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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,480 Tell me what you don't like about yourself, Mrs. Kringle. 2 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:15,120 These last 15 pounds. I've just had no luck getting rid of them. 3 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:18,600 The first 75 didn't exactly fall off, either. 4 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,720 It's a proven fact that men and women lose fat at different rates. 5 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,720 Why do you always have to compare? 6 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,520 You were the one sneaking all the extra zone bars, mama. 7 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,120 That's all I'm saying. 8 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,200 Wesley and I used to both be a lot heavier, 9 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,320 but we went on a liquid diet last spring, and together 10 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,000 lost almost 200 pounds. 11 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,800 That's impressive. Congratulations. 12 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,600 But now the holidays are here and 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:46,400 I've just gotta lose these last few inches before Christmas. 14 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:47,520 Can lipo help? 15 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,080 Usually we get requests like yours after new year's, 16 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,800 when everyone makes their resolutions. 17 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:56,080 Oh, we made a resolution a year ago to be at 10% body fat by now. 18 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,920 It was a career choice. 19 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:02,880 Joy and I, we're the feature attraction over at the dolphin mall during the holidays. 20 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,320 We work as Santa and Mrs. Claus. 21 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,000 With a name like kringle, what are the odds? 22 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,600 Oh, it's not a coincidence, doctor. 23 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:14,880 Thank you. 24 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,320 We used to be the Mayfields, 25 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,920 but we had our name legally changed back in '91. 26 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,920 I think that's when we started putting on the weight, right? 27 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,480 Well, we were very method back then. 28 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,600 Of course, with childhood obesity rates the way they are today, fat 29 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,720 is not an image we want to promote anymore. 30 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,720 The holidays don't have to be about gluttony and overindulgence. 31 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,720 The true spirit of Christmas is about celebration and good cheer, 32 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,480 and studies show that people are much cheerier if they're healthy. 33 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,000 Now, we try to teach the kids that. 34 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,120 Even our candy canes are sugar-free. 35 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,400 We do this for the children. 36 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,520 We never had any of our own and it ruined the holidays for us, 37 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,800 so one year as a joke, we dressed up as the clauses 38 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:03,400 and we got so much enjoyment out of seeing the kids' faces, 39 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,000 we never stopped. 40 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,720 We take it very seriously now. 41 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,280 Does that mean we'll be sending your bill to the North Pole? 42 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:23,520 Well, we can certainly explore the option of micro-lipo, 43 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,680 although I have to say, having 2 kids of my own, 44 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:31,400 the idea of a trim Santa seems nontraditional. 45 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,280 You still pad the suit, though, right? 46 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,680 I was planning on bringing my daughter by next week. 47 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,200 It's our sincere hope 48 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,280 that by the time your kids have kids, doctor, 49 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,320 Santa will no longer be thought of as the fat man. 50 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:51,280 He'll be trim, tight, and a little bit sexy. 51 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,520 What about the elves? 52 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,680 I always felt like that was indentured servitude. 53 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,600 Are you gonna do something about that? 54 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,320 Do you think Mary had sex with God? 55 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:06,400 Well, um, my personal theory 56 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:11,200 is that Mary got it on with Joseph before the wedding, 57 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:16,480 and then when Jesus was born less than 9 months later, 58 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,400 she told everyone it was a virgin birth. 59 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,000 That way, no one would know she had sex before she was married. 60 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,600 It would be pretty tough to get away with that today. 61 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,120 Matt, knock it off. 62 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,920 Although, come to think of it, 63 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,520 you and I know someone a lot like the virgin Mary, 64 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:39,280 only she got pregnant by her husband's best friend before the wedding. 65 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,720 She also told a big old whopper of a lie, 66 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,480 and everyone believed it for a very long time. 67 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,200 Yes, but her baby was no son of God. 68 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,200 It was a joke, mom. 69 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,600 I'm sorry. 70 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,680 Jesus, you're white as a sheet. 71 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,280 Uh, I'm not feeling very... 72 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,880 Oh, ok. Hey, whoa. I got you. I got you, I got you. 73 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,880 Here, come here. 74 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,680 For years, I've been recommending you get a flu shot, Julia. 75 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:16,480 Yeah, well, I wouldn't have bothered you, but Dr. Edelman's out of town, and... 76 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,480 I've been feeling really run down. 77 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,320 Well, you've had a rough month. 