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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,659 --> 00:00:07,693 Dave, we don't have time. 2 00:00:11,831 --> 00:00:14,366 Okay, I've got everything you need right here. 3 00:00:15,569 --> 00:00:17,135 ♪ You're the best... ♪ 4 00:00:17,136 --> 00:00:19,370 Dave, how much longer are you gonna be doing this? 5 00:00:19,371 --> 00:00:21,873 ♪ So long, I can't stop... ♪ 6 00:00:21,874 --> 00:00:23,309 - Dave. - Do it with me. 7 00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:25,343 I'm leaving. 8 00:00:25,344 --> 00:00:28,047 ♪ Have it your way ♪ 9 00:00:28,048 --> 00:00:30,916 ♪ I know I'm late ♪ 10 00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:34,220 - ♪ But it's okay... ♪ - No. 11 00:00:34,221 --> 00:00:36,888 ♪ We don't have time to wait... ♪ Oh. 12 00:00:36,889 --> 00:00:39,592 ♪ We're gonna have the best time... ♪ 13 00:00:39,593 --> 00:00:41,260 Dave, you have to change. 14 00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:43,529 ♪ Do you remember when you got all mad ♪ 15 00:00:43,530 --> 00:00:45,764 ♪ 'Cause I threw out that flyer? ♪ 16 00:00:45,765 --> 00:00:49,401 That was not a flyer. I told you. 17 00:00:49,402 --> 00:00:51,603 ♪ Yes, it was ♪ 18 00:00:51,604 --> 00:00:54,038 ♪ No, it was a save the date ♪ 19 00:00:54,039 --> 00:00:55,841 ♪ It's the same thing, it's gonna end up ♪ 20 00:00:55,842 --> 00:00:58,043 ♪ On a fridge either way... ♪ 21 00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:01,446 ♪ You're gonna dance with me ♪ 22 00:01:01,447 --> 00:01:04,350 ♪ Yes, of course, I love you ♪ 23 00:01:04,351 --> 00:01:07,219 ♪ But we really got to go right now ♪ 24 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,355 ♪ Fine, it was fun while it lasted. ♪ 25 00:01:09,356 --> 00:01:11,559 Mm-hmm. 26 00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:20,365 I got to export this. 27 00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:24,103 That was high art. Oh, my God. 28 00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:25,704 - Great work. - Yeah. 29 00:01:25,705 --> 00:01:27,538 Okay. We got to go. 30 00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:29,505 Can I use this on my album as an interlude? 31 00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,521 Dave. 32 00:01:34,648 --> 00:01:36,148 "If there was one word 33 00:01:36,149 --> 00:01:38,916 I would use to describe my big sister, 34 00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:41,719 - it would be 'hilarious.'" - Hmm. 35 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,323 "When I wanted to invite Anthony Turner to my eighth grade dance, 36 00:01:44,324 --> 00:01:48,126 Julie was all, 'But, Ally, how will he dance?'" 37 00:01:48,127 --> 00:01:50,561 - Why? - Because Anthony Turner had actually... 38 00:01:50,562 --> 00:01:52,163 He broke both of his legs in, like, 39 00:01:52,164 --> 00:01:55,133 a really bad skiing accident. 40 00:01:55,134 --> 00:01:57,236 But I-I guess people don't... Should I say that 41 00:01:57,237 --> 00:01:58,917 at the beginning or at the end of the joke? 42 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,454 Wait a minute. I'm very... Like, I thought 43 00:02:00,456 --> 00:02:01,774 you were giving the speech, and now, 44 00:02:01,775 --> 00:02:03,309 like, you're talking t... I'm like, just... 45 00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:04,942 I don't know when the fourth wall broke, 46 00:02:04,943 --> 00:02:06,811 when you started talking to me, it's all very... 47 00:02:06,812 --> 00:02:08,513 I'm asking if you think it's, if that's... 48 00:02:08,514 --> 00:02:10,281 Well, that's like... people are gonna laugh. 49 00:02:10,282 --> 00:02:12,917 You know, I don't know, I wouldn't make fun of a kid 50 00:02:12,918 --> 00:02:15,487 for being crippled or whatever you just spoke about. 51 00:02:15,488 --> 00:02:17,022 I don't know how I'm expected to give, like, 52 00:02:17,023 --> 00:02:19,357 an even okay maid of honor speech, 53 00:02:19,358 --> 00:02:21,994 when I have no idea why I'm the maid of honor. 54 00:02:21,995 --> 00:02:24,429 Like, we-we're not even friends. 55 00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:26,465 Use that. Start with that... That's raw. 56 00:02:26,466 --> 00:02:28,867 There's, like, emotion there. There's, like, earnestness. 57 00:02:28,868 --> 00:02:31,602 There's a real, you know, zeal. 58 00:02:31,603 --> 00:02:34,606 No matter what I do, my family's gonna judge it. 59 00:02:34,607 --> 00:02:38,276 You know both of my parents are Libras? Both of them. 60 00:02:38,277 --> 00:02:40,279 Uh, I never understand why people say "don't judge me." 61 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,679 That... I mean, we human beings judge. 62 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,448 That's, like, our total predisposition. 63 00:02:43,449 --> 00:02:45,451 That's how we select. 64 00:02:45,452 --> 00:02:47,685 Or-or not "select," but... 65 00:02:47,686 --> 00:02:51,523 Oh. Mike. 66 00:02:51,524 --> 00:02:53,659 - Hey, man. - Hi, Mike. 67 00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:55,327 Yes, hi, Ally. Whatever. 68 00:02:55,328 --> 00:02:56,961 Dave, heads up. 69 00:02:56,962 --> 00:02:59,798 Uh, Jim Moreno from Random Gem called, and, uh, 70 00:02:59,799 --> 00:03:04,203 he says they're gonna have a deal memo by the end of the day. 71 00:03:04,204 --> 00:03:07,840 All right. Um, and that... What does that mean? 72 00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:10,675 Like, you know, for real. 73 00:03:10,676 --> 00:03:12,678 Dude, it is a precontract, right? 74 00:03:12,679 --> 00:03:14,213 It's establishing a relationship with you 75 00:03:14,214 --> 00:03:16,849 as an artist without, you know, 76 00:03:16,850 --> 00:03:18,316 getting fully into a contract. 77 00:03:18,317 --> 00:03:20,318 I love it when you talk dirty. 78 00:03:20,319 --> 00:03:21,987 It's the best thing that's come across our desk so far. 79 00:03:21,988 --> 00:03:24,022 Oh, my gosh! Oh! 80 00:03:24,023 --> 00:03:26,357 What the f... Uh... 81 00:03:26,358 --> 00:03:29,026 Hello? 82 00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:30,228 Whatever. 83 00:03:30,229 --> 00:03:33,431 Oh, my God. 84 00:03:33,432 --> 00:03:36,435 Oh, my God, Dave. It's a little bunny. 85 00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:37,903 Man down. 86 00:03:37,904 --> 00:03:40,773 Oh, my God. 87 00:03:40,774 --> 00:03:43,274 Fuck! He's still alive. 88 00:03:43,275 --> 00:03:45,276 His little foot is twitching. 