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1
00:00:03,599 --> 00:00:06,700
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,736 --> 00:00:10,471
You know, Sam, this is
my favorite time of day.
3
00:00:10,506 --> 00:00:13,140
What's that,
Coach, closing time?
4
00:00:13,175 --> 00:00:14,286
No, 1:37.
5
00:00:14,310 --> 00:00:16,750
I don't know, there's
just something about it.
6
00:00:16,778 --> 00:00:17,789
It's...
7
00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:18,945
I know what you mean.
8
00:00:18,981 --> 00:00:23,283
I suppose we all got
our favorite 1:37 story.
9
00:00:23,319 --> 00:00:25,630
What's your favorite
time of day, Sam?
10
00:00:25,654 --> 00:00:26,853
Uh, gee, I don't know.
11
00:00:26,888 --> 00:00:29,023
8:15's nice.
12
00:00:29,058 --> 00:00:31,358
Yeah, I used to like 8:15.
13
00:00:31,394 --> 00:00:33,760
I think I kind of
grew out of it.
14
00:00:36,765 --> 00:00:38,299
Hey, wait a minute!
15
00:00:38,334 --> 00:00:39,833
Coach! Sammy!
16
00:00:39,868 --> 00:00:41,969
Hey, I don't want
to be left alone,
17
00:00:42,004 --> 00:00:44,071
locked up in
this bar all night...
18
00:00:52,148 --> 00:00:56,050
♪ Quarter to three... ♪
19
00:00:56,085 --> 00:01:00,887
♪ No one's in the bar
except you and me... ♪
20
00:01:04,526 --> 00:01:06,994
Once in a while, a man
needs a little time to himself.
21
00:01:13,669 --> 00:01:16,303
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
22
00:01:16,339 --> 00:01:19,406
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
23
00:01:19,442 --> 00:01:22,109
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
24
00:01:22,144 --> 00:01:25,562
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
25
00:01:25,597 --> 00:01:28,431
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
26
00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:31,402
♪ ♪ ♪
27
00:01:31,437 --> 00:01:33,303
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
28
00:01:33,338 --> 00:01:38,826
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
29
00:01:38,861 --> 00:01:43,430
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
30
00:01:43,466 --> 00:01:45,966
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
31
00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:48,502
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
32
00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:53,774
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
33
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,377
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
34
00:01:56,412 --> 00:01:58,912
♪ People are all the same ♪
35
00:01:58,947 --> 00:02:02,883
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
36
00:02:02,918 --> 00:02:06,937
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURES
37
00:02:22,938 --> 00:02:24,104
Evening, everybody.
38
00:02:24,139 --> 00:02:25,105
Norm!
39
00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:26,106
Norman.
40
00:02:26,158 --> 00:02:27,858
Beer, Norm?
41
00:02:27,893 --> 00:02:29,660
Nah, I'd probably just drink it.
42
00:02:29,695 --> 00:02:30,805
So what's new, Norm?
43
00:02:30,829 --> 00:02:32,562
Well, I just came
44
00:02:32,597 --> 00:02:34,743
from a late lunch
at the Copley Plaza.
45
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:35,716
Whoa.
46
00:02:35,751 --> 00:02:36,850
Whoo...
47
00:02:36,885 --> 00:02:37,851
Norm, you had lunch
48
00:02:37,887 --> 00:02:38,418
at the Copley?
49
00:02:38,453 --> 00:02:39,669
Yeah.
50
00:02:39,705 --> 00:02:41,116
Took a prospective
employer there.
51
00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:42,217
Kind of courting the guy.
52
00:02:42,241 --> 00:02:43,335
So what did you have for lunch?
53
00:02:43,359 --> 00:02:45,392
The, uh, rack of lamb for two.
54
00:02:45,427 --> 00:02:47,227
It was just...
55
00:02:47,263 --> 00:02:49,129
Don't remember what he had.
56
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,376
But, you know,
57
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,712
I saw Teddy Kennedy over there.
58
00:02:53,736 --> 00:02:55,168
Whoa, Normy, really?
59
00:02:55,204 --> 00:02:58,905
I still say that Kennedy
will be president someday.
60
00:02:59,959 --> 00:03:01,257
No, now wait, now wait.
61
00:03:01,293 --> 00:03:02,493
Maybe even next time.
62
00:03:02,528 --> 00:03:04,194
You know how politicians are.
63
00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:05,545
That doesn't make sense.
64
00:03:05,581 --> 00:03:07,747
No, I really don't
think so there, Diane.
65
00:03:07,782 --> 00:03:10,117
Uh, I've got a pet
little theory about that.
66
00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:11,813
Uh-oh.
67
00:03:11,837 --> 00:03:13,514
You see, if you
go back in history
68
00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:15,072
and, uh, take every president,
69
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:16,918
you'll find that the
numerical value
70
00:03:16,942 --> 00:03:18,619
of each letter in
their last name
71
00:03:18,643 --> 00:03:20,655
was equally divisible
into the, uh, year
72
00:03:20,679 --> 00:03:22,079
in which they were elected.
73
00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,630
All right?
74
00:03:23,665 --> 00:03:27,050
So, who's going to
win, Cliff, Reagan again?
75
00:03:27,086 --> 00:03:28,034
What, Mondale?
76
00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:29,403
No, not a chance.
