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1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,463
It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,758
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,762
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,890
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:17,768
Lucky there's a Family Guy
6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,647
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,273
All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,650
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:29,905
He's... a...
Fam...ily... Guy
10
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,828
Peter, don't forget
you have a physical today at 1:00.
11
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,164
For the hundredth time, Lois,
I won't forget.
12
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,624
Nag, nag, nag.
13
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,626
Sometimes I think
I should have married that woman
14
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,254
I met the night
of my bachelor party.
15
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,173
Peter, I can't believe
your friends just left you here.
16
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,299
Let's get you home.
17
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,636
Wow, strange lady.
You're so sexy.
18
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:56,640
I should marry you tomorrow
instead of that pain-in-the-ass Lois.
19
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:57,766
Peter, it's me.
20
00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:58,851
You know what? Screw it.
21
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:01,311
I am so gonna cheat
on Lois right now.
22
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,522
-I don't care if she finds out.
-Peter...
23
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,859
You got a condom? Never mind.
I got this Milky Way wrapper.
24
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,905
Put this on.
Why?
25
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:14,575
Because I'm skipping my physical
to go have steaks with the guys
26
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,159
and I don't want Lois
to know about it.
27
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,495
Um, okay.
28
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,790
Lois, I'm going to
my physical now.
29
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:24,001
Okay, honey.
I'll see you later.
30
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,587
Um...
31
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,339
What the hell?
I'll just ask it.
32
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,550
Why did we need
the horse suit for that?
33
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,058
Okay, all right,
that's...
34
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,477
that's seven
16-ounce steaks.
35
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:43,562
Oh!
36
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,147
Come on, Joe.
You haven't even finished one.
37
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,565
I mean, that guy had two.
38
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,692
I know, I know,
I'm terrible.
39
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,111
Which is why
I'm gonna order the cheesecake.
40
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:53,197
Oh, I can't do it. I'm...
41
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,948
I'm so full.
42
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,283
Full of what? Estrogen.
43
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,076
Come on, take
the skirt off, you pansy.
44
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,161
Oh!
45
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:00,829
Let's go.
Chow down, Mary Jane.
46
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:02,289
I said, I can't.
47
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,707
-Eat it. Eat the damn steak.
-No.
48
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,292
-Come on! What are you waiting for?
-I can't.
49
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,710
Eat it, Joe. Eat it!
No, no, no.
50
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,879
Joe, eat it!
I said I'm not hungry!
51
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,424
Where is it now, huh?
Where is it now?
52
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,551
Easy, sailor, easy.
53
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,386
Put the gun down, Joe.
54
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,931
Yeah. Nobody's
judging you, man. It's cool.
55
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,934
I'll just put this
back in your purse next to your tampons.
56
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,812
All right,
let's start the bidding.
57
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,607
Jennifer, how much do you bid
on the dinette set?
58
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,816
Um...
59
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,777
$675, Bob.
60
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,070
$675. Steven?
61
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,321
Uh, $780.
62
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,865
-$780. Tammy?
-What was the last bid?
63
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,742
-$780.
-$781.
64
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,078
(Bleep) you!
65
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,747
Hi, honey.
How was your physical?
66
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,083
Good. Good. Good.
Yeah. Yeah.
67
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,584
Too good,
matter of fact.
68
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,253
You know
what the doctor said?
69
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,547
Doctor said I was
too healthy, you know?
70
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,257
In too good of shape.
71
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,342
Don't even know how.
Too good of shape.
72
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,094
You didn't go to
your physical, did you?
73
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,512
Uh, I did not.
74
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,975
So, Doctor?
Is Peter healthy?
75
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,977
My goodness!
You'll be dead within a month.
76
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,061
BOTH: What?
77
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,522
Oh, Hagar the Horrible,
if you keep up that lifestyle
78
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,316
of pillaging and giant turkey legs,
you'll be dead within a month.
79
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,484
Now, on to you.
80
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,278
So, what do you think?
Pretty healthy, huh?
81
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,155
Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look
at your physical results.
82
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,240
(screaming)
83
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,826
There's a spider in here.
Now, here we go.
84
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,828
Mr. Griffin, you're going to
expire in a month.
85
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,912
(exclaiming)
86
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,622
This is
your driver's license, isn't it?
87
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,667
Now, unfortunately,
I'm afraid you are going to die
88
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,961
when you watch
these Dean Martin celebrity roasts.
