Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,111
I need to leave early today.
2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,504
Family emergency.
3
00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:06,597
Why? What happened?
4
00:00:06,691 --> 00:00:07,915
My grandfather died.
5
00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:10,675
Yeah, in 1983.
6
00:00:10,695 --> 00:00:14,572
Sorry I can't grieve on your timeline.
7
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,774
- Come on, it's just one more person.
- No!
8
00:00:17,869 --> 00:00:19,426
Our wedding is too big already.
9
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,204
We have to do the Electric
Slide in three shifts.
10
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,489
I got to invite my boy Chad Bracket.
11
00:00:24,542 --> 00:00:25,933
Who the hell is Chad Bracket,
12
00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:28,652
other than the
whitest-sounding guy in America?
13
00:00:28,804 --> 00:00:32,381
From Call of Duty. You
know him as ChadGrabs80085.
14
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,865
It's funny 'cause on
screen, it looks like
15
00:00:33,885 --> 00:00:36,293
"Chad grabs boobs." He's 11.
16
00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:37,961
You know I wanted a small wedding.
17
00:00:38,055 --> 00:00:40,631
It's my favorite thing to
not invite people to stuff.
18
00:00:40,783 --> 00:00:42,116
And you know I wanted a big one.
19
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,284
Besides, Chad Bracket
doesn't take up much space.
20
00:00:44,303 --> 00:00:45,877
But we do have to invite his mom.
21
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,879
No! No Chad, no Chad's mama,
22
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,200
no flower girl that's
a robot, no donut wall.
23
00:00:51,201 --> 00:00:52,793
No donut wall?
24
00:00:52,962 --> 00:00:54,570
Well, where are people gonna take photos
25
00:00:54,797 --> 00:00:57,406
of the flower girl that's a robot?
26
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,799
Where are you going?
27
00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:00,317
To talk to a man about a white horse
28
00:01:00,469 --> 00:01:01,969
that we no longer need.
29
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,746
- Oh.
- Oh, good morning, Randi.
30
00:01:03,973 --> 00:01:05,447
When did you get here?
31
00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,917
Carter is just making
everything so difficult.
32
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,920
He wants the invitations
to be a puzzle box.
33
00:01:11,147 --> 00:01:14,256
That is a terrible idea that
I definitely did not give him.
34
00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:17,501
You are not gonna believe this.
You know Russell Dickerson?
35
00:01:17,595 --> 00:01:20,170
Oh, who is that... Chad
Bracket's whiter brother?
36
00:01:20,264 --> 00:01:22,823
No, he's a country singer.
You've heard his stuff.
37
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,416
Uh, "Every Little Thing," "Yours."
38
00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:27,269
Oh, "Come to Jesus" was so good
they played it at my synagogue.
39
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,180
He's in town shooting a video
and my manager convinced him
40
00:01:30,332 --> 00:01:31,756
to come to my show tonight.
41
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,018
Are you serious? Rabbi
Goldberg is gonna flip.
42
00:01:35,171 --> 00:01:36,446
- This could be huge.
- Oh, Max,
43
00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:38,763
that's such wonderful news.
44
00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:41,008
My grandfather would
be so happy for you.
45
00:01:41,026 --> 00:01:43,193
God rest his soul.
46
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,437
I'm gonna take the rest of the week off.
47
00:01:45,456 --> 00:01:48,123
Grandpapa would have wanted it that way.
48
00:01:53,130 --> 00:01:55,798
* But we both know *
49
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,450
* Had to let you go... *
50
00:01:58,469 --> 00:01:59,802
What's Russell doing now?
51
00:02:00,029 --> 00:02:03,305
Oh, he's moving a bit, seems
like he's feeling it. Oh.
52
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:07,217
Now he's fixing a wedgie.
They are just like us.
53
00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:08,793
* There's the door. *
54
00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:18,136
Thanks, everyone.
55
00:02:18,214 --> 00:02:20,155
Thanks, everyone. We're
gonna take a break.
56
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,065
And don't forget to try
the jalapeño poppers.
57
00:02:22,218 --> 00:02:24,051
They're half price because they're good,
58
00:02:24,069 --> 00:02:26,887
not because they're past
their expiration date.
59
00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:28,664
My man!
60
00:02:30,075 --> 00:02:32,893
Hi, I'm Max Kingbird. Thank
you so much for coming.
61
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,078
And I'm Zoey Monroe. We are huge fans.