77
00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:33,073
See, I figured it out,
and by my calculations,
78
00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:37,377
uh, our next president has
to be named Yelnik McWawa.
79
00:03:39,014 --> 00:03:40,858
That's the stupidest
name I've ever heard.
80
00:03:40,882 --> 00:03:42,215
Sam, please.
81
00:03:42,251 --> 00:03:44,184
You're talking about
our next president.
82
00:03:45,754 --> 00:03:47,287
So, Norm...
83
00:03:47,323 --> 00:03:48,989
what's, uh...
84
00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:51,019
what was Kennedy
doing at the Copley?
85
00:03:51,043 --> 00:03:52,208
Having lunch.
86
00:03:52,244 --> 00:03:53,627
I got his autograph.
87
00:03:53,662 --> 00:03:56,046
You disturbed him
during his lunch?
88
00:03:56,081 --> 00:03:57,347
No.
89
00:03:57,383 --> 00:03:58,682
God...
90
00:03:58,717 --> 00:04:00,797
I waited until he went
to the men's room.
91
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,688
"Mar... Marty Broder"?
92
00:04:04,723 --> 00:04:07,924
I got the wrong
stall... I don't know.
93
00:04:15,417 --> 00:04:16,400
Oh, Cliff...
94
00:04:16,435 --> 00:04:18,755
Isn't that Tibor Svetkovic?
95
00:04:19,587 --> 00:04:20,604
Svetkovic? Where?
96
00:04:20,639 --> 00:04:21,783
Oh, yeah,
97
00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:22,984
that's Svetkovic, all right.
98
00:04:23,008 --> 00:04:24,558
Based on the fact
99
00:04:24,593 --> 00:04:27,227
that he has a long name
that you can all pronounce,
100
00:04:27,262 --> 00:04:28,762
it's my guess he's an athlete?
101
00:04:28,797 --> 00:04:31,097
Or, or will he be
president in 1990?
102
00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:33,233
Aw, Diane.
103
00:04:33,268 --> 00:04:36,636
The man was Czechoslovakia's
greatest hockey player.
104
00:04:36,672 --> 00:04:39,990
He defected to us
just to play in the NHL.
105
00:04:40,025 --> 00:04:41,820
It's an incredible
story, actually.
106
00:04:41,844 --> 00:04:43,421
He, uh, dressed up as a woman,
107
00:04:43,445 --> 00:04:44,685
hid in a hay stack,
108
00:04:44,713 --> 00:04:46,758
crawled on his belly
under barbed wire,
109
00:04:46,782 --> 00:04:48,515
swam a couple of rivers
110
00:04:48,551 --> 00:04:51,334
and stowed away on a
tramp steamer just to get here.
111
00:04:51,369 --> 00:04:52,686
It's amazing.
112
00:04:52,721 --> 00:04:54,153
The next week,
113
00:04:54,189 --> 00:04:56,200
the rest of his team came
over on the Concorde.
114
00:04:56,224 --> 00:04:57,524
That's what he gets
115
00:04:57,559 --> 00:04:58,903
for not reading his schedule.
116
00:04:58,927 --> 00:05:00,510
Well, uh, nobody said
117
00:05:00,545 --> 00:05:02,212
he was a smart hockey player.
118
00:05:02,247 --> 00:05:03,981
Is this my day or what, huh?
119
00:05:04,016 --> 00:05:06,750
First Teddy Kennedy
and now Tibor Svetkovic.
120
00:05:06,786 --> 00:05:08,952
Hey... better memorize
his shoes, Norm,
121
00:05:08,988 --> 00:05:11,348
you might want to get his
autograph later, you know.
122
00:05:12,774 --> 00:05:14,535
Tibor, I see you
play all the time.
123
00:05:14,559 --> 00:05:15,993
I'm, uh, Sam Malone.
124
00:05:16,028 --> 00:05:18,745
Your problem may
be too much caffeine.
125
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:19,812
I'm sorry, what?
126
00:05:19,848 --> 00:05:22,482
He's learning English
from television commercials.
127
00:05:23,519 --> 00:05:24,918
Ah.
128
00:05:24,953 --> 00:05:27,087
And, uh, who are you?
129
00:05:27,122 --> 00:05:28,666
I'm, uh, Lana Marshall.
130
00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:30,701
I'm Tibor's commercial agent.
131
00:05:30,725 --> 00:05:31,891
Is that right?
132
00:05:31,926 --> 00:05:33,204
Well, I'm Sam Malone;
I'm kind of the boss here.
133
00:05:33,228 --> 00:05:34,894
Oh, you're the boss?
134
00:05:34,929 --> 00:05:37,697
You going to tell me what to do?
135
00:05:39,701 --> 00:05:42,052
Something tells me
you know what to do.
136
00:05:42,087 --> 00:05:43,770
I know what I like to do.
137
00:05:43,806 --> 00:05:45,255
Well, that's nice.
138
00:05:45,290 --> 00:05:47,423
I like a lady who knows
what she likes to do
139
00:05:47,459 --> 00:05:48,609
and does what she likes.
140
00:05:48,644 --> 00:05:50,394
The mating ritual
141
00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:52,512
of the horny-breasted
lounge lizard.
142
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:55,982
Two beers.
143
00:05:56,017 --> 00:05:58,785
Let me, uh... let me
take care of you two here.
144
00:05:58,820 --> 00:05:59,786
Uh, Tibor, uh...
