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1
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[ Theme music plays ]
2
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-Hello, Neil.
3
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,528
-Better now that you're here.
4
00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:08,791
-Okay.
5
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,795
-Oh, that was uncomfortable
to watch
6
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,710
and I've seen Olivia trying
to hold a baby.
7
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,019
-It's Neil's crush on me.
I mean,
8
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:20,368
he was already being weird
9
00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:24,589
and now I know about it, so,
me weird, too.
10
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,983
-Been there. There was
a bailiff I worked with
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00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,811
who had a thing for me.
12
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,073
Ponytail Lou.
13
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,728
-Oh, how'd you handle it?
-Well, one night
14
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:35,339
he yelled out, "Gurgs"
while in bed with his wife
15
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,820
and she snatched that ponytail
right off his head.
16
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[ Laughs ]
17
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,692
Now he's just Lou.
18
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:45,567
-Next up, the People
vs Zack and Patty Ludlow.
19
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,181
-Mr. and Mrs. Ludlow are charged
with criminal mischief
20
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,574
in a gender reveal gone wrong.
21
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,097
They set off
a pyrotechnic device
22
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,403
inside a Ruby Tuesday's.
23
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,363
Oh, God, what is that smell?!
24
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,409
Did you walk through a geyser
of cologne?
25
00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,498
-It's not cologne,
it's body spray,
26
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,369
and I bought it
from an Uber driver.
27
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,070
-Your Honor, my clients
were merely excited
28
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:12,985
about their announcement,
which they decided to hold
29
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,640
in the booth
where they first met.
-Aww.
30
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-And where their child
was conceived.
31
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:18,991
-Uhh.
32
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-Defense pleads guilty and asks
for the court's leniency.
33
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-My little girl is innocent!
34
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There was a second shooter.
35
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:29,785
-I'm sorry, who is that?
36
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,439
-Ah, the distinguished
grandma-to-be is
37
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Mrs. Ludlow's mother.
38
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:36,531
She has her own opinions
about the defense strategy.
39
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,576
And, while not a practicing
lawyer herself,
40
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:42,102
obviously, she passed a fewbars
on the way here.
41
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,452
-I demand a real lawyer,
42
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:48,108
not some blurry guy
who's making the room spin.
43
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:51,502
-Okay, uh, how does a fine
plus damages sound?
44
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,113
-Let me consult
with my co-counsel,
45
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Long Island Iced Tina.
46
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,073
Oh, that's right, I don't care.
47
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We'll take it.
48
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,252
-This is your fault!
-Uh --
49
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:09,824
Next case?
50
00:02:10,651 --> 00:02:19,313
♪♪
51
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:26,015
♪♪
52
00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,756
-Hey, Gurgs,
what are you doing in here?
53
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,019
-I'm turning in my badge.
-Oh.
54
00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:31,325
-And my sword.
55
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,024
-There's no way the court
gave this to you --
56
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,331
Oh, wow, "Property
of the state of New York."
57
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-I swore an oath
58
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,117
that I made up
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00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,120
to protect this court
at all costs and tonight
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00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,688
a suit lost its life
on my watch.
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00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,168
-Aw, Gurgs.
You know that old saying,
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00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,736
"Every time a suit dies,
an angel
63
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,608
gets a suit."
64
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,176
-But the fact is I should've
known that woman was trouble
65
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,916
the moment she puked
in her purse.
66
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:01,572
I have to do
some soul searching.
67
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,358
If you need me, I'll be playing
my saxophone on the roof.
68
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,884
-Alright, this has gone on
long enough.
69
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,668
We need to talk
about this Neil crush.
70
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:11,713
-Neil who?!
71
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:14,324
DeGrasse Tyson?
72
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:15,630
In my dreams!
73
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:18,807
That guy's married to the stars.
[ Laughs ]
74
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,462
Yeah, I know this Neil thing
is a real problem for me.
75
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,115
-It's worse
than a problem for you.
76
00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,291
It's a problem for me!
77
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,250
He's distracted,
he smells like the inside
78
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,818
of a comedy club greenroom,
79
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:31,341
and look what he drew
on the backside
80
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,560
of my crime scene photo.
