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1
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,040
Dinner's ready!
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,580
Last one in
washes the dishes!
3
00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:14,540
Looks like it's Mark!
4
00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:17,420
Okay, okay, before we eat,
tomorrow's Sunday,
5
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,880
and I want everybody
dressed appropriately
6
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,830
so we can pay our respects
7
00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:24,960
to the one thing that helps us
make sense of this world
8
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,040
and gives us the strength
to make it through another week.
9
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,540
Amen.
Amen.
10
00:00:29,540 --> 00:00:30,880
We're going to church?
11
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,330
Come on! Harris!
On a Sunday?
12
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:34,420
We're watching
the Bears-Packers game!
13
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,460
But it is like church,
because when the Bears
14
00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:39,250
are collapsing
at the end of the game,
15
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:42,540
we ask the Almighty
for a swift and merciful end.
16
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:45,290
And win or lose,
we stick with the Bears.
17
00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:46,420
Total commitment.
18
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,580
Because if you're not
a true...fan --
19
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:51,790
Oh, man! My Patriots receiver
is out for tomorrow.
20
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:52,960
That could cost me.
21
00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:55,540
Are you gambling?
22
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:57,000
Yep.
Fantasy football.
23
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,790
Taking money
from a bunch of suckers.
24
00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:02,080
Oh, so it's like
a megachurch.
25
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,290
No fantasy football tomorrow,
Jackie.
26
00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:09,120
We're only rooting
for the Bears.
27
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:10,170
No distractions.
28
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,420
Hey, can we eat already?
29
00:01:11,420 --> 00:01:13,080
I only came over here
to steal food and do laundry.
30
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,710
I don't need
all this jibber-jabber.
31
00:01:14,710 --> 00:01:16,330
Eh, eh, eh, eh!
32
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:19,000
That's not dinner.
That's for the game tomorrow.
33
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,920
The SpaghettiOs on the stove --
that's dinner.
34
00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:23,420
Ugh.
35
00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:25,210
These aren't even
real SpaghettiOs.
36
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,000
They're...Pisghetti Joe's.
37
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:30,880
Come on, Mark, help me
get this food out to the garage.
38
00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:34,380
I hate football.
39
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:35,750
Do I really
have to come tomorrow?
40
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,620
It's important.
41
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:39,580
I'm even bringing
this guy I've been seeing.
42
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,420
Ohhhh!
43
00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:43,170
So, you checked the traps
lately, and you caught one.
44
00:01:44,420 --> 00:01:46,250
Hey, hey. Not cool.
45
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,710
Does his wife know
he's coming over?
46
00:01:48,710 --> 00:01:51,000
This is why
you haven't met Wyatt yet.
47
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,500
Wyatt!
Ohhh!
Wyatt! Well!
48
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,210
Wait, wait.
What about Emilio?
49
00:01:55,210 --> 00:01:56,460
We've been
talking about it.
50
00:01:56,460 --> 00:01:59,000
He doesn't think
he can get back in the country,
51
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,210
so we both decided
we should start dating.
52
00:02:01,210 --> 00:02:02,580
So, where'd you meet
this guy?
53
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:05,500
We went out once
back when I was drinking.
54
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,000
I threw up in the clown's mouth
at Putt-Putt.
55
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,920
But Wyatt was so sweet.
56
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,500
I got a text the next morning
that said, "Had a fun time.
57
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,960
You're a blackout drunk.
Get help."
58
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,710
Aww.
59
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:23,290
I bumped into him about
a month ago with Beverly Rose.
60
00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:26,120
He saw that I'm sober
and even hotter now,
61
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,580
and we've been dating
ever since.
62
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,250
Ohh! Good for you.
63
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:32,460
Okay,
what's wrong with him?
64
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:33,830
Nothing.
65
00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:36,920
He treat me great,
he loves Beverly Rose,
66
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,920
his mom and I DM on Instagram
all the time,
67
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,920
and when the check comes,
he doesn't run.
68
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,460
Darlene...he tips.
69
00:02:47,540 --> 00:02:48,880
He tips?
70
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,330
He must be a millionaire.
71
00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:54,830
No. He's manager of Miracle Ear
at the mall.
72
00:02:54,830 --> 00:02:56,790
So he's
a really good listener.
73
00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:58,620
Uh, hold it.
74
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,000
I know the problem.
75
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,500
The sex is terrible,
right?
76
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,750
We haven't done it.
