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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,398 --> 00:00:10,067 Hey, bettors, gambling's now legal in every state, 2 00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:11,326 except the lame ones. 3 00:00:11,328 --> 00:00:13,178 But in the sport of sports-betting, 4 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,255 you got to sport-bet responsibly. 5 00:00:15,257 --> 00:00:17,074 So, remember to follow these three rules. 6 00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:19,092 Stick with the game plan, 7 00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:21,503 unless you're down a lot at halftime. 8 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:23,263 ANNOUNCER: If you suffer from gambling addiction, 9 00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:25,441 wait until the season is over, and then call: 10 00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:33,866 Thank you, football. 11 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,609 I almost forgot to bet on the game. 12 00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:38,111 TV SPORTSCASTER: With the Atoms down 42 to zero, 13 00:00:38,113 --> 00:00:40,688 we are officially in garbage time, folks. 14 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:43,267 Our only viewers left are degenerate gamblers 15 00:00:43,269 --> 00:00:45,452 who've placed longshot gimmick bets. 16 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,047 HOMER: You got to lose money to make money. 17 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,532 If either team scores any points, 18 00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:52,885 we'll be eating name-brand ramen tonight. 19 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:56,371 Let's go, either team! Any points! Any points! 20 00:00:56,373 --> 00:00:57,723 TV SPORTSCASTER: As the seconds tick off the clock, 21 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:01,060 the Molecules are going for a meaningless field goal 22 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,895 to humiliate the home team. 23 00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,138 Yes, yes, humiliate us. 24 00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:06,807 Come on, lucky ring. 25 00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,142 You tricked Marge into staying with me, you can do this. 26 00:01:09,144 --> 00:01:10,310 TV SPORTSCASTER: And the kick is good. 27 00:01:10,312 --> 00:01:12,963 The Atoms lose 45 to zero. 28 00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:15,491 Woo-hoo! You did it, points. 29 00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:18,494 D'oh! 30 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,155 (grunting) 31 00:01:22,157 --> 00:01:25,709 Okay, my ring's got to be down here somewhere. 32 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,314 Man, I got to get a handyman. 33 00:01:30,316 --> 00:01:32,574 We used to have the greatest guy, what was his name? 34 00:01:32,576 --> 00:01:34,301 Dave? Darryl? 35 00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:40,099 (ghostly cackling) 36 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,101 (gasps) Is that a ghost? 37 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:45,178 If so, that means the afterlife is real, 38 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:47,439 which would free me from my fear of death. 39 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,516 (gasps) Please be a ghost. (gasps) 40 00:01:49,518 --> 00:01:51,759 The ring. 41 00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:53,094 Huh? Another the ring? 42 00:01:53,096 --> 00:01:54,262 (hisses) 43 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:55,522 (screams) Polecat! 44 00:01:55,524 --> 00:01:58,558 Okay, little skunk, everything's cool. 45 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,195 I'll just back away calmly, leave you alone, 46 00:02:02,197 --> 00:02:04,698 and hire someone to kill you. 47 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:06,183 (soft footsteps) 48 00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:07,942 -(both hiss) -(gasps) More. 49 00:02:07,944 --> 00:02:11,688 -(hissing) -It's a stink of skunks. 50 00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,966 (whimpering) 51 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,526 Marge, kids, remember me how I used to smell, 52 00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:19,045 not as the horrible stench I'm about to become. 53 00:02:19,047 --> 00:02:22,366 I love you all, to varying degrees. 54 00:02:22,368 --> 00:02:24,201 (screams) 55 00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:26,794 Ooh, my ring. (screams) 56 00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:29,297 (both laugh) 57 00:02:29,299 --> 00:02:32,542 This is my new desert island show. 58 00:02:32,544 --> 00:02:35,487 All right, turn around and spread 'em. 59 00:02:37,566 --> 00:02:40,826 Ow! Oh. (laughs) 60 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,661 Ooh. Ow! 61 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,996 More, please. 62 00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:47,224 Ew, caramba! 63 00:02:47,226 --> 00:02:49,984 Shouldn't you throw those clothes out? 64 00:02:49,986 --> 00:02:51,395 Rather than clean them? 65 00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:53,230 Don't rob me of the one part 66 00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:55,732 of your dad getting skunk-sprayed I enjoy. 67 00:02:55,734 --> 00:02:58,760 All I need is this pillowcase and my secret ingredients. 68 00:03:06,261 --> 00:03:08,912 Wow, that took care of the skunk smell 69 00:03:08,914 --> 00:03:10,171 and the Homer smell. 70 00:03:10,173 --> 00:03:12,082 That's amazing, Mom. 71 00:03:12,084 --> 00:03:14,084 How did you learn to do that? 72 00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:15,527 Years of practice. 