62
00:02:35,247 --> 00:02:38,323
Oh, thank you. I
absolutely love the show.
63
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,325
I saw you at Stagecoach.
I-I yelled your name
64
00:02:40,344 --> 00:02:42,586
and then I screamed because
I got hit by a flying beer.
65
00:02:42,738 --> 00:02:46,406
Wait, you're "Sweet God,
I think I need stitches"?
66
00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:48,350
Yes! And I did.
67
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,744
Oh, uh, Russell, this is my friend Kat.
68
00:02:50,763 --> 00:02:52,855
Hi, nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan,
69
00:02:53,082 --> 00:02:54,765
and Rabbi Goldberg says mazel tov.
70
00:02:54,859 --> 00:02:56,508
Funny story, uh,
71
00:02:56,527 --> 00:02:58,268
this song is actually about our breakup.
72
00:02:58,362 --> 00:03:00,345
And you're okay with
him telling people that?
73
00:03:00,439 --> 00:03:02,105
Because you come off kind of bad.
74
00:03:02,258 --> 00:03:05,108
Oh, oh, I-I don't mind.
I'm-I'm kind of an open book.
75
00:03:05,261 --> 00:03:07,110
For example, I once had a sex dream
76
00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:09,997
about Beaker from the Muppets.
77
00:03:11,267 --> 00:03:12,558
Anyways, uh,
78
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,768
my band and I are getting
ready for our summer tour,
79
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,545
and we need a opener.
80
00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,839
Would you guys be interested?
81
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,201
Are you serious? Because
that would be amazing.
82
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,703
I'm so excited, I don't
even know what to say.
83
00:03:25,723 --> 00:03:29,391
I love you. No, that is not right.
84
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,469
* I'm a cowboy *
85
00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:35,547
* On a steel horse I ride *
86
00:03:35,566 --> 00:03:37,232
* I'm wanted *
87
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,792
* Wanted *
88
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:42,129
* Dead or alive. *
89
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,823
That's if you need, like,
an opener for the opener.
90
00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:47,868
She's not coming on the tour.
91
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,306
Welcome to the season
one finale of Hot Lots.
92
00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:55,084
- 'Cause I'm hot.
- And I'm also hot.
93
00:03:55,311 --> 00:03:57,311
W-What are you doing?
I'm the one that's hot.
94
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,755
You're the one that's a lot.
Which you're proving right now.
95
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,590
But can't I be hot just once?
96
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,426
I mean, if you won't do it
for me, do it for my fans.
97
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,262
You know, give the
Carter-Heads a thrill.
98
00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,748
Okay, baby, you can be hot.
99
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,435
So, I was thinking we
reveal the living room first,
100
00:04:13,604 --> 00:04:16,163
then the kitchen because
that's the showstopper.
101
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,015
Plus, it's fun to see you get
scared by the garbage disposal.
102
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:21,001
Actually, I have an idea.
103
00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:23,186
Oh, Lord, here comes the "a lot" part.
104
00:04:23,339 --> 00:04:24,354
Follow me.
105
00:04:24,448 --> 00:04:28,450
I'll go first so you
can see why I am hot.
106
00:04:28,677 --> 00:04:30,452
Wh...
107
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,614
Oh, my God.
108
00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:44,541
Look at this place.
109
00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,042
Y-You did this for me?
110
00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:47,636
See? YouTube is wrong.
111
00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:50,180
I am good enough for you.
112
00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:54,217
I have one more thing to show you.
113
00:04:54,311 --> 00:04:55,644
Oh. All right.
114
00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:57,071
Well, let me turn these guys around
115
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,796
- so they don't get jealous.
- Uh-uh, not that.
116
00:04:58,816 --> 00:05:03,168
But rain check. You know, on the sex.
117
00:05:05,731 --> 00:05:07,138
Wait, why are you so dressed up?
118
00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:09,950
'Cause we're going down to
the courthouse to get married.
119
00:05:10,886 --> 00:05:12,219
Uh, are you for real right now?
120
00:05:12,237 --> 00:05:13,328
Yeah.
121
00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:16,239
All this fighting about
the wedding is stupid.
122
00:05:16,392 --> 00:05:17,666
At the end of the day, the only thing
123
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,984
that matters to me is making you happy.
124
00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:22,504
But what about your fairy-tale wedding?
125
00:05:22,581 --> 00:05:25,549
You are my fairy tale.
126
00:05:26,752 --> 00:05:28,510
You already kissed this frog.
