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1
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Firefighters may strike
2
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,498
if plans go ahead to halve
the number of fire engines
3
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,128
in five stations
in the capital today.
4
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,865
Joseph Conrad says
that inside every heart
5
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,398
burns the desire to set down
once and for all
6
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,206
a true record
of what has happened.
7
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,372
Come this way.
8
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:56,178
Of course, maybe for Conrad
that kind of thing was easy,
9
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,242
because maybe Conrad
was the kind of person
10
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,707
who could always work
out exactly what had happened.
11
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,745
If so, he was a lucky man.
12
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,690
Luckier than me anyway.
13
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,921
In my own life,
nothing that has happened,
14
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,555
nothing that can happen,
15
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:13,123
compares with the strangeness
of a single summer.
16
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,896
Sir.
17
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,267
The summer when I first met
Victor Quinn.
18
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,465
"Many are the stories with
interesting beginnings,
19
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,475
but harder to find are
the stories which end well."
20
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,033
I'm sorry?
21
00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:26,308
Surely you can't
have forgotten.
22
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,848
Oh, right.
I see.
23
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,408
Your own words.
24
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,887
Though maybe you write
so many you lose track.
25
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,981
Victor Quinn.
26
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,616
- Paul Peplow.
- Of course.
27
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,628
"End well" in which sense?
28
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,756
Meaning a story ends well,
meaning happily for its subject,
29
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:48,234
or well, meaning in a way
which satisfies the reader?
30
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,827
Or did you intend both?
31
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,771
Both, I think.
It was just a book review.
32
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,297
- Drink?
- No, thank you.
33
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,310
Of course.
Wrong of me to ask.
34
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,138
Well, as you know,
35
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,012
I don't often agree
to be interviewed.
36
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,915
- It's kind of you.
- Not at all.
37
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,113
Why are you normally
so reclusive?
38
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,621
Ah, the notebook's
coming out.
39
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:11,147
How can you call me a recluse?
I live in the center of London.
40
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,058
- But you don't give interviews.
- I'm not an exhibitionist, no.
41
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,789
I'm a simple man.
42
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,423
I took the liberty of ordering for you.
I hope you don't mind.
43
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,763
And how did you know
I'd refuse a drink?
44
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,599
Well, I believe
you belong to
45
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,401
what cooks on television
call the vulnerable groups.
46
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,533
"Remember: don't put
brandy in this pudding,
47
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,203
- you endanger the vulnerable groups."
- No.
48
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:34,043
"Hello my name is Paul.
I'm an alcoholic."
49
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,549
You see? I've studied
the course myself.
50
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,016
It's not really a course.
51
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,020
No, a course
implies an end.
52
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,784
And in this case
there is no end.
53
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,087
I'm interested
in the meetings.
54
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,558
Are you?
Why is that?
55
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,857
Paul, we can talk
about anything you like.
56
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,386
But first of all you're
going to have to concede
57
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,422
the accuracy
of my intelligence.
58
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,792
I go to meetings, yes.
59
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,064
I've no idea
how you know.
60
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,436
Well, England is
a series of clubs;
61
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,941
No club more celebrated,
62
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,466
no club more socially
advantageous than yours.
63
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,376
Obviously you didn't go
very often.
64
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:09,007
But you say what you think
these meetings are.
65
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,812
A means.
66
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,978
One means of people
helping one another.
67
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:16,114
I suppose we should start
by discussing Flotilla,
68
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,987
its recent move
to the stock market.
69
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,890
A transparent success.
What's your question?
70
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,360
I was wondering what
your motives where.
71
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,365
What do I answer?
I did it for the money?
72
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,130
People will say I'm greedy.
I didn't do it for the money?
73
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,831
They'll say I'm unworldly,
I'm lying.
74
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:35,069
Paul, you of all people
must understand
75
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:38,010
the modern interview
is a form as rigid
76
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,536
and contrived as
the 18th-century gavotte.
77
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,217
Shall I just put
"He refused to answer"?
78
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,151
What, meaning he's a prick?
79
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,848
He agreed to the interview
then he refused to answer the questions.
80
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,584
Why of all people?
81
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,592
Why did you say me
of all people?
82
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,094
- A poet.
- Ah.
83
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:57,359
I read poetry.
84
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,263
I read yours.
85
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:04,162
"Love was the search,
the wheel, the line,
86
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:07,071
The open road,
the steep incline;
87
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:11,043
Things speeding by,
the final turn in view,
88
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,206
Next:
Something disastrous,
89
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:17,479
Overwhelming, new."
90
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,585
I hardly believe you'd be
paddling in journalism
91
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,855
if it weren't purely
for the money.
92
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:29,089
No.
93
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,791
I like the idea,
I promise you.
94
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,630
- Of this interview?
- No, the meetings.
95
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,260
I thought the meetings
amusing.
96
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,998
Amusing?
97
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,238
Obviously you're not
an alcoholic.
98
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:43,106
No, I'm not.
99
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,906
Meetings are a discipline.
100
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,344
They wouldn't be addictive
if they weren't.
101
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,780
Ah, right, I see.
Here we go.
102
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,181
All cults make
similar demands.
103
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,014
I think it's really stupid
calling AA a cult.
104
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,519
Actually, I think
it's quite dangerous.
105
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:56,114
Surely it's a classic cult.
106
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,681
You know, the chairs, the coffee,
the soul searching.
107
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,750
Believe me, I'm not denying
its usefulness.
108
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,785
You couldn't.
It saved my life.
109
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:06,266
I was found on the M4
dodging traffic naked
110
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,961
- in the middle of the night.
- Huh.
111
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,265
I don't need to question
the value of AA.
112
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:12,397
What brought you
to the motorway
113
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:15,067
so late at night?
114
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,805
None of my business,
you're right.
115
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,147
But presumably
you believe
116
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,049
one drink will lead you
on the road to hell.
117
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,418
- I do believe that, yes.
- That's what they teach.
118
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:29,979
It's also what I believe.
119
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,650
One drink, one drunk.
120
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,822
But it's not true,
is it?
121
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,956
I mean, if you'd
cured your own addiction
122
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,397
in the privacy
of your own home,
123
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,958
you could perfectly well
drink socially again.
124
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,799
I can't take that risk.
125
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,828
You won't take
that risk, you mean.
126
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,171
I think I'm missing
something here.
127
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,142
I'm here to do
an interview.
128
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,941
It's what I'm here to do.
No doubt you think you're being clever.
129
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,210
You think you're being provocative,
wind up the monkeys.
130
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,944
It's dinner party stuff.
131
00:06:56,984 --> 00:07:00,283
"My God, you don't go to that
ridiculous AA, do you?"
132
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,584
- Only tell you one thing I've noticed.
- What thing?
133
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,955
Most of the people
who attack AA
134
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,688
are usually 10 times more fucked up
than the people they're attacking.
135
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,628
Yes,
136
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,826
but you must have views.
You must have theories.
137
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,391
I have no theories.
I have one aim in life.
138
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,097
Just the one?
139
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,266
My aim is to get to bed sober tonight.
That's my aim.
140
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,742
And I've found pragmatically
that the only means
141
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,506
of achieving
it's through AA.
142
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,537
It's the only method
which works.
143
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,880
And you have no fucking
right to talk about it.
144
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,054
Thank you.
145
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,826
Have you thought...
146
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,630
have you considered what
it would mean to be cured?
147
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,638
Of course.
I think of little else.
148
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,936
That's my point.
If you can't drink at all,
149
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,908
ever, then by definition
you're not cured.
150
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,537
What's your idea of cured?
151
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,945
"Thank you.
152
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,575
I'll just have the one.
Just the one for me. Thank you."
153
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,578
Think about it, Paul.
Consider.
154
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,749
It's only groups which
demand total abstinence.
155
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,726
Why? Because their intention
is not to stop you drinking.
156
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,193
Their principle aim
157
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,059
is to retain you
as a member of the group.
158
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,497
It's a familiar argument.
159
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,763
It's also nonsense.
160
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,463
I'm interested.
Tell me why.
161
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,403
Of course I went into AA
kicking and screaming.
162
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,432
- Ha.
- Everyone does.
163
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,706
Believe me,
I had 1000 reservations.
164
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,578
- Presumably you'd bottomed.
- Yes.
165
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,446
That's the phrase they use.
The M4.
166
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:39,418
Not just the M4.
Not just that one night, believe me.
167
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:40,977
Other nights?
168
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,918
You wake up in the morning
169
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,086
and you've fallen down
three flights of stairs.
170
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,427
Even so, even then
I was still reluctant.
171
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,490
I'm sure.
The poet.
172
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,991
I hated the idea,
sitting around late into the night.
173
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,699
I clung to the thought
"I'm not the sort of person
174
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,208
who sits in a circle
stripping himself bare."
175
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:05,700
Somehow I see you alone
with a girl come midnight.
176
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:06,940
Whatever.
177
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,574
Anyway, you go to meetings
because you have to.
178
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,949
Because it's your last chance.
It's your only chance.
179
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,887
Everyone has the right
to destroy their own life.
180
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,617
But to destroy
the lives of others?
181
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,785
Ah, yes.
182
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,350
Others.
183
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,057
You're right.
I was frightened of AA.
184
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,758
Guess why?
185
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,996
- In my heart I knew it would work.
- Because it works?
186
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,402
I no sooner walked into
the room than I intuited,
187
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,303
my God,
this is going to work.
188
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,808
"I'm not the sort of person
who does this," you say.
189
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:38,572
But what sort of person
are you by that stage?
190
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,046
- A worthless drunk.
- Yes.
191
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,641
It's that word worthless
I have trouble with.
192
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,847
I'll be honest.
193
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,619
I'm broke.
194
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,626
I'm completely broke.
195
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:56,060
I don't have
a fucking penny.
196
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,064
I can't get
a bank account.
197
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,123
The editor
pays me in cash.
198
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,569
- Where do you live?
- Camberwell.
199
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,201
Stretching the charity
of a last remaining friend.
200
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:12,905
- You?
- Regents Park.
201
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,413
Good.
202
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:17,542
Well, that's something
solid for the article.
203
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,949
Why don't you come back
to the office with me?
204
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,855
I'm sorry?
205
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:28,827
Well, I'd like you
to see where I work.
206
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,027
- I was a communist.
- Yeah?
207
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,034
What are you saying?
Is this the beginning of the interview?
208
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,731
Well, apparently newspapers have
taken to calling me a one-time Marxist.
209
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,865
I wasn't a Marxist,
I was a communist.
210
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:44,502
- I use the full shocker.
- All or nothing, eh?
211
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:47,445
And you mean it was a cult?
There were rules?
212
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,075
Conditions
of membership, yes.
213
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:53,416
All clubs have membership rules,
otherwise they wouldn't be clubs.
214
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,921
Not, of course, for the pleasure
of allowing people in.
215
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:59,323
Oh no. The far headier delight
of keeping people out.
216
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:04,092
British communists,
we were a select little band.
217
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,599
A snotty little group,
we were.
218
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,567
It's a familiar progress,
isn't it,
219
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:12,129
from student politics?
Communist to entrepreneur?
220
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,402
Well, you could say it was
just a matter of luck.
221
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:17,569
I stumbled across an idea,
analyzed the market,
222
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,579
make informed predictions
223
00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:21,444
based upon available
financial data.
224
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:24,541
And pretty soon there was
scarcely an investor
225
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:26,779
who wasn't using
Flotilla software.
226
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:36,121
Capitalists make me laugh
because they understand nothing.
227
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,631
They talk about
strategy and markets
228
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:39,893
as if they
were in control.
229
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,959
They use soothing devices
like big houses
230
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,766
and hotels and servants.
231
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:48,172
They use luxury as a sort of massage
to persuade themselves
232
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:51,666
they've acted brilliantly,
that their actions have been brilliant.
233
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,770
- Whereas in fact?
- They've work hard, that's all.
234
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,975
They've worked hard
and they had a bit of luck.
235
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,350
Communism is night class.
It's where you learn.
236
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,446
Who is doing what to whom?
237
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:05,117
If you don't believe
the rich spend their time
238
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,423
fucking over the poor,
then I don't see how you make sense
239
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,190
of what goes on
in the world at all.
240
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,702
Look, forgive me, nobody can
mistake your wealth.
241
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,227
- No?
- And you make assumptions.
242
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,763
You use techniques
which I associate with the rich.
243
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,038
Or at least
with the powerful.
244
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,944
And what I mean is,
you'd read my poetry.