77
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,540
He knows I'm not ready yet
78
00:03:04,540 --> 00:03:07,080
because sober sex
is gonna be a whole thing.
79
00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:10,880
You gotta look at each other
in the eye.
80
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:15,500
You gotta worry
about their feelings.
81
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:18,500
I don't have the bandwidth
for that. It's terrifying.
82
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,790
Don't worry.
The sex will happen.
83
00:03:20,790 --> 00:03:22,920
It wasn't the alcohol that made
you loose and indiscriminate.
84
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,040
That's all you.
85
00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:31,420
Thanks.
That's what I thought, too.
86
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:10,580
"The Conners" is
recorded in front of
a live studio audience.
87
00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:12,420
Good morning, sunshine.
88
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:15,670
Come on.
89
00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:16,880
It's time to get up.
90
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,000
Oh, 20 more minutes.
91
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,670
You moved back to Lanford
so we could start this paper.
92
00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:23,290
You've been in bed
for a week.
93
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:25,000
It's nice in here.
94
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,420
Come snuggle.
95
00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:27,420
Ew!
96
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:28,710
You need a shower.
97
00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:30,330
I don't wanna!
98
00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:31,420
Why not?
99
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:34,670
Because I am planning
on taking a shower,
100
00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:37,080
but once I'm done,
I have nothing else planned.
101
00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:42,000
I'm not ready to face
an uncertain post-shower life.
102
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,460
No.
It's not uncertain.
103
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,830
Guess what -- I got a loan
broker to meet us this afternoon
104
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:48,460
to get funding
for our new magazine.
105
00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:49,670
No.
106
00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:52,960
Today doesn't work for me.
It's my shower day.
107
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,420
Look, I know you've been
in a funk since we got fired,
108
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,540
but we don't have any money
coming in.
109
00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,170
I'm broke.
110
00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:01,960
You've seen my underwear.
It's not lace.
111
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,420
It's just got
that many holes in it.
112
00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:09,620
I just don't think
I can get out of bed.
113
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:10,790
I can help.
114
00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:15,580
Get out of bed!
Aah!
115
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:16,960
Hey, hey!
116
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,540
Now that leg's too long.
Do the other one.
117
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:26,210
If we have to watch this game,
can't we at least get a new TV?
118
00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:28,460
There are
so many dead pixels.
119
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:31,420
It's like we're watching
through a chainlink fence.
120
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:34,620
Yes, run, you bastard!
121
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:38,040
Jackie, I told you.
No fantasy football.
122
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,500
Lose the earbuds.
123
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,540
Okay!
124
00:05:43,290 --> 00:05:44,880
She's got wired ones
in her back pocket.
125
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,960
Oh, for God's sake!
126
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,880
How?!
How can you drop that?!
127
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,210
Come on! They pay you
to catch the football!
128
00:05:54,210 --> 00:05:55,710
Are you seeing this,
Mark?
129
00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:57,080
I'm sorry, what?
130
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,830
I was looking
at a bird outside.
131
00:06:01,170 --> 00:06:02,380
A bird?
132
00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:04,880
This is
the Bears-Packers game!
133
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,040
You gotta focus.
134
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,500
Okay, I have something
to tell you, Grandpa,
135
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:12,120
and I hope
you'll still love me afterward.
Yeah.
136
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,880
I don't care
about football.
137
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,790
Give me a minute, pal.
138
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,880
I do still love you,
but everything's different now.
139
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,330
I understand this gay thing,
but this is a choice.
140
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,290
I've been pretending
to like it,
141
00:06:32,290 --> 00:06:34,580
but I just don't get
why this is so important.
142
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,710
Because
when you're a Conner,
143
00:06:36,710 --> 00:06:39,080
you're not just part
of this family,
144
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,790
you're part
of the Bears family.
145
00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,620
It's --
It's about tradition.
146
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,250
I learned the game
from my grandpa,
147
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:50,170
and the first time he took me
to watch Gale Sayers play...
148
00:06:50,170 --> 00:06:51,460
one of the best days
of my life.
149
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,170
And he bought me a hat.
150
00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:56,170
And now
I'm giving it to you.
151
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,120
I would've liked that hat.
152
00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,960
Thanks, Grandpa.
153
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,880
Look at you!
154
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,580
Now say, "Let's go, D!"
155
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:08,290
Let's go, D!
156
00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:10,620
Now look
extremely disappointed.
