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1
00:00:01,377 --> 00:00:03,504
Whoever impresses me most
2
00:00:03,588 --> 00:00:07,341
will be named employee of the month.
3
00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:08,509
Imagine having a cv.
4
00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:10,344
I just wanted to better meself.
5
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,722
Broaden my horizons.
And this was gonna be it.
6
00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:15,183
You need to freshen up, my love.
7
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:17,393
Why don't you go take a dip in the sea?
8
00:00:17,602 --> 00:00:19,687
My name is Dominic rook.
9
00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:23,941
My job is to maintain
the illusion that man is alone.
10
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:25,776
Frith: Your department
is to be dissolved,
11
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,696
its responsibilities handed
to special branch.
12
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:31,115
Then god help us all.
13
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:35,536
Still feeling the benefits of that
lovely little Ridge of high pressure.
14
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,789
And, oh, do my eyes deceive me?
Sunshine?
15
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:41,292
37 degrees? I'll take it.
16
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,045
Time to dust off that bikini
and hit the beach.
17
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:47,131
And Larry Chrysler will see you there.
18
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,386
And we're out.
19
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:55,640
Sorry,
what the galloping balls was that?
20
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,643
I'm not stupid.
I know exactly what's going on here.
21
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,062
You only have so many
"poor performances"
22
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:02,905
before it starts to look
a lot like sabotage.
23
00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:05,983
- It was fine, Larry.
- No, Trevor, that was a shambles.
24
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:09,237
The only thing that saved that sorry
sack of shit was my bikini line.
25
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,738
The line I said. Not...
26
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,406
Look...
27
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:16,661
I'm watching. Don't you worry.
I'm watching.
28
00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:25,753
- Woman: Not the point.
- No, love, that is very much the point.
29
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:29,340
Nicolas cage does not use
that particular model of jacuzzi.
30
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,676
Woman: Well, Mr. Cage
has purchased several hot tubs...
31
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,178
Yes, he may use
your brand of jacuzzis,
32
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:37,014
but that's not an after-dinner anecdote
I can use.
33
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,518
I bought your product for one purpose
and one purpose only -
34
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:42,937
to point at and say,
"that is the exact jacuzzi
35
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,690
"owned by Hollywood film star
Nicolas cage."
36
00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:49,443
Look, love, no offense,
but is there a man there I can talk to?
37
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:51,779
- Woman: Er, unfortunately...
- Shit. Hang on.
38
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,948
- There's nobody else available.
- Hang on.
39
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:59,704
Woman: Mr. Chrysler? Hello?
40
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:08,546
Woman: Mr. Chrysler,
are you still there? Hello?
41
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,299
Is everything okay?
42
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,385
- Mr. Chrysler?
- Can I call you back?
43
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,478
Tom: I've been here just as long as you.
I don't know why they made you manager
44
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:34,322
- and not me.
- It's acting manager.
45
00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:38,409
And I have no idea, Tom.
I wasn't privy to the deliberations.
46
00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:41,221
There, that. It's 'cause you say "privy"
and you don't even mean the bogs.
47
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:43,664
It's just a title, Tom.
It doesn't change a thing.
48
00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:45,833
Will you please stop that?
It's unsanitary.
49
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:48,252
I know. So what happened
to that patsy bird anyway?
50
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,503
Did she just walk out?
51
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:50,921
She was rather highly strung.
52
00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,424
Clearly,
the pressure got too much for her.
53
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,842
But I'm sure she'll be back soon
54
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,511
and we can return to our original roles
and responsibilities.
55
00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,072
Yeah, but until then, it's gonna be all,
56
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,536
"Tom, can you help out on reception?
57
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:03,076
"Tom, Mrs. Smith left her key
in her room. Can you let her in?"
58
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,578
You do know those are
your actual jobs anyway?
59
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,520
'Cause I won't put up with it, hal!
60
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:09,774
And for starters, it's a full moon
tonight, so I'm having the night off.
61
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,776
I'm just gonna walk out, go home.
62
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,944
And what are you gonna do about it, eh?
63
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,279
You can't.
64
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,865
- Unbelievable.
- No, I mean, I knew that,
65
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:19,283
so I scheduled you the night off.
66
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:22,620
Did you hear that, then?
Did you hear it? And so it begins.
67
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:44,642
Werewolf.
