Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:14,014
{\an8}♪ Who takes this town ♪
2
00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:16,434
{\an8}♪ From brown ♪
3
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,311
{\an8}♪ To beds of green and rose? ♪
4
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:23,065
{\an8}♪ Thanks to New York City Turf ♪
5
00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:25,860
{\an8}♪ And landscape pros ♪
6
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,653
{\an8}♪ Everything grows ♪
7
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:29,947
{\an8}- ♪ Who makes some room ♪
- ♪ Mow the lawn ♪
8
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,407
{\an8}- ♪ To bloom ♪
- ♪ Trim the trees ♪
9
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:32,742
{\an8}♪ Never fret or fuss ♪
10
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,160
{\an8}♪ Where more construction goes ♪
11
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,911
{\an8}♪ That's how it goes ♪
12
00:00:35,995 --> 00:00:37,275
{\an8}♪ Thank you,
New York City Turf ♪
13
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,123
{\an8}♪ Moving on, like the bees ♪
14
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,250
{\an8}- ♪ Knowing thanks to us ♪
- ♪ That's how it goes ♪
15
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,711
{\an8} ♪ Everything grows ♪
16
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,463
{\an8}♪ That's how it goes ♪
17
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,632
{\an8}♪ Everything grows ♪
18
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,934
All right, stop! Stop!
19
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,538
My petal got caught
in the fence again.
20
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:01,872
Do we have to lay down like that?
21
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,314
- Yes.
- Can we just crouch?
22
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,125
You haven't bloomed yet.
If you crouch, you've bloomed.
23
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:06,585
- There's not enough room.
- Well, it's all the room we have,
24
00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,402
so there's plenty of room.
Back to one!
25
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,963
Are we ever gonna get through this?
26
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,739
Frank. Nicky.
27
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,992
- Wow. You got here fast.
- The message said come quick.
28
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,828
Usually when we call people
to come quick, they dillydally.
29
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,288
And cross state lines.
30
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,057
We appreciate you not making us
go to Connecticut
31
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,626
- to get you back.
- So, what's the emergency?
32
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:24,960
We need a favor.
33
00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:27,463
Sure. What kind of favor?
34
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,649
We got a little show opening
here at the Expo tomorrow.
35
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,050
Just something fun, informative.
36
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,468
Excellent production values.
37
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,178
It is very good this year.
Mm-hmm.
38
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,138
But our lead performer
just dropped out.
39
00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:38,224
- We can't find him.
- You tried Connecticut?
40
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,285
- We have, actually.
- Oh, he'll turn up somewhere,
41
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,644
most likely on the shore.
42
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:44,772
So, we were thinking: Midge.
43
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,982
- As what?
- As the lead character.
44
00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:48,466
The lead.
I thought you'd like that.
45
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:49,711
What the hell
are you talking about?
46
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,779
One of our affiliates is
selling a product here
47
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,114
through the forum
of music and dance,
48
00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,367
and the leading part
is sort of a narrator.
49
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,868
Like Our Town with an edge.
50
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:58,994
Midge is a comic.
51
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,287
This isn't really her thing.
52
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:01,997
Could it be her thing?
Just for a day?
53
00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:03,582
I don't think so.
54
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:06,085
How about now?
55
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,087
That is a very nice number,
56
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,089
but she's got
a full-time job now.
57
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,608
Mm. We already mentioned her
to the boss.
58
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,800
He loved the idea.
59
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,302
I'm really sorry.
60
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:18,222
Oh.
61
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,474
Where are you going?
62
00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:21,934
Boss was counting on this.
63
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,270
He likes to hear bad news
as soon as it happens.
64
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:28,107
Look, it's just
really short notice, you know?
65
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,568
Our Town,
those people were actors.
66
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,486
Right? And Midge isn't an actor.
67
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,742
How about I help you
find someone, huh?
68
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:41,328
Boss likes the idea of
the cute dirty girl doing this.
69
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,956
- Made him smile.
- A rarity, let me tell you.
70
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,791
I got a magician
you guys will love.
71
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,710
His hair is long.
I put him in a dress.
72
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:51,964
- From a distance...
- Susie, this is me asking you for a favor.
73
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,883
You understand "favor"?
74
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:55,134
Yeah, I understand "favor."
75
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,011
See,
in a relationship like ours,
76
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,722
based partly on mutual respect
and partly on the fact
77
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,682
that I did a lot of
fucking favors for you...
78
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,225
- the office...
- The furniture.
79
00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:04,643
...the not killing you
that time.
80
00:03:04,727 --> 00:03:06,729
- That was a good favor.
- But, see, this,
81
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,398
when we come to you,
hat in hand,
82
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:12,943
asking for a favor,
this is how you reciprocate.
83
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:16,530
This is how payback works.
84
00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,449
So, I do this, it's payback.
85
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,576
It is, and very nice of you.
86
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,412
- And this counts as payback.
- Definitely counts.
87
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,056
- You want to see the paper again?
- No. I'm good.
88
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,415
- I'll talk to Midge.
- Ah.
89
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,958
The boss will be thrilled
to hear it.
90
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,669
♪ Everything grows ♪
91
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,296
Up on that.
92
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,343
Five, six,
seven, eight.
93
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:38,719
Stop!
94
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:47,186
♪ Heaven can wait ♪
95
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,605
- ♪ This is paradise...
- Morning. Hair of the dog?
96
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,442
Ow!
97
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,028
- Gordon Ford Show.
- Morning. Hair of the dog?
98
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,781
Morning. Hair of the dog?
99
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,533
Morning.
Hair of the dog?
100
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,577
You know, everything's on
backwards, dear.
101
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:05,079
Take two.
102
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,247
- Morning, Marge.
- Morning. Hair of the dog?
103
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,625
What? Oh. Ew. No. What is that?
104
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,169
The only useful thing
my mother ever taught me.
105
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,547
Morning, Trudy.
106
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:16,858
I don't ever want to be
number one again.
107
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,342
Morning.
Hair of the dog?
108
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,177
Oh, God, that's terrible.
109
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,388
- Are you gonna drink yours?
- Didn't I already?
110
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,682
- I don't think so.
- Oh. Here.
111
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,143
- Oh, God, that's terrible.
- I don't understand.
112
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,537
How did I wake up
in Wollman Rink?
113
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,841
Two in the morning, there I was.
114
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,064
Ah. Beats me.
115
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:33,941
Had skates on.
Did I skate there?
116
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,264
At least it was a skating rink.
117
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,920
Yeah, but not the same rink
I started out in.
118
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,504
- I think I kissed Betty Porter.
- I think I kissed Betty Porter.
119
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,323
Morning, gentlemen.
120
00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:42,783
Did we all kiss Betty Porter?
121
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,219
Betty Porter wasn't there
last night.
122
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:46,203
- Are you sure?
- She had a baby last Tuesday.
123
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,122
- Baby?
- Christ. Who did I kiss?
124
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,082
Betty Porter was pregnant?
125
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,750
Drink up, boys.
126
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,169
- Hair of the dog?
- No, thank you. - Morning, boss.
127
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,672
Midge, no one needs
that much happiness right now.
128
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,466
Sorry. Geez, no one here
can hold their liquor?
129
00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:02,511
Really? Where have
all the real men gone?
130
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,221
If you find out, let me know.
131
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,740
Hey, did you know
Betty Porter was pregnant?
132
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,266
What are you insinuating?
133
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,727
Midge, Gordon wants to see you
in the studio.
134
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,895
- Oh. Now?
- Uh-huh.
135
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,605
Okay.
136
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:16,942
♪ Heaven can wait ♪♪
137
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:21,989
Ow.
138
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,668
You know, that's a lot
more fun with a girl.
139
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:39,256
New chair. Making sure
it maneuvers just right.
140
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,019
They think hosting a talk show
is all about
141
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,468
the charisma and the jokes,
142
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,219
but really
it's all about the chair.
143
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:47,514
Five point eight
from the Russian judge.
144
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,933
Let's see Jack Paar do that.
145
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,417
You seem to have
weathered the storm
146
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:52,936
better than
the rest of the group.
147
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,772
Mm. Scottish ancestry.
148
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,000
And I've had three of Marge's
drinks and I've thrown up twice.
149
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,567
- Huh.
- You look good.
150
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,110
I never drink and skate.
151
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,820
Yeah, I was a little tipsy
last night.
152
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,197
- Were ya?
- Yes.
153
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,823
I might've noticed.
154
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,326
I just wanted to make sure that
you're okay with everything.
155
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,286
With me, actually,
after the, uh,
156
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,122
sort of, the thing
with the lips that touched.
157
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,975
- The kiss.
- Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
158
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,042
I'm fine.
159
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:17,336
Good. Good, I'm fine, too.
160
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,755
Hey, since we're both fine,
what do you say we start over?
161
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,590
- Meaning?
- Go out with me.
162
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,634
Dinner. No ice. Solid ground.
163
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,385
- I'm flattered, but...
- Come on.
164
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,863
I can be quite charming
when I'm not plastered
165
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,264
- and flat on my ass.
- No.
166
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:32,101
- Give me one good reason.
- I can give you 30 good reasons.
167
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:33,644
Okay, well,
I don't have time for 30,
168
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,854
- but give me your top ten.
- One, you are not Jewish.
169
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:38,565
Ah, I am Jewish.
Changed it from Fordberg. Next.
170
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,318
- Two, you are my boss.
- You're fired. Three.
171
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,129
How about I just skip to ten?
You're married.
172
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,905
That's number ten?
173
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,156
Interesting.
174
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,200
Yes, I am married
but with a caveat.
175
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,451
That's a new one.
176
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,762
It's a very specific
kind of marriage.
177
00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:52,162
We have an understanding.
178
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,723
As in, if there's a sock
on the door, don't come in?
179
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,307
As in, she has her life
and I have mine.
180
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,918
- That's called being single.
- My wife is a great lady.
181
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,671
I admire her, I love her,
182
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,714
- and she's very flexible.
- Contortionist?
183
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:05,175
No. Well, yes, but no.
184
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,885
Jack Paar dated a girl
on his show once,
185
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,488
and then that girl was
mysteriously killed.
186
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:09,930
I have never heard that story.
187
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,598
- Ask Jack.
- I will.
188
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,118
But even if that were true,
that's very unlikely
189
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:14,518
to happen to you
here at 30 Rock.
190
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,579
The worst that can happen is you
get fan-kicked by a Rockette.
191
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,105
I'm not going out with you.
192
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,149
I haven't even told you
where we're going.
193
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,901
It would complicate my quest
to be on your show.
194
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,863
- You are on my show.
- I mean "on" on your show.
195
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,632
No. You're too pretty
to be "on" on my show.
196
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,050
- No one would look at me.
- Well, I plan on
197
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,635
walking through
a plate glass window later on.
198
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,786
- You'd still be pretty.
- Excuse me.
199
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,590
Sorry, Gordon.
Midge, you have a phone call.
200
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,621
Thanks, Dorie.
201
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,086
Seems I have
a very important phone call.
202
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,964
I notice you tend to leave all
of our conversations unfinished.
203
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,465
I have a problem with closure.
204
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,342
Enjoy your chair.