81
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,651
-Aww, he put me in a hat.
82
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:39,915
I should wear more hats.
83
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,831
Look, I don't know
what he's thinking.
84
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,094
He knows that nothing
can happen.
85
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,661
I mean, I have a fiancé.
86
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,881
Just today, Rand sent me this.
[ Chuckles ]
87
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,274
-I don't get it.
88
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:53,885
Is it a sex thing?
89
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,452
-It's an inside joke.
90
00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,106
And it's cute.
91
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,934
Look, I'm doing everything I can
92
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,849
to shut this thing down
with Neil.
93
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,503
Before I knew he had
a crush on me,
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00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,113
whenever he would say
something funny,
95
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,070
I would laugh like --
96
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,550
[ Laughter ]
97
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,552
And now, I laugh like
98
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:09,466
heh.
99
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,642
-See, stuff like that is what's
100
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,992
just going to drag this on
forever.
101
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,038
You need to be swift and direct.
102
00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:17,344
-Okay, maybe doing it quickly
103
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,868
is the best way
to preserve his feelings.
104
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:23,437
[ Sultry jazz plays ]
105
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,916
-Great!
Just when I thought things
106
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,266
couldn't get any worse --
107
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jazz!
108
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:30,444
[ Theme music plays ]
109
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,924
-Okay, here's the best
of the lost and found.
110
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,448
-Looks like most of these
clothes are merch
111
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,799
from something called
Craig-Fest 2017.
112
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,455
Who's Craig?
-Better question is
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why are these things still wet?
114
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:49,114
But I feel like you
could pull this off.
115
00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:51,159
-Exposed arms are just
someone's way of saying
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00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:54,859
that their muscle tone
is their onlycurrency.
117
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,774
I'm just trying to apologize
for letting that lady
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00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,124
and her daiquiri give you
a North Florida baptism.
119
00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:00,430
-Listen, I'm a lawyer.
120
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,389
I've had things thrown at me
for years.
121
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,304
At least this wasn't sharp
or on fire
122
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,306
or a ferret.
Poor thing was just
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00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:07,872
in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
124
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,441
-Wait, so this happens
to you a lot?
125
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,008
-Yeah.
-Well, not anymore!
126
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:18,100
I swear, by this Sandals visor,
I'll protect you!
127
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,754
-Um, uh-huh.
128
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,103
Oh-oh, wait a minute, wait.
129
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,191
Is that a Rolex?!
130
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,410
Oh, no!
131
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:25,150
It's a silverfish hive.
132
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,413
Aah! Ew!
133
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,023
Really, good job
on the protecting.
134
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,677
I feel like they're all over me!
-[ Gasps ]
135
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:34,682
-Oh, there he is.
Now's your chance.
136
00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,988
Just remember --
swift and direct.
137
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,034
-Okay.
138
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,992
Hey, Neil.
-Hi.
139
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,778
-We need to talk.
140
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,867
When I was a little girl...
-We're screwed.
141
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,218
-...I heard the story
of another little girl.
142
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:53,657
Now, she was half fish, but her
problems were all too human.
143
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:54,876
-Oh, no.
144
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,574
-Yeah, so you see
what I'm getting at, huh?
145
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,749
-It's Gabrielle.
146
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,882
-Who?
-Don't look!
147
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,318
I had a crush on her
in high school.
148
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,188
-Ah.
-We had chemistry.
149
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,364
The class.
150
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,714
I can't let her
see me like this.
151
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:08,368
Play it cool, Neil,
play it cool.
152
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:09,456
Nope, don't know how.
153
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,721
-Neil Valluri?
-Oh, hey!
154
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:14,896
-I thought that was you.
155
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,377
-Me too!
156
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,684
I mean, I knew I was Neil.
Hey.
157
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,120
-What are you doing
at the courthouse?
158
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,513
You seem pretty traumatized.
159
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,472
Was it a robbery,
a home invasion?
160
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,213
[ Whispering ] Wait, are you
being held hostage right now?
161
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:30,912
-I wish!
[ High-pitched laugh ]
162
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,001
-Ooh, this is hard to watch!
163
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:36,831
-This weirdness is what
I'm dealing with every day now.