89
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,547
Will you just tell us
how Peter's health is?
90
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,758
Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite
sure how to say this.
91
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:42,264
Kim Bass-inger, Base-inger,
Basin-jer, Basinger?
92
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,016
But now on to the cancer.
93
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,100
-Ah!
-Oh, my God!
94
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,519
You are a Cancer, right?
You were born in July?
95
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,979
Now, on to these test results.
96
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,523
My, they're much worse
than I thought.
97
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,109
My son got a D minus
on his history test.
98
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,986
Now, Mr. Griffin,
that liver's got to come out.
99
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,362
BOTH: What?
100
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,698
It's been in the microwave
for three minutes. It'll get dry. Now...
101
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,867
Please. Please.
102
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,786
We can't take
any more shtick.
103
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,206
Please, just tell us,
is Peter healthy?
104
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,291
Oh, yeah. He's fine.
He's just really fat.
105
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,459
Oh, thank God!
106
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,211
Wait, wait, wait.
Hang on a second.
107
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,962
Did you just say
I was fat?
108
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,465
Well, yeah.
You are pretty fat.
109
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:17,799
Um,
110
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,178
okay.
This is news to me.
111
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,223
Boy! This is more awkward
than having sex with a rhinoceros
112
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:26,391
who doesn't love you anymore.
113
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:29,019
Why wouldn't you
look at me during?
114
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,648
(sobbing)
115
00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,735
Hey, how was your physical?
116
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,738
Stupid doctor said I was fat.
Can you believe that idiot?
117
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,573
Well, Peter,
you are on the large side.
118
00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:43,242
Oh, please, Brian.
If I was fat,
119
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,910
could I do this
with a Hula-Hoop?
120
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,663
(groaning)
121
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,749
(tittering)
122
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:57,089
No. No, no, I guess
you couldn't do that if you were fat.
123
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,594
Careful, Peter.
That's an old family photo.
124
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:04,346
My mother gave it to me.
125
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,348
Huh, that's weird.
126
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,771
-I didn't know you had a brother.
-I don't.
127
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,857
I mean, I don't think so.
128
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,317
Hey, if I'm fat,
then Stewie's fat, too.
129
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,986
Because we wear
the same size onesie.
130
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,284
(cell phone ringing)
131
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,952
Hello, pumpkin.
Hello, Daddy?
132
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,704
Did I miss
your piano recital?
133
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,789
No, Daddy.
I'm in my 40s now.
134
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:31,874
Good God!
135
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:34,293
I had a question
I wanted to ask.
136
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,628
Um, do I have a brother?
137
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,088
(stuttering)
138
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,965
No, no. Don't be silly.
139
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,383
'Cause I found
this picture...
140
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:45,345
Uh, uh... Oh, Dick. Thank God
you're here. Talk to her.
141
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:47,931
Message CM-27.
142
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,017
The subscriber you are
trying to reach
143
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,895
is unavailable or outside
the calling area.
144
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:54,646
What do you feel
like doing later?
145
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,191
Message CM-42.
146
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,319
Let's go pay some hookers
to knock our junk around.
147
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,781
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
148
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,992
Daddy's never gonna
tell me the truth.
149
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,703
The only way to find out
is to check the family records.
150
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,706
Ah, breaking into Grandma
and Grandpa's house.
151
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,375
This is more exciting
than that time I saw Bobby McFerrin
152
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,002
fall down all those stairs.
153
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,755
(scatting)
154
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,968
Cool!
155
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,139
Wait. What are you doing?
They're sleeping in here.
156
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,434
Oh, please. They get
so doped up on sleeping pills and liquor,
157
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,811
an earthquake wouldn't
wake them up.
158
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,651
My God! How does she
sleep at night
159
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,070
knowing she has to funnel
this old duffer's hog?
160
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,201
(gasps) This is it!
Patrick Pewterschmidt.
161
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:53,288
56 Meadow Lane, Brookfield.
I do have a brother.
162
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,873
Oh, my God.
I've got to meet him.
163
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,668
Oh, hey, Brian.
You know what would be fun?
164
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,128
Oh, God, totally!
165
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,130
-Yeah!
-Whoo!
166
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,299
BOTH: Awesome!
167
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:07,052
You know, sometimes
the old-fashioned playthings are the best.
168
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,429
ADVERTISING MAN:
Hey, kids of America.
169
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,223
It's hand-painted
wooden ball in a cup.
