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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,111 I need to leave early today. 2 00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,504 Family emergency. 3 00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:06,597 Why? What happened? 4 00:00:06,691 --> 00:00:07,915 My grandfather died. 5 00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:10,675 Yeah, in 1983. 6 00:00:10,695 --> 00:00:14,572 Sorry I can't grieve on your timeline. 7 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,774 - Come on, it's just one more person. - No! 8 00:00:17,869 --> 00:00:19,426 Our wedding is too big already. 9 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:22,204 We have to do the Electric Slide in three shifts. 10 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,489 I got to invite my boy Chad Bracket. 11 00:00:24,542 --> 00:00:25,933 Who the hell is Chad Bracket, 12 00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:28,652 other than the whitest-sounding guy in America? 13 00:00:28,804 --> 00:00:32,381 From Call of Duty. You know him as ChadGrabs80085. 14 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,865 It's funny 'cause on screen, it looks like 15 00:00:33,885 --> 00:00:36,293 "Chad grabs boobs." He's 11. 16 00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:37,961 You know I wanted a small wedding. 17 00:00:38,055 --> 00:00:40,631 It's my favorite thing to not invite people to stuff. 18 00:00:40,783 --> 00:00:42,116 And you know I wanted a big one. 19 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,284 Besides, Chad Bracket doesn't take up much space. 20 00:00:44,303 --> 00:00:45,877 But we do have to invite his mom. 21 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,879 No! No Chad, no Chad's mama, 22 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,200 no flower girl that's a robot, no donut wall. 23 00:00:51,201 --> 00:00:52,793 No donut wall? 24 00:00:52,962 --> 00:00:54,570 Well, where are people gonna take photos 25 00:00:54,797 --> 00:00:57,406 of the flower girl that's a robot? 26 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,799 Where are you going? 27 00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:00,317 To talk to a man about a white horse 28 00:01:00,469 --> 00:01:01,969 that we no longer need. 29 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,746 - Oh. - Oh, good morning, Randi. 30 00:01:03,973 --> 00:01:05,447 When did you get here? 31 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,917 Carter is just making everything so difficult. 32 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,920 He wants the invitations to be a puzzle box. 33 00:01:11,147 --> 00:01:14,256 That is a terrible idea that I definitely did not give him. 34 00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:17,501 You are not gonna believe this. You know Russell Dickerson? 35 00:01:17,595 --> 00:01:20,170 Oh, who is that... Chad Bracket's whiter brother? 36 00:01:20,264 --> 00:01:22,823 No, he's a country singer. You've heard his stuff. 37 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,416 Uh, "Every Little Thing," "Yours." 38 00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:27,269 Oh, "Come to Jesus" was so good they played it at my synagogue. 39 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,180 He's in town shooting a video and my manager convinced him 40 00:01:30,332 --> 00:01:31,756 to come to my show tonight. 41 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,018 Are you serious? Rabbi Goldberg is gonna flip. 42 00:01:35,171 --> 00:01:36,446 - This could be huge. - Oh, Max, 43 00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:38,763 that's such wonderful news. 44 00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:41,008 My grandfather would be so happy for you. 45 00:01:41,026 --> 00:01:43,193 God rest his soul. 46 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,437 I'm gonna take the rest of the week off. 47 00:01:45,456 --> 00:01:48,123 Grandpapa would have wanted it that way. 48 00:01:53,130 --> 00:01:55,798 * But we both know * 49 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,450 * Had to let you go... * 50 00:01:58,469 --> 00:01:59,802 What's Russell doing now? 51 00:02:00,029 --> 00:02:03,305 Oh, he's moving a bit, seems like he's feeling it. Oh. 52 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:07,217 Now he's fixing a wedgie. They are just like us. 53 00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:08,793 * There's the door. * 54 00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:18,136 Thanks, everyone. 55 00:02:18,214 --> 00:02:20,155 Thanks, everyone. We're gonna take a break. 56 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,065 And don't forget to try the jalapeño poppers. 57 00:02:22,218 --> 00:02:24,051 They're half price because they're good, 58 00:02:24,069 --> 00:02:26,887 not because they're past their expiration date. 59 00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:28,664 My man! 60 00:02:30,075 --> 00:02:32,893 Hi, I'm Max Kingbird. Thank you so much for coming. 