Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,499 --> 00:00:04,834
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:07,086
Come in.
3
00:00:09,223 --> 00:00:10,856
Mind if I use your office?
4
00:00:10,891 --> 00:00:12,274
Again?
5
00:00:12,310 --> 00:00:14,610
Hey, you think I like
having to do this?
6
00:00:14,645 --> 00:00:17,129
You know how hard it
is to breast-feed twins?
7
00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:21,283
I haven't had my bra
off and on this much
8
00:00:21,319 --> 00:00:22,585
since junior high.
9
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:26,905
Hey.
10
00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:28,207
Maybe you could help.
11
00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:34,247
What do you mean "help"?
12
00:00:34,282 --> 00:00:35,347
Well, you got
13
00:00:35,382 --> 00:00:37,333
a decent set of ducts.
14
00:00:39,136 --> 00:00:41,920
Maybe I could
use you as a decoy.
15
00:00:41,956 --> 00:00:43,105
You see?
16
00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:44,823
While I'm pumping one kid,
17
00:00:44,858 --> 00:00:47,075
the other one's attached to you.
18
00:00:48,213 --> 00:00:49,361
Are you serious?
19
00:00:49,396 --> 00:00:51,046
Sure! It'll shut 'em up.
20
00:00:51,082 --> 00:00:52,881
So they won't get milk.
21
00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:53,999
Life is hard.
22
00:00:59,874 --> 00:01:02,942
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
23
00:01:02,977 --> 00:01:05,544
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
24
00:01:05,579 --> 00:01:08,213
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
25
00:01:08,249 --> 00:01:11,350
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
26
00:01:11,385 --> 00:01:15,054
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
27
00:01:17,157 --> 00:01:20,125
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
28
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:24,513
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
29
00:01:24,548 --> 00:01:28,817
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
30
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:32,020
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
31
00:01:32,055 --> 00:01:35,491
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
32
00:01:35,526 --> 00:01:38,694
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
33
00:01:38,729 --> 00:01:42,063
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
34
00:01:42,099 --> 00:01:45,401
♪ People are all the same ♪
35
00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:49,571
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
36
00:02:05,089 --> 00:02:06,806
Good evening, everyone!
37
00:02:06,841 --> 00:02:07,956
Hello.
38
00:02:07,992 --> 00:02:09,636
You know, it's
uncanny, my darling,
39
00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:11,605
but there's not a
room you step foot into
40
00:02:11,629 --> 00:02:13,907
where you're not the most
beautiful woman there.
41
00:02:13,931 --> 00:02:16,131
That's deplorable
sentence structure, Frasier.
42
00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:17,645
What you mean to say is that
43
00:02:17,669 --> 00:02:20,403
I am the most beautiful
woman in any room I enter.
44
00:02:20,438 --> 00:02:21,737
Yes. Well, thank you
45
00:02:21,773 --> 00:02:24,423
for correcting me
in front of 30 people.
46
00:02:25,893 --> 00:02:27,659
There you go,
47
00:02:27,694 --> 00:02:29,790
your usual cured
spritzer. Thanks, Sam.
48
00:02:29,814 --> 00:02:31,692
Hey, the big day is
around the corner, isn't it?
49
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,031
Yeah, next Saturday.
50
00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:35,312
Lilith and I have
been in the process
51
00:02:35,336 --> 00:02:37,214
of writing, editing, rewriting,
52
00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:39,718
and researching
our wedding vows.
53
00:02:42,076 --> 00:02:43,242
Hi, boss.
54
00:02:43,277 --> 00:02:45,244
Hiya.
55
00:02:45,279 --> 00:02:46,345
Hello, Rebecca.
56
00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:48,258
I have a small favor to ask
57
00:02:48,282 --> 00:02:50,577
regarding our impending wedding.
58
00:02:50,601 --> 00:02:53,018
Since all my close
friends will be out of town,
59
00:02:53,054 --> 00:02:55,132
and we have had a
previous conversation,
60
00:02:55,156 --> 00:02:57,634
and our eyes have met
on a number of occasions,
61
00:02:57,658 --> 00:03:01,293
I was wondering if you'd
consent to be my maid of honor.
62
00:03:02,629 --> 00:03:04,063
Me?
63
00:03:04,098 --> 00:03:05,931
Isn't that usually
your best friend?
64
00:03:05,966 --> 00:03:08,446
You are my best friend.
65
00:03:08,786 --> 00:03:10,019
Oh, I'm very flattered.
66
00:03:10,054 --> 00:03:12,220
Um... I guess so.
67
00:03:12,256 --> 00:03:13,388
Sure, Lila.
68
00:03:13,424 --> 00:03:14,535
Lilith.
69
00:03:14,559 --> 00:03:16,291
Right. Right.
70
00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:17,709
I knew that.
71
00:03:17,744 --> 00:03:18,956
Let's discuss wedding gowns.
72
00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:20,073
Do you think black...
73
00:03:20,097 --> 00:03:21,563
Sam, it, uh, goes without saying
74
00:03:21,599 --> 00:03:23,766
of course, that you'll
be my best man.
75
00:03:23,801 --> 00:03:25,517
Aw, I-I don't want to do that.
76
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,486
It makes me feel
so uncomfortable.
77
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:30,456
I mean, a best man has
to give a toast, doesn't he?
78
00:03:30,491 --> 00:03:32,324
No, look, I-I took the liberty
79
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,193
of writing down a few things.
