Original subtitles

Los Angeles. City of Angels, land of dreams.

This is my town.

Gorgeous girls, golden sunshine

and money.

Lots and lots of money.

The Statue of Liberty may ask for your tired and your hungry,

but on Rodeo Drive,

all we really want is your black card.

Every power player, CEO

and A-lister in the world wants a piece

of the tinsel-covered Hollywood dirt.

And L. A.'s got the estates to make their wet dreams a reality.

From blue ocean to elite hills,

L.A.'s got it all.

So, who am I?

Well, when Moroccan monarchs, Tokyo tycoons

and Wall Street raiders waltz into town,

I'm the man who makes it happen.

Woodman. Jack Woodman.

Welcome to your new home.

My God, this place is gorgeous.

Mr. Payman. Mwah, mwah.

So, what do we think?

Mmm.

This would go for half the price back in Toledo.

I think it's too much,

which explains why it hasn't been sold yet.

Do not be intimidated by the price.

Now, who wants to go on a little tour?

This house is hotter than the flash in your tie.

Got three offers on it already, my man.

Are they written or verbal?

Scott, we both know talk is cheap.

You are going to lose your dream palace over here

by being penny-wise and dollar-foolish.

Maybe we should place an offer.

Smart.

What's the highest offer?

What do you mean it's selling for 6.5 million?

- What? - We got outbid.

We were almost in escrow, man! I could feel it!

I'm telling you, man, they countered!

No. I can't go any higher. Papa said no more.

We take it back. We can get this.

All right. I'm going to put my paws on the table, okay?

- Yes. Come on. - Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Don't worry about Emily and Scott.

I'll find them an equally expensive property

before you can even say "open house."

God bless their hearts, though.

Their timely counter-offer sure made Payman pay up.

After all, it's not real friends.

It's real estate.

Whether it's Bel Air at $1,000 a foot

or West Hollywood at 10 grand a month,

in this game, you have to be ruthless.

But to be great, we got to play by the exceptions,

not the rules.

That's where I reign supreme.

I am the gray zone master.

I do what's necessary to close the deal.

Ah, the end of 2008.

A lot of people hit rock-bottom this year.

Oh, well. Too bad for them.

Recession? Credit crisis?

Subprime mortgage default?

These words don't exist in the Woodman handbook.

In my world, the party goes on.

Champagne, caviar, naked beauties by the pool.

And everyone wishing they were me.

Jack, employee of the month.

More like employee of the year.

I was 29 years old.

Set for life.

Congrats, Jack.

Don't you know it, Janey.

So I told the guy my name's Aaron Glass.

Don't you know who my dad is?

Nice tits, babe.

Ooh.

Huh.

Skank.

Mind if I join you, boss?

- How you doing? - Warrior Woodman.

Done good, my boy.

Tonight, we celebrate your home run.

Tomorrow,

we can give Aaron another shot.

Look, Ron, the fact that he's your son

means he's got my automatic respect.

But the fact is, he's just not a team player.

Which is cool. Some people like to operate solo.

Not on this.

We both know only you can take this to the next level.

No mistakes this time.

You just make sure you're on top of this.

You got it.

I need you to keep him sharp.

Knock-knock.

We were looking for you.

What are you doing in here?

You and my dad have a nice chat?

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

Once you start taking control of yourself

and getting the hang of this real estate deal,

you are going to make a killing.

Okay?

Your dad and I are just here

to help you put the pieces back together after...

- I know, I know, I know. - Hmm?

After I pissed on the Miami deal,

crashed the Ferrari,

did two stints in rehab.

Uh-huh. But all that's behind you now.

All you got to do is work a little harder, Aaron.

Pretty soon, you'll be company front man.

I sure can't sell, Woodman.

Anderson, do you mind?

Yeah.

See you, Anderson.

I think that means we should be getting back to the party.

I mean, it really is amazing.

Go from an orphan kid,

this drunk daddy, dead mommy,

with just a GED,

to the creme de la creme.

Top shelf.

Bravo, Jack.

Not all of us are born lucky, pal.

The so-called downturn in the real estate industry

has become an all-out earthquake on the financial front...

The concierge let us in.

Compliments of REG.

Take it easy, ladies.

Isn't it a weeknight?

Tomorrow, we rest.

Tonight, we play.

Well...

If you insist.

Oh, we do.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah.

This housing crash is quickly escalating

into a full-on financial crisis.

And I don't think there's going to be a single industry

that is not affected...

Payman, did I not tell you you'd enjoy the new digs, huh?

Who loves you?

Uh. So sorry, Tom.

You and I. Cut everyone out.

Perfect, all right.

Thank you, Janey.

Hey, cheer up, will you?

The moment we close this Chen deal,

we got everything we need to launch Woodman Plaza.

So, what's Woodman Plaza?

Imagine the finest five-star getaways,

Shanghai, Dubai, New York, Vegas,

all wrapped into one.

A new world-class city center.

Infinite stories of entertainment euphoria.

Panoramic views.

Shopping promenades.

Theaters, casino, water parks.

A members-only rooftop terrace.

A pleasure palace,

where happy endings

are always guaranteed.

This is my future. My empire.

Jack?

Jack!

You're daydreaming again.

My favorite pastime.

Now, did we hear back from that offer we made?

Didn't want to rain on your parade,

but we got outbid.

Outbid?

Son of a bitch.

Can't win them all, boss.

I just needed to win that one.

That would have been a dream lot for my baby.

Something bigger and brighter is just around the corner.

- You'll see. - You think it's karma?