145
00:05:59,821 --> 00:06:00,787
"Miller time"?
146
00:06:00,822 --> 00:06:01,966
Ah, TV.
147
00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:03,256
Yes, sir.
148
00:06:03,292 --> 00:06:04,958
What can I do for you?
149
00:06:04,993 --> 00:06:06,210
What's your specialty?
150
00:06:06,245 --> 00:06:07,461
Well, I do everything
151
00:06:07,496 --> 00:06:09,256
the same around here... great.
152
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,030
Then why don't you surprise me.
153
00:06:11,065 --> 00:06:12,632
Be my pleasure.
154
00:06:12,668 --> 00:06:14,117
Mine, too, I hope.
155
00:06:14,153 --> 00:06:15,451
I'll be right back.
156
00:06:15,487 --> 00:06:16,803
I'll be right here.
157
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:18,766
She'll be here, he'll be back
158
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:20,557
and I'll be sick.
159
00:06:25,214 --> 00:06:29,483
So, you get jobs for,
uh, professional athletes
160
00:06:29,518 --> 00:06:31,951
to be in commercials, huh?
161
00:06:31,987 --> 00:06:35,272
Yes, as a matter of fact, I
specialize in male athletes.
162
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:38,157
Don't you know who
you were just talking to?
163
00:06:38,193 --> 00:06:40,310
That's Sam Malone.
164
00:06:40,345 --> 00:06:41,644
Cute guy.
165
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,463
Too bad he has dandruff.
166
00:06:48,737 --> 00:06:50,736
He used to play
with the Red Sox.
167
00:06:50,772 --> 00:06:52,606
Really?
168
00:06:52,641 --> 00:06:54,441
Who does he play with now?
169
00:06:54,476 --> 00:06:56,442
Whoa.
170
00:06:56,478 --> 00:07:00,079
You know, you give
broads a good name.
171
00:07:04,653 --> 00:07:06,786
Excuse me.
172
00:07:06,821 --> 00:07:09,989
Could I ask you a
question about your boss?
173
00:07:10,025 --> 00:07:13,777
Ah, the king of the
single entendre?
174
00:07:13,812 --> 00:07:16,396
Tell me, does he have a wife,
175
00:07:16,432 --> 00:07:19,382
or worse, someone
he cares about?
176
00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:22,652
He's available.
177
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:25,505
And very desirable...
178
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:28,458
if lummox is your cup of tea.
179
00:07:28,493 --> 00:07:30,677
And it appears to be.
180
00:07:30,712 --> 00:07:34,931
Tibor, I think it's time
to get to the Garden.
181
00:07:34,967 --> 00:07:37,634
Uh-oh, I'm late.
182
00:07:39,688 --> 00:07:41,488
After game, your room?
183
00:07:41,523 --> 00:07:43,356
No, Tibor.
184
00:07:43,392 --> 00:07:45,603
I think I'm going
to be busy tonight.
185
00:07:45,627 --> 00:07:47,494
Okay, good-bye.
186
00:07:47,529 --> 00:07:50,297
And this concludes
another day of programming.
187
00:07:50,332 --> 00:07:53,733
Sooner or later
you'll own Generals.
188
00:07:56,121 --> 00:07:57,298
Poor guy should really think
189
00:07:57,322 --> 00:07:59,562
about wearing a
helmet, you know?
190
00:08:07,532 --> 00:08:09,543
I understand you
were an athlete.
191
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,534
I'm sorry, I don't remember you.
192
00:08:11,569 --> 00:08:13,069
Oh, that's all right.
193
00:08:13,105 --> 00:08:15,571
Uh, I was a relief pitcher
before they became famous.
194
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:16,656
I missed it by a year.
195
00:08:16,692 --> 00:08:18,741
Tell me, have you
done any acting?
196
00:08:18,776 --> 00:08:20,610
Well, you know, yeah, I have.
197
00:08:20,645 --> 00:08:22,979
Uh, I had the lead
in a school play.
198
00:08:23,015 --> 00:08:25,115
The one about
the, uh, evil woman
199
00:08:25,150 --> 00:08:28,368
who pushes her husband
into getting rid of people
200
00:08:28,403 --> 00:08:31,003
so they can have
more and more power.
201
00:08:31,039 --> 00:08:32,204
You mean Macbeth.
202
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,673
No, no...
203
00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:35,875
uh, How Boots Fooled the King.
204
00:08:35,911 --> 00:08:37,738
Uh, is that what
Macbeth was about, too?
205
00:08:37,762 --> 00:08:40,680
Tibor's looking
better, isn't he?
206
00:08:45,170 --> 00:08:47,610
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
207
00:08:48,873 --> 00:08:51,408
Hey, Diane, we're talking here.
208
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:55,128
She's talking, you're killing
time between thoughts.
209
00:08:55,164 --> 00:08:57,229
You got a problem?
210
00:08:57,265 --> 00:09:00,366
Look, Sam, just watch it, okay?
211
00:09:00,402 --> 00:09:04,237
She's not one of
your usual bimboettes.
212
00:09:04,273 --> 00:09:06,372
That's what I like about her.
213
00:09:06,408 --> 00:09:08,274
She's got a lot of class.
214
00:09:08,309 --> 00:09:11,294
While I have never been a
big fan of the women you date,
215
00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:14,564
I will say that at least they
were too stupid to be harmful.
216
00:09:14,599 --> 00:09:16,282
I knew they'd grow on you.
