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We are gathered here today
to immortalise in song
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the life and untimely death
of a great legend.
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- Rango.
- So sit back, relax,
4
00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:29,706
and enjoy your low-calorie popcorn
and assorted confections
5
00:01:29,706 --> 00:01:34,503
while we tell you the strange
and bewildering tale of a hero
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00:01:34,503 --> 00:01:40,008
who has yet to enter his own story.
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Crunchy, creamy, cookie,
candy, cupcake.
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00:01:56,693 --> 00:02:00,322
Okay, everybody,
let's take it from the top.
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00:02:00,322 --> 00:02:03,783
The stage is set,
the night moist with apprehension.
10
00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:08,497
Alone in her chamber, the princess
prepares to take her own life.
11
00:02:08,497 --> 00:02:12,502
"It is far better to nourish worms
than to live without love."
12
00:02:12,502 --> 00:02:14,504
She reaches for the poisoned chalice.
13
00:02:14,504 --> 00:02:18,383
Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio
plots his ascension to the throne
14
00:02:18,383 --> 00:02:20,886
while her ageing father
lies gravely ill.
15
00:02:20,886 --> 00:02:24,305
"Yes, I am gravely ill."
16
00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:26,600
"Hark, who goes there?"
17
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,102
'Tis I, the much-anticipated hero,
18
00:02:29,102 --> 00:02:31,897
returning to rescue
his emotionally unstable maiden!
19
00:02:31,897 --> 00:02:33,983
Unhand her, you jailers of virtue,
20
00:02:33,983 --> 00:02:37,903
or taste the bitter sting
of my vengeance!
21
00:02:37,903 --> 00:02:41,699
The sting of my...
22
00:02:42,492 --> 00:02:43,909
Dr Marx?
23
00:02:43,909 --> 00:02:46,621
Dr Marx,
I'm not getting anything from you.
24
00:02:46,621 --> 00:02:50,583
People, we've talked about this.
Acting is reacting.
25
00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:53,295
Victor, you were wooden!
There, I said it.
26
00:02:53,295 --> 00:02:56,507
Mr Timms? You were good.
27
00:02:56,507 --> 00:02:58,800
Perhaps a little too good.
28
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,722
What's that, Victor? My character's
undefined? That's absurd.
29
00:03:02,722 --> 00:03:07,810
I know who I am.
I'm the guy, the protagonist, the hero.
30
00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:11,815
Every story needs a hero.
I mean, who else is better qualified
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00:03:11,815 --> 00:03:18,988
to bask in the adulation
of his numerous companions?
32
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:36,799
The stage is waiting.
33
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:41,805
The audience thirsts for adventure.
34
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,307
Who am I?
35
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,309
I could be anyone.
36
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:50,898
I could be the sea cap'n
returning from a mighty voyage
37
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,693
to reclaim his mechanical arm!
38
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:58,906
Or I could be the rogue anthropologist,
battling pythons down in the Congo!
39
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,409
Down, Chongo, down!
40
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,995
And if you desire romance,
41
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:12,796
I will become the greatest lover
the world has ever known!
42
00:04:15,090 --> 00:04:19,428
I couldn't help but notice you
noticing me noticing you.
43
00:04:19,428 --> 00:04:23,223
You know, the womens find me
uncomfortably good looking.
44
00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:26,102
But you seem remarkably at ease.
45
00:04:26,102 --> 00:04:28,104
Stop it. No, really.
46
00:04:28,104 --> 00:04:30,607
Well, if you must. What are you doing?
47
00:04:30,607 --> 00:04:33,693
That tickles. Are those real?
48
00:04:33,693 --> 00:04:35,903
That's it! Conflict.
49
00:04:35,903 --> 00:04:39,324
Victor, you were right.
I have been undefined.
50
00:04:39,324 --> 00:04:43,913
People, I've had an epiphany.
The hero cannot exist in a vacuum!
51
00:04:43,913 --> 00:04:46,999
What our story needs is an ironic,
unexpected event
52
00:04:46,999 --> 00:04:53,006
that will propel the hero into conflict!
53
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,232
Mr Timms?
54
00:06:29,608 --> 00:06:33,028
That's right! You!
55
00:06:33,028 --> 00:06:35,406
Don't be shy. Come on.
56
00:06:35,406 --> 00:06:37,324
It's okay.
57
00:06:37,324 --> 00:06:40,829
That's it, a little closer.
58
00:06:40,829 --> 00:06:42,539
Good.
59
00:06:42,539 --> 00:06:46,209
I won't bite you.
60
00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:49,004
I need a little help here.
61
00:06:49,004 --> 00:06:50,922
Are you okay?
62
00:06:50,922 --> 00:06:53,508
I must get to the other side.
63
00:06:53,508 --> 00:06:56,303
The other side? You mean, just now,
that was you crossing the road?
64
00:06:56,303 --> 00:06:58,805
That's why the...
65
00:06:58,805 --> 00:07:00,141
Why'd you do that?
66
00:07:00,141 --> 00:07:03,310
This is my quest. He waits for me.
67
00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:04,812
What? Who?
68
00:07:04,812 --> 00:07:08,524
The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one.
69
00:07:08,524 --> 00:07:12,904
They say he rides an alabaster carriage
with golden guardians to protect him.
70
00:07:12,904 --> 00:07:14,822
What are you talking about?
71
00:07:14,822 --> 00:07:18,701
Enlightenment.
We are nothing without it.
72
00:07:18,701 --> 00:07:22,039
Nothing? Your delusional quest
just ruined my life!
73
00:07:22,039 --> 00:07:24,542
I had an incredibly complex
social network going!
74
00:07:24,542 --> 00:07:28,337
Highly sophisticated friends!
I was very popular!
75
00:07:28,337 --> 00:07:32,341
Friends? I don't see no friends.
76
00:07:32,341 --> 00:07:35,011
You are a very lonely lizard.
77
00:07:35,011 --> 00:07:38,514
Look, I need water, hydration.
My teeth are chapped.
78
00:07:38,514 --> 00:07:40,725
I need lotion.
I'm down to one layer of skin already.
79
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,602
Pretty soon,
I'm going to start seeing my insides.
80
00:07:42,602 --> 00:07:45,313
Not unlike what you've got going there.
81
00:07:45,313 --> 00:07:47,232
Listen, I can't survive
in the desert, okay?
82
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:49,317
I... I don't belong here.
83
00:07:49,317 --> 00:07:53,739
That may be true, but here you are.
84
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:58,118
Now help me up
and I will help you find what you seek.
85
00:07:58,118 --> 00:08:00,704
- You will?
- And perhaps more.
86
00:08:00,704 --> 00:08:03,124
Quickly. I must get back to my quest.
87
00:08:03,124 --> 00:08:07,211
- You mean you've done this before?
- Yes. Many times.
88
00:08:07,211 --> 00:08:10,215
Come, come. That's it, pull my finger.
89
00:08:10,215 --> 00:08:12,634
The Spirit is waiting for me.
90
00:08:12,634 --> 00:08:15,720
Okay, okay.
91
00:08:19,517 --> 00:08:21,811
Okay. That's not going to work.
92
00:08:21,811 --> 00:08:23,938
I must get to the other side.
93
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:27,525
Why don't you just wait
until there are no cars coming?
94
00:08:27,525 --> 00:08:29,235
It's not so easy as it looks.
95
00:08:29,235 --> 00:08:30,528
What?
96
00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:33,906
Is a metaphor.
97
00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:05,315
There's another one!
98
00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:08,319
I knew it.
99
00:09:18,037 --> 00:09:19,914
You need a little help, amigo?
100
00:09:19,914 --> 00:09:23,042
I think the metaphor broke my spleen.
101
00:09:23,042 --> 00:09:25,712
The path to knowledge
is fraught with consequence.
102
00:09:25,712 --> 00:09:28,631
I'm just looking for the path to water.
103
00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:34,513
If you want to find water,
you must first find Dirt.
104
00:09:34,513 --> 00:09:36,640
Dirt.
105
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,226
Destiny, she is kind to you.
106
00:09:39,226 --> 00:09:43,147
Tomorrow is Wednesday.
The water comes.
107
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:47,944
At noon, the townspeople gather
for a mysterious ritual.
108
00:09:47,944 --> 00:09:51,740
A town? You mean, with real people
and everything? Where?
109
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:56,328
A day's journey. Follow your shadow.
110
00:09:56,328 --> 00:09:59,915
You want me to just walk out
into the desert?
111
00:09:59,915 --> 00:10:01,125
That's the way.
112
00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:03,627
Okay. So you're saying
113
00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:07,214
there's a town, a real town,
not a metaphor town.
114
00:10:07,214 --> 00:10:09,216
Go on. It's okay.
115
00:10:09,216 --> 00:10:11,135
Okay.
116
00:10:11,135 --> 00:10:13,137
Well, then, I'm going.
117
00:10:13,137 --> 00:10:16,516
I am leaving the road now!
118
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:20,145
I'm walking into the desert!
119
00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:21,437
Alone!
120
00:10:21,437 --> 00:10:24,650
We all have ourjourneys to make!
121
00:10:24,650 --> 00:10:29,946
I will see you on the other side.
122
00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:44,629
Welcome, amigo
123
00:10:44,629 --> 00:10:48,132
To the land without end
124
00:10:48,132 --> 00:10:50,927
The desert and death
125
00:10:50,927 --> 00:10:54,931
Are the closest of friends
126
00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:57,935
We sing of his courage
127
00:10:57,935 --> 00:11:01,355
In magnificent song
128
00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:04,233
But pay close attention
129
00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:08,321
He won't be here long
130
00:11:11,450 --> 00:11:14,619
As the birds pluck his eyes
The sun bleaches his bones
131
00:11:14,619 --> 00:11:22,336
See his entrails get scattered
Watch him lose his cojones
132
00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:28,718
Here in the Mojave Desert,
133
00:11:28,718 --> 00:11:34,056
animals have had millions of years
to adapt to the harsh environment.
134
00:11:34,056 --> 00:11:38,018
But the lizard? He is going to die.
135
00:11:38,018 --> 00:11:41,147
"Four score and seven years ago,
our fathers..."
136
00:11:41,147 --> 00:11:45,235
- Don't move.
- What?
137
00:11:49,239 --> 00:11:51,241
- Don't move!
- Not moving.
138
00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:52,326
Not moving.
139
00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:54,620
Try to blend in.
140
00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:59,334
Blend in? What do you mean?
141
00:12:00,042 --> 00:12:01,336
Blend in.
142
00:12:01,336 --> 00:12:04,922
What are you saying?
143
00:12:04,922 --> 00:12:06,550
- Too late.
- No, no. It's not too late!
144
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:09,052
I'm blending! I'm a blender!
145
00:12:09,052 --> 00:12:14,141
Hey, calm down! What are you doing?
146
00:12:14,141 --> 00:12:16,059
Stop moving!
147
00:12:16,059 --> 00:12:20,856
Try not to look conspicuous.
148
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,948
- What are you doing?
- I'm blending.
149
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,825
- Go blend somewhere else.
- Don't distract me.
150
00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,744
- No room at the inn.
- It's an art, not a science.
151
00:12:32,744 --> 00:12:35,329
- Find your own hiding place.
- No, this is good.
152
00:12:35,329 --> 00:12:37,540
Here she comes! You better run, Mojito!
153
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:46,925
- What? I thought you said, "Don't move."
- That was before. Now, you run.
154
00:13:28,762 --> 00:13:31,431
Oh, hey. Proboscis.
155
00:13:31,431 --> 00:13:34,059
Testy.
156
00:13:45,447 --> 00:13:50,827
Please, no, please. I have vertigo!
My glands are swelling!
157
00:13:50,827 --> 00:13:53,955
Please, no.
158
00:14:00,337 --> 00:14:04,049
You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard!
159
00:14:04,049 --> 00:14:06,051
Get out of there.
I'm going to strangle your huevos!
160
00:14:06,051 --> 00:14:08,763
Big bird! Big bird!
161
00:14:08,763 --> 00:14:11,557
No, wait! Come back! I was just kidding!
162
00:14:11,557 --> 00:14:13,560
- Come on, we're friends, right?
- I don't know you!
163
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:15,353
- Lizards, frogs...
- Find your own hiding place!
164
00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:17,146
- We're practically related!
- No room at the inn!
165
00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:18,648
- Come on, move over!
- You're not my friend!
166
00:14:18,648 --> 00:14:23,444
I'll let you kiss my sister!
167
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:33,247
You son of a...
168
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:31,767
Where are your friends now, amigo?
169
00:15:57,962 --> 00:16:01,758
Get your slimy-webbed phalanges
off my boots!
170
00:16:01,758 --> 00:16:02,967
Sorry.
171
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:06,263
I got a bead on you, stranger.
So you get up real slow
172
00:16:06,263 --> 00:16:07,764
lessen you want to spend the better part
173
00:16:07,764 --> 00:16:09,766
of the afternoon
putting your face back together!
174
00:16:09,766 --> 00:16:12,561
- No, ma'am, I don't.
- Who are you?
175
00:16:12,561 --> 00:16:14,939
- Who am I?
- I'm asking the questions here!
176
00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:17,566
Our town is drying up.
We're in the middle of a drought.
177
00:16:17,566 --> 00:16:19,360
Now someone's dumping water
in the desert!
178
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,571
It's a puzzle of undeterminable size
and dimension,
179
00:16:21,571 --> 00:16:24,573
but I intend to find out
what role you playing in all this.
180
00:16:24,573 --> 00:16:27,452
- Role?
- What are you involved in?
181
00:16:27,452 --> 00:16:29,871
Well, I'm glad you asked.
182
00:16:29,871 --> 00:16:33,040
I've got two one-acts, a mystery
and a musical I've been gestating.
183
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:38,338
I got the words, I'm just working on
the melody right now. It's like a...