61 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,078 And I'm Zoey Monroe. We are huge fans. 62 00:02:35,247 --> 00:02:38,323 Oh, thank you. I absolutely love the show. 63 00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,325 I saw you at Stagecoach. I-I yelled your name 64 00:02:40,344 --> 00:02:42,586 and then I screamed because I got hit by a flying beer. 65 00:02:42,738 --> 00:02:46,406 Wait, you're "Sweet God, I think I need stitches"? 66 00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:48,350 Yes! And I did. 67 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,744 Oh, uh, Russell, this is my friend Kat. 68 00:02:50,763 --> 00:02:52,855 Hi, nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan, 69 00:02:53,082 --> 00:02:54,765 and Rabbi Goldberg says mazel tov. 70 00:02:54,859 --> 00:02:56,508 Funny story, uh, 71 00:02:56,527 --> 00:02:58,268 this song is actually about our breakup. 72 00:02:58,362 --> 00:03:00,345 And you're okay with him telling people that? 73 00:03:00,439 --> 00:03:02,105 Because you come off kind of bad. 74 00:03:02,258 --> 00:03:05,108 Oh, oh, I-I don't mind. I'm-I'm kind of an open book. 75 00:03:05,261 --> 00:03:07,110 For example, I once had a sex dream 76 00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:09,997 about Beaker from the Muppets. 77 00:03:11,267 --> 00:03:12,558 Anyways, uh, 78 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,768 my band and I are getting ready for our summer tour, 79 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,545 and we need a opener. 80 00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,839 Would you guys be interested? 81 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,201 Are you serious? Because that would be amazing. 82 00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,703 I'm so excited, I don't even know what to say. 83 00:03:25,723 --> 00:03:29,391 I love you. No, that is not right. 84 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,469 * I'm a cowboy * 85 00:03:32,621 --> 00:03:35,547 * On a steel horse I ride * 86 00:03:35,566 --> 00:03:37,232 * I'm wanted * 87 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,792 * Wanted * 88 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:42,129 * Dead or alive. * 89 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,823 That's if you need, like, an opener for the opener. 90 00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:47,868 She's not coming on the tour. 91 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,306 Welcome to the season one finale of Hot Lots. 92 00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:55,084 - 'Cause I'm hot. - And I'm also hot. 93 00:03:55,311 --> 00:03:57,311 W-What are you doing? I'm the one that's hot. 94 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,755 You're the one that's a lot. Which you're proving right now. 95 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,590 But can't I be hot just once? 96 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,426 I mean, if you won't do it for me, do it for my fans. 97 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,262 You know, give the Carter-Heads a thrill. 98 00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,748 Okay, baby, you can be hot. 99 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,435 So, I was thinking we reveal the living room first, 100 00:04:13,604 --> 00:04:16,163 then the kitchen because that's the showstopper. 101 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,015 Plus, it's fun to see you get scared by the garbage disposal. 102 00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:21,001 Actually, I have an idea. 103 00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:23,186 Oh, Lord, here comes the "a lot" part. 104 00:04:23,339 --> 00:04:24,354 Follow me. 105 00:04:24,448 --> 00:04:28,450 I'll go first so you can see why I am hot. 106 00:04:28,677 --> 00:04:30,452 Wh... 107 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,614 Oh, my God. 108 00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:44,541 Look at this place. 109 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,042 Y-You did this for me? 110 00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:47,636 See? YouTube is wrong. 111 00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:50,180 I am good enough for you. 112 00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:54,217 I have one more thing to show you. 113 00:04:54,311 --> 00:04:55,644 Oh. All right. 114 00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:57,071 Well, let me turn these guys around 115 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,796 - so they don't get jealous. - Uh-uh, not that. 116 00:04:58,816 --> 00:05:03,168 But rain check. You know, on the sex. 117 00:05:05,731 --> 00:05:07,138 Wait, why are you so dressed up? 118 00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:09,950 'Cause we're going down to the courthouse to get married. 119 00:05:10,886 --> 00:05:12,219 Uh, are you for real right now? 120 00:05:12,237 --> 00:05:13,328 Yeah. 121 00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:16,239 All this fighting about the wedding is stupid. 