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1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,103
- No, ray's still out of town
covering the yankees.
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,105
Yeah, I know.
3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,373
He's been gone
for four days,
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,508
And he's 16 minutes late.
5
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,278
- Hey!
- Daddy! Daddy!
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,380
- Grab that, ray.
7
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,215
- Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
8
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,751
- All right--
- no, ally, get off there.
9
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:21,120
Get down.
Get down.
10
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,521
- Mo.
- Matthew wants mo.
11
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,622
- Oh, okay, matthew--
12
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,723
- And we got
a cleanup, aisle two.
13
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,625
- All right, here you go.
14
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:27,793
[phone rings]
15
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:28,594
- I'll get it.
- Ow!
16
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,062
- Dinnertime.
17
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,633
- Gregory's done.
18
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,602
And matthew's done.
19
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,203
And ally's done.
20
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,538
- Aaahh!
21
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,741
[kids crying]
22
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,176
- Okay...
23
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,578
Cookie, cookie,
24
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,680
And...Cookie.
25
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,783
[all stop crying]
26
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:55,254
[sighs]
27
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,255
Hi, honey.
28
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,057
- Hi.
29
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,296
- Hi, I'm ray.
30
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,764
I live here in long island
31
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,367
With my wife, debra,
32
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,768
My five-year-old daughter,
33
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,504
And twin
almost-two-year-old boys.
34
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,307
My parents live
across the street.
35
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,675
That's right.
36
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,710
The truth is,
I'd do anything for my family.
37
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,716
And...Done.
38
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,352
Oh, no.
39
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:31,123
Unh!
Debra!
40
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,658
Honey!
41
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:36,095
Somebody!
Call my father!
42
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,162
I'm hyperventilating!
43
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,370
- Oh, honey,
44
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,306
I don't know how I survived
four days by myself.
45
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,474
- I know.
I know.
46
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,608
Hey, nobody hates
47
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,244
Going on the road
more than me.
48
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,480
It's miserable
for me out there.
49
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,182
Hey, look at this.
Cal ripken signed my hat.
50
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:58,684
- Oh, that's great.
Look at this.
51
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:02,387
Gregory spit up
on my shirt.
52
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,388
- I'm not trading.
53
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,257
- Okay.
54
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,192
Just be happy you made it
home for my birthday.
55
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:08,627
That's all I can say.
- Well, what?
56
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,362
Of course I made it home
for your birthday.
57
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,431
Are you kidding?
Your birthday is...
58
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,532
- Sunday.
- Sunday.
59
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,334
That's right.
Big party.
60
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,835
- And how old am I
going to be?
61
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,137
- I know that.
62
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,639
- Ray...How old?
63
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:24,610
- All right, all right,
I just have to backtrack.
64
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,146
Let's see,
when I proposed, you were 23.
65
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,547
- Mm-hmm.
- You said no.
66
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,549
- Right.
67
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,851
Then I proposed.
You were 24.
68
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,653
- No again.
- No again.
69
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,321
Right.
70
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,756
Then I took a year off
to regroup.
71
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,158
- Yup.
72
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,726
- Then I came back
with a job.
73
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,362
Boom!
Married.
74
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:47,633
That would make you...
32...
75
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,934
Ish.
76
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,435
- All right,
I'll accept that.
77
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,771
- Good, 'cause...
Big party.
78
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,473
- No, you know what?
I don't want the party.
79
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,674
I just want
a nice day at home
80
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,477
With my favorite husband
and my kids, okay?
81
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:02,481
- Okay, and I guess my parents
and my brother too, right?
82
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,952
My parents
and my brother?
83
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,420
What?
84
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,689
- Ray,
it's just that--
85
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,691
Look, you know
I love them.
86
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,393
They're my family too.
87
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,429
But I was wondering
if perhaps
88
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,464
We wouldn't have
them over on Sunday.
89
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,599
- Well, why not?
90
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,267
- Well, it's just,
you know, honey,
91
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,671
Every day that you were gone,
they dropped by.
92
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,506
And then your dad is always
waking up the kids.
93
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,374
And now they don't
even call first.
94
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,876
- Well, they live
across the street.
95
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,644
Why should they call?
