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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:07,782
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,690
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:14,696
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,696 --> 00:00:18,136
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,136 --> 00:00:21,309
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,046
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,046 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:30,260
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,304 --> 00:00:36,239
This is the shirt you chose?
11
00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:38,878
Denim, with all the
Warner Brothers characters
12
00:00:38,878 --> 00:00:40,013
peeking out of the pocket?
13
00:00:40,013 --> 00:00:41,817
Yeah, it's the fanciest shirt
I have.
14
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:45,023
But Warner Brothers wouldn't
license their actual characters.
15
00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:47,328
Eh, how are you, Doctor?
16
00:00:47,428 --> 00:00:49,098
Oh, my God,
will you look at this?
17
00:00:49,198 --> 00:00:51,804
Bonnie's latest post has
43 likes.
18
00:00:51,904 --> 00:00:53,774
That's tied for the record.
19
00:00:56,614 --> 00:00:59,252
That's good, but it should say,
"Pretty good view from here."
20
00:00:59,252 --> 00:01:01,957
No, no, no, it's because
she's at the pier.
21
00:01:02,057 --> 00:01:05,130
So... I love that.
22
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:07,101
- (phone chimes)
- LOIS: Damn it, Peter,
23
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,038
now she's got
the Spooner Street record.
24
00:01:09,038 --> 00:01:11,042
PETER: Hang on, I'm texting
Quagmire and Cleveland.
25
00:01:11,042 --> 00:01:12,378
They gotta see this.
26
00:01:12,378 --> 00:01:15,183
(phone chimes)
27
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,555
(indistinct chatter)
28
00:01:18,658 --> 00:01:20,929
Hey, kids, I'm Mr. Andy,
and I just invented
29
00:01:21,029 --> 00:01:23,233
this really crazy game.
30
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,738
One person hides
in a top secret spot,
31
00:01:25,838 --> 00:01:29,045
and the others count to ten,
then try and find him.
32
00:01:29,145 --> 00:01:31,884
We'll call it, oh, I don't know,
"hide-and-seek"?
33
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:34,990
I say, one game covering
covert activity,
34
00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:36,860
surveillance and counting?
35
00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:40,267
I would follow this man into
the very bowels of hell.
36
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,104
All right, who wants
to hide first?
37
00:01:42,104 --> 00:01:43,941
Oh, me, me.
38
00:01:43,941 --> 00:01:46,145
Looks like we have
our first little hider.
39
00:01:46,145 --> 00:01:49,519
I'm so glad they didn't fire you
for giving us baths.
40
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:53,527
Okay, it's time to bid on our
final donated item of the night:
41
00:01:53,527 --> 00:01:56,232
a romantic Vermont
weekend getaway.
42
00:01:56,332 --> 00:01:57,936
(gasp)
Peter, we have to win.
43
00:01:57,936 --> 00:02:00,742
Vermont is an Instagram goldmine.
44
00:02:00,742 --> 00:02:02,277
I could shatter Bonnie's record.
45
00:02:02,277 --> 00:02:03,279
Lois, we can't afford...
46
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:04,850
I'll take you to Ben & Jerry's.
47
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,987
I have $600 taped
to my stomach.
48
00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:08,289
$600!
49
00:02:08,289 --> 00:02:10,060
Sold.
There were no other bids.
50
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,666
You could have had it for $40.
51
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,503
(stammering)
52
00:02:14,503 --> 00:02:17,007
That concludes this scene,
ladies and gentlemen.
53
00:02:17,007 --> 00:02:18,476
(slide whistle)
54
00:02:23,219 --> 00:02:25,357
Chris, what-- Oh, who cares?
55
00:02:25,357 --> 00:02:27,027
We're in Vermont till Sunday.
56
00:02:27,127 --> 00:02:30,033
Call if you have to
but, like, let's not call.
57
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,137
Can we only brush our teeth
for 60 seconds
58
00:02:32,237 --> 00:02:33,908
instead of the full 90?
59
00:02:33,908 --> 00:02:36,012
You brush your teeth? Nerd.
60
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,782
And remember, kids,
if you get nervous,
61
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:40,420
you can always turn on
the home security system.
62
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:43,994
That's right.
The keypad code is 6969.
63
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:45,297
If your mother doesn't want
to do it,
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00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:46,667
at least she can type it.
65
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,671
You're a legend, Dad.
66
00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:54,348
Hey, Brian, can you find me?
67
00:02:54,448 --> 00:02:57,154
What the--
Is that a talking blanket?
68
00:02:57,154 --> 00:02:59,225
It's me.
