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1
00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:09,033
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:25,600
- hey, larry.
- hi, cha cha.
3
00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:28,000
Thanks again
For recommending me
For this job.
4
00:00:28,033 --> 00:00:31,733
- thanks.
You were so great.
- oh. Good.
5
00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:33,533
And richard says
Thank you too.
6
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,767
( giggles )
7
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,667
- aren't these great?
- yeah.
8
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,333
You like 'em?
I could get you a pair.
9
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,300
Nah, that's okay.
I'm going to the bathroom.
10
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:42,167
It's like ross
Down by the airport--
They don't do just clothes.
11
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,100
They do housewares too,
If you're interested.
12
00:00:45,133 --> 00:00:47,667
- that's okay.
I'll-- I'll--
- so how are you today?
13
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:50,600
- good. I'm just
Going to the bathroom.
- yeah? Is that prada?
14
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,733
- hey, larry.
- oh, hey, burt.
15
00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:55,833
- 1:00 lunch, right?
- yeah, 1:00.
16
00:00:55,867 --> 00:00:57,400
Yeah, lunch
With the wives.
17
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,733
Downstairs, yeah.
See you then.
18
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:02,067
- he's great, isn't he?
- he is a good guy, yeah.
19
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,667
I wanna be a producer.
How do you become
A producer?
20
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,433
You know,
You gotta know people.
21
00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:08,300
- well, I know you.
- you know me, yeah.
That's true. Okay.
22
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:12,133
- maybe we could talk about
That sometime over lunch.
- yeah, sure.
23
00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:14,500
Great. Okay.
Just let me know when...
24
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:17,300
- all right, okay.
- ...And I'll write it
In my filofax.
25
00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:32,467
Wow, that was quick.
26
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:39,800
You don't really need
To comment
27
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,867
On what's going on
28
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:44,833
- in terms of that
Or anything.
- oh, okay. I'm sorry.
29
00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:47,233
Okay.
- by the way, how do you
Get here in the morning?
30
00:01:47,267 --> 00:01:50,800
I'm having a hard time
Getting here on time.
What if we carpooled?
31
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,133
I really gotta get back,
Okay? So...
32
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,067
Okay, maybe you could
Think about it and...
33
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:58,300
Yeah, we're not--
We probably won't be able
To work that out,
34
00:01:58,333 --> 00:02:00,367
But I'll--
We'll think about it.
35
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,300
You have one of those
Healthy cars.
36
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,933
How does it work?
37
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:06,767
You put your footon the gas.
38
00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:11,300
It was like having
A bathroom monitor.
39
00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:13,633
- I have a bathroom monitor.
- oh, that's terrible.
40
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,800
Why don't you go at home,
Like I do?
41
00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:17,200
I don't like
To go in my house.
42
00:02:17,233 --> 00:02:19,167
Who doesn't like
To go in their house?
43
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,833
Cheryl has-- you know,
She's an environmentalist.
44
00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:24,067
She has this recycled
45
00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,967
Post-consumer toilet paper
All over the house.
46
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,133
- oh.
- it's coarse.
47
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:30,067
It's like going
To the port authority
48
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,467
- or a whaling vessel.
- a whaling vessel!
49
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:35,767
I can't go here
And I can't go there.
It's horrible.
50
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,400
Oh, jeez.
51
00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:40,267
All right,let's go to lunch.
52
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,833
I love that
You have a restaurant
In your building.
53
00:02:44,933 --> 00:02:46,767
- oh, and larry...
- mmm.
54
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,933
Again, I want to thank you
For cha cha.
55
00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:50,567
- that has worked out
Very well.
- what?
56
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,367
- cha cha.
She's been wonderful.
- oh my god, cha cha?
57
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,500
- cha cha's been wonderful.
- are you kidding me?
58
00:02:54,533 --> 00:02:57,567
I apologize for having
Even recommended her.
59
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,367
- no no.
- you don't have to
Lie to me.
60
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,367
Okay? You don't
Have to lie to me.
61
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,833
No, I wouldn't.
No, she's worked out
Very well.
62
00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:05,800
- no, she's terrible.
- better than expected.
63
00:03:05,833 --> 00:03:07,767
She's terrible and
If you want to fire her,
Go ahead.
64
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,133
Oh, right.
No no.
65
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:10,633
- don't keep her
On my account, okay?
- I won't.
66
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,333
You're not gonna
Hurt my feelings
If you fire her.
67
00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:14,500
We're very happy with her.
What can I say?
68
00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:16,067
I tell you what:
I've noticed that
Every time
69
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,333
I pass your office--
That she's not working,
70
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:22,500
That she's reading or
Talking on the phone.
By the way--
71
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:25,533
Well, that's her job.
She's supposed to--
She's a receptionist.
72
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:29,333
She's supposed
To use obscenities
Every other word,
73
00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:33,067
Say "Fuck" and
"Fuck this, cunt that"
The whole time?
74
00:03:33,067 --> 00:03:34,267
- susie: you're kidding me.
- no, I'm not kidding.
75
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:37,200
- the "C" word?
- it's true, I swear.
76
00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:39,600
Oh, she's been very--
She really came along
77
00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,767
At a good time
For all of us.
78
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,300
I am very impressed,
Barbara, that you are
Here today.
79
00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:46,067
- oh, thank you. Me too.
- they've got nine kids.
80
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:48,067
- susie: nine kids?