Well, speaking of karma, Chen's people emailed.

The money's wired, and he's ready to close.

I guess that means you should start picking out

your next vacation spot.

Oh, uh, don't forget,

Aaron's speech is on in five minutes

and rumor has it he's got a magic strategy

that's going to flip this downturn on its head.

Ooh.

Foreclosures.

Repossessed properties.

The worst economic time since the Great Depression.

Bad news for some.

Great news for us.

Now, our longtime friends at the bank

have given us privileged access

to the best upside-down properties out there.

Here we have an unfinished 10-story luxury condo building,

worth 200 million.

Ready to nab for 60.

This can be built for less than 140 million,

but it's all yours for 60.

Last but certainly not least,

my personal favorite,

a shabby rent-controlled rat hole in downtown.

Or as I like to refer to it as,

the "serendipitous slum."

Now don't be fooled by appearances.

This may be the most valuable one of them all.

We can turn this gangbanger haven...

...into a world-class city center.

Hotels, restaurants, multiplexes.

So, while everyone else is declaring bankruptcy,

let's put some coin in that piggy bank,

and cement REG

as the world's premier property agency.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Jeff, Alex, this is Jack Woodman.

- Nice to meet you. - Pleasure.

He and Aaron are the stars of the show around here.

How's the deal going with the Shanghai group?

Just wrapping up.

I enjoyed the presentation, by the way.

Very theatrical.

Gentlemen.

And?

What are your thoughts on the meeting?

Jack Woodman.

Hey, Jane, I think I hear a pot of coffee boiling.

You have been doing your homework.

Listen, I just stopped by

to say cheers on the Chinese deal.

And I hear the chump didn't even have to check his fortune cookie

before transferring the dough.

Congratulations.

Still into that derogatory humor, aren't you?

But your sources are accurate.

Another one bites the dust.

Cheers.

Thanks for stopping by, Aaron.

You forgot this.

You know, if you play nice,

I may just let you in on a few of these bargains.

What's up, dogs?

Mr. Mousian.

It's Jack Woodman.

We spoke on the phone?

Your company already made me an offer.

And I'm here to make you a better one, my friend.

REG wants to buy you off cheap.

Throw you out on the street,

flip this place for a fortune.

I'll at least find a way to pull out

some long-term equity for you, buddy.

All you sharks are alike.

That's who swims best in rough waters, my man.

Yeah, they do.

Please, you can call me Moussy.

Hey, get up, man. Your fucking mother is gonna to come.

Hey, senora. Renta, por favor.

Go, go.

Nice ass, huh?

I thought so, too. I thought so, too.

Hey!

This place is worse than a fucking Turkish prison.

Why you want it?

Look, Moussy, you've clearly earned yourself

a well-deserved retirement in, uh...

Glendale, right?

No, I prefer Pasadena.

Perfect. With the crash, Pasadena's going at $500 a foot.

Look, the point is that your new home

is wrapped up in the sale of this dump.

What about all the people that call this place home?

You can't change their fates, okay?

They chose their paths.

But you and I can do something about ours right now.

How much is that?

Enough for a down payment on the Pasadena palace.

This here says that you're pulling out of the deal with REG.

Once this place is in my hands, it'll be resurrected

into the hotel of the millennium.

And guess who's going to get himself

some preferred stock shares.

You, Moussy.

All you got to do

is sign right here,

and we go home winners, my man.

You know, where we come from, we shake before we sign.

Tommy boy, you busy?

I got something big.

Tommy boy.

Jack!

The king has returned.

I'm back, baby.

Look at you.

- Oh, you been working out? - A little bit.

- Jesus. - All for you. You like that, huh?

I hear you hired a maid.

Yeah. You can tell, right?

- A little bit. - Oh!

- God, that thing is flatter than my ex. - Oh!

Ouch.

So how come you only see me when you need something, Jack?

- You know I call when I can. - Jack, you're so charming.

If I didn't just blow my wad on the finest midget porn

that the Internet has to offer, I'd be swooning.

- Yeah. Ooh. - Seriously. I know, right?

Well, before we get all hot and bothered, my man,

I need to ask you for a little favor.

Here we go.

The MLS.

Seriously?

- Yeah. - Not again, dude.

I need you to wipe out a listing for me.

You fricking real estate agents,

always try sneaking in the back door, don't you?

Come on, baby. Show me some love.

- All right, man. - All right.

I'll do it, but I'm going to need to double-check the cheese this time.

Some fuck face decided to pay me in Monopoly bills the other day.

- Ooh. - Yeah.

Jeez, feels genuine to me.

That's 'cause you don't know any better.

But I'm ready to make some magic happen.

So what do you say?

Are you ready to get this party started?

- Absolutely. - Like rock stars, baby.

- Janey. - Jack.

- What? - We have a problem.

Okay, I'm coming.

Everyone's going crazy.

They're in your office, Jack.

And Chen's coming from Shanghai.

It's not true, is it?

- Ron, why... - You got something to tell me?

What are we talking about, Ron?

We're talking about how the Chen's wire transfer

ended up in your bank account.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now, we both know that the Chen deal was coming in today.

The money did come in.

It just didn't come to my doorstep.

Is this some sort of a joke?

Does it look like I'm smiling?

The funds were being sent right here, Ron.

Look, let me just make a few phone calls,

and I'll clear this right up, all right?

Chen's here.

Your money is safe, sir. I can assure you that.

Mr. Chen is positive his assistant sent funds as directed.

- Where is Mr. Chen's money? - Simple misunderstanding.