80
00:03:34,228 --> 00:03:35,845
Then I'd be honored.
81
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,263
Oh, that's great.
82
00:03:37,298 --> 00:03:38,608
What are you doing
83
00:03:38,632 --> 00:03:39,715
for a bachelor party?
84
00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:41,733
Oh, actually, I
haven't any plans.
85
00:03:41,769 --> 00:03:43,780
Well, would you like
to have one tonight?
86
00:03:43,804 --> 00:03:45,381
Well, what do
you think, darling?
87
00:03:45,405 --> 00:03:47,925
Uh, would I like
a bachelor party?
88
00:03:48,308 --> 00:03:50,843
Well... while I feel
that particular ritual
89
00:03:50,878 --> 00:03:54,079
is as passé as taking the
topknot of one's dead enemy,
90
00:03:54,115 --> 00:03:56,515
I will not deprive
you of the experience.
91
00:03:56,550 --> 00:03:58,250
Immature though it might be.
92
00:03:58,285 --> 00:03:59,651
She's a gamer!
93
00:03:59,687 --> 00:04:00,687
Oh!
94
00:04:01,905 --> 00:04:03,455
We're on!
95
00:04:03,491 --> 00:04:05,140
Fellas, stag party tonight.
96
00:04:05,175 --> 00:04:06,458
Hey! All right.
97
00:04:06,494 --> 00:04:08,978
You know, uh,
being maid of honor
98
00:04:09,013 --> 00:04:11,580
means you have
to throw Brunehilda
99
00:04:11,616 --> 00:04:12,982
a bridal shower.
100
00:04:13,017 --> 00:04:14,061
Oh, right.
101
00:04:14,085 --> 00:04:16,162
I guess I should do something.
102
00:04:16,186 --> 00:04:17,264
What kind of
shower do you think?
103
00:04:17,288 --> 00:04:18,331
Kitchen? Linen?
104
00:04:18,355 --> 00:04:20,055
Look at who she's
hitching up with.
105
00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:22,491
Better make it marital aids.
106
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,260
I'll handle this.
107
00:04:25,295 --> 00:04:26,328
Uh, Lilith?
108
00:04:26,363 --> 00:04:28,075
What do you say we
have a little get-together
109
00:04:28,099 --> 00:04:29,142
at my place tonight?
110
00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:30,516
That would be lovely.
111
00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:32,228
Now, you're gonna have
to tell me who to invite,
112
00:04:32,252 --> 00:04:33,329
because I don't know...
113
00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:35,837
anything about you.
114
00:04:35,872 --> 00:04:37,906
I only wish there were some way
115
00:04:37,942 --> 00:04:39,708
I could repay you, Rebecca.
116
00:04:39,744 --> 00:04:40,753
Oh, don't mention it.
117
00:04:40,777 --> 00:04:42,961
If you ever need to
admit a family member
118
00:04:42,997 --> 00:04:44,296
to a mental institution,
119
00:04:44,331 --> 00:04:46,615
I could certainly speed
up the paperwork.
120
00:04:48,919 --> 00:04:50,886
That's very dear of you.
121
00:04:53,674 --> 00:04:55,035
Well, gents... Yep.
122
00:04:55,059 --> 00:04:57,404
My last night of freedom. Yep.
123
00:04:57,428 --> 00:04:58,894
One last chance to...
124
00:04:58,930 --> 00:05:01,329
loosen the old
noose, so to speak.
125
00:05:01,365 --> 00:05:03,932
Really have some
fun while I still can.
126
00:05:05,036 --> 00:05:07,436
Do I hear the
pitter-patter of cold feet?
127
00:05:07,471 --> 00:05:08,454
No! No! Not at all.
128
00:05:08,489 --> 00:05:10,456
I mean, as long as I'm
in love with this woman
129
00:05:10,491 --> 00:05:12,791
and she has my dear old
mother tied up in the cellar,
130
00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:14,159
I'm gonna go through with it.
131
00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:17,646
Darling...
132
00:05:17,682 --> 00:05:19,898
could I speak with you a moment?
133
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,767
Excuse me.
134
00:05:21,802 --> 00:05:23,401
The ball and chain.
135
00:05:26,857 --> 00:05:28,524
Frasier, do you realize that is
136
00:05:28,559 --> 00:05:30,893
the fourth derogatory
remark about marriage
137
00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:32,294
you've made this evening?
138
00:05:32,329 --> 00:05:33,490
Oh, come on, my angel.
139
00:05:33,514 --> 00:05:35,426
I mean, they're...
they're jokes.
140
00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:37,127
I mean, everybody
knows my mother is dead.
141
00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:39,551
That's what makes it funny.
142
00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:42,954
No one loves a
good joke more than I.
143
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:45,207
But I find that... As our
wedding day approaches...
144
00:05:45,242 --> 00:05:48,210
The frequency of these
quips has increased.
145
00:05:48,246 --> 00:05:50,028
Are you having second thoughts?
146
00:05:50,063 --> 00:05:51,792
Well, only that I
love you more now
147
00:05:51,816 --> 00:05:53,226
than I did five minutes ago.
148
00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,767
Leaving aside your
schoolboy sophistries,
149
00:05:55,802 --> 00:05:57,870
let me make you an offer.
150
00:05:57,905 --> 00:06:00,822
If, after your madcap night
of debauchery and vomiting,
151
00:06:00,858 --> 00:06:04,125
you still feel you want to go
through with the wedding plans,
152
00:06:04,161 --> 00:06:05,394
call me and tell me so.
