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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,463 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,758 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,762 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,890 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,768 Lucky there's a Family Guy 6 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,647 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,273 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,650 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:29,905 He's... a... Fam...ily... Guy 10 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,828 Peter, don't forget you have a physical today at 1:00. 11 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,164 For the hundredth time, Lois, I won't forget. 12 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,624 Nag, nag, nag. 13 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,626 Sometimes I think I should have married that woman 14 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,254 I met the night of my bachelor party. 15 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,173 Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here. 16 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,299 Let's get you home. 17 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,636 Wow, strange lady. You're so sexy. 18 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:56,640 I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain-in-the-ass Lois. 19 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:57,766 Peter, it's me. 20 00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:58,851 You know what? Screw it. 21 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:01,311 I am so gonna cheat on Lois right now. 22 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,522 -I don't care if she finds out. -Peter... 23 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,859 You got a condom? Never mind. I got this Milky Way wrapper. 24 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,905 Put this on. Why? 25 00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:14,575 Because I'm skipping my physical to go have steaks with the guys 26 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,159 and I don't want Lois to know about it. 27 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,495 Um, okay. 28 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,790 Lois, I'm going to my physical now. 29 00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:24,001 Okay, honey. I'll see you later. 30 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,587 Um... 31 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,339 What the hell? I'll just ask it. 32 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,550 Why did we need the horse suit for that? 33 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,058 Okay, all right, that's... 34 00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,477 that's seven 16-ounce steaks. 35 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:43,562 Oh! 36 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,147 Come on, Joe. You haven't even finished one. 37 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,565 I mean, that guy had two. 38 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,692 I know, I know, I'm terrible. 39 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,111 Which is why I'm gonna order the cheesecake. 40 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:53,197 Oh, I can't do it. I'm... 41 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,948 I'm so full. 42 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,283 Full of what? Estrogen. 43 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,076 Come on, take the skirt off, you pansy. 44 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,161 Oh! 45 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,829 Let's go. Chow down, Mary Jane. 46 00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,289 I said, I can't. 47 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,707 -Eat it. Eat the damn steak. -No. 48 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,292 -Come on! What are you waiting for? -I can't. 49 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,710 Eat it, Joe. Eat it! No, no, no. 50 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,879 Joe, eat it! I said I'm not hungry! 51 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,424 Where is it now, huh? Where is it now? 52 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,551 Easy, sailor, easy. 53 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,386 Put the gun down, Joe. 54 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,931 Yeah. Nobody's judging you, man. It's cool. 55 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,934 I'll just put this back in your purse next to your tampons. 56 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,812 All right, let's start the bidding. 57 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,607 Jennifer, how much do you bid on the dinette set? 58 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,816 Um... 59 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,777 $675, Bob. 60 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,070 $675. Steven? 61 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,321 Uh, $780. 62 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,865 -$780. Tammy? -What was the last bid? 63 00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,742 -$780. -$781. 64 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,078 (Bleep) you! 65 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,747 Hi, honey. How was your physical? 66 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,083 Good. Good. Good. Yeah. Yeah. 67 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,584 Too good, matter of fact. 68 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,253 You know what the doctor said? 69 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,547 Doctor said I was too healthy, you know? 70 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,257 In too good of shape. 71 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,342 Don't even know how. Too good of shape. 72 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,094 You didn't go to your physical, did you? 73 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,512 Uh, I did not. 74 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,975 So, Doctor? Is Peter healthy? 75 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,977 My goodness! You'll be dead within a month. 76 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,061 BOTH: What? 77 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,522 Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle 78 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,316 of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. 79 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,484 Now, on to you. 80 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,278 So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, huh? 81 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,155 Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. 82 00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,240 (screaming) 83 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,826 There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. 84 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,828 Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month. 