170
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,434
Who needs constant
electronic video stimulation
171
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:16,144
when there's ball in a cup?
172
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:19,815
Mexico's favorite toy
for over 340 years.
173
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,651
Toss the ball,
catch it in the cup,
174
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,653
dump it out of the cup,
toss it,
175
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,280
and catch it in the cup again.
176
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,449
The ball is on a string
and attached to the cup.
177
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,910
So there's no worry
if you don't catch the ball in the cup.
178
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:35,747
And cleanup is as easy
as catching a ball in a cup.
179
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:38,625
So why spend another day
not catching a ball in a cup
180
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,919
when you could be
catching a ball in a cup?
181
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:42,296
SINGERS:Ball in a cup
182
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,547
Ball in a cup
183
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,673
It's a ball in a cup
184
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,799
Ball in a cup!
185
00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:47,050
Ball in a cup
186
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,472
Peter, I think maybe
you're in denial about this fat thing.
187
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,600
Oh, yeah?
Well, I challenge you to prove to me
188
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,726
that I'm fat.
189
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,686
Uh, okay, hang on.
190
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,062
-See this?
-Yeah.
191
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,147
You know what it is?
192
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,607
Duh, it's an apple.
193
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,859
Good, good, good.
All right, watch this.
194
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,280
What the--
What is this?
195
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,698
Is this some kind of gag?
196
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,700
No. That's orbit.
Huh?
197
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,744
You have your own
gravitational pull.
198
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,662
Oh, that's a bunch of crap.
199
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,960
MALE TV ANNOUNCER:
Now back to The Three Stooges.
200
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,546
(chuckling)
Aw.
201
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,299
(chuckling)
Aw.
202
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,343
(chuckling)
Aw.
203
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:34,640
Oh! Can you believe
I'm about to meet my long lost brother?
204
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,059
Maybe Dateline will do
a story on us, huh?
205
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,561
I'll get to meet
that pompous ass, Stone Phillips.
206
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,855
He's a kind of guy you hate
till he's inside you.
207
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,857
There it is.
56 Meadow Lane.
208
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,238
"Brookfield Insane Asylum"?
209
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:52,032
(gasping)
Oh, my God! Mom's brother's crazy.
210
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,576
Oh, no. I didn't catch
the ball in the cup.
211
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,119
Oh, wait a minute.
212
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,830
It's okay because the ball is on a string
and attached to the cup.
213
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,215
Doctor, is my brother
really insane?
214
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:11,051
Mrs. Griffin,
we don't use the word "insane."
215
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,220
We prefer the term
"mentally hilarious."
216
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,138
Ooh, I can't wait to
meet the lunatic.
217
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,766
I bet he's even weirder
than that commercial I saw.
218
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,560
Hey, is that
that new butter substitute?
219
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:20,894
It sure is.
220
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,771
Is it true it has
half the calories of butter or margarine
221
00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,439
-with all the great taste?
-Yeah.
222
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,899
Can I have some?
Get your own.
223
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,276
Take that, you bitch!
224
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,485
What the hell?
225
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,611
How'd you like that?
226
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,572
Hey, joke's on you.
I have hepatitis.
227
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,656
(groaning)
228
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,491
Patrick?
Yes?
229
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:37,578
My name's Lois.
I'm your sister.
230
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,580
Oh, my God, Lois.
231
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,456
I never thought
I'd see you again.
232
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:42,833
These are my children.
233
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,919
Why do you live
in a crazy house, Uncle Patrick?
234
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,130
Well, when I was
just a little boy,
235
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,841
I had a very
traumatic experience.
236
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,011
Mommy, can I have
a drink of water?
237
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,555
(gasping)
Jackie Gleason!
238
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,015
Beat it, kid.
Your mother's busy.
239
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,434
GLEASON: Humminah,
humminah, humminah, humminah.
240
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,935
Pow, right in the kisser!
241
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,688
-Oh, that's a horrible story.
-Yes.
242
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,107
I was so traumatized
they sent me here.
243
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:09,067
And I guess
they must have forgotten about me.
244
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:11,111
Well, you seem
perfectly normal to me.
245
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,779
And no brother of mine
is gonna be
246
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,781
cooped up in
some insane asylum.
247
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,492
We are taking you
back to Quahog with us.
248
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,286
Oh, that's a great idea.
249
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,246
Maybe he can bring
his sling blade and order up some
250
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,248
(mimicking Billy Bob Thornton)
French-fried "potaters."