245
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,504
Is it a manner?
246
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,311
Is it a game?
247
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,580
You'd read my poetry
before the meeting.
248
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,247
"I know who you are. I've read
'This Too Shall Pass."'
249
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:38,257
And you think that's specifically
a technique of the rich, do you?
250
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,418
And what's more,
learning a whole verse.
251
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,155
"Love was the search,
the wheel, the line..."
252
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,595
- A line maybe, but a whole verse?
- Too much?
253
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,861
Good afternoon, Mr. Quinn.
This is what you asked for.
254
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,800
Good afternoon.
255
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,427
Hi.
256
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,370
Why don't you go inside?
257
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,408
- Well?
- Can I ask you something else?
258
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,112
What's your interest
in the meetings?
259
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:09,349
- I had a friend who quit.
- Quit alcohol?
260
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,879
No, quit AA.
Much harder.
261
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,786
- My friend came home one evening...
- Came home?
262
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,854
- To your home, you mean?
- She came back from a meeting.
263
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,492
My friend was convinced
that the purpose of the cult
264
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,899
was to reinforce her feelings
of worthlessness,
265
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:26,064
not to try and assuage them.
She never went back.
266
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,801
Surely she knew she'd have
to confront her illness.
267
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,207
Confront it by all means,
but then move on.
268
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,404
Do you think an addict
can ever move on?
269
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,471
Yes, well, this is at the heart
of the issue.
270
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,915
It is.
It is at the heart.
271
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,511
You see, my friend
had come to see
272
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,987
an addiction to AA
as far more sinister,
273
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,924
far more threatening than
her dependence on alcohol.
274
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,985
She felt they were...
how can I put it?
275
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,429
- sustaining her in a state
276
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,398
of suspended anxiety.
277
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,628
That they were instilling
a permanent fear
278
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,534
of the great crash
around the corner.
279
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,266
And in order to preserve
that fear and magnify it,
280
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,502
they were denying her
self-respect.
281
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,909
In that case I don't believe
she was alcoholic.
282
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,346
- No?
- An alcoholic has no self-respect.
283
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,872
I gave her
a gin and tonic.
284
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:14,250
She drank it.
We played Scrabble all evening.
285
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,781
I don't believe she was
addictive in the first place.
286
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,793
- Believe what you like.
- I don't believe it.
287
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,226
You know, Paul,
it seems to me
288
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,598
you have a problem
with self-esteem.
289
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,227
In what way, specifically?
290
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,602
Well, you accuse me
of mugging up on your poetry
291
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,504
in order to flatter you.
292
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,704
Does it not occur to you,
I mean does it really not occur to you,
293
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,645
that you insult yourself
with this suggestion
294
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,171
more than you insult me?
295
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:47,150
Your poetry is the reason
296
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,882
I have long wanted
to meet you.
297
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,126
Oh, I see.
298
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,297
- What did you like to drink?
- Sorry?
299
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,390
- What was your favorite drink?
- Mine?
300
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,334
- Yeah.
- Fatal weakness for Manhattans.
301
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:04,962
I would never have guessed.
302
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,565
Fiddling with cherries,
you think that's time well spent?
303
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,167
- And you?
- Oh, I like a Martini.
304
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,077
As well spent as fiddling
about with olives.
305
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,047
And if I offered
you one now?
306
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,245
That's it, isn't it?
307
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:21,117
If you were cured,
you'd be cured of the desire.
308
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,884
And who wants to be cured
of desire?
309
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,890
How's your friend
doing now?
310
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,761
My friend?
She's doing fine.
311
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,502
Mr. Quinn,
your car is here.
312
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,528
Well, it's been a great
pleasure meeting you.
313
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,700
Now I don't read newspapers,
but my impression is
314
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,403
that the modern practice
is for the journalist
315
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,571
to write the story
before the encounter.
316
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,776
So what I'm saying is
write what you like.
317
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,306
Invent my character.
318
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,979
I shall stand by whatever
opinions you ascribe to me.
319
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,511
I shall be your invention.
320
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,150
I very much hope
we can meet again.
321
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,591
Yes, I'd like
that too.
322
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,618
- I'll show you out.
- Thank you.
323
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,770
It has been a pleasure
to meet you, Mr. Peplow.
324
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,331
Call down to Tom. Tell him Victor's
out of here in 10 minutes.
325
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:17,309
As job interviews go, it was
one of the more peculiar.
326
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:20,403
No piece ever appeared.
327
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,541
I told the editor my subject
had been a no-show.
328
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,609
He said it was typical
of the man's arrogance
329
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,621
not even to turn up.
330
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:34,326
In fact, someone was needed
to write copy for Victor's website,
331
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,590
turning the prose
of the internet
332
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,187
into something like poetry.
333
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,802
I started working for Victor
the following week.
334
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,772
This is where you go.
335
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,139
You write your stuff
on the computer.
336
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,939
That's it.
337
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,412
- This is where I am?
- This is it.
338
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,074
Okay.
339
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,448
- You can manage that?
- Yeah.
340
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:01,079
Good.
Good luck.
341
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:06,354
The rhythm of the office
was pretty unusual.
342
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:09,190
When Victor was around
they all worked like slaves.
343
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:12,528
When he wasn't, then things
took a more casual turn.
344
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,760
No thank you.
I'm trying to stay off it.
345
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,132
What have you
come up with so far?
346
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,339
I was beginning to think that
I was going to be happy
347
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:28,108
doodling around
under no pressure,
348
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,275
manufacturing sentences
that would give the business
349
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:32,079
a little kick and allure.
350
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:41,355
I'd taken to staying
on in the evening
351
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,986
longer than anyone else
352
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,224
because I felt more secure
than at home.
353
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,734
Looking back,
354
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,863
I think that
may have been a mistake.
355
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:56,171
I'm waiting for my husband.
356
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:59,178
Yes?
357
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,544
You must be Paul Peplow.
358
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,208
I am.
Yes, I am.
359
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,773
He told me about you.
360
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,148
He said you
were working here.
361
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:09,678
You haven't seen him,
have you?
362
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,519
Are you gonna hang
on and wait?
363
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,404
No, I'm interested, really.
364
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,599
So what was she like?
365
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,471
Oh, you'd have to meet her
for yourself to decide.
366
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,272
Why?
367
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,404
Because from me you'll get
a partial account.
368
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,607
- Why?
- Why?
369
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,582
- Because why do you think?
- She really got to you.
370
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,609
And also she wanted to be an actress,
which wasn't easy.
371
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,280
Because I had to watch
television and...
372
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,847
That's not such a hardship.
373
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,382
- I don't know, look at her in helmets
and things.
374
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:50,555
- Viking helmets?
- No, police helmets, obviously.
375
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,792
- Oh.
- It's what actors have to do,
376
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,630
all the ones she knew. They played
police all the time, or doctors.
377
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,034
They play very few Vikings.
378
00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,663
She was a doctor
in one of those series
379
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,833
where they go to the laundry
cupboard to make love.
380
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:05,366
Young doctors, you know,
working 35-hour shifts
381
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,311
and fucking each other
in the middle of the night.
382
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,440
Oh.
383
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,451
So you had to watch your
girlfriend with other people?
384
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,646
Simulating, yeah.
385
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,485
- How was that?
- Fine, actually. I didn't mind it.
386
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:20,253
I minded it more when she
did it in real life.
387
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,420
Hmm.
388
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,930
Is that why it ended?
It's over?
389
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:28,297
Yeah.
Yeah, it's over.
390
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,928
She was this face
on television
391
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,938
so everyone thought
they knew her.
392
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,031
- But only I knew her.
- Only you?
393
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,599
Well, me
and a dozen others.
394
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,010
The Dirty Dozen,
as I came to think of them.
395
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,883
What about you?
Any such figure in your life?
396
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,445
- Uh...
- Why are we talking about this?
397
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:53,459
Because...
398
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,723
it's often more interesting,
don't you think?
399
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,696
In what way?
400
00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,699
Talking to people
you don't know.
401
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,393
Maybe.
402
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,870
I don't live that kind
of life anymore.
403
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,463
What?
What life?
404
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:10,670
- Oh, you know, girls, bars.
- Mmm.
405
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,372
Girls go with bars, and in my mind
bars are long since forbidden.
406
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,812
Bars frighten you?
407
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,315
No, everything
frightens me.
408
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,713
Look, what happens is...
409
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,226
do you know about this?
410
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,024
Do I?
411
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,531
You're focused on
one thing, aren't you?
412
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,325
You tell me.
413
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,735
Your recovery.
414
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,898
You want to recover.
That's all you want.
415
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,841
And the other person's
got tired of clearing up.
416
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,504
They're tired
of tidying up after you.
417
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,912
Go on.
418
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:51,576
You're sick. You're reeling.
Whatever. You're in agony.
419
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:53,346
The guilt.
420
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,718
- Exactly.
- You're drinking again.
421
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:59,020
And the other person says,
"I don't want to play nurse.
422
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:00,821
I refuse to play nurse.
I won't do it."
423
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:03,488
Especially when she plays nurse
on the television already.
424
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,019
Exactly.
425
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:08,463
So then maybe after a while
you start to think,
426
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,059
okay, this is getting
much better.
427
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,968
I'm beginning to
clean up, I'm sober.
428
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,528
Hey this is
starting to work.
429
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,871
- One day at a time.
- Precisely.
430
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:18,536
And you think, at last,
I deserve a fucking break.
431
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:22,173
I've been to 50,000 fucking meetings
and I deserve a break.
432
00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:24,410
And then one day Clem
turns to you.
433
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:27,351
Your girlfriend informs you
that she's an honest person,
434
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:30,447
so she must inform you that
she's been meeting other people.
435
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,788
Other people who are,
as it were, not you.
436
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:34,690
The reason being,
Clem says,
437
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:37,560
is that you were a drunk and so
what was she supposed to do?
438
00:21:37,597 --> 00:21:39,394
Do you believe her?
439
00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:42,128
Believe her how?
Believe she slept with them?
440
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:43,430
No, believe her reasons.
441
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:45,699
She slept with
a dozen other men.
442
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:49,230
A dozen.
And then...
443
00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:53,006
you're warming up a dinner
from Marks & Spencer.
444
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:56,139
Turn on the television.
You're pouring the Coca-Cola.
445
00:21:56,182 --> 00:21:58,514
She says,
"You know something, Paul?
446
00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:01,486
Since you've cleaned up
you've become kind of boring.
447
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,853
You were so much more interesting
when you were drunk."
448
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,557
And were you?
449
00:22:06,592 --> 00:22:10,119
Early on she said
no commitments.
450
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:13,223
Later I said,
"I agreed, no commitments.
451
00:22:13,266 --> 00:22:15,757
But somehow when you said
no commitments, forgive me,
452
00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:17,463
I did not foresee
the number 12."
453
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:22,801
Well, mind you,
I mean, let's be clear.
454
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,833
AA is my sole hope.
455
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:26,811
It's my sole
source of hope.
456
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:28,541
- Is it?
- I should be there now.
457
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,276
Should?
458
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:33,911
No wonder if occasionally I say
"I can't get to a meeting.
459
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:37,013
I couldn't get to the meeting.
I was held up at Flotilla.
460
00:22:37,056 --> 00:22:39,024
I ran into
the boss's wife."
461
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:43,687
I'm glad you did.
I'm really glad.
462
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,230
People don't want
to know me.
463
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:48,893
They want to know
my husband.
464
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,130
Or rather they want
to know me
465
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,536
because that way they get
to meet my husband.
466
00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:55,666
- Does that upset you?
- No no. Not at all.
467
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,835
No. It amuses me.
468
00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,970
I've a life of my own.
469
00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:01,570
And let's face it...
470
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,440
he's a fascinating man.
471
00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:18,686
When he met me,
I was a drunk.
472
00:23:25,338 --> 00:23:27,568
What time is it?
473
00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:32,476
- 8:00.
- Wow. I must get going.
474
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,911
Yeah.
475
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:37,211
It's silly. We must be the last
people here.
476
00:23:39,986 --> 00:23:41,977
What about you?
477
00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:43,420
What?
478
00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:45,253
Victor said you used
to go to meetings.
479
00:23:45,291 --> 00:23:47,555
I did.
480
00:23:47,593 --> 00:23:49,356
You stopped?
481
00:23:49,395 --> 00:23:51,522
I did.
482
00:23:51,564 --> 00:23:53,998
- You don't...