157
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,120
Now you're a Bears fan.
158
00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,170
Next thing
you need to know --
159
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:21,460
we hate the Packers.
160
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:23,290
Why?
161
00:07:23,290 --> 00:07:26,210
Because the Midwest
ain't big enough for both of us.
162
00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:28,000
But it's pretty big,
Grandpa --
163
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,830
Just hate, would ya?
164
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,420
That's probably Wyatt.
165
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,620
Everybody,
please go easy on him.
166
00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:45,290
You didn't tell me
you were a Packers fan!
167
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,330
Well,
I'm not rabid about it.
168
00:07:47,330 --> 00:07:49,040
I just thought
the cheesehead would be funny,
169
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,830
like I'm one of those nuts
who puts on all the gear.
170
00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:53,750
It is funny.
171
00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:56,000
Let's put it in the car.
172
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,170
Aw, come on. I'm not gonna
offend anybody with this.
173
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,420
I wear it all the time
when I hang out with Bears fans.
174
00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:02,880
Those aren't Bears fans.
175
00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:08,040
These are Bears fans.
176
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,040
H-Hey, everybody.
177
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,080
This is Wyatt.
178
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,210
Run, man. Run.
179
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,500
Excuse me?
180
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,790
Oh, no, sorry.
I'm watching another game.
181
00:08:29,790 --> 00:08:30,620
Fantasy football.
182
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,080
I am so sorry. I didn't
realize how seriously
you guys took your football.
183
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,380
It's okay. We were just
surprised to see those colors.
184
00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:47,290
Hey, Wyatt brought
some things in a bag.
185
00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:48,710
What you got in there,
Wyatt?
186
00:08:48,710 --> 00:08:50,620
Oh.
187
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,000
Just some treats
I thought everyone might enjoy.
188
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,500
This is a special trail mix
I make myself.
189
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,120
I throw in dried mango.
190
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,120
I know.
Crazy, right?
191
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:03,790
Adds a zing,
and it's just instant energy.
192
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,580
Congratulations, son.
193
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,790
Two things that have never been
in this house --
194
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,580
a Packers fan...
195
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,210
and mango.
196
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,460
What else
you got in there?
197
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,710
Well, I also brought some beer.
O'Douls for Becky.
198
00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:19,210
Isn't that thoughtful?
199
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,040
And regular beer
for everyone else.
200
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,000
Cool.
Dad, you like beer.
201
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,960
Wow. I do.
It's like we're the same person.
202
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,790
I'm -- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
203
00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:32,420
This is just Packer-phobia.
204
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:34,210
We should give you
the benefit of the doubt.
205
00:09:34,210 --> 00:09:35,880
Thank you for the beer.
206
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,040
Yeah.
207
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,170
Uh, it's a small batch
organic IPA.
208
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,790
I'll have an IPA. You know
what that stands for, don't you?
209
00:09:45,790 --> 00:09:47,290
Uh, India Pale Ale.
210
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:49,580
I was gonna say "I Pee A-lot
when I drink beer."
211
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,620
Here's a little factoid.
212
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:58,620
I know Chicago loves its Bears,
but did you know the Packers
213
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:01,290
are actually owned
by the people of Wisconsin?
214
00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:03,710
That's not football, son.
That's Communism.
215
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,880
Take the football!
216
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,920
What a great hit!
Oh, yeah!
217
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,250
He's done having kids!
218
00:10:10,290 --> 00:10:11,460
Oh.
219
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:12,580
Wow.
220
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,500
Maybe I'm mistaken,
but it sure seems like
221
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,960
you guys are celebrating
because a player got hurt.
222
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,830
It certainly
looks that way.
223
00:10:18,830 --> 00:10:20,500
Shame!
224
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:24,080
Oh, Wyatt, if that was a Bear
limping off the field,
225
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,210
you'd be celebrating.
226
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,460
I wouldn't.
227
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,500
Because, as a Christian,
I don't wish harm to anyone.
228
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,580
The Crusades --
that was you guys, right?
229
00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:35,040
Oh!
230
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,250
You want a little cream
for that burn, Wyatt?
231
00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,750
Mark, watch this replay.
232
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:43,250
Now, see how we used play action
to freeze that linebacker?
233
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,000
Does that always work?
234
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,540
Sure, because Packers are
inherently dumber than Bears.
235
00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:49,210
Aunt Jackie!
236
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:51,000
That's okay.
I can take it.
