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Andrew: I remember I waswatching this person
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get undressed, I was in thebed watching this person
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get undressed andjust thinking,
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"Wow, I get to dothis, this is great."
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And so--
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so I finished early, um,
as you do when
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you've never done
this before.
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And afterwards, I said, "Wow, weshould totally go for a coffee,
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let's go for pizza".
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'Cause I honestly thought and
believed that, um, when you
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do that with somebody you
must be in a relationship.
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I was very, very
young and I just
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wanted to feel wanted
by somebody, so--
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I kind of pushed
that along.
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And then, I rememberhim looking at me
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straight in theface and saying,
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"Um, no, do you see your
chair over there?"
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And I said, "Yeah," and he
pointed to my wheelchair.
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I was in my bed and he said,
"Well, I came by because
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I felt bad for you, you
were just a pity fuck".
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And I remember just looking
up at the ceiling and just
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thinking, "Okay, howdo I react,
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but maintain my composure
and not break down?"
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I was so hurt
because it had-
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I knew people had-
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may have felt that way about
people with disabilities,
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but I'd- I'd never been
confronted with it so head on.
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♪
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♪
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Andrew: I've fallenin love many times.
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Many, many timeshave I been in love.
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The trouble is, a lot ofthat love was manufactured.
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♪
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Andrew: I manufacturedthese feelings
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because I wantedto feel them.
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And so the idea of going ondates, being romantic-
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I love that idea, but I'venever been given the proper
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opportunity to dothat with somebody.
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♪
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00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:11,923
(busy traffic sounds)
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Andrew: Coming out andsaying "I'm queer" was easy.
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Saying "I'm also queer anddisabled" was extremely hard.
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Convincing people that Iam sexually viable,
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especially in my case, wherewhen all the men have been
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socialized to see theable-bodied, good looking,
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muscular, white maleready to fuck.
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Then I roll in, like a big pieceof moving furniture,
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and then they go
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(gasp)
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"I don't know how to- I
have no framework for this".
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All those pretend momentswhere people are like,
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"Oh, you're great.Oh, you're just-"
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all that fakeness thatpeople put on goes away.
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'Cause you're confronting them
with two scary truths:
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sex and disability.
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Director: Q&A takesix marker.
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Hi, I'm Andrew.
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And I'm Stella.
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And-
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Both: We are-
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Deliciously disable-
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Can we do that again
without the laughing?
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00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,685
Hi, I'm Andrew.
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And I'm Stella.
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And we are--
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Both: Deliciously disabled-
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(laughing)
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Can you not, like,
yell it like that?
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Think about something
serious, goddammit!
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Hi, I'm Andrew.
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And I'm Stella.
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And we are--
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Both: Deliciously Disabled.
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Andrew: Deliciously disabled
means that I deal with leg bags,
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and condom catheters, and
attendants, and all that stuff,
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and all the anxiety
around sex, or dating,
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or boys, orwhatever it is.
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Honestly, for real.
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'Cause typically when peopletalk about disability,
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they do it with kid gloves,
they're afraid to really get
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in the gritty, nitty, shitty
part of it.
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And I am not afraid to do
that, because it's my life.
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(electrical buzzing)
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♪
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Hi Mom, how
are you?
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00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,244
Good, I'm just
at the uh-
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00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,955
-at the gym for my first
presentation in about five,
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00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,039
ten minutes.
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Little bit nervous, I'mexcited, all that stuff.
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But yeah.
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Okay, I'll ta-
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I'll call you after.
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I'm a podcaster, so I've just
turned my radio show into a
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podcast where I talk about the
reality of sex and disability.
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00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,766
I am the guy that helpedco-create that handicapped orgy
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00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,519
you may have heard of thathappened last summer in Toronto.
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I didn't want to wait forsomebody to validate me,
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I knew that I hadto do it myself.
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I like that I'm different, I
like that my body is curved,
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I like that when I'm naked
I don't look normative and
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00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,950
I think my disability enhancesmy sexual identity a lot.
102
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,828
Um, my question is about your
photo where you show
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your leg bag and it seemed
quite controversial-
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Andrew: Yeah.
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Audience member: And I know thatit's kind of a part of you,
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but it's not really a part ofyou when you're having sex.
107
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So what made you kinda
come to that decision?
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Andrew: Well, I would-
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I hear you, but I wouldalso disagree with you-
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Yeah, yeah.
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Because when I'm with a partnerthey have to take it off.
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They have to.
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I don't-
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I'm not calling my attendant
care worker just before
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my hookup gets here to be like,
"Hey, could you ju-
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hey, so I'm
about to- hey"
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No.
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Not doing that.
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So I will discuss withmy partner,
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"I need you to removethis and take it off,"
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and you know, make itpart of the play.
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(rain and thunder)
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There's been a
departure with Pride day.