73 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:19,489 Your father has brought home so many different smells. 74 00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:29,041 This bag cleans them all. 75 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,210 Wow, an innovation like this 76 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,453 could really better the lives of people 77 00:03:33,455 --> 00:03:36,197 who don't have access to washing machines. 78 00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:37,958 Ooh, like the homeless? 79 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,459 You mean unhoused. 80 00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:40,552 I do? 81 00:03:44,116 --> 00:03:46,708 How come all of these pillowcases are blue? 82 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:50,454 I think it's from my hair. Not that I dye my hair. 83 00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:53,565 It's natural. It's just such a vibrant natural blue that... 84 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,735 It's okay, Mom. The blue's a nice touch. 85 00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,464 It's a cleaning bag. 86 00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:03,224 You shake your dirty clothes in it, and they come out fresh. 87 00:04:03,226 --> 00:04:05,494 Oh. Oh, you're already doing it. 88 00:04:07,397 --> 00:04:09,139 Ah, hot diggity. 89 00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,065 I can finally get my old job back 90 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:14,461 as a stock image model for "man in suit." 91 00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:21,167 Wow, them-there blue bags are impressive. 92 00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:22,970 Can I give it a try? 93 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,993 That bag of yours finally cleaned my black hat. 94 00:04:29,995 --> 00:04:31,270 Yee-haw! 95 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,164 Let me contribute $100 to your cause, 96 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:35,923 a Texas penny. 97 00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:37,834 So, what's the name of your charity? 98 00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,444 Oh, we don't have a charity. 99 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,096 I guess you can make it out to me. 100 00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:45,358 Uh, you see, this is money I want to deduct 101 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,677 while avoiding capital gains. 102 00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:51,606 So, I can only contribute to a charitable foundation. 103 00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,034 A 501-C-HAW. 104 00:04:54,036 --> 00:04:56,369 (gasps) We should become an actual charity. 105 00:04:56,371 --> 00:04:58,538 Think of how many more people we would help. 106 00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:01,024 Doesn't that involve a lot of paperwork? 107 00:05:01,026 --> 00:05:02,526 You're in luck, little lady. 108 00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:06,087 I got me my accountant right here. 109 00:05:07,457 --> 00:05:11,051 Golly. Here's your articles of incorporation, ma'am. 110 00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,294 What do you want to call that-there charity? 111 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:16,148 Hmm... Why not call it... 112 00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,984 the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation. 113 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,652 Really? 114 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,380 It was your passion for change that got us here. 115 00:05:23,382 --> 00:05:25,398 I just threw some powder in a bag. 116 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,901 Here's my charitable deduction. 117 00:05:27,903 --> 00:05:30,387 I mean donation. I mean both. 118 00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:32,831 I love anything that gets me out of taxes. 119 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:33,999 Texas? 120 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,651 No, taxes. I hate taxes, 121 00:05:36,653 --> 00:05:38,411 but I love Texas 122 00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:42,232 'cause folks in Texas love Texas and hates taxes. 123 00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:45,344 No taxing's what Texans stand for. 124 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,074 We're a charity! 125 00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,851 BOTH: Yee-haw! 126 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,604 -Yee-haw. -Yee-haw, indeed. 127 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:03,010 I used to ride the rails, but 'cause of you, 128 00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:06,365 I traded in my bindle for a briefcase. 129 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,093 We're really making a difference in people's lives. 130 00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:11,352 Even Crazy Cat Lady. 131 00:06:11,354 --> 00:06:14,689 She's giving walking tours of Springfield now. 132 00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:17,601 (mumbling) 133 00:06:17,603 --> 00:06:20,194 (cats yowling) 134 00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:22,288 -(cameras clicking) -(group aahing) 135 00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:25,032 Lisa, can you run over to the market 136 00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:27,277 and get some more baking soda? 137 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,447 Wait, we're using Hand & Armor Baking Soda? 138 00:06:30,449 --> 00:06:34,208 That company is the worst. They support child labor. 