164
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,789
-I'm doing well.
I'm a dentist now.
165
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,704
You probably remember.
I always loved mouths.
166
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,402
-Yeah!
-They do so many things --
167
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,099
smile, talk, eat.
168
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:46,275
They're not lazy, like arms.
-Totally!
169
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:49,757
Arms have been riding hands'
coattails for far too long.
170
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,280
-Yeah.
171
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:52,586
-So, what brings you here?
172
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,283
-I'm finalizing my divorce.
173
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,764
I brought these for all the nice
people in the records office.
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00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:58,722
-Aww!
-Huh!
175
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,768
The incessant smile,
the way she's holding
176
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:05,076
those treats -- she...
kind of reminds me of you.
177
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,861
-Oh, really?
I don't see it.
178
00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:09,603
-I do, and I think
it can help us.
179
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,866
-Oh, and, uh,
these are my coworkers.
180
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,782
-Well, hi! You know,
I saw those and I have to ask,
181
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,305
are those the Funfetti
cookie muffins
182
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,786
from Julia Child's
"S'moredorable Collection"?
183
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,266
-Good eye. That's the one recipe
I can remember.
184
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,094
I can't believe they pulled
that book off the shelves.
185
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,705
-Uh, I know!
It's not her fault
186
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:27,577
the Zodiac Killer used it
for one of his cyphers.
187
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,449
You know, I actually
have two copies.
188
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:30,885
You could totally have one.
189
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,060
-That's so nice!
190
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,149
-Oh, by the way, I'm Abby.
-I'm Gabby.
191
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:35,933
-[Both]
It's so nice to meet you!
192
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:38,283
-[ Laughs ]
193
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,633
Okay, yeah, maybe I see it.
194
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,678
[ Theme music plays ]
195
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,768
[ Theme music plays ]
196
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,857
-Thank you so much for this!
197
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,511
Oh! Just look at Julia,
198
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:49,686
putting out her cigarette
199
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,819
in that pile of cookies.
[ Laughs ]
200
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:53,516
-[Both]
It was a different time.
201
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,778
[ Laughter ]
202
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,127
-Okay, that's enough.
203
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:57,607
It was real nice for Abby
to meet you.
204
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,653
-Bye.
-She's great!
205
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,829
Hey, do you think I should do
pink highlights in my hair?
206
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,658
-Let's not get hung up
on the fact
207
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,008
that Neil's high school crush is
basically a carbon copy of you
208
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,271
and let's just focus on the
opportunity that we have here.
209
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,795
-Ooh, that Gabby and I can win
the courthouse bake sale
210
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,276
and knock Sal from probate
down a peg or two?
211
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,845
-No, that we should
set her up with Neil.
212
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,716
-Yeah, yeah, they'd make
a great couple.
213
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,065
-Like "Beauty and the Beast."
[ Laughs ]
214
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,937
If Beauty fell
for one of the townspeople
215
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,940
who sold bread or something.
216
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,681
-Or like me and Rand.
You know, we met
217
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:30,597
at the 99.7 Not Bummer Summer
concert.
218
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,033
We roasted hot dogs together
219
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,557
while Train played
"Drops of Jupiter."
220
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,037
Well, a Train cover band --
221
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:36,994
Tram.
222
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,563
-So it's settled, then.
223
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:41,825
I'll get Neil to ask Gabby out
224
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,087
and you'll never tell me
that story again.
225
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,700
Wait, is that why
he sent you a train?
226
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,529
Now I really wish
it was a sex thing.
227
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:52,227
[ Theme music plays ]
228
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,055
-Alright, everyone,
I need to lock a perimeter
229
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,752
around this man.
230
00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,275
That means six feet, Carol.
231
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:00,670
That's better.
232
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:03,978
-Gurgs, what are you doing?
She's not even
233
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,588
the most likely Carol
to hurt me.
234
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,721
That's Carol in the mail room.
235
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,200
I told her her dog
wasn't that cute.
236
00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:11,420
You know what?
We have the Internet, nowadays.
237
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:13,422
Standards are much higher.
238
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,989
-Listen, I failed you once
and it's not going
239
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,686
to happen again,
so, from now on,
240
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:20,211
I'm with you day and night,
no exceptions!