Nine kids?
- yeah. Yeah.
81
00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:51,367
- jeff: nine kids?
That's unbelievable.
- barbara: I know.
82
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,467
Larry:
Jesus, you're kidding.
83
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,667
It's a little egotistical
Though, isn't it...
84
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,333
Burt:
No, it's really
Not up to us.
85
00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:58,067
...To have
So many of you?
86
00:03:58,067 --> 00:04:00,733
You want to bring
So much more of you
Into the world.
87
00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:03,067
Hey hey hey,
You should tell larry
About your dad's shop.
88
00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,700
Oh, my dad has opened
This barbershop.
89
00:04:05,733 --> 00:04:08,067
He wants you both to come,
Special invitation.
90
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:10,433
Completely retro,
Very old-school.
91
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:13,333
- you mean,
Like the old barbershops?
- oh yeah, with the pole.
92
00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:14,900
I love that.
What a great idea.
93
00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,867
- the first thing
He did was get the pole.
- I'm gonna go.
94
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,300
- jeff: I'm gonna go with you.
- does he do the hot towels?
95
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:21,067
- should we go
To the barbershop?
- I'm with you. Let's go.
96
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,067
- we're gonna go.
- yeah, get a cut
And a shave.
97
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:26,500
- a little aqua velva?
- susie: like "The godfather."
98
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,167
Waiter:
I hope that you
Enjoyed your lunch.
99
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,467
Jeff: daviday,
It was fantastic.
100
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,067
Good.
I want to let you know
101
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,933
That we are going to send
Our autumn food jellies
102
00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:36,067
Made of concentrated
Sugar, apricots
103
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,767
And winter fruits
And nuts.
104
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,167
- susie: oh, delicious.
- winter fruits.
105
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,633
- a nice treat,
A nice treat.
- yummy.
106
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,900
Now tell me,
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
107
00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:46,200
You know what?
You could wrap this up
For me to take home.
108
00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:49,300
Very good.
You're going to warm that
Up for a nice luncheon?
109
00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:52,133
Uh, no, actually.
It's for the dog.
110
00:04:53,367 --> 00:04:55,400
We have a policy
That we do not give food
111
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:57,933
That was
Prepared for people
To animals.
112
00:04:57,967 --> 00:04:59,767
Well, I'm giving this
To the dog.
You're not.
113
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,800
So just wrap it up.
I'll give it
To the dog.
114
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,133
No, that is the policy
Of the restaurant.
115
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:06,400
All right, daviday,
Forget I said it.
116
00:05:06,433 --> 00:05:08,700
Just wrap it up.
I'm taking it home.
Okay?
117
00:05:08,733 --> 00:05:11,467
We do not give
Doggy bags to dogs.
118
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:14,433
Why do you think
They call it a goddamn
Doggy bag, huh?
119
00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:16,067
If you want
To feed an animal,
Why don't you
120
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:18,367
Go to petco
And get a bag of kibble?
121
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,733
Well, I give him kibble
And I like to spice it up
122
00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:23,867
- with a little steak
Every now and then.
- I can bring you corn.
123
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,567
- I don't want corn.
This is my steak.
- okay, you know what?
124
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,767
- hey hey hey.
- what?
125
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,233
You know what?
I'm gonna take that home.
126
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:33,367
- susie: oh, okay.
- do you mind?
Do you mind?
127
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,400
- you take it home.
- daviday, I'm gonna
Take this home.
128
00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:38,200
- do you have an animal?
- no.
129
00:05:38,233 --> 00:05:41,600
- does he have an animal?
- no.
130
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,600
So you are going
To eat that?
131
00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:44,600
Yes.
132
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:46,167
- you promise me?
- yeah.
133
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,967
We shall see.
134
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:58,367
- susie: a fucking nutjob.
- "We shall see"?
135
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,733
- susie: what does that mean?
- larry: it's a little crazy
136
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,700
That you can't
Give a doggy bag
To a dog.
137
00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:05,633
- jeff: it's none
Of their business.
- thank you. Thank you.
138
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,167
- all right, I'm going
To the bathroom.
- all right.
139
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,133
Jeff:
You're excused.
140
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,767
Hey, larry.
Long time no see.
141
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,533
- hey, cha cha.
- hey.
142
00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,567
- have you had
The fruit plate here?
- no.
143
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,067
- it's excellent.
- really?
144
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:22,867
- you have to try it.
Taste this.
- no, please.
145
00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:26,633
- it's the ripest cantaloupe.
- I've had fruit.
Fruit's fruit pretty much.
146
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,233
What did you have
For lunch?
147
00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:31,067
- I had some chicken.
- chicken?
148
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:33,500
Chicken and fruit go together.
You can have this for dessert.
149
00:06:33,533 --> 00:06:35,233
- okay, I gotta--
- it's really really good.
150
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,900
I highly recommend it.
151
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:39,233
Mm, that time again, huh?
152
00:06:57,367 --> 00:06:59,400
- oh, cool, you're here.
I owe you.
- oh, hey.
153
00:06:59,433 --> 00:07:01,367
Good to see you, man.
I was just over
At cha cha's.
154
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,200
Ooh, god, is she
Beautiful. Whew.
Jesus.
155
00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:07,100
Listen, I had an idea.
I want to go to a movie
Tomorrow night
156
00:07:07,133 --> 00:07:09,333
And maybe--
It's been a while--
Let's double-date,
157
00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:10,933
Cha cha and me
And you and cheryl.
