Original subtitles

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

This is so fun, the three of us living together.

I know. Nothing beats girlfriends.

What movies did you rent?

Oh, I have Little Women, Terms of Endearment,

and EverAfter.

I never got to watch these kinds of films

when Eric and Jack lived here.

I'm so glad to see a movie without "Booty" in the title.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Good evening, ladies.

The boyfriends have arrived.

Let the kissy-kissy begin.

Howdy! Hi!

What are you doing here? I thought I told you

we were gonna hang in the apartment tonight.

I know, but I figure, you and Angela here,

me and Shawn not here, it's just not right. It's not.

Do that thing I like on my ear.

Oh, that's the one!

Oh, yeah! All right.

Oh, that's...

Yes?

We were gonna watch a movie.

Movie? Dark.

Good. Movie good.

All right. Let's see what you got.

Estrogen on Parade, Put Down the Seat,

and These Shoes or These Shoes.

Well... These are all very lovely.

However, no.

Perhaps the ladies are unaware of

Jennifer Lopez vs. Carmen Electra

on Celebrity Deathmatch?

In pudding.

On ponies.

This was supposed to be ladies' night, so if you...

No, ladies, tonight is booty night.

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Feeny, thanks for the job recommendation.

Manager of the Student Union

is gonna look real good on my resume.

Well, this is your last year in college, Jack.

I thought the work experience would be good for you.

Yeah, I know. It's kind of hard to believe

this time next year,

I'll be out in the cold, cruel world, trying to make it on my own.

Think you're ready for it?

Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm ready.

However, him, I am worried about.

Hey, Melissa.

Classical Civilization course got you blue, huh?

You know what you need? Bam!

A little more whipped cream makes everything better, baby.

Oh, and you two!

Will you please just stop dancing around each other?

You're dancing! You're dancing!

You come here every single day,

you sit across from each other,

you stare at each other, but nobody does nothing.

Well, you know something? I'm gonna do something.

So here, I want you to turn around,

I want you to look at each other.

I want you to smile. Come on, smile at him.

He's a good-looking guy. Smile at him. All right, good.

Aw, that's so cute. I want an invite, kids.

All right? Here.

Do something with that, all right?

I don't want to overstep my bounds,

but why would you recommend him as my assistant manager?

Well, as you said, it's a cold, cruel world.

A little preparation is good for everybody.

Right.

I understand what you're saying now.

You want him to learn from me.

Well, I was hoping it'd be good for both of you. That's good.

Mr. Feeny.

Eric Matthews, businessman.

What do you think, huh?

Very impressive. (LAUGHING)

What do you think?

Oh, Feeny, that is you.

Really? Really.

When the new Mrs. Feeny gets a look at you in that sweatshirt,

they're gonna have to hose her down, my friend.

Come on. It's just a sweatshirt.

Still, that's a rather masculine penguin, huh?

Perhaps for the right occasion, might just fit the bill.

You know, that's only 19.99, plus tax.

What's the tax?

Uh, it's a percentage of something,

but I'm not really sure.

Eric, can I see you for a minute, please?

Absolutely, boss.

You know something, Jack? This working thing is great.

I think I'm really a people person, you know?

Yeah, good for you. Listen, I don't want to bust up on your people parade,

but take this to the bank. Deposit it.

Whoo, the bank! Right on.

Hey, you know what?

Thank you for giving me this responsibility.

You can totally trust me with this.

Give me the bag! No, no, no, no, no!

I need that bank crap on my resume.

All right. Wait, wait, wait.

Just take it to the bank, deposit the money,

and then come right back.

Tell me what you're gonna do.

I'm gonna take the money to the bank, deposit it,

and come right back.

Very good. Keep saying it.

Take the money to the bank, deposit it,

and come right back. Keep saying it.

Take the money to the bank, deposit it,

and come right back. Keep saying it.

Take my mom to see Frank, clean my closet, take a nap.

Where am I?

Oh, yeah! (LAUGHING)

(MONKEY CHITTERING)

Sorry, Eric, I just don't have enough.

Huh?