89 00:03:45,277 --> 00:03:47,279 Very sad. 90 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:49,113 Dave. 91 00:03:49,114 --> 00:03:51,282 - What? - We can't leave him. 92 00:03:51,283 --> 00:03:53,217 He's, u-uh, suffering. 93 00:03:53,218 --> 00:03:55,219 We got to, like, call a vet or something, right? 94 00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:57,122 Do you think there's, like, a vet nearby, or...? 95 00:03:57,123 --> 00:03:59,024 I don't know where vets are. And, no. 96 00:03:59,025 --> 00:04:01,026 Like, vets don't apply to vermin. This thing's wild. 97 00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:02,694 This is a free-range rabbit. I mean... 98 00:04:02,695 --> 00:04:04,897 - Oh, my God. - I don't think you can call a vet 99 00:04:04,898 --> 00:04:07,031 when you don't have ownership of the cr... you know, the creature. 100 00:04:07,032 --> 00:04:09,868 He's in pain, Dave. 101 00:04:09,869 --> 00:04:11,937 He looks like he's... Yeah, it looks... 102 00:04:11,938 --> 00:04:13,772 I think he's fucking dying. 103 00:04:13,773 --> 00:04:17,142 - Okay, well, we have to kill it. - What? 104 00:04:17,143 --> 00:04:18,838 It's suffering. It's, like, slowly dying. 105 00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,860 We got to put him out of his misery. That's like... 106 00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:21,947 You want me to kill it? 107 00:04:21,948 --> 00:04:24,416 Like, uh, what do you want me to do? Stomp its head? 108 00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:26,418 Smother... Like, I'm not gonna kill this thing. 109 00:04:26,419 --> 00:04:29,086 You-you got to get back in the car and then run him over. 110 00:04:29,087 --> 00:04:32,257 Again? You want me to run it over twice? I'm not Suge Knight. 111 00:04:32,258 --> 00:04:34,259 - Run him over, but directly. - How is that better for him? 112 00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:36,562 Direct? Uh, he's fucking... I nailed him. I mean... 113 00:04:36,563 --> 00:04:39,096 - No, you didn't! Or else he'd be dead! - I did. 114 00:04:39,097 --> 00:04:41,265 Put yourself in his shoes. You want to be lying 115 00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:43,000 in the middle of the road, bleeding, dying? 116 00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:45,236 This thing isn't wearing shoes, Al! This is vermin. 117 00:04:45,237 --> 00:04:48,173 Dave! It's a living thing and it's suffering. 118 00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:49,608 You have to kill it. 119 00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:56,081 You have to cut more this-this way. 120 00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:57,983 - Left? - You have to go on my right. 121 00:04:57,984 --> 00:04:59,559 Dave, you have to go more right. You're not gonna... 122 00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:01,853 All right, I'm not a precision fucking driver. Stop yelling. 123 00:05:01,854 --> 00:05:04,022 Dave, you just have to hit the fucking bunny. 124 00:05:04,023 --> 00:05:06,091 - Uh... - No. 125 00:05:06,092 --> 00:05:07,192 Dave! 126 00:05:07,193 --> 00:05:09,995 You just got its ears! My God! 127 00:05:09,996 --> 00:05:11,796 It's screaming. 128 00:05:11,797 --> 00:05:13,499 Dave, just... do it again. 129 00:05:14,534 --> 00:05:15,933 Move out of the way. 130 00:05:33,453 --> 00:05:36,053 This is a great Airbnb. Wow. 131 00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:38,457 Here comes my stress headache. 132 00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:40,024 Why? It's gonna be fine. 133 00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:41,860 I'm gonna blow them away like I always do. 134 00:05:41,861 --> 00:05:44,296 Yeah. Nothing blows parents away like, 135 00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:47,164 "Here's my boyfriend. He's an aspiring rapper." 136 00:05:47,165 --> 00:05:48,534 There they are. 137 00:05:48,535 --> 00:05:50,902 Please, look at this man. Your dad wants to fuck me. 138 00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,404 - The weary travelers. - Hi, Dad. 139 00:05:52,405 --> 00:05:54,139 - Well, you guys made some great time. - H-Hey! 140 00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:56,808 - Yeah. Waze is very accurate. - Yeah. Yeah. 141 00:05:56,809 --> 00:05:59,176 Oh, Allison, you're getting skinny again. 142 00:05:59,177 --> 00:06:01,146 - Let me take that. All right. - Oh... 143 00:06:01,147 --> 00:06:03,014 - You hungry? - No, not really. I... 144 00:06:03,015 --> 00:06:04,750 Oh, well, come on in. We'll get you something. 145 00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:06,985 - Yeah, we have food. You bet. Come on. - Thank you. Thanks. 146 00:06:06,986 --> 00:06:08,853 - How was your drive? - Easy. 147 00:06:08,854 --> 00:06:10,656 - A little bit of an obstacle, but... - What's up, man? 148 00:06:10,657 --> 00:06:11,971 You here to help me out, muscle man? Aw... 149 00:06:11,973 --> 00:06:13,692 - Hi. - Jules! Oh, my God! 150 00:06:13,693 --> 00:06:15,226 - You look so pretty. - Hi. 151 00:06:15,227 --> 00:06:17,762 Hi. Oh. Okay. Um, I just lotioned my hands. 152 00:06:17,763 --> 00:06:19,397 I don't want to get it on your little romper. 153 00:06:19,398 --> 00:06:22,500 Oh. Uh, that's why you smell so nice. 154 00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:24,702 Oh, no, this is unscented. That's just my natural smell. 155 00:06:24,703 --> 00:06:26,204 Oh... 156 00:06:26,205 --> 00:06:28,008 - Okay. Let's go. Come on. - Do you have any Advil? 157 00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:33,779 Jules, you know just as well as I do, that's such a straw man 158 00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:35,214 argument. The guy got four consecutive life sentences. 159 00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:37,581 - What are you talking about? - I completely disagree with you. 160 00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,509 You know it's far more nuanced than that. 161 00:06:39,511 --> 00:06:41,652 - It's not. - Yes, it is. It is. 162 00:06:41,653 --> 00:06:43,688 Let me ask you lawyers this while I have you here. 163 00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,357 Why do they even give people multiple life sentences? 164 00:06:46,358 --> 00:06:47,792 Is the government really implying 165 00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:49,595 that reincarnation is a possibility? 166 00:06:49,596 --> 00:06:51,830 That can't be right, because then it's a total s-separation 167 00:06:51,831 --> 00:06:54,700 of church and state violation by the government. 168 00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:56,869 N-Nobody's saying that, and it's far more complicated. 