
- Snail and Newt.
- Wait, you went up to the apartment?
228
00:07:21,598 --> 00:07:23,933
So nobody was watching
the front of the house.
229
00:07:24,033 --> 00:07:25,435
(shushes) I'm gonna remind her
230
00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:28,037
how special these books are
so she'll write another one.
231
00:07:28,037 --> 00:07:29,973
Or you could just
stop pressuring her
232
00:07:30,073 --> 00:07:31,507
and let her do
what she wants to do?
233
00:07:31,608 --> 00:07:33,142
Well, in my plan
I'm helping children
234
00:07:33,142 --> 00:07:35,111
and bringing families together,
and in your plan...
235
00:07:35,111 --> 00:07:36,980
- Well, your plan sucks,
no offense. - Hmm.
236
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:39,182
(singsongy):
Hey, Bea, look what I got.
237
00:07:39,315 --> 00:07:41,150
Oh, Snail and Newt.
Yeah, there it is.
238
00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:43,653
- Yeah, look at it.
You wrote this. - Yes.
239
00:07:43,653 --> 00:07:45,822
(as Newt):
Hey, Bea, it's me Newt. Remember me?
240
00:07:45,922 --> 00:07:47,023
- Mm...
- (phone rings)
241
00:07:47,023 --> 00:07:48,491
(as Snail):
I'm Snail, I've got
242
00:07:48,491 --> 00:07:49,492
- a little hat on my head.
- Bob's Burgers.
243
00:07:49,492 --> 00:07:50,326
I just, um...
244
00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:52,095
Actually,
I need to use the restroom.
245
00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:53,930
Uh, would you keep an eye out
for the tow truck?
246
00:07:54,063 --> 00:07:55,532
Sure thing,
my little Bea Author.
247
00:07:55,532 --> 00:07:57,934
- Get it? She does.
- Okay, thanks.
248
00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,402
- (door closes)
- Uh, that was the tow truck.
249
00:07:59,402 --> 00:08:01,004
They're pulling up now,
I think.
250
00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:03,172
Already? No, no, no, no, no, no!
251
00:08:03,172 --> 00:08:06,075
Hi. Uh, I know this is
a little weird,
252
00:08:06,075 --> 00:08:08,411
but could you come back in
a few minutes or half an hour?
253
00:08:08,511 --> 00:08:10,780
Uh, no, that's not
how this works.
254
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:13,049
No, I know, but it's important.
You understand.
255
00:08:13,049 --> 00:08:15,151
- Uh, just come back in a bit.
- No...
256
00:08:15,151 --> 00:08:17,587
Listen, what if I told you
Bea Cromwell isn't gonna write
257
00:08:17,587 --> 00:08:20,390
any more Snail and Newt books
unless we change her mind?
258
00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,058
Yeah... I'm gonna drive away.
259
00:08:22,058 --> 00:08:23,226
- But you're coming back?
- Nope.
260
00:08:23,326 --> 00:08:25,762
Oh! No, wait! Ah, you left.
261
00:08:25,862 --> 00:08:27,030
- (entry bell chimes)
- Oh, boy. Okay.
262
00:08:27,163 --> 00:08:29,232
Did you just do
what I think you did?
263
00:08:29,365 --> 00:08:30,133
Mm...
264
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:31,701
- Still no tow truck?
- (sighs) Not yet.
265
00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:33,269
(laughs nervously)
266
00:08:33,269 --> 00:08:35,738
- More like a slow truck, right?
- Oh, my God.
267
00:08:39,576 --> 00:08:41,244
(quietly):
Lin, you sent Bea Cromwell's tow truck away.
268
00:08:41,244 --> 00:08:43,146
Are we holding her hostage now?
I mean, are you?
269
00:08:43,146 --> 00:08:44,981
Uh, I'm gonna tell the police
it was all you.
270
00:08:45,081 --> 00:08:46,316
- I just work here.
- I didn't mean to.
271
00:08:46,316 --> 00:08:48,251
I mean, I did, but different.
It just happened.
272
00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:50,386
(whispering):
We need to get Bea's tow truck back here.
273
00:08:50,386 --> 00:08:52,255
Okay, yes, let's call them.
274
00:08:52,255 --> 00:08:53,523
- Or...
- Or what?
275
00:08:53,656 --> 00:08:55,024
- We call them in a little bit.
- What? No.
276
00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:56,559
This is already happening, Bob.