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It used to be a
funeral march and now-
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Aaron: He's a provocateurand that's what really
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attracted me toAndrew's work.
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He's subverting conventions
that are very popular
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in the queer community.
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For example, wearing
a harness,
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or being shirtless, or
showing tattoo.
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He's taking the vehicle throughwhich a lot of queer folks
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express their sexuality andhe's doing the same thing
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and just showinghis body as it is.
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And defying the shame and
defying the stigma and saying,
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"No, I don't accept that I'm
just supposed to be in my chair
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and lonely and untouched".
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00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:09,911
We need to talk about and admit
that disability is scary,
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and we need to have social
media where disability
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is openly and
readily discussed.
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Do you find, um, that, uh,
you're more successful, uh,
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and have a better time when
you inform people that
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you're in a wheelchair
before hand or not?
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Because some people can be quite
upset and I find that
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it's sort of a fifty-fifty
type of scenario
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is where I'm at
at the moment.
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I have many times not disclosed,
just to see how the individual
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would react to me first, but I
found that by not doing that,
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then I was not
being true to myself.
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For me personally,I own all of it,
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all of the crippledparts of myself.
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So I tell them right off
the bat I'm in a chair.
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That's part of all my
profiles everywhere.
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Everybody knows that I'm
the deliciously disabled
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queer people guy.
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Also, uh, you-
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you put up a point
earlier that you're
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the most sexy guy in a
wheelchair around.
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I really-
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I really wanna give you a run
for your money on that one.
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And you really might
not be able
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to pull that off
here in Vancouver.
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(applause)
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(traffic noise)
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The work I'm doing, I guess itstarted a couple years ago
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once I moved from Ottawato Richmond Hill.
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I'd moved from the universityenvironment where you have
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roommates and classes and peoplearound you all the time,
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to the little suburb of Torontowhere nobody really comes
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and I was livinghere alone.
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On my 29th
birthday I had-
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I was just really upset
one day and I said,
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"Okay, I'm gonna do
something for myself".
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I was just really unhappy and Ihad a lot of stuff that I had
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bottled up and keptin and not discussed.
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And so I was sitting at home bythe computer and I just started.
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I had a blog called: "TheTruth About Being Crippled".
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And I just wrote about all thestuff nobody really talks about.
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And I loved that, because
that's where I started
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really telling the truth, or atleast my truth of disability.
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♪
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Hey guys, Andrew here
of Deliciously Disabled.
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I just wanna say thank
you for all your donations.
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00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:26,923
We're so excited about theJustify My Love second annual
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00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,259
sex positive playparty where people--
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Stella: Oh, this place looks a
lot different during the day-
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Andrew: Right?
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-than at night.
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But it's a great
space though.
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It's good.
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I hope we can fill it
up again this year.
191
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And I'm thinking chairs over
here for some guests,
192
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uh, some tables-
193
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Do we wanna put some streamers,something with glitter?
194
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:52,657
The party last year was
like the grenade, you know?
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Like, we threw a grenade in
the public eye and said,
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"Hey," you know, "we're overhere, we're people too.
197
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,001
And by the way,one of the things
198
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,503
that we care aboutis sex".
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00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,508
Andrew: The term "handicappedorgy" or "disabled orgy"
200
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,929
splashed all over the world'cause it's taboo.
201
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,600
♪
202
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,978
We were talking to people from
Germany, France, New Zealand,
203
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,439
Australia, everywhere,
like, quick.
204
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,982
"Orgy, orgy, orgy.
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Toronto's having a-
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00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,026
the first disability-
207
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,652
-disabled orgy
in the world".
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00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,530
And- I was like,
"No, it's not an orgy!
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00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:37,911
No- it's a sex-positive
fully accessible party!"
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Um, but the truth is that word
got us a lot of attention
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and people started
taking an interest.
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♪
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00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,342
Stella: In the bedroom is oneof the places where I can feel
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00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,178
truly free withwhoever I am.
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00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,390
It's all about us, it's allabout what's happening at that
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00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:03,812
moment, it's all about the-the enjoyment, the pleasure.
217
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,857
And I'm multi-orgasmic, so I
guess that's part of it too,
218
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:12,570
there's a certain freedom in
having that kind of release.
219
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:17,117
I don't necessarily feel
disabled, right, I just feel
220
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,912
like a woman who's
having great sex.
221
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,205
(laughs)
222
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,589
Like, if you think about
our relationship, right?
223
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,925
Like imagine if we were
partners, which we are,
224
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,218
except we don'thave sex-
225
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We- totally-
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The chair is auxiliary.
227
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:37,804
Yeah.
228
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,264
It's just like
my blackness-
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00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:39,806
(laughs)
230
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:40,974
-is auxiliary.
231
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,392
Although, I did describe
you this morning as-
232
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,269
they were literally like,
"What does she look like?"
