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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:12,561 --> 00:00:14,041
All cheer
3
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:15,121
oh, my god!
4
00:00:16,722 --> 00:00:19,242
Oh, shame!
5
00:00:19,282 --> 00:00:21,922
Wow! There he is. An artist.
6
00:00:21,962 --> 00:00:23,242
Oh, for god's sake.
7
00:00:23,282 --> 00:00:24,682
He's only done the odd portrait.
8
00:00:24,722 --> 00:00:27,122
He spent most of his life
working in homebase. All right!
9
00:00:27,162 --> 00:00:29,882
Doorbell rings
10
00:00:29,922 --> 00:00:31,298
hang on, what are you going to say?
11
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:33,482
What do you mean? To frank, about
the painting?
12
00:00:33,522 --> 00:00:36,963
Oh, I'll just say something
good and classy, yet barbed.
13
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,443
Barbed? Yeah.
14
00:00:38,483 --> 00:00:41,603
But you are going to apologise
for ruining the painting? No. Absolutely not.
15
00:00:41,643 --> 00:00:44,003
He ruined it first, in a way.
16
00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,803
Well... this is his fault,
if anything.
17
00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:48,323
I just don't think you should go
on the attack. I won't.
18
00:00:48,363 --> 00:00:52,404
I'll say something pithy and strong
that both humiliates him and
19
00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:55,764
makes it clear that I'm the victim
in all this.
20
00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:57,564
With dignity. And you back yourself
21
00:00:57,604 --> 00:00:59,564
to come up with that on the spot,
do you?
22
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,044
Yeah.
23
00:01:03,084 --> 00:01:05,564
Let's come back after cherry's
salsa class. Hmm?
24
00:01:05,604 --> 00:01:07,724
Come on. Go, go, go, go! Quick!
25
00:01:09,404 --> 00:01:13,205
Sam, come on! Sam! Let's get to the
bubble.
26
00:01:13,245 --> 00:01:15,765
You know, what is the point
of even having a shoe rack
27
00:01:15,805 --> 00:01:18,925
if you just leave your shoes
wherever you want?
28
00:01:18,965 --> 00:01:21,525
Completely agree.
Let's get rid of it.
29
00:01:21,565 --> 00:01:24,565
No, Sam, i'm... saying the opposite.
30
00:01:24,605 --> 00:01:28,125
Oh, right. And why is there a
grabber on the floor?
31
00:01:28,165 --> 00:01:30,446
Anyone?
That's mine, Rachel!
32
00:01:30,486 --> 00:01:35,006
I can't bend down to get things
since me hip replacement.
33
00:01:35,046 --> 00:01:38,446
I mean, I would pick it up,
but I'd need another grabber.
34
00:01:38,486 --> 00:01:40,926
Ok, ok. And can you put this bow
away, please?
35
00:01:40,966 --> 00:01:43,086
Paul? I'm job hunting!
36
00:01:43,126 --> 00:01:44,966
Amy: Who is it, anyway?
What do you mean?
37
00:01:45,006 --> 00:01:48,087
Well, we only ever tidy up if
someone's coming over, so who is it?
38
00:01:48,127 --> 00:01:50,407
That's not strictly true.
We do sometimes hoover.
39
00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:53,167
But, yes, it's frank from number 2
about the family portrait.
40
00:01:53,207 --> 00:01:55,447
What?! Yeah. We're not actually
doing that, are we?
41
00:01:55,487 --> 00:01:57,967
I thought you were joking.
What's a data analyst?
42
00:01:58,007 --> 00:02:00,303
Yes, of course we are. Sam:
Do I have to sit and pose for it?
43
00:02:00,327 --> 00:02:02,007
Yes. And put the camera down,
please. Oh!
44
00:02:02,047 --> 00:02:05,207
Getting a family portrait
is really weird. No! And vain.
45
00:02:05,247 --> 00:02:07,168
It's like something Vladimir putin
would do.
46
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:08,448
Yes, and I'm sure all the rest
47
00:02:08,488 --> 00:02:10,368
of the putins would be very
appreciative.
48
00:02:10,408 --> 00:02:12,488
Rach, do you think I could be a
data analyst?
49
00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:13,848
Erm, I wouldn't have thought so,
50
00:02:13,888 --> 00:02:15,408
hon, given you don't know what it
is.
51
00:02:15,448 --> 00:02:16,568
Are there no bows and arrows
52
00:02:16,608 --> 00:02:18,488
vacancies, then, Paul?
53
00:02:18,528 --> 00:02:20,168
Er, no, no.
54
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,848
No-one's advertising for a freelance
Archer, mum.
55
00:02:22,888 --> 00:02:26,729
Surprisingly. Although I did hear
that they were looking for someone
56
00:02:26,769 --> 00:02:28,929
to work behind the bar
at the red lion pub.
57
00:02:28,969 --> 00:02:30,329
Oh, really? Yeah.
58
00:02:30,369 --> 00:02:31,825
So I was thinking I might go
for that.
59
00:02:31,849 --> 00:02:34,689
You should. You look just like
a barman. Oh, yeah?
60
00:02:34,729 --> 00:02:37,089
H-How, exactly?
61
00:02:37,129 --> 00:02:39,729
Well, you know, hearty.
62
00:02:39,769 --> 00:02:41,089
Oh, yeah.
63
00:02:41,129 --> 00:02:43,210
Yeah. I mean, I suppose I am,
really. Yeah, yeah.
64
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,930
Oh, you having another bag, then?
65
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:46,370
Yeah, he's like a chain smoker.
66
00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:49,610
Well, Amy's got us starting this
month-long detox thing tomorrow
67
00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:53,290
so, you know, I thought i'd...
Eat a month's worth of fudge today.
68
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:56,490
Pretty much, yeah.
You what? Detox?
69
00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:59,050
That's a bit hippy-dippy, isn't it?
70
00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:01,691
If you consider not dying
from heart disease hippy-dippy,
71
00:03:01,731 --> 00:03:02,771
then yes. Exactly.
72
00:03:02,811 --> 00:03:05,971
It's a month without meat, booze,
caffeine, sugar and dairy.
73
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:08,851
But what else is there?
I mean, there's nothing left. Doorbell rings
74
00:03:08,891 --> 00:03:12,211
there's vegetables.
Yeah. Salad. Mm-hm. Bran.
75
00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:15,211
It's only for a month.
I'm looking forward to it, actually.
76
00:03:15,251 --> 00:03:16,571
What, salad and bran?
77
00:03:16,611 --> 00:03:20,212
Frank! Frank, hello, how are you?
78
00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:21,252
Excellent, thank you.
79
00:03:21,292 --> 00:03:23,012
I've just had reiki.
80
00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:26,132
I'll just slip my crocs off, Rachel.
Oh, no, it's f...
81
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:30,812
Well... now, then. I love peeking
at other houses in the street.
82
00:03:30,852 --> 00:03:34,652
I've gone completely open-plan.
Game changer. Ah.
83
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:36,772
Morning, all.
84
00:03:36,812 --> 00:03:40,573
Frank walmsley, portrait artist.