153
00:06:05,429 --> 00:06:06,540
But... Lilith,
154
00:06:06,564 --> 00:06:08,230
that's entirely unnecessary.
155
00:06:08,265 --> 00:06:09,598
I beg to differ.
156
00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:11,433
Up until this point,
157
00:06:11,468 --> 00:06:15,003
you've only seen my
warm and vulnerable side.
158
00:06:16,023 --> 00:06:18,840
Now I must become
cold and analytical.
159
00:06:21,178 --> 00:06:23,428
As if you could, my treasure.
160
00:06:25,082 --> 00:06:27,115
Frasier, I need
your reassurance.
161
00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,918
I'll be awaiting your call.
162
00:06:31,372 --> 00:06:33,271
Boy, this bachelor
party should be keen.
163
00:06:33,307 --> 00:06:34,406
"Keen"?
164
00:06:36,243 --> 00:06:38,627
Hey, I don't know about Indiana,
165
00:06:38,662 --> 00:06:40,362
but around here
when guys get together
166
00:06:40,397 --> 00:06:41,997
to send another
guy off to his doom,
167
00:06:42,032 --> 00:06:44,065
things can get a little
raunchy, you hear me?
168
00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:47,738
You fellas ever
dress up farm animals
169
00:06:47,772 --> 00:06:49,104
in women's clothing?
170
00:06:52,777 --> 00:06:54,092
No.
171
00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:56,687
Well, then I'm one up on you.
172
00:07:04,088 --> 00:07:05,504
Gentlemen!
173
00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:09,024
You know, I,
174
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:11,104
I was listening to a
rock and roll station
175
00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:12,138
on my way over here,
176
00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:13,957
and... you know, to
put me in the mood.
177
00:07:13,981 --> 00:07:18,500
There was a passage in
one of those tribal songs
178
00:07:18,535 --> 00:07:20,252
that I feel, uh...
179
00:07:20,287 --> 00:07:22,538
well, is the keynote
for this evening.
180
00:07:22,573 --> 00:07:26,575
"Everybody have fun tonight."
181
00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:29,828
"Everybody Wang Chung tonight."
182
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:36,701
Yeah, I think we got a
madman on our hands here.
183
00:07:36,737 --> 00:07:37,848
I had a nap.
184
00:07:39,173 --> 00:07:40,388
You know, gentlemen I...
185
00:07:40,424 --> 00:07:42,858
I can't tell you how
touched I am that you all...
186
00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:44,637
To a man... Came
back for my party.
187
00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:47,078
We never left.
188
00:07:47,114 --> 00:07:49,648
Boy, this is gonna
be some night.
189
00:07:49,683 --> 00:07:51,761
Oh, a real guy night. Yeah!
190
00:07:51,785 --> 00:07:54,402
Check your X
chromosome at the door.
191
00:07:56,690 --> 00:07:59,340
I wonder what the
women are doing?
192
00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:00,854
Oh, they're probably, uh,
193
00:08:00,878 --> 00:08:03,578
hanging around, drinking
some European coffee
194
00:08:03,614 --> 00:08:06,048
you know, mocha
Finland or the like, eh.
195
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,727
Passing around a
bunch of brownies,
196
00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:09,328
saying, "No, I
really shouldn't,"
197
00:08:09,352 --> 00:08:10,852
and then stuffing their faces.
198
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:17,526
To the man of the hour, huh?
199
00:08:19,446 --> 00:08:20,579
Mr. Frasier Crane,
200
00:08:20,614 --> 00:08:22,542
and to all the girls
we've loved before.
201
00:08:22,566 --> 00:08:24,299
Hear! Hear!
202
00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:25,467
I've, uh...
203
00:08:25,502 --> 00:08:27,280
loved quite a few.
How 'bout a fill-up, huh?
204
00:08:27,304 --> 00:08:28,386
Cliffie.
205
00:08:28,421 --> 00:08:31,006
A big difference between
loving women and annoying them
206
00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:34,225
in the checkout line, okay?
207
00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:35,388
Ah, women.
208
00:08:35,412 --> 00:08:37,574
They're tough to figure out.
209
00:08:37,598 --> 00:08:39,848
Yeah, but they're
sure fun to play with
210
00:08:39,883 --> 00:08:41,116
while you're trying.
211
00:08:42,303 --> 00:08:44,147
If you guys could
have one woman,
212
00:08:44,171 --> 00:08:45,481
any woman in the world,
213
00:08:45,505 --> 00:08:46,583
who would it be?
214
00:08:46,607 --> 00:08:49,069
Oh, that's easy.
Kathleen Turner.
215
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:52,110
Wah-wah-wah-wah!
216
00:08:52,145 --> 00:08:54,663
Give me Kim Basinger
in 9 1/2 Weeks.
217
00:08:54,698 --> 00:08:56,147
Ten weeks. Ten weeks.
218
00:08:57,117 --> 00:08:58,416
Jill Eikenberry.
219
00:08:59,837 --> 00:09:00,919
You know, L.A. Law?
220
00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:02,933
She's married to that short,
dumpy guy on the show.
221
00:09:02,957 --> 00:09:06,525
Something about her, I like.
222
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:07,892
Lilith Sternin.
223
00:09:11,648 --> 00:09:13,081
Loni Anderson.
224
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,616
Boy, she's got a set of oompahs
225
00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:16,585
that John Phillip
Sousa would kill for.