It's crazy, right?
69
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:01,597
It's this brand-new game
called hide-and-seek.
70
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:04,636
Basically a peekaboo
on Flintstones Vitamins.
71
00:03:04,636 --> 00:03:05,938
- Let's play
- Fine.
72
00:03:06,039 --> 00:03:07,575
But like all adults,
on my turns,
73
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:10,313
I'll only hide in beds
so I can take little naps.
74
00:03:10,313 --> 00:03:12,117
I'll start counting.
Go upstairs.
75
00:03:12,117 --> 00:03:15,190
Whoa, I never even thought about
hiding upstairs.
76
00:03:15,290 --> 00:03:17,629
This is a game changer,
like Twitch.
77
00:03:17,629 --> 00:03:21,402
YOUTUBER: Normal voice.
Playing Minecraft, quiet-normal.
78
00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:23,339
Loudest scream possible!
79
00:03:23,339 --> 00:03:26,345
Kinda quiet, normal-quiet,
Minecraft.
80
00:03:26,446 --> 00:03:28,651
Scorching-hot audio levels!
81
00:03:39,171 --> 00:03:40,107
Oh, my God.
82
00:03:40,207 --> 00:03:43,581
Pretty cool spot, eh, Bri?
83
00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:45,818
Do all kids know
what a good spot
84
00:03:45,952 --> 00:03:47,488
a closed-door refrigerator is?
85
00:03:47,589 --> 00:03:50,127
No. Don't ever hide in there.
Could you even breathe?
86
00:03:50,127 --> 00:03:52,732
No. It's a good thing
you were looking for me.
87
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,337
Stewie, no. Very bad.
88
00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:56,774
What the hell was that?
89
00:03:56,774 --> 00:03:59,178
A spanking.
That was me spanking you.
90
00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:02,317
That's it? Brian,
you either gotta be that guy
91
00:04:02,418 --> 00:04:03,521
or-or not be that guy.
92
00:04:03,621 --> 00:04:06,727
I-I don't--
I don't know what that was.
93
00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:20,855
Oh, God, she did it again.
94
00:04:20,855 --> 00:04:21,924
- Who?
- Bonnie.
95
00:04:21,924 --> 00:04:25,063
Every time I do a post,
she does one right after.
96
00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:26,633
- So what?
- So what?
97
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:29,238
It undercuts my post's
popularity.
98
00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:31,877
Like Armageddon and Deep Impact.
99
00:04:31,877 --> 00:04:33,914
Oh, yeah, that was weird.
100
00:04:33,914 --> 00:04:36,553
Can you imagine you just
wrapped principle shooting
101
00:04:36,553 --> 00:04:38,557
on Volcano, and you're
very proud of it,
102
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:41,062
and then bam,
here comes Dante's Peak?
103
00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:42,030
One more and I'll get it.
104
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,703
You've just finished
a comprehensive retelling
105
00:04:44,703 --> 00:04:47,274
of early '70s middle-distance
running in Oregon
106
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,577
with Prefontaine,
107
00:04:48,677 --> 00:04:50,313
and then boom,
your Leto gets Crudup'ed
108
00:04:50,413 --> 00:04:53,319
by Without Limits.
109
00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:55,323
Sorry, I was tracking
two ladies holding hands,
110
00:04:55,323 --> 00:04:57,529
and they just kissed goodbye,
so I've been elsewhere.
111
00:04:57,529 --> 00:05:01,335
Wha-What were you saying?
Y-You like movies or something?
112
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,505
Ah, look at this.
113
00:05:02,505 --> 00:05:04,576
A glassblowing class.
114
00:05:04,676 --> 00:05:07,715
That kind of crap is perfect
for Instagram.
115
00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,957
(phone chimes)
116
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:19,071
Oh, I'm so beat.
117
00:05:19,071 --> 00:05:20,708
Me and Rupert played H&S--
118
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,110
quicker way to say
hide-and-seek--
119
00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:24,616
all night,
until like 8:00 p. m.
120
00:05:24,716 --> 00:05:26,319
I'm not even joking.
Wanna play?
121
00:05:26,419 --> 00:05:28,591
Not now. I'm trying to get
this TED Talk onto the TV.
122
00:05:28,591 --> 00:05:31,462
I can see the PornHub logo
reflecting on your
123
00:05:31,462 --> 00:05:34,068
big, wet dog eyes,
you scumbag.
124
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,707
Honestly, Stewie, I'm getting
pretty bored of hide-and-seek.
125
00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:39,211
Oh, please, Brian,
just one game. Please?