233
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,063
I was like, "She's a tiny
black woman, look for that".
234
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:47,939
(laughing)
235
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,565
Yeah, but "tiny"
came first.
236
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,941
Both: Yeah.
237
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,444
I met Andrew during
orientation week at university.
238
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,195
And there was,you know,
239
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,822
a circle formingaround this person.
240
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,742
So I tried to squeeze
through and I saw Andrew.
241
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,076
And I thought,
242
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,912
"Oh my goodness, this guy
is just rockin' it out".
243
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,789
And he has his dance,
you know,
244
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,042
it's very signature
Andrew dance style.
245
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,335
And I thought,
246
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,045
"This guy is dancing like
no one is watching".
247
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:13,048
So afterwards, I went and talkedto him and said, you know,
248
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,632
introduced myselfand he said,
249
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,802
"Why don't, you know, we go up
to my room and watch some T.V.?"
250
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,054
And I was
like, "Yes!
251
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,847
I'm gonna score
first week!
252
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,931
Awesome!"
253
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,141
We got into his roomand he said,
254
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,143
"Oh, can you helpme onto the bed?"
255
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,771
And I was like,"Woo-hoo! It's happening"
256
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,775
And I kinda, like, leaned
in a bit and he's like,
257
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,152
"Oh wait, hang on,
I'm gay".
258
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,488
And I was like,
"Oh-- I see".
259
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,697
(laughs)
260
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,533
And, we know, we've
been friends ever since.
261
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:43,328
Do you remember the day we
were in your dorm room
262
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,496
and what's her name?
263
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,373
She's sitting in your
room and she goes,
264
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,709
"Tinashe? So-- how
does he do it?"
265
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:50,585
And you go--
266
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,087
Come on.
267
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,506
You stop and you go, "He's
right here and he can hear you".
268
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,007
It's like ask him
the question
269
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,009
if you wanna stay stupid
stuff like that.
270
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,011
-and so we walked away
and started laughing.
271
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,013
Yeah, I find that really
frustrating, it's like,
272
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,390
don't ask dumb
questions.
273
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,684
It's like, if you're supposed to
be an educated person
274
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,227
don't ask things
that are dumb.
275
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,771
Yeah, people are still
asking, "How do you have sex?"
276
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,564
Ha, you should say,
"Lemme show you".
277
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,148
(laughing)
278
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:12,941
Yeah, I do.
279
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,150
That's what
I do say.
280
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,902
I say, "Okay, you
wanna find out?
281
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:16,820
I'll show you".
282
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,238
"Oh, what's wrong
with you?"
283
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,573
Well, nothing until this
interaction right now, like--
284
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,117
(laughing)
285
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,536
You're pissing me off is
what's wrong with you.
286
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,415
When somebody says all that type
of stuff, it's coming from
287
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,501
a place where they're
assuming you are asexual.
288
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:34,379
Or some people who think,
like, it's an abomination.
289
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:35,338
Yeah, yeah.
290
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,298
So it's not so much
"can you?"
291
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,134
But it's like,
"is it possible?"
292
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,428
First of all, or
"do you even want to?"
293
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,930
The mythology in this
day and age is so boring.
294
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:44,389
(laughing)
295
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,265
That's true.
296
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,433
I'm so tired of
that question.
297
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,601
If you're really wondering
if I can or not-
298
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:49,936
Mm.
299
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,062
-you're basically- you're
basically saying that
300
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,147
you don't think I
have value there.
301
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:52,856
Right.
302
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,274
Sex is a
human right.
303
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,568
Sexual health, sexual
well-being, sexual interactions.
304
00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,196
The World Health Organization
says it is a human right.
305
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,991
But there seems to be people,for whom it is denied,
306
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,577
for who it isnot accepted.
307
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,496
So clearly, it's so fundamentalthat people are asking,
308
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,290
"are you human enough?
309
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:14,627
Can you participate in thisfundamental aspect of humanity?"
310
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:26,014
♪
311
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,682
Oh, fuckity-fuck.
312
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:28,308
Stell?
313
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:29,059
What?
314
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,310
Do you have-
do you have-
315
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,562
I forgot to tell you that
Rick Hanson thing?
316
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:33,146
Yeah?
317
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,397
Is due today.
318
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,776
Hi Lauren, colonnew paragraph.
319
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,363
The article looks great,could I get you the file
320
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,616
over the weekend,period.
321
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,994
I remember when speech
recognition was so bad that
322
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,830
you would have to stop
between every word.
323
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:53,875
I know, I'd like take a big
breath and be like "period!"
324
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:54,918
Yeah.
325
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,003
"Capital T!"
326
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,798
Well that's when I learnedhow to type, I was like,
327
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,092
"fuck this, I'll just teachmyself how to type".