226
00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:25,210
I swear to God.
227
00:09:25,245 --> 00:09:27,256
My very first time
was in the sixth grade.
228
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,496
School crossing guard.
229
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:31,850
No! Hey, I swear to you.
230
00:09:31,886 --> 00:09:34,206
Wow, that's more
exciting than my first time.
231
00:09:34,238 --> 00:09:35,620
Wedding night, Norm?
232
00:09:35,655 --> 00:09:37,873
Uh, the following week.
233
00:09:37,908 --> 00:09:39,741
Yeah.
234
00:09:39,777 --> 00:09:41,142
Hey, hey, good news, guys.
235
00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:43,745
Wife says I don't have
to go home till midnight.
236
00:09:43,781 --> 00:09:44,858
Ooh, yeah. The bad news is,
237
00:09:44,882 --> 00:09:47,362
she'll still be awake
when you get there.
238
00:09:48,352 --> 00:09:49,479
Eh, I don't know. Women, women.
239
00:09:49,503 --> 00:09:51,314
You know, uh, once
they get their claws in you,
240
00:09:51,338 --> 00:09:53,082
they just don't let go,
you know what I mean?
241
00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:54,167
Oh, I don't know, Cliff.
242
00:09:54,191 --> 00:09:55,535
I wouldn't say that
about all women.
243
00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,079
I'm sure Loni Anderson
doesn't do that.
244
00:09:58,462 --> 00:09:59,661
And I know my Lilith.
245
00:09:59,697 --> 00:10:01,908
Why, just today, she
presented me with an opportunity
246
00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:03,743
to back out of the
marriage if I so desire.
247
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:05,445
Now, is that blind
faith or what? Uh-oh.
248
00:10:07,387 --> 00:10:08,854
Uh-oh, what?
249
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:10,700
Seems to me that she
might have changed her mind
250
00:10:10,724 --> 00:10:12,268
and is just trying to
let you down easy.
251
00:10:12,292 --> 00:10:14,487
That's the most preposterous
thing I've ever heard.
252
00:10:14,511 --> 00:10:15,477
Oh, I don't know, now.
253
00:10:15,512 --> 00:10:16,912
If you had a 200-pound marlin,
254
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,647
and you're about
haul him on the boat,
255
00:10:18,682 --> 00:10:21,616
would you stop and ask him if
he wanted to go back in the water?
256
00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:24,530
Be careful, Dr. Crane.
257
00:10:24,554 --> 00:10:25,815
This could be a trick question.
258
00:10:25,839 --> 00:10:29,191
I think the laws are
different in each state.
259
00:10:30,995 --> 00:10:32,772
Well, I-I certainly
don't believe
260
00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:34,407
that's true in Lilith's case.
261
00:10:34,431 --> 00:10:36,471
I don't know, Frase, Sammy
could have a point there.
262
00:10:37,835 --> 00:10:40,853
Do you really think Lilith
wants me to back out?
263
00:10:40,888 --> 00:10:41,703
Could be. Could be.
264
00:10:41,738 --> 00:10:44,655
I'd think about it, Doc.
265
00:10:44,691 --> 00:10:46,686
Well, then let's just see
how the night progresses.
266
00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:48,654
Maybe Lilith Sternin
will get her wish, after all.
267
00:10:48,678 --> 00:10:49,706
Where's that stripper?
268
00:10:51,398 --> 00:10:52,598
Let's get Bubbles or Peaches,
269
00:10:52,632 --> 00:10:54,677
or whatever her name is
out here and have at her!
270
00:10:57,954 --> 00:11:00,822
No, you, uh, you
stay right there. Yeah.
271
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:21,276
We are amused.
272
00:11:21,312 --> 00:11:22,461
Whoo!
273
00:11:37,661 --> 00:11:39,945
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
274
00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:45,233
Karen!
275
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:46,451
Dr. Crane!
276
00:11:46,486 --> 00:11:47,885
You know each other?
277
00:11:47,921 --> 00:11:49,905
She's one of my patients.
278
00:11:55,095 --> 00:11:57,078
Karen, I hope you're
doing this for the money,
279
00:11:57,114 --> 00:11:58,980
because this certainly
won't square things
280
00:11:59,015 --> 00:12:00,282
between you and your father.
281
00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:14,685
I'm sorry I spoiled your party.
282
00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:17,098
Oh, nonsense, Karen,
you didn't spoil anything.
283
00:12:17,122 --> 00:12:18,550
And under the circumstances,
284
00:12:18,574 --> 00:12:22,294
we understand, don't we, guys?
285
00:12:24,363 --> 00:12:26,196
There, you see?
286
00:12:26,232 --> 00:12:28,365
Well, bye-bye, now.
287
00:12:28,401 --> 00:12:29,817
Bye-bye.
288
00:12:32,972 --> 00:12:34,772
Maybe I shouldn't get married.
289
00:12:34,807 --> 00:12:37,208
Oh, come on, what
are you talking about?
290
00:12:37,243 --> 00:12:38,876
Oh, it's time I realized
291
00:12:38,912 --> 00:12:41,178
that there are two
Frasier Cranes.
292
00:12:41,214 --> 00:12:44,047
Frasier the prospective groom
who sent Karen on her way,
293
00:12:44,083 --> 00:12:47,184
and Frasier the pig who wanted
to see her shake her nonnies.