139 00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:37,562 Even some of their top executives are children. 140 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,732 MARGE: But the smiley hand on the box is so cute. 141 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,235 Our foundation only succeeds if we're doing good 142 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,477 every step of the way. 143 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,480 We have to make sure that every ingredient we use 144 00:06:47,482 --> 00:06:50,742 is ethically sourced, even if it costs a little more. 145 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,302 Well, I can help with that. 146 00:06:52,304 --> 00:06:54,246 I put the "fun mom" 147 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,749 in the "fundraising thermometer." 148 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,567 (groans) Mom puns? 149 00:06:59,569 --> 00:07:01,995 I got to wash that out of my ears. 150 00:07:01,997 --> 00:07:04,923 (grunting) 151 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,650 Okay, while you're raising money, 152 00:07:06,652 --> 00:07:09,928 I'll scour the world for fair-trade, carbon-negative, 153 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,246 conflict-free ingredients. Dad can take me. 154 00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:15,992 Oh, that sounds terrible. 155 00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,677 Oh, it's even worse. 156 00:07:17,679 --> 00:07:20,272 I've got a good feeling about the baking soda manufacturer 157 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,666 at the top of this mountain. 158 00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:26,503 Oh, why can't anything good ever be at the bottom of a mountain? 159 00:07:26,505 --> 00:07:30,190 Our baking soda is actually generated through meditation. 160 00:07:30,192 --> 00:07:32,342 Every ten boxes we make, 161 00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:34,494 a new monk reaches enlightenment. 162 00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:42,018 Oh, my God, I finally understand the plot of Inception. 163 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,463 Now to ponder Tenet. 164 00:07:46,191 --> 00:07:47,966 LISA: Oh... 165 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,860 (sniffs) This is the first empty fridge 166 00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:51,953 I've ever liked. 167 00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:53,454 (sniffs) 168 00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:56,716 Oh, I'll take it. How much is it? 169 00:07:56,718 --> 00:07:58,977 We don't believe in worldly possessions, 170 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,055 so you won't have any after you buy it. 171 00:08:02,057 --> 00:08:04,483 (whistles) 172 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,693 (phone whooshes) 173 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:09,896 (phone whooshes) 174 00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:11,064 Show your support 175 00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:13,975 for the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation. 176 00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:15,327 Hey, this corner belongs to the Salvation Army. 177 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,996 Give me that tin and get out of here. 178 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,831 Unless you'd like to donate blood. 179 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,375 (bell rings) 180 00:08:23,395 --> 00:08:25,670 Oh, Marge, that was terrible. 181 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,081 Who knew a religious nonprofit 182 00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:30,157 could be so "holier than thou"? 183 00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:33,995 As a pillar of the community, a doctor's wife, 184 00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:35,830 I know the secret 185 00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,957 to running a successful charity. 186 00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:40,334 Ooh, can you tell it to me? 187 00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:43,170 Even better, I can sing it to you. 188 00:08:43,172 --> 00:08:45,339 Um... I'm good, actually... 189 00:08:45,341 --> 00:08:49,027 ♪ It's time to stop thinking small ♪ 190 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,530 ♪ You got to dress up like an heiress ♪ 191 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,274 ♪ But what's the point of this fancy ball? ♪ 192 00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:56,017 ♪ Why, dear, to raise awareness ♪ 193 00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:59,353 ♪ Your charity has to stand out ♪ 194 00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:02,356 ♪ From all the other ones with their hand out ♪ 195 00:09:02,358 --> 00:09:04,376 ♪ Sadly, I'm a little squarish ♪ 196 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,711 ♪ Honey, you need to get more garish ♪ 197 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,530 ♪ There's no better way to show compassion ♪ 198 00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:12,050 ♪ Than trotting out a few Kardashians ♪ 199 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,627 ♪ Don't mean to sound like I'm giving orders ♪ 200 00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:18,464 ♪ But destroy those Doctors Without Borders ♪ 201 00:09:18,466 --> 00:09:20,392 ♪ And to really get your donors givin' ♪ 202 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:23,878 ♪ Your charity needs a ribbon ♪ 203 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:24,896 ♪ It should be something blue ♪ 204 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,899 ♪ This one here will do ♪ 205 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,401 ♪ Get the ribbons everywhere ♪ 206 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:32,386 ♪ So there's not a patch of bareness ♪ 207 00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:35,240 ♪ Once everyone is sick of it ♪ 208 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,967 ♪ We've reached peak awareness. ♪ 209 00:09:37,969 --> 00:09:40,061 Oh. 210 00:09:40,063 --> 00:09:42,447 I love our new offices. 