126
00:05:39,311 --> 00:05:40,648
(sighs)
Okay.
127
00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:42,351
But no more hiding
in the fridge,
128
00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:44,455
in the washing machine,
the open safe
129
00:05:44,455 --> 00:05:46,325
with the long-forgotten
combination.
130
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:47,695
Oh, no, I'm way better now.
131
00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:49,465
I might be the best player
in the world.
132
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:52,539
Okay, I'm gonna go hide.
Count to 20.
133
00:05:58,784 --> 00:06:01,857
I'll probably count to, like,
six or seven minutes.
134
00:06:11,008 --> 00:06:13,881
Oh, baby, that's the spot.
135
00:06:13,881 --> 00:06:16,452
♪ ♪
136
00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,140
Oh, Amelie, Noelle,
137
00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:28,978
I have a 48-hour layover
in Paris,
138
00:06:29,078 --> 00:06:31,349
and I'd love to include you
in my horny plans.
139
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,317
BOTH:
Oui, oui.
140
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:35,156
Yeah, on me.
That's what I was hoping for.
141
00:06:35,156 --> 00:06:37,494
Oh, this is gonna be
a great weekend.
142
00:06:37,494 --> 00:06:38,897
That seems like
it's happening, right?
143
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,534
Your orgy? Yeah.
144
00:06:40,635 --> 00:06:42,538
Can we just talk about
plane stuff?
145
00:06:42,538 --> 00:06:43,774
Ah, I forget you young guys
146
00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:45,678
don't like to talk about sex
at work.
147
00:06:45,778 --> 00:06:47,982
Hey, take over for a sec.
I gotta make sure I packed
148
00:06:47,982 --> 00:06:50,755
my pilot sunglasses that
diminish our entire profession
149
00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:53,393
to a frat guy's
Halloween costume.
150
00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:59,104
- Stewie?
- Mr. Quagmire?
151
00:06:59,104 --> 00:07:00,875
Terrance.
152
00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:10,093
All right, we're gonna
get you home, little guy.
153
00:07:10,193 --> 00:07:11,697
(line ringing)
154
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:14,168
Peter, is Lois there?
Put me on speaker.
155
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:16,238
Hi, Glenn.
What's going on?
156
00:07:16,238 --> 00:07:17,474
Well, I just flew to Paris,
157
00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:19,646
and Stewie was somehow
in my suitcase.
158
00:07:19,646 --> 00:07:21,048
He must have snuck in there.
159
00:07:21,148 --> 00:07:22,952
Oh, my God!
Is he okay?
160
00:07:23,052 --> 00:07:25,725
Yeah, he's eating one of those
weird French street ham things
161
00:07:25,725 --> 00:07:27,729
that aren't good
but are also amazing.
162
00:07:27,729 --> 00:07:29,164
Look, how soon can you
come get him?
163
00:07:29,164 --> 00:07:30,768
I only have 48 hours in Paris
164
00:07:30,768 --> 00:07:32,839
and a whole list of
horny activities to do.
165
00:07:32,939 --> 00:07:35,711
Okay, let me just
do the math.
166
00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:38,717
In 48 hours we'd need to
get to an airport,
167
00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:41,489
which we're hours from,
find a last-minute flight--
168
00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:42,625
if there are any--
169
00:07:42,725 --> 00:07:45,598
fly ten hours,
then wait for Peter's
170
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,334
post-flight airport poop...
171
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,671
Peter don't poop on planes.
172
00:07:48,671 --> 00:07:52,144
Or we leave him in the care
of a trusted adult
173
00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:54,716
and one of our best friends
and enjoy the first trip
174
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,887
we've had together in years.
175
00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:59,458
Lois, uh, shouldn't we go?
176
00:07:59,559 --> 00:08:01,797
(sighs)
Okay, if you think that...
177
00:08:01,897 --> 00:08:04,234
- (phone chimes)
- Ah! I got another like.
178
00:08:04,335 --> 00:08:06,439
Peter, listen, Stewie is safe,
179
00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:08,644
we're in the prettiest place
we'll ever be
180
00:08:08,644 --> 00:08:10,648
and I'm on an Instagram
hot streak.
181
00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:12,618
I can beat Bonnie's record.
182
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:13,954
Still, as parents,
I think that...
183
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:16,526
Oh, look, my mom's friend that
kind of looks like
184
00:08:16,526 --> 00:08:19,398
the AT&T lady just commented
on my last post.
185
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:23,507
She says, "Your husband is
very handsome."