294
00:12:48,754 --> 00:12:50,466
You know, I've never
revealed this to anybody,
295
00:12:50,490 --> 00:12:51,455
but when Diane left me
296
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:53,290
at the altar, I...
well, there was
297
00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:54,942
a tiny voice that kept saying,
298
00:12:54,978 --> 00:12:57,261
"You're off the hook,
you're off the hook."
299
00:12:57,297 --> 00:12:58,262
Yeah, the only voice
300
00:12:58,298 --> 00:12:59,763
I heard was Vera's
301
00:12:59,799 --> 00:13:01,866
just yapping and yapping.
302
00:13:01,901 --> 00:13:03,228
You ever notice
303
00:13:03,252 --> 00:13:05,664
it's always the women
who want to get married?
304
00:13:05,688 --> 00:13:08,422
Yapping and yapping.
305
00:13:08,457 --> 00:13:10,941
Well, you know, when I
think of all the unhappy people
306
00:13:10,977 --> 00:13:13,160
whom I've counseled
over the years, whose lives
307
00:13:13,196 --> 00:13:18,032
have been scarred and
destroyed by marriages badly cast,
308
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:19,934
I could write a book.
309
00:13:19,969 --> 00:13:23,087
I have written a book.
310
00:13:23,122 --> 00:13:24,255
Come on, now, Fras.
311
00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:26,135
You're just having
last-minute jitters.
312
00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:27,692
Geez, I-I don't know.
313
00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:31,044
Maybe Lilith isn't
the woman for me.
314
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,347
What do you think of her, guys?
315
00:13:33,383 --> 00:13:35,728
Tell me, listen, I-I-I demand...
316
00:13:35,752 --> 00:13:37,618
complete honesty.
317
00:13:37,654 --> 00:13:40,271
Well, uh, Doc, I'll
be honest with you.
318
00:13:40,306 --> 00:13:42,907
Uh, ixnay, ixnay.
319
00:13:42,942 --> 00:13:44,275
Oh, no, Normie, no,
320
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:46,877
I just wish that I
was there for you.
321
00:13:51,617 --> 00:13:53,617
No, uh...
322
00:13:53,652 --> 00:13:54,785
I was, uh,
323
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,021
waiting for you to
wise up, there, Doc.
324
00:13:57,056 --> 00:13:58,956
You know, I mean,
Lilith Sternin...
325
00:13:58,992 --> 00:14:00,191
I mean, even the name
326
00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:02,593
makes the old butt
cheeks, uh, tighten up,
327
00:14:02,628 --> 00:14:03,878
you know what I mean?
328
00:14:03,913 --> 00:14:07,214
I mean, she is Olive Oyl
without the good fashion sense.
329
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:09,650
And that personality, geez...
330
00:14:09,685 --> 00:14:11,530
Hey, whoa, whoa, come
on, hey, Cliff, that's enough.
331
00:14:11,554 --> 00:14:13,787
Yeah, you think so? Yeah, yeah.
332
00:14:13,822 --> 00:14:15,056
All right.
333
00:14:15,091 --> 00:14:17,403
Sam, you know, you've
been uncharacteristically mute.
334
00:14:17,427 --> 00:14:19,405
I mean, surely you have
some opinion on this.
335
00:14:19,429 --> 00:14:20,661
No, no, do it, man.
336
00:14:20,696 --> 00:14:21,778
I think you should
337
00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:23,848
walk off together into
the sunset, you know?
338
00:14:23,883 --> 00:14:25,049
Live happily ever after.
339
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:26,267
Translation: Frasier Crane,
340
00:14:26,302 --> 00:14:28,135
you're a complete
fool if you get married.
341
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,419
I did not say that.
342
00:14:29,455 --> 00:14:31,616
Now, listen, Sam, I know
exactly what you're thinking.
343
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,385
I mean, every fiber
of your body speaks it.
344
00:14:33,409 --> 00:14:34,358
You live it every day.
345
00:14:34,394 --> 00:14:36,372
Give me one good
reason why the single life
346
00:14:36,396 --> 00:14:37,723
is better than being married.
347
00:14:37,747 --> 00:14:41,332
Okay, uh... well, let's see.
348
00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:43,767
When I get home, I don't
have to explain to anybody
349
00:14:43,802 --> 00:14:45,869
uh, where I've been
or what I've been doing.
350
00:14:45,905 --> 00:14:47,622
If I was out having a good time,
351
00:14:47,657 --> 00:14:50,724
I don't have to call home
to see if I can stay later.
352
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,409
Oh, that reminds me.
353
00:14:52,444 --> 00:14:53,810
There, right there.
354
00:14:53,846 --> 00:14:55,028
There you go.
355
00:14:55,064 --> 00:14:56,914
See, that's what
you're losing, man...
356
00:14:56,949 --> 00:14:58,415
Your freedom.
357
00:14:58,450 --> 00:15:01,752
You know, I can eat
doughnuts for dinner if I want to.
358
00:15:01,788 --> 00:15:04,454
Nobody nags me to
put down the toilet seat.
359
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,724
I am the king of my
own remote control.
360
00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:08,192
I can date anybody I want to,
361
00:15:08,227 --> 00:15:09,927
and if somebody
better turns up...
362
00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:12,329
And somebody always
does, bless their hearts...
363
00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:14,231
Then I can date them
the very next night.
364
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:15,443
You know, I don't have to worry
365
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:16,800
about forgetting an anniversary,
366
00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:20,037
no mother-in-laws,
no father-in-laws,
367
00:15:20,072 --> 00:15:22,089
no laws, period.