211 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,082 Well, it used to be a WeWork space, 212 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,310 then a Theranos lab, then production offices 213 00:09:47,312 --> 00:09:49,421 for the WeWork and Theranos TV shows. 214 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,165 Those businesses must have been such successes 215 00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:54,984 to have TV shows made about them. 216 00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:56,344 Mm. 217 00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:00,340 Is it a little strange that 218 00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:03,417 everyone has to walk through my office to get to the bathroom? 219 00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:05,829 That's your private bathroom. 220 00:10:05,831 --> 00:10:08,255 (gasps) A husbandless bathroom? 221 00:10:08,257 --> 00:10:10,350 I won't need a candle. 222 00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:12,277 Our "Feeling Blue" awareness campaign 223 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,428 is really hitting its stride. 224 00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:17,098 Look at all these products supporting our cause 225 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:19,100 with our copyrighted shade of blue: 226 00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:21,119 blue shampoo, blue conditioner, 227 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,437 blue shampoo plus conditioner, 228 00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:26,774 and Boo Berry cereal will be called Blueberry cereal. 229 00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,126 LISA: Mom. 230 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,519 Look at all these people. 231 00:10:29,521 --> 00:10:32,797 Our little charity has become big. 232 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,357 Check out our official symbol. 233 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:37,210 It's the same ribbon we use to tie the blue bags. 234 00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:38,361 They've become so popular 235 00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:41,806 we've completely run out of ribbons. 236 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:45,201 So what do you tie the bags with? 237 00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:47,479 Well, we're a little behind in our bag making, 238 00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,372 but we've been doing something even more important: 239 00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:52,800 raising awareness about our bag making. 240 00:10:52,802 --> 00:10:56,412 This is all very impressive, but do we really need 241 00:10:56,414 --> 00:10:57,471 a headquarters this big? 242 00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:00,884 Oh, this isn't gonna be our headquarters. 243 00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:02,160 This is. 244 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,979 How on earth are we paying for that? 245 00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:09,058 With a generous deduction-- I mean, I mean, donation-- 246 00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:12,578 from our Royal Blue level donor: Mr. Burns. 247 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:16,299 What? He is the biggest polluter in town. 248 00:11:22,757 --> 00:11:23,923 Excellent. 249 00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:26,500 Honey, if we don't accept the money, 250 00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,094 he'll just give it to someone else, 251 00:11:28,096 --> 00:11:31,940 like the Salvation Army. (groans) 252 00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:35,251 We have to return Burns's money. 253 00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,253 Return the money? 254 00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,847 While you and Dad were tromping around in the mountains, 255 00:11:39,849 --> 00:11:41,441 I was building an organization 256 00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:43,868 that can make real change happen. 257 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,445 With what? This? 258 00:11:45,447 --> 00:11:49,449 Mom, you're just allowing evil companies to appear ethical 259 00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:52,285 by slapping our color on their product. 260 00:11:52,287 --> 00:11:55,788 It's bluewashing. That doesn't help the homeless. 261 00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,049 We call them the unhoused. 262 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,276 I call them the unhoused! 263 00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,445 Ugh! You've lost sight 264 00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:04,948 of my vision for this charity. 265 00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:07,133 I thought it was our charity. 266 00:12:07,135 --> 00:12:09,786 Well, it's my name on the wall. 267 00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:11,304 Well, it's my hair color. 