78 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:27,680 And it wouldn't be Christmas if you weren't trying to do more than humanly possible. 79 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,880 At least when I was around, 80 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,600 you had a little help with all of it. 81 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,200 This will sting a little. 82 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,520 I think you're mythologizing our holidays together, Sean. 83 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:45,200 What I remember most is nagging you endlessly. 84 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,000 I remember that, too. 85 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,120 Just hold this. 86 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,400 I miss all of it. 87 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:07,800 Uh, so, you guys doing the big turkey dinner thing? 88 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,920 No. Not this year. 89 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,000 Matt's been invited to the Aldermans 90 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,120 and Annie's going to Epcot with the Epsteins. 91 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:22,320 So I imagine you and Quentin will be skiing in Gstaad or snorkeling in St. Bart's, then. 92 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,120 I'm not seeing Quentin anymore. 93 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,520 And he's no longer working at the spa. 94 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,320 - He quit? - I fired him. 95 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,480 Please, Sean, no paternalistic I told you so's. 96 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,280 I was just gonna say that 97 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,800 I'm sorry if that puts a damper on your Christmas. 98 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,600 No. I have a ton of work to do, and 99 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,800 this year, Christmas is just another day. 100 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,400 Yeah. 101 00:06:55,680 --> 00:07:00,400 Well, aren't you gonna put the band-aid on me? 102 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,400 Right. 103 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:03,680 Sorry. 104 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,480 What? 105 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,120 I was just thinking that... 106 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,800 that we should have Linda do a blood panel, 107 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,720 make sure you're not anemic. 108 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,200 Yeah. 109 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,400 Fine. 110 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,600 You're the doctor. 111 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,320 This is so wrong. 112 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,600 Yeah, I know. I didn't think they could put religious stuff on school grounds. 113 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,800 Matt, are you looking at their faces? 114 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:21,920 They're black! 115 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,000 Jesus was not black. 116 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,400 They're a little dark-skinned, maybe, but it's not like they have afros. 117 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,920 Huh. It figures they would be allowed to do this. 118 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,200 Well, if you're that upset, talk to the principal. 119 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,920 Right. Principal Goldberg? 120 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,880 Matt, she's a jew. She doesn't care about Christmas. 121 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,400 She's at home on the 25th eating chinese food or something. 122 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,080 I mean, if she really cared about this, this wouldn't have happened. 123 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,080 This whole thing is a fairy tale. 124 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,600 Come on. I thought we were skipping last period. 125 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,880 The story of the birth of Jesus is sacred, Matt. 126 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,280 It's the foundation of all christianity. 127 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,000 Saying that Jesus was a mud baby is like pissing on the bible. 128 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,520 You're not supposed to take it literally. 129 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,920 The story's for kids. Jesus is Santa Claus for adults. 130 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,600 Do you know who Santa was before he became the marketing tool he's today ? 131 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,520 St. Nicholas, the patron saint of charity. 132 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,800 But by 1930, when Coca-Cola got ahold of him, 133 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,400 he suddenly became this big fat-ass in a red suit, 134 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,400 flying around with a sleigh and reindeer, 135 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,680 totally corrupting the holiday and mocking any religious meaning behind it. 136 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,800 - You're kidding. - No, I'm not. 137 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,000 It's a perfect example of what happens when we don't protect our history. 138 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,400 When we don't protect our truth, 139 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,000 it can be rewritten. 140 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,080 We have to do something. 141 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,480 The messiah? 142 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,800 Liz, I thought you were an atheist. 143 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,600 I kind of go on the wagon around the holidays. 144 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,280 You miss out on too much good music if you don't. 145 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,000 And it puts me in a very forgiving mood. 146 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,880 Well, in that case, I'm glad it's on. 147 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,000 All right. Shall we suck the pringles out of the kringle? 148 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,080 Oh, sorry, maestro. 149 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,200 We started the performance without you. 150 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,120 Are you ok? 151 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,400 You look like somebody dumped a lump of coal in your stocking. 152 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,400 Julia's pregnant. 153 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,400 What? 154 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,080 She came in earlier for a flu shot, 155 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,200 I ran a blood panel as a precautionary measure, 156 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,320 and the lab just called and said she was pregnant. 157 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,600 Did you tell her? 158 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:36,880 Liz, you can't say anything. 159 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,720 I think Julia's gonna be able to figure this out for herself. 160 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,520 How long ago did she and Quentin start seeing each other? 