169 00:06:56,870 --> 00:06:59,136 - More complicated? - More complicated. 170 00:06:59,137 --> 00:07:01,773 - Than reincarnation? - More complicated. 171 00:07:01,774 --> 00:07:04,275 - Hey, how's school going, Al? - Really great. 172 00:07:04,276 --> 00:07:06,477 Uh, the kids just put on a play about global warming 173 00:07:06,478 --> 00:07:07,845 - that went really well. - Mm-hmm. 174 00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:09,213 It was great. I was there. 175 00:07:09,214 --> 00:07:10,849 And it was a really big project for me. 176 00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,885 Mm, I'm surprised they let you delve 177 00:07:12,886 --> 00:07:15,888 into such political topics. 178 00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:17,623 I mean, it's not a-a political issue. 179 00:07:17,624 --> 00:07:21,225 It's, like, a... human issue. 180 00:07:21,226 --> 00:07:24,638 - You ca... It has pulp. You can't... - What? 181 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,465 Do you think you can shake the pulp out of it? 182 00:07:26,466 --> 00:07:28,299 Isn't that... The shake... No? You can't? 183 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,734 I thought it disintegrates if you shake it. 184 00:07:29,735 --> 00:07:31,402 - No. - So, Dave, 185 00:07:31,403 --> 00:07:33,838 last time you were here, you were an ad man. 186 00:07:33,839 --> 00:07:35,506 - Ugh, the dog days. Am I right, Terry? - That's right. 187 00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:37,174 Oh, David, please tell me. 188 00:07:37,175 --> 00:07:39,044 How's this whole "rap" thing going? Huh? 189 00:07:39,045 --> 00:07:40,878 You know what? No need for quotes anymore. 190 00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:42,381 It's actually completely legitimate 191 00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:45,249 and borderline unbelievably successful. 192 00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,519 - No way. - Yeah, no. 193 00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:48,753 It's, uh, it's kind of absurd. Like, every single one of my songs 194 00:07:48,754 --> 00:07:51,323 has millions and millions of streams across platforms. 195 00:07:51,324 --> 00:07:52,535 - Really? - Yeah. 196 00:07:52,536 --> 00:07:54,359 So many different labels are courting me left and right, 197 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,595 - trying to throw so much money at me. - Huh. 198 00:07:56,596 --> 00:07:59,431 I was just in the studio last week with Justin Bieber. 199 00:07:59,432 --> 00:08:00,665 - What? - Wow. 200 00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:02,875 - Justin Bieber? Wow. - Justin Bieber, yeah. 201 00:08:02,877 --> 00:08:04,626 It's not a huge deal, but it's certainly something 202 00:08:04,627 --> 00:08:06,386 - that we should talk about. - I'm so proud of you. 203 00:08:06,388 --> 00:08:08,773 You know what a good metaphor is? I feel like, you know how 204 00:08:08,774 --> 00:08:10,208 when a snake sheds its skin 205 00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:11,877 and gets that fresh layer of epidermis? 206 00:08:11,878 --> 00:08:13,177 That's where I'm at. 207 00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:14,378 I'm in that transitional phase. 208 00:08:14,379 --> 00:08:15,513 And I'm shedding my skin and, like, 209 00:08:15,514 --> 00:08:18,417 this new layer of skin has so much sheen. 210 00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:20,851 - Sheen. Like, yeah, shiny. - Just gloss. 211 00:08:20,852 --> 00:08:22,387 - Oh, that's beautiful. - Well, Dave, 212 00:08:22,388 --> 00:08:24,922 you certainly have confidence. 213 00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:26,792 Oh, I know. If only he could share some with Ally. 214 00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:29,427 - I know. - What does that mean? 215 00:08:29,428 --> 00:08:30,628 I just meant you have so much potential. 216 00:08:30,629 --> 00:08:32,129 I wish sometimes you would... 217 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,867 use it on some kids who might remember you, that's all. 218 00:08:36,068 --> 00:08:38,537 I remember my kindergarten teacher. 219 00:08:38,538 --> 00:08:39,937 And I love my job. 220 00:08:39,938 --> 00:08:43,575 I teach the future. Which... 221 00:08:43,576 --> 00:08:44,900 Oh, yeah. 222 00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:47,546 ...Is a big deal, I... in some people's minds. 223 00:08:47,547 --> 00:08:49,314 I don't remember my kindergarten teacher, but, 224 00:08:49,315 --> 00:08:51,316 - uh, I do like my job, though. - So, Dave, 225 00:08:51,317 --> 00:08:54,418 are you diversifying your revenue streams? 226 00:08:54,419 --> 00:08:56,821 Like, uh, like, that rapper... The one that's, uh, 227 00:08:56,822 --> 00:08:58,923 part owner of the Nets. Um... 228 00:08:58,924 --> 00:09:00,091 - Jay-Z. - Jay-Z. 229 00:09:00,092 --> 00:09:02,060 - Like Jay-Z? - Ooh. He's the one 230 00:09:02,061 --> 00:09:03,561 that's married to Beyoncé. I love her. 231 00:09:03,562 --> 00:09:05,564 - She's so beautiful. - You know, I'm working 232 00:09:05,565 --> 00:09:07,231 - on a few different things. - Mm. 233 00:09:07,232 --> 00:09:09,167 - I-I... - I need water. Excuse me. 234 00:09:09,168 --> 00:09:10,902 I'm actually, I'm-I'm trying to get in, 235 00:09:10,903 --> 00:09:12,671 like, the condiment space. 236 00:09:12,672 --> 00:09:14,339 - You know, different sauces. - Mm-hmm. 237 00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:15,949 Food goes in and out of style. Sauce... 238 00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:18,676 - He's so fun. - He is fun. 239 00:09:18,677 --> 00:09:20,946 Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you. 240 00:09:20,947 --> 00:09:23,148 Don't worry about giving Chloe any money for my bachelorette, 241 00:09:23,149 --> 00:09:24,950 because honestly, you didn't even get a chance to go. 242 00:09:24,951 --> 00:09:27,319 Oh, no, but I'm-I'm... Of course I'm still gonna help 243 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,586 pay for it. 244 00:09:28,587 --> 00:09:30,187 No, I know, I know. It's just... 245 00:09:30,188 --> 00:09:31,989 like, it-it wasn't cheap, 246 00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,292 so I don't want you to get stressed out, or... 247 00:09:34,293 --> 00:09:36,293 No, but as a gift, I should... 248 00:09:36,294 --> 00:09:38,997 How about you get us something off the registry? 249 00:09:38,998 --> 00:09:40,264 Something small. 250 00:09:40,265 --> 00:09:44,201 - Something small? Perfect. - Okay. Great. Perfect. 