186
00:08:23,507 --> 00:08:25,310
Quags, you got this, right?
187
00:08:25,310 --> 00:08:29,619
- Captain Quagmire, the Quags...
- Stop! I can't believe this.
188
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:31,389
(sighs sharply)
Okay, I'll watch him.
189
00:08:31,389 --> 00:08:32,625
But I'm not happy, Peter.
190
00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:34,228
Oh, and now that you're
my babysitter,
191
00:08:34,228 --> 00:08:35,931
I'd rather you call me
Mr. Griffin.
192
00:08:36,032 --> 00:08:38,069
(phones chime)
193
00:08:38,069 --> 00:08:40,608
Peter, did you just text me
the peach emoji
194
00:08:40,708 --> 00:08:42,377
followed by
the water squirt emoji?
195
00:08:42,377 --> 00:08:44,682
Yeah. You're the babysitter now.
196
00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:47,154
And it's "Mr. Griffin."
197
00:08:51,362 --> 00:08:53,166
ANNOUNCER (French accent):
This is the Paris Attractions Channel,
198
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:56,238
with a host who's
never been to Paris.
199
00:08:56,238 --> 00:08:57,775
Oh, wow, what is that thing?
200
00:08:57,875 --> 00:09:00,881
The Eiffel Tower is one of
Paris' top attractions.
201
00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:02,652
It's like a hundred feet, huh?
202
00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:05,457
Yeah, yeah. I wonder
if you could get up there.
203
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:08,731
If you do plan on visiting,
you want to get here early.
204
00:09:08,731 --> 00:09:11,435
Is that right? Yeah, yeah,
that could be cool.
205
00:09:11,435 --> 00:09:13,372
Hey, is that, like,
the king's house?
206
00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:14,976
Oh! Can we go there? Please?
207
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,680
I don't know
what you're yammering about,
208
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,418
but the only place you're going
is this hotel and the airport.
209
00:09:19,418 --> 00:09:21,055
Kind of thought
you'd be asleep by now.
210
00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:24,094
I'm smart but not
"put myself to sleep" smart.
211
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:27,200
I'm just gonna put on some music
for a bit to calm down.
212
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,670
- What do you like?
- Goo-goo.
213
00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:30,240
- The Dolls?
- Gaga.
214
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,409
The Lady?
(chuckles): Aha.
215
00:09:31,409 --> 00:09:32,712
Now you're talking my language.
216
00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:34,281
(dance music playing)
217
00:09:34,381 --> 00:09:35,818
(chuckling)
218
00:09:35,818 --> 00:09:38,590
Hey. Hey, you got moves, man.
219
00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:40,694
Yeah, I mean, Ms. Christie
put me two from the middle
220
00:09:40,694 --> 00:09:42,063
at dance class winter demo.
221
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,299
I know what I'm doing.
222
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:45,069
- (music stops)
- Hey, you want to jump on the bed?
223
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:46,205
See how high you can get?
224
00:09:46,338 --> 00:09:47,474
- Go ahead.
- Is...
225
00:09:47,575 --> 00:09:49,311
A-Are we allowed?
226
00:09:49,311 --> 00:09:51,048
Is this really happening?
227
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,219
Hey, that looks fun.
228
00:09:53,219 --> 00:09:55,323
- (laughing)
- (rattling)
229
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,362
(pounding at door)
230
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,168
Me and this baby who is not mine
231
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,239
are in the room below
trying to sleep.
232
00:10:03,239 --> 00:10:04,141
This is hotel,
233
00:10:04,241 --> 00:10:07,548
not jungle gym
children's play structure.
234
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,819
- Very sorry.
- It won't happen again.
235
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,392
(laughing)
236
00:10:13,392 --> 00:10:15,764
- What a loser.
- What a dork baby.
237
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,969
You know, I think
they were weirdly on our plane.
238
00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:21,175
I weirdly think those guys
were on our airport shuttle.
239
00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:27,454
You know, I envy you, Stewie.
240
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:29,091
I used to be innocent like you.
241
00:10:29,091 --> 00:10:29,959
I've killed people.
242
00:10:30,059 --> 00:10:31,763
Then I lost my virginity at six
243
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:33,600
to our strangely female plumber.
244
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,838
- Respect.
- I know you're just a baby, but...
245
00:10:35,938 --> 00:10:37,575
I feel like
you really understand me.
246
00:10:37,575 --> 00:10:40,113
I can understand you, dude.
247
00:10:40,113 --> 00:10:41,048
(yawns)
248
00:10:41,048 --> 00:10:43,620
Aw, it's late.