328
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,095
They made me type in, like,
grade 9 type class and I-
329
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,596
I failed it every
single time.
330
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,848
I had learned my ownway to do it
331
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,475
and the school
didn't like that.
332
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,645
They were like," No, your hands
have to be on the right keys."
333
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,021
And I was like,
334
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,273
"Guys, look at my hands
they're deformed, fuck off."
335
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,112
Stella: When it's justabout sex,
336
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,823
I'm just a notch on
somebody's bedpost.
337
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:25,907
Right?
338
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,575
I'm just a box to
tick of, "Oh I've-
339
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,370
I've been with a
disabled chick."
340
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:34,541
They don't ever have to
introduce me to their parents
341
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,293
or their friends or to
take me out in public.
342
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:38,586
I can be invisible.
343
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:42,048
I can be just somebodybehind closed doors.
344
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:46,094
I think there's an interesting
dichotomy that happens
345
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:50,223
where sometimes I feel
invisible and other times
346
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:53,268
I feel like a
freakshow.
347
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,520
You know, like, you go out
with your girlfriends
348
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:59,357
and they get whistled at
and hollered at and--
349
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,984
super offended and
I'm just like,
350
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:04,571
"Well, I wish somebody
would do that to me."
351
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,573
Just be up
front, dude.
352
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,409
You're hot, I wanna hook
up with you, good enough?
353
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,580
Stella: I have spinalmuscular atrophy.
354
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:16,666
Basically anything that requires
fine motor control I can manage,
355
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:21,171
but anything that requires any
degree of muscle strength
356
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,923
is more challenging
for me.
357
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:27,552
I have a hard time lifting a
metal fork, for example,
358
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,929
things like that.
359
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,765
Yep, let's put
out that on.
360
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,850
Look, I have not
tried this on yet,
361
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:37,103
so I have no idea what
this is gonna look like.
362
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:37,729
It's-
363
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,105
-good.
364
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,774
You're saying that with
trepidation-
365
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,942
wait my arm is falling
over, that's why.
366
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,527
That's not so good.
367
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,988
You have people doing things foryou all the time, taking you
368
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:51,868
to the washroom, bathing you,you know, giving you food.
369
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,244
I really like
that one.
370
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:57,499
The stones on my bra
will really pop under that.
371
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,503
Stella: A lot of PSWs arevery conservative
372
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:06,466
and feel uncomfortable aroundissues of- of sexuality.
373
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:10,637
If there is anything happeningwhere the- the Personal Support
374
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:15,350
Worker feels uncomfortable,they can actually deny services.
375
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:20,605
And so it's just strangeto think about there being
376
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,734
limitations on what someone whois essentially your surrogate
377
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:28,738
body in many ways can't docertain things for you,
378
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,990
or they don'twant to.
379
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:34,828
I've had to find all kinds
of creative ways of doing
380
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:39,916
the things that I would like
to be able to do sexually.
381
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:42,794
Stella: Koreans, theyknow how to make condoms.
382
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,462
Like, they fundcomputers,
383
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:50,468
because communication is
considered a basic access need,
384
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:54,097
but apparently access to your
genitals is unimportant.
385
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:56,474
And ready?
386
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,435
One, two, three.
387
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,112
Ready, Andrew?
388
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,030
Yup.
389
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,367
Imagine it, you're lying
in bed, this person
390
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:18,496
who's basically a stranger to
you comes in and touches you,
391
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,207
personally, to get
things done.
392
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:28,965
(trimmer buzzing)
393
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,592
(water running)
394
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,011
Andrew: And often times I don'twant them to touch me either.
395
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:36,014
I don't like it when everyone'sdown on my junk touching me
396
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,517
when it-but I know I have todo it to-to do my day.
397
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,192
In that moment whenthey're touching you,
398
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,693
that body part isn't
yours anymore.
399
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,446
They are- they have taken
control of that to give you
400
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,616
the care you need and
it's no longer yours.
401
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,327
I'm just gonna wash
between you legs, okay?
402
00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,078
Mhm.
403
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:58,662
Ready?
404
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,497
Mhm.
405
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,124
That's what I would refer to
as transactional touching.
406
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:10,340
You just crave real touch and
somebody wanting to touch you.
407
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:11,675
I was given a device-
408
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,678
a sex toy, but I can't get
it out of the box,
409
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:17,681
and I can't open it and I
can't do all these things,
410
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,766
so I needed somebody
to assist me.
411
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,309
So having to have
the conversation
412
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,229
with one of my attendant
workers about,
413
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,773
"can you come in and
help me put this on?"
414
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:29,192
And then, "can you give me
some time away?"
415
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:32,320
That was really awkward, because
she agreed and we did it
416
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:36,616
and it was okay, but having
somebody to have to put
417
00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:40,704
this device on while also when
you're trying to be relaxed
418
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,455
and they're setting up
for the cleanup
419
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,999
and they're still
in your space-
420
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,875
It can be really
uncomfortable.