Somebody must have sent it to the wrong account...

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

this is just one simple miscommunication.

We did no wrong. The deal is off.

We want our money back,

or we are taking legal action.

Fellas, fellas, this is one big miscommunication.

- What now, Jack? - Ron,

how long have you known me, huh?

Never once have I made a misstep.

This is just some huge misunderstanding.

I have no idea what this is right now.

Well, maybe you have an idea about what this is.

This document links Mr. Woodman

to the serendipitous slum project that's in our portfolio.

Oh, this is bullshit, Ron. This is bullshit.

- Don't listen to a word he's saying, Ron. - Jack snuck in

and he bought the property for himself.

- Ron, he is manipulating you. - Do you know

- what fiduciary responsibility is, Jack? - He is manipulating you.

This is fabricated information.

You used inside company info

to cheat us out of a property that I found.

What were you going to do? Flip it?

Pocket all that cash?

Perhaps put it towards that little hotel pipe dream?

Hmm?

You see, Dad?

He's been working for himself all along,

- just like I told you. - Ron, look at me.

Ron, under our contract, I'm allowed to do my own deals.

Security, have Mr. Woodman's desk cleared

and please escort him out.

I treated you like a son.

I gave you permission to screw everybody.

Everybody but me.

I always wanted a room with a view.

You clever little rat.

You got my bank details,

forwarded Chen's cash there.

Dangling the little slum building yesterday.

Your presentation.

You set me up.

All I did was bait the trap.

You didn't have to grab the cheese.

What's up, man? How you been?

All right, good to see you.

Wood?

Why are the lights off? It's the middle of the day.

- What is it, Billy? - We got to look at the radiator

and make sure there's still hot water running through it.

Tomorrow, man. We'll do that tomorrow.

I already collected most of the rent checks,

except 403.

They won't open up.

403 isn't paying rent, huh?

You know that the only reason

that I let you and your grandma

stay here for half-price...

Mmm.

You're supposed to take care of the dirty work for me.

- Remember? - Yeah.

You only come to me with the big stuff.

I will. Everyone's...

- Oh! Oh, man! - Hey, turn that off.

- Oh, God. - Come on, man!

Wait, 403 isn't the one with...

Yeah. That's the one.

Maybe they're not home.

This is Mr. Cabron.

I'm sorry to interrupt whatever's going on here.

But I just wanted to remind you

that today is a very special day,

because it's the first.

Everyone knows that the first is...

Rent day.

I can take it in installments,

if that works better for you.

Open up!

You're late on last month's rent.

It's real simple.

If nobody pays rent,

the banks come in,

check on all the debts.

And then your ass goes back to the slammer, homey.

Comprende?

Yeah, don't move, all right?

And don't be calling me homey, either, ese.

That's a privilege.

Where'd you learn that word?

Tell you what.

That's to cover a little bit of the rent for now.

But check this out.

Any of the people here in this apartment complex

give you a problem, come see me.

Me and the homeys, we'll take care of it, all right?

Just consider me, uh, security.

Cool? You guys have a nice day.

Yo, that was sick, Wood.

Hope you're taking notes, kid.

So are you coming to dinner tonight?

- No, man. I don't want... - Come on, man.

Granny's making her special.

Grandma.

Not yet. First we have to say grace.

Why don't you do us the honor, Wood?

I haven't said grace in a long time, Billy.

Ah, I did it the last time.

All right, let's do it.

Dear Lord,

please bless this egg and cheese sandwich.

And the hash brown, of course.

We can't forget the coleslaw.

And thank you for good company this evening.

Amen.

Amen.

Sad news from the real estate market.

Real Estate Global's longtime CEO, Ron Glass,

suffered a heart attack and passed away.

Glass is survived by his ex-wife,

and only son, Aaron,

who made this statement today.

My father's legacy will live on.

I'll make sure that REG doesn't miss a beat.

And, uh, that's the way Dad always wanted it.

This isn't the first piece of headline news

to come out of REG.

Just last year, ex-super-agent, Jack Woodman

was fired after being caught up in a scandal.

He avoided prison time,

only to be taken to the cleaner in a civil suit

with his former company, that...

Hey!

Come on!

All right, all right, I'll fix the pipes already.

- Next week. - Mmm-hmm.

You better.

Billy, wait here.

- But I thought I was gonna... - Stay.

- Mr. Woodman? - Who's asking?

We're from UTC, United Trust Bank.

Bankers. I know who you guys are.

- That's a lien. - We want our money, Woodman.

Have a nice day.

Don't make us come back.

Who are those guys?

Self-serving pricks.

What's a line, Wood?

It's pronounced "lien".

Watch the fort.

I got to take care of something.

Where were you when I was in school? Jesus...

Tommy boy.

Fuck off, Jack.

Still banging with those midgets?

You look like shit.

It's good to see you, too, buddy. I missed you.

I've heard some stories, man.

You're blacklisted, bro.

I've actually just been on vacation.

Where at? Afghanistan?

Look, Tommy boy, as much as I love catching up,

I, uh...

I actually stopped by to ask you for a little something.

What now, man?

Hot watch properties.

I know you got some.

Decent equity. Small mortgage.

Some value left in them.

You know, I can still work that angle,

even with the old license rev...

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.

Look, we both know that half the shit I do is illegal, okay, man?

The law doesn't scare me as much as the fucking REG, man.

Aaron would kill me, bro.

He would never find out.

- Bullshit. - If this is about money,

you know I'm good for it.

Huh? Remember? Remember?