68
00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:52,316
Testes, one, two. Testes, one, two.
69
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,569
Little bit bassy,
but we can live with it.
70
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:58,572
So, what are the lighting choices?
What have we got to play with?
71
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,832
- On.
- Okay.
72
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,669
- And off.
- Okay.
73
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,921
Let's go with "on".
74
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:19,176
Larry: The hotel door closed behind me,
didn't have a key.
75
00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:24,515
Locked out in the corridors
of the Dorchester, London.
76
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:28,185
Not quite full monty.
Calm down, ladies.
77
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:31,355
Larry: Still had on my dressing gown
over a pair of pants.
78
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,858
But it took me 25 minutes
to get another key.
79
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,778
Hilarious.
80
00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:41,198
I'm reminded of the time
I met my wonderful wife,
81
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:44,493
winner of miss avon and somerset,
1992, '94.
82
00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:48,539
Larry: All the same person.
Don't worry, I'm not a mormon.
83
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,876
Double the nagging.
Who needs it?
84
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,171
We met at a wild party after
children in need.
85
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:58,859
When we met
there were certainly sparks,
86
00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:02,470
because I reversed my BMW 6 series
into her Renault clio.
87
00:05:02,887 --> 00:05:07,308
Our bumpers kissed
and then our mouths kissed.
88
00:05:12,897 --> 00:05:14,190
That was great.
89
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,734
I spotted you as soon as you walked in.
Did you spot me?
90
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:19,236
I can't say I did,
but I can certainly see you now.
91
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,905
So, where do you change?
92
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,741
Uh, in the dressing room.
93
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,243
Sorry, I'm a little bit busy right now.
94
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,079
That's a iovelyjacket. My name's Tom.
95
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,248
Your name's Larry,
I've seen it on your sign.
96
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,584
Well done. So, what do you want?
97
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,753
Money? A date? An autograph? What?
98
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,839
- I'll have the last one, if it's okay?
- And there it is.
99
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,425
- Who do I make it out to?
- Uh, Tom mcnair?
100
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,762
M, small c, big n, and then "air".
Like "air".
101
00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:48,015
There you go. So, what next?
102
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:53,103
I'm guessing straight on eBay.
Because I'll check.
103
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,105
I always check.
104
00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:57,876
I think it's great that you're famous.
I didn't know we could be famous.
105
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,777
I can't get over it.
106
00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:05,783
Man: A response
from the secretary of state.
107
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,385
Frith: Placing value uppermost
108
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,370
does exactly what it says on the tin.
109
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:10,704
This isn't about cuts.
110
00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:13,123
This is about identifying
those departments
111
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,876
that simply aren't pulling their weight
and reallocating...
112
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,297
Departments within the civil service.
113
00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:22,299
The placing...
114
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,735
Hal's got a girlfriend.
115
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,322
I have not got a girlfriend.
116
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,991
He's visiting a girl.
117
00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:49,994
And judging from that getup,
she's got a very good sense of humor.
118
00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:53,330
Lady Mary is simply an acquaintance,
nothing more.
119
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:54,832
Wow.
120
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:59,003
An acquaintance with the lady Mary?
That's prison slang, surely?
121
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:01,338
No hanging around with fangs, hal.
Them's the rules.
122
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,090
Please don't call us that.
123
00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:08,012
Lady Mary is not a vampire.
She is a ghost, who died some years ago.
124
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:09,847
Wait a minute.
125
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:14,018
You know a ghost, another female ghost,
and what, you didn't tell me?
126
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:17,605
Because I knew there was no point.
You really wouldn't get on.
127
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:21,275
Oh. Well, I think that's for me and my
new best mate Mary to decide, don't you?
128
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,776
Absolutely not.
129
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,862
Lady Mary is a shy,
130
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:28,824
fragile creature, with an innocence
I am determined to protect.
131
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:30,973
What, you think I would corrupt her?
132
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,996
I think you'd corrupt Keith Richards.
So, if you don't mind?
133
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,835
Told you. Girlfriend.
134
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:49,511
It is a pleasure to receive you,
as always, lord Harry.
135
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:53,807
Since your last visit, we have
gained several invigorating new exhibits
136
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:57,186
including an enchanting selection
of pottery from the colonies.
137
00:07:57,269 --> 00:08:00,856
Wonderful. I shall look foward
to perusing them in due course.