122 00:05:16,392 --> 00:05:17,666 At the end of the day, the only thing 123 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,984 that matters to me is making you happy. 124 00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:22,504 But what about your fairy-tale wedding? 125 00:05:22,581 --> 00:05:25,549 You are my fairy tale. 126 00:05:26,752 --> 00:05:28,510 You already kissed this frog. 127 00:05:28,737 --> 00:05:30,904 Aw, Carter. 128 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,848 - Well, I'll... I'll go get dressed. - All right. 129 00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:34,165 Hold up, hold up. 130 00:05:34,185 --> 00:05:36,268 Cashing in on that rain check. 131 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,522 - Oh... - Yeah... 132 00:05:48,699 --> 00:05:50,699 Hey, I know you two. 133 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,684 Uh-uh. Those charges were dropped. 134 00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:56,279 No. You Randi and Carter from Hot Lots. 135 00:05:56,448 --> 00:05:57,689 You are hot. 136 00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:58,766 Thank you. 137 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,784 He meant me. 138 00:06:00,936 --> 00:06:02,195 I loved that episode where you pretended 139 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,838 to superglue your hands to your head. 140 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,382 Pretended. Yeah. 141 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,292 Yeah, we sure have fun. 142 00:06:09,445 --> 00:06:11,445 Uh, so where do we go to get married? 143 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,280 Oh, you get your license right over there. 144 00:06:13,298 --> 00:06:14,389 Appreciate you, bro. 145 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,117 Always good to meet a fellow Carter-Head. 146 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,268 Hey. 147 00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:20,545 Okay, so I got the check, 148 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,397 you have the rings, what are we missing? 149 00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:24,608 Uh, nothing. We are good... 150 00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:29,404 ... to go. Um, excuse me for a sec. 151 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,648 - Wait, where you going? - Um, I got to pee. 152 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,983 Really, right now? 153 00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:34,559 You peed five times during Avatar. 154 00:06:34,578 --> 00:06:37,579 - I can't pee once? - The movie is over three hours and set in water. 155 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,082 Of course I peed a lot. 156 00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:44,978 A caramel macchiato, please. 157 00:06:44,997 --> 00:06:47,923 Sorry, I-I couldn't hear you over your hat. 158 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,292 Well, now that I'm single, I'm trying out new looks. 159 00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,986 Is this one called "single forever"? 160 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,246 Hey, I think it's very sharp. 161 00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:57,340 Reminds me of an old-time gangster. 162 00:06:57,493 --> 00:06:58,916 Or an old-time newspaperman, like, 163 00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:01,937 "Extry, extry, Jeff is single and ready to mingle." 164 00:07:03,015 --> 00:07:04,815 Believe it or not, she's single, too. 165 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,167 Oh. 166 00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:10,261 Yo, yo, yo. Tell me what you know. 167 00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:13,523 I know you need to stop answering the phone like that. 168 00:07:13,675 --> 00:07:14,691 Can you do me a favor? 169 00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:16,018 Me and Randi are at the courthouse 170 00:07:16,178 --> 00:07:18,436 - about to get married. - What? Right now? 171 00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:20,789 Yeah, don't tell anybody. We're keeping it on the low. 172 00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:22,958 Carter, this is crazy. Not to mention, 173 00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:24,776 I'm only on draft seven of the wedding toast 174 00:07:24,795 --> 00:07:26,277 and half my limericks don't rhyme. 175 00:07:26,297 --> 00:07:28,355 - I guess I could cut them. - Listen, 176 00:07:28,373 --> 00:07:30,632 I forgot the rings. Randi's gonna kill me. 177 00:07:30,939 --> 00:07:32,288 Can you go get them from the apartment? 178 00:07:32,441 --> 00:07:34,441 Also, don't cut the limericks. 179 00:07:34,459 --> 00:07:35,942 They're like Irish rap. 180 00:07:35,961 --> 00:07:38,128 I-I don't have a key to your condo. 181 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,113 I know that the pressure is on, though. 