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1
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:04,352
-Rand, you know I want to hear
2
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:06,223
all about the dance crew
on your subway car.
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:08,182
I just can't right now.
-You don't understand.
4
00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:10,401
They were doing flips overme.
5
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:14,188
They made Patrick Swayze and
Jennifer Grey look like trash.
6
00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:15,580
Most impressive part was
7
00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:18,409
none of the dancing
was even remotely dirty.
8
00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:20,150
-Okay, but you got to sit down.
I have to start court.
9
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:23,066
-Okay, maybe you should sit down
'cause Ineed to start court.
10
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,547
-Alright. Stop. I'm gonna
tell you what I tell most dogs.
11
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:29,203
You're not nearly as cute
as you think you are. Now sit.
12
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:36,558
-Counselors,
could you please approach?
13
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:39,735
This is mostly
just relationship talk.
14
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,866
-Nope.
-Absolutely not.
15
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:42,259
-Hey, one of you has to stay.
16
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,002
-I'm sure you've been wondering
17
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,612
how things are going
with me and Rand.
18
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:49,397
-You have to know
that I haven't.
19
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,616
-Oh. Well, the answer is great.
20
00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:54,402
I was having some doubts,
but ever since he's been here,
21
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:56,752
it's clear the problem
was just the long distance.
22
00:00:56,795 --> 00:01:01,061
Look how cute he is sitting
courtside like a basketball wife
23
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,715
or a more handsome
Jack Nicholson.
24
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,152
-Morehandsome?
25
00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:08,764
Someone clearly hasn't seen
"The Shining."
26
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:11,419
-First up,
the People vs. Louise Johnson.
27
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:12,985
-The defendant
is charged with arson
28
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:16,250
for setting a fire at
Shady Acres eldercare facility.
29
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,295
-Uh, Your Honor,
this was an accident.
30
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,602
My client was visiting
her gentleman friend
31
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:23,257
at his care facility
celebrating his birthday,
32
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,650
and t-the candles got
a little out of hand.
33
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:30,351
-He's 87, so it was a lot
for the flan to take.
34
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,614
-And certainly my client
cannot be held responsible
35
00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:36,487
for the structural instability
of said flan.
36
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,533
-It doesn't feel like
these actions
37
00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:40,056
rise to the level of arson,
38
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:44,930
so I'm gonna say fine for
damages and case dismissed.
39
00:01:44,973 --> 00:01:47,150
-Great ruling! Tough but fair!
40
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,630
That's my fiancée.
41
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,283
She doesn't even practice
that gaveling.
42
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:52,460
She just nails it every time.
43
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:56,464
You dating anyone
in the courtroom or...?
44
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:06,126
♪♪
45
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:13,524
♪♪
46
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,178
-I can't wait
for this courthouse tour.
47
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,962
Is it true you guys have
a vending machine
48
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,486
that still sells cigarettes?
49
00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:20,183
-That's nothing. We also have
a working switchboard.
50
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:23,665
No one uses it, but those nice
ladies just have nowhere to go.
51
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,841
Um, I'm sorry. Can I help you?
52
00:02:26,885 --> 00:02:29,192
-No, I'm fine.
I'm the new public defender.
53
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,715
-What? Where's Dan?
54
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,196
-That's the thing about Dans.
They're everywhere.
55
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,329
I'm Ken Clark,
and I love black licorice.
56
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:37,679
-No, thank you.
57
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:40,203
She does not speak for me.
58
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,771
-I'm gonna go find Dan
and figure out what's going on.
59
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,860
Is it okay if we take
a rain check on the tour?
60
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:47,384
-Oh, yeah, I can do
a self-guided tour.
61
00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:48,951
What's the worst
that could happen?
62
00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:51,171
-Nothing, as long as
you take this whistle.
63
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,998
There's a lot of birds
in the walls,
64
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,522
and if they're poised to attack,
65
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:57,351
that will help you sound
like the pigeon king.
66
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:02,182
-Might as well take one
for the road.
67
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:04,358
-You've already had some.
68
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,188
-Hey, Gurgs.
69
00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:20,243
So, how's it goin'?