158
00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:13,833
What do you think?
159
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,500
- uh...
- why the hesitation?
160
00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:18,200
I don't know.
I mean, I don't know
What our plans are.
161
00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:19,933
I'll let you know.
I'll call you.
162
00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:22,167
What's wrong?
163
00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:26,700
You know, I got cha cha
This job and all...
164
00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:27,833
Yeah, and she
Loves you for it.
Me too, by the way.
165
00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:31,967
Yeah, well, it's not really
Working out for me,
166
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,100
I gotta tell you.
167
00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:35,167
Why not?
168
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,067
Her office is right across
From the bathroom.
169
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:40,200
- yeah, I know.
- every time I go
To the bathroom
170
00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:43,333
I have to have this--
Stop and chat with her
171
00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:47,500
Both before I go
And after I go.
It's too much.
172
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,900
She means well.
By the way, she's told me
173
00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:53,367
That you go to the bathroom,
Like, 10 to 14 times a day.
174
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,667
You move your bowels,
You piss...
175
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:57,467
Are you all right?
She was concerned.
176
00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,267
Okay, do you see
What I'm saying?
177
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:02,433
This is what I'm talking about.
This is none of her business--
178
00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:04,133
How often I go
To the bathroom,
179
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,667
What I'm doing in there,
How long I'm in there.
180
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,533
Talking to you
About my personal
Bathroom habits--
181
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:12,533
That's not good, all right?
It's too much.
It's too much.
182
00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:15,267
Someone's got to sit there.
Would you rather have
A klansman sitting there?
183
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:18,400
No, I'd rather have
A stranger, frankly--
A stranger sitting there
184
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,700
Who I don't have to
Report into.
185
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,733
- she cares about you.
- oh, she cares about me?
186
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,900
- yeah.
- okay, listen,
It's none of her business.
187
00:08:25,933 --> 00:08:27,900
She has
Bowel concern for you
And I do too.
188
00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:29,633
I don't need
Her bowel concern.
189
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:32,133
- how much water do you drink?
- I drink a lot of water,
That's all.
190
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:33,133
- big deal.
- a lot of water? You drink
More than a porpoise.
191
00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:36,300
Yeah, usually I have
Bottles of water.
192
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:38,167
- I don't know where they are.
- no one pisses that often
193
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,167
Without drinking, like,
Thousands of gallons a week.
194
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,567
Okay, all right, let's stop
Talking about this.
195
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,567
My bathroom habits are not
Your concern, okay?
196
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,800
All right, I won't care
About your health. Fine.
197
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:49,733
You don't need to care about--
I'm in very good health.
198
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:51,667
- you are?
- I got a beautiful colon.
199
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,567
- you wanna take
A picture of my colon?
- I have a vhs of mine.
200
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,400
Fine.
You can put my colon up
Next to your colon.
201
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:57,767
We'll see who's got
A cleaner, healthier colon.
202
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,567
I'll have a colon contest
With you any time you want.
203
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,067
Any time you want to have
A colon contest, buddy, yeah.
204
00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,300
You're shitting and pissing
Almost 70 times a week.
205
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:07,333
Get the hell out of here.
This is ridiculous.
206
00:09:07,367 --> 00:09:08,500
She's right next to you.
207
00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:10,067
I don't want her
Monitoring
208
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:13,700
My bathroom habits,
Okay?
209
00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:15,700
What are you eating?
A lot of grains
210
00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,633
And fruit and nuts
Like a jew squirrel?
211
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:19,900
- okay.
- where are you going?
212
00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:21,167
You're not going
To the bathroom again?
213
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,600
No, I'm not going
To the bathroom.
214
00:09:22,633 --> 00:09:24,233
- you are going
To the bathroom.
- no.
215
00:09:24,267 --> 00:09:26,233
I bet you are
Going to the bathroom.
216
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,900
( screaming )
217
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,933
So what happened?
218
00:10:22,967 --> 00:10:25,667
I flushed a toilet
And it was, like,
219
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,667
The loudest flush,
Like a sonic boom
Went off.
220
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:31,900
- it just was so loud
That I was thrown back.
- really?
221
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,767
I was trapped
Inside the stall
222
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,433
And I'm telling you,
It's killing me.
223
00:10:36,467 --> 00:10:38,800
Okay, so you're having
Some pain there.
224
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,400
- right ear, yeah.
- right ear, okay.
225
00:10:40,433 --> 00:10:42,667
Let me just ask you
A couple other questions.
226
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,533
Re you experiencing
Any dizziness?
227
00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:46,233
- no.
- no.
228
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,333
- any shortness of breath?
- no.
229
00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:50,433
- aches and pains
Anywhere else?
- no.
230
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,100
Are you going
To the bathroom a lot?
231
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:57,067
I don't see how that's
Relevant, really--
232
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,167
Am I going
To the bathroom a lot.
233
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,367
Are you urinatinga lot?
234
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,067
What does that have to do
With my ear?
235
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,167
This is a standard
Medical question.
It's all--
236
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,667
I know, but I really
Don't think it's relevant
237
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,600
How often I go
To the bathroom.
238
00:11:10,633 --> 00:11:11,900
With all due respect,
I think I'm the one
239
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:14,233
Who should tell you
If it's relevant or not.
And it is.
240
00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:18,200
Well, let's just say--
Let's just move on.
