Original subtitles

Luke, I am your father.

Pacey?

You're monopolizing what's passing for a breeze.

Ahh. Dawson, this is gonna go down

as one of the most abysmal movie nights ever.

Care to elaborate?

Well, look around you, my friend.

We're two happening young guys

in the prime of our lives,

who can't find anything better to do

than sit in some sweat box

in the middle of an armpit-staining Indian Summer

and watch old movies.

I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson,

but didn't we used to have

a couple of really cute girlfriends?

It was a long time ago, Pace,

in a galaxy far, far away.

God...

I can't wrap my head around this film noir stuff

which is making it really difficult

to turn out a paper on it.

Well, of course you can't

wrap your head around it, Dawson.

Excuse me?

Well, what we're watching here is the cinema of cynicism.

No self-respecting son of Spielberg

would feel comfortable in a morally ambiguous world

populated with hard-boiled antiheroes

and duplicitous femme fatales.

You know what? Could we just reschedule

this verbal joust, Pace?

It's a little too hot for spiky repartee.

Mmm.

But this, right here?

This is celluloid a fellow like me can relate to.

Pacey Witter is nothing

if not the walking, talking embodiment

of the fallible protagonist.

Ok, Johnny Anti-Hero, explain to me this,

how can this guy not know

that this woman is setting him up

for a fall of epic proportions?

Because, Dawson, not all of us are as immune

to the lure of sex as you are.

I mean, not all of us would opt

for the warm and fuzzy emotional connections

over those of, let's say, a more physical nature.

You know what I mean?

Most of us are just big, dumb guys

happy to sell our souls

for the slimmest chance of gettin' some.

Can I quote you on that?

Oh, yeah. Witter, two "T's."

Fun time's over.

All this rapid-fire deconstruction

is making me weary, Leery.

I think I shall retire to cooler climes,

namely, the air-conditioned interior of my pop's squad car.

Good night, Pace.

Mm-hmm.

Capeside Police?

Yeah, I'd like to report a possible robbery.

Hey, Dawson.

Ok, explanation.

Ouch!

Thanks to your nosy neighbor antics

out there, Dawson, I fell down and went boom.

-Kiss and make better? -Eve, I just called the police.

They're gonna be here any minute.

Ok, I'll spill.

We didn't want you to find out this way, Dawson,

but me and Jen? We're having ourselves

quite the torrid little affair.

Sleepovers, late night pillow fights,

brushing each other's hair, tickling each other's arms,

all that groovy stuff we girls do

in pretty pink rooms, behind closed doors.

Eve, there was a breaking, there was an entering,

and there was a flashlight.

All that's missing is a ski mask.

Good God.

Not even the suggestion of teen lesbianism

can get you off my case.

Can we just, like, make out or something?

Let me kiss all your queries away.

Look, Eve, either you tell me your version,

or I tell the police mine.

Fine. Do what your big, bleeding heart wants, Dawson,

but here's a filthy 4-letter word for you,

and don't you dare blush.

P-S-A-T, baby.

Don't you remember where you were

when the cataclysmic PSAT scandal of '99 went down?

I for sure do.

Is that some sort of threat, Eve?

Because might I remind you,

you're the one that actually stole the test.

And may I remind you that you're the one

who gladly accepted my trial offer?

So feel free to get all boy-scouty on me, Dawson,

but you should know

I'd get quite the perverse little thrill

out of making things profoundly uncomfortable

for you and the rest

of the "Sweet Valley High" extras

you call your friends?

Doug, hi.

Uh, my sincerest apologies.

I-- I thought I saw something next door,

but it was actually just, uh, Jen,

uh, sneaking in the window

so as not to disturb Grams.

You sure about that, Dawson?

Yeah. yeah, just...

Ok, then.

You know, I saw this article in this magazine once,

where they put this thing up in the sky,

so that the kids studying astronomy

could track something during the night,

and I think that is it ri-- or maybe that's it.

Wait. You, you expect me to believe there's some sort

of giant disco ball orbiting the earth?

Ok, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of stupid.

Maybe we should start thinking about getting out of here.

I don't think so. Not before the main event.

Come on, we've got the stars, we've got the moonlight.

It's perfect.

Yeah. Lying in the grass,

on a hot Indian Summer night with your gay best friend.

That's your definition of perfect?

A girl could do a lot worse.

Come on, Jen, I know you too well.

You can't tell me there isn't someone else

that you'd rather be stargazing with.

Ok, you got me.

Matt Damon.

