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1
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:29,062
( barks )
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00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:36,671
( beeping )
3
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:40,073
( beeping continues )
4
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:44,211
Sid: This is a storyof life and death.
5
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,179
Specifically, one lifeand one death.
6
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,683
( beeping intensifies,flatlining )
7
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,286
More specifically, mine.
8
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:01,328
My name is Sid Sandagger,and I have figured out
9
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:03,497
the keyto a long and happy life.
10
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:08,803
It's quite simple.Don't mess with the system.Think about it.
11
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,673
Every awful thingthat happens to someonein their life,
12
00:01:11,706 --> 00:01:14,207
it can be chalked upto them ripping at the fabric
13
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,512
of the social continuum.So don't.
14
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,279
There's a natural orderto things in life,
15
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,949
and it is notto be reckoned with.
16
00:01:20,982 --> 00:01:22,550
And nowhereis that more important
17
00:01:22,584 --> 00:01:25,853
than the one environmentmore strict,
18
00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,221
more brutal, and more savage
19
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:31,025
than all of the rest--high school.
20
00:01:31,059 --> 00:01:35,697
Luckily, I've developedthree simple rulesto ensure survival.
21
00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:39,601
Rule number one?Shut up.
22
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Most peopledon't get beaten up
23
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,103
for what they don't say.
24
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:47,842
Rule number two,don't stand out.
25
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:52,245
This applies to everything,from what you wear,to who your friends are,
26
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,782
to what extra-curricularsyou're a part of.
27
00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:59,053
I have masteredthe art of the nondescriptextra-curricular.
28
00:01:59,087 --> 00:02:01,556
For example, I'm comptroller
29
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,625
for the Eastland Highstudent council,
30
00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:07,127
understudyfor the school play...
31
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,831
♪ You make me alive ♪
32
00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:12,934
...equipment managerfor the hockey team...
33
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,736
Hey, yo. Incoming!
34
00:02:14,769 --> 00:02:18,271
...and starter forthe Eastland e-sports team.
35
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,675
E-sports, need I say more?
36
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:24,545
Midnight tonight, boys.
You excited, Cunningham?
37
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:27,447
I hacked into
my parents' internet account
to upgrade our speed.
38
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:31,653
- Sweet.
- Also, I think my parents
are getting divorced.
39
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:41,129
And finally, the thirdand most important rule.
40
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:45,133
Don't fuck with Chuck.
41
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,935
Chuck Brawnte,him and his stupid friends
42
00:02:47,969 --> 00:02:50,605
have a few thousandsubscribers to theirYouTube channel,
43
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,141
which, believe it or not,people actuallygive a shit about.
44
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,942
- Whoo! Fuck you, window!
- ( siren chirps )
45
00:02:54,976 --> 00:02:57,411
But the real reason everybodyknows who Chuck Brawnte is...
46
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:00,148
- Are you boys okay over here?
- Pussy bitch!
47
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,083
...is becausehe is super violent.
48
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,217
- Come on. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
- Here's the big one.
49
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,120
Chuck got kicked outof his old school
50
00:03:06,154 --> 00:03:08,823
for beating a freshmennearly to death.
51
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,458
The kid is still in a coma.Now I'm not a lawyer,
52
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,594
but allow me to presentthese three facts.
53
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:18,432
One, Chuck got offwith a few hoursof community service.
54
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,635
Two, Chuck's dadis super rich
55
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,805
because he ownsall the Mercedes dealershipsin upstate New York.
56
00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:27,175
And three, the judgehearing Chuck's case
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00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,644
now drives a top of the lineMercedes Benz.
58
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,212
- ( horn honks )
- Get the picture?
59
00:03:40,922 --> 00:03:41,889
( sighs )
Fuh...
60
00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:43,524
Well, there you have it,
61
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:48,196
Sid Sandagger'sGuide to Life.
62
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,396
( music playing )
63
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,032
♪ But I could care less ♪
64
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,568
♪ What's on your mind ♪
65
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:56,104
♪ You say something nice ♪
66
00:03:56,137 --> 00:03:58,906
♪ You say something right ♪
67
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,943
♪ And people startlosing their mind ♪
68
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,745
♪ Thursdays on my mind ♪
69
00:04:03,778 --> 00:04:06,279
♪ We were drivingthrough red lights ♪
70
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:08,916
♪ We were flying ♪
71
00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:12,120
♪ But I could care lesswhat's on your mind ♪
72
00:04:12,153 --> 00:04:16,991
- I'm putting Todd
at your parents' table.
- Oh, he gives my dad anxiety.
73
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,392
And your dad's a Republican,
and you're marrying a woman,
74
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,864
- so already kinda anxious.
- Fair point.
75
00:04:22,897 --> 00:04:24,932
- Hey!
- Hey.
76
00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:31,806
- How was school?
- ( grunts )
77
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,543
To me that said,
"Fuck off, Moms,
but I love you."
78
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:39,914
- No.
- If he was half-Korean,
this would not be happening.
79
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:44,652
Sid: School was great.I woke up, I went to class,and then I came home.
80
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,220
It was perfectly predictable,
81
00:04:46,254 --> 00:04:48,723
which isperfectly acceptable.
82
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,259
As long asI stick to my rules,
83
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,927
much likemy internet search history,
84
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,262
high school will be a filthy,
85
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,964
nasty, amoral blipon my radar
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00:04:56,998 --> 00:05:01,068
that someday willnever have even happened.
87
00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:04,105
- ( beeping )
- Life is aboutembracing routine.
88
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,606
- Oh.
- Eat, sleep, play.
89
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,374
It's gonna be a good night.
90
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,877
That is, of course,except when a new edition
91
00:05:09,911 --> 00:05:12,079
of War Monger comes out.
92
00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:14,048
It's a sacred night.
93
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,448
And on this night,
94
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,285
you don't eat,you don't sleep,
95
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,287
and you sit at your altarfor hours on end
96
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,955
just praying to stay alive.
97
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,456
( alarm beeping )
98
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,693
It's pure heaven.
99
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,463
( bell rings )
100
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,734
Then the semen travels
through the vas deferens,
101
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:36,938
out the urethra,
and hopefully into the vagina
102
00:05:36,971 --> 00:05:39,140
of someone you're
not just using for sex
103
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,308
and that you're willing
to stick around
104
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,009
and raise the baby with.
105
00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:45,146
Or into an anus.
106
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Any questions?
107
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,482
Oh, my God, dude.
Sex Ed is such bullshit.
108
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,785
Like, I don't understand
109
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,620
why we spend
so much time on condoms.
110
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,622
What is there to know?
You open the shit up,
111
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,023
you stick your junk in it,
and you go to town on somebody.
112
00:05:56,057 --> 00:05:57,525
Sid:
My best friend Jim Vega.
113
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,327
Jim cares about two things,
114
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,494
getting laidand being popular,
115
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,531
and so farhe's achieved neither.
116
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,333
Do they seriously
think dudes are, like,
117
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,434
sticking their balls
in it or something?
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00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:11,205
You'd be surprised.
What do you want
them to teach?
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00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:12,640
- Like, I don't know.
- Heads up!
120
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,642
Why don't they teach us
how to fuck awesome?
121
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,511
'Cause it's Sex Ed.
It's not sex class.
122
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,680
Yeah, but what's the difference?
And unlike trigonometry,
123
00:06:19,714 --> 00:06:22,350
this would be, like, practical,
applicable knowledge.
124
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,019
Just talk to
the school board
about it, man.
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00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,189
- Wait, you-- you think so?
- Yeah, why not?
126
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,524
You go to the school board
and you say,
127
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,793
"Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like my teachers
128
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,896
- to teach me
how to fuck awesome."
- I'm serious.
129
00:06:34,929 --> 00:06:36,831
Like, how do you
find the clitoris during
over the pants sex stuff?
130
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:40,368
Can you not say fucking
"clitoris" in the hallway?
131
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,503
You see, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
132
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,539
Everyone is so horny that
yelling "clit" in the hall
133
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,440
is like yelling fire
in a theater.
134
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,810
Yeah, and you don't yell fire
in a fucking theater.
135
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:54,582
Regardless,
the clitoris is at the top
of the labia minora.
136
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,218
That sophomore
with the cleft lip?
137
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,220
No, that's Lydia Mindlin.
138
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,022
Yo, Rafi! What's up, man?
139
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:02,489
- How you doing?
How was that test?
- Who are you?
140
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,960
All right.
Rafi's the best.
141
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,562
- You really shouldn't do that.
- Why? Rafi's my homie.
142
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,197
Rafi's not your fucking homie.
143
00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:12,667
He just tolerates you
because you let him
cheat off you once.
144
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,235
You're just jealous
'cause I'm popular.
145
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,237
- You're not fucking popular,
- Okay.
146
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,772
- And that's a blessing.
- Oh, come on.
147
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:18,940
Don't start with your whole
148
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,875
"don't mess with the system"
bullshit.
149
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,411
- You're just afraid
to live a little.
- I live.
150
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,714
What do you call
an all-nighter
playing World Of--
151
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,517
Whoa-ly shit. Tiff Mann.( laughs )
152
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,720
I don't think I've talkedto Tiff Mann since ourfigure skating recital
153
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,089
when I was eight years old.
154
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,698
( crowd groans )
155
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,566
I've been in love with herthe entire time since,
156
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,669
but it's clearthat she didn't exactly
157
00:07:48,703 --> 00:07:50,938
see me as boyfriend material.
158
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:53,240
I've told you,
no sleepovers at boys' houses.
159
00:07:53,274 --> 00:07:55,743
But, Mom, it's just Sid's.
160
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,211
Come to think of it,neither did her mom.
161
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,414
Oh, that's fine.
162
00:08:00,448 --> 00:08:02,450
Even more fucked upthan that,
163
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,452
Tiff Mann is dating Chuck.
164
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:07,621
- Yo.
- ( laughs )
165
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:08,990
Chuck: Wanna go to
the parking lot right now?
166
00:08:09,023 --> 00:08:10,825
- How was class?
- Sucks.
167
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,160
Mr. Ramirez can literally
lick my butthole.
168
00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:15,129
Suck a dick, Chuck.
169
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,532
- ( whistle blows )
- All right, class, let's go!
170
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:21,669
- Two laps around the field!
- Oh, my God.
171
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:26,307
Dude, do you think
Juliana Ulrich would be down
for a finger in the butt?
172
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,275
Teacher:
Good speed! Keep it up!
173
00:08:28,309 --> 00:08:30,644
I really don't think
girls are as into that
as you think they are.
174
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,413
Are you kidding me?
It's a second G-spot.
175
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,648
And I'm usually pretty good
at telling who would be down.
176
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,284
I'm like the Finger
In The Butt Whisperer.
177
00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:39,653
You know who probably sticks
a bunch of fingers in butts?
178
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,523
- Teacher: Two more laps!
- Chuck. Chuck is the man.
179
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,225
Did you see his latest video?
180
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,761
He totally wrecked
Su-Ming Lee's car
with a pogo stick.
181
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:50,297
- Chuck's a fucking monster.
- Jim, Jim! Hey.
182
00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:52,500
You haven't told me
what color tie you're
wearing to homecoming.
183
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,168
That's 'cause
I'm not going with you, Luna.
184
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,137
Sid:
Meet Luna Peralta.
185
00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,972
Luna and Jim haveknown each other sincethey were in diapers,
186
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,341
and have hated each otherjust as long.
187
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,842
Luna does not hold back.
188
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,811
You think I wanna go with you?
189
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,279
Here's a list
of inanimate objects
190
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,148
I would rather take to
Homecoming than you, okay?
191
00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:09,150
Bleach, a bottle of urine,
192
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,520
and rusty nails literally
stuck in my hands.
193
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,321
- Glad we're on the same page.
- My crazy parents only
want me to go with you
194
00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:16,223
'cause they know I'm not
gonna come back pregnant.
195
00:09:16,257 --> 00:09:18,859
Great. Not happening.
Leave me alone. I have herpes.
196
00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:21,328
You wish you had herpes.
That would have to mean
someone touched
197
00:09:21,362 --> 00:09:23,330
- your skinny
little micro-penis.
- It's not skinny.
198
00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:25,399
If anything, girth is my asset
and length is my weakness.
199
00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:26,535
- Okay.
- So fuck off.
200
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,369
Buddy, nothing is your asset,
201
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,539
and being a fuckwad
is your weakness.
202
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:32,373
Later, shrimp dick.
203
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,707
- She is so mean.
- I know.
204
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,643
- Teacher: Sandagger, Vega!
- I love it.
205
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:39,013
( music playing )
206
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:45,719
( indistinct chatter )
207
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:50,491
- Oh, come on, babe.
- Hey! Hold it.
208
00:09:50,525 --> 00:09:52,193
- What's up?
- Oh.
209
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:55,863
- Oh. You look awful.
- I'm just tired.
210
00:09:55,896 --> 00:10:00,034
- We got an email.
A parent-y email.
- Yes.
211
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:05,507
Uh, "Please ensure
proper Homecoming attire,"
blah blah blah.
212
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:10,144
Were you planning on
wearing a very short skirt
to this dance?
213
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,713
Why is this the first time
we're hearing about
this Homecoming?
214
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:16,283
- 'Cause I'm not going.
- Why not?
215
00:10:16,317 --> 00:10:18,018
Homecoming is a very big deal.
216
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,920
You get all dressed up,
and you wait for some schnook
217
00:10:19,954 --> 00:10:21,889
to pick you up,
and you dance at arm's length,
218
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,858
and then you have
a fleeting sexual encounter.
219
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:26,927
- And then you realize
that you're a lesbian.
- Yes.
220
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:28,597
Have you thought
about that, Sid?
221
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,364
You might be a lesbian
and not even know it.
222
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,967
- You do like Brandy Carlile.
- And going to Maine.
223
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,337
- Mm, the signs are all there.
- Come on.
224
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,839
- Why aren't you going?
- ( grunts )
225
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:43,043
That was a pretty
compelling argument.
226
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,145
Come on.
227
00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:46,046
Think about it.
228
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:51,318
You don't want to
graduate high school
without any memories.
229
00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:54,623
Actually, I have no problemleaving high schoolwithout any memories.
230
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,790
I can't imagineany experience good enough
231
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,926
to risk the possibilityof a bad one.
232
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,962
It's like why I don't havemy driver's license.
233
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,302
And what's so bad about this?
234
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,304
A 72-hour War Monger marathon
235
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,641
is pretty awesome and safe.
236
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:15,042
( burps )
237
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,944
Game on, baby.
238
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:20,615
Okay, well, maybe 72 hoursisn't entirely safe.
239
00:11:20,649 --> 00:11:25,119
According to Google,there are seven specificsigns of sleep deprivation
240
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,221
that all leadto complete madness.
241
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,489
Heads up, Tiny Tim.
242
00:11:28,523 --> 00:11:30,592
Ow. Stupid hemorrhoid.
243
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,561
Look alive, fuckface.
244
00:11:32,594 --> 00:11:36,830
Oh, God. Dude, slow down.
245
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,567
What happened to
no carbs till college?
246
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,835
Symptom number one,you eat a lot.
247
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,138
- I'm fricking starving.
- Oh, pop quiz.
248
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,508
Okay, so you're
driving home from a party
and you can't drive.
249
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:48,709
What do you take?
Uber or Lyft?
250
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,145
Symptom number two,you're indecisive.
251
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:55,684
- I don't know.
- Lyft, 'cause their drivers
are super hot.
252
00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,284
Plus, Uber is for fascists.
253
00:11:57,318 --> 00:11:59,353
Symptom number three,you forget things.
254
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,322
- What are we talking about?
- I'm open, I'm open!
255
00:12:01,355 --> 00:12:03,625
Symptom number four?Delayed motor skills.
256
00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:05,192
- Come on, come on.
- Go, go, go, go, go!
257
00:12:05,226 --> 00:12:07,928
Symptom number five,your pain receptors are...
258
00:12:07,962 --> 00:12:09,396
- Heads up!
- ...diminished.
259
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:12,800
- ( whistle blows )
- Sorry!
260
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:17,271
Symptom number six,your senses get all weird.
261
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:21,041
- ( distorted chatter )
- And the final symptomof sleep deprivation
262
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:24,878
leading to complete madness,you lose your filter.
263
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,447
Suck a dick, Chuck.