277
00:08:56,659 --> 00:08:58,895
And I was making progress,
pre-progress.
278
00:08:58,995 --> 00:09:00,563
I just need a little more time.
279
00:09:00,663 --> 00:09:02,765
- (groans) I don't like it.
- It's fine.
280
00:09:02,765 --> 00:09:05,268
- Bea? You want to have
a burger while you wait? - Oh!
281
00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:07,770
You know, the tow truck really
should be here any second.
282
00:09:07,871 --> 00:09:09,339
I'd, um, I'd hate
for you to make a burger
283
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:12,175
- and I can't stay to eat it.
- Oh, don't worry about that.
284
00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:14,577
Bob loves making burgers,
even if they don't get eaten.
285
00:09:14,577 --> 00:09:17,080
Sometimes he just makes 'em and
throws 'em right in the trash.
286
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,815
- Right, Bob?
- No, I don't do that.
287
00:09:18,948 --> 00:09:20,750
- Sometimes.
- Never done that.
288
00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:22,418
- Make her a burger, please.
- Yup.
289
00:09:22,418 --> 00:09:24,053
- Look! (smooches)
- (cat meowing)
290
00:09:24,053 --> 00:09:26,089
- (making weird noises)
- LOUISE: Well, I for one
291
00:09:26,089 --> 00:09:29,058
love these outdoor
guidance counseling sessions.
292
00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:31,027
You under a tree,
standing on a ladder,
293
00:09:31,027 --> 00:09:33,830
facing away from us, teaching us
about self-confidence.
294
00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:37,000
- And trees.
- Yup, there's nothing odd about this at all.
295
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,202
Darn it. He's too scared
to play with his toy,
296
00:09:39,335 --> 00:09:41,404
and he's not hungry enough
to come for the food.
297
00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:42,872
I've never felt that way
in my life.
298
00:09:42,872 --> 00:09:44,407
- I need a taller ladder.
- (school bell rings)
299
00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:46,342
- No! The bell.
- Wait, wait, wait, we can do this.
300
00:09:46,342 --> 00:09:48,878
We'll just skip
our last class before assembly.
301
00:09:48,878 --> 00:09:50,647
No. No. No skipping class.
302
00:09:50,747 --> 00:09:52,081
Oh... the assembly.
303
00:09:52,181 --> 00:09:54,117
Principal Spoors will know
if I'm not there.
304
00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:56,185
Why do I have to be so good
at introducing assemblies?
305
00:09:56,185 --> 00:09:59,055
Dr. Bojangles, I need you
to either come down
306
00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:01,157
in the next 35 minutes
or stay up there
307
00:10:01,157 --> 00:10:03,326
for the next two hours,
for your own safety.
308
00:10:03,426 --> 00:10:05,929
But I don't know if you're
understanding any of this.
309
00:10:05,929 --> 00:10:07,931
He probably got the gist.
He seems smart.
310
00:10:08,031 --> 00:10:10,066
- He is a doctor.
- It's an honorary degree.
311
00:10:10,066 --> 00:10:12,802
I gave it to him,
and I can take it away.
312
00:10:12,802 --> 00:10:14,170
There's so much more
they could do.
313
00:10:14,170 --> 00:10:16,506
These two characters,
they've got legs.
314
00:10:16,606 --> 00:10:18,174
Well, not Snail,
but, you know, like, uh...
315
00:10:18,174 --> 00:10:20,843
Snail and Newt go to
dental hygienist school.
316
00:10:20,843 --> 00:10:22,378
Kids like that, right?
317
00:10:22,478 --> 00:10:25,215
Or what about if Snail and Newt
inherit a haunted mansion?
318
00:10:25,315 --> 00:10:27,884
Oh, I know!
They could find a human baby
319
00:10:27,884 --> 00:10:29,953
and raise it up to be
a country music star.
320
00:10:30,053 --> 00:10:32,155
Maybe I should call
the tow truck company again?
321
00:10:32,155 --> 00:10:34,657
- It has been a while.
May I use your...? - No.
322
00:10:34,657 --> 00:10:36,092
I can't call the tow truck?
323
00:10:36,192 --> 00:10:38,528
They actually called
while you were in the bathroom.
324
00:10:38,628 --> 00:10:40,530
- They did?
- Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
325
00:10:40,630 --> 00:10:42,198
Oops. They're running
a little late
326
00:10:42,198 --> 00:10:44,334
because, uh... one of
their tow trucks broke down.