You must be tired.
249
00:10:45,256 --> 00:10:47,160
♪ ♪
250
00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:48,597
There you go, little buddy.
251
00:10:48,697 --> 00:10:51,068
(sighing contentedly)
252
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:55,376
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to Toi, Moi et Dupree.
253
00:10:55,376 --> 00:10:57,214
OWEN WILSON:
Le wow.
254
00:10:59,652 --> 00:11:01,857
(indistinct chatter)
255
00:11:03,025 --> 00:11:06,432
They say Mona Lisa's eyes
follow you wherever you go.
256
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,704
(phone buttons clicking)
257
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:13,514
Yeesh. Quagmire was right.
258
00:11:13,514 --> 00:11:14,949
Somebody's in here!
259
00:11:16,352 --> 00:11:17,487
(stall door closes)
260
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,926
(flatulence)
261
00:11:19,926 --> 00:11:23,032
Oh, her expression is gas!
262
00:11:25,403 --> 00:11:27,875
(birds chirping)
263
00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:30,013
♪ ♪
264
00:11:32,552 --> 00:11:33,687
Oh, this is it.
265
00:11:33,687 --> 00:11:36,392
A good caption
and Bonnie's reign is over.
266
00:11:36,492 --> 00:11:38,764
Hey, how 'bout we stand
on either side of the tree
267
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,001
and the caption is
"Tree Amigos"?
268
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:45,778
Or I'm holding a leaf and
it says "Leafing is so hard"?
269
00:11:45,778 --> 00:11:47,080
Yeah, uh, you know, I feel like
270
00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:48,951
someone said "Tree Amigos"
earlier
271
00:11:49,051 --> 00:11:50,588
and-and we were--
we were all laughing.
272
00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:52,324
Okay, step back.
273
00:11:52,324 --> 00:11:53,594
Another step.
274
00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:56,332
- (birds chirping)
- (wind blowing)
275
00:11:56,332 --> 00:11:57,735
Big step back.
276
00:11:58,637 --> 00:11:59,839
Peter, are you sure?
277
00:11:59,939 --> 00:12:01,610
I'm a little close to the edge.
278
00:12:01,710 --> 00:12:04,849
No, you're fine.
One more big, big step back.
279
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,320
You know what,
tiny step forward.
280
00:12:08,289 --> 00:12:10,126
W...
(screams)
281
00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:13,734
Whoa, that's not
usually how cliffs work.
282
00:12:16,305 --> 00:12:18,944
You know, Stewie, this wasn't
the weekend I had planned,
283
00:12:18,944 --> 00:12:20,714
but I'm having a lot of fun
with you.
284
00:12:20,714 --> 00:12:22,117
Me, too. It's so fun,
285
00:12:22,217 --> 00:12:24,856
I don't even mind
the too-loud French radio.
286
00:12:24,856 --> 00:12:26,559
RADIO DJ:
Bonsoir, Paris. You're listening
287
00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:28,496
to Double Vé-Cé-O-Qu, Le Coq.
288
00:12:28,496 --> 00:12:30,300
Rude 102! Shut up!
289
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,705
We've got deux tickets
for Un Direction,
290
00:12:32,705 --> 00:12:34,642
so give us a call
at cinq-cinq-cinq,
291
00:12:34,642 --> 00:12:36,178
cinq-cinq-cinq-cinq.
292
00:12:36,178 --> 00:12:39,017
And I hope the ladies have
an umbrella for this next one
293
00:12:39,017 --> 00:12:41,322
or they'll be "Alouette."
294
00:12:41,322 --> 00:12:44,394
FEMALE SINGER:
♪ Alouette, gentille alouette. ♪
295
00:12:44,394 --> 00:12:46,432
(crickets chirping)
296
00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:51,576
I love you, man.
297
00:12:51,576 --> 00:12:53,312
I love you, too, man.
298
00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:57,487
And, hey, you know, I-I know
my dad and everyone says
299
00:12:57,487 --> 00:12:59,826
that your car l-looks--
300
00:12:59,926 --> 00:13:01,563
is like a woman's car,
301
00:13:01,663 --> 00:13:03,165
but I-I like it.
302
00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:05,336
And, hey, off-topic,
but you-you don't think
303
00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:08,777
my car is-is like
a-a woman's car, right?
304
00:13:08,777 --> 00:13:10,547
Yeah, no. No, no way, man.
305
00:13:10,547 --> 00:13:11,482
Okay, good, good, good.
306
00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:13,486
Yeah, 'cause Peter's
always saying stuff.