I remember, Jack.

Throw me a bone.

Anything?

Whatever you got.

Just...

I get it. I get it.

Fucking damn it.

Jack.

Payman. Buddy.

Remember me? It's Jack.

Hello?

Yeah, Scott, Scott, Scott. How's Emily?

How'd you get my number?

Yeah, you guys still looking around?

- You're kidding, right? - Oh, you're not.

- You ever find that house? - Yeah, we bought two, asshole.

- Oh, you did! - Yeah.

- Oh, fantastic. - Fuck you.

Yeah, hello. This is Jack Woodman.

I actually got word that you have a property

that you're possibly interested in liquidating.

And it's your lucky day,

because if anybody knows how to flip a property in this town...

...it's Jack Woodman.

I'll hold. That's right.

The Jack Woodman. Thank you.

Hey, check this one out, Wood.

You like fast cars, huh?

Beats the bus.

My dad used to tell me,

you want to get somewhere in life,

you got to have the right wheels.

Where is he now?

Sorry. Shouldn't have asked.

My granny said he went on a trip.

I waited for him to come back.

And?

I guess he got a one-way ticket.

Anyway, Granny's all I got.

What about your folks?

Well, believe it or not, I grew up in a place

not too different than this.

- Really? - Well, not this shitty.

But, uh, you get the point.

Mom died when I was four.

So it was just Dad and me.

He was the "work late, drink later" type.

You know, yell, hit, pass out.

Think Homer Simpson without the comedy.

What happened to him?

So he's in the hospital with liver failure

by the time I get my GED.

So I get the damn diploma finally,

and I say, "Yes, I did it!" Fricking ecstatic.

So I go over to the hospital.

I say, "Look, Dad. Look what I did.

"I'm a man now."

And you know what he says to me?

What?

"Take that and wipe your ass with it.

"Only two things count in this world,

"cash and cojones."

And that was the last thing he ever said to me before he died.

Imagine how cool the dude who drives this baby feels.

Oh, I know the feeling.

Trust me, I do.

Hey, Wood. Where do you like it better?

Here, or where you used to live?

Do you have to ask?

I know this ain't Beverly Hills,

but to me, it's home.

All right, kid. It's bedtime.

Hey, Billy.

Thanks for stopping by.

Good night, Woodman.

- Jack. - What is it, Billy?

It's Mrs. Kinda. Her place is flooding.

Just tell Mrs. Kinda I'll be around friggin' later, man.

Come on, man. She needs you now.

Oh!

- Oh! - I'll go get some towels.

And some air freshener.

Do you want to give it a try?

Oh! It's going down!

It's going down the toilet! Good job!

Good job! That's it!

- That's it! - Jack.

Billy, put those towels on the ground,

spray some frigging air freshener in here.

Someone's in your office.

- Who is it? - It's a she.

It doesn't look like she's from around these parts.

Okay, spray some air freshener on me.

Come on, a little more.

Can I help you?

Mr. Woodman.

Oh, you must be lost.

Beverly Hills is west of here.

Are any of these chairs safe to sit in?

Where are my manners?

So, Mrs...

- Hunter. - Mrs. Hunter.

But you can call me Lana.

Something tells me you're not here for a unit.

- So you're the landlord. - Something like that.

One day you're king of the world,

and the next, you're in the gutter.

Excuse me, who'd you say you were?

Tragic...

To have tasted the good life and now be in this position.

How in the hell would you know

anything about what I've tasted?

Jack Woodman, recruited by REG at 23.

No college, no family, no connections.

Just a natural salesman.

Then you got greedy.

You had to be a real estate developer.

Engrave your name in lights.

Pride comes before the fall.

Listen, you clearly think you can just march in here

with your little Hugo outfit, your Prada shoes,

your exposed cleavage and just walk all over me.

Oh, I don't think so.

Now...

Who are you,

and what the hell are you doing here?

We received your phone call.

And now I'm here with an offer.

Who's "we"?

My husband is Frank Hunter.

We have a Malibu villa for sale.

It's got everything your average billionaire

could ever ask for.

Infinity pool, wine cellar,

helipad, spa, gym,

3D televisions,

even a pizza oven.

It's a $20 million home,

and we're ready to let it go for 12.

We need somebody who has connections to big bucks,

can get the job done fast,

and keep his mouth shut.

When I made those phone calls, I was looking for a job

where I could go completely unnoticed.

We can work around your situation.

You'll be generously rewarded.

Too high risk, lady.

You sell this place today

or you'll be left with nothing.

After you pay off your debts,

not to mention the banks.

You need this commission.

I need it like I need a finger up my ass.

Is that an invitation?

They said you would never give or take no for an answer.

Pity I couldn't have met the man you used to be.

He was an asshole.

Then nothing's changed.

What was that about?

Nothing. Just helping her find her way back to some high-end spa.

What was she doing hanging around with the garbage over here?

There's garbage over there, too, kid.

Yeah, but that garbage can pay the bills.

Oh, yeah, um,

Mrs. Kinda's toilet needs another plunge.

Shit everywhere.

- Billy. - What?

I need you to get my suit dry-cleaned.

Yeah, it's Mr. Woodman here for Mr. Hunter.

He's expecting you.

Sir, Mr. Woodman is here.

Jason, you can go.

Ah, the infamous Mr. Woodman, huh?

Strong like bull.

Infamous Jack will do.

So, uh, I assume that you know why we're meeting here today.

Yeah, your wife filled me in.

And what do you think?

To be honest, I've been out of the game for a little while.

