All language subtitles for The Conners S02E02 A Kiss is Just a Kiss 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

Hey!
Hey, Dad.

Hey, Dad.

You coming with us to visit
Becky at the hospital?

No, I can't.
I'm on a break from work,

but I got something for Becky,
if you'd give it to her.

The store sells
this really great

Lanolin cocoa butter
for stretch marks.

Wow, that's sweet.

After all she's been through,
it's nice to remind her

she's all stretched out.

I looked
in our baby section.

It was either that or something
for cracked nipples.

They crack?

I gotta go.
My manager's in a terrible mood.

He tanked his SATs.

Mark: Bye.

If Becky's getting something,
we should bring

something for Lil Bev.

Like a stuffed animal.

Mm-hmm.
I don't know.
It's a preemie.

A Beanie Baby
that's bigger than your kid --

that's gonna be
depressing.

Darlene,
it's your phone.

It's Mark's school.

Wow!

Are you in trouble,
or does the pink-eye girl

have lice now?

Hello?

Uh, hi, Principal Reynolds.
How are you?

Oh.

Uh-huh.

Okay, that's --
that's not good.

Um, yeah.
We'll be there.

What's he
in trouble for?

Spreading too much sunshine
everywhere he goes?

Why don't you guys head out
to the car and give us a second?

So, we have to go see
the principal tomorrow

because your school
has a "no PDA" rule

and somebody posted
a picture of you kissing

your friend Austin
at school.

He wins at everything,
and now he has a boyfriend?

I hate you!

So, Austin's
your boyfriend?

How come
you didn't tell me?

I don't know.
I guess he's my boyfriend.

When we found out they were
gonna start serving

personal pizzas
at lunch,

we got so excited
that we kissed.

I get that.

Well, there is
a longer talk to come,

but have you guys done
anything more than kiss?

No, just the kiss.

And that was
the first time.

He only told me
he was gay last week.

Is Austin the dark,
brooding one

or the kid that's always
smelling his hand?

Neither, Grandpa.

Alright, well, we'll deal
with this tomorrow,

but in the meantime,
no more PDA.

You're at school to learn,
not kiss, okay?

Got it.

So, you think you're ready
for a relationship, huh, pal?

I think so.
Is there anything I should know?

I'll just say, you're 12,
don't sign anything,

and just treat him the way you'd
want to be treated, I guess.

Austin says
I don't listen enough.

Does he also say
you drink too much?

'Cause that's coming.

How are we doing?

I've been trying to pump every
couple hours, but nothing.

I've always been able
to count on my boobs,

but they're
betraying me.

Have you tried to express
the milk by hand?

Are you kidding?

I've been squeezing myself
like an entitled frat boy.

It takes
some people longer.

Everything'll be okay.

As Becky's life
and birth coach,

um, I need to inform you

that your constant
reductive reassurances

are not appreciated.

She understands that the milk
contains colostrum,

which carries
the antibodies

that preemies need
to fight disease.

She knows that she's playing
with the baby's life.

So just let her be,
could ya?

I got your back.

Hey.

Hey!
Did you see the baby?

-Oh, yeah. Strong.
-She looks beautiful!

Don't sugarcoat it.

I've seen her.
You can be honest.

Okay, well, I've seen cuter
babies in jars at the fair.

It's okay. Babies don't always
start out pretty.

Darlene looked like Yoda.
You had Dumbo ears.

And DJ --

DJ did start out pretty,

so...be careful
what you wish for.

Hey, Beck, you know,
you've been up for two nights.

It's hard to make milk
when you're tired and stressed.

You need to sleep.

Geena's hospital --
they had a lactation specialist.

Maybe you can get
one of those.

This is County.

People pay their bills here
with chickens.

We have chickens!

You don't have chickens.

I have chickens.

"The Conners" is recorded

in front of
a live studio audience.

Darlene, I need to tell
you something.

What?

What'd you
need to tell me?