264
00:12:28,683 --> 00:12:31,118
What did you just say?
265
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:38,459
- Come on.
- What the fuck did you
just say to me?
266
00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:43,565
Um, I said, uh,
267
00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:47,034
I said suck--
suck her lick, Chuck.
268
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:50,137
I want you guys
to enjoy kissing each other,
269
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,039
'cause, you know, like,
we're not gonna be
young forever.
270
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,577
Uh, I didn't say
that second part,
but I thought it.
271
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,445
Uh, what I said, uh...
272
00:13:00,414 --> 00:13:03,050
- I said, "Suck a dick."
- ( crowd groaning )
273
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:07,021
Suck a dick,
you pogo stick-riding douchebag.
274
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,658
You think everyone's
afraid of you? Why?
275
00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:13,193
Because you look like
one of those punching bags
shaped like a torso?
276
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:16,765
( bones crack )
277
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,600
Jimenez, my good man.
278
00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:20,669
I'm not his man.
I don't even know
who the hell he is.
279
00:13:20,702 --> 00:13:23,337
- We ride.
- You remember three rules
280
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,072
to getting throughhigh school alive?
281
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:29,511
Shut up, don't stand out,don't fuck with Chuck?
282
00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:31,912
Well, this is what happenswhen you break all three
283
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:37,084
of those rulesin the exact same moment.
284
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,352
- ( grunts )
- ( bell ringing )
285
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,087
Motherfucker.
Tell me another joke.
286
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,489
Tell me another fucking joke.
Huh? Was it worth it?
287
00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:45,627
- I really fucking hope
it was worth it.
- Break it up!
288
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:48,362
- I'm gonna kill you, kid.
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
- Ow!
289
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:53,334
- Oh! Oh, oh!
- I am going to end your
goddamn miserable life.
290
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:58,906
- Come here, kid. Come here.
- The next time I see you,
you are fucking dead.
291
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,576
- Get the fuck off me!
- Are you okay?
292
00:14:01,609 --> 00:14:03,944
Chuck:
...fuck off me. God damn it!
293
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:10,117
( toilet flushing )
294
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,656
This is fucking fantastic.
295
00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:16,290
I've never seen
something like this.
296
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:19,293
I mean, terrible--
oh, dude, you're up.
297
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,696
This is a fascinating
porn collection.
298
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,464
How long have I been out?
299
00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:26,634
Dude, you've been out for,
like, seven hours. Here.
300
00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:29,903
The nurse said
that you were gonna sleep
for a really long time.
301
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,543
- What about Chuck?
- So Luna texted me.
302
00:14:35,577 --> 00:14:38,145
I don't even know how
she got through to me
because I blocked her number,
303
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,882
but she said that Chuck
is only gonna be suspended
for 2 1/2 weeks.
304
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,485
- That's it?
- Plus anger management
counseling.
305
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,421
I have two weeks to live.
306
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,991
2 1/2 weeks actually.
So, what? Today's--
307
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:55,663
Today's Wednesday,
so he's suspended
until the 25th.
308
00:14:55,697 --> 00:14:58,232
Aw, damn it.
That's the day of
the Homecoming dance.
309
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,602
It's not like you need
another reason not to go.
310
00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:03,872
You all right? Sid?
311
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,272
Dude, what are
you thinking about?
312
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,040
- Sid: Death.
- I'm gonna kill you.
313
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:10,545
I broke my rules,I fucked with the system,
314
00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,112
and this is what I deserve.
315
00:15:12,146 --> 00:15:14,516
Chuck is gonna kill me,and who's gonna stop him?
316
00:15:14,549 --> 00:15:18,352
Not the police,not the school,not the courts.
317
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,454
- No one ever has.
- ( knocking on door )
318
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,424
Sid, you still awake?
319
00:15:28,563 --> 00:15:33,635
Jim told me you two
called out sick from work.
320
00:15:33,668 --> 00:15:35,302
You feeling okay?
321
00:15:43,477 --> 00:15:44,478
Hmm.
322
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:50,451
Oh, I get it. Boundaries.
323
00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:11,673
( bell ringing )
324
00:16:11,706 --> 00:16:13,240
( indistinct chatter )
325
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:16,778
Sid: This can't be it.This can't be how it ends.
326
00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,078
I've gotta find outwhere Chuck is
327
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,614
and explain what happened.
328
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,048
He'll understand.
329
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,449
Well, obviously this would
work a little bit better
330
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,687
if I had a banana
that wasn't quite so ripe.
331
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,421
But I can't find
the demo banana,
332
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,656
so I just took this
out of my lunch.
333
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:30,257
Dude, did you hear?
334
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,594
Chuck's parents sent him
to some anger management class
335
00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:34,495
during his suspension
in, like, Switzerland?
336
00:16:34,529 --> 00:16:35,797
It turns out the Swiss
337
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:38,265
are masters
of not giving a fuck.
338
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:41,603
It sounds dope, and rich,
and you can ski there.
339
00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:44,806
- Maybe he'll forgive you.
- And inside the condom...
340
00:16:44,839 --> 00:16:47,609
Mm, no, you're probably right.
341
00:16:47,642 --> 00:16:51,044
- He's probably gonna
murder you. Sorry, dawg.
- All right, question.
342
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:55,415
What is the only 100% effective
method of contraception?
343
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,586
- Butt stuff.
- No, that's not it.
344
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:00,287
- Double condoms.
- No.
345
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,789
- Dry humping.
- Abstinence.
346
00:17:01,823 --> 00:17:04,224
It's written--
it's literally on
the board behind me.
347
00:17:04,258 --> 00:17:07,027
Now, Candace is your
student abstinence leader,
348
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,764
so she's agreed
to share her experience
349
00:17:09,797 --> 00:17:12,232
or, well, lack thereof.
350
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:15,235
So, as you guys know,
351
00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:17,137
I have taken
the abstinence pledge.
352
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,973
I'm in Sex Ed,and I'm gonna die a virgin.
353
00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:20,440
What are they gonna writeon my tombstone?
354
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,011
"Here lies Sid Sandagger.He shrugged."
355
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,946
What's wrong with me?Was this really my life?
356
00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:26,514
I can't die like this.
357
00:17:26,548 --> 00:17:28,650
Is this why my momswant me to make memories?
358
00:17:28,683 --> 00:17:31,519
In case some psychowith a YouTube channelpounds me to death
359
00:17:31,553 --> 00:17:33,186
on the dance floorat Homecoming
360
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,857
to a Taylor Swift ballad?I'm sick of it!
361
00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:37,025
And this abstinence queengoing on
362
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,860
and on and on and on
363
00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,828
- and on and--
- Fuck that.
364
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,062
Sid?
365
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:47,401
- I'm sorry.
- Candace, please continue.
366
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,872
I'm sorry that
I've wasted so much time
in this dumb class.
367
00:17:50,905 --> 00:17:53,206
Excuse me. Sid Sandagger!
368
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,809
Candace, I'm sorry for
interrupting you, but come on.
369
00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:57,512
Be honest with yourself.
Aren't you tired of lying?
370
00:17:57,545 --> 00:18:02,684
Have you ever dealt
with unhealthy, unclean urges
371
00:18:02,717 --> 00:18:04,986
or impure thoughts?
372
00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:07,187
- At this very moment.
- ( snickering )
373
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,324
Do you know what I think about
on a daily basis?
374
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,060
It would traumatize you.
375
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,427
And then I search it
on the internet,
376
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,729
and it exists
and there's porn for it.
377
00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:16,064
That means I'm not alone.
378
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,365
You're probably horny
all the time, too!
379
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,735
- Actually--
- It's okay, Candace!
380
00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:22,971
You can admit to flicking it
every now and again.
381
00:18:23,004 --> 00:18:26,074
- No one's gonna crucify you.
- Dude, I don't know
what you're doing,
382
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,743
- but please keep going.
- I'm horny.
383
00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,410
You are horny!
384
00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:33,313
Everyone in this room is horny!
385
00:18:33,347 --> 00:18:35,148
Like, what's the big deal?
386
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:38,553
It takes a slight breeze,
and I am hard as a rock!
387
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:39,954
All right, Sandagger,
lock it up.
388
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,388
Come on, Dr. Capanna.
389
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,758
This is Sex Ed,
for crying out loud.
390
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,392
How can you just stand there
391
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,161
and let this girl
make us all feel badly
392
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,732
for having completely normal
sexual appetites?
393
00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:53,333
- How do you sleep at night?
- Yeah, I don't.
394
00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:56,403
I have really bad apnea.
395
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,339
- It's not because of this.
- Why?
396
00:18:59,373 --> 00:19:02,577
Why do we all have to pretend
397
00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:04,277
that we don't
want to fuck each other
398
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,947
six ways to the weekend?
399
00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,849
We should embrace it!
400
00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:09,282
For crying out loud,
401
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,385
I can see Dave Guggenheim's
boner from here.
402
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:14,756
And you know what?
I love your boner, Dave.
403
00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:17,525
- Because Dave's boner
is in all of us.
- Yeah.
404
00:19:17,558 --> 00:19:21,228
- We are all Dave's boner!
- Yeah.
405
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:24,932
And I'm not gonna sit here
and let you make everyone
in this room feel bad
406
00:19:24,966 --> 00:19:28,870
- for having completely normal
sexual appetites.
- Yeah!
407
00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:33,775
My name is Sidney Sandagger,
408
00:19:33,808 --> 00:19:37,444
and I once put a Sharpie
inside of my own butthole.
409
00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:45,419
- I humped a melon.
- Okay, Guggenheim!
410
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:48,221
I cut a hole in it,
and I microwaved it,
and then I humped it.
411
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,390
Hell yeah, man.
That is disgusting.
412
00:19:50,424 --> 00:19:53,326
Okay, don't encourage him.
That's a UTI waiting to happen.
413
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,596
I get off to porn
of guys doing it
with other guys.
414
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,700
- Sit down!
- I use my electric toothbrush
as a vibrator.
415
00:19:58,733 --> 00:20:00,500
My boyfriend and I
are into macrophilia.
416
00:20:00,535 --> 00:20:02,804
I have a reoccurring sex dream
about Elizabeth Warren.
417
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:04,939
I have vertical balls!
418
00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:06,674
- Oh.
- ( murmuring )
419
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:09,177
Like,
instead of a left one
and a right one,
420
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,411
I have an upstairs
and a downstairs.
421
00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:13,213
It's like two-thirds
a snowman.
422
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,717
It goes pickle, potato,
potato, cinnamon doughnut.
423
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:18,820
- That is so hot.
- ( bell ringing )
424
00:20:18,853 --> 00:20:20,487
Okay, all right, all right.
425
00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:23,591
Warner, Sandagger,
Guggenheim, okay.
Oh, God damn it.
426
00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:25,693
- No one's taking home condoms.
- Sid, Sid.
427
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:28,062
( overlapping chatter )
428
00:20:28,096 --> 00:20:30,665
Sid, dude!
Dude, what the hell was that?
429
00:20:30,698 --> 00:20:33,835
- I don't know.
- Dude, that was brilliant!
430
00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:36,369
- Come on! Say something!
- I don't know, man.
431
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:37,972
Dude, that was
fucking incredible!
432
00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:40,174
Like, fuck every
other revolutionary
that's come before you.
433
00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:43,211
- Like, you are the Messiah.
You are Jesus returning.
- ( phone chimes )
434
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,512
Candace should've
fucking recognized that.
435
00:20:44,545 --> 00:20:46,413
Like, you are
the king-fucking-penis.
436
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,850
Your schlong definitely
grew three inches from that.
437
00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:50,852
Whatever it is that
made it click for you,
438
00:20:50,885 --> 00:20:52,954
- that's what we gotta
tell everyone about.
- What?
439
00:20:52,987 --> 00:20:55,388
Oh, my God. Sid, we're gonna
get so much pussy from this.
440
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,725
I was so inspired.
I feel liberated!
441
00:20:57,759 --> 00:21:00,228
- Like, this is how...
- ( music playing )
442
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:03,164
( indistinct chatter )
443
00:21:03,197 --> 00:21:06,067
- Sid: Who is this?
- Jim: Hugh Hefner would be
so proud of you,
444
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,535
may his soul rest
in fucking peace.
445
00:21:07,568 --> 00:21:09,402
Like, he would be so happy.
446
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,240
I'm going home
and I'm trying that...
447
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:16,544
- ( music continues )
- ( phone chimes )
448
00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:19,947
- ...like vagina juice.
- Sid: What's next?
449
00:21:19,981 --> 00:21:22,250
- That's fucking brilliant!
- How the hell should I know?
450
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,584
It's so DIY, and, like...
451
00:21:25,787 --> 00:21:28,589
- I've never reallythought about it before.
- ( doorbell rings )
452
00:21:28,623 --> 00:21:30,258
I mean, I don't thinkI want to deliver pizzas
453
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,260
with Jimfor the rest of my life,
454
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,562
but I'm a seniorin high school.
455
00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:36,798
I don't even knowwhat I wanna wear tomorrow.
456
00:21:38,132 --> 00:21:41,368
What if I die, Jim?
What if I die?
457
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:45,273
What are you talk--
Chuck isn't gonna kill you.
458
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:49,277
Dude, he beat a kid
nearly to death,
459
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,745
and he's been beating
people ever since.
460
00:21:50,778 --> 00:21:52,980
It's not like he's
getting any worse at it.
461
00:21:53,981 --> 00:21:56,416
Oh, God. Two weeks.
462
00:21:58,152 --> 00:21:59,720
What if this is it?
463
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,723
Oh, that is just so sad.
464
00:22:02,757 --> 00:22:05,293
Look, Chuck isn't
gonna kill you, dawg.
465
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:08,763
- I'll protect you.
- Yeah, sure, you will.
466
00:22:08,796 --> 00:22:11,132
Unless he offers
to let you be in one
of his fucking videos.
467
00:22:11,165 --> 00:22:13,734
You think he'd ever
let me be in one?
468
00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:16,704
- Fuck you, man.
- I'm kidding.
469
00:22:16,737 --> 00:22:21,275
But, like, let's say
for a second that Chuck
might actually kill you,
470
00:22:21,309 --> 00:22:26,147
which I'll admit
is a possibility because
he does have a record.
471
00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:28,481
So in this hypothetical world,
472
00:22:28,516 --> 00:22:30,551
then you got two weeks
left to live.
473
00:22:30,585 --> 00:22:32,787
What do you wanna do?
474
00:22:37,859 --> 00:22:38,860
That.
475
00:22:39,961 --> 00:22:42,129
Skip rocks?
476
00:22:42,163 --> 00:22:46,000
No, live.
477
00:22:46,033 --> 00:22:48,002
I wanna fucking live.
478
00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:50,037
What do you mean?
479
00:22:52,139 --> 00:22:54,441
Sidney, where has
that Sharpie been?
480
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:56,376
( music playing )
481
00:22:56,409 --> 00:23:00,848
Sid, what are you doing?
482
00:23:00,882 --> 00:23:02,884
"Win at some--"
483
00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:04,518
What does that even mean?
484
00:23:04,552 --> 00:23:08,189
I don't know.
I have no idea.
485
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,825
But I'm not gonna,
like, you know,
486
00:23:10,858 --> 00:23:14,394
get a promotion
or start a company
487
00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:17,665
or have a fling
with some foreign girl
on a train in Europe.
488
00:23:17,698 --> 00:23:20,167
- ( sighs )
- Everything that
you do in life,
489
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:22,937
everything that makes life good,
I have to do it right now.
490
00:23:22,970 --> 00:23:27,975
I don't want just some memories.
I want all the memories.
491
00:23:30,244 --> 00:23:31,612
"Know real love."
492
00:23:34,081 --> 00:23:35,616
Are you gonna die a virgin?
493
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,087
( sighs )
494
00:23:41,822 --> 00:23:46,060
Yeah! That's my boy!
Let's go!
495
00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:48,029
Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
496
00:23:48,062 --> 00:23:50,665
- ( music continues )
- ( indistinct chatter )
497
00:23:50,698 --> 00:23:55,336
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
498
00:23:55,369 --> 00:23:57,238
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
499
00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,472
Dude, that sounds insane.
500
00:23:59,507 --> 00:24:01,474
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
501
00:24:01,509 --> 00:24:04,946
So you're gonna do
all of this in two weeks?