237
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,920
Oh, I'm surprised
you understood it.
238
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,170
Yes!
239
00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,380
We win!
240
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:01,330
Great game!
241
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:04,040
It's only the first quarter,
but good energy! Yeah!
242
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,920
Oh!
Eat it, Cheesehead!
243
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,710
Hey!
244
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:10,000
Wyatt is a guest.
245
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,540
I understand the jealousy.
246
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,080
The Bears
have won one Super Bowl,
247
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,290
the Packers have won four.
248
00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:16,420
The trophy is called
the Lombardi Trophy,
249
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:19,170
which, did I mention,
we've won four times?
250
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,620
Ah, you got me there, Wyatt.
251
00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,540
Did I mention
that you're an udder-sucking,
252
00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:27,170
Rodgers-loving,
cow-tipping...
253
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,170
dairy-dork loser?!
254
00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:33,120
Mary called it!
255
00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:40,500
Again, thanks for coming in
on a Sunday.
256
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,830
I'm sure Ben'll find a parking
spot and be in here any minute.
257
00:11:42,830 --> 00:11:44,120
I know
we all want to get home
258
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,880
and watch the Bears game
with our families.
259
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,750
I always watch with my family.
It's a tradition.
260
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,670
But...this is fun, too.
261
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,080
Sorry.
262
00:11:56,620 --> 00:12:00,120
I put $2 in the meter,
and then I realized it's Sunday.
263
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,330
Everything I touch
turns to crap.
264
00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:09,500
As you can see, we've expanded
on the Lock 'Em Up model.
265
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,040
We have a new section
266
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,830
that exposes local companies
who are doing sketchy stuff.
267
00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:15,540
That sounds interesting.
268
00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:19,330
I bought an accordion once
that came apart in my hands.
269
00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:22,500
You give us a name,
we'll go get 'em.
270
00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:25,750
Uh, right.
271
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:27,040
We're gonna get 'em.
272
00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:32,790
We're gonna go after
all the accordion guys.
273
00:12:32,790 --> 00:12:35,080
I do have one question.
274
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,170
The magazine business as a whole
seems like it's on the decline.
275
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,790
Are you ready
to buck that trend?
276
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:42,210
Sure.
277
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:44,750
Sounds pretty hard, though,
doesn't it?
278
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:47,500
What -- What Ben
is trying to say
279
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,170
is that we have a very
well-planned business strategy.
280
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,170
She's right.
281
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:53,960
We got a completely,
um...
282
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,210
what do you call it?
Um...
283
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:58,000
She's right.
284
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,880
A lot of people
come in here over-rehearsed.
285
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,290
Good for you guys.
286
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,580
So, Ben, tell me more about
your departure from Lock 'Em Up.
287
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:12,920
You know what -- I'm gonna
jump in and answer that,
288
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,210
because otherwise,
he will.
289
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,210
Um...
290
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:18,040
I better...just go.
291
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,290
I'm not helping here.
292
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,330
I'll walk home.
293
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:27,620
You know, I thought
everything would change
once I took the shower,
294
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:30,120
but...it didn't.
295
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:38,710
Chicken salad, potato salad,
macaroni salad.
296
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:40,250
When your family
thinks of salad,
297
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:42,960
it's not so much greens
as it is mayonnaise.
298
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,040
How you holding up?
299
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:47,460
I'm okay.
300
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,750
Your family's
just having some fun with me.
301
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:50,920
I don't see the reason
302
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,000
why they had to drag my mother
into this.
303
00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:57,460
I'm sorry.
That was over the line.
304
00:13:57,460 --> 00:14:00,040
For the record, I don't think
she's a wild jackal
305
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,250
that squatted out a Packers fan
in the woods.
306
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,330
Oh,
for crying out loud!
307
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:09,290
We got a quarterback
who trips over his own feet!
308
00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:11,920
How come our runner
always goes straight
309
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,960
for the big pile of people
instead of the open part?
310
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:18,960
'Cause then
we'd be a winning team,
311
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,960
and that's not our way.
312
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,040
Yes! Yes!
313
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,960
Jackie, I told you
314
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,960
I didn't want that
fantasy football stuff in here.
315
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,000
I'm up $187.
316
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,500
Here! It's five bucks.
317
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,120
Go buy yourself
some "get off my ass."
318
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,750
Oh!
He lost two yards!
319
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:43,120
He's the worst person
in the history of the world!