How about that?
241
00:11:18,233 --> 00:11:20,233
What, you're
Not gonna tell me
About urination?
242
00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,433
I'd really rather
Not talk about it.
243
00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,900
I don't see how it's
Anybody's business,
Frankly, you know.
244
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:27,367
It's kind of private
And I really don't think--
245
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,167
- how is it private?
- it's private.
246
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,367
How often
I go to the bathroom is
Kind of a private thing.
247
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,767
Yeah, but I'm not some--
We're not on a bus.
I'm a doctor.
248
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,900
We'll just have
To make a diagnosis
Without this information.
249
00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:38,867
I'm normal.
Let's just say that, okay?
250
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,467
- what does "Normal" mean?
- everything's normal.
It's normal.
251
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,533
Three times a day,
Four times a day?
252
00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:44,867
Do we have to get
Into a specific number?
253
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,667
Do we have to get
A number attached to it?
254
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:49,667
- yeah, it's science.
- however often people are
Supposed to go, I go,
255
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,700
Unless I drink
A lot of water.
And, you know,
256
00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:54,833
Sometimes
I drink a lot of water
And I'll go a lot.
257
00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:56,567
If you had an office
Next to the bathroom
And it was one of those days
258
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,233
I was drinking a lot of water,
You'd say, "Boy, this guy
Goes a lot."
259
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:01,367
But so what?
So what?
260
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,167
- what are you talking about?
- I'm talking about,
261
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,967
You know,
Urination frequency
262
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:07,167
If I happen to be
Drinking a lot of water,
263
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,700
Which I have
Been doing lately,
So maybe lately
264
00:12:09,733 --> 00:12:11,767
I've been going more often
Than I normally would.
265
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,400
- great.
- but it's good for you
266
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,133
To drink water.
That's a good thing.
267
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,767
- that's all I wanted to hear.
- that's a good thing,
Drinking water.
268
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,867
Yes, sure sure.
Okay, let's move on.
269
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:20,867
Please.
270
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,967
How's your stool?
271
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,667
- please.
- stool's fine.
Let's move on.
272
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,533
- all right.
- you know, again,
273
00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:31,900
I mean, if I do
Drink a lot of water,
274
00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:34,267
I eat a lot of salad too.
So that's good.
275
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,600
It's normal, okay?
Is it more than once a day?
276
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:39,067
Many times it is, yeah.
More than twice a day?
277
00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,900
Sometimes, you know.
Who knows?
278
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:43,700
If you had an office
Next to the bathroom
And I was going
279
00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:45,900
And you looked at your watch
And you saw how long
I was in there,
280
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,333
You might say,
"Oh, boy, he goes a lot."
281
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,067
But so what?
That's good.
That's a good thing.
282
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,533
- all right, I apologize for--
- let's just-- can we
Get to the ear?
283
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:56,067
Sure sure. So here's--
It's pretty simple, really.
I'm gonna suggest--
284
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,333
I'm exhausted
From being here,
285
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,200
You know, having to talk
About my stool,
286
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:03,733
How often I'm urinating.
I mean, you know,
My ear hurts.
287
00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,467
Okay, here's what I'm gonna
Suggest for your ear:
288
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,267
You just basically
Stay off it.
289
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,067
Use your left ear
To talk on the phone
290
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:12,600
If you need to
For some reason favor an ear,
Favor the left one.
291
00:13:12,633 --> 00:13:14,233
Don't use the phone
From my right ear?
292
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,567
Yeah. I mean,
You just want to limit
293
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,300
The amount of noise
That goes into it.
294
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,433
You want me
To talk lefty?
295
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,167
Yeah, just talk lefty.
296
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,067
I have a hard time
Talking lefty on the phone.
297
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,467
Everything comes out wrong.
It's like throwing lefty.
I can't do it.
298
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:30,067
I'm not myself.
I feel different, strange,
Like I'm not me.
299
00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:33,800
I'm not comfortable
Talking lefty.
300
00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:37,767
All I can do is give you
My expert opinion, okay?
301
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,233
So that's what I'm suggesting.
I'm suggesting you stay
Off the right ear.
302
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:41,867
Okay, fine.
I'll talk lefty.
303
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,567
And I also think
It wouldn't hurt you
304
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,433
To talk to your therapist
About your bathroom issues,
305
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:48,267
'cause there's clearly
Something going on there.
306
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:49,367
Okay?
307
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,067
I think I'd like to see
Somebody else.
308
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:54,067
All right.
That's your right. Fine.
309
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,900
Is there somebody
In the office
I could see?
310
00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:57,600
Now?
311
00:13:57,633 --> 00:14:00,133
No no, you have to
Make an appointment.
312
00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:04,467
This isn't mcdonald's, okay?
313
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,567
Okay, fine.
314
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,567
- okay, all right.
- okay, thank you.
315
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,100
Thank you.
316
00:14:17,867 --> 00:14:19,767
What the fuck are you
Looking at, jewboy?
317
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,133
Fucking faggot.
318
00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:27,067
That's right,
Keep walking.
319
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,900
- hey.
- come on,
Let's deal with it.
320
00:14:38,933 --> 00:14:41,367
- can we talk to you?
- what? Wow. Hey hey.
321
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,067
- I like cheryl.
She's sweet, but...
- yeah.
322
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:48,133
She's nice,
But the toilet paper...
323
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:50,067
I've never seen no
Toilet paper like that.