No, about my wife.

What do you think about my wife?

She's a stunning woman, isn't she?

L.A. is full of them.

Well, I hear you've fallen on hard times.

We all have a little dirt on us.

What kind of stains you got?

Oil.

You know, you and I are not that different.

When you were selling real estate up on Mulholland,

I was building pipeline to the future.

12,000 miles of steel, from the Black Sea to the Med.

Turned water into wine, dirt into gold.

That was then.

Now I'm just a man looking to make one last deal.

Can you turn this into gold?

Like I told your wife, they took my license away.

You're not going to need a license.

George Cinque.

King and emperor.

It's now your new identity.

You're an international realtor working privately

and exclusively for me.

Get in the market and sell this property discreetly

to private individuals who have the correct means,

cash.

You close this deal in 30 days, I give you 10%.

That works out to $1.2 million.

Cash deals are tough.

I'm going to need 15.

You live up to your reputation.

In order for this to work, Mr. Hunter,

we're going to have to approach this as a pocket listing.

Go on.

A pocket listing is every realtor's dream.

It's the Houdini of all real estate deals.

It's where only the buyer, the seller and the agent

know the deal ever even happened.

We'll hit big-time players,

sell, collect,

divide accordingly, walk away.

It's there, and then it's gone.

Pocket listing.

Get yourself some proper clothes.

You're going to need to look and act the part...

Mr. Cinque.

I knew you couldn't resist.

Too hot to turn down.

Are we still talking about the house?

I'll show you out.

Who are you, and what have you done with Wood?

This is what I used to look like.

I looked up the word "lien."

- And? - Looks like you're screwed.

Which is why I'm going to be hanging out

in the hot spots for a while till I close a deal

and get us out of this jam.

Who's gonna watch the place?

That's where you come in, my friend.

I'm going to need someone to run things

around here in my absence.

Think you're up for it?

Cut a few bucks off of Granny's rent?

You drive a tough bargain.

I had a good teacher.

That you did.

Fair enough.

See you soon, kid.

You're not going to forget about this place, are you?

Buddy, I've been trying to forget about this place

since I first moved here.

But so far it hasn't worked.

Hey, Walter, you want to get your dick wet,

- look at these two sluts. - REG. How may I direct your call?

- Janey. - Jack?

Pow. Pow.

Christmas bonus, bitches.

What are you doing calling me here?

Good news.

Pack those bags. I got a little surprise for you.

I am so sorry, Jack.

- Let's not talk about all... - No, I am so stupid.

I tried telling Ron I found out Aaron went into my computer

the night before the Chen deal...

But they advised me to drop it.

And then Ron got sick and Aaron took over.

I was due for a promotion.

And?

Still getting coffee.

So Aaron is top dog now, huh?

He brought UTB into company stock.

They're sweeping everything from Venice to Valencia.

He's a monster.

How would you like to sneak under the snake's door?

Just wanted to remind you of your 3:00 meeting.

Well, thanks for making yourself useful.

What are you talking about?

I'm working on something new.

Janey, what's up?

Fingers crossed.

Nice swing.

I heard about your little tete-a-tete with Lana.

Just small talk at its smallest, Mr. Hunter.

With age comes wisdom.

You're very slick,

but you got a long road ahead of you.

I sent my wife to lure you in,

because I knew that you, like me,

would succumb to temptation.

We both lust for the finer things.

But let's get one thing straight.

You talk when I tell you to talk.

Well, what do you think?

I got you the helipad.

Mr. Woodman, you're a man of your word.

I'll have my people get back to you.

Thank you very much. Appreciate your time.

What do you think?

It's nice, but too small.

I think we can cut a deal here.

Let me show you the wine cellar.

How was the first day?

We need to make some changes around here.

Like what?

This needs to be a pristine, celestial setting, Mr. Hunter.

I don't want any of your people roaming around.

Especially that Jason weasel.

His presence attracts.

And if you want to use him as your little spy,

then let's get one thing straight.

I'm here for business.

Otherwise, just sell it yourself.

I used to have Doberman Pinschers.

But they couldn't stop clawing each other.

So I put one of them down.

Do you know what I did to the other one?

I had him neutered.

Keep working.

- I am not your toy, Frank! - Oh, shut up.

Ow! How dare you hit me.

You shut up and do what I say.

You do as you're told, woman.

Don't worry.

This won't smudge your mascara.

I'm biding my time.

Aren't we all?

You're a very seductive man,

aren't you, Mr. Woodman?

Seduction is the art of selling something

the other party isn't even sure they want.

No.

Seduction is manipulation

disguised as romance.

You'd better get that.

- Janey... Huh-uh. - Good news, Jack.

- I've got a whale lined up for tomorrow. - Perfect.

New client?

A few scheduled second visits.

It's been a long day.

You should go home.

Thank you for all your help today.

Oh, believe it or not, this isn't the first time

it's happened on a job.

You won't read about situations like this in the real estate manual.

Your hotel room, tonight.

I'll show you what they don't teach you in the manual.

What the fuck, man?

Oh!

Little suit guy, you want some more? Huh?

No more. No money.

No money. No money. No money.

No money.

We need to talk.

I am Victor, and this is Oleg.

Cinque.

Cinque. You French?

Why not.

We are interested in your relationship with Mr. Hunter.

- Mr. Hunter? - Mmm-hmm.

I'm his realtor.

What is "realtor"?

I'm selling his beach house.

Oh, so that's why you've been hanging out there so much, huh?

You guys are quick, huh?