327
00:10:44,434 --> 00:10:47,003
Can you believe it?
A tow truck needing a tow truck.
328
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:48,504
That's like
a doctor needing a doctor.
329
00:10:48,504 --> 00:10:49,973
Wait, they probably do.
330
00:10:50,073 --> 00:10:51,808
Where were we?
Oh! What about, uh...
331
00:10:51,808 --> 00:10:54,677
- Snail and Newt meet
a time-traveling spider monkey? - No.
332
00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:57,213
Who can tell me
what this constellation is?
333
00:10:57,213 --> 00:10:58,748
- The Big Dipper?
- No.
334
00:10:58,748 --> 00:11:00,116
- Oh.
- Follow the laser.
335
00:11:00,216 --> 00:11:01,084
The Medium Dipper?
336
00:11:01,184 --> 00:11:03,553
Anyone besides Peter?
It's Leo.
337
00:11:03,553 --> 00:11:04,487
He's a lion. See?
338
00:11:04,654 --> 00:11:06,556
Kind of looks like a cat?
Sort of? Not really.
339
00:11:06,556 --> 00:11:08,458
I mean, I don't know
who named these things,
340
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:10,894
- but, you know, maybe cats
used to look different? - (gasps)
341
00:11:10,894 --> 00:11:12,962
- Yes, Gene?
- Uh... nothing.
342
00:11:13,062 --> 00:11:16,499
I just love Leos--
DiCaprio, da Vinci.
343
00:11:16,499 --> 00:11:17,567
Anyway, go on.
344
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,036
Do you think she's starting
to change her mind at all?
345
00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:21,504
- She's coming around, right?
- I mean,
346
00:11:21,504 --> 00:11:24,507
she said, "I'm gonna go work
on my manuscript by myself,"
347
00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:26,910
and then she sat
in the farthest booth away
348
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:28,811
and she hasn't made eye contact since.
349
00:11:28,912 --> 00:11:30,313
I just thought
if I could show her
350
00:11:30,313 --> 00:11:31,781
how much we love the books...
351
00:11:31,781 --> 00:11:34,050
Lin, I think she's clear
on how much we love the books.
352
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:36,219
So maybe it's time to... Hmm?
353
00:11:36,319 --> 00:11:38,221
- (groans)
- You're doing the right thing,
354
00:11:38,354 --> 00:11:40,924
after not doing the right thing
so, so much.
355
00:11:41,024 --> 00:11:43,993
Bea? I'm gonna give
the tow truck another call.
356
00:11:44,093 --> 00:11:45,195
Okay. Thank you.
357
00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:47,797
Hi, I'm calling from Bob's
Burgers on Ocean Avenue.
358
00:11:47,897 --> 00:11:50,466
(quietly):
And, uh, we would like the truck to come back.
359
00:11:50,466 --> 00:11:52,435
Uh, can I get you
something else?
360
00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:55,104
More coffee?
Some ice cream? Napkins?
361
00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:57,640
Sorry, I-I'm just saying things
that we have.
362
00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,242
Thank you, no.
363
00:11:59,242 --> 00:12:00,944
(whispering):
No, you don't need to talk to her.
364
00:12:00,944 --> 00:12:03,246
I'll pay extra, just--
Okay, fine. Hold on.
365
00:12:03,246 --> 00:12:04,847
- Um, Bea?
- Yeah?
366
00:12:04,948 --> 00:12:06,816
They, uh, want to talk to you.
367
00:12:06,816 --> 00:12:08,117
BOB:
Oh, God.
368
00:12:08,117 --> 00:12:10,086
Uh, you have to let go of it
from your end.
369
00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:12,055
- Sorry, yeah.
- What are we gonna do?
370
00:12:12,055 --> 00:12:14,224
Just keep smiling
like everything's fine.
371
00:12:14,324 --> 00:12:16,926
Yes, I want the truck.
I've been waiting for a long...
372
00:12:16,926 --> 00:12:18,428
What do you mean cancel again?
373
00:12:18,428 --> 00:12:20,496
- Oh, no.
- (whispers): Keep smiling. Keep smiling.
374
00:12:20,597 --> 00:12:24,033
I definitely want the truck
as soon as possible. Thank you.
375
00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:26,769
Well, I'm gonna wait outside.
No reason.
376
00:12:26,769 --> 00:12:28,404
Yup. Makes sense.