251
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,333
Mmm-hmm.
252
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,045
Thank God I'm out
of that hospital.
253
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,631
It's great to be eating lunch
with my family
254
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,716
instead of a bunch
of chronic masturbators.
255
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,176
Those people are disgusting.
256
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:37,221
Is it lonely up there
on your pedestal, Patrick?
257
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,307
Oh, Peter, there you are.
This is my brother Patrick.
258
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,850
Yeah, yeah.
Good to meet you, Patrick.
259
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,101
All right,
listen up, everybody.
260
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,978
I have something
to tell you.
261
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,523
I'm not quite sure
how to say this.
262
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,733
I'm fat.
263
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,319
Let me give you
a minute to absorb that.
264
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,197
That's the way it is.
It's nobody's fault, Meg.
265
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,491
But I've decided
to do something about it.
266
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,035
Oh, great.
You gonna drop some weight, fat ass?
267
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:03,413
No, dummy. I'm gonna help
make this a fat man's world
268
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:08,085
by establishing the National Association
for the Advancement of Fat People.
269
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,463
This is the best idea I've had
since I slayed that dragon.
270
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:14,800
-Cybill Shepherd?
-Yes.
271
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,051
(unsheathing)
272
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,470
(roaring)
273
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,902
People, you are free!
274
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,320
(people cheering)
275
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,244
You know, I'm very glad
you're here, Patrick.
276
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:43,662
Well, I want
to tell you that
277
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,248
Marian and I both
appreciate what you've done.
278
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,334
Marian? Oh,
you have a girlfriend.
279
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,421
Oh, where are my manners?
Marian is my wife.
280
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,922
She is sitting
right next to me.
281
00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:55,716
Oh, here we go.
282
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,801
Oh... huh.
283
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,262
Nice to meet you, Marian.
284
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,265
What's that, honey?
Oh, yes. Hang on.
285
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,434
Marian wants some coffee.
286
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,561
Lois, did you see that?
He's nuts.
287
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,647
Brian, he's been locked up
in that place for 30 years.
288
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:13,150
It's perfectly understandable
that he'd invent
289
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,027
an imaginary companion.
290
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:18,488
Yes. He's even more imaginative
than the people who invented singing.
291
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,324
(groaning)
292
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,035
(grunting)
293
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:33,837
Oh, oh, oh
294
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:36,924
-The longest
-For the longest time
295
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,134
Whoa, oh, oh
296
00:12:39,218 --> 00:12:40,969
-The longest
-For the longest
297
00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:44,973
If you say good-bye
to me tonight
298
00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:46,225
(scatting)
299
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,773
All right, everyone,
I'd like to get started.
300
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:56,777
-(all panting)
-I'd like to get-- We're start--
301
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,738
You know what? Maybe...
Maybe everyone should sit down.
302
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,327
(all wheezing)
303
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,211
Okay, that's better.
Welcome, everybody, to the...
304
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,381
(rustling packaging)
305
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,341
Uh, uh...
306
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,344
snacks are best
saved for later.
307
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,430
(farting)
308
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:28,767
(burping)
309
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,396
(panting)
310
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,439
(farting)
311
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,150
(farting)
312
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,528
Okay, now, I've prepared
an agenda for our organization,
313
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:43,240
what we want from the community
as fat people with pride.
314
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,158
(coughing)
315
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,285
(panting continues)
316
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,453
(farting continues)
317
00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:53,333
(burping continues)
318
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,170
(farting continues)
319
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,591
(crashing)
320
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,843
All right, I think
we got a lot accomplished here today.
321
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,928
We'll pick this up
again tomorrow.
322
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,600
Hey, guys,
I'm going for a run.
323
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,728
Do me a favor
and keep Marian company while I'm gone.
324
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,313
Uh, sure.
325
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:17,816
Great. Bye, honey.
(kissing)
326
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,944
Hey, Brian.
Marian just called you an alcoholic.
327
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:24,364
Oh, yeah?
Marian just called you a homo.
328
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,576
Wait a second.
I'll be right back.
329
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,705
Hey, Brian, Brian.
What if I put this cucumber right here?
330
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,665
Put the cucumber
right there.
331
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,209
Do you think Patrick
would be angry?
332
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,044
I don't know, man.
It's his wife.
333
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,546
You don't think
he'd be ticked off if I put this...
334
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,964
Just put that right there?
335
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,467
Just right in that spot,
right there on the couch?