How long till it's sold?

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never.

What's it to you?

Hunter is an old friend of ours,

but he seems to have forgotten about us.

Aw, heartbreaking.

In any case, Hunter owes us.

You got one day to sell the house.

One day? Listen, my friend,

over here, houses don't sell in one day.

Fine. Seven days sounds fair.

What do you think, Oleg?

Don't tell Hunter nothing, hmm?

Sell fast, wise-ass.

My turn to play nurse.

I see you've met my husband's former business acquaintances.

Who were those guys?

Old partners of Frank's.

From another lifetime.

And in that lifetime,

did he maybe owe them something?

There's a reason why Frank wanted you.

You don't exist.

Oh, how flattering.

He knew that nobody could track the deal and he could make a clean getaway.

- From what? - Every cheap hoodlum in Eastern Europe.

Frank stole from his clients,

from his Mafia partners and everyone in between.

Now the people he screwed over are looking to screw him.

The house is all we have left.

Oh, man.

Of all the slum joints in all the world,

you had to walk into mine.

I quit. Find a new patsy.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

And what are you going to do?

Go back to your stupid little life

in that crusty hellhole?

Believe it or not, the ghetto's starting to look

pretty fucking good right now.

- Oh! - You'll never get another shot in this town again.

You can't even sell a house under your real name.

Come on, Janey. Where are you?

Come on.

Quit pacing.

It doesn't suit you.

I got some good news.

A potential prospect is coming in today.

Who is it?

Sworn to secrecy.

Oh.

I hope you're making the right moves.

I know this game, Mr. Hunter.

Well, one wrong move...

...could be deadly.

Could be him right now.

Welcome, welcome.

Well, well.

Woodman lives.

Aren't you going to invite me in?

Whoo! Nice place, Woodman.

Or do you go by Cinque now?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Sure you do.

So my clients say some Euro trash

is peddling a Malibu estate.

And so I think,

who's leaking my Rolodex?

So I do some sniffing around,

and I find a rat in my midst.

A sneaky little coffee girl.

Where is she?

She's, uh, on a flight back to Iowa,

or whatever flyover Bugtussle town she comes from.

So I hear you're trying to set up an all-cash deal.

You still think you got what it takes?

You forget who showed you the way.

Now that I can't deny.

And with the right suit and the right property,

you can close.

So I'm going to let you.

Trying to make amends?

Oh, Jack,

still holding on to old grudges?

How is it my fault that you got sloppy?

- Sloppy? - Yes.

Hell, yes.

You had dumb Jane handle all the financial transfers.

If you're going to break the rules,

you always do it alone.

No witnesses.

Oh, you taught me that.

You're right.

I was a hell of a guy.

So since we're rekindling this spark,

how about I throw you a bone after this deal is done.

- What deal? - The deal you're going

to close for me with this house.

Even though you're operating under an alias,

I still know who you are, Jack.

All of your old friends at REG also remember you.

We have a laugh at your expense every so often.

By the way, how'd you like those suits I sent by the other day?

And only you, Jack,

would leave a little hood rat, crack baby in charge.

Let's keep this between us, shall we?

Yes.

Let's. You wrap the deal.

I take the credit, plus the lion's share.

And once the money is split up between me and the owner,

I'll throw you a little piece for old time's sake.

Oh. Let me digest that.

Well, it's either that or I call the DA

and I report your little Janey for corporate espionage.

Grand theft.

You've outdone yourself, Aaron.

These damn pocket listings, huh?

Just keep getting you in trouble every time.

I was sorry to hear about your father.

He was a good man.

I doubt he's looking down on you and smiling.

Oh, Jack.

My dad wanted to play hero.

But me, I'm a realist.

- I know who you are. - Yeah?

Who's that? Hmm?

You're a nobody.

Bottom-feeder.

You came from nothing,

and you will wind up with nothing.

Oh, all you can do is make people believe

you're someone you're not.

So I'm going to let you do that.

And then I'm going to send you back

to that filthy slum rat hole

where you belong.

Ooh.

Just like old times.

I'm thrilled to be working together again.

Is that the new client?

Yup.

What'd he say?

He said he'd think about it.

I may not be a bullshit broker,

but I know a few things about business.

Back where I make deals,

when things go sour, they get ugly in a hurry.

I'm talking about fingernails getting pulled out.

Needles in your eyes.

Nut sack and grinder.

I don't want that.

Do you?

You should run.

I got people depending on me to put a roof over their heads.

So, not so bad after all?

Good, bad, don't make a difference.

I don't deliver, we're both screwed.

He has money.

What?

Frank. He has cash.

Enough to solve both our problems immediately.

He keeps it locked in a safe

and nobody knows the combination

except...

Have you ever been to Marbella?

Barcelona, yes. Marbella, no.

I was there years ago.

Crystal-clear blue ocean,

untouched white beaches.

I always said that I would go back there one day,

- put my old life behind me. - Really?

Where do Frank and his business partners

fit into this whole mess?

I gave up everything to marry Frank.

My life, my career.

Turned your back on modeling?

Petroleum engineering.

I was Frank's partner.

Before we knew it, the crash happened

and we lost hundreds of millions in less than 24 hours.

That must have been a lousy day.

So, you see, we're not that different.

We both know what it's like to have everything

and lose it all in an instant.

This is our chance.

Our chance at what, huh?

Grand larceny?

Safe cracking?

Getting our lives back.

We could go fifty-fifty.

Partners in crime.

Maybe in love.

How much does he have in the vault?

More than enough.

