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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,438 Andrew: I remember I was watching this person 2 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:23,940 get undressed, I was in the bed watching this person 3 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,191 get undressed and just thinking, 4 00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,444 "Wow, I get to do this, this is great." 5 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,738 And so-- 6 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,907 so I finished early, um, as you do when 7 00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,743 you've never done this before. 8 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:38,788 And afterwards, I said, "Wow, we should totally go for a coffee, 9 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,498 let's go for pizza". 10 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:45,420 'Cause I honestly thought and believed that, um, when you 11 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,006 do that with somebody you must be in a relationship. 12 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,175 I was very, very young and I just 13 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:53,094 wanted to feel wanted by somebody, so-- 14 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,347 I kind of pushed that along. 15 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:58,433 And then, I remember him looking at me 16 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,352 straight in the face and saying, 17 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,271 "Um, no, do you see your chair over there?" 18 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,857 And I said, "Yeah," and he pointed to my wheelchair. 19 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,194 I was in my bed and he said, "Well, I came by because 20 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:12,113 I felt bad for you, you were just a pity fuck". 21 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:15,116 And I remember just looking up at the ceiling and just 22 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:18,203 thinking, "Okay, how do I react, 23 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,206 but maintain my composure and not break down?" 24 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,751 I was so hurt because it had- 25 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,211 I knew people had- 26 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,380 may have felt that way about people with disabilities, 27 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:32,175 but I'd- I'd never been confronted with it so head on. 28 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,844 29 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,100 30 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,851 Andrew: I've fallen in love many times. 31 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,895 Many, many times have I been in love. 32 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,524 The trouble is, a lot of that love was manufactured. 33 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,776 34 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,069 Andrew: I manufactured these feelings 35 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,612 because I wanted to feel them. 36 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:58,076 And so the idea of going on dates, being romantic- 37 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,329 I love that idea, but I've never been given the proper 38 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,124 opportunity to do that with somebody. 39 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:08,378 40 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:11,923 (busy traffic sounds) 41 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,217 Andrew: Coming out and saying "I'm queer" was easy. 42 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:18,013 Saying "I'm also queer and disabled" was extremely hard. 43 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:20,515 Convincing people that I am sexually viable, 44 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,476 especially in my case, where when all the men have been 45 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:26,396 socialized to see the able-bodied, good looking, 46 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:31,151 muscular, white male ready to fuck. 47 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:34,154 Then I roll in, like a big piece of moving furniture, 48 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,321 and then they go 49 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,698 (gasp) 50 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,576 "I don't know how to- I have no framework for this". 51 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,829 All those pretend moments where people are like, 52 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,372 "Oh, you're great. Oh, you're just-" 53 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,208 all that fakeness that people put on goes away. 54 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,086 'Cause you're confronting them with two scary truths: 55 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,380 sex and disability. 56 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,215 Director: Q&A take six marker. 57 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,884 Hi, I'm Andrew. 58 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,177 And I'm Stella. 59 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:57,719 And- 60 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:58,428 Both: We are- 61 00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:01,139 Deliciously disable- 62 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,516 Can we do that again without the laughing? 63 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,685 Hi, I'm Andrew. 64 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,020 And I'm Stella. 65 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,104 And we are-- 66 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,106 Both: Deliciously disabled- 67 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,775 (laughing) 68 00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,903 Can you not, like, yell it like that? 69 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,197 Think about something serious, goddammit! 70 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,615 Hi, I'm Andrew. 71 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:19,866 And I'm Stella. 72 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,867 And we are-- 73 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,370 Both: Deliciously Disabled. 74 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:26,414 Andrew: Deliciously disabled means that I deal with leg bags, 75 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:30,126 and condom catheters, and attendants, and all that stuff, 76 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,587 and all the anxiety around sex, or dating, 77 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,130 or boys, or whatever it is. 78 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,590 Honestly, for real. 79 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:38,051 'Cause typically when people talk about disability, 80 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,845 they do it with kid gloves, they're afraid to really get 81 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,182 in the gritty, nitty, shitty part of it. 82 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,268 And I am not afraid to do that, because it's my life. 83 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:52,941 (electrical buzzing) 84 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:59,572 85 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:01,157 Hi Mom, how are you? 86 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,244 Good, I'm just at the uh- 87 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,955 -at the gym for my first presentation in about five, 88 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,039 ten minutes. 