- What?
483
00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:56,433
I'm asking
if you're clean.
484
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,199
Let's just say,
485
00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:05,802
whatever feelings of guilt you suffer,
I suffered much worse.
486
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:13,712
Why do you imagine Victor
employed you?
487
00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:16,779
You say. You tell me. Why do you
think Victor employed me?
488
00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:19,052
I imagine in some way
489
00:24:19,091 --> 00:24:21,719
you remind him of me.
490
00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:31,634
Tell me what we're doing.
491
00:24:31,671 --> 00:24:33,366
Tell me what's going on.
492
00:24:33,406 --> 00:24:36,500
What are we doing?
493
00:24:36,542 --> 00:24:38,339
We're talking.
494
00:24:38,377 --> 00:24:40,675
That's all.
We're talking.
495
00:24:41,847 --> 00:24:45,374
Are you going to hold on?
496
00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:48,080
I've nothing else to do.
497
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,645
My flat's empty as usual.
498
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,089
There's nothing
in the larder.
499
00:24:52,124 --> 00:24:53,716
You should stock up.
What do you live on?
500
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:55,454
Pulses, they're called.
501
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,689
And cheap nourishing stews.
502
00:24:57,730 --> 00:25:01,427
They tell you at the meetings,
don't they, never to go hungry.
503
00:25:01,467 --> 00:25:03,628
Hunger's the enemy,
they say.
504
00:25:03,669 --> 00:25:05,227
Or angry.
505
00:25:05,271 --> 00:25:06,602
Hungry, angry,
lonely, tired.
506
00:25:06,639 --> 00:25:08,869
No, you mustn't be
any of those.
507
00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:17,839
The point is,
it's not just Clem.
508
00:25:17,883 --> 00:25:20,181
- No?
- It's not just Clem I have to avoid.
509
00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:22,551
Ridiculous.
510
00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:25,352
All women I have to avoid.
511
00:25:25,391 --> 00:25:28,326
I'm much happier with blokes.
Or in groups.
512
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:31,159
Talking's fine.
This is fine.
513
00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:33,392
But any...
any contact,
514
00:25:33,432 --> 00:25:36,265
any real closeness
I have to avoid.
515
00:25:37,737 --> 00:25:40,137
I'm a recovering alcoholic.
516
00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:44,839
And I can't write.
517
00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:48,339
I'm blocked.
518
00:25:48,381 --> 00:25:49,643
I'm sorry?
519
00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:54,613
Then what's good is that I've
had to answer the question
520
00:25:54,654 --> 00:25:57,623
what makes me, um...
what makes me drink?
521
00:25:57,657 --> 00:25:59,557
And what was the answer?
522
00:25:59,592 --> 00:26:01,958
Finally?
Anger.
523
00:26:01,994 --> 00:26:05,452
Anger makes me drink.
Therefore I have to avoid anger.
524
00:26:05,498 --> 00:26:08,729
Another way of putting it...
I have to avoid emotion.
525
00:26:08,768 --> 00:26:11,999
So what do you do about that?
Avoid emotion?
526
00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:13,528
- Avoid life?
- No.
527
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:14,834
You really think
it's that simple?
528
00:26:14,874 --> 00:26:16,466
It's quite
convenient, actually.
529
00:26:16,509 --> 00:26:19,069
Anyone you don't like you can
just tell them to fuck off.
530
00:26:19,111 --> 00:26:21,079
"Sorry. You're endangering
my recovery."
531
00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:23,172
I mean, that's the advantage
of it being a disease.
532
00:26:23,215 --> 00:26:25,479
- Is it a disease?
- Yeah, of course it is.
533
00:26:25,518 --> 00:26:28,043
- There's no medical proof.
- It is. It's an illness.
534
00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:29,714
Is that what Clem thought?
535
00:26:29,755 --> 00:26:31,689
- Clem?
- She blamed the drink.
536
00:26:31,724 --> 00:26:33,851
- Yeah, of course.
- That's what I hate.
537
00:26:33,893 --> 00:26:37,920
Clem sleeps with 12 men
yet she blames the drink.
538
00:26:37,963 --> 00:26:39,692
- She doesn't blame herself.
- Now look...
539
00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:41,165
I'm telling you, Paul,
you have to break out.
540
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,168
You have to look
at yourself objectively,
541
00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:45,670
see yourself
from the outside.
542
00:26:45,705 --> 00:26:48,469
You're young,
you're talented,
543
00:26:48,507 --> 00:26:50,475
you're good-looking.
544
00:26:50,509 --> 00:26:53,000
Paul, please tell me,
545
00:26:53,045 --> 00:26:55,479
just what exactly is your
problem meant to be?
546
00:26:55,514 --> 00:26:57,607
You know nothing.
547
00:26:57,650 --> 00:27:00,244
You know nothing of what
went on in my life.
548
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,777
Fuck you.
549
00:27:02,822 --> 00:27:05,518
You lost a girl.
That's all.
550
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,051
I lost the girl, as you call her,
because of a habit I had.
551
00:27:10,096 --> 00:27:12,894
Which was that I couldn't
walk past a glass of whiskey
552
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,797
at 50 yards without
wanting to drink it.
553
00:27:14,834 --> 00:27:17,132
No. Correction:
without drinking it,
554
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:18,966
and then the rest
of the bottle.
555
00:27:19,004 --> 00:27:21,199
Drink humiliates you
and then it kills you.
556
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,505
Paul, not everything that
happens is always your fault.
557
00:27:24,543 --> 00:27:26,272
I didn't say it was.
558
00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,280
No, you didn't.
559
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:30,748
But I look at you
and I know you.
560
00:27:30,783 --> 00:27:32,808
I was you, remember?
561
00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:35,286
I was 25, an idiot,
562
00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,118
coked out of my head.
563
00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:43,019
Why do you think
Clem slept around?
564
00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:45,530
No, you say.
Why do you think she did?
565
00:27:45,564 --> 00:27:47,395
- Do you really want to know?
- Yes.
566
00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:49,731
It'll come as bad news.
567
00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:51,703
Break the news.
I can take it.
568
00:27:51,737 --> 00:27:54,035
I promise
I can take it.
569
00:27:55,808 --> 00:27:58,572
Clem slept with other men
because it was her choice.
570
00:27:58,611 --> 00:28:00,943
- No.
- It's her life!
571
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:03,813
She chooses
to sleep with 12 men.
572
00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:06,374
That's her
magnificent choice.
573
00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:10,013
Paul, you're not
addicted to alcohol.
574
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:13,317
You're addicted to blame.
575
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,556
I know what I did.
576
00:28:16,595 --> 00:28:18,563
I lied.
577
00:28:18,597 --> 00:28:21,498
I lied consistently for the 18 months
we were together.
578
00:28:21,534 --> 00:28:23,729
I barely let out a single
word that was true.
579
00:28:23,769 --> 00:28:25,566
Yes, but why?
580
00:28:25,604 --> 00:28:27,071
Why do you think?
Like all drinkers,
581
00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:28,869
to hide my drinking,
of course.
582
00:28:28,908 --> 00:28:31,172
Was that all?
583
00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:33,804
If I'm honest,
also to hide my contempt.
584
00:28:33,846 --> 00:28:35,973
- Hide your contempt for what?
- If you must know,
585
00:28:36,015 --> 00:28:38,415
- I hid my contempt for her acting.
- Why?
586
00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,816
- Because it was fucking awful.
- Bad, was it?
587
00:28:40,853 --> 00:28:43,083
It was embarrassing.
It was the pits.
588
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:45,090
So you were in a long-term
relationship
589
00:28:45,124 --> 00:28:48,582
with what is known technically
as a bad actress.
590
00:28:48,627 --> 00:28:51,095
Very funny.
591
00:28:51,130 --> 00:28:52,688
Seems to be clear
what drove you to drink.
592
00:28:54,934 --> 00:28:57,425
- I can't do this.
- Do what?
593
00:28:57,469 --> 00:29:00,029
Argue.
Relate.
594
00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:03,337
I got out of this.
I put it all behind me.
595
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:05,502
I've been dry
for over a year.
596
00:29:05,544 --> 00:29:07,637
I have one thread of hope.
597
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,376
I go to meetings.
I can't...
598
00:29:10,416 --> 00:29:12,748
You can't what, Paul?
You can't what?
599
00:29:12,785 --> 00:29:14,275
I can't.
I can't...
600
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,153
You can't what?
601
00:29:39,078 --> 00:29:41,103
Elsa.
602
00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:46,047
Elsa.
603
00:29:46,085 --> 00:29:48,485
I'm here.
604
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,182
Victor, I'm here.
605
00:29:53,592 --> 00:29:56,186
Well, we had a massive fight,
606
00:29:56,228 --> 00:29:58,594
screaming at each other.
607
00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:00,155
He was screaming at me,
"You're a bitch.
608
00:30:00,199 --> 00:30:02,167
You're a fucking bitch."
609
00:30:03,702 --> 00:30:05,101
And I picked up a chair...
610
00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:07,401
I mean,
I'm not a big woman.
611
00:30:07,439 --> 00:30:09,134
All I could think was
612
00:30:09,174 --> 00:30:11,574
I'm going to kill
this fucking bastard.
613
00:30:11,610 --> 00:30:14,841
And my daughter was
screaming at me to stop.
614
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,872
I mean, all I can remember
was the look
615
00:30:17,917 --> 00:30:19,544
of absolute terror
616
00:30:19,585 --> 00:30:22,213
and horror on her face.
617
00:30:22,254 --> 00:30:25,018
I think about
the fifth step,
618
00:30:25,057 --> 00:30:27,821
admitting the wrongs.
619
00:30:29,395 --> 00:30:32,228
At least I've admitted
them to myself.
620
00:30:32,264 --> 00:30:35,165
I haven't had a drink
since that night.
621
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,363
And I'd have to thank her
I suppose,
622
00:30:38,404 --> 00:30:42,500
as much as
everybody here
623
00:30:42,541 --> 00:30:45,510
who's helped me so much.
624
00:30:45,544 --> 00:30:48,877
On the whole,
all things considered,
625
00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:51,474
I think I can say now
with some certainty
626
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:53,576
that Elsa was not
what I needed.
627
00:30:53,619 --> 00:30:55,450
I was a recovering
alcoholic.
628
00:30:55,487 --> 00:30:57,648
I needed stability.
629
00:30:57,690 --> 00:31:00,090
An awful lot
of fascinating things
630
00:31:00,125 --> 00:31:02,559
happen when you get involved
with Elsa Quinn.
631
00:31:02,594 --> 00:31:05,358
But I don't number
stability among them.
632
00:31:10,636 --> 00:31:12,831
I didn't see Victor
on a daily basis.
633
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:16,500
I began to think he'd hired
me and forgotten me.
634
00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:18,373
And I never saw Elsa.
635
00:31:18,410 --> 00:31:21,243
But one evening,
quite casually,
636
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,248
for no reason it seemed,
637
00:31:23,282 --> 00:31:25,341
Victor asked me back
to their place.
638
00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:27,944
Perhaps I should have said no,
but I didn't know how.
639
00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:31,053
And besides,
I'd never met anyone
640
00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:32,785
who actually lived
in Regents Park.
641
00:31:32,825 --> 00:31:35,760
Paul.
I'm making margaritas.
642
00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:38,024
But there's no way
I'm going to offer you one.
643
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:39,496
There's no way
I'm going to drink one.
644
00:31:39,531 --> 00:31:41,931
- Quite right.
- Thank you.
645
00:31:45,938 --> 00:31:48,873
Summer at last.
Beautiful isn't it?
646
00:31:50,676 --> 00:31:52,769
You're very lucky.
647
00:31:52,811 --> 00:31:55,644
- Do you remember how to make them?
- Not clearly.
648
00:31:55,681 --> 00:31:57,376
You put the glass
in the fridge,
649
00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:59,646
salt around the glass.
650
00:31:59,685 --> 00:32:01,050
Put the tequila
in the freezer.
651
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:02,644
- Cointreau in the shaker.
- That's right.
652
00:32:02,688 --> 00:32:06,180
Now what you're after is
something lip-puckeringly cold.
653
00:32:06,225 --> 00:32:07,988
It should have
the kick of a donkey.
654
00:32:08,027 --> 00:32:10,962
Cold as hell in the mouth,
hot as hell on the way down.
655
00:32:10,996 --> 00:32:13,430
- What could be better?
- It depends.
656
00:32:13,465 --> 00:32:16,229
Now glasses.