241
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,213
Except tomorrow,
'cause I got a massage at 11:30
242
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,215
and it'd be great
if you came with me.
243
00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:26,435
-Oh, okay, well, no, you see,
because I have
244
00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:29,046
a "never going to happen"
at noon.
245
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,222
Let me finish my lunch!
-Of course.
246
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,094
I just need to make sure
it's safe.
247
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,399
-What are you ta--
What?
248
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,488
Gurgs, it's --
-Mm-kay.
249
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,403
Now, we're going
to wait 20 minutes
250
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,579
to see if the poison kicks in.
251
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,102
-Are you --
Screw this.
252
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:42,799
I've got three Toblerone
in my desk.
253
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,409
I'm going to my office.
-Oh, not by yourself,
254
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,020
you're not!
-Oh, Gurgs.
255
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,587
-Carol, what'd I tell you?
256
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:52,069
[ Theme music plays ]
257
00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:54,463
-This is a really big step
in our relationship.
258
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:57,858
I'm so honored that you wanted
me to come meet your dentist.
259
00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,251
-About that --
260
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:01,296
-Be with you in a sec.
261
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:02,950
Just finishing up
with a patient.
262
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:06,127
It's a redhead,
so the painkillers didn't take.
263
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,520
-Wait a minute. You brought me
to Gabby's office?
264
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,001
I thought you were going to talk
to Neil about asking her out.
265
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,482
-I was, but then I tried
to picture Neil asking her out,
266
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,962
and I just couldn't do it.
267
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,485
It's shocking,
the amount of scenarios
268
00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:19,009
that end up with his head
stuck in a honeypot.
269
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:21,055
-Come on, it's not
that hard to picture.
270
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,144
He just walks up to her and --
Oh, wow!
271
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,408
How'd his head get in there
so fast?
272
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:28,540
-So, now, our only shot is
to get Gabby to ask himout.
273
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,325
And, since you two are
practically the same person,
274
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:32,196
I figured you'dknow how
to talk youinto it.
275
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:34,503
-We don't have to do this.
276
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:35,722
Neil can ask her out.
277
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:36,853
Let me picture it one more time.
278
00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,463
I see them on a beach.
279
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,117
Not a honeypot in sight.
280
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,597
Neil walks up to her, and --
281
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,165
Oh, there it is,
right on his head again.
282
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,776
-Sorry, ladies. The redhead
is really fighting me.
283
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,082
Got to bring out the big guns.
284
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:54,218
[ Theme music plays ]
285
00:10:54,262 --> 00:10:56,873
-Where you going?
-To the men's room.
286
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,005
Is that still allowed?
287
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,659
-I'll let you know.
-Ah --
288
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,364
-Yeah, there's someone in there
and he's
289
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,018
real confused
and angry right now.
290
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,585
-That's funny,
because there's somebody
291
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:16,719
really confused and angry
out here!
292
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,590
-I understand it's been
an adjustment.
293
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:21,593
And that's why I have a gift
to make up for it.
294
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,291
-What?
295
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,206
-It's a new watch.
296
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,295
It goes around your ankle,
it doesn't tell time,
297
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,340
and it's not a watch.
298
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,214
Well, don't be rude.
Try it on!
299
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,783
-No, listen, nobody is trying
to poison my food
300
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,132
or ambush me in the men's room.
301
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,481
And you know what else?
302
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:43,920
My newspaper, it doesn't
have to be childproofed.
303
00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,966
When is this going to end?
304
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,881
-When my debt to you is paid.
305
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,536
-Got it.
306
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:52,407
Who wants to throw a drink
307
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:53,495
in my face?
308
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,412
Preferably someone
with acting experience.
309
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:58,543
-[ English accent ]
I went to Juilliard.
310
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:01,242
-So did I.
311
00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,505
-Kenny, you did not go
to Juilliard.
312
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,986
-Oh, I went to Julie's yard.
313
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,554
And I'm not supposed to.
314
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,252
That's why I'm here.
315
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,601
-Alright, the part is yours.