89 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,001 Little bit nervous, I'm excited, all that stuff. 90 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:11,876 But yeah. 91 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:13,420 Okay, I'll ta- 92 00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:14,462 I'll call you after. 93 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:20,635 I'm a podcaster, so I've just turned my radio show into a 94 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:24,097 podcast where I talk about the reality of sex and disability. 95 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,766 I am the guy that helped co-create that handicapped orgy 96 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,519 you may have heard of that happened last summer in Toronto. 97 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,272 I didn't want to wait for somebody to validate me, 98 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,524 I knew that I had to do it myself. 99 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,569 I like that I'm different, I like that my body is curved, 100 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,321 I like that when I'm naked I don't look normative and 101 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,950 I think my disability enhances my sexual identity a lot. 102 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,828 Um, my question is about your photo where you show 103 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,289 your leg bag and it seemed quite controversial- 104 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,874 Andrew: Yeah. 105 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,001 Audience member: And I know that it's kind of a part of you, 106 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:56,004 but it's not really a part of you when you're having sex. 107 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:58,256 So what made you kinda come to that decision? 108 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,091 Andrew: Well, I would- 109 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,594 I hear you, but I would also disagree with you- 110 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,137 Yeah, yeah. 111 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,473 Because when I'm with a partner they have to take it off. 112 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:07,223 They have to. 113 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,600 I don't- 114 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,976 I'm not calling my attendant care worker just before 115 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,729 my hookup gets here to be like, "Hey, could you ju- 116 00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,272 hey, so I'm about to- hey" 117 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:14,856 No. 118 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:15,982 Not doing that. 119 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,400 So I will discuss with my partner, 120 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,986 "I need you to remove this and take it off," 121 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,697 and you know, make it part of the play. 122 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:26,201 (rain and thunder) 123 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,244 There's been a departure with Pride day. 124 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:31,247 It used to be a funeral march and now- 125 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:35,502 Aaron: He's a provocateur and that's what really 126 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:36,920 attracted me to Andrew's work. 127 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,713 He's subverting conventions that are very popular 128 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:39,881 in the queer community. 129 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,299 For example, wearing a harness, 130 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,426 or being shirtless, or showing tattoo. 131 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,888 He's taking the vehicle through which a lot of queer folks 132 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,725 express their sexuality and he's doing the same thing 133 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,186 and just showing his body as it is. 134 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:56,272 And defying the shame and defying the stigma and saying, 135 00:05:56,314 --> 00:06:00,485 "No, I don't accept that I'm just supposed to be in my chair 136 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,613 and lonely and untouched". 137 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:09,911 We need to talk about and admit that disability is scary, 138 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,081 and we need to have social media where disability 139 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,583 is openly and readily discussed. 140 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:20,797 Do you find, um, that, uh, you're more successful, uh, 141 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,925 and have a better time when you inform people that 142 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,886 you're in a wheelchair before hand or not? 143 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:30,098 Because some people can be quite upset and I find that 144 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,351 it's sort of a fifty-fifty type of scenario 145 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,186 is where I'm at at the moment. 146 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,815 I have many times not disclosed, just to see how the individual 147 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:43,236 would react to me first, but I found that by not doing that, 148 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,530 then I was not being true to myself. 149 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:49,242 For me personally, I own all of it, 150 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,036 all of the crippled parts of myself. 151 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,039 So I tell them right off the bat I'm in a chair. 152 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,207 That's part of all my profiles everywhere. 153 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,626 Everybody knows that I'm the deliciously disabled 154 00:06:58,668 --> 00:06:59,711 queer people guy. 155 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,837 Also, uh, you- 156 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,839 you put up a point earlier that you're 157 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,216 the most sexy guy in a wheelchair around. 158 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,760 I really- 159 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,012 I really wanna give you a run for your money on that one. 160 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,764 And you really might not be able 161 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,640 to pull that off here in Vancouver. 162 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:18,063 (applause) 163 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:24,444 (traffic noise) 164 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:27,530 The work I'm doing, I guess it started a couple years ago 165 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,574 once I moved from Ottawa to Richmond Hill. 166 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,868 I'd moved from the university environment where you have 167 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,454 roommates and classes and people around you all the time, 168 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,956 to the little suburb of Toronto where nobody really comes 169 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,918 and I was living here alone. 170 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,419 On my 29th birthday I had- 171 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,922 I was just really upset one day and I said, 172 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,757 "Okay, I'm gonna do something for myself". 