Yes, this is...
85
00:03:40,613 --> 00:03:42,373
This is everyone.
86
00:03:42,413 --> 00:03:45,693
Paul, you know. Amy. Hi.
87
00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:47,933
And this is Sam. Sam: All right?
Ah, yes.
88
00:03:47,973 --> 00:03:49,693
Nice to meet you.
Is he filming?
89
00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:51,293
Yeah, he will do that.
90
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,173
Hello, I'm sue.
91
00:03:53,213 --> 00:03:54,333
Frank walmsley.
92
00:03:54,373 --> 00:03:55,693
Hello, hello.
93
00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:58,214
Now, will you want us on our
feet, frank?
94
00:03:58,254 --> 00:04:02,014
Because I've just had a hip
replaced, and if I have to stand
95
00:04:02,054 --> 00:04:06,094
for long, I will look
very distressed in the portrait.
96
00:04:06,134 --> 00:04:08,854
Well, I work off of a photo... oh.
97
00:04:08,894 --> 00:04:11,894
..So I'll be super duper quick,
I promise.
98
00:04:11,934 --> 00:04:15,135
I had a new hip installation
myself last year,
99
00:04:15,175 --> 00:04:17,775
so I understand - intimately.
100
00:04:17,815 --> 00:04:19,575
Oh, did you?
101
00:04:19,615 --> 00:04:23,095
Now, how long before you could
bend over?
102
00:04:23,135 --> 00:04:25,055
Ok, mum, that's a bit personal.
103
00:04:25,095 --> 00:04:28,855
I'm only asking! Now, are
you swimming?
104
00:04:28,895 --> 00:04:33,776
No. If you are, you will be bending
like blimming Beckham
105
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:35,296
in no time at all.
106
00:04:35,336 --> 00:04:37,816
Oh, I'll try that, then.
107
00:04:37,856 --> 00:04:40,856
But you can stand, sit, cuddle...
108
00:04:40,896 --> 00:04:42,016
Ooh! Cuddle...
109
00:04:42,056 --> 00:04:45,256
..Any arrangement
for the portrait will be fine.
110
00:04:45,296 --> 00:04:48,296
Amy: Not cuddle.
You don't want a cuddle? No!
111
00:04:48,336 --> 00:04:50,136
Where to do this? Oh, fantastic.
112
00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:54,297
This is the lightest room, I guess.
The garden room. So...
113
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:57,137
I put a new stone fireplace in mine.
114
00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:59,257
Aegean limestone. Gorgeous!
115
00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:01,097
Oh! Oh.
116
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:06,097
Yeah, you know, well, as long as we
all look nice, I really don't mind.
117
00:05:06,137 --> 00:05:08,617
Sorry? I don't follow.
118
00:05:08,657 --> 00:05:11,218
Well, we just want to all look
nice in the painting.
119
00:05:11,258 --> 00:05:12,618
That's the main thing.
120
00:05:12,658 --> 00:05:15,298
Yes. Well, you'll look how you look.
121
00:05:15,338 --> 00:05:17,098
Well, no, I know, but,
122
00:05:17,138 --> 00:05:19,778
I'm just saying, you don't
have to just copy the photo.
123
00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:22,658
You can, you know, make
it a bit... kind.
124
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,858
Kind? What do you mean?
125
00:05:24,898 --> 00:05:26,738
Well... she means propaganda.
126
00:05:26,778 --> 00:05:30,139
Yes, thank you. Yeah, no.
I just mean, you know, nice.
127
00:05:30,179 --> 00:05:32,059
Nicer than... yeah.
128
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,259
I'm an artist, Rachel.
129
00:05:34,299 --> 00:05:40,099
I'm a servant of the truth.
And the client. That's standard, no?
130
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,939
I'm sure Michelangelo
didn't have to
131
00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:44,139
make Jesus quite so buff all the
time, did he?
132
00:05:44,179 --> 00:05:46,660
Oh, I see. You want to look
like Jesus.
133
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:49,860
Well, perhaps I should give
you a halo as well, hmm?
134
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,100
No, I don't want to look like...
135
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:54,260
Shall we take this photo, then?
136
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,700
Yeah. Let's line up.
Great.
137
00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:59,580
You can't wear that. What? What's
wrong with it? Can you change?
138
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,540
I've changed! Ok.
139
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,541
Oh, yeah. There she is.
140
00:06:05,581 --> 00:06:07,781
Judas jessop, the job thief.
141
00:06:07,821 --> 00:06:09,421
Oh, god, get over it!
142
00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:11,461
Yeah, that's not get into that
again. I'm over it.
143
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,541
So how's it going? Has it started?
144
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,581
Well, no, I don't think so.
145
00:06:15,621 --> 00:06:17,101
There's no-one really in there.
146
00:06:17,141 --> 00:06:18,741
Oh. Oh. Yeah.
147
00:06:18,781 --> 00:06:19,941
Hiya!
148
00:06:19,981 --> 00:06:23,422
Hi! How's it going?
Yeah.
149
00:06:23,462 --> 00:06:26,142
How's it look like it's going?
Sam: Badly.
150
00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:28,062
Don't say that, Sam!
151
00:06:28,102 --> 00:06:30,822
It is going badly. Right, see?
Yes. Oh.
152
00:06:30,862 --> 00:06:34,862
Because this div forgot
to say which red lion we were in,
153
00:06:34,902 --> 00:06:37,182
so now everyone's
gone to different pubs.
154
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,222
Oh, no.
155
00:06:38,262 --> 00:06:39,782
Except Kay. All right?
156
00:06:39,822 --> 00:06:43,823
And Dave, to be fair. Doing it here
was all very lastminute.Com,
157
00:06:43,863 --> 00:06:46,823
and there are a staggering number
of red lions out there, actually.
158
00:06:46,863 --> 00:06:49,823
Probably more than there
are actual lions, yellow ones.
159
00:06:49,863 --> 00:06:52,143
Door opens
man: Oh, here we are, cherry. Oh.
160
00:06:52,183 --> 00:06:54,423
Hiya! Are you here for the
salsa class
161
00:06:54,463 --> 00:06:58,343
or the loo? Loo.
Second door on the left, mate.
162
00:06:58,383 --> 00:06:59,984
That keeps happening an' all.
Oh...
163
00:07:00,024 --> 00:07:03,304
Honestly, I shouldn't even
be doing this in a bloody pub.
164
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:06,104
It's so embarrassing.
Well, it's... it's nice.
165
00:07:06,144 --> 00:07:09,424
Oh, shit. Nicky, yaz
166
00:07:09,464 --> 00:07:12,184
and ugly Chris are in the
red lion in hitchin.
167
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,024
Tell them to come to this one.
168
00:07:14,064 --> 00:07:16,224
They've already ordered food,
though. Oh!
169
00:07:16,264 --> 00:07:19,305
Oh, I've eaten in that red lion
before. It's pure goals, man.
170
00:07:19,345 --> 00:07:21,505
Lamb shank was absolutely dripping
off the bone.
171
00:07:21,545 --> 00:07:22,945
And?
172
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:24,985
Right.
