All language subtitles for Corner Gas - 4x10 - One Piano, Four Hands

He's doin' a jig.

He's doin' a kick-step.
His legs are akimbo.

Your legs can't be akimbo.
They can be askew.

Well, askew's me.

Hey, Lacey. What kinda dance
is this guy doin'?

Is it a kick-step or a jig?

It's called I-broke-my-neck
and-now-I'm-gonna-sue-Lacey

because-Hank-moved-my-sign...
shuffle.

Hey, Hank, your
name's in a dance.

Please, don't move my signs.

It's a jig.
Kick-step.

A jig.
Kick-step.

Whoo! Oww!

Geez, you're right.
Her legs did go akimbo.

* You can tell me that
your dog ran away *

* Then tell me that it
took three days *

* I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say *

* You think there's
not a lot goin' on *

* Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong *

* And that's why you can
stay so long *

* Where there's not a lot
goin' on *

I thought you said you were
going to stop playing piano.

That was 1975.

That thing sounds
like a bag a cats.

Well, granted, it doesn't
have the lilting quality

of your voice, but
nothing's perfect.

Anyway, it just
has to be tuned.

That's your solution
to everything.

Piano tuning's my
solution to everything?

Do you even listen
to yourself anymore?

I can't, with you
playin' that piano.

Why are you
hangin' onto it?

It's a good piano. Brent might
want it someday.

He was really into it
when he was a kid.

Brent, you can either eat
chili cheese dogs

or you can learn to
play the piano.

You can't do both.

Oh, to hell with it.

Maybe I'll take
up knitting.

You're right.

I did give up too easily.

I didn't say anything.

Brent's older now. He might
just give it another go.

Sure, what the heck.

Sign me up.

Who was that?

I just got a new
subscription to TV Guide.

Now what were you
and I talkin' about?

Piano lessons.

Ah, right. I think I'll pass.

Don't feel bad.

You'd be surprised how many
times I've broken a bone

doin' somethin' stupid.

You'd be surprised at
how unsurprised I am.

You can expect to go
through three stages.

I like to call them
the Three A's.

You wanna know what
the first stage is?

Anger, aggravation?
Avoidance.

People are gonna feel weirded
out and uncomfortable

because you're hurt,
so they'll shun you.

No one is gonna shun me.

Hey, I heard about your fall.
Anything I can do?

As a matter of fact, you could
be the first to sign my cast.

Actually, I, uh, I'm just
on my way to a call.

Maybe later.

It hurts, doesn't it?
It hurts to be a freak.

It also hurts to be hit
in the head with a cast.

I can't believe you're too lazy
to take piano lessons.

Really? It seems in line with
the Brent I've come to know.

You think Emma would take me on?

Take you on?

You're goin' down, lady!

The championship
belt is mine!

You don't know enough people to
take me down, Pipsqueak!

Get ready to
feel the pain!

Yeah, that's what I meant.
I mean take me on as a student.

I've always wanted
to learn piano.

Hey, jackass,

your air pump's broken.

What's the problem?

The little bell inside
won't ding.

Well, it-it
still pumps air.

The pump isn't broken,
just the ding is broken.

Without the ding it's nothing,
it's got no personality.

What? Are you kiddin'?
Look at it.

It's got personality
up the wazoo.

You can't even have a wazoo
without having some personality.

Stupid thing.

Well, Dad, if you keep
doin' that, it'll...

Yeah.

I hear you give
piano lessons.

Used to. Why?

You want some?

Is there something
suspicious about that?

Sorry. I had a
bad experience once.

Oh. Well,
I'm a quick study.

I, uh, I come from
a musical family.

Well, how does, um,
$20 a lesson sound?

My grandfather played
in a klezmer band.

25 if you keep talking
about your family.

And then he died.
The end.

Are you givin'
piano lessons?

Why? Are you interested?

Sure. It might be fun.

Do you come from
a musical family?

Uh, no.
Even better.