184
00:16:38,338 --> 00:16:39,673
I think it's gonna be a western.
185
00:16:39,673 --> 00:16:42,342
A monkey got a cracker
His mother was a slapper
186
00:16:42,342 --> 00:16:47,264
She'll be coming 'round the mountain
in the rain
187
00:16:47,264 --> 00:16:51,352
You ain't from around here, are you?
188
00:16:51,352 --> 00:16:55,147
I'm still working on it.
189
00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:57,149
So, what's your name?
190
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,152
- Beans.
- That's a funny kind of name.
191
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:02,155
What can I say?
My daddy plumb loved baked beans.
192
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,074
Well, you're lucky
he didn't plumb love asparagus.
193
00:17:04,074 --> 00:17:05,367
What are you saying?
194
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,578
I mean,
I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself,
195
00:17:07,578 --> 00:17:09,872
but I'm not sure that a child
would appreciate the moniker.
196
00:17:09,872 --> 00:17:14,544
My daddy was a great man, even if
he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes.
197
00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:18,548
- Spicy.
- You're eating his ashes!
198
00:17:18,548 --> 00:17:19,757
You carry his remains?
199
00:17:19,757 --> 00:17:23,178
No, his ashes. He loved to smoke.
They never found the body.
200
00:17:23,178 --> 00:17:25,263
Well, I'm sure he had his reasons.
201
00:17:25,263 --> 00:17:27,349
- What are you implying?
- Nothing.
202
00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:29,351
My daddy was never near
that mine shaft.
203
00:17:29,351 --> 00:17:31,061
He'd been sober for over a month!
204
00:17:31,061 --> 00:17:34,148
And for you to insinuate that he would
abandon his parental responsibilities
205
00:17:34,148 --> 00:17:41,780
at a delicate time in my personal
development is an affront to my sense...
206
00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:43,949
Miss Beans?
207
00:17:43,949 --> 00:17:47,745
Miss Beans? Hello?
208
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,957
Hello?
209
00:18:05,681 --> 00:18:07,641
And until the people ofAndromeda Five
210
00:18:07,641 --> 00:18:12,146
return him safe and sound,
I will not sell my ranch!
211
00:18:12,146 --> 00:18:14,565
- What... What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
212
00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:16,567
- What am I doing?
- You're cuddling me.
213
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:18,070
- You were frozen.
- I was not.
214
00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:20,072
Yes, you were. You stopped talking.
215
00:18:20,072 --> 00:18:23,450
It's a defence mechanism.
Actually, lots of lizards have it.
216
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,452
You're making that up.
217
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,746
So, you gonna die out here,
or you want a ride into town?
218
00:18:27,746 --> 00:18:31,875
No, no, no. Yeah. No. Yes, please.
Thank you. Sorry.
219
00:18:31,875 --> 00:18:36,380
Today's Wednesday.
Wednesday's when we all get to it.
220
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,882
So who are you, really?
221
00:18:37,882 --> 00:18:39,759
Well, I'm a man of many epithets.
222
00:18:39,759 --> 00:18:42,178
There's my stage name, my pen name,
my avatar.
223
00:18:42,178 --> 00:18:44,765
I had a pseudonym once,
but I had it legally changed.
224
00:18:44,765 --> 00:18:48,852
And so the stranger,
seeking companionship,
225
00:18:48,852 --> 00:18:53,357
finds the woman,
much like the sirens of ancient times
226
00:18:53,357 --> 00:18:58,153
luring him to his certain demise.
227
00:18:58,153 --> 00:19:00,073
...nom de plume, I have a CB handle.
228
00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:01,866
I'm actually one of the few men
with a maiden name.
229
00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:06,246
Whoa! Well, here we are.
230
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,170
Right.
231
00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:15,755
Well, I sure do appreciate this,
Miss Beans,
232
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:19,176
- and if there's ever anything that I...
- Get on up!
233
00:19:19,176 --> 00:19:21,178
Okay, then!
234
00:19:21,178 --> 00:19:24,681
See you, Beans.
235
00:19:39,865 --> 00:19:41,074
You heading out, Jim?
236
00:19:41,074 --> 00:19:44,286
Well, we gave it our best shot.
We had to sell out.
237
00:19:44,286 --> 00:19:48,457
Can't grow no crops without no water.
238
00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:51,376
Bye, now!
239
00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:58,175
What is it?
240
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,388
What was that for?
241
00:20:01,388 --> 00:20:03,056
You're funny looking.
242
00:20:03,056 --> 00:20:05,475
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're funny looking, too.
243
00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:07,978
- That's a funny-looking shirt.
- That's a funny-looking dress.
244
00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:11,356
- You got funny-looking eyes!
- You got a funny-looking face!
245
00:20:11,356 --> 00:20:15,777
You're a stranger.
Strangers don't last long here.
246
00:20:15,777 --> 00:20:17,988
Here's your beans, Beans.
247
00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:20,157
I'm gonna need some more feed, too,
Willie.
248
00:20:20,157 --> 00:20:24,286
Now, Beans, you owe me three quarts
already. I can't give you more credit.
249
00:20:24,286 --> 00:20:26,580
But I'll have what I owe you at noon.
250
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:31,962
You don't understand. It's Mr Merrimack
down at the bank. He cut off all credit.
251
00:20:31,962 --> 00:20:34,381
Hey, Beans! Beans!
252
00:20:34,381 --> 00:20:36,466
You know that there fella?
253
00:20:36,466 --> 00:20:38,469
Hey, Beans! Miss Beans!
254
00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:40,178
Nope.
255
00:20:40,178 --> 00:20:41,555
Hey, Beans!
256
00:20:41,555 --> 00:20:43,974
Hey.
257
00:20:44,391 --> 00:20:49,564
Right. Blend in. Yeah, blend in.
258
00:22:18,574 --> 00:22:23,163
I'd like a glass of water.
259
00:22:23,163 --> 00:22:25,165
He wants a glass of water!
260
00:22:25,165 --> 00:22:27,292
Make it a double!
261
00:22:27,292 --> 00:22:31,464
Give him the spittoon!
262
00:22:33,591 --> 00:22:38,888
Cactus juice. That's what we got.
263
00:23:01,078 --> 00:23:02,872
Hey, there, fruit cup.
264
00:23:02,872 --> 00:23:07,084
You're a long ways from home, ain't ya?
265
00:23:07,084 --> 00:23:11,089
Who exactly are you?
266
00:23:13,967 --> 00:23:16,887
Who am I?
267
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:20,766
I could be anyone.
268
00:23:21,976 --> 00:23:27,273
What's the matter?
You missing your mommy's mangos?
269
00:23:27,273 --> 00:23:30,401
As a matter of fact, I am.
270
00:23:30,401 --> 00:23:34,698
But not as much as
your daddy's cooking!
271
00:23:34,698 --> 00:23:37,992
Exactly where did you say
you were from?
272
00:23:37,992 --> 00:23:41,371
Me? I'm from the West.
273
00:23:41,371 --> 00:23:45,584
Out there, beyond the horizon.
Past the sunset.
274
00:23:45,584 --> 00:23:48,879
The Far West.
275
00:23:49,296 --> 00:23:51,089
Yeah, that's right, hombres.
276
00:23:51,089 --> 00:23:53,884
The place I come from,
we kill a man before breakfast
277
00:23:53,884 --> 00:23:56,804
just to work up an appetite.
278
00:23:56,804 --> 00:23:58,973
Then we salt him, and we pepper him.
279
00:23:58,973 --> 00:24:03,186
Then we braise him in clarified butter.
And then we eat him.
280
00:24:03,186 --> 00:24:05,272
- You eat him?
- That's what I said!
281
00:24:05,272 --> 00:24:09,568
Hell, I seen things make a grown man
lose control of his glandular functions!
282
00:24:09,568 --> 00:24:12,779
You spend three days in a horse
carcass, living off your own juices.
283
00:24:12,779 --> 00:24:17,701
It'll change a man. Oh, yeah.
284
00:24:18,077 --> 00:24:22,999
Had a few extra aces in this deck,
gents. Just the way I like it.
285
00:24:22,999 --> 00:24:27,796
So, no, my hirsute little rodent friend,
I am not from around these parts.
286
00:24:27,796 --> 00:24:30,173
You might say I'm from everywhere
there's trouble brewing
287
00:24:30,173 --> 00:24:32,592
and hell waiting to be raised.
288
00:24:32,592 --> 00:24:37,180
You might say
I'm what hell's already raised up.
289
00:24:37,180 --> 00:24:39,599
Name's
290
00:24:39,599 --> 00:24:42,186
Rango.
291
00:24:45,607 --> 00:24:48,901
Are you the fella
that killed them Jenkins brothers?
292
00:24:48,901 --> 00:24:51,195
Killed them with one bullet.
293
00:24:51,195 --> 00:24:53,072
Don't get no deader.
294
00:24:53,072 --> 00:24:56,284
All seven of them?
295
00:24:56,284 --> 00:24:58,286
That's right.
296
00:24:58,286 --> 00:25:00,873
All seven of them.
297
00:25:00,873 --> 00:25:06,295
Exactly how you do that, Mr Rango?
298
00:25:06,795 --> 00:25:08,672
You know, I'm glad you asked me that.
299
00:25:08,672 --> 00:25:13,970
And I will be happy to tell you how.
But you're all gonna have to listen up!
300
00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:16,972
Because this is where it gets
301
00:25:16,972 --> 00:25:20,185
complicated.
302
00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:23,771
That'll close out your account,
Mrs Oats, two gulps and a swig.
303
00:25:23,771 --> 00:25:29,403
Hands off, Mordecai! That's what's left
of your college education!
304
00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:31,781
I don't rightly have
no other choice, Beans.
305
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:36,493
Times being so hard,
we just can't give no more credit.
306
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:42,375
But this here is a bank.
This is where you keep the water.
307
00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:48,298
Beans, you've been like a niece to me
ever since your daddy
308
00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:52,010
did not fall drunk down a mine shaft.
309
00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:56,473
I've tried to protect you and others
from certain realities.
310
00:25:56,473 --> 00:25:59,101
But that... Well...
311
00:25:59,101 --> 00:26:00,978
- Mr Merrimack?
- Realities are bearing down.
312
00:26:00,978 --> 00:26:03,272
Mr Merrimack!
313
00:26:03,272 --> 00:26:05,107
Are you all right?
314
00:26:05,107 --> 00:26:10,697
Beans, I need to show you something.
315
00:26:16,411 --> 00:26:19,873
- That's all that's left?
- And this here is the reserve!
316
00:26:19,873 --> 00:26:21,583
I don't know if you've noticed,
317
00:26:21,583 --> 00:26:25,212
but folks just ain't making deposits
on a Wednesday no more!
318
00:26:25,212 --> 00:26:28,799
Mr Merrimack, if I don't get some water,
I'm gonna lose my ranch
319
00:26:28,799 --> 00:26:31,177
and you're telling me
that's all that's left in the whole town?
320
00:26:31,177 --> 00:26:34,513
Now that just don't make no sense.
Now, listen.
321
00:26:34,513 --> 00:26:39,185
Someone is dumping water
in the desert.
322
00:26:39,185 --> 00:26:43,690
I seen it with my own eyes.
323
00:26:43,690 --> 00:26:45,692
Water in the desert?
324
00:26:45,692 --> 00:26:48,987
Was this during
one of your special times?
325
00:26:48,987 --> 00:26:50,197
No.
326
00:26:50,197 --> 00:26:54,284
Well, we can all dream,
but this is the reality.
327
00:26:54,284 --> 00:26:57,996
Why do you think so many people
are selling out? They just can't make it.
328
00:26:57,996 --> 00:27:00,875
Well, what am I supposed to do?
329
00:27:00,875 --> 00:27:03,711
Well, I suppose
we could talk to the Mayor.
330
00:27:03,711 --> 00:27:07,006
I hear he's been helping people out
in this time of crisis.
331
00:27:07,006 --> 00:27:08,216
The Mayor?
332
00:27:08,216 --> 00:27:11,010
He may be our only hope.
333
00:27:11,010 --> 00:27:14,014
Bullet hits a shovel, ricochets back
towards number three,
334
00:27:14,014 --> 00:27:15,515
and that's when the roof caved in,
335
00:27:15,515 --> 00:27:17,684
igniting the thermos
of pure grain alcohol
336
00:27:17,684 --> 00:27:21,606
instantly vapourising his bodily form,
leaving nothing but a charcoal statue
337
00:27:21,606 --> 00:27:26,194
and a high-pitched squeal.
338
00:27:29,614 --> 00:27:34,703
Hold on, there. That's only six.
What happened to number seven?
339
00:27:34,703 --> 00:27:36,079
Number seven?
340
00:27:36,079 --> 00:27:40,792
Hell, he died of infection.
341
00:27:41,710 --> 00:27:43,879
- Seven men!
- One bullet!
342
00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:47,716
Drinks all around!
343
00:27:48,717 --> 00:27:50,886
Dance for me, Sod Buster!
344
00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:55,099
- Yes, dance like a chicken!
- That's right! Dance!
345
00:27:55,099 --> 00:27:57,309
You got corn in your ears, mate?
346
00:27:57,309 --> 00:28:00,396
You don't pay the mortgage,
you don't own the land!
347
00:28:00,396 --> 00:28:03,609
- That's basic real estate law, my friend.
- Quid pro quo!
348
00:28:03,609 --> 00:28:06,820
If I see your face in this town again,
349
00:28:06,820 --> 00:28:11,784
I'm gonna slice it off and use it
to wipe my unmentionables.
350
00:28:11,784 --> 00:28:14,203
Mind the beak.
351
00:28:14,203 --> 00:28:18,207
And don't come back!
352
00:28:18,583 --> 00:28:23,421
What are you all gawping at?
353
00:28:24,797 --> 00:28:31,889
Hey, Bad Bill,
there's something I got to tell you!