That.

Get back upstairs.

That could be my dad
or the kids.

Mm, did I hear David?

Yes.
He slept over last night.

Again? Oh, you're taking
some chances here.

If the kids find out
and tell Ben,

your little sausage party
is over.

It's okay.

We're quiet, and he knows
to stay in my room

until my dad
and the kids are gone.

Oh, crap! It's Ben!

Ben!

Hey, uh, what -- what the --
what are you doing here?

Oh. That's funny.

In my head, you just said,
"Hey, Ben,

what a pleasant surprise."

I'm sorry.
I-I just didn't ex-expect you.

We're just about to leave
for the ho-- for --

So, thanks for coming!

Thanks for
the deli platter!

Oh, wow. Wait, are you rushing
me out, or...

No. Of course not.
Of course not. Come on in.

Okay.

Okay,
say what you need to say.

I was just
in the neighborhood,

and I thought
you might like this

'cause you probably don't
have time for cooking right now.

And, uh, it's, uh --

it's half vegan
and...half delicious.

Okay. Thank you!
Kiss me and go!

Okay.

Wow, it's like
"Casablanca."

You, sir,
have besmirched me daughter!

Now you must marry her!

And I accept
your cold-cut dowry.

Dan, shouldn't you
be at work?

Oh, one of my crew guys peed
on some wires and we lost power.

Blew him right out
of his shoes.

How you doing, Dan?

Uh, he's great.
Everything's great.

Apparently, I'm great.

Alright, let's say goodbye
on the porch.

It's on my way
to seeing Becky.

So, you know, the other day,
I-I told you that I thought

you seemed stressed
by the commute,

but you seem
just real anxious to me.

Um, have you ever considered
talking to a therapist?

Well, I have all that
discretionary

income lying around.

Maybe I'll try therapy
after that Tuscan wine safari.

Oh, come on.

Most therapists charge
on a sliding scale.

Something to think about.

Bye,
love-you-miss-you-mean-it.

Oh.

Yeah.
Maybe twice a week to start.

Look, Darlene.
It's David.

David, you can't be down here
like that. My dad's home.

If he sees you in that robe,
he's gonna know we had sex.

Sorry,
I'm just washing some clothes.

And I saw your father go in the
garage with a platter of meat.

He's not coming out
till spring.

No, no, it's --
it's half vegan.

We've got like two minutes
until he hits broccoli

and comes screaming
out of there.

You're making a big deal
out of nothing.

Get dressed. Now.

But they're wet.

Aah,
and they're cold.

Oh, yeah, I'm stuck.

I'll help. You take left.
I'll take right.

Okay.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Wait. Just a...
Let me do it.

You don't know
where everything goes.

Okay, go.

Alright, love you,
and I'll see you

at the principal's office
at 4:00.

Don't forget.
Yeah.

Bye.

You can't make me feel worse
about myself

than I already
feel right now.

At least let me try.

Look,
I know it's wrong,

but I-I love David
and I love Ben.

And I have to decide
who I'm gonna spend

the rest
of my life with.

Well, let's talk about it,
and maybe I can help you.

Pick Ben.

Ben challenges you.
He's financially stable.

He'll be
a fantastic partner.

David is sweet, but you've
already gone down that road.

But he's the father
of my children,

and he's really stepping up
and showing up for us.

So buy him a "Number One Dad"
t-shirt as a parting gift,

and then you go
be with Ben.

And the sex
has gotta be fantastic.

Get to -- Get to rub that beard
all over your body.

David is familiar
and soft and, you know,

having sex with him is like
being with a nice,

fluffy marshmallow.

David has a beard.

Mm, does he, though?

Is Austin's mother
going to join us?

Well, she hasn't joined us
in eight years,

so the odds
are against it.

Can we get
this going?

Yeah, I think we can take care
of this in a couple minutes.

This whole thing's crazy.

I'd just like to make an --
an opening statement.