Yeah, right.

What, you don't approve?

All right, I'll have to go with Ben Affleck, then.

Well, he's got that scruffy, indie cred appeal.

-Well? -No comment.

Besides, I was talking more about the realm

of the, oh, say possible?

Henry, for instance?

The freshman?

Yeah, the guy paid $500 bucks just to kiss you.

You've got to admit, that's kind of sweet.

Jack, Jack, Jack, my naive little pet,

it's the sweet ones that you have to watch out for.

They'll run over you like a Mac Truck.

Yeah, well, Henry's harmless. Besides, he worships you.

He's a teenage boy.

He'd worship anything in a wonder bra.

Besides,

I'm already sleeping with the best looking guy

on the football team.

And best friends are nothing to sneeze at.

God, I remember when I first met Joey and Dawson.

I was so envious of what they had,

all that history.

Then that whole boyfriend- girlfriend thing kicked in.

See, that's what's so great about us.

Sex will never come between you and me.

Oh, no! Oh, God, no!

No! Get the shoes! Get the shoes!

-No, wait, wait. -Get the shoes!

I got them.

Not so tough now, are you, homecoming queen?

Aah!

Look at you. And you said that this wasn't perfect.

Come on, Potter, take a break.

-Hydrate yourself. -No thanks, I'm fine.

I insist.

It would look very bad for the Logan family

if you got heatstroke and died on them.

It's nice to know you care.

How can it possibly be this hot at 7:30 in the morning?

Is this gonna offend your delicate sensibilities?

I'll probably swoon with excitement,

but seeing as though I need this job

to support my sister and nephew,

I will just choose to look the other way.

So, uh, Potter, what do you say?

You and me at the movies tonight?

Oh, joy. Is this the part of our workday

where you get inappropriate?

That depends on what your answer is.

My answer is, ask me again in 2 years, when I am legal.

You watch, Potter. Some other lucky little lady's

gonna take me up on this offer,

and you're gonna be green with envy.

I think I can live with that possibility.

-Stop it! Stop! -Why? It's just water.

Stop it! Stop it!

Come on. what, are all teenage girls

as uptight as you?

No, just the ones with half a brain.

You say this girl is a very close friend?

Uh, very close, yes.

And yet, you don't have the slightest idea

where she lives?

Oh, I'm sorry, kid. We're closed.

I'm not here for the titillations, sir.

I'm actually looking for a girl I go to school with.

She used to work here.

What's the name?

Uh, Whitman. Eve Whitman.

She's, a tall, leggy blonde

genetically engineered to corrupt the male species?

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, young man,

but I think somebody's playing games with you.

What do you mean?

-Kid, how old are you, 16? -Yeah.

Now, if you're 16, that means you're underage,

and if you're underage, you would never

be permitted into my establishment.

And if you're going to school with one of my girls,

that means she would be underage as well.

So, what can we take away from today's tutorial, huh?

There is not, there was not, there never has been

an Eve Whitman enrolled at Capeside High.

-Come on, come on.

Let's go, already.

I don't see why we have to practice in this heat.

It's gotta violate,

like, a thousand child endangerment laws.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to the hand.

Listen, we're late.

Big, bad Mitch is gonna kick our--

-Kick our what? -Don't look.

She's coming. She's coming this way.

Just act normal.

Henry, when she comes over here, just ask her out already, ok,

-because this is ridiculous. -It's not that easy, ok?

You don't know how hard it is for me to talk to her.

I mean, look at her.

Look, she's, like, this perfect thing.

You think she looks good in that,

you should see her in a towel.

Mmm, boys, do I have good news.

The ice cream man? Right outside.

-You want a lick? -Uh, no thanks.

Henry?

Uh...uh...

Mmm-mmm, no?

Ok, suit yourself. I'll see you later?

-Later. -Bye, Henry.

Um...oh.

You see? You see what happens to me?

Why I can't ask her out?

She gets within 3 feet of me,

and it's like my hard drive crashes.

I go pre-verbal.

Probably if I asked her out, I'd hurl all over her

like that little kid in South Park.

Ok, so what if you didn't have to ask her out?

You mean, like, you could get her

to ask me out?

I'm so down with that feminist stuff.

Henry, I'm good, but I'm not that good.

No, what if your first date was like,

um, was like kismet? You know, like fate?

Two people just happening to be

at the exact same place, at the exact same time.

Dawson Leery.

How are things that go bump in the night?

Deputy Witter. I was wondering

if I could pose a hypothetical?