307
00:13:13,486 --> 00:13:15,156
I-I mean, I love your dad,
308
00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:18,262
but he's-he's just--
he's not very sensitive.
309
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,840
(brakes squeaking)
310
00:13:27,447 --> 00:13:29,051
(beep)
311
00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:31,322
(air hissing)
312
00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:37,968
Oh, my God, it's Madeline!
313
00:13:37,968 --> 00:13:39,839
She must have snuck out
of the nunnery.
314
00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:41,843
She's kind of a bad girl.
315
00:13:44,916 --> 00:13:46,853
I got to shoot my shot with her.
316
00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:50,126
♪ ♪
317
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,969
(beep)
318
00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:56,405
ANNOUNCER:
We are approaching
319
00:13:56,405 --> 00:13:57,775
the end of the line.
320
00:13:57,775 --> 00:14:00,581
Please grab all bags and babies.
321
00:14:00,581 --> 00:14:01,816
Stewie, we got to get off.
322
00:14:01,816 --> 00:14:03,553
Hey, Stewie,
stop messing around.
323
00:14:03,553 --> 00:14:05,524
This is our stop.
324
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:06,826
Stewie!
325
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,464
Stewie! Where are you?!
326
00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:10,701
Oh, please, you got to help me.
327
00:14:10,701 --> 00:14:11,870
I'm looking for a little boy
328
00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:13,239
with red overalls
and a yellow shirt.
329
00:14:13,339 --> 00:14:15,443
You are looking to buy
or to rent?
330
00:14:15,443 --> 00:14:17,113
What? No! God!
(stammers)
331
00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:19,384
How is Paris considered
a classy city?
332
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,157
The buildings are beautiful.
The people are trash.
333
00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:30,173
Stewie! Stewie!
334
00:14:31,175 --> 00:14:32,611
Stewie!
335
00:14:32,611 --> 00:14:34,281
Sir, have you seen a baby
336
00:14:34,281 --> 00:14:35,984
with a football-shaped head
around here?
337
00:14:35,984 --> 00:14:38,690
Yes, all babies have
a round, football-shaped head.
338
00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:40,126
No, I mean the real football!
339
00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:42,330
The one where you can't remember
how to put on pants
340
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:43,499
when you're 38.
341
00:14:43,499 --> 00:14:44,367
Taxi!
342
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:47,073
Taxi rapid transfer
garbage strike.
343
00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:50,514
It began a moment ago and
will end the moment you leave.
344
00:14:50,614 --> 00:14:52,618
(panting)
345
00:14:54,287 --> 00:14:55,256
(panting)
346
00:14:55,356 --> 00:14:56,258
Stewie?
347
00:14:56,358 --> 00:14:57,795
Are you here?
348
00:14:57,795 --> 00:14:59,164
(shower curtain opens)
349
00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:00,634
(rustling)
350
00:15:02,638 --> 00:15:04,040
(groans)
I'm screwed.
351
00:15:04,141 --> 00:15:05,911
I'm totally screwed.
352
00:15:05,911 --> 00:15:06,946
(dialing)
353
00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:08,482
Wait a minute.
I can't call Peter.
354
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:09,652
He'll kill me!
355
00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:11,656
(inhales deeply, sighs)
356
00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:13,225
(beep, line ringing)
357
00:15:13,325 --> 00:15:15,664
(ringing)
358
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:19,404
Ha-ha. Got him.
359
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:21,008
Glenn Quagmire.
360
00:15:21,108 --> 00:15:23,479
What... is... up?
361
00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:24,749
I lost Stewie in Paris.
362
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,553
We got separated
and I can't find him.
363
00:15:26,553 --> 00:15:27,888
I'm too ashamed to tell Peter.
364
00:15:27,988 --> 00:15:28,990
What? Did you call the police?
365
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:31,963
On strike. Brian, you're
the last guy I want to call,
366
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,533
but you know Stewie better
than anyone.
367
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:34,669
Can you help me find him?
368
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:36,171
I'll fly you to Paris.
369
00:15:36,171 --> 00:15:39,077
First class and no male
flight attendants in my area.
370
00:15:39,077 --> 00:15:41,181
- Fine.
- I knew airlines could do that!
371
00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:43,385
Also, I want a special
Kibbles 'n Bits meal.
372
00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:44,956
- Fine...
- Only, Quagmire,
373
00:15:44,956 --> 00:15:46,291
I want just the bits.
374
00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:48,295
Come on! Who's gonna pick
the kibbles out?