502
00:24:06,614 --> 00:24:09,717
Yeah. What have I got to lose?
503
00:24:11,585 --> 00:24:14,588
( indistinct chatter )
504
00:24:14,622 --> 00:24:18,426
- ( sighs )
- Hey! You want some dinner?
505
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:23,331
Stay impenetrably silent
if you love your mothers.
506
00:24:23,364 --> 00:24:24,966
- Both: Yes!
- ♪ You're gonna hit ♪
507
00:24:24,999 --> 00:24:27,802
♪ Your back sidewhen your roll out ♪
508
00:24:27,835 --> 00:24:29,704
♪ I know I usedto roll the dice ♪
509
00:24:29,737 --> 00:24:31,672
♪ Till I slowed down ♪
510
00:24:31,706 --> 00:24:33,473
♪ I hope youhit your back side ♪
511
00:24:33,507 --> 00:24:35,176
- ♪ Hit your backside ♪
- ( grunts )
512
00:24:35,209 --> 00:24:36,777
♪ When you roll out ♪
513
00:24:48,222 --> 00:24:51,826
♪ Don't start, don't start ♪
514
00:24:51,859 --> 00:24:53,761
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
515
00:24:53,794 --> 00:24:55,997
- What's up, dude?
- Hey.
516
00:24:57,164 --> 00:24:59,533
Girl: Hey, Sid.
517
00:24:59,567 --> 00:25:03,304
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
518
00:25:03,337 --> 00:25:06,474
Dude! Sid, dude,
everyone is talking about
519
00:25:06,507 --> 00:25:08,509
your "I'm Boner Spartacus" bit
in Sex Ed yesterday.
520
00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:10,244
- Like, in a good way?
- Yes, like, in a fucking ama--
521
00:25:10,277 --> 00:25:12,947
- Jim! Jim.
- Oh, my God.
522
00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:14,648
Luna, what the fuck
do you want?
523
00:25:14,682 --> 00:25:16,751
I don't remember saying
Beetlejuice three times.
524
00:25:16,784 --> 00:25:18,619
Ha, ha, ha.
You're so funny, Jim.
525
00:25:18,652 --> 00:25:20,388
We need to buy tickets
for Homecoming,
526
00:25:20,421 --> 00:25:22,289
- and you have to pay
for them, so...
- ( phone chimes )
527
00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:24,658
Well, make sure you tell that
to the Japanese sex robot
528
00:25:24,692 --> 00:25:26,027
that you get to take you
to the dance,
529
00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:27,995
'cause I'm not going
with you, Luna.
530
00:25:28,029 --> 00:25:30,498
Dude, dude, dude, dude.
Incoming heatseekers inbound.
531
00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:31,799
- What?
- Hey.
532
00:25:33,501 --> 00:25:35,302
Holy shit.
533
00:25:35,336 --> 00:25:38,606
Oh, please, God,let Tiff Mann bemy secret texter.
534
00:25:38,639 --> 00:25:40,509
Uh, hey. Hey.
535
00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:44,245
- I'm Tiff.
- Oh, I know.
536
00:25:44,278 --> 00:25:49,583
Um, listen, I just wanted
to say I'm really sorry
about what Chuck did to you.
537
00:25:49,617 --> 00:25:53,020
Oh, no, that's--
538
00:25:53,054 --> 00:25:54,688
that's, uh-- he's--
539
00:25:54,722 --> 00:25:56,891
- that's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
540
00:25:56,924 --> 00:25:59,160
His parents say that
he has impulsivity issues,
541
00:25:59,193 --> 00:26:02,897
but I think he can
just be a dick sometimes.
542
00:26:02,930 --> 00:26:05,534
Yeah, yeah.
543
00:26:05,566 --> 00:26:09,703
Also are you going to
go the game tonight?
544
00:26:09,737 --> 00:26:12,773
He'll be there,
and so will I.
545
00:26:15,910 --> 00:26:18,412
Now is probably a good timeto talk about hockey.
546
00:26:18,446 --> 00:26:19,880
Let me see you get it in net.
547
00:26:19,914 --> 00:26:21,916
Hockey is a prettybig deal in Eastland.
548
00:26:21,949 --> 00:26:23,984
- Let's get it in!
- Score a goal,
549
00:26:24,018 --> 00:26:27,121
and you get to feelwhat it's like to be a god.
550
00:26:27,154 --> 00:26:29,723
Brad passes it to Worsham.
And he goes for the shot.
551
00:26:29,757 --> 00:26:35,262
He shoots. He scores!
552
00:26:35,296 --> 00:26:37,731
You know who knows thatfeeling better than anyone?
553
00:26:37,765 --> 00:26:41,035
- Whoo!
- Eric Worsham.
554
00:26:41,068 --> 00:26:43,037
Eric, Eric, Eric!
555
00:26:43,070 --> 00:26:45,606
Eric is like a kingin Eastland.
556
00:26:45,639 --> 00:26:49,578
Face-off at center ice!
557
00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:51,812
Good move, man.
Good move, Eric. Come on!
558
00:26:51,846 --> 00:26:54,915
But heavy is the headthat wears the helmet.
559
00:26:54,949 --> 00:26:57,785
Eric has to be perfect,because if he's not...
560
00:26:57,818 --> 00:27:00,421
Move your fucking feet!
Come on!
561
00:27:00,454 --> 00:27:04,593
...he gets to enjoya lifetime of painand humiliation.
562
00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:07,562
- And they're alone!
- ( buzzer )
563
00:27:07,596 --> 00:27:12,733
And just like that,
the Fighting Spirits have
sent this game into overtime.
564
00:27:12,766 --> 00:27:15,436
Get the fuck up,
you fucking piece of shit!
565
00:27:15,469 --> 00:27:17,872
Eric, that goal!
That's on you!
566
00:27:17,905 --> 00:27:19,940
And Coach Worsham expressing
his frustrations
567
00:27:19,974 --> 00:27:22,409
as they make their way
to the locker room.
568
00:27:22,443 --> 00:27:25,045
I wouldn't wanna be
at that dinner table tonight.
569
00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:26,615
Oh, yeah.Did I forget to mention?
570
00:27:26,647 --> 00:27:29,316
That psycho coach?Also Eric's dad.
571
00:27:29,350 --> 00:27:32,419
You know what you are?
I can't even say the word
572
00:27:32,453 --> 00:27:34,989
because the school board
won't let me call you
"pussies" anymore.
573
00:27:35,022 --> 00:27:37,191
You pissed away the last period.
574
00:27:37,224 --> 00:27:39,193
God damn, look at me when
I'm fucking talking to you!
575
00:27:39,226 --> 00:27:41,630
Beat the fuck out of someone
out there, okay?
576
00:27:41,662 --> 00:27:43,797
Like we're back
in fucking 'Nam!
577
00:27:43,831 --> 00:27:45,833
What have I got,
a bunch of pacifists?
578
00:27:45,866 --> 00:27:48,570
Or do I have me some warriors
in this fucking room?
579
00:27:48,603 --> 00:27:51,805
Now, I love you boys.
You know I do.
580
00:27:51,839 --> 00:27:54,576
On three. One, two, three!
581
00:27:54,609 --> 00:27:56,810
- Go, Frogs!
- Whoo! Go, Frogs!
582
00:27:56,844 --> 00:27:58,946
- Come on, guys.
Let's go, come on.
- ( phone chimes )
583
00:27:58,979 --> 00:28:02,449
Come on, boys, let's go.
Get out there and fucking win.
584
00:28:02,483 --> 00:28:04,818
Come on!
I love you guys.
585
00:28:04,852 --> 00:28:08,122
Get out there, play hard,
play fast.
586
00:28:08,155 --> 00:28:10,191
Come on, guys.
Let's go, come on.
587
00:28:25,372 --> 00:28:26,807
You don't have go out there.
588
00:28:28,543 --> 00:28:30,645
What the hell
are you talking about, man?
589
00:28:30,679 --> 00:28:32,012
Say you go out there, right?
590
00:28:32,046 --> 00:28:33,747
And you do whatever
the hell it was
591
00:28:33,781 --> 00:28:36,116
your dad was screaming about,
and you win the game,
592
00:28:36,150 --> 00:28:37,985
and you win
a lot more games, right?
593
00:28:38,018 --> 00:28:40,754
You get a scholarship,
and now you're playing NCAA.
594
00:28:40,788 --> 00:28:42,489
And you do really well there.
595
00:28:42,524 --> 00:28:44,725
And now you're playing
in the NHL.
596
00:28:44,758 --> 00:28:47,861
And now you have fans
and money and women
597
00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:49,496
and you might even win
the Franklin Cup.
598
00:28:49,531 --> 00:28:51,398
- Stanley.
- The Stanley Cup.
599
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,803
But you'll still be miserable,
600
00:28:55,836 --> 00:28:59,873
because you're not
playing to win.
601
00:28:59,907 --> 00:29:02,276
You're playing not to lose.
602
00:29:04,211 --> 00:29:05,879
- I don't know.
- I know what it's like
603
00:29:05,913 --> 00:29:06,880
to live your life
the way you do
604
00:29:06,914 --> 00:29:08,983
because you're afraid.
605
00:29:09,016 --> 00:29:11,885
I used to hide
in all kinds of places.
606
00:29:11,919 --> 00:29:16,190
- You hide in here.
- I gotta get back out there.
607
00:29:16,223 --> 00:29:19,728
( crowd chanting )
608
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,128
No, you don't.
609
00:29:23,163 --> 00:29:25,499
Crowd: Let's go, Frogs!
Let's go, Frogs!
610
00:29:25,533 --> 00:29:29,036
Sid: Turns out jockstrapsare super uncomfortable,
611
00:29:29,069 --> 00:29:31,372
especially when you're usingsomebody else's.
612
00:29:31,405 --> 00:29:35,142
And we got Eric Worsham
returning to the ice.
613
00:29:35,175 --> 00:29:37,211
Looks like he took
a few extra minutes of rest,
614
00:29:37,244 --> 00:29:39,380
and he'll need it against
these Fighting Spirits.
615
00:29:40,381 --> 00:29:42,216
And face-off at center ice.
616
00:29:42,249 --> 00:29:44,118
The drop!
617
00:29:46,420 --> 00:29:49,691
- Eric Worsham going offsides.
- ( whistle blows )
618
00:29:49,724 --> 00:29:51,892
Ooh, you don't see that
from Worsham every day.
619
00:29:51,925 --> 00:29:55,229
- Uh, we've got a face-off
deep in the Frog territory.
- I'm good, bro.
620
00:29:55,262 --> 00:29:58,098
Jim: There's the drop!
Worsham has got the puck.
621
00:29:58,132 --> 00:30:01,168
Oh! Worsham is pounded by
the Spirits, and he's down.
622
00:30:01,201 --> 00:30:02,671
Coach:
Get your fucking heads
in the game, kids.
623
00:30:02,704 --> 00:30:03,772
Jim: Looks like
that'll leave a mark.
624
00:30:03,804 --> 00:30:05,072
Coach:
Come on, let's go, boys.
625
00:30:05,105 --> 00:30:07,875
( echoing )Let's go! God damn it.
626
00:30:07,908 --> 00:30:09,376
What the fuck are you doing?
627
00:30:09,410 --> 00:30:12,079
You cock-suckingson of a fucking bitch.
628
00:30:12,112 --> 00:30:14,549
( continues, distorted )
629
00:30:14,582 --> 00:30:18,085
- ( whistle blows )
- Sid: And then I rememberedwhy I was here.
630
00:30:18,118 --> 00:30:20,789
For in the realm of the dead,where I'm going,
631
00:30:20,854 --> 00:30:22,890
I wanna be ableto talk about this shit.
632
00:30:22,923 --> 00:30:24,693
The Frogs lining up
with the Fighting Spirits
633
00:30:24,726 --> 00:30:27,861
- in striking distance.
- Let's go, E.
634
00:30:27,895 --> 00:30:30,632
Referee: All right, boys,
sticks down, face-off.
635
00:30:30,665 --> 00:30:34,335
Jim: And the puck is down.
636
00:30:34,368 --> 00:30:38,472
Oh! With a huge collision
on center ice.
637
00:30:38,506 --> 00:30:39,973
Worsham now has the puck.
638
00:30:42,811 --> 00:30:44,445
Fuck fear.
639
00:30:44,478 --> 00:30:46,614
I've been doing a lotof avoiding in my life.
640
00:30:46,648 --> 00:30:48,616
Time to put it to good use.
641
00:30:48,650 --> 00:30:51,619
- Jim: Oh, he dodges!
- Come on!
642
00:30:51,653 --> 00:30:53,621
Jim: He's getting close
to the goal!
643
00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:02,930
With a spin like a ballerina!
644
00:31:03,931 --> 00:31:05,499
He shoots!
645
00:31:05,533 --> 00:31:07,501
No fear, motherfucker!
646
00:31:07,535 --> 00:31:08,703
- ( buzzer )
- He scores!
647
00:31:08,737 --> 00:31:10,070
( cheering )
648
00:31:10,104 --> 00:31:13,808
Eric Worsham brings
the Frogs to victory!
649
00:31:13,842 --> 00:31:17,144
Crowd:
Eric, Eric, Eric!
650
00:31:17,177 --> 00:31:21,683
- Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
- ( chanting fades )
651
00:31:21,716 --> 00:31:26,120
( crowd murmuring )
652
00:31:26,987 --> 00:31:30,625
- Sid.
- What the fuck?
653
00:31:30,658 --> 00:31:35,329
Sid? Is that the guy that shoved
the sharpie up his asshole?
654
00:31:35,362 --> 00:31:38,399
Um, correction,
that goal was scored by,
655
00:31:38,432 --> 00:31:40,602
and I can't believe
I'm saying this,
656
00:31:40,635 --> 00:31:45,305
my best friend Sid Sandagger!
657
00:31:51,813 --> 00:31:55,784
He's 160 pounds
of pure sexual energy,
658
00:31:55,817 --> 00:31:57,585
and he's very, very single!
659
00:31:57,619 --> 00:31:59,319
Go, Sid!
660
00:32:03,490 --> 00:32:07,161
Hey. Who the fuck are you?
661
00:32:07,194 --> 00:32:10,364
I'm a friend of your son's,
I guess?
662
00:32:10,397 --> 00:32:12,933
I clean the jockstraps.
I give them--
I'm, like, their penis--
663
00:32:12,966 --> 00:32:14,903
Where the fuck
did you learn that thing?
664
00:32:14,935 --> 00:32:18,071
I, um-- I...
665
00:32:18,105 --> 00:32:22,142
Fantastic Figure Skating
for Fabulous Five-Year-Olds.
666
00:32:23,778 --> 00:32:25,045
Can you be
at practice tomorrow?
667
00:32:26,781 --> 00:32:28,516
Yeah.
668
00:32:28,550 --> 00:32:31,051
Yes, sir. Yes, coach.
669
00:32:31,084 --> 00:32:34,321
( cheering, laughter )
670
00:32:57,344 --> 00:32:58,613
( chimes )
671
00:33:43,323 --> 00:33:44,692
Jim: I don't know
what you did to Eric,
672
00:33:44,726 --> 00:33:48,295
but that was some
serious Jedi voodoo shit.
673
00:33:48,328 --> 00:33:50,665
He was just afraid.
I used to live like that.
674
00:33:50,698 --> 00:33:54,201
- Dude, he quit hockey.
He joined the dance team.
- Good for him.
675
00:33:54,234 --> 00:33:56,704
- Yo, what up, Sid?
- What's up, Sandagger?
676
00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:01,676
Who are you?
677
00:34:03,511 --> 00:34:04,311
Moving on.
678
00:34:04,344 --> 00:34:05,847
With Arlene in the hospital
679
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,048
for her
Seasonal Affective Disorder,
680
00:34:08,081 --> 00:34:09,784
I will be assuming
the role of interim
681
00:34:09,817 --> 00:34:11,019
student body president.
682
00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:13,021
However,
according to school bylaws,
683
00:34:13,053 --> 00:34:14,488
we will hold a special election
684
00:34:14,522 --> 00:34:16,323
to determine
a permanent replacement
685
00:34:16,356 --> 00:34:18,425
for the remainder
of the year.
686
00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:20,562
Obviously, I will need
a vice-president to run with.