354
00:28:33,014 --> 00:28:34,391
What is this?
355
00:28:34,391 --> 00:28:38,521
You know who that is, Bill?
That there's Rango!
356
00:28:38,521 --> 00:28:42,399
Yeah, he ain't afraid of you!
He ain't afraid of none of you.
357
00:28:42,399 --> 00:28:43,984
Killed them Jenkins brothers.
358
00:28:43,984 --> 00:28:47,614
- Done it with one bullet, Bill.
- All seven of them!
359
00:28:47,614 --> 00:28:50,992
Is that right?
360
00:29:27,197 --> 00:29:32,119
Let me get that before you...
361
00:29:33,913 --> 00:29:38,000
No. Oh, I know. Here.
362
00:29:39,502 --> 00:29:42,797
Just take care of that for you.
363
00:29:42,797 --> 00:29:46,593
There. All better.
364
00:30:09,492 --> 00:30:13,788
T.O.T.O. Just a second.
365
00:30:14,414 --> 00:30:15,915
All right, now listen!
366
00:30:15,915 --> 00:30:23,590
I'm going to give you fellas
one last chance to reconsider!
367
00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:26,927
And if you don't want to reconsider
368
00:30:26,927 --> 00:30:32,725
I might consider reconsidering myself.
369
00:30:41,401 --> 00:30:44,904
Now that's what I'm talking about. Yeah.
370
00:30:44,904 --> 00:30:46,614
All right, now listen up!
371
00:30:46,614 --> 00:30:49,826
Things are going to be different
around here now that Rango's in town.
372
00:30:49,826 --> 00:30:52,913
Got some new rules!
I want my shoes shined every morning,
373
00:30:52,913 --> 00:30:54,916
my coffee hot, Danish on the side.
374
00:30:54,916 --> 00:30:57,210
Whatever you do,
don't look me in the eye.
375
00:30:57,210 --> 00:31:00,004
Stay out of my peripheral vision!
376
00:31:00,004 --> 00:31:01,923
- It's Rango.
- What's he up to?
377
00:31:01,923 --> 00:31:05,093
He ain't afraid of nobody.
He's telling that bird what's for!
378
00:31:05,093 --> 00:31:07,220
And when you see me coming,
stand aside.
379
00:31:07,220 --> 00:31:10,098
I take large steps and I don't want
none of you hayseeds
380
00:31:10,098 --> 00:31:14,227
getting your bodily fluids on my boots!
381
00:31:14,227 --> 00:31:17,606
Of course, there is
no need for violence,
382
00:31:17,606 --> 00:31:20,609
as long as we stick together,
work as a team.
383
00:31:20,609 --> 00:31:24,112
So I want you all to come outside now
and line up single file
384
00:31:24,112 --> 00:31:28,410
while I take a brief intermission!
385
00:31:28,410 --> 00:31:30,328
What's he doing now?
386
00:31:30,328 --> 00:31:34,917
I think it's a number two.
387
00:31:53,519 --> 00:31:56,606
Never mind.
388
00:32:16,419 --> 00:32:18,212
Take a look-see over here!
389
00:32:18,212 --> 00:32:19,505
Well, look at him now!
390
00:32:19,505 --> 00:32:21,507
He's chasing after that hawk!
391
00:32:21,507 --> 00:32:25,636
Give him hell, Rango!
392
00:34:16,922 --> 00:34:19,842
- Did you see that?
- He killed that thing!
393
00:34:19,842 --> 00:34:22,219
What do you think, Doc?
394
00:34:22,219 --> 00:34:25,514
This hawk is dead!
395
00:34:25,514 --> 00:34:28,142
Shoot, I say we cook that right up.
396
00:34:28,142 --> 00:34:29,810
He did it with one bullet!
397
00:34:29,810 --> 00:34:31,520
Just like he said!
398
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,314
It's about time
we had a hero around here.
399
00:34:33,314 --> 00:34:36,234
One who ain't in a pine box.
400
00:34:36,234 --> 00:34:39,237
I think it's time he met the Mayor.
401
00:34:39,237 --> 00:34:42,323
You hear that, Rango?
You're going to meet the Mayor!
402
00:34:42,323 --> 00:34:46,745
Let's hear it for Rango!
403
00:34:47,913 --> 00:34:50,541
And so the stranger basks
404
00:34:50,541 --> 00:34:54,044
in the adulation of his new friends,
405
00:34:54,044 --> 00:34:59,217
sinking deeper into the guacamole
of his own deception.
406
00:34:59,217 --> 00:35:01,010
When is he going to die?
407
00:35:01,010 --> 00:35:05,140
Soon, compadre. Soon.
408
00:35:20,030 --> 00:35:23,242
My land is not for sale!
409
00:35:23,242 --> 00:35:25,829
I came here to save
my land, not sell it!
410
00:35:25,829 --> 00:35:30,833
I'm sure there's something reasonable
we can work out if you just talk to him!
411
00:35:30,833 --> 00:35:33,211
Beans! Where are you going? Beans?
412
00:35:33,211 --> 00:35:37,924
The Mayor will see you now.
413
00:35:40,511 --> 00:35:44,222
Water, Mr Rango, water.
414
00:35:44,222 --> 00:35:47,727
Without it,
there's nothing but dust and decay.
415
00:35:47,727 --> 00:35:52,523
But with water there's life.
416
00:35:54,025 --> 00:35:59,739
Look at them, so desperate to live,
they'll follow it anywhere.
417
00:35:59,739 --> 00:36:03,743
That's the immutable law of the desert.
418
00:36:03,743 --> 00:36:08,248
Control the water
and you control everything.
419
00:36:08,248 --> 00:36:12,836
But I don't have to tell you that being
a true man of the West, as you are.
420
00:36:12,836 --> 00:36:17,216
Oh, yeah. The West is the best.
421
00:36:17,216 --> 00:36:19,427
This is from my private stock.
422
00:36:19,427 --> 00:36:23,723
Vintage rainwater
from the Great Deluge.
423
00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:29,937
Not Noah's deluge.
Good heavens, I'm not that old.
424
00:36:29,937 --> 00:36:32,941
I guess power has its privileges.
425
00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:35,653
You make a good point, son.
426
00:36:35,653 --> 00:36:40,116
But with privilege comes responsibility.
427
00:36:40,116 --> 00:36:43,118
Hell, I was mayor here
before there was a Dirt!
428
00:36:43,118 --> 00:36:46,622
And I may be
just a sentimental old turtle
429
00:36:46,622 --> 00:36:53,714
but I think there's a future for this town.
And I hope you'll be part of it.
430
00:36:53,714 --> 00:36:57,843
- To Dirt!
- To Dirt.
431
00:36:59,344 --> 00:37:03,849
You see them, Mr Rango?
All my friends and neighbours?
432
00:37:03,849 --> 00:37:08,145
It's a hard life here. Very hard.
433
00:37:08,145 --> 00:37:11,815
Do you know how they make it through
each and every day?
434
00:37:11,815 --> 00:37:13,443
They believe.
435
00:37:13,443 --> 00:37:16,445
They believe it's going to be better.
436
00:37:16,445 --> 00:37:19,825
They believe that the water will come.
437
00:37:19,825 --> 00:37:22,536
They believe against all odds
and all evidence
438
00:37:22,536 --> 00:37:26,832
that tomorrow will be better than today.
439
00:37:26,832 --> 00:37:30,127
People have to believe in something.
440
00:37:30,127 --> 00:37:35,216
Right now, they believe in you.
441
00:37:35,425 --> 00:37:41,639
Pick it up, Mr Rango.
Your destiny awaits.
442
00:37:43,224 --> 00:37:48,856
People have to believe in something.
443
00:37:53,027 --> 00:37:55,321
It's almost noon. Is everything ready?
444
00:37:55,321 --> 00:37:58,240
Yeah. But he might be a problem.
445
00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:04,747
He's not a problem, William.
He's a solution.
446
00:38:05,039 --> 00:38:06,625
It just don't make no sense.
447
00:38:06,625 --> 00:38:08,126
This whole town is drying up,
448
00:38:08,126 --> 00:38:10,837
and the Mayor is the only one
who don't seem to be affected.
449
00:38:10,837 --> 00:38:12,923
Doesn't that make you
just a wee bit suspicious?
450
00:38:12,923 --> 00:38:16,217
And what about that water
I saw out in the desert?
451
00:38:16,217 --> 00:38:20,639
All right! No need to incite anxiety.
I'll inquire about the Mayor.
452
00:38:20,639 --> 00:38:24,434
But if you really feel
there's some conspiracy occurring,
453
00:38:24,434 --> 00:38:28,856
I suggest you take it up
with the new sheriff.
454
00:38:28,856 --> 00:38:31,943
This is going to be good. Hey!
Watch that needle there.
455
00:38:31,943 --> 00:38:34,028
Not too tight.
I want to leave room for some pucker!
456
00:38:34,028 --> 00:38:35,155
That's good.
457
00:38:35,155 --> 00:38:36,823
Oh, easy there, tiger.
458
00:38:36,823 --> 00:38:38,449
- A little up and back?
- I don't think so.
459
00:38:38,449 --> 00:38:39,534
Have you got French cuffs with that?
460
00:38:39,534 --> 00:38:41,244
Excuse me, Sheriff Rango.
I want to talk to you.
461
00:38:41,244 --> 00:38:42,829
Hey, Beans,
what do you think of the new duds?
462
00:38:42,829 --> 00:38:44,956
I got a 10-gallon hat
marked down from 15.
463
00:38:44,956 --> 00:38:46,625
- That's nice.
- Have you met Angelique?
464
00:38:46,625 --> 00:38:48,543
- Hello, Beans.
- Hello, Angelique.
465
00:38:48,543 --> 00:38:49,628
- Tart.
- Floozy.
466
00:38:49,628 --> 00:38:51,922
- Trollop.
- Excuse me, Mr Rango.
467
00:38:51,922 --> 00:38:53,841
I will blow that ugly
right off your face!
468
00:38:53,841 --> 00:38:56,636
I was just thinking that...
469
00:38:56,636 --> 00:38:58,429
You want the old John Hancock,
do you?
470
00:38:58,429 --> 00:39:00,640
- Well, here. Hold this.
- Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call.
471
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:02,433
There's a bullet in there.
472
00:39:02,433 --> 00:39:04,060
I know about the shindig this afternoon.
473
00:39:04,060 --> 00:39:06,646
- I ordered myself some right fancy duds.
- Sheriff, I'd like to file a...
474
00:39:06,646 --> 00:39:08,439
- Mr Rango!
- Oh, you, too? No problem.
475
00:39:08,439 --> 00:39:10,234
- Here, let me just...
- I need you to investigate...
476
00:39:10,234 --> 00:39:13,153
You know, Beans, I bet you clean up
real nice, you put a little effort into it.
477
00:39:13,153 --> 00:39:14,446
- What?
- Now, remember, son,
478
00:39:14,446 --> 00:39:17,033
stay in school, eat your veggies,
burn everything but Shakespeare.
479
00:39:17,033 --> 00:39:19,160
- Who's Shakespeare?
- Sheriff Rango,
480
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,037
if that is your real name.
481
00:39:21,037 --> 00:39:23,247
I am trying to save my daddy's ranch,
482
00:39:23,247 --> 00:39:25,458
which is on the verge
of an agricultural meltdown
483
00:39:25,458 --> 00:39:30,630
while you're playing patty-cake
with this here trollop!
484
00:39:30,630 --> 00:39:34,635
Sad, really. Such a drab little thing.
485
00:39:34,635 --> 00:39:35,844
Why does she do that?
486
00:39:35,844 --> 00:39:39,222
- It's a survival reflex.
- Her switch is just broken.
487
00:39:39,222 --> 00:39:40,724
Well, that's an inconvenience.
488
00:39:40,724 --> 00:39:45,062
It is not a rash! It is a birthmark!
489
00:39:45,062 --> 00:39:46,438
I did it again, didn't I?
490
00:39:46,438 --> 00:39:48,023
Did what?
491
00:39:48,023 --> 00:39:49,651
Let me ask you something.
492
00:39:49,651 --> 00:39:57,533
Did anybody here mention
what happened to our last sheriff?
493
00:40:33,155 --> 00:40:37,535
Pardon, but may I ask you...
Excuse me, may I ask you...
494
00:40:37,535 --> 00:40:41,956
The last sheriff... Pardon me.
Where is everybody going?
495
00:40:41,956 --> 00:40:47,045
What exactly happened to the...
496
00:40:49,256 --> 00:40:50,966
All day
497
00:40:50,966 --> 00:40:55,429
I've faced the barren waste
498
00:40:55,429 --> 00:41:00,059
Without the taste of water
499
00:41:03,228 --> 00:41:06,232
Cool water
500
00:41:09,652 --> 00:41:12,947
Old Dan and I
501
00:41:13,031 --> 00:41:15,534
With throats burned dry
502
00:41:15,534 --> 00:41:19,329
And souls that cry
503
00:41:19,830 --> 00:41:22,749
For water
504
00:41:25,544 --> 00:41:27,963
Cool
505
00:41:28,756 --> 00:41:30,257
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
506
00:41:30,257 --> 00:41:33,344
Clear water
507
00:41:40,768 --> 00:41:42,645
This is a heck of a hoedown
you got going.
508
00:41:42,645 --> 00:41:44,439
Still working out those steps.
509
00:41:44,439 --> 00:41:48,443
So, is this considered
normal civic behaviour?
510
00:41:48,443 --> 00:41:51,071
Every Wednesday, just like clockwork.
511
00:41:51,071 --> 00:41:52,865
You kill bird.
512
00:41:52,865 --> 00:41:55,867
Yeah. Matter of fact, I did.
513
00:41:55,867 --> 00:41:58,662
Bird dead. Snake come.
514
00:41:58,662 --> 00:41:59,664
Snake?