657
00:32:26,478 --> 00:32:28,878
So what do you think?
658
00:32:28,914 --> 00:32:30,711
About what?
659
00:32:30,749 --> 00:32:32,546
About the place?
660
00:32:35,087 --> 00:32:36,679
It's wonderful.
661
00:32:36,722 --> 00:32:38,747
It is, isn't it?
662
00:32:38,791 --> 00:32:40,725
Yes, we've only been
here six months.
663
00:32:40,759 --> 00:32:43,250
I don't know
if Elsa told you.
664
00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:45,160
What?
665
00:32:45,197 --> 00:32:48,564
I don't know what Elsa's
told you in general.
666
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,295
In general?
667
00:32:50,335 --> 00:32:52,428
I don't know, just this
and that really.
668
00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:54,336
I've only met
her once, I think.
669
00:32:54,373 --> 00:32:56,739
About what?
670
00:32:56,775 --> 00:32:58,402
About?
671
00:32:58,444 --> 00:33:00,571
Yes. What has Elsa
told you about?
672
00:33:00,612 --> 00:33:03,046
- About the house.
- Oh, I see.
673
00:33:03,082 --> 00:33:06,017
Setting her heart on it
and how convenient it is.
674
00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:09,287
I don't want to bore you
with what you already know.
675
00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:11,050
- Please.
- What, bore you?
676
00:33:16,829 --> 00:33:18,592
- Elsa what?
- Hmm?
677
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,598
Elsa what?
678
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,657
She told you
it was great for her
679
00:33:22,701 --> 00:33:24,362
because it was
so near work?
680
00:33:24,403 --> 00:33:26,496
So she could walk
to work? What?
681
00:33:26,538 --> 00:33:28,506
Something like that.
682
00:33:31,276 --> 00:33:33,574
And how is work?
How are you getting along?
683
00:33:33,612 --> 00:33:36,046
- Oh...
- To be frank, I'm surprised.
684
00:33:36,081 --> 00:33:38,572
- Why?
- I had you down as a Luddite.
685
00:33:38,617 --> 00:33:42,053
- I can't think why.
- The stereotype of a poet, I'm afraid.
686
00:33:42,087 --> 00:33:45,750
Poets always have this longing
to go back, don't they?
687
00:33:45,791 --> 00:33:48,021
You know, childhood,
lost love.
688
00:33:48,060 --> 00:33:50,085
What would poets
do without them?
689
00:33:50,129 --> 00:33:52,097
But why did you appoint me
690
00:33:52,131 --> 00:33:54,622
- unless you thought I could handle it?
- Some people can't.
691
00:33:54,666 --> 00:33:57,066
And if I'd failed,
would you have sacked me?
692
00:33:57,102 --> 00:33:59,332
Paul, with relish.
693
00:33:59,371 --> 00:34:02,204
Paul.
Goodness.
694
00:34:02,241 --> 00:34:04,175
How are you?
695
00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:06,609
Elsa.
696
00:34:06,645 --> 00:34:09,273
Sorry. I invited Paul
back for a drink.
697
00:34:09,314 --> 00:34:11,248
He was at a loose end.
I thought it would be nice.
698
00:34:11,283 --> 00:34:12,978
It is.
It is nice.
699
00:34:14,219 --> 00:34:15,948
Have you said hello
to the children?
700
00:34:15,988 --> 00:34:17,546
I'd rather
drink margaritas.
701
00:34:17,589 --> 00:34:20,683
- You got Paul a Coke?
- I'm fine.
702
00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:23,024
- I'm just enjoying the evening.
- Oh, perfection.
703
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:27,327
Victor was saying what pleasure
he'd take in sacking me.
704
00:34:27,366 --> 00:34:30,563
I've no doubt.
"You have to be ruthless."
705
00:34:30,602 --> 00:34:32,729
Victor always says,
706
00:34:32,771 --> 00:34:34,830
"Oh, you have to be
so ruthless in life."
707
00:34:34,873 --> 00:34:36,841
It's true.
You do.
708
00:34:36,875 --> 00:34:39,776
He manages to imply that somehow
it's a terrific effort.
709
00:34:39,811 --> 00:34:41,540
You don't like to say,
"Victor, for you
710
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:44,378
it seems to come
quite easily."
711
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:46,316
I couldn't look someone
in the eye and sack them.
712
00:34:46,351 --> 00:34:48,512
Couldn't you? Why not?
What would stop you?
713
00:34:48,554 --> 00:34:50,749
- Scruples.
- Scruples?
714
00:34:50,789 --> 00:34:52,757
Scruples about what?
715
00:34:52,791 --> 00:34:54,918
Losing their good opinion?
716
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,621
Is that what
matters to you?
717
00:34:56,662 --> 00:34:58,323
That the world thinks
you're a nice person?
718
00:34:58,363 --> 00:35:00,194
- No.
- What then?
719
00:35:00,232 --> 00:35:02,598
That I should be
a nice person.
720
00:35:02,634 --> 00:35:05,034
- Ah, very good.
- Yes.
721
00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:07,698
But can one be nice
in this world?
722
00:35:07,739 --> 00:35:09,172
Is there such
a thing as nice?
723
00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:10,869
There's such
a thing as good.
724
00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:13,503
Good, as a noun, yes.
Elsa does good.
725
00:35:13,545 --> 00:35:16,981
She administers a charity.
So by definition my wife does good.
726
00:35:17,015 --> 00:35:19,347
The homeless get homes,
727
00:35:19,384 --> 00:35:22,217
the roofless roofs.
But is she good?
728
00:35:22,254 --> 00:35:24,916
I don't claim to be good.
729
00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:28,350
This drink's very strong.
730
00:35:28,393 --> 00:35:31,021
- Is it?
- Yes, it's very strong.
731
00:35:31,063 --> 00:35:34,260
- It's almost pure alcohol.
- Hmm.
732
00:35:36,168 --> 00:35:38,898
Of course, there was one time
with something called good.
733
00:35:38,937 --> 00:35:40,734
When I was young there was
something called the common good.
734
00:35:40,772 --> 00:35:43,798
That phrase has a wonderful
period ring to it.
735
00:35:43,842 --> 00:35:46,072
It's rather gone out of fashion now,
don't you think?
736
00:35:46,111 --> 00:35:48,944
If I'd been cleverer
I'd have spotted that sooner.
737
00:35:48,981 --> 00:35:51,609
I wouldn't have wasted all those
years outside the factory gates.
738
00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:54,414
- Were they wasted?
- I'd have entered business earlier.
739
00:35:54,453 --> 00:35:57,320
Hence, I'd be richer.
I'd be freer.
740
00:35:57,356 --> 00:35:59,119
I'd have an even
bigger house.
741
00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:01,091
You don't think
you're sounding
742
00:36:01,126 --> 00:36:04,095
just a little bit imperial,
my darling?
743
00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:05,756
Just a little.
744
00:36:05,797 --> 00:36:07,355
Something in the mood
of the evening perhaps.
745
00:36:19,678 --> 00:36:21,441
Did Elsa tell you
how we met?
746
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,277
No.
747
00:36:23,315 --> 00:36:26,478
I met her in a bar.
It's true.
748
00:36:26,518 --> 00:36:29,112
In Copenhagen.
She was smashed.
749
00:36:33,458 --> 00:36:35,585
Had you been
married before?
750
00:36:35,627 --> 00:36:37,151
Never.
751
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,095
Victor doesn't believe
the young should marry.
752
00:36:39,131 --> 00:36:40,291
It's so.
753
00:36:40,332 --> 00:36:41,959
It's one of his
favorite theories.
754
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,491
Try me.
755
00:36:44,536 --> 00:36:45,935
Well, I'd have thought
it was obvious.
756
00:36:45,971 --> 00:36:49,372
It's a problem of evolution.
Ask a Darwinist.
757
00:36:49,408 --> 00:36:52,309
Fidelity is effectively
impossible when you're young.
758
00:36:52,344 --> 00:36:54,710
In my experience, you leave
the young alone five minutes,
759
00:36:54,746 --> 00:36:57,476
at once they fuck each other.
Well, you'd know about this.
760
00:36:57,516 --> 00:36:59,950
- Would I?
- I'm speculating.
761
00:36:59,985 --> 00:37:03,352
I look at the
young men in my office.
762
00:37:03,388 --> 00:37:05,356
I miss nothing.
763
00:37:05,390 --> 00:37:08,325
I love office romance.
I adore it.
764
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,352
I look at them all with
their stiff little cocks
765
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:13,864
and the women wet,
wet with longing.
766
00:37:13,899 --> 00:37:15,696
Longing for adventure.
767
00:37:15,734 --> 00:37:18,669
And I think, no chance.
768
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:25,675
So you think to get married
you have to be older?
769
00:37:25,711 --> 00:37:27,508
Well, plainly,
it's a plus.
770
00:37:27,546 --> 00:37:28,979
Say Victor's age.
771
00:37:29,014 --> 00:37:30,538
But Elsa was young.
772
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:33,449
Yes.
She was also exceptional.
773
00:37:33,485 --> 00:37:34,816
And she had two children.
774
00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:37,253
I didn't realize.
I thought they were yours.
775
00:37:37,289 --> 00:37:39,189
No, not mine.
776
00:37:39,224 --> 00:37:40,657
I arrived
with the children.
777
00:37:40,692 --> 00:37:43,820
So what? You just walked into
a bar and saw her?
778
00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:45,625
She was irresistible.
779
00:37:45,664 --> 00:37:48,030
Tell Paul what you said.
780
00:37:52,070 --> 00:37:53,697
I told her she was fruit
781
00:37:53,739 --> 00:37:56,071
that had fallen
to the ground.
782
00:37:56,108 --> 00:37:58,372
Yes, a long time ago.
783
00:37:58,410 --> 00:37:59,536
Not for me.
784
00:38:00,912 --> 00:38:02,880
Soft fruit.
785
00:38:06,218 --> 00:38:08,686
Victor hates philanderers.
786
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:10,517
It's true, I do.
787
00:38:10,555 --> 00:38:12,079
Yes, he hates them.
788
00:38:12,124 --> 00:38:13,751
You say to a girl
you love her.
789
00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:15,282
"You're my whole world,"
you say.
790
00:38:15,327 --> 00:38:17,522
A couple of weeks later
you're saying the same thing,
791
00:38:17,562 --> 00:38:20,395
only this time it's to someone else.
What's your excuse?
792
00:38:20,432 --> 00:38:23,424
Things are true
or they aren't.
793
00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:32,071
Wait. I'll get
that Coke.
794
00:38:43,054 --> 00:38:45,420
- I'm not going to survive.
- It's Victor.
795
00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:47,118
- I can't survive this.
- He's just being Victor, that's all.
796
00:38:47,159 --> 00:38:48,956
Jesus, they tell you
at meetings
797
00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:51,758
it's the golden rule:
At all costs, avoid stress.
798
00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:53,628
Do you want a margarita?
799
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:56,225
- No, thank you.
- It might get you through.
800
00:38:56,268 --> 00:38:58,793
- No thank you.
- It's getting me through.
801
00:39:04,309 --> 00:39:07,244
What is it? Was it just chance
he asked me back here?
802
00:39:07,279 --> 00:39:09,179
Of course.
Chance.
803
00:39:09,214 --> 00:39:11,409
That's Victor.
It's whim.
804
00:39:11,450 --> 00:39:14,578
Stiff little cocks?
What's going on?
805
00:39:14,619 --> 00:39:17,019
"The young men with
their stiff little cocks."
806
00:39:17,055 --> 00:39:19,023
Paul,
there's no conspiracy.
807
00:39:19,057 --> 00:39:20,888
It's a summer evening.
808
00:39:20,926 --> 00:39:23,258
We're having a drink,
enjoying the evening.
809
00:39:23,295 --> 00:39:26,787
Elsa, you're married,
for Christ's sake.
810
00:39:26,832 --> 00:39:28,493
You've got two children.
811
00:39:28,533 --> 00:39:30,296
So?
812
00:39:30,335 --> 00:39:31,927
What did we do?
813
00:39:31,970 --> 00:39:33,995
I've been thinking
about it ever since.
814
00:39:34,039 --> 00:39:35,768
What the hell
were we doing?
815
00:39:35,807 --> 00:39:37,832
- We kissed.
- Yes.
816
00:39:37,876 --> 00:39:39,935
We kissed in the office.
817
00:39:39,978 --> 00:39:41,775
Yeah, it was great.