161 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,400 - Shit. - Yeah. 162 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,600 No, shit, I hit something. Look. 163 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,480 What does it feel like? 164 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,480 I don't know. Like a tumor or a hernia, maybe? 165 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,600 That's no hernia. 166 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,000 What are her vitals? 167 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,920 Heart rate's increasing. 168 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,000 We're gonna have to open her up. 169 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,880 I'll go talk to Santa. 170 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,800 All right, we're gonna need a laparotomy tray. 171 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,800 Consent signed. We're going in. 172 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,600 10 blade. 173 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,280 What the hell is that? 174 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,720 That's not growing out of her uterus, is it? 175 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,200 Oh, my god. 176 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,680 It looks like somebody else didn't realize they were pregnant, either. 177 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,400 Heads up. 178 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,480 - Nice catch. - I gots the good hands, baby. 179 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,320 Oh, don't I know it. 180 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,400 We have to do it, I guess. 181 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,480 I know I'm supposed to call, but I... 182 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,200 took a chance. 183 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,800 I thought you'd want these. 184 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,000 It's the handmad ornaments for when the kids were little. 185 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,800 Great. 186 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,880 One more box of decorations to hang. 187 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,120 Annie said you guys already trimmed the tree. 188 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,200 Yeah, well, you know how it is, Sean. 189 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,680 Everyone starts out with good intentions. 190 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:11,400 Than eventually I'm all by myself, eating all the cookies and guessing out loud to Jeopardy. 191 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,320 By the way, have you seen Matt's baby ornament? 192 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,880 I mean, maybe it's in here, but 193 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,200 I don't know what could have happened to it. 194 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,600 Do you think it's bad luck to lose your baby's first ornament? 195 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,880 Is that like losing your wedding ring? 196 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:34,200 Julia, the blood panel came back. 197 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,200 You're pregnant. 198 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,920 Pregnant with a... what did you call it? 199 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,680 A lithopedion. 200 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,800 Litho meaning stone, pedion meaning child. 201 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:53,120 You had a... petrified fetus inside of you. 202 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,600 How does something like that happen? 203 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:01,920 At some point, you had an undiagnose pregnancy and the fetus died. 204 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:06,320 Through some fluke, it remained in your abdominal cavity and just calcified overtime. 205 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,720 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 206 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,600 How long has it been in there? 207 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,400 I'd say at least 15 years, 208 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,080 maybe even 20 due to the level of calcification. 209 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,600 The pathology lab will be much more precise. 210 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,600 I'm sorry. 211 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,000 This is kind of hard to believe. 212 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,120 I don't believe it. 213 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,800 The evidence is pretty irrefutable. 214 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:38,200 I'm not pretending that I'm the virgin Mary, but what I'm saying is that... 215 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,000 I just didn't expect this. 216 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,800 I have a colleague, a very good doctor who could take care... 217 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,920 I'm not ready for that conversation, Sean. 218 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,600 I'm just trying to be helpful, Julia. 219 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,520 I'm probably state it obviously here, 220 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:58,720 but Quentin is not someone you want... 221 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,400 - Please Sean, don't say any more. - Do you want this baby? 222 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,520 I always wanted a baby. 223 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,480 Both of us did. 224 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,680 We were told it wasn't a possibility. 225 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,800 Was it a boy or a girl? 226 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,200 After they run all the tests, we'll know more. 227 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,520 The organs weren't visible. 228 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,600 Can I see it before it's sended off? 229 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,600 I don't think that's a good idea. 230 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,920 I need to see it. 231 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,680 I need to be alone now, Sean. 232 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,920 You haven't said anything to Quentin, have you? 233 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,800 That's your job, Julia. 234 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,400 I'd never do that. 235 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,600 Are you gonna tell him? 236 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,600 Sorry. Like I said earlier, I should have call first. 237 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,080 I don't know how I'm gonna tell Santa. 238 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,520 Is that for me? You shouldn't have. 239 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,320 I'm here for my payout, Christian. 240 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080 You haven't answered my calls. 241 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,400 I'll get it off in the morning. 242 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,320 I need it now. 243 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,720 I'm leaving for the holidays in the morning. 244 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,000 All by your lonesome? 