320
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:46,290
Hey, buddy,
it's just a game.
321
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:48,120
Save that anger
for something important.
322
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,080
The boy's just rooting
for his team.
323
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,500
Sure.
And I love football, too,
324
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,210
but at the end of the day,
it's just entertainment,
325
00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:55,330
like a game show
or magic or something.
326
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:57,170
Ooooooooh...
327
00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,710
Magic?
328
00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:01,880
Did you say magic?
329
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,540
You think a football game
is like some bozo
330
00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:08,210
pouring milk
into a top hat?
331
00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:10,040
Football's
kind of like magic.
332
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,000
It's like
faking a hand-off.
333
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,040
Who's got the ball?
Does that guy have the ball?
334
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,210
No, it's that guy.
335
00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:17,500
20-yard play.
Whoa! It's magic.
336
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,960
Come on, Mr. Conner,
you got to admit
337
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,250
that some people
do take football too seriously.
338
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:25,330
They sit on their couch
rather than hike or bike.
339
00:15:25,330 --> 00:15:27,830
If they put as much energy
into their real lives
340
00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:30,500
as they do into these games,
they'd accomplish a lot more.
341
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,170
Are you talking about me,
Wyatt?
342
00:15:35,170 --> 00:15:36,790
I didn't mean
to offend you.
343
00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:38,540
Well, you did.
344
00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:41,040
Football is a big thing
in this family.
345
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,290
Our team's struggles
are our struggles,
346
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,710
and their successes
are our successes.
347
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:49,620
Because sometimes we need a win
to get through the week.
348
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:52,330
And who the hell are you
to pass judgment on that?
349
00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:54,080
Let's go, Wyatt.
350
00:15:56,670 --> 00:15:58,250
Wow. That was fast.
351
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:00,170
I'm down
like a hundred bucks.
352
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,500
I'm gonna need
that five back.
353
00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:09,880
Sorry about my family.
354
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,080
I wish you met them
under better circumstances,
355
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,330
like when they're asleep.
356
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:15,380
Yeah.
357
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:16,380
Boy.
358
00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:17,580
I gotta tell you,
359
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:19,750
I give you a lot more credit
for staying sober.
360
00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:21,040
Thanks.
361
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,080
Why is that?
362
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,380
That's a challenging
environment.
363
00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:27,460
My family's
not the reason I drank.
364
00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:29,170
Couldn't have helped.
365
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:31,000
There's a lot of anger
there.
366
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,670
I mean, I get why y'all need
to escape into the game...
367
00:16:33,670 --> 00:16:35,040
and beer...
368
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,380
and mayonnaise.
369
00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:39,710
That's not an escape.
370
00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:41,170
We love football.
371
00:16:41,170 --> 00:16:44,290
We love beer --
some of us too much.
372
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:45,620
And you'd have to
pry the mayonnaise
373
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,420
from our cold,
slippery hands.
374
00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:52,670
Look, I'm not trying
to upset you.
375
00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:54,830
I just think you and little Bev
deserve better.
376
00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,330
Better than what?
377
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:58,580
All the support in the world
doesn't mean anything
378
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,620
if you're constantly around
toxic people.
379
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,380
Are you calling my family
toxic?
380
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,620
What the hell
do you know about them?
381
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,710
You were with them
for an hour.
382
00:17:07,710 --> 00:17:10,210
I'm glad I'm seeing
this side of you now.
383
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,420
You are a judgmental,
holier-than-thou jerk!
384
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:15,500
And you're boring!
385
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,670
You're like trail mix
without the mango.
386
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,040
No zing at all.
387
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,710
This isn't even
a good fight!
388
00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:22,920
Get out!
389
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,290
This is my car!
390
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:25,710
I don't care!
Get out!
391
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,210
F-Fine.
392
00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:30,000
But don't mess
with my pre-sets.
393
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,040
I am so sorry.
394
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,670
I had a lot of time to think
on the way here,
395
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:45,120
and I figured it out.
396
00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:49,460
I'm afraid to fail.
397
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:51,790
You know,
the last time I did this...
398
00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:53,670
if I screwed up,
I only wrecked my life.
399
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:56,920
Now, I'd take down you
and your kids with me.
400
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,210
What? You think
failure's new to my kids?
401
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:00,830
We eat failure
for breakfast.
402
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,750
And we'd have it again
for lunch,
403
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:05,710
but we failed to plan,
so we don't have any.