421
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:51,339
♪
422
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,842
Andrew: So I'm sitting therewith this thing turned on
423
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,593
and it's doing its thing,it's vibrating,
424
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,637
but I'm not turnedon in any way.
425
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,889
I'm trying really hard tofigure out how to-
426
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:03,393
how to get into the zone andthen I had to call and say,
427
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:05,895
"'Kay, well nothing happened,
can you come and remove it?"
428
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,523
And the whole- so the whole
experience was--
429
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:12,485
eye opening 'cause I
realized how inaccessible
430
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:15,739
the idea of a sex toy can
actually be when you factor in
431
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,117
all the other stuff a person
with a disability needs.
432
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:31,671
♪
433
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:36,634
(chatter)
434
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,094
Look straight
down still.
435
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:40,930
Oh, that's what
we wanted.
436
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,307
I'll be okay
with that.
437
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,608
It's actually weird, 'cause,
like, in the modeling community
438
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:54,652
there's a lot of people with
my disability and we all have
439
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,446
issues finding work,
even tough, like--
440
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,783
When I'm in my wheelchair, I've
had old women talk to me like
441
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,911
I'm four years old and be like,
"Oh, aren't you nice, dear,
442
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:03,995
being out and about."
443
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,164
And I'm like, "I'm on
my way to work,
444
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,958
why are you treating melike I'm five?"
445
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,379
I do mostly alternative andfetish modeling where there's
446
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,090
a little bit more varietyin body types,
447
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,842
but it's not always clear in the
image that I'm disabled.
448
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,095
It's nice to be ableto just be like,
449
00:20:20,136 --> 00:20:22,305
"No, I'm just-this is just me."
450
00:20:22,347 --> 00:20:25,725
So having it front and center,
claiming sexuality as a thing
451
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:29,104
that's our right no matter
what our abilities are
452
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,522
is super powerful.
453
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,149
♪ I'm beat, I'm wrecked
454
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,485
♪ I'm hanging over the deck
455
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:40,990
♪ And I just keep on going, onand on, on and on ♪
456
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,742
♪ I still got some sense
457
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,494
Photographer: Are youcomfortable undoing your shirt?
458
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:45,620
Yeah?
459
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:46,746
Would you be okay
taking your jacket off?
460
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,665
Just so I can
see your tattoos?
461
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,499
That's cool.
462
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,210
Photographer: Put- put- putboth hands on- on his shoulders.
463
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,086
Is that okay?
464
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,337
Yeah.
465
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:55,630
Photographer: And thenlook at- look back at me.
466
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:56,631
That's awesome.
467
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,174
♪ I'm a littlebit spent ♪
468
00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:02,137
♪ but I know I'm gonnaget back up and do it again ♪
469
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,514
♪ Drink, smoke andtwo shots to go ♪
470
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,017
♪ In to your house andoutta my clothes ♪
471
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,519
♪ Got a lonely heart,got a lonely heart ♪
472
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:12,689
♪ Got a lo-lo, gota lonely heart ♪
473
00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:15,108
♪ Love sucks, I justwanna touch ♪
474
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,652
♪ Getting down withbad boys picking me up ♪
475
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,155
♪ Got a lonely heart,got a lonely heart ♪
476
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,407
♪ Got a lo-lo, gota lonely heart ♪
477
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:25,201
People from within the community
have said the party is stupid
478
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,704
and that we shouldn't
do it and oh my god-
479
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:28,621
Really, why?
480
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:29,914
People said we
shouldn't do it,
481
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,500
it should be- like, "Oh my
god, you're heathens
482
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,252
and why, like,
why would that-"
483
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:35,754
Like they literally called
us heathens,
484
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,297
like, whoa
that's weird.
485
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:40,008
Like "How dare you, this is
a- sex is a sacred and private
486
00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:42,260
thing and- means so much to the
disabled community,"
487
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,803
-and blah blah.
488
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:46,014
And all we're saying is, "We're
not asking you to have sex,
489
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,266
we're not doing that,
we're just providing a space."
490
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,768
People wanna
fetishize me, go ahead.
491
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,519
To be frank, I'd rather
be fetishized
492
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,355
than discriminated against.
493
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:58,985
I'd rather be fetishizedthan told I don't exist.
494
00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:04,449
I'd rather be seen as a
fetish than not seen at all.
495
00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,744
If I really had
to choose.
496
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,622
I don't like that.
497
00:22:12,374 --> 00:22:15,960
I- I totally see what you're
saying, on the spectrum
498
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:19,255
of prejudice and discrimination
that's kind of like
499
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:21,341
the next step forward.
500
00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:25,428
But aren't we trying to
get so much more ahead?