245 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,800 Whatever happened to your burgeoning relationship? 246 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,000 What relationship? 247 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,000 I was under the impression that you and Julia... 248 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,320 Julia and I had a parting of the ways. 249 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,000 What was the problem, she didn't have a dick? 250 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,920 I'll tell you something, Christian. 251 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,200 She tried to blow me in her jacuzi and I had this epiphany. 252 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,600 If I'm finding this the sad chore, how could I possibly go further? 253 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,720 I had to finish off in the jet. 254 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,400 - So you and Julia never... - No. Not once. 255 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,600 I want my money now. 256 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,000 To be honest, I'm thrilled to be writing this check. 257 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,800 It means I'll never have to lay eyes on you again. 258 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,320 What a gift. 259 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,680 Happy holidays. 260 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,000 Can you tell that she's still black? 261 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,400 She looks albino. 262 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,400 You know, I was, uh... 263 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,080 I was thinking we should water 264 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:04,000 some of this paint down so that they don't like so cartoonish. 265 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,920 No. I think we're gonna have to do second coats on all these. 266 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,680 They're not white enough. 267 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,200 You're kidding, right? 268 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,520 No. I mean, you can tell that she's black. 269 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,600 Look, when the light hits her, you can definitely tell. 270 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,000 I think people will get the point. 271 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,600 I don't want people to know that they were black underneath there before. 272 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,200 Why is that wrong? 273 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,200 Are you ok? 274 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,400 Do you love me? 275 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,520 - Is that what this is about? - Do you love me ? 276 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:53,120 Honey, I just stole the baby Jesus because you asked me to. 277 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,600 Yes, I love you. 278 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,280 So if I told you a secret, you'd promise not to tell anyone, right ? 279 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,720 You can trust me. 280 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,200 You had Mrs. Tigh's history class, right? 281 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,400 She need us do this family tree, 282 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,600 and I thought it was gonna be a good Christmas present for my family, 283 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:30,720 you know, and I'm... and I've found out that my mom's great-grandmother... 284 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:33,920 was black, 285 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,800 which means that my mom is part black, 286 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,600 which means that I'm... 287 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,400 you didn't know that my mom was an octoroon when you met her, did you? 288 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,080 - You couldn't tell. - A what? 289 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,320 An octoroon 1/8 black. 290 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:49,120 And that means that I'm 1/16... black. 291 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,720 Honey, I don't think anybody will ever be able to tell that. 292 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,800 My dad might. 293 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:59,920 Matt, if I get any darker, then my dad's gonna be able to tell. 294 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,320 Ariel, you're whiter than me. 295 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,480 Well, genetically, I have more melanin in my skin. 296 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,400 And one day, I could start to turn. 297 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,480 I read it online, Matt. 298 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,400 Could you help me bleach my skin? 299 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:23,920 What? 300 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,800 Yeah. There's this cream that you can get that whiter skin, 301 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,120 and your mom probably has it at the spa, 302 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,600 and all you need to do is just get ahold of some... 303 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:31,680 Honey, that's crazy. 304 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,680 Why? People do it all the time, it's cosmetic. 305 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,280 Trying to make your skin whiter? 306 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,880 How is that gonna help anything? 307 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,680 Because if my dad finds out that I have black blood in me, 308 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,800 he's gonna go ballistic. 309 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,080 I mean, you've seen how he is, 310 00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,320 and I'm really scared what he's gonna do to me and my mom. 311 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:49,400 Yeah, but so what if you've got black blood in you from 100 years ago? 312 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,200 That doesn't change who you are now. 313 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,880 - Oh, no? - No. 314 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,120 Well, what happened when your dad found out 17 years later 315 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,520 that you weren't the son that he thought you were? 316 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,000 How did that work out for you? 317 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:29,600 You must have been a very good boy this year. 318 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,920 Santa brought you an early stuff in stuffer. 319 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,920 Guess who is not the father of Julia's baby ? 320 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,600 - You. - Ha ha. Very funny. 321 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:39,680 Quentin. 322 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,000 You didn't tell him, did you? I promised Julia... 323 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,000 I wouldn't do that. He volunteered it. 324 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,720 He said that he never slept with Julia. 