316
00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:14,559
Hey, this is the easiest job
you'll ever book,
317
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:15,735
so, don't get used to it.
318
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,084
Learn a practical skill,
alright?
319
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,739
Like typing or...shoveling.
320
00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:20,957
Let him out.
321
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,350
-Shoveling?
322
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,744
That's what I was doing
in Julie's yard!
323
00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:30,097
-I mean, what are the odds?
324
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,316
I just met you yesterday
and now you're my patient!
325
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,102
-We got to come clean, Gab.
326
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:38,192
This visit wasn't
totally coinci-dental.
327
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,063
[ Laughter ]
328
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,109
-Oh, my God.
I love that.
329
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,417
-We made the appointment
after Neil told us
330
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:47,592
how amazing you are.
331
00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,464
-Aww, he is so sweet.
332
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:51,205
I wish I knew him better
in high school,
333
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,816
but back then, my life revolved
around my ex Steve
334
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,426
and being goth together.
335
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,298
You know how it goes.
336
00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,430
-My fiancé, Rand,
and I were goth, too!
337
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,738
Actually, we did
adult stage managing,
338
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,046
but we were mistaken for goth,
but it was a fun mistake.
339
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,482
-Steve and I were
stage managers.
340
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,962
We met during
our school's production
341
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,877
of "A Christmas Carol,"
so, every year,
342
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,792
he'd get us tickets
for our anniversary.
343
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:14,054
Kind of became our thing.
344
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,099
-Rand and I have a thing
like that, too.
345
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,319
We met at a Train concert
and, every year,
346
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,321
that's what we do
on our anniversary.
347
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:23,585
Wow, this is like listening
to a mirror.
348
00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,283
-Except your relationship
hasn't ended in a messy divorce
349
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,590
and a Pomeranian
who blames himself.
350
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,549
-Right, no.
351
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,290
Rand and I are veryhappy
352
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,727
and our pet pig
is extremely positive.
353
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,033
Honestly, it's kind of toxic.
354
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:39,862
-[ Muffled]
Who cares?
355
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,168
Just talk about the other thing.
356
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,039
-What?
-She said, "Who cares?
357
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,258
Talk about the other thing."
358
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:46,869
-Oh, right, okay.
359
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:47,870
I was just wondering, though.
360
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,393
I-It sounds like you and Rand --
361
00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,787
sorry, you and Steve --
were very cute together.
362
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,571
What happened?
-I don't know.
363
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,835
One day, I realized
all that cute stuff we had
364
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,358
was all we had.
365
00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:59,273
Then I didn't find it
that cute anymore.
366
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,492
I mean, "A Christmas Carol"
sucks.
367
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:02,406
It's not romantic.
368
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,104
Only a couple scenes are sexy.
369
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,543
But, yeah, we kind of just...
drifted apart.
370
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,503
-[ Muffled ]
Enough of this!
371
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:13,678
Neil has a crush on you!
372
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:17,552
-Wait, really,
Neil has a crush on me?
373
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:20,294
-Yes! And he's too shy
to ask you out, so,
374
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,296
you need to be the one
to make the first move.
375
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,559
-Oh, wow!
376
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,300
Huh!
377
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,171
-We'll give it a couple days
and, if this doesn't work out,
378
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,564
we take the Pomeranian.
379
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,220
[ Theme music plays ]
380
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:37,050
-Okay, so, uh, when Gurgs
comes in, you yell at me,
381
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,486
and then -- here, take --
and then you act
382
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,575
like you're going
to throw this drink at me
383
00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,446
and then let her stop you.
384
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:45,275
-I don't feel like my character
would have a drink.
385
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,103
-Your character is a guy
who wanted his bail paid.
386
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,584
-Right, and you did that,
so why am I throwing
a drink at you?
387
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,978
I just -- I-I'm having
a hard time finding my --
388
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:52,892
my motivation.
389
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,023
Uh...
390
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:56,852
-Alright, fine, um --
391
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,722
Oh!
392
00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,246
I stole your girlfriend.
393
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:00,856
-Oh.
What's hername?
394
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,597
-Oh, for God's sakes, man!
I --
395
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,078
Her name is Penelope!
-Oh.