70
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,766
-I just failed
another practice test
71
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:23,725
for the bailiff
supervisor program.
72
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,727
-I didn't know there were
bailiff supervisors.
73
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,469
-Oh, you think we just arrive
fully formed?
74
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:31,254
I'm terrible with tests.
75
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:34,910
Those Scantron forms with
their cold, soulless circles,
76
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,564
they freak me out!
77
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,436
The only machine I trust
is my Roomba,
78
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,875
whirring along,
doing its job, eating my dirt.
79
00:03:43,918 --> 00:03:45,050
-May I borrow your salt?
80
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,574
-Oh, sure.
-Not a chance!
81
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:48,010
I've seen you around here
pulling your salt scam!
82
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:51,535
We all know you trying
to build a salt wife!
83
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,276
Ehh!
84
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,583
-I think I have a solution.
85
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,498
-We lock all the salt shakers
in the salt closet?
86
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,762
-We have a salt closet?
-I already said too much.
87
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:03,286
-No, I-I'm talking
about your studying.
88
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,809
I'm amazing at exams.
89
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:07,116
I just helped my neighbor pass
his DMV vision test,
90
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,640
and that man has no business
behind the wheel!
91
00:04:11,728 --> 00:04:15,429
-Alright. Let's do this.
I need all the help I can get.
92
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,474
Aw, no, he's going
for the Himalayan pink.
93
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,606
She's out of your league, Colin!
94
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,350
-There you are.
95
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,047
You're leaving and you weren't
gonna even tell me?!
96
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,440
Just sneaking off into the night
97
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:27,963
like a real
Kevin the chicken thief?
98
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:30,966
-Kevin was --
-You know Kevin was a fox.
99
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,272
-I knew you'd be upset.
100
00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:33,664
That's why I was
writing you a note.
101
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,449
It's all explained in there.
102
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,451
-"By the time you read this,
I will be gone
103
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:38,974
so you can't be mad at me."
104
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,455
-Now, imagine reading that,
but I've already left.
105
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,978
Poignant, sparse.
106
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,154
That's how you build a memory.
-A note?
107
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,635
After everything we've been
through, you leave me a note?
108
00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,463
You would pull this --
-Would you let me explain?
109
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,856
-Yes, fine. Go ahead. Explain.
110
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,381
How dare you quit!
111
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:55,991
And to go do what?
112
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:58,167
I can't imagine that you have
a good reason for leaving.
113
00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,996
-I'm leaving to be a judge.
-And you don't even bother --
114
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:03,303
Wait. What?
-I've been offered a position
115
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:06,044
back home --
Pearl River, Louisiana.
116
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,568
I start next week.
117
00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:11,049
-Oh. Well, I guess that is
a pretty good reason.
118
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,184
Wait. You weren't gonna
put that in the note?!
119
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:24,019
-A judgeship.
It's an incredible opportunity.
120
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:27,022
-Yeah, being a judge is kind of
a dream I had given up on.
121
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,067
Think about it.
I've been judging people
122
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,330
my entire life for free.
123
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:33,550
Now I'm gonna get
a paycheck for it.
124
00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,770
-I can't blame you
for following your dream.
125
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,772
It would inspire me
to follow mydream,
126
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,339
but my dream's impossible.
127
00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:42,385
I want to be a twin.
128
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:45,562
-Truth is, I was a bit adrift
before you came and dragged me
129
00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:48,348
out of retirement,
forced me to take this job.
130
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,525
So...thank you.
131
00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:55,050
-Dan, that's so --
-No. Stop. Just stop.
132
00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,573
That's why I was writing a note.
133
00:05:56,617 --> 00:06:00,403
You want to hug something,
hug the note.
134
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,362
-Thank you for the heads-up
about the birds.
135
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,059
The scariest part
isn't the violence.
136
00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:06,583
It's that they seem
to pick their victims.
137
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,892
-Rand, Dan is leaving,
but it's because I helped him,
138
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,111
gave his life new meaning,
et cetera, et cetera.
139
00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:14,896
-Oh, man.
140
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,550
I know we don't know each other
very well, but I'll --
141
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,726
I'll never forget
the advice you gave me.