182 00:07:40,115 --> 00:07:42,540 I don't want to break in, because it's a sin. 183 00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:45,060 I could ask your super Fernando. 184 00:07:45,211 --> 00:07:46,895 All right, cut the limericks. 185 00:07:46,972 --> 00:07:48,212 Look, 186 00:07:48,306 --> 00:07:49,639 there's a key under the mat. 187 00:07:49,791 --> 00:07:52,049 - Okay, uh, where are the rings? - In the fridge. 188 00:07:52,144 --> 00:07:53,643 - You better hurry. - I'll get there 189 00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:56,721 as soon as I'm able. Right now I'm passing a table. 190 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,222 Hello? Carter? 191 00:07:58,242 --> 00:08:00,909 You know what? I'm not cutting the limericks. 192 00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,303 Max, Randi and Carter are getting married 193 00:08:03,396 --> 00:08:04,562 at the courthouse right now. 194 00:08:04,656 --> 00:08:05,805 - What? - Yeah, we've got to 195 00:08:05,824 --> 00:08:07,064 go to the condo and get the rings. 196 00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:08,900 So I got ordained online for nothing? 197 00:08:08,994 --> 00:08:10,493 That's 20 bucks I'll never get back. 198 00:08:10,587 --> 00:08:13,480 Uh, Jeff, tell my mother to watch the café. 199 00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:15,090 You got it, sweetheart. 200 00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:18,969 Wow. That's even cooler than I thought it'd be. 201 00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:23,339 Whoa. Look how this place came together. 202 00:08:23,492 --> 00:08:25,492 They took none of my ideas. 203 00:08:25,510 --> 00:08:27,343 Yeah, it's awesome. 204 00:08:27,496 --> 00:08:28,753 Ah, check out the feature wall. 205 00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:30,254 The open floor plan. 206 00:08:30,348 --> 00:08:34,109 Backsplash, shiplap and other words I've heard on HGTV. 207 00:08:34,336 --> 00:08:36,002 Okay, Carter said the rings are in the fridge. 208 00:08:36,004 --> 00:08:38,188 Oh, which, PS, is the same fridge 209 00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:39,614 that Neil deGrasse Tyson has. 210 00:08:39,831 --> 00:08:41,331 I saw his Cribs. 211 00:08:41,483 --> 00:08:43,258 You know, they never told us that they finished the reno. 212 00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:46,077 Or that they're getting married. 213 00:08:46,096 --> 00:08:47,837 Are they breaking up with us? 214 00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:51,674 I did see them talking to another white couple the other day. 215 00:08:51,917 --> 00:08:53,266 Oh. Hey, found the rings. 216 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,527 - Uh, found their weed. - Oh, where was that hidden? 217 00:08:55,754 --> 00:08:58,363 Big jar labeled "not weed." 218 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:00,848 Hmm. Thank you. 219 00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:02,349 What... What, are you taking their weed? 220 00:09:02,369 --> 00:09:05,186 I don't know what you're talking about. It's not weed. 221 00:09:06,598 --> 00:09:09,282 Wow. Wow, this is, that's... 222 00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:12,335 - that's really beautiful. - Oh, yeah. That really is. 223 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,214 What? 224 00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:19,050 Nothing. Nothing. 225 00:09:19,202 --> 00:09:21,386 I just thought that might be us someday. 226 00:09:21,537 --> 00:09:25,223 Yeah, I guess I kind of thought about that, too. 227 00:09:25,374 --> 00:09:28,042 - We should get... get going. Yeah. - Yeah. 228 00:09:28,061 --> 00:09:29,710 - Uh-oh. - What's wrong? 229 00:09:29,730 --> 00:09:31,130 I just put a ring on my finger and said "uh-oh." 230 00:09:31,214 --> 00:09:32,814 What do you think is wrong? 231 00:09:34,309 --> 00:09:37,235 All right, address, phone number. 232 00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:38,962 Ooh, for "sex," put "yes, please." 233 00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:41,156 That way they know I'm funny. 234 00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:44,576 Okay, Social Security number. 235 00:09:45,746 --> 00:09:47,287 Damn. 236 00:09:48,081 --> 00:09:49,081 Hold up. 237 00:09:49,082 --> 00:09:51,307 Do you not know your Social? 238 00:09:51,326 --> 00:09:52,399 Of course I do. 239 00:09:52,568 --> 00:09:55,069 Every responsible adult knows their Social. 240 00:09:55,146 --> 00:09:57,297 Just give me a second. 241 00:09:58,925 --> 00:10:00,316 Does it start with a one? 242 00:10:00,409 --> 00:10:02,076 I said give me a second. 243 00:10:02,095 --> 00:10:03,595 All right. 244 00:10:03,746 --> 00:10:05,764 What about a two? 245 00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:08,007 Maybe three? 246 00:10:08,101 --> 00:10:09,659 - Stop it. - Just trying to help. 247 00:10:09,661 --> 00:10:12,053 That's what I'm here... four? 248 00:10:12,847 --> 00:10:13,847 I'm just gonna call the café. 249 00:10:13,999 --> 00:10:15,106 I know it's on my W-2. 