396
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,775
-She and I met
in a cooking class
397
00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:08,733
where she was learning
to make your favorite dessert --
398
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:11,171
brioche bread pudding
with pecan ice cream.
399
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:14,435
But now, she can't even stand
to eat dessert
400
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,872
because the taste
of sweet caramel reduction
401
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,048
just turns bitter
in her mouth.
402
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,397
-And then so --
-And, yes,
403
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,269
you have unresolved issues
with your father.
404
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:23,531
Places.
-Great, yeah.
405
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,232
-I got to tell ya,
Gabby is a wizard.
406
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,408
My teeth have never
felt stronger.
407
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:34,585
I bit a chicken leg
in half earlier.
408
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:37,980
-Oh, sorry, I was still
thinking about her divorce.
409
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,156
I mean, one minute,
everything's okay,
410
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,505
and then, suddenly, you're sick
411
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,812
of all the things
that you used to love?
412
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:46,293
I mean, that won't happen
to me and Rand, right?
413
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:48,208
-Well, to be fair,
"A Christmas Carol"
414
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,687
was always going to get old.
415
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,515
It's just a bunch
of socialist ghosts trying
416
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,648
to stop a decent man
from running a small business.
417
00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,086
-Hey, have y'all seen Dan?
418
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,131
I was guarding him
in the men's room
419
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,436
and he gave me the slip.
420
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,003
I opened the stall
and all I found were
421
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:04,789
a pair of pants wrapped
around some mannequin legs.
422
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,182
-Ooh, look!
There's Gabby!
423
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,184
-Oh.
-And they're talking.
424
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,838
Do you think
she's asking him out?
425
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:11,318
-Nah, they're talking
about the weather.
426
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,975
I majored in lip reading at --
427
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:17,367
I said, "SUNY Binghamton."
428
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,195
You'd know that,
if you took the class.
429
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:22,982
-Is she touching his arm?
430
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,940
-Oh?
-Is this really happening?
431
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,116
-Oh! She just asked him
to dinner.
432
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,118
Or for a skimmer.
433
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:31,512
She must have a pool!
Okay, dentist!
434
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,081
-Did he say no?
435
00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:37,170
Wh-Why would he do that?
436
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,476
-Hey, Fielding!
I've got something for you!
437
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,000
-Oh, no, no!
What is that?!
438
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:41,913
-[ Sighs ]
439
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,350
Forgiveness.
440
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,700
And now my story truly begins.
441
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,093
-Well, no, no,
shouldn't it begin with you
442
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,442
throwing a drink at me?
443
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,401
Actors!
444
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:53,229
[ Theme music plays ]
445
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:56,754
[ Theme music plays ]
446
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,104
-Hey.
447
00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,931
Saw you talking to Gabby before.
448
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,281
What was that about?
449
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,196
-She asked if I wanted
to get dinner,
450
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,720
but I have plans, so.
451
00:17:05,762 --> 00:17:09,419
-Neil, there's a conversation
that I've been trying to avoid.
452
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,290
[ Sighs ]
I should've done it sooner.
453
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:13,858
I know you have feelings for me.
454
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,904
-Do not!
455
00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:18,385
Unless you have feelings for me.
456
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:22,432
-Neil, I have a fiancé,
and you know that.
457
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,739
Just like you knew that Gabby
had a boyfriend
458
00:17:24,781 --> 00:17:26,654
back in high school.
459
00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:29,787
Do you think it's possible that
you fall for unavailable women
460
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:32,660
so you have an excuse,
if it doesn't work out?
461
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:36,751
-That would explain why I had
a crush on Mrs. Brady.
462
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,448
You could tell she was unhappy,
but she was never going
463
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,450
to leave Mike.
They were a bunch.
464
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:43,975
-If you keep doing
the same thing,
465
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:47,631
one day you're going to wake up
and realize that it's too late.
466
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:50,982
So, you need to decide
what you really want.
467
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,071
I think there's someone
out there
468
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,594
that's worth taking the risk on.
469
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:56,597
-You're right.
470
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,077
I'm going to ask Gabby out.
471
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:00,427
You think I should tell her
I still remember
472
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:01,515
her locker combination?
473
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,733
-I wouldn't lead with that.