325 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,080 You believe him? 326 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,880 Why would he lie? He's too much of a cock not to crow. 327 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,400 So she must be seeing someone. She mention anything to you? 328 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,600 No, uh... she hasn't. 329 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,000 Are you sure? Not even in passing ? 330 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,480 I mean, you know, a friend or somebody new at work, or... 331 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,480 Shit. Really? 332 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,520 Then who the hell's the father? 333 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,120 Who is the goddamn father?! 334 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,000 It's a pretty simple question, Joy. 335 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,120 Everything all right in here? 336 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,320 - I knew he wouldn't take it well. - Take it well ? 337 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:42,200 She tells me how she walks around with another man's baby inside of her ? 338 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,400 Well, what am I supposed to say... ho, ho, ho? 339 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:48,000 Let me tell you something. You with a goddamn "Ho, Joy". 340 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,720 Look, it's difficult news to absorb, Mr. Kringle, 341 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,280 but your wife has just been through major surgery, 342 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,720 and we need to stay calm. 343 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,320 Oh, I'll be a lot calmer once I get an answer. 344 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,800 It was 17 years ago. 345 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:10,400 - It was just once. - Who was it?! 346 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,880 It was Andy. 347 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,720 My assistant Andy? 348 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,680 He was... he was 18 years old. 349 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,920 He was... he was paying his way through college by working for us. 350 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,400 How could you do that, Joy ? 351 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,320 He paid me some goddamn attention, Wes. 352 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:43,000 After the doctors told us your sperm was unvailable you just jumped 353 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,920 headlong into the whole Santa thing and all the little brats. 354 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,880 Worshipped you, and it was all about them and your career, 355 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,000 I got a little lonely. 356 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,200 I couldn't talk to you. I still can't. 357 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:05,120 I'll never get past this, Joy... ever. 358 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:10,600 You know, Mr. Kringle, I had a similar experience. 359 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,920 Something from the past came up in my marriage, and 360 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,680 given all you two have built together, 361 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,200 I'd hate to see rashness prevail here. 362 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,080 It's all been a lie, Joy ? Our entire marriage? 363 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,000 No, of course not. 364 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,680 But every day isn't Christmas. 365 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,120 Sometimes I don't feel jolly. I feel like shit. 366 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:35,120 I'm tired of being Mrs. Santa Claus. 367 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,000 I just want to be myself... 368 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:44,000 Joy Beckendahl, your normal, moody, middle-aged wife. 369 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,680 Well, I don't think that's possible anymore, Joy. 370 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,920 Maybe there's something to be said for embracing the truth, 371 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,600 for living in the reality of a relationship instead of the myth. 372 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,200 Well, here's my reality. 373 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:09,920 She can be normal little Joy Beckendahl, the ex-Mrs. Kringle. 374 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,200 Santa's going solo. 375 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:32,720 If you want, I can give you a gift certificate for Mrs. Alderman came for a massage. 376 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,120 Oh, please, mom. This is already too much stuff. 377 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:40,200 As a mother, I can tell you, if you're being invited to spend Christmas Eve at their house, 378 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,680 you'd better make a good impression. 379 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,320 Trust me. Giving Mrs. Alderman this much free swag 380 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,120 will leave me impression I'm ready to marry her daughter. 381 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,080 What's Ariel's mom like? 382 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,600 She's nice. You know, typical mom. 383 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,200 Nothing like you. 384 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,000 I didn't mean that in a bad way. 385 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,000 Sure you didn't. 386 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,400 No. I meant you're more than just a mother. 387 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,400 You're a big shot businesswoman with a whole new career for yourself. 388 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,720 That's a hell of a lot better than being a stay-at-home mom, right? 389 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,720 Oh, honey, you don't need this. 390 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,400 This is medical-grade skin bleach. 391 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,400 Oh, wow thanks for catching that. 392 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:35,000 Believe me, if Mrs. Alderman ever put that on by mistake you would never be invited back. 393 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,000 Spa De La Mer. 394 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,320 Thanks. You're busy. I'll call you later, ok? 395 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,200 Did you just call me? 396 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,000 Did I? 397 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,920 Um... yeah. 398 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,000 Why did you hang up? 399 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,200 I was chicken. 400 00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:42,720 I was calling to see what you were doing Christmas Eve. 401 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,280 Are you busy? 402 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,600 Sort of. Uh... 403 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,400 I have an appointment. 404 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,800 And I'll probably want to be alone later. 