173 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:49,511 I was just really unhappy and I had a lot of stuff that I had 174 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,554 bottled up and kept in and not discussed. 175 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:57,852 And so I was sitting at home by the computer and I just started. 176 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,397 I had a blog called: "The Truth About Being Crippled". 177 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,983 And I just wrote about all the stuff nobody really talks about. 178 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,277 And I loved that, because that's where I started 179 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,447 really telling the truth, or at least my truth of disability. 180 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:16,997 181 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,541 Hey guys, Andrew here of Deliciously Disabled. 182 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,794 I just wanna say thank you for all your donations. 183 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:26,923 We're so excited about the Justify My Love second annual 184 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,259 sex positive play party where people-- 185 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,345 Stella: Oh, this place looks a lot different during the day- 186 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:32,971 Andrew: Right? 187 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,389 -than at night. 188 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,850 But it's a great space though. 189 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,059 It's good. 190 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,145 I hope we can fill it up again this year. 191 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,481 And I'm thinking chairs over here for some guests, 192 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,442 uh, some tables- 193 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,695 Do we wanna put some streamers, something with glitter? 194 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:52,657 The party last year was like the grenade, you know? 195 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,703 Like, we threw a grenade in the public eye and said, 196 00:08:56,745 --> 00:09:01,041 "Hey," you know, "we're over here, we're people too. 197 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,001 And by the way, one of the things 198 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,503 that we care about is sex". 199 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,508 Andrew: The term "handicapped orgy" or "disabled orgy" 200 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,929 splashed all over the world 'cause it's taboo. 201 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,600 202 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,978 We were talking to people from Germany, France, New Zealand, 203 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,439 Australia, everywhere, like, quick. 204 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,982 "Orgy, orgy, orgy. 205 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,025 Toronto's having a- 206 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,026 the first disability- 207 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,652 -disabled orgy in the world". 208 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,530 And- I was like, "No, it's not an orgy! 209 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:37,911 No- it's a sex-positive fully accessible party!" 210 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:43,875 Um, but the truth is that word got us a lot of attention 211 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,002 and people started taking an interest. 212 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,963 213 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,342 Stella: In the bedroom is one of the places where I can feel 214 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,178 truly free with whoever I am. 215 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,390 It's all about us, it's all about what's happening at that 216 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:03,812 moment, it's all about the- the enjoyment, the pleasure. 217 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,857 And I'm multi-orgasmic, so I guess that's part of it too, 218 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:12,570 there's a certain freedom in having that kind of release. 219 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:17,117 I don't necessarily feel disabled, right, I just feel 220 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,912 like a woman who's having great sex. 221 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,205 (laughs) 222 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,589 Like, if you think about our relationship, right? 223 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,925 Like imagine if we were partners, which we are, 224 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,218 except we don't have sex- 225 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:35,927 We- totally- 226 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:36,886 The chair is auxiliary. 227 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:37,804 Yeah. 228 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,264 It's just like my blackness- 229 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:39,806 (laughs) 230 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:40,974 -is auxiliary. 231 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,392 Although, I did describe you this morning as- 232 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,269 they were literally like, "What does she look like?" 233 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,063 I was like, "She's a tiny black woman, look for that". 234 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:47,939 (laughing) 235 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,565 Yeah, but "tiny" came first. 236 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,941 Both: Yeah. 237 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,444 I met Andrew during orientation week at university. 238 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,195 And there was, you know, 239 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,822 a circle forming around this person. 240 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,742 So I tried to squeeze through and I saw Andrew. 241 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,076 And I thought, 242 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,912 "Oh my goodness, this guy is just rockin' it out". 243 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,789 And he has his dance, you know, 244 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,042 it's very signature Andrew dance style. 245 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,335 And I thought, 246 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,045 "This guy is dancing like no one is watching". 247 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:13,048 So afterwards, I went and talked to him and said, you know, 248 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,632 introduced myself and he said, 249 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,802 "Why don't, you know, we go up to my room and watch some T.V.?" 250 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,054 And I was like, "Yes! 251 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,847 I'm gonna score first week! 252 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,931 Awesome!" 253 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,141 We got into his room and he said, 254 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,143 "Oh, can you help me onto the bed?" 255 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,771 And I was like, "Woo-hoo! It's happening" 256 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,775 And I kinda, like, leaned in a bit and he's like, 257 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,152 "Oh wait, hang on, I'm gay". 