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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,572
- The forecast: Cloudy skies
with flurries today.
2
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,374
We can expect
up to an inch of snow
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,442
And a high of only 30...
4
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,251
- [sighs]
5
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,720
Come on. Deb!
6
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,389
- What?
7
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,324
- I can't see.
I hate this side of the bed.
8
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,026
I can't see the tv from here.
9
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,528
- What do you mean?
You picked that side.
10
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:33,799
- I didn't know it was
going to be my side for life.
11
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,434
I got to watch tv
with a big foot
12
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,303
In the middle of the screen.
13
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:39,471
Come on, I'm trying
to get the weather.
14
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:43,509
I can only get
from Wednesday over.
15
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,144
- Do you want
to switch sides?
16
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,812
- What, after seven years?
17
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,681
I'll be all out of whack
over there.
18
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:53,719
- Maybe you'll do better
with your next wife.
19
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,655
- My next wife
isn't going to have feet.
20
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:02,327
That's right.
21
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:04,196
I'll be able to watch the tv,
22
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,265
And I'll never
have to go dancing.
23
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:14,840
Hi, I'm ray.
24
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,442
I live here in long island
25
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,544
With my wife, debra,
26
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,446
My five-year-old daughter,
27
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,182
And twin
almost-two-year-old boys.
28
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,651
My parents live
across the street.
29
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,553
That's right.
30
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:30,189
The truth is,
I'd do anything for my family.
31
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,461
And done.
32
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,230
Oh, no.
33
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,567
Debra!
34
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,335
Honey!
35
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,205
Somebody call my father!
36
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,240
I'm hyperventilating!
37
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,415
- Yeah, it's a charity drive,
linda.
38
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,383
Hmm-mm, yeah, we'll take
anything you want to get rid of.
39
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,386
Ah, no, not him.
40
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,222
[doorbell rings]
41
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,290
Hang on. Hey, ray,
can you get that please?
42
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,758
- I'm all boxed in over here.
43
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,729
[toy clacking and squeaking]
44
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,632
[doorbell rings]
- coming.
45
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,234
What are the twins doing?
46
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,201
- They're playing.
They're playing.
47
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,569
Michael thinks he's in a car,
48
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,371
And geoffrey just thinks
he's in a box.
49
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,140
The kid's got no imagination.
50
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,511
- Hey!
- Hey.
51
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:26,912
Brought some stuff over
for the church drive.
52
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:29,214
- Oh, great.
- It's a little heavy.
53
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:30,449
- Thanks, robert.
That's sweet. What is it?
54
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,251
- My weight set.
55
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,454
- You're not working out
anymore?
56
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,589
- No, I'm losing
some of my flexibility.
57
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,259
Having trouble shampooing.
58
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,793
That's a lot of stuff here.
59
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:42,828
- Yeah.
60
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,496
- A lot of ugly stuff.
61
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,365
Who would buy this?
62
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,934
- You bought it for me.
63
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,802
- Oh.
64
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,905
How come you never wear it?
65
00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:55,741
- Hey, raymond.
You're giving this away?
66
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:56,909
- What is it?
67
00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:59,912
Oh, my god.
Debra, what are you doing?
68
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,813
- What?
It's just an old baseball.
69
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,782
- Just a baseball?
Just a baseball.
70
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,918
I've had this thing
for 25 years.
71
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,353
This is my autographed
mickey mantle ball.
72
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,857
- Oh, debra.
73
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,325
- Sorry.
74
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,527
I mean,
so mickey mantle signed it.
75
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,229
I mean--
- "so?"
76
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,630
"so."
77
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,500
This is like
having a bible signed by--
78
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:24,236
[mumbling]
- yeah.
79
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,672
It's exactly the same.
- That's right.
80
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,907
My dad got me this
when I was ten.
81
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,577
Remember?
- Yeah, I remember.
82
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,813
You got mickey mantle.
I got art shamsky.
83
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,216
- And you wanted
art shamsky.
84
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,318
- Hey, he homered his first
major league at bat.