324
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:51,733
Have you been
To port authority before,
325
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,167
- the port authority
In new york city?
- yeah.
326
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,200
That's what
It feels like.
327
00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:57,767
- real close.
- I said the same thing
The other day.
328
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,733
- mm-hmm.
- did you get that from me?
329
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:03,200
- yeah.
- y'all got some funny kind
Of toilet paper here.
330
00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:05,567
- we can't deal
With this toilet paper.
- hey, tell me about it.
331
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,600
- you know what I mean?
It's rough.
- it's rough.
332
00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:10,133
Well, you know,
It's an environmental thing.
333
00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:13,067
She's doing it
For the environment.
What can I do?
334
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,867
Can you do us a favor?
Can we get some soft
Toilet paper to use?
335
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,067
- all right, okay.
- auntie rae: the babies'
Behinds are hurting.
336
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,467
All right.
337
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,900
Here's what
I'm gonna suggest:
338
00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:25,867
- you want soft paper?
- oh, yes. No doubt.
339
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,067
- I'll get you your
Soft toilet paper...
- okay, cool.
340
00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:32,233
...Under one condition--
341
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,967
I want access
To the toilet.
342
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,200
- you want
To use our bathroom?
- so what you're saying is,
343
00:15:37,233 --> 00:15:39,200
You want to
Come in our bathroom
And use our bathroom?
344
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:40,567
You got it.
345
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,500
- I want some soft
Toilet paper.
- okay, fine.
346
00:15:43,533 --> 00:15:45,533
- it's all about the tissue.
- okay, you have a deal.
347
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,967
- auntie rae, all right.
- deal.
348
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:52,100
- my man.
- leon. Oh, hey,
By the way,
349
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:54,333
If cheryl finds out,
350
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,800
You're all going down
With me.
351
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,933
- we got your back.
- we got your back.
352
00:15:57,967 --> 00:15:59,367
- cool.
- what it is what it is.
353
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,933
Leon, come here.
I need to talk to you.
354
00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:03,400
What's going down, larry?
355
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:06,300
Listen to this,
All right?
356
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,800
I'm in a doctor's office
Earlier,
357
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:10,500
There's a guy sitting there,
A skinhead, okay?
358
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,633
He looks at me
And he says,
359
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,167
"What the fuck are you
Looking at, jewboy?"
360
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,367
- what?
- "Fucking faggot."
361
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:20,367
What?
Okay, what'd you do?
362
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,167
- what'd I do?
- yeah, what'd you do?
363
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,600
I slunk out.
364
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:25,967
You slunk out?
365
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,700
Slunk.
I slunk out.
366
00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:29,733
So you didn't do shit
And you punked out.
367
00:16:29,767 --> 00:16:30,767
That's what the fuck
Happened, right?
368
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,800
Yeah, I punked out.
I punked out.
369
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:34,833
- how'd that happen?
- well, what was I
Gonna do?
370
00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:36,067
The guy could have
Killed me.
371
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,767
Next time a man calls you
A fucking faggot,
372
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,333
You get in that ass, larry.
Know what I mean?
373
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,667
You get in that ass, larry.
That's what the fuck you do.
374
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,600
- what are you talking about?
- you let that man slide today.
375
00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,767
You gotta immediately
Get in somebody's ass
When that happens to you.
376
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,267
You pull their
Asshole open,
377
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,400
Step into their asshole,
Close the door behind you,
378
00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:53,067
- pick up your spray-paint
Can, right?
- uh-huh.
379
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,233
"Larry was here."
You spray-paint
380
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:58,300
"Larry was here," "Wash me,"
All that kind of shit,
381
00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:00,333
Fuck his whole asshole up,
Eat some snickers bar,
382
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,167
Throw some paper on the floor,
Read a newspaper,
383
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,867
Ball the paper up,
The newspaper, and throw
The newspaper on the floor,
384
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,800
Fuck his whole asshole up,
You know what I'm saying?
385
00:17:06,833 --> 00:17:08,300
Then you open that asshole
One more time--
386
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:10,867
Open it again,
Open that asshole again-
Uhh!
387
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,833
Step out of his ass
And leave that motherfucker
Wide open,
388
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,800
- so he knows
You've been there.
- open it up,
389
00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:17,133
- step in.
- step in their asshole.
390
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:18,900
- spray-paint "Larry was here."
- "Larry was here."
391
00:17:18,933 --> 00:17:22,067
- leave garbage, snickers,
Eat snickers, leave garbage.
- spit, fuck it.
392
00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:23,133
- get out.
- mm!
393
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,400
- open it up again.
- step out their asshole.
394
00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:27,100
- step out.
- don't even close
That motherfucker.
395
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,900
Leave it open
So he knows you've been there.
396
00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:31,233
- you feel me?
- I got you.
397
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,200
That's how
You handle people.
398
00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:35,300
Mm!
Get in that ass, larry.
399
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:36,733
- don't worry.
- all right.
400
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,567
I hope you don't
Get me killed.
401
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,533
My man.
402
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,767
( line ringing )
403
00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:59,667
( huffing )
404
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:05,433
- hello?
- hey, is richard there?
405
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:08,467
Uh, no, he's not.
Is this larry?
406
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,833
Yeah.
407
00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:12,267
- this is cha cha.
- ah.
408
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,900
( chuckles )
- cha cha.
409
00:18:13,933 --> 00:18:16,967
Hi, larry.