501
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:29,432
I am and I'm just, like, I'm
doing that through the work,
502
00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,601
but society's not
there yet.
503
00:22:31,643 --> 00:22:36,106
Our media does not show
disabled people, period.
504
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:37,440
But particularly
in gay-
505
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:40,985
in gay male media, which is
geared towards sex,
506
00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,987
there's no hot guy
in a chair.
507
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:46,866
But that's the challengethat I've taken on.
508
00:22:46,908 --> 00:22:49,995
♪
509
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,372
(camera clicking)
510
00:22:52,414 --> 00:23:03,425
♪
511
00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:06,094
(camera clicking)
512
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:26,239
♪
513
00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:38,043
He's not afraid.
514
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,794
And why should
he be?
515
00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:42,422
Or why should anyone
like him be afraid?
516
00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:47,344
He's not afraid to literally
bare his soul and say,
517
00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:50,013
"Look at me, because otherwise
you're never looking at me.
518
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:53,016
And if you never look at me,
you're never gonna see me.
519
00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:56,269
So I'll tell you what, I'm gonna
stand right up, I'm gonna take
520
00:23:56,311 --> 00:23:59,314
it off and I'm gonna stand right
in your face and say,
521
00:23:59,356 --> 00:24:02,067
"you look at me" and you can
scoff, you can guffaw,
522
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:03,860
you can laugh, I
don't really care,
523
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:07,364
but you're gonna look at me,
and then you will hear me.
524
00:24:07,405 --> 00:24:09,407
And then the
game changes."
525
00:24:11,701 --> 00:24:12,494
Okay.
526
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:13,036
Perfect.
527
00:24:13,078 --> 00:24:13,703
Good job, man.
528
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:14,329
Good driving.
529
00:24:14,371 --> 00:24:15,455
Thank you.
530
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:16,956
Hey thanks for
bringing him.
531
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:18,333
Alright.
532
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,752
And then I'm gonna- 'kay
I'll do that much and then-
533
00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:21,836
And then I'll just-
534
00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,839
Yeah, just- you do it as
much as you can.
535
00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:26,132
Look at what
you're doing.
536
00:24:26,174 --> 00:24:27,384
Yes, very nice.
537
00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:30,095
Look at you, you have a
skill, you have a knack.
538
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:31,596
I can just-
539
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:33,682
Try to produce your little
spasticity and see what happens.
540
00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:36,059
(laughing)
541
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,311
Usually you kind of-
you have to control it.
542
00:24:38,353 --> 00:24:40,939
Look it's actually
getting fluffy.
543
00:24:41,064 --> 00:24:42,399
Push, push, push.
544
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,359
Push, push- don't be
spastic now, wouldn't be good.
545
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:46,695
(laughing)
546
00:24:46,736 --> 00:24:48,697
Andrew: I wasn't diagnosedwith cerebral palsy
547
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:50,490
I think until Iwas about one.
548
00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:53,243
My disability has always
been a part of me growing up.
549
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:55,996
It's never something that I
could escape 'cause I had the
550
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:58,999
chair and I had all these things
and my body was different.
551
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,960
And so I never could escape
it, but I never wanted to.
552
00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:04,713
My family never made it so that
I couldn't do anything,
553
00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:06,256
I was always included
in everything.
554
00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:09,634
I was included in every
family outing, every vacation,
555
00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:11,886
everything was done around:
"How do we bring Andrew?"
556
00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:14,139
I have a lot of
catching up to do.
557
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:15,306
You're having a party?
558
00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:16,016
Yeah.
559
00:25:16,057 --> 00:25:17,225
What's with the party?
560
00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,102
The same party I had
last year, the sex party.
561
00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:20,103
Oh.
562
00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:21,396
We're doing it again I-
we paid for-
563
00:25:21,438 --> 00:25:23,148
I went to see the
guy yesterday.
564
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:23,898
Where is it?
565
00:25:23,940 --> 00:25:24,733
When is it?
566
00:25:24,774 --> 00:25:26,526
Buddies on August
12th, so-.
567
00:25:26,568 --> 00:25:27,527
I'll still be here.
568
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,529
Do you wanna come
to a sex party?
569
00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,531
Well, I'm not gonna come
for the reasons
570
00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:33,158
others might
wanna go for.
571
00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:34,701
But, you
can come.
572
00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:36,161
The cakes are perfect.
573
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:36,828
(doorbell ringing)
574
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:37,495
Oh-
575
00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:38,163
Andrew: Ding dong.
576
00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:39,706
Game on, who's here?
577
00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:41,583
Andrew: Did you get me thatstripper that I asked for,
578
00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:42,834
is that whatthat is?
579
00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:45,086
I didn't wanna tell
you, but-- could be.
580
00:25:45,128 --> 00:25:48,840
I didn't let him get away
with anything ever, ever.