85
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,554
Then after that,
right into the dumper.
86
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,723
- He could still become famous.
87
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,359
- Yeah, if he shoots
someone famous.
88
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,695
- I haven't thought
about this ball in years.
89
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:52,631
[knocking at door]
90
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,399
- Hi, ray.
91
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,767
- Hey.
- Mistletoe.
92
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,603
- Oh.
93
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,438
I'm not kissing you, buddy.
You're all hands.
94
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,274
- You used to love that
about me.
95
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,409
What's with all the boxes?
96
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,678
- Oh, uh--
97
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,247
Oh, this is my stuff.
98
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,648
Deb and I, uh--
99
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,917
It ain't happening.
100
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,620
- That's too bad.
- Yeah.
101
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,022
- Mind if I call her?
102
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:20,025
- It's a charity drive
for the needy, andy.
103
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,928
- Oh, great.
What can I have?
104
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:27,366
- Yeah, it's not for
the emotionally needy.
105
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,634
- Andy, I ever show you that?
106
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:29,868
That's my mickey mantle.
107
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,470
- Wow!
108
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,305
You met the mickela?
109
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,707
- No.
No, my dad got it for me.
110
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,009
Pretty incredible, huh?
111
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,444
- Yeah, if mickey
really signed it.
112
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,979
- What are you talking about?
113
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,881
- Didn't you see that thing
on "60 minutes"?
114
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,517
All this signed stuff
is, like, 70% fake.
115
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,287
Like, back then, the trainers
would sign all the balls.
116
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,289
- Yeah.
You know, I saw that.
117
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:54,026
Oh, raymond.
This may not be real.
118
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:56,495
That's a shame.
119
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,066
- Yeah, right.
120
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,769
Dad got this for me himself,
all right?
121
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,004
- Maybe morley safer's wrong.
122
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:10,342
- [chuckling]
123
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,977
Hey, andy, want to go
for a slice?
124
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,011
- Sure.
You in, ray?
125
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,314
- No, no, go ahead.
You guys go.
126
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,649
- All right.
Come on, peppy.
127
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,950
- Hey, listen.
128
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,552
Andy, can I borrow
that mistletoe?
129
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:23,455
I want to break the ice
with a woman in homicide.
130
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,594
- You okay, ray?
131
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,797
- What if they're right?
What if he didn't sign this?
132
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,665
- Come on, ray.
133
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,500
I don't even remember you
ever looking at that ball.
134
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,569
It's been buried in the closet
since we moved here.
135
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,072
- No, not buried.
Tucked away.
136
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:41,773
You don't--
you don't get it.
137
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,742
Mickey mantle signed this to me.
138
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,510
"to ray."
139
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,379
Ray.
140
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,448
Then he wishes me luck.
141
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:53,985
Good luck.
142
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,987
Then he signs it.
143
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,823
"mickey mantle."
144
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,791
Look at that,
look how the "y" in the "ray"
145
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:03,729
Is the same as the "y"
in the "mickey."
146
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,597
You know, for one moment,
147
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,366
The greatest player
that I ever saw
148
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:10,001
Was thinking about me.
149
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,636
I know it sounds stupid,
but this guy--
150
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:14,706
This guy's the reason
that I'm a sportswriter.
151
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,041
This guy--
152
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,745
This guy's...
Mickey mantle.
153
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:23,782
- Gee, that's beautiful, ray.
154
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,619
It's very passionate.
155
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,889
Do you remember what you said
to me when you proposed?
156
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,392
"so how 'bout it?"
157
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,837
- Why do you insist
on making this car wreck
158
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,074
Our christmas tree every year?
159
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,543
I mean, I want a real tree.
160
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,012
- An artificial tree
saves water,
161
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:57,048
Saves the forest,
and saves the planet.
162
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,751
I'm a conservationist.
163
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,654
- You're cheap.
164
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,055
- All right,
I'm saving money.
165
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,558
- Oh!
I hate this thing.