205
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,064
Hello?
206
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,816
Hi. Listen.
207
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,235
I got a weird call today
from Frank and Nicky.
208
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,486
Oops.
209
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,113
Yeah, yeah,
I thought "oops," too,
210
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:09,907
originally, but I met with them,
211
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,910
- and it may not be "oops" after all.
- Okay.
212
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:16,872
Uh, they're doing a show
at the Building New York Expo.
213
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,415
Frank and Nicky
are doing a show?
214
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,642
- Yes.
- Like performing in it?
215
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,210
No, they're sort of
producing it.
216
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,093
Are they hands-on producers
or just the money?
217
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,315
- None of that is important.
- Well, if you're in the show, it is.
218
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,882
Can you stop your brain
for one second
219
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,885
and take in all the information
before you speak?
220
00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,469
- No.
- Fine.
221
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,095
Listen, they got this show,
222
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,681
someone dropped out,
and they asked me for a favor.
223
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:35,891
I'm back to "oops."
224
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,559
It's not "oops."
Enough with the "oops."
225
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:38,644
They want you to fill in.
226
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,687
- Is it a stand-up show?
- No.
227
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:43,190
It's like an industrial show.
Scripted stuff.
228
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,399
I don't do scripted stuff.
229
00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:45,734
You did it on the radio.
230
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:46,961
No one could see me
on the radio.
231
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,695
I was visibly free to panic.
232
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:49,947
It's two shows.
233
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,590
I'm not asking you
to star in Brigadoon.
234
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:53,742
I don't know.
235
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,705
- Look...
- Susie Myerson and Associates.
236
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,162
She is on another call
right now.
237
00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,664
Okay, you were right.
238
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,666
Frank and Nicky
come with strings.
239
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,376
- Susie...
- Yes.
240
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,961
Fine, I am an asshole.
241
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,129
But here's the deal:
if you do this thing for them,
242
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,007
this one favor, it'll be
considered reciprocation,
243
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,634
meaning we're off the hook.
244
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,094
I know what reciprocation means.
245
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,428
Well?
246
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,013
Do they know
what reciprocation means?
247
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,866
Yes, it means I'm not
looking over my shoulder
248
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,183
for the rest of my goddamn life.
249
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:21,561
And what is this thing, again?
250
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:24,231
Oh, the thing I saw was cute.
251
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:26,858
Oh, they had
tulips dancing around.
252
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,944
Girly shit. You love girly shit.
253
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,362
And what about my day job?
254
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,072
Tell 'em you're sick.
Lady troubles.
255
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,199
I am not telling them
I have lady troubles.
256
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:35,617
It's a great excuse.
257
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,512
It could mean anything,
and I can guarantee you
258
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,496
not one guy is gonna
ask you to clarify.
259
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,291
Hey, what do you know
about Gordon's wife?
260
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,293
- What?
- His wife.
261
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,712
I think her name's Hedy.
262
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:49,047
Nothing. Why? Nothing.
263
00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:50,316
They have a weird relationship,
264
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,567
and I wondered
if you knew the story.
265
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,385
Why the fuck would
I know the story?
266
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,137
Who am I, Louella Parsons?
267
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,990
She's kind of a public figure,
so I thought...
268
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,473
I don't know anything
about wives.
269
00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:00,809
I don't like wives.
There shouldn't be wives.
270
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:01,977
Okay. Sorry.
271
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,313
Look, are you gonna do
this thing or not?
272
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,064
I went to an industrial once.
273
00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:08,066
On a school trip.
It was fun, actually.
274
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,319
I saw a Pyrex show
that changed my life.
275
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,962
- Uh-huh.
- Maybe I could have Joel bring the kids down to see it.
276
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,383
It's gonna be years before I'll
let them watch my real show.
277
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,868
Longer if they're screwed up
and I need them for material.
278
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,286
So, you'll do it?
279
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,204
Sure. Let's reciprocate.
280
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,414
Thank you.
281
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,582
You owe me.
282
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,334
Yeah. Story of my fucking life.
283
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,794
Hair of the dog?
284
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,840
Mmm.
285
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,342
Mmm!
286
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,303
Zelda, this is delicious.
What is it?
287
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,364
You like it? It's
an old-world recipe called...
288
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,557
Stop! Don't tell me. Too scary.
289
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,267
I just want to enjoy it.
290
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:45,729
Miriam, pass some more of the
old-world mystery stew, please.
291
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,065
- So pretty.
- Well, we haven't been out to the theater
292
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,275
and supper after with friends
in forever.
293
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,003
I thought it was time
to break out the finery.
294
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,153
Miriam, the bowl.
295
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,197
This was Grandma's, right?
296
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,424
It was my grandmother's,
actually.
297
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,550
Handed down to my mother
then to me.
298
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,493
- Then to me.
- Someday.
299
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,578
Yeah, someday.
300
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,789
Stop imagining my death.
301
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,892
- I'm not imagining your death.
- Can someone please hand me...
302
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,602
You're imagining
those earrings on your ears,
303
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,044
which means I'm dead.
304
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,607
Maybe you just decided to give
them to me for my next birthday.
305
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,382
No, I'm dead.
306
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:14,883
What's the show
you're going to see?
307
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,094
Well, it's... That's disturbing.
308
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,429
It's something written by
a friend of Abe's, right, Abe?
309
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,515
Not a friend, exactly.
310
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,934
He was a writer at The Voice.
311
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,519
I knew him a little bit,
312
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,729
but he left
soon after I got there.
313
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:29,231
He was a fine fellow.
314
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,983
I think there were real
friendship possibilities there,
315
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,069
had he stayed, but he left.
316
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,405
Long-distance relationships
rarely work.
317
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:37,757
Well, I don't care who wrote it.
318
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,741
I just want to
get dressed up and go out.
319
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,618
I hope everyone is roomy
for dessert.
320
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,620
It's very special.
Janusz made it.
321
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,539
It looks lovely, Janusz.
322
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:49,209
It is a babka with a special
rum syrup and candy violets,
323
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,812
- just like my mother used to make.
- Aw.
324
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,605
The little ones are having
pieces in the kitchen now.
325
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,506
I put little plastic soldiers
on theirs.
326
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,133
They thought that was fun.
327
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,093
Oh, put it here, Zelda.
I'm done.
328
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,804
Whoa, Janusz, this seems like
it has a lot of booze in it.
329
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,014
Oh, no, no, no.
That's just the smell.
330
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,016
The rum all burns off
in the baking. Try.
331
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,619
Should I put some soldiers
on it for you?
332
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,145
I'm a pacifist, but thank you.
333
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,563
Ah.
334
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,505
They'll sleep well tonight.
335
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,215
Okay.
336
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:42,280
Building New York,
337
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,348
where the greatest city in
New York keeps getting better.
338
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,909
How'd you
get here?
339
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,226
Don't you live on Staten Island?
340
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,270
I took
the new Verazzano Bridge.
341
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,776
Close your eyes.
342
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,112
Your new dream kitchen
is appearing now
343
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,031
on the south stage.
344
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,200
Make all your dreams come true.
345
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:11,416
♪ I'm itchin' for
a new dream kitchen ♪
346
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:14,586
♪ With the top technology ♪
347
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,381
♪ Can't wait for
the right refrigerator ♪
348
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,966
♪ Later model so chic ♪
349
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,010
♪ I'm weak in the knee ♪
350
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,892
♪ I'm shaking for some hot zone bakin' ♪
351
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:32,771
♪ Making classic cake for two ♪
352
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:35,941
♪ But just one thing
can cure my kitchen itchin' ♪
353
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:40,070
♪ Baby's gotta make
her dream come true ♪
354
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,781
♪ I'm cranky for a butler's pantry ♪
355
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,742
♪ Can't the butler
be included, too? ♪
356
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,831
♪ Help me please relieve
my kitchen itchin' ♪
357
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:53,792
♪ And my bakin' shakin' ♪
358
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,502
♪ Oh, this pantry, can't we ♪
359
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,088
♪ Go and make
your baby's dream come true? ♪
360
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,590
- ♪ Make your kitchen...
- There she is.
361
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,967
The lady of the hour.
362
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,928
That is an excellent neckline
for you, Midge.
363
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:08,223
- Same to you, Nicky.
- I hope Susie expressed to you
364
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,725
our deepest gratitude
for doing this.
365
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,311
She has expressed
many things, yes.
366
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,814
Good. So, Jerome here...
Where are you?
367
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,316
- Uh... No.
- Don't fucking hide from me.
368
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,528
You'd think these show business
types would be so outgoing,
369
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,780
but I got to tell you,
I find them a total mess.
370
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,199
- Shaking, crying.
- Very nervous bunch.
371
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,951
Anyhow, Jerome is our writer,
372
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,079
and he's making some quick
adjustments, emphasis on quick.
373
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:32,762
- Very quick.
- Nice to meet you, Jerome.
374
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:35,208
Apologies for getting
the pages to you so late.
375
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,960
We had a lot of reworking to do.
376
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,712
Anyway, here's your costume.
377
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,006
It's got a little hat.
I knew you'd like that.
378
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,674
Jerome, pages.
379
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:44,801
Uh, it would be terrific
if you were off-book.
380
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,970
But if you have to cheat
a little, we understand.
381
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,763
Ah, here we are.
382
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,932
Uh... what's this?
383
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:53,184
- This is your stage.
- Biggest one in the joint.
384
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,162
Had to wrestle it out
from under the bricklayers.
385
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,771
Those motherfuckers don't budge.
386
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,232
But what is waste management?
387
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,692
I'm doing waste management?
388
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:03,528
Private demolition
and waste management.
389
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,030
I'm hawking garbage?
390
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,990
Garbage disposal.
391
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,325
Huh.
392
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,576
You sound disappointed.
393
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,578
Well, no, but I just saw
the pretty kitchen
394
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,381
and the oven
that hands you a cake, and I...
395
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,266
Did Susie not tell you about
the slip of paper?
396
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,083
- Buy yourself a cake.
- Sure.
397
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:20,003
So, you should get changed
and learn those lines.
398
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,963
Jerome. Run 'em with her.
399
00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:31,348
Next stop,
the Second Avenue subway.
400
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,725
Yeah, good luck with that.
401
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,536
Private Demolition
and Waste Management:
402
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,563
A Musical Journey in Three Acts,
2:00 p.m. on the main stage.
403
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,482
Private Demolition
and Waste Management:
404
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,735
A Musical Journey in Three Acts
at 2:00 p.m. on the main stage.
405
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,445
What the hell
are you dressed as?
406
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:48,239
I am a private demolition
and waste management historian
407
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,783
and troubadour.
408
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,242
A fucking garbageman?
409
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:53,119
- Yes.
- That suit doesn't even fit you.
410
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,205
It's not for me.
It's for a 200-pound guy
411
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,498
hiding out in Binghamton.
412
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:57,767
And from the smell
of this thing,
413
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,084
he shit his pants
before he left.
414
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,086
- Jesus.
- It came with a cigar stub.
415
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:02,462
It's still wet.
416
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,422
- No.
- I am not putting it in my mouth.
417
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,233
Well, at least your show's
on the main stage.