581
00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:51,634
And the reason was 'cause
he had to be stronger
582
00:25:51,676 --> 00:25:53,219
than the other kids.
583
00:25:54,012 --> 00:25:56,306
So, okay, whatdid I do?
584
00:25:56,348 --> 00:25:59,392
When he was little, he couldpull one arm and one leg,
585
00:25:59,434 --> 00:26:01,728
but when he would crawlhe didn't like it.
586
00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:03,438
Do you
like exercise?
587
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,689
No.
588
00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:06,691
So every morning I would
get him out of his bed
589
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:08,193
and put himon the floor.
590
00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:10,487
School bus is coming andwe can't be late
591
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:12,864
for the school bus,that's the thing, okay.
592
00:26:12,906 --> 00:26:16,076
We're looking at about, I would
say 25 feet up the hall
593
00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:18,328
and then he's gotta do
another about 10 feet
594
00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:20,914
to get 'round the other
side of the door.
595
00:26:20,955 --> 00:26:22,916
So then I'm there likethe military person.
596
00:26:22,957 --> 00:26:25,085
"You're doing this andyou're gonna-
597
00:26:25,126 --> 00:26:27,128
you're gonna makethat time."
598
00:26:27,170 --> 00:26:29,923
He protesteth much.
599
00:26:29,964 --> 00:26:31,216
(laughs)
600
00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,176
And I stood
firm.
601
00:26:33,218 --> 00:26:34,552
And he did it.
602
00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:35,553
Yeah.
603
00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:38,723
Why didn't I just get a
thing that says, "32"?
604
00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:39,265
Yeah.
605
00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:40,100
I dunno.
606
00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:43,436
♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪
607
00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:46,606
♪ Happy birthday
to you- ♪
608
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:49,901
Andrew: When you're a kid on the
playground kids can be cruel,
609
00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:52,445
um, and that's kinda where
I learned that I was
610
00:26:52,487 --> 00:26:55,073
kinda different, when kids
wouldn't approach me.
611
00:26:55,115 --> 00:26:58,493
So the feeling of being theboy in the chair and looking
612
00:26:58,535 --> 00:27:00,996
for connection has always beensomething that has followed me
613
00:27:01,037 --> 00:27:05,500
through my life and itentirely informs the work I do.
614
00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:11,756
♪ It's so delicious, oh sodelicious, it's so delicious ♪
615
00:27:11,798 --> 00:27:14,009
I think sex work is such
an important part
616
00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:16,302
of the disabled
sexual narrative.
617
00:27:16,344 --> 00:27:19,431
My issue with it is that I
think people sometimes
618
00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:22,267
elevate the sex worker
as some sort of savior
619
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:24,019
above the person
with the disability.
620
00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:25,895
That's where I think
the problem lies,
621
00:27:25,937 --> 00:27:27,480
what do you think
about that?
622
00:27:27,522 --> 00:27:30,108
Well, I'm very pro-sex workand I actually think that
623
00:27:30,150 --> 00:27:32,193
the governmentshould pay for it.
624
00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:33,403
Right?!
625
00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:36,489
Yeah I can- I can
high five to that, yeah.
626
00:27:36,531 --> 00:27:38,950
Many times I thought about
hiring somebody,
627
00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:41,870
but I would immediately
be met with,
628
00:27:41,911 --> 00:27:46,291
"No, that's not the responsiblething to do, you gotta eat."
629
00:27:46,333 --> 00:27:51,254
200 bucks is like--
groceries for a month.
630
00:27:53,548 --> 00:27:56,343
So even though I'd wanna feelconnected with my queerness-
631
00:27:56,384 --> 00:27:57,510
Hey, how're you doing?
632
00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:58,762
Andrew: And disabilityall together-
633
00:27:58,803 --> 00:28:00,096
Good.
634
00:28:00,138 --> 00:28:02,015
Andrew: The immediate thoughtafter that was:
635
00:28:02,057 --> 00:28:03,475
"You gotta feed yourself."
636
00:28:04,476 --> 00:28:11,358
But I have done, once,
and not surprisingly,
637
00:28:11,399 --> 00:28:15,153
I got what I needed,
not what I wanted.
638
00:28:15,195 --> 00:28:18,990
So I got the release,
they did their job,
639
00:28:19,032 --> 00:28:20,492
but I certainly didn't
feel connected.
640
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:23,119
And what I- what I learned
from that experience
641
00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,829
was that I wanted
connection.
642
00:28:25,789 --> 00:28:28,500
So I've done it, I'mnot ashamed of it,
643
00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:31,002
but I don't know if Iwould do it again.
644
00:28:32,629 --> 00:28:34,297
What was the worst?
645
00:28:34,339 --> 00:28:35,882
The worst?