142
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:21,381
"Rand, your fly is down."
143
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,732
-Rand, your fly is down again.
144
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,429
-As true now as it was then.
145
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,301
-Well, it's clear there's no way
146
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:30,607
I'm gonna convince you
not to go,
147
00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:32,740
just like there's no way
you're gonna convince me
148
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,742
not to throw you
the greatest goodbye party
149
00:06:34,784 --> 00:06:36,178
this town has ever seen.
-Oh, g--
150
00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,006
-And you're not taking off
for the bayou
151
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:41,139
without us throwing a party
to say, "Bye, you."
152
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,925
And, you know,
Rand can help me plan it.
153
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,622
He's great
at this kind of thing.
154
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:49,539
-Yes, yes. I-I've planned, like,
dozens of horse pageants.
155
00:06:49,582 --> 00:06:51,846
A few of them went awry,
but that's not my fault.
156
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:56,372
See, the horses need to learn
the pageants are not for them.
157
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,592
Anyway, Abby, you ready to go
and get something to eat?
158
00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,942
-Oh, Judge,
I'm so sorry to bother you.
159
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,857
You were so kind to me earlier.
160
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,163
I wondered if you could do me
one more favor.
161
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,035
-I'm sure I can find
some time on --
162
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:09,603
-No, it needs to happen
right now.
163
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,432
-Um...
164
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:15,304
-Yeah, s-sure. Fine.
Stay and help.
165
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,785
-Aww. Thank you for
understanding. You're the best.
166
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,787
But I don't want you to
eat alone.
167
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,310
So Dan will go with you!
168
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,617
Rand can help start
planning your party.
169
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,270
-Yeah. For a theme,
are you thinking
170
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:29,057
masquerade or mouse-querade?
171
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:32,277
-Why do I feel those
are my only two options?
172
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:35,150
♪♪
173
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,283
-So, we have covered a lot
of test-taking strategies.
174
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,633
How are you feeling?
175
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:43,593
-I know the answer
to this one. Good!
176
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:47,510
-Well, let's see how you do
on a pop quiz.
177
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:50,034
In a multiple-choice test,
the most common answer is...
178
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:54,299
or D: all of the above?
179
00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:55,997
-Uh, this is too much.
180
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,174
I've forgotten everything.
Who are you?!
181
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:03,178
-Okay, we might've moved
too fast, but we can use this.
182
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:06,398
If you panic during the test,
try visualization.
183
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,835
Where do you feel most safe?
184
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,533
-Um, the basement level
of Bed Bath & Beyond,
185
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:13,318
World of Aquatic Birds
at the Bronx Zoo,
186
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,842
and this court.
187
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,844
-Yes! You love this court!
188
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,498
It's the thing
I understand least about you.
189
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,021
And you love
Daylight Savings Time.
190
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:23,241
-Well, I love anything
that Arizona is not involved in.
191
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,680
-Alright. Let's try it.
192
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,856
I want you to close your eyes.
193
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,901
-Okay, but you
better not hypnotize me
194
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,511
and convince me to quit smoking.
195
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,861
A guy did that once,
and I miss it.
196
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,736
-You're here, in this court,
with all your friends.
197
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:42,739
And they're helping
to answer the test questions.
198
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,741
This is so cool!
199
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:47,222
-Hey, Gurgs! Focus!
200
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:50,530
If a racecar driver finishes
12.5 laps in a 50-lap race,
201
00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:54,142
what percentage of the race
remains?
202
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:57,580
-Just see how many times
you can subtract 12.5 from 50.
203
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,626
You got this, daddio!
204
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:03,717
-Racecars! Vroom, vroom!
Hi, Gurgs!
205
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:12,464
-The answer...is 75.
206
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:15,380
Now, would you let me
out of here? This is stupid.
207
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,557
It's 75%.
208
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,906
-Wait a minute.
209
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:20,908
Abby's cool,
but I'm the Hamburglar?
210
00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:23,301
-I'm just as surprised
as you are.
211
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,566
-So, Evelyn,
I hear you've banned Louise
212
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,089
from visiting Shady Acres.