127
00:05:28,737 --> 00:05:30,904
Aw, Carter.
128
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,848
- Well, I'll... I'll go get dressed.
- All right.
129
00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:34,165
Hold up, hold up.
130
00:05:34,185 --> 00:05:36,268
Cashing in on that rain check.
131
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,522
- Oh...
- Yeah...
132
00:05:48,699 --> 00:05:50,699
Hey, I know you two.
133
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,684
Uh-uh. Those charges were dropped.
134
00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:56,279
No. You Randi and Carter from Hot Lots.
135
00:05:56,448 --> 00:05:57,689
You are hot.
136
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:58,766
Thank you.
137
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,784
He meant me.
138
00:06:00,936 --> 00:06:02,195
I loved that episode where you pretended
139
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,838
to superglue your hands to your head.
140
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,382
Pretended. Yeah.
141
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,292
Yeah, we sure have fun.
142
00:06:09,445 --> 00:06:11,445
Uh, so where do we go to get married?
143
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,280
Oh, you get your
license right over there.
144
00:06:13,298 --> 00:06:14,389
Appreciate you, bro.
145
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,117
Always good to meet
a fellow Carter-Head.
146
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,268
Hey.
147
00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:20,545
Okay, so I got the check,
148
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,397
you have the rings, what are we missing?
149
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:24,608
Uh, nothing. We are good...
150
00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:29,404
... to go. Um, excuse me for a sec.
151
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,648
- Wait, where you going?
- Um, I got to pee.
152
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,983
Really, right now?
153
00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:34,559
You peed five times during Avatar.
154
00:06:34,578 --> 00:06:37,579
- I can't pee once?
- The movie is over three hours and set in water.
155
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,082
Of course I peed a lot.
156
00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:44,978
A caramel macchiato, please.
157
00:06:44,997 --> 00:06:47,923
Sorry, I-I couldn't
hear you over your hat.
158
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,292
Well, now that I'm single,
I'm trying out new looks.
159
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,986
Is this one called "single forever"?
160
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,246
Hey, I think it's very sharp.
161
00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:57,340
Reminds me of an old-time gangster.
162
00:06:57,493 --> 00:06:58,916
Or an old-time newspaperman, like,
163
00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,937
"Extry, extry, Jeff is
single and ready to mingle."
164
00:07:03,015 --> 00:07:04,815
Believe it or not, she's single, too.
165
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,167
Oh.
166
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:10,261
Yo, yo, yo. Tell me what you know.
167
00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:13,523
I know you need to stop
answering the phone like that.
168
00:07:13,675 --> 00:07:14,691
Can you do me a favor?
169
00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:16,018
Me and Randi are at the courthouse
170
00:07:16,178 --> 00:07:18,436
- about to get married.
- What? Right now?
171
00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:20,789
Yeah, don't tell anybody.
We're keeping it on the low.
172
00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:22,958
Carter, this is crazy. Not to mention,
173
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:24,776
I'm only on draft seven
of the wedding toast
174
00:07:24,795 --> 00:07:26,277
and half my limericks don't rhyme.
175
00:07:26,297 --> 00:07:28,355
- I guess I could cut them.
- Listen,
176
00:07:28,373 --> 00:07:30,632
I forgot the rings.
Randi's gonna kill me.
177
00:07:30,939 --> 00:07:32,288
Can you go get them from the apartment?
178
00:07:32,441 --> 00:07:34,441
Also, don't cut the limericks.
179
00:07:34,459 --> 00:07:35,942
They're like Irish rap.
180
00:07:35,961 --> 00:07:38,128
I-I don't have a key to your condo.
181
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,113
I know that the pressure is on, though.
182
00:07:40,115 --> 00:07:42,540
I don't want to break
in, because it's a sin.
183
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:45,060
I could ask your super Fernando.
184
00:07:45,211 --> 00:07:46,895
All right, cut the limericks.
185
00:07:46,972 --> 00:07:48,212
Look,
186
00:07:48,306 --> 00:07:49,639
there's a key under the mat.
187
00:07:49,791 --> 00:07:52,049
- Okay, uh, where are the rings?
- In the fridge.
188
00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:53,643
- You better hurry.
- I'll get there
189
00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:56,721
as soon as I'm able. Right
now I'm passing a table.
190
00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,222
Hello? Carter?
191
00:07:58,242 --> 00:08:00,909
You know what? I'm not
cutting the limericks.