646
00:28:35,924 --> 00:28:38,343
I remember the time I was in
the- in the elevator with a guy
647
00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:41,846
and I went to the door to
open and I went to get out
648
00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:43,848
and I turned around
and he was gone.
649
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:44,474
Yuh.
650
00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:45,225
Never saw him again.
651
00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:46,685
And then I- and then I-
652
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:48,937
You opened the door
and he turned and ran?
653
00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:51,981
And well ran back down the
elevator and I didn't hear it
654
00:28:52,023 --> 00:28:54,734
'cause I was turning the door
and kind of, like, talking
655
00:28:54,776 --> 00:28:57,278
to him weird like you
know, pre-fuck small talk.
656
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:58,738
(laughs)
657
00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:01,199
I was trying to like, you know
warm him up to like this
658
00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:04,119
whole thing and I turned
around and he's gone.
659
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,537
No way.
660
00:29:05,578 --> 00:29:06,955
Yeah.
661
00:29:06,997 --> 00:29:10,917
I always say to Andrew that I
would've been with him
662
00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:12,377
from the start.
663
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:20,844
Um and so it does break my heart
to see the lack of acceptance.
664
00:29:24,014 --> 00:29:39,696
♪
665
00:29:39,738 --> 00:29:42,699
Andrew: This year we wanted tobe safe and not say orgy
666
00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:45,952
because we wanted to be a littlemore classy but by doing that,
667
00:29:45,994 --> 00:29:48,788
we lost a lotof cachet.
668
00:29:50,999 --> 00:29:53,752
The last time that I was here,
we were planning it,
669
00:29:53,793 --> 00:29:56,755
there was discussion of where
things would go and blah blah
670
00:29:56,796 --> 00:30:00,091
and now everything is
dead, it's dead.
671
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,344
Press release wentout this year
672
00:30:02,385 --> 00:30:07,849
and it just didn't garner
a lot of hits really.
673
00:30:07,891 --> 00:30:09,225
It really didn't-
674
00:30:09,267 --> 00:30:11,353
It was bittersweet 'causepart of me was like
675
00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,438
okay, they're not
sensationalizing me
676
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,190
but they're not
noticing me at all.
677
00:30:15,231 --> 00:30:16,191
Crap.
678
00:30:17,692 --> 00:30:19,527
That scared me, I was
expecting-
679
00:30:19,569 --> 00:30:20,737
(woosh)
680
00:30:20,779 --> 00:30:23,823
And it was like a
little tiny blip.
681
00:30:25,492 --> 00:30:28,328
With disability, it has tobe sensationalized
682
00:30:28,370 --> 00:30:31,289
or infantalized for itto be newsworthy.
683
00:30:31,331 --> 00:30:35,418
♪
684
00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:40,757
It's painfully familiarwhen you are disabled.
685
00:30:40,799 --> 00:30:43,301
That feeling of despair and
disappointment is very,
686
00:30:43,343 --> 00:30:44,219
I'm very-
687
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:45,804
I'm comfortable
with it almost.
688
00:30:46,471 --> 00:30:49,724
But I know that I have astory to tell, I'm not done.
689
00:30:49,766 --> 00:30:52,560
By no means, by nostretch am I finished.
690
00:30:54,646 --> 00:30:56,690
Interviewer: Sofreakshow, invisible,
691
00:30:56,731 --> 00:30:58,983
which one would youchoose if you had to?
692
00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:00,402
Freakshow.
693
00:31:00,443 --> 00:31:03,905
I would- I would
totally run with it.
694
00:31:03,947 --> 00:31:07,575
♪
695
00:31:07,617 --> 00:31:09,869
Yeah, you can callme a freak, go ahead.
696
00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:12,372
You can call me a gimp,call me a cripple
697
00:31:12,414 --> 00:31:14,624
whatever the hell youwant to call me, great.
698
00:31:14,666 --> 00:31:17,377
But here's whatI'm actually doing.
699
00:31:17,419 --> 00:31:18,878
Let me tell you.
700
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,381
♪
701
00:31:21,423 --> 00:31:23,383
I've created opportunitiesfor others to see me
702
00:31:23,425 --> 00:31:24,718
as a real person.
703
00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:29,597
I hope that when you seeme, you see me in the chair.
704
00:31:29,639 --> 00:31:31,224
You understandthat reality.
705
00:31:31,266 --> 00:31:33,935
But you also understand that Ihave embraced it for what it is
706
00:31:33,977 --> 00:31:35,645
and I'm goingforward with it.
707
00:31:36,646 --> 00:31:38,148
♪
708
00:31:38,189 --> 00:31:40,900
Yeah I know you're fuckingscared, but guess what, so am I.
709
00:31:40,942 --> 00:31:43,028
Let's be scared togetherand talk about that
710
00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:44,863
and figure it out.
711
00:31:44,904 --> 00:32:04,924
♪
57193
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