166
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,728
- Fine, then there'll be nothing
under it for you.
167
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:13,465
- Like I need another
totes umbrella.
168
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,134
Hey, ray darling!
- Hi.
169
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,869
- Merry christmas!
170
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,705
- Hey, hey, merry christmas.
Merry christmas.
171
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:21,740
Okay.
172
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,074
Oh.
173
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,910
Did rockefeller center
174
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,145
Turn it down again this year?
175
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,681
It's a shame.
Here, ma.
176
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,082
Debra says thanks
for the clothes.
177
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,851
- What clothes?
178
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,219
- Oh, it's your junk,
179
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,755
Like that ratty,
moth-eaten gray sweater.
180
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,056
- Moth-eaten?
181
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,659
Marie, I love that sweater.
182
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,128
And I don't want to see
any wild-eyed weirdo
183
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,531
Marching around in my clothes!
184
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:49,034
- Welcome to my world, frank.
185
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:57,709
- Holidays are a very
stressful time for your mother.
186
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,211
How are things at your house?
187
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:00,779
- Yeah, we're busy.
We're busy too.
188
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,147
As a matter of fact,
189
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,682
We were cleaning things out
this morning,
190
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,684
And look what I found.
191
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,885
Remember this?
192
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:10,255
- Oh, hey, look at that.
193
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,992
God, I remember when
I brought this home for you.
194
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,994
What were you, like, ten?
195
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,863
You ran all around
the neighborhood
196
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,699
Showing it to the other kids,
right?
197
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,167
- Yeah, so--
198
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,869
So mickey mantle
really signed it?
199
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,771
- Who told you that?
200
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,773
- You. You did.
201
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:31,843
- Oh.
- Wh--
202
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,681
Wait. Mickey mantle
didn't sign this ball?
203
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:37,983
This isn't real?
204
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:41,520
- It's a real ball.
205
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,655
- I don't believe this.
206
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,590
So you never met him.
207
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:46,892
- No.
208
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:51,730
What's the matter with you?
209
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:55,166
- No, nothing, nothing.
210
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:01,206
- It looks like I'm
the only normal one here.
211
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,310
- How could my father do this?
212
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:08,246
He knew what that ball meant
to me.
213
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,649
- Ray, I'm sure
it wasn't intentional.
214
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,150
He probably didn't even think
about it.
215
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,585
- Yeah, yeah, that's right.
216
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,720
He just thought
it was okay to lie to his kid.
217
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,656
- Look, everybody does that
sometimes.
218
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,658
- No, no.
I don't.
219
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,059
- Oh, no?
220
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,962
What about, "no, kids,
that's not a store.
221
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:27,332
That's a toy museum"?
222
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:29,100
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
223
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,769
- And my favorite one is,
224
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:33,872
"uh, daddy's just
teaching mommy how to wrestle."
225
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,277
- Yeah,
that's my favorite one too.
226
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,013
But no more.
No more.
227
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,915
I'm not going to lie to my kids
anymore.
228
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,150
- Yes, you will, ray.
229
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,352
- No, no, I will not.
Uh-uh.
230
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:50,121
I'm not going to do to them
what my father did to me.
231
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,190
From now on, only the truth.
232
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,192
When my kids look back at me,
233
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,661
I want them to be able to say,
234
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,964
"okay, I'm all screwed up
from that guy,
235
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,933
But he didn't lie."
236
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,203
- What a lovely thought
for our children, ray.
237
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,741
- Can I have this dolly, daddy?
238
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,242
- No, no, honey.
239
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,377
We're going to give these toys
240
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,646
To other kids
for christmas, okay?
241
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:18,383
- But you said santa brings
all the toys.
242
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,719
- I said santa?
243
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,155
- Doesn't he, daddy?
244
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:37,902
Daddy?
245
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,971
- Daddy?
246
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:47,278
- Would you mind
repeating the question?
247
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,849
- Doesn't santa bring
all the toys?
248
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:54,219
- To be honest--
- don't you dare.