418
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,802
Have you seen the script?
419
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:11,763
- What is this, tears?
- It's terrible.
420
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,515
Fine, so you won't win a Tony.
421
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,198
It's a couple of days,
a couple of shows,
422
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,310
and then you and I are
completely reciprocated.
423
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:20,397
- Right? Plus, there's the...
- Do not say "slip of paper" to me again.
424
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,856
Well, I have to say,
425
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:25,527
you are fucking adorable
in that garbage guy suit.
426
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,612
Gee, you sure know
how to sweet-talk a girl.
427
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,864
- Where's the cigar stub?
- I'm having it dry-cleaned.
428
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:32,367
- It's a great prop.
- It says so much about the character.
429
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,969
- Try it.
- Not without a tetanus shot.
430
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,704
Suit yourself.
Still fucking adorable.
431
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,039
- Right, Susie?
- I'm gonna get one for myself.
432
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,625
- It's time.
- Oh, I've got butterflies.
433
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,752
We'll be over there watching.
434
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,630
So, uh, tits up,
if you got tits in there.
435
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:48,383
- Wait, where are you going?
- I got some work.
436
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:51,469
- Fuck you. This is your work.
- I do not want to watch this.
437
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:53,388
I am not reciprocating
alone here.
438
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,782
- Do you know your lines?
- No, I do not.
439
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,057
You're supposed to be off-book.
440
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,350
I'm also supposed to be a man.
441
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,661
They know where my parents live.
442
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,870
They know where my parents live,
too, Jerome.
443
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,163
I should've been
a pharmacist.
444
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,540
Preaching to
the choir, pal.
445
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,400
Private
Waste Management:
446
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,194
A Musical Journey in Three Acts
starts now on the main stage.
447
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,114
Join us, won't you?
448
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,952
Now I lay me
down to sleep,
449
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,663
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
450
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,416
Please bless Mommy and Daddy
and my little brother.
451
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:24,669
And mostly, God, please bless
New York City,
452
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:26,921
the greatest city
in the whole wide world.
453
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:30,008
I sure am lucky
I live here. Amen.
454
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:40,059
Hey, guys,
he's asleep.
455
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,526
What are they gonna do
to that little boy?
456
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,403
♪ Who do you call
to haul the trash ♪
457
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,739
♪ The city trucks won't touch? ♪
458
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,657
♪ Who's got
the hard-won know-how ♪
459
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,035
♪ With things hazardous
and such? ♪
460
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:59,078
♪ Who comes at night
staying out of sight ♪
461
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,706
♪ And gone by break of day? ♪
462
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,334
♪ You got a pile,
a full square mile ♪
463
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,796
♪ Who's gonna take it away? ♪
464
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:11,549
♪ Your personal trash man can ♪
465
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,384
♪ He'll come and get your junk ♪
466
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,470
♪ Your personal trash man can ♪
467
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,680
♪ Each mattress bunk by bunk ♪
468
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,974
♪ Who clears out
all the evidence ♪
469
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,851
♪ You ain't been
spick-and-span? ♪
470
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:26,397
♪ Your personal trash man can ♪
471
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,822
♪ Toxic paint
and cooking grease? ♪
472
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:35,990
♪ Take it away, boys,
take it away ♪
473
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:38,284
♪ Feral pets
not in your lease? ♪
474
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,745
♪ Take it away, boys,
take it away ♪
475
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,789
♪ Leaded pipes
and plumbing paste? ♪
476
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,833
♪ Get your gloves,
that's medical waste ♪
477
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,793
♪ Take it away, boys,
take it away ♪
478
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,963
♪ Take it away, take it away ♪
479
00:18:57,345 --> 00:19:00,515
♪ Huh, huh-huh, hey ♪
480
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,183
♪ Whoa ♪
481
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,732
♪ Hey, hey ♪
482
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,654
Sun's coming up, boys. We got to hurry.
483
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,282
♪ Your personal trash man can ♪
484
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,908
♪ No job too big or small ♪
485
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,327
♪ Just pay him in cash and bam ♪
486
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,496
♪ No questions asked at all ♪
487
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,582
♪ Who's here
to make things disappear ♪
488
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,709
♪ That ain't
part of your plan? ♪
489
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:29,752
♪ Your personal trash man ♪
490
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,380
♪ Your pick-up-the-stash man ♪
491
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,090
♪ Your personal ♪
492
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:40,305
♪ Trash man can ♪♪
493
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,103
Not bad.
494
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,525
Wow.
Smell that fresh, sweet air.
495
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,444
You'd never know
that just last night,
496
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,614
there was a mound of trash
as high as an elephant's eye.
497
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,949
High enough that
the Von Trapp Family Singers
498
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,535
could climb over it
to escape the Nazis.
499
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:07,165
That's pretty high,
but now look at it. Gone.
500
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,335
Now all you see are
sidewalks so clean
501
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,836
you could eat off of them.
502
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,672
Streets so gleaming
you could see your reflection.
503
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:18,217
Hmm, looks like I need a shave.
504
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,612
Extra! Extra!
505
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,554
Oh, look, there's the paperboy.
506
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,139
New York's rooster.
507
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,724
Looks like it's that time again.
508
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,393
The city's waking up.
509
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,980
All these happy people
excited to start their day.
510
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,232
Why, there's young mothers
with babies
511
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:35,526
There's a businessman
with a briefcase,
512
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,362
off to conquer the world.
513
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,364
Storekeepers ready
to sell their goods
514
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:42,408
and waitresses rushing to
get you those sunny-side up eggs
515
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,661
you need to get you
through your day.
516
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,872
All these people
walking down cleared sidewalks,
517
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,248
nothing in their way.
518
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:51,292
And yet some people think
the city is responsible
519
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,919
for this modern miracle.
520
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,672
But I'll tell you a secret:
it's not.
521
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,758
- It's not?
- No, little boy, it's not.
522
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:02,178
The city only disposes of
a small amount of actual trash
523
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,222
that is thrown away,
the easy stuff,
524
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,015
but we live in a big city.
525
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,184
- We have big city trash.
- That's right.
526
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,228
And to get rid of
big city trash,
527
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,397
you're going to need
private demolition
528
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,773
and waste management.
529
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,401
What is private demolition
and waste management?
530
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:19,112
Well, it's a company that
you pay to take away everything
531
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,322
that the city won't,
and unlike the city,
532
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,157
they never say no.
533
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,410
Hello, old-timer.
534
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,079
- What you got there?
- I just got my bill here.
535
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,707
- A bill for what?
- I ran into some old paint,
536
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:34,544
rat poison, liquid chemicals,
DDT and a broken bookshelf,
537
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,254
and I wanted someone
to take it all away.
538
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:38,881
Then I got this estimate,
ten dollars.
539
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,843
Just to pick some trash up
and take it far away from me?
540
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:44,345
- Are they kidding?
- Ten dollars isn't much.
541
00:21:44,429 --> 00:21:46,472
It's ridiculous. I won't pay it.
542
00:21:46,556 --> 00:21:48,116
I'll just put it out
with my city trash.
543
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:49,851
The city won't take that,
old-timer.
544
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:51,614
Well,
then I'll just take it down
545
00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:54,439
to the church preschool
parking lot on the corner
546
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:55,940
and burn it, problem solved.
547
00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:58,192
- You sure you want to do that?
- I certainly do.
548
00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,403
As far as I'm concerned,
I wish I'd never heard
549
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,405
of private demolition
and waste management.
550
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:04,365
Oh, no.
551
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:11,164
♪ There once were trees ♪
552
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:13,499
♪ And clear blue seas ♪
553
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:16,335
♪ But now all the babies
are born here with rabies ♪
554
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:18,588
♪ And full goatees ♪
555
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:22,592
♪ Oh, so tough to raise ♪
556
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,219
♪ We've seen better days ♪
557
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,515
♪ Trash ♪
558
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:31,350
♪ This life ain't fair ♪
559
00:22:31,434 --> 00:22:33,728
- ♪ Smog ♪
- ♪ Beyond repair ♪
560
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,772
- ♪ Death ♪
- ♪ You're begging for mercy ♪
561
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,315
♪ When you go to Jersey ♪
562
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:40,193
- ♪ To smell fresh air ♪
- ♪ Hoboken ♪
563
00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,404
{\an8}- ♪ Sweet toxic haze ♪
- ♪ Ha, ha, ha, haze ♪
564
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:47,033
{\an8} ♪ We've seen better days ♪
565
00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,660
♪ Telling you,
good hygiene pays ♪
566
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:51,662
♪ It's true ♪
567
00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:55,792
♪ Ain't gonna be no better ♪
568
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,294
He's dead!
569
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,213
My boy is dead!
570
00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:02,048
Oh, no,
that looks like something
571
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,258
the demolition of a giant
building might've caused.
572
00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:06,260
It did. I thought
the city would've hauled away
573
00:23:06,344 --> 00:23:08,221
all the dangerous
demolition waste.
574
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,389
The city doesn't
haul that away, old-timer.
575
00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,183
- I know.
- I tried to warn you.
576
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:14,477
- You did.
- You need private demolition
577
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,312
and waste management to do that,
578
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,730
but you didn't want
to pay for it.
579
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:21,818
I didn't want to pay for it,
and now my boy is gone!
580
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,069
Yes, he is.
581
00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:25,696
Happy people die every day
from trash.
582
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,782
Ten thousand tons
of garbage accumulate
583
00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:29,826
in New York City
every single hour.
584
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:34,038
The average person throws out
2.68 pounds of garbage per day,
585
00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:36,124
and that's a really thin person.
586
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:40,002
Mismanaged waste kills up to
a million people a year globally
587
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,881
and can potentially carry
diphtheria, dysentery,
588
00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:46,634
hepatitis A and B and C
and D and E,
589
00:23:46,717 --> 00:23:49,846
meningitis, cancer, tetanus,
tuberculosis, pneumonia,
590
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:53,057
influenza, syphilis and
assorted blood-borne pathogens,
591
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:55,893
parasitic infections,
zoonotic illnesses,
592
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,979
plus there won't be
any place to park.
593
00:23:58,062 --> 00:24:00,148
I can't hear any more.
I'm convinced.
594
00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:03,109
Private demolition and
waste management is important.
595
00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,236
It's important! Oh!
596
00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,821
It is important.
597
00:24:06,904 --> 00:24:10,032
People think happiness is such
a difficult thing to attain,
598
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:11,784
when in reality
it all comes down
599
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:13,244
to the little things in life:
600
00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:16,414
family, friends, smiles
601
00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:19,167
and private demolition
and waste management.
602
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,711
The truth is
right in front of your face,
603
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,713
or on the sole of your shoe.
604
00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:25,256
Tell 'em, folks.
605
00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:33,931
♪ Goodbye, junk misplaced ♪
606
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:38,936
♪ So long, fumes we taste ♪
607
00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:43,691
♪ Ah, hello, private waste ♪
608
00:24:43,774 --> 00:24:48,112
♪ Private waste management ♪
609
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:53,868
♪ Take it away ♪
610
00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:57,079
♪ Trash ♪♪
611
00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:59,040
All right, Tess!