250 00:10:15,258 --> 00:10:16,666 You sure you know that number? 251 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,194 Yep, it's "5-0-2 shut the hell up." 252 00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,614 Kat's Cat Café, Jeff speaking. 253 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:26,857 Jeff? You don't work there. 254 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,201 Oh, no, it's okay. Zoey's here. 255 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,437 Hey! I made a smoothie. 256 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,424 Oh, and that blender was already broken. 257 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,626 Where's Kat? 258 00:10:36,778 --> 00:10:38,202 Oh, she left Sheila in charge. 259 00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:40,054 - Okay, where's Sheila? - Uh, she's at the bar. 260 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,040 You know what? That's on me for asking a stupid question. 261 00:10:43,134 --> 00:10:46,728 But Jeff is in the "hiz-ouse." How can I... hello? 262 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,806 Hello. For the Middle C, press one. 263 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,809 For Darren's Paddleboat Adventures, press two. 264 00:10:53,962 --> 00:10:57,196 Darren, it's Randi. Put Sheila on the phone. 265 00:10:57,982 --> 00:10:59,556 Randi want to talk to you. 266 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,484 Randi? 267 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:02,911 Uh-oh. 268 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,457 Kat's Cat Café. How may I help you? 269 00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:17,741 This thing is not coming off. 270 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,152 I know what we could do. 271 00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,170 Smoke this bad boy. 272 00:11:21,322 --> 00:11:23,247 How is that gonna help get the ring off? 273 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,416 Are you kidding? 274 00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:27,176 There's a world of new ideas in here. 275 00:11:30,331 --> 00:11:32,331 - Oh, my God. - What? 276 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:33,849 They just added dates to the tour. 277 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:35,777 Now I have to leave tomorrow. 278 00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:37,428 Tomorrow? That's so soon. 279 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,430 It's the soonest you can get without being today. 280 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:42,283 And if you don't include today, tomorrow is today. 281 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,601 Yeah, you do not need this. 282 00:11:44,696 --> 00:11:45,845 Tomorrow? 283 00:11:45,863 --> 00:11:47,438 Damn it. I have to pack. 284 00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:48,772 I just bought groceries. 285 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,850 I have to eat a 12-egg omelet for dinner. 286 00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,609 - Max, it's gonna be okay. - No, it's not! 287 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,629 You're not the one who has to choke down a dozen eggs 288 00:11:54,856 --> 00:11:56,038 and a bunch of bananas. 289 00:11:56,191 --> 00:11:57,191 I'm talking, like, seven. 290 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,859 Oh, my God, and I just bought a ficus. 291 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,210 Let's relax. 292 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,137 It's just a-a little sooner than we thought. 293 00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,880 I can't relax. There's so much to do. 294 00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:06,790 We barely rehearsed. We have to make a set list. 295 00:12:06,884 --> 00:12:09,218 Oh, God, what-what are the lyrics to my song? 296 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,220 - What? - My hit song. I'm blanking on the lyrics. 297 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,222 It's the one, the one where you dump me 298 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,798 and I tell you to leave the house through 299 00:12:14,892 --> 00:12:16,651 the swingy thing that you go in and out of. 300 00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:18,469 * You can walk, you can run * 301 00:12:18,546 --> 00:12:20,896 * Tell yourself I'm not the one * 302 00:12:21,049 --> 00:12:23,232 Come on. * We both know * 303 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:26,143 - * Had to let you go * - Ugh. 304 00:12:26,237 --> 00:12:28,329 * Can't you see, can't believe * 305 00:12:28,556 --> 00:12:31,057 * Told the world you set me free * 306 00:12:31,075 --> 00:12:33,059 * But we both know * 307 00:12:33,077 --> 00:12:35,228 - * Had to let you go * - Here it is. 308 00:12:35,246 --> 00:12:36,896 * Say there's the door. * 309 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,232 - You've got this. - Thank you. 310 00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:41,917 God, you always have my back. 311 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:44,587 - Okay, now I need you to do me a favor. - Anything. 