249
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,021
- What, daddy?
250
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,923
- Who wants cookies, huh?
251
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,227
- Tell me about santa,
daddy.
252
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,962
- Well...
253
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,304
The answer, I think, honey,
254
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,875
Comes down to the basic nature
of reality.
255
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,046
Okey-dokey?
256
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:23,948
No.
257
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,084
Honey...
258
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,219
I don't know how
to tell you this, but--
259
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,221
Ah!
260
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:39,097
- Of course santa brings
all the toys, honey.
261
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,999
We're just going to be
santa's helpers
262
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,802
Because he has so much to carry
this year,
263
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:47,338
And he's out of shape.
264
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,007
- Oh, that's nice.
265
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,375
- Yeah, so listen, honey,
266
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,710
Why don't you just go
and play with your toys
267
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,278
From last year,
268
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,213
And I'm going to have
a nice long talk with your daddy
269
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,983
About the nature
of his reality, okay?
270
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:07,826
God.
- Okay, here we go.
271
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,494
- How could you do that
to her?
272
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,862
- What?
I didn't do anything.
273
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,797
- Oh, you were about to.
274
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,833
Ray, I know you're upset
with your father,
275
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:19,237
But how can you think about
outing santa?
276
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,306
- Well, would you rather
she heard it on the streets?
277
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:24,843
- Oh, please.
278
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,011
- I'm sorry
to have to do this, debra,
279
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,913
But frank is absolutely
insisting
280
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,882
He get
his ratty old sweater back,
281
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,217
Which is probably
the best thing
282
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:35,353
That ever happened
to the needy.
283
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,354
- Go, take it.
284
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,022
- Uh-oh.
285
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,257
What's the matter?
286
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,959
- Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing's the matter.
287
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,460
- No, nothing at all,
288
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,796
Except ray was just about
to tell ally the truth
289
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,232
About santa claus.
290
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,501
- You what?
- Oh, I didn't tell her.
291
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:53,505
- My own son an atheist?
292
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:55,406
- I'm not an atheist, ma.
293
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,776
I just--I don't believe
in lying to my kids.
294
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:58,843
- Oh, stop being foolish.
295
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,178
Now, you go right in there
296
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,113
And tell ally
all about santa claus
297
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,549
And his flying reindeer
and his sled
298
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,351
And all the rest
of that malarkey.
299
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,852
- I don't think that that's
the right thing.
300
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,220
- Oh, what's the matter
with you?
301
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,522
- Nothing's the matter.
302
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,257
I'm just--
I'm protecting her.
303
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,492
- Oh, protecting her
from what?
304
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,895
We didn't have
that santa claus discussion
305
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:19,330
Until you were 14 years old.
306
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,066
- Yeah, well, I knew about santa
when I was 8.
307
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,803
Why'd you wait
till I was 14 for?
308
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:28,807
- Well, your father wanted to
cover sex and santa all at once,
309
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,376
Sort of get it over with.
310
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,978
- Don't think that hasn't had
repercussions.
311
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:38,016
- Here you go, marie.
- Oh, thanks, honey.
312
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:41,586
Listen, ally is five years old,
you scrooge.
313
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,955
Of course we lie.
314
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,256
We all lie.
315
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,226
That's what holds us all
together.
316
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:51,095
So you go in
and lie to your daughter,
317
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:54,065
And I'll go home
and feed the man I love.
318
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,272
- Ray, come on.
319
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,308
Are you still thinking
about that baseball?
320
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,576
- No.
321
00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,544
No, I'm thinking about
a lot of things now.
322
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,279
- Like what?
323
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,615
- Remember that guy that
you went out with before me,
324
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,017
Eric butterpants?
325
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,485
- [laughs]
326
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,920
- Eric butterman, ray.
327
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:18,923
- Yeah, oh,
so you do remember him.
328
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,159
- Yeah.
What about him?
329
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,493
- You always said to me
330
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,395
That you were glad
that he broke up with you
331
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,197
Because otherwise
you would have never met me.