251 00:09:44,202 --> 00:09:47,638 Oh, that's the one where George Clooney's the fox, right? 252 00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:51,676 No-no-no. Breaking Bad is a TV show. It's, like, about meth. 253 00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:53,303 You're thinking of Fantastic Mr. Fox... 254 00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:54,314 Yeah, that's right. 255 00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:57,148 David, you're not gonna try my carrots? I got them at the farmers market. 256 00:09:57,149 --> 00:09:59,151 No, that is a nonstarter for Dave. 257 00:09:59,152 --> 00:10:01,887 He doesn't eat fruits or vegetables. 258 00:10:01,888 --> 00:10:03,287 But I'll say this. 259 00:10:03,288 --> 00:10:04,790 I feel like you guys are embracing me right now, 260 00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:06,176 and I'm willing to try my first carrot. 261 00:10:06,178 --> 00:10:07,205 Do it, man. 262 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,960 I'll try the typical orange Bugs Bunny one. 263 00:10:08,961 --> 00:10:11,296 - Why does it look like a witch? - Mmm. 264 00:10:11,297 --> 00:10:12,380 It does. 265 00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:14,566 Do-do I take the tail off, or you eat the tail? 266 00:10:14,567 --> 00:10:15,742 - Yeah, eat the whole thing. - Yeah. 267 00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:18,803 - Okay. - A little more. 268 00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:21,307 Yeah. 269 00:10:22,341 --> 00:10:24,176 It's good, right? Yeah? 270 00:10:24,177 --> 00:10:26,344 - Mmm... - He did it. 271 00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:28,245 - Can I spit it out or no? - No, Dave. 272 00:10:28,246 --> 00:10:30,481 Your mother never made you eat vegetables? 273 00:10:30,482 --> 00:10:32,484 She said it wasn't worth ruining her own life. 274 00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:34,485 Makes sense. 275 00:10:34,486 --> 00:10:37,888 And then she said, "You can just get something small 276 00:10:37,889 --> 00:10:39,657 off of the registry." 277 00:10:39,658 --> 00:10:44,061 Like, do you not remember the $90 olive oil decanter 278 00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:45,596 that we got for your engagement? 279 00:10:45,597 --> 00:10:48,399 Do you, do you not decant your olive oil 280 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,567 every night, Julie? 281 00:10:49,568 --> 00:10:51,536 Are you listening? 282 00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:53,571 I'm almost done with my 15 minutes of daily 283 00:10:53,572 --> 00:10:55,005 fan interaction. 284 00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,743 There are so many comments lately about me being "hot." 285 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,244 Hey, 286 00:10:59,245 --> 00:11:01,378 when did I make the transition from cute to hot? 287 00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:03,380 Is there a moment you can point to? 288 00:11:03,381 --> 00:11:07,085 Are you gonna be like this all weekend, or...? 289 00:11:07,086 --> 00:11:10,221 My bad, they've been working me late at the Hot Guy Factory; 290 00:11:10,222 --> 00:11:11,889 I can't even remember how to think. 291 00:11:11,890 --> 00:11:13,557 What's going on? Julie's being 292 00:11:13,558 --> 00:11:15,793 - mean to you, or something? - Yeah. 293 00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:17,595 I'm sorry that's happening, but it-it is her wedding weekend. 294 00:11:17,596 --> 00:11:19,096 You kind of have to let it go. 295 00:11:19,097 --> 00:11:22,300 I'm let... I'm letting it go. I'm telling you about it. 296 00:11:22,301 --> 00:11:25,537 Enough is enough! You need to shut your yap! 297 00:11:25,538 --> 00:11:26,805 What? 298 00:11:26,806 --> 00:11:27,906 Hmm. 299 00:11:27,907 --> 00:11:29,141 Do you want to work on your speech? 300 00:11:29,142 --> 00:11:31,542 - I should, but I don't want to. - Okay. 301 00:11:31,543 --> 00:11:33,445 - Let me just inspect you for a second. - No. 302 00:11:33,446 --> 00:11:35,379 - I don't want an inspection. - Ooh. 303 00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:37,449 Can we finish season two of Handmaid's Tale? 304 00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,283 I feel like I've had enough woman-on-woman abuse 305 00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:41,051 for one day. 306 00:11:41,052 --> 00:11:42,720 - Oh, I see. - Sorry. 307 00:11:42,721 --> 00:11:44,271 I know what you want. 308 00:11:44,273 --> 00:11:45,489 Oh, yeah, what do I want? 309 00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:48,225 You want me to get in the nooks and the crevices. 310 00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:49,927 - I hate when you say "crevices." - You want me to inspect... 311 00:11:49,929 --> 00:11:51,255 You want me to get in the nooks? 312 00:11:51,257 --> 00:11:53,064 I don't like "nooks," either. 313 00:11:53,065 --> 00:11:55,233 I'm picking up what you're putting down. 314 00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:57,969 And just so you know, I'm ready. 315 00:11:57,970 --> 00:12:00,071 Start it off. Get the ball rolling, I'm ready. 316 00:12:00,072 --> 00:12:01,806 Do something to me. 317 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:05,911 I-I'm sensing all the cues, I'm picking it up. Fuck me. 318 00:12:05,912 --> 00:12:07,678 My parents are in the next room. 319 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,014 - Just fuck me. - My parents are in the next room. 320 00:12:10,015 --> 00:12:12,450 You can fuck me quick. Really? 321 00:12:12,451 --> 00:12:14,319 If so, you're parents aren't listening, A; 322 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,253 B, we can do it very quietly. 323 00:12:16,254 --> 00:12:17,689 I require very little friction. 324 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,691 Yeah, that doesn't sound like fun to me. 325 00:12:19,692 --> 00:12:21,459 You know I can ejaculate hands-free? 326 00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:23,628 - I did not know that. - You know what that means? 327 00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:24,726 Nope. 328 00:12:24,728 --> 00:12:27,465 That-that means that I can literally lie down... 329 00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:29,267 think... 330 00:12:29,268 --> 00:12:32,470 push my innards out... 331 00:12:32,471 --> 00:12:34,638 and in the right circumstance, I will cream. 