192
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,303
Max, Randi and Carter
are getting married
193
00:08:03,396 --> 00:08:04,562
at the courthouse right now.
194
00:08:04,656 --> 00:08:05,805
- What?
- Yeah, we've got to
195
00:08:05,824 --> 00:08:07,064
go to the condo and get the rings.
196
00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:08,900
So I got ordained online for nothing?
197
00:08:08,994 --> 00:08:10,493
That's 20 bucks I'll never get back.
198
00:08:10,587 --> 00:08:13,480
Uh, Jeff, tell my mother
to watch the café.
199
00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:15,090
You got it, sweetheart.
200
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:18,969
Wow. That's even cooler
than I thought it'd be.
201
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:23,339
Whoa. Look how this place came together.
202
00:08:23,492 --> 00:08:25,492
They took none of my ideas.
203
00:08:25,510 --> 00:08:27,343
Yeah, it's awesome.
204
00:08:27,496 --> 00:08:28,753
Ah, check out the feature wall.
205
00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:30,254
The open floor plan.
206
00:08:30,348 --> 00:08:34,109
Backsplash, shiplap and other
words I've heard on HGTV.
207
00:08:34,336 --> 00:08:36,002
Okay, Carter said the
rings are in the fridge.
208
00:08:36,004 --> 00:08:38,188
Oh, which, PS, is the same fridge
209
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:39,614
that Neil deGrasse Tyson has.
210
00:08:39,831 --> 00:08:41,331
I saw his Cribs.
211
00:08:41,483 --> 00:08:43,258
You know, they never told us
that they finished the reno.
212
00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:46,077
Or that they're getting married.
213
00:08:46,096 --> 00:08:47,837
Are they breaking up with us?
214
00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:51,674
I did see them talking to another
white couple the other day.
215
00:08:51,917 --> 00:08:53,266
Oh. Hey, found the rings.
216
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,527
- Uh, found their weed.
- Oh, where was that hidden?
217
00:08:55,754 --> 00:08:58,363
Big jar labeled "not weed."
218
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:00,848
Hmm. Thank you.
219
00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:02,349
What... What, are you taking their weed?
220
00:09:02,369 --> 00:09:05,186
I don't know what you're
talking about. It's not weed.
221
00:09:06,598 --> 00:09:09,282
Wow. Wow, this is, that's...
222
00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:12,335
- that's really beautiful.
- Oh, yeah. That really is.
223
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,214
What?
224
00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:19,050
Nothing. Nothing.
225
00:09:19,202 --> 00:09:21,386
I just thought that might be us someday.
226
00:09:21,537 --> 00:09:25,223
Yeah, I guess I kind of
thought about that, too.
227
00:09:25,374 --> 00:09:28,042
- We should get... get going. Yeah.
- Yeah.
228
00:09:28,061 --> 00:09:29,710
- Uh-oh.
- What's wrong?
229
00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:31,130
I just put a ring on my
finger and said "uh-oh."
230
00:09:31,214 --> 00:09:32,814
What do you think is wrong?
231
00:09:34,309 --> 00:09:37,235
All right, address, phone number.
232
00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:38,962
Ooh, for "sex," put "yes, please."
233
00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:41,156
That way they know I'm funny.
234
00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:44,576
Okay, Social Security number.
235
00:09:45,746 --> 00:09:47,287
Damn.
236
00:09:48,081 --> 00:09:49,081
Hold up.
237
00:09:49,082 --> 00:09:51,307
Do you not know your Social?
238
00:09:51,326 --> 00:09:52,399
Of course I do.
239
00:09:52,568 --> 00:09:55,069
Every responsible adult
knows their Social.
240
00:09:55,146 --> 00:09:57,297
Just give me a second.
241
00:09:58,925 --> 00:10:00,316
Does it start with a one?
242
00:10:00,409 --> 00:10:02,076
I said give me a second.
243
00:10:02,095 --> 00:10:03,595
All right.
244
00:10:03,746 --> 00:10:05,764
What about a two?
245
00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:08,007
Maybe three?
246
00:10:08,101 --> 00:10:09,659
- Stop it.
- Just trying to help.
247
00:10:09,661 --> 00:10:12,053
That's what I'm here... four?
248
00:10:12,847 --> 00:10:13,847
I'm just gonna call the café.
249
00:10:13,999 --> 00:10:15,106
I know it's on my W-2.
250
00:10:15,258 --> 00:10:16,666
You sure you know that number?