I was talking to my friend here, little Eric.

He's a monkey.

The monkey's got the same name as me.

You're named Eric? I'm named Eric. Look at this.

And I'm the assistant manager of Student Union.

(LAUGHING) I'm here depositing 1,700 smackerinos.

Oh, hey, that's a lot of money.

That's the kind of money we no have, huh, Eric?

What do you need the money for, Mr. Organ Grinder?

For his girlfriend, Isabella.

He's got a little monkey babe, huh?

She's still in Milwaukee.

I no have enough money to send for her.

Eric won't do his happy dance without her.

Nobody wants to pay to see a depressed monkey.

Oh, how much do you need to bring Isabella here?

Let's see... There's shipping, handling,

little monkey cage... (MURMURING)

1,700 smackerinos!

That is exactly how much I have!

Oh, what a coincidence.

(LAUGHS)

Oh.

Oh, you know what?

I think you should take this.

I can't let money stand in the way of monkey love.

Really?

Oh! You're a good person.

Now little Eric won't be depressed

and we can earn a lot of money.

Where can I find you to pay you back?

At the Pennbrook University Student Union.

We cannot thank you enough.

Little Eric, show the man your happy dance!

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

That's the same as my happy dance!

This is some good meat here, Shawn.

You know what's great about girls?

Not yet.

They can never finish a meal in public.

They always bring it home to their refrigerators, like spiders.

Shawn, have you tried the rib roast yet? Mmm-mmm.

Come here.

Trade you for this turkey leg.

Okay.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm! Delish!

(EXCLAIMS)

Hey!

To what do we owe this free looky?

How did you get in here?

Mmm. Behold. A key.

Topanga gave it to me.

Now we can come and go as we please.

Great. I wish Topanga would have told me about it first.

(SIGHS)

She didn't tell you? Well, that's just wrong.

Well, now I just feel uncomfortable.

This is very awkward.

You must think we're like barbarians or something.

No, no, I'm sorry. I just...

I was a little surprised seeing you here,

eating my food,

which is mine.

But, you know, they're your girlfriends,

and I'm not gonna keep you from your girlfriends.

You're not? No.

So, you want us to stay?

Yeah, I guess.

Then we need horseradish!

Red, not white.

Ugh, white! Ugh!

And we're gonna need some macaroni and cheese.

Rugrats! Rugrats! Not dinosaurs!

We got some other stuff, too.

But we have a list for you.

We put it in your underwear drawer so you wouldn't miss it.

You were in my underwear drawer?

Oh, yeah. Hey, who gets to see that little purple number?

You know who gets to see it, Shawnie,

is that boy in the diary!

Oh, the purple number is hot!

You went in my diary? You read it?

Yeah, you're a very bad girl.

You think if we saw you in the purple underwear,

we'd scream, "Oh, mama"?

(SHRIEKS) Get out! Get out!

Out now! Out! Out!

Give me this!

Hey!

You can't kick us out. We've got a key.

Not anymore, you don't.

Out!

Okay, wait a minute. What's going on here?

How could you give him a key? How could you not even ask me

if they could have a key?

Just us three girls. Remember how it's supposed to be?

Oh, Rachel, you know we got back together.

They ate all of my food!

We needed carbos for kissing.

They read my diary.

Oh, Rachel!

That's just not true.

But if we did, you're a bad girl.

They went through my underwear drawer.

Oh, Rachel, that's just ludicrous, now.

Did you?

(SCOFFS)

He made me!

My name is Shawn, and I have a problem.

Rachel, look how cute they are when they're guilty.

Oh, come on. You cannot be mad at these guys.

Apologize to her.

BOTH: We're sorry we went through your underwear, miss.

Okay? Is that okay?

Now can they have their key back?

No, it's not okay.

I feel like I don't have any privacy.

I feel like I can't be myself in my own apartment.

Hey, that's ridiculous!

You can go back to being your bad self.

Oh, Rachel, it's Cory and Shawn.

Cory and I are getting married.

We're like family.

Is that the way you want it?

Let's all be like family. Come on.

Now can they have their key back?