474
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:07,086
[ Theme music plays ]
475
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,131
-Uh, excuse me, sir?
I'm going to need you to step
476
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,698
six feet away from this man.
477
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:13,962
-I'm going to need you
to step six feet away.
478
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:15,355
-Well, I said it first!
479
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,836
-Gurgs, Gurgs, it's fine.
480
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,490
He's with me.
481
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,449
Look, it's very hard for me
to say what I need to say.
482
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,929
That's why I'm going
to make him do it.
483
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,453
-I'm protecting him
484
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,410
from you.
485
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:30,805
-Is this true?
486
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:34,287
-It is.
487
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:37,725
-Gurgs, it's --
it's much better this way.
488
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,292
Look, you can relax
[ Scoffs ]
489
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:41,816
and I can stop buying
mannequin legs online.
490
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:43,687
That's a very
disturbing community.
491
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,561
-Well, as much as this hurts,
492
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:50,259
the important thing
is you're safe.
493
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,305
Take good care of him.
494
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:53,828
He likes it
when you taste his food.
495
00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,221
-I don't.
496
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,963
-Hey, Neil, I just got
a text from Gabby.
497
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,661
She said she had
a great time on your date.
498
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,489
-Well, I'm not one
to kiss and tell,
499
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:05,492
but we didn't kiss,
so I can tell you everything.
500
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,146
-I would like to thank
whomever it was
501
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,409
that kept me
out of whatever this is.
502
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:13,021
-I'm so happy for you.
-I'm so happy, too!
503
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,631
I don't know what to do
with all this emotion!
504
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:17,765
I just want to hug all of you.
[ Laughs ]
505
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:18,853
Dan?
506
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:25,947
-[ Echoing ]
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
507
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,992
[ Mop clatters ]
508
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,472
...o-o-o-o!
509
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:30,430
-Ooh!
510
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,350
Wow!
Someone really wanted a hug.
511
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:42,093
-Gurgs.
Gurgs, you took a hug for me!
512
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:45,445
You were there when I --
when I needed you the most!
513
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,404
You're fired.
514
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,887
-My debt to you has been paid.
515
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:53,931
-Ah!
516
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:54,845
-Looks like you won't be needing
517
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,238
this Dan tracker anymore.
518
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,284
-Wha-- um, oh, uh, that.
519
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,068
I, um, I put it
in a piece of bread
520
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,330
and threw it at a seagull.
521
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,681
-I was wondering how you got
to Montauk so fast.
522
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:05,943
-[ Laughs ]
523
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:09,556
[ Theme music plays ]
524
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,427
-Well, mission accomplished.
525
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,950
Neil is someone else's
problem now.
526
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:16,911
Wait, why don't you look happy?
527
00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:19,305
-All this just has me thinking
about me and Rand.
528
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:22,003
-Oh, you're getting
into a whole thing.
529
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:26,529
-Wondering what Gabby's story
means for my relationship.
530
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,706
I love all the cute stuff
that Rand and I have, but,
531
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,665
do I want every
anniversary present
532
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,667
to be based
on "Drops of Jupiter,"
533
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,843
or that every trip we take has
to be somewhere
534
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:36,931
you can get to by train?
535
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:42,241
It might be nice to go
somewhere exotic, like Hawaii
536
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,460
or Staten Island.
537
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:49,291
-Well, the -- the good news is
he's still upstate, so,
538
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,815
you've got the time
and the space to figure it out.
539
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:55,689
By yourself.
540
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:57,647
Maybe with a journal
or a notebook
541
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,780
or something else
that doesn't involve me.
542
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,611
-♪ Now that she's back
in the atmosphere♪
543
00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:06,874
♪ With drops of Jupiter
in her hair♪
544
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,312
-Why does it sound
like my prom outside?
545
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:11,661
-Because Rand is
on the sidewalk
546
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,881
with a Bluetooth speaker.
547
00:21:13,924 --> 00:21:15,535
-♪ She acts like summer♪
-Guess he took the train.
548
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:17,319
-♪ And walks like rain♪
549
00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:18,842
-And I thought jazz was bad.
550
00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:27,329
♪♪
37786
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