336
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,677
Hey, Marian's giving you
a thumb's up.
337
00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:47,846
You know what we should do?
338
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,891
We should let it sit here for a couple
of weeks and see if it pickles.
339
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,643
(both laughing)
340
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:56,230
If after three weeks
it pickles, then she's real
341
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,190
and we both have
to buy Patrick a steak.
342
00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,816
(both guffawing)
343
00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,780
(crickets chirping)
344
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:08,367
Hey, pie.
I know what you want.
345
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,535
I saw you in that movie.
346
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,578
Whore, slut, bitch.
347
00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:13,539
You don't deserve
to have sex with me.
348
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,707
Instead, I'm gonna
eat the whore out of you.
349
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:18,502
Peter, did you start
a coalition for fat guys?
350
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,087
Yeah. The fat-guy coalition.
351
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,548
Peter, you shouldn't
encourage people to be fat.
352
00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,216
Fat people are immoral.
353
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,676
How do you figure,
sports fan?
354
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:29,012
They're just bad people,
like that Jackie Gleason.
355
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,139
He was fat and he was bad.
356
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:32,474
One time when I was a boy...
357
00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:34,101
Oh, I love Jackie Gleason.
358
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,855
Hey, take a look
at what I bought at this TV convention.
359
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:41,108
(chuckling)
It's a bus driver's uniform.
360
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,151
Pow, right in the kisser!
361
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,948
Pow, right in the kisser!
Pow, right in the kisser!
362
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:51,493
Pow, right in the kisser!
Pow, right in the kisser!
363
00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:53,078
Pow, right in the kisser!
364
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,580
Pow, right in the kisser!
365
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,081
Pow, right in the kisser!
366
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,958
Pow, right in the kisser!
367
00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,042
Pow, right in the kisser!
368
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,169
(screaming)
369
00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:03,839
Wow! That set him off
like a Paul Shaffer fire alarm.
370
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,134
(Paul Shaffer's voice
screaming)
371
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,142
(ringing)
372
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,269
-Hello?
-Lois, it's your father.
373
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,521
The hospital called
and said you released Patrick.
374
00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,857
Have you lost your mind?
He's incredibly dangerous.
375
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:25,110
Oh, well, that's ridiculous.
Patrick is a very nice man.
376
00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:28,655
And you should be ashamed of yourself
for locking up your own son.
377
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:31,033
Whose pickle is this?
378
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,660
This just in.
The body of a local fat man
379
00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:36,371
was found murdered
in Quahog Park last night.
380
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:38,290
Police released this sketch
of the suspect.
381
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,752
Oh, my God!
382
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,630
Police also released
this sketch of a female accomplice
383
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,298
believed to be his wife.
384
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:56,183
Hello, I'm Tom Tucker.
385
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,478
Quahog's newest serial killer
has struck again.
386
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,688
Since the first victim
at Quahog Park last week,
387
00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:03,232
three more men
have been killed,
388
00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:05,484
all of them very, very fat.
389
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,611
Lois, that sketch looks
a lot like Patrick.
390
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,321
Oh, that's ridiculous.
391
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,073
I don't know. I mean,
he's clearly crazy.
392
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,991
Look at that
imaginary wife of his.
393
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:16,328
Well, if she's imaginary, how do you
explain the pickle on the couch?
394
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,205
I don't understand what...
395
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,415
Oh, wait. What? Really?
396
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:21,750
Hey, Stewie!
397
00:17:21,834 --> 00:17:23,585
STEWIE: I know,
I know. I heard!
398
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,840
Patrick.
399
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:29,049
Where have you been?
400
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:32,427
Oh, it's nothing
you need to concern yourself with, Lois.
401
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,346
Well, that's a relief.
402
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,139
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's a relief.
403
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:39,226
Yeah, the Fat Guy Strangler's living here
and there's a fat guy in the house.
404
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:43,063
This'll be a bigger disaster
than when Peter did Tara Reid's boob job.
405
00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,608
Oh, dropped some
pepperoni on there.
406
00:17:46,692 --> 00:17:48,652
You know what?
That works. Sew it up.
407
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,864
All right, everybody,
just make yourselves at home.
408
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,324
Lois, these are
the fat guys. Fat guys, Lois.
409
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,118
My God, look at you
fat bastards.
410
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,704
I bet none of you
can even find your own penis.
411
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,373
Find your penis for a dollar.
Find your penis, one dollar.
