All language subtitles for The Conners S04E07 Lets All Push Our Hands Together For The Stew Train and The Conners Furniture 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb (1)_track3_[eng]
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,407
Yeah!
2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,142
Hey, there you are!
3
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:11,011
Wanted you to be here
for the inaugural run
4
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,880
of the Stew-Chew train.
5
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,150
You know, if I was
still a partner,
6
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,985
I would say
this is totally stupid,
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,987
but as
a part-time employee,
8
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,423
I'll still say it's stupid,
but you won't have to listen.
9
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,225
You don't get it.
10
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,559
There's a lot of bars
11
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:27,395
where people can
watch the Bears play.
12
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:31,199
We have got to have
a gimmick to stand out,
13
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,735
and everybody loves those
sushi conveyor-belt places.
14
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,937
You mean the places where
you sit and watch the sushi
15
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,440
go round and round
until it becomes poisonous?
16
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,574
Ugh!
17
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,410
Okay, everybody!
Get out your phones.
18
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,912
You're about to witness
stew history!
19
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,790
Hey,
is my order ready yet?
20
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,359
And if it is,
could you please hand it to me,
21
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,894
as opposed to shooting it at me
with a train?
22
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:03,464
Oh, looks to me like
23
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,133
that little engineer's
been drinking.
24
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,401
And at that size,
it only takes them
25
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,737
a thimble of alcohol
to impair their judgment.
26
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,607
What are you doing here?
Are you following me?
27
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,209
No,
I'm just getting lunch.
28
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,111
But I know you're moving
into Aldo's soon,
29
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,280
and I would like
to spend some time together.
30
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,748
Is it okay
if I sit with you?
31
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,983
I guess I'm the bad guy
if I say no.
32
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,518
Let's find out. No.
33
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,988
Come on.
I'm gonna miss you.
34
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,159
And I swear, I am done
trying to control your life.
35
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,227
Except for this one,
last thing.
36
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,628
You forgot your
birth control pills
37
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:35,929
at the house
this morning.
38
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,665
Okay, so that's why
you're here.
39
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,633
Why are you going
through my stuff?
40
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,335
I was looking to see
if you had any weed,
41
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,804
which I also found,
and that's really why I'm here.
42
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,739
I'm starving.
43
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,641
Okay,
I didn't forget them.
44
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:50,144
I'm just taking a break
because they make me moody.
45
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,812
Have you been taking them
since you were 10?
46
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,047
'Cause I'm pretty sure
that's a pre-existing condition.
47
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,018
Anyway, I really hope
you and Aldo aren't having sex.
48
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,021
Oh, we're having sex --
tons of it.
49
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,824
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
50
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,126
That was a really
unfortunate coincidence.
51
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,462
Have you ever noticed
that every time
52
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,097
someone tries to push me
in one direction,
53
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,299
I go the other way?
54
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,866
Well, watch this.
55
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,034
I'm done taking
these pills.
56
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,269
Have fun worrying.
57
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,411
Hey, Louise, I just got a tweet
that your band's going on tour.
58
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,547
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
59
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,015
We're gonna do a few weeks
in Memphis and Nashville.
60
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:05,018
I love those cities,
and I didn't want to miss it.
61
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,154
Even though
it's gonna be hard
62
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,757
being away from my new hubby
for so long.
63
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,926
- Oh.
- Oh, isn't that romantic?
64
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,563
Baby,
you're the greatest.
65
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,532
I wouldn't want to be away
from me for that long, either.
66
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,368
You know, and since
I'm gonna be moving in here,
67
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:24,071
I thought I would rent out
my condo before I go.
68
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,340
I mean, what's the point
in having it sit there empty
69
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,376
when I can bring in
some extra cash?
70
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,944
I love you!
71
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:34,282
And I love you even more
when you come with extra cash.
72
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,017
- Ooh, so beautiful.
- Ooh, cash.
73
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,920
So greedy.
74
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,390
So, then, it's okay if
I bring my furniture here?
75
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,058
I don't want a bunch
of strangers messing it up.
76
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,194
You're afraid of renters
wrecking your stuff,
77
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,196
so you're bringing it
to the hillbilly frat house?
78
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,932
Hey, we know how to take care
of valuable things.
79
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,066
Are they valuable?
80
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,769
I thought I raised you
better than that.
81
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:59,139
Now she'll never believe
her things were stolen.
82
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,145
Can I help you?