217
00:09:21,289 --> 00:09:24,057
Is there something
between you two?
218
00:09:24,092 --> 00:09:25,425
Uh, no, no, no, no.
219
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,793
That's, uh, that's
just business.
220
00:09:27,829 --> 00:09:30,396
Uh, I never mix
in her personal life
221
00:09:30,432 --> 00:09:33,083
and she mixes in mine.
222
00:09:33,118 --> 00:09:36,235
Sam, I've just been
talking to my secretary
223
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:37,671
about the winter schedule,
224
00:09:37,706 --> 00:09:40,006
and I think there might
be some commercials
225
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:41,307
you might do very well.
226
00:09:42,394 --> 00:09:43,627
Me?
227
00:09:43,662 --> 00:09:44,911
You're kidding.
228
00:09:44,946 --> 00:09:47,146
No, you have a very
sexy, playful quality
229
00:09:47,181 --> 00:09:49,466
that I'm sure would
come across on camera.
230
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:51,401
Aw, n-n-now wait a minute.
231
00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:54,304
I mean, I haven't
played baseball for years.
232
00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:56,622
Uh, I'm not exactly
a household name.
233
00:09:56,658 --> 00:09:58,708
Non-star athletes are in vogue;
234
00:09:58,744 --> 00:10:00,672
they come across
as regular people.
235
00:10:00,696 --> 00:10:02,379
What do you say, Sam?
236
00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:04,213
Gee, I don't, uh...
237
00:10:04,249 --> 00:10:06,733
God, I got to think
about that a little bit.
238
00:10:06,768 --> 00:10:08,546
Come on, Sam, do
it, you're a natural.
239
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:10,002
Look at you.
240
00:10:10,038 --> 00:10:12,439
You're tall, you're handsome,
you got a great smile.
241
00:10:12,474 --> 00:10:13,514
Show her your smile.
242
00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:15,975
I'll be damned.
243
00:10:16,011 --> 00:10:17,891
Who the hell was I thinking of?
244
00:10:22,066 --> 00:10:23,466
You know...
245
00:10:23,502 --> 00:10:25,001
You know, I have to admit,
246
00:10:25,036 --> 00:10:27,270
all these years watching
those commercials,
247
00:10:27,305 --> 00:10:29,972
I always thought that I
might be pretty good at it.
248
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:31,758
Let's do it.
249
00:10:31,793 --> 00:10:33,726
Wonderful.
250
00:10:33,762 --> 00:10:36,863
Look, I'm, uh,
staying at the Ritz.
251
00:10:36,898 --> 00:10:42,602
Why don't you come over later
and we'll work out the details.
252
00:10:42,637 --> 00:10:45,104
Uh, I don't get off until 2:00.
253
00:10:45,139 --> 00:10:46,706
All the better.
254
00:10:50,395 --> 00:10:52,679
Oh, all these people at the bar
255
00:10:52,714 --> 00:10:54,147
and no one introduced us.
256
00:10:54,182 --> 00:10:57,117
Uh, no, they didn't.
257
00:10:57,152 --> 00:11:00,854
I'd like to thank each
and every one of them.
258
00:11:04,159 --> 00:11:05,591
Me, too.
259
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:14,166
Now for Field's Lite Beer,
260
00:11:14,202 --> 00:11:16,986
former Red Sox
starting pitcher Luis Tiant.
261
00:11:17,022 --> 00:11:19,856
After the game,
I like to sit back,
262
00:11:19,891 --> 00:11:22,892
light up a cigar and
enjoy a Field Lite Beer.
263
00:11:22,928 --> 00:11:23,893
Hey, Luis.
264
00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:24,877
Hey, Sam.
265
00:11:24,913 --> 00:11:27,730
When you get to be my age... 30,
266
00:11:27,765 --> 00:11:30,583
you don't want to get filled up.
267
00:11:30,618 --> 00:11:32,535
That's why I drink Field's Beer.
268
00:11:32,571 --> 00:11:34,470
It refreshing, it satisfy
269
00:11:34,506 --> 00:11:36,573
and you don't
full feel with Field,
270
00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,508
you just full fine.
271
00:11:40,412 --> 00:11:43,946
Full fill will Field,
you'll full fine.
272
00:11:43,981 --> 00:11:45,215
Sorry, Luis,
273
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:46,749
I don't think
you've got it today.
274
00:11:46,784 --> 00:11:48,150
I'm going to have to pull you.
275
00:11:48,186 --> 00:11:49,363
Hey, Skipper, let me stay.
276
00:11:49,387 --> 00:11:50,387
Sorry, big guy.
277
00:11:53,658 --> 00:11:55,891
Go get 'em, Mayday.
278
00:11:55,927 --> 00:11:58,522
Now pitching, Sam
"Mayday" Malone.
279
00:11:58,546 --> 00:12:02,131
Field's... it's
refreshing, it's satisfying
280
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:05,518
and you don't feel full with
Field's, you just feel fine.
281
00:12:05,553 --> 00:12:07,553
Hey, all right!
282
00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:08,938
Another save.
283
00:12:10,775 --> 00:12:13,076
I still get the win, don't I?
284
00:12:14,829 --> 00:12:16,323
Good job, Sammy!
285
00:12:16,347 --> 00:12:17,363
All right!
286
00:12:17,398 --> 00:12:19,565
Sammy, you are great!