138
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,025
Boo!
139
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,403
His face. Shut you right up.
140
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,114
Alex. How's it going?
141
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,576
Ooh! Hold that thought!
142
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,206
I thought we decided you were
staying at home?
143
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:21,418
Oh, you decided I was staying at home,
but I decided to ignore you.
144
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,881
Oh, come on, hal, stop being all
"hal" about this.
145
00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:29,385
I've got no one
to talk to about ghost stuff.
146
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,720
And I swear, I won't swear.
147
00:08:37,393 --> 00:08:39,186
Lady Mary.
148
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:44,400
Allow me to introduce Alex,
a new ghost of my acquaintance.
149
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:50,447
I see. And I take it you two are, um...
150
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,034
I'm not sure what
the modern parlance is.
151
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,705
What, shagging?
152
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:02,459
- God, no. Are you serious? No way.
- Nothing of the sort. I assure you.
153
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,354
- Friends and nothing more.
- I mean, he irons his socks...
154
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,922
In fact, we share our abode
with a lycanthrope.
155
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,426
That is one crazy big dress,
isn't it?
156
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:14,179
Still, I suppose it saves you
shaving your legs, right?
157
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,432
You got any guillotines or stuff?
158
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:18,142
Oh, is there a dungeon in here?
159
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,770
Oh! My god, this place is so cool.
160
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,275
Lady Mary,
I offer my sincerest apologies.
161
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,027
Not at all. No. She has, um,
162
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:33,323
a boisterous charm
that has awoken the teacher in me.
163
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,368
I almost wish my finishing school
were still open.
164
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:39,538
I fear she is beyond the help
of even your prodigious talents.
165
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,707
- Then I accept your wager.
- My what?
166
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,543
The carving really is quite exquisite.
167
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:48,714
In addition, we have gained a new
ivory comb and a Moroccan footstool.
168
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,966
- No, seriously, what?
- Mistress Alex,
169
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:55,053
I feel we have so much to learn from one
another, though we've hardly conversed.
170
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,263
Yeah, totally.
171
00:09:56,346 --> 00:10:00,350
And as it seems that lord Harry
has other urgent business to attend to,
172
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,186
it appears we shall have that chance.
173
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,479
What?
174
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:06,982
Yes.
175
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:13,489
I have business, urgent business,
to go and do.
176
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:19,953
But it is my fervent hope that
you will both become better acquainted.
177
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:24,416
A sentiment I echo, lord Harry.
178
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:29,838
Lady Mary.
179
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,226
God,
180
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:47,689
haunting a stately home.
Shit, that must be brilliant.
181
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:52,069
I mean, sorry, not "shit".
Um, "bums"?
182
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,112
You all right?
183
00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:57,115
Yes. I am curious,
lord Harry, has he...
184
00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,576
- Oh, yeah, yeah. He's gone.
- Oh, thank fuck for that.
185
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:00,744
- What?
- God I
186
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,997
it's just such hard work
keeping it up, you know?
187
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:06,291
All that "thee" and "thou" bollocks.
188
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,919
It gets on my tits.
189
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:10,546
You're not...
190
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:15,717
- You're not posh?
- Oh. Let's get out of here.
191
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:19,179
This place bored me to frigging
tears even when I was alive.
192
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,181
But now I have a playmate.
193
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,851
Come on, let's go, have some fun.
194
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,193
- Mr. Chrysler.
- I missed the fried breakfast,
195
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:35,779
so technically,
I'm just taking what's due to me.
196
00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:41,243
I was under the impression that
you were leaving us today. However...
197
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,595
I don't know where
you got that idea from.
198
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,621
My management company
specifically stated
199
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,207
that there was one week's full stay
included in the rider.
200
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:50,335
Well, whoever's error it is,
it's very unfortunate.
201
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,214
Going out tonight, Mr. Chrysler?
202
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:57,175
Maybe.
203
00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,178
Be sure to vacate your room
by tomorrow morning.
204
00:12:00,596 --> 00:12:03,265
Well, that's fine.
Be good to get back on the road.
205
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,142
Put some miles on the clock.
206
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,353
Hotel living can be
a little bit soulless.
207
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:09,813
You know what I mean?
208
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:13,942
Thanks again.
209
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:22,576
So you put it all on, just for hal?
210
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,995
Mmm-mmm. It wasn't always an act.