Uh, yeah.
83
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,780
Is, uh, River around?
84
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,482
I want to talk to him
about a book he gave me.
85
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,484
River's on
a silent retreat.
86
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,652
Oh.
I'm Nick.
87
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,787
I'm the real brains
behind the operation.
88
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,055
I restock the books.
89
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,056
I light the incense
every morning.
90
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,158
It is natural to be intimidated,
but don't be.
91
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,561
Okay, I'll try.
92
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,463
I'm Darlene.
Hi.
93
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:26,066
River was kinda helping me
with some problems.
94
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,068
Hmm.
Have you read
the "Dao De Jing"?
95
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,169
Oh, sure.
96
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,738
Yeah, there's a lot
of practical advice in there,
97
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,739
and then
there's some stuff
98
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,841
that's just ephemeral
and esoteric.
99
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,009
Okay, so,
it's not just me.
100
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,078
I'm looking for a better way
to live my life,
101
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,348
but good God, throw in
a picture once in a while.
102
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,316
I know.
103
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,618
Sometimes, Eastern wisdom can be
up its own butt a little.
104
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,154
It wouldn't hurt
to lighten it up, right?
Yeah, yeah.
105
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:50,123
There's a reason Confucius made
all those jokes, right?
106
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,291
Confucius did not
make jokes.
107
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,026
Th-That was
just white people
108
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,762
making fun
of Eastern religion.
109
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,964
Huh. White people
making fun of something
110
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:57,965
they don't understand.
111
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,299
Didn't see that one
coming.
112
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,136
I'm just -- I'm just having
a really hard time
113
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,138
with the whole
Dao "not-doing" thing.
114
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,140
Hmm.
Mind if I sit?
115
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,109
I'm not paying your salary.
Go ahead.
116
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,044
S-So,
I know I'm not River,
117
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,113
but I think
maybe I can help.
118
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,715
Um...
119
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,551
I know how hard
the not-doing thing is.
120
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:20,320
When I was a stockbroker,
I was a doer, too.
121
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,055
I was doing coke.
I was doing speed.
122
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,358
I was doing online poker
with my clients' money.
123
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:27,194
Wow, you win
the "doer" contest.
124
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,964
And you were able
to actually quit all that
125
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,367
by just embracing
Eastern philosophy?
126
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,502
Not exactly.
127
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,969
I quit doing drugs
the second they fired me
128
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,571
for being
a drug addict.
129
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,640
And that's what forced me
to -- to look for answers,
130
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,642
and I found them here --
which was a blessing,
131
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,011
'cause I really like
my life now.
132
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,080
I'd like to like
my life.
133
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,717
So, is there anything else
in this place
134
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,184
that I should be studying?
135
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:55,022
I guess the best one for me
was the teachings of Buddha.
136
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,725
It led me to a greater sense
of acceptance.
137
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,193
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I'm not a big acceptor.
138
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,030
More of an "exert my will
until everybody resents me"
139
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,231
kind of girl.
140
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,433
That's my weakness.
141
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,000
I love a woman
who can make me resent her.
142
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,537
Here you are.
143
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,104
One matcha latte
with oat milk.
Oh.
144
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,373
Ah, thank you.
Hey, I didn't know
you were working today.
145
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,108
I missed you. Hi.
146
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,077
Oh, man.
I don't get hugs at work.
147
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,513
Just pat-downs when they think
we're stealing office supplies.
148
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,182
I don't even need the envelopes.
It's just like a game to me now.
149
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,085
Darlene,
this is my daughter, Brook.
150
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,120
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
151
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,456
Dad,
I'm sorry to interrupt,
152
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,090
but I need to talk to you
about something.
153
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,192
Oh.
Oh, if you want,
I can step away for a second.
154
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,595
Oh, no,
it's not a big deal.
155
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,030
I'm going camping tomorrow
with my friends.
Uh-huh.
156
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,933
Do you think it's a bad idea
to try mushrooms?
157
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,402
I'm sorry.
158
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,739
I'm sorry to pry.
I got to hear this.
159
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,741
What does Buddha say
about your teenage daughter
160
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,209
tripping balls
with her friends?
161
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,944
Well, Buddha says
162
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,280
regardless of what
a parent wants,
163
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,415
a child will be true
to their nature.
164
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,984
What's your gut
telling you?
165
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,952
Well, I'm curious.
166
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,388
Mm-hmm.