818
00:39:41,813 --> 00:39:43,440
But we're not
going to do it again.
819
00:39:43,482 --> 00:39:45,006
How was it?
How did you say it was?
820
00:39:45,050 --> 00:39:47,280
Great, did you say?
Did you say it was great?
821
00:39:49,020 --> 00:39:51,011
I know what you're going to say
and I don't want to hear it.
822
00:39:51,056 --> 00:39:52,819
Great because
you were touched?
823
00:39:52,858 --> 00:39:55,326
Great because I reached you?
Something reached you?
824
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:56,725
Something made you feel
825
00:39:56,761 --> 00:39:58,126
- you were alive?
- Yes.
826
00:39:58,163 --> 00:40:00,825
Great because you're not alone
in a room in Camberwell?
827
00:40:00,866 --> 00:40:03,334
Great because for
90 minutes in my company
828
00:40:03,368 --> 00:40:05,996
you weren't
actually scared?
829
00:40:06,037 --> 00:40:07,766
I'm scared now.
830
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:12,498
Elsa, I can't love you
without alcohol.
831
00:40:12,544 --> 00:40:15,274
I can love you
and drink
832
00:40:15,313 --> 00:40:17,281
Or I can not love you
and not drink.
833
00:40:17,315 --> 00:40:18,873
That's the choice.
834
00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:20,942
- Nothing in between?
- No.
835
00:40:20,986 --> 00:40:23,614
Nothing for the rest
of your life?
836
00:40:23,655 --> 00:40:26,419
That's the choice
for the rest of your life?
837
00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:29,687
Diet Coke, so it is.
838
00:40:29,728 --> 00:40:31,355
Well, that's been
worth waiting for.
839
00:40:31,396 --> 00:40:34,422
- Good.
- I could murder a Coke. Thank you.
840
00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:42,698
The sun went down
and the three of us
841
00:40:42,741 --> 00:40:44,675
stood watching the lovers.
842
00:40:44,709 --> 00:40:46,904
We watched
the young people kissing.
843
00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:50,278
How real their happiness
seemed and how simple.
844
00:40:50,315 --> 00:40:52,681
- Why don't you have dinner with us?
- Yes.
845
00:40:52,717 --> 00:40:56,278
Thank you.
I don't think I can.
846
00:40:56,321 --> 00:40:58,653
You know, there's a restaurant
round the corner.
847
00:40:58,690 --> 00:41:00,089
I was there
the other evening.
848
00:41:00,125 --> 00:41:03,060
Their menu is
delightfully Greek.
849
00:41:03,094 --> 00:41:06,086
It offers steak cooked
on your desire.
850
00:41:06,131 --> 00:41:08,326
Goodness.
851
00:41:08,366 --> 00:41:11,802
I told them I'd love my steak
to be cooked on my desire.
852
00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:13,269
In fact,
when it comes to it,
853
00:41:13,305 --> 00:41:16,672
I'd like a whole Mongolian
barbecue cooked on my desire.
854
00:41:16,708 --> 00:41:18,801
Everyone could feast.
Know what I mean?
855
00:41:18,843 --> 00:41:20,708
Victor, are you drunk?
856
00:41:20,745 --> 00:41:23,942
The whole world could
feast on my desire.
857
00:41:23,982 --> 00:41:25,950
Victor talked.
858
00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:28,544
He talked, it seemed,
to fill the air.
859
00:41:28,587 --> 00:41:30,555
I didn't know
what was happening.
860
00:41:30,589 --> 00:41:33,649
I couldn't tell what he knew,
whether he knew anything at all.
861
00:41:33,692 --> 00:41:35,557
With Victor
I was never sure.
862
00:41:35,594 --> 00:41:38,586
But I knew the best thing
was just to keep quiet.
863
00:41:38,630 --> 00:41:40,894
Just to let him talk.
864
00:41:40,932 --> 00:41:43,264
Did I ever tell you I was
a tour guide for a while?
865
00:41:43,301 --> 00:41:45,132
On top of a double-decker?
866
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:48,298
I never told you, did I?
After I left the party.
867
00:41:48,340 --> 00:41:51,002
I used to specialized in
868
00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,839
misleading information.
869
00:41:52,877 --> 00:41:54,845
I used to love
pointing out the place
870
00:41:54,879 --> 00:41:56,608
where General Eisenhower,
871
00:41:56,648 --> 00:42:00,345
in order to thank the British people
for their heroic war effort,
872
00:42:00,385 --> 00:42:03,513
erected a life-size statue
of Mickey Mouse.
873
00:42:03,555 --> 00:42:06,422
I always said life-size.
874
00:42:06,458 --> 00:42:09,154
I loved saying life-size.
875
00:42:09,194 --> 00:42:11,754
Always, "We are now
passing the spot
876
00:42:11,796 --> 00:42:14,765
where Lord Nelson first
made love to Lady Hamilton."
877
00:42:14,799 --> 00:42:17,199
I usually chose
the Elephant and Castle.
878
00:42:17,235 --> 00:42:19,863
- What are you saying?
- Hmm?
879
00:42:19,904 --> 00:42:22,202
They saw it, you see?
They saw the statue.
880
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:24,299
People are that gullible?
881
00:42:24,342 --> 00:42:25,832
No no.
They're romantic.
882
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:28,209
They see the statue
when it isn't there.
883
00:42:28,246 --> 00:42:30,476
Hmm?
884
00:42:30,515 --> 00:42:32,983
Oh God,
life-size Mickey Mouse.
885
00:42:33,018 --> 00:42:35,680
Nothing had passed between
us save a kiss.
886
00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:38,416
One kiss grabbed one evening
in an empty office.
887
00:42:38,456 --> 00:42:42,256
Why had she given it?
What had it meant?
888
00:42:42,293 --> 00:42:44,784
Victor says we shall
know nothing
889
00:42:44,829 --> 00:42:46,729
until we are laid out
on our zinc beds.
890
00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:48,892
Goodness.
What a macabre thought.
891
00:42:48,933 --> 00:42:51,902
Not really, no. I'm just hoping
that afterwards
892
00:42:51,936 --> 00:42:53,801
they're planning to tell
me what it all meant,
893
00:42:53,838 --> 00:42:56,398
because I don't think there's much
chance of finding out at the time.
894
00:43:01,513 --> 00:43:03,777
You know, she refuses
to give me children...
895
00:43:04,883 --> 00:43:07,249
on the grounds that she
has children already.
896
00:43:07,285 --> 00:43:10,254
- It's a point of difference between us.
- I see.
897
00:43:10,288 --> 00:43:12,415
I had my children
accidentally
898
00:43:12,457 --> 00:43:14,322
when I was young
and stupid.
899
00:43:14,359 --> 00:43:16,919
I've just never felt
ready to have any more.
900
00:43:16,961 --> 00:43:18,553
There it is.
901
00:43:24,002 --> 00:43:25,902
The boys, by the way,
they're wonderful.
902
00:43:25,937 --> 00:43:27,370
How old are they?
903
00:43:27,405 --> 00:43:29,805
14 and 11.
904
00:43:31,743 --> 00:43:33,438
By different fathers.
905
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:39,841
Oh yes,
I made a real mess.
906
00:43:39,884 --> 00:43:41,374
No.
907
00:43:41,419 --> 00:43:44,252
Thinking in
that awful young way
908
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:46,257
that I could do anything,
909
00:43:46,291 --> 00:43:48,418
cope with anything.
910
00:43:48,460 --> 00:43:50,621
Well, you have.
911
00:44:07,612 --> 00:44:09,637
I'd like a drink.
912
00:44:12,484 --> 00:44:14,748
I wonder,
could I have a drink?
913
00:44:17,622 --> 00:44:19,715
I'll have just the one.
914
00:44:19,758 --> 00:44:20,986
Are you sure?
915
00:44:23,294 --> 00:44:25,455
Oh, yeah.
Right.
916
00:44:39,611 --> 00:44:41,943
There.
917
00:44:41,980 --> 00:44:44,471
Thank you.
918
00:44:44,516 --> 00:44:46,950
I'll just go and look in
on the boys, shall I?
919
00:44:46,985 --> 00:44:48,680
Then we should eat.
920
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:51,018
Yeah.
921
00:44:52,791 --> 00:44:55,157
Eat with us, Paul.
922
00:45:12,811 --> 00:45:14,938
I'm glad you're here.
923
00:45:14,979 --> 00:45:17,504
I am too.
924
00:46:17,075 --> 00:46:19,339
There are always a thousand
reasons to drink,
925
00:46:19,377 --> 00:46:21,436
but not many reasons
not to.
926
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,472
I told myself it was because
I was being dicked around,
927
00:46:25,516 --> 00:46:27,450
it wasn't my fault.
928
00:46:27,485 --> 00:46:29,885
People were behaving
in bewildering ways,
929
00:46:29,921 --> 00:46:31,946
and what was
I meant to do?
930
00:46:31,990 --> 00:46:34,618
That's one of the things
about being an alcoholic.
931
00:46:34,659 --> 00:46:37,492
It's always easy
to play the victim.
932
00:46:39,330 --> 00:46:41,298
But looking back on the summer,
you might well ask...
933
00:46:41,332 --> 00:46:43,061
...which one of us
was the victim
934
00:46:43,101 --> 00:46:45,569
and which one was doing
the dicking around?
935
00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,231
Oh, God!
936
00:46:49,274 --> 00:46:51,902
I know.
I know.
937
00:46:51,943 --> 00:46:53,638
Can I come in?
938
00:46:53,678 --> 00:46:55,270
You're drunk.
939
00:46:55,313 --> 00:46:56,746
I wouldn't say
I was drunk.
940
00:46:56,781 --> 00:46:58,715
I'd say I've been
drinking.
941
00:47:08,826 --> 00:47:11,761
Do I find you
just a little bit ratty?
942
00:47:11,796 --> 00:47:14,526
No. More a little
bit guilty.
943
00:47:14,565 --> 00:47:16,692
Why?
944
00:47:16,734 --> 00:47:19,032
Because we thought
you could handle it.
945
00:47:19,070 --> 00:47:21,630
Victor and I, we thought
you could handle it.
946
00:47:21,673 --> 00:47:24,301
Of course
I can't handle it!
947
00:47:24,342 --> 00:47:26,606
I'm in AA
for Christ's sake.
948
00:47:26,644 --> 00:47:28,839
I've got
a physio-fucking-what'sit
949
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,939
chemical relationship
with alcohol.
950
00:47:30,982 --> 00:47:32,609
I'm an alky.
951
00:47:32,650 --> 00:47:35,175
What on earth made you
think I could handle it?
952
00:47:35,219 --> 00:47:37,210
Coffee?
953
00:47:39,190 --> 00:47:41,055
Me, I'm going to
have a drink
954
00:47:41,092 --> 00:47:43,993
and you're not allowed.
955
00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:46,997
And another thing.
I'm writing again.
956
00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:50,432
It's true.
Poetry pouring out of me.
957
00:47:50,468 --> 00:47:51,765
So is that what
this was about?
958
00:47:51,803 --> 00:47:53,464
You really can't write
when you're dry?
959
00:47:53,504 --> 00:47:55,438
Is that what you're
frightened of?
960
00:47:55,473 --> 00:47:59,933
Poets are stubborn fuckers.
You have to be.
961
00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:02,071
I mean, there's no danger
of dying of encouragement.
962
00:48:02,113 --> 00:48:05,276
I wrote a poem
about you.
963
00:48:06,718 --> 00:48:09,243
It's here somewhere.
Oh, fuck.
964
00:48:09,287 --> 00:48:11,721
I mean, they don't tell you,
do they?
965
00:48:11,756 --> 00:48:14,281
That night with the margaritas,
I took one sip
966
00:48:14,325 --> 00:48:15,986
and I thought,
"Yes.
967
00:48:16,027 --> 00:48:18,552
I remember.
Drink makes you happy."
968
00:48:18,596 --> 00:48:19,858
Briefly.
969
00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:21,797
Oh, what, and we look down
on briefly, do we?
970
00:48:21,833 --> 00:48:23,664
No.
We distrust briefly.
971
00:48:23,701 --> 00:48:25,965
Having another one?
972
00:48:26,004 --> 00:48:27,801
Why, are you counting?
973
00:48:27,839 --> 00:48:29,966
Did someone
give you flowers?
974
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:31,999
No.
They're for you.
975
00:48:35,513 --> 00:48:37,743
Poetry.