173
00:07:25,025 --> 00:07:26,825
Mm, can I get another half of amstel
in there
174
00:07:26,865 --> 00:07:28,625
when you get a second,
my love? Thank you.
175
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,105
Actually, on that subject, though,
176
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,185
if you could all order something,
food and drink,
177
00:07:32,225 --> 00:07:33,505
that would really help me out.
178
00:07:33,545 --> 00:07:36,705
There's this, like, £30 minimum
spend when hiring the room, so...
179
00:07:36,745 --> 00:07:38,226
Well, how's that going to work?
180
00:07:38,266 --> 00:07:41,786
People can't eat and dance
at the same time, can they?
181
00:07:41,826 --> 00:07:43,066
They can if they get burgers.
182
00:07:43,106 --> 00:07:45,826
Oh, that is good... great...
We're eating at home, actually.
183
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,386
We've got some lentils soaking,
so...
184
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,546
Oh, you're still on your detox, are
you? Mm.
185
00:07:50,586 --> 00:07:52,866
Paul: One day more. Lamers.
186
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,946
Hang on, 30?
187
00:07:54,986 --> 00:07:57,467
No, the minimum spend is 300.
188
00:07:57,507 --> 00:07:58,667
Not 30.
189
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:00,347
Ooh... ow.
190
00:08:00,387 --> 00:08:02,547
He sniggers
191
00:08:02,587 --> 00:08:05,787
i-is it? Yeah.
Best make it a pint, then, love.
192
00:08:05,827 --> 00:08:06,867
It's all right.
193
00:08:08,427 --> 00:08:11,627
Sue: Oh, Rachel, that's fantastic!
I agree, I love it. What?!
194
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:14,508
Well, that's because you're looking
at yourselves.
195
00:08:14,548 --> 00:08:15,988
Look at me!
196
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,308
Look at how old he's made me.
197
00:08:17,348 --> 00:08:19,588
Well, you're just looking at
yourself as well.
198
00:08:19,628 --> 00:08:21,468
Well, of course I am.
I can't look away.
199
00:08:21,508 --> 00:08:24,108
It's like a horror film.
I look like I'm about a million.
200
00:08:24,148 --> 00:08:26,348
No, you look a lot less than that.
201
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:28,428
Anyway, you'll grow into it.
Grow into it?
202
00:08:28,468 --> 00:08:29,748
Doorbell rings
203
00:08:29,788 --> 00:08:31,748
it's supposed to be a nice family
portrait, sue,
204
00:08:31,788 --> 00:08:34,429
not a coat for a toddler. Well, I
think he's captured us perfectly.
205
00:08:34,469 --> 00:08:37,229
Yeah, well, you would say that.
He's made you look really chiselled.
206
00:08:37,269 --> 00:08:39,949
That's just how I look, love...
Robin and cherry are here.
207
00:08:39,989 --> 00:08:42,389
Oh! Hi, Robin!
Cherry, you all right?
208
00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:45,469
Robin: Oh, let me think,
am I all right?
209
00:08:45,509 --> 00:08:48,829
Well, put it this way, paolo -
Bitcoin went past 45.
210
00:08:48,869 --> 00:08:50,269
Huh? Is that good?
211
00:08:50,309 --> 00:08:51,830
Amazing, apparently.
212
00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:53,270
Sam: Interesting shirt.
213
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:55,310
Oh, my godfathers!
214
00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:57,590
You look like torvill and Dean!
215
00:08:57,630 --> 00:08:59,350
Yeah, we're off to salsa.
216
00:08:59,390 --> 00:09:02,390
Keep the camera up here, Sam,
while I'm in this.
217
00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:03,830
Sam: Who are torvill and Dean?
218
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,310
Who are torvill and Dean?
219
00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:06,910
Wow. I've heard it all now.
220
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:09,791
Hi. We thought we'd take a squizz
at this portrait.
221
00:09:09,831 --> 00:09:12,151
Oh, I'd probably rather you didn't,
to be honest.
222
00:09:12,191 --> 00:09:13,991
I didn't know you had Bitcoin,
Robin.
223
00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:15,471
Well, not a whole one, to be fair.
224
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,191
Me, Dean and gelsman got a
third each.
225
00:09:17,231 --> 00:09:19,871
Yeah, he's got a bit of a Bitcoin.
226
00:09:19,911 --> 00:09:21,351
Sue: I'm sorry. What is it?
227
00:09:21,391 --> 00:09:23,391
You've got a big coin, Robin?
228
00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:25,351
Sam: No. It's not a real coin,
granny.
229
00:09:25,391 --> 00:09:26,991
It's a sort of virtual currency.
230
00:09:27,031 --> 00:09:29,072
It's a cryptocurrency, so it only
exists online
231
00:09:29,112 --> 00:09:30,952
and you do transactions in the
blockchain.
232
00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:32,872
I wouldn't bother trying
to explain it to mum.
233
00:09:32,912 --> 00:09:34,672
She still doesn't understand
£2 coins.
234
00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:37,472
I do understand them,
thank you very much.
235
00:09:37,512 --> 00:09:38,912
I just don't trust them.
236
00:09:38,952 --> 00:09:39,952
Well, not being vulgar,
237
00:09:39,992 --> 00:09:43,392
but so far this year, it's made me
about eight grand. Eight grand?!
238
00:09:43,432 --> 00:09:45,032
Oh, my godfathers! I'd honestly
239
00:09:45,072 --> 00:09:47,233
have to work at the pub all year to
earn that.
240
00:09:47,273 --> 00:09:49,913
Oh, did you get that job
at the pub, then, Paul?
241
00:09:49,953 --> 00:09:52,393
Not yet, no, but it's basically a
done deal.
242
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:55,313
Ravi said there's only one
other applicant, so we're...
243
00:09:55,353 --> 00:09:56,833
Oh. Oh, rach.
244
00:09:56,873 --> 00:09:58,793
My tummy. Amy: Tummy.
245
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:01,113
Are you five years old?
Robin: Oh, god, is he all right?
246
00:10:01,153 --> 00:10:03,193
Yeah, no, we're just in the middle
of this detox,
247
00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:05,594
and Paul's had quite a bad reaction,
so...
248
00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:07,674
Cherry: Shame. In the middle?
249
00:10:07,714 --> 00:10:09,674
We've been doing it for, like,
six days.
250
00:10:09,714 --> 00:10:11,074
Rach? Yeah?
251
00:10:11,114 --> 00:10:13,954
I'm not in it. Yeah, well, you
didn't pose for it, cherry.
252
00:10:13,994 --> 00:10:15,754
Were you expecting to be in it?
253
00:10:15,794 --> 00:10:17,634
Well, I wasn't sure, to be honest.
254
00:10:17,674 --> 00:10:21,074
It's a lucky escape, really, because
I mean, look at me.
255
00:10:21,114 --> 00:10:24,315
Oh, god! He's just given me extra
wrinkles on purpose.
256
00:10:24,355 --> 00:10:28,915
He's basically punished me for
asking to look nice, the bastard!
257
00:10:28,955 --> 00:10:32,395
He's given me grey hairs as well,
which I don't have.