377
00:12:28,404 --> 00:12:29,873
Bea, I'm sorry.
Let me explain!
378
00:12:29,873 --> 00:12:31,307
Oh, you're coming at me. Um...
379
00:12:31,307 --> 00:12:34,644
No, I know what I did was a lot,
but let me explain.
380
00:12:34,744 --> 00:12:37,013
Oh! Oh, oh, look!
Uh... (stammers)
381
00:12:37,013 --> 00:12:38,948
Snail keychain.
Hey, that's cute.
382
00:12:39,048 --> 00:12:41,084
And now you've got my keys.
Please just, um...
383
00:12:41,184 --> 00:12:42,652
I'd like--
I'd like to leave now!
384
00:12:42,652 --> 00:12:44,587
- Uh, Lin, maybe...
- No, Bea.
385
00:12:44,587 --> 00:12:45,688
You don't understand...
386
00:12:45,822 --> 00:12:46,823
You can't keep me trapped
in here.
387
00:12:46,923 --> 00:12:48,791
Stop! Don't come any closer.
388
00:12:48,791 --> 00:12:50,960
- (groaning)
- Bea, don't leave.
389
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,862
I mean, you can go
if you want to, but don't.
390
00:12:52,862 --> 00:12:54,297
I'm not saying that
in a scary way.
391
00:12:54,297 --> 00:12:55,665
Don't run away from me!
392
00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:57,267
- (screaming)
- Bea!
393
00:13:01,571 --> 00:13:02,972
Bea, I'm sorry!
Come back inside!
394
00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:04,474
I'll give you your keys,
we can talk about this!
395
00:13:04,474 --> 00:13:05,475
Leave me alone!
396
00:13:05,475 --> 00:13:07,043
- Lin, stop chasing her.
- I'm not chasing her.
397
00:13:07,143 --> 00:13:09,646
I'm helping her.
I'm fine, it's fine.
398
00:13:09,646 --> 00:13:12,482
- Bea!
- Uh... I-I got-- I got to go inside.
399
00:13:12,482 --> 00:13:14,417
But remember
you can also come inside
400
00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:16,219
and stop doing all of this.
401
00:13:16,219 --> 00:13:17,287
I'll be right in.
402
00:13:17,287 --> 00:13:18,821
It's gonna be fine.
Everything's fine!
403
00:13:18,955 --> 00:13:21,558
If this is goodbye,
I love you.
404
00:13:21,658 --> 00:13:24,294
RAPPER:
♪ Come gather round, everyone ♪
405
00:13:24,294 --> 00:13:26,829
♪ We're gonna tell you
why college is cool and fun ♪
406
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,898
♪ It isn't just for squares
who get good grades ♪
407
00:13:28,898 --> 00:13:31,234
♪ It's for super hip kids
with skateboards and shades ♪
408
00:13:31,234 --> 00:13:33,503
Damn, they're getting me
excited about college.
409
00:13:33,636 --> 00:13:34,938
- Really?
- Tina! Louise!
410
00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:36,272
(whispering):
Don't go into the assembly.
411
00:13:36,372 --> 00:13:38,675
I know how to get Dr. Bojangles
out of the tree.
412
00:13:38,675 --> 00:13:40,143
Ms. Twitchell's laser pointer.
413
00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:42,679
She let me borrow it because
I said I want to do science now.
414
00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:45,248
So if you see her,
tell her I'm doing science now.
415
00:13:45,248 --> 00:13:46,849
Gene, you brilliant bastard.
416
00:13:46,849 --> 00:13:49,752
I can almost smell those "get
out of detention free" passes,
417
00:13:49,752 --> 00:13:52,188
and they smell like getting out
of detention for free.
418
00:13:52,188 --> 00:13:54,257
Gosh, I guess we have
to miss the assembly
419
00:13:54,257 --> 00:13:55,859
to go help Mr. Frond again.
420
00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:57,760
- Ugh, too bad.
- Yeah.
421
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,262
Oh, you were being sarcastic.
422
00:13:59,262 --> 00:14:01,231
But won't we get in trouble
for skipping the assembly?
423
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,565
Frond won't let that happen.
424
00:14:02,665 --> 00:14:05,869
Plus, Tina, Dr. Bojangles' life
hangs in the balance, literally.
425
00:14:05,869 --> 00:14:07,770
If only we could
show Dr. Bojangles
426
00:14:07,770 --> 00:14:09,072
that "hang in there"
kitty cat poster.