But I also don't
want to get sick
167
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,123
or have an experience
I'd regret.
168
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,826
I'm just -- I'm not sure
it's worth it.
169
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,561
You're a smart person.
170
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:10,598
If I were you,
I'd listen to you.
171
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,166
I'm gonna hold off.
172
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,169
I just wanted
to bounce it off of you.
173
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,304
Thanks, dude.
174
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,675
I would like to go
back in time
175
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,811
and have you
raise my kids.
176
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,345
Listen, Brook and I
have our moments,
177
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,148
but we keep it real
'cause we respect each other.
178
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,150
That sounds like my relationship
with my daughter,
179
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:33,086
except without the respect
or anything I just saw here.
180
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,857
Can Buddha teach me
how to do that?
181
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,426
Possibly, but you'd have
to invite him over to dinner
182
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,328
to watch the dynamic
between you and your daughter.
183
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,631
Oh, he's dead.
But I can make it.
184
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,199
Okay, that's
a little thirsty...
185
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,935
...but you're cute,
186
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,970
and, uh, you're not
making me read anything,
187
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,105
so dinner tonight?
188
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,373
I'm there.
189
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,643
Oh.
190
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,145
Once my dad finds out
what kind of place you work,
191
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,180
you're gonna hear
some Confucius jokes.
192
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,150
But if you act offended,
he'll double down.
193
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,489
Uh-oh.
Dad's got to the point
194
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,024
where he's gotta label stuff
195
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,126
so he doesn't forget
what it is.
196
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,263
"Snotty child who lives
under my roof."
197
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,534
I'm doing this because
I got a pod
198
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,970
full of Louise's furniture
sitting out on the curb.
199
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,738
I gotta make room for it.
200
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,840
Goodwill's coming by tomorrow
to pick up anything
201
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,408
with a yellow sticker.
202
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,182
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're not getting rid of that.
203
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,584
I nursed my kids
in that chair.
204
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,185
That was the last time
they were nice to me.
205
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,987
I'm not giving up
that chair.
206
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,188
Okay, I hear you.
207
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,925
Wait a minute.
208
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,160
We've all put our feet
on this coffee table,
209
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,730
and nobody feels guilty
because it's a piece of crap.
210
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,432
I'm not gonna be able to do that
on Louise's coffee table.
211
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,835
And then you know
what's gonna come next?
212
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,270
Coasters.
That's right -- coasters.
213
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,473
All right, fine.
214
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,077
No, not this chair!
Ah!
215
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,879
This is my reading chair!
216
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:08,115
This is where I escape
to new worlds.
217
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:11,685
I'll never forget reading
all the Dickens novels
218
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:14,121
and thinking how lucky
all those kids were
219
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,256
and hoping I could have
what they have one day.
220
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,594
I say lose the chair.
It's gross.
221
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,130
They found hepatitis
on a 5,000-year-old mummy.
222
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,497
You know that chair's
got stuff.
223
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,036
You kids constantly bitch about
how bad your childhoods were,
224
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,704
but you can't bear
to part with anything
225
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,972
that reminds you of 'em.
226
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,106
Well, this is our home.
227
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,474
When I came back
from Chicago,
228
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,076
it was so comforting
to see everything
229
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,111
still the way it was
when I was a kid.
230
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,580
And when I came back to live
here, I felt the same way.
231
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,650
And when I come back in my 40s,
I'm gonna feel the same way.
232
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,653
I always want you guys
to be comfortable,
233
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:49,156
but I want Louise
to be happy, too.
234
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:53,894
Anybody here planning
to succeed in the near future
235
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:54,962
and get a house big enough
236
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,797
to take all this furniture
with them?
237
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,101
Anybody here planning
to succeed?
238
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,138
Anybody here looking forward
239
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,974
to watching Louise
hand me my ass?
240
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,980
So, Nick, I hear you work
241
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,916
at one of those Eastern,
new-agey bookstores.
242
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:19,086
You know what
Confucius say?
Dad, no.
243
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,788
We just
talked about this.
244
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,823
You can't do it at
the Chinese restaurant.
245
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:23,857
You can't do it here.
246
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,793
You can't do it
anywhere anymore.
247
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,428
I can't keep up!
248
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,198
Just make a list of stuff
that used to be funny
249
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,833
but ain't anymore.
250
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,002
I'd like to get a copy
of that, too.
251
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,304
Oh, you're here.