312 00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:46,997 Take the wheel. I'm gonna chew my finger off. 313 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,267 Oh. Oh, God. 314 00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:53,928 Oh, in a few minutes, 315 00:12:54,155 --> 00:12:56,264 that'll be us heading down the aisle. 316 00:12:56,491 --> 00:12:57,823 Ooh, do you think they'll let me use 317 00:12:57,916 --> 00:13:00,250 Lizzo's "About Damn Time" as my walk-up song? 318 00:13:01,086 --> 00:13:02,603 Why do you keep looking at your phone? 319 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,922 Oh, uh, Chad Bracket just failed his math test. 320 00:13:05,942 --> 00:13:08,851 Uh, I got to call his mom and use my best teacher voice. 321 00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:11,928 "I'm willing to let Chad pass if he can 322 00:13:12,023 --> 00:13:15,932 kill six times four Nazis tonight." 323 00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:18,452 Tonight? It's our wedding night. 324 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,604 Kat, we're next. Where are you? 325 00:13:20,698 --> 00:13:23,182 Almost there. There was no parking so I had to valet. 326 00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,775 There is no valet. 327 00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:27,778 Oh, then I just paid a guy ten bucks to steal my car. 328 00:13:27,872 --> 00:13:29,630 But you have the rings, right? 329 00:13:30,449 --> 00:13:32,041 Haven't left my hand. 330 00:13:32,135 --> 00:13:33,617 Oh. There you are. 331 00:13:33,636 --> 00:13:35,027 What, you stopped to get churros? 332 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,695 It took ten seconds. And how could I not? 333 00:13:36,714 --> 00:13:38,806 It's a deep-fried cinnamon sword. 334 00:13:39,809 --> 00:13:40,809 Aw. 335 00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:42,868 Well, that's why you get two. 336 00:13:43,871 --> 00:13:45,629 Okay, sir, I'm gonna need you 337 00:13:45,648 --> 00:13:48,724 to check your pockets and walk back through for me. 338 00:13:48,818 --> 00:13:51,635 Keys? How do you forget your keys at a metal detector? 339 00:13:51,654 --> 00:13:53,637 That's like forgetting your TI-83 scientific calculator 340 00:13:53,731 --> 00:13:55,548 at the AP Calculus exam. 341 00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:57,825 Totes. 342 00:13:59,662 --> 00:14:01,070 Do you have anything else in your pockets? 343 00:14:01,222 --> 00:14:03,238 Ugh. Great. Our best friends are about to get married 344 00:14:03,391 --> 00:14:05,240 and we're stuck behind Mr. Bean Goes to the Airport. 345 00:14:05,393 --> 00:14:06,983 Sir, can we go ahead of you, please? 346 00:14:07,003 --> 00:14:08,577 I'm-a need you to wait your turn. 347 00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:11,488 Oh, Carter's freaking out. They're up any second. 348 00:14:11,657 --> 00:14:14,491 Damn it, I got confused and ate my floor churro. 349 00:14:16,904 --> 00:14:18,237 What, do you got a metal hip? 350 00:14:18,255 --> 00:14:19,755 Two of them. Why? 351 00:14:19,907 --> 00:14:21,407 Okay, let me just get the wand. 352 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,759 Know what? That's it. Out of my way, Tin Man. 353 00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:25,186 Ma'am, I need you to stop. 354 00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:27,746 - I am not gonna stop. - This is your final warning. 355 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,648 My friends are getting married in there and I am going in. 356 00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,193 Kat! 357 00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:37,031 Did I pee? 358 00:14:37,182 --> 00:14:38,574 Wait, don't tell me. 359 00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:43,354 Aw, what a cute couple. 360 00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:46,941 I mean, not as cute as us, but that's a high bar. 361 00:14:47,768 --> 00:14:49,418 Cute flower girl. 362 00:14:49,511 --> 00:14:51,177 For a human. 363 00:14:51,197 --> 00:14:52,938 Hey, hey, hey. Get back in there. 364 00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:54,606 Come on, take more photos with grandma. 365 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,425 She's not gonna be around forever. 366 00:14:56,443 --> 00:14:58,610 Not that you old. Uh... 367 00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:00,913 - You could die in a horrific accident. - What... 368 00:15:01,874 --> 00:15:06,043 All right, next up is Charles Cook and Miranda Hamilton. 369 00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:08,787 Charles and Miranda? 