427
00:14:09,072 --> 00:14:10,974
Okay, fine.
Let's go find Mr. Frond.
428
00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:12,508
Isn't he emceeing the assembly?
429
00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:13,776
Well, he's not here,
430
00:14:13,776 --> 00:14:15,178
so he must be
in hair and makeup?
431
00:14:15,278 --> 00:14:16,880
BRANCA:
Why do you need such a tall ladder?
432
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,414
- You could fall and get hurt.
- (grunts)
433
00:14:18,548 --> 00:14:20,083
I told you,
it's very important,
434
00:14:20,183 --> 00:14:21,784
but I also can't
tell you anything about it.
435
00:14:21,784 --> 00:14:23,920
Mr. Frond,
I can't let you do this.
436
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,889
You know
how uncoordinated you are.
437
00:14:25,889 --> 00:14:28,057
- In-in a cute way.
It's endearing. - (school bell rings)
438
00:14:28,157 --> 00:14:30,527
Now, let's go enjoy the assembly
together, eh?
439
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:31,561
Aah!
440
00:14:31,561 --> 00:14:32,862
The assembly.
441
00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,497
Damn, he's not here either.
442
00:14:34,497 --> 00:14:35,632
Cat, yes. Frond, no.
443
00:14:35,732 --> 00:14:37,000
Unless the cat ate him?
444
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,768
Eh, there'd be
signs of a struggle
445
00:14:38,902 --> 00:14:40,336
and bits of sweater vest everywhere.
446
00:14:40,436 --> 00:14:42,105
- LOUISE: We'll just have to
do this ourselves. - (meows)
447
00:14:42,205 --> 00:14:44,307
I'm gonna call us
The Pointer Sisters
448
00:14:44,307 --> 00:14:46,276
- because I'm so excited!
- (meows)
449
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:47,443
Oh, it's not working.
450
00:14:47,443 --> 00:14:48,811
- That cat's broken.
- Give me that.
451
00:14:48,811 --> 00:14:50,580
You can't just flick it around.
452
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,848
You got to flirt a little.
453
00:14:51,948 --> 00:14:53,216
TINA:
I'd date that dot.
454
00:14:53,216 --> 00:14:55,518
Bea? Let me in, please.
455
00:14:55,618 --> 00:14:57,921
- Mort!
- MORT: Uh... Uh, hi, Linda!
456
00:14:57,921 --> 00:15:00,023
- LINDA: Hi, Mort!
- Leave me alone!
457
00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:01,925
LINDA:
I just want to talk to you, Bea!
458
00:15:02,025 --> 00:15:03,593
Mort? Come on, let me in.
459
00:15:03,593 --> 00:15:04,761
We're not letting her in.
460
00:15:04,861 --> 00:15:06,663
(straining):
Mort, can you tell Bea
461
00:15:06,663 --> 00:15:09,399
I'm a very nice,
normal person?
462
00:15:09,499 --> 00:15:11,701
There you go, follow that dot,
463
00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:12,936
you adorable idiot.
464
00:15:13,069 --> 00:15:14,437
Tina, get ready
to try and grab him.
465
00:15:14,437 --> 00:15:17,874
Uh... Gene, it seems like
you two have more in common,
466
00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:19,475
so maybe you should try.
467
00:15:19,475 --> 00:15:22,078
Okay. Here I come,
Dr. Bojangles.
468
00:15:22,078 --> 00:15:25,381
Permission to put my hands
in your armpits?
469
00:15:25,381 --> 00:15:27,417
- Oh.
- Wow. - Okay.
470
00:15:27,417 --> 00:15:30,520
Now, you just have to carry him
all the way to Frond's office.
471
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:34,023
Try to make him look like...
a kid who needs counseling?
472
00:15:34,023 --> 00:15:36,025
If anyone asks,
you're having trouble
473
00:15:36,025 --> 00:15:38,161
adjusting to your parents'
new living situation.
474
00:15:38,161 --> 00:15:39,629
And it's not your fault.
475
00:15:39,629 --> 00:15:41,130
I don't hear her anymore.
476
00:15:41,130 --> 00:15:43,032
Maybe she realized
that she was scaring you
477
00:15:43,032 --> 00:15:44,667
and she went back
to the restaurant?
478
00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:46,636
She's usually a nice person,
when she's not scary.
479
00:15:46,636 --> 00:15:48,738
- Hmm.