404
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,250
So, you're gonna tell me
405
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:10,250
you don't have any problems
taking this giant risk?
406
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,790
You've already built
a successful mug shot magazine.
407
00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:14,420
Why can't you
just do it again?
408
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,290
Because
it's not that easy.
409
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,170
It was brutally hard
the first time,
410
00:18:18,170 --> 00:18:19,710
and it took
a hell of a lot of luck.
411
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,290
Do you know
who was on the cover
412
00:18:21,290 --> 00:18:22,790
of the first issue
of Lock 'Em Up?
413
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,420
The Lanford Cannibal.
414
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:27,830
This guy ate his own foot
on a public bus.
415
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,670
Now, what are the odds
of that happening again?
416
00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:32,580
I'm not gonna kid you, Ben.
They're not good.
417
00:18:34,210 --> 00:18:35,920
So, here is
what we're gonna do.
418
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,170
I am gonna use you
for your credit rating,
419
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:42,210
and you are
going to get out of my way.
420
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:44,500
Well, that seems harsh.
421
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,790
So, I taught you
everything I know,
422
00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:51,170
and you're just gonna use me
to get the money
423
00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:52,880
and then
make all the decisions?
424
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,540
Yeah.
You're finally getting it.
425
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,540
And what are you gonna do
about it? Take another shower?
426
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:01,420
N-No. I'm gonna --
427
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:03,460
O...kay.
428
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:05,670
I see what you're doing.
You're baiting me.
429
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:09,080
No, I'm just pointing out
that you're a shell of a man.
430
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,880
So I will build this thing,
and you'll greet me at the door,
431
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,880
looking pretty
with a martini in your hand.
432
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,670
What do you say
about that?
433
00:19:15,670 --> 00:19:17,620
Alright, yeah.
I'll play your little game.
434
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,040
I'll let you
do all the work,
435
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,380
and I'll stay in bed
and collect half the profits.
436
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:24,170
Oh. Okay,
now you're baiting me.
437
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:26,750
The baiter
has become the baitee.
438
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:30,080
I think this conversation
has turned stupid.
439
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:38,040
Now, for the record, I won't
be bringing you any martinis
440
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,540
until you move up to a whole
better class of underwear.
441
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,000
Well, I'm alone again.
442
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,000
Aw, that's too bad.
443
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,330
I was looking forward to backing
over Wyatt with my truck.
444
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,420
I really wanted him
to be the one.
445
00:19:57,710 --> 00:19:59,540
I don't get it.
446
00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:00,880
Why that guy?
447
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,210
Because I thought he was steady
and dependable.
448
00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:06,380
Beverly Rose
needs somebody like that.
449
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:09,000
Let the baby
get her own guy.
450
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,120
You're not ready yet.
451
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,880
What do you mean?
452
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,080
I'm 44 years old, and I'm still
picking the wrong guys.
453
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,120
My picker's broken.
454
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,620
Look, you've been sober
for a minute.
455
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,500
This is the first guy
you've dated.
456
00:20:23,170 --> 00:20:24,580
How are you supposed to know
what you want
457
00:20:24,580 --> 00:20:25,880
when you don't even know
who you are?
458
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,500
I'm just gonna find
459
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,080
the first decent,
weak-minded guy with a job
460
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,920
and force him
to love me.
461
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,830
Look, you just have to be
patient. It'll happen.
462
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:38,540
And when it happens,
grab on tight to that person
463
00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:39,830
and never let them go.
464
00:20:39,830 --> 00:20:41,670
Thanks, Dad.
465
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:46,330
Ugggh. I can't believe
I kissed a Cheesehead.
466
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,210
Hey, hey, hey!
Keep that to yourself.
467
00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:49,710
I gotta live
in this neighborhood.
468
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,330
What's going on?
The Bears came back!
We're within two.
469
00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:57,880
We got a chip-shot field goal
to win it.
470
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,080
We prayed for this!
471
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,920
I put a buck
in the collection basket.
472
00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:03,710
You muff this kick,
and I swear to God
473
00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:06,170
I will kill
everything you love.
474
00:21:06,170 --> 00:21:08,830
I don't know why I care so much
that he makes this.
475
00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:10,120
It's like
Stockholm Syndrome.
476
00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:14,380
I've taken on
the values of my captors.
477
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:15,670
Announcer:
And it is good!
478
00:21:23,710 --> 00:21:25,330
I had the Bears' kicker!
34529
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