258
00:10:32,435 --> 00:10:33,475
Aren't there a few?
259
00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:35,235
No, there aren't, actually. Oh...
260
00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:36,835
I mean, I could probably fix it.
261
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:39,275
I could lose some of the wrinkles
around the mouth.
262
00:10:39,315 --> 00:10:41,276
Oh, yeah, Botox would sort that
right out.
263
00:10:41,316 --> 00:10:42,796
In the portrait!
264
00:10:42,836 --> 00:10:45,356
I could touch it up a bit.
265
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:49,276
Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah.
Like Photoshop? Yes. Mm-hm
266
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,036
shrill ringing, klaxon sounds
267
00:10:51,076 --> 00:10:52,676
oh, my god, what's that?
Paul moans
268
00:10:52,716 --> 00:10:54,876
that'll be my mobile phone.
269
00:10:54,916 --> 00:10:56,276
Oh, I hate this.
270
00:10:56,316 --> 00:10:57,596
It's like an air raid, isn't it?
271
00:10:57,636 --> 00:10:59,757
This is exciting!
272
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,397
Ridiculous.
273
00:11:01,437 --> 00:11:03,557
8659?
274
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,277
Yes, speaking.
275
00:11:05,317 --> 00:11:09,517
Oh, yes. Very sexy phone voice, sue.
276
00:11:09,557 --> 00:11:11,957
So, where's the salsa class?
277
00:11:11,997 --> 00:11:13,877
That is uncanny.
278
00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:16,997
It's seven o'clock at the
church hall, but it will start late,
279
00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:19,278
though, because the cubs
always run over.
280
00:11:19,318 --> 00:11:21,878
Sue on phone: Right...
Selfish little pricks.
281
00:11:21,918 --> 00:11:24,518
They piss me right off, them cubs.
282
00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:27,398
Last week, cherry nearly
tripped on a woggle.
283
00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:30,318
Oh, no.
A woggle?! What's a woggle?
284
00:11:30,358 --> 00:11:33,358
It's a little plastic hoopy thing
the scarf goes in, babe.
285
00:11:33,398 --> 00:11:35,078
It's called a woggle.
286
00:11:35,118 --> 00:11:36,159
Wow.
287
00:11:37,519 --> 00:11:40,199
He's so clever, in't he?
288
00:11:40,239 --> 00:11:43,119
And kind. Do you know, Robin,
as promised,
289
00:11:43,159 --> 00:11:45,759
has actually helped me set up my own
dance class.
290
00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:47,839
And I dance with the instructor
anyway,
291
00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:49,519
so I'm definitely good enough.
292
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:52,159
Oh, she really is. Honestly, the way
she swings those hips about,
293
00:11:52,199 --> 00:11:54,400
it's like watching tennis.
294
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,240
Do you two not dance together, then?
295
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,720
No. Not yet.
296
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,080
Robin's a beginner.
297
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,520
He can't even do a basic cubana!
They chuckle
298
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:06,200
and he really does get very sweaty,
don't you? I do, actually. Yeah.
299
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,920
No, especially the palms, they are,
aren't they, gushers. Urgh!
300
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,801
I don't know why. So who do you
dance with, then, Robin?
301
00:12:12,841 --> 00:12:15,761
No, I don't. I just dance... just
generally, just on my tod.
302
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:19,241
But my class is not going to be in
some crummy church hall, is it?
303
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,881
No. We're going upmarket,
aren't we, babe? We are.
304
00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:24,361
We're already in touch with
body explosion dance studios.
305
00:12:24,401 --> 00:12:27,801
So good. But if my Bitcoin keeps
on surging, genuinely thinking
306
00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:30,761
about hiring out your friend
and mine, the shard.
307
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,562
Oh, very dramatic!
That's miles away.
308
00:12:32,602 --> 00:12:34,682
Sue: Right... it's in London,
is what it is.
309
00:12:34,722 --> 00:12:36,002
..I've got some good news.
310
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:38,322
Oh, have you managed
to change your ringtone?
311
00:12:38,362 --> 00:12:40,762
They chuckle
the pool's arriving on Wednesday.
312
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,162
What?! Oh, congratulations.
313
00:12:42,202 --> 00:12:43,722
Paul: What pool? My pool.
314
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:47,122
I've ordered a pool, so make sure
you're in on Wednesday.
315
00:12:47,162 --> 00:12:49,643
It's coming here?!
Well, yeah.
316
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:52,243
Well, it'll ruin my lawn
if I put it in my garden.
317
00:12:52,283 --> 00:12:53,483
What about our lawn?
318
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,043
Well, screw our lawn. We'll take the
pool. Thanks, granny!
319
00:12:57,083 --> 00:13:00,403
Sam: Sick! And I'm here
more than I'm at home anyway, so...
320
00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:03,123
Yeah. Oh, I know. Yeah. I know.
Yeah.
321
00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:04,603
You never told me you bought a pool.
322
00:13:04,643 --> 00:13:07,843
I bought a pool. Yeah, and why have
you done that?
323
00:13:07,883 --> 00:13:10,524
Well, for me hip exercises.
Oh, I see, right.
324
00:13:10,564 --> 00:13:12,884
So you're just foisting it on us,
are you? Foisting?!
325
00:13:12,924 --> 00:13:14,764
Robin: We'll have it, if you don't
want it.
326
00:13:14,804 --> 00:13:17,044
I didn't say that. You can always
foist on us, sue.
327
00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:19,444
You live in a flat. With a parking
space, though. Hang on.
328
00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:20,964
Where's my suzuki going to go?
329
00:13:21,004 --> 00:13:23,244
I'll be honest, I've not
thought it through.
330
00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:25,684
Amy: We'll take the pool.
This is amazing!
331
00:13:25,724 --> 00:13:29,445
I'm telling Maya! No, because I have
not approved this yet!
332
00:13:29,485 --> 00:13:32,085
Rach... oh! Oh, no, my tummy's gone.
333
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:34,565
I got you. I got you, big guy.
Paul groans
334
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:35,885
Rachel, just give us a biscuit.
335
00:13:35,925 --> 00:13:38,525
Ok. Sam, you get a father one of
those sugar-free oat biscuits,
336
00:13:38,565 --> 00:13:41,045
please? No, a normal one.
Not a normal one!
337
00:13:41,085 --> 00:13:44,405
Right, so, two more apple pies.
Mm-hm.
338
00:13:44,445 --> 00:13:47,846
Another pint of amstel. I'll try and
squeeze in another sirloin.
339
00:13:47,886 --> 00:13:49,726
Let's go medium rare this time,
mix it up.
340
00:13:49,766 --> 00:13:51,846
Another pint for you, deano? Mm.
341
00:13:51,886 --> 00:13:54,206
Take one for the team, yeah.
Rach, paolo?
342
00:13:54,246 --> 00:13:56,766
Yeah, can I just have a
fizzy water, please?
343
00:13:56,806 --> 00:13:57,806
What?! No.
344
00:13:57,846 --> 00:13:59,566
Rach, I've got to spend 300 quid
here.