- What do you say we open the door?
480
00:15:48,738 --> 00:15:50,039
I mean, this is a business,
481
00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:52,008
and sometimes people
come in here, alive ones.
482
00:15:52,108 --> 00:15:53,743
Uh... okay.
483
00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:56,246
And... there you go. No Linda.
484
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:57,580
- Here I am!
- Oh, God!
485
00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:59,082
Sorry. Was that not fun?
486
00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:00,817
That was supposed to be fun.
Look, Bea.
487
00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:03,686
I'm just here to give you your
keys and say I'm really sorry.
488
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:05,088
Okay, fine. Thank you.
489
00:16:05,188 --> 00:16:07,223
So sorry the tow truck guy left
'cause of me,
490
00:16:07,223 --> 00:16:08,291
and I didn't tell you.
491
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:09,626
It's only because of the books.
492
00:16:09,726 --> 00:16:11,027
And I won't take up
any more of your time,
493
00:16:11,027 --> 00:16:12,428
but it's $6.50 for the burger.
494
00:16:12,428 --> 00:16:14,664
I'm j-- I'm just kidding.
It's on Mort. Right, Mort?
495
00:16:14,664 --> 00:16:15,832
- Wait, what?
- Oh, I'm kidding.
496
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,667
Burger's on the house,
of course.
497
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,669
You see? I'm a fun person.
498
00:16:19,669 --> 00:16:20,837
Yeah, you're delightful.
499
00:16:20,837 --> 00:16:22,739
Thank you.
Hey, let's start over.
500
00:16:22,739 --> 00:16:24,307
Clean slate.
Hi, I'm Linda,
501
00:16:24,307 --> 00:16:26,910
and I haven't held you hostage
in my restaurant at all today.
502
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:29,412
- Mm-hmm.
- And so what's your name, Bea Cromwell?
503
00:16:29,512 --> 00:16:30,680
- (sneezes)
- Bless you.
504
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:31,781
Oh, there's the allergies.
505
00:16:31,881 --> 00:16:32,949
This guy needs his medicine.
506
00:16:33,082 --> 00:16:34,551
The divorce has been hard
on him.
507
00:16:34,551 --> 00:16:36,352
Ah, almost there.
508
00:16:37,053 --> 00:16:39,122
- SCHNUR: What's happening here?
- (all gasp)
509
00:16:39,222 --> 00:16:42,392
So, you'll maybe consider
writing another Snail and Newt?
510
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:45,862
Uh-huh. Whatever I have to say
until you're gone.
511
00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:48,665
Aw, great.
Well, so nice to meet you.
512
00:16:48,798 --> 00:16:51,000
- Mm-hmm.
- Here's your keys.
513
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,002
We're good, right?
I feel like we're good.
514
00:16:53,002 --> 00:16:54,737
Should we hug?
Let's have a hug.
515
00:16:54,737 --> 00:16:56,573
Uh... no, no, no.
516
00:16:56,673 --> 00:16:58,141
(Linda and Bea grunting)
517
00:16:58,241 --> 00:16:59,809
I'll, uh, be right back.
518
00:16:59,809 --> 00:17:00,810
- Sorry.
- (entry bell chimes)
519
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,845
MORT:
All right. Okay.
520
00:17:02,845 --> 00:17:04,347
- Hi, Bob.
- BOB: Yep.
521
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:07,150
That's pretty much what
I pictured was happening here.
522
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:14,390
Uh, Bea, I'm so sorry
about what my wife did,
523
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:16,559
but maybe you could let her go?
524
00:17:16,559 --> 00:17:17,794
Lin, are you okay?
525
00:17:17,927 --> 00:17:19,062
(straining):
I'm fine. I'm great.
526
00:17:19,062 --> 00:17:20,763
Where'd you learn
how to do that?
527
00:17:20,864 --> 00:17:23,800
I studied Krav Maga when I was
researching my latest book.
528
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,802
Very cool. I took
a bike safety class
529
00:17:25,802 --> 00:17:27,036
at the rec center.
530
00:17:27,036 --> 00:17:29,772
- Kind of similar.
- Bea? Uh, M-Ms. Cromwell?
531
00:17:29,772 --> 00:17:31,140
L-Linda's not as dangerous
532
00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:33,176
as she might have seemed
to you before.
533
00:17:33,176 --> 00:17:35,311
Canceling my tow truck?
Taking my keys?