85 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,912 (exclaiming) 86 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,622 This is your driver's license, isn't it? 87 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,667 Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you are going to die 88 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,961 when you watch these Dean Martin celebrity roasts. 89 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,547 Will you just tell us how Peter's health is? 90 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,758 Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. 91 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:42,264 Kim Bass-inger, Base-inger, Basin-jer, Basinger? 92 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,016 But now on to the cancer. 93 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,100 -Ah! -Oh, my God! 94 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,519 You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? 95 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,979 Now, on to these test results. 96 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,523 My, they're much worse than I thought. 97 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,109 My son got a D minus on his history test. 98 00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,986 Now, Mr. Griffin, that liver's got to come out. 99 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,362 BOTH: What? 100 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,698 It's been in the microwave for three minutes. It'll get dry. Now... 101 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,867 Please. Please. 102 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,786 We can't take any more shtick. 103 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,206 Please, just tell us, is Peter healthy? 104 00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,291 Oh, yeah. He's fine. He's just really fat. 105 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,459 Oh, thank God! 106 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,211 Wait, wait, wait. Hang on a second. 107 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,962 Did you just say I was fat? 108 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,465 Well, yeah. You are pretty fat. 109 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,799 Um, 110 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,178 okay. This is news to me. 111 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,223 Boy! This is more awkward than having sex with a rhinoceros 112 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:26,391 who doesn't love you anymore. 113 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:29,019 Why wouldn't you look at me during? 114 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,648 (sobbing) 115 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,735 Hey, how was your physical? 116 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,738 Stupid doctor said I was fat. Can you believe that idiot? 117 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,573 Well, Peter, you are on the large side. 118 00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:43,242 Oh, please, Brian. If I was fat, 119 00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,910 could I do this with a Hula-Hoop? 120 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,663 (groaning) 121 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,749 (tittering) 122 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:57,089 No. No, no, I guess you couldn't do that if you were fat. 123 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,594 Careful, Peter. That's an old family photo. 124 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,346 My mother gave it to me. 125 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,348 Huh, that's weird. 126 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,771 -I didn't know you had a brother. -I don't. 127 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,857 I mean, I don't think so. 128 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,317 Hey, if I'm fat, then Stewie's fat, too. 129 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,986 Because we wear the same size onesie. 130 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,284 (cell phone ringing) 131 00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,952 Hello, pumpkin. Hello, Daddy? 132 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,704 Did I miss your piano recital? 133 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,789 No, Daddy. I'm in my 40s now. 134 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:31,874 Good God! 135 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,293 I had a question I wanted to ask. 136 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,628 Um, do I have a brother? 137 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,088 (stuttering) 138 00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,965 No, no. Don't be silly. 139 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,383 'Cause I found this picture... 140 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:45,345 Uh, uh... Oh, Dick. Thank God you're here. Talk to her. 141 00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:47,931 Message CM-27. 142 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,017 The subscriber you are trying to reach 143 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,895 is unavailable or outside the calling area. 144 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:54,646 What do you feel like doing later? 145 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,191 Message CM-42. 146 00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,319 Let's go pay some hookers to knock our junk around. 147 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,781 Are you sure this is a good idea? 148 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,992 Daddy's never gonna tell me the truth. 149 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,703 The only way to find out is to check the family records. 150 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,706 Ah, breaking into Grandma and Grandpa's house. 151 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,375 This is more exciting than that time I saw Bobby McFerrin 152 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,002 fall down all those stairs. 153 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,755 (scatting) 154 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,968 Cool! 155 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,139 Wait. What are you doing? They're sleeping in here. 156 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,434 Oh, please. They get so doped up on sleeping pills and liquor, 157 00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,811 an earthquake wouldn't wake them up. 158 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,651 My God! How does she sleep at night 159 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,070 knowing she has to funnel this old duffer's hog? 160 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,201 (gasps) This is it! Patrick Pewterschmidt. 161 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:53,288 56 Meadow Lane, Brookfield. I do have a brother. 162 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,873 Oh, my God. I've got to meet him. 163 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,668 Oh, hey, Brian. You know what would be fun? 164 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,128 Oh, God, totally! 165 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,130 -Yeah! -Whoo! 166 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,299 BOTH: Awesome! 167 00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:07,052 You know, sometimes the old-fashioned playthings are the best. 168 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,429 ADVERTISING MAN: Hey, kids of America. 