612
00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:12,345
Well, I was a little behind
at the beginning, I admit.
613
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,364
It took me 45 minutes to realize
she was talking about the dog...
614
00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:15,741
It's as if each play was written
by a different person.
615
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:17,266
I don't know his theater work.
616
00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:18,785
I only know his writing
in The Voice.
617
00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:21,145
Well, his theater work is
infinitely better.
618
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:22,730
Oh, he'd love to hear that, Abe.
619
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:25,149
I just mean that
i-in the theater,
620
00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,526
he can explore
more meaningful subjects.
621
00:25:27,610 --> 00:25:29,570
There are layers
to his work onstage.
622
00:25:29,654 --> 00:25:32,156
- Some of his work.
- The Taskmaster?
623
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,908
Oh, sure,
pick the one great one,
624
00:25:33,991 --> 00:25:35,451
but A Bridge to a Road?
625
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,119
- Terrible title.
- Terrible play.
626
00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:38,972
- I don't think so. Abe?
- But a couple of terrific monologues.
627
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,123
Abe, that was
an Irish accent, right?
628
00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:44,001
- Dublin.
- Dublin. I assume he means the Dublin in Ireland.
629
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,254
You do realize
he's sitting right over there?
630
00:25:46,337 --> 00:25:48,381
- Where?
- Right th... Carl!
631
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:50,132
- One of your best.
- Hear, hear.
632
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,818
- Congratulations.
- It was wonderful. - Well done.
633
00:25:51,842 --> 00:25:54,428
Well, now I feel a little dirty.
634
00:25:54,512 --> 00:25:56,764
- Who was that?
- That was the playwright.
635
00:25:56,847 --> 00:26:00,393
- Really? He looks so normal.
- Like a bank teller.
636
00:26:00,476 --> 00:26:02,770
Well, he's not a bank teller.
He's a talented writer.
637
00:26:02,853 --> 00:26:04,438
Occasionally, yes, he is.
638
00:26:04,522 --> 00:26:05,815
Better to be a bank teller.
639
00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:07,275
A bank teller
can always get a job.
640
00:26:07,358 --> 00:26:09,735
But seriously, Abe,
you liked this play tonight?
641
00:26:09,819 --> 00:26:11,737
I did.
I thought his contemplation
642
00:26:11,821 --> 00:26:13,739
on God and religion,
643
00:26:13,823 --> 00:26:17,076
the parallels between marriage
and death and madness...
644
00:26:17,159 --> 00:26:20,413
though a little heavy-handed...
was extremely thoughtful.
645
00:26:20,496 --> 00:26:22,832
My goodness.
When did all of that happen?
646
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:24,542
That's what the play was about.
647
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,020
Really? I thought it was about
a little boy who loses his dog.
648
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:29,046
- In Dublin.
- Yes, in Dublin.
649
00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:31,841
No, that was just
a device he used
650
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:35,970
to talk about the man's
confusion with his sexuality
651
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:38,973
and his tortured relationship
with Jesus.
652
00:26:39,056 --> 00:26:40,891
When did they mention Jesus?
653
00:26:40,975 --> 00:26:44,270
They didn't have to mention it.
Jesus was all over the place.
654
00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:48,149
His wife's name was Mary.
He wore sandals, the wine.
655
00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:51,068
He owned a bar. Wouldn't they
have wine in a bar?
656
00:26:51,152 --> 00:26:53,171
You know, they usually don't
have very good wine in a bar.
657
00:26:53,195 --> 00:26:55,531
- It's always warm.
- I never order wine in a bar.
658
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,158
When are you ever in a bar?
659
00:26:57,241 --> 00:26:59,285
Never, which is why
I never order wine in a bar.
660
00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:01,620
Well, I didn't notice any of these things.
661
00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:04,457
I thought it was a very touching
story of a boy and his dog.
662
00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:06,500
- And the dog was terrific.
- Wonderful.
663
00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:09,045
Oh, wait. Last November.
I was in a bar last November.
664
00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,254
With whom?
665
00:27:10,338 --> 00:27:12,965
That wasn't what
the play was about at all, Rose.
666
00:27:13,049 --> 00:27:15,176
But I agree with you
about the dog.
667
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:18,179
They never mention Jesus or his
confusion with his sexuality.
668
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:21,098
- They don't have to mention it.
- Well, it would certainly help.
669
00:27:21,182 --> 00:27:22,892
Anyhow,
that's not the play I saw.
670
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:25,311
Art is there
for your interpretation, Rose.
671
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:27,563
No, it's not.
672
00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:30,733
You don't just decide the story
is whatever you want it to be.
673
00:27:30,816 --> 00:27:32,568
I didn't decide anything.
674
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:34,528
I watched a boy
and his dog who died.
675
00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:37,865
- But it wasn't about that.
- How do you know?
676
00:27:37,948 --> 00:27:41,202
I am a theater critic.
I'm paid to know.
677
00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:43,329
It's fine if you didn't get it.
678
00:27:43,412 --> 00:27:45,873
It's not Guys and Dolls.
679
00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:50,711
Well, I just loved her dress.
680
00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:51,921
Well, I need another drink.
681
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:53,214
You loved Guys and Dolls.
682
00:27:53,297 --> 00:27:55,174
Of course I did.
It was a delight.
683
00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:57,385
- Tuppance, drink?
- I saw Guys and Dolls with...
684
00:27:57,468 --> 00:27:58,945
Is it possible, Abe,
that you're wrong?
685
00:27:58,969 --> 00:28:01,514
That the play tonight was not
actually a deep meditation
686
00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:03,641
on Jesus
and latent homosexuality
687
00:28:03,724 --> 00:28:07,812
but instead a sweet, simple play
about a boy who lost his dog?
688
00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:10,189
- No.
- It's not possible?
689
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:12,274
- Under any circumstances?
- No, Rose,
690
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:15,152
and I don't know why you're
getting so upset over this.
691
00:28:15,236 --> 00:28:18,989
- Because you're calling me an idiot.
- I am not calling you an idiot.
692
00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:22,451
I simply said
you don't understand the play,
693
00:28:22,535 --> 00:28:25,454
- at all. That's fine.
- Because I'm an idiot.
694
00:28:25,538 --> 00:28:27,498
Retreat, retreat, retreat.
695
00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:29,708
Rose, just because
you can't grasp
696
00:28:29,792 --> 00:28:32,044
a complex thematic piece
like this
697
00:28:32,128 --> 00:28:34,713
is not some reflection
on your intelligence.
698
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:38,175
I don't understand
anything that you do.
699
00:28:38,259 --> 00:28:39,885
Does that make me an idiot?
700
00:28:39,969 --> 00:28:42,471
- I'm gonna have dessert.
- Me, too.
701
00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:44,098
You know what?
Maybe you're right.
702
00:28:44,181 --> 00:28:46,308
- Thank you.
- Let's ask the man who wrote it.
703
00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:48,310
What? No, Rose.
704
00:28:48,394 --> 00:28:49,830
You do not interrupt
a post-opening meal.
705
00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:51,981
Not until the good reviews
come out. Rose!
706
00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:54,984
Excuse me.
I'm Rose Weissman, Abe's wife.
707
00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:58,821
We just saw your play tonight,
and, um, do you mind?
708
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:02,032
- Oh, well, I, uh...
- Thank you so much.
709
00:29:02,116 --> 00:29:03,951
I was just wondering
if you could tell us
710
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:05,536
what you think
your play's about.
711
00:29:05,619 --> 00:29:07,788
He wrote it, Rose.
He knows what it's about.
712
00:29:07,872 --> 00:29:10,207
- Hello, Carl.
- Hello, Abe.
713
00:29:10,291 --> 00:29:12,334
The sound design was terrific.
714
00:29:12,418 --> 00:29:14,003
Well, fine. Tell me, then.
715
00:29:14,086 --> 00:29:15,588
What was your play about?
716
00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:18,007
Well, when I was a boy,
I had a dog named Tom,
717
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:19,717
and he died very suddenly
one summer,
718
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,470
and I never really got over it.
719
00:29:22,553 --> 00:29:24,597
Is that it?
720
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,682
I-It was very scarring.
721
00:29:33,522 --> 00:29:35,167
Now the
Crusaders come into this game
722
00:29:35,191 --> 00:29:38,360
sporting a 26 and 2 record,
while the Marksmen have...
723
00:30:01,926 --> 00:30:03,552
Oh! Mr. and Mrs. Weissman!
724
00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,763
Janusz just proposed,
and I said yes!
725
00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,640
- She said yes.
- Can I make you a sandwich?
726
00:30:07,723 --> 00:30:10,351
What? No. No. You proposed?
727
00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:12,061
- And I said yes.
- She said yes.
728
00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:13,312
How about an omelet?
729
00:30:13,395 --> 00:30:15,022
No. No omelet.
730
00:30:15,105 --> 00:30:17,566
Oh, Zelda. I'm so happy for you.
731
00:30:17,650 --> 00:30:19,443
Thank you, Mrs. Weissman.
732
00:30:19,527 --> 00:30:21,129
I will clean up the rose petals
after dessert.
733
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:22,589
You've got yourself
a wonderful woman.
734
00:30:22,613 --> 00:30:24,114
Thank you, Mr. Weissman.
735
00:30:24,198 --> 00:30:25,783
I fixed the light
in the linen closet.
736
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,493
Oh, good.
737
00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:30,496
- Well, good night.
- Yes. Good night.
738
00:30:47,471 --> 00:30:49,139
I finished the dishes.
739
00:30:49,223 --> 00:30:50,641
I moved furniture back.
740
00:30:50,724 --> 00:30:52,726
What a wonderful
evening.
741
00:30:52,810 --> 00:30:55,437
The door needs oil.
742
00:32:35,079 --> 00:32:36,789
- Wow.
- This was performed?
743
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:38,999
- In front of live people?
- Unfortunately, yes.
744
00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:41,293
- We work too hard.
- I just want it a little better.
745
00:32:41,377 --> 00:32:42,795
Please, any suggestion at all.
746
00:32:42,878 --> 00:32:44,689
Adam, come on. Jump in here.
Your wife's so fat that...
747
00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:46,298
Well, that's just rude.
748
00:32:46,382 --> 00:32:48,151
No. You're always making
"my wife's so fat" jokes.
749
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:49,760
The woman's had three kids.
750
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:51,762
You try losing the baby weight
after three kids.
751
00:32:51,845 --> 00:32:53,365
Alvin,
is the script ready yet?
752
00:32:53,430 --> 00:32:55,557
- Almost.
- 'Cause I should be typing it already.
753
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:57,494
- One second, Trudy.
- Should I bring in my typewriter?
754
00:32:57,518 --> 00:32:59,788
- Will it make you happy, Trudy?
- Gordon's gonna need it soon.
755
00:32:59,812 --> 00:33:01,480
Even if I had
a better opening joke.
756
00:33:01,563 --> 00:33:03,323
We have to finish
our real work first, Midge.
757
00:33:03,399 --> 00:33:05,460
I was gonna pitch the kid should
get a pole through his head,
758
00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:07,337
- but that's already taken.
- What about a pogo stick?