268 00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:14,457 -It's Clairol's color! -(gasps) 269 00:12:14,459 --> 00:12:17,627 Okay, this clearly got out of hand. 270 00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:20,363 Why don't we take a little breather. 271 00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,058 Okay, have we both calmed down? 272 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:25,635 I don't need to calm down. 273 00:12:25,637 --> 00:12:26,578 I'm your mother. 274 00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:29,230 I think I know you better than you know yourself. 275 00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:30,974 Oh, you're making my future therapist 276 00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:34,644 so rich right now. 277 00:12:34,646 --> 00:12:35,828 Maybe we should take 278 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:37,922 a little bit longer of a break. 279 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,008 Same time tomorrow. 280 00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:43,002 Okay, are you better? 281 00:12:43,004 --> 00:12:45,013 (groaning) 282 00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,268 Okay, this feels good. 283 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,162 I think that last break was the clincher. 284 00:12:53,164 --> 00:12:55,774 One more and we get a free sundae. (chuckles) 285 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,333 I have some good news. 286 00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:59,335 The board has decided to promote you 287 00:12:59,337 --> 00:13:01,929 to "The Lisa M. Simpson Foundation 288 00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:04,932 Founder Emeritus." 289 00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:07,677 Wait... emeritus? 290 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,178 I know what that means. 291 00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:11,105 You're firing me? 292 00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,792 No, we're just de-responsibilitizing you. 293 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,960 Congratulations. 294 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,611 Here's your check. 295 00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:20,039 Would you like to round up with a donation 296 00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:22,041 to the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation? 297 00:13:22,043 --> 00:13:25,220 No! I never want to hear that name again. 298 00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:29,957 It's my favorite student, Lisa M. Simpson. 299 00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,126 -(grunts) -(muffled groan) 300 00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:35,480 There, now you got ice cream. Let's go. 301 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,319 Yeah, I heard about what happened. 302 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,546 That I was forced out by my own mother 303 00:13:43,548 --> 00:13:46,232 from the charity we created together? 304 00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:48,159 I've never been fired before. 305 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,078 What am I supposed to do? 306 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,073 You don't know how long I've been waiting for this. 307 00:13:54,075 --> 00:13:55,408 Finally, I can pass down to my kids 308 00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:59,395 my vast knowledge about what I'm truly amazing at: 309 00:13:59,397 --> 00:14:02,156 -being canned. -Really? 310 00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:05,326 Oh, being fired is basically my job these days. 311 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:08,012 In fact, I was fired yesterday because of all the time I took 312 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,514 looking for ingredients with you. 313 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,016 (scoffs) At least you don't have to live in the same house 314 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,260 as the jerk who fired you. 315 00:14:14,262 --> 00:14:15,595 Ah, anger. 316 00:14:15,597 --> 00:14:18,931 The first stage in the five stages of getting fired. 317 00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:21,175 Oh, so there's a process to this? 318 00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:22,509 What's stage two? 319 00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:24,863 Pretending you still have a job. 320 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,365 MARGE: Homer, can you take out the garbage? 321 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,410 Oh, sorry, honey. I'm late for work. Let's go. 322 00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:35,206 So, how long do we have to sit in this coffee shop? 323 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,858 Until my boss realizes he made a huge mistake firing me 324 00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,435 and begs me to come back, 325 00:14:39,437 --> 00:14:42,029 but instead I pour macaroni salad 326 00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:43,773 into his sunroof. 327 00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,625 Wasn't anger stage one? 328 00:14:45,627 --> 00:14:47,460 That was righteous anger. 329 00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,795 This is misdirected anger! (grunts) 330 00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:53,349 Ah, stage three. 331 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,397 Hi, Lisa. I see you're still on the couch. 332 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,714 How you doing? 333 00:15:00,716 --> 00:15:03,717 I'd be doing a lot better if you moved that body 334 00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:05,461 I "ruined in childbirth." 