251
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,194
Yep, it's "5-0-2 shut the hell up."
252
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,614
Kat's Cat Café, Jeff speaking.
253
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:26,857
Jeff? You don't work there.
254
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,201
Oh, no, it's okay. Zoey's here.
255
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,437
Hey! I made a smoothie.
256
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,424
Oh, and that blender was already broken.
257
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,626
Where's Kat?
258
00:10:36,778 --> 00:10:38,202
Oh, she left Sheila in charge.
259
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:40,054
- Okay, where's Sheila?
- Uh, she's at the bar.
260
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,040
You know what? That's on me
for asking a stupid question.
261
00:10:43,134 --> 00:10:46,728
But Jeff is in the
"hiz-ouse." How can I... hello?
262
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,806
Hello. For the Middle C, press one.
263
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,809
For Darren's Paddleboat
Adventures, press two.
264
00:10:53,962 --> 00:10:57,196
Darren, it's Randi.
Put Sheila on the phone.
265
00:10:57,982 --> 00:10:59,556
Randi want to talk to you.
266
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,484
Randi?
267
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:02,911
Uh-oh.
268
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,457
Kat's Cat Café. How may I help you?
269
00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:17,741
This thing is not coming off.
270
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,152
I know what we could do.
271
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,170
Smoke this bad boy.
272
00:11:21,322 --> 00:11:23,247
How is that gonna help get the ring off?
273
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,416
Are you kidding?
274
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:27,176
There's a world of new ideas in here.
275
00:11:30,331 --> 00:11:32,331
- Oh, my God.
- What?
276
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:33,849
They just added dates to the tour.
277
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,777
Now I have to leave tomorrow.
278
00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:37,428
Tomorrow? That's so soon.
279
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,430
It's the soonest you can
get without being today.
280
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,283
And if you don't include
today, tomorrow is today.
281
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,601
Yeah, you do not need this.
282
00:11:44,696 --> 00:11:45,845
Tomorrow?
283
00:11:45,863 --> 00:11:47,438
Damn it. I have to pack.
284
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:48,772
I just bought groceries.
285
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,850
I have to eat a 12-egg
omelet for dinner.
286
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,609
- Max, it's gonna be okay.
- No, it's not!
287
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,629
You're not the one who has
to choke down a dozen eggs
288
00:11:54,856 --> 00:11:56,038
and a bunch of bananas.
289
00:11:56,191 --> 00:11:57,191
I'm talking, like, seven.
290
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,859
Oh, my God, and I just bought a ficus.
291
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,210
Let's relax.
292
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,137
It's just a-a little
sooner than we thought.
293
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,880
I can't relax. There's so much to do.
294
00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:06,790
We barely rehearsed. We
have to make a set list.
295
00:12:06,884 --> 00:12:09,218
Oh, God, what-what are
the lyrics to my song?
296
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,220
- What?
- My hit song. I'm blanking on the lyrics.
297
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,222
It's the one, the one where you dump me
298
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,798
and I tell you to
leave the house through
299
00:12:14,892 --> 00:12:16,651
the swingy thing that
you go in and out of.
300
00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:18,469
* You can walk, you can run *
301
00:12:18,546 --> 00:12:20,896
* Tell yourself I'm not the one *
302
00:12:21,049 --> 00:12:23,232
Come on. * We both know *
303
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:26,143
- * Had to let you go *
- Ugh.
304
00:12:26,237 --> 00:12:28,329
* Can't you see, can't believe *
305
00:12:28,556 --> 00:12:31,057
* Told the world you set me free *
306
00:12:31,075 --> 00:12:33,059
* But we both know *
307
00:12:33,077 --> 00:12:35,228
- * Had to let you go *
- Here it is.
308
00:12:35,246 --> 00:12:36,896
* Say there's the door. *
309
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,232
- You've got this.
- Thank you.
310
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:41,917
God, you always have my back.
311
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,587
- Okay, now I need you to do me a favor.
- Anything.
312
00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:46,997
Take the wheel. I'm
gonna chew my finger off.
313
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,267
Oh. Oh, God.
314
00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:53,928
Oh, in a few minutes,
315
00:12:54,155 --> 00:12:56,264
that'll be us heading down the aisle.
316
00:12:56,491 --> 00:12:57,823
Ooh, do you think they'll let me use
317
00:12:57,916 --> 00:13:00,250
Lizzo's "About Damn
Time" as my walk-up song?