405 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,120 Maybe you should have someone drive you. 406 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,720 Come on, let me see it, let me see it, let me see it. 407 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,800 All right. Jeez. 408 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,800 Merry Christmas. 409 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,920 You're silly. You didn't have to wrap it. 410 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,080 Uh, what is this? 411 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:47,000 Dr. Sloan is a psychotherapist who specializes in teen image issues. 412 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,120 My grandmother recommandize her. 413 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:51,800 For what? 414 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,400 I think you need to talk to someone about what you're going through, 415 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,400 all this paranoia about being black. 416 00:31:58,440 --> 00:31:59,200 I'm worried. You know, 417 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,200 you're like an anorexic. Only you can't get white enough. 418 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,320 You are getting way too serious. 419 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:05,800 Come on, just... where is the cream ? 420 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,200 Look, I am serious, Ariel, I think you need help. 421 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,520 And when did you becoming expert on mental health? 422 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:16,800 Aha! Found it! 423 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,880 That's only in there because I'm returning it. 424 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,480 - You can't have it. - What is your problem? 425 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,520 Yesterday we were having so much fun and you were totally on board in this. 426 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,520 Yeah, well, it's not fun anymore. 427 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,200 You're talking about hurting yourself with something crazy. 428 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,800 Hurting myself ? They sell this in beauty parlors, Matt. 429 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,400 What's a big deal? 430 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,200 It's stronger than that stuff. 431 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,200 You know what? If I knew you were gonna be like this, 432 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,200 I would have ordered in my mind. 433 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,600 You think it's working? How do I look? 434 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,520 A little insane, actually. 435 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,800 You know what? Screw you, Matt. 436 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,800 I thought you actually understood what I was going though, but you don't. 437 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,800 I should have never trusted you! Get out! 438 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:57,800 Fine. 439 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,720 Asshole. 440 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,880 Wait. Don't leave. 441 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,600 No, I think you're right. I should go. 442 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,520 My face... it feels like it's on fire. 443 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,800 My face. How do you make it stop? It hurts! 444 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,280 How do you make it stop?! 445 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:24,720 Re making it worse! 446 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,200 Ok, ok! Come on! 447 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,280 Is she gonna be ok? 448 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,920 It's nothing worse than a first-degree burn. 449 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,320 You're lucky Matt brought you in as soon as he did. 450 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,800 There should be no permanent scarring. 451 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,480 Thank you by the way. 452 00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:01,120 So I guess plastic surgeons aren't the devil when you need them, huh? 453 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:03,280 Matt, can I have a word? 454 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,000 You're both very lucky. 455 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,680 If she had a reaction, she'd be in shock right now. 456 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,080 Yeah. I told her it was a bad idea. 457 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,200 Now, was that before or after you stole the cream from your mother ? 458 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,800 Look, you want to shave your head and ruin your life, that's fine, 459 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,800 but when you hurt other people, that's when I have a problem. 460 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:29,800 Look, I came to you for help, 461 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,400 gonna turn into a father/son lecture, then... 462 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,280 Let's stop pretending we have a father/son relationship, shall we? 463 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,720 I'm billing you for my time. 464 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,400 Matt! Hey... 465 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,480 Ariel. What... what's going on here? 466 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:47,680 Dad, what are you doing here? 467 00:34:47,720 --> 00:34:51,000 Well, Matt called me. What happened to your face? 468 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,200 She had a reaction to a skin-bleaching cream. 469 00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:54,800 Nothing severe. She's gonna be fine. 470 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,480 Why did you call him? 471 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,920 Because you can't keep hiding this anymore, Ariel. 472 00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,600 Hiding what? What... 473 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:03,120 How did this happen? 474 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,000 Matt said that I should lighten my freckles, 475 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,320 so he stole some bleach cream from his mom's spa, 476 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,720 and we put it on my face and I had a reaction. 477 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,080 You did this? 478 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,600 Tell him you told me about the research paper. 479 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:19,000 Honey, I won't let him hurt you. 480 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,000 I don't know what you're talking about. 481 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:25,120 Ariel discovered that her mother, your wife, 482 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,400 comes from African lineage 483 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,000 but she was so afraid of what you might do 484 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,000 that she tried to bleach her skin! 485 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,880 - What? - Just tell her that being 1/16 black 486 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,480 doesn't matter to you. 487 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,680 That your love for her is not based on what color she is. 488 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,000 Is that true? 489 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,280 Of course not. 490 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,200 Dad, I'm not black. 