You just caught me
In the middle of a workout.
410
00:18:17,067 --> 00:18:18,867
So I'm calling
About the movies.
411
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:20,367
Yeah, the movies, right.
412
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,967
You know,
We were talking about--
Wouldn't it be great
413
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:24,500
If we could all go
To a really nice dinner
414
00:18:24,533 --> 00:18:26,767
In one of those
Fancy-schmancy joints?
415
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:31,067
Okay, I'll tell--
I'll tell cheryl.
416
00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:32,367
Great.
417
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,200
What are you wearing?
418
00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:39,967
What am I wearing
Right now?
419
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,700
Yeah, what are you
Wearing?
420
00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:45,567
You're making me
Uncomfortable, larry.
421
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,133
( groaning )
422
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,467
1- ( moaning )
- I'm gonna hang up
Right now.
423
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,267
'm gonna
Hang up right now.
424
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,333
- goodbye.
- bye.
425
00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:03,633
I am loving this place.
Jeff, how great is
This place?
426
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:06,067
It's unbelievable.
I'm having a great time.
427
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,800
It's like my old
Barbershop in brooklyn.
428
00:19:07,833 --> 00:19:09,433
Yeah, reminds me
Of the old days, you know.
429
00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:12,433
I like the whole
Snip-snip thing,
The sound of it.
430
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,900
I think I can do it too.
It doesn't look
That hard.
431
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:16,967
You know,
It's like the bongos--
Who can't do that?
432
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,400
- ( laughs )
- you know what I mean?
433
00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:20,400
- yeah.
- anybody can play
The bongos, come on.
434
00:19:20,433 --> 00:19:23,867
Do you have to
Be that skilled
To bang on something?
435
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:27,400
- come on, how hard is that?
- I never thought of that.
436
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,600
When was the last time
You saw burt?
437
00:19:29,633 --> 00:19:31,533
Oh, I just
Had lunch with him
438
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,067
The other day,
Him and barbara.
439
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,100
You notice anything
Different about them?
440
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,800
No.
441
00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:40,967
'cause she just had
A miscarriage.
442
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,667
- really?
- yeah.
443
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,433
It's a shame.
444
00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,067
Shame?
445
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:48,400
They do have nine kids.
446
00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:55,167
- that's it?
- yep.
447
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,733
Wow, that was
Pretty fast.
448
00:19:58,967 --> 00:20:00,833
You haven't taken
Anything off.
449
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:04,133
Hey!
( screaming )
450
00:20:12,467 --> 00:20:14,567
I'm good.
451
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:20,467
Where the hell
Have you been?
452
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,367
I've been calling you
All goddamn day.
453
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,867
- we were getting a haircut.
- this is a bag of shit.
454
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:27,333
Oscar's been shitting.
I've been cleaning up
Shit all day.
455
00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,567
He ate those leftovers
That that asshole gave us.
456
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,333
- really?
- "We shall see."
457
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,200
- "We shall see." daviday.
- that little piece of shit.
458
00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,567
- is that possible,
That that nut did that?
- yes yes.
459
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,600
- he put crap in there.
He put something in there.
- jesus christ.
460
00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:43,067
- jeff: is he throwing up too?
- what a psycho.
461
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,167
You gotta go down there
And tell this motherfucker
462
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,267
- you're gonna kick his ass.
- oh, yeah.
463
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:49,700
No, wait a second.
He can't go down there.
464
00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:52,000
- why?
- because I took
The food home.
465
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:55,767
- I promised him
That I would eat it.
- all right, you go down there.
466
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,433
- you go.
- yeah, better idea:
467
00:20:57,467 --> 00:20:59,433
You go, larry.
You go tell him
468
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,267
That you've been shitting
All over yourself all day,
469
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:03,667
Shitting in your pants,
You can't make it
To the toilet,
470
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:05,533
You got shit
Running down your leg.
471
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:06,800
Why can't I make it
To the toilet?
472
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,167
Because it's more dramatic
That way.
473
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,167
I don't wanna tell a guy
I got shit running
Down my leg.
474
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,733
All right, tell him
Whatever the fuck you want.
Tell him you've been
475
00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:16,333
- sick sick
Sick as a dog, okay?
- all right.
476
00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:17,667
I'm gonna go
To the restaurant
Right now,
477
00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:19,400
- see what he says.
- go!
478
00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:22,400
- you know,
These waiters are nuts.
- jeff: he's nuts.
479
00:21:22,433 --> 00:21:25,333
You can't get
On a waiter's bad side.
They'll do anything.
480
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,067
- jeff: I never
Said anything back.
- you gotta be so nice to 'e.
481
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:28,533
You gotta leave
A good tip.
482
00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:30,567
- jeff, throw this out.
- you throw it out.
483
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,433
You throw it out.
I've been cleaning--
- no, you got gloves.
484
00:21:32,467 --> 00:21:34,100
- I've been
Cleaning this shit.
- you got gloves!
485
00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:37,233
- throw it out.
- aw, fuck.
486
00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:50,233
Hello, daviday.
487
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:52,933
Hello, larry.
Nice to see you again.
488
00:21:52,967 --> 00:21:55,933
Good to see you, daviday.
489
00:21:55,967 --> 00:22:00,567
You know,
I ate the leftovers
490
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,800
And I just want you
To know
491
00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:04,633
I got sick from them.