368
00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:24,741
I only asked for one reason.
369
00:15:24,777 --> 00:15:27,144
My God.
370
00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:29,107
I'm, I'm actually
beginning to have doubts.
371
00:15:29,131 --> 00:15:30,197
No.
372
00:15:30,232 --> 00:15:31,543
You know, I've got to hear
373
00:15:31,567 --> 00:15:32,745
the voice of my beloved
374
00:15:32,769 --> 00:15:33,812
just to reassure me.
375
00:15:33,836 --> 00:15:36,098
Uh, Woody, Woody, give
me Rebecca's number,
376
00:15:36,122 --> 00:15:38,088
and hand me the
phone, would you?
377
00:15:38,124 --> 00:15:40,258
Oh, Dr. Crane, if
Miss Howe answers,
378
00:15:40,293 --> 00:15:42,409
could you ask her
something for me?
379
00:15:42,444 --> 00:15:43,393
What's that, Wood?
380
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:46,096
Ask her if she has
Prince Albert in a can.
381
00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:48,916
Don't tell her it was me.
382
00:15:48,951 --> 00:15:50,017
No.
383
00:15:53,456 --> 00:15:54,850
Hello.
384
00:15:54,874 --> 00:15:55,923
Yeah, h-hello.
385
00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:57,408
Is that you, Carla?
386
00:15:57,443 --> 00:15:58,970
Yeah, yeah, who is it?
387
00:15:58,994 --> 00:16:00,077
Uh, it's Frasier.
388
00:16:00,113 --> 00:16:01,212
What's all that noise?
389
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:02,646
What's going on over there?
390
00:16:02,681 --> 00:16:05,332
We're making a quilt.
391
00:16:05,368 --> 00:16:07,468
Well, can I speak
to Lilith, please?
392
00:16:07,503 --> 00:16:08,652
Well, is it important?
393
00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:11,772
She's showing the male
stripper where to put his things.
394
00:16:11,808 --> 00:16:13,190
What?
395
00:16:13,226 --> 00:16:15,476
Oh, I-I got to get back.
396
00:16:15,511 --> 00:16:19,096
I-I got a bet this
guy's packing socks.
397
00:16:21,634 --> 00:16:24,151
She'll call you back sometime.
398
00:16:27,606 --> 00:16:29,140
What happened?
399
00:16:29,175 --> 00:16:31,142
Oh, nothing.
400
00:16:31,177 --> 00:16:33,277
Seems Lilith is
indisposed at the moment.
401
00:16:33,312 --> 00:16:35,462
She's helping to
undress a male stripper.
402
00:16:37,116 --> 00:16:39,266
A male stripper?
403
00:16:39,301 --> 00:16:41,902
Well, where do
they put the tassels?
404
00:16:45,608 --> 00:16:48,909
The thought of my Lilith
having one last carnal fling
405
00:16:48,945 --> 00:16:51,812
with some fellow in a
Speedo is beyond belief!
406
00:16:51,847 --> 00:16:53,030
Now, Frasier, I mean,
407
00:16:53,066 --> 00:16:54,609
just 'cause some
guy strips in her honor
408
00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:57,012
doesn't mean they're going
to wind up in the sack together.
409
00:16:57,036 --> 00:16:59,048
Oh, no, no, no, you
don't know my Lilith.
410
00:16:59,072 --> 00:17:00,566
I'll tell you, once
her libido's cut loose,
411
00:17:00,590 --> 00:17:02,434
I mean, there's no tying
her down, unless, of course,
412
00:17:02,458 --> 00:17:03,978
that's what she's
into for the evening.
413
00:17:05,228 --> 00:17:07,144
She's, right now,
she's with him.
414
00:17:07,179 --> 00:17:09,847
Oh, no, hey, hey, come
on, take it easy here.
415
00:17:09,882 --> 00:17:12,616
She's with that man...
That sweating, chiseled,
416
00:17:12,652 --> 00:17:14,513
Frasier. Pulsing, throbbing...
417
00:17:14,537 --> 00:17:16,120
Hey, hey, whoa. Sexy...
418
00:17:21,744 --> 00:17:23,960
Creme de Menthe?
419
00:17:25,364 --> 00:17:28,282
You couldn't find some water?
420
00:17:31,103 --> 00:17:33,220
My God, Sam.
421
00:17:33,256 --> 00:17:37,858
You realize what
this... this means?
422
00:17:37,893 --> 00:17:40,211
Well, I-I don't know
the clinical term for it,
423
00:17:40,246 --> 00:17:41,745
but it seems to me
424
00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:43,614
you were going a
little scooters there.
425
00:17:45,784 --> 00:17:47,284
I was jealous, Sam.
426
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,953
I-I was insanely,
blindly jealous.
427
00:17:49,989 --> 00:17:53,957
If ever I needed a clearer
gut-level demonstration
428
00:17:53,993 --> 00:17:56,827
of my feelings, I
mean, that was it.
429
00:17:56,862 --> 00:17:58,528
Yes, yes, it's perverted.
430
00:17:58,564 --> 00:18:02,116
Yes, it's childish,
but yes, it's love.
431
00:18:02,151 --> 00:18:04,585
Maybe you ought to
go see her right now.
432
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:05,986
I will, Sam.
433
00:18:06,021 --> 00:18:08,600
There's just one matter
that has to be rectified first.