491 00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:50,200 He's just saying this to you because he doesn't want to get in trouble. 492 00:35:50,240 --> 00:35:53,520 - You are a sick person... - You don't think 493 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:57,280 that I'd ever hurt you, do you, sweetheart ? 494 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:12,480 Well, I welcome you into our home, and this is how you repay me, 495 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,000 by making up these hateful lies? 496 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,600 Mr. Alderman, she'll do something worse next now. 497 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,520 No, my daughter is one of the most confident, strong women 498 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,080 that I have ever known, and you couldn't handle that, could you? 499 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,720 So you tried to change her face so that you feel better about yourself. 500 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,480 You know, there's not definitively what he does. 501 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,120 My son saved your daughter from a severe burn. 502 00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,680 Now, you can believe your own bullshit if you want to, that's fine. 503 00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:35,000 But unless you want a problem with me, 504 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,800 I suggest you leave now. 505 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:44,000 As long as your son stays away from my daughter, we have no problem. 506 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,400 Why didn't you tell me? 507 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,720 Because people only believe what they want to. 508 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:08,080 So, looks like my advice fell on deaf ears. 509 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,600 Oh, I heard you, doctor. 510 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,680 It's just that I hadn't met Circe yet. 511 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,520 Well, that's not quite true. 512 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,480 Joy used to catch us flirting all the time. 513 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,400 Circe work on the Cinnabun near the North Pole. 514 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,080 Well, she's not going to catch you here if that's what you were hoping. 515 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,600 Your wife checked out this morning. 516 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,520 - She did? - Yes. 517 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,280 Well, so what? 518 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,400 She'll... she'll hear about it, one way or another. 519 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,000 I work with Santa now. 520 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,400 And you work quickly... 521 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,200 Look, doc, all year long it's, uh... 522 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:47,000 "Gimme an x-box. Gimme a spongebob." 523 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,920 I spend my life fulfilling other people's wishes. 524 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,400 I'm sure you know something about that. 525 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:55,520 This year, Santa got himself a present. 526 00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:00,400 Circe here has a fantastic, wonderful Christmas spirit, 527 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,680 and I like a rewarder with some double ds. 528 00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:05,680 Come on, doc. 529 00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:08,800 What better way to remote Santa's new image than by 530 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,480 showing off his healthy young woman? 531 00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,600 Matty. What are you doing here? 532 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:45,400 I didn't... I didn't think you'd be home on Christmas Eve. 533 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,080 Uh, I was just leaving that for you. 534 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:02,800 It's an I.O.U. 30 hours slave labor... 535 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,480 car washes, coffee runs, 536 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,000 whatever you need to pay off Ariel's visit. 537 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,600 I'm not exactly liquid right now. 538 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,600 - Merry Christmas. - You're hungry ? 539 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:17,400 I just bought a ton of food. 540 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,080 Not a bad way to spend the holidays. 541 00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:48,200 Two single men watching football, eating Chinese, 542 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:49,400 it's America. 543 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:56,320 How are you doing by the way ? 544 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,000 I don't think about her. 545 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:08,800 I was proud of what you did earlier. 546 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,200 Standing up to that asshole took guts. 547 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,520 It's not gonna change anything, man. 548 00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,000 They'll go on living in lie and no one ever talk about it. 549 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,200 You ever wish you didn't know about me ? 550 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,480 Being your biological father ? 551 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:37,000 Yeah. It were certainly easier not knowing. 552 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,080 But, uh... 553 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,120 I'm adjusting. 554 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,080 You? 555 00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,120 I'm adjusting, too. 556 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:27,600 I'm Julia McNamara. I have a 7:30 appointment. 557 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:31,120 Just fill this out, Mrs. McNamara. 558 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:39,680 Rain started yet? 559 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:41,120 Not yet. 560 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,600 Any minute, though. 561 00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:53,280 Thank you. Please have a sit, the doctor will be out in a few minutes. 562 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:23,800 I was thinking... there are the first Christmas Eve alone without the kids in 18 years. 563 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,480 Yes. Just thinking the same thing. 564 00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,880 It' your baby, Sean. 565 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,000 I know. 566 00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:59,280 Mrs. McNamara? The doctor's ready for you now. 567 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,600 I don't want to do this. 568 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:55,400 Me neither.44368

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