258 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,488 And I was like, "Oh-- I see". 259 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,697 (laughs) 260 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,533 And, we know, we've been friends ever since. 261 00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:43,328 Do you remember the day we were in your dorm room 262 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,496 and what's her name? 263 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,373 She's sitting in your room and she goes, 264 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,709 "Tinashe? So-- how does he do it?" 265 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:50,585 And you go-- 266 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,087 Come on. 267 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,506 You stop and you go, "He's right here and he can hear you". 268 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,007 It's like ask him the question 269 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,009 if you wanna stay stupid stuff like that. 270 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,011 -and so we walked away and started laughing. 271 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,013 Yeah, I find that really frustrating, it's like, 272 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,390 don't ask dumb questions. 273 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,684 It's like, if you're supposed to be an educated person 274 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,227 don't ask things that are dumb. 275 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,771 Yeah, people are still asking, "How do you have sex?" 276 00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,564 Ha, you should say, "Lemme show you". 277 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,148 (laughing) 278 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:12,941 Yeah, I do. 279 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,150 That's what I do say. 280 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,902 I say, "Okay, you wanna find out? 281 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:16,820 I'll show you". 282 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,238 "Oh, what's wrong with you?" 283 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,573 Well, nothing until this interaction right now, like-- 284 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,117 (laughing) 285 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,536 You're pissing me off is what's wrong with you. 286 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,415 When somebody says all that type of stuff, it's coming from 287 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,501 a place where they're assuming you are asexual. 288 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:34,379 Or some people who think, like, it's an abomination. 289 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:35,338 Yeah, yeah. 290 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,298 So it's not so much "can you?" 291 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,134 But it's like, "is it possible?" 292 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,428 First of all, or "do you even want to?" 293 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,930 The mythology in this day and age is so boring. 294 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:44,389 (laughing) 295 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,265 That's true. 296 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,433 I'm so tired of that question. 297 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,601 If you're really wondering if I can or not- 298 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:49,936 Mm. 299 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,062 -you're basically- you're basically saying that 300 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,147 you don't think I have value there. 301 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:52,856 Right. 302 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,274 Sex is a human right. 303 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,568 Sexual health, sexual well-being, sexual interactions. 304 00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,196 The World Health Organization says it is a human right. 305 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,991 But there seems to be people, for whom it is denied, 306 00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,577 for who it is not accepted. 307 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,496 So clearly, it's so fundamental that people are asking, 308 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,290 "are you human enough? 309 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:14,627 Can you participate in this fundamental aspect of humanity?" 310 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:26,014 311 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,682 Oh, fuckity-fuck. 312 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:28,308 Stell? 313 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:29,059 What? 314 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,310 Do you have- do you have- 315 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,562 I forgot to tell you that Rick Hanson thing? 316 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:33,146 Yeah? 317 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,397 Is due today. 318 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,776 Hi Lauren, colon new paragraph. 319 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,363 The article looks great, could I get you the file 320 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,616 over the weekend, period. 321 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,994 I remember when speech recognition was so bad that 322 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,830 you would have to stop between every word. 323 00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:53,875 I know, I'd like take a big breath and be like "period!" 324 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:54,918 Yeah. 325 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,003 "Capital T!" 326 00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,798 Well that's when I learned how to type, I was like, 327 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,092 "fuck this, I'll just teach myself how to type". 328 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,095 They made me type in, like, grade 9 type class and I- 329 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,596 I failed it every single time. 330 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,848 I had learned my own way to do it 331 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,475 and the school didn't like that. 332 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,645 They were like," No, your hands have to be on the right keys." 333 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,021 And I was like, 334 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,273 "Guys, look at my hands they're deformed, fuck off." 335 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,112 Stella: When it's just about sex, 336 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,823 I'm just a notch on somebody's bedpost. 337 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:25,907 Right? 338 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,575 I'm just a box to tick of, "Oh I've- 339 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,370 I've been with a disabled chick." 340 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:34,541 They don't ever have to introduce me to their parents 341 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,293 or their friends or to take me out in public. 342 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,586 I can be invisible. 343 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:42,048 I can be just somebody behind closed doors. 344 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:46,094 I think there's an interesting dichotomy that happens 345 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:50,223 where sometimes I feel invisible and other times 346 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:53,268 I feel like a freakshow. 