Um, well, as Mark's father,
I-I'm no longer taking

a-a sidelines position
on his upbringing.

I-I am now fully in the picture,
and -- and as such,

uh, I, too,
think this whole thing's crazy.

I'm sorry,
but we have rules

about public displays
of affection.

Mark and Austin are getting
three days detention.

What?! Is this because
they're two boys?

Because when I was here,
kids kissed all the time.

My sister, Becky,
kissed her teacher,

and she didn't
get detention.

She got an "A."

We don't differentiate
on the basis of gender.

Well, you're not punishing
my grandson.

Austin doesn't kiss boys.
Mark kissed him.

Well, that's not what I heard.
Is that what Austin told you?

Yes.

That's not what happened.

Yes, it is.

I was just in line
for pizza,

and you came up
and kissed me.

That's not true.

Uh, Mark doesn't lie.

That's not how
he was raised.

I-I wasn't there for a lot
of it, but I'm pretty sure.

Who are you
gonna believe?

My kid
or the boy with the nail polish?

Hey, wearing nail polish
doesn't make you a liar.

Now, Austin,
I know this is hard,

but you just got
to tell the truth.

Don't talk to him.

I am telling the truth.

No, you're not.

Y-You said you liked me.

Well, I don't.

Austin, wait outside.

You raise your kid
however you want,

but I've got enough on my plate
raising Austin by myself.

I don't need your kid
confusing him

into thinking
he's something he isn't!

Hey, you know what?
It's not contagious, lady.

Your kid's not gonna catch being
gay any more than he's gonna

catch being a cranky,
old wench like you.

I don't need
to listen to this.

No, yes, you do.

Maybe you don't want to accept
the fact that your grandkid

might be gay,

but you scaring him
into denying it

is just gonna
ruin his life.

Well, this feels like
a natural stopping point.

Oh, maybe you can take
the progress you've made

and continue over
coffee somewhere.

No, we're not
going for coffee.

We're very
angry right now!

Unless you wanted coffee.
Do you want --

No, I don't.
She doesn't!

Hey, buddy.

You ready to talk?

Principal called.
No one's getting detention.

Okay.

Going for a new color?

Nope. I'm not gonna wear
nail polish anymore.

How come?

Just tired of it.
That's all.

Today was, uh,
really bad, huh?

I can't believe Austin
said those things.

He won't even
talk to me now.

Well, you know that's
because of his grandmother,

not because of you.

Yeah,
and his grandma's old.

I heard her coughing
in the hallway.

One more bad flu season, and you
guys are back together again.

Hey, don't be mad
at Austin.

He's caught
in a really bad situation.

I don't care.
I am mad at him.

And I'm mad at you.

What? Why?

You told me I shouldn't hide
who I am,

and look what happened.

Yeah, but you shouldn't hide
who you are.

Austin has to do that.

You don't wanna live like that,
right?

My life would be so much easier
if I wasn't gay.

Hey, stop it.

This is not your problem.
This is their problem.

Forget what I said
about not being mad.

Austin's a jerk
for turning on you,

and his grandma's a jerk
for not caring how much

she's hurting
the two of you.

You should be mad,
and you should stay mad

'cause you're amazing
and everybody else sucks!

Is liking someone
always gonna be this hard?

Oh,
you mean falling in love?

Yeah,
love is freakin' brutal.

I mean,
just take your dad.

I thought
he was my soul mate,

and then he left
for nine years.

There's probably
other examples.

Yeah,
but it's a good one.

Alright.

I-I think we may
have gotten off topic.

W-What's important
is that someone wonderful

will eventually
come along.

You know, I-I-I think the hard
part is that you know

who you are
at a very early age.

And that's great.

But until the other kids
catch up,

it might
be a little lonely.

Well,
what do I do until then?

Well, that is where
you're lucky

because you have
a really fun family!

Get off me,
you weirdos!

No!

Do you
feel better now?