287
00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:21,000
Hey, Coach,
288
00:12:21,036 --> 00:12:22,813
two bottles of
Field's right here.
289
00:12:22,837 --> 00:12:24,581
Normally I wouldn't
use that stuff
290
00:12:24,605 --> 00:12:26,272
to shampoo my dog,
291
00:12:26,307 --> 00:12:28,469
but Sammy, you just
sold me, I'll tell you.
292
00:12:28,493 --> 00:12:31,377
Sam, you could sell me ice
cubes in the middle of summer.
293
00:12:31,412 --> 00:12:34,948
You're in show biz now, huh?
294
00:12:34,983 --> 00:12:36,816
You're a star.
295
00:12:36,852 --> 00:12:38,635
Sam...
296
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:41,203
Sam, could you introduce
me to Gene Tierney?
297
00:12:41,239 --> 00:12:43,540
I don't know Gene
Tierney, Coach.
298
00:12:43,575 --> 00:12:45,842
Okay, be that way.
299
00:12:45,877 --> 00:12:47,076
Come on, Sammy,
300
00:12:47,111 --> 00:12:48,656
how about a speech
from the big actor, huh?
301
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,946
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
302
00:12:49,981 --> 00:12:52,093
How did it feel to see
yourself up there, Sammy, huh?
303
00:12:52,117 --> 00:12:54,012
It was nice, it was,
uh, very nice, okay?
304
00:12:54,036 --> 00:12:55,935
Uh-oh, I was afraid of this.
305
00:12:55,970 --> 00:12:57,870
We're going to have
to sedate the man.
306
00:12:57,906 --> 00:12:58,906
He's hysterical.
307
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,307
Sam, if there's anything
308
00:13:01,343 --> 00:13:04,044
you want to talk about,
get off your chest...
309
00:13:04,079 --> 00:13:05,640
There's nothing I
want to talk about.
310
00:13:05,664 --> 00:13:07,308
I'm as giddy as a
schoolgirl, all right?
311
00:13:07,332 --> 00:13:09,292
Now just wait on
some tables, please.
312
00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:11,350
Fine.
313
00:13:11,386 --> 00:13:13,235
Hey, Sammy, that,
uh, agent of yours
314
00:13:13,271 --> 00:13:14,721
is hotter than a pistol, huh?
315
00:13:14,756 --> 00:13:16,589
She's really earning
her ten percent, huh?
316
00:13:16,624 --> 00:13:18,453
Hey, listen, will you
just leave me alone?!
317
00:13:18,477 --> 00:13:19,976
Please, everybody, you got that?
318
00:13:20,011 --> 00:13:21,027
Leave me alone.
319
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:26,498
Sam, let's talk.
320
00:13:26,534 --> 00:13:28,451
There's nothing to talk about.
321
00:13:28,487 --> 00:13:29,936
It's important.
322
00:13:29,971 --> 00:13:32,137
Come back to the office now.
323
00:13:32,173 --> 00:13:33,940
Uh-oh...
324
00:13:33,975 --> 00:13:37,710
Sammy's in trouble with
Miss Chambers again.
325
00:13:37,746 --> 00:13:40,474
♪ Sammy's in trouble
with Miss Chambers ♪
326
00:13:40,498 --> 00:13:42,949
♪ Sammy's in trouble
with Miss Chambers... ♪
327
00:13:42,984 --> 00:13:44,517
Come on, guys...
328
00:13:50,057 --> 00:13:53,097
♪ Sammy's in trouble
with Miss Chambers... ♪
329
00:13:54,228 --> 00:13:55,194
What?
330
00:13:55,229 --> 00:13:56,195
What do you want?
331
00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:57,980
Sam, you're obviously unhappy,
332
00:13:58,016 --> 00:14:00,299
and everybody just
wants to know why.
333
00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:01,467
I'm not unhappy.
334
00:14:02,837 --> 00:14:03,803
You're not?
335
00:14:03,838 --> 00:14:05,438
No.
336
00:14:05,473 --> 00:14:07,017
You're happy with
the commercials?
337
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:08,891
Yes.
338
00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:12,261
You... think you were good?
339
00:14:12,297 --> 00:14:13,796
Yes.
340
00:14:13,831 --> 00:14:14,831
Really?
341
00:14:14,866 --> 00:14:16,432
Yes!
342
00:14:18,069 --> 00:14:19,835
Well, what is it, then?
343
00:14:21,723 --> 00:14:24,540
Are you happy with the money?
344
00:14:24,575 --> 00:14:26,608
Yes.
345
00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:29,205
Are you happy
with the auditions?
346
00:14:29,229 --> 00:14:30,329
Yes.
347
00:14:30,364 --> 00:14:32,030
Are you happy with your agent?
348
00:14:32,066 --> 00:14:33,865
Oh, God!
349
00:14:37,738 --> 00:14:40,772
Ah, the dragon lady.
350
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:42,625
Tell me about it.
351
00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:43,826
Why, what do you...
352
00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,605
You want to hear me
say you were right?
353
00:14:45,629 --> 00:14:48,814
Of course not!
354
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:51,684
Knowing that and
knowing that you know it
355
00:14:51,719 --> 00:14:55,655
and are tortured by it is
plenty for this country girl.
356
00:14:57,174 --> 00:14:59,241
Oh, I'm sorry.