169 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,223 It's hand-painted wooden ball in a cup. 170 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,434 Who needs constant electronic video stimulation 171 00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:16,144 when there's ball in a cup? 172 00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:19,815 Mexico's favorite toy for over 340 years. 173 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,651 Toss the ball, catch it in the cup, 174 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,653 dump it out of the cup, toss it, 175 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,280 and catch it in the cup again. 176 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,449 The ball is on a string and attached to the cup. 177 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,910 So there's no worry if you don't catch the ball in the cup. 178 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:35,747 And cleanup is as easy as catching a ball in a cup. 179 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:38,625 So why spend another day not catching a ball in a cup 180 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,919 when you could be catching a ball in a cup? 181 00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:42,296 SINGERS:Ball in a cup 182 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,547 Ball in a cup 183 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,673 It's a ball in a cup 184 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,799 Ball in a cup! 185 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:47,050 Ball in a cup 186 00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,472 Peter, I think maybe you're in denial about this fat thing. 187 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,600 Oh, yeah? Well, I challenge you to prove to me 188 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,726 that I'm fat. 189 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,686 Uh, okay, hang on. 190 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,062 -See this? -Yeah. 191 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,147 You know what it is? 192 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,607 Duh, it's an apple. 193 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,859 Good, good, good. All right, watch this. 194 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,280 What the-- What is this? 195 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,698 Is this some kind of gag? 196 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,700 No. That's orbit. Huh? 197 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,744 You have your own gravitational pull. 198 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,662 Oh, that's a bunch of crap. 199 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,960 MALE TV ANNOUNCER: Now back to The Three Stooges. 200 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,546 (chuckling) Aw. 201 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,299 (chuckling) Aw. 202 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,343 (chuckling) Aw. 203 00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:34,640 Oh! Can you believe I'm about to meet my long lost brother? 204 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,059 Maybe Dateline will do a story on us, huh? 205 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,561 I'll get to meet that pompous ass, Stone Phillips. 206 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,855 He's a kind of guy you hate till he's inside you. 207 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,857 There it is. 56 Meadow Lane. 208 00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,238 "Brookfield Insane Asylum"? 209 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:52,032 (gasping) Oh, my God! Mom's brother's crazy. 210 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,576 Oh, no. I didn't catch the ball in the cup. 211 00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,119 Oh, wait a minute. 212 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,830 It's okay because the ball is on a string and attached to the cup. 213 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,215 Doctor, is my brother really insane? 214 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:11,051 Mrs. Griffin, we don't use the word "insane." 215 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,220 We prefer the term "mentally hilarious." 216 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,138 Ooh, I can't wait to meet the lunatic. 217 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,766 I bet he's even weirder than that commercial I saw. 218 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,560 Hey, is that that new butter substitute? 219 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:20,894 It sure is. 220 00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,771 Is it true it has half the calories of butter or margarine 221 00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,439 -with all the great taste? -Yeah. 222 00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,899 Can I have some? Get your own. 223 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,276 Take that, you bitch! 224 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,485 What the hell? 225 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,611 How'd you like that? 226 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,572 Hey, joke's on you. I have hepatitis. 227 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,656 (groaning) 228 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,491 Patrick? Yes? 229 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:37,578 My name's Lois. I'm your sister. 230 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,580 Oh, my God, Lois. 231 00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,456 I never thought I'd see you again. 232 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:42,833 These are my children. 233 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,919 Why do you live in a crazy house, Uncle Patrick? 234 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,130 Well, when I was just a little boy, 235 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,841 I had a very traumatic experience. 236 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,011 Mommy, can I have a drink of water? 237 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,555 (gasping) Jackie Gleason! 238 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,015 Beat it, kid. Your mother's busy. 239 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,434 GLEASON: Humminah, humminah, humminah, humminah. 240 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,935 Pow, right in the kisser! 241 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,688 -Oh, that's a horrible story. -Yes. 242 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,107 I was so traumatized they sent me here. 243 00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:09,067 And I guess they must have forgotten about me. 244 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:11,111 Well, you seem perfectly normal to me. 245 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,779 And no brother of mine is gonna be 246 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,781 cooped up in some insane asylum. 247 00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,492 We are taking you back to Quahog with us. 248 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,286 Oh, that's a great idea. 249 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,246 Maybe he can bring his sling blade and order up some 250 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,248 (mimicking Billy Bob Thornton) French-fried "potaters." 