213
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,265
This is just such a sweet couple
we're talking about here.
214
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:32,267
We shouldn't be keeping them
apart just because
215
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:33,834
of a little flan faux pas.
216
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,444
All they want
is a birthday do-over.
217
00:09:35,487 --> 00:09:38,926
-That's how it starts.
A little birthday party.
218
00:09:38,969 --> 00:09:41,363
Then suddenly,
it's midday raves,
219
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:43,583
pill swapping, constant hookups.
220
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:46,324
We have to triple-chlorinate
the pool!
221
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:47,761
My social life? Nada.
222
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,632
I'm too busy trying
to keep these horndogs
223
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,025
from spreading the jitterbug,
224
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:54,289
an STD we thought
time had forgotten.
225
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,857
-We have a good time!
226
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,859
-I can't add an arsonist
into the mix.
227
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:01,122
I want to see firefighters
running in there
228
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:03,864
like the next gal,
but it's just too much.
229
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,345
-Sorry I couldn't do more.
230
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,260
Now I have a lot of questions
for my grandmother
231
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,566
about her bridge club.
232
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,482
I don't remember
ever seeing any cards.
233
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:18,313
-See, Elmer and I met
late in life, and...
234
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:22,709
probably don't have many
more birthdays left to share.
235
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:25,320
I don't know
if you've ever lost someone,
236
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:28,628
but the time you lose,
237
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,978
you can never get back.
238
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,329
-Okay, Louise, you got me
239
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,157
with that sweet face
and how everything you wear
240
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,507
is a slightly different
shade of purple.
241
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,988
This is unfair.
You're not an arsonist.
242
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:43,425
And Elmer deserves
to have his birthday.
243
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,645
If you're not allowed in there,
244
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,559
we're just gonna
have to bust him out.
245
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:50,519
-Yes! Yes, yes!
246
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:53,827
Should we celebrate with pills?
247
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,830
You're gonna want to try
a Wednesday.
248
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:05,012
-Hanging out with Gabby's kids
has been so fun.
249
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,709
I get to read a lot of books
about trucks
250
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:09,538
with positive attitudes and
hungry bugs who learn lessons.
251
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:13,107
I find it very relatable
because I've also been hungry.
252
00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:16,197
-Got to be honest --
barely listening.
253
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,200
Nervous about test scores.
Can't even sentence.
254
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,854
-You know what quiets
the ol' brain?
255
00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:24,509
Alcohol.
Nature's snooze button.
256
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,555
-I got this. Oh, waiter!
257
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:29,297
-No. Let me try.
Hey, Six Train!
258
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:33,214
Haven't I seen you reading
Sue Grafton on 23rd Street?
259
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,130
-Wow, Gurgs. Really amazing
at remembering people.
260
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,959
The salt guy, this waiter.
261
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,135
I may have to use this
superpower of yours for evil.
262
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,267
-You mean you want me
to help you meet people?
263
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:45,966
That's not using it for evil.
That's using it for normal.
264
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,533
-Huh.
That seems less fun, but...
265
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,057
okay.
266
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:52,624
-Well, well, well.
267
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,235
If there was one person
I didn't expect to see
268
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:58,239
at Dan's going-away party,
it's Dan.
269
00:11:58,282 --> 00:11:59,936
-Very funny.
Oh, good, 'cause
270
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,459
I'm starting my speech with it.
271
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,418
There's gonna be tears,
there's gonna be laughter,
272
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:06,073
a lot of observational humor,
and some crowd work.
273
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:09,250
Yeah, this guy knows
what I'm talkin' about.
274
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,078
-Who the hell
are all these people?
275
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,471
-Oh, okay, well, there's some
from the courthouse,
276
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:15,909
some former clients,
um, a few legal bigwigs.
277
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,911
To get them here,
I had to tell them
278
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,521
they were nominated
for an award,
279
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,828
so you're gonna have to
hand out some awards.
280
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:24,265
But mostly people are here
to celebrate you.
281
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,354
Hope you're ready for it.
-Oh, I'm definitely ready.