357
00:14:59,276 --> 00:15:00,876
I am sorry.
358
00:15:00,912 --> 00:15:02,111
I do want to help.
359
00:15:02,146 --> 00:15:04,379
Come on, let's talk about it.
360
00:15:06,951 --> 00:15:09,029
You want to hear about...
361
00:15:09,053 --> 00:15:12,221
my relationship
with another woman?
362
00:15:12,256 --> 00:15:13,256
Well...
363
00:15:14,258 --> 00:15:16,826
Maybe, um...
364
00:15:16,861 --> 00:15:19,328
Maybe I should
find a man out there
365
00:15:19,363 --> 00:15:22,598
who's intellectually
capable of helping you.
366
00:15:22,633 --> 00:15:27,653
All right, everybody line up
for the ugliest tongue contest!
367
00:15:27,688 --> 00:15:30,589
Alphabetically by
height, over here.
368
00:15:34,662 --> 00:15:37,362
It appears that all the
other intellectuals are busy.
369
00:15:39,951 --> 00:15:41,478
Are you sure you
want to hear this?
370
00:15:41,502 --> 00:15:45,170
I'll stop you before
I get the vapors.
371
00:15:47,191 --> 00:15:48,624
You see, my...
372
00:15:48,659 --> 00:15:50,192
My relationship...
373
00:15:52,346 --> 00:15:58,301
Lana and I are a lot friendlier
than most agents and clients.
374
00:15:58,336 --> 00:16:00,419
"Friendlier"?
375
00:16:00,454 --> 00:16:02,021
You know me, I mean,
376
00:16:02,056 --> 00:16:05,107
I'm never against a wild
night of friend-making, but, uh...
377
00:16:07,978 --> 00:16:09,711
There's some...
378
00:16:09,747 --> 00:16:11,458
I mean, now I feel that...
379
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:14,328
that I'm supposed to
be friendly on demand.
380
00:16:14,352 --> 00:16:18,971
And you're afraid that she'll
stop getting you commercials
381
00:16:19,007 --> 00:16:21,440
if you stop... being friendly.
382
00:16:21,475 --> 00:16:23,275
You see...
383
00:16:24,612 --> 00:16:27,040
when you play in
the bigs like I did,
384
00:16:27,064 --> 00:16:29,359
you get used to
a lot of attention.
385
00:16:29,383 --> 00:16:31,211
And when I stopped
playing baseball,
386
00:16:31,235 --> 00:16:34,014
uh, I felt like there was
something missing in my life.
387
00:16:34,038 --> 00:16:35,416
And... and I was just hoping
388
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,940
that these commercials
would get it back for me.
389
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:41,154
Sam, Lana gave me
a message for you,
390
00:16:41,178 --> 00:16:42,456
but I can't remember it.
391
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:43,446
Lana's here?
392
00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:44,680
That's it.
393
00:16:45,699 --> 00:16:47,066
Oh, by the way,
394
00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:48,128
what are you two doing here?
395
00:16:48,152 --> 00:16:49,713
Sam, we've got a lot
of customers out there.
396
00:16:49,737 --> 00:16:51,353
Coach, I got a problem
397
00:16:51,388 --> 00:16:54,190
and Diane's helping
me talk through it.
398
00:16:54,225 --> 00:16:56,408
Look, Sam, let me
tell you something.
399
00:16:56,443 --> 00:16:59,078
You've faced a lot of
tough problems, right?
400
00:16:59,113 --> 00:17:00,545
And you always found a solution.
401
00:17:00,581 --> 00:17:02,882
But ever since Sir Isaac
Hayes here came along...
402
00:17:02,917 --> 00:17:06,402
No offense, Diane, I
love Sir Isaac Hayes.
403
00:17:06,437 --> 00:17:08,971
But, Sam, since then
it's been talk, talk,
404
00:17:09,007 --> 00:17:10,572
talk, talk, talk with you.
405
00:17:10,608 --> 00:17:13,420
But this is a pretty
complicated problem, Coach.
406
00:17:13,444 --> 00:17:17,113
You see, Sam wants
to break up with Lana
407
00:17:17,148 --> 00:17:19,348
and he knows he should,
408
00:17:19,384 --> 00:17:20,666
but he's afraid
409
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:23,302
that he will sacrifice
his acting career.
410
00:17:23,337 --> 00:17:24,537
You see?
411
00:17:24,572 --> 00:17:26,439
Look, I don't understand
what's going on here.
412
00:17:26,474 --> 00:17:27,773
Let me show you something, Sam.
413
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:28,791
Come right down here.
414
00:17:28,826 --> 00:17:30,058
Oh, Coach, look, I...
415
00:17:30,094 --> 00:17:31,972
Just... please, come
right down here.
416
00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:33,006
Stand right here, Sam.
417
00:17:33,030 --> 00:17:34,270
Here, pick that up.
418
00:17:34,298 --> 00:17:36,064
What do you want
me to pick this up for?
419
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,300
Just... just pick it up!
420
00:17:39,637 --> 00:17:41,136
Ow!
421
00:17:42,173 --> 00:17:43,417
Now, get the hell out there
422
00:17:43,441 --> 00:17:45,386
and tell her that
you're finished with her!
423
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:47,710
Will you please tell him
it's more complicated...
424
00:17:47,745 --> 00:17:48,711
Ow!
425
00:17:48,746 --> 00:17:49,712
Out! Out!