492
00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:06,400
Now when you say
That you got sick,
Do you mean
493
00:22:06,433 --> 00:22:08,233
That the animal got sick
Or that you got sick?
494
00:22:08,267 --> 00:22:10,100
- no no, I got sick.
- you got sick?
495
00:22:10,133 --> 00:22:13,367
Yes, and I'm just
Kind of wondering
496
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,367
If the food
497
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,200
Perhaps was
Tampered with.
498
00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,633
Well, it most certainly
Was not tampered with.
499
00:22:20,667 --> 00:22:22,167
- really?
- absolutely.
500
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,467
Are you sure?
501
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:26,167
I'm very sure.
502
00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:44,733
- I don't believe you.
- larry, how can you
Accuse me of that?
503
00:22:44,767 --> 00:22:46,500
Because I was sick.
I was running to
The bathroom all day.
504
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:48,200
- all day?
- all day.
505
00:22:48,233 --> 00:22:50,333
- oh, really? I see.
- really. Yeah.
506
00:22:50,367 --> 00:22:52,367
Aha.
Cha cha?
507
00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:54,967
Come here
For a moment, please.
508
00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:01,733
Larry doesn't feel well.
He said that his bowels
Are irregular.
509
00:23:01,767 --> 00:23:05,600
How many times has larry
Gone to the bathroom today?
510
00:23:05,633 --> 00:23:07,067
Twice so far,
511
00:23:07,067 --> 00:23:08,667
Two minutes
Each time.
512
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:10,067
Thank you.
513
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,800
Larry, that does not sound
Like a man who's sick at all.
514
00:23:30,167 --> 00:23:33,167
- ( punches and grunts on tv )
- ( chattering )
515
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,967
What's up, l.D.?
516
00:23:35,067 --> 00:23:37,733
Um...
517
00:23:37,767 --> 00:23:40,567
I'm just gonna
Use the bathroom.
518
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,600
- leon: what?
- loretta: hmm?
519
00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:45,800
Bathroom.
I'm gonna use
The bathroom.
520
00:24:16,067 --> 00:24:18,200
What are you doing
In there?
521
00:24:18,233 --> 00:24:21,700
The toilet wasn't
Working properly.
522
00:24:21,733 --> 00:24:24,567
- so you fixed it?
- I did, actually, yeah.
523
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,500
- oh, okay, great.
- I had to just
Jiggle it around.
524
00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:28,967
Oh, okay.
So it's all--
525
00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:31,267
Hey, stay here
For a second.
No no, I just want to see
526
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:32,600
Your handiwork.
Hold on.
527
00:24:32,633 --> 00:24:36,300
Hey, don't go anywhere.
Don't go anywhere.
528
00:24:36,333 --> 00:24:38,200
Oh, wait a second.
529
00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:41,400
Larry?
530
00:24:41,433 --> 00:24:43,767
Do you know
How many millions
Of virgin trees
531
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,700
Are cut down to make
This toilet paper,
532
00:24:45,733 --> 00:24:47,467
Which is contributing
To global warming,
533
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,100
Which is causing hurricanes,
Which is why you're here?
534
00:24:50,133 --> 00:24:52,267
Do you have any idea
What I'm talking
About, larry?
535
00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:53,967
- yeah, that's what
I was telling them.
- this isn't the kind
536
00:24:54,067 --> 00:24:56,500
- of toilet paper
We use in this house.
- no, it's not.
537
00:24:56,533 --> 00:24:58,700
We use recycled
Post-consumer toilet paper.
538
00:24:58,733 --> 00:25:03,167
- that's what I've been trying-
- so why do we have tons of
Toilet paper in this bathroom?
539
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,967
And why were you
In this bathroom
Using this toilet paper?
540
00:25:06,067 --> 00:25:09,200
Again, the toilet
Was broken,
541
00:25:09,233 --> 00:25:10,633
But they asked me--
They were very unhappy--
542
00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:13,800
- we asked you?
Hold there, hold up.
- ( all talking at once )
543
00:25:13,833 --> 00:25:15,833
You liars,
You were complaining
About the toilet paper.
544
00:25:15,867 --> 00:25:19,067
- he wanted access
To our bathroom.
- auntie rae,
545
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:21,933
Don't blame this on me,
Auntie rae.
546
00:25:21,967 --> 00:25:27,167
- ( doorbell rings )
- ( all continue overlapping)
547
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,100
Hey, david,
Come down here, pervo.
548
00:25:30,133 --> 00:25:32,233
Come down here,
You fucking pervo.
549
00:25:32,267 --> 00:25:34,967
What?
What are you talking about?
How did you get in?
550
00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:36,400
The fucking door.
How else do you think
I got in?
551
00:25:36,433 --> 00:25:38,567
This kid has got to stop
Leaving the door open, man.
552
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,533
This is it.
If I didn't know you
My whole life,
553
00:25:40,567 --> 00:25:42,333
You know what?
I'd attack you
Right now.
554
00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:44,867
- what are you talking about?
- you called my girlfriend
555
00:25:44,900 --> 00:25:46,733
And hit on her
And she doesn't respond
556
00:25:46,767 --> 00:25:50,333
- and you fucking get her fired,
You fucking piece of shit.
- what?
557
00:25:50,367 --> 00:25:52,167
First of all,
I never hit on her.
558
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,067
- and what are you
Talking about, "Fired"?
- burt's dad at the barbershop.