251 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,333 Mmm-hmm. 252 00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,045 Thank God I'm out of that hospital. 253 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,631 It's great to be eating lunch with my family 254 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,716 instead of a bunch of chronic masturbators. 255 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,176 Those people are disgusting. 256 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,221 Is it lonely up there on your pedestal, Patrick? 257 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,307 Oh, Peter, there you are. This is my brother Patrick. 258 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,850 Yeah, yeah. Good to meet you, Patrick. 259 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,101 All right, listen up, everybody. 260 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,978 I have something to tell you. 261 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,523 I'm not quite sure how to say this. 262 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,733 I'm fat. 263 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,319 Let me give you a minute to absorb that. 264 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,197 That's the way it is. It's nobody's fault, Meg. 265 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,491 But I've decided to do something about it. 266 00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,035 Oh, great. You gonna drop some weight, fat ass? 267 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:03,413 No, dummy. I'm gonna help make this a fat man's world 268 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:08,085 by establishing the National Association for the Advancement of Fat People. 269 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,463 This is the best idea I've had since I slayed that dragon. 270 00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:14,800 -Cybill Shepherd? -Yes. 271 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,051 (unsheathing) 272 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,470 (roaring) 273 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,902 People, you are free! 274 00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,320 (people cheering) 275 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,244 You know, I'm very glad you're here, Patrick. 276 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,662 Well, I want to tell you that 277 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,248 Marian and I both appreciate what you've done. 278 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,334 Marian? Oh, you have a girlfriend. 279 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,421 Oh, where are my manners? Marian is my wife. 280 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,922 She is sitting right next to me. 281 00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:55,716 Oh, here we go. 282 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,801 Oh... huh. 283 00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,262 Nice to meet you, Marian. 284 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,265 What's that, honey? Oh, yes. Hang on. 285 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,434 Marian wants some coffee. 286 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,561 Lois, did you see that? He's nuts. 287 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,647 Brian, he's been locked up in that place for 30 years. 288 00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,150 It's perfectly understandable that he'd invent 289 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,027 an imaginary companion. 290 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:18,488 Yes. He's even more imaginative than the people who invented singing. 291 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,324 (groaning) 292 00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,035 (grunting) 293 00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,837 Oh, oh, oh 294 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:36,924 -The longest -For the longest time 295 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,134 Whoa, oh, oh 296 00:12:39,218 --> 00:12:40,969 -The longest -For the longest 297 00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:44,973 If you say good-bye to me tonight 298 00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:46,225 (scatting) 299 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,773 All right, everyone, I'd like to get started. 300 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:56,777 -(all panting) -I'd like to get-- We're start-- 301 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,738 You know what? Maybe... Maybe everyone should sit down. 302 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,327 (all wheezing) 303 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,211 Okay, that's better. Welcome, everybody, to the... 304 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,381 (rustling packaging) 305 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,341 Uh, uh... 306 00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,344 snacks are best saved for later. 307 00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,430 (farting) 308 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:28,767 (burping) 309 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,396 (panting) 310 00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,439 (farting) 311 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,150 (farting) 312 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,528 Okay, now, I've prepared an agenda for our organization, 313 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:43,240 what we want from the community as fat people with pride. 314 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,158 (coughing) 315 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,285 (panting continues) 316 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,453 (farting continues) 317 00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:53,333 (burping continues) 318 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,170 (farting continues) 319 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,591 (crashing) 320 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,843 All right, I think we got a lot accomplished here today. 321 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,928 We'll pick this up again tomorrow. 322 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,600 Hey, guys, I'm going for a run. 323 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,728 Do me a favor and keep Marian company while I'm gone. 324 00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,313 Uh, sure. 325 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:17,816 Great. Bye, honey. (kissing) 326 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,944 Hey, Brian. Marian just called you an alcoholic. 327 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:24,364 Oh, yeah? Marian just called you a homo. 328 00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,576 Wait a second. I'll be right back. 329 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,705 Hey, Brian, Brian. What if I put this cucumber right here? 330 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,665 Put the cucumber right there. 331 00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,209 Do you think Patrick would be angry? 