515
00:41:59,664 --> 00:42:01,666
He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr Rango.
516
00:42:01,666 --> 00:42:03,960
He never comes to town 'cause
he's scared of that hawk.
517
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,253
But he might come now.
518
00:42:05,253 --> 00:42:06,963
Can I have your boots
when you're dead?
519
00:42:06,963 --> 00:42:08,173
No!
520
00:42:08,173 --> 00:42:10,634
And I ain't got no problem
with this Rattlesnake Jake.
521
00:42:10,634 --> 00:42:12,552
That's just what Amos said.
522
00:42:12,552 --> 00:42:15,055
Amos?
523
00:42:17,849 --> 00:42:22,437
You got any gold fillings?
524
00:42:38,455 --> 00:42:41,041
My fellow Dirtonians.
525
00:42:41,041 --> 00:42:46,171
I welcome you to our great day
of deliverance. Hallelujah.
526
00:42:46,171 --> 00:42:47,840
- Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah!
527
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:53,262
Acolytes, prepare the holy spigot!
528
00:43:01,938 --> 00:43:05,442
We have a newcomer
amongst us today, my friends.
529
00:43:05,442 --> 00:43:08,236
A man I think needs
little introduction to you
530
00:43:08,236 --> 00:43:12,450
so bold has been his entry
into our fair society.
531
00:43:12,450 --> 00:43:17,746
Mr Rango, would you step forward?
532
00:43:21,542 --> 00:43:26,047
The time has come, my friends.
The time that was foretold!
533
00:43:26,047 --> 00:43:27,757
- Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah!
534
00:43:27,757 --> 00:43:29,259
The sacred time!
535
00:43:29,259 --> 00:43:31,177
- Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah!
536
00:43:31,177 --> 00:43:33,638
The time of destiny!
537
00:43:33,638 --> 00:43:35,265
- Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah!
538
00:43:35,265 --> 00:43:37,851
The time of deliverance!
539
00:43:37,851 --> 00:43:38,977
- Hallelujah!
- Hallelujah!
540
00:43:38,977 --> 00:43:43,774
It is the time of hydration!
541
00:43:58,665 --> 00:44:01,167
- It's his fault!
- It's the newcomer!
542
00:44:01,167 --> 00:44:02,962
- Burn him!
- He's a witch!
543
00:44:02,962 --> 00:44:04,171
I get his boots!
544
00:44:04,171 --> 00:44:08,467
My friends, my friends!
Temper your frustrations.
545
00:44:08,467 --> 00:44:13,681
Times will be tough from now on.
Sacrifices will have to be made.
546
00:44:13,681 --> 00:44:17,351
But if I can help in any way,
please know that my door is always...
547
00:44:17,351 --> 00:44:19,061
Hold it, hold it!
548
00:44:19,061 --> 00:44:21,981
Now, this whole thing
stinks three ways to Sunday.
549
00:44:21,981 --> 00:44:24,568
First the bank's run dry
and now this here spigot?
550
00:44:24,568 --> 00:44:25,652
The bank's run dry?
551
00:44:25,652 --> 00:44:33,661
- What's she talking about?
- She said there's no water in the bank!
552
00:44:33,661 --> 00:44:36,872
This is all we have!
We can't give it all out!
553
00:44:36,872 --> 00:44:40,543
That was my rehydration account!
554
00:44:40,543 --> 00:44:47,174
None of that civil disobedience
in my town, thank you very much.
555
00:44:47,174 --> 00:44:50,470
Thank goodness you're here, Sheriff.
Things were getting out of hand.
556
00:44:50,470 --> 00:44:52,472
Come right in.
557
00:44:52,472 --> 00:44:59,271
Let me have a gander at the source
of the societal discontentment here.
558
00:44:59,271 --> 00:45:00,856
Mercy.
559
00:45:00,856 --> 00:45:03,651
All right, listen up! I've been thinking
560
00:45:03,651 --> 00:45:06,446
and I believe I've
figured something out.
561
00:45:06,446 --> 00:45:10,950
You folks have a water problem!
562
00:45:10,950 --> 00:45:13,661
Nowjust pay attention, everybody.
I'm trying to make a point here.
563
00:45:13,661 --> 00:45:16,581
Let's say this fella here
were to take a drink of water.
564
00:45:16,581 --> 00:45:22,462
Just one little drink.
No harm, no foul, right?
565
00:45:22,462 --> 00:45:24,048
And you!
566
00:45:24,048 --> 00:45:26,883
You're just as dried up and parched
as a jackrabbit in July.
567
00:45:26,883 --> 00:45:31,179
So you belly on up
and take you a double shot!
568
00:45:31,179 --> 00:45:33,849
Stay with me.
569
00:45:33,849 --> 00:45:38,479
What do you think happens then?
Why we'd all be drinking!
570
00:45:38,479 --> 00:45:41,483
And before you know it,
there wouldn't be any more water.
571
00:45:41,483 --> 00:45:44,861
And then where would we be?
572
00:45:44,861 --> 00:45:47,071
We'd be thirsty.
573
00:45:47,071 --> 00:45:49,282
Real thirsty.
574
00:45:49,282 --> 00:45:54,371
We'd turn on each other
like a bunch of animals!
575
00:45:54,371 --> 00:46:00,878
Now look here.
We have got six days of water.
576
00:46:04,256 --> 00:46:08,387
We have got five days...
577
00:46:08,387 --> 00:46:13,266
As long as we've got water,
we've got ourselves a town.
578
00:46:13,266 --> 00:46:15,268
Sheriff Rango is right.
579
00:46:15,268 --> 00:46:19,064
As long as we have this water,
we have some hope.
580
00:46:19,064 --> 00:46:20,858
And you can all take it from me.
581
00:46:20,858 --> 00:46:24,486
My 100% full-time employment
from this moment on
582
00:46:24,486 --> 00:46:28,449
will be to protect
our precious natural resource.
583
00:46:28,449 --> 00:46:34,456
Ain't no one gonna tango
with the Rango.
584
00:46:45,259 --> 00:46:46,551
Evening, ladies.
585
00:46:46,551 --> 00:46:48,470
Evening, Sheriff.
586
00:46:48,470 --> 00:46:50,681
And don't you come back!
587
00:46:50,681 --> 00:46:54,268
Hold on there, Gordy. You get back
in there and you assert yourself,
588
00:46:54,268 --> 00:46:57,688
and I think you'll find the people of this
here town to be surprisingly hospitable.
589
00:46:57,688 --> 00:46:59,065
Thank you, Sheriff.
590
00:46:59,065 --> 00:47:02,360
What? Not you again!
591
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:06,155
I stand corrected.
592
00:47:10,285 --> 00:47:12,871
- This ain't the bank.
- I told you, Jedidiah!
593
00:47:12,871 --> 00:47:14,290
Hold it right there!
594
00:47:14,290 --> 00:47:15,666
- Who's that?
- It's the Sheriff!
595
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:17,960
Get them hands up
where I can see them!
596
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,171
Just as I suspected.
597
00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:23,674
Prospecting without the authorised
equipment. Don't move a muscle.
598
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:26,886
Prospecting?
599
00:47:29,264 --> 00:47:32,184
Now, you got your shovel,
pickaxe, Benadryl, loofah,
600
00:47:32,184 --> 00:47:35,479
assorted snacks, some puzzle books
and you're gonna need a permit.
601
00:47:35,479 --> 00:47:37,272
- Loofah.
- Ezekiel, Jedidiah!
602
00:47:37,272 --> 00:47:39,691
What the Sam Hill's going on up there?
603
00:47:39,691 --> 00:47:43,654
I've had polyps removed
smarter than the two of you!
604
00:47:43,654 --> 00:47:45,990
Hell's fire, this ain't the bank!
605
00:47:45,990 --> 00:47:49,661
Pappy, the Sheriff is standing right here,
helping us out.
606
00:47:49,661 --> 00:47:52,455
Gonna give us a permit for prospecting.
607
00:47:52,455 --> 00:47:55,876
That's right, sir. Just doing my duty.
608
00:47:55,876 --> 00:47:57,961
The lonely constable on his rounds,
609
00:47:57,961 --> 00:48:00,880
keeping an eagle eye out
for mayhem and malfeasance.
610
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,385
Does he look like he sounds?
611
00:48:04,385 --> 00:48:08,263
Well, Sheriff,
if we was to hit the mother lode,
612
00:48:08,263 --> 00:48:10,474
being prospectors and such,
613
00:48:10,474 --> 00:48:13,686
where would we deposit said annuity?
614
00:48:13,686 --> 00:48:15,688
Here in the town of Dirt,
we happen to have
615
00:48:15,688 --> 00:48:20,277
the finest financial institution
this side of the Missouri.
616
00:48:20,277 --> 00:48:24,656
Protected morning, noon and night
by yours truly.
617
00:48:24,656 --> 00:48:26,867
Much obliged.
618
00:48:26,867 --> 00:48:29,870
The bank's been robbed!
The bank's been robbed!
619
00:48:29,870 --> 00:48:32,372
Good Lord, the bank's been robbed!
620
00:48:32,372 --> 00:48:33,874
What's going on?
621
00:48:33,874 --> 00:48:36,168
- It's gone! The water's all gone!
- What'd he say?
622
00:48:36,168 --> 00:48:38,378
He said the bank's been robbed!
623
00:48:38,378 --> 00:48:41,883
Dr Marx! I'm on fire! Embrace me!
624
00:48:41,883 --> 00:48:46,596
The bank's been robbed, the town is dry
"We'll die of thirst," the people cry
625
00:48:46,596 --> 00:48:51,768
He promised to protect the vault
The water's gone, it's all his fault
626
00:48:51,768 --> 00:48:53,770
All right, folks, stand back,
clear the area.
627
00:48:53,770 --> 00:48:55,272
This is a crime scene now.
628
00:48:55,272 --> 00:48:58,483
Secure the perimeter, dust for prints,
check for fibres, scan for DNA.
629
00:48:58,483 --> 00:49:01,278
I want a urine sample from everyone.
And get me a latte.
630
00:49:01,278 --> 00:49:02,696
And don't mix up the two.
631
00:49:02,696 --> 00:49:03,864
What's this?
632
00:49:03,864 --> 00:49:05,700
"Prospecting Permit."
633
00:49:05,700 --> 00:49:07,576
I'll take that. Material evidence.
634
00:49:07,576 --> 00:49:09,161
What are we gonna do now, Sheriff?
635
00:49:09,161 --> 00:49:11,998
- We need that water.
- We're all going to die!
636
00:49:11,998 --> 00:49:15,668
My friends, we all know
what we have to do now.
637
00:49:15,668 --> 00:49:19,590
That's right.
We all know what we have to do now.
638
00:49:19,590 --> 00:49:21,675
- And that would be?
- Form a posse.
639
00:49:21,675 --> 00:49:25,095
Form a possum!
640
00:49:25,763 --> 00:49:28,599
A posse.
641
00:49:28,683 --> 00:49:32,395
Now, we're gonna be doing this
in an orderly fashion.
642
00:49:32,395 --> 00:49:39,778
First off, does anybody here know
how to use a firearm of any kind?
643
00:49:39,778 --> 00:49:41,488
All right, then.
644
00:49:41,488 --> 00:49:43,073
What do we do now, Sheriff?
645
00:49:43,073 --> 00:49:46,285
Now we ride!
646
00:49:58,798 --> 00:50:01,301
Where are we going?
647
00:50:01,301 --> 00:50:02,677
What?
648
00:50:02,677 --> 00:50:06,597
Where are we going?
649
00:50:11,770 --> 00:50:15,690
Now, as my deputy, you'll be in charge
of all tracking and finding of villains,
650
00:50:15,690 --> 00:50:18,694
utilising your well-developed
Injun-uity, no offence taken.
651
00:50:18,694 --> 00:50:19,987
So which way do you think they went?
652
00:50:19,987 --> 00:50:26,285
You want to sniff the air or commune
with a buffalo or something?
653
00:50:26,285 --> 00:50:29,873
Oh, you're good.
654
00:50:30,790 --> 00:50:32,584
I'm depending on you, Spoons.
655
00:50:32,584 --> 00:50:35,294
You got a little tobaccy
in the beard there.
656
00:50:35,294 --> 00:50:38,382
Always good to have a medical man
along, Doc.
657
00:50:38,382 --> 00:50:41,176
Reptiles got to stick together, right,
my brother?
658
00:50:41,176 --> 00:50:42,594
I'm an amphibian.
659
00:50:42,594 --> 00:50:46,890
Ain't no shame in that.
660
00:50:47,391 --> 00:50:51,687
You sure you're
fit for duty there, soldier?
661
00:50:51,687 --> 00:50:54,274
Well, you got a little something
in your eye there.
662
00:50:54,274 --> 00:50:59,070
Oh, that? That there's conjunctivitis, sir.
It's hereditary.
663
00:50:59,070 --> 00:51:02,699
Well, I'm glad to hear
it's not contagious.
664
00:51:02,699 --> 00:51:07,079
Now, just wait a cotton-picking minute!
A posse ain't no place for a...
665
00:51:07,079 --> 00:51:08,497
Never mind.
666
00:51:08,497 --> 00:51:10,582
Hold on there, little sister.
667
00:51:10,582 --> 00:51:15,087
Someone's gonna have
to look after the town while I'm gone.
668
00:51:15,087 --> 00:51:17,882
Can I gut-shoot someone?
669
00:51:17,882 --> 00:51:20,468
Let's put a pin in that.
670
00:51:20,468 --> 00:51:24,305
Sheriff, you're going to bring
that water back, aren't you?
671
00:51:24,305 --> 00:51:28,893
Count on it, little sister.
672
00:51:28,893 --> 00:51:32,188
- Which way do we go, Sheriff?
- There's tunnels everywhere.
673
00:51:32,188 --> 00:51:33,774
Whole town's perforated with them.