Pose away.

Well, I'm working on a screenplay.

It's a film noir piece with a cop protagonist.

I was wondering if I could pick your brain

on a few story points.

How can I help?

Uh, well, I could use some help

with procedure, actually, um,

I'm stuck on the part where the hero

is trying to track down the femme fatale

who's all but disappeared at this point.

Now, how would a law enforcement professional such as yourself,

go about finding someone who doesn't want to be found?

Well, that's a good question, Dawson.

Now, part of police work

is knowing who your enemy is. So, let me as you this,

-Who is this girl? -She's kind of a lost soul.

I mean, she comes off like sort of a wild child,

but I think there's something really sweet

and vulnerable underneath all her posturing.

-Laundromat. -Come again?

-Laundromat. -A laundromat?

-Uh-huh. -Really?

Yeah, you know, you see, Dawson,

in a small town such as Capeside,

everybody, except for those

with questionable hygiene sensibilities, of course,

has to do their laundry at some point.

So, you're saying

you would stake out the laundromat.

Exactly.

Obsession is not a pretty thing, my friend.

Come on, doesn't it bother you?

What, that we don't know all about Eve?

Yeah.

Let me give you a little life lesson

-from the Witter vault, Dawson. -Oh, God.

There are some women who will come

onto the movie set that is your life,

and function solely as day players.

They'll show up, they'll know their dialogue,

they'll hit their marks,

they'll occasionally steal a scene or 2 from you,

but they will remain always and forever

an impenetrable mystery.

But Eve barged into my life,

and stirred things up for her own amusement.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson, but didn't she try to go

where no girl has gone before?

Synopsize with me.

She works in a strip club, but she doesn't, all right?

She says she goes to our school,

but she doesn't.

She appears, she disappears.

She reappears without rhyme or reason,

who the hell is this girl?

Whoa, ok, simmer down, Dawson.

This girl is giving you a meltdown, God.

All right, here's what I propose.

You and I take a little trip down to the video store,

you want uh, film noir, right?

How about that one with Matt Dillon

where he has that really outstanding threesome

with Neve Campbell and that chick

from Starship Troopers?

Yeah. Oh, hey, one more thing.

My brother. He, uh, he gave you

the laundromat speech, didn't he?

Yeah.

Hi, may I help you? -Hi.

Um, I don't know what I want.

Yo.

Now, Deputy Doug's laundromat theory

may be all well and good,

but it's a tad too Andy of Mayberry for my taste.

Given my druthers, I much prefer Sheriff Dad's dissertation

on how to pin a tail on the suspect.

Watch and learn, my friend.

Uh, miss? A little service here, please?

Very funny.

I'm serious. I've got my father's

sea ray cruiser over there.

Could you fill it up for me?

I don't want to get gas all over myself.

I'm on a date here.

So I smell.

Um, you may have gone a little overboard

on the CK One.

Wait till you see her, Potter, She's a cutie.

About your age, too. A better dresser, though.

Not so uptight about showing off a little skin.

I'm gonna get so lucky tonight.

Don't tell me you actually found some high school girl

so riddled with insecurities

that she would actually fall for your minor league

Humbert Humbert impersonations?

Hey, Joey.

Isn't this great?

I was at the country club today with my dad,

'cause he's thinking about joining,

and I ran into Rob.

I didn't know you two knew each other.

Oh, sure. He went to prep school

with my brother, Tim.

So, did you know that Joey and I were friends?

Oh, I had a sneaking suspicion.

After all, it is a small town.

So, Andie, where's moneybags taking you tonight?

All the way down to the Bahamas and back?

No, you know, we're just going to the movies.

It's too hot to do anything else.

Well, almost anything else.

That wasn't a sexual overture, was it?

Shh, Andie. Not in front of the K-I-D.

-I'm all finished here. -Great.

Here you go, Potter. Buy yourself something pretty.

Save it for bail money.

Ok. Let's see what this puppy can do.

Bye, Joey!

What a coincidence.

Moonlight.

Tell her how nice she looks.

What a beautiful spot this is.

Don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke.

-Henry? -Uh...

You ok?

Uh...

Uh, gulp once for yes, twice for no.

Once. Good, ok.

What's on your hand?

Uh, nothing.

-Jen? -Yeah?

You, you're awesome.

You look awesome, you smell awesome,

everything about you is awesome.

I, I just, I wanted you to know that.

Uh, good to know. So, what are you doing here?

Hanging... Out, you know?