434
00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:12,576
Cliff, in light of
my recent decision,
435
00:18:12,612 --> 00:18:17,714
I now take offense at
your remarks about Lilith.
436
00:18:17,749 --> 00:18:21,218
In short, I'm going
to kick your sorry butt.
437
00:18:23,022 --> 00:18:25,100
Ah, now, come on, Doc,
just cool down, will you?
438
00:18:25,124 --> 00:18:26,423
It was just a joke.
439
00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:28,993
Oh, you mean like that
costume you wear every day?
440
00:18:29,028 --> 00:18:31,061
Whoa!
441
00:18:34,267 --> 00:18:36,700
All right, put up your
dukes, Dr. Cream Puff.
442
00:18:36,735 --> 00:18:38,263
Okay, now we got a party, eh?
443
00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:41,856
All right, all right,
uh, before we start,
444
00:18:41,891 --> 00:18:43,106
let's just, uh,
445
00:18:43,142 --> 00:18:45,062
set a few ground
rules, all right?
446
00:18:45,828 --> 00:18:46,955
Uh, no punching in the face
447
00:18:46,979 --> 00:18:49,099
because that can cause
severe brain damage.
448
00:18:50,115 --> 00:18:52,349
Oh, oh, all right, uh,
just one other thing.
449
00:18:52,384 --> 00:18:53,883
Uh, no hitting below the belt.
450
00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:55,569
I'm about to be married.
451
00:18:55,604 --> 00:18:57,844
Uh, all right, all right,
fair enough, fair enough.
452
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:03,138
All right, well, no hitting
453
00:19:03,162 --> 00:19:04,561
in the, uh, right
shoulder, though.
454
00:19:04,597 --> 00:19:06,029
That's my bag
shoulder, all right?
455
00:19:13,205 --> 00:19:16,873
What about the,
um, upper thigh area?
456
00:19:16,909 --> 00:19:18,192
Uh...
457
00:19:18,227 --> 00:19:21,194
Oh, no, I think we covered
that on page five over here.
458
00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:22,796
Yeah.
459
00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:24,409
Well, then, where
does that leave us?
460
00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:25,899
I don't know; it's leaving me
461
00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:27,718
with writer's
cramp, I'll tell you.
462
00:19:27,753 --> 00:19:30,273
Well, let that be
a lesson to you.
463
00:19:33,092 --> 00:19:35,058
As for me,
464
00:19:35,094 --> 00:19:36,527
I'm going to go
back to my beloved,
465
00:19:36,562 --> 00:19:38,574
throw my arms around
her milky-white shoulders,
466
00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:40,208
and let me tell you
something, fellas.
467
00:19:40,232 --> 00:19:41,977
I'm going to tell her
I'm devoted to her,
468
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:44,241
and that I'm dedicating
the rest of my life to her.
469
00:19:45,638 --> 00:19:46,987
Hello, everyone.
470
00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:49,340
Frasier, is that you?
471
00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:52,909
Good. I hope this doesn't
spoil the bachelor party,
472
00:19:52,945 --> 00:19:54,778
but the engagement is off.
473
00:19:54,813 --> 00:19:56,297
It's over, history,
474
00:19:56,332 --> 00:19:57,847
kaput. Good night.
475
00:19:57,883 --> 00:19:58,799
What?!
476
00:19:58,834 --> 00:20:00,045
She's kind of juiced.
477
00:20:00,069 --> 00:20:02,102
I can't be engaged
to you, Frasier,
478
00:20:02,138 --> 00:20:03,987
because I'm marrying Randy here.
479
00:20:05,374 --> 00:20:07,557
If anyone wants to
get us a wedding gift,
480
00:20:07,593 --> 00:20:09,877
his butt is this size.
481
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:16,500
Why don't you sit
down, Dr. Sternin?
482
00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:19,336
Oh, "Dr. Sternin" is
a little formal, isn't it?
483
00:20:19,371 --> 00:20:25,125
You can call me Sheena,
Ruler of the Jungle of Love.
484
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,476
Can somebody sober her up?
485
00:20:26,512 --> 00:20:27,752
Hey, I think you lost a button.
486
00:20:33,853 --> 00:20:36,320
We'll handle it from
here. Thanks, Randy.
487
00:20:36,355 --> 00:20:38,533
Happy to do it. There's
still the matter of cab fare.
488
00:20:38,557 --> 00:20:40,957
Oh. Here, there you go.
489
00:20:40,993 --> 00:20:42,493
Great. Thanks.
490
00:20:42,528 --> 00:20:44,061
See you.
491
00:20:45,948 --> 00:20:47,364
Oh, Randy, don't leave me.
492
00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:52,453
I'll never be able to hear
"Shock the Monkey" again
493
00:20:52,488 --> 00:20:54,120
without crying.
494
00:20:58,995 --> 00:21:00,160
Lilith,
495
00:21:00,195 --> 00:21:01,679
what were you thinking of?!
496
00:21:01,714 --> 00:21:04,131
I'm sorry, Frasier, it's
just that I felt the need
497
00:21:04,166 --> 00:21:05,366
to get back at you.
498
00:21:05,401 --> 00:21:07,295
I waited all evening
for you to call
499
00:21:07,319 --> 00:21:08,930
and say that the
wedding was still on,
500
00:21:08,954 --> 00:21:10,031
but you didn't, you cur.
501
00:21:10,055 --> 00:21:11,238
I did call!
502
00:21:11,274 --> 00:21:12,873
Didn't Carla tell you?