It's quicker just to come by.
96
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,447
- I know.
97
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,582
- It's like
we're on the way.
98
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,917
- No, no, no,
we are the way.
99
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,686
We are where
they're going.
100
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,554
- You see, now you're
exaggerating a little.
101
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,323
- You're home.
102
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:46,825
- Hi, mom.
103
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,760
- Hi, I saw your car
pull up before.
104
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:49,761
You didn't call.
105
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,297
- Oh...
106
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,532
- Hi, debra,
107
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,601
I brought you some baking soda
for your fridge.
108
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,937
I smelled something
questionable.
109
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,305
- From across
the street?
110
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:04,543
- No, when I was here
yesterday.
111
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,478
- Okay.
112
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,980
- Ooh, it's worse!
113
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,281
- Oh, now, that's just--
114
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,316
- Okay, all right,
okay, all right.
115
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,452
Ma, listen, ma,
we can buy our own baking soda.
116
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,954
- I know, sweetie,
but you don't.
117
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,423
Ooh, what have we here?
118
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,792
Oh, I'll get you
some club soda for that too.
119
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,761
- No, ma,
we have club soda, ma.
120
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,263
- No, your father
finished it.
121
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,331
I'll see you later.
122
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,272
- Oh, it comes
from love.
123
00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:38,377
Look, if you want, maybe
I'll talk to my father about it.
124
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,012
- Well, while
you're talking to him,
125
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:42,914
Would you mind mentioning
the answering machine?
126
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,916
- Is he playing back
the messages again?
127
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:45,917
I changed the code.
128
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,687
- Well, he cracked it.
129
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,489
- I hope everyone's
doing good.
130
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,957
And, debra, you ought to call
linda back.
131
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,425
She sounds like she had
132
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,993
A very interesting visit
to the gyno.
133
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,429
[machine beeps]
134
00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:00,666
- That's funny.
That's--
135
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,468
You know, it's not
for everybody, okay?
136
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,470
Look, he's fooling around.
137
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,538
That's what he does.
138
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,407
He's like
one of those guys,
139
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,808
What do you
call them?
140
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,444
An idiot.
141
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,613
- But do they have to bring
your brother over?
142
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,515
- My brother
lives with them.
143
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,816
He doesn't like
staying alone.
144
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,419
- He's 40, ray.
145
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,488
- Come on,
he loves the kids.
146
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,024
You know, the way
he has to touch every bite
147
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,660
To his chin
before he puts it in his mouth.
148
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,095
That's--
it's weird.
149
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,364
- What?
That's an idiosyncrasy.
150
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,433
It's like when he's counting
and he gets to the number 12
151
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,968
And he has to take
his shoes off.
152
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,837
Everybody has those.
153
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,073
- How'd he ever become
a police sergeant?
154
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:42,374
- 'cause he's a good cop,
155
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:45,477
And they didn't
make him count...
156
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,679
Or eat.
157
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,414
- I don't know, ray,
it's just that it's--
158
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,116
You know, every day,
159
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:51,817
And between them
and the kids, I just feel--
160
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,719
- Lucky?
- Ray--
161
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,620
- All right.
Look, all right.
162
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,888
I'm home now.
Maybe you need a break.
163
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,056
I'll tell you,
why don't you go out
164
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,658
With linda
tomorrow night?
165
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,093
- What, and leave the kids
with your parents?
166
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,361
- No, I'll do the kids.
167
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,562
- Oh--
[blows raspberry]
168
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,365
- Oh, I can't do that?
169
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,666
Oh, hey,
how about the time
170
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,001
You went to your aunt's
for three days?
171
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,036
- I took the kids with me.
172
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,138
- Yeah, but I fed myself.
173
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,376
- Hey, ray!
174
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,145
Ray!
- Come on, keep it down, leo.
175
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,146
I just
got them to sleep.
176
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,681
- I'm sorry.
177
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,416
Hey, want to go over to nemo's,
get a slice?
178
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,819
- Leo, my kids
aren't fish, okay?
179
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:33,425
You can't just sprinkle food
over the crib and leave.
180
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,161
- Call your mother.
181
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,963
- No, I can't;
debra's got this thing
182
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,065
About them coming over
too much lately.