Yes, I love myself!

I'm glad I'm gay!

Leave me alone!

We did it!

We did it!

Nice job, lefty!

You were always my favorite!

Nurse!

Wow.

Yeah, poor Mark, huh?

No,
I'm talking about us.

We just parented
the crap out of that kid.

Yeah, we did.
Mm-hmm.

We are kicking ass
as parents.

We're having great sex.
And we love each other.

Let's go tell the kids we're
getting back together tonight.

I know
it'll cheer Mark up.

Um,
it's still too soon.

Look we just told
Mark not to live a lie,

and here we are sneaking and
hiding from our own family.

This has gotta stop.

Well, we're still working
on our relationship.

You know, just don't
get ahead of yourself.

If --
If there's a reason

we can't be back together,
then say it.

Otherwise,
I want a decision now.

Okay, um, alright.

Uh, here we go.

Um, there's something
I have to tell you.

I-I --
You need to go to therapy.

Therapy? I...

I thought
we were doing great.

No, I-I -- Think about it.
It -- It makes sense.

I mean, we have issues.
We're on again, off again.

You need
professional help.

Okay. I'll do whatever it takes
for us to be together.

Great.

Well,
you have to go, too.

I'd rather not.

If you don't go,
I don't go,

and we tell the kids
everything right now.

Okay, fine. I-I'll go.

Okay.

I feel really good
about this.

Heck, yeah, you do.

So...when you and David
finish therapy

and he moves in with you
and Ben...

are you and the rest
of the Mormons

gonna raise a barn
in the backyard?

You know what?

I may have been
forced into this,

but it's probably
the only way I'll know

if David and I have
a chance of making this work.

Yeah, here's the other thing
that's gonna happen.

Um, after about three sessions,
that therapist is gonna know

that you're lying your ass off,
and what you're doing

is gonna be totally
exposed to David.

Huh.

Well, that's not good.

Well, maybe it'll at least
just buy me enough time

to figure out which man
I'm gonna love forever

and which man is never
gonna trust women again

and probably die alone.

Are you saying that
if you pick David,

Ben will die alone?

Because I'm here to tell you
that there are a lot of women

who would shamelessly throw
themselves at a guy like that.

Just stop.
It's not funny anymore.

It's just creepy.

You know what they say --
a watched preemie never grows.

I let her down.

She's getting the nutrition
she needs.

That's all that matters.

I finally got colostrum,
and I dropped it.

She's not nursing,
so we're not bonding.

She probably won't even
call me "Mom."

She'll just be like, "Hey,
Becky, hand me that rattle."

She's never gonna
love me.

What?

You think your baby
isn't gonna love you?

Hey.

Do you know all the awful things
we did to you as a baby?

Well,
I remember you having Darlene.

That was pretty bad.

Once we left you on a bus,

and you went all the way
to Navy Pier.

We used a stroller
we found in an alley,

and it folded up
on you.

And we laughed
because we were high.

The point is, you still love us,
don't you?

Well, I'm gonna need
a little help with the baby,

so I'll say yes.

Thanks, Dad.

Mm, so stop worrying.

You're gonna fall short.
Everybody does.

And so what
you had a preemie?

Did you really want
a super healthy, strong kid?

Puny, little kids are so much
easier to keep up with.

And you're gonna need that
advantage 'cause you're old.

I am old.

We can play "Sleeping Beauty."
You be Aurora.

I'll be Maleficent.
I'll start.

You jump in
when you feel it.

No, you will not be woken

until you've been kissed
by a handsome prince.

Hey, Jackie.

Hey.
You startled me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I just came
to see the baby.

I didn't mean to interrupt
your performance.

Oh, no, I was just amusing
the baby.

Oh.
You mind if I sit with you?

Well,
no law against sitting.

You know,
if somebody walked in right now,

they'd think we were just two
parents looking at our baby.

She does have your eyes.

No, it's not right.
I can't do it.