345
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,726
Robin, it's the last day
of our family detox,
346
00:14:01,766 --> 00:14:04,807
there is genuinely nothing
else we can have on here.
347
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,887
So end it now, then.
No, no.
348
00:14:06,927 --> 00:14:08,727
We're so close.
349
00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:10,727
Why is there no vegan food on here?
350
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,447
I don't know. Ridiculous!
351
00:14:12,487 --> 00:14:15,887
Well, she had mussels earlier
while I was pinging up the tinsel.
352
00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:19,527
Oh... what?! Oh, my god!
353
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,087
Oh, my god. Is this a joke?
354
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,568
Have you been eating meat
at work the last month?
355
00:14:23,608 --> 00:14:25,688
Well, no, that's...
356
00:14:25,728 --> 00:14:27,648
Shellfish don't have a face,
357
00:14:27,688 --> 00:14:31,928
so technically you can argue
that they're actually... plants.
358
00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:34,768
Oh, can you? Yeah. You can argue
that, can you? Yep.
359
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,208
Judas, again! Oh!
360
00:14:37,248 --> 00:14:38,488
Double Judas!
361
00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:41,169
Do you have any idea how difficult
this last month
362
00:14:41,209 --> 00:14:43,489
has been for me, Amy? Mm.
No sugar, no booze.
363
00:14:43,529 --> 00:14:46,209
Well, you're not getting either
of those from mussels, dad.
364
00:14:46,249 --> 00:14:49,649
Yeah, it's the principle, though,
isn't it? Yes, it is. You know?
365
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,049
Right, that's it. I'm going to have
the pork belly. What?!
366
00:14:52,089 --> 00:14:55,929
I'm going to have the chocolate
fondant, two cappuccinos
367
00:14:55,969 --> 00:14:59,290
and a pint of guinness extra cold.
Yes, paolo, he's back! Pao-lo-o!
368
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,970
Seriously, you're breaking the detox
on the last day?
369
00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:04,490
You broke it first, mate.
Oh, and a side order of wedges.
370
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:07,490
Great. Rach? I'm going to have the
fish and chips, a mojito
371
00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:08,730
and a bowl of butter.
372
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:11,250
Oh, yeah, just go for it.
Yeah, yeah. God, I'm trembling
373
00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:13,850
just thinking about it. Me too. I'm
going to see if mum's eaten.
374
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:18,131
Robin: Absolutely love it. Maya:
I mean, you didn't tell me it was one of these ones. It's a beauty.
375
00:15:18,171 --> 00:15:19,691
What ones?
376
00:15:19,731 --> 00:15:22,971
It's a swimming pool, isn't it?
Yeah, well, I figured
377
00:15:23,011 --> 00:15:25,011
it would go down... into the ground.
378
00:15:25,051 --> 00:15:28,331
Yeah. This is a bit more
like a jacuzzi.
379
00:15:28,371 --> 00:15:30,891
Sam: Yeah, without the bubbles.
Oh, there'll be bubbles!
380
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:34,051
What with the amount of lentils
Amy's got us eating. Unbelievable.
381
00:15:34,091 --> 00:15:36,452
Oh, great. Yeah, this just gets
better and better.
382
00:15:36,492 --> 00:15:38,932
Well, I'm sorry for dragging
you all the way from uni
383
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,972
for a substandard swimming pool.
384
00:15:41,012 --> 00:15:43,692
Hey, as long as I get free drinks
in your pub, I'm happy.
385
00:15:43,732 --> 00:15:45,452
It's hardly her pub.
386
00:15:45,492 --> 00:15:47,172
She's basic bar staff.
387
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:49,852
Oh, dad's upset because I got
the job instead of him.
388
00:15:49,892 --> 00:15:51,052
I'm upset for them, yes,
389
00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:54,173
because you are the least hearty
person I've ever met, Amy.
390
00:15:54,213 --> 00:15:55,733
You working on Saturday 30th?
391
00:15:55,773 --> 00:15:59,293
Yeah, probably. Why?
392
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:03,333
I've got my first salsa class,
booked in at body explosion.
393
00:16:03,373 --> 00:16:04,533
Seven o'clock sharp.
394
00:16:04,573 --> 00:16:07,093
Sam: Could you not get
the shard then?
395
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,573
No. Bit pricey in the end.
396
00:16:09,613 --> 00:16:11,453
Body explosion is not cheap,
mind you,
397
00:16:11,493 --> 00:16:13,894
but should be all right as long
as Bitcoin
398
00:16:13,934 --> 00:16:16,174
grows a pair and climbs back up
again.
399
00:16:16,214 --> 00:16:19,054
Has it gone down, has it, Robin?
It's taken a minor nosedive, yeah,
400
00:16:19,094 --> 00:16:21,774
after elon did another one of his
weird tweets.
401
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:25,574
The function room at the red lion's
free to hire if you need it.
402
00:16:25,614 --> 00:16:29,494
Keep talking. Well, there's like a
£30 minimum spend, I think. Hmm...
403
00:16:30,895 --> 00:16:31,935
That's...
404
00:16:33,135 --> 00:16:35,575
Yeah, no, that's not funny.
That's a bad idea.
405
00:16:35,615 --> 00:16:38,655
I wasn't joking.
Yeah, I was joking. All right? Don't want that, thank you.
406
00:16:38,695 --> 00:16:40,655
Here we go!
He chuckles
407
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,135
she's ready!
408
00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:43,615
She's ready, rach! Mum!
409
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:45,655
Sam: I'm going to go and get my
underwater camera.
410
00:16:45,695 --> 00:16:47,055
Course you are. Sicko.
411
00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:49,536
Rach! Stop fiddling with the
painting, she's ready!
412
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,416
Yes, one second!
413
00:16:51,456 --> 00:16:53,296
Sam: Jesus. Amy: Mum, you look like
a zombie.
414
00:16:53,336 --> 00:16:55,496
Oh, that is terrifying!
415
00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:57,736
Yeah, I reckon leave it now, mum.
Yes, I know, I will.
416
00:16:57,776 --> 00:17:01,536
Just the face... the face has gone a
bit... plague-y.
417
00:17:03,136 --> 00:17:05,296
So...
418
00:17:05,336 --> 00:17:07,777
I mean, that's just...
Just horrible.
419
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:11,937
Oh! Oh, granny's ready!
420
00:17:11,977 --> 00:17:16,977
Hey, let's get this show in the
pool! Yeah!
421
00:17:17,017 --> 00:17:20,697
Oh, this is the life.
That is lovely.
422
00:17:20,737 --> 00:17:22,497
Ooh, it's like being on holiday!
423
00:17:22,537 --> 00:17:24,857
Cherry: Yeah, budget holiday, maybe.
424
00:17:24,897 --> 00:17:28,338
Did you not think to mix any water
with that chlorine, Paul!
425
00:17:28,378 --> 00:17:32,858
It is chlorinated, Maya, thank you.
Reassuringly chlorinated.
426
00:17:32,898 --> 00:17:36,538
In fact, it'll probably kill any
parasites we might be carrying.
427
00:17:36,578 --> 00:17:39,058
Oh, great.