I'm gonna take piano lessons.

Aw, well, good for you.
I think that's great.

Actually,

I signed up first.

Neat.

What?

Well, nothing.

It's just with him
you sounded enthused,

and with me you sounded
kinda patronizing.

I was actually patronizing
both of you.

Well, all right then.

Holy hell!

Did you know you got a
new air pump out there?

I do?

The air pump fairy musta
come while I was napping.

I wonder if she took the
old pump from under my pillow.

That is to say, yes,
I bought the new pump.

What for? I coulda
fixed the old one.

Well, the new one's better.
It's coin-op.

No one's stupid enough
to pay for air.

Dumber than
payin' for water.

How much for water?
A dollar fifty.

Idiot.

What did I do?

That's nice... John.

And thank you for
not shunning me.

Everyone's being rather
nice, don't you think?

I expected as much.

You've entered the second
stage of your injury.

The stage where I get tired of
hearing about the stages?

No, I-I mean the
second A, attention.

Oh. Well, I like the second A.

Oh, yeah, sure, everyone does.
Just don't get too comfortable.

You see, right now you're
soaring like an eagle.

But sooner or later, the
eagle gets shot in the neck

or hits a power line
and drops to the ground

and everyone just kinda
forgets about the eagle.

Well, couldn't I
just be a puppy?

Oh, you don't want to know
what happens with a puppy.

I'm impressed.

You played some of those
scales without even
looking at the keys.

The what?

Those things you're pressing
with your fingers.

Oh, the buttons.

Knock, knock.

Ready to tickle
those ivories, Emma?

Oh, they're called keys.

Same time next week?

How about tomorrow? May as
well build on the momentum.

All right!

Sounds like
that went well.

Well, I find Davis responds well
to positive reinforcement.

You don't have to play
the black keys, you know?

It's a C-scale.

Well-well, I thought
I'd try a variation,

a diminished
augmented fifth.

I never heard of that.
Really? Pretty standard.

Mozart had them
up the wazoo.

Listen.

Hey. Whoo.

Gets the toes tappin'.

Well...

nice...

first effort.

Oh. That's it?

No momentum?

Oh. Well, I find it important
not to over praise too early.

I don't like this thing.

It's all shiny and chromey,
thinks it's better than me.

Not better,
just different.

Take it back.

All right, I'm sorry
I said that.

I mean take this pump back.

I'll have everything fixed on
the old one before ya know it.

Sorry, Dad.

You gotta move with the times,
you gotta roll with the program,

you gotta get with the punches
and stay on your horses,

in midstream while... help me out,
I'm reaching, here.

Forget it. I don't want Oscar
calling me an idiot again.

I'll see ya later, bonehead.

Much better than idiot. Thanks.

You're charging for air?

I'm not charging,
the machine is charging.

My hands are tied.

Never mind. I'll just find
someplace where the air is free.

Sesame Street?

You'll see. This'll catch on.

You're chargin' for air,
so we formed this mob.

They wanted to
bring torches.

And marshmallows.

I told ya, we're not
bringin' marshmallows.

No marshmallows?

As you can see, emotions
are runnin' a little high.

Change the pump or I can't
guarantee we won't be back

with torches.

And marshmallows.

No, that muddies it.

All right, you can try
fixin' the old pump.

Hah!

Who's punching
your horses now?

Geez, I thought it sounded
bad when I said it.

So when you play piano, you have
to keep your fingers loose,

like bear paws.

You've been going on about
this for half an hour.

See? Bear paws.

Hey, guys.

How's every little thing?
Don't ask him what's new.

You wanna sign my cast?
All right!

Lucky for you there's a
little space near my wrist

with your name on it.

Why would someone else
sign my name?

Oh. Oh, well look,
I was wrong. Sign away.

All right!

Karen, you wanna get in on this?
Space is fillin' up.

I don't have a pen.

You're holding a pen.

Oh. You don't want this one.

Smudge city.

Oh, that's all right.
You can use Davis's.