534
00:17:35,311 --> 00:17:36,946
I also picked up a hair of yours
535
00:17:37,046 --> 00:17:38,815
that fell off your head
to show the kids later.
536
00:17:38,815 --> 00:17:40,350
Sorry, I know it's weird.
537
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,552
I just feel safer if we do this
until the tow truck comes,
538
00:17:42,652 --> 00:17:44,087
- and maybe the police.
- I get it.
539
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,689
I still don't know
what cat you're talking about.
540
00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:48,758
- Oh, this cat.
- Uh-huh.
541
00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:51,494
No animals at school.
Wait a second.
542
00:17:51,494 --> 00:17:52,862
I recognize you.
543
00:17:52,862 --> 00:17:55,398
Did Mr. Frond bring his cat
to school again?
544
00:17:55,498 --> 00:17:56,799
- No, no.
- What, no? - No, no.
545
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,401
He looked at me
when I said Mr. Frond.
546
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,370
See? There.
He just did it again.
547
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,472
This is our... science project.
548
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,840
Yeah. We made it?
549
00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:05,942
- Pretty good, huh?
- Oh, dear Lord.
550
00:18:06,042 --> 00:18:09,078
(stammers) How dare you
bring a cat to school?
551
00:18:09,078 --> 00:18:10,680
You probably thought
I'd go easier on you
552
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,715
because he looks
just like my cat,
553
00:18:12,815 --> 00:18:15,184
but you can't bring a cat
onto school property.
554
00:18:15,184 --> 00:18:18,187
Everyone knows that.
I'll handle this, Ms. Schnur.
555
00:18:18,187 --> 00:18:20,523
You three march yourselves
into my office.
556
00:18:20,523 --> 00:18:21,791
I'm calling your parents.
557
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:23,359
I mean,
don't be too hard on them.
558
00:18:23,459 --> 00:18:25,428
No, no. I'm none too pleased.
559
00:18:25,528 --> 00:18:26,930
- None too pleased!
- (sneezes)
560
00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:30,233
It's a good thing I have
allergy medicine for you,
561
00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:32,068
cat I've never met in my life.
562
00:18:32,068 --> 00:18:33,503
In. In. In. In.
563
00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:34,771
All right.
564
00:18:34,771 --> 00:18:36,906
So, uh,
you're really good at this.
565
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,008
- What's it called again?
- Krav Maga.
566
00:18:39,008 --> 00:18:41,544
Maybe Snail and Newt could do,
uh, Kraw Magoo.
567
00:18:41,644 --> 00:18:43,346
- That would be fun. Ow.
- Hey, Lin?
568
00:18:43,446 --> 00:18:47,050
Uh, I know how much you--
we all loved those books,
569
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:48,518
but she doesn't really
need to write
570
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:50,053
any more Snail and Newt,
does she?
571
00:18:50,053 --> 00:18:52,088
I mean, you know,
someday we'll have grandkids.
572
00:18:52,188 --> 00:18:54,524
Hopefully, uh, like,
20 years from now,
573
00:18:54,624 --> 00:18:56,559
but you'll get
to read them the books
574
00:18:56,659 --> 00:18:58,061
if you're not in jail.
575
00:18:58,161 --> 00:19:00,563
Bea, maybe you could
let her go?
576
00:19:00,663 --> 00:19:02,265
And I could
hold her down for you?
577
00:19:02,265 --> 00:19:04,934
- W-Would that be helpful?
- I know I went overboard.
578
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:07,036
It's just I-I thought
if you could write a book,
579
00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:09,339
another book,
we could be back in our bed,
580
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:12,141
all-all snuggling and crying
and laughing again,
581
00:19:12,141 --> 00:19:15,545
and maybe no one has to grow up
and leave and go to college.
582
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,714
I know it doesn't make sense.
I know.
583
00:19:17,714 --> 00:19:19,782
Lin, if it helps,
I'm pretty sure
584
00:19:19,782 --> 00:19:22,518
at least two of our kids
are gonna have to live at home
585
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:23,853
for a long time.
586
00:19:23,953 --> 00:19:25,955
I just wish
I could freeze those moments
587
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:28,358
and go back and live in 'em
a little longer.
588
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,560
You know? Before it's all gone
589
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:32,795
and we end up here at Mort's.
590
00:19:32,896 --> 00:19:34,764
Get to end up here.
Friend prices.