332 00:12:34,639 --> 00:12:39,009 Well... sounds like you don't need me then, 333 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:42,615 for your, uh, Bluetooth orgasm. 334 00:12:44,015 --> 00:12:46,784 It's not the preferred method, but... 335 00:12:46,785 --> 00:12:49,487 I guess I'll take what I'm given. 336 00:12:49,488 --> 00:12:51,656 I'm not gonna do it right now. 337 00:12:51,657 --> 00:12:53,959 Okay. I wasn't worried. 338 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,330 - I'm gonna let the cream brew. - Mm-kay. 339 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:02,801 This is a really good deal, Dave. 340 00:13:02,802 --> 00:13:04,502 - I think we should take it. - I don't know, man. 341 00:13:04,503 --> 00:13:07,771 200 grand for my whole catalog and my first album? 342 00:13:07,773 --> 00:13:09,440 Yes, Dave, that's how deals work, okay? 343 00:13:09,441 --> 00:13:10,707 And just to be clear, dude, 344 00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,809 they're offering you $200,000 345 00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:15,647 for two songs about your penis and your first album, okay? 346 00:13:15,648 --> 00:13:18,531 I can't believe we're having a conversation about this right now. 347 00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,717 All right, I need you to turn over a few more stones. 348 00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:22,720 Get it to the ideal place, okay? 349 00:13:22,721 --> 00:13:24,154 Okay, bud. 350 00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:26,724 I'll keep turning over stones. You got it. 351 00:13:26,725 --> 00:13:30,227 Turn it over. Good morning, my little cherub. 352 00:13:30,228 --> 00:13:31,596 Are you ready to hike? 353 00:13:31,597 --> 00:13:35,899 Um... I... This is a required activity? 354 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,969 - Dave... - I'm just joking. 355 00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:40,270 My whole family is going. This is a whole thing. 356 00:13:40,271 --> 00:13:41,806 Well, then, I'd better saddle on up, 357 00:13:41,807 --> 00:13:43,274 'cause I got a hike to hike. 358 00:13:43,275 --> 00:13:44,642 Okay, thank you. 359 00:13:44,643 --> 00:13:48,913 Is this the type of thing where I could potentially hop on a horse? 360 00:13:48,914 --> 00:13:52,482 Or maybe even, like, ride a yak? 361 00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,589 - Jesus Christ. - What is wrong now? 362 00:13:58,590 --> 00:14:01,292 There's terrible footing out here, and I lost my step. 363 00:14:01,293 --> 00:14:02,693 This hike is so robust, 364 00:14:02,694 --> 00:14:05,028 and I'm, like, very close to being out of water, so... 365 00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:07,465 Okay, Dave, it's a hike. So you can get a grip. 366 00:14:07,466 --> 00:14:10,335 Fuck hikes. I'm saying it right now. 367 00:14:10,336 --> 00:14:14,138 Uh, fuck hikes. That's actually an interesting song title. 368 00:14:14,139 --> 00:14:15,972 "Fuck Hikes." 369 00:14:15,973 --> 00:14:18,275 ♪ Fuck hikes, fuck hikes ♪ 370 00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:19,777 ♪ They really hurt my back ♪ 371 00:14:19,778 --> 00:14:21,879 ♪ Wait, fuck hikes, huh, fuck hikes ♪ 372 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,148 ♪ I'd rather ride a yak. ♪ 373 00:14:24,149 --> 00:14:26,183 You know, you know it sounds like you're saying, 374 00:14:26,184 --> 00:14:28,985 "Fuck Jews," right? But, like, worse? 375 00:14:28,986 --> 00:14:31,121 How am I saying "fuck Jews"? Fuck hikes. 376 00:14:31,122 --> 00:14:32,356 "Fuck kikes"? 377 00:14:32,357 --> 00:14:33,725 Oh, my God. Controversy sells, so, you know... 378 00:14:33,726 --> 00:14:35,326 - Dave... - I got to write this down. 379 00:14:35,327 --> 00:14:37,227 - No, come on. - I got to write it down. 380 00:14:37,228 --> 00:14:39,029 What are you talking about? I got to write this down. 381 00:14:39,030 --> 00:14:41,365 I get one good idea every three months. 382 00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,899 Okay, if you're feeling creative, 383 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,202 can we talk about my speech? 384 00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:48,004 So now you want to brainstorm on the hike, huh? 385 00:14:48,005 --> 00:14:50,508 Of course, let's... where you at with it? Let's talk about it. 386 00:14:50,509 --> 00:14:53,711 - I got nothing. - Really? No progress been made, okay. 387 00:14:53,712 --> 00:14:56,047 Think back to your childhood. What did you guys do? 388 00:14:56,048 --> 00:14:57,914 Where did you go as a group? 389 00:14:57,915 --> 00:15:00,884 I don't know. I mean, my parents would bring us to, 390 00:15:00,885 --> 00:15:03,502 like, circuses and random shows and stuff. 391 00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:05,017 What? 392 00:15:05,890 --> 00:15:07,357 Oh, wait-wait-wait. 393 00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:10,386 Oh, I do have something. Oh, I do, I do. 394 00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:14,065 - We do. - Oh, Dave, we did it, I'm so happy! 395 00:15:14,066 --> 00:15:16,156 And I could, like, tie it in as a cool... 396 00:15:16,158 --> 00:15:17,201 Oh... I'm sorry. 397 00:15:17,202 --> 00:15:19,604 - Huh... just... oh... - What is wrong? 398 00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:21,004 Shh. I have to poop. 399 00:15:21,005 --> 00:15:22,740 Please don't say another word for a second. 400 00:15:22,741 --> 00:15:23,742 You have to poop? 401 00:15:23,744 --> 00:15:26,744 Yes. Please stop talking to me for one second. 402 00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:28,779 Okay, can we walk it off? 403 00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:31,249 I don't believe so, no. This is not a drill at all. 404 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,551 Please turn away or something. I need to figure this out. 405 00:15:33,552 --> 00:15:34,785 You have to hold it in. 406 00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:36,520 You can't, like, erase the past. 407 00:15:36,521 --> 00:15:37,788 If you can make your innards come, 408 00:15:37,789 --> 00:15:39,423 you can make 'em stay. Let's go. 409 00:15:39,424 --> 00:15:40,758 I'm not a fucking scientist, man. 410 00:15:40,759 --> 00:15:42,225 - What? - There's honestly no time. 411 00:15:42,226 --> 00:15:43,902 What do I... Can I shit right here? Can I do it right here? 412 00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:45,128 - No, you can't shit right here, Dave. - Why? Why? 413 00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:46,697 Grow up, and let's go! 414 00:15:46,698 --> 00:15:50,067 - It's the fucking carrots! - Dave, you had one bite of a carrot. 