183
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,602
- I got the club soda.
184
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,971
Hi, leo, hi.
185
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,408
- Hey, ms. B.
- How you doing?
186
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,942
- Ms. B, would you mind
maybe sitting with the kids
187
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,544
For a little bit
while raymond and I
188
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,645
Went out
and got some pizza?
189
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,514
- No, no.
- No, not at all.
190
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,882
But where's debra?
191
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,884
- She went to the movies
with linda.
192
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,919
- The movies?
- Yes.
193
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,855
- Some people
get to live it up.
194
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,956
Go ahead.
You guys, go ahead.
195
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,058
Go, get your pizza.
You deserve it.
196
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,627
- You rock, mrs. B.
197
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,795
- [muttering]
198
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,496
- Come on, let's go.
199
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:12,631
- No, no.
200
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,166
No, no.
Listen.
201
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:17,135
Debra doesn't want me
to leave them with...
202
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,070
Out me.
203
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,172
- You're leaving them
with me.
204
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,573
They're sleeping.
205
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,974
Go on.
Go with your friend.
206
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,543
- Well, I want to,
but I can't.
207
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,144
- We know, you're worried.
You're concerned.
208
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,146
We're all crying buckets here.
Come on, let's go.
209
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,481
- All right, it's 8:30.
One hour.
210
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,749
We'll be gone one hour.
211
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,185
- Would you go?
Come on, you're insulting me.
212
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,853
I raised you, didn't I?
213
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,055
- Oh, god,
you raised me--
214
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,606
- Hey!
- Ooh, frank, robbie!
215
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,174
You scared me.
216
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,243
- You don't leave a note?
You just leave?
217
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,744
We're looking
all over for you.
218
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:00,979
- Where'd you look?
219
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,981
- We thought
we'd start here.
220
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,553
- Where are the kids?
221
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,055
- Oh, no,
they're sleeping.
222
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:12,190
- Hey, I just want to see them.
Come on, it's early.
223
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,726
I just want to see the kids.
They can sleep when we go.
224
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,994
- No, no, no.
225
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,996
You want to see
something, huh?
226
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:22,968
A $120 receipt
from victoria's secrets.
227
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:26,204
- Holy crap!
228
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,673
What the hell's
a "bustier"?
229
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,977
- It's a thing, you know,
to pull you in here.
230
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,881
- When did he get this?
231
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,183
- Oh, that's an award
your brother got
232
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,685
For his sports column.
233
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,187
- It never ends
for raymond.
234
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,256
- Oh, poor robbie.
235
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:48,093
- Everybody loves raymond.
236
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:51,296
I go to work,
people shoot at me.
237
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,599
Ray goes to work,
people do the wave.
238
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,301
Then he sits down,
has a hot dog,
239
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,103
Doodles
on a piece of paper,
240
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,971
And they give him
a trophy.
241
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:07,078
I think that raymond is wasting
his life writing sports.
242
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,047
I mean, a writer should be
writing short stories
243
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,050
And poetry.
244
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,752
- Do you think
I'm wasting my life?
245
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,159
- Well...It's different
with you, dear.
246
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,864
- Look who's up.
- [wailing]
247
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,833
- Ooh, look at that.
248
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:36,975
[ally yelling,
banging pot]
249
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:42,347
- Oh, no, no, no--
- hi, daddy.
250
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,182
- Hey, ray, do you want
to watch the game?
251
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,818
- No, no, what are you doing,
everybody?
252
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,986
Debra's going to be--
253
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,654
Okay, all right,
I'm going to ask you,
254
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,890
Quickly and quietly,
move to your nearest exits.
255
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,325
- It's the fourth quarter.
256
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,226
- Dad, please,
buckle up and go.
257
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,267
- You know, when somebody
does you a favor,
258
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,735
You're supposed
to say "thank you."
259
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,170
- Thank you, thank you,
mom and dad.
260
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,338
You're wonderful
grandparents.
261
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:09,140
You're not evil at all.
262
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,109
- Let me just smell
their heads once more.
263
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,244
- Dad, please,
please, dad--
264
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,213
- Mmm, it's the fountain
of youth.
265
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,781
I'm sucking in
that youth.