Flowers.
976
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:42,151
I'd kiss you but I suspect I smell
like a pet shop.
977
00:49:00,071 --> 00:49:02,403
- I was expecting you.
- Really?
978
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,738
Yes, as soon as Victor
left the country.
979
00:49:04,776 --> 00:49:07,267
I thought you'd come
dogtrotting across the park.
980
00:49:09,647 --> 00:49:12,878
- Where are the boys?
- With friends.
981
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,921
It was clever of you to find flowers
with only 24 hours to live.
982
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:22,084
I can throw them out
before Victor gets back
983
00:49:22,126 --> 00:49:23,559
and I won't have to answer
his questions.
984
00:49:23,594 --> 00:49:26,586
Why? Has he been
asking questions?
985
00:49:26,631 --> 00:49:28,462
- What does he want?
- What does he want?
986
00:49:28,499 --> 00:49:31,832
It's a marriage,
however wonderful.
987
00:49:31,869 --> 00:49:34,394
Finally, it's a marriage
like any other.
988
00:49:34,439 --> 00:49:35,872
Don't you write
about these things?
989
00:49:35,907 --> 00:49:37,704
- Do I?
- Aren't you a writer?
990
00:49:37,742 --> 00:49:40,404
Or does Peter Pan not get mixed up
in this kind of stuff?
991
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:43,107
Don't you think we have
to discuss this?
992
00:49:43,147 --> 00:49:44,739
We've reached deadlock,
that's all.
993
00:49:44,782 --> 00:49:46,409
How?
994
00:49:47,952 --> 00:49:49,943
Isn't it obvious?
995
00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:52,820
He's restless.
You can see Victor is restless.
996
00:49:52,857 --> 00:49:55,758
We've reached a point where neither
of us knows what happens next.
997
00:49:57,595 --> 00:50:01,759
Paul, I go to work every day,
for God's sake,
998
00:50:01,799 --> 00:50:04,097
I go to the Foundation.
999
00:50:05,937 --> 00:50:08,269
I spend the day
in practical ways.
1000
00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:11,969
A hard day's practical work
raising money... being practical.
1001
00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:15,240
What do you call it? Putting
something back. That's what I do.
1002
00:50:15,279 --> 00:50:16,940
I put something back.
1003
00:50:16,981 --> 00:50:20,940
Then I come home,
I walk back through the park.
1004
00:50:20,985 --> 00:50:22,816
I've done it for six years.
1005
00:50:25,723 --> 00:50:28,021
I keep my eyes down.
1006
00:50:28,059 --> 00:50:31,028
I work every day.
I'm calm.
1007
00:50:31,062 --> 00:50:34,657
I come home,
I talk to my boys.
1008
00:50:34,699 --> 00:50:35,996
So what are you saying?
1009
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:38,467
What I'm saying is,
1010
00:50:38,503 --> 00:50:41,631
it's only because of Victor
that the Foundation exists.
1011
00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:45,108
But it's only because
of Victor that I exist.
1012
00:50:45,143 --> 00:50:46,542
I see.
1013
00:50:46,577 --> 00:50:48,477
I feel real
because of Victor.
1014
00:50:48,513 --> 00:50:50,276
- What were you?
- What was I?
1015
00:50:50,314 --> 00:50:52,612
Yeah, someone says
you were an air hostess.
1016
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:54,413
Yes, I was
an air hostess,
1017
00:50:54,452 --> 00:50:57,512
I was a model,
I was a shop assistant.
1018
00:50:57,555 --> 00:50:59,546
But what was I really?
1019
00:50:59,590 --> 00:51:02,081
I was a...
1020
00:51:02,126 --> 00:51:04,560
I was an international
junkie...
1021
00:51:04,595 --> 00:51:06,153
- Okay.
...of epic proportions.
1022
00:51:06,197 --> 00:51:09,792
And if you'd said to me,
"Look, one day
1023
00:51:09,834 --> 00:51:11,324
you'll marry your father
1024
00:51:11,369 --> 00:51:14,361
or someone just like
your father,
1025
00:51:14,405 --> 00:51:16,805
only 50 times kinder,
50 times nicer"
1026
00:51:16,841 --> 00:51:19,537
then I would not
have believed you.
1027
00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:21,169
How was your father?
1028
00:51:21,212 --> 00:51:23,305
A pig.
1029
00:51:23,347 --> 00:51:25,542
A drunk.
1030
00:51:25,583 --> 00:51:27,380
Yours?
1031
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:30,080
Piggish.
1032
00:51:32,290 --> 00:51:36,852
Paul, I made
myself a promise.
1033
00:51:36,894 --> 00:51:38,691
- When?
- Some weeks ago.
1034
00:51:38,729 --> 00:51:41,493
You threw me.
You threw me off course.
1035
00:51:41,532 --> 00:51:43,693
- I did?
- Yes.
1036
00:51:43,734 --> 00:51:44,996
When? That night?
When we kissed?
1037
00:51:45,036 --> 00:51:46,833
Then.
1038
00:51:46,871 --> 00:51:49,965
And I made a decision never
to discuss Victor with you.
1039
00:51:50,007 --> 00:51:51,998
I'm not asking you
to diss him.
1040
00:51:52,043 --> 00:51:54,375
I know
what you're asking.
1041
00:51:54,412 --> 00:51:56,846
- And?
- I'm not going to tell you.
1042
00:51:56,881 --> 00:51:59,247
What?
1043
00:51:59,283 --> 00:52:01,945
- Anything.
- Okay. I was just asking.
1044
00:52:01,986 --> 00:52:05,422
Least of all whether
we're happy or not.
1045
00:52:05,456 --> 00:52:07,014
Are you?
1046
00:52:07,058 --> 00:52:08,821
- What?
- Happy?
1047
00:52:12,096 --> 00:52:14,064
Do you think
you need the glass?
1048
00:52:14,098 --> 00:52:15,622
Don't you think the glass
is a bit...
1049
00:52:15,666 --> 00:52:18,226
- What?
- Intermediate?
1050
00:52:18,269 --> 00:52:21,534
Why not just jam
the fucking bottle to your lips?
1051
00:52:21,572 --> 00:52:23,870
Tell me,
I'd be interested,
1052
00:52:23,908 --> 00:52:25,398
come on,
just why are you here?
1053
00:52:25,443 --> 00:52:28,207
- Why am I here?
- Yes.
1054
00:52:28,246 --> 00:52:30,646
I'm hopelessly in love.
That's why I'm here.
1055
00:52:33,985 --> 00:52:36,954
Well, you don't make it
sound very pleasant.
1056
00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:46,385
Well, why don't you give him
children, for fuck's sake?
1057
00:52:46,430 --> 00:52:48,421
- What?
- Well that's what he's saying!
1058
00:52:48,466 --> 00:52:50,957
I know what he's saying!
I know what he's saying!
1059
00:52:51,002 --> 00:52:53,300
- Well?
- Have you understood nothing?
1060
00:52:53,337 --> 00:52:56,363
You don't think I want
to give this man children?
1061
00:52:56,407 --> 00:52:59,433
You don't think
I would if I could?
1062
00:52:59,477 --> 00:53:02,571
- I was human trash.
- I know.
1063
00:53:02,613 --> 00:53:04,274
I was on
the floor of a bar,
1064
00:53:04,315 --> 00:53:07,079
my knickers ripped in half,
my breath stinking of vomit.
1065
00:53:07,118 --> 00:53:09,484
I know.
Do you think I don't know?
1066
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,216
I was waiting to be thrown
out with the empties.
1067
00:53:13,524 --> 00:53:15,617
"Take my hand,"
he said.
1068
00:53:15,660 --> 00:53:17,059
"Take my hand."
1069
00:53:17,094 --> 00:53:19,995
And from that day
he has been steadfast.
1070
00:53:20,031 --> 00:53:23,330
Not one day has gone by
in which he has not been loyal.
1071
00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:25,392
I'm sure.
1072
00:53:25,436 --> 00:53:28,837
He gives me confidence
when I have no confidence myself.
1073
00:53:28,873 --> 00:53:32,331
He is strong.
We're not.
1074
00:53:32,376 --> 00:53:34,936
We're alike,
you and I.
1075
00:53:34,979 --> 00:53:39,313
That's why
I don't give him children.
1076
00:53:41,519 --> 00:53:44,352
I don't have
the confidence.
1077
00:53:44,388 --> 00:53:46,322
I don't have the belief.
1078
00:53:51,429 --> 00:53:53,761
Elsa.
1079
00:53:53,798 --> 00:53:56,926
Why do you think I sat
on that counter with you?
1080
00:53:58,736 --> 00:54:00,829
What am I?
Absurd?
1081
00:54:00,871 --> 00:54:02,771
No.
1082
00:54:02,807 --> 00:54:06,538
Why do you think
I laughed with you?
1083
00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:08,738
Kissed you?
1084
00:54:08,779 --> 00:54:11,577
The reason
I'm drawn to you?
1085
00:54:11,615 --> 00:54:14,311
What?
What?
1086
00:54:14,352 --> 00:54:17,287
When I see us,
I see us...
1087
00:54:17,321 --> 00:54:19,346
How?
1088
00:54:19,390 --> 00:54:22,621
We go down together.
1089
00:54:22,660 --> 00:54:26,323
- No.
- We go off to bars.
1090
00:54:26,364 --> 00:54:29,026
We go down together.
We go spiraling together.
1091
00:54:29,066 --> 00:54:31,534
No. No.
1092
00:54:31,569 --> 00:54:33,366
What are you looking for?
1093
00:54:34,572 --> 00:54:36,665
That's my fucking notebook,
for God's sake.
1094
00:54:36,707 --> 00:54:38,231
It's not your notebook
I'm after.
1095
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:39,742
See?
We're the same.
1096
00:54:39,777 --> 00:54:41,404
- Give it to me.
- No.
1097
00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:42,969
- Give it to me.
- I won't.
1098
00:54:43,013 --> 00:54:45,447
I won't drink it.
I swear. I'll throw it away.
1099
00:54:45,483 --> 00:54:47,508
Where do we find life?
Is it in a bottle?
1100
00:54:55,593 --> 00:54:58,118
- He said you were cured.
- Did he?
1101
00:54:58,162 --> 00:55:00,289
Yeah.
One drink, he said.
1102
00:55:00,331 --> 00:55:01,855
He said you had one
gin and tonic.
1103
00:55:01,899 --> 00:55:04,367
You played Scrabble,
he said.
1104
00:55:04,402 --> 00:55:06,597
Do I look cured?
1105
00:55:07,738 --> 00:55:10,172
Do I feel cured?
1106
00:55:36,367 --> 00:55:38,232
What did I think?
1107
00:55:38,269 --> 00:55:40,134
What did I think
that night?
1108
00:55:40,171 --> 00:55:43,402
That I could be solid
in the way Victor was solid?
1109
00:55:43,441 --> 00:55:46,968
I knew I could never
replace him.
1110
00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:49,912
But I felt the power
of her warmth.
1111
00:55:49,947 --> 00:55:53,815
The alcohol drained out of me
and her warmth filled me.
1112
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:57,677
All I know is there
was something there.
1113
00:55:57,721 --> 00:55:59,018
There was something real.
1114
00:56:02,259 --> 00:56:04,352
There you go.
1115
00:56:04,395 --> 00:56:07,489
For a couple of days,
at least,
1116
00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:10,762
I was as happy
as I'd ever been in my life.
1117
00:56:13,337 --> 00:56:16,773
Pretty soon after
the rumors began.
1118
00:56:16,807 --> 00:56:19,173
Victor came back
from America.
1119
00:56:19,210 --> 00:56:21,337
The word was
he was in trouble.
1120
00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:23,812
We didn't see much
of him in the office.
1121
00:56:23,848 --> 00:56:26,316
But after what had happened,
I wasn't seeking him out.
1122
00:56:26,350 --> 00:56:28,284
Then one evening...
1123
00:56:28,319 --> 00:56:30,253
Paul, there you are.
You're still here.
1124
00:56:30,287 --> 00:56:32,653
I was beginning to think
you were avoiding me.
1125
00:56:32,690 --> 00:56:34,817
I must have drawn
the wrong conclusion.
1126
00:56:34,859 --> 00:56:36,554
I think you did.
1127
00:56:36,594 --> 00:56:38,323
Everyone dies
after their last meal.
1128
00:56:38,362 --> 00:56:39,795
That doesn't mean
to say they were poisoned.