The same thing you are, just, just hanging out.

Actually, I'm just waiting for Jack.

Oh, well, Jack couldn't be here tonight,

see, because he had these other plans.

Important plans, so, so he sent me instead.

Ok, I think I know where this is going.

Continue.

Um, that's, that's it.

Out with it, Henry.

Well, I, I guess he thought

if you were here and I were here,

and we were both...

-Here.

Together.

Then it would sort of be like a date,

you know, like our first date?

Look, Henry, I know that you're new at this

being all of, uh, I don't know, what, 14?

15.

Ok, 15.

Dating is a consensual activity

that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement.

Next time, don't skip the part where you ask me.

-♪

And the plot thickens, my friend.

Phoo...

Where're you goin'?

What, are you daft, man?

I'm goin' after her. That girl is in dire need

of following.

All right. Good. No, you go follow her.

I'm gonna stay here and check out that boat.

Sure, now you're thinkin', butch.

Hands up!

You're under arrest.

Dawson Leery.

Why am I not surprised?

research for your screenplay.

No, a friend of mine lives here.

This friend wouldn't, by any chance,

be your mysterious femme fatale, would she?

No.

Nothing as lurid as that, I'm afraid...just a friend.

Aw, funny. Never figured you for the type to be,

uh, pals with octogenarians.

Come again?

That boat, on which you were very much a trespasser,

belongs to a Mr. and Mrs. Paul Stepmuck.

Sweet little couple.

Somewhere in their late eighties.

Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

Dawson, the Stepmucks are big fans of Capeside,

but only in the summertime.

They spend the rest of their golden year

in New York City.

Heh, well, I... must have clambered

aboard the wrong boat then.

Maybe you did clamber wrong.

Then again, maybe your friend

is the one we've been looking for.

What do you mean?

A couple of weeks ago, somebody stole a speedboat

from the marina and took it for a little joyride.

A speedboat, really?

You wouldn't know anything about that,

would you, Dawson?

No. Heh.

I mean, why would I?

Look, Dawson...

I know that you're a good kid,

but something is going on with you.

All of a sudden, you're the boy who cried 911,

you pose thinly veiled hypotheticals

to an officer of the law,

and all of this somehow revolves around

some mysterious femme fatale.

Which, of course, begs the question...

Is there something you have to tell me, Dawson?

Deputy Doug in the house!

Ha ha ha! Oh, I should have known.

Wherever there's smoke,

there's my imbecilic little brother.

Doug, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times,

Despite his dapper, GAP-clad appearance,

my friend Dawson does not play for your team, ok?

You're just gonna have to find

another date to the policeman's ball.

Little brother,

your obsession with my sexuality is just...

plain weird.

Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh?

-Doug...

It may not be today, and it may not be tomorrow,

and it might not even be the day after that,

but one of these days,

you're gonna go to your mailbox,

you're gonna open it up,

and that Advocate cover story will be yours...

-"Good Cop/ The Dougie Witter Story."

And I'm tellin' you, Doug,

we are gonna be so proud of you.

Really, truly.

Whew.

I am not gay!

Now, both of you, off this dock now!

I mean it.

So?

Uh, she's squirrelly, that one. Lost me like that.

Oh, my God, Joey!

What are you doing here? Oh, it doesn't matter come here.

Isn't this amazing? Me on a date with Rob Logan,

Senator Logan's son. I mean, his parents are loaded.

Not that that matters, but it doesn't hurt either,

and he's so cute.

Slow down, Andie, ok? Um...

Rob Logan is not a nice guy.

Since I started working for him,

my life has become one gigantic leer fest.

He's a creep to an exponential degree.

Ok, Joey, this may come as a surprise to you,

but not everybody minds being looked at

as a sexual object.

The guy hits on me daily in a wide variety

of creative and not-so-creative ways.

My first day, he walked in on me while I was changing my clothes.

Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

Look, I-- I'm not trying to ruin anything.

I just thought you should know

what kind of a guy Rob Logan really is.

Uh, Joey, guys is hardly your area of expertise.

I mean, between Dawson and my gay brother...

I'm sorry, but it's true. I mean...

You're not exactly sophisticated when

it comes to dealing with guys.

Get a grip, ok? It's-- it's not about me.

Yeah, it is, Joey.

I mean, you're still fixated on Dawson,

and you're so closed off to any new experience,

that a guy so much as looks at you and you freak out.

Joey, staying home every Friday night

isn't gonna bring him back.