332 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,044 I don't know, man. It's his wife. 333 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,546 You don't think he'd be ticked off if I put this... 334 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,964 Just put that right there? 335 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,467 Just right in that spot, right there on the couch? 336 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,677 Hey, Marian's giving you a thumb's up. 337 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:47,846 You know what we should do? 338 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,891 We should let it sit here for a couple of weeks and see if it pickles. 339 00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,643 (both laughing) 340 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:56,230 If after three weeks it pickles, then she's real 341 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,190 and we both have to buy Patrick a steak. 342 00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,816 (both guffawing) 343 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,780 (crickets chirping) 344 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:08,367 Hey, pie. I know what you want. 345 00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,535 I saw you in that movie. 346 00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,578 Whore, slut, bitch. 347 00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:13,539 You don't deserve to have sex with me. 348 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,707 Instead, I'm gonna eat the whore out of you. 349 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:18,502 Peter, did you start a coalition for fat guys? 350 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,087 Yeah. The fat-guy coalition. 351 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,548 Peter, you shouldn't encourage people to be fat. 352 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,216 Fat people are immoral. 353 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,676 How do you figure, sports fan? 354 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:29,012 They're just bad people, like that Jackie Gleason. 355 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,139 He was fat and he was bad. 356 00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:32,474 One time when I was a boy... 357 00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:34,101 Oh, I love Jackie Gleason. 358 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,855 Hey, take a look at what I bought at this TV convention. 359 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:41,108 (chuckling) It's a bus driver's uniform. 360 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,151 Pow, right in the kisser! 361 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,948 Pow, right in the kisser! Pow, right in the kisser! 362 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:51,493 Pow, right in the kisser! Pow, right in the kisser! 363 00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:53,078 Pow, right in the kisser! 364 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,580 Pow, right in the kisser! 365 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,081 Pow, right in the kisser! 366 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,958 Pow, right in the kisser! 367 00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,042 Pow, right in the kisser! 368 00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,169 (screaming) 369 00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:03,839 Wow! That set him off like a Paul Shaffer fire alarm. 370 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,134 (Paul Shaffer's voice screaming) 371 00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,142 (ringing) 372 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,269 -Hello? -Lois, it's your father. 373 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,521 The hospital called and said you released Patrick. 374 00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,857 Have you lost your mind? He's incredibly dangerous. 375 00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:25,110 Oh, well, that's ridiculous. Patrick is a very nice man. 376 00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:28,655 And you should be ashamed of yourself for locking up your own son. 377 00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:31,033 Whose pickle is this? 378 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,660 This just in. The body of a local fat man 379 00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:36,371 was found murdered in Quahog Park last night. 380 00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:38,290 Police released this sketch of the suspect. 381 00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,752 Oh, my God! 382 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,630 Police also released this sketch of a female accomplice 383 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,298 believed to be his wife. 384 00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,183 Hello, I'm Tom Tucker. 385 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,478 Quahog's newest serial killer has struck again. 386 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,688 Since the first victim at Quahog Park last week, 387 00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:03,232 three more men have been killed, 388 00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:05,484 all of them very, very fat. 389 00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,611 Lois, that sketch looks a lot like Patrick. 390 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,321 Oh, that's ridiculous. 391 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,073 I don't know. I mean, he's clearly crazy. 392 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,991 Look at that imaginary wife of his. 393 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:16,328 Well, if she's imaginary, how do you explain the pickle on the couch? 394 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,205 I don't understand what... 395 00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,415 Oh, wait. What? Really? 396 00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:21,750 Hey, Stewie! 397 00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:23,585 STEWIE: I know, I know. I heard! 398 00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,840 Patrick. 399 00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:29,049 Where have you been? 400 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:32,427 Oh, it's nothing you need to concern yourself with, Lois. 401 00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,346 Well, that's a relief. 402 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,139 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a relief. 403 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:39,226 Yeah, the Fat Guy Strangler's living here and there's a fat guy in the house. 404 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:43,063 This'll be a bigger disaster than when Peter did Tara Reid's boob job. 405 00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,608 Oh, dropped some pepperoni on there. 406 00:17:46,692 --> 00:17:48,652 You know what? That works. Sew it up. 407 00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,864 All right, everybody, just make yourselves at home. 408 00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,324 Lois, these are the fat guys. Fat guys, Lois. 409 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,118 My God, look at you fat bastards. 410 00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,704 I bet none of you can even find your own penis. 