Oh, I could
have done that.

Stupid me.

Next time.

See? Bear paws.

Nice and relaxed.

Oh. Oh, yeah,
that's the sound.

I gotta admit, the bell does
add a certain something.

Hey, wait a minute.
The dial's busted.

What did you expect? I knocked
her off that wall pretty good.

So you just fixed the bell?

You said you'd fix everything.

I did not.

I'll have everything fixed on
the old one before ya know it.

That's not how it went.

I'll have everything fixed on
the old one before ya know it.

That's almost the same thing.

But I tell it better.

* *

Hey, Wanda. What's shakin'?

Not much.

That's a nice little tune
you're pickin' out there.

I'm impressed, Davis.

Nice work with that
chromatic scale.

I thought they were keys.

He knows chromatic scales?

Well, they just sorta
reveal themselves to me.

Yeah?

I'll show you chromatic scales
that'll make your head spin.

Did you say head spin
or stomach churn?

Just stick to playing
Hot Cross Buns.

Aw, come on!

I think I've got
Hot Cross Buns nailed.

Let's try Three Blind Mice.

It's the same tune.

You just blew my mind.

Glad to have helped.

See you next time.

We could go a little longer.

I've got momentum now,
momentum up the kazoo.

I can't.

Oscar and I have a thing.

What thing?

Well, you know, the thing.
Oh, oh, right, the thing.

What thing?

How's stage three
treatin' ya?

Great. Love stage three.

Came right on time,
just like you said.

I haven't told ya
what it is yet.

Yeah. Well, I was sorta banking
on you not remembering that.

Well, welcome to the third
and final A, abandonment.

You're yesterday's news.

Hey, Lacey.
How are ya?
Oh.

Yeah, the eagle
flies no more.

Hope there's still,
uh, room on there.

Yep. The once mighty bird
lies forgotten,

its carcass bleaching
in the sun.

All right, that is enough
with the dead eagles.

I'm fine.

I've never been happier,
no one is abandoning me.

But if you'd like to be the
first, please, feel free.

Hah.

Oh, yeah.

I thought Lacey would benefit
from my years of experience.

But she doesn't
want my help at all.

I feel so directionless,
so purposeless, so, uh...

Hank-like?

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell ya.
You're an adjective now.

I can't figure out that
air machine without the dial.

Could someone help me?

That's somethin'
Hank would be good at.

You need help?

You need to, uh, benefit
from my years of experience?

I need air in my tires.

I knew that
and I'm here for ya.

Could you be over
there for me?

Sure, sure.

Oh, hey, check this out.

Emma gave me some old
sheet music to look over.

Minuet in G,
Bach Preludes.

Everything I'm playing is still
about buns and ducklings.

Ah, Theme to MASH.

You can play this stuff?

Well, you know how it is.

You just close your eyes
and you can see the music.

Isn't that from
Flash Dance?

Oh, I got that
in there too.

See ya.

Well, this isn't fair.

People keep
encouraging him.

He's hoarding
all the momentum.

Or he's just
good at piano.

No one expects anything of him,

so he gets kudos
just for trying.

Or he's just
good at piano.

If anything,
it's harder for me.

Or he's just good at... do you
even need me here for this?

'Cause I could
really use a nap.

Thanks, Wanda.

That was a sarcastic clap.

The space between the
claps means sarcasm.

Aah.

Anyway, look it,
I wanted to apologize

if I've been a little
pushy lately.

If you don't want to sign
my cast, you don't have to.

Okay.

Why won't you sign my cast?

The truth is, I had a bad
cast signing experience once.

Wow. I didn't know
that was possible.

Back in grade seven.

David Kindersley
broke his leg.

"You'll always have a
leg-up in our hearts"?

That's hyper lame.

Oh, Karen.

There is no such thing as
a wrong cast signature.

You just need to
pick up that pen

and be the best darn
Karen you can be.

You know what?
You're right.

Gimme that pen.