347 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,520 You know, like, you go out with your girlfriends 348 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:59,357 and they get whistled at and hollered at and-- 349 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,984 super offended and I'm just like, 350 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:04,571 "Well, I wish somebody would do that to me." 351 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,573 Just be up front, dude. 352 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,409 You're hot, I wanna hook up with you, good enough? 353 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,580 Stella: I have spinal muscular atrophy. 354 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:16,666 Basically anything that requires fine motor control I can manage, 355 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:21,171 but anything that requires any degree of muscle strength 356 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,923 is more challenging for me. 357 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:27,552 I have a hard time lifting a metal fork, for example, 358 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,929 things like that. 359 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,765 Yep, let's put out that on. 360 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,850 Look, I have not tried this on yet, 361 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:37,103 so I have no idea what this is gonna look like. 362 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:37,729 It's- 363 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,105 -good. 364 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,774 You're saying that with trepidation- 365 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,942 wait my arm is falling over, that's why. 366 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,527 That's not so good. 367 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,988 You have people doing things for you all the time, taking you 368 00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:51,868 to the washroom, bathing you, you know, giving you food. 369 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,244 I really like that one. 370 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:57,499 The stones on my bra will really pop under that. 371 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,503 Stella: A lot of PSWs are very conservative 372 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:06,466 and feel uncomfortable around issues of- of sexuality. 373 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:10,637 If there is anything happening where the- the Personal Support 374 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:15,350 Worker feels uncomfortable, they can actually deny services. 375 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:20,605 And so it's just strange to think about there being 376 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,734 limitations on what someone who is essentially your surrogate 377 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:28,738 body in many ways can't do certain things for you, 378 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,990 or they don't want to. 379 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:34,828 I've had to find all kinds of creative ways of doing 380 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:39,916 the things that I would like to be able to do sexually. 381 00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:42,794 Stella: Koreans, they know how to make condoms. 382 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,462 Like, they fund computers, 383 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:50,468 because communication is considered a basic access need, 384 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:54,097 but apparently access to your genitals is unimportant. 385 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:56,474 And ready? 386 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,435 One, two, three. 387 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,112 Ready, Andrew? 388 00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,030 Yup. 389 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,367 Imagine it, you're lying in bed, this person 390 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:18,496 who's basically a stranger to you comes in and touches you, 391 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,207 personally, to get things done. 392 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:28,965 (trimmer buzzing) 393 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,592 (water running) 394 00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,011 Andrew: And often times I don't want them to touch me either. 395 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:36,014 I don't like it when everyone's down on my junk touching me 396 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,517 when it-but I know I have to do it to-to do my day. 397 00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,192 In that moment when they're touching you, 398 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,693 that body part isn't yours anymore. 399 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,446 They are- they have taken control of that to give you 400 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,616 the care you need and it's no longer yours. 401 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,327 I'm just gonna wash between you legs, okay? 402 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,078 Mhm. 403 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:58,662 Ready? 404 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,497 Mhm. 405 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,124 That's what I would refer to as transactional touching. 406 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:10,340 You just crave real touch and somebody wanting to touch you. 407 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,675 I was given a device- 408 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,678 a sex toy, but I can't get it out of the box, 409 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,681 and I can't open it and I can't do all these things, 410 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,766 so I needed somebody to assist me. 411 00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,309 So having to have the conversation 412 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,229 with one of my attendant workers about, 413 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,773 "can you come in and help me put this on?" 414 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:29,192 And then, "can you give me some time away?" 415 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:32,320 That was really awkward, because she agreed and we did it 416 00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:36,616 and it was okay, but having somebody to have to put 417 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:40,704 this device on while also when you're trying to be relaxed 418 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,455 and they're setting up for the cleanup 419 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,999 and they're still in your space- 420 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,875 It can be really uncomfortable. 421 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:51,339 422 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,842 Andrew: So I'm sitting there with this thing turned on 423 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,593 and it's doing its thing, it's vibrating, 424 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,637 but I'm not turned on in any way. 425 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,889 I'm trying really hard to figure out how to- 426 00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:03,393 how to get into the zone and then I had to call and say, 427 00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:05,895 "'Kay, well nothing happened, can you come and remove it?" 428 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,523 And the whole- so the whole experience was-- 429 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:12,485 eye opening 'cause I realized how inaccessible 430 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:15,739 the idea of a sex toy can actually be when you factor in 431 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,117 all the other stuff a person with a disability needs. 