426
00:17:49,747 --> 00:17:50,713
Hustle! Hustle!
427
00:17:50,748 --> 00:17:51,847
What do you want me to do?
428
00:17:51,882 --> 00:17:52,848
What... All right!
429
00:17:52,883 --> 00:17:53,883
Hustle, hustle!
430
00:17:55,386 --> 00:17:57,620
That was wonderful.
431
00:17:57,655 --> 00:18:00,139
Coach, somehow your
instincts just told you to just...
432
00:18:00,174 --> 00:18:01,317
Button it up, Diane!
433
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:03,253
We got a lot of
people out there.
434
00:18:03,277 --> 00:18:04,242
Move it!
435
00:18:04,278 --> 00:18:06,144
Right, right, right.
436
00:18:11,419 --> 00:18:14,153
Tell me something, Red.
437
00:18:14,188 --> 00:18:16,055
Are professional athletes
438
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:19,958
better between the old
Wamsuttas than ordinary men?
439
00:18:19,994 --> 00:18:23,094
I've had no experience
with ordinary men.
440
00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:24,263
Oh, me neither.
441
00:18:24,298 --> 00:18:27,500
But I'm trying to work
my way up to one.
442
00:18:27,535 --> 00:18:30,669
Believe me, athletes
take their pants off
443
00:18:30,704 --> 00:18:33,939
one leg at a time,
just like anybody else.
444
00:18:33,974 --> 00:18:37,175
They take off their pants?
445
00:18:37,211 --> 00:18:38,211
Whoa!
446
00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:45,601
Hey, I'm, uh, really
glad you're here,
447
00:18:45,636 --> 00:18:47,369
because there's
something very important
448
00:18:47,405 --> 00:18:48,837
I want to talk to you about.
449
00:18:48,872 --> 00:18:50,717
Sam, what do you think
of your commercial?
450
00:18:50,741 --> 00:18:52,040
Well, it was, uh, it was fine.
451
00:18:52,075 --> 00:18:53,509
But listen, I've
been thinking...
452
00:18:53,544 --> 00:18:54,688
I thought it was wonderful.
453
00:18:54,712 --> 00:18:56,222
I've had a lot of
calls about you.
454
00:18:56,246 --> 00:18:57,730
Calls?
455
00:18:57,765 --> 00:18:59,326
A lot of people saw you,
456
00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:01,750
and they liked what they saw.
457
00:19:02,753 --> 00:19:05,754
One of those calls
was an offer for you...
458
00:19:05,789 --> 00:19:07,590
A national commercial.
459
00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:08,752
It's big money
460
00:19:08,776 --> 00:19:10,704
and they want to
fly you to Hawaii
461
00:19:10,728 --> 00:19:13,862
and you're going to do the
commercial with the Osmonds.
462
00:19:13,897 --> 00:19:16,198
The Osmonds?
463
00:19:16,233 --> 00:19:17,399
The whole family?
464
00:19:17,435 --> 00:19:18,545
That's right.
465
00:19:18,569 --> 00:19:19,702
Even little Jimmy?
466
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,454
Well, we're hoping.
467
00:19:22,489 --> 00:19:24,256
Now, come on.
468
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:25,291
Well, uh, wait.
469
00:19:25,325 --> 00:19:26,569
Was... wasn't there something
470
00:19:26,593 --> 00:19:27,670
that I wanted to say to you?
471
00:19:27,694 --> 00:19:28,761
No. Now, later, later.
472
00:19:28,796 --> 00:19:30,946
We've got to get
some pictures for you
473
00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:33,649
and we really should
buy you a new sport jacket
474
00:19:33,684 --> 00:19:36,785
and afterwards we can
stop off at the hotel for a bite.
475
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:39,054
And a nibble...
476
00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:40,089
and a scratch.
477
00:19:41,209 --> 00:19:42,274
Coach?
478
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:44,922
Sam, I'm getting real mad now!
479
00:19:44,946 --> 00:19:46,245
Hey, no, no!
480
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,246
Don't, don't!
481
00:19:47,281 --> 00:19:48,281
Lana.
482
00:19:48,315 --> 00:19:49,348
Lana, uh...
483
00:19:49,383 --> 00:19:51,617
we can't nibble anymore.
484
00:19:51,652 --> 00:19:52,634
Why?
485
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:56,688
Uh, I... I just don't
feel right about it.
486
00:19:58,826 --> 00:20:00,275
I see.
487
00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:02,155
Does this mean that, uh,
488
00:20:02,179 --> 00:20:04,224
you're no longer my agent?
489
00:20:04,248 --> 00:20:07,699
Sam, what kind of
person would I have to be
490
00:20:07,735 --> 00:20:11,369
to drop you as a client
just because of this?
491
00:20:11,405 --> 00:20:13,139
A dragon lady.
492
00:20:13,174 --> 00:20:15,324
I'm no dragon lady.
493
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:16,503
Oh, good, good.
494
00:20:16,527 --> 00:20:18,360
But I am going to drop you.
495
00:20:19,797 --> 00:20:22,297
I've learned from past
experience that once you've had
496
00:20:22,332 --> 00:20:24,244
an intimate
relationship with a client,
497
00:20:24,268 --> 00:20:26,919
you can't go back to being
just business associates.
498
00:20:28,339 --> 00:20:30,989
Perhaps it's time for
me to find a new face.