415 00:15:50,068 --> 00:15:51,635 You're not fucking exploding! 416 00:15:51,636 --> 00:15:53,471 Oh, my God. 417 00:15:53,472 --> 00:15:55,639 Oh, my God. Look away! Look away! Look away! 418 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,275 No, no! 419 00:15:58,076 --> 00:16:00,378 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 420 00:16:00,379 --> 00:16:01,979 Oh, my God. 421 00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:04,916 No! No, no, no! 422 00:16:06,952 --> 00:16:08,385 Okay. Oh. 423 00:16:08,386 --> 00:16:11,156 I reinvented diarrhea. 424 00:16:14,759 --> 00:16:15,759 Mmm... 425 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,162 Thank you. 426 00:16:18,163 --> 00:16:19,931 You know, I had an interesting thought for your speech. 427 00:16:19,932 --> 00:16:21,666 - Really? - What if you, like, twisted... 428 00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:24,902 Excuse me. I'm such a huge fan of yours. 429 00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:26,937 Your music always puts a smile on my face. 430 00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:28,172 Any way we can flick up? 431 00:16:28,173 --> 00:16:29,173 Sure, yeah. 432 00:16:29,174 --> 00:16:30,942 Awesome. Thanks, man. 433 00:16:30,943 --> 00:16:32,009 Let's flick up. 434 00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:33,678 Can you take it for us? 435 00:16:35,146 --> 00:16:36,481 Yeah. 436 00:16:37,482 --> 00:16:38,482 Thanks, puddin'. 437 00:16:39,518 --> 00:16:41,921 Horizontal, please. 438 00:16:42,509 --> 00:16:44,021 The man has preferences. 439 00:16:44,022 --> 00:16:46,189 Thanks so much. 440 00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,859 Hey, uh, y-you smoke? 441 00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:49,193 I'd love to burn you down, brother. 442 00:16:49,194 --> 00:16:51,161 Oh! Yeah, I like the way you think. 443 00:16:51,162 --> 00:16:52,162 Any interest in smoking 444 00:16:52,163 --> 00:16:54,364 - after this? - No. No. 445 00:16:54,365 --> 00:16:55,933 - Oh. Not tonight. - It's all good. 446 00:16:55,934 --> 00:16:57,601 Really, really appreciate everything you do, man. 447 00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:59,937 I appreciate the way you guys make Shirley Temples here. 448 00:16:59,938 --> 00:17:01,339 Great ratio. 449 00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:03,107 I'm sorry. I am getting mobbed tonight. 450 00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:06,251 - What was the speech idea? - Uh... 451 00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:07,496 You said, the beginning of the speech, I should... 452 00:17:07,498 --> 00:17:10,514 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Let me get back to it. Oh, I have the worst memory. 453 00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:11,948 I forgot it. 454 00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:13,950 I'll get it back. Hold on, let me... 455 00:17:15,353 --> 00:17:16,353 What was it? 456 00:17:16,354 --> 00:17:18,054 It was about the... 457 00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:19,357 Hold on. 458 00:17:19,358 --> 00:17:21,691 Hang on. This is Mike about the thing. 459 00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,194 I got to... 460 00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:25,698 Geez, Louise. 461 00:17:30,869 --> 00:17:32,503 This entire thing is... 462 00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,912 Hey. Where you going? 463 00:17:41,913 --> 00:17:43,414 I'm going to bed. I'm tired. 464 00:17:43,415 --> 00:17:45,015 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 465 00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:47,418 - Let me inspect you. What do... - I... It's... 466 00:17:47,419 --> 00:17:49,754 Like, is it something I did? Tell me. 467 00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:51,589 I mean... 468 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:55,025 You haven't been here all weekend, Dave. 469 00:17:55,026 --> 00:17:56,694 You're, like, thinking about other stuff. 470 00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:58,896 - It's like... - Thinking about other stuff? 471 00:17:58,897 --> 00:18:00,898 Yeah. You're thinking about this record label 472 00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:03,333 or songs about hikes, and I-I'm... 473 00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:05,369 I... It's tiring. I'm tired. 474 00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:07,938 - Well, how can I not... - And I-I... 475 00:18:07,939 --> 00:18:09,940 I don't want to take pictures of you, okay? 476 00:18:09,941 --> 00:18:12,510 I-I want to be in pictures with you. 477 00:18:12,511 --> 00:18:14,411 Okay, let's go up there, kick that guy's ass, 478 00:18:14,412 --> 00:18:15,713 and flick up together. I'll take any... 479 00:18:15,714 --> 00:18:16,880 No, I'm not joking. I'm not, like, 480 00:18:16,881 --> 00:18:18,448 - making a joke, Dave. - Okay. 481 00:18:18,449 --> 00:18:19,950 I'm being serious. 482 00:18:19,951 --> 00:18:22,253 - All right. I'm sorry. - You're not present. 483 00:18:22,254 --> 00:18:23,687 Okay? 484 00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:25,255 And I'm not just talking about here. 485 00:18:25,256 --> 00:18:26,591 Like, you're never present, 486 00:18:26,592 --> 00:18:29,092 and I need you to be present with me. 487 00:18:29,093 --> 00:18:30,860 - Really, I'm never present? - You're... 488 00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:32,429 Our whole rela... I'm just never present? 489 00:18:32,430 --> 00:18:34,297 That seems like a big blanket statement. 490 00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:36,033 I know that I have so much going on right now, 491 00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,369 but, like, I have to be thinking about this stuff and 492 00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:40,437 be thinking ahead at all times with the music... 493 00:18:40,438 --> 00:18:43,908 Right, okay, do you ever think ahead about us? 494 00:18:43,909 --> 00:18:46,110 - About me and you? - Yeah. 495 00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:47,712 Yeah, yeah, of course. What do you mean? 496 00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:49,813 What do you mean, what do I mean? Like, you... 497 00:18:49,814 --> 00:18:51,148 Are you asking... like, what do you... 498 00:18:51,149 --> 00:18:52,483 Like, what, do you want to marry me or something? 