So like a sheep dip?
428
00:17:39,098 --> 00:17:43,058
Oh, my god! This is genuinely
fantastic.
429
00:17:43,098 --> 00:17:46,219
Tell me about it, right?
I'm going to use it every day.
430
00:17:46,259 --> 00:17:48,459
Ok, I'm coming in! Huh?
431
00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:50,219
Geronimo! Whoa!
432
00:17:50,259 --> 00:17:52,059
No!
433
00:17:52,099 --> 00:17:53,179
Oh!
434
00:17:53,219 --> 00:17:57,539
No diving, please, Amy.
I'm not diving, I'm jumping.
435
00:17:57,579 --> 00:18:01,419
Oh, jumping either, or bombing,
ok? It's very unsafe.
436
00:18:01,459 --> 00:18:03,300
That is a rule.
437
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:05,820
Sam: So what can we do?
Just stand still?
438
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,580
No, you can swim!
439
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,820
You know, do lengths.
Cherry: Lengths? It's round.
440
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:13,180
Well, you know, diameters,
then, circumferences.
441
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:14,740
Bloody hell. Which ones are they?
442
00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:16,740
What about heavy petting -
is that allowed?
443
00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:18,180
Not with me, it's not, no.
444
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:19,980
Not with anyone, thank you.
445
00:18:20,020 --> 00:18:24,061
This pool is primarily for
my hip exercises,
446
00:18:24,101 --> 00:18:25,901
not for your funny business.
447
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:27,701
Nature's hip exercises.
448
00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:31,701
No, no heavy petting, thank you,
Robin, and no veruccas, either.
449
00:18:31,741 --> 00:18:33,781
Oh, no, really?
Cherry: Out you get, then.
450
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:37,301
Oh, gross! Don't you
shame me. It's a virus.
451
00:18:38,541 --> 00:18:40,982
Oh, my grandad does something
called chair yoga, sue,
452
00:18:41,022 --> 00:18:44,222
for his hips. Absolutely swears by
it.
453
00:18:44,262 --> 00:18:45,742
Ooh, I like the sound of chair.
454
00:18:45,782 --> 00:18:47,822
Sam: Whoa, what is that in the
water?
455
00:18:47,862 --> 00:18:49,382
Dad, what is that?
456
00:18:49,422 --> 00:18:51,782
Oh, god, has someone spilled
something. Cherry: What? No.
457
00:18:51,822 --> 00:18:54,542
Have they bled? Has someone bled
something. What is it?!
458
00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:55,742
No, no, I'm getting out.
459
00:18:55,782 --> 00:18:57,983
What is it?! It's like an
orangey-brown colour.
460
00:18:58,023 --> 00:19:00,623
It's like the squits, maybe. Oh!
461
00:19:00,663 --> 00:19:02,503
Oh!
462
00:19:02,543 --> 00:19:04,703
Sam: I think it's coming from you,
mum. Oh, yeah...
463
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,623
Oh, my god, rach, have you squitted?
464
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:10,343
No! No, I... yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
465
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,383
What is it?!
466
00:19:11,423 --> 00:19:13,183
Yeah! Have you?
467
00:19:13,223 --> 00:19:14,743
Yeah, I think it must be hair dye.
468
00:19:14,783 --> 00:19:17,984
Whose hair dye?
You don't use hair dye, do you?
469
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,224
Well... since when have you
used hair dye?
470
00:19:20,264 --> 00:19:23,464
Since the painting and everything.
Oh. I do have a few greys,
471
00:19:23,504 --> 00:19:24,664
it turns out. Cherry: You do.
472
00:19:24,704 --> 00:19:26,144
Quite a few.
473
00:19:26,184 --> 00:19:28,624
Yeah. Well, I didn't realise it came
out in water, so...
474
00:19:28,664 --> 00:19:30,264
Oh, in chlorine...
475
00:19:30,304 --> 00:19:32,184
..It will, yeah. I mean, I knew
that.
476
00:19:32,224 --> 00:19:34,945
Great. So the pool's red now,
is it?
477
00:19:34,985 --> 00:19:36,745
Oh, oh, I've got it!
478
00:19:36,785 --> 00:19:40,625
Why don't we add some white
hair dye to cancel out the red,
479
00:19:40,665 --> 00:19:42,225
like you do with wine?
480
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,065
Shut up! Not in this situation,
Robin. No.
481
00:19:44,105 --> 00:19:48,665
I mean, it's more a sort of greeny,
swampy brown... mm... river
482
00:19:48,705 --> 00:19:49,985
than it is red.
483
00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:51,505
Yeah. Yeah, apologies.
484
00:19:51,545 --> 00:19:53,746
I mean, apologies.
485
00:19:53,786 --> 00:19:56,706
Sam: So do we empty the pool or
what?
486
00:19:56,746 --> 00:19:59,706
Empty it?! You've got to be joking,
haven't you?
487
00:19:59,746 --> 00:20:02,106
How you going to empty it?
It'll be like Noah's ark?
488
00:20:02,146 --> 00:20:04,586
Nah, nah.
I'm going to keep it like this.
489
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:07,026
Hey! Well, so the water's
a little bit brown.
490
00:20:07,066 --> 00:20:08,426
So what? Who cares?
491
00:20:08,466 --> 00:20:12,867
I don't. You know, no-one else
has got a brown pool, have they?
492
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:15,667
Huh? It's like swimming in a
river.
493
00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:18,107
Cherry: One, two, three,
left forward...
494
00:20:18,147 --> 00:20:20,467
Oh, my god, this is better than sex.
495
00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:21,667
Yeah... all right!
496
00:20:21,707 --> 00:20:23,587
Yeah, I agree with you,
but don't...
497
00:20:23,627 --> 00:20:26,227
You want to imagine you're
drawing an eight
498
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,067
with a pencil up your bum.
499
00:20:29,107 --> 00:20:31,668
Come on, that's it.
Roll those hips, sue.
500
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:36,068
I'd rather not roll me new hip,
to be honest, Cheryl.
501
00:20:36,108 --> 00:20:38,668
You need to keep
up with your swimming, mum.
502
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,948
You haven't done your
hip exercises for weeks.
503
00:20:40,988 --> 00:20:44,108
I'm over the pool now, Paul.
504
00:20:44,148 --> 00:20:49,149
I'm actually doing chair yoga,
and it's working wonders.
505
00:20:49,189 --> 00:20:51,669
Mobile phone vibrates
oh, god, it's frank.
506
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,509
Well, what time is he expecting
the picture?
507
00:20:54,549 --> 00:20:56,349
About an hour ago.
508
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,749
Oh, I'll call him back.
509
00:20:58,789 --> 00:21:00,669
He's doing the robot.
510
00:21:03,469 --> 00:21:06,710
It's not funny. Yeah, it's not
funny. That's not funny, Dean.
511
00:21:12,990 --> 00:21:15,150
Ugh! Ugh!
512
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,390
Sam: How is it, dad?
513
00:21:18,870 --> 00:21:20,190
Horrible.
514
00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:21,790
Obviously.