674
00:51:33,774 --> 00:51:37,486
She got more holes in her
than a painted lady on a porcupine.
675
00:51:37,486 --> 00:51:41,073
Hey, my daddy took me to her place.
676
00:51:41,073 --> 00:51:43,575
Not what I expected.
677
00:51:43,575 --> 00:51:46,579
How'd them fellers
find the bank, anyway?
678
00:51:46,579 --> 00:51:48,873
Gentlemen, if we can just
stay on task here.
679
00:51:48,873 --> 00:51:52,794
Sheriff! Over here!
680
00:51:54,671 --> 00:51:57,799
- Would you look at that?
- Like seeing the face of God.
681
00:51:57,799 --> 00:51:59,301
Amen, brother.
682
00:51:59,301 --> 00:52:02,304
I remember when it used to flow
every Wednesday.
683
00:52:02,304 --> 00:52:04,390
Those were the halcyon days.
684
00:52:04,390 --> 00:52:06,892
Must be a reason she quit on us.
685
00:52:06,892 --> 00:52:10,604
Whatever the reason,
something is controlling this here water.
686
00:52:10,604 --> 00:52:13,399
What do you say, Sheriff?
687
00:52:13,399 --> 00:52:16,485
Clearly, the robbers came
from this direction.
688
00:52:16,485 --> 00:52:18,988
I say we track this pipe
back to its hydraulic origin
689
00:52:18,988 --> 00:52:21,491
and apprehend the culprits
behind this aquatic conundrum.
690
00:52:21,491 --> 00:52:23,994
- What'd he say?
- I think he said follow the pipe.
691
00:52:23,994 --> 00:52:30,876
- He said follow the pipe.
- He said follow the pipe.
692
00:52:30,876 --> 00:52:32,878
Sure is humid down here.
693
00:52:32,878 --> 00:52:36,089
Yeah, it's activating my piles.
694
00:52:36,089 --> 00:52:37,884
I had a goitre removed once.
695
00:52:37,884 --> 00:52:41,095
Looked like Tony Bennett
stepping out of the shower.
696
00:52:41,095 --> 00:52:46,309
Shoot, I put that on a tortilla.
697
00:52:55,194 --> 00:53:00,574
Whatever you do, do not look down.
698
00:53:02,076 --> 00:53:07,081
- What is this place?
- It's an aquifer.
699
00:53:07,081 --> 00:53:08,583
What's an aquifer?
700
00:53:08,583 --> 00:53:11,586
Well, it's for aqua.
701
00:53:11,586 --> 00:53:15,715
Well, it's empty now.
702
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:36,112
That's a big one.
703
00:53:36,988 --> 00:53:39,699
- It's the end of the line.
- Don't go no further.
704
00:53:39,699 --> 00:53:43,579
Well, now that there is a pipe.
It's got to be connected to something.
705
00:53:43,579 --> 00:53:46,289
You talk too much.
Why don't you put a cork in it?
706
00:53:46,289 --> 00:53:48,708
Why don't you put a cork...
Tell you where the sun don't shine.
707
00:53:48,708 --> 00:53:50,294
Your mama did.
I'll cook her right up.
708
00:53:50,294 --> 00:53:52,004
You two just don't get it, do you?
709
00:53:52,004 --> 00:53:55,716
Someone or something
is messing with our hydration
710
00:53:55,716 --> 00:53:57,801
and that pipe
has got something to do with it.
711
00:53:57,801 --> 00:53:59,678
I thought
we was following bank robbers!
712
00:53:59,678 --> 00:54:02,098
We're experiencing a paradigm shift.
713
00:54:02,098 --> 00:54:04,809
I'm gonna shift the features on your face
if you don't shut up!
714
00:54:04,809 --> 00:54:07,896
Go ahead and try!
715
00:54:07,896 --> 00:54:13,109
Quiet, you savages! Stop your rattling.
You're affecting my cogitation.
716
00:54:13,109 --> 00:54:18,991
Whoa! I got it. Snuff out them torches.
717
00:54:21,910 --> 00:54:23,496
Sure enough.
718
00:54:23,496 --> 00:54:25,289
Smart thinking there, feller.
719
00:54:25,289 --> 00:54:28,083
- Start climbing.
- Get your foot out of my face!
720
00:54:28,083 --> 00:54:29,711
Not bad, huh, Beans?
721
00:54:29,711 --> 00:54:32,297
You keep thinking like that,
your hat's gonna catch on fire.
722
00:54:32,297 --> 00:54:35,508
Well, you know, you get on a roll,
you just...
723
00:54:35,508 --> 00:54:39,013
Hot, hot! Burn.
724
00:54:48,313 --> 00:54:51,693
Poor things.
All they wanted was a little water.
725
00:54:51,693 --> 00:54:55,321
Cactus dying of thirst.
It don't bode well.
726
00:54:55,321 --> 00:54:57,114
- Hey, look what I found!
- What you got there?
727
00:54:57,114 --> 00:55:00,118
- I saw that first!
- Hey, that's mine!
728
00:55:00,118 --> 00:55:01,703
Give me that!
729
00:55:01,703 --> 00:55:03,788
It's empty anyway.
730
00:55:03,788 --> 00:55:05,416
I knew that.
731
00:55:05,416 --> 00:55:06,708
Where'd you find that?
732
00:55:06,708 --> 00:55:12,881
Sheriff! You're going
to want to see this!
733
00:55:13,299 --> 00:55:15,092
It's Mr Merrimack from the bank.
734
00:55:15,092 --> 00:55:16,510
What's he doing here?
735
00:55:16,510 --> 00:55:18,221
- Everybody stand back.
- All right, let me see.
736
00:55:18,221 --> 00:55:20,807
Looks like them varmints shot him
in the back.
737
00:55:20,807 --> 00:55:25,020
No, this man wasn't shot.
He was drowned!
738
00:55:25,020 --> 00:55:27,814
- Drowned?
- In the middle of the desert?
739
00:55:27,814 --> 00:55:31,193
What a way to go.
740
00:55:31,193 --> 00:55:37,115
Well, now, whose boot prints are those?
741
00:55:38,784 --> 00:55:42,497
That's interesting.
The ground's still wet.
742
00:55:42,497 --> 00:55:44,415
I suppose we should bury him.
743
00:55:44,415 --> 00:55:47,085
I don't know. Birds got to eat, too.
744
00:55:47,085 --> 00:55:48,503
Circle of life!
745
00:55:48,503 --> 00:55:49,587
Sheriff.
746
00:55:49,587 --> 00:55:52,507
Will you say a few words?
747
00:55:52,507 --> 00:55:55,594
Yeah. Yeah.
748
00:55:56,886 --> 00:55:58,304
Dearly beloved.
749
00:55:58,304 --> 00:56:03,685
We are gathered here today
to honour this man.
750
00:56:03,685 --> 00:56:05,312
Mr Merrimack,
751
00:56:05,312 --> 00:56:07,105
you have the right to remain silent.
752
00:56:07,105 --> 00:56:09,316
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
753
00:56:09,316 --> 00:56:10,693
Amen.
754
00:56:10,693 --> 00:56:11,902
- Amen.
- Amen.
755
00:56:11,902 --> 00:56:17,701
Hey! What's that dad-gum Indian doing?
756
00:56:18,701 --> 00:56:21,496
I see you're consulting
with the spirits.
757
00:56:21,496 --> 00:56:26,293
No, I'm moulting.
Means I'm ready to mate.
758
00:56:26,293 --> 00:56:28,504
I'll keep that in mind.
759
00:56:28,504 --> 00:56:29,713
Cactus fruit.
760
00:56:29,713 --> 00:56:32,591
Ah, yes. The ancient cactus fruit.
761
00:56:32,591 --> 00:56:34,510
I believe your people use it
as seasoning
762
00:56:34,510 --> 00:56:36,095
when preparing your native dishes.
763
00:56:36,095 --> 00:56:39,515
Also natural laxative.
764
00:56:39,515 --> 00:56:40,725
Pick up trail.
765
00:56:40,725 --> 00:56:45,814
Three men heading west.
One blind, one with
766
00:56:45,814 --> 00:56:48,316
enlarged prostate, riding sidesaddle.
767
00:56:48,316 --> 00:56:51,695
- What did he say?
- They're riding sidesaddle.
768
00:56:51,695 --> 00:56:53,197
- We're whispering.
- What'd he say?
769
00:56:53,197 --> 00:56:54,406
Someone's got a bad valve.
770
00:56:54,406 --> 00:56:58,327
All right, which one of you fellers
needs a check-up?
771
00:56:58,327 --> 00:57:00,788
Awkward.
772
00:57:00,788 --> 00:57:04,708
What exactly are we going to do now?
773
00:57:04,708 --> 00:57:07,921
Now we ride!
774
00:57:11,925 --> 00:57:18,014
That means we're riding now!
This moment.
775
00:57:58,599 --> 00:58:01,102
Marshmallows remind me
of going camping with my daddy.
776
00:58:01,102 --> 00:58:05,106
I could eat them all night long.
777
00:58:05,106 --> 00:58:10,028
Of course he did make me cough them
back up again for breakfast.
778
00:58:10,028 --> 00:58:13,198
This one time,
I coughed up an entire Dalmatian.
779
00:58:13,198 --> 00:58:18,120
That ain't nothing.
I coughed up a whole tribe of pygmies.
780
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,122
They started looking at me weird.
781
00:58:20,122 --> 00:58:23,501
I remember them.
They was quite friendly.
782
00:58:23,501 --> 00:58:30,132
I found a human spinal column
in my fecal matter once.
783
00:58:30,132 --> 00:58:34,096
You might want to get that looked at.
784
00:58:34,096 --> 00:58:36,098
Pass the beans, Beans.
785
00:58:36,098 --> 00:58:37,808
- Sheriff?
- No, thanks.
786
00:58:37,808 --> 00:58:43,105
Mr Rango? Can you tell us
about the Spirit of the West?
787
00:58:43,105 --> 00:58:46,317
- Yeah, tell us about that.
- Is it true what they say?
788
00:58:46,317 --> 00:58:50,028
Yes, the Spirit of the West!
789
00:58:50,028 --> 00:58:52,907
The eternally unattainable ideal.
790
00:58:52,907 --> 00:58:55,618
They say he rides in
an alabaster carriage
791
00:58:55,618 --> 00:58:58,330
with golden guardians to protect him.
792
00:58:58,330 --> 00:59:01,917
But he only appears to those
who have undertaken an epic quest!
793
00:59:01,917 --> 00:59:03,710
And have made it
794
00:59:03,710 --> 00:59:07,506
to the other side.
795
00:59:10,008 --> 00:59:11,719
The other side of what?
796
00:59:11,719 --> 00:59:13,429
It's a metaphor.
797
00:59:13,429 --> 00:59:14,513
My eye!
798
00:59:14,513 --> 00:59:16,099
That's gonna heal right up.
799
00:59:16,099 --> 00:59:20,728
Sheriff? What are you going to do
about Rattlesnake Jake?
800
00:59:20,728 --> 00:59:23,523
What? Where?
801
00:59:23,523 --> 00:59:28,528
Sorry about that. Word is
you come against him once or twice.
802
00:59:28,528 --> 00:59:29,904
Yeah.
803
00:59:29,904 --> 00:59:32,032
Jake. You mean my brother.
804
00:59:32,032 --> 00:59:34,701
- Your brother?
- That's what I said!
805
00:59:34,701 --> 00:59:37,705
But he's a snake and you're a lizard.
806
00:59:37,705 --> 00:59:41,500
Well, Momma had an active social life.
807
00:59:41,500 --> 00:59:42,710
Did he ever bite you?
808
00:59:42,710 --> 00:59:46,339
Sure enough did. Look at that baby.
Go ahead, you can touch it.
809
00:59:46,339 --> 00:59:50,301
That's interesting.
That there's a belly button.
810
00:59:50,301 --> 00:59:51,928
Luckily, I'm immune to his venom.
811
00:59:51,928 --> 00:59:53,930
Put some in my coffee
just to give it a little tang.
812
00:59:53,930 --> 00:59:55,932
Is it true he's only scared
of them hawks?
813
00:59:55,932 --> 01:00:01,313
Them's what we call
his natural predator.
814
01:00:01,313 --> 01:00:04,609
All this talk of that serpentine devil
is putting my quills on edge!
815
01:00:04,609 --> 01:00:06,736
I ain't sleeping tonight. No, sir.
816
01:00:06,736 --> 01:00:09,905
Don't you all worry about a thing.
Come tomorrow, we'll locate that water
817
01:00:09,905 --> 01:00:13,118
and return to a hero's welcome.
818
01:00:13,118 --> 01:00:15,704
Friends, before we bunk down
819
01:00:15,704 --> 01:00:18,206
I'd like us all to join hands
for a moment,
820
01:00:18,206 --> 01:00:21,126
say a few words
to the Spirit of the West.
821
01:00:21,126 --> 01:00:24,838
That's a good idea.
822
01:00:24,838 --> 01:00:28,217
Ain't always spoken rightly to you,
Spirit of the West.
823
01:00:28,217 --> 01:00:34,724
But tonight I want to thank you for
bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives.
824
01:00:34,724 --> 01:00:36,642
It's a hard life we got.
825
01:00:36,642 --> 01:00:40,020
Sometimes I don't know how
we're gonna make it.
826
01:00:40,020 --> 01:00:44,442
But somehow, Sheriff Rango
makes me think we will.
827
01:00:44,442 --> 01:00:48,405
We needed a brave man
and you sent us one.
828
01:00:48,405 --> 01:00:51,533
Nice to have someone
to believe in again.
829
01:00:51,533 --> 01:00:56,121
Thank you, Spirit of the West. Amen.
830
01:00:56,121 --> 01:00:59,625
- Amen.
- Amen.
831
01:01:29,907 --> 01:01:33,327
Just checking.