266
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,016
- I'm begging you, dad.
267
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,351
I'm begging you,
let go of their heads.
268
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,219
Let go of their heads.
I'll give you money.
269
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,821
Do you want money?
- Hey, save your money.
270
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,922
You're going to need it.
271
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,757
Victoria's not
a secret anymore.
272
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,258
- What?
What?
273
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,893
- We'll see you Sunday
at debra's party.
274
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,095
- Okay.
Thanks again.
275
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:33,198
Thanks again, ma.
276
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,634
- Nice trophy.
277
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,040
- Hey.
- Hey.
278
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,341
- Hey, I was just
checking the kids.
279
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,110
- Oh, great.
280
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,344
- Still sleeping
like logs.
281
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,113
- Oh.
282
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,384
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this place.
283
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:53,952
- What?
284
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,987
- It's spotless!
285
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,656
You cleaned up
for me.
286
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,691
- Well,
you're not the maid.
287
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:04,262
- Oh, ray,
oh, you are so wonderful.
288
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,431
To look at the kids
real quick, okay?
289
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,099
- Okay.
290
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,874
I think
I'm having sex.
291
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,447
Oh...
292
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,749
Good old sex.
293
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,885
Oh, yeah.
294
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,954
Oh, I'm going
to do new stuff.
295
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,324
Hi, honey.
296
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,429
- Uh, ray...
297
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,930
- What?
298
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:42,133
- Why do the boys' heads
smell like old spice?
299
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,004
- What?
300
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,273
- Your father was here
301
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,876
And sucking the youth
out of their heads again, huh?
302
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,113
And your brother
was here too.
303
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:59,818
Just found this froot loop
on matthew's chin.
304
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,820
Are you going to tell me
what happened here tonight, ray,
305
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:02,921
Or do I have
to call your parents?
306
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,889
- No, no, no, no, no.
307
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,758
Please, please, no, no,
don't call the parents, no.
308
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,194
Okay, okay.
309
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,995
I put them to sleep.
- Yeah.
310
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,364
- And my mother came over,
and then I went out with leo.
311
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,432
- What?
312
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,735
You left the kids
with your mom?
313
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,369
- No, my father and brother
were here too.
314
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:22,373
- Then I got rid of them,
and then did some cleaning.
315
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,110
Huh? You noticed
the cleaning down there.
316
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,911
- Okay, why did they
have to be here?
317
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,348
What was so important
that you had to go out for?
318
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,416
- Pizza.
319
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,518
- Pizza?
Pizza?
320
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,987
- Did you see the mess?
You should've seen it.
321
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:36,988
They woke the kids up.
322
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,890
- What?
Ray!
323
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:42,927
- Oh, the pizza
wasn't even good.
324
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,963
- You told me
that you were going to stay
325
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,030
And watch the kids.
326
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,499
- I know.
I know, but--
327
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,033
- But what?
But what, ray?
328
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,235
- I don't know.
329
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,770
- I'll tell you one thing.
330
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,005
Your folks are not
coming over on Sunday.
331
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,341
That is my birthday,
and I should be allowed
332
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,408
One day of peace
without them.
333
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,409
And you know what?
334
00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,878
I want you to call them
335
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,412
And tell them that
that's what we want,
336
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,847
Because they need
to get the message
337
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,115
That we have
our own lives,
338
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,084
And we're entitled
to a little privacy.
339
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,452
- You're right.
You're right.
340
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,954
You're absolutely right.
- So you'll tell them?
341
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,390
- I can't do that.
342
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:16,127
- What is this hold
they have on you?
343
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,996
I'm just asking you for me.
344
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:22,400
Please, can we celebrate
my birthday alone?
345
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,536
- I can't uninvite them.
346
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:25,370
- You can't?
347
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,542
Well, then,
maybe I won't be here.
348
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,477
- No, stop it.
Don't!
349
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,947
Don't sleep
on the couch!
350
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,416
I just cleaned down there!
351
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:47,258
[knock on door]
352
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:51,896
- Oh, raymond!
- Hi.
353
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,565
- Come in, honey.
354
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,500
Your brother's working,
and your father's out
355
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,303
Buying one of those balls
for your toilet.