515
00:21:21,830 --> 00:21:24,270
It's like being in a huge cup of
tea.
516
00:21:24,310 --> 00:21:28,231
There's something about swimming in
circles that's quite depressing,
517
00:21:28,271 --> 00:21:31,151
you know, existentially.
518
00:21:31,191 --> 00:21:33,351
Like I'm going down a drain.
519
00:21:33,391 --> 00:21:36,631
Yeah, that's probably the detox
talking. Yeah.
520
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:38,791
I'm just so low.
521
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:43,072
I need a doughnut or a beer,
you know?
522
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:49,712
Rach?
523
00:21:49,752 --> 00:21:50,952
Rach?
524
00:21:50,992 --> 00:21:53,552
Can we have one beer while Amy's
at work? No!
525
00:21:53,592 --> 00:21:56,192
Come on, it's one more week!
526
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:57,752
Oh, my god, rach!
527
00:21:57,792 --> 00:21:59,352
Stop fiddling with it!
528
00:21:59,392 --> 00:22:01,112
I know! I can't, though.
529
00:22:01,152 --> 00:22:05,193
I keep trying to fix it and making
it worse.
530
00:22:05,233 --> 00:22:07,553
I feel like someone
in a documentary who's addicted
531
00:22:07,593 --> 00:22:10,113
to plastic surgery.
Doorbell rings
532
00:22:10,153 --> 00:22:13,073
oh, god. That is so bad.
533
00:22:13,113 --> 00:22:14,793
Like I'm married to Mick Jagger.
534
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:17,873
My only hope is, if I just keep
at it long enough,
535
00:22:17,913 --> 00:22:20,634
I might gradually learn how to
paint.
536
00:22:21,714 --> 00:22:23,714
Oh...! Rachel, hello!
Mind if I pop in?
537
00:22:23,754 --> 00:22:25,194
Frank, hi!
538
00:22:25,234 --> 00:22:27,234
Hide it! Huh?!
539
00:22:27,274 --> 00:22:29,354
Sorry?
Hi. Hi-de-hi. Hi.
540
00:22:29,394 --> 00:22:30,714
It's frank, Paul!
541
00:22:30,754 --> 00:22:32,994
Hi, frank! All right?
542
00:22:33,034 --> 00:22:35,954
I'd really rather you didn't film
me.
543
00:22:35,994 --> 00:22:38,955
Hmm. Maybe don't come in our house,
then.
544
00:22:38,995 --> 00:22:41,155
Everything all right,
is it, frank?
545
00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:43,195
Marvellous.
546
00:22:43,235 --> 00:22:45,875
I found a £10 note in a clematis.
Oh!
547
00:22:45,915 --> 00:22:49,075
But that wasn't what I came
to tell you.
548
00:22:49,115 --> 00:22:53,675
I'm actually having a little
exhibition next Saturday evening.
549
00:22:53,715 --> 00:22:56,555
Wow. So you should, an artist with
your...
550
00:22:56,595 --> 00:22:59,236
Yes, we'd love to come.
551
00:22:59,276 --> 00:23:00,396
Of course, yes.
552
00:23:00,436 --> 00:23:04,036
And given that it turned out
so well, I simply must include
553
00:23:04,076 --> 00:23:06,876
that super portrait of your lovely
family.
554
00:23:06,916 --> 00:23:10,316
Oh, do you know, I don't know
if I can part with it, frank.
555
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:12,796
I just... I just love it so much.
556
00:23:12,836 --> 00:23:14,156
Oh, bless you.
557
00:23:14,196 --> 00:23:15,437
I will take good care of it.
558
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,397
I give you my word as an artist
559
00:23:17,437 --> 00:23:21,877
and as the chairman of the Hazel
road allotment association. Aw...
560
00:23:21,917 --> 00:23:25,477
Even so, I... where have you hung
it? I'd love to see it in situ.
561
00:23:25,517 --> 00:23:30,037
No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No?
Oh...
562
00:23:30,077 --> 00:23:32,637
You can't see it currently.
563
00:23:32,677 --> 00:23:34,838
Oh, well, why not?
564
00:23:34,878 --> 00:23:37,758
Because...
Yes?
565
00:23:37,798 --> 00:23:40,518
Because... it's being framed!
It's being framed! Brilliant.
566
00:23:40,558 --> 00:23:44,478
It's being framed at the moment,
which may take weeks, months,
567
00:23:44,518 --> 00:23:46,798
maybe, even... I love you.
Love you too. Oh, surely not.
568
00:23:46,838 --> 00:23:51,278
Who's doing it? The framers. In
town. The one near lidl? Yes. No.
569
00:23:51,318 --> 00:23:54,279
No. Not that one.
The...
570
00:23:54,319 --> 00:23:56,519
Well, you must mean mr frampton's,
then? No.
571
00:23:56,559 --> 00:23:57,759
Hmm...
572
00:23:57,799 --> 00:23:59,959
Well, yes, if that's the new one.
573
00:23:59,999 --> 00:24:04,239
And, well, look, I'll telephone
mr frampton first thing Monday
574
00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:07,319
morning and chivvy him along. No.
Make sure it's ready in time.
575
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:08,519
Nah, don't do that.
576
00:24:08,559 --> 00:24:11,480
Well, no, I insist.
Mr frampton won't mind.
577
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,280
He's my boggle partner. Oh. Great.
578
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,960
I'm collecting it on Monday.
579
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,640
In fact, I just remembered that,
580
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,960
so you don't need to call
mr frampton. There's no need.
581
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,560
Oh, so, wonderful.
582
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,280
Yeah. You can bring it round, then.
583
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,817
Just trying to think of any other
reason why I can't do that.
584
00:24:28,841 --> 00:24:31,057
Why can't I do that? Why can't
I do that? Why can't I...?!
585
00:24:31,081 --> 00:24:32,481
I have the runs. Yeah, I can.
586
00:24:32,521 --> 00:24:35,201
I can, of course, do that. Yes.
587
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:38,001
Any time before seven on Saturday.
588
00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,921
Ok. Bye. Great.
589
00:24:39,961 --> 00:24:42,961
Ta-ta, then. Ta-ta.
590
00:24:43,001 --> 00:24:46,041
Ta-ta, then.
591
00:24:46,081 --> 00:24:47,122
Rach?
592
00:24:49,562 --> 00:24:51,042
What are you going to do?
593
00:24:51,082 --> 00:24:52,842
I'm going to fix it.
594
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:55,418
I'm going to put it back to how it
was, and I'm going to frame it.
595
00:24:55,442 --> 00:24:57,122
Got a week. Yeah, I can do that.
596
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:58,962
I can do that. Really?
597
00:25:00,242 --> 00:25:01,522
You've got this.
598
00:25:05,242 --> 00:25:08,603
So, all together, it comes to...
599
00:25:09,643 --> 00:25:11,803
..Drum roll, please...
Oh, here we go.
600
00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,723
Drumming
601
00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:15,923
..£303.65.
602
00:25:15,963 --> 00:25:17,963
Cheering yes!
603
00:25:19,243 --> 00:25:21,323
Well done, everyone. Well done.