Fine.

We'll be like one big happy family.

Don't you ever go near her underwear drawer...

Ever again!

(BOTH STAMMERING IN DISBELIEF)

Never?

What?

Just once? What?

Hey!

Hey. How'd it go at the bank? So good.

Great. Give me the deposit slip. Don't actually have one.

Why? Because I didn't deposit the money.

Why? 'Cause I did something better with it.

Why?

Because I gave it to a monkey.

You gave it to a monkey.

I didn't actually give it to a monkey.

I gave it to the organ grinder

so he could send for the monkey's girlfriend.

Hi. Little apology maybe?

How could I ever think you could be trusted?

The money's not gone.

The organ grinder... He promised he'd pay me back.

I did a good thing!

You were ripped off.

He gave me his word.

Grow up. Grow up.

When are you gonna grow up?

You are graduating in May.

No more me, no more parents, Mr. Feeny to clean up your little messes!

This world is gonna crush you!

I feel sorry for you, man,

but I'm not gonna let you drag me down with you.

Hey!

Keep those lips where I can see them.

I'm trying to run a business here.

Go do it in your car.

Hey, Eric, our hot chocolates ready yet?

$4.

I see that's the advertised price,

but, uh, you haven't figured in the brotherly discount of free.

Pay up, deadbeat!

It's a cold, cruel world out there.

There's not gonna be people around to clean up your messes!

I'm telling Mom.

Get to the point, Mr. Grisham, I'm getting bored.

Hey, hey, hey, reader guy!

I'm sorry, does this... Mmm, no, no. Does this look like a library to you?

(STAMMERING) No, no, I...

"No, no. I was just... I was just..." No, you're reading it.

You're reading it, you buy it.

14.04. Cough it up.

Well, I... Cough it up!

I don't have any pennies.

Hey, hey, hey! What?

Bank is closed!

I suppose I could put it on a credit card.

Oh, fine!

Here. Thank you.

What is this? What is this?

You see this? You see your card here? You see that?

(EXCLAIMS)

It's bogus. It expired in 1967!

That's "cardmember since," you moron!

What the hell's wrong with you?

Eric, what are these boxes doing here?

Come on, get them down to the storeroom. Let's go.

You got it, boss. Right away, right away.

One thing. Watch out for that guy over there.

What did you do to him?

What? Oh, I told him to be more responsible.

Come on, Mr. Feeny. I know when you put him together with me,

you wanted a little bit of me to rub off on him.

Well, it did.

He's efficient for the first time in his life.

And he's better off for it, too.

This whole student union is better off for it, don't you think?

Frankly, Mr. Hunter, this place gives me the willies.

May I help the next person in line, please?

May I help the next person in line, please?

Take this week's receipts, go to the bank, deposit them.

How hard can that possibly be?

Please, I'm only two payments behind...

I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.

But if you take my car, I can't get to work.

I can't make any payments.

I'm the sole support of my kids.

How do I drive them to school?

All right.

I won't report this just yet if you give me your word

that you can make payment on time this month.

Her word?

Might I explain to you

what the inherent value of her word is?

Zilch, zippo, goose egg.

Why are you so mean?

Because, madam, this is corporate America,

not Candy Land.

And as for you...

You were going to give this woman some sort of charity, weren't you?

Yes. I'm tired of cleaning up your messes!

You know what you're going to amount to in this world?

Zilch, zippo, goose egg!

I'm sorry. I'll change.

I'll be more like you.

No.

No, don't... Don't be like me.

(SIGHS) Don't be like me at all.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Ma'am...

(SIGHS) You take this. You need it.

You make your payment and drive your kids to school.

I don't know how to thank you.

I'll pay you back as soon as I can.

Oh, no, no, don't worry about that. That's not important.

That's not important.

This is all your fault, Fenswegler.

Are you sure we should be doing this?

Yeah, I feel kind of bad.

Rachel's alone in the other room.

I mean, she was real ticked off about the diary and stuff.

Look, you guys apologized.

She understands that you guys are our boyfriends,

and you have every right to be here.