252
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,638
Grandpa, you called me
and asked me
253
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,973
to come over
and have pizza,
254
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,676
but this is obviously a trick
to get me to talk to her.
255
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,846
No, it was a trick to get you
to come over and talk to me.
256
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,381
Your grandpa misses you.
Oh.
257
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,483
And that was a trick
to get you to stay here
258
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,885
and talk to your mom.
259
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,353
Fine. I'll eat the pizza,
but I'm not interested
260
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,554
in anything she has to say.
261
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,423
It's okay.
No one is.
262
00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:01,028
Continuing that narrative
of disinterest, this is Nick.
263
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,797
He works at that bookstore
I was telling you about.
264
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,999
You must be the kung-fu guy
who tried to teach my mom
265
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,068
a sneaky way to ruin my
relationship with my boyfriend.
266
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,136
Oh, no, no, no.
267
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,371
That was the owner
of the store, River.
268
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,807
What?
269
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,009
The owner of the hippie
bookstore is named River?
270
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,244
Oh, come on, Moonbeam.
271
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,279
You've got to let me
off the leash for this one.
272
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,082
No.
273
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,250
And it doesn't matter
who it was.
274
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,484
I was wrong.
275
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,553
If you mean that,
thank you.
276
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,756
But I can't stay long.
I have to stop at an ATM.
277
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,924
If you need a little cash,
I can help you out.
278
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,259
No, one of Aldo's
kids got sick
279
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,660
and he missed
a few days of work,
280
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,028
so I'm -- I'm helping him
with the rent.
281
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,697
Are you serious?
282
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,066
You're -- You're
watching his kids,
283
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,500
and now you're paying
his rent?
284
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,535
It's a one-time thing.
Don't make a big deal.
285
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:45,005
Oh, yeah, it's fine,
and when you're at the ATM,
286
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,874
be sure to get some extra
so you can paint his house
287
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,109
and buy him that hoverboard
he's had his eye on.
288
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,111
Why do you always have to be
such a bitch?
289
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,181
Now it's a Conners dinner.
290
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,083
I was just counting down
in my head.
291
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,919
Harris, I have
a daughter your age,
292
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,554
and, um, your mom and I
have been talking about
293
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,023
how you guys are
fighting a lot.
294
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,458
Are you cool
if I weigh in?
295
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,627
Wow, somebody
actually asking me
296
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,096
if they can
butt into my life.
297
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,230
Sure. What the hell.
298
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,733
So, you guys went from,
"How's it going?" to war
299
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,068
in a few seconds.
300
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,104
I think I might have an exercise
that could help you
301
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,372
get a little give and take
in your relationship.
302
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,440
Are you up for that?
303
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,575
Come on.
304
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,077
I mean, what we're doing
isn't working.
305
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,946
I'll give it a shot
if you will.
306
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:26,980
Fine.
307
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,418
I hope Darlene knows
what she's doing.
308
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,253
Letting a total stranger
get involved
309
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,055
could make this fight
worse.
310
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,790
Oh, I hope not.
311
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,960
But if it does,
I got five bucks on Darlene.
312
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,462
She's way overdue
for a manic phase.
313
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,730
I've fought her.
314
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,165
When she's got
adrenaline going,
315
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,568
she's all teeth
and thumbs to the eyes.
316
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,038
Okay, I want you both
to put your hands up.
317
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:54,407
Now, I want you
to put your hands
318
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,077
against each other's hands
and push.
319
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,013
This is how your relationship
feels right now.
320
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,149
No movement.
Nobody giving an inch.
321
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,917
In order for things
to change,
322
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,286
you each need to take turns
giving a little.
323
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,688
Okay, so, Harris,
when your mom pushes you
324
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,991
and says she's worried about
Aldo, you give a little.
325
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,993
Darlene,
when Harris pushes back
326
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,628
and says you're interfering
too much, you give a little.
327
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,798
This is how the relationship
stays balanced, okay?
328
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,100
Let's give it a try.
329
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,469
I'm doubling down my bet
on the wiry little vegan.
330
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,204
I'll take that action.
331
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,772
Just watch.
332
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,440
Thumbs and teeth.
333
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,708
You heard him, Mom.
334
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,377
I'm an adult
who can date who I want.
335
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,678
Give a little.
No.
336
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,681
Aldo is a 38-year-old loser
who is using you.
337
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,949
You give first.