432 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:31,671 433 00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:36,634 (chatter) 434 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,094 Look straight down still. 435 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:40,930 Oh, that's what we wanted. 436 00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,307 I'll be okay with that. 437 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,608 It's actually weird, 'cause, like, in the modeling community 438 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,652 there's a lot of people with my disability and we all have 439 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,446 issues finding work, even tough, like-- 440 00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,783 When I'm in my wheelchair, I've had old women talk to me like 441 00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,911 I'm four years old and be like, "Oh, aren't you nice, dear, 442 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:03,995 being out and about." 443 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,164 And I'm like, "I'm on my way to work, 444 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,958 why are you treating me like I'm five?" 445 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,379 I do mostly alternative and fetish modeling where there's 446 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,090 a little bit more variety in body types, 447 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,842 but it's not always clear in the image that I'm disabled. 448 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,095 It's nice to be able to just be like, 449 00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:22,305 "No, I'm just- this is just me." 450 00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:25,725 So having it front and center, claiming sexuality as a thing 451 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:29,104 that's our right no matter what our abilities are 452 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,522 is super powerful. 453 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,149 ♪ I'm beat, I'm wrecked 454 00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,485 ♪ I'm hanging over the deck 455 00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:40,990 ♪ And I just keep on going, on and on, on and on ♪ 456 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,742 ♪ I still got some sense 457 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,494 Photographer: Are you comfortable undoing your shirt? 458 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:45,620 Yeah? 459 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:46,746 Would you be okay taking your jacket off? 460 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,665 Just so I can see your tattoos? 461 00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,499 That's cool. 462 00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,210 Photographer: Put- put- put both hands on- on his shoulders. 463 00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,086 Is that okay? 464 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,337 Yeah. 465 00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:55,630 Photographer: And then look at- look back at me. 466 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:56,631 That's awesome. 467 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,174 ♪ I'm a little bit spent ♪ 468 00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:02,137 ♪ but I know I'm gonna get back up and do it again ♪ 469 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,514 ♪ Drink, smoke and two shots to go ♪ 470 00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,017 ♪ In to your house and outta my clothes ♪ 471 00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,519 ♪ Got a lonely heart, got a lonely heart ♪ 472 00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:12,689 ♪ Got a lo-lo, got a lonely heart ♪ 473 00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:15,108 ♪ Love sucks, I just wanna touch ♪ 474 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,652 ♪ Getting down with bad boys picking me up ♪ 475 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,155 ♪ Got a lonely heart, got a lonely heart ♪ 476 00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,407 ♪ Got a lo-lo, got a lonely heart ♪ 477 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:25,201 People from within the community have said the party is stupid 478 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,704 and that we shouldn't do it and oh my god- 479 00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:28,621 Really, why? 480 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:29,914 People said we shouldn't do it, 481 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,500 it should be- like, "Oh my god, you're heathens 482 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,252 and why, like, why would that-" 483 00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:35,754 Like they literally called us heathens, 484 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,297 like, whoa that's weird. 485 00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:40,008 Like "How dare you, this is a- sex is a sacred and private 486 00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:42,260 thing and- means so much to the disabled community," 487 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,803 -and blah blah. 488 00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:46,014 And all we're saying is, "We're not asking you to have sex, 489 00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,266 we're not doing that, we're just providing a space." 490 00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,768 People wanna fetishize me, go ahead. 491 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,519 To be frank, I'd rather be fetishized 492 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,355 than discriminated against. 493 00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:58,985 I'd rather be fetishized than told I don't exist. 494 00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:04,449 I'd rather be seen as a fetish than not seen at all. 495 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,744 If I really had to choose. 496 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,622 I don't like that. 497 00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:15,960 I- I totally see what you're saying, on the spectrum 498 00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:19,255 of prejudice and discrimination that's kind of like 499 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,341 the next step forward. 500 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:25,428 But aren't we trying to get so much more ahead? 501 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:29,432 I am and I'm just, like, I'm doing that through the work, 502 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,601 but society's not there yet. 503 00:22:31,643 --> 00:22:36,106 Our media does not show disabled people, period. 504 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:37,440 But particularly in gay- 505 00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:40,985 in gay male media, which is geared towards sex, 506 00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,987 there's no hot guy in a chair. 507 00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:46,866 But that's the challenge that I've taken on. 508 00:22:46,908 --> 00:22:49,995 509 00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,372 (camera clicking) 510 00:22:52,414 --> 00:23:03,425 511 00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:06,094 (camera clicking) 512 00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:26,239 513 00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:38,043 He's not afraid. 