687
00:34:20,595 --> 00:34:23,998
You'll be working with me,
designing campaign signs,
688
00:34:24,032 --> 00:34:28,335
ironing out our platform,
and of course, debating
alongside me in three days.
689
00:34:28,368 --> 00:34:33,307
Expect long, gruesome hours
and a whole lot of fun.
690
00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:35,342
- ( phones chiming )
- Now, raise your hand
691
00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:36,678
if you'd like
to be considered.
692
00:34:36,711 --> 00:34:40,314
( chiming continues )
693
00:34:40,347 --> 00:34:42,517
Sid: You know, I'm not surewhen it became cool
694
00:34:42,550 --> 00:34:46,386
to hate on Megan Waters,or even why, really.
695
00:34:46,420 --> 00:34:48,388
But a few months ago,some kid starteda FarmersOnly account
696
00:34:48,422 --> 00:34:50,892
and posted pictures of herwith a bunch of dicks
697
00:34:50,925 --> 00:34:52,292
and other stuffflying around.
698
00:34:52,326 --> 00:34:54,494
People can be such jerks.
699
00:34:54,529 --> 00:34:56,864
And when do they decidethat's the onewe're gonna torture?
700
00:34:56,898 --> 00:35:00,233
That's the onethat we're gonna makefeel like shit?
701
00:35:00,267 --> 00:35:02,169
It isn't right.
702
00:35:02,202 --> 00:35:05,439
( chiming continues )
703
00:35:05,472 --> 00:35:07,075
Great.
704
00:35:07,107 --> 00:35:08,543
I'll give you guys
some time to think it over
705
00:35:08,576 --> 00:35:10,143
and I'll put a sign-up sheet
on the door.
706
00:35:10,177 --> 00:35:13,213
Meeting adjourned.
707
00:35:13,246 --> 00:35:15,817
Before I die, I saidI'd fuck up the system.
708
00:35:15,850 --> 00:35:18,753
Helping Megan Watersjust might be the way.
709
00:35:18,786 --> 00:35:21,022
- Hey, Megan.
- Hey, Sid.
710
00:35:21,055 --> 00:35:22,890
About the whole
vice-president thing?
711
00:35:22,924 --> 00:35:24,391
I'm sure that
I'll find somebody.
712
00:35:24,424 --> 00:35:27,795
I would--
I would love to run with you.
713
00:35:29,262 --> 00:35:31,899
- Really?
- Yeah. Why not?
714
00:35:31,933 --> 00:35:34,936
Well, I should probably vet you
against the other candidates
715
00:35:34,969 --> 00:35:36,638
before I make
any final decisions.
716
00:35:40,108 --> 00:35:42,644
Right. Welcome to the ticket.
717
00:35:44,444 --> 00:35:46,581
I've never really done drugs.
718
00:35:46,614 --> 00:35:48,650
Oh, except in sixth gradewhen I took two Tylenol
719
00:35:48,683 --> 00:35:50,417
and drankthree Diet Dr Peppers
720
00:35:50,450 --> 00:35:52,954
and ended up ridingthe mammoth at the museum.
721
00:35:52,987 --> 00:35:54,922
Haven't reallyexperimented since.
722
00:35:54,956 --> 00:35:58,126
This is the shit you want.
You ever spent
the night with molly?
723
00:35:58,158 --> 00:36:00,795
Uh, spent what?
724
00:36:00,828 --> 00:36:02,030
Oh, yeah. No.
725
00:36:02,063 --> 00:36:04,264
Um, what is molly exactly?
726
00:36:04,297 --> 00:36:06,299
You ever been rolling
down a hill in the ice
727
00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:08,603
but felt really hot
in your soul?
728
00:36:08,636 --> 00:36:13,007
Um, no.
729
00:36:13,041 --> 00:36:15,143
It's, like, spiritual.
730
00:36:15,175 --> 00:36:17,310
The real you comes out.
731
00:36:17,344 --> 00:36:18,579
You're gonna trip balls.
732
00:36:18,613 --> 00:36:20,982
Cool. Sweet.
733
00:36:21,015 --> 00:36:22,449
Um, how much do I owe you?
734
00:36:22,482 --> 00:36:27,155
- How much you want?
- Just a few... bits.
735
00:36:27,187 --> 00:36:29,824
- Bits?
- Pieces? I don't know.
736
00:36:29,857 --> 00:36:32,160
Just a handful.
I don't-- what--
737
00:36:32,192 --> 00:36:33,828
Just enough
to have a good time.
738
00:36:33,861 --> 00:36:36,531
- 80.
- 80. Cool.
739
00:36:36,564 --> 00:36:39,466
Usually, I'd besaving this money for,I don't know, my future?
740
00:36:39,499 --> 00:36:41,169
That's the nice thingabout imminent death.
741
00:36:41,201 --> 00:36:43,171
It makes financial planninga lot easier.
742
00:36:43,203 --> 00:36:46,406
But don't take more
than half a pill at a time.
743
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:47,608
- Half a pill?
- Yeah.
744
00:36:47,642 --> 00:36:49,443
Got it. Okay.
745
00:36:49,476 --> 00:36:53,815
- Minty fresh.
Just like this shit.
- Thank you.
746
00:36:53,848 --> 00:36:56,017
You think that Candace chick
would be down to hump?
747
00:36:56,050 --> 00:36:59,352
The abstinence cop? No.
748
00:36:59,386 --> 00:37:01,321
No, man,
I don't think she is.
749
00:37:03,057 --> 00:37:04,926
I might be catching
feelings for her.
750
00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:06,426
That's too bad, man.
751
00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:15,302
You know what, Dave?
Why wait?
752
00:37:15,335 --> 00:37:17,872
If not now, then when, right?
753
00:37:17,905 --> 00:37:20,808
- Boner bros.
- Boner bros.
754
00:37:23,144 --> 00:37:24,712
Like, a lot of puss.
755
00:37:24,746 --> 00:37:27,380
Oh, dude,
the Frakas twins are having
a party this weekend.
756
00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:29,717
- We gotta go.
- Sweet. What kind of party?
757
00:37:29,751 --> 00:37:32,419
Aw, dude,
it's a wine-tasting party.
758
00:37:32,452 --> 00:37:36,090
They got Austrian whites,
they got a sommelier coming.
759
00:37:36,124 --> 00:37:39,493
I mean, he's gonna-- I mean--
what do you think kind of party?
760
00:37:39,527 --> 00:37:41,062
Yeah, dude.
Whatever, I'm in.
761
00:37:41,095 --> 00:37:42,530
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
762
00:37:42,563 --> 00:37:45,633
Fuck yes, dude!
That's what I'm talking about.
763
00:37:45,666 --> 00:37:47,168
Dude, I thought I was
gonna have to sell that.
764
00:37:47,201 --> 00:37:49,237
Like, for real,
I had this whole thing prepared
765
00:37:49,269 --> 00:37:52,240
about how if we both hook up,
we would be brothers.
766
00:37:52,272 --> 00:37:53,406
Like, not that
we're not already brothers,
767
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,209
but we would be like
boner brothers.
768
00:37:55,243 --> 00:37:58,846
Oh, dude, I'm so sorry,
but Dave Guggenheim
already called that.
769
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,315
( phone chiming )
770
00:38:13,861 --> 00:38:16,564
You know, I always suspectedTiff Mann was an angel,
771
00:38:16,597 --> 00:38:18,566
but am I reallyfalling in love
772
00:38:18,599 --> 00:38:21,903
with an honest to goodnesscelestial being?
773
00:38:21,936 --> 00:38:24,539
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, were you
masturbating again?
774
00:38:24,572 --> 00:38:26,574
- What? No!
- That's okay.
775
00:38:26,607 --> 00:38:28,109
Masturbation promotes health.
776
00:38:28,142 --> 00:38:29,644
That's why grandma's
never had the flu.
777
00:38:29,677 --> 00:38:31,679
- Can I help you guys?
- Well, when you are a parent,
778
00:38:31,712 --> 00:38:35,883
and your son's Sex Ed teacher
Dr. Capanna calls you
779
00:38:35,917 --> 00:38:38,318
and tells you that your son
has flipped out in class...
780
00:38:38,351 --> 00:38:41,421
Dr. Capanna, by the way,
sounds like the biggest moron.
781
00:38:41,454 --> 00:38:45,293
But also, if your son,
say, mysteriously ends up
782
00:38:45,325 --> 00:38:48,428
on the cable access
sports channel pucking a goal,
783
00:38:48,461 --> 00:38:51,464
we have no choice
but to get very invasive
784
00:38:51,498 --> 00:38:53,801
and ask what exactly
is going on?
785
00:38:53,835 --> 00:38:55,736
- I'm fine.
- Do you know what?
786
00:38:55,770 --> 00:38:57,205
- You don't look fine.
- Mm-mm.
787
00:38:57,238 --> 00:39:00,274
I had teeny little
mishap at school.
788
00:39:00,308 --> 00:39:01,509
- With a girl?
- No.
789
00:39:01,542 --> 00:39:03,778
- With Dr. Capanna?
- No.
790
00:39:06,013 --> 00:39:10,383
Okay, well,
if you change your mind,
you know where to find us.
791
00:39:18,025 --> 00:39:19,727
- Friday.
- Hmm?
792
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,763
I have another game on Friday.
793
00:39:22,797 --> 00:39:26,834
And I am going to
Homecoming next week.
794
00:39:28,435 --> 00:39:30,905
Do you want us
to ask a girl out for you?
795
00:39:30,938 --> 00:39:32,874
Because we are good at that.
796
00:39:32,907 --> 00:39:35,810
No thank you, no.
797
00:39:36,878 --> 00:39:40,047
( music playing )
798
00:39:40,081 --> 00:39:45,586
( music continues )
799
00:39:47,555 --> 00:39:49,690
Well, all right.
800
00:39:49,724 --> 00:39:51,525
It appears as thoughI am not the only one
801
00:39:51,559 --> 00:39:53,060
who is fucking upthe system nowadays.
802
00:39:53,094 --> 00:39:56,797
- ( cheering )
- Whoo!
803
00:39:58,199 --> 00:39:59,667
Hey, take five, guys.
What's up?
804
00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,302
- What's up, man?
- How you doing?
805
00:40:01,335 --> 00:40:02,469
I'd heard you joined
the dance team.
806
00:40:02,503 --> 00:40:04,305
That's-- that was--
that was awesome.
807
00:40:04,338 --> 00:40:06,741
- Hey, nice goal
the other night.
- Thanks, man.
808
00:40:06,774 --> 00:40:08,209
Hey, I wanted to
tell you something.
809
00:40:08,242 --> 00:40:13,547
Um, just thank you
for talking to me
the other night.
810
00:40:13,581 --> 00:40:15,182
I feel like
I'm finally having fun
in high school.
811
00:40:15,216 --> 00:40:17,184
- I'm happy for you, man.
- I should get back there,
812
00:40:17,218 --> 00:40:20,755
- but have a good game Friday.
- Careful on those backflips.
813
00:40:20,788 --> 00:40:23,423
- Hey, don't let my dad
ride you too hard.
- I won't!
814
00:40:23,456 --> 00:40:28,195
- See you around, Sid.
Let's go again.
- All right! Okay, one...
815
00:40:28,229 --> 00:40:33,567
( piano playing scales )
816
00:40:33,601 --> 00:40:35,236
Good God, understudy,
817
00:40:35,269 --> 00:40:36,737
I cannot wait
to kiss that mouth.
818
00:40:36,771 --> 00:40:40,207
It's, like, the hottest
face hole I've ever seen.
819
00:40:40,241 --> 00:40:41,242
God.
820
00:40:41,275 --> 00:40:42,610
Only a total tool
821
00:40:42,643 --> 00:40:43,644
would call Tiff Mann's
822
00:40:43,678 --> 00:40:45,613
perfect lips a face hole.
823
00:40:45,646 --> 00:40:48,749
Then again, Erwin Muelleris a total tool.
824
00:40:48,783 --> 00:40:51,686
Voice on PA:
This time with lights, please.
Thank you.
825
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:57,191
- ( thunder rolling )
- ♪ Me, alive ♪
826
00:40:57,224 --> 00:41:01,696
♪ You make me alive ♪
827
00:41:01,729 --> 00:41:04,464
( thunder continues )
828
00:41:04,497 --> 00:41:09,971
♪ A final kiss
before I burn your body ♪
829
00:41:10,004 --> 00:41:13,874
Also, what the fuckeven is this show?
830
00:41:13,908 --> 00:41:15,910
Megan: 'Cause we know that
Olivia's gonna go after
831
00:41:15,943 --> 00:41:18,446
those one-issue
plastic straw voters,
832
00:41:18,478 --> 00:41:20,348
who aren't even informed,
and they don't even know
833
00:41:20,381 --> 00:41:21,916
that it's landfills
that are causing
834
00:41:21,949 --> 00:41:24,752
the most pollution
in our entire planet.
835
00:41:24,785 --> 00:41:26,454
But we have to appeal to them.
836
00:41:26,486 --> 00:41:28,622
We have to appeal
to that dumb demographic.
837
00:41:28,656 --> 00:41:30,925
Hey!
You know, that's really rude,
838
00:41:30,958 --> 00:41:32,994
to just rifle through
people's things?
839
00:41:33,027 --> 00:41:35,930
What is it? Is it, like,
a diary or a journal?
840
00:41:35,963 --> 00:41:38,466
Is it a hit list?
Are you an assassin?
841
00:41:38,498 --> 00:41:43,571
It sounds stupid,
but I write poetry sometimes.
842
00:41:43,604 --> 00:41:46,107
- Can I hear one?
- No.
843
00:41:46,140 --> 00:41:47,942
- Please?
- No.
844
00:41:57,084 --> 00:41:59,720
Look, it's...
845
00:42:01,188 --> 00:42:02,490
I'm still fixing them.
846
00:42:09,630 --> 00:42:12,166
Rainbows contain
all of the colors,
847
00:42:12,199 --> 00:42:15,970
but white light contains all
of the colors of the rainbow.
848
00:42:16,003 --> 00:42:19,707
I am the white light
on a cold night.
849
00:42:19,740 --> 00:42:21,375
And if you look just right,
850
00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:26,047
you will see all
of the colors inside of me.
851
00:42:27,548 --> 00:42:30,519
There.
Now we can get back
to recycling.
852
00:42:30,551 --> 00:42:32,987
- That was great.
- You don't have to like it.
853
00:42:33,020 --> 00:42:37,191
- I know.
- You know, I've never actually
854
00:42:37,224 --> 00:42:39,260
read one of my poems out loud.
855
00:42:39,293 --> 00:42:44,632
Normally when
I try to talk to people,
they just walk away.
856
00:42:44,665 --> 00:42:49,236
Megan, I'm sorry
that I never stuck up for you
in student council.
857
00:42:49,270 --> 00:42:51,005
- It's fine.
- It's not.
858
00:42:51,038 --> 00:42:53,274
It's not. I'm sorry.
859
00:42:54,842 --> 00:42:58,379
Okay, we really need
a stronger stance on cardboard.
860
00:42:58,412 --> 00:43:02,016
( groans )
Let's just take a break.
861
00:43:03,217 --> 00:43:05,186
I can't just take a break, Sid.
862
00:43:05,219 --> 00:43:07,188
Every minute that we take off
863
00:43:07,221 --> 00:43:09,390
is another one that
Olivia Binghman doesn't.
864
00:43:09,423 --> 00:43:12,393
That dirty whore
has been trying to steal
the council from me for years,
865
00:43:12,426 --> 00:43:15,963
and we are not
about to let that happen.
866
00:43:15,996 --> 00:43:17,098
Mm-hmm.
867
00:43:18,432 --> 00:43:19,967
- Your breath stinks.
- I'm good.
868
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,270
- I have some in my bag.
- Good, 'cause I'm almost out.
869
00:43:26,373 --> 00:43:30,611
I've been meaning to get
the average joe perspective.
870
00:43:30,644 --> 00:43:33,380
What do you feel?
Paper or plastic?
871
00:43:36,383 --> 00:43:40,221
Yeah, my mom threw a hairdryer
at my dad last night.
872
00:43:40,254 --> 00:43:44,125
- I don't know if he bled,
but it look like it hurt.
- Oh, my God.
873
00:43:44,158 --> 00:43:49,663
- Um...