759
00:33:07,361 --> 00:33:09,446
Goddamn it, George!
760
00:33:09,530 --> 00:33:11,010
Ah, I can't believe
this is happening!
761
00:33:11,073 --> 00:33:13,200
We will
fix this, Gordon.
762
00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:18,831
- No one saw him go?
- He was in the makeup chair.
763
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:20,433
Sally went to get
some more cotton balls.
764
00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:22,334
When she came back, he was gone.
765
00:33:22,418 --> 00:33:24,604
- Did I need to know about the cotton balls, Marge?
- No, Gordon.
766
00:33:24,628 --> 00:33:26,398
Was that information
pertinent to this situation?
767
00:33:26,422 --> 00:33:28,632
- I'm just filling you in, Gordon.
- Oh! Well, thank you.
768
00:33:28,716 --> 00:33:30,318
Any other random facts
you want to throw in there?
769
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:31,820
What was the temperature
of the room when he left?
770
00:33:31,844 --> 00:33:33,238
Was he cold?
Maybe he needed a sweater.
771
00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:34,430
Maybe that's why
772
00:33:34,513 --> 00:33:35,865
20 minutes before
I'm supposed to go on air,
773
00:33:35,889 --> 00:33:37,933
my fucking comedian takes off
and no one notices.
774
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,518
Have we checked
the sweater room?
775
00:33:39,601 --> 00:33:41,746
Do we have a sweater room?
Maybe we need a sweater room.
776
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:43,021
George, call a guy.
777
00:33:43,105 --> 00:33:44,499
I want a sweater room installed
right now.
778
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:45,858
Okay.
Are you serious about that?
779
00:33:45,941 --> 00:33:47,669
No, I'm not serious about
installing a sweater room.
780
00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:49,921
I am serious about the fact
that I'm now missing a guest,
781
00:33:49,945 --> 00:33:51,864
and is anyone doing
anything about that? Mike?
782
00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:53,383
- I'm on it, Gordon.
- You are my talent booker.
783
00:33:53,407 --> 00:33:54,908
Book me some goddamn talent.
Marge?
784
00:33:54,992 --> 00:33:56,577
- Yes?
- Was I just an asshole to you?
785
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:58,787
- Yes.
- I'm sorry. Buy yourself some flowers. Mike?
786
00:33:58,871 --> 00:34:00,205
Got his manager on the line now.
787
00:34:00,289 --> 00:34:02,291
How? How does he just leave?
788
00:34:02,374 --> 00:34:04,376
He's unstable.
That's why he's funny.
789
00:34:04,460 --> 00:34:06,340
- Eh, he's not that funny.
- He could come back.
790
00:34:06,420 --> 00:34:08,088
I don't think he's coming back.
791
00:34:08,172 --> 00:34:10,883
He took his coat, his hat and
a Gordon Ford Show coffee mug.
792
00:34:10,966 --> 00:34:12,718
From now on, no one gets a mug
793
00:34:12,801 --> 00:34:15,304
until after they've actually
appeared on the show.
794
00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:17,973
- Am I clear? Mike?
- No coffee mugs until after the show.
795
00:34:18,056 --> 00:34:20,368
- I mean where are we with a comic, Mike?
- Doing my best, Gordon.
796
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:23,187
Okay, well, bright side,
it's the final slot.
797
00:34:23,270 --> 00:34:25,981
People may have tuned out
by then.
798
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:27,566
Is that the bright side, George?
799
00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:29,335
That people have tuned out
before the show is even over?
800
00:34:29,359 --> 00:34:32,446
No, I mean, why don't we just
extend the next to last guest,
801
00:34:32,529 --> 00:34:34,364
- the guy from the Bronx Zoo?
- Oh, God.
802
00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:36,288
We'll just ask him
to bring out a third animal.
803
00:34:36,325 --> 00:34:37,969
No. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm-I'm not pretending
804
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:39,536
to give a shit
about three animals.
805
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:40,972
I don't give a shit
about two animals.
806
00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:43,290
One animal can go fuck himself.
I want a comic!
807
00:34:43,373 --> 00:34:46,293
Writers!
808
00:34:46,376 --> 00:34:48,504
Pay close attention!
809
00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:50,297
Any loser stand-ups
that you know,
810
00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:52,025
that you're friends with,
went to school with,
811
00:34:52,049 --> 00:34:53,485
that you bowl with,
who fucked your cousin
812
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:55,260
or who you might be related to,
call them.
813
00:34:55,344 --> 00:34:57,238
Bring them in, Mike will vet
them, and even if they stink,
814
00:34:57,262 --> 00:34:59,097
he will still give them
the thumbs up.
815
00:34:59,181 --> 00:35:01,225
I repeat, anyone breathing
with a tight six minutes,
816
00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:03,060
it's their goddamn lucky day.
817
00:35:03,143 --> 00:35:05,687
Mike! You and that Rolodex,
my office, now!
818
00:35:05,771 --> 00:35:07,231
Yep!
819
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,962
Come on, guys,
someone must know someone.
820
00:35:12,986 --> 00:35:14,488
Gee, Alvin, I don't know.
821
00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:16,051
Got a dozen
knock-knock jokes.
822
00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:18,283
- No? Nobody?
- Cecil, what about your dad?
823
00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:22,955
Now, this is going to be
a very nice house,
824
00:35:23,038 --> 00:35:26,792
so I'd appreciate if you didn't
immediately shit all over it.
825
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:29,253
You have an entire city out there.
826
00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:30,838
Crap to your heart's content.
827
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:35,217
Susie Myerson and...
Yep. Yep, she's right here.
828
00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:37,219
It's Midge.
829
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:38,554
Hey there.
830
00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:40,430
Question:
how much trouble will you get in
831
00:35:40,514 --> 00:35:42,057
if I don't do
the garbage show today?
832
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,540
You mean
how many limbs will I lose?
833
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:44,893
- Yes.
- And will I miss them?
834
00:35:44,977 --> 00:35:46,728
- Right.
- I'd say four and I would.
835
00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:49,106
There's a chance I might be
on the show tonight.
836
00:35:49,189 --> 00:35:51,316
- What show?
- The Gordon Ford Show.
837
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:52,776
Fuck.
838
00:35:52,860 --> 00:35:54,403
Is that a bad "fuck"
or a good "fuck"?
839
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:56,506
It's a bad "fuck" at the moment,
but it could turn into
840
00:35:56,530 --> 00:35:58,198
a good "fuck"
if you get on the show.
841
00:35:58,282 --> 00:36:00,826
It's basically a very flexible
"fuck." What's going on?
842
00:36:00,909 --> 00:36:02,578
Things are happening.
Stay by the phone.
843
00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:04,246
I'll call you back.
844
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:06,456
Diller's in Paris,
Schreiber's in Denver,
845
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:09,459
Sahl's sick.
Stiller said yes, Meara said no.
846
00:36:09,543 --> 00:36:12,170
She never forgave
that crack about her upper arms.
847
00:36:12,254 --> 00:36:14,590
Waiting to hear from Storch
and Allen. Should I try Hope?
848
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:15,799
No.
849
00:36:15,883 --> 00:36:17,009
Fuck. Yes.
850
00:36:17,092 --> 00:36:19,177
Okay. Be right back.
851
00:36:22,347 --> 00:36:24,266
- Gordon?
- Yeah?
852
00:36:25,267 --> 00:36:27,978
- Put me in, Coach.
- What?
853
00:36:28,061 --> 00:36:30,272
I've got 20 clean,
broadcast-friendly minutes
854
00:36:30,355 --> 00:36:31,481
on various topics.
855
00:36:31,565 --> 00:36:33,150
I've got family jokes,
political jokes.
856
00:36:33,233 --> 00:36:35,527
I've got political family jokes.
I'm ready.
857
00:36:35,611 --> 00:36:37,112
For what?
858
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:38,447
To go on the show.
859
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:40,324
- This show?
- Yes.
860
00:36:40,407 --> 00:36:42,117
What other show is there?
861
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,119
Tina, could you give me
a minute, please?
862
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,097
- Don't touch your nose.
- I will not touch my nose.
863
00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:48,540
- Don't touch his nose.
- Mm-hmm.
864
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:52,294
So? What do you think?
865
00:36:52,377 --> 00:36:54,254
I think, yes,
you should not touch my nose.
866
00:36:54,338 --> 00:36:56,465
Come on.
It solves all your problems.
867
00:36:56,548 --> 00:36:58,109
I'm right here, I will not
disappear from the green room,
868
00:36:58,133 --> 00:36:59,468
and I just had my hair done.
869
00:36:59,551 --> 00:37:00,945
- Midge...
- I'll run the jokes by the team.
870
00:37:00,969 --> 00:37:02,155
I'll even ask Alvin
for his opinion,
871
00:37:02,179 --> 00:37:03,323
even though I truly don't care.
872
00:37:03,347 --> 00:37:05,891
- It's not gonna happen.
- Why not?
873
00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:07,559
Thank you for offering.
874
00:37:08,602 --> 00:37:10,395
Is this because
I won't go out with you?
875
00:37:10,479 --> 00:37:12,582
- I don't think that's been settled yet.
- It's pretty settled.
876
00:37:12,606 --> 00:37:13,774
Not the way I remember it.
877
00:37:13,857 --> 00:37:15,460
Me dating you
and the Dreyfus affair. Settled.
878
00:37:15,484 --> 00:37:17,462
- No, this is not because you won't go out with me.
- Then why?
879
00:37:17,486 --> 00:37:18,486
Because I'm too pretty?
880
00:37:18,528 --> 00:37:20,739
No, but you are very pretty.
881
00:37:20,822 --> 00:37:22,926
We have a rule here, hard
and fast, never been broken.
882
00:37:22,950 --> 00:37:25,077
No one who works on the show
can be on the show.
883
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,245
Well, that's a dumb rule.
Change that rule.
884
00:37:27,329 --> 00:37:29,081
I'm not gonna change that rule.
885
00:37:29,164 --> 00:37:30,457
Gordon, I'm a stand-up.
886
00:37:30,540 --> 00:37:33,168
- You saw me. You liked me.
- I did.
887
00:37:33,251 --> 00:37:34,461
No exceptions.
888
00:37:34,544 --> 00:37:36,171
I want to be on your couch.
889
00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:38,173
- Oh, well, sure...
- No, not that couch.
890
00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:39,967
- Sorry.
- This is dumb.
891
00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:41,802
You have an empty slot to fill.
892
00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:44,262
You said, and I quote:
"Any loser comic."
893
00:37:44,346 --> 00:37:45,764
You even said they could stink.
894
00:37:45,847 --> 00:37:47,182
You know Ralph's a stand-up?
895
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:48,767
I did not know that.
896
00:37:48,850 --> 00:37:51,019
He really wants to be
on the show.
897
00:37:51,103 --> 00:37:52,854
Ralph's never coming
on the show.
898
00:37:52,938 --> 00:37:54,564
- Okay, but...
- Cecil's a comic, too.
899
00:37:54,648 --> 00:37:56,608
A good one. Cecil's never
coming on the show.
900
00:37:56,692 --> 00:37:59,027
- Mel's a stand-up.
- I know about Mel.