Oh, going out with a nimrod like Rob Logan

is a recipe for recovery?

Andie, if you think this little escapade

is going to help you get over Pacey--

Joey, I'm moving on with my life.

Somehow I thought you, of all people,

would understand that and be happy for me.

I guess I was wrong.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

I was getting worried.

You missed the previews and the dancing candy.

Sorry, long line.

This is gonna be great.

Heh heh.

Excuse me.

Coming through. Pardon me.

Sorry.

Joey, what are you doing?

These are great seats.

Regular or diet?

I couldn't remember, so I got both.

No, get out of here. Now.

Mmm. Andie, in the light of the day

you can psychoanalyze me all you want,

but I am not leaving you alone with this guy.

What the hell's going on here, Potter?

Do you like nachos?

Personally, I find them to be

one of the more disgusting innovations in movie food.

I mean, all this congealed stuff.

It's not even... cheese.

You know, it's kind of cheese food.

Here. Try 'em.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Oh, this is comic gold... This stuff.

Goober?

There's ice cream in the freezer.

Oh, yeah.

Ever since I started playing football,

I've been eating you out of house and home, huh?

No problem.

I just wish I felt a little more

like I was earning my keep around here.

But you are. You are making my granddaughter happy.

Happier than I've seen her in quite a long while.

Oh, Jennifer, you scared me half to death.

I'm sorry, Grams. Getting surprised really sucks,

Doesn't it, Jack?

Jennifer--

This is between Jack and I.

So, how does it work?

Do you take cash, credit card?

And is it just Henry

or am I gonna have to service the entire football team?

Jen, calm down. You're overreacting.

Which one of you is going to tell me

what's going on here?

I-- I just thought I'd do a favor for a friend.

So, I set 'em up. I thought it would be romantic.

About as romantic as a car-jacking.

Jen, he's just a kid. All right?

He's a nice kid, and he likes you.

Yeah, he's a real nice kid. he stares at me

like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.

That's because he's infatuated with you.

Well, I'm not infatuated with him.

And I told you that a thousand times,

and you didn't listen to me.

You took his side.

I didn't take anybody's side. I-- I--

wanted to get your little football buddy lucky.

Well, sorry.

What the hell are you doing in my room?

I want my picture back.

And I want some answers.

Fine, Dawson.

What would you like to know?

I'd like to know why every single word

out of your mouth has been a lie.

Why you claim to be a high school student

and you're not. Why you're living in a yacht

that doesn't belong to you.

I want to know, once and for all, who you are.

You have every right to ask those questions, Dawson.

And I promise you, the answers are forthcoming.

Eve, I'm sick and tired of being toyed with.

Ever since you slam-danced your way into my life,

I've wrecked my father's boat--

that was so worth every penny, and you know it.

It's been one disaster after another.

I turn a dork into a stud in a matter of weeks,

and this is my thank you note? Where's the love?

Eve, the "gee, aren't I so hip and amoral" routine

is really old.

Is that what you think I am, amoral?

Either that or a criminal.

Sticks and stones, Dawson.

Now, give me back my picture.

Eve, for the last time,

what were you doing in Grams' house?

Looking for something to steal...

To get bus money out of here.

There. Satisfied?

Now, give it to me.

Not until you tell me how a faded, old snapshot

could mean so much to someone as cold and detached as you.

You're right, Dawson.

I never was a student.

The yacht...

Not mine. I was just sort of squatting.

And that girl's my mother, Dawson...

Whom I've never met.

Whom I'm trying to find...

And that picture is my only clue.

Talk. I'll listen.

Ok, let's see... where to begin?

How 'bout last Christmas

as I was rummaging around in the attic

looking for some wrapping paper?

I found the photo in question...

Of the girl that bears me an uncanny resemblance.

What did you do?

I asked my folks, of course.

And?

Painted into a corner,

mom and Major Dad finally told me the truth.

-That you were adopted? -That's right.

No more calls, we have a winner.

What did you do?

Nothing.

Very strangely, I had no angst whatsoever.

It's only after that it kind of crept up on me that I...

Had this estrogen-charged urge to seek out

the missing pieces of the puzzle.

Which brings you to Capeside. Why?

All I know about my birth mother is that

she lived somewhere

in this part of the country... near the ocean.

So, I've been traveling up and down the eastern seaboard,

asking questions along the way,

-Hoping to get lucky. -And have you?

Depends on what you mean.

No, Dawson, I haven't found her.

Not yet, anyway, and not here.

Which means it's time for me to move on...