832
01:01:34,329 --> 01:01:39,542
- It's a little cold tonight.
- Thank you.
833
01:01:39,542 --> 01:01:42,546
You ever feel like those things
are looking at you?
834
01:01:42,546 --> 01:01:44,339
That's a Spanish dagger.
835
01:01:44,339 --> 01:01:47,217
But around here,
we just call them the Walking Cactus.
836
01:01:47,217 --> 01:01:48,426
Walking?
837
01:01:48,426 --> 01:01:52,432
There's an old legend they actually
walk across the desert to find water.
838
01:01:52,432 --> 01:01:56,227
When I was a little girl, I'd stay up late
watching them, to see if they'd move.
839
01:01:56,227 --> 01:02:00,440
I thought if I could follow them,
they'd lead me to someplace wonderful.
840
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:05,028
Someplace with enough water
for everyone.
841
01:02:05,028 --> 01:02:10,408
Night after night, I watched them.
I never saw them move.
842
01:02:10,408 --> 01:02:12,119
But you're still watching.
843
01:02:12,119 --> 01:02:15,414
Who doesn't want to find
someplace wonderful?
844
01:02:15,414 --> 01:02:21,712
We'll find the water, Beans.
I promise you.
845
01:02:21,837 --> 01:02:25,049
That's such a lonely sound.
846
01:02:25,049 --> 01:02:27,135
You ever get lonely?
847
01:02:27,135 --> 01:02:28,636
Sometimes.
848
01:02:28,636 --> 01:02:33,642
I can't imagine it. You're such a charmer
and everyone likes you so much.
849
01:02:33,642 --> 01:02:37,437
- I never made friends easy like that.
- No?
850
01:02:37,437 --> 01:02:39,940
No, we're pretty isolated
out there on the ranch,
851
01:02:39,940 --> 01:02:42,735
sort of like being sealed up
in a little box.
852
01:02:42,735 --> 01:02:46,322
Don't really see a lot of folks.
853
01:02:46,322 --> 01:02:49,325
I wouldn't know what that's like.
854
01:02:49,325 --> 01:02:52,411
There someone special
in your life, Rango?
855
01:02:52,411 --> 01:02:55,415
There used to be.
But she couldn't keep her head.
856
01:02:55,415 --> 01:02:57,542
Besides, my life's too dangerous
for that kind of thing.
857
01:02:57,542 --> 01:03:00,713
You know, it's an awful solitary
existence out there on the prairie.
858
01:03:00,713 --> 01:03:04,717
Riding the ranges and the suchlike.
859
01:03:04,717 --> 01:03:07,345
Beans?
860
01:03:26,031 --> 01:03:30,118
I'm gonna skin you alive, boy! I'm gonna
whup you like a red-headed stepchild!
861
01:03:30,118 --> 01:03:31,619
Choleric varmints, ain't they?
862
01:03:31,619 --> 01:03:35,624
Dysfunctional family. Need intervention.
863
01:03:35,624 --> 01:03:39,128
What's that coming?
864
01:03:39,128 --> 01:03:42,631
It's the water.
865
01:03:42,715 --> 01:03:46,636
I have a plan, and each and every one
of you has a part to play.
866
01:03:46,636 --> 01:03:47,929
What do I do?
867
01:03:47,929 --> 01:03:50,014
Spoons, you got
the most important job of all.
868
01:03:50,014 --> 01:03:52,142
You stay up here on the ridge,
and if anything goes wrong,
869
01:03:52,142 --> 01:03:56,146
you give the signal.
870
01:04:06,032 --> 01:04:09,535
Hey, Beans.
What size dress you wearing?
871
01:04:09,535 --> 01:04:12,246
- He got it!
- Hallelujah!
872
01:04:12,246 --> 01:04:14,040
- He found the water!
- You did it, son.
873
01:04:14,040 --> 01:04:15,125
Well, actually...
874
01:04:15,125 --> 01:04:18,044
Why can't you be all brainy
like your brother?
875
01:04:18,044 --> 01:04:20,547
Pappy, about that water.
There's something I gots to tell you.
876
01:04:20,547 --> 01:04:24,843
Hush up, now. Somebody's coming.
877
01:04:24,843 --> 01:04:28,347
Good sirs, gracious good afternoon
to thee and thee and thee.
878
01:04:28,347 --> 01:04:30,641
May I present Madame Lupone's
879
01:04:30,641 --> 01:04:34,937
Terpsichorean Troupe
of Travelling Thespians!
880
01:04:34,937 --> 01:04:37,148
- What is that?
- I think they's thespians.
881
01:04:37,148 --> 01:04:40,318
Thespians?
That's illegal in seven states!
882
01:04:40,318 --> 01:04:44,238
The stage is set. The princess
prepares to take her own life.
883
01:04:44,238 --> 01:04:46,824
I yearn for love.
884
01:04:46,824 --> 01:04:50,954
Meanwhile, the lone sentry
stands watch at the castle gate.
885
01:04:50,954 --> 01:04:53,832
Stands watch at the castle gate...
886
01:04:53,832 --> 01:04:55,918
Hark! Who goes there?
887
01:04:55,918 --> 01:04:57,836
This plot is highly predictable.
888
01:04:57,836 --> 01:04:59,255
Quiet! This is my favourite part.
889
01:04:59,255 --> 01:05:05,553
Arriving to great fanfare
'twas her aged father,
890
01:05:05,553 --> 01:05:08,723
strucketh by Cupid.
891
01:05:08,723 --> 01:05:11,935
Prithee, unhand my fair daughter
892
01:05:11,935 --> 01:05:15,939
and reach for the...
893
01:05:16,148 --> 01:05:20,360
- Line?
- "Reach for the sky!"
894
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:21,945
What was that?
895
01:05:21,945 --> 01:05:24,031
Must be that immersive theatre.
896
01:05:24,031 --> 01:05:25,449
We got you surrounded!
897
01:05:25,449 --> 01:05:29,328
You and your entire family get
your hands up where I can see them.
898
01:05:29,328 --> 01:05:33,040
My entire family?
899
01:05:36,461 --> 01:05:40,841
Grits and spit and collard greens
900
01:05:40,841 --> 01:05:45,346
Waffle chitlins, monkey brains
901
01:05:45,346 --> 01:05:49,225
Refried bones and booger blood
902
01:05:49,225 --> 01:05:54,147
Pickled eggs and flaps of mud
903
01:05:55,940 --> 01:05:58,151
It's a full house.
904
01:05:58,151 --> 01:06:02,363
Looks like we're gonna have ourselves
a good old-fashioned standoff.
905
01:06:02,363 --> 01:06:10,747
I'll have you know, you're not looking
at our entire contingent.
906
01:06:12,958 --> 01:06:15,461
What's that supposed to be?
907
01:06:15,461 --> 01:06:16,962
That's the signal.
908
01:06:16,962 --> 01:06:23,928
That's the signal!
Something must have gone wrong!
909
01:06:24,345 --> 01:06:28,433
So something's supposed to happen?
910
01:06:28,433 --> 01:06:32,938
I am open to suggestions.
911
01:06:39,862 --> 01:06:42,239
Run!
912
01:06:47,536 --> 01:06:51,249
Get on the wagon!
913
01:06:54,836 --> 01:06:58,548
Should we have ourselves
some sport, chill'ens?
914
01:06:58,548 --> 01:07:00,551
I likes it when they run.
915
01:07:00,551 --> 01:07:05,138
Maybelle, give the holler!
916
01:07:10,144 --> 01:07:11,562
Looks like we made it!
917
01:07:11,562 --> 01:07:13,147
That audience was quite responsive.
918
01:07:13,147 --> 01:07:21,030
Yeah, well, I think that
chromosome pool is about dried up.
919
01:07:43,262 --> 01:07:45,556
We got bats!
920
01:07:45,556 --> 01:07:49,143
Here! You drive.
921
01:07:55,359 --> 01:07:58,236
Looks like there's gonna be
soup tonight!
922
01:07:58,236 --> 01:08:02,658
Come on, let's get some!
923
01:08:09,749 --> 01:08:13,044
What in tarnation?
Don't shoot the water!
924
01:08:13,044 --> 01:08:16,631
Jedidiah! It's time for
the Alabama squeeze box!
925
01:08:16,631 --> 01:08:19,551
Okay, Pa!
926
01:08:25,057 --> 01:08:27,059
I am sensing hostility.
927
01:08:27,059 --> 01:08:29,937
Incoming!
928
01:08:34,066 --> 01:08:35,359
Hello!
929
01:08:35,359 --> 01:08:38,154
Goodbye!
930
01:08:46,454 --> 01:08:50,167
Lasso that swine!
931
01:09:09,145 --> 01:09:11,147
I suggest we take evasive action!
932
01:09:11,147 --> 01:09:13,149
I suggest you shut up and shoot!
933
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:15,861
- What happened to the Sheriff?
- He had a previous engagement!
934
01:09:15,861 --> 01:09:21,367
Boseefus, give them some gumbo now!
935
01:09:25,162 --> 01:09:29,167
What was that? Go check it out!
936
01:09:29,167 --> 01:09:33,254
What is it? Is there a problem?
937
01:09:33,254 --> 01:09:37,550
You could call it that.
938
01:10:23,140 --> 01:10:26,060
Headache.
939
01:10:26,853 --> 01:10:30,857
Is that all you got?
940
01:10:46,958 --> 01:10:50,753
That wasn't altogether unpleasant!
941
01:10:50,753 --> 01:10:53,673
Eat lead!
942
01:11:02,474 --> 01:11:06,145
Here, hold these.
943
01:11:14,862 --> 01:11:19,075
Get your hands off me!
944
01:11:21,661 --> 01:11:25,081
Oh, I'm sorry.
945
01:11:31,964 --> 01:11:34,466
Jump!
946
01:11:55,947 --> 01:11:57,949
It's impossible.
947
01:11:57,949 --> 01:12:00,953
It can't be. It's empty.
948
01:12:00,953 --> 01:12:02,746
There's no water!
949
01:12:02,746 --> 01:12:06,251
No water?
Then what the hell we been fighting for?
950
01:12:06,251 --> 01:12:10,547
Sir, you have defiled and desecrated
the very sustenance of our livelihood!
951
01:12:10,547 --> 01:12:13,382
I think that there fella in the purty dress
is the Sheriff.
952
01:12:13,382 --> 01:12:15,969
That's the same fellow what give us
a prospecting permit?
953
01:12:15,969 --> 01:12:18,972
- A what?
- Irrelevant! Obfuscation.
954
01:12:18,972 --> 01:12:21,058
You and your kin are under arrest
for bank robbery
955
01:12:21,058 --> 01:12:23,185
and the murder
of our beloved financial advisor
956
01:12:23,185 --> 01:12:26,772
Johannes Merrimack the Third,
AKA, Fluffy Joe.
957
01:12:26,772 --> 01:12:28,357
Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody.
958
01:12:28,357 --> 01:12:30,859
We done tunnelled into that vault,
but there weren't nothing in it.
959
01:12:30,859 --> 01:12:32,986
Somebody done robbed that bank
before we robbed it.
960
01:12:32,986 --> 01:12:34,781
Then where'd you get this here jug?
961
01:12:34,781 --> 01:12:36,866
That's what I been trying
to tell you, Pappy.
962
01:12:36,866 --> 01:12:38,159
I found it in the desert.
963
01:12:38,159 --> 01:12:41,455
Then why in tarnation
did you bring it here?
964
01:12:41,455 --> 01:12:45,584
Hold on! You're saying this here jug
was empty when you found it?
965
01:12:45,584 --> 01:12:46,877
That's right.
966
01:12:46,877 --> 01:12:48,254
I don't believe a word of it.
967
01:12:48,254 --> 01:12:49,964
- Let's hang them, Sheriff!
- String them up!
968
01:12:49,964 --> 01:12:51,966
Who'd dump water in the desert?
969
01:12:51,966 --> 01:12:54,051
Wouldn't be the first time.
970
01:12:54,051 --> 01:12:56,971
It's a puzzle!
It's like a big old mammogram!
971
01:12:56,971 --> 01:12:58,890
What's going on, Sheriff?
972
01:12:58,890 --> 01:13:00,349
I don't know.
973
01:13:00,349 --> 01:13:04,479
But I'm going to strip away this mystery
and expose its private parts.
974
01:13:04,479 --> 01:13:10,068
You and your kin are coming with me.
975
01:13:11,278 --> 01:13:12,570
They're coming!
976
01:13:12,570 --> 01:13:15,490
Here they come!
977
01:13:15,490 --> 01:13:20,788
Looks like they got them robbers.
978
01:13:40,476 --> 01:13:44,271
Where's the water?
979
01:13:44,980 --> 01:13:49,277
There weren't no water.
980
01:14:01,080 --> 01:14:03,875
Where is he going?
981
01:14:03,875 --> 01:14:08,463
He's going to see the Mayor.
982
01:14:08,463 --> 01:14:10,465
He's got to be pleased with that.
983
01:14:10,465 --> 01:14:14,887
That's a good one, boss!
984
01:14:22,186 --> 01:14:23,354
That's interesting.
985
01:14:23,354 --> 01:14:26,357
I do apologise for the shoes, Mr Rango,
986
01:14:26,357 --> 01:14:29,694
but there's a certain protocol
to this game, you understand.
987
01:14:29,694 --> 01:14:32,155
I'm a bit of a stickler for protocol.
988
01:14:32,155 --> 01:14:35,159
Well, that's good,'cause you got
a few questions to answer
989
01:14:35,159 --> 01:14:40,081
and I've got my own protocol.
990
01:14:41,457 --> 01:14:44,460
But why would anyone dump water
in the blooming desert?
991
01:14:44,460 --> 01:14:48,590
It does seem a bit naive, taking the word
of admitted bank robbers.
992
01:14:48,590 --> 01:14:52,385
Besides, once they hang,
yourjob is done.