- I wanna believe in love,
but I don't know anymore.
874
00:43:51,665 --> 00:43:55,903
Yeah, that's one of life's
greatest mysteries.
875
00:43:55,936 --> 00:43:57,905
It's big, right?
Like, life-changing.
876
00:43:57,938 --> 00:44:00,609
Mm-hmm, and it's--
just don't feel like
it's your fault.
877
00:44:00,641 --> 00:44:02,843
- I'm sure it's not your fault.
- It might be.
878
00:44:11,652 --> 00:44:12,786
Sorry. I need a minute.
879
00:44:12,820 --> 00:44:16,157
Yeah, take-- I'm sorry. Yeah.
880
00:44:18,459 --> 00:44:20,661
- I didn't mean
to make that weird.
- No, no.
881
00:44:20,694 --> 00:44:22,163
- I'm good. I'm surviving.
- Yeah, of course.
882
00:44:22,196 --> 00:44:24,431
I just-- I wanna be there
and I don't know with to say
883
00:44:24,465 --> 00:44:29,103
because I don't-- I never--
my parents are still in love.
884
00:44:29,136 --> 00:44:32,373
- So, sorry. I just--
- Yeah, thanks for
rubbing that in.
885
00:44:32,406 --> 00:44:37,144
- Um, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
886
00:44:37,178 --> 00:44:38,479
( PA chimes )
887
00:44:38,513 --> 00:44:39,548
Announcer:
Attention, Eastland Frogs.
888
00:44:39,581 --> 00:44:40,948
The student council assembly
889
00:44:40,981 --> 00:44:43,184
will begin in ten minutes
in the auditorium.
890
00:44:43,217 --> 00:44:44,952
Where the fuck
have you been, Sandagger?
891
00:44:44,985 --> 00:44:46,655
Megan, this is the men's room.
892
00:44:46,687 --> 00:44:48,489
I know.
What the hell are you
doing in here, huh?
893
00:44:48,523 --> 00:44:52,159
- I'm just peeing.
- You peed?
894
00:44:52,193 --> 00:44:56,598
Every great politician knows,
"No pee before debate.
895
00:44:56,631 --> 00:44:59,500
It's the pee
that makes you great."
896
00:44:59,534 --> 00:45:01,869
I haven't pissed in four days.
897
00:45:01,902 --> 00:45:03,804
Oh, my God.
That's incredibly unhealthy.
898
00:45:03,837 --> 00:45:06,373
By the way, your mints,
they taste like shit.
899
00:45:10,010 --> 00:45:13,881
- No. Oh, shit.
- What?
900
00:45:13,914 --> 00:45:16,217
Are they not mints?
901
00:45:17,718 --> 00:45:19,987
- Uh, kind of.
- Kind of?
902
00:45:20,020 --> 00:45:22,890
Okay, there's no such thing as
kind of when it comes to mints.
903
00:45:22,923 --> 00:45:25,759
They either refresh
your breath or they don't.
904
00:45:25,793 --> 00:45:27,494
They freshen your perspective.
905
00:45:28,896 --> 00:45:30,030
Oh, my God, they're a drug.
906
00:45:30,064 --> 00:45:32,900
I've never taken a drug before!
907
00:45:32,933 --> 00:45:36,303
( toilet flushing )
908
00:45:36,337 --> 00:45:39,039
Get the fuck out of here, Eli!
909
00:45:39,073 --> 00:45:41,976
- Move!
- And vote Megan Waters!
910
00:45:42,009 --> 00:45:45,479
Nobody's gonna vote
Megan Waters now.
911
00:45:45,513 --> 00:45:47,281
Relax. It's okay.
912
00:45:47,314 --> 00:45:49,551
- I think I need to call
my pediatrician.
- It's gonna be fine.
913
00:45:49,584 --> 00:45:52,721
I'm-- you're gonna be fine.
I promise.
914
00:45:52,753 --> 00:45:54,455
- ( whimpering )
- You're gonna go out there,
915
00:45:54,488 --> 00:45:55,724
and you're gonna be yourself,
916
00:45:55,789 --> 00:45:56,924
and everyone's gonna love you.
917
00:45:56,957 --> 00:45:59,393
- No one loves me, Sid!
- Jesus.
918
00:45:59,426 --> 00:46:00,995
No one even likes me.
919
00:46:01,028 --> 00:46:04,898
Because people like you and me,
we're not pretty.
920
00:46:04,932 --> 00:46:06,800
No! But we're smart.
921
00:46:06,834 --> 00:46:10,505
And that means that
we're supposed to have
good lives after we leave.
922
00:46:10,538 --> 00:46:15,510
No. Megan,
we're gonna start now.
923
00:46:16,544 --> 00:46:18,112
See?
924
00:46:18,145 --> 00:46:19,748
( groaning )
925
00:46:19,780 --> 00:46:22,316
You're gonna be fine,
I promise.
926
00:46:23,585 --> 00:46:24,785
Okay.
927
00:46:26,621 --> 00:46:28,822
So what drug was it
that we took?
928
00:46:28,856 --> 00:46:31,458
( feedback whines )
929
00:46:45,507 --> 00:46:46,608
( overlapping whispers )
930
00:46:46,641 --> 00:46:48,075
- Oh, okay.
- Your turn, your turn.
931
00:46:48,108 --> 00:46:49,943
Hey, everyone. Sid Sandagger.
932
00:46:49,977 --> 00:46:51,879
Uh, it is my strong opinion
933
00:46:51,912 --> 00:46:54,516
that Megan
is the fucking best.
934
00:46:54,549 --> 00:46:56,083
- I'm serious, girl,
you're such--
- Really?
935
00:46:56,116 --> 00:46:58,252
- Yeah, you're the fucking shit.
- Aw, dude.
936
00:46:58,285 --> 00:47:01,021
- I love you so fucking much.
- Such good friends.
We've blossomed.
937
00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,423
- Our friendship has blossomed.
- Aww, Sid.
938
00:47:02,456 --> 00:47:05,459
Oh, yeah, of course.
Friends.
939
00:47:05,492 --> 00:47:06,960
Okay, I hear ya.
940
00:47:06,994 --> 00:47:11,265
We have evaluated things
and come to the conclusion
941
00:47:11,298 --> 00:47:13,100
that you have all
been cocks to her.
942
00:47:13,133 --> 00:47:14,968
Yeah, you guys--
you guys have been cocks.
943
00:47:15,002 --> 00:47:16,270
- Yeah. Yeah.
- You've been cocks!
944
00:47:16,303 --> 00:47:18,540
Especially you,
Jonathan Gliggman.
945
00:47:18,573 --> 00:47:20,809
Yeah, but she is wonderful,
946
00:47:20,841 --> 00:47:22,811
wonderful,
if you can't tell already.
947
00:47:22,843 --> 00:47:23,911
- Thank you.
- And I think it's about time
948
00:47:23,944 --> 00:47:25,279
that you got to
know her yourself.
949
00:47:25,312 --> 00:47:28,982
So, um, well, without
much further ado, Megan.
950
00:47:29,016 --> 00:47:31,118
Be yourself.
You got this.
951
00:47:33,053 --> 00:47:34,221
Whoo!
952
00:47:44,365 --> 00:47:46,768
I am a prism.
953
00:47:46,801 --> 00:47:51,004
I refract.
954
00:47:51,038 --> 00:47:54,141
But I glow for me.
955
00:47:56,043 --> 00:47:59,848
And I dance for you.
956
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:04,652
And you and you and you
and everybody!
957
00:48:04,686 --> 00:48:08,021
Not her! You made your signs
with signs with glitter,
958
00:48:08,055 --> 00:48:10,457
and I went to Kinko's, bitch.
959
00:48:10,491 --> 00:48:14,529
( beat-boxing )
960
00:48:15,864 --> 00:48:17,732
( continues beat-boxing )
961
00:48:17,766 --> 00:48:19,266
♪ Composting papers
on papers ♪
962
00:48:19,299 --> 00:48:22,002
- ♪ Recycle bottles on bottles ♪
- ♪ Skrr, skrr ♪
963
00:48:22,035 --> 00:48:23,838
♪ We're burning bodies
like models ♪
964
00:48:23,872 --> 00:48:25,874
♪ And now you inhaled
the vapors ♪
965
00:48:25,906 --> 00:48:27,509
♪ You know what
you wanted me to spit ♪
966
00:48:27,542 --> 00:48:29,878
- ♪ Whoo, whoo ♪
- ♪ And now you're sorry I did ♪
967
00:48:29,910 --> 00:48:32,246
- ♪ Huh! ♪
- ♪ Losers vote for Olivia ♪
968
00:48:32,279 --> 00:48:35,048
♪ Ballers vote Megan and Sid,
you love it ♪
969
00:48:35,082 --> 00:48:37,719
Sid: Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah! Whoo!
970
00:48:37,752 --> 00:48:41,856
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan!
971
00:48:41,890 --> 00:48:45,159
Megan, Megan, Megan!
972
00:48:45,192 --> 00:48:49,664
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan!
973
00:48:49,697 --> 00:48:53,902
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan!
974
00:48:53,934 --> 00:48:57,906
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan!
975
00:48:57,938 --> 00:49:02,075
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan!
976
00:49:02,109 --> 00:49:06,146
- Megan, Megan...
- ( music playing )
977
00:49:08,883 --> 00:49:11,418
- ( crowd cheering )
- Jim: Oh, it's a pass
to Sandagger!
978
00:49:11,452 --> 00:49:13,888
- Oh, oh!
- Sid: I can't believeI'm about to say this,
979
00:49:13,922 --> 00:49:16,825
but as long asyou are not falling flaton your face in spandex...
980
00:49:16,858 --> 00:49:20,494
- He shoots! He scores!
- ( cheering )
981
00:49:20,528 --> 00:49:22,897
...standing out might not bethe worst thing in the world.
982
00:49:22,931 --> 00:49:26,634
- Sidney! Go, Sidney! Go!
- Whoo!
983
00:49:30,705 --> 00:49:33,842
- Whoo!
- It certainlyhas its benefits.
984
00:49:33,875 --> 00:49:35,342
Later, dude.
985
00:49:36,443 --> 00:49:38,479
- Good game, guys.
- Good job, Sid.
986
00:49:47,988 --> 00:49:49,757
Tiff Mann might bemy destiny,
987
00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:53,193
but sometimes even destinyneeds a little nudge.
988
00:49:55,229 --> 00:49:58,131
Break a leg
out there tonight, man.
989
00:49:58,165 --> 00:50:02,369
Hello, understudy.
I thought I smelled you.
990
00:50:02,402 --> 00:50:04,606
Now, this isn't somethingI'm super proud
991
00:50:04,639 --> 00:50:07,842
to add tomy lifetime achievements,
992
00:50:07,876 --> 00:50:09,878
but Erwin Mueller's a dick.
993
00:50:09,911 --> 00:50:11,445
( Erwin screams )
994
00:50:11,478 --> 00:50:13,146
Announcer: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
995
00:50:13,180 --> 00:50:14,782
welcome to tonight's
performance of "Frankenstein,"
996
00:50:14,816 --> 00:50:17,284
the new musical
by Erwin Mueller,
997
00:50:17,317 --> 00:50:19,353
based on a concept
by Mary Shelley.
998
00:50:19,386 --> 00:50:20,989
Tonight,
the role of Frankenstein
999
00:50:21,021 --> 00:50:23,190
will be performed
by Sidney Sandagger.
1000
00:50:23,223 --> 00:50:24,893
The performance will begin
in a moment.
1001
00:50:24,926 --> 00:50:27,361
- Did he tell you?
- No.
1002
00:50:27,394 --> 00:50:28,530
Oh.
1003
00:50:28,563 --> 00:50:32,534
( music playing )
1004
00:50:39,874 --> 00:50:42,877
♪ Oh, how I love thee ♪
1005
00:50:42,911 --> 00:50:45,212
♪ And yet you're a monster ♪
1006
00:50:45,245 --> 00:50:47,047
♪ A vicious monster ♪
1007
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,885
♪ I am a vicious monster ♪
1008
00:50:50,919 --> 00:50:54,022
- Wow.
- ♪ You must die, monster ♪
1009
00:50:54,054 --> 00:50:57,759
♪ But know
I will never forget you ♪
1010
00:50:57,792 --> 00:51:02,931
- ♪ She will never forget me ♪
- ♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪
1011
00:51:02,964 --> 00:51:06,400
- I can't tell if it's
supposed to be a parody.
- Is it funny?
1012
00:51:06,433 --> 00:51:11,539
- ( grunts )
- ( sobbing )
1013
00:51:11,573 --> 00:51:13,041
♪ A final kiss ♪
1014
00:51:13,073 --> 00:51:15,777
♪ Before I burn your body ♪
1015
00:51:15,810 --> 00:51:18,345
Sid: Don't get a boner.Don't get a boner.Don't get a boner.
1016
00:51:18,378 --> 00:51:20,347
Don't get a boner.Don't get a boner.Don't get a boner.
1017
00:51:20,380 --> 00:51:23,150
Don't get a boner. Damn it.
1018
00:51:23,183 --> 00:51:26,854
- Oh, shit.
- Go, Sid.
1019
00:51:33,595 --> 00:51:36,864
Whoo! Yeah, Sid!
1020
00:51:38,465 --> 00:51:40,735
My acting coach says
I need to follow
my instincts.
1021
00:51:40,768 --> 00:51:46,473
Huh. Wait, you have a--
you have an acting coach?
1022
00:51:46,507 --> 00:51:50,110
- On YouTube.
- Well, that's 21st century.
1023
00:51:50,143 --> 00:51:54,247
Um, do you want to--
would you like to go maybe
1024
00:51:54,281 --> 00:51:57,652
to the Frakas twins' party
with me tomorrow?
1025
00:51:57,685 --> 00:51:58,853
( phone chimes )
1026
00:52:05,292 --> 00:52:07,595
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
1027
00:52:07,629 --> 00:52:09,262
Sick. Cool. Uh, dope.
1028
00:52:09,296 --> 00:52:11,566
I'll pick you up at 10.
1029
00:52:11,599 --> 00:52:13,968
- You'll text me?
- I don't have your number.
1030
00:52:14,002 --> 00:52:15,637
Sid: Don't have my number.
1031
00:52:15,670 --> 00:52:17,639
We love a good cat and mouse,don't we, Tiff Mann?
1032
00:52:17,672 --> 00:52:19,941
Hey, bud,
you got something
on your face.
1033
00:52:19,974 --> 00:52:23,176
( music playing )
1034
00:52:23,210 --> 00:52:26,146
♪ Go ♪
1035
00:52:26,179 --> 00:52:29,651
( music continues )
1036
00:52:29,684 --> 00:52:31,619
♪ Let's go ♪
1037
00:52:31,653 --> 00:52:34,488
♪ Go, go,trouble in the evening ♪
1038
00:52:34,522 --> 00:52:35,823
♪ Take it or leave it ♪
1039
00:52:35,857 --> 00:52:37,659
♪ I can really feel it ♪
1040
00:52:37,692 --> 00:52:39,426
♪ Stay in on the weekends ♪
1041
00:52:39,459 --> 00:52:41,294
Hey, does this shirt
make me look fat?
1042
00:52:41,328 --> 00:52:43,564
Like, kinda like when I do this?
1043
00:52:43,598 --> 00:52:45,298
Oh, no. No.
Buttons are totally slimming.
1044
00:52:45,332 --> 00:52:47,501
- What time again?
- Um, so, 10.
1045
00:52:47,535 --> 00:52:50,638
So then I'll pick you up at 9:30
'cause we gotta get Luna first.
1046
00:52:50,672 --> 00:52:53,975
- Dude, you're taking Luna?
- It's just for show. What?
1047
00:52:54,008 --> 00:52:56,077
- ( speaking Spanish )
- Mom!
1048
00:52:56,110 --> 00:52:58,311
No wonder you don't like Luna.
You're too busy falling
in love with Sid!
1049
00:52:58,345 --> 00:53:02,449
- Mom! Making me date
that brown fire hydrant--
- She is a lovely girl.
1050
00:53:02,482 --> 00:53:04,952
- She's like Satan in the flesh.
- I will smack your ass
1051
00:53:04,986 --> 00:53:07,055
- back to next Thursday, okay?