1129
00:56:42,132 --> 00:56:43,463
Quite.
1130
00:56:43,501 --> 00:56:44,991
And you've heard
of our problems?
1131
00:56:45,035 --> 00:56:46,935
I think everyone has.
1132
00:56:46,971 --> 00:56:48,495
I'm afraid they're
pretty common knowledge.
1133
00:56:48,539 --> 00:56:52,100
Capitalism at its most
infuriating and obtuse.
1134
00:56:52,142 --> 00:56:55,270
Refinancing.
Private equity.
1135
00:56:55,312 --> 00:56:58,179
Private equity insisting
on a change of management,
1136
00:56:58,215 --> 00:57:00,240
making it a condition.
1137
00:57:00,284 --> 00:57:02,514
What are we?
Ping-pong balls?
1138
00:57:04,021 --> 00:57:06,649
I spent the whole day in
the city trying a rival bid.
1139
00:57:06,690 --> 00:57:10,217
A bid for what?
To take over my own business?
1140
00:57:10,261 --> 00:57:13,355
Everybody says
it's normal.
1141
00:57:13,397 --> 00:57:16,958
It's accepted as normal.
1142
00:57:17,001 --> 00:57:19,196
There was a time when economy
used to make something.
1143
00:57:19,236 --> 00:57:21,295
Now?
A world in which 10 people
1144
00:57:21,338 --> 00:57:23,272
do something and the other
90 speculate.
1145
00:57:23,307 --> 00:57:25,741
- Normal?
- No.
1146
00:57:25,776 --> 00:57:27,334
It's a game,
that's all.
1147
00:57:27,378 --> 00:57:29,642
And because we lack
any wisdom ourselves,
1148
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:31,841
we pretend
the market is wise.
1149
00:57:31,882 --> 00:57:34,817
It's a form of camp.
1150
00:57:34,852 --> 00:57:37,150
Is there something
you wanted?
1151
00:57:37,187 --> 00:57:39,451
No.
Just to talk to you.
1152
00:57:39,490 --> 00:57:41,515
Why?
Should there be?
1153
00:57:41,559 --> 00:57:44,357
No.
1154
00:57:44,395 --> 00:57:46,260
Oh.
1155
00:57:46,297 --> 00:57:48,822
I mean, of course
it gets to me.
1156
00:57:48,866 --> 00:57:50,857
Why would it not?
1157
00:57:50,901 --> 00:57:53,335
The humiliation
of being judged
1158
00:57:53,370 --> 00:57:54,894
by people who know nothing.
1159
00:57:54,939 --> 00:57:56,270
Not for myself,
of course.
1160
00:57:56,307 --> 00:57:58,241
- I'm not upset for myself.
- No?
1161
00:57:58,275 --> 00:58:00,243
No no.
1162
00:58:00,277 --> 00:58:03,303
If the business gets taken away from me,
I'm still a rich man.
1163
00:58:03,347 --> 00:58:06,077
You know, I have my creature comforts...
my house, my wife.
1164
00:58:06,116 --> 00:58:07,606
As you know,
as you well know.
1165
00:58:10,955 --> 00:58:14,254
Oh, I'm sorry if we led you
astray the other evening.
1166
00:58:14,291 --> 00:58:16,282
- Not at all.
- Hmm.
1167
00:58:16,327 --> 00:58:18,625
Have you drunk since?
1168
00:58:18,662 --> 00:58:21,722
Since that night
have you had another drink?
1169
00:58:21,765 --> 00:58:24,290
No, not a drop.
1170
00:58:28,472 --> 00:58:32,203
Tell me, Paul,
this is purely academic,
1171
00:58:32,242 --> 00:58:34,210
you know, there's not
a hint of reproach,
1172
00:58:34,244 --> 00:58:37,270
but do you lie
about your drinking?
1173
00:58:37,314 --> 00:58:39,305
- Compulsively.
- I see.
1174
00:58:39,350 --> 00:58:41,250
Like all drinkers.
1175
00:58:41,285 --> 00:58:43,810
All the time
or just occasionally?
1176
00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:46,084
Oh, that doesn't
really matter, does it?
1177
00:58:46,123 --> 00:58:48,182
I mean, that's the beauty
of lying.
1178
00:58:48,225 --> 00:58:51,353
You only have to do it once
to spread infinite distrust.
1179
00:58:53,597 --> 00:58:56,623
So tell me, Paul,
how do you explain
1180
00:58:56,667 --> 00:58:58,828
this current passion
for addiction?
1181
00:58:58,869 --> 00:59:01,337
- People say lack of faith, don't they?
- Certainly do.
1182
00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:03,863
I mean, people say to me,
"Oh, you're so lucky, you had faith."
1183
00:59:03,907 --> 00:59:06,000
But Stalin had faith.
Hitler had faith.
1184
00:59:06,043 --> 00:59:09,206
Would it be wonderful
to believe in the virgin birth?
1185
00:59:09,246 --> 00:59:10,736
I don't think so.
1186
00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:12,578
Or that trees
speak to you?
1187
00:59:12,616 --> 00:59:14,641
Wouldn't that just mean
you were mad?
1188
00:59:14,685 --> 00:59:16,983
Faith's not valuable.
Not in itself.
1189
00:59:17,021 --> 00:59:19,956
It's what you have faith
in that matters.
1190
00:59:22,393 --> 00:59:24,418
I had faith.
1191
00:59:24,461 --> 00:59:27,055
But it was stolen from me.
1192
00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:35,303
What bloody right do these
people have to value us?
1193
00:59:35,339 --> 00:59:37,136
- None.
- None!
1194
00:59:40,010 --> 00:59:42,308
I took a shine
to you, Paul.
1195
00:59:42,346 --> 00:59:44,314
I took you on
because I liked you.
1196
00:59:44,348 --> 00:59:47,909
But you think I must live with it,
is that what you think?
1197
00:59:49,753 --> 00:59:52,688
The poet,
the philosopher
1198
00:59:52,723 --> 00:59:56,181
bringing the message
the poet always brings.
1199
00:59:56,226 --> 00:59:57,659
Victor, you're here.
1200
00:59:57,695 --> 00:59:59,492
Yes.
1201
00:59:59,530 --> 01:00:01,054
I was worried.
You haven't been home.
1202
01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:02,656
I've been trying
to call you.
1203
01:00:02,700 --> 01:00:05,294
- Have you?
- I've been trying to find you.
1204
01:00:05,335 --> 01:00:07,997
And you were concerned? Why were
you concerned, my darling?
1205
01:00:10,708 --> 01:00:13,108
As you can see,
we had a row last night.
1206
01:00:13,143 --> 01:00:15,441
Yes.
1207
01:00:15,479 --> 01:00:16,946
We never row.
1208
01:00:16,980 --> 01:00:19,813
I stormed into the night.
I did a runner.
1209
01:00:19,850 --> 01:00:22,341
Victor, we're meant
to be going to a concert.
1210
01:00:22,386 --> 01:00:24,513
- Are we? When?
- Now.
1211
01:00:24,555 --> 01:00:27,422
Would Mozart match
your mood right now?
1212
01:00:27,458 --> 01:00:29,187
I don't think
he'd match mine.
1213
01:00:29,226 --> 01:00:32,195
All that life-affirming
can seem awfully jangly
1214
01:00:32,229 --> 01:00:34,390
when it hits you
at the wrong angle.
1215
01:00:34,431 --> 01:00:37,491
What are you saying?
You don't want to go?
1216
01:00:37,534 --> 01:00:39,092
Go with Paul.
1217
01:00:39,136 --> 01:00:41,969
Take Paul.
Affirm life with Paul.
1218
01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:44,405
I can't.
I have to go to a meeting.
1219
01:00:47,978 --> 01:00:51,505
Summer's end.
Always a moment of calm.
1220
01:00:51,548 --> 01:00:53,311
The slight change
in the air.
1221
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:55,875
It's still August.
The sun beats down,
1222
01:00:55,919 --> 01:00:58,717
but touched with the knowledge
of what is to come.
1223
01:00:58,756 --> 01:01:00,747
This is all
to do with work.
1224
01:01:00,791 --> 01:01:03,157
- You think so?
- Of course.
1225
01:01:03,193 --> 01:01:06,685
You may lose your business.
Of course you are depressed.
1226
01:01:09,066 --> 01:01:10,328
- Victor...
- I'm going to have a drink.
1227
01:01:10,367 --> 01:01:12,995
- Will you join me?
- I've made a new vow.
1228
01:01:13,036 --> 01:01:15,664
Have you?
And will this one last?
1229
01:01:15,706 --> 01:01:18,903
Aren't we patterned?
Aren't we programmed?
1230
01:01:18,942 --> 01:01:21,604
Don't we always promise
"Tomorrow I'll stop.
1231
01:01:21,645 --> 01:01:23,169
Tomorrow I'll be good"?
1232
01:01:23,213 --> 01:01:26,011
It's the disease of more,
1233
01:01:26,049 --> 01:01:27,516
isn't that what they say?
1234
01:01:33,223 --> 01:01:34,588
What are you doing?
1235
01:01:34,625 --> 01:01:36,217
I'm leaving my job.
I'm going.
1236
01:01:36,260 --> 01:01:37,727
No. Why?
1237
01:01:37,761 --> 01:01:39,729
It's not hard to see,
is it?
1238
01:01:39,763 --> 01:01:41,628
Look at him. Look at his mood
for God's sake.
1239
01:01:41,665 --> 01:01:43,030
What do you think
it's about?
1240
01:01:43,066 --> 01:01:45,125
No no.
I know what it's about.
1241
01:01:45,169 --> 01:01:47,865
Last night you quarreled.
Do you think its coincidence?
1242
01:01:47,905 --> 01:01:49,896
You think it's just chance?
1243
01:01:51,375 --> 01:01:52,467
It's not love.
1244
01:01:53,877 --> 01:01:56,107
- Isn't it?
- No.
1245
01:01:56,146 --> 01:01:58,614
I thought it was love.
1246
01:01:58,649 --> 01:02:00,844
No, it's addiction.
1247
01:02:00,884 --> 01:02:02,647
We're addicted to trouble.
1248
01:02:02,686 --> 01:02:05,177
We both love trouble
and he knows it.
1249
01:02:08,492 --> 01:02:10,392
Paul, I was happy
with you.
1250
01:02:10,427 --> 01:02:11,826
I know.
1251
01:02:11,862 --> 01:02:14,490
For those hours,
I was happy.
1252
01:02:14,531 --> 01:02:16,396
Elsa, I'm happy drinking.
So?
1253
01:02:16,433 --> 01:02:18,458
- No.
- Yeah.
1254
01:02:18,502 --> 01:02:20,026
I'm happy with a drink
in my hand.
1255
01:02:20,070 --> 01:02:21,901
So tell me,
what's the difference?
1256
01:02:21,939 --> 01:02:23,702
You think I live
that kind of life?
1257
01:02:23,740 --> 01:02:25,901
No.
1258
01:02:25,943 --> 01:02:27,535
What do you think?
You think I want affairs?
1259
01:02:27,578 --> 01:02:29,375
- No.
- Is that how you see me?
1260
01:02:31,081 --> 01:02:33,743
You haven't thought.
You haven't thought what you're doing.
1261
01:02:33,784 --> 01:02:35,479
This is who you are, Paul.
This is you.
1262
01:02:35,519 --> 01:02:38,215
You're the person
who runs.
1263
01:02:38,255 --> 01:02:40,849
You think it's to do with alcohol.
It's not.
1264
01:02:40,891 --> 01:02:43,086
You barely know me, Elsa.
1265
01:02:43,126 --> 01:02:45,492
You've barely had time
to know me.
1266
01:02:47,898 --> 01:02:49,365
You're scared.
You're just scared.
1267
01:02:51,068 --> 01:02:52,695
You'd never leave him.
1268
01:02:54,571 --> 01:02:56,766
What makes you so sure?
1269
01:03:00,444 --> 01:03:03,436
When anyone needs you,
you run.
1270
01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:05,948
When anyone loves you,
1271
01:03:05,983 --> 01:03:08,213
you go.
1272
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:12,988
I love you.
1273
01:03:13,023 --> 01:03:15,491
It's true.
1274
01:03:15,525 --> 01:03:17,390
So explain.
1275
01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:19,292
How does it help
if I stay?
1276
01:03:45,522 --> 01:03:48,389
Not even dusk,
no one to be seen.