338
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,018
Oh, so the woman who picks
all the wrong men
339
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,652
wants to tell me
how to pick mine?
340
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:42,022
Okay, still waiting
for the give and take.
341
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,824
You know, when you make one
smart decision about your life,
342
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,059
you can criticize mine,
okay?
343
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,062
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.
344
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,900
Why the hell
would you do that?
345
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,334
Because you think
I'm stupid!
346
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,204
You're a sad, pathetic,
miserable person
347
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,039
and you can't stand
that I'm happy.
348
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,174
You're just teaching me
to hate you.
349
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,842
The more time we spend
around each other,
350
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,878
the less we feel like
mother and daughter.
351
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:07,047
We're just two women
who don't like each other,
352
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,681
so stay away from me.
353
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,588
It usually works
way better than that.
354
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,161
Okay, before I show you
what I did,
355
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,729
the kids were
a little reluctant to part
356
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,097
with some of the furniture,
357
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:28,335
but I think I blended your stuff
with ours pretty good.
358
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:32,372
Uh, is that my sofa
on the porch?
359
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,574
Good eye.
Good eye.
360
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,077
I Scotchgarded it so
we could have outdoor living
361
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,912
in the two months
in Chicago
362
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,480
where the weather
won't kill you.
363
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,851
See?
364
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,553
I moved a lot of your stuff
in here.
365
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,122
Uh, hey!
There's your lamp!
366
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:52,059
And there's
your throw pillows.
367
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:56,964
Uh, m-my refrigerator's
in front of the closet.
368
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,365
Well,
don't get used to that.
369
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,534
That's only temporary
until I can figure out a way
370
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,470
to get it upstairs
into the hallway.
371
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,572
Be stupid to have two
down here.
372
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:11,078
Uh, where's my microwave
and my coffeemaker?
373
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,213
Did you get rid of
any of your things?
374
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,647
You weren't here.
375
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,150
Would have been easier
to get rid of the kids.
376
00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:19,552
Look, I tell you what.
377
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,789
The living room and the kitchen
have a long family history
378
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:25,158
of dysfunction
and petty infighting
379
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,995
and I want
to respect that, so...
380
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,063
I'll put my stuff
in storage
381
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:33,066
and then you can keep those
rooms exactly as they are.
382
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,135
You're a saint.
383
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,236
Now give me the "but."
384
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:40,773
But I want the bedroom
to be ours.
385
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,175
And not my bedroom set.
386
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:45,412
I want a whole new one
so we have a fresh start.
387
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,581
It's the beginning
of our long history together.
388
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,984
Done.
389
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,352
Okay, and here's a tip.
390
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,921
When you go
furniture shopping,
391
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,925
pick out exactly what you like
and then ask the salesman,
392
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,494
"What is the complete opposite
of this?"
393
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,163
Then buy that.
394
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,332
Hurtful but fair.
395
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,337
Hey.
396
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,971
Hey, babe.
What are you doing here?
397
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,873
I thought you were
at your mom's tonight.
398
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,808
Ugh, I got into
a huge fight with her,
399
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,045
and I really
don't want to be there.
400
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,612
I know we planned on me
moving in next month,
401
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,348
but can I just
move in now?
402
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,217
I'd love that,
but something came up.
403
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:28,288
I met with the boys'
school shrink today.
404
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,023
Since you started
spending the night here,
405
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:33,126
there's been a little
increase in the number
of incidents at school.
406
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,662
W-What kind
of incidents?
407
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,298
It's kind of
an umbrella term for fires,
408
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,068
attacks on teachers,
and throwing a turd in the pool.
409
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,504
I know I may have done that
in the past,
410
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:47,074
but I-I did not
teach them how.
411
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,007
I-I know.
412
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,077
It's just, she's saying
they're acting out
413
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,812
because they don't want anybody
to replace their mom.
414
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,082
You sleeping here
sends the message,
415
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,185
"We won't get our mom back
while you're still alive."
416
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,087
Holy crap.
They want to kill me?
417
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,755
No.
No, of course not.
418
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:03,856
So what are you saying?
419
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,825
That I can't
move in here at all?
420
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,928
I-I'm hoping it'll just be
a few months, babe.
421
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,598
Till the kids see
you're not a threat.
422
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,566
Or whenever I can
tweak their meds enough
423
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,935
to get that look
out of their eyes.
424
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,737
This really sucks.