- Okay, okay, okay.
1052
00:53:07,088 --> 00:53:09,123
That's the kind of woman
you could slap around
in bed a little.
1053
00:53:09,157 --> 00:53:11,559
- Okay, Mom, please stop.
- I punched your father
in the face!
1054
00:53:11,592 --> 00:53:15,228
- Eww, eww! Mom!
- And then I got down on him
and just went to town!
1055
00:53:15,262 --> 00:53:16,731
- Mom!
- Si, and...
1056
00:53:16,764 --> 00:53:22,302
- ( speaking Spanish )
- ( screaming, sobbing )
1057
00:53:34,247 --> 00:53:36,584
Okay. What the fuck.
1058
00:53:38,285 --> 00:53:42,090
Oh, that was too many knocks.
Too many knocks. Okay.
1059
00:53:42,123 --> 00:53:44,659
- You're not even
gonna say I look nice?
- You don't look nice.
1060
00:53:44,692 --> 00:53:46,728
You look like
an incredibly mean person
1061
00:53:46,761 --> 00:53:47,762
because you are one.
1062
00:53:47,795 --> 00:53:50,363
You have the mustache
of a child molester
1063
00:53:50,397 --> 00:53:52,700
and the haircut
of a molested child.
1064
00:53:55,737 --> 00:53:57,437
Relax, relax.
1065
00:54:10,051 --> 00:54:12,920
- Hey.
- Hey.
1066
00:54:12,954 --> 00:54:16,958
Is that your minivan?
1067
00:54:19,127 --> 00:54:23,030
It's Jim's.
Great for families.
1068
00:54:28,335 --> 00:54:30,171
Fuck my life.
1069
00:54:30,204 --> 00:54:32,140
You ever wonderwhat life is like
1070
00:54:32,173 --> 00:54:33,841
for the cool kids?
1071
00:54:33,875 --> 00:54:36,811
Well, tonight I find out.
1072
00:54:36,844 --> 00:54:40,915
( music playing )
1073
00:54:40,948 --> 00:54:42,650
You okay?
1074
00:54:45,953 --> 00:54:48,256
Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.
1075
00:54:48,288 --> 00:54:50,091
- Wanna get a drink?
- Oh, yeah.
1076
00:54:50,124 --> 00:54:51,692
- Totally.
- Let's do it.
1077
00:54:55,062 --> 00:54:58,398
( cheering )
1078
00:54:58,431 --> 00:55:00,367
Cheers.
Let's just go for it. Okay.
1079
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,436
- Nice-- oh, you--
- Oh, my God.
1080
00:55:03,470 --> 00:55:06,473
- Is this one bad?
- Sid, come hit this!
1081
00:55:14,414 --> 00:55:17,885
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
1082
00:55:17,919 --> 00:55:19,821
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
1083
00:55:19,854 --> 00:55:23,490
( cheering )
1084
00:55:28,262 --> 00:55:31,299
This is literally
the coolest fucking party
1085
00:55:31,331 --> 00:55:33,100
that I have ever been to
in my entire life.
1086
00:55:33,134 --> 00:55:36,771
Why doesn't anybody want
to go ride a horse with me?
1087
00:55:36,804 --> 00:55:38,773
You wanna do one?
Guys, let's go--
1088
00:55:38,806 --> 00:55:41,976
Dude, give them their moment.
Stop hopping on the...
1089
00:55:42,009 --> 00:55:43,778
- For a moment...
- ( tires screeching )
1090
00:55:43,811 --> 00:55:46,948
...this partyfelt like heaven.
1091
00:55:51,686 --> 00:55:53,221
Luna: Oh, like you haven't
thought about it.
1092
00:55:53,254 --> 00:55:57,124
Yo. Why aren't you
responding to my texts?
1093
00:55:57,158 --> 00:55:59,426
'Cause I don't want
to talk to you.
1094
00:55:59,459 --> 00:56:02,897
- Okay, let's go for a walk.
- No.
1095
00:56:02,930 --> 00:56:08,169
We're gonna go for a walk,
'cause we clearly have things--
1096
00:56:08,202 --> 00:56:11,404
- ( murmuring )
- What the fuck?
1097
00:56:11,438 --> 00:56:14,075
- Uh, uh, Chuck. Yo, dawg.
- I need you to shut up.
1098
00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,811
Sid: Who gets out of angermanagement a week early?
1099
00:56:16,844 --> 00:56:20,348
- Fuck you, Switzerland.
- Dude, don't.
1100
00:56:20,380 --> 00:56:23,818
- Don't do this.
- David, Candace, I--
1101
00:56:23,851 --> 00:56:28,055
I really appreciate it,
but I'm fine.
1102
00:56:30,725 --> 00:56:34,028
Well, now I see
why you wanted
to get me suspended,
1103
00:56:34,061 --> 00:56:36,530
you little piece of shit.
1104
00:56:36,564 --> 00:56:39,100
Give me one good reason
1105
00:56:39,133 --> 00:56:40,968
why I shouldn't
kill you right now.
1106
00:56:41,002 --> 00:56:44,338
- Uh...
- This is it.
1107
00:56:44,372 --> 00:56:48,776
Barring divine intervention,I am... dead?
1108
00:56:50,378 --> 00:56:52,113
- ( crowd yells )
- Oh!
1109
00:56:54,982 --> 00:56:59,186
- Not again. Oh!
- It may not have beena burning bush,
1110
00:56:59,220 --> 00:57:02,790
but if an exploding carat the time of yourimminent demise
1111
00:57:02,823 --> 00:57:04,592
isn't evidenceof a higher power,
1112
00:57:04,625 --> 00:57:05,626
then I don't know what is.
1113
00:57:05,660 --> 00:57:07,795
Halle-fucking-lujah!
1114
00:57:07,828 --> 00:57:10,463
Let's get the hell out of here.
1115
00:57:10,497 --> 00:57:12,233
- Yeah.
- I think God just did that.
1116
00:57:12,266 --> 00:57:14,434
That was fucking dope!
1117
00:57:14,467 --> 00:57:17,772
- ( crowd murmuring )
- Oh, my God.
1118
00:57:22,576 --> 00:57:24,477
- Oh, I'm shaking.
- It just--
1119
00:57:24,512 --> 00:57:26,881
That happened, right?
You saw that too?
1120
00:57:26,914 --> 00:57:29,784
I feel like we're in
a rap video or something.
1121
00:57:29,817 --> 00:57:32,485
- What happened?
- I don't know.
1122
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,595
( retching )
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
1123
00:57:41,629 --> 00:57:43,731
That just came out.
I don't even know
what noise that was.
1124
00:57:43,764 --> 00:57:48,102
It sounded like
you put a pig in a blender.
1125
00:57:48,135 --> 00:57:50,905
Um, I'm so confused.
1126
00:57:50,938 --> 00:57:53,441
Have you not been texting me
this whole time?
1127
00:57:53,473 --> 00:57:55,076
No, I told you,
I don't have your number.
1128
00:57:55,109 --> 00:57:58,446
Look, the truth is, Sid,
1129
00:57:58,478 --> 00:58:01,382
I've been trying
really hard to like you.
1130
00:58:01,415 --> 00:58:03,818
I mean, like that.
1131
00:58:03,851 --> 00:58:07,088
That's cool, because
I want to like you, too.
1132
00:58:07,121 --> 00:58:11,625
And I do like you,
so I'm like a success story
you can really look up to.
1133
00:58:15,563 --> 00:58:20,500
You know, I've just--
I've felt so trapped dating
Chuck the past few years.
1134
00:58:20,534 --> 00:58:22,636
He and I, we have this cycle.
1135
00:58:22,670 --> 00:58:25,740
It's, like,
we fight, we break up,
we get back together.
1136
00:58:25,773 --> 00:58:27,775
He gets into some
kind of insane trouble
1137
00:58:27,808 --> 00:58:29,777
and I swear that
I'm gonna never date him again.
1138
00:58:29,810 --> 00:58:35,583
And then I just end up
back with him again.
1139
00:58:35,616 --> 00:58:37,585
( music playing )
1140
00:58:37,618 --> 00:58:41,856
I guess I just thought
that maybe if I liked you
1141
00:58:41,889 --> 00:58:45,493
then I wouldn't go back
to him, you know?
1142
00:58:45,526 --> 00:58:47,862
I wouldn't make
the same mistake.
1143
00:58:51,132 --> 00:58:53,501
But...
1144
00:58:53,534 --> 00:58:59,173
But I just-- I don't feel
that way about you, Sid.
1145
00:58:59,206 --> 00:59:00,908
I'm sorry.
1146
00:59:05,312 --> 00:59:06,313
Friends?
1147
00:59:24,231 --> 00:59:25,933
She didn't even
jerk you off?
1148
00:59:29,904 --> 00:59:30,905
Bummer.
1149
01:00:13,747 --> 01:00:15,983
( music playing )
1150
01:00:16,016 --> 01:00:18,486
Screw, Chuck.He can't touch me.
1151
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:19,820
- What's up, Sid?
- Yo.
1152
01:00:19,854 --> 01:00:21,523
When he left,I was invisible.
1153
01:00:21,556 --> 01:00:24,058
Now I'm invincible.
1154
01:00:24,091 --> 01:00:27,261
I'm like a hero,and people protect heroes.
1155
01:00:27,294 --> 01:00:31,632
Heroes never die, right?
1156
01:00:35,302 --> 01:00:36,837
( phone chimes )
1157
01:01:08,502 --> 01:01:10,304
Uh, hey.
1158
01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:13,040
Hey, can I talk to you guys?
1159
01:01:15,943 --> 01:01:17,646
I think-- I think that--
1160
01:01:17,678 --> 01:01:19,146
I think that you should log off.
1161
01:01:19,180 --> 01:01:20,615
Get the fuck outta here.
1162
01:01:20,649 --> 01:01:23,117
Okay, I get it. I do.
1163
01:01:23,150 --> 01:01:28,489
I love being in here,
but I think you're--
1164
01:01:28,523 --> 01:01:30,625
I just--
I think you're missing out.
1165
01:01:30,659 --> 01:01:32,259
Trust me. I'm you.
1166
01:01:32,293 --> 01:01:35,564
We're to living our lives
to our full potential.
1167
01:01:35,597 --> 01:01:39,934
Out there,
the quests don't wait for you
like they do in here.
1168
01:01:39,967 --> 01:01:43,137
There's a lot more out there
than orcs and night elves
1169
01:01:43,170 --> 01:01:47,241
and you shouldn't be spending
your whole lives hiding.
1170
01:01:51,312 --> 01:01:54,181
Yeah, all right. Okay.
1171
01:01:55,849 --> 01:01:57,718
( phone chimes )
1172
01:02:07,428 --> 01:02:09,930
Whoa, whoa. Sorry. Hey!
1173
01:02:12,099 --> 01:02:14,001
Hey, hey!
1174
01:02:16,737 --> 01:02:19,240
Hey! Hey!
1175
01:02:22,276 --> 01:02:26,548
- What?
- You're, uh...
1176
01:02:26,581 --> 01:02:29,551
Katie.
1177
01:02:29,584 --> 01:02:31,553
You've been texting me
this whole time.
1178
01:02:31,586 --> 01:02:33,053
- I'm sorry, okay? I got--
- No.
1179
01:02:33,087 --> 01:02:34,388
No, don't say you're sorry.
1180
01:02:34,421 --> 01:02:37,191
Just...
1181
01:02:37,224 --> 01:02:38,859
...hi.
1182
01:02:40,227 --> 01:02:42,930
- Hi.
- How do you even
know who I am?
1183
01:02:42,963 --> 01:02:47,569
I think everyone knows
who you are at this point.
1184
01:02:47,602 --> 01:02:49,403
You've been weird.
1185
01:02:49,436 --> 01:02:51,872
Good weird, though.
1186
01:02:51,905 --> 01:02:56,977
And you--
you wanted to help me?
1187
01:02:59,614 --> 01:03:00,682
Yeah.
1188
01:03:00,715 --> 01:03:02,684
Suck a dick, Chuck.
1189
01:03:02,717 --> 01:03:05,052
Why do we all have
to pretend that we don't want
to fuck each other...
1190
01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:07,689
Jim: Hugh Hefner would be
so proud of you right now.
1191
01:03:07,722 --> 01:03:10,824
Sandagger!
1192
01:03:10,858 --> 01:03:14,261
♪ She will never forget me ♪
1193
01:03:16,631 --> 01:03:18,198
Do you wanna go on
a date with me?
1194
01:03:19,634 --> 01:03:22,202
- Really?
- Yeah.
1195
01:03:24,271 --> 01:03:27,742
I'm going to
something after school
if you wanna come.
1196
01:03:27,776 --> 01:03:29,009
Yeah.
1197
01:03:33,380 --> 01:03:36,183
- I'll text you, I guess.
- Yeah, please.
1198
01:03:48,797 --> 01:03:54,168
( organ playing )
1199
01:03:58,172 --> 01:04:01,208
You know that
I have two moms, right?
1200
01:04:03,010 --> 01:04:04,579
And they're both
going to hell.
1201
01:04:04,612 --> 01:04:06,514
Oh.
1202
01:04:11,318 --> 01:04:12,520
Okay.
1203
01:04:16,691 --> 01:04:18,760
I just like bits and pieces.
1204
01:04:18,793 --> 01:04:24,131
- Of the Bible?
- Yeah, of all religions.
1205
01:04:24,164 --> 01:04:30,137
Plus, churches are
really pretty, and quiet,
1206
01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:33,907
and they make boys like you
super uncomfortable.
1207
01:04:44,519 --> 01:04:47,354
Sometimes it's just nice
to be somewhere, you know?
1208
01:04:51,325 --> 01:04:52,560
Amen.
1209
01:04:56,397 --> 01:04:57,565
Amen.
1210
01:05:02,604 --> 01:05:05,406
( music playing )
1211
01:05:05,439 --> 01:05:07,040
Jim: Ten seconds left!
1212
01:05:07,074 --> 01:05:09,577
He's going! Yeah!
1213
01:05:09,611 --> 01:05:13,213
Sandagger!
1214
01:05:13,247 --> 01:05:16,551
( cheering )
1215
01:05:22,624 --> 01:05:25,225
♪ I spent a lifetimekilling me ♪
1216
01:05:27,094 --> 01:05:29,597
( indistinct chatter )
1217
01:05:29,631 --> 01:05:32,966
♪ I found an old soulwho disagreed ♪
1218
01:05:35,102 --> 01:05:36,571
Hey, can I ask you something?
1219
01:05:36,604 --> 01:05:37,605
Yeah.
1220
01:05:38,972 --> 01:05:40,941
Did you set Chuck Brawnte's
car on fire?
1221
01:05:40,974 --> 01:05:44,178
- No.
- I had this awful--
1222
01:05:44,211 --> 01:05:46,313
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
1223
01:05:53,621 --> 01:05:56,390
Cool. I can do better.
1224
01:05:56,423 --> 01:05:58,425
I wasn't expecting that.
So, I can--
1225
01:06:01,962 --> 01:06:03,932
Katie:
"Let go of the past,
1226
01:06:03,964 --> 01:06:05,667
let go of the future,
1227
01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:07,067
in the present, let go.
1228
01:06:07,100 --> 01:06:09,771
Gone to the other shoreof becoming,
1229
01:06:09,804 --> 01:06:11,405
mind released entirely,
1230
01:06:11,438 --> 01:06:14,776
you will never againundergo birth and old age."
1231
01:06:14,809 --> 01:06:17,612
- Wow. That's beautiful.
- Isn't it?
1232
01:06:17,645 --> 01:06:18,780
- Depressing.
- No.
1233
01:06:18,813 --> 01:06:19,948
♪ We're still young ♪
1234
01:06:19,980 --> 01:06:21,850
♪ We should still believe ♪
1235
01:06:21,883 --> 01:06:26,019
♪ We passed outon a city street ♪
1236
01:06:26,053 --> 01:06:28,656
♪ We laughed untilwe couldn't breathe ♪
1237
01:06:28,690 --> 01:06:31,726
♪ I spent a lifetimekilling me ♪
1238
01:06:31,759 --> 01:06:34,796
My mom is eighth grade math,
1239
01:06:34,829 --> 01:06:37,431
and my dad is a librarian,
1240
01:06:37,464 --> 01:06:40,300
but he likes to be called
a media specialist.