370 00:15:08,939 --> 00:15:11,048 - Oh, crap, that's our real names. - Oh. 371 00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:15,201 - Okay. - We made it. 372 00:15:15,221 --> 00:15:16,445 We made it. 373 00:15:16,463 --> 00:15:17,629 Ignore the smell of burnt hair. 374 00:15:17,723 --> 00:15:19,890 Wait, what are you two doing here? 375 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,617 - Baby, did you tell them? - Oh, y... yeah, yeah. 376 00:15:21,635 --> 00:15:22,785 That's why I was stalling. 377 00:15:22,953 --> 00:15:24,395 To make sure our friends was here, 378 00:15:24,546 --> 00:15:26,564 and no other reason than that. 379 00:15:26,822 --> 00:15:30,382 I, um, I got tased and peed, but it's no big deal. 380 00:15:30,384 --> 00:15:32,050 This day is all about you. 381 00:15:32,069 --> 00:15:35,496 Oh, getting tased at a wedding is a Hamilton family tradition. 382 00:15:35,723 --> 00:15:37,665 I'm so glad you guys are here! 383 00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:39,482 Ah. So are we. 384 00:15:39,651 --> 00:15:40,817 And since no one else is here, 385 00:15:40,836 --> 00:15:42,318 I guess that makes me your best man. 386 00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:43,578 Suck it, Darren. 387 00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:46,990 Hi, Your Honor. Uh... 388 00:15:47,009 --> 00:15:48,992 We are Charles Cook and Miranda Hamilton. 389 00:15:49,011 --> 00:15:52,328 Nice to see a brother in a robe. You know Judge Mathis? 390 00:15:52,423 --> 00:15:56,166 Yes, all the Black judges are in one group text chain. 391 00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:57,476 Yeah. 392 00:15:58,762 --> 00:16:00,412 Okay. 393 00:16:00,505 --> 00:16:02,189 Your license looks good. 394 00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:03,932 We have our witnesses. 395 00:16:04,084 --> 00:16:06,342 - Do you have the rings? - Of course I do. 396 00:16:06,362 --> 00:16:07,436 I mean, I don't. 397 00:16:07,588 --> 00:16:09,196 Uh, Kat has them. 398 00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:13,283 Which was a long-term plan and not a mistake at all. 399 00:16:14,036 --> 00:16:16,036 Here's Carter's and, uh... 400 00:16:16,263 --> 00:16:17,779 here's Randi's. 401 00:16:18,599 --> 00:16:19,932 Why is my ring on your finger? 402 00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:23,377 Because the butter, mayonnaise and WD-40 didn't work. 403 00:16:23,528 --> 00:16:26,246 On the bright side, my finger could be your something blue. 404 00:16:26,398 --> 00:16:28,457 Oh, I don't think it's... 405 00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:30,108 Oh, ow! Oh! 406 00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:32,720 My skin could be your something borrowed. 407 00:16:33,781 --> 00:16:36,465 All right. Let's get this started. 408 00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:39,375 Do you, Charles Cook, take this woman 409 00:16:39,395 --> 00:16:41,787 to be your lawfully wedded wife? 410 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,732 I mean, look at her. Of course I do. 411 00:16:44,959 --> 00:16:46,382 And do you, Miranda Hamilton, 412 00:16:46,402 --> 00:16:49,987 take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? 413 00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:56,952 Baby? 414 00:16:58,396 --> 00:16:59,413 I can't do this. 415 00:16:59,564 --> 00:17:00,655 What? 416 00:17:00,824 --> 00:17:04,400 I want to get married like the couple before us. 417 00:17:04,495 --> 00:17:06,828 In Spanish? 418 00:17:06,922 --> 00:17:09,256 No, with all of our friends and family around. 419 00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:11,984 And I so appreciate you wanted to do this for me, 420 00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,336 but baby, you were right. 421 00:17:14,488 --> 00:17:16,412 I want the first dance, 422 00:17:16,507 --> 00:17:18,323 I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, 423 00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:20,492 I want Sheila to bag a groomsman young enough 424 00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:22,344 to make things weird. 425 00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:25,213 Oh, she's gonna get that. 426 00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:27,424 I want the whole thing. 427 00:17:27,575 --> 00:17:29,593 I want to stand up in front of all those people 428 00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:32,054 and tell them how much I love you. 429 00:17:33,173 --> 00:17:34,473 Baby. 430 00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:38,251 Aw. 431 00:17:38,270 --> 00:17:39,603 I love y'all. 432 00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:41,496 Yes. This means I get to use my license 433 00:17:41,515 --> 00:17:43,273 from FiveMinuteMinister.net. 434 00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:45,758 Oh. The limericks are coming fast and furious. 435 00:17:45,778 --> 00:17:46,851 Someone got a pencil? 436 00:17:47,004 --> 00:17:49,237 I need a pencil. You got a pencil? 437 00:17:56,847 --> 00:17:58,697 - Well, here we are. - Yeah. 438 00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:00,652 Good luck going through security. 