335 00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:07,647 -I ruined it first. (slurps) -(sighs) 336 00:15:07,649 --> 00:15:11,984 Lisa and I aren't supposed to have doomsday fights like this 337 00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:13,560 until she's 14. 338 00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:16,563 She always was precocious. (sighs) Oh... 339 00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:19,325 Now all she does is lie around watching TV. 340 00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:22,645 That's stage four: "glowering without showering." 341 00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:25,815 But don't worry, we're almost at stage five: 342 00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:27,333 "reluctant acceptance." 343 00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:28,501 You'll have your daughter back, 344 00:15:28,503 --> 00:15:32,004 and I won't have to keep making up stages. 345 00:15:32,006 --> 00:15:34,265 Hey, Mom, I wanted to say... 346 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,768 you worked so hard to make our charity 347 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,494 a successful organization. 348 00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:40,513 And then I came in criticizing it 349 00:15:40,515 --> 00:15:43,590 and making you feel bad. I'm sorry. 350 00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,668 Oh, sweetie. 351 00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,094 Mm, mm. 352 00:15:47,096 --> 00:15:48,780 So, I'll see you at the grand opening 353 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:53,009 of the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation Headquarters tonight? 354 00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:55,011 Of course. 355 00:15:55,013 --> 00:15:57,013 I'm proud of you, honey. 356 00:15:57,015 --> 00:15:58,864 You're now ready for stage six: 357 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:01,200 buy podcasting equipment 358 00:16:01,202 --> 00:16:03,962 but never unbox it. 359 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,965 And we successfully sued Pabst Blue Ribbon 360 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,633 for using our trademark symbol. 361 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,453 From now on, they'll be known as Pabst Teal Fabric Bow. 362 00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:15,306 Our awareness is at an all-time high. 363 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,459 That's great. I guess now we can put our efforts 364 00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:20,728 into helping people on the streets. 365 00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:26,225 As the wife of a surgeon, I'm all about helping people, 366 00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:28,987 but we're a mega-successful nonprofit, 367 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,563 not some charity. 368 00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:33,232 As the wife of a radiologist, I agree. 369 00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,493 But what about all the big donations... 370 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,496 I mean deductions we got from companies 371 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,165 for letting them put our logo on their products? 372 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,909 Marge, we didn't get money for that. 373 00:16:43,911 --> 00:16:46,487 The companies paid us in awareness. 374 00:16:46,489 --> 00:16:49,340 But when do we start helping people? 375 00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:52,593 My wife's a dermatologist. 376 00:17:03,248 --> 00:17:05,973 Oh, God, Lisa was right. 377 00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:08,359 We have been bluewashing. 378 00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:13,531 I don't deserve to walk on the blue carpet. 379 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,366 Take me around back. 380 00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:20,279 Mm, all this opulence is making me queasy. 381 00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:23,374 Oh, Lisa, queasiness is just hunger in disguise, 382 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,451 like how a hangover means you should drink more. 383 00:17:25,453 --> 00:17:28,862 Okay, boy, what's your intel on the passed app situation? 384 00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:30,439 We got mini quiches on our six 385 00:17:30,441 --> 00:17:32,216 and ahi tuna cones at ten and two. 386 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,369 Fan out, and don't fall for the bruschetta. 387 00:17:35,371 --> 00:17:37,296 It's a trap to fill you up. 388 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,224 It's an honor to be your chicken wing man. 389 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,268 ♪ 390 00:17:49,627 --> 00:17:50,459 (groans softly) 391 00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:53,462 Gil? What are you doing here? 392 00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:56,299 I thought our blue bag turned your life around. 393 00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:58,651 Ah, well, it did, for a bit, but then they demolished 394 00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:01,895 the low-income housing I was living in to build that. 395 00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:04,156 Now ol' Gil is homeless. 396 00:18:04,158 --> 00:18:05,825 You mean unhoused? 