604
00:25:21,363 --> 00:25:23,203
Well, that worked out perfectly.
605
00:25:23,243 --> 00:25:25,844
Well, no, it didn't,
cos no-one bloody came.
606
00:25:25,884 --> 00:25:27,124
Apart from that bit, yeah.
607
00:25:27,164 --> 00:25:28,924
I'll have
another pint of amstel anyway.
608
00:25:28,964 --> 00:25:31,284
Can you go next door?
Cos I want to close this bar now.
609
00:25:31,324 --> 00:25:32,564
Anyone else?
Phone buzzes
610
00:25:32,604 --> 00:25:35,164
it's frank. It's frank.
I've got to get it.
611
00:25:35,204 --> 00:25:37,404
Frank, yes, we're on our way.
612
00:25:37,444 --> 00:25:39,484
Yeah, right now. Right now.
613
00:25:39,524 --> 00:25:40,764
Yeah.
Doorbell rings
614
00:25:40,804 --> 00:25:41,844
back again, then.
615
00:25:44,405 --> 00:25:46,325
Genuinely,
what are you going to say?
616
00:25:48,525 --> 00:25:50,445
I...
Door opens
617
00:25:50,485 --> 00:25:52,445
oh, at last!
618
00:25:52,485 --> 00:25:54,365
Rachel and family.
619
00:25:54,405 --> 00:25:55,525
Hi, frank.
620
00:25:57,405 --> 00:25:58,645
I'm so sorry.
621
00:26:02,086 --> 00:26:04,086
Oh, god.
622
00:26:04,126 --> 00:26:05,166
God, no.
623
00:26:06,286 --> 00:26:08,206
What happened?
624
00:26:08,246 --> 00:26:10,566
That's absolutely chilling!
625
00:26:12,246 --> 00:26:14,086
No, I know.
626
00:26:14,126 --> 00:26:18,246
Yeah, I tried to touch it up
and then I got frustrated
627
00:26:18,286 --> 00:26:19,927
and then, yeah...
628
00:26:20,967 --> 00:26:22,007
..Did that.
629
00:26:23,287 --> 00:26:24,487
But why?
630
00:26:27,047 --> 00:26:30,047
Well, in fairness...
631
00:26:30,087 --> 00:26:33,327
..You had made me look
quite haggard.
632
00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:37,167
What?
633
00:26:37,207 --> 00:26:39,288
Haggard? And I get it, you know?
634
00:26:39,328 --> 00:26:41,648
I asked to look nice
in the painting,
635
00:26:41,688 --> 00:26:45,608
so you deliberately
made me really old.
636
00:26:45,648 --> 00:26:49,888
I mean, you know, be honest -
that's what happened, right?
637
00:26:49,928 --> 00:26:52,008
I just copied the photo.
638
00:26:57,289 --> 00:26:59,649
Well, that is...
639
00:26:59,689 --> 00:27:01,809
Yeah. Yeah, well played.
640
00:27:01,849 --> 00:27:03,809
Well played. That is checkmate.
641
00:27:03,849 --> 00:27:05,729
Well done, well done.
642
00:27:05,769 --> 00:27:09,569
I actually prefer it like that.
Yeah. Yeah, me too, actually.
643
00:27:09,609 --> 00:27:12,409
Shouting: Stop filming me, boy!
644
00:27:12,449 --> 00:27:13,809
Ugh...
645
00:27:15,450 --> 00:27:16,970
Well, that went well.
646
00:27:17,010 --> 00:27:18,370
Mm. I need a lie-down.
647
00:27:18,410 --> 00:27:21,130
No, no, no, no, no. There's
something we really need to do.
648
00:27:21,170 --> 00:27:23,250
Please, no, dad.
I really need a shower.
649
00:27:23,290 --> 00:27:24,490
I did a double shift today.
650
00:27:24,530 --> 00:27:26,770
Yeah, and I've eaten
an entire cheeseboard board.
651
00:27:26,810 --> 00:27:28,730
It'll only take a second, ok?
652
00:27:28,770 --> 00:27:30,930
Ok, this is the plan.
653
00:27:30,970 --> 00:27:34,611
I will make a careful incision
in the pool's flank.
654
00:27:34,651 --> 00:27:36,771
"Flank"? Side.
655
00:27:36,811 --> 00:27:40,291
Creating a narrow aperture
and a steady flow of water,
656
00:27:40,331 --> 00:27:42,771
which we will collect in the buckets
and take to the drains
657
00:27:42,811 --> 00:27:45,691
in a four-person rotation. Ok?
Rachel sighs
658
00:27:45,731 --> 00:27:50,691
always making sure that one person
is stationed by the spout.
659
00:27:50,731 --> 00:27:53,932
And then we'll just let
old papa gravity do his thang, ok?
660
00:27:53,972 --> 00:27:56,812
God. I mean, it's ambitious.
Yeah, let's do this.
661
00:27:56,852 --> 00:27:58,972
Yeah? Let's drain a swamp.
Yeah. Yeah!
662
00:27:59,012 --> 00:28:00,932
Yeah, woo. Team.
663
00:28:00,972 --> 00:28:02,812
Go...
664
00:28:02,852 --> 00:28:04,252
..Jessops! ..Swamp! ..Pool!
665
00:28:04,292 --> 00:28:06,852
"Swamp"? We're draining the swamp.
What did you say? "Pool."
666
00:28:06,892 --> 00:28:08,252
Jessops! Come on, Sam. Hurry up.
667
00:28:08,292 --> 00:28:10,333
Yeah, I'll just put the camera
on the tripod.
668
00:28:10,373 --> 00:28:12,133
Is this right? Yeah?
669
00:28:12,173 --> 00:28:16,333
You set? Yeah, let's go. Ok. Ok.
Nobody move.
670
00:28:16,373 --> 00:28:19,533
This needs to be
a very delicate cut. Ok?
671
00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:20,933
Ok. Here goes. Let's do it.
672
00:28:22,013 --> 00:28:23,013
Whoa!
673
00:28:23,053 --> 00:28:25,813
Oh, god! Oh, my god! Argh!
They all yell
674
00:28:27,333 --> 00:28:31,254
get back! Oh, my god.
Get the buckets!
675
00:28:31,294 --> 00:28:33,454
Get the buckets!
676
00:28:33,494 --> 00:28:36,734
Oh... oh, it's so cold.
677
00:28:38,774 --> 00:28:41,014
Who's got a bucket?
678
00:28:41,054 --> 00:28:43,934
Oh, that was quicker
than I expected.
679
00:28:43,974 --> 00:28:46,054
The buckets...
Where have the buckets gone?
680
00:28:46,094 --> 00:28:48,175
I did say
it would only take a second.
681
00:28:48,215 --> 00:28:50,695
Well, I don't need a shower
any more. No.
682
00:28:50,735 --> 00:28:52,495
They laugh
683
00:28:52,535 --> 00:28:56,055
I mean, all joking aside, I think
we may have flooded someone's house.
684
00:28:57,305 --> 00:29:57,567
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685
00:29:57,617 --> 00:30:02,167
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