559
00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:57,233
You made that fucking
Miscarriage remark.
So he fired her
560
00:25:57,267 --> 00:25:59,833
Because he wants nothing to do
With anybody that knows you.
561
00:25:59,867 --> 00:26:01,833
Oh, he's supposed to be
Getting back at me?
562
00:26:01,867 --> 00:26:03,833
Who are you to tell him
How many kids to have?
563
00:26:03,867 --> 00:26:05,100
She's got nine kids.
Come on, that's plenty.
564
00:26:05,133 --> 00:26:07,133
- she wants more children.
- how many does she need?
565
00:26:07,167 --> 00:26:08,567
Who the fuck are you,
The messiah, to count?
566
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,933
I got news for you.
That's enough.
By the way,
567
00:26:10,967 --> 00:26:12,400
In china
You're allowed two.
568
00:26:12,433 --> 00:26:13,933
Those people would be
Killed in china.
- china what?
569
00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:15,633
Two-- two babies in china.
570
00:26:15,667 --> 00:26:17,067
What happens
If you have three?
571
00:26:17,067 --> 00:26:19,167
- they execute you.
- they kill the baby?
572
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,700
Not the baby, idiot.
They kill the parents.
573
00:26:21,733 --> 00:26:23,467
Get out of here.
574
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,900
Well, maybe they don't execute,
But they give you a good
Dressing-down.
575
00:26:25,933 --> 00:26:28,200
How dare you lose
My girlfriend's job?
576
00:26:28,233 --> 00:26:29,633
She lost
Her health insurance,
577
00:26:29,667 --> 00:26:31,267
She has no self-worth
Anymore.
578
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:33,967
- she lost her self-worth?
Oh, really?
- that's right.
579
00:26:34,067 --> 00:26:37,067
You get on that
Goddamn telephone and you
Get my girlfriend's job back.
580
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:38,700
You call burt
And you apologize.
581
00:26:38,733 --> 00:26:40,833
Okay, I'll make that call
Under one condition:
582
00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:42,667
I want to be able
To use your bathroom
583
00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:45,300
- on the way to work
In the morning.
- sit on my toilet?
584
00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:46,667
- yeah.
- there's no fucking way.
585
00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:48,733
- why?
- nobody sits
On richard lewis's toilet.
586
00:26:48,767 --> 00:26:51,200
- you use every
Toilet in the house?
- that's right. I rotate.
587
00:26:51,233 --> 00:26:53,433
- I can't use the basement?
- no, that's for weekends.
588
00:26:53,467 --> 00:26:54,667
I have no place
To go to the bathroom.
589
00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:56,467
I can't go here,
I can't go at work.
590
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,767
You just make
The goddamn call.
You owe me.
591
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,600
- jesus christ.
- I'll try.
592
00:27:00,633 --> 00:27:01,733
- that's all I can do.
- yeah, fine.
593
00:27:01,767 --> 00:27:04,067
Just get her
Her job back.
594
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,333
What are you doing?
I want a righty call.
595
00:27:11,367 --> 00:27:13,067
What's this
Lefty bullshit?
596
00:27:13,067 --> 00:27:16,167
I want a righty call.
597
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,500
Jesus christ.
598
00:27:20,067 --> 00:27:21,833
- hello?
- oh, hey, barbara?
599
00:27:21,867 --> 00:27:23,333
- yes.
- hey, it's larry david.
600
00:27:23,367 --> 00:27:25,767
Oh, hi, larry.
601
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,700
- ( shouts ) fuck you!
- ( screaming )
602
00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:37,633
The woman's out of her mind,
Screaming in my ear
Like that.
603
00:27:37,667 --> 00:27:39,800
Can you imagine?
Fuck.
604
00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:42,133
Thanks for taking me,
By the way.
605
00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:45,367
You're damn right, man.
It's a big favor I'm
Doing your ass, man.
606
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,533
There's the building.
Pull over.
607
00:27:47,567 --> 00:27:50,333
All right.
608
00:27:50,367 --> 00:27:53,767
Okay, park the car
And come up, okay?
609
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,067
His name's
Dr. Schaeffer.
610
00:27:55,067 --> 00:27:58,067
Dr. Schaeffer.
All right.
611
00:27:58,067 --> 00:28:01,067
( quiet jazz music
Playing )
612
00:28:06,467 --> 00:28:07,633
So you're all set,
Actually.
613
00:28:07,667 --> 00:28:08,700
We'll see you
Next wednesday.
614
00:28:14,067 --> 00:28:15,600
Leon's voice:
You get in that ass.
615
00:28:15,633 --> 00:28:17,367
You get in his ass
Immediately.
616
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,533
- get in that ass, larry.
- hey!
617
00:28:19,567 --> 00:28:21,500
Come on,
You fucking skinhead,
618
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:22,900
You piece of shit,
Let's go!
619
00:28:22,933 --> 00:28:26,067
He is not a skinhead.
He just came out
Of chemotherapy.
620
00:28:34,067 --> 00:28:35,867
- sorry.
- asshole.
621
00:28:39,233 --> 00:28:41,300
- leon: hey, skinhead!
- stop it. I'm not a skinhea!
622
00:28:41,333 --> 00:28:44,567
- leon! No, leon!
- ( continue yelling )
623
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,167
Leon, no!
624
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,867
- leon: motherfucker!
- man: stop it!
625
00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:50,367
( theme music playing )
50565
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