And so ends another installment in my melodrama.

It's more movie-of-the-week than film noir.

With an edge.

With a lot of edge.

Heh.

Oh, I don't know.

Eve, call me gullible, but...

This time I actually believe you.

Thanks, Dawson.

You're a hugely sweet boy.

And you're right,

I played with you.

I do that, I guess.

I move into a new town,

and chances are I'm not staying forever,

so I play a role.

That way no one can get close to me.

And believe me,

most guys are content with me, the actress.

But you dug at me...

You wanted to see inside my screwed-up little soul.

Well, I mean...

Once you get past the lying,

and the stealing,

and the using sex as a weapon...

There's a lot of good stuff in there.

I hope I haven't done anything irredeemable.

Because I'd like to think you'll remember me

once in a while and smile.

Well, the ride in my father's boat alone

will always elicit at least a giddy grin or three.

See, there you go.

Maybe I'll even get a footnote

in the unauthorized biography.

You just might warrant a whole chapter.

I'll be checking the credits for you, Dawson.

Take care, Eve.

Should I just fall on my sword now

or wait until the battle's over?

What do I care?

Either way you're a dead man.

Look, uh...

This whole Henry thing...

You got it all wrong, ok?

I didn't do it for him. I did it for you.

I'm serious.

I-- I-- I just wanted to show you

that the things that you want are there for the taking,

if you just, you know, believe you deserve them.

You don't get it.

This was our place.

Yours and mine.

Doesn't that mean something to you?

Yeah, of course it does...

But... don't you want more?

No. Not from us.

Jack...

I've had lovers, I've had boyfriends,

but-- but what I've never had is a boy

who is, first and last, a friend...

Who wasn't secretly trying to get in my pants

or wouldn't walk away from me

the second I said I didn't want to sleep with him...

Who liked me...for me.

Unless you've recently decided to be bisexual.

You know, I think that you setting me up

was a lot more about you than it was me.

Come on, give me a break.

I do not have a secret crush on Henry Parker.

Neither do I, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I mean, maybe it's you who's lonely for the relationship.

Well, maybe I am.

But this isn't exactly New York,

where gay kids are tripping over each other

comin' out of the closet.

This is Capeside.

Gay population is one.

It's me. I'm it.

Jack...

You're gonna have a love life.

You're gonna have a fantastic love life,

and it's gonna be... awesome and terrifying and--

and when it happens, it's gonna change

your whole life.

Yeah, it's easy for you to say.

I know it is.

You just--

you have to have faith...

That sometimes things happen when they're least expected.

-♪ ♪

See what I mean?

-Whoo! -Whaa!

-Hey. -Hi.

Uh, stud puppy's not here yet.

You must have kept him out pretty late last night.

Ok, nothing happened.

And not that you deserve an explanation,

but right after the movie, he walked me to my front door,

and he was a perfect gentleman.

Yeah, he's a prince, all right...

Prince of Darkness.

Hey, Rob.

Slackin' off on the job again, Potter?

Uh, you know, Joey and I just...girl talk.

-Yeah, I know.

So, last night, quite a threesome...

Only next time I want to be in the middle.

It was kind of an unexpected pleasure though.

I mean, I assumed you were working.

Don't we usually stay open till 8:00 on Fridays?

Nobody ever comes in after 7:00. You know that, Rob.

Just answer the question, Potter.

Yeah, we usually stay open until 8:00 on Fridays.

You're fired.

What?!

You heard me.

I'm in charge here, and it's unacceptable

for an employee to close early without my permission.

Oh, yeah, and that's really why you're firing me, Rob.

Spare me the adolescent mini-drama, Potter.

You're fired because you closed early.

End of story.

No, wait, Joey. um, she can explain.

I mean, this is all

just a really big misunderstanding.

Look, don't bother, Andie.

Nice workin' with ya, Potter.

You know what, Rob?

The day your out-of-whack libido

lands you in so deep that not even daddy

can save your ass,

don't call me as a character witness.

Rot in hell.

Oh, my word.

Beware of heretics bearing air conditioners.

My father's orders.

He wanted me to take this extra of ours over to you.

Mrs. Ryan, who is that in that picture?

Well, that's our Lord, Jesus Christ,

as interpreted by one of our gifted,

young Sunday School students.

I meant the one below it.

Oh...

That's my daughter, Helen.

She can't have been more than 18 there.

As I recall, it was right before she went away to college.

So, that's Jen's mom?

I have only one daughter, Dawson Leery.