412
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,917
One dollar, find your penis.
Find your penis here.
413
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:05,335
Peter, what's going on?
414
00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:06,795
Lois, my people are in danger.
415
00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:09,631
Until they find
the Fat Guy Strangler, we will stay--
416
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:11,133
Victor, don't lean
against that.
417
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,259
(Meg screaming)
418
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,385
Hey, everybody.
419
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,095
Peter, you gotta get
these guys out of here.
420
00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:17,264
-Patrick is the murderer.
-What?
421
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,725
-(gasping)
-You son of a bitch!
422
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:22,603
Don't listen to Brian.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
423
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:25,230
Out of my way, Lois.
Your brother is toast.
424
00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:27,191
Warm buttery toast!
425
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,400
(all moaning)
426
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,235
-That sounds good.
-I love toast.
427
00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:31,361
I just found my penis.
428
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,863
Run, Patrick, run!
429
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,031
After him!
430
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:37,534
Boys, to your Rascals!
431
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,628
He went into James Woods.
Let's spread out and find him.
432
00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:49,379
We'll head him off at the...
433
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,173
(chicken clucking)
434
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,091
Todd, man, you got
to chew your food.
435
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:58,597
Brian, I know my brother.
He couldn't have done these things.
436
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,058
Well, let's see
if you feel that way when you see this.
437
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,393
Look.
438
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:12,361
So he has pictures of himself
strangling fat guys.
439
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,613
That doesn't mean
he's the Fat Guy Strangler.
440
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,115
Oh, yeah? What about
the dead fat guy under his bed?
441
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,283
Coincidence?
442
00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:20,285
What about the half-dead
fat guy in the corner?
443
00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:21,870
Patrick tried to kill me.
444
00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:24,206
-Well, maybe it's a different Patrick.
-Lois!
445
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,625
Okay, okay. Oh, my God!
446
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:29,211
Peter's out there with him!
Wait!
447
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,963
You gonna eat
that dead fat guy?
448
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,508
How are we gonna find them?
449
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,093
Don't worry, Lois.
I'm good at finding people.
450
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,846
I was the one who found Bush
after Hurricane Katrina.
451
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,475
-Mr. President, are you up there?
-Go away!
452
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,435
Sir, there's a disaster
in New Orleans.
453
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:46,645
I'm reading Superfudge.
454
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:47,980
You got to come down
and deal with this.
455
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:49,439
Don't make me do stuff.
456
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,693
Patrick? Patrick!
457
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,778
Oh, crap! Guess we lost him.
458
00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,823
Well, nothing left to do
but finish this sentence uninterrupt--
459
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:58,907
(shouting)
460
00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:03,245
Patrick, let him go!
461
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,621
Don't come any closer!
462
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:08,667
Patrick, let him go
or Marian gets it.
463
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,712
Nice try.
But Marian's over there.
464
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,882
Don't hurt her!
465
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:17,926
Now, let him go!
466
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:19,136
Okay! Okay!
467
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,139
-Ah! You missed!
-No, I didn't.
468
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:25,142
That's for rolling up the damn window
when I tried to jump into the General Lee.
469
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:30,022
I'm sorry, Lois.
I never meant to hurt anybody.
470
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:33,859
I mean, I did mean to kill those fat guys,
but I never meant to hurt you.
471
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,987
You may be very sick, Patrick,
but I love you.
472
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,781
You're my brother
and you'll always be my brother.
473
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,367
I have to go back to
the hospital, don't I?
474
00:20:42,451 --> 00:20:44,119
Yeah. I'm afraid so.
475
00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:46,955
Hey, Patrick. Did you see
how that rock hit me in the face?
476
00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:48,624
It was like, pow,
right in the kisser!
477
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,042
Pow, right in the kisser!
478
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,126
Pow, right in the kisser!
479
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:52,336
(screaming)
480
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,713
Stop screaming, you can't hear me.
Pow, right in the kisser!
481
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,089
Pow, right in the kisser!
482
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:57,257
Pow, right in the kisser!
483
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:00,886
I miss Uncle Patrick.
484
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:04,223
Don't worry, kids.
I promise we can visit him once a month.
485
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:05,974
We'll be his period.
486
00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:08,018
I was just upstairs
487
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:11,813
and there's
a half-dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy.
488
00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:16,485
Uh-huh. So I guess
we're just looking the other way, huh?
489
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,491
(theme music playing)
36095
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