318
00:13:01,086 --> 00:13:02,603
Why do you keep looking at your phone?
319
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,922
Oh, uh, Chad Bracket
just failed his math test.
320
00:13:05,942 --> 00:13:08,851
Uh, I got to call his mom
and use my best teacher voice.
321
00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:11,928
"I'm willing to let Chad pass if he can
322
00:13:12,023 --> 00:13:15,932
kill six times four Nazis tonight."
323
00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:18,452
Tonight? It's our wedding night.
324
00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,604
Kat, we're next. Where are you?
325
00:13:20,698 --> 00:13:23,182
Almost there. There was no
parking so I had to valet.
326
00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,775
There is no valet.
327
00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:27,778
Oh, then I just paid a guy
ten bucks to steal my car.
328
00:13:27,872 --> 00:13:29,630
But you have the rings, right?
329
00:13:30,449 --> 00:13:32,041
Haven't left my hand.
330
00:13:32,135 --> 00:13:33,617
Oh. There you are.
331
00:13:33,636 --> 00:13:35,027
What, you stopped to get churros?
332
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,695
It took ten seconds.
And how could I not?
333
00:13:36,714 --> 00:13:38,806
It's a deep-fried cinnamon sword.
334
00:13:39,809 --> 00:13:40,809
Aw.
335
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:42,868
Well, that's why you get two.
336
00:13:43,871 --> 00:13:45,629
Okay, sir, I'm gonna need you
337
00:13:45,648 --> 00:13:48,724
to check your pockets and
walk back through for me.
338
00:13:48,818 --> 00:13:51,635
Keys? How do you forget your
keys at a metal detector?
339
00:13:51,654 --> 00:13:53,637
That's like forgetting your
TI-83 scientific calculator
340
00:13:53,731 --> 00:13:55,548
at the AP Calculus exam.
341
00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:57,825
Totes.
342
00:13:59,662 --> 00:14:01,070
Do you have anything
else in your pockets?
343
00:14:01,222 --> 00:14:03,238
Ugh. Great. Our best friends
are about to get married
344
00:14:03,391 --> 00:14:05,240
and we're stuck behind Mr.
Bean Goes to the Airport.
345
00:14:05,393 --> 00:14:06,983
Sir, can we go ahead of you, please?
346
00:14:07,003 --> 00:14:08,577
I'm-a need you to wait your turn.
347
00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:11,488
Oh, Carter's freaking
out. They're up any second.
348
00:14:11,657 --> 00:14:14,491
Damn it, I got confused
and ate my floor churro.
349
00:14:16,904 --> 00:14:18,237
What, do you got a metal hip?
350
00:14:18,255 --> 00:14:19,755
Two of them. Why?
351
00:14:19,907 --> 00:14:21,407
Okay, let me just get the wand.
352
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,759
Know what? That's it.
Out of my way, Tin Man.
353
00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:25,186
Ma'am, I need you to stop.
354
00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:27,746
- I am not gonna stop.
- This is your final warning.
355
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,648
My friends are getting married
in there and I am going in.
356
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,193
Kat!
357
00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:37,031
Did I pee?
358
00:14:37,182 --> 00:14:38,574
Wait, don't tell me.
359
00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:43,354
Aw, what a cute couple.
360
00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:46,941
I mean, not as cute as
us, but that's a high bar.
361
00:14:47,768 --> 00:14:49,418
Cute flower girl.
362
00:14:49,511 --> 00:14:51,177
For a human.
363
00:14:51,197 --> 00:14:52,938
Hey, hey, hey. Get back in there.
364
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:54,606
Come on, take more photos with grandma.
365
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,425
She's not gonna be around forever.
366
00:14:56,443 --> 00:14:58,610
Not that you old. Uh...
367
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:00,913
- You could die in a horrific accident.
- What...
368
00:15:01,874 --> 00:15:06,043
All right, next up is Charles
Cook and Miranda Hamilton.
369
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:08,787
Charles and Miranda?
370
00:15:08,939 --> 00:15:11,048
- Oh, crap, that's our real names.
- Oh.
371
00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:15,201
- Okay.
- We made it.
372
00:15:15,221 --> 00:15:16,445
We made it.
373
00:15:16,463 --> 00:15:17,629
Ignore the smell of burnt hair.
374
00:15:17,723 --> 00:15:19,890
Wait, what are you two doing here?
375
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,617
- Baby, did you tell them?