1241
01:06:42,871 --> 01:06:44,204
- I wanna kiss you again.
- ♪ I ain't got nothing ♪
1242
01:06:44,238 --> 01:06:50,210
♪ Left to lose ♪
1243
01:06:50,244 --> 01:06:51,913
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
1244
01:06:51,946 --> 01:06:54,682
Watch your head
because there's, like,
a lot of books.
1245
01:06:58,853 --> 01:07:02,256
- ( barks )
- Like this, Joey.
1246
01:07:02,289 --> 01:07:03,457
All right,
if you don't poop there,
1247
01:07:03,490 --> 01:07:04,993
I'm just gonna tell Mom
that you pooped.
1248
01:07:05,058 --> 01:07:09,631
- Oh, my God.
- ( bass thumping )
1249
01:07:09,664 --> 01:07:12,667
Jimbo, what's up, brother?
1250
01:07:12,700 --> 01:07:14,702
Hey, dawg.
1251
01:07:14,736 --> 01:07:17,572
You wanna come chill with us?
We're gonna shoot a session.
1252
01:07:17,605 --> 01:07:20,008
You need someone to, like,
hold the camera or something?
1253
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,010
No, bro, we need to get you
in a goddamn video.
1254
01:07:22,042 --> 01:07:25,178
- You're hilarious.
- Uh, all right. Yeah.
1255
01:07:25,212 --> 01:07:26,346
Chuck: Jim, Jim!
Jim, Jim, Jim!
1256
01:07:26,380 --> 01:07:29,182
- All right.
- Fuck yeah, baby!
1257
01:07:29,216 --> 01:07:32,486
- This fucking kid.
- Your dog smells.
1258
01:07:36,056 --> 01:07:40,595
( music playing )
1259
01:07:44,064 --> 01:07:46,734
I hope you do die,
you fucking drug addict.
1260
01:07:52,574 --> 01:07:54,107
Hey, guys.
1261
01:08:00,882 --> 01:08:02,215
I could press charges,
you know?
1262
01:08:02,249 --> 01:08:03,685
For what you did to my face?
1263
01:08:03,718 --> 01:08:05,720
My mom had to put chapstick
on my eyelids.
1264
01:08:05,753 --> 01:08:08,455
Okay, what the fuck is going on?
1265
01:08:08,488 --> 01:08:10,058
I feel like
I'm in a fricking, like,
1266
01:08:10,090 --> 01:08:11,593
spaceship right now, right?
1267
01:08:11,626 --> 01:08:14,428
You are in a spaceship.
1268
01:08:14,461 --> 01:08:15,362
Yeah, I am!
1269
01:08:15,395 --> 01:08:17,130
I'm in a fucking
spaceship, dawg!
1270
01:08:17,164 --> 01:08:19,232
- And your boy, Sid?
- Yeah?
1271
01:08:19,266 --> 01:08:21,069
Dude, I've been hearing
so many stories.
1272
01:08:21,101 --> 01:08:22,904
Actually, I have
mad respect for the guy.
1273
01:08:22,937 --> 01:08:24,404
Dude, he's been going crazy.
1274
01:08:24,438 --> 01:08:27,374
He spiked that theater kid's
makeup with Icy Hot
1275
01:08:27,407 --> 01:08:28,776
just so he could go onstage.
1276
01:08:28,810 --> 01:08:31,278
And he got Megan Waters
crazy high for her debate.
1277
01:08:31,311 --> 01:08:32,780
- Megan fucking waters?
- Yeah, yeah.
1278
01:08:32,814 --> 01:08:34,582
Chuck: He's just trying
to live it up before I X him?
1279
01:08:34,616 --> 01:08:37,250
And, dude,
he's determined
to get laid, too.
1280
01:08:37,284 --> 01:08:38,720
He tried sticking it
to Tiff Mann.
1281
01:08:38,753 --> 01:08:41,288
- But don't worry.
She said no.
- Yeah?
1282
01:08:41,321 --> 01:08:42,924
Jim: Now he's trying
to hit on this gamer chick.
1283
01:08:42,957 --> 01:08:44,391
He even went to church with her
1284
01:08:44,424 --> 01:08:45,994
just so that
he could get in her pants
1285
01:08:46,027 --> 01:08:47,227
all before
you fucking kill him.
1286
01:08:47,260 --> 01:08:49,097
Sid, that is cold, brother.
1287
01:08:49,129 --> 01:08:50,732
You're not gonna, like,
hurt him or anything?
1288
01:08:50,765 --> 01:08:53,166
'Cause, like, I'm--
like, I'm down with him.
1289
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,603
No, for sure.
I'm not gonna hurt him.
1290
01:08:55,637 --> 01:08:57,204
- Um...
- Dope.
1291
01:08:57,237 --> 01:09:00,140
Chuck: 'Cause I'm gonna
fucking end him.
1292
01:09:00,173 --> 01:09:03,276
I'm gonna beat him so badly
1293
01:09:03,310 --> 01:09:06,948
that he's never able to feel
a fucking thing ever again.
1294
01:09:06,981 --> 01:09:09,717
- Say, "Hi, Sid."
- Wait, what?
1295
01:09:17,125 --> 01:09:18,926
- Hey!
- Slow down!
1296
01:09:23,196 --> 01:09:24,799
Fuck off, noob.
1297
01:09:28,235 --> 01:09:31,438
( music playing )
1298
01:09:36,144 --> 01:09:38,445
What was everyoneso upset about?
1299
01:09:38,478 --> 01:09:41,314
Yeah, they werepart of a list. So what?
1300
01:09:41,348 --> 01:09:44,886
I still did all the thingsthey thought were great.
1301
01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:47,855
But after the video,everything went to shit.
1302
01:09:49,489 --> 01:09:51,291
I was kicked off the ice,
1303
01:09:51,324 --> 01:09:53,561
and the rest of the guysrefused to play with me.
1304
01:09:55,730 --> 01:09:59,000
Megan was put ondisciplinary probationfor doing drugs,
1305
01:09:59,033 --> 01:10:01,201
and then kicked offstudent council.
1306
01:10:01,234 --> 01:10:05,640
Candace re-pledgedher eternal abstinenceand dumped Dave.
1307
01:10:05,673 --> 01:10:07,675
Dr. Capanna:
Oh, yeah, sure...
1308
01:10:07,709 --> 01:10:10,778
Oh, and guess who decidedto be sick today?
1309
01:10:20,688 --> 01:10:22,657
- Hey, man.
- Dude, seriously? Go away.
1310
01:10:22,690 --> 01:10:24,291
- Sid, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Go, dude.
1311
01:10:24,324 --> 01:10:26,027
- I made a mistake.
- Don't fucking touch me.
1312
01:10:26,060 --> 01:10:28,029
- Leave, man.
- I made a mistake.
Just hear me out.
1313
01:10:28,062 --> 01:10:29,329
Just let me talk
for a little bit.
1314
01:10:29,362 --> 01:10:31,298
Do you have any idea
what the fuck you've done?
1315
01:10:31,331 --> 01:10:36,671
- Sid, I do know what I did.
- You have literally
ruined everything.
1316
01:10:36,704 --> 01:10:41,075
All you ever wanted was for
someone popular to like you,
and they never will.
1317
01:10:41,109 --> 01:10:42,210
Luna, was right, Jim.
1318
01:10:42,242 --> 01:10:45,046
You are an insecure
attention whore
1319
01:10:45,079 --> 01:10:46,379
who would literally sell out
1320
01:10:46,413 --> 01:10:48,649
the only real friend
that you have ever had
1321
01:10:48,683 --> 01:10:51,318
for the chance at someone
with more fucking followers.
1322
01:10:51,351 --> 01:10:54,689
Sid. Sid, I'm sorry, dude.
1323
01:10:54,722 --> 01:10:57,457
Sid, come on! Sid!
1324
01:11:00,828 --> 01:11:04,498
Jim is an idiot.
1325
01:11:04,532 --> 01:11:05,666
Stupid.
1326
01:11:09,570 --> 01:11:15,743
I wasn't just trying
to get with you.
1327
01:11:15,777 --> 01:11:17,410
I promise.
1328
01:11:21,048 --> 01:11:22,650
God.
1329
01:11:22,683 --> 01:11:23,684
( phone chimes )
1330
01:11:31,559 --> 01:11:32,660
I know.
1331
01:11:49,811 --> 01:11:52,445
Aah! God!
1332
01:12:06,227 --> 01:12:08,095
This is why I have rules.
1333
01:12:08,129 --> 01:12:09,297
This is why I said to shut up
1334
01:12:09,329 --> 01:12:10,631
and to stay under the radar
1335
01:12:10,665 --> 01:12:12,600
and to not messwith the system.
1336
01:12:12,633 --> 01:12:15,136
Because when you speak up,when you care,
1337
01:12:15,169 --> 01:12:17,138
and when you stopbeing afraid,
1338
01:12:17,171 --> 01:12:19,941
people will hurt you.
1339
01:12:19,974 --> 01:12:21,642
They will findthat thing inside of you
1340
01:12:21,676 --> 01:12:24,312
that you try so hardto guard and protect,
1341
01:12:24,344 --> 01:12:26,113
and they will poke at itand jab at it
1342
01:12:26,147 --> 01:12:30,450
until you want to just crawlinto a little ball and cry,
1343
01:12:30,483 --> 01:12:33,386
and then you mightas well be dead.
1344
01:12:36,023 --> 01:12:40,328
( doorbell rings )
1345
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:43,564
( ringing continues )
1346
01:12:49,837 --> 01:12:53,641
Why haven't you been
answering Jim's DMs?
1347
01:12:53,674 --> 01:12:56,210
I don't really feel like
talking to him right now.
1348
01:12:56,244 --> 01:12:58,512
What he did was stupid.
1349
01:12:58,546 --> 01:13:01,582
But what do you expect?
It's Jim.
1350
01:13:01,616 --> 01:13:04,451
He has
the emotional intelligence
of a premature baby
1351
01:13:04,484 --> 01:13:07,889
and the actual intelligence
of one of those baboons
with the red asses.
1352
01:13:07,922 --> 01:13:09,657
Those are just baboons.
1353
01:13:09,690 --> 01:13:11,959
And they use tools,
they're brilliant animals.
1354
01:13:11,993 --> 01:13:13,426
Well, Jim isn't.
1355
01:13:14,394 --> 01:13:16,063
But he's also your best friend.
1356
01:13:19,767 --> 01:13:21,302
You're coming to
Homecoming tonight, right?
1357
01:13:21,335 --> 01:13:25,072
No. I don't have a date.
I don't have a ride.
1358
01:13:25,106 --> 01:13:28,542
I got you a tie
and boutonnière
when Jim got his.
1359
01:13:28,576 --> 01:13:30,845
Fair warning,
he did that dumb thing
1360
01:13:30,878 --> 01:13:33,581
where he got the pimp cane
and the top hat.
1361
01:13:33,614 --> 01:13:34,481
Ugh.
1362
01:13:34,515 --> 01:13:37,551
As far as a date goes,
fuck it.
1363
01:13:37,585 --> 01:13:40,021
Just show up,
or you'll regret it.
1364
01:13:41,255 --> 01:13:42,556
Chuck will kill me.
1365
01:13:42,590 --> 01:13:45,793
- I blew up Chuck's car.
- What?
1366
01:13:45,826 --> 01:13:47,460
Yeah.
1367
01:13:47,494 --> 01:13:49,797
( music playing )
1368
01:13:58,506 --> 01:14:00,875
Grain alcohol
is surprisingly flammable.
1369
01:14:00,908 --> 01:14:03,344
Luna, that's insane.
And a felony.
1370
01:14:03,377 --> 01:14:05,680
- Maybe.
- It is.
1371
01:14:05,713 --> 01:14:07,715
- But do you know why I did it?
- Because you're fucking nuts?
1372
01:14:07,748 --> 01:14:11,419
Because for a moment,
you gave everyone hope.
1373
01:14:11,451 --> 01:14:14,255
Look at all those people
whose lives you affected
1374
01:14:14,288 --> 01:14:16,057
just by being
an arrogant little shit
1375
01:14:16,090 --> 01:14:19,393
by refused to play
by the rules and be quiet.
1376
01:14:19,427 --> 01:14:22,863
Now everybody just thinks
I was using them for
some stupid bucket list.
1377
01:14:22,897 --> 01:14:26,133
But stay home
and hide from Chuck?
1378
01:14:28,468 --> 01:14:29,937
You'll be showing them
that they're right.
1379
01:14:33,473 --> 01:14:35,843
Well, I gotta get back
before lunch is over.
1380
01:14:43,718 --> 01:14:45,152
For you.
1381
01:14:46,988 --> 01:14:49,156
Later, fuckwad.
1382
01:15:07,308 --> 01:15:10,578
- I think we have to start over.
- You know how to tie a tie?
1383
01:15:10,611 --> 01:15:13,047
Can you get a YouTube video
just in case?
1384
01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:16,350
Oh, did you know that this
is called an oriental knot?
1385
01:15:16,384 --> 01:15:18,352
- It goes around
the tree trunk.
- Yeah.
1386
01:15:18,386 --> 01:15:21,155
- Did it.
- Photo time.
1387
01:15:21,188 --> 01:15:24,191
( music playing )
1388
01:15:26,861 --> 01:15:28,262
Oh, man, this is my song!
1389
01:15:28,295 --> 01:15:32,299
( music continues )
1390
01:15:38,839 --> 01:15:40,674
- Get up.
- ( whispering )
1391
01:15:40,708 --> 01:15:44,712
- Get up.
- Nice cane.
1392
01:15:44,745 --> 01:15:48,983
- Thanks.
- Look, man, I'm sorry
1393
01:15:49,016 --> 01:15:50,818
about some of that stuff
that I said.
1394
01:15:50,851 --> 01:15:53,788
Yeah, you said
some pretty rough stuff.
1395
01:15:53,821 --> 01:15:55,689
I do think you care
a little bit too much
1396
01:15:55,723 --> 01:15:58,993
about being popular,
but I get it.
1397
01:15:59,026 --> 01:16:01,395
I know how good it felt
when I finally started
to get some attention,
1398
01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:03,564
so I don't blame you.
1399
01:16:03,597 --> 01:16:05,699
Boner brothers?
1400
01:16:05,733 --> 01:16:09,036
I thought that was you
and Dave Guggenheim's thing.
1401
01:16:09,070 --> 01:16:12,006
Come on, Jimenez.
1402
01:16:12,039 --> 01:16:13,974
You'll always be
my boner brother.
1403
01:16:15,242 --> 01:16:17,078
I'm gonna go spike the punch.
1404
01:16:24,251 --> 01:16:26,555
Give him some time.
1405
01:16:26,587 --> 01:16:28,255
Jim doesn't think very fast.
1406
01:16:31,258 --> 01:16:33,227
You look nice.
1407
01:16:33,260 --> 01:16:35,396
Thanks.
1408
01:16:35,429 --> 01:16:36,931
You look beautiful.
1409
01:16:36,964 --> 01:16:38,099
I know.
1410
01:16:41,902 --> 01:16:45,940
- Um, will you give me a second?
- Yeah.
1411
01:16:45,973 --> 01:16:49,578
Hey. Um, just--
1412
01:16:49,610 --> 01:16:51,745
- Hey, please.
- Sid, I don't wanna have
this conversation.
1413
01:16:51,779 --> 01:16:54,549
This isn't that.
It's not that conversation.
1414
01:16:54,583 --> 01:16:57,586
This isn't me saying
that I made a mistake,
1415
01:16:57,618 --> 01:17:01,055
or that there was
some big misunderstanding,
1416
01:17:01,088 --> 01:17:04,593
or even telling you that
you're the love of my life
1417
01:17:04,625 --> 01:17:06,595
or the only one for me
or anything.
1418
01:17:06,660 --> 01:17:08,462
This isn't even me
trying to win you back.
1419
01:17:08,496 --> 01:17:11,665
- Okay, then what is it?
- It's goodbye.
1420
01:17:13,934 --> 01:17:16,904
I just-- I wanted
to say that I've had
1421
01:17:16,937 --> 01:17:19,574
a lot of bad days
and a few good ones.
1422
01:17:19,608 --> 01:17:24,513
But the ones that
I spent with you, Katie,
were the best ones.