499 00:18:52,484 --> 00:18:53,918 Like, what are we doing? Is this...? 500 00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:56,387 No, I'm not asking you to marry me, Dave. 501 00:18:56,388 --> 00:18:59,255 I'm not, like, on one knee right now. I'm... 502 00:18:59,256 --> 00:19:01,225 Okay, so, like, please... give me clarity. 503 00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:03,628 I don't know what you mean... Like, speak to me with clarity. 504 00:19:03,629 --> 00:19:07,497 I want to be in a relationship where I'm not always put second. 505 00:19:07,498 --> 00:19:09,768 - You're not always put second. - I'm... 506 00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:11,768 Look-look right now, look where we are! 507 00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:13,337 You realize that I have, like, the biggest decision 508 00:19:13,338 --> 00:19:15,080 to make of my whole career this weekend. 509 00:19:15,082 --> 00:19:16,132 I know. 510 00:19:16,134 --> 00:19:17,941 Has to be made this weekend. I'm here with you 511 00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:19,476 and your family, didn't even consider staying back. 512 00:19:19,477 --> 00:19:20,910 Mike's like, "Why the fuck are you not there?" 513 00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,211 - I'm not saying... - What-what do you want me to do? 514 00:19:22,212 --> 00:19:24,983 - De-prioritize my dreams? - That's not what I'm asking. 515 00:19:24,985 --> 00:19:26,250 Just so you don't feel bad every now and then? 516 00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:28,518 - Like, that'd be kind of crazy. - It's not crazy. 517 00:19:28,519 --> 00:19:30,420 It is not crazy to want 518 00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:33,323 your boyfriend to be emotionally present with you. 519 00:19:33,324 --> 00:19:35,359 And I know that you are, like... 520 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:39,295 an undeniable superstar, or whatever, but it's 521 00:19:39,296 --> 00:19:41,197 kind of turning you into a shitty boyfriend. 522 00:19:41,198 --> 00:19:43,199 Okay, well, listen to how you're saying that, 523 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,467 'cause you're a shitty... yeah, 524 00:19:44,468 --> 00:19:46,536 you're a shitty girlfriend for using my own self-belief against me 525 00:19:46,537 --> 00:19:48,839 - in an argument. - You have no idea what it's like 526 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,642 to be dating a narcissist. It is so draining. 527 00:19:52,643 --> 00:19:54,812 It's not narcissism when it's real, okay? 528 00:19:54,813 --> 00:19:56,046 - Like, no... - It's... 529 00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:58,616 - Do you hear yourself?! - I do! 530 00:19:58,617 --> 00:20:00,350 I know it's, I know it's not, but you don't realize, 531 00:20:00,351 --> 00:20:02,719 like, how high the stakes are for me, okay? 532 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,121 Thank God I believe in myself the way that I do, 533 00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:06,823 - or I'd never get anything done! - Do you...? 534 00:20:06,824 --> 00:20:09,293 Because you treat it like it's your whole life! 535 00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:11,294 There, like, has to be something else in life besides this one, 536 00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:12,996 - like, fucking single-minded goal! - Something else in life?! 537 00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:15,666 Something more than, like, actualizing my sense of self 538 00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,008 and feeling like I'm maximizing my potential?! 539 00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:19,235 - Oh, my God, Dave. You don't... - You're asking me to sacrifice that?! 540 00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:20,571 That's fucking absurd! 541 00:20:20,572 --> 00:20:22,540 - All I do is... - Dave, you don't get it! 542 00:20:22,541 --> 00:20:25,042 No, you don't get it, and I, and I can't keep apologizing 543 00:20:25,043 --> 00:20:26,843 for my ambition just 'cause you don't have any. 544 00:20:34,186 --> 00:20:36,589 Listen, just... 545 00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:52,268 Okay, everyone look at me, and squish together. 546 00:20:52,269 --> 00:20:54,772 One, two... smile. 547 00:20:54,773 --> 00:20:56,239 - Perfect. - All right. 548 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,408 - Good, we done? - Yeah. 549 00:20:58,409 --> 00:21:01,011 What are you, uh, doing next? 550 00:21:13,390 --> 00:21:15,391 Yo. Give me a sec. 551 00:21:18,196 --> 00:21:20,898 I'm really not ready to make this decision right now, dude. 552 00:21:20,899 --> 00:21:23,533 Dave, their responses are getting not good, okay? 553 00:21:23,534 --> 00:21:26,203 A-And they're gonna pull the deal, which I got up to 250, 554 00:21:26,204 --> 00:21:27,804 by the way, all right? 555 00:21:27,805 --> 00:21:29,774 Dude, this is the best possible scenario 556 00:21:29,775 --> 00:21:31,742 that we're gonna see... You need to move on it. 557 00:21:31,743 --> 00:21:33,310 There are so many horror stories of people 558 00:21:33,311 --> 00:21:34,978 that sign to labels and, like, lose creative control. 559 00:21:34,979 --> 00:21:36,714 - You know that's true. - Yeah. 560 00:21:36,715 --> 00:21:38,748 I do know that and we've talked about this 561 00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:40,551 with them, remember? 562 00:21:40,552 --> 00:21:42,485 Th-They're not gonna step on your toes. 563 00:21:42,486 --> 00:21:45,421 Dave, they like your song "My Dick Sucks." 564 00:21:45,422 --> 00:21:47,891 Like, come on, man, they know who they're signing, dude. 565 00:21:47,892 --> 00:21:49,560 If you want this to be your career, 566 00:21:49,561 --> 00:21:51,161 you got to start making money doing it. 567 00:21:51,162 --> 00:21:52,729 That's the only way to succeed. 568 00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,564 You're, you're waiting for, like, a perfect moment. 569 00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:56,065 This is it, dude. 570 00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:57,267 Like, this is it right now. 571 00:21:57,268 --> 00:21:58,334 I need more time. 572 00:21:58,335 --> 00:21:59,904 I-If you don't sign the deal, 573 00:21:59,905 --> 00:22:01,738 they're gonna pull it, all right? 574 00:22:01,739 --> 00:22:03,841 And then we have to start this whole fucking thing over again. 