That has to be the most
trite, hackneyed advice

I've ever heard.

You're just angry about
this piano stuff.

Who cares how
Davis is doing?

You just need to sit down
at that piano

and be the best darn Wanda
you can be.

That's makes a lotta sense.

Thanks, Lacey.

What?

"Sorry to see
you're up in arms"?

It's lame, isn't it?
It's hyper lame.

No, it's lovely.

It's hyper lovely.

Oh, crap.

Ow.

* *

You should try
going like this.

You should try
shutting up.

So I've been giving piano
lessons a lot of thought

and I've come
to a decision.

It's probably
all for the best.

The piano's not
for everyone.

We should double
my lessons.

Oh, for the love of...

It's the only way I'm
gonna get any better.

I don't have the time.
I have a full roster as it is.

Davis is your only
other student.

And starting Monday we're
going to five days a week.

Someone has to
nurture his gift.

Gotta love that bell.

It really cuts through
the clutter, don't it?

Clears your head.

And Brent is all worried
about the stupid dial.

He's always been a slave
to the big air companies.

That should do it.

Ah, a few more dings.
Trust me. I'm a professional.

Brent's payin'
ya to do this?

Okay, I'm an enthusiast.

Let's move it along, jackass.
The Flintstones are on.

Better back off on the air.

You think?

Hank blew up my tire,
almost got me killed.

Well, if at first
you don't succeed.

I want you to arrest him.

Gee, Oscar, I don't know
if I can manage that.

I'm too much of a bonehead.

Ah, maybe you're right.

Just pass the message
on to Davis.

Face it, Davis.

You have a gift.

You think?

Ah, I don't know.

You need to quit takin'
lessons from Emma.

Why?

You're better than she is.
She's draggin' ya down.

Time to ditch
the albatross.

What's an albatross?

A bird.

And this bird's
in the ditch?

Okay, how about this?

You need to ditch Ben Kenobi
and find yourself a Yoda.

Ah. I understand completely.

I can't believe
Davis quit.

I know. Where did
that come from?

Anyway, the good news is,
is that it's you and me

and the piano makes three.

Oh, this is great.

This is really gonna
liven up the diner.

Are you sure I can't
offer you some money?

I'm just happy to get
rid of the damn thing.

Sorry? What was that?

I- I said I'm just happy to give
something back to the community.

Well, that's weird,
because it sounded

completely different
the first time.

The usual convention is to
let that kind of thing go.

Up in arms.

What does that even mean?

It's an expression, like
down and out or up the creek,

or Stupid Davis
Jerk Face.

I'm not familiar
with that one.

Hey, Karen, I hope you're
not up in arms today.

Her arm's in a cast.
It's up, okay?

Yeah.

I can't believe this.

It's David Kindersley
all over again.

Who's David Kindersley.

No one, Stupid Davis Jerk Face.

Wow. Funny how you can
go your life without
hearing an expression

and then hear it
twice in one day.

Come on.
You all know the words.

* Hot cross buns

* hot cross buns

* see how they run

* see how they run

Maybe that's
enough for today.

I'll tell you when
I've had enough.

Wow! My own piano!

Yeah.

Oh, Lacey.
I don't know
what to say.

Aww.

Now, if you have any trouble
getting this into your place,

remember, don't
bring it back here.

Hey! Aaah, ah!

No-no, no-no!

Oh, the piano's ruined!
The piano's ruined!

If you are not hurt
from this accident,

you will be when
I'm done with you!

I think I broke my wrist.

Damn!

I know!

Hey? This one makes
a cool sound and
the dial works.

Yeah? So how are ya
payin' for it?

It's not always about
paying for stuff.

It's about service.

You give to the universe,
the universe gives back.

Four bucks for a
bottle of water?

What a rip!

And that's the sound of
the universe giving back.

Hey.

Wanna sign my cast?

Sorry.

Your injury makes us feel
weirded out and uncomfortable.

Man, I hate stage one.