993
01:14:52,385 --> 01:14:53,886
- Bravo!
- Job well done.
994
01:14:53,886 --> 01:14:56,973
But what if somebody did rob the bank
before they got there?
995
01:14:56,973 --> 01:14:59,184
And who would do that, Mr Rango?
996
01:14:59,184 --> 01:15:01,562
I was hoping you could tell me.
997
01:15:01,562 --> 01:15:04,565
That sounds marginally
near to an accusation.
998
01:15:04,565 --> 01:15:09,070
Take it any way you like.
999
01:15:11,989 --> 01:15:15,660
Something you said keeps rattling
around in my frontal lobe.
1000
01:15:15,660 --> 01:15:17,579
What's that?
1001
01:15:17,579 --> 01:15:21,875
"Control the water
and you control everything."
1002
01:15:21,875 --> 01:15:24,086
Come now, Mr Rango.
1003
01:15:24,086 --> 01:15:27,088
You attribute divine power to me.
1004
01:15:27,088 --> 01:15:32,762
How on earth
could I possibly control the water?
1005
01:15:32,762 --> 01:15:35,973
You've obviously mastered this game.
1006
01:15:35,973 --> 01:15:39,394
Well, I've been playing it
for many years, sir.
1007
01:15:39,394 --> 01:15:42,772
I was here before the highway split
this great valley.
1008
01:15:42,772 --> 01:15:45,483
I watched the march of progress,
1009
01:15:45,483 --> 01:15:48,487
and I learned a thing or two.
1010
01:15:48,487 --> 01:15:51,781
Perhaps it's time you started
to take the long view,
1011
01:15:51,781 --> 01:15:56,286
begin to appreciate
the broad sweep of history.
1012
01:15:56,286 --> 01:15:58,664
Look out there, son.
1013
01:15:58,664 --> 01:16:03,878
You can almost see time passing.
1014
01:16:04,378 --> 01:16:06,463
What are you building out here?
1015
01:16:06,463 --> 01:16:09,968
The future, Mr Rango, the future.
1016
01:16:09,968 --> 01:16:13,680
One day soon,
all this is going to fade into myth,
1017
01:16:13,680 --> 01:16:16,683
the frontier town, the lawman,
the gunslinger.
1018
01:16:16,683 --> 01:16:19,186
There's just no place
for them any more.
1019
01:16:19,186 --> 01:16:23,274
- We're civilised now.
- That's right, civilised.
1020
01:16:23,274 --> 01:16:24,983
That's what the future holds.
1021
01:16:24,983 --> 01:16:28,695
You can either be part of it,
or you can be left behind.
1022
01:16:28,695 --> 01:16:32,699
Is that what happened to
Mr Merrimack? Did he get left behind?
1023
01:16:32,699 --> 01:16:37,663
Careful, Mr Rango. You seem to forget
you're just one little lizard.
1024
01:16:37,663 --> 01:16:44,170
You seem to forget
I'm the law around these parts.
1025
01:16:44,170 --> 01:16:47,382
Our new sheriff has been
playing the hero for so long,
1026
01:16:47,382 --> 01:16:49,885
he's actually starting to believe it.
1027
01:16:49,885 --> 01:16:52,388
Call in Rattlesnake Jake.
1028
01:16:52,388 --> 01:16:55,182
But Jake's the Grim Reaper.
1029
01:16:55,182 --> 01:16:57,685
He never leaves
without taking a blooming soul.
1030
01:16:57,685 --> 01:17:00,271
Do it!
1031
01:17:13,368 --> 01:17:21,376
Now be still. You gotta look
presentable to meet your maker.
1032
01:17:23,378 --> 01:17:27,091
Death has arrived
1033
01:17:31,179 --> 01:17:35,767
How will the hero survive?
1034
01:17:39,396 --> 01:17:42,566
The Mayor has bought up
all the land in the valley,
1035
01:17:42,566 --> 01:17:44,568
except for your ranch, Miss Beans.
1036
01:17:44,568 --> 01:17:48,572
That just don't make no sense.
Without water, that land is useless.
1037
01:17:48,572 --> 01:17:51,367
Unless he controls the water.
1038
01:17:51,367 --> 01:17:53,369
Like a monkey's bladder!
1039
01:17:53,369 --> 01:17:55,872
Then he could bring it back
once he's bought up all the land.
1040
01:17:55,872 --> 01:17:59,167
But how does he control the water?
1041
01:17:59,167 --> 01:18:02,379
Well, you gotta spend some time
and train them.
1042
01:18:02,379 --> 01:18:05,799
'Cause you know monkeys, when
they do go, you rub their nose in it.
1043
01:18:05,799 --> 01:18:10,387
Sheriff, we got a problem.
1044
01:18:14,475 --> 01:18:20,482
Hold on, Beans.
That won't be necessary.
1045
01:18:21,399 --> 01:18:24,778
- Hang him till his head turns blue!
- Give us them robbers!
1046
01:18:24,778 --> 01:18:27,280
Hold on! Calm down, everyone!
Let me talk!
1047
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:29,699
- Nail them to the courthouse!
- Now, calm down, everybody.
1048
01:18:29,699 --> 01:18:32,995
Get them out here
so we can cut off their giblets!
1049
01:18:32,995 --> 01:18:34,579
You, too, Spoons?
1050
01:18:34,579 --> 01:18:38,084
They done taken that water.
They taken everything we got!
1051
01:18:38,084 --> 01:18:41,170
No one's stringing anyone up.
Not while I'm sheriff.
1052
01:18:41,170 --> 01:18:42,505
But this is all his fault!
1053
01:18:42,505 --> 01:18:45,007
You said you's gonna
bring the water back.
1054
01:18:45,007 --> 01:18:47,593
It's just, we got no hope
without that water.
1055
01:18:47,593 --> 01:18:50,179
We got nothing left to believe in.
1056
01:18:50,179 --> 01:18:52,474
You see that sign up there?
1057
01:18:52,474 --> 01:18:54,809
As long as that sign says "Sheriff,"
1058
01:18:54,809 --> 01:18:57,312
you can believe that there's
law and order in this town.
1059
01:18:57,312 --> 01:19:01,400
But without law and order,
ruminate on that. Oh, yeah.
1060
01:19:01,400 --> 01:19:04,694
Starts out slow, like a fungus.
1061
01:19:04,694 --> 01:19:07,489
Somebody says a cross word.
Accusations start flying.
1062
01:19:07,489 --> 01:19:10,409
Neighbour turns on neighbour.
Pretty soon, we're eating our children!
1063
01:19:10,409 --> 01:19:11,911
And then dogs and cats
are getting together
1064
01:19:11,911 --> 01:19:15,581
to create all sorts of unnatural
mutant aberrations!
1065
01:19:15,581 --> 01:19:19,586
So, you want something
to believe in, Spoons?
1066
01:19:19,586 --> 01:19:22,380
Believe in me.
1067
01:19:22,380 --> 01:19:25,384
Believe in that there sign.
1068
01:19:25,384 --> 01:19:31,682
For as long as it hangs there,
we got hope.
1069
01:19:54,206 --> 01:19:57,001
Hello, brother.
1070
01:19:57,001 --> 01:19:59,795
Thirsty?
1071
01:20:09,597 --> 01:20:14,603
Long time, brother.
How you been keeping?
1072
01:20:14,603 --> 01:20:18,315
Well, you know...
1073
01:20:18,690 --> 01:20:23,112
I hear you been telling about how
you killed all them Jenkins brothers.
1074
01:20:23,112 --> 01:20:25,907
With one bullet, wasn't it?
1075
01:20:25,907 --> 01:20:27,909
Isn't that right?
1076
01:20:27,909 --> 01:20:32,288
All these good folks here
believe your little stories, don't they?
1077
01:20:32,288 --> 01:20:36,084
Why, they believe you're just
a stone killer, don't they?
1078
01:20:36,084 --> 01:20:39,504
Seems these folks trust you.
1079
01:20:39,504 --> 01:20:42,591
They think you're gonna save
their little town.
1080
01:20:42,591 --> 01:20:49,390
They think you're gonna save
their little souls!
1081
01:20:50,182 --> 01:20:55,104
But we know better, don't we?
1082
01:20:59,316 --> 01:21:02,988
So why don't you show your friends here
what you're made of?
1083
01:21:02,988 --> 01:21:05,990
Show them who you really are.
1084
01:21:05,990 --> 01:21:09,119
Why don't you just pull your gun
and shoot me?
1085
01:21:09,119 --> 01:21:12,081
But, of course, you
won't need all these.
1086
01:21:12,081 --> 01:21:15,709
Just one, right?
1087
01:21:16,293 --> 01:21:21,590
Go ahead, hero. Pull the trigger.
1088
01:21:22,800 --> 01:21:27,514
You got killer in your eyes, son?
1089
01:21:27,514 --> 01:21:31,017
I don't see it.
1090
01:21:31,810 --> 01:21:35,313
You didn't do any of them things
you said, did you?
1091
01:21:35,313 --> 01:21:39,401
You didn't kill them Jenkins brothers.
You ain't even from the West!
1092
01:21:39,401 --> 01:21:41,319
Are you?
1093
01:21:41,319 --> 01:21:43,989
- Say it!
- No.
1094
01:21:43,989 --> 01:21:49,787
Speak up.
I don't think your friends here heard you.
1095
01:21:49,787 --> 01:21:50,997
No.
1096
01:21:50,997 --> 01:21:53,583
All you've done is lie
to these good people.
1097
01:21:53,583 --> 01:21:58,004
You ain't nothing but a fake
and a coward. Isn't that right?
1098
01:21:58,004 --> 01:21:59,297
Yes.
1099
01:21:59,297 --> 01:22:02,884
- Louder!
- Yes.
1100
01:22:05,512 --> 01:22:08,807
Listen close, you pathetic fraud.
1101
01:22:08,807 --> 01:22:11,893
This is my town now.
1102
01:22:11,893 --> 01:22:20,820
If I ever see you again, I will take
your soul straight down to hell!
1103
01:22:33,209 --> 01:22:36,420
Who are you?
1104
01:24:31,501 --> 01:24:34,421
Who am I?
1105
01:24:35,213 --> 01:24:38,300
I'm nobody.
1106
01:26:31,128 --> 01:26:34,840
Golden guardians.
1107
01:26:35,007 --> 01:26:39,303
The alabaster carriage.
1108
01:26:41,639 --> 01:26:45,935
The Spirit of the West.
1109
01:26:48,605 --> 01:26:53,610
Excuse me? Mister Spirit, sir?
1110
01:26:55,028 --> 01:27:01,619
There's a beaut. Sometimes you got to
dig deep to find what you're looking for.
1111
01:27:01,619 --> 01:27:04,038
So you made it.
1112
01:27:04,038 --> 01:27:05,331
Is this heaven?
1113
01:27:05,331 --> 01:27:09,418
If it were, we'd be eating Pop-Tarts
with Kim Novak.
1114
01:27:09,418 --> 01:27:10,836
Yeah.
1115
01:27:10,836 --> 01:27:14,340
No kidding.
What are you doing out here?
1116
01:27:14,340 --> 01:27:17,344
Searching, same as you.
1117
01:27:17,344 --> 01:27:20,639
I don't even know
what I'm looking for any more.
1118
01:27:20,639 --> 01:27:23,225
I don't even know who I am.
1119
01:27:23,225 --> 01:27:27,020
They used to call you
the Man with No Name.
1120
01:27:27,020 --> 01:27:31,024
These days they got a name
forjust about everything.
1121
01:27:31,024 --> 01:27:35,404
Doesn't matter what they call you.
It's the deeds make the man.
1122
01:27:35,404 --> 01:27:39,326
Yeah, but my deeds just made things
worse. I'm a fraud. I'm a phoney!
1123
01:27:39,326 --> 01:27:43,330
My friends believed in me,
but they need some kind of hero.
1124
01:27:43,330 --> 01:27:45,123
Then be a hero.
1125
01:27:45,123 --> 01:27:49,127
No. No, no, you don't understand.
I'm not even supposed to be here.
1126
01:27:49,127 --> 01:27:54,425
That's right. You came a long way
to find something that isn't out here.
1127
01:27:54,425 --> 01:27:58,137
Don't you see? It's not about you.
1128
01:27:58,137 --> 01:28:01,724
It's about them.
1129
01:28:02,642 --> 01:28:04,143
But I can't go back.
1130
01:28:04,143 --> 01:28:09,941
Don't know that you got a choice, son.
1131
01:28:10,316 --> 01:28:16,031
No man can walk out on his own story.
1132
01:28:25,624 --> 01:28:28,711
So you made it.
1133
01:28:28,711 --> 01:28:35,009
That's right, amigo.
The other side of the road.
1134
01:28:35,009 --> 01:28:37,721
Did you just see that?
1135
01:28:37,721 --> 01:28:41,641
We each see what we need to see.
1136
01:28:41,641 --> 01:28:45,645
Beautiful, isn't it?
1137
01:28:55,615 --> 01:28:57,825
Yeah.
1138
01:28:57,825 --> 01:28:59,827
It is.
1139
01:28:59,827 --> 01:29:06,418
Come, my friend.
I want to show you something.
1140
01:29:06,626 --> 01:29:12,048
Many years ago,
this entire valley was covered in agua.
1141
01:29:12,048 --> 01:29:17,012
Now only one question remains.
1142
01:29:17,221 --> 01:29:20,849
Where did it go?
1143
01:29:53,718 --> 01:29:55,845
They follow the water.
1144
01:29:55,845 --> 01:30:00,934
They follow the water! Come on!
1145
01:30:33,844 --> 01:30:39,225
That just don't make no sense.
Without water, that land is useless.
1146
01:30:39,225 --> 01:30:41,227
What are you building out here?
1147
01:30:41,227 --> 01:30:43,229
The future, Mr Rango.