591
00:19:34,764 --> 00:19:36,699
It makes me sad,
592
00:19:36,799 --> 00:19:38,034
and then I did all this stuff.
593
00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:40,837
- I'm-I'm sorry, Bea.
- Listen, Linda.
594
00:19:40,837 --> 00:19:42,171
My kids are in college now.
595
00:19:42,272 --> 00:19:44,007
And, yeah, it's different,
and I miss them.
596
00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:45,608
And they definitely
don't call me enough,
597
00:19:45,608 --> 00:19:46,676
but it's also good.
598
00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:48,044
Is it? It sounds awful.
599
00:19:48,177 --> 00:19:50,380
- Your life sounds awful.
- Okay, just stop.
600
00:19:50,380 --> 00:19:52,949
It's good because this is
what's supposed to happen.
601
00:19:53,082 --> 00:19:54,551
They're supposed to grow up.
602
00:19:54,551 --> 00:19:57,420
Stuff changes,
and then you enjoy the changes.
603
00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,422
And I do so much
less laundry now.
604
00:19:59,422 --> 00:20:01,191
- Oh, yeah.
- That does sound nice.
605
00:20:01,291 --> 00:20:02,458
(sniffles) Thank you, Bea.
606
00:20:02,559 --> 00:20:06,529
I can't feel my arms or my neck
anymore, but thank you.
607
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:10,066
Bye, Bea!
Maybe I'll come by your reading!
608
00:20:10,066 --> 00:20:11,501
- BEA: No!
- I'll just stop by.
609
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:12,869
Ooh, gosh, she's strong.
610
00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:14,604
I love that she put you
in a full nelson.
611
00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,172
I love that you were
in a full nelson.
612
00:20:16,272 --> 00:20:18,007
I want to reenact what happened
all night.
613
00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:20,610
Children's book authors.
Great at grappling, huh?
614
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:21,844
And spelling, I bet.
615
00:20:21,844 --> 00:20:23,846
So, uh,
how was the college assembly?
616
00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:26,216
Was it awful, I hope?
Just kidding.
617
00:20:26,316 --> 00:20:28,518
Sort of. I mean, it's good
if you're excited.
618
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,253
What's exciting is, we're gonna
be able to get in anywhere
619
00:20:30,353 --> 00:20:32,889
because our records are
going to be spotless,
620
00:20:32,889 --> 00:20:34,858
thanks to our friend
Dr. Bojangles.
621
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:36,759
- Who?
- He's a cat who's also a doctor.
622
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,463
Okay. I'm a little worried
about that.
623
00:20:41,164 --> 00:20:43,299
♪ Every moment we're together ♪
624
00:20:43,399 --> 00:20:47,103
♪ Is another moment
I will treasure ♪
625
00:20:47,103 --> 00:20:50,373
♪ Snail and Newt
in any weather ♪
626
00:20:50,473 --> 00:20:52,742
♪ But too bad it's not forever ♪
627
00:20:52,742 --> 00:20:55,845
♪ Because someday
you'll have to go ♪
628
00:20:55,945 --> 00:20:59,415
♪ And live your life,
though it kills me so ♪
629
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:02,652
♪ I don't know
how I will go on ♪
630
00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:06,322
♪ Why get out of bed
if you are gone? ♪
631
00:21:06,322 --> 00:21:08,525
LINDA: What about
Snail and Newt try stand-up?
632
00:21:08,525 --> 00:21:12,328
Oh, oh! Snail and Newt get
fun haircuts. Two tight perms.
633
00:21:12,328 --> 00:21:15,131
Snail and Newt go
on tour with Guns N' Roses.
634
00:21:15,131 --> 00:21:17,333
Snail and Newt start
a fight club.
635
00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:19,269
Snail and Newt go to Buffalo.
636
00:21:19,269 --> 00:21:21,738
Oh, Snail and Newt eat
too much mac and cheese,
637
00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:23,206
and then they can't poop.
638
00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:25,608
Oh, Snail and Newt go
to couples' counseling
639
00:21:25,608 --> 00:21:27,076
and they work it all out.
640
00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:29,846
♪ But every moment
we're together ♪
641
00:21:29,946 --> 00:21:33,016
♪ Is another moment
I will treasure. ♪
642
00:21:33,016 --> 00:21:34,183
Captioning sponsored by
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643
00:21:34,183 --> 00:21:35,451
and TOYOTA.
644
00:21:35,501 --> 00:21:40,051
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