411 00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,373 Find your penis for a dollar. Find your penis, one dollar. 412 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,917 One dollar, find your penis. Find your penis here. 413 00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:05,335 Peter, what's going on? 414 00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:06,795 Lois, my people are in danger. 415 00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:09,631 Until they find the Fat Guy Strangler, we will stay-- 416 00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:11,133 Victor, don't lean against that. 417 00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,259 (Meg screaming) 418 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,385 Hey, everybody. 419 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,095 Peter, you gotta get these guys out of here. 420 00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:17,264 -Patrick is the murderer. -What? 421 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,725 -(gasping) -You son of a bitch! 422 00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:22,603 Don't listen to Brian. He doesn't know what he's talking about. 423 00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:25,230 Out of my way, Lois. Your brother is toast. 424 00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:27,191 Warm buttery toast! 425 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,400 (all moaning) 426 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,235 -That sounds good. -I love toast. 427 00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:31,361 I just found my penis. 428 00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,863 Run, Patrick, run! 429 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,031 After him! 430 00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:37,534 Boys, to your Rascals! 431 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,628 He went into James Woods. Let's spread out and find him. 432 00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:49,379 We'll head him off at the... 433 00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,173 (chicken clucking) 434 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,091 Todd, man, you got to chew your food. 435 00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:58,597 Brian, I know my brother. He couldn't have done these things. 436 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,058 Well, let's see if you feel that way when you see this. 437 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,393 Look. 438 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:12,361 So he has pictures of himself strangling fat guys. 439 00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,613 That doesn't mean he's the Fat Guy Strangler. 440 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,115 Oh, yeah? What about the dead fat guy under his bed? 441 00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,283 Coincidence? 442 00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:20,285 What about the half-dead fat guy in the corner? 443 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:21,870 Patrick tried to kill me. 444 00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:24,206 -Well, maybe it's a different Patrick. -Lois! 445 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,625 Okay, okay. Oh, my God! 446 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:29,211 Peter's out there with him! Wait! 447 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,963 You gonna eat that dead fat guy? 448 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,508 How are we gonna find them? 449 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,093 Don't worry, Lois. I'm good at finding people. 450 00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,846 I was the one who found Bush after Hurricane Katrina. 451 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,475 -Mr. President, are you up there? -Go away! 452 00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,435 Sir, there's a disaster in New Orleans. 453 00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:46,645 I'm reading Superfudge. 454 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:47,980 You got to come down and deal with this. 455 00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:49,439 Don't make me do stuff. 456 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,693 Patrick? Patrick! 457 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,778 Oh, crap! Guess we lost him. 458 00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,823 Well, nothing left to do but finish this sentence uninterrupt-- 459 00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:58,907 (shouting) 460 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,245 Patrick, let him go! 461 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,621 Don't come any closer! 462 00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:08,667 Patrick, let him go or Marian gets it. 463 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,712 Nice try. But Marian's over there. 464 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,882 Don't hurt her! 465 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:17,926 Now, let him go! 466 00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:19,136 Okay! Okay! 467 00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,139 -Ah! You missed! -No, I didn't. 468 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:25,142 That's for rolling up the damn window when I tried to jump into the General Lee. 469 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:30,022 I'm sorry, Lois. I never meant to hurt anybody. 470 00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:33,859 I mean, I did mean to kill those fat guys, but I never meant to hurt you. 471 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,987 You may be very sick, Patrick, but I love you. 472 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,781 You're my brother and you'll always be my brother. 473 00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,367 I have to go back to the hospital, don't I? 474 00:20:42,451 --> 00:20:44,119 Yeah. I'm afraid so. 475 00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:46,955 Hey, Patrick. Did you see how that rock hit me in the face? 476 00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:48,624 It was like, pow, right in the kisser! 477 00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,042 Pow, right in the kisser! 478 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,126 Pow, right in the kisser! 479 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:52,336 (screaming) 480 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,713 Stop screaming, you can't hear me. Pow, right in the kisser! 481 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,089 Pow, right in the kisser! 482 00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:57,257 Pow, right in the kisser! 483 00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:00,886 I miss Uncle Patrick. 484 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:04,223 Don't worry, kids. I promise we can visit him once a month. 485 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:05,974 We'll be his period. 486 00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:08,018 I was just upstairs 487 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:11,813 and there's a half-dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy. 488 00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:16,485 Uh-huh. So I guess we're just looking the other way, huh? 489 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,491 (theme music playing) 36095

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