425
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,039
Now my mom has me
right where she wants me.
426
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,374
I'm gonna have to
hide in my room
427
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,110
to avoid listening
to her crap.
428
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,578
Just give her
all good vibes.
429
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,013
And if it gets too bad,
430
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,849
just find a friend
to crash with.
431
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,752
But no strapping dudes
with long, blond hair, okay?
432
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,025
Hey, Moms.
433
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,427
Sorry for blowing up
last night.
434
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,794
All good vibes.
I'm going to my room.
435
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,263
Uh, hold up.
436
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,531
We need to talk.
437
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,065
No, we don't.
We're all good.
438
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,301
Love you like a mother.
Stop.
439
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,137
We're not all good.
440
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,939
I thought about
what you said last night
441
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,608
and it scared me
to death.
442
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,077
You're right.
443
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:00,079
We're not gonna be
mother and daughter anymore
444
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:02,582
if we keep ripping
each others' hearts out.
445
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,720
I packed
your suitcases.
446
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,722
I think you need to leave now.
447
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,758
You're throwing me out?
448
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,560
If you don't go,
449
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,829
then I'm gonna destroy
our relationship.
450
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:21,168
I am trying so hard
to learn how to be different,
451
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,569
but I'm afraid
if you stay here
452
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,937
that by the time I do,
it'll be too late
453
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,973
and we're gonna
hate each other.
454
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,178
Well, thanks for asking me
how I feel.
455
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,146
No, I do know
how you feel.
456
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,349
You want to be with Aldo.
Aldo wants you there.
457
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,151
I think
it's a huge mistake,
458
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,820
but if you're not here,
then we can't fight about it.
459
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,157
Yeah. You're right.
460
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:46,159
He wants me there,
and you want me gone,
461
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,694
so I'm going.
462
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,028
Hey.
463
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,031
I love you.
464
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,535
Now,
don't be mad at me.
465
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,804
I packed your birth control
in your suitcase,
466
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,339
and I turned on the alarm
on your phone
467
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,607
so you remember
to take them.
468
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,575
I'm sick. I know.
That's why you got to go.
469
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:35,842
Maybe this will help.
470
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,544
It's on me.
471
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:38,711
Oh, you don't have to.
472
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,313
No, no.
It's store policy.
473
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,648
All relationships
we blow up
474
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,116
get kelp noodles with
hemp seed pesto on the house.
475
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,520
It's okay. You were just trying
to pull up a plane
476
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,156
that's been careening
towards a mountain for 19 years.
477
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,524
You know, you can
tuck your head
478
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,059
between your legs
before a crash,
479
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,961
but you're still gonna end up
stuff on a rock.
480
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,031
So, do you think
I did the right thing?
481
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,166
Yeah, yeah.
482
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,869
I mean, I-I-I think it's great
you were self-aware enough
483
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,937
to take yourself
out of the equation.
484
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,173
This is so damn hard.
485
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,542
Look, we all struggle.
486
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,911
I mean, I told you about
the tough times I had, right?
487
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,713
Yeah, the drugs?
Yeah. Oh, good.
488
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,248
Then I did tell you
about the drugs.
489
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,383
It comes and goes.
490
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,117
I'm Nick, by the way.
491
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,688
Okay.
492
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,955
Yes.
493
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,424
Yes, what?
494
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,126
Yes, we can date.
495
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,995
That's a little thirsty,
but you're cute.
496
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,631
And you have
such an endearing way
497
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,133
of processing your grief
about your daughter.
498
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,968
And I would be crazy
not to go out with somebody
499
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:39,138
who left Wall Street to keep
the cucumber water jug full.
500
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,609
Oh, so this relationship's
gonna be based on honesty, huh?
501
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:46,112
I haven't tried it yet,
but I've heard good things.
502
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:47,947
I'm glad you feel that way.
503
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,982
And what's the worst
that could happen?
504
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,785
I mean, from what I've
seen of your life, I
can't really ruin it.
505
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,754
Uh, you won't know
until you try.
506
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,161
Well, I see
you came to your senses
507
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,297
and got rid of that
ridiculous stew train.
508
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:06,399
The future...
509
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,435
is drones.
510
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,905
One bowl of stew,
coming up.
511
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,807
Oh, no.
Give me a countdown.
512
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:19,579
Burn victims and lawsuits
in 3, 2, 1...
513
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,524
-- Captions by VITAC --
38524
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.