901
00:37:59,111 --> 00:38:00,296
Works all the time.
People love him.
902
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:01,464
Mel's never coming on the show.
903
00:38:01,488 --> 00:38:03,991
This is an arbitrary rule.
904
00:38:04,074 --> 00:38:05,951
Willie tried. You know Willie?
905
00:38:06,034 --> 00:38:07,452
The security guard?
906
00:38:07,536 --> 00:38:10,330
Singer.
Beautiful baritone voice.
907
00:38:10,414 --> 00:38:12,499
- Willie's not coming on the show.
- Gordon...
908
00:38:12,582 --> 00:38:14,084
You make a good living here,
right?
909
00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:17,212
- I do.
- It's nice, the paycheck.
910
00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:18,505
That should be enough.
911
00:38:19,548 --> 00:38:21,466
Well, guess that's it.
912
00:38:21,550 --> 00:38:23,301
That's it.
913
00:38:24,344 --> 00:38:26,388
Thank you for your time.
914
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:28,724
Now, I have to go, or I'll be
late for my garbage gig.
915
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:30,767
I have no context
for what you just said.
916
00:38:30,851 --> 00:38:33,061
Send Tina back in.
917
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:34,521
He touched his nose.
918
00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,440
I did not.
919
00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:39,151
- I'm not wearing that.
- I will pay you an extra ten.
920
00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:40,569
That's embarrassing.
921
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,046
Oh, what you got on now
is a step-up?
922
00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:44,322
- Susie.
- What are you doing here?
923
00:38:44,406 --> 00:38:45,758
What happened to being
on the show?
924
00:38:45,782 --> 00:38:47,218
It's not happening.
That's what happened.
925
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:48,910
Can I have my jumpsuit, please?
926
00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:51,872
- I don't understand.
- A writer can't be on the show, ever.
927
00:38:51,955 --> 00:38:54,124
The fuck are you talking about?
You can go.
928
00:38:54,207 --> 00:38:56,418
Fine. Here.
929
00:38:56,501 --> 00:38:58,045
It's a rule. Never broken.
930
00:38:58,128 --> 00:39:00,380
I will never appear
on The Gordon Ford Show.
931
00:39:00,464 --> 00:39:02,549
- Fuck!
- A good "fuck" or a bad "fuck"?
932
00:39:02,632 --> 00:39:05,177
- That is a flat-out bad "fuck."
- I second that "fuck,"
933
00:39:05,260 --> 00:39:07,554
and I'll raise you
two "shits" and a "cocksucker."
934
00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:09,973
- It's a stupid-ass rule!
- Yes, it is.
935
00:39:10,057 --> 00:39:13,018
Okay. I'm gonna go get this
over with, if you don't mind.
936
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:14,853
Mommy! Mommy!
937
00:39:16,063 --> 00:39:17,856
Ethan. Hi, baby.
938
00:39:17,939 --> 00:39:19,483
We're here to see the show.
939
00:39:19,566 --> 00:39:21,735
- How did you know about the show?
- You invited us.
940
00:39:21,818 --> 00:39:24,571
- Oh, shit, that's right.
- We almost didn't make it.
941
00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:26,049
Esther suddenly decided
she was sick of hearing
942
00:39:26,073 --> 00:39:28,200
- the voices of our family.
- Wow.
943
00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:30,744
I had to bribe her with ice
cream and a trip to FAO Schwarz.
944
00:39:30,827 --> 00:39:32,746
She's a genius.
945
00:39:32,829 --> 00:39:34,915
- You okay?
- Yes. I'm fine.
946
00:39:34,998 --> 00:39:37,125
- You remembered we were coming, right?
- I did.
947
00:39:37,209 --> 00:39:38,919
Just as soon as you got here.
948
00:39:39,002 --> 00:39:40,170
- You want us to go?
- No.
949
00:39:40,253 --> 00:39:42,297
No. Stay, enjoy the show.
950
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:45,050
I just had a bad day,
that's all.
951
00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:46,343
Why? Problems at work?
952
00:39:46,426 --> 00:39:48,512
{\an8}- Well...
- Ah! Too much talking!
953
00:39:48,595 --> 00:39:50,806
Boy, are you
in the wrong family, kid.
954
00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:52,933
Okay. There's hot dogs
around somewhere.
955
00:39:53,016 --> 00:39:55,268
Just stuff their faces.
I'll see you after.
956
00:39:56,436 --> 00:39:57,938
Hey.
957
00:39:59,231 --> 00:40:01,233
Just...
958
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:03,777
some days are harder
than others, you know?
959
00:40:03,860 --> 00:40:06,029
Yeah. I know.
960
00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:12,953
- Daddy! Daddy!
- Hey, Esther.
961
00:40:13,036 --> 00:40:14,472
The public
has spoken.
962
00:40:14,496 --> 00:40:15,765
- Hey. Hey. Sorry. Sorry.
- Private Waste Management:
963
00:40:15,789 --> 00:40:17,082
A Musical Journey in Three Acts
964
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:19,376
- is a hit.
- That looks good. - Yeah.
965
00:40:19,459 --> 00:40:21,711
Catch it now on the main stage.
966
00:40:24,673 --> 00:40:26,925
Ah, ah, ah.
967
00:40:29,052 --> 00:40:31,138
Now I lay me
down to sleep,
968
00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:33,223
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
969
00:40:33,306 --> 00:40:35,976
Please bless Mommy and Daddy
and my little brother...
970
00:40:42,065 --> 00:40:43,483
And, mostly, God,
please bless...
971
00:40:43,567 --> 00:40:45,861
Christ. Hot in there.
972
00:40:48,822 --> 00:40:50,115
Go on.
973
00:40:51,158 --> 00:40:53,243
Please bless
New York City,
974
00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:55,579
the greatest city
in the whole wide world.
975
00:40:55,662 --> 00:40:58,415
I sure am lucky I live here.
Amen.
976
00:40:59,708 --> 00:41:02,252
This kid's gonna spend
the next ten years
977
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:04,629
- stuffed in a locker.
- Hey, guys, he's asleep.
978
00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:13,096
♪ Who do you call
to haul the trash ♪
979
00:41:13,180 --> 00:41:15,390
♪ The city trucks won't touch? ♪
980
00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,100
♪ Who's got
the hard-won know-how ♪
981
00:41:17,184 --> 00:41:19,352
♪ With things hazardous
and such? ♪
982
00:41:19,436 --> 00:41:21,646
♪ Who comes at night
staying out of sight ♪
983
00:41:21,730 --> 00:41:24,191
♪ And gone by break of day? ♪
984
00:41:24,274 --> 00:41:26,818
♪ You got a pile,
a full square mile ♪
985
00:41:26,902 --> 00:41:30,655
♪ Who's gonna take it away? ♪
986
00:41:30,739 --> 00:41:34,075
♪ Your personal trash man can ♪
987
00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:35,744
♪ He'll come and get...
988
00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:42,500
♪ Your personal trash man can ♪♪
989
00:41:49,507 --> 00:41:51,384
Wow. Smell that
fresh, sweet air.
990
00:41:51,468 --> 00:41:53,178
You'd never know
that just last night,
991
00:41:53,261 --> 00:41:56,181
there was a mound of trash
as high as an elephant's eye.
992
00:41:56,264 --> 00:41:58,516
High enough that
the Von Trapp Family Singers
993
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,393
could climb over it
to escape the Nazis.
994
00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:03,230
That's pretty high.
995
00:42:03,313 --> 00:42:04,731
But now look at it. Gone.
996
00:42:04,814 --> 00:42:06,942
Now all you see are
sidewalks so clean
997
00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:08,401
you could eat off them.
998
00:42:08,485 --> 00:42:11,321
Streets so gleaming
you could see your reflection.
999
00:42:11,404 --> 00:42:15,617
Hmm, looks like I need a shave.
1000
00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,869
Ah, that joke has found
its demographic.
1001
00:42:17,953 --> 00:42:20,348
- What the fuck?
- Extra! Extra!
1002
00:42:20,372 --> 00:42:21,623
There's the paperboy.
1003
00:42:21,706 --> 00:42:23,625
He delivers, well, papers,
1004
00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:25,418
which become trash, ironically.
1005
00:42:25,502 --> 00:42:27,963
There's a mother with her babies.
1006
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:29,798
A guy with a briefcase
who's the father
1007
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:31,758
of at least one of those babies.
1008
00:42:31,841 --> 00:42:33,569
Apparently, the one thing
these people haven't thrown away
1009
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:34,636
is the amphetamines.
1010
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,097
- It's not?
- What?
1011
00:42:37,180 --> 00:42:39,057
Oh, right. Wait. Okay.
1012
00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:40,684
Here I am, okay.
1013
00:42:40,767 --> 00:42:42,269
You haven't missed much,
trust me.
1014
00:42:42,352 --> 00:42:44,271
No, little boy, it's not.
1015
00:42:44,354 --> 00:42:46,940
The city only disposes of a
small amount of the actual trash
1016
00:42:47,023 --> 00:42:49,150
that is thrown away,
the easy stuff.
1017
00:42:49,234 --> 00:42:52,320
But we live in a big city.
We have big city trash.
1018
00:42:52,404 --> 00:42:53,989
See where I'm going with this?
1019
00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:56,700
What is private demolition
and waste management?
1020
00:42:56,783 --> 00:42:58,326
God, that's annoying.
1021
00:42:58,410 --> 00:42:59,828
Anyhoo...
1022
00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:01,538
♪ There once
were trees ♪
1023
00:43:01,621 --> 00:43:04,457
♪ And clear blue seas ♪
1024
00:43:04,541 --> 00:43:06,668
♪ But now all the babies
are born here ♪
1025
00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:09,879
♪ With rabies and full goatees ♪
1026
00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:14,342
♪ Oh, so tough to raise ♪
1027
00:43:14,426 --> 00:43:17,137
♪ We've seen better days ♪
1028
00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:22,142
- ♪ Trash ♪
- ♪ This life ain't fair ♪
1029
00:43:22,225 --> 00:43:24,519
- ♪ Smog ♪
- ♪ Beyond repair ♪
1030
00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:26,688
- ♪ Death ♪
- ♪ You're begging for mercy ♪
1031
00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,315
♪ When you go to Jersey ♪
1032
00:43:28,398 --> 00:43:29,899
♪ To smell fresh air ♪
1033
00:43:29,983 --> 00:43:31,443
- ♪ Hoboken ♪
- Too close.
1034
00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:33,987
- ♪ Sweet toxic haze ♪
- ♪ Haze ♪
1035
00:43:34,070 --> 00:43:37,198
♪ We've seen better days ♪
1036
00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:39,218
♪ Telling you, good hygiene pays...
1037
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:42,078
Hey, what the hell's
going on up there?
1038
00:43:42,162 --> 00:43:44,289
- What? It's the trash show.
- No, it's not.
1039
00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:46,892
- She's fucking around up there.
- And she's still not off-book.
1040
00:43:46,916 --> 00:43:49,294
- What do you want from me?
- I want what was promised.
1041
00:43:49,377 --> 00:43:50,604
She's up there.
She's in the suit.