211
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:29,666
When he first started visiting me,
I actually was that curtseying fuckwit.
212
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:34,212
So, you and hal, what's the deal?
213
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,340
I told you. We're just mates.
214
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:43,555
I mean, we kind of had a date once,
but it didn't go too well.
215
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:48,894
I laddered my tights on the way there,
then I had to run back and get changed,
216
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,563
and then I got killed by a vampire.
217
00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:55,525
Shit the bed.
So, you kind of had a thing,
218
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,570
you got killed,
and now you and hal live together?
219
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:00,155
- Yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.
220
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,782
Oh, fuck off.
221
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:06,536
Kind of had a thing. Mates.
222
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,957
What is he like? Hmm?
223
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,875
Shit.
224
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:19,800
Okay, so, apparently,
she is secretly shagging him,
225
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,260
but he's the boyfriend of her.
226
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,346
You can read their minds?
227
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,640
Isn't that a bit like
reading someone's diary?
228
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,183
It's brilliant, isn't it?
229
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,937
So it's fair to say that
you've changed over the years?
230
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:36,400
Mmm. Doesn't everyone? I mean I read.
I watch TV.
231
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,503
I keep up with the world.
It just looks a bit bloody weird
232
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,363
'cause I'm dressed like
a cake decoration.
233
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:47,411
She knows! And she's one
bacardi breezer away from twatting her.
234
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,162
Oops.
235
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,041
Fucking bitch!
236
00:13:55,627 --> 00:14:00,215
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
237
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,346
- Mr. Chrysler.
- What?
238
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:08,432
It's you again. All right?
239
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:11,452
You off to go and drag your chicken
around in a circle?
240
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,769
Excuse me?
241
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,480
- I've got a cellar.
- Awesome.
242
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,458
Well, she's faking it,
and he's thinking about his ex.
243
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,126
But he's almost there.
244
00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:40,756
Come on. You're gonna miss it.
He's not exactly a long-distance runner.
245
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:43,759
Yeah, you know what?
I think I'm... I'm just gonna pass.
246
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:46,219
Suit yourself. Oh, god, here we go.
247
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,892
Man: Oh, yes!
248
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,632
I've got my own cellar now.
A lot less faff.
249
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,258
Yeah, the cellar.
250
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,736
You're very pleased with your cellar,
aren't you?
251
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,220
Look at the state of you.
252
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,889
No offense. But I know the signs.
253
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,766
Woke up in the woods, then, yeah?
254
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:36,103
Yeah, bit of a crazy night
last night, actually.
255
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:40,649
Some of the people from the show
dragged me out to a club,
256
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,860
and had absolute carnage.
Had about four pints.
257
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,655
Then a casino.
Fell in with a stag do, and...
258
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:50,075
Nice lads, but I lost a bet,
so here we are. Oh.
259
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,036
- I think I can hear my pager.
- It's all right, you know.
260
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:56,331
- What do you mean?
- I'm a werewolf, too.
261
00:15:58,542 --> 00:15:59,662
Suppose it's understandable,
262
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,270
if you've never met
any other werewolves,
263
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,880
how would you know how
to spot them? Us.
264
00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:06,216
I can't stop thinking about your talk.
265
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,803
All the things that you've done
and bought.
266
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,639
I was just wondering
if you had any, like,
267
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,808
you know, like, pointers for me?
268
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,728
I'm a werewolf too, but I've never
lived anywhere posh, like you.
269
00:16:18,854 --> 00:16:21,982
I live in a house now,
but I ain't got it all to myself.
270
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:24,401
I have share it
with a couple of friends.
271
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,570
I used to live in a Van
in the woods with my dad.
272
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,739
We'd move about, and keep a low profile,
273
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,968
and, well,
just live off the land, really.
274
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,535
What did you say?
275
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,054
I used to live in a Van
in the woods with my dad.
276
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,413
- Before that.
- Erm...
277
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,558
I'm a werewolf, but I've never lived
anywhere posh, like you.
278
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,751
After that. You said something
about living in a house with people.
279
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,087
- Yeah.
- Do they know what you are?
280
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,214
Yeah. Totally.
281
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,383
And they don't mind?
282
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,052
Well, they've got their
own things going on.
283
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,265
So, you want to know about
the secret of my success?
284
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,516
Yeah.
285
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,352
Half of me thinks it's impossible.