Yeah, you heard her, "We're one big happy family."

Well, in that case... We got a lot more kissing to do.

Hey, guys.

Hey, we were just...

Hey. Fine.

Oh, don't stop on my account.

Remember, we're one big happy family.

You don't mind if I play some music, do you?

(SULTRY BOSSA NOVA PLAYING)

Rachel, what are you doing?

Dishes!

Don't stop. Do the dishes.

Scrub-a-dub-dub!

Oh, don't you love this music?

I do now.

Rachel, um, isn't that a little cold?

No! She's not cold! No! She's wearing slippers!

You guys have a little room for me on the couch?

Yes. Certainly.

Ow!

Cory! Shawn!

BOTH: Sorry.

Stop looking at her!

Shawn!

Oh, how can you be mad at these two?

They are so cute!

No, they are not cute.

They are pigs!

Oh, but it's cute when they look at my underwear as long as I'm not wearing it?

No, but...

What about my diary?

What we were saying was that... Wait, wait! I have a question!

Are you gonna do the dishes some more?

Ow! Okay, okay.

We're leaving.

We are? Yes, Cory.

Give me your key.

No!

What just happened?

We're not part of the family anymore.

Okay, you're right. They're not cute. They're pigs.

And we were insensitive.

We should have considered your privacy.

No. I love the guys, I do...

Yeah, they obviously love you, too.

No, I just don't want to be taken advantage of.

I think we should set some boundaries.

Well, we've learned our lesson.

Yeah. The guys have, too. I'm sure they're thinking about it the whole way home.

Come on, Topanga. Move out of the way.

I want to see the underwear! Cory, let me look!

No! I haven't seen anything yet.

Cory, you're almost married!

Almost!

You know what? We're big pigs.

This is wrong.

Hey, hey, hey!

Same stirrer. Same stirrer. Same stirrer.

Eric, it's okay.

No. You know something, Jack? It's not okay. All right?

Share the Sweet'N Low. Share it.

Sweet,

Low.

No, Eric, listen.

I don't want you to change.

Come back, man. Where's my old buddy?

He's dead. He's gone.

He was inefficient and unprepared

for that cold, cruel world. But you know what, Jack?

You did him a favor, and you killed him.

Same stirrer!

How hard is that?

You know, this world is only cold and cruel

because people like me believe you have to be that way to succeed.

Well, you know something, Jack?

I'm gonna succeed in it.

One napkin!

Eric... Eric, please, man. I was wrong.

Just forget all that, all right?

We don't want to be any part of that world.

(SIGHS)

You knew that, didn't you?

Well, I've lived in this world a long time now.

I think I know it fairly well.

So all this time, you didn't want me to rub off on him.

You wanted him to rub off on me.

I wanted both, Jack.

You see, it's not enough to leave school

and just desire to succeed in this cold, cruel world,

because then you simply become a part of it.

You must also have the desire to change it.

And to change it,

you need your fine mind and his good heart.

Yeah, Mr. Feeny, you saved the day.

Look, Jack, I'm gonna need the day's receipts, all right?

I'll put them in the cash register.

Don't have 'em.

Why not?

Because I gave the money to someone who really needed it.

Please tell me you did not fall for somebody's sob story.

Yeah, actually, I did. I did.

You know what? I'm gonna be working day and night here to pay that back.

But it's okay.

'Cause somehow I finally found my priorities.

You know something, Jack? You're never gonna see that money again.

You are as stupid as I used to be.

(CHITTERING)

Hey, it's little Eric and big Eric!

Little Eric, is that you?

And I got one more surprise for everybody.

(IN SINGSONG VOICE) Isabella!

(CHITTERING)

Here's that nice man I told you about.

It's... It's you! You came back.

I knew he'd come back. I knew he'd come back. Didn't I say that, Jack?

Yeah. Yeah, you did. You did good, man.

Well, of course I came back. I gave you my word.

And here's the money I borrowed.

Oh, you made two monkeys very happy.

Oh, you're a good boy.

Don't ever change.

You're a good boy. Don't ever change.

I'll try not to.

Okay?