1042
00:43:50,628 --> 00:43:52,672
From the beginning,
she's been a problem.
1043
00:43:52,756 --> 00:43:53,858
She wouldn't
use the cigar.
1044
00:43:53,882 --> 00:43:55,050
Nobody's missing the cigar.
1045
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:56,551
- I asked you for a favor.
- I know.
1046
00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:58,678
And I thought you were taking
that favor seriously.
1047
00:43:58,762 --> 00:44:00,013
I did take it seriously.
1048
00:44:00,096 --> 00:44:02,098
Does this look like
serious to you?
1049
00:44:02,182 --> 00:44:03,909
Is this a bad time
to ask where his mother is?
1050
00:44:03,933 --> 00:44:05,935
That looks like
a temper tantrum,
1051
00:44:06,019 --> 00:44:08,188
and I don't like
temper tantrums.
1052
00:44:08,271 --> 00:44:10,291
Listen to me, the next time
I ask you for a favor...
1053
00:44:10,315 --> 00:44:12,776
- Next time?
- Yeah, next time.
1054
00:44:12,859 --> 00:44:14,778
This was the favor, Frank.
1055
00:44:14,861 --> 00:44:16,738
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1056
00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:18,281
We reciprocated. This was it.
1057
00:44:18,365 --> 00:44:21,242
- It? It?
- There is no "it," Susie.
1058
00:44:21,326 --> 00:44:22,494
We own you.
1059
00:44:22,577 --> 00:44:24,454
Thirty percent of
everything you do,
1060
00:44:24,537 --> 00:44:26,623
everything you touch,
everything she touches.
1061
00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:27,957
That's the deal.
1062
00:44:28,041 --> 00:44:30,293
Yeah, but that was
before we agreed to do this.
1063
00:44:30,377 --> 00:44:32,697
Oh, Susie, I think you have
a problem understanding things.
1064
00:44:32,754 --> 00:44:35,256
No, I don't. This was
supposed to make us square.
1065
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:36,633
There is no making us square.
1066
00:44:36,716 --> 00:44:39,052
This is it.
This is the situation.
1067
00:44:39,135 --> 00:44:40,654
Mismanaged waste
kills up to...
1068
00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:41,888
For how long?
1069
00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:44,808
For as long as you are
Susie fucking Myerson!
1070
00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:48,395
Now you get your head straight,
and you get her head straight.
1071
00:44:48,478 --> 00:44:50,313
And don't you ever fuck
1072
00:44:50,397 --> 00:44:53,274
with a musical production
of ours again.
1073
00:44:53,358 --> 00:44:56,611
Next time,
there's gonna be tech.
1074
00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:58,446
...parasitic illness.
1075
00:44:58,530 --> 00:45:00,615
Yeah, I guess while he mourns
his little cartwheeler,
1076
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:02,018
I'm supposed to
tell you now about
1077
00:45:02,075 --> 00:45:03,827
all the ways
that trash can kill you.
1078
00:45:03,910 --> 00:45:05,412
Bye Bye Birdie it ain't.
1079
00:45:05,495 --> 00:45:06,871
What's going on here?
1080
00:45:06,955 --> 00:45:08,832
It's a trade show.
Go buy some tires, hmm?
1081
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:11,060
Why is Midge giving up onstage?
She never gives up onstage.
1082
00:45:11,084 --> 00:45:13,211
I don't know, Joel.
It's an off night.
1083
00:45:13,294 --> 00:45:15,713
- Ask for your money back.
- Who are those guys, Susie?
1084
00:45:15,797 --> 00:45:17,233
- They're no one.
- They don't look like no one.
1085
00:45:17,257 --> 00:45:19,509
- Well, they are.
- Did you piss them off?
1086
00:45:19,592 --> 00:45:21,094
Leave me alone.
1087
00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:22,679
What did you do?
1088
00:45:22,762 --> 00:45:24,097
Why are they threatening you?
1089
00:45:24,180 --> 00:45:25,533
Why are they looking at Midge
like she's got
1090
00:45:25,557 --> 00:45:26,742
a fucking lot number on her ass?
1091
00:45:26,766 --> 00:45:27,868
I don't know
what you're talking about.
1092
00:45:27,892 --> 00:45:29,286
Did you get her mixed up
in something?
1093
00:45:29,310 --> 00:45:31,229
What's happening, "manager"?
You mobbed up?
1094
00:45:31,312 --> 00:45:32,355
- No.
- No?
1095
00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:33,499
This whole place looks like
1096
00:45:33,523 --> 00:45:34,708
part two of
the Apalachin meeting.
1097
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,860
- I got to go.
- Hey. Look at me.
1098
00:45:37,902 --> 00:45:39,779
- Do you have a handle on this?
- Yes.
1099
00:45:39,863 --> 00:45:41,489
- Do you need help?
- No.
1100
00:45:41,573 --> 00:45:43,613
How deep is my wife
in this shit you got going here?
1101
00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:46,244
- Just go babysit, Joel, okay?
- Fuck you.
1102
00:45:46,327 --> 00:45:48,055
You're not cute just 'cause
you're four feet tall
1103
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:49,622
and you dress like
a Katzenjammer Kid.
1104
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:51,332
I want to know what you're into.
1105
00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:53,710
Okay, well,
thanks for stopping by.
1106
00:45:53,793 --> 00:45:55,420
I'm gonna find out, Susie.
1107
00:45:55,503 --> 00:45:57,297
I'm gonna get to the bottom
of whatever it is
1108
00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,174
you have once again fucked up,
you hear me?
1109
00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:02,969
♪ Goodbye, junk misplaced ♪
1110
00:46:03,052 --> 00:46:07,932
♪ So long, fumes we taste ♪
1111
00:46:08,016 --> 00:46:12,896
♪ Ah, hello, private waste ♪
1112
00:46:12,979 --> 00:46:18,151
{\an8}♪ Private waste management ♪
1113
00:46:18,234 --> 00:46:22,864
{\an8}♪ Take it away ♪
1114
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,741
♪ Trash ♪♪
1115
00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:26,951
What are you, like, 30?
1116
00:46:27,035 --> 00:46:28,721
This is really a thrill.
1117
00:46:28,745 --> 00:46:30,622
We never get asked
to do a third segment.
1118
00:46:30,705 --> 00:46:32,081
Do we, Cooper?
1119
00:46:32,165 --> 00:46:34,459
You sure you don't want
to feed him a termite?
1120
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:36,669
- I'm sure.
- You're missing out.
1121
00:46:36,753 --> 00:46:40,131
And we're back from commercial
in three, two...
1122
00:46:47,305 --> 00:46:49,766
Welcome back, folks,
and yes, we are still here
1123
00:46:49,849 --> 00:46:51,684
with my guest Hart Buckley
of the Bronx Zoo,
1124
00:46:51,768 --> 00:46:53,728
and I just can't believe my luck
1125
00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:56,731
but he has yet one more
adorable critter for us to meet,
1126
00:46:56,814 --> 00:46:58,209
- so let's...
- Excuse me, sir.
1127
00:46:58,233 --> 00:47:00,085
Is this the ladies' room?
1128
00:47:03,446 --> 00:47:05,740
Well, what do you know,
Sophie Lennon.
1129
00:47:07,242 --> 00:47:09,077
Boy, are you
a sight for sore eyes.
1130
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,578
- Mwah.
- Mm, careful, Gordon.
1131
00:47:10,662 --> 00:47:12,205
That's how
my fifth marriage started.
1132
00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:14,874
And my fourth one ended.
1133
00:47:23,091 --> 00:47:25,885
Well, that sure was
a nice greeting.
1134
00:47:25,969 --> 00:47:27,845
Hello.
1135
00:47:27,929 --> 00:47:30,890
I think I wore your brother
to Delmonico's last night.
1136
00:47:30,974 --> 00:47:33,309
Oh, we are delighted to see you, Sophie.
1137
00:47:33,393 --> 00:47:35,895
- Hey, would you like a termite?
- Maybe later.
1138
00:47:35,979 --> 00:47:37,915
Sophie Lennon, as you all know, folks,
1139
00:47:37,939 --> 00:47:39,816
hosts the hit game show
Seconds Count.
1140
00:47:39,899 --> 00:47:42,110
Thank you.
1141
00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:44,445
It is a hit, isn't it?
1142
00:47:44,529 --> 00:47:46,529
Now, correct me if I'm wrong,
but isn't your studio
1143
00:47:46,573 --> 00:47:48,449
- right down the hall?
- I think it is.
1144
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:50,970
And yet, I believe this is the
first time you've come to visit.
1145
00:47:50,994 --> 00:47:53,496
- Is that right?
- Now, not to be too much a braggart,
1146
00:47:53,580 --> 00:47:54,789
but I feel we've been
1147
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:56,517
a good friend to you
at The Gordon Ford Show.
1148
00:47:56,541 --> 00:47:59,085
- Maybe helped you get that hit show.
- You did, Gordon.
1149
00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:02,589
I was at my lowest point,
and you gave me a leg up.
1150
00:48:02,672 --> 00:48:04,007
So, what happened?
1151
00:48:04,090 --> 00:48:06,217
Well, you know me,
once I've got my legs up...
1152
00:48:09,554 --> 00:48:11,431
Heel, Sophie, heel.
1153
00:48:11,514 --> 00:48:13,182
Hey. We need talk.
1154
00:48:13,266 --> 00:48:14,743
What in
the ever-loving fuck?
1155
00:48:14,767 --> 00:48:16,704
Why didn't you tell
me about this bullshit rule?
1156
00:48:16,728 --> 00:48:18,438
- What?
- No one who works on the show
1157
00:48:18,521 --> 00:48:19,897
can be on the show,
is that right?
1158
00:48:19,981 --> 00:48:21,399
Yeah. So?
1159
00:48:21,482 --> 00:48:23,419
So, why didn't you tell me that
when you hired her?
1160
00:48:23,443 --> 00:48:25,903
- I didn't fucking hire her.
- No excuse.
1161
00:48:25,987 --> 00:48:27,572
Little excuse.
1162
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:29,240
- You need to fix this.
- I need to...
1163
00:48:29,324 --> 00:48:31,618
There is
a goddamn show going on.
1164
00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:35,788
- Well, fix it after.
- I am not gonna fix anything.
1165
00:48:35,872 --> 00:48:37,290
It's a bullshit rule.
1166
00:48:37,373 --> 00:48:39,876
It's Gordon's rule. Talk to him.
1167
00:48:39,959 --> 00:48:41,544
Fuck.
1168
00:48:57,769 --> 00:48:58,978
Susan?
1169
00:49:02,273 --> 00:49:03,983
Susan!
1170
00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,987
Susan, they just
waxed the floors.
1171
00:49:08,071 --> 00:49:09,656
Susan!
1172
00:49:09,739 --> 00:49:10,907
I will catch up with you.
1173
00:49:10,990 --> 00:49:12,533
Don't forget I played lacrosse.
1174
00:49:12,617 --> 00:49:14,327
Susan! Damn it.
1175
00:49:14,410 --> 00:49:16,913
Could you not? I'm in... Oh!
1176
00:49:16,996 --> 00:49:18,748
This is a ridiculous waste
of stockings.