282
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:28,095
My bags are packed,
the Uber's ordered,
283
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:31,794
and I leave the first time
I hear any glasses...ding.
284
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,274
-Oh, you can't leave
your own party.
285
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,450
There's a lot of people here
who want to tell you
286
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,147
how much you mean to them.
287
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,846
So you have to sit and listen
to every last Fielding fan.
288
00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:42,457
-No, no, no. I have a surefire
way out of any conversation.
289
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,112
See, the trick is just to have
a little of your drink left
290
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:46,766
so that at any moment,
you can go,
291
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:49,029
"Uh-oh! Time for a refill!"
292
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,858
-Hey! There's the man
of the glower.
293
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,642
-You said I could use that
in my speech!
294
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:55,775
-You still can.
-But he's already heard it.
295
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:59,996
-Oh, look at that.
Time for a refill.
296
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,520
-Alright, Gurgs, open up that
magic box of a brain of yours
297
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:05,132
and tell me the who's who of
the who's here who can help me.
298
00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:07,047
-Okay, uh, let's see.
299
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:10,180
Oh, uh, Senior Budget Analyst
Bernie Efrain.
300
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,966
The Mayor's Chief of Staff,
Susan McTavish.
301
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,055
Tony Danza.
-Tony Danza?
302
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:17,709
-Senior Law Librarian
Tonathan Danza.
303
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:19,494
Still a pretty good get, though.
304
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,409
-Ooh, what about that woman
surrounded by people?
305
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,193
She looks important.
-That's Emily Carpenter.
306
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:24,804
She's a lawyer
visiting from England.
307
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,631
A barrister.
308
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:27,981
With the exchange rate,
309
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,505
they're worth
1.18 American lawyers.
310
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,681
Tell me everything.
-She's married to a doctor,
311
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,726
she lives in Shoreditch,
and she breeds Yorkies.
312
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:37,338
-Mm!
313
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,731
Ms. Carpenter,
so lovely to see you again.
314
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:42,169
Are your bitches in heat
this month?
315
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:48,044
-You did such an amazing job
helping me plan this party.
316
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,003
And you resisted the urge
to get a bounce house!
317
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,395
I'm so proud of you.
318
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:53,354
-I knew Dan would never
take his shoes off.
319
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,095
I took mine off
halfway through lunch.
320
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,705
He called me a communist.
321
00:13:56,748 --> 00:14:00,535
I'm just excited we actually get
to spend some time together.
322
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,406
-Aww. You know I love
spending time with --
323
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,670
Oh. Sorry.
324
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:08,021
Hello?
-Change of plans.
325
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:10,371
We have to
break Elmer out tonight.
326
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:13,026
-I can't tonight. I-I thought
we agreed on tomorrow.
327
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,550
-They're moving him
to the third floor!
328
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:18,292
Sure, his new room
has a walk-in bath
329
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,860
and a view
of the good bird feeder,
330
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,384
but it's too high
for a prison break.
331
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:27,518
Oh, please, Judge.
332
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:29,520
-Okay. Yeah.
333
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,566
Uh, I'm on my way.
334
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:34,047
Okay. Don't be mad.
I just have to go help someone.
335
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,570
-Wait. What. Now?!
336
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:37,746
-I know it's not ideal,
but I'll be right back.
337
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:39,443
Enjoy the party.
When they start
338
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,402
bringing out the crab balls,
just please don't laugh.
339
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,752
-Abby, t-this is a party
for your friend.
340
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:45,406
I love small talk
with strangers.
341
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:48,800
I've made that very clear.
But a man has his limits!
342
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:51,151
I thought we were gonna
get to hang out together.
343
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,935
-You know I want to,
but you also know
344
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,632
how important my work is to me.
345
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,286
-But aren't I important, too?
346
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:59,202
-Of course. I'm just not used
to distractions from work.
347
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,248
-I'm a distraction?
-No, that's not what I meant.
348
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,903
I-I'm sorry. I don't have time
to get into this now.
349
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,427
I'm gonna be right back, okay?
350
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,821
-If those are crab balls,
don't even bother.
351
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:13,086
I'm not in the mood to laugh.