- Oh, y... yeah, yeah.
376
00:15:21,635 --> 00:15:22,785
That's why I was stalling.
377
00:15:22,953 --> 00:15:24,395
To make sure our friends was here,
378
00:15:24,546 --> 00:15:26,564
and no other reason than that.
379
00:15:26,822 --> 00:15:30,382
I, um, I got tased and
peed, but it's no big deal.
380
00:15:30,384 --> 00:15:32,050
This day is all about you.
381
00:15:32,069 --> 00:15:35,496
Oh, getting tased at a wedding
is a Hamilton family tradition.
382
00:15:35,723 --> 00:15:37,665
I'm so glad you guys are here!
383
00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:39,482
Ah. So are we.
384
00:15:39,651 --> 00:15:40,817
And since no one else is here,
385
00:15:40,836 --> 00:15:42,318
I guess that makes me your best man.
386
00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:43,578
Suck it, Darren.
387
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:46,990
Hi, Your Honor. Uh...
388
00:15:47,009 --> 00:15:48,992
We are Charles Cook
and Miranda Hamilton.
389
00:15:49,011 --> 00:15:52,328
Nice to see a brother in a
robe. You know Judge Mathis?
390
00:15:52,423 --> 00:15:56,166
Yes, all the Black judges
are in one group text chain.
391
00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:57,476
Yeah.
392
00:15:58,762 --> 00:16:00,412
Okay.
393
00:16:00,505 --> 00:16:02,189
Your license looks good.
394
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:03,932
We have our witnesses.
395
00:16:04,084 --> 00:16:06,342
- Do you have the rings?
- Of course I do.
396
00:16:06,362 --> 00:16:07,436
I mean, I don't.
397
00:16:07,588 --> 00:16:09,196
Uh, Kat has them.
398
00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:13,283
Which was a long-term plan
and not a mistake at all.
399
00:16:14,036 --> 00:16:16,036
Here's Carter's and, uh...
400
00:16:16,263 --> 00:16:17,779
here's Randi's.
401
00:16:18,599 --> 00:16:19,932
Why is my ring on your finger?
402
00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:23,377
Because the butter, mayonnaise
and WD-40 didn't work.
403
00:16:23,528 --> 00:16:26,246
On the bright side, my finger
could be your something blue.
404
00:16:26,398 --> 00:16:28,457
Oh, I don't think it's...
405
00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:30,108
Oh, ow! Oh!
406
00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:32,720
My skin could be your
something borrowed.
407
00:16:33,781 --> 00:16:36,465
All right. Let's get this started.
408
00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:39,375
Do you, Charles Cook, take this woman
409
00:16:39,395 --> 00:16:41,787
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
410
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,732
I mean, look at her. Of course I do.
411
00:16:44,959 --> 00:16:46,382
And do you, Miranda Hamilton,
412
00:16:46,402 --> 00:16:49,987
take this man to be your
lawfully wedded husband?
413
00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:56,952
Baby?
414
00:16:58,396 --> 00:16:59,413
I can't do this.
415
00:16:59,564 --> 00:17:00,655
What?
416
00:17:00,824 --> 00:17:04,400
I want to get married
like the couple before us.
417
00:17:04,495 --> 00:17:06,828
In Spanish?
418
00:17:06,922 --> 00:17:09,256
No, with all of our
friends and family around.
419
00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:11,984
And I so appreciate you
wanted to do this for me,
420
00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,336
but baby, you were right.
421
00:17:14,488 --> 00:17:16,412
I want the first dance,
422
00:17:16,507 --> 00:17:18,323
I want my dad to walk me down the aisle,
423
00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:20,492
I want Sheila to bag a
groomsman young enough
424
00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:22,344
to make things weird.
425
00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:25,213
Oh, she's gonna get that.
426
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,424
I want the whole thing.
427
00:17:27,575 --> 00:17:29,593
I want to stand up in
front of all those people
428
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:32,054
and tell them how much I love you.
429
00:17:33,173 --> 00:17:34,473
Baby.
430
00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:38,251
Aw.
431
00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,603
I love y'all.
432
00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:41,496
Yes. This means I get to use my license
433
00:17:41,515 --> 00:17:43,273
from FiveMinuteMinister.net.
434
00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:45,758
Oh. The limericks are
coming fast and furious.
435
00:17:45,778 --> 00:17:46,851
Someone got a pencil?
436
00:17:47,004 --> 00:17:49,237
I need a pencil. You got a pencil?