375
00:15:48,395 --> 00:15:51,401
I kind of don't want to have
to think about that, Glenn.
376
00:15:52,638 --> 00:15:55,209
Lois, you had a big fall,
but you're gonna be fine.
377
00:15:55,309 --> 00:15:56,345
We're getting you
to the hospital.
378
00:15:56,345 --> 00:15:58,717
Oh, Peter,
I'm so glad you're here.
379
00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,119
Me, too. Hey, you know,
380
00:16:00,253 --> 00:16:02,725
you were saying some
crazy things when you were out.
381
00:16:02,825 --> 00:16:04,929
- I was?
- Yeah, I mean,
382
00:16:04,929 --> 00:16:06,533
you said you lost 1,100 bucks
on BetKings.
383
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,537
I checked the account.
You definitely lost it.
384
00:16:08,637 --> 00:16:11,141
But in light of what happened,
I'm not mad at you.
385
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:13,713
I mean, UConn had
literally never lost to Rutgers
386
00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,249
in lacrosse.
I mean, it was free money.
387
00:16:15,249 --> 00:16:18,122
You're betting on lacrosse now?
388
00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:18,957
You're not wrong!
389
00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:21,495
There's no way UConn loses twice
in a row!
390
00:16:21,629 --> 00:16:24,735
Plus, Syracuse's all-American
attacker, Tristan Wyndcroft,
391
00:16:24,836 --> 00:16:25,737
broke his leg!
392
00:16:25,838 --> 00:16:27,842
It'll be all Huskies all day!
393
00:16:27,842 --> 00:16:29,612
Peter, no!
394
00:16:29,712 --> 00:16:30,614
Just rest, babe!
395
00:16:30,714 --> 00:16:32,718
I promise I'm not mad at you!
396
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:38,630
Where else could Stewie be?
397
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,834
Should we look in, like, a park?
398
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,303
"In, like, a park"?
399
00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:44,609
I flew you out here
for this level of insight?
400
00:16:44,609 --> 00:16:46,980
- I thought you knew him!
- I do know him, okay?
401
00:16:47,113 --> 00:16:48,950
And I would have taken
a lot better care of him.
402
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,021
You lost him, Glenn!
How do you do that?
403
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,860
What, did you go to a-a sex...
place or something
404
00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:55,263
and leave him tied up outside?
405
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,400
No! We went out to dinner
and drank some wine,
406
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,406
just like every responsible
adult and child in France.
407
00:17:00,406 --> 00:17:01,643
But you're right.
408
00:17:01,743 --> 00:17:02,912
I lost him.
409
00:17:02,912 --> 00:17:05,884
And now he's gone
and it's all my fault.
410
00:17:05,884 --> 00:17:07,755
I'm a loser.
(sniffles, sighs)
411
00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:09,692
I'd do anything to get him back.
412
00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:10,994
I really miss him.
413
00:17:10,994 --> 00:17:12,531
- You do?
- Yeah.
414
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:13,833
We really bonded.
415
00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:15,036
It was nice.
416
00:17:15,036 --> 00:17:16,906
He's a special little guy, huh?
417
00:17:17,006 --> 00:17:18,810
Yeah. He sure is.
418
00:17:18,810 --> 00:17:19,979
We just got to find him.
419
00:17:19,979 --> 00:17:21,849
And in a town called
"gay Paree,"
420
00:17:21,849 --> 00:17:23,753
he could literally be anywhere.
421
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,158
(ominous music playing)
422
00:17:29,665 --> 00:17:30,834
Where am I?
423
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,239
What am I going to do?
424
00:17:36,245 --> 00:17:39,150
My guidebook said
Marcel Proust is buried there.
425
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:40,520
He'll know what to do.
426
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,526
- (owl hooting)
- (insects trilling)
427
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:48,570
(screams)
428
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:50,607
(panting)
429
00:17:50,707 --> 00:17:52,511
- (meows)
- (screams)
430
00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:56,385
(screams)
431
00:17:58,757 --> 00:17:59,792
(screams)
432
00:18:05,436 --> 00:18:07,942
Ugh. Can't even get through
his tomb quote.
433
00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:09,477
(sighs)
434
00:18:09,477 --> 00:18:12,785
I wish Brian were here
to pretend he gets it.
435
00:18:12,785 --> 00:18:15,089
(crying)
436
00:18:21,736 --> 00:18:24,508
The Père Lachaise Cemetery.
437
00:18:25,309 --> 00:18:27,313
We were supposed to go
before we got separated!