397 00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,993 I'm living in a tent on a sidewalk 398 00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:09,921 and people yell at me for it every day. 399 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,647 I can call it whatever I want. 400 00:18:11,649 --> 00:18:14,467 (grunts) 401 00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:18,245 (orchestra playing classical music) 402 00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:19,822 -(strings scratch) -(music stops) 403 00:18:19,824 --> 00:18:24,602 And here's the CEO of the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation, 404 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,162 Marge Simpson. 405 00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,013 (cheering) 406 00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:30,666 I would like to thank all of you for coming. 407 00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:34,112 Actually, I would like to judge all of you for coming. 408 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,596 -Huh? -(overlapping chatter) 409 00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:39,175 This charity was supposed to help the homeless. 410 00:18:39,177 --> 00:18:41,010 Instead, we evicted people to build 411 00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:42,769 this extravagant headquarters, 412 00:18:42,771 --> 00:18:45,681 creating more homelessness. 413 00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:46,824 More homeless on the street 414 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,109 will help raise awareness. 415 00:18:49,111 --> 00:18:51,187 I'm done with raising awareness 416 00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:52,463 and with raising money 417 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,358 and with razing low-income housing. 418 00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:58,136 It's time to turn the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation 419 00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,362 over to the one person 420 00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:02,198 who knew how to run it right all along, 421 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,124 Lisa Simpson. 422 00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:06,126 (overlapping chatter) 423 00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:08,387 Lisa Simpson's a real person? 424 00:19:08,389 --> 00:19:12,057 Thanks, Mom. As co-head of this organization, 425 00:19:12,059 --> 00:19:15,211 I'm turning this building into a shelter 426 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,229 -for the unhoused. -(crowd gasping) 427 00:19:17,231 --> 00:19:18,990 Marge, you have to shut this down. 428 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,901 No, I have to open this up. 429 00:19:21,903 --> 00:19:24,053 (overlapping chatter) 430 00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:26,222 (gasps) They don't know which fork to use. 431 00:19:26,224 --> 00:19:28,666 She's wearing a dress I gave away. 432 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:33,229 (blubbers) That's the man I had in my windshield for a night. 433 00:19:33,231 --> 00:19:34,988 Enough of this do-goodery. 434 00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:36,490 Open your eyes, rich people. 435 00:19:36,492 --> 00:19:38,584 We're not here to help the less fortunate, 436 00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:41,328 we're here to bask in our fortunateness. 437 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,163 If we really wanted to make a difference, 438 00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:45,925 we'd do the one thing we've spent our lives avoiding, 439 00:19:45,927 --> 00:19:47,760 paying our taxes. 440 00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:50,079 (laughter) 441 00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:52,765 Then one organization, "the government," 442 00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,917 could tackle all of society's ills, 443 00:19:54,919 --> 00:19:57,436 instead of leaving it to 1.5 million separate 444 00:19:57,438 --> 00:20:01,532 ego-driven micro-bureaucracies called "charities," 445 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,944 including-- get a load of this scam-- religions. 446 00:20:04,946 --> 00:20:07,279 But no one here wants the rational way. 447 00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:10,115 We all want the United Way 448 00:20:10,117 --> 00:20:12,435 because that's the American way. 449 00:20:12,437 --> 00:20:15,287 Now, I paid $10,000 for this table. 450 00:20:15,289 --> 00:20:17,465 I'm taking it with me. 451 00:20:20,869 --> 00:20:24,447 Thank you, Mom. You did something really great tonight. 452 00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:27,391 Now, let's turn this building over to the homeless. 453 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,436 Yes. We just need to get this notarized. 454 00:20:32,957 --> 00:20:34,790 LISA and MARGE: Yee-haw! 455 00:20:35,884 --> 00:20:37,309 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 456 00:20:37,311 --> 00:20:38,978 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 457 00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,629 and TOYOTA. 458 00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:43,449 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 459 00:20:47,472 --> 00:20:49,822 (screams, moans) 460 00:20:49,824 --> 00:20:52,566 (laughs, shudders) 461 00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:55,978 (laughs) Ooh. 462 00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:57,588 -Ow! -(Marge sighs) 463 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:58,998 Mmm. (moans) 464 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,075 (laughs) 465 00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:04,762 (screams) Ow! Oh! 466 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,322 (screams) 467 00:21:06,324 --> 00:21:10,601 -(moans) -(Marge sighs) 468 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:30,454 Shh! 36328

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