1148
01:30:43,229 --> 01:30:50,237
You can either be part of it,
or you can be left behind.
1149
01:30:50,237 --> 01:30:56,243
I was here before the highway split
this great valley.
1150
01:30:56,243 --> 01:30:58,954
I watched the march of progress
1151
01:30:58,954 --> 01:31:03,835
and I learned a thing or two.
1152
01:31:06,420 --> 01:31:08,756
Control the water
1153
01:31:08,756 --> 01:31:13,427
and you control everything.
1154
01:31:17,932 --> 01:31:20,352
Come now, Mr Rango.
1155
01:31:20,352 --> 01:31:22,229
You attribute divine power to me.
1156
01:31:22,229 --> 01:31:29,027
How on earth
could I possibly control the water?
1157
01:32:01,729 --> 01:32:05,358
What now, amigo?
1158
01:32:11,323 --> 01:32:16,036
No man can walk out on his own story.
1159
01:32:16,036 --> 01:32:18,831
I'm going back.
1160
01:32:18,831 --> 01:32:21,333
But why?
1161
01:32:21,333 --> 01:32:25,754
Because that's who I am.
1162
01:32:35,557 --> 01:32:41,229
You got a lot of nerve showing up here,
lawman. What is it you want?
1163
01:32:41,229 --> 01:32:46,360
Your pappy and them boys are about
to hang for something they didn't do.
1164
01:32:46,360 --> 01:32:50,364
But I've got a plan.
1165
01:33:16,059 --> 01:33:19,061
I appreciate how difficult
this is for you, Beans.
1166
01:33:19,061 --> 01:33:22,148
But you're making a practical decision.
1167
01:33:22,148 --> 01:33:24,942
Decisions, decisions.
1168
01:33:24,942 --> 01:33:30,866
There's no need for any more suffering.
1169
01:33:34,661 --> 01:33:38,665
Your family's ranch is nothing
but a wasteland now.
1170
01:33:38,665 --> 01:33:45,464
Sign the deed and relieve yourself
of your father's burden.
1171
01:33:45,464 --> 01:33:48,468
My daddy was not a burden!
1172
01:33:48,468 --> 01:33:54,849
Keep your blood money
and I'll keep my land!
1173
01:33:56,935 --> 01:34:00,230
Do what he says or,
by all the fires of the black pit,
1174
01:34:00,230 --> 01:34:04,360
I'll squeeze them pretty brown eyes
out of your skull!
1175
01:34:04,360 --> 01:34:06,654
Now, hold on, Jake.
There's no need to...
1176
01:34:06,654 --> 01:34:09,156
Let me do my job! You brought me in.
1177
01:34:09,156 --> 01:34:12,451
Now we're gonna play this thing
out to the end!
1178
01:34:12,451 --> 01:34:15,163
Sign the damn paper, woman!
1179
01:34:15,163 --> 01:34:17,165
Go to hell!
1180
01:34:17,165 --> 01:34:20,042
Where do you think I come from?
1181
01:34:20,042 --> 01:34:22,462
Look into my eyes.
1182
01:34:22,462 --> 01:34:26,633
I want to see you die.
1183
01:34:29,970 --> 01:34:32,431
Jake!
1184
01:34:34,558 --> 01:34:38,562
I'm calling you out!
1185
01:34:38,855 --> 01:34:40,648
Jake!
1186
01:34:40,648 --> 01:34:47,071
This day
just got a little more interesting.
1187
01:35:12,265 --> 01:35:13,558
Put her down.
1188
01:35:13,558 --> 01:35:17,270
Or what, little man?
You going to kill me?
1189
01:35:17,270 --> 01:35:21,858
That's just about the size of it.
1190
01:35:21,858 --> 01:35:24,570
- Get your filthy paws off me!
- Shut your gob!
1191
01:35:24,570 --> 01:35:30,034
All right, Sheriff, make your move.
1192
01:37:00,046 --> 01:37:03,258
Nown amigos!
1193
01:37:06,053 --> 01:37:11,142
- Heave! Heave!
- Heave! Heave!
1194
01:37:26,658 --> 01:37:30,662
That was a bad idea.
1195
01:37:33,374 --> 01:37:37,044
Thirsty, brother?
1196
01:37:38,044 --> 01:37:41,465
Here it comes!
1197
01:37:42,049 --> 01:37:44,760
No. No!
1198
01:37:47,471 --> 01:37:48,848
It's a miracle!
1199
01:37:48,848 --> 01:37:51,768
Look out!
1200
01:37:57,357 --> 01:38:00,944
- Lookee there!
- What is that?
1201
01:38:00,944 --> 01:38:02,445
It's our salvation, Pa!
1202
01:38:02,445 --> 01:38:08,661
It's a jailbreak, boys!
We're busting out!
1203
01:38:15,751 --> 01:38:19,964
I'm gonna blow so many holes in you,
your guts'll be leaking lead!
1204
01:38:19,964 --> 01:38:27,055
Well, then
it's a good thing I brought some backup.
1205
01:38:33,979 --> 01:38:36,482
What?
1206
01:38:38,860 --> 01:38:40,778
Ain't no hawk.
1207
01:38:40,778 --> 01:38:45,074
Ain't nothing but bats!
1208
01:38:45,450 --> 01:38:52,666
Stick to the plan, boys!
Let's bleed that devil dry!
1209
01:39:01,050 --> 01:39:03,386
It only takes one bullet.
1210
01:39:03,386 --> 01:39:06,681
You ain't got the nerve.
1211
01:39:06,681 --> 01:39:09,350
Try me.
1212
01:39:12,479 --> 01:39:14,772
Oh, Mr Rango.
1213
01:39:14,772 --> 01:39:19,986
Aren't you forgetting something?
1214
01:39:21,655 --> 01:39:26,285
Hand me your gun, Sheriff.
1215
01:39:26,577 --> 01:39:29,956
Now, Mr Rango.
1216
01:39:40,467 --> 01:39:43,678
Beans! Hold on.
Don't worry, I got a plan.
1217
01:39:43,678 --> 01:39:45,972
Help!
1218
01:39:45,972 --> 01:39:48,851
Open the door!
1219
01:39:48,851 --> 01:39:51,562
Okay, plan B.
1220
01:39:51,562 --> 01:39:53,272
Beans, you're mumbling.
1221
01:39:53,272 --> 01:39:58,069
All my problems taken care of
except for one.
1222
01:39:58,069 --> 01:39:59,278
It's a new West, Jake.
1223
01:39:59,278 --> 01:40:03,783
There's no room for gunslingers
any more. We're businessmen now.
1224
01:40:03,783 --> 01:40:05,576
Yeah, we got new hats.
1225
01:40:05,576 --> 01:40:10,582
Where I come from,
we call this improvisation.
1226
01:40:10,582 --> 01:40:13,961
You came back.
1227
01:40:20,593 --> 01:40:21,886
What was that?
1228
01:40:21,886 --> 01:40:24,555
No need to panic,
but I think you just swallowed plan B.
1229
01:40:24,555 --> 01:40:27,058
What?
1230
01:40:27,267 --> 01:40:28,893
Okay, panic time.
1231
01:40:28,893 --> 01:40:31,979
You and the Sheriff are more alike
than you think.
1232
01:40:31,979 --> 01:40:33,857
You're nothing but legends.
1233
01:40:33,857 --> 01:40:40,864
Pretty soon,
no one will believe you even existed.
1234
01:40:40,864 --> 01:40:45,786
One last bullet to kill one last outlaw.
1235
01:40:45,786 --> 01:40:48,956
How fitting.
1236
01:41:21,783 --> 01:41:24,077
Sheriff, I'm sure if we work together,
1237
01:41:24,077 --> 01:41:28,290
we can reach a mutually beneficial
solution to our current situation.
1238
01:41:28,290 --> 01:41:33,378
You better take it up with him.
1239
01:41:41,763 --> 01:41:44,890
One bullet.
1240
01:41:44,974 --> 01:41:47,477
I tip my hat to you,
1241
01:41:47,477 --> 01:41:51,689
one legend to another.
1242
01:41:52,190 --> 01:41:54,484
What was that you said?
1243
01:41:54,484 --> 01:41:59,281
"Pretty soon,
no one will believe you even existed."
1244
01:41:59,281 --> 01:42:02,576
No, Jake! No!
1245
01:42:13,796 --> 01:42:16,382
Rango!
1246
01:42:16,675 --> 01:42:20,470
You brought the water back,
just like you promised.
1247
01:42:20,470 --> 01:42:23,473
You really are a hero.
1248
01:42:23,473 --> 01:42:26,685
Well, the thing about heroes is,
whenever you...
1249
01:42:26,685 --> 01:42:28,687
Don't spoil it.
1250
01:42:28,687 --> 01:42:30,398
Right.
1251
01:42:30,398 --> 01:42:37,196
Well, I don't know about you all,
but I could sure go for a dip.
1252
01:42:37,196 --> 01:42:40,199
And so the lizard completes his journey
1253
01:42:40,199 --> 01:42:44,287
from humble beginnings
to the legend we sing of today.
1254
01:42:44,287 --> 01:42:49,084
And although he is certain to die,
perhaps from a household accident,
1255
01:42:49,084 --> 01:42:52,171
which account
for 65% of all unnatural deaths,
1256
01:42:52,171 --> 01:42:55,883
the people of the village
will honour his memory
1257
01:42:55,883 --> 01:43:01,388
even as they abandon their dignity.
1258
01:43:06,602 --> 01:43:09,063
- I'm going in.
- How about a cold one, there?
1259
01:43:09,063 --> 01:43:11,191
Water ain't money. Money is money.
1260
01:43:11,191 --> 01:43:14,403
- Well, I ain't got no...
- We're talking hard cash.
1261
01:43:14,403 --> 01:43:15,695
We have a problem.
1262
01:43:15,695 --> 01:43:18,490
Who let Snuggles in the pool again?
1263
01:43:18,490 --> 01:43:21,077
I really think you complete me.
1264
01:43:21,077 --> 01:43:23,371
Prithee, unhand my fair maiden.
1265
01:43:23,371 --> 01:43:26,498
- Cut. Cut. Everybody, take five.
- How can you keep missing your mark?
1266
01:43:26,498 --> 01:43:29,377
What's my motivation?
1267
01:43:29,377 --> 01:43:31,087
Oh, you kids.
1268
01:43:31,087 --> 01:43:32,964
What did you do that for?
1269
01:43:32,964 --> 01:43:35,592
I was just checking.
I hear if you get too sunburnt,
1270
01:43:35,592 --> 01:43:37,385
you can peel a man's face right off.
1271
01:43:37,385 --> 01:43:39,095
- What is it?
- That there's some human spleen.
1272
01:43:39,095 --> 01:43:40,180
Don't touch it.
1273
01:43:40,180 --> 01:43:41,890
That's the second time
that's happened to me.
1274
01:43:41,890 --> 01:43:43,600
This water thing's great.
1275
01:43:43,600 --> 01:43:45,185
I'm urinating right now.
1276
01:43:45,185 --> 01:43:48,397
Adult swim, next five minutes.
1277
01:43:48,397 --> 01:43:50,774
Stay between the buoys.
1278
01:43:50,774 --> 01:43:52,276
I packed your lunch. Danish is in there
1279
01:43:52,276 --> 01:43:54,070
and I picked the raisins out
just the way you like it.
1280
01:43:54,070 --> 01:43:56,197
Don't forget, your nasal spray is
in your saddle-bag...
1281
01:43:56,197 --> 01:43:57,865
- Beans!
... and your moisturising lotion...
1282
01:43:57,865 --> 01:44:00,285
- Now, Beans! We've talked about this.
- Lotion?
1283
01:44:00,285 --> 01:44:03,079
That's for my gun. That's gun lotion.
1284
01:44:03,079 --> 01:44:04,790
Sheriff, where are you headed?
1285
01:44:04,790 --> 01:44:07,792
There's trouble down a dry creek.
Bad Bill's been acting up again.
1286
01:44:07,792 --> 01:44:09,794
Now, honey, you come back
with all your digits.
1287
01:44:09,794 --> 01:44:11,171
And don't go trying to be a hero.
1288
01:44:11,171 --> 01:44:12,798
Beans, you are missing the point.
1289
01:44:12,798 --> 01:44:16,177
I got an image to protect now.
1290
01:44:16,177 --> 01:44:19,096
Where's my Tic Tacs?
1291
01:44:19,096 --> 01:44:21,098
- I found them.
- What's going on?
1292
01:44:21,098 --> 01:44:24,102
Well, in order to satisfy the needs
of the collective,
1293
01:44:24,102 --> 01:44:25,978
the hero must abandon the self
1294
01:44:25,978 --> 01:44:30,775
and solidify his image as an icon
that will forever be remembered.
1295
01:44:30,775 --> 01:44:35,572
So, this is the sunset shot.
1296
01:44:41,578 --> 01:44:46,375
Give them a good one, amigo.
1297
01:44:53,091 --> 01:44:55,009
Ready, Excelsior?
1298
01:44:55,009 --> 01:44:56,970
My fellow comrades.
1299
01:44:56,970 --> 01:44:59,806
There will be times
when you doubt yourself.
1300
01:44:59,806 --> 01:45:03,393
When you feel pummelled
by the cataclysms of life,
1301
01:45:03,393 --> 01:45:07,481
remember this moment.
Remember me.
1302
01:45:07,481 --> 01:45:10,484
Know that I will be there watching you,
1303
01:45:10,484 --> 01:45:13,570
sometimes at inappropriate moments.
1304
01:45:13,570 --> 01:45:16,073
That's part of the deal.
1305
01:45:16,073 --> 01:45:19,786
And remember, within all of us resides
1306
01:45:19,786 --> 01:45:24,291
the true Spirit of the...
1307
01:45:25,500 --> 01:45:30,172
Let's take it from the top.
100372
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