I'll slip some sleeping pills in his drink

before you come over.

Lana?

We'll do it tomorrow.

I thought we could have dinner together tonight,

talk about tomorrow.

What's tomorrow?

I mean beyond tomorrow, when the house sells.

Sure, whatever you'd like.

Are you sure he's asleep?

Oh, Jesus, Jesus!

You think you're smart?

Stupid!

Now you're just another body

that I have to bury in the vineyard.

What do you think that'll do for the price of the place?

How much did you put in his drink?

Not enough, apparently. Prick.

You said you were just going to knock him out.

Did you poison him?

Don't be so naive.

Oh! We are so fucked!

He was going to kill us both.

All we have to do is clean this up.

Just say he went on a business trip and never returned.

Oh, really? And how do we do that, huh?

Do I throw him over a cliff?

Bury him in the desert?

He always wanted to be cremated.

Doesn't look like it's working.

If it doesn't work, bury him.

Wipe that look off your face.

Did you really think he was going to let you live?

You were a dead man as soon as that job was done.

How much does he have?

Not as much as I'd hoped

but enough to get us going.

We can leave tomorrow afternoon.

This money won't solve any problems.

It won't even last you six months.

You run from the mob, you're running forever.

What do you suggest?

From now on, you stay at the motel.

Why?

Because this house is going off the market.

It's a good buy. Think about it.

I'll slice a few bucks off for you.

- My pleasure. - All right.

Thank you.

Let me get that for you.

Hmm.

You can't be here.

You don't write, you don't call.

Well, the good news is, we're nearing escrow, comrades.

Oh!

Tired of waiting for return on investment.

We're going to collect half up front.

Half what?

That's between us and the old man.

What time he going to be home?

Uh, tough luck. He just went out of town.

- Oh. Out of town? - Yeah.

Why, where, and when for?

I'm his realtor,

not his travel agent.

First principle of finance, real estate douche bag...

Time value of money.

Now, when's Hunter coming back?

Maybe two, three days.

The second he is back, you call us.

We come over for an unexpected visit,

everyone goes home happy.

Well, not everyone.

Get the gist?

Oleg, we're going to be late for that surfing lesson.

Let's go look at some big boobs, man.

Phew.

Oh, fuck. Who's that?

Cinque.

I'm going to call you Mr. Stink instead of Mr. Cinque.

More fitting.

You find our buyer?

Not exactly.

Ah.

You know, I actually thought you could make a comeback.

I guess I didn't let you try, huh?

In any case, I got a sheik.

A sheik?

Yeah, some big-money Arab looking for a beach house.

Going to bring him by tomorrow, take over the deal.

If I were you I'd, uh... I'd pack up

and head back to South Central.

You didn't let me finish my sentence.

I closed the deal yesterday.

It's done.

Big-time player, very hush-hush.

Is he a local?

Oh, you'll know tomorrow.

Be at the house by noon,

if you want a piece of the action, that is.

Wait, if I want a piece of the action?

This is my deal, fuck face.

Then come and close it, big boy.

Becoming a man of God, are we, Billy?

I was sending a message to Granny.

Oh.

When?

Monday.

Well, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, kid,

but you should be awfully proud of yourself.

Your grandma lived a long and healthy life,

and you took good care of her, buddy.

Yeah. At least she went

before we got thrown out into the streets.

Look, Billy, worst-case scenario,

you wind up in public housing for a couple of months, okay?

I promise you I'm giving it my...

No, you're not!

You don't care about me or anyone else in this building.

You're still the same self-serving prick you were

the day you bought this place.

All you're trying to do is save your own ass.

You little shit.

- You're lucky that was cold. - Of course it was cold.

It's been sitting there for a month.

And unlike you, I don't intentionally hurt people.

Don't you talk to me about hurt.

This building destroyed my life.

I curse the day I laid eyes

on this godforsaken flea hole.

Sorry, Billy, but this place is a sinking ship.

I'm not going down with it.

I thought our friendship meant something.

I guess I was wrong.

You're no different than my dad, or yours.

It's set up.

Whatever happens...

I'm glad I came looking for you.

Didn't I tell you not to play Dirty Harry with this?

Whoo!

Yo, G, gonna get this fool.

You're early.

I taught you well.

Where's my buyer?

Stuck in traffic. PCH is a bitch.

Make yourself at home.

Introduce me as a property rep.

This way it'll be clear that you're an assistant,

and that I gave you permission to act on my behalf.

Did you hear me...

Jackoff?

- What the hell are you doing? - On hot days like today,

it's always advisable

to remove any sweat-inducing clothes.

This way when the client does show up,

you'll be cool as a cucumber.

Go on.

No, I don't think you're in any position

to be giving instructions.

Did you hear what I said regarding the buyer?

Oh, I did.

But we've just got one last piece

- of unfinished business. - What's that?

Jesus, Jack.

Just a few more trade secrets I want to share with you, Aaron.

God, you hit like a little girl.

Rule number one,

never get the kitchen floor bloody before a showing.

You're a dead man.

Rule number two...

Never, ever kill your connection to the buyer

with a kitchen knife.

You're right.

I'm going to use these.

What's the matter, Woodman? You want more pointers?

Oh!

Rule number three...

Sellers fight fair, closers fight to win.

God!

Hey, hey. Relax, relax.

Wait for Cinque's call.

God!

Woodman!

Oh, I hope we studied the floor plan.

I'm in the master.

Payback time.

You bastard!

I'm coming for you.

Woodman, I'm gonna find you, you piece of shit.