437
00:17:56,847 --> 00:17:58,697
- Well, here we are.
- Yeah.
438
00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:00,652
Good luck going through security.
439
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:04,164
You've seen what can go
wrong at a metal detector.
440
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:09,586
Um, before you go, I, um...
441
00:18:09,663 --> 00:18:12,172
I got you something.
442
00:18:16,837 --> 00:18:18,244
A guitar pick?
443
00:18:18,322 --> 00:18:20,505
It's from the first
show I saw you perform in
444
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:24,184
in college. That's the pick you used.
445
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:27,145
You saved it?
446
00:18:28,665 --> 00:18:30,014
Yeah.
447
00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:32,776
I just knew you were gonna make it.
448
00:18:32,927 --> 00:18:37,072
And I thought it might
bring you luck on your tour.
449
00:18:39,025 --> 00:18:42,177
This is the most thoughtful
gift I've ever gotten.
450
00:18:43,697 --> 00:18:47,207
And only a minute ago, I
thought it was literal garbage.
451
00:18:49,703 --> 00:18:51,711
Thank you.
452
00:18:52,614 --> 00:18:55,757
Okay, better get in there.
453
00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:00,971
Max?
454
00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:03,598
No.
455
00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:05,958
No, I'm not going.
456
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,978
What are you talking about?
457
00:19:08,129 --> 00:19:10,480
Why am I leaving when
everything I've ever wanted
458
00:19:10,707 --> 00:19:12,223
is right here?
459
00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:15,043
You're getting on that plane
460
00:19:15,136 --> 00:19:16,136
and you're going.
461
00:19:16,213 --> 00:19:18,321
- You can't park here, ma'am.
- Oh.
462
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:22,050
Sorry. Sorry, he's-he's
just getting out.
463
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:25,069
You heard him, you got to go.
And I cannot get tased again.
464
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,313
I'm still seeing sounds.
465
00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:29,332
Our relationship was really working
466
00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:32,894
until I screwed it up by
putting my career ahead of you.
467
00:19:33,063 --> 00:19:35,154
I am not gonna do that again.
468
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,990
- Let's go!
- Hey, listen, buddy,
469
00:19:38,084 --> 00:19:39,492
I'm a self-appointed
Junior Fire Marshal,
470
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,404
so we're on the same side here, okay?
471
00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:45,240
Look, I-I cannot be the
reason that you don't do this.
472
00:19:45,258 --> 00:19:47,575
- Kat...
- No, Max, we'll figure everything out
473
00:19:47,594 --> 00:19:50,245
when you come back,
just... You've got to go.
474
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,859
Okay. Okay.
475
00:19:56,010 --> 00:19:57,602
Max?
476
00:19:57,754 --> 00:20:00,030
Yeah?
477
00:20:00,774 --> 00:20:02,699
I love you.
478
00:20:05,186 --> 00:20:07,454
I love you, too.
479
00:20:24,372 --> 00:20:27,057
Love is a complicated thing.
480
00:20:27,208 --> 00:20:29,375
It can lift you up
high as an airplane...
481
00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:31,043
- Lady.
- or... All right, already!
482
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,396
I'll break the fourth wall on the road.
483
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,579
* My baby, she's Alabama *
484
00:20:49,731 --> 00:20:51,990
* A Dixieland delight *
485
00:20:52,158 --> 00:20:54,084
* Kissing me like molasses *
486
00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:56,494
* Slow and sweet, mm-hmm, just right *
487
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:59,739
* She's an endless August summer *
488
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,907
* Yeah, sunshine 3-6-5 *
489
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,243
* When she forgets the punch line *
490
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,746
* It still gets me every time *
491
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:09,491
* 'Cause I love every little *
492
00:21:09,584 --> 00:21:13,828
* Every little, every little
thing about her love *
493
00:21:13,921 --> 00:21:15,680
* Just a little, just a little *
494
00:21:15,832 --> 00:21:18,775
* Just a little ain't enough *
495
00:21:18,926 --> 00:21:20,835
* Got to get a, got to get a *
496
00:21:20,928 --> 00:21:24,339
* Get a little more of all she does *
497
00:21:24,357 --> 00:21:26,783
* I'm all hung up *
498
00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,952
* 'Cause I love *
499
00:21:29,179 --> 00:21:31,029
* Every little, every little *
500
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:34,291
* Every little thing about her love. *
501
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36480
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.