356
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,438
So I got the whole house
to myself.
357
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,307
Is that my large fork?
358
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,875
- Yeah, yeah, it is.
It is.
359
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,910
That's why I came by here.
I wanted to return this.
360
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:07,345
- Oh, well, I didn't
want to say anything,
361
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,582
But that happens
to be a very good fork.
362
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,350
You know?
- I know.
363
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,886
That's why it took so long.
I love it.
364
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,122
Listen, ma,
I wanted to talk to you
365
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,524
About debra's birthday.
366
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,059
- Oh, my god!
367
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,594
Talk about birthdays.
368
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:25,129
Your birthday gift to me
finally came this morning.
369
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,899
Did you know you sent me
a box of pears
370
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,300
From a place called
fruit of the month?
371
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,501
- That's right.
That's right.
372
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,502
How are they?
373
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,205
- Oh, they're very nice pears,
374
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,541
But there's
so many of them.
375
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,277
There are
over a dozen pears.
376
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,446
What am I supposed to do
with all those pears?
377
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,548
- I think you're supposed
to eat them, ma.
378
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,616
- Myself?
- You.
379
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,451
You and dad
and robert.
380
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:49,487
- How many pears
can robert eat?
381
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,389
Look, I appreciate
the thought, raymond,
382
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,490
But, please,
don't ever send us
383
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,192
Any more fruit again, okay?
384
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,593
Thanks.
Thanks, darling.
385
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,929
- Well, another box
is coming next month.
386
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,030
- What?
387
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,231
More pears?
388
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,599
- No.
389
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,135
No, it's a different fruit
every month.
390
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,137
- Every month?
- Yes, yes!
391
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,273
That's why they call it
"fruit of the month club."
392
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,141
- It's a club?
Oh, my god.
393
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,542
What am I going to do
with all this fruit?
394
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,578
- Well, most people
like it, ma.
395
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,446
You share it.
Share it with all your friends.
396
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,514
- Which friends?
397
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,149
- I don't know.
Lee and stan.
398
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,550
- Lee and stan
buy their own fruit.
399
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,352
- Then give it away--
400
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,055
- Why did you do this to me?
- Oh, my god.
401
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,189
- I can't talk.
402
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,624
There's too much fruit
in the house!
403
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:31,062
- Oh, what is happening?
404
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,031
I'm--I'm sorry, ma.
405
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,499
- Hey, marie.
406
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,668
Oh, ray!
407
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,603
- Do you know that the fruit
keeps coming
408
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,239
Month after month?
409
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,241
He's got us
in some kind of a cult.
410
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,611
- It's not a cult, ma.
It's a club.
411
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,980
- What do you mean
month after month?
412
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,481
For how long?
413
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:55,253
- It's a year.
414
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,288
- My god, are you
out of your mind?
415
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,491
- Oh, all right,
I'm so sorry, dad.
416
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,261
- What do you think we are,
invalids?
417
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,729
We can't go out
and get our own fruit?
418
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,130
- I tried to tell him.
419
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,666
- All right, I'm canceling
the fruit club.
420
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,734
- Oh, good.
421
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,235
Thank you, raymond.
Thank you.
422
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,704
And don't do that again.
423
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,173
- Like we don't have
enough problems.
424
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,442
- All right, okay, listen,
I got to talk about the party.
425
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,609
- Ooh, the party.
426
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:23,414
- Yes, yes, yes, listen,
I was thinking--
427
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,383
Uh, there isn't
going to be a party.
428
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,417
- Who's dead?
429
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,152
- Nobody's dead, dad.
430
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,454
We're not going to have a party.
431
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,555
- You got to have a party.
I baked.
432
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,323
I've never heard
of such a thing.
433
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,760
- We're not having a party
because I'm surprising debra.
434
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,997
I'm taking her to...
435
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,499
Bear mountain.
436
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,267
- Bear mountain?
- Yeah, that's right.
437
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,669
I want to do something special
for her.
438
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,170
This is a surprise,
all right?
439
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,772
So you can't go
telling her anything.
440
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,307
All right?
So thank you very much.
441
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,009
- Okay, wait.
Wait just one minute now.
442
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,044
Here.