439 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:04,164 You've seen what can go wrong at a metal detector. 440 00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:09,586 Um, before you go, I, um... 441 00:18:09,663 --> 00:18:12,172 I got you something. 442 00:18:16,837 --> 00:18:18,244 A guitar pick? 443 00:18:18,322 --> 00:18:20,505 It's from the first show I saw you perform in 444 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:24,184 in college. That's the pick you used. 445 00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:27,145 You saved it? 446 00:18:28,665 --> 00:18:30,014 Yeah. 447 00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:32,776 I just knew you were gonna make it. 448 00:18:32,927 --> 00:18:37,072 And I thought it might bring you luck on your tour. 449 00:18:39,025 --> 00:18:42,177 This is the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten. 450 00:18:43,697 --> 00:18:47,207 And only a minute ago, I thought it was literal garbage. 451 00:18:49,703 --> 00:18:51,711 Thank you. 452 00:18:52,614 --> 00:18:55,757 Okay, better get in there. 453 00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:00,971 Max? 454 00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:03,598 No. 455 00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:05,958 No, I'm not going. 456 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,978 What are you talking about? 457 00:19:08,129 --> 00:19:10,480 Why am I leaving when everything I've ever wanted 458 00:19:10,707 --> 00:19:12,223 is right here? 459 00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:15,043 You're getting on that plane 460 00:19:15,136 --> 00:19:16,136 and you're going. 461 00:19:16,213 --> 00:19:18,321 - You can't park here, ma'am. - Oh. 462 00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:22,050 Sorry. Sorry, he's-he's just getting out. 463 00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:25,069 You heard him, you got to go. And I cannot get tased again. 464 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,313 I'm still seeing sounds. 465 00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:29,332 Our relationship was really working 466 00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:32,894 until I screwed it up by putting my career ahead of you. 467 00:19:33,063 --> 00:19:35,154 I am not gonna do that again. 468 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,990 - Let's go! - Hey, listen, buddy, 469 00:19:38,084 --> 00:19:39,492 I'm a self-appointed Junior Fire Marshal, 470 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,404 so we're on the same side here, okay? 471 00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:45,240 Look, I-I cannot be the reason that you don't do this. 472 00:19:45,258 --> 00:19:47,575 - Kat... - No, Max, we'll figure everything out 473 00:19:47,594 --> 00:19:50,245 when you come back, just... You've got to go. 474 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,859 Okay. Okay. 475 00:19:56,010 --> 00:19:57,602 Max? 476 00:19:57,754 --> 00:20:00,030 Yeah? 477 00:20:00,774 --> 00:20:02,699 I love you. 478 00:20:05,186 --> 00:20:07,454 I love you, too. 479 00:20:24,372 --> 00:20:27,057 Love is a complicated thing. 480 00:20:27,208 --> 00:20:29,375 It can lift you up high as an airplane... 481 00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:31,043 - Lady. - or... All right, already! 482 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,396 I'll break the fourth wall on the road. 483 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,579 * My baby, she's Alabama * 484 00:20:49,731 --> 00:20:51,990 * A Dixieland delight * 485 00:20:52,158 --> 00:20:54,084 * Kissing me like molasses * 486 00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:56,494 * Slow and sweet, mm-hmm, just right * 487 00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:59,739 * She's an endless August summer * 488 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,907 * Yeah, sunshine 3-6-5 * 489 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,243 * When she forgets the punch line * 490 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,746 * It still gets me every time * 491 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:09,491 * 'Cause I love every little * 492 00:21:09,584 --> 00:21:13,828 * Every little, every little thing about her love * 493 00:21:13,921 --> 00:21:15,680 * Just a little, just a little * 494 00:21:15,832 --> 00:21:18,775 * Just a little ain't enough * 495 00:21:18,926 --> 00:21:20,835 * Got to get a, got to get a * 496 00:21:20,928 --> 00:21:24,339 * Get a little more of all she does * 497 00:21:24,357 --> 00:21:26,783 * I'm all hung up * 498 00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,952 * 'Cause I love * 499 00:21:29,179 --> 00:21:31,029 * Every little, every little * 500 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:34,291 * Every little thing about her love. * 501 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:41,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 36480

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