438
00:18:27,313 --> 00:18:29,652
Yeah, and while we're here,
I wouldn't mind taking a leak
439
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:31,188
on Gérard Depardieu's grave.
440
00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:32,524
He's still alive.
441
00:18:32,524 --> 00:18:33,693
Really?
442
00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:34,829
How?
443
00:18:34,829 --> 00:18:36,866
Stewie!
444
00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:39,705
- Stewie!
- Hey, look!
445
00:18:39,705 --> 00:18:41,074
- (crying)
- Stewie!
446
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:44,080
Brian? What...
what are you doing here?
447
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,151
- Quagmire called me...
- (crying)
448
00:18:47,921 --> 00:18:49,124
And, um...
449
00:18:49,257 --> 00:18:51,495
and he told me you guys
were playing hide-and-seek
450
00:18:51,495 --> 00:18:53,967
but that you were
too good a player for him.
451
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,871
He... he did?
452
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:57,608
He did.
He said he needed my help,
453
00:18:57,608 --> 00:18:59,612
because I'm a dog
and I can smell you.
454
00:18:59,612 --> 00:19:02,116
You're too good
to be found any other way.
455
00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:04,154
You know, this is
probably the best hiding place
456
00:19:04,154 --> 00:19:05,189
I've ever seen.
457
00:19:05,189 --> 00:19:06,458
But it's not...
458
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:08,028
It-it wasn't...
459
00:19:08,028 --> 00:19:09,464
You really think so?
460
00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:10,299
I know so.
461
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,769
Nobody would ever look here.
462
00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:12,805
It's too scary.
463
00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:15,142
It is pretty scary.
464
00:19:15,142 --> 00:19:17,781
Am I the best hide-and-seek
player in the world?
465
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:18,917
Uh, yeah.
466
00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:22,023
There's the best little
travel buddy in the world!
467
00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:25,731
Whoa! I guess I'm really good
at lots of stuff!
468
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:29,137
I'd say we should get a room,
but we already have one.
469
00:19:31,709 --> 00:19:32,811
Yep.
470
00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:34,014
Totally.
471
00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:37,253
I missed you,
you unrelenting douchebag.
472
00:19:37,253 --> 00:19:40,827
♪ It seems today ♪
473
00:19:40,827 --> 00:19:43,132
♪ That all you see ♪
474
00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:45,771
♪ Is the violence in movies ♪
475
00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:48,877
♪ And hon-hon-hon on TV ♪
476
00:19:48,877 --> 00:19:53,118
♪ Lucky there's a family "gi." ♪
477
00:19:53,118 --> 00:19:55,423
♪ ♪
478
00:20:03,238 --> 00:20:05,209
I'm sorry
you broke your leg, Lois.
479
00:20:05,342 --> 00:20:07,715
Oh, no, Peter,
I'm the one who's sorry.
480
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:11,556
I got so wrapped up trying to
beat Bonnie at stupid Instagram
481
00:20:11,556 --> 00:20:14,194
that I ruined our whole weekend.
482
00:20:14,762 --> 00:20:15,731
ANNOUNCER:
I don't believe it.
483
00:20:15,864 --> 00:20:18,770
Tristan Wyndcroft is checking in
for Syracuse.
484
00:20:18,770 --> 00:20:20,507
With a broken leg?!
485
00:20:21,308 --> 00:20:23,345
I know. What was I thinking?
486
00:20:23,345 --> 00:20:25,817
And the irony is
she still has the record.
487
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:28,757
I guess we should probably take
an Instagram break
488
00:20:28,757 --> 00:20:29,759
for a bit, huh?
489
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:31,361
Probably.
490
00:20:31,361 --> 00:20:34,367
Can I check something
on our bank account real quick?
491
00:20:35,136 --> 00:20:36,839
Uh, Lois?
492
00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:38,475
You may want to see this.
493
00:20:41,649 --> 00:20:43,018
Ah! Break's over!
494
00:20:43,018 --> 00:20:44,522
Eat that, Bonnie!
495
00:20:44,622 --> 00:20:47,093
Oh, Peter, now that I have
more likes than Bonnie,
496
00:20:47,193 --> 00:20:50,667
I realize that this was
the best weekend ever.
497
00:20:51,435 --> 00:20:53,272
ANNOUNCER: Wyndcroft scores
with no time left!
498
00:20:53,372 --> 00:20:54,608
Syracuse wins!
499
00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:56,646
(inhales sharply)
Man, Lois,
500
00:20:56,746 --> 00:21:00,954
you were saying some crazy stuff
about BetKings during surgery.
501
00:21:01,004 --> 00:21:05,554
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