514 00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,794 And why should he be? 515 00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:42,422 Or why should anyone like him be afraid? 516 00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:47,344 He's not afraid to literally bare his soul and say, 517 00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:50,013 "Look at me, because otherwise you're never looking at me. 518 00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:53,016 And if you never look at me, you're never gonna see me. 519 00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:56,269 So I'll tell you what, I'm gonna stand right up, I'm gonna take 520 00:23:56,311 --> 00:23:59,314 it off and I'm gonna stand right in your face and say, 521 00:23:59,356 --> 00:24:02,067 "you look at me" and you can scoff, you can guffaw, 522 00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:03,860 you can laugh, I don't really care, 523 00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:07,364 but you're gonna look at me, and then you will hear me. 524 00:24:07,405 --> 00:24:09,407 And then the game changes." 525 00:24:11,701 --> 00:24:12,494 Okay. 526 00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:13,036 Perfect. 527 00:24:13,078 --> 00:24:13,703 Good job, man. 528 00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:14,329 Good driving. 529 00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:15,455 Thank you. 530 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:16,956 Hey thanks for bringing him. 531 00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:18,333 Alright. 532 00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,752 And then I'm gonna- 'kay I'll do that much and then- 533 00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:21,836 And then I'll just- 534 00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,839 Yeah, just- you do it as much as you can. 535 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:26,132 Look at what you're doing. 536 00:24:26,174 --> 00:24:27,384 Yes, very nice. 537 00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:30,095 Look at you, you have a skill, you have a knack. 538 00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:31,596 I can just- 539 00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:33,682 Try to produce your little spasticity and see what happens. 540 00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:36,059 (laughing) 541 00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,311 Usually you kind of- you have to control it. 542 00:24:38,353 --> 00:24:40,939 Look it's actually getting fluffy. 543 00:24:41,064 --> 00:24:42,399 Push, push, push. 544 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,359 Push, push- don't be spastic now, wouldn't be good. 545 00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:46,695 (laughing) 546 00:24:46,736 --> 00:24:48,697 Andrew: I wasn't diagnosed with cerebral palsy 547 00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:50,490 I think until I was about one. 548 00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:53,243 My disability has always been a part of me growing up. 549 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:55,996 It's never something that I could escape 'cause I had the 550 00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:58,999 chair and I had all these things and my body was different. 551 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,960 And so I never could escape it, but I never wanted to. 552 00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:04,713 My family never made it so that I couldn't do anything, 553 00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:06,256 I was always included in everything. 554 00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:09,634 I was included in every family outing, every vacation, 555 00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:11,886 everything was done around: "How do we bring Andrew?" 556 00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:14,139 I have a lot of catching up to do. 557 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:15,306 You're having a party? 558 00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:16,016 Yeah. 559 00:25:16,057 --> 00:25:17,225 What's with the party? 560 00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,102 The same party I had last year, the sex party. 561 00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:20,103 Oh. 562 00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:21,396 We're doing it again I- we paid for- 563 00:25:21,438 --> 00:25:23,148 I went to see the guy yesterday. 564 00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:23,898 Where is it? 565 00:25:23,940 --> 00:25:24,733 When is it? 566 00:25:24,774 --> 00:25:26,526 Buddies on August 12th, so-. 567 00:25:26,568 --> 00:25:27,527 I'll still be here. 568 00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,529 Do you wanna come to a sex party? 569 00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,531 Well, I'm not gonna come for the reasons 570 00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:33,158 others might wanna go for. 571 00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:34,701 But, you can come. 572 00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:36,161 The cakes are perfect. 573 00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:36,828 (doorbell ringing) 574 00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:37,495 Oh- 575 00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:38,163 Andrew: Ding dong. 576 00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:39,706 Game on, who's here? 577 00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:41,583 Andrew: Did you get me that stripper that I asked for, 578 00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:42,834 is that what that is? 579 00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:45,086 I didn't wanna tell you, but-- could be. 580 00:25:45,128 --> 00:25:48,840 I didn't let him get away with anything ever, ever. 581 00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:51,634 And the reason was 'cause he had to be stronger 582 00:25:51,676 --> 00:25:53,219 than the other kids. 583 00:25:54,012 --> 00:25:56,306 So, okay, what did I do? 584 00:25:56,348 --> 00:25:59,392 When he was little, he could pull one arm and one leg, 585 00:25:59,434 --> 00:26:01,728 but when he would crawl he didn't like it. 586 00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:03,438 Do you like exercise? 587 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,689 No. 588 00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:06,691 So every morning I would get him out of his bed 589 00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,193 and put him on the floor. 590 00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:10,487 School bus is coming and we can't be late 591 00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:12,864 for the school bus, that's the thing, okay. 592 00:26:12,906 --> 00:26:16,076 We're looking at about, I would say 25 feet up the hall 593 00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:18,328 and then he's gotta do another about 10 feet 594 00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:20,914 to get 'round the other side of the door. 595 00:26:20,955 --> 00:26:22,916 So then I'm there like the military person. 596 00:26:22,957 --> 00:26:25,085 "You're doing this and you're gonna- 597 00:26:25,126 --> 00:26:27,128 you're gonna make that time." 598 00:26:27,170 --> 00:26:29,923 He protesteth much. 599 00:26:29,964 --> 00:26:31,216 (laughs) 600 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,176 And I stood firm. 601 00:26:33,218 --> 00:26:34,552 And he did it. 602 00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:35,553 Yeah. 603 00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:38,723 Why didn't I just get a thing that says, "32"? 604 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:39,265 Yeah. 605 00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:40,100 I dunno. 