499
00:20:31,025 --> 00:20:33,625
Hey, uh, my face is new.
500
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:36,445
Good, you still
have time to return it.
501
00:20:39,633 --> 00:20:41,350
She's good, Sammy.
502
00:20:41,385 --> 00:20:44,119
So, uh, that's it, huh?
503
00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:45,471
Yup.
504
00:20:45,506 --> 00:20:48,157
Well, good luck in finding
a replacement for me
505
00:20:48,192 --> 00:20:49,608
in the Hawaii commercial.
506
00:20:49,643 --> 00:20:52,411
If it takes me longer
than six minutes, I'll quit.
507
00:20:53,614 --> 00:20:56,682
Oh... boy, she is good.
508
00:20:56,717 --> 00:20:59,518
May I ask you a question?
509
00:21:03,273 --> 00:21:05,507
You want to know how he was?
510
00:21:05,542 --> 00:21:08,210
Wha... what?
511
00:21:09,513 --> 00:21:10,890
You really think I'm going
512
00:21:10,914 --> 00:21:12,592
to stand here and listen to you
513
00:21:12,616 --> 00:21:14,856
tell me how good Sam was?
514
00:21:15,953 --> 00:21:17,319
Fair?
515
00:21:18,672 --> 00:21:20,606
What do you want to know?
516
00:21:22,576 --> 00:21:25,288
I want to know how you
can live with yourself.
517
00:21:25,312 --> 00:21:26,445
I can't.
518
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,481
That's why I like having
young athletes around.
519
00:21:29,516 --> 00:21:32,218
I've always been
crazy about them.
520
00:21:32,253 --> 00:21:34,854
You know, sometimes
when I'm with one,
521
00:21:34,889 --> 00:21:38,190
I swear I can actually
hear the crowd cheering.
522
00:21:40,711 --> 00:21:43,278
You know, I could
understand this kind of behavior
523
00:21:43,314 --> 00:21:45,514
from an oversexed
adolescent or something,
524
00:21:45,549 --> 00:21:47,999
but you're...
525
00:21:48,035 --> 00:21:49,535
An older woman?
526
00:21:49,570 --> 00:21:51,636
Middle-aged?
527
00:21:51,672 --> 00:21:54,373
All the more reason
to grab some youth.
528
00:21:54,408 --> 00:21:56,353
You know, there
was a time in my life
529
00:21:56,377 --> 00:21:58,877
when men would invent
little tricks and schemes
530
00:21:58,912 --> 00:22:00,379
to get my attention.
531
00:22:00,414 --> 00:22:03,315
Well, now I'm the one who
schemes a little to get theirs.
532
00:22:03,350 --> 00:22:06,902
That's not too unfair, is it?
533
00:22:06,937 --> 00:22:08,637
But don't be too concerned.
534
00:22:08,673 --> 00:22:10,606
Someday, even that won't work.
535
00:22:12,643 --> 00:22:16,979
Don't judge me until the
bloom is off your rose, honey.
536
00:22:17,014 --> 00:22:18,496
Ta-ta.
537
00:22:22,169 --> 00:22:23,902
She is good.
538
00:22:28,309 --> 00:22:31,171
Field's... it's
refreshing, it's satisfying
539
00:22:31,195 --> 00:22:33,295
and you don't feel
full with Field's,
540
00:22:33,331 --> 00:22:34,463
you just feel fine.
541
00:22:36,367 --> 00:22:38,234
Another save.
542
00:22:42,306 --> 00:22:44,406
Come on, admit it.
543
00:22:44,441 --> 00:22:45,741
I was good.
544
00:22:45,776 --> 00:22:47,442
Hey, come on, say it.
545
00:22:47,478 --> 00:22:48,577
I was good.
546
00:22:48,612 --> 00:22:49,578
You were okay.
547
00:22:49,613 --> 00:22:50,579
I wasn't okay, I was good.
548
00:22:50,614 --> 00:22:51,758
What's it going to do,
549
00:22:51,782 --> 00:22:53,699
kill you to admit
that I was good?
550
00:22:56,336 --> 00:22:57,636
All right.
551
00:22:57,671 --> 00:22:58,637
You were...
552
00:22:58,672 --> 00:22:59,638
N...
553
00:22:59,673 --> 00:23:00,639
Good.
554
00:23:00,674 --> 00:23:01,606
N...
555
00:23:01,642 --> 00:23:02,892
Good.
556
00:23:02,927 --> 00:23:03,875
N...
557
00:23:03,911 --> 00:23:05,344
You were okay.
558
00:23:06,647 --> 00:23:07,612
You were good...
559
00:23:07,648 --> 00:23:09,547
And you did the right thing.
560
00:23:09,583 --> 00:23:10,548
Thanks.
561
00:23:10,584 --> 00:23:11,584
Hey.
562
00:23:12,953 --> 00:23:16,121
Listen, before you
came to work at this bar,
563
00:23:16,156 --> 00:23:20,558
I... I never thought that much
about morality and integrity.
564
00:23:20,594 --> 00:23:23,928
You've made me aware of
all that stuff for the first time.
565
00:23:23,964 --> 00:23:25,330
Thank you, Sam.
566
00:23:25,366 --> 00:23:26,760
That's why I'm firing you.
567
00:23:26,784 --> 00:23:29,418
You can leave your
apron right there on the bar.
568
00:23:39,329 --> 00:23:44,049
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