1277
01:03:48,425 --> 01:03:50,450
It's a business
for obsessives they say.
1278
01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:51,927
But where are they?
1279
01:03:51,962 --> 01:03:54,760
On their August beaches
or in their back gardens.
1280
01:03:54,798 --> 01:03:56,595
Fled.
All fled.
1281
01:03:56,633 --> 01:03:59,693
Not a soul remains.
Whiskey?
1282
01:04:03,607 --> 01:04:06,235
Paul has something
to tell you.
1283
01:04:06,276 --> 01:04:07,470
Tell me?
1284
01:04:07,511 --> 01:04:09,536
It isn't good news.
1285
01:04:09,579 --> 01:04:12,104
In fact I'm feeling
a bit of an idiot.
1286
01:04:12,149 --> 01:04:13,946
He wants to leave.
1287
01:04:13,984 --> 01:04:16,612
- I see.
- Paul's insisting he leaves.
1288
01:04:16,653 --> 01:04:18,314
Victor, can we be honest?
1289
01:04:18,355 --> 01:04:20,482
The fact is I'm actually
hopeless at the job.
1290
01:04:20,524 --> 01:04:24,016
- Really?
- "The unsinkable Flotilla."
1291
01:04:24,061 --> 01:04:26,086
- Huh.
- "Float into the future with Flotilla."
1292
01:04:26,129 --> 01:04:28,825
"Hey there, killer,
try Flotilla."
1293
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:31,925
I can't do it.
I can't write to order.
1294
01:04:31,969 --> 01:04:35,268
Too much the poet?
Too much your own man?
1295
01:04:37,007 --> 01:04:40,135
You've been kind.
You've been good to me, Victor.
1296
01:04:40,177 --> 01:04:42,509
But I just wasn't ready.
1297
01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:45,537
Never easy, is it?
1298
01:04:45,582 --> 01:04:48,142
Never easy when you
try to help.
1299
01:04:50,554 --> 01:04:53,489
I tell you, I was sleeping
last night in Regents Park?
1300
01:04:53,523 --> 01:04:55,388
I'm sorry?
1301
01:04:55,425 --> 01:04:58,883
I slept last night in Regents Park
beneath the stars.
1302
01:04:58,929 --> 01:05:01,159
Is that legal?
1303
01:05:01,198 --> 01:05:02,859
It's not illegal.
1304
01:05:02,899 --> 01:05:04,799
I had no idea
where you were.
1305
01:05:04,835 --> 01:05:06,803
I lay beneath the stars,
1306
01:05:06,837 --> 01:05:09,203
the stars bright above me.
1307
01:05:09,239 --> 01:05:11,537
Felt the earth
moving below me,
1308
01:05:11,575 --> 01:05:13,839
the planet hurtling
through space.
1309
01:05:13,877 --> 01:05:17,210
I lay listening to
the noises of the night,
1310
01:05:17,247 --> 01:05:18,976
thinking of Elsa
1311
01:05:19,016 --> 01:05:21,246
in her bed
200 yards away.
1312
01:05:23,387 --> 01:05:25,753
I thought of the many
nights we'd passed,
1313
01:05:25,789 --> 01:05:28,189
she shaking from
the agony of addiction,
1314
01:05:28,225 --> 01:05:31,353
the passage
from high to low,
1315
01:05:31,395 --> 01:05:35,661
from frenzy
and finally to calm.
1316
01:05:35,699 --> 01:05:37,394
Why did we quarrel?
1317
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:40,198
We quarreled about love.
1318
01:05:42,773 --> 01:05:44,365
I'd had an idea.
1319
01:05:44,408 --> 01:05:46,137
For years I'd had an idea.
1320
01:05:46,176 --> 01:05:49,407
An idea of what love
might accomplish.
1321
01:05:50,747 --> 01:05:52,510
It was foolish.
1322
01:05:52,549 --> 01:05:54,210
No good.
1323
01:05:54,251 --> 01:05:58,119
He accused me of being weak
and I defended myself.
1324
01:05:58,155 --> 01:06:00,055
She did.
1325
01:06:00,090 --> 01:06:01,387
She defended herself well.
1326
01:06:01,425 --> 01:06:03,552
Yes.
That's why we fought.
1327
01:06:03,593 --> 01:06:05,857
That was why
the fight began.
1328
01:06:05,896 --> 01:06:07,420
Absolutely.
1329
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:10,194
- Are we ever cured?
- That was the question.
1330
01:06:10,233 --> 01:06:12,758
I can sometimes go
without drinking.
1331
01:06:12,803 --> 01:06:14,964
Months go by.
1332
01:06:15,005 --> 01:06:17,997
And, yes,
at another time,
1333
01:06:18,041 --> 01:06:21,272
I taste just one drink...
1334
01:06:21,311 --> 01:06:24,610
"Just the one,"
I say to myself.
1335
01:06:24,648 --> 01:06:27,208
"Just the one."
1336
01:06:27,250 --> 01:06:29,218
But finally, no.
1337
01:06:29,252 --> 01:06:33,245
I know in my heart
this disease is for life.
1338
01:06:33,290 --> 01:06:36,782
I asked Victor
to accept that.
1339
01:06:36,827 --> 01:06:38,658
I need him to accept it.
1340
01:06:40,597 --> 01:06:44,966
I can't be who
he wants me to be.
1341
01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:48,232
I've tried and I can't.
1342
01:06:48,271 --> 01:06:50,739
I can't.
1343
01:06:50,774 --> 01:06:54,005
I was lucky
to meet a good man.
1344
01:06:54,044 --> 01:06:56,308
But met him nonetheless,
1345
01:06:56,346 --> 01:06:59,247
loved him nonetheless,
1346
01:06:59,282 --> 01:07:02,080
or rather,
1347
01:07:02,119 --> 01:07:05,111
have tried to love him.
1348
01:07:09,926 --> 01:07:11,291
I still do.
1349
01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:15,656
I still will.
1350
01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:20,969
My love.
1351
01:07:41,558 --> 01:07:43,685
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
1352
01:07:44,995 --> 01:07:47,429
I apologize.
Private... private stuff.
1353
01:07:47,464 --> 01:07:49,523
- Of course.
- Forgive us.
1354
01:07:49,566 --> 01:07:52,330
So you're determined
to leave?
1355
01:07:52,369 --> 01:07:54,837
- I am.
- You submit your resignation?
1356
01:07:54,871 --> 01:07:57,135
- I do.
- It's done.
1357
01:07:57,174 --> 01:07:59,506
It's accepted.
Why not?
1358
01:07:59,543 --> 01:08:01,238
Collect your cards.
1359
01:08:01,278 --> 01:08:03,678
Elsa, I think
we're moving on.
1360
01:08:05,015 --> 01:08:06,676
Fair enough.
1361
01:08:06,716 --> 01:08:09,981
It's a freelance culture,
after all, so they tell me.
1362
01:08:10,020 --> 01:08:12,079
- That's what I've heard.
- Yeah.
1363
01:08:13,657 --> 01:08:16,217
The idea of long-term employment
is a thing of the past.
1364
01:08:16,259 --> 01:08:18,227
A job is no longer
for life.
1365
01:08:18,261 --> 01:08:20,126
Well, I've only been
here for three months.
1366
01:08:20,163 --> 01:08:23,189
Excellent. You've grasped
the principle exactly.
1367
01:08:41,151 --> 01:08:43,016
It's been
a summer, eh?
1368
01:08:43,053 --> 01:08:45,180
- It's what a summer should be.
- You think?
1369
01:08:45,222 --> 01:08:48,453
In the cold months we work,
get on with living.
1370
01:08:48,491 --> 01:08:51,858
So let's use the warm months
for stopping to think.
1371
01:08:51,895 --> 01:08:53,795
Paul.
1372
01:08:59,836 --> 01:09:02,600
Is perfect friendship
always brief?
1373
01:09:02,639 --> 01:09:05,767
"Moderation in all things,"
said my mom.
1374
01:09:05,809 --> 01:09:07,936
She died at age 40.
1375
01:09:07,978 --> 01:09:10,446
I miss her.
1376
01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:12,243
I still miss her.
1377
01:09:12,282 --> 01:09:14,716
Don't fear for me.
1378
01:09:14,751 --> 01:09:16,013
I shan't.
1379
01:09:16,052 --> 01:09:18,782
History threw me up.
It may now cast me down.
1380
01:09:18,822 --> 01:09:20,949
- I hope not.
- It worries me not.
1381
01:09:20,991 --> 01:09:22,982
I have written my epitaph.
1382
01:09:23,026 --> 01:09:26,325
"He may have buckled
but he did not break."
1383
01:09:27,731 --> 01:09:30,393
So it's time
to say goodbye.
1384
01:09:31,635 --> 01:09:33,466
Not the last time
we shall see you, I hope?
1385
01:09:33,503 --> 01:09:35,801
No.
1386
01:09:35,839 --> 01:09:38,865
And you must say goodbye
to Elsa too.
1387
01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:42,504
I insist.
1388
01:09:42,545 --> 01:09:45,309
Elsa, if we hurry, we'll catch
the second half of the concert.
1389
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:52,912
You won't forget me?
1390
01:09:52,956 --> 01:09:55,424
- No.
- Promise you won't forget me.
1391
01:09:59,996 --> 01:10:02,123
It's rare, isn't it?
1392
01:10:02,165 --> 01:10:03,928
It's rare to find love.
1393
01:10:30,126 --> 01:10:32,594
Joseph Conrad says
that inside every heart
1394
01:10:32,629 --> 01:10:34,927
burns the desire
to set down once and for all
1395
01:10:34,964 --> 01:10:37,228
a true record
of what has happened.
1396
01:10:45,975 --> 01:10:47,772
As everyone knows,
Victor Quinn died
1397
01:10:47,811 --> 01:10:49,779
soon after
in a car crash.
1398
01:10:52,515 --> 01:10:55,416
His blood was three times over
the permitted alcohol level.
1399
01:10:59,589 --> 01:11:02,251
Elsa went
to identify the body.
1400
01:11:02,292 --> 01:11:04,157
At last, she said,
1401
01:11:04,194 --> 01:11:06,219
Victor lay
on his zinc bed.
1402
01:11:13,737 --> 01:11:17,537
For myself. I continued
to drink for a while.
1403
01:11:18,541 --> 01:11:19,906
The result
was a book of poetry
1404
01:11:19,943 --> 01:11:22,434
which, to my amazement,
did even better than the first.
1405
01:11:22,479 --> 01:11:24,379
- Yes.
- Wonderful.
1406
01:11:24,414 --> 01:11:26,405
I really enjoy your work.
It's wonderful.
1407
01:11:26,449 --> 01:11:28,940
Oh, thank you very much.
1408
01:11:28,985 --> 01:11:31,954
For a brief period I became
somewhat well-known.
1409
01:11:41,364 --> 01:11:44,197
I did see Elsa.
Of course I did.
1410
01:11:44,234 --> 01:11:46,759
I saw her
a number of times.
1411
01:11:49,572 --> 01:11:51,836
But there comes a moment,
doesn't there?
1412
01:11:51,875 --> 01:11:54,139
You tell me.
1413
01:11:54,177 --> 01:11:56,236
Doesn't there come
a moment
1414
01:11:56,279 --> 01:11:59,646
when you have to decide between
what you can handle and what you can't?
1415
01:11:59,682 --> 01:12:02,116
- Hello.
- Good to see you.
1416
01:12:02,152 --> 01:12:03,414
I didn't see
my friends anymore.
1417
01:12:03,453 --> 01:12:05,284
I rarely went out,
apart to go to the off-license.
1418
01:12:05,321 --> 01:12:08,415
So I thought
I'd come along...
1419
01:12:08,458 --> 01:12:11,518
I'd come along to the group,
but just sat alone in the house.
1420
01:12:11,561 --> 01:12:13,893
I stopped drinking.
1421
01:12:13,930 --> 01:12:15,830
I began to dry out.
1422
01:12:15,865 --> 01:12:17,799
It was difficult
and it took a long time.
1423
01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:23,131
It's better.
Of course it is.
1424
01:12:23,173 --> 01:12:26,540
But sometimes I remember
Victor Quinn.
1425
01:12:28,144 --> 01:12:30,044
"If you were cured,
1426
01:12:30,079 --> 01:12:32,240
you'd be cured of desire.
1427
01:12:33,550 --> 01:12:35,950
And who wants
to be cured of desire?"
1428
01:14:35,951 --> 01:14:36,951
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