606 00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:43,436 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 607 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:46,606 ♪ Happy birthday to you- ♪ 608 00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:49,901 Andrew: When you're a kid on the playground kids can be cruel, 609 00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:52,445 um, and that's kinda where I learned that I was 610 00:26:52,487 --> 00:26:55,073 kinda different, when kids wouldn't approach me. 611 00:26:55,115 --> 00:26:58,493 So the feeling of being the boy in the chair and looking 612 00:26:58,535 --> 00:27:00,996 for connection has always been something that has followed me 613 00:27:01,037 --> 00:27:05,500 through my life and it entirely informs the work I do. 614 00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:11,756 ♪ It's so delicious, oh so delicious, it's so delicious ♪ 615 00:27:11,798 --> 00:27:14,009 I think sex work is such an important part 616 00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:16,302 of the disabled sexual narrative. 617 00:27:16,344 --> 00:27:19,431 My issue with it is that I think people sometimes 618 00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:22,267 elevate the sex worker as some sort of savior 619 00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:24,019 above the person with the disability. 620 00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:25,895 That's where I think the problem lies, 621 00:27:25,937 --> 00:27:27,480 what do you think about that? 622 00:27:27,522 --> 00:27:30,108 Well, I'm very pro-sex work and I actually think that 623 00:27:30,150 --> 00:27:32,193 the government should pay for it. 624 00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:33,403 Right?! 625 00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:36,489 Yeah I can- I can high five to that, yeah. 626 00:27:36,531 --> 00:27:38,950 Many times I thought about hiring somebody, 627 00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:41,870 but I would immediately be met with, 628 00:27:41,911 --> 00:27:46,291 "No, that's not the responsible thing to do, you gotta eat." 629 00:27:46,333 --> 00:27:51,254 200 bucks is like-- groceries for a month. 630 00:27:53,548 --> 00:27:56,343 So even though I'd wanna feel connected with my queerness- 631 00:27:56,384 --> 00:27:57,510 Hey, how're you doing? 632 00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:58,762 Andrew: And disability all together- 633 00:27:58,803 --> 00:28:00,096 Good. 634 00:28:00,138 --> 00:28:02,015 Andrew: The immediate thought after that was: 635 00:28:02,057 --> 00:28:03,475 "You gotta feed yourself." 636 00:28:04,476 --> 00:28:11,358 But I have done, once, and not surprisingly, 637 00:28:11,399 --> 00:28:15,153 I got what I needed, not what I wanted. 638 00:28:15,195 --> 00:28:18,990 So I got the release, they did their job, 639 00:28:19,032 --> 00:28:20,492 but I certainly didn't feel connected. 640 00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:23,119 And what I- what I learned from that experience 641 00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,829 was that I wanted connection. 642 00:28:25,789 --> 00:28:28,500 So I've done it, I'm not ashamed of it, 643 00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:31,002 but I don't know if I would do it again. 644 00:28:32,629 --> 00:28:34,297 What was the worst? 645 00:28:34,339 --> 00:28:35,882 The worst? 646 00:28:35,924 --> 00:28:38,343 I remember the time I was in the- in the elevator with a guy 647 00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:41,846 and I went to the door to open and I went to get out 648 00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:43,848 and I turned around and he was gone. 649 00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:44,474 Yuh. 650 00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:45,225 Never saw him again. 651 00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:46,685 And then I- and then I- 652 00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:48,937 You opened the door and he turned and ran? 653 00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:51,981 And well ran back down the elevator and I didn't hear it 654 00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:54,734 'cause I was turning the door and kind of, like, talking 655 00:28:54,776 --> 00:28:57,278 to him weird like you know, pre-fuck small talk. 656 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:58,738 (laughs) 657 00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:01,199 I was trying to like, you know warm him up to like this 658 00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:04,119 whole thing and I turned around and he's gone. 659 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,537 No way. 660 00:29:05,578 --> 00:29:06,955 Yeah. 661 00:29:06,997 --> 00:29:10,917 I always say to Andrew that I would've been with him 662 00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:12,377 from the start. 663 00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:20,844 Um and so it does break my heart to see the lack of acceptance. 664 00:29:24,014 --> 00:29:39,696 665 00:29:39,738 --> 00:29:42,699 Andrew: This year we wanted to be safe and not say orgy 666 00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:45,952 because we wanted to be a little more classy but by doing that, 667 00:29:45,994 --> 00:29:48,788 we lost a lot of cachet. 668 00:29:50,999 --> 00:29:53,752 The last time that I was here, we were planning it, 669 00:29:53,793 --> 00:29:56,755 there was discussion of where things would go and blah blah 670 00:29:56,796 --> 00:30:00,091 and now everything is dead, it's dead. 671 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,344 Press release went out this year 672 00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:07,849 and it just didn't garner a lot of hits really. 673 00:30:07,891 --> 00:30:09,225 It really didn't- 674 00:30:09,267 --> 00:30:11,353 It was bittersweet 'cause part of me was like 675 00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,438 okay, they're not sensationalizing me 676 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,190 but they're not noticing me at all. 677 00:30:15,231 --> 00:30:16,191 Crap. 678 00:30:17,692 --> 00:30:19,527 That scared me, I was expecting- 679 00:30:19,569 --> 00:30:20,737 (woosh) 680 00:30:20,779 --> 00:30:23,823 And it was like a little tiny blip. 681 00:30:25,492 --> 00:30:28,328 With disability, it has to be sensationalized 682 00:30:28,370 --> 00:30:31,289 or infantalized for it to be newsworthy. 683 00:30:31,331 --> 00:30:35,418 684 00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:40,757 It's painfully familiar when you are disabled. 685 00:30:40,799 --> 00:30:43,301 That feeling of despair and disappointment is very, 686 00:30:43,343 --> 00:30:44,219 I'm very- 687 00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:45,804 I'm comfortable with it almost. 688 00:30:46,471 --> 00:30:49,724 But I know that I have a story to tell, I'm not done. 689 00:30:49,766 --> 00:30:52,560 By no means, by no stretch am I finished. 690 00:30:54,646 --> 00:30:56,690 Interviewer: So freakshow, invisible, 691 00:30:56,731 --> 00:30:58,983 which one would you choose if you had to? 692 00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:00,402 Freakshow. 693 00:31:00,443 --> 00:31:03,905 I would- I would totally run with it. 694 00:31:03,947 --> 00:31:07,575 695 00:31:07,617 --> 00:31:09,869 Yeah, you can call me a freak, go ahead. 696 00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:12,372 You can call me a gimp, call me a cripple 697 00:31:12,414 --> 00:31:14,624 whatever the hell you want to call me, great. 698 00:31:14,666 --> 00:31:17,377 But here's what I'm actually doing. 699 00:31:17,419 --> 00:31:18,878 Let me tell you. 700 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,381 701 00:31:21,423 --> 00:31:23,383 I've created opportunities for others to see me 702 00:31:23,425 --> 00:31:24,718 as a real person. 703 00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:29,597 I hope that when you see me, you see me in the chair. 704 00:31:29,639 --> 00:31:31,224 You understand that reality. 705 00:31:31,266 --> 00:31:33,935 But you also understand that I have embraced it for what it is 706 00:31:33,977 --> 00:31:35,645 and I'm going forward with it. 707 00:31:36,646 --> 00:31:38,148 708 00:31:38,189 --> 00:31:40,900 Yeah I know you're fucking scared, but guess what, so am I. 709 00:31:40,942 --> 00:31:43,028 Let's be scared together and talk about that 710 00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:44,863 and figure it out. 711 00:31:44,904 --> 00:32:04,924 57193

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