332
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,432
- Yeah. So?
333
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,567
- So if he had never
broken up with you,
334
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,903
Would you have been gladder?
335
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:36,441
- You are really crazy.
You know that?
336
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,576
- No. No, no, no.
How do I know?
337
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,012
How do I know that I'm the one
you wanted to end up with?
338
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,082
- Here's a hint, ray:
Our three kids.
339
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,351
- Yeah.
Yeah, our three blond kids.
340
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,219
- Oh.
341
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,455
I think that's
the baseball talking.
342
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,990
- How can I be sure
of anything?
343
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,191
- So what are you saying?
344
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,525
You don't believe
in anything anymore?
345
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,528
- That's right, unless I see it
with my own eyes.
346
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:00,899
- Ho, ho, ho!
Merry christmas!
347
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,102
Is ally here?
348
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,570
I understand
there are doubts about me
349
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,605
In this house.
350
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,341
- There are now.
351
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,310
Come on, robert.
- No, no.
352
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,379
You have me mistaken
for some other party,
353
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,614
For I am
the jolly old saint nick.
354
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,416
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
355
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,185
Mom told me what you did.
Nice.
356
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,422
- Hey, ally, look,
it's santa claus.
357
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,090
- Oh, god.
358
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,092
- Santa?
359
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,961
- Yes, it is really I,
360
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,596
And I came to see you, ally,
361
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,465
Because I heard you were
a very good girl this year,
362
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,001
And you're going to get
everything you want,
363
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:40,638
Unlike some other people.
364
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,341
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
365
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,376
- All right,
hold the "ho"s, okay?
366
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,544
I want to talk to you
for a minute, santa.
367
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:50,515
- I'm sorry.
I'm with a client.
368
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,717
And you may call me
mr. Claus.
369
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,453
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
370
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,655
- Where's ally?
371
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,624
Ho, ho!
372
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,327
Holy crap!
373
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,296
What are you doing here?
374
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,699
- I'm santa claus.
- You're santa?
375
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,400
- All right, all right.
Will you guys cut it out?
376
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,202
Come on; she's confused
enough already.
377
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,071
- What's to be confused about?
378
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,506
I'm the real santa.
379
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,309
Who is this impostor?
380
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,212
- Well, you couldn't both
be santa.
381
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:24,615
You must be santa's helpers.
382
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,719
- Right.
He's my helper.
383
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,988
- Hey, helper, why don't you
warm up the reindeer
384
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,589
And bring the sled around?
385
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,725
- I bet you can't even name
the reindeer.
386
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:36,260
- Whoa! Oh!
387
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,395
Rudolph.
388
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,197
Uh, donner.
389
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,099
Blitzen.
390
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,767
Those are the main ones.
391
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:48,039
We rotate them
so they wear evenly.
392
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:51,242
Uh, cupid.
393
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,611
Ajax.
394
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,748
And lefty.
395
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,683
- Aha!
Now we know the truth.
396
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,185
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
397
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,121
- It's uncle robert.
398
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,756
- No, no, little one.
399
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,691
I've only assumed the body
400
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,293
Of a life-form
that you would accept.
401
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:15,600
- Robert, you're santa,
not a klingon.
402
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,036
- And that's grandpa.
403
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,471
- That's very good, ally.
This is grandpa.
404
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,707
Okay, guys, you couldn't
fool her, okay? Come on.
405
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,475
- Pulling the beard
off santa claus.
406
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,344
The nerve of this guy.
407
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:27,545
- If you want to do some good,
408
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:31,549
Go work the corner
with a bucket.
409
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,219
- Just for that, no toys.
410
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:38,790
- Why did they do that?
411
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:40,525
- Oh, honey, it's just because
412
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,694
Grandpa and uncle robert
love you so much,
413
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,497
And they just want you to have
a wonderful christmas.
414
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,466
- Oh.
415
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:52,537
- That's good.
You think she's better off now?
416
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,139
- Oh, they were just trying
to help, ray.