I hope you're saying your prayers,

'cause I'm gonna fucking tear you apart!

Where are you, freak?

Right here.

Woodman!

You son of a bitch!

Woodman!

Woodman, you cocksucker!

You open this door right now!

Well...

Aaron Glass, property rep.

I'm sure Cinque has told you about me.

We work very closely together.

You ready to wrap this deal up?

You mean this deal?

Oh, whoa...

Oh, hey, guys, wait. Who the...

Who the fuck are you?

Where's Hunter? Where the fuck is Woodman?

Cinque! The fucking fraud!

Who the hell Woodman?

All right, let's do this.

Son of a bitch.

Woodman, I'm coming for you!

Woodman!

Aren't you boys on the wrong side of town?

I know, I know.

Smoking isn't recommended on the job.

But fuck them if you can't take a moment to enjoy the show.

Excuse me, gentlemen, you're obviously in the music industry.

You're looking for a new pad?

Whoa, whoa.

Leave me alone! Get... Get off me!

It's Woodman you want!

Take my car! I'm just a realtor!

I've got drugs. I've got drugs. Just get...

Get him down to the floor.

I hope you kept the phone.

I presume this is the contact you were mentioning earlier?

Thought so.

One moment, please.

Woodman! Woodman!

Yeah, this is the property rep

for the Malibu beach estate

which Mr. Aaron Glass was talking to you about earlier.

Yeah, unfortunately Mr. Glass

is on an indefinite leave of absence.

I'm taking over.

Why, yes. An hour sounds fine.

No problem at all. Looking forward to it.

Final tip, want to destroy a competitor,

make sure he never comes back to bury you.

You're gonna pay for this, Woodman. You hear?

Woodman!

In order to sell houses,

you have to make your clients feel immediately at home.

It's what their senses tell them.

- How it looks... - How it smells.

If they can really see themselves in this new life.

You see, I don't just sell houses.

I deal dreams.

Allow me. Why, thank you.

So what do we think?

Yalla it is.

Hello, my name is Mr. Hunter.

- Hello, sir. - Pleasure.

This is my home. My home is your home.

Shall we take a look around?

What's up, my man? How you doing?

Not too bad. I just thought I'd stop by and say hello.

I like that.

It's a pleasure doing business with you, man.

Consider this your permanent residence, my friends.

Free of charge.

Well, it's home sweet home, you know what I mean?

- Thanks, man. - Hey, you know what, man?

Why don't you stick around? You want a beer or something?

No, I've got some other business to tend to, uh...

But I do have one final request.

What's that?

Watch Billy's back for me, would you?

Yeah, sure thing.

Enjoy.

Wood.

Good to see you back here.

Oh, it's Wood now, not "self-serving prick"?

Truce?

So you leaving for good?

Seems so.

Who's going to run the place?

You are.

That's the deed,

and that's your name on it.

- Deed? - Mmm-hmm.

I can't afford this place.

I'm not selling it to you.

I'm giving it to you.

All paid for. No lien, no nothing.

It's all yours.

Mrs. Kinda will help you manage it till you're 18.

By that time, the market would have changed,

and this little place will be worth millions.

- So it's all mine? - You're the boss now, kid.

The one in charge.

It's no good unless you're around.

We can run the joint together, like business partners.

I got my own plans now, kid.

But if I ever need a place to stay...

You got the presidential suite.

- Be good, huh? - I will.

- All right. - Thanks, man.

Well, the Malibu house is finally gone.

And luckily, Moussy was on board

to play the part of Mr. Hunter.

And the sheik was a man of his word. All cash.

Now that the deal is closed, I'm out.

That's right.

Marbella is only a plane ride away.

And who knows? She might even be the one.

Hey, baby.

So I guess you're confused about who I really am.

Nice guy, scumbag,

killer, victim.

All depends on who you're asking.

But in real estate, I'm the one thing that makes it

through good times and bad.

A survivor.

That's right.

A survivor of

extraordinary circumstance.

Nah, just call me Jack.

Jack fucking...

So, what are you thinking? You like?

It's spectacular. Absolutely spectacular.

Can we see the master bedroom?

We're supposed to.

Well, where was I?

Guess she wasn't the one.

Properties and pretty women,

they can always flip.

Thank God that house boy didn't aim any higher.

It was a big risk, but you know what they say.

The only way to win is to play,

and the best way to play is with OPM.

"Other people's money."

- Are you coming? - I'll be right there, dear.

Preferably counterfeit,

like Tommy boy's funny money,

which I just knew I could put to good use one of these days.

I doubt Lana and her new buddy will go far, though.

Fake money, false passport and a missing husband?

Hey, get off her!

You do the math.

Speaking of missing people,

an investigation was launched into Aaron's disappearance,

and revealed that he'd been engaged

in tax evasion, extortion

and possession of virtually every drug in the book.

Don't think he'll be selling any more million-dollar listings.

Can't say he'll be missed, though.

Oh, well.

And don't think I forgot about Janey.

I always had a soft spot for her.

Oh, my, God. Jack.

Any questions?

I think I'll take it.

Great, I'll prepare the forms.

What are your plans in Marbella?

My business partner and I are exploring new options.

Looking good, Billy.

Whoo!

Thanks, Wood!

- Well, Mr. Woodman. - Uh-huh?

Would you like to have a drink with me

to explore some possibilities regarding payment?

Maybe...

Keeping some details

just between us.

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Woodman.

Woodman...

You're going to fucking pay, Woodman.

You're going to pay. Yeah. Woodman...