286
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,772
Half of me thinks it would be selfish
not to pass on my wisdom.
287
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:04,608
And yet,
288
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,194
the other halfjust wants
to throw caution to the wind.
289
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:10,113
- That's three halves.
- Oh, you're good.
290
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,032
Real good.
291
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:16,411
So, this house of yours.
How big is it, exactly?
292
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,420
We need to talk about Mary.
293
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,131
I did say you'd find her a little dull.
294
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,815
"Dull" is not the word that I would use.
295
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,051
Erm...
296
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,887
"Crazy sordid batshit shocking"
is more the flavor.
297
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:37,724
I'm sorry, is this some new youth slang
for "boring"? I do try to keep up.
298
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,143
Mary is not who you think she is, hal.
299
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,437
The whole "posh totty" thing,
it's just an act.
300
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,314
Why on earth would she do that?
301
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,750
I don't know and I don't care.
302
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:48,401
But what I'm worried about
is the fact that she's been stuck here
303
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:52,113
for 200 years and it's turned her
into a total frothing loon.
304
00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:56,618
- Is that what's gonna happen to me?
- Look...
305
00:17:57,452 --> 00:18:01,164
Even if you don't pass over for...
A while,
306
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,167
I'm sure you'd cope with it admirably.
307
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,671
You and Mary are completely
different people, after all.
308
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,010
Had a thing with you. Got killed.
309
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,514
Stuck here as a ghost, but mates now.
310
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,642
Does that ring any bells?
311
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,812
- You all right, Tom?
- I'm fine. Are you?
312
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,524
Ooh. Is that somebody at the door?
313
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,948
- Tom, my young apprentice.
- Larry, come on in, mate.
314
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:42,539
Alex, hal, this is Larry,
the werewolf from the talk.
315
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,542
Greetings, Larry Chrysler.
316
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,627
- Hi.
- Very nice.
317
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:49,546
The room. Love the place.
318
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,133
Buffet monitor.
319
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,509
Good to see you again.
320
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,946
Larry's gonna teach me
how to become a successful werewolf.
321
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,471
How do you feel about that, hal?
322
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,224
- Good for you, Tom.
- Yeah, it is good for me, Tom.
323
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:04,561
So, am I to take it
you're both werewolves as well?
324
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:08,064
- No. I'm a vampire.
- And I'm a ghost.
325
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,483
Very good.
I see what you're doing there.
326
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,320
Using humor to break the ice.
Great stuff.
327
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,388
So I see you've brought a suitcase.
328
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,242
Yeah, well, my tutoring
can be quite time-intensive.
329
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,220
We thought,
rather than a lot of coming and going,
330
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:23,246
I'd just stay here for a while.
331
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,915
Uh, yeah.
332
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,960
Larry's gonna stay here for a while,
to train me.
333
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,420
Great.
334
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,402
- The more the merrier!
- You're not the boss of me here, hal.
335
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,301
- I can do what I like.
- Yes, I know, I said it was great.
336
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,145
Great to meet you both.
337
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,400
- I didn't know you wanted to stay.
- I thought we discussed it, hadn't we?
338
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:54,778
Sure we did.
We were thinking it, anyway.
339
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,404
Because of the training?
340
00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,282
Yeah. Yeah, the training. Lots of it.
341
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:01,326
Great stuff.
342
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,787
When do we start?
Like, is there a manual or summat?
343
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:07,749
Yes, of course there is.
A vital component of the program.
344
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:12,462
Now, er, this is the most
important book you'll ever own.
345
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:16,674
Er, truly got me where I am today.
346
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,762
This book is now your Bible.
I want you to live it,
347
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,515
breathe it, sleep with it...
Under your pillow.
348
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,683
I'm just saying it's a good book.
349
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,104
Oh, wow. Thanks, Larry.
350
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:32,482
You say your dad
taught you a few things?
351
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:37,237
Yeah, um, only steal from big shops,
there's good eating on rabbit,
352
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,698
and underpants inside out
buys you an extra week.
353
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:43,159
Essential life lessons.
354
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:46,162
Anything about becoming a success?
Making something of yourself?
355
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,164
Nah, not really.
356
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:51,376
It were more about whittling
and not starving to death.
357
00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:54,546
He were amazing, though, my dad.
358
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,965
We were hardly ever
out of each other's sight.