417
00:17:55,141 --> 00:18:00,545
- Yeah, let them help by paying
her shrink bills, huh,
418
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,346
When she's having nightmares
about two santas
419
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,782
And a reindeer named lefty.
420
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,255
- Hey, ray.
421
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,657
- Dad, do me a favor
422
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,426
And don't come over and make up
stories to ally, okay?
423
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,428
- Come on.
I'm a grandfather.
424
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,729
That's what I do.
425
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:21,132
I tell stories.
426
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,402
It's in the manual.
427
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,671
- Like you told me stories,
right, dad?
428
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,339
- What is it?
429
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:32,110
- You know how much
this thing meant to me?
430
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:35,346
- Oh, come on, ray.
It's only a ball.
431
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,748
- Yeah, you're right, dad.
You're right.
432
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,118
That's all it is now.
433
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:43,454
- What's the matter with you?
434
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,789
- Do you know how much
it meant to me
435
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,424
To have a mickey mantle?
436
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,825
And what did you do?
437
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:51,362
You brought home a fake.
438
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:55,399
- What--what was I
supposed to do?
439
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:58,236
I didn't know mickey mantle,
440
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,538
And you wanted his autograph.
441
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,874
So I went back for five games,
442
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:05,409
And I stood
by the stadium door,
443
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,812
And mantle never came out.
444
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,381
- So you just got some trainer
to sign it.
445
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,350
- No.
446
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:16,454
I signed it myself.
447
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,590
- You signed it?
448
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:23,628
- Yeah, I knew how much
you wanted the thing,
449
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:27,498
So I practiced his signature
over and over.
450
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:31,569
[chuckles]
not a bad job, huh?
451
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,504
You know, if I could have
gotten hold
452
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,839
Of the mick's checkbook,
453
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,476
We'd be having this discussion
on a yacht.
454
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:42,847
- Why didn't you just
tell me the truth?
455
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:46,317
- Ah, I didn't want you
to be disappointed.
456
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:49,820
You're my kid.
457
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,495
I don't blame you
for being ticked off.
458
00:19:57,497 --> 00:20:00,498
I'm sorry I signed it.
459
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,840
What are you doing?
460
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,410
- I want it now.
461
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,259
- You--you--
462
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,761
You--you mean
that even though you know
463
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,798
That ball's a fake,
it still means something to you?
464
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,935
- Yeah.
Yeah, dad.
465
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:41,439
- Then this christmas...
466
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,709
You're going to love
the rolex I got you.
467
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,263
- [softly]
ho, ho, ho.
468
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,569
Ho, ho, ho.
469
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:16,474
Ally.
470
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:17,808
[thump]
471
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,045
Ho, ho, ho.
472
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:22,513
- Santa?
473
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,616
- Hi, ally.
474
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,451
- You must be the real one.
475
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,820
- Well...
476
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:33,557
I know how much
that you believed in me,
477
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:37,428
And I just wanted
to come by and say
478
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,630
Thanks for the support.
479
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,799
- You're welcome.
480
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,468
- I have to go now.
I have to, uh,
481
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:47,805
Fill all the stockings
and eat all the cookies
482
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,641
And--in general,
483
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,545
This is one of my busiest nights
of the year.
484
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:56,580
- Will you tuck me in, santa?
485
00:21:56,582 --> 00:22:00,484
- Yeah, sure,
I'll tuck you in.
486
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,920
Anything else that you need?
487
00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,623
A drink of water?
488
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:06,791
Trip to the bathroom?
489
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,459
- No, thank you.
490
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,928
- Okay, then.
491
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:12,530
Sweet dreams...
492
00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:14,932
Always.
493
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,806
- Santa?
- Yeah?
494
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:24,108
- See you next year.
495
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:25,976
- Okay.
496
00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:26,777
Bye-bye.
497
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:30,047
[thump]
oh, fu--
498
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,950
[singing]
la-la la-la
499
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:36,053
La-la la-la
la la la--
500
00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:37,988
[banging and clattering]
34142
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