Wait.
443
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,312
It's a long trip
to bear mountain.
444
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,313
Take fruit.
445
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,681
- Okay, thanks.
446
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,483
Hey.
- Hey.
447
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:04,155
Raymond gets
the pears too?
448
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,260
- They all went down
for a nap.
449
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,294
Whoo!
450
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,529
Puts this over the top
451
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,264
As the best birthday
I have ever had.
452
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,399
- No, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
453
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,666
- Just letting in the light.
454
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,101
- It's still your birthday,
though.
455
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,304
We want to have
a nice, cozy birthday.
456
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,240
Huh?
Isn't that cozy?
457
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,508
- [laughs]
458
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,676
I know what you're up to.
459
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,812
- You do?
- Yeah, come here.
460
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:32,350
- Oh, yeah,
this is what I'm up to.
461
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,718
Yeah.
462
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,322
I thought this only happened
on my birthday.
463
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,692
- Oh, ray, I'm so glad you set
your parents straight, huh?
464
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,461
Doesn't it feel good
to be honest with them?
465
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,229
- It does.
It does feel good.
466
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,465
Not as good as this,
though.
467
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,666
You were 100% right.
468
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,767
I don't know
what I was afraid of.
469
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,169
- Yeah.
470
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:55,573
- Ohh!
- Aah!
471
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,674
What are you doing here?
472
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,842
- What are you doing here?
473
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,510
- We live here.
474
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,379
- We thought you were
on bear mountain.
475
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,214
- Bear mountain?
Who told you that?
476
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,782
Both:
Raymond.
477
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,521
- You want to holster
the weapon, bro?
478
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,696
- Well?
479
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,465
- Okay, I lied.
I lied.
480
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,867
I lied to everybody.
481
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,335
I was trying to make
everybody happy.
482
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,804
- Nice job.
483
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,107
- Oh, I should've known better.
484
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,175
Why did--especially
with my parents,
485
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,144
The only people
who treat a box of fruit
486
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,547
Like it's plutonium.
487
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,851
I made a mistake.
I chickened out.
488
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:40,885
All right,
489
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,687
Look, the truth is,
490
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,689
Debra wanted us to have
a day to ourselves.
491
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,757
And me too,
me too.
492
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,359
But debra's the one.
493
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,761
She's got--
494
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,464
No, she's got it
very hard around here.
495
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,366
Though she's never
said that to me.
496
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,468
I've noticed it.
497
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,439
Like dad.
498
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,442
I know you try
to be funny, but--
499
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,743
Like with the twins.
500
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,146
Maybe you
shouldn't say,
501
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,516
"I think little matthew
has homosexual tendencies."
502
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,487
And, ma, you can't be
so critical.
503
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,289
If you're going
to be critical,
504
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,324
Could you please call before
you come over here, really,
505
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,926
So we could
be ready for it?
506
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,528
Both of you,
could you both call?
507
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,829
We have to prepare.
508
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,831
There's bills
and receipts we hide.
509
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,267
And then
we chant a little.
510
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,605
Now, listen, we--
we love you both,
511
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,941
But this is our house,
and debra's my wife,
512
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,745
And if you can't accept
what I'm telling you...
513
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:41,913
Well...
514
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,216
Then you can't
come over here anymore.
515
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,652
Unless you call first.
516
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,857
That's it.
I think I did it all, right?
517
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,493
- What? This has
nothing to do with me.
518
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,198
- Oh, yeah, robert,
519
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,633
Could you try not to eat
near the kids?
520
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:12,610
- If you just wanted
the day to yourselves,
521
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,245
All you had to do
was say so.
522
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,746
We'd understand.
523
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,648
- Of course
we'd understand.
524
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,650
What's not
to understand?
525
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,285
When did he get
so sensitive?
526
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:22,620
- He's a writer.
527
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,624
- Happy birthday.
528
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,702
- I'm shaking.
529
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,304
- Oh, honey, you were great.
You were just great, yeah.
530
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,505
Oh, come here.
531
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,474
Come here.
532
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:46,010
- Hey, maybe you should
put on that bustier.
533
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,849
- What are you doing?
534
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,719
- Okay, we'll try again
on my birthday.
36553
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