359
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,883
He protected me from the world.
360
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,969
A bit too much, maybe.
361
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,555
I don't know,
I just want to make him proud.
362
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,183
And I get dead frustrated when I can't,
and I get things wrong and that.
363
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,646
Tom, open that door.
364
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,069
Did you see him go?
365
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,322
Old Tom, failure Tom,
he's left the building.
366
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,993
Oh, right. See ya!
367
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:28,705
No, no, Tom. Shun him. Shun him.
368
00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:30,081
Shun him.
369
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,043
Now,
370
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:37,589
let's get down to basics.
Clothes maketh the man.
371
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,925
How would you like this suit, Tom?
372
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,344
To keep? You'd just give me your suit?
373
00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:48,558
It's important, vitally important
to make a good first impression.
374
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:51,603
And this little baby
has done wonders for me.
375
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,481
Oh, cheers, Larry.
Giving me all this stuff.
376
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:56,375
I feel as though I should
give you summat in return.
377
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:59,068
No. Not necessary, seriously.
378
00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:01,929
Having said that, there is one thing
you could help me with.
379
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,031
Yeah, anything.
380
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:05,283
Well, obviously,
I need to buy a new suit now.
381
00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:09,245
Um, and I've got a bit of a cash flow
issue over the next few days. So...
382
00:22:09,746 --> 00:22:12,415
I'm transferring money
between banks. You know how it is.
383
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:16,252
But if you could, maybe,
lend me, say, £150?
384
00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:19,635
- I've got some savings.
- Actually, forget it.
385
00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:22,175
I'm embarrassed for even asking.
386
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,260
I'll think of something, don't worry.
387
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:27,931
I don't know what exactly,
but something will turn up.
388
00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,600
I'll help you out, Larry.
389
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,767
But it's just a loan, though, yeah?
For a few days?
390
00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:35,563
Absolutely. Absol-Larry-lutely.
391
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:38,107
Yeah.
392
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,497
- Tom?
- Hello, hal.
393
00:22:52,622 --> 00:22:56,125
I've just come to congratulate you
on your new position of manager.
394
00:23:00,964 --> 00:23:02,382
Thank you, Tom.
395
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:04,342
That Larry's suit?
396
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:06,467
You're not the only one
who can wear a suit, hally.
397
00:23:07,637 --> 00:23:09,722
I got this printed off at the library.
398
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,519
- Tom mcnair incorporated?
- Yep.
399
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:18,541
I think you're supposed to put
something else on there,
400
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:19,899
like a phone number or an email.
401
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:23,820
I'll call you.
Yeah, there's a new player in town.
402
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,572
And he's got the skills and the looks
403
00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:27,907
and the motivation and the skills.
404
00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:30,034
He's got the whole package.
405
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,662
Quite.
406
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:36,725
Everything okay with your
breakfast there, madam?
407
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,502
Everything okay?
How's things, all right?
408
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,421
Ange. Ange. Ange.
409
00:23:44,257 --> 00:23:46,342
Tom: They were really impressed.
410
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:51,347
I did the power handshake,
gave him my card, um, interrupted him.
411
00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:55,268
I mean, that's three of the ingredients
for success pie right there, innit?
412
00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,145
Success pie?
413
00:23:57,228 --> 00:23:58,868
Yeah, the book.
Chapter four, success pie.
414
00:23:58,896 --> 00:24:00,315
Oh, the book. Of course.
415
00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:03,735
Now, your next life lesson.
Take this,
416
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:06,613
and go and put the windscreen
through on that BMW over there.
417
00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:07,947
Whose car is it?
418
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:10,366
Let's say it's your competitor,
419
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:13,745
who has stolen your assets
and voted you off the board.
420
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:16,247
Yeah, but whose car is it, really?
421
00:24:16,706 --> 00:24:17,749
Mine.
422
00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:20,084
Stolen by my bitch of an ex-wife.
423
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:23,880
Who is currently spending my money,
tanning herself in that spa,
424
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:27,133
so she can look even more like
the leather handbag, which I bought.
425
00:24:27,216 --> 00:24:29,385
Ha! The irony. Makes me wanna puke.
426
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,262
Your ex-wife?
427
00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:35,308
- Miss thingy '92 and '94?
- One and the same.
428
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:38,519
Although 1992 was a long time ago, as
one look at her will plainly tell you.