503
00:21:12,908 --> 00:21:16,477
She was too busy licking
Bosco off Randy's chest.
504
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:21,098
I became increasingly
more distraught and foolish
505
00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:22,411
as the night grew long.
506
00:21:22,435 --> 00:21:25,035
Of course, the 11 tequila
shooters didn't help.
507
00:21:25,070 --> 00:21:28,255
And now, the epilogue
is that my behavior
508
00:21:28,291 --> 00:21:31,925
has probably cost me
the one man I truly love.
509
00:21:31,961 --> 00:21:34,361
Oh, you can probably
still catch him.
510
00:21:36,231 --> 00:21:37,731
Woody, I don't think
511
00:21:37,766 --> 00:21:40,584
you're following
along closely enough.
512
00:21:40,619 --> 00:21:42,119
Listen, you're not the only one
513
00:21:42,154 --> 00:21:45,489
who's behaved
irrationally tonight.
514
00:21:45,524 --> 00:21:49,109
Lilith... I want to
marry you anyway.
515
00:21:50,779 --> 00:21:51,795
You do?
516
00:21:51,830 --> 00:21:53,230
Absolutely.
517
00:21:53,265 --> 00:21:55,448
For the rest of my life,
518
00:21:55,484 --> 00:21:58,618
I will always
cherish those words:
519
00:21:58,653 --> 00:22:01,972
"Lilith, I want to
marry you anyway."
520
00:22:04,276 --> 00:22:05,509
Come, my sweet.
521
00:22:05,544 --> 00:22:08,512
Let's get on with
our life together.
522
00:22:08,547 --> 00:22:09,946
Uh, thank you all.
523
00:22:09,982 --> 00:22:11,226
Yeah, way to go, Doc.
524
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:12,215
Good night, Doc. See you, Doc.
525
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:14,150
Oh, Lilith, just, uh...
526
00:22:14,186 --> 00:22:15,819
promise me two things.
527
00:22:15,854 --> 00:22:18,588
Never leave me for
another, and uh...
528
00:22:18,624 --> 00:22:21,064
don't throw up on me in the cab.
529
00:22:25,981 --> 00:22:27,825
Well, guys, what do you think?
530
00:22:27,849 --> 00:22:29,232
What'll we do now, huh?
531
00:22:29,268 --> 00:22:30,268
I got to get home.
532
00:22:30,302 --> 00:22:32,652
Yeah, I got to
tell my wife, too.
533
00:22:32,688 --> 00:22:33,937
Yeah, I'm out of here, too.
534
00:22:33,972 --> 00:22:35,172
Me, too. Good night, Sam.
535
00:22:35,207 --> 00:22:36,284
Good night, Sam. Yeah.
536
00:22:36,308 --> 00:22:37,291
Hey, that reminds me.
537
00:22:37,326 --> 00:22:38,987
I promised Vera I'd pick
up some Chinese food.
538
00:22:39,011 --> 00:22:40,427
Oh, that's nice of you, Norm.
539
00:22:40,463 --> 00:22:42,583
Well, I spilled it on
the floor this morning.
540
00:22:47,453 --> 00:22:48,651
Yeah, well,
541
00:22:48,687 --> 00:22:50,821
I'll be saying good
night there, Sammy.
542
00:22:50,856 --> 00:22:53,424
I, uh, I am married to
the U.S. Postal Service.
543
00:22:53,459 --> 00:22:54,625
What the hell, Sammy,
544
00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:56,694
we all can't lead
your carefree life.
545
00:22:56,729 --> 00:22:58,056
Well, good night. Yeah.
546
00:23:02,684 --> 00:23:04,684
Oh, boy.
547
00:23:11,143 --> 00:23:12,737
Party's over? Yeah.
548
00:23:12,761 --> 00:23:16,529
They all had women they
had to run home to. Saps.
549
00:23:16,565 --> 00:23:18,815
I just came back to lock up.
550
00:23:18,851 --> 00:23:20,662
Oh, come on, hey,
I always do that.
551
00:23:20,686 --> 00:23:21,669
Oh, that's right.
552
00:23:21,704 --> 00:23:23,687
You're a real night
owl, aren't you?
553
00:23:23,722 --> 00:23:26,139
Yeah. One of the great
joys of being single.
554
00:23:26,175 --> 00:23:27,574
You don't have to tell me.
555
00:23:27,609 --> 00:23:29,076
Those women at the shower...
556
00:23:29,111 --> 00:23:30,956
They have no idea
how to have fun.
557
00:23:30,980 --> 00:23:34,314
Five minutes after Randy left,
we got into this heated debate
558
00:23:34,349 --> 00:23:37,117
about which was better,
mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.
559
00:23:37,153 --> 00:23:38,786
Turned into a fistfight.
560
00:23:38,821 --> 00:23:40,771
Ha!
561
00:23:40,806 --> 00:23:41,905
Ah, that's pathetic.
562
00:23:41,940 --> 00:23:43,752
Boy, you know, I'll never
trade in the single life.
563
00:23:43,776 --> 00:23:44,842
Me, neither.
564
00:23:44,877 --> 00:23:46,997
Good night, Sam.
Yeah, good night.
565
00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:53,917
Ah.
566
00:23:53,952 --> 00:23:54,952
Freedom.
567
00:23:56,839 --> 00:23:58,433
You want to go
get a cup of coffee?
568
00:23:58,457 --> 00:24:00,774
Oh, you bet I do.
40109
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