1177
00:49:18,831 --> 00:49:21,709
Stop. I mean,
you're going to lose.
1178
00:49:21,793 --> 00:49:23,920
You know, this is just like
that party we went to
1179
00:49:24,003 --> 00:49:25,981
where you were supposed to dress
up as the woman you admire most,
1180
00:49:26,005 --> 00:49:27,173
and you came as Lady Macbeth,
1181
00:49:27,256 --> 00:49:28,591
and we got
in that terrible fight.
1182
00:49:28,675 --> 00:49:31,636
You left and ran away,
and I caught you then, too.
1183
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,262
Oh, no,
you went through a glass door.
1184
00:49:33,346 --> 00:49:35,598
How will I ever find you?
1185
00:49:38,267 --> 00:49:40,228
You can't not talk to me.
1186
00:49:40,311 --> 00:49:41,896
There's a reason
we ran into each other.
1187
00:49:41,979 --> 00:49:43,564
The universe is
telling us something.
1188
00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:44,816
No, it isn't.
1189
00:49:44,899 --> 00:49:47,318
And this is nothing like
that night or that party.
1190
00:49:47,402 --> 00:49:49,213
And you were on
the lacrosse team for two hours,
1191
00:49:49,237 --> 00:49:51,197
- and then you got bored.
- Lacrosse is boring.
1192
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,740
I know it's boring.
1193
00:49:52,824 --> 00:49:54,826
I told you it was boring
and you shouldn't join,
1194
00:49:54,909 --> 00:49:57,120
and then you joined
because I told you not to join.
1195
00:49:57,203 --> 00:49:58,830
How fucked-up is that?
1196
00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,016
Jesus Christ. Don't you have
a gala to go to or something?
1197
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,583
Nope. Today's my day of rest.
1198
00:50:02,667 --> 00:50:04,836
Wow, Susan Myerson.
1199
00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:06,799
I can't believe
I'm talking to you. It's been...
1200
00:50:06,879 --> 00:50:09,674
Do not stand there and pretend
this is a touching reunion.
1201
00:50:09,757 --> 00:50:11,134
- I got to go.
- Why?
1202
00:50:11,217 --> 00:50:13,761
I have work. I have a life.
1203
00:50:13,845 --> 00:50:15,447
Just because you lose
interest in something,
1204
00:50:15,471 --> 00:50:17,181
- it doesn't just go away.
- I know.
1205
00:50:17,265 --> 00:50:19,183
There was still lacrosse
after you quit.
1206
00:50:19,267 --> 00:50:21,102
Well, there shouldn't have been.
1207
00:50:21,185 --> 00:50:23,688
Please, just...
1208
00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:25,148
It's been so long.
1209
00:50:27,233 --> 00:50:28,860
You look really good.
1210
00:50:29,986 --> 00:50:31,446
You do.
1211
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,281
Yeah, I love the hat.
1212
00:50:34,782 --> 00:50:36,576
Mrs. Gordon Ford?
1213
00:50:36,659 --> 00:50:38,578
Yeah.
1214
00:50:38,661 --> 00:50:40,580
It's quite an accomplishment.
1215
00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:43,374
- That's not all I am.
- Yeah, that's all you are.
1216
00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:46,127
It's all you are to me,
Mrs. Fucking Gordon Ford.
1217
00:50:47,628 --> 00:50:48,796
How are you?
1218
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,232
Oh, you better pick
a different question.
1219
00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:52,550
Oh, Susie, can we take this
down just a hair?
1220
00:50:52,633 --> 00:50:55,636
I didn't tell you to follow me.
I didn't want to talk to you.
1221
00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:58,139
Hey, let's get a drink.
1222
00:50:58,222 --> 00:51:01,517
Let's find a bar and get soused,
and you can say everything to me
1223
00:51:01,601 --> 00:51:02,977
you've wanted to say
for 15 years.
1224
00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:05,104
I don't want to say
anything to you.
1225
00:51:05,188 --> 00:51:06,606
Fine, then you can ask me
1226
00:51:06,689 --> 00:51:08,441
anything you wanted to ask me
for 15 years.
1227
00:51:08,524 --> 00:51:10,818
No. Everything you say
is bullshit anyhow.
1228
00:51:11,944 --> 00:51:13,821
I guess I understand
why you feel like this.
1229
00:51:13,905 --> 00:51:16,491
Well, I don't give a fuck
if you understand or not.
1230
00:51:16,574 --> 00:51:18,451
This is public. It's too loud.
1231
00:51:18,534 --> 00:51:19,660
I'm loud!
1232
00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:21,037
I was loud then, I'm loud now.
1233
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:22,580
This isn't new.
1234
00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:24,123
Please, let's sit and drink.
1235
00:51:25,500 --> 00:51:27,084
I can't cover everything
1236
00:51:27,168 --> 00:51:28,753
right here on the street
like this.
1237
00:51:28,836 --> 00:51:30,630
- No.
- Please, let's talk.
1238
00:51:30,713 --> 00:51:33,132
I... Let me find out about you.
1239
00:51:33,216 --> 00:51:35,802
I'm the same.
I am what I always was. You?
1240
00:51:35,885 --> 00:51:37,470
- Well, let me...
- What?
1241
00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:39,263
Explain? Apologize?
1242
00:51:39,347 --> 00:51:40,723
Apologize for what?
1243
00:51:40,807 --> 00:51:42,725
For what?
1244
00:51:42,809 --> 00:51:45,478
For, I don't know,
making plans and promises and...
1245
00:51:45,561 --> 00:51:47,146
I never made promises.
1246
00:51:47,230 --> 00:51:49,148
- You're kidding.
- I was 22.
1247
00:51:49,232 --> 00:51:51,359
What promises
can you make at 22?
1248
00:51:51,442 --> 00:51:53,486
- Plenty!
- We're grown-ups.
1249
00:51:53,569 --> 00:51:54,737
Can't we be grown-ups?
1250
00:51:54,821 --> 00:51:56,531
Can't we talk like grown women?
1251
00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:57,966
I don't know
what grown women talk like.
1252
00:51:57,990 --> 00:51:59,367
I deal with comics.
1253
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:01,369
Okay.
1254
00:52:01,452 --> 00:52:03,037
I'll apologize
if you want me to.
1255
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,873
Oh, will you? What a sport.
1256
00:52:05,957 --> 00:52:07,124
What a fucking peach.
1257
00:52:07,208 --> 00:52:08,584
I don't want an apology.
1258
00:52:08,668 --> 00:52:10,878
I don't want anything from you.
1259
00:52:10,962 --> 00:52:13,589
I swear,
I didn't mean to hurt you.
1260
00:52:13,673 --> 00:52:15,007
It was college.
1261
00:52:15,091 --> 00:52:18,094
I was a redhead.
That was a mistake, too.
1262
00:52:18,177 --> 00:52:19,595
No.
1263
00:52:20,763 --> 00:52:22,723
I didn't...
1264
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:26,769
You were definitely not...
1265
00:52:28,771 --> 00:52:31,899
Oh, boy, I really want
to buy you that drink.
1266
00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:34,068
I have to go.
1267
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,529
Nice to see you, Hedy.
1268
00:52:36,612 --> 00:52:38,447
You look good as a blonde.
1269
00:52:49,417 --> 00:52:51,460
{\an8}♪ Ow ♪
1270
00:52:51,544 --> 00:52:52,920
{\an8}♪ Uh ♪
1271
00:53:04,140 --> 00:53:06,350
{\an8}♪ Midnight, getting uptight ♪
1272
00:53:06,434 --> 00:53:08,853
{\an8}♪ Where are you? ♪
1273
00:53:08,936 --> 00:53:12,857
{\an8}♪ You said you'd meet me,
now it's quarter to 2:00 ♪
1274
00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:16,152
{\an8}♪ I know I'm hanging,
but I'm still wanting you ♪
1275
00:53:16,235 --> 00:53:18,613
{\an8}♪ Hey, Jack, it's a fact ♪
1276
00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:20,990
{\an8}♪ They're talking in town ♪
1277
00:53:21,073 --> 00:53:24,577
{\an8}♪ I turn my back,
and you're messing around ♪
1278
00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:26,537
{\an8}♪ I'm not getting jealous ♪
1279
00:53:26,621 --> 00:53:29,165
{\an8}♪ Don't like
looking like a clown ♪
1280
00:53:29,248 --> 00:53:33,169
{\an8}♪ I think of you
every night and day ♪
1281
00:53:33,252 --> 00:53:35,087
{\an8}♪ You took my heart ♪
1282
00:53:35,171 --> 00:53:41,135
{\an8}♪ And you took my pride away ♪
1283
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:44,931
{\an8}♪ I hate myself for loving you ♪
1284
00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:49,226
{\an8}♪ Can't break free
from the things that you do ♪
1285
00:53:49,310 --> 00:53:52,897
{\an8}♪ I want to walk,
but I run back to you ♪
1286
00:53:52,980 --> 00:53:57,360
{\an8}♪ That's why I hate myself
for loving you ♪
1287
00:53:58,778 --> 00:54:00,821
{\an8}♪ Ow ♪
1288
00:54:00,905 --> 00:54:02,448
{\an8}♪ Uh ♪
1289
00:54:13,542 --> 00:54:18,047
{\an8}♪ Daylight, spent the night
without you ♪
1290
00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:21,509
{\an8}♪ But I've been dreaming 'bout
the loving you do ♪
1291
00:54:21,592 --> 00:54:24,011
{\an8}♪ I'm over being angry ♪
1292
00:54:24,095 --> 00:54:25,638
{\an8}♪ 'Bout the hell
you put me through ♪
1293
00:54:25,721 --> 00:54:30,184
{\an8}♪ Hey, man,
bet you can't treat me right ♪
1294
00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:34,146
{\an8}♪ You just don't know what
you was missing last night ♪
1295
00:54:34,230 --> 00:54:36,190
{\an8}♪ I want to see you begging ♪
1296
00:54:36,273 --> 00:54:38,025
{\an8}♪ Say "Forget it"
just for spite ♪
1297
00:54:38,109 --> 00:54:42,238
{\an8}♪ I think of you
every night and day ♪
1298
00:54:42,321 --> 00:54:44,115
{\an8}♪ You took my heart ♪
1299
00:54:44,198 --> 00:54:50,329
{\an8}♪ And you took my pride away ♪
1300
00:54:50,413 --> 00:54:52,790
{\an8}- ♪ I hate myself ♪
- ♪ Ow ♪
1301
00:54:52,873 --> 00:54:54,375
{\an8}♪ Uh ♪
1302
00:54:56,210 --> 00:54:57,753
{\an8}♪ For loving you ♪
1303
00:54:57,837 --> 00:54:59,296
{\an8}♪ All right ♪
1304
00:54:59,380 --> 00:55:00,798
{\an8}- ♪ I hate myself ♪
- ♪ Ow ♪
1305
00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:02,925
{\an8}♪ Uh ♪
1306
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:06,429
{\an8}♪ For loving you ♪
1307
00:55:06,512 --> 00:55:10,224
{\an8}♪ I hate myself
for loving you ♪♪
101257
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.