429
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:40,313
I don't think I can do this.
430
00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:42,750
I thought you wanted to learn
how to climb the mountain of success?
431
00:24:42,774 --> 00:24:44,209
Yeah, but I don't think
smashing a windscreen
432
00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:45,878
is gonna help me
climb the mountain of success,
433
00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:48,404
- or eat success pie, is it?
- Tom,
434
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,658
sometimes you have to do
regrettable things to get to the top.
435
00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:54,637
And when you do, your old dad
will be looking down and smiling.
436
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,746
Not if I do this, he won't.
437
00:24:57,413 --> 00:25:00,166
Maybe you're right.
I'm pushing you too quickly.
438
00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:03,419
Just go and let her tires down
and we'll say no more about it.
439
00:25:04,754 --> 00:25:05,963
Go on.
440
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:11,594
All of them.
441
00:25:14,263 --> 00:25:17,684
Mary: It's simple, really.
I go off and have adventures
442
00:25:17,767 --> 00:25:19,644
and just make sure I'm back here
443
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:22,480
in time for all the
"prithee, lord Harry" bullshit.
444
00:25:22,605 --> 00:25:25,233
Why? That's what I don't understand.
445
00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:27,777
And what about
your unfinished business?
446
00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,613
Oh, that's all sorted.
Something about library books.
447
00:25:30,697 --> 00:25:33,866
No, I've had loads of doors appear.
I just turn them down.
448
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:36,285
What? Why?
449
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:38,705
Hal. He needs me.
450
00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:42,125
I know he's got you,
and there's been Pearl and Annie,
451
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:45,086
and those are just the ones
I can remember, but...
452
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:47,797
Me and hal have something special.
453
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,633
Something no one else
could ever understand.
454
00:25:51,008 --> 00:25:52,051
Which is?
455
00:25:52,385 --> 00:25:53,803
I keep him clean.
456
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:57,223
Seeing me once a year
stops him from killing.
457
00:25:57,974 --> 00:26:01,561
And has kept him from killing
for more than two centuries.
458
00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:04,981
- What do you mean?
- I was his last victim.
459
00:26:05,481 --> 00:26:08,568
- Is that what he told you?
- Yes.
460
00:26:13,823 --> 00:26:16,492
You know what? It's not my business.
461
00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,494
But I...
462
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:22,832
Mmm! ...Just really don't think that
all these lies are that healthy.
463
00:26:23,666 --> 00:26:25,668
Just tell him who you really are.
464
00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:28,379
What if he doesn't want
the new me?
465
00:26:31,799 --> 00:26:34,218
Sometimes, when he looks at me,
it's like...
466
00:26:38,806 --> 00:26:40,391
It's just on the tip of his tongue.
467
00:26:41,726 --> 00:26:44,395
Yeah, you two
really need to have a talk.
468
00:26:44,979 --> 00:26:47,315
No. No, no, no, no.
469
00:26:48,691 --> 00:26:49,942
I'm not ready.
470
00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:52,153
Okay, listen, um,
471
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:56,073
you've shown me your world.
How about I show you mine?
472
00:26:57,575 --> 00:26:59,035
You know, come see my gaff.
473
00:27:00,787 --> 00:27:01,913
Okay.
474
00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:15,092
Cheers.
475
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:18,679
Larry.
476
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:22,141
- Might I have a quick word?
- Shoot.
477
00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:27,772
I was just wondering how
Tom's lessons were progressing?
478
00:27:28,648 --> 00:27:30,358
Yeah, very...
479
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:33,694
We're at a delicate stage.
We're breaking down barriers.
480
00:27:34,362 --> 00:27:37,490
- To replace them with?
- Bridges. Castles.
481
00:27:38,199 --> 00:27:40,117
Affordable housing.
482
00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:42,888
Actually, there's something
I've been meaning to ask you.
483
00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:46,123
- Did you ever meet Tom's father?
- No, I never had that pleasure.
484
00:27:46,624 --> 00:27:48,864
But I'm right in thinking
they kept him away from people,
485
00:27:48,918 --> 00:27:50,628
and that Tom was home-schooled?
486
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:52,004
That was my understanding.
487
00:27:52,088 --> 00:27:55,258
Although, I don't think mcnair's lessons
were exactly conventional.
488
00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:57,653
You must take some of the credit,