575 00:22:03,842 --> 00:22:05,074 These people get you. 576 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,142 You like them, dude. 577 00:22:06,143 --> 00:22:07,578 Sign the deal! 578 00:22:07,579 --> 00:22:09,179 Sign the deal, Dave. 579 00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:10,613 - It's that easy. - I got to go, I got to go. 580 00:22:10,614 --> 00:22:12,751 I got to go right now, I got to go, bye. 581 00:22:17,255 --> 00:22:19,156 So, I'm Ally, 582 00:22:19,157 --> 00:22:21,625 Julie's sister. 583 00:22:21,626 --> 00:22:25,029 And as sisters, Julie and I competed 584 00:22:25,030 --> 00:22:26,996 for everything. 585 00:22:26,997 --> 00:22:29,867 The slice of pizza with the most pepperoni on it, 586 00:22:29,868 --> 00:22:32,335 our Harry Potter books, 587 00:22:32,336 --> 00:22:34,871 our parents' attention, of course. 588 00:22:34,872 --> 00:22:36,674 And when Julie and I 589 00:22:36,675 --> 00:22:39,944 competed, she always won. 590 00:22:39,945 --> 00:22:44,648 Because Julie is one of the most ambitious people I know. 591 00:22:44,649 --> 00:22:48,785 When she wants something, she works for it tirelessly 592 00:22:48,786 --> 00:22:52,356 until inevitably she gets it. 593 00:22:52,357 --> 00:22:54,725 It's, uh, a personality trait 594 00:22:54,726 --> 00:22:57,393 I can't seem to get away from. 595 00:22:57,394 --> 00:23:01,831 Uh, I want to tell a quick story. 596 00:23:01,832 --> 00:23:05,668 When we were little, our parents brought us to a magic show. 597 00:23:06,368 --> 00:23:09,672 And the magician needed a volunteer, so, of course, 598 00:23:09,674 --> 00:23:11,774 he picked Julie. 599 00:23:11,775 --> 00:23:13,542 And she went onstage. 600 00:23:13,543 --> 00:23:16,346 The magician counted to three and poof! 601 00:23:16,347 --> 00:23:17,947 Julie was gone. 602 00:23:17,948 --> 00:23:21,952 And in her place was this cute little bunny. 603 00:23:21,953 --> 00:23:23,852 And everyone clapped and it was great. 604 00:23:23,853 --> 00:23:25,955 Then Julie came back, 605 00:23:25,956 --> 00:23:29,592 and I played it cool for maybe ten seconds 606 00:23:29,593 --> 00:23:32,395 before I had to know where did she go? 607 00:23:32,396 --> 00:23:33,762 What's the secret? 608 00:23:33,763 --> 00:23:34,964 Just tell me. 609 00:23:34,965 --> 00:23:36,700 But all she would say was, 610 00:23:36,701 --> 00:23:39,935 "Ally, I got turned into a bunny." 611 00:23:41,906 --> 00:23:43,807 - Do you remember this? - Yeah. 612 00:23:43,808 --> 00:23:45,407 Of course she does. 613 00:23:45,408 --> 00:23:48,477 Because to this day, all she'll say about it is, 614 00:23:48,478 --> 00:23:50,981 "I got turned into a bunny." 615 00:23:50,982 --> 00:23:54,083 Which has always made me really angry. 616 00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:56,552 Because, honestly, I want to know. 617 00:23:56,553 --> 00:23:59,254 I still want to know. 618 00:23:59,255 --> 00:24:01,491 But then this weekend... 619 00:24:01,492 --> 00:24:04,961 I realized something about magic. 620 00:24:04,962 --> 00:24:07,129 And honesty. 621 00:24:07,130 --> 00:24:09,331 And love. 622 00:24:09,332 --> 00:24:12,801 The magic behind... magic, 623 00:24:12,802 --> 00:24:15,105 uh, isn't the illusion. 624 00:24:15,106 --> 00:24:17,807 It's that someone cared enough 625 00:24:17,808 --> 00:24:20,944 to create the illusion for you. 626 00:24:20,945 --> 00:24:22,912 The real magic is all 627 00:24:22,913 --> 00:24:24,981 of the work that goes into making somebody believe 628 00:24:24,982 --> 00:24:28,585 that magic is real. 629 00:24:28,586 --> 00:24:31,420 So... what I thought for years 630 00:24:31,421 --> 00:24:33,455 was you messing with me... 631 00:24:33,456 --> 00:24:37,593 was really just your way of preserving the magic 632 00:24:37,594 --> 00:24:39,963 for me. 633 00:24:39,964 --> 00:24:44,266 And, Nick, she will do the same for you. 634 00:24:44,267 --> 00:24:47,936 Because you mean the world to her. 635 00:24:47,937 --> 00:24:50,205 And if there is anything on this earth 636 00:24:50,206 --> 00:24:52,876 that she could do to make you happy, 637 00:24:52,877 --> 00:24:55,278 she will work for it tirelessly 638 00:24:55,279 --> 00:24:57,946 until she inevitably gets it 639 00:24:57,947 --> 00:24:59,450 for you. 640 00:25:01,217 --> 00:25:04,822 And that's what makes her so special... 641 00:25:06,290 --> 00:25:09,958 ...is that she uses her ambition 642 00:25:09,959 --> 00:25:12,861 to work just as hard in her relationship 643 00:25:12,862 --> 00:25:15,031 as she does at her career. 644 00:25:15,032 --> 00:25:18,368 And I didn't realize until this weekend 645 00:25:18,369 --> 00:25:22,172 how much that mattered. 646 00:25:22,173 --> 00:25:25,510 But it's... everything. 647 00:25:31,792 --> 00:25:34,125 Love... 648 00:25:34,517 --> 00:25:36,685 Sorry. 649 00:25:36,686 --> 00:25:39,188 Love is just like magic. 650 00:25:39,189 --> 00:25:42,891 Two people build a world for themselves 651 00:25:42,892 --> 00:25:45,829 and preserve it at all costs 652 00:25:45,830 --> 00:25:47,830 together. 653 00:25:47,831 --> 00:25:51,233 And I am so excited to see the magic 654 00:25:51,234 --> 00:25:54,705 that you two create for each other. 655 00:25:57,707 --> 00:25:59,842 To Julie and Nick. 656 00:25:59,843 --> 00:26:02,078 To Julie and Nick. 657 00:26:07,917 --> 00:26:10,887 ♪ So long, I can't stop ♪ 658 00:26:10,888 --> 00:26:12,554 - Dave. - ♪ Do this with me ♪ 659 00:26:12,555 --> 00:26:16,391 - I'm leaving. - ♪ Have it your way ♪ 660 00:26:16,392 --> 00:26:19,128 ♪ I know I'm late ♪ 661 00:26:19,129 --> 00:26:21,697 ♪ But it's okay ♪ 662 00:26:21,698 --> 00:26:25,435 ♪ No, we don't have time to wait ♪ Oh. 663 00:26:25,436 --> 00:26:28,037 ♪ We're gonna have the best time ♪ 664 00:26:28,038 --> 00:26:30,106 Dave, you have to change. 665 00:26:30,107 --> 00:26:31,875 ♪ Do you remember when you got all mad ♪ 666 00:26:31,876 --> 00:26:34,109 ♪ 'Cause I threw out that flyer? ♪ 667 00:26:34,110 --> 00:26:35,811 That was not a flyer. 668 00:26:35,812 --> 00:26:37,312 I told you. 669 00:26:37,313 --> 00:26:39,381 ♪ Yes, it was ♪ 670 00:26:39,382 --> 00:26:42,652 ♪ No, it was a save the date ♪ 671 00:26:42,653 --> 00:26:44,220 ♪ It's the same thing, it's gonna end up ♪ 672 00:26:44,221 --> 00:26:46,121 ♪ On a fridge either way ♪ 673 00:26:46,122 --> 00:26:47,890 - Fine. - ♪ This weekend ♪ 674 00:26:47,891 --> 00:26:50,092 ♪ You're gonna dance with me ♪ 675 00:26:50,093 --> 00:26:52,729 ♪ Yes, of course, I love you ♪ 676 00:26:52,730 --> 00:26:55,464 ♪ But we really got to go right now ♪ 677 00:26:55,465 --> 00:26:57,934 ♪ All right, well, this was fun while it lasted. ♪ 678 00:26:57,935 --> 00:26:59,903 Mm-hmm. 679 00:26:59,904 --> 00:27:03,080 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 51394

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