1423
01:17:24,546 --> 01:17:27,915
And I'm so thankful to you
for that.
1424
01:17:38,159 --> 01:17:43,864
- ( all cheering )
- ( music playing )
1425
01:17:48,302 --> 01:17:52,873
( music continues )
1426
01:17:54,141 --> 01:17:57,778
- ( music stops )
- ( crowd murmuring )
1427
01:18:03,250 --> 01:18:04,318
You ready?
1428
01:18:08,122 --> 01:18:09,658
I am.
1429
01:18:09,690 --> 01:18:13,528
As I walk through the valleyof the shadow of high school,
1430
01:18:13,562 --> 01:18:16,997
I take with me my memories,I leave behind my regrets.
1431
01:18:17,031 --> 01:18:20,267
I have loved, lost,risen, fallen,
1432
01:18:20,301 --> 01:18:22,002
and now I face the beyond.
1433
01:18:22,036 --> 01:18:24,838
May my beatdown inspire thosewho still live in fear.
1434
01:18:24,872 --> 01:18:28,909
I am Sid Sandagger,and I am no longer afraid!
1435
01:18:28,943 --> 01:18:31,680
And I have lived!
1436
01:18:31,712 --> 01:18:36,784
( flatlining )
1437
01:18:42,557 --> 01:18:44,593
Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.
1438
01:18:44,626 --> 01:18:46,126
- How does this shit
fucking work?
- ( beeping resumes )
1439
01:18:46,160 --> 01:18:49,730
That's definitely
not how it works.
1440
01:18:49,763 --> 01:18:53,400
Hey, buddy. How you feel?
1441
01:18:54,569 --> 01:18:55,836
I'm alive?
1442
01:18:55,869 --> 01:18:57,004
Yeah, you're alive.
1443
01:18:57,037 --> 01:18:59,708
I mean,
you look like a Picasso,
1444
01:18:59,740 --> 01:19:01,976
but you're alive.
1445
01:19:06,413 --> 01:19:08,382
- Oh, my God.
- What?
1446
01:19:08,415 --> 01:19:10,484
What happened to your face?
1447
01:19:10,518 --> 01:19:13,555
Oh, um, I think Luna
might've tagged me by accident.
1448
01:19:13,588 --> 01:19:14,922
She is so strong.
1449
01:19:14,955 --> 01:19:17,726
I think it's the low
center of gravity
1450
01:19:17,758 --> 01:19:21,128
- and the rage issues.
- So what happened?
1451
01:19:21,161 --> 01:19:23,831
You went unconscious
pretty quickly,
and then shit went down.
1452
01:19:23,864 --> 01:19:25,766
( crowd gasps )
1453
01:19:25,799 --> 01:19:28,002
- ( grunting )
- Coach: Break it up!
1454
01:19:28,035 --> 01:19:30,572
Dad, listen to me!
I'm a dancer!
1455
01:19:30,605 --> 01:19:31,573
What do you mean
you're a dancer?
1456
01:19:31,606 --> 01:19:32,741
Yeah!
You know what else?
1457
01:19:32,773 --> 01:19:35,075
( crowd gasps )
1458
01:19:35,109 --> 01:19:37,278
I wanna dance!
1459
01:19:37,311 --> 01:19:38,546
Somebody dance with me!
1460
01:19:38,580 --> 01:19:40,414
Now I know why pimps
carry canes!
1461
01:19:40,447 --> 01:19:41,782
( grunts )
1462
01:19:41,815 --> 01:19:45,219
( panting )
1463
01:19:45,252 --> 01:19:46,920
- Oh, fuck.
- You stupid bitch.
1464
01:19:46,954 --> 01:19:50,692
- No, I thought we were bros!
- Motherfucker!
1465
01:19:50,725 --> 01:19:54,328
I'll kill you, you hear me?
I'll fucking kill you, bitch!
1466
01:19:55,396 --> 01:19:56,698
I hope you choke to death!
1467
01:19:56,731 --> 01:19:58,600
I'll protect you.
1468
01:19:58,633 --> 01:20:00,100
Protect yourself, bitch.
1469
01:20:00,134 --> 01:20:02,936
- Make your melon.
- Yes.
1470
01:20:09,176 --> 01:20:11,646
- You fought Chuck for me?
- Yeah, of course, dude.
1471
01:20:11,680 --> 01:20:14,348
You're my best friend.
1472
01:20:14,381 --> 01:20:18,018
I'm never gonna let
some piece of shit
beat the shit out of you.
1473
01:20:18,052 --> 01:20:22,757
- Can you walk?
- Oh, fuck.
1474
01:20:22,791 --> 01:20:24,793
Dude, I haven't even tri-- oh.
1475
01:20:24,825 --> 01:20:26,628
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no, I think so.
1476
01:20:26,661 --> 01:20:27,629
Fuck!
1477
01:20:27,662 --> 01:20:29,597
( moaning )
1478
01:20:29,631 --> 01:20:32,866
Well, anyway,
there's some people
who might wanna see you.
1479
01:20:32,900 --> 01:20:35,537
Yeah, I'm good.
1480
01:20:38,606 --> 01:20:39,808
- Hey.
- ( music playing )
1481
01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:42,443
( crowd chattering )
1482
01:20:42,476 --> 01:20:43,812
Yeah, you're definitely
gonna need stitches.
1483
01:20:43,844 --> 01:20:47,348
- Ow. Oh, fuck.
- Sid! Hey.
1484
01:20:47,381 --> 01:20:53,153
♪ Today I tookmy first breath ♪
1485
01:20:53,187 --> 01:20:55,489
Sid, way to take
that punch, man.
1486
01:20:55,523 --> 01:20:57,257
- Oh!
- ( chatter continues )
1487
01:20:57,291 --> 01:21:01,663
♪ I'm standingon this broken road ♪
1488
01:21:01,696 --> 01:21:08,035
♪ I'll find my way back hometo you and me ♪
1489
01:21:10,437 --> 01:21:12,741
♪ Hey ♪
1490
01:21:12,774 --> 01:21:15,275
♪ Hey ♪
1491
01:21:15,309 --> 01:21:16,377
♪ Hey ♪
1492
01:21:19,279 --> 01:21:20,682
So we're agreed
on ground rules?
1493
01:21:20,715 --> 01:21:21,949
One night only,
1494
01:21:21,982 --> 01:21:23,016
and then we never
breathe a word of this
1495
01:21:23,050 --> 01:21:24,619
- to anyone ever again.
- Deal.
1496
01:21:24,652 --> 01:21:25,886
Like it never happened.
1497
01:21:25,919 --> 01:21:27,488
- Wanna know something?
- What?
1498
01:21:27,522 --> 01:21:31,593
- I blew up Chuck's car.
- God, you're fucking crazy.
1499
01:21:31,626 --> 01:21:35,462
♪ Today is the day ♪
1500
01:21:36,731 --> 01:21:40,267
( vocalizing )
1501
01:21:46,273 --> 01:21:48,075
Hey.
1502
01:21:48,108 --> 01:21:49,109
Hey.
1503
01:21:49,910 --> 01:21:53,515
How was your day?
1504
01:21:53,548 --> 01:21:54,516
Eventful.
1505
01:21:54,549 --> 01:21:57,217
Can we just start over?
1506
01:21:58,586 --> 01:22:00,755
Yeah.
1507
01:22:00,789 --> 01:22:01,989
I'm Sid.
1508
01:22:03,758 --> 01:22:04,958
I know.
1509
01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:08,530
Do you wanna dance?
1510
01:22:10,431 --> 01:22:11,398
Yeah.
1511
01:22:11,432 --> 01:22:14,435
( vocalizing )
1512
01:22:16,937 --> 01:22:18,740
- Oh!
- What?
1513
01:22:18,773 --> 01:22:20,040
What, what?
What, what, what?
1514
01:22:20,073 --> 01:22:22,009
- What, what? What?
- You bit me!
1515
01:22:22,042 --> 01:22:24,646
Why is your tongue so long?
Are you trying to get
my throat pregnant?
1516
01:22:24,679 --> 01:22:27,080
Oh, my God. Why did I think
this would be a good idea?
1517
01:22:27,114 --> 01:22:30,951
- You kiss like a succubus.
- I hate you so much.
1518
01:22:33,454 --> 01:22:36,223
What, what?
1519
01:22:36,256 --> 01:22:38,158
Will you stick a finger
in my butt?
1520
01:22:41,930 --> 01:22:45,299
- You are so beautiful.
- ♪ Hey ♪
1521
01:22:45,332 --> 01:22:50,304
♪ Today is the day ♪
1522
01:22:50,337 --> 01:22:55,610
♪ Today is our day ♪
1523
01:22:55,643 --> 01:22:57,478
Shit, I have a boner.
1524
01:22:58,680 --> 01:23:00,615
Me too.
1525
01:23:00,648 --> 01:23:04,819
( vocalizing )
1526
01:23:04,853 --> 01:23:10,023
♪ Today is the day ♪
1527
01:23:10,057 --> 01:23:13,695
♪ Today is our day ♪
1528
01:23:13,728 --> 01:23:15,630
♪ For your and me ♪
1529
01:23:15,663 --> 01:23:18,700
( chatter continues )
1530
01:23:18,733 --> 01:23:20,668
♪ For you and me ♪
1531
01:23:23,571 --> 01:23:26,039
♪ For you and me ♪
1532
01:23:28,576 --> 01:23:30,377
♪ For you and me ♪
1533
01:23:37,484 --> 01:23:40,454
( music playing )
1534
01:23:40,487 --> 01:23:44,224
( vocalizing )
1535
01:23:51,365 --> 01:23:55,068
♪ All the roadsI've had to choose ♪
1536
01:23:55,102 --> 01:23:58,806
♪ And they all ledback to you ♪
1537
01:23:58,840 --> 01:24:02,342
♪ My eyes are open wide out ♪
1538
01:24:02,376 --> 01:24:05,379
♪ But you put the light out ♪
1539
01:24:05,412 --> 01:24:08,382
♪ You're running me around ♪
1540
01:24:08,415 --> 01:24:12,252
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1541
01:24:12,286 --> 01:24:16,024
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1542
01:24:16,056 --> 01:24:19,493
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1543
01:24:19,527 --> 01:24:21,461
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1544
01:24:21,495 --> 01:24:25,098
♪ I never knowhow many roads ♪
1545
01:24:25,132 --> 01:24:28,836
♪ I'll have to choose ♪
1546
01:24:28,870 --> 01:24:31,104
♪ It's not a bed of roses ♪
1547
01:24:31,138 --> 01:24:33,106
♪ You never notice ♪
1548
01:24:33,140 --> 01:24:35,910
♪ You never knew ♪
1549
01:24:35,944 --> 01:24:40,582
♪ I hope you don't hit yourback side when you roll out ♪
1550
01:24:40,615 --> 01:24:44,217
♪ And you neverused to roll the dicetill you slowed down ♪
1551
01:24:44,251 --> 01:24:48,288
♪ Now I hopeyou hit your back side,hit your back side ♪
1552
01:24:48,322 --> 01:24:50,858
♪ When you roll out ♪
1553
01:24:50,892 --> 01:24:53,661
♪ You're running me around ♪
1554
01:24:53,695 --> 01:24:57,397
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1555
01:24:57,431 --> 01:25:01,168
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1556
01:25:01,201 --> 01:25:04,672
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1557
01:25:04,706 --> 01:25:08,408
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1558
01:25:08,442 --> 01:25:11,946
♪ Who you callingin the middle of the night? ♪
1559
01:25:11,980 --> 01:25:15,683
♪ I know you miss itand you wish it was right ♪
1560
01:25:15,717 --> 01:25:19,419
♪ I know you wish you knewwhat you know now ♪
1561
01:25:19,453 --> 01:25:23,858
♪ But I can't take you whenyou're running me around ♪
1562
01:25:37,371 --> 01:25:41,274
♪ All the roadsI've had to choose ♪
1563
01:25:41,308 --> 01:25:44,344
♪ And they all ledback to you ♪
1564
01:25:44,378 --> 01:25:48,348
♪ My eyes are open wide out ♪
1565
01:25:48,382 --> 01:25:51,819
♪ But you put the light out ♪
1566
01:25:51,853 --> 01:25:53,655
♪ I hope you knowyou're gonna hit ♪
1567
01:25:53,688 --> 01:25:56,658
♪ Your back sidewhen you roll out ♪
1568
01:25:56,691 --> 01:25:58,860
♪ I know I used toroll the dice ♪
1569
01:25:58,893 --> 01:26:00,394
♪ Till I slowed down ♪
1570
01:26:00,427 --> 01:26:02,362
♪ I hope youhit your back side,
1571
01:26:02,396 --> 01:26:06,500
♪ Hit your back sidewhen you roll out ♪
1572
01:26:06,534 --> 01:26:09,369
♪ You're running me around ♪
1573
01:26:09,403 --> 01:26:13,206
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1574
01:26:13,240 --> 01:26:16,778
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1575
01:26:16,811 --> 01:26:20,682
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1576
01:26:20,715 --> 01:26:24,384
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1577
01:26:24,418 --> 01:26:28,221
♪ Don't start, don't start ♪
1578
01:26:28,255 --> 01:26:33,226
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1579
01:26:35,830 --> 01:26:41,234
♪ Don't startrunning me around ♪
1580
01:26:45,372 --> 01:26:51,579
( music playing )
1581
01:27:00,722 --> 01:27:04,424
( music continues )
1582
01:27:04,458 --> 01:27:08,428
♪ The cycle neverreally ends ♪
1583
01:27:08,462 --> 01:27:11,733
♪ You and me were left out ♪
1584
01:27:11,766 --> 01:27:14,569
♪ I'm stuck insidethe glass again ♪
1585
01:27:14,602 --> 01:27:16,938
♪ Tell me everythingabout it ♪
1586
01:27:16,971 --> 01:27:19,741
♪ Now I can't explain ♪
1587
01:27:19,774 --> 01:27:23,578
♪ Everything insideyour brain ♪
1588
01:27:23,611 --> 01:27:26,279
♪ Is turning inside out ♪
1589
01:27:26,313 --> 01:27:30,450
♪ And upside down ♪
1590
01:27:32,486 --> 01:27:36,289
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1591
01:27:36,323 --> 01:27:40,293
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1592
01:27:40,327 --> 01:27:43,598
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1593
01:27:43,631 --> 01:27:46,768
♪ I think I'm just your--just your ♪
1594
01:28:01,649 --> 01:28:04,952
♪ Hurting froma tough crowd ♪
1595
01:28:04,986 --> 01:28:09,157
♪ Cool classicplaying on the brain ♪
1596
01:28:09,190 --> 01:28:12,960
♪ We're cravingall the old times ♪
1597
01:28:12,994 --> 01:28:15,495
♪ Just to bring backall the pain ♪
1598
01:28:15,530 --> 01:28:18,166
♪ Tell me everythingabout it ♪
1599
01:28:18,199 --> 01:28:20,802
♪ Now I can't explain ♪
1600
01:28:20,835 --> 01:28:24,504
♪ Everything insideyour brain ♪
1601
01:28:24,539 --> 01:28:27,340
♪ Is turning inside out ♪
1602
01:28:27,374 --> 01:28:31,679
♪ And upside down ♪
1603
01:28:33,380 --> 01:28:37,350
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1604
01:28:37,384 --> 01:28:40,988
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1605
01:28:41,022 --> 01:28:44,659
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1606
01:28:44,692 --> 01:28:48,361
♪ I think I'm just your--just your habit ♪
1607
01:28:48,395 --> 01:28:51,364
♪ Makes me wanna scream ♪
1608
01:28:51,398 --> 01:28:55,002
♪ Feeling like I'm 17 ♪
1609
01:28:55,036 --> 01:28:59,372
♪ Pick a fightand make a scene ♪
1610
01:28:59,406 --> 01:29:02,543
♪ Think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1611
01:29:19,426 --> 01:29:23,030
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1612
01:29:23,064 --> 01:29:26,868
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1613
01:29:26,901 --> 01:29:30,571
♪ I think I'm justyour bad habit ♪
1614
01:29:30,605 --> 01:29:33,841
♪ I think I'm just your--just your ♪
1615
01:29:33,875 --> 01:29:38,880
( music playing )
128983
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