They'd be wasted on me.
352
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:18,700
-There you are.
353
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,310
Little update --
I have to leave.
354
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:22,095
-Oh, perfect. I'll go with you.
-No, you have to stay
355
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,531
at your party,
but I'll be back soon.
356
00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,098
I just have to go help someone
really quick.
357
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,100
-Sounds about right.
-Don't go anywhere.
358
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:30,451
I want to say a proper goodbye
when I get back.
359
00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:33,584
-Dan. Um, I have someone
more important to talk to,
360
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:35,456
so I guess this is...
361
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,023
-It is.
362
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:42,332
Any chance that our goodbye
will be that cut and dry?
363
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:43,377
-It won't.
364
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,509
Please promise me
you'll be here.
365
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,468
-Fine. I promise.
366
00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:51,820
The hell am I supposed to do
with this? I said a splash.
367
00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:55,171
-Dan, Dan, Dan, there's just
so much I have to say.
368
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:56,956
-Oh, you know what?
I've got to get a drink, uh,
369
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,305
which I have in my hand.
370
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:01,961
-Anyway, "Dear, Dan..."
371
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,223
-You know what?
No. Please don't.
372
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,572
Don't say anymore.
You know why?
373
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:08,663
Because, um,
I want you to come with me.
374
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,927
Sure! Leave it all behind!
375
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,975
Uh, "Judge Fielding
and Neil Clerk."
376
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,979
-You know I can't.
I have a girlfriend now.
377
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,851
-Oh, that's just too bad for me.
378
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,810
Then fine. Just go.
I can't look at you.
379
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,987
It hurts too much. Ahh...
380
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,120
He gone? I can't take it.
381
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,340
I can't listen
to any more emotional talk.
382
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,168
-Abby and I had a fight.
383
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:44,177
Go ahead.
384
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,397
-Just with everything
she's got going on,
385
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,486
I feel like
there's no space for me.
386
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:51,706
Look, Rand,
I was married for a long time,
387
00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:54,622
and for much of that,
Sarah and I were inseparable.
388
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:57,581
But there were times we couldn't
find 10 minutes for each other.
389
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:59,540
Usually during
the Westminster Dog Show.
390
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:01,716
For some reason, she needed
utter silence to watch
391
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:05,198
some smug Pekingese show off
its perfect haunches.
392
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,374
-Yeah, I remember Wasabi.
393
00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:10,377
-Look, the point is that
394
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,901
you're always gonna be
her go-to person,
395
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:16,731
her first phone call
when she needs someone.
396
00:17:16,773 --> 00:17:20,430
-Dan, you have insane
emotional intelligence.
397
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:24,434
-Rand, I have everytype
of intelligence.
398
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,958
-Look, I know we don't know
each other very well,
399
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,221
but I am really gonna --
400
00:17:28,263 --> 00:17:30,049
-Eh. This party sucks.
401
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:33,704
♪♪
402
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,097
-This is his window.
403
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,491
We may have to knock hard.
404
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:40,581
He takes his hearing aids out
after "Jeopardy!"
405
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:43,671
What is makes total sense?
406
00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,853
-Louise?
-Fran?!
407
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,116
What the hell are you doing
in Elmer's bedroom?!
408
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,597
-Okay, I'm sure there's
a perfectly reasonable exp--
409
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,426
-Oh, I will slice you so fast,
you won't know what --
410
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:01,254
-No slicing. No slicing.
-Louise?
411
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:02,994
-Oh, it's the wrong window.
412
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:04,779
-Oh, Louise,
we got to move fast.
413
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:07,129
Come on. Let's make the most
of those new knees.
414
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,262
Adorable grandkids, by the way.
Come on.
415
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,786
♪♪
416
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:14,180
-Gurgs. What's wrong?
Did you also just hear
417
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:16,095
they're switching to a cash bar?
418
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,445
-No. That's not it.
419
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,447
But you don't want to hear
about my stuff.
420
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,405
Tonight's about you.
421
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,364
-Oh, whoa, whoa, you know,
you're one of the few people
422
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,627
I like talking to around here,
so do me a favor.
423
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:30,500
Don't -- Don't ruin it, alright?
So, what's going on?
424
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:33,547
-I just got an e-mail that
I didn't pass my entrance exam.
425
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:37,028
I'll tell you the problem.
The proctor was a smoke show.
426
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,118
I mean, how are you supposed to
concentrate on a test
427
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,554
with a hottie like --
428
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:44,340
Unless that wasthe test.
429
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:46,516
-Forget the result, alright?
You're better than that exam.
430
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,214
You know what? You passed
a much harder one.
431
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,998
The Dan Fielding Approval Test.
432
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,827
And the D-FAT --
very prestigious.
433
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,959
-Mm. See? This is why
I'm gonna miss you.
434
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,397
-And see? Now we're done.
435
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,838
-Gurgs, I'd like you
to meet someone.
436
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,493
Emily was impressed
that I remembered her,
437
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:08,843
and I admitted
it was your special skill.
438
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,889
And she said -- Well,
I'll let you tell it, Emily.
439
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,369
Do it in your accent.
440
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:16,372
I do everything in my accent.
441
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,287
Olivia told me all about you,
442
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:21,247
and I think you'd be perfect
for a program at Scotland Yard.
443
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:22,726
-Scotland Yard?
444
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:25,512
That's the fanciest
police station in the world.
445
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,688
-Well, they've put together
an elite unit
446
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:31,561
of facial-recognition experts
called The Super Recognizers.
447
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:32,997
I know the name's
sort of silly...
448
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,261
-The coolest.
449
00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:37,393
-I know it's not
bailiff supervisor.
450
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:38,916
-Oh, it's better.
451
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,875
I mean, I've always wanted to be
part of an elite unit.
452
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:43,182
And recognize people?
That's what I do.
453
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:46,054
Darren. Gus.
454
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:50,406
Never seen him before.
But obviously Carl.
455
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:53,235
You used your schmooze powers
for me, Olivia.
456
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,019
That's not evil at all.
457
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,065
-Well, don't tell anyone.
458
00:19:57,108 --> 00:20:00,199
-Hey, Six Train!
I'm gonna be a Super Recognizer!
459
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,028
-Crab ball?
460
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,379
Hey. Why you back here hiding?
461
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:07,728
Isn't this your party?
462
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,425
-Just waiting for an Uber
to the airport.
463
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,732
-I got TSA-Pre, so I'm like
a king at the airport.
464
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,603
Which is a shame
because I'm amazing
465
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,127
at taking off my belt and shoes.
466
00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:17,781
-Yeah, well,
I'd rather spend my time
467
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,566
waiting
in a Wolfgang Puck Express
468
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:22,221
than here listening
to one more person say goodbye.
469
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:23,744
Why don't people
just leave me alone?
470
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,224
-Got it.
-I mean, why are they all
471
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,747
getting so worked up anyway?
472
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,923
It's not like I'm gone for good.
I'm keeping my apartment.
473
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:31,230
Next month I'm seeing Alan Alda
at the 92nd Street Y,
474
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:32,753
and when he sold me
those tickets,
475
00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:35,756
he was very clear --
no refunds.
476
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,453
-Cool.
Well, I'm-a take these --
477
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:39,629
-And I know that I told Abby
that I would stay,
478
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:42,589
but I don't think
a-a messy, emotional goodbye
479
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:46,070
is something
that I can handle tonight.
480
00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,637
-Goodbyes can be tough,
481
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:50,597
but that's how you know
you had something real.
482
00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:53,948
Anyway,
this is a nice party, man.
483
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:56,429
Someone must
really care about you.
484
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:01,608
-Take the Queensboro Bridge.
I'm not paying for the tunnel.
485
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:05,089
Ohh.
486
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:07,266
Uh, yes. Hi. Abby.
487
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,442
No, wait.
It's -- Let me explain.
488
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,008
I had to leave.
It was an emergency.
489
00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:12,793
-That's not important
right now.
490
00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:16,275
Any chance I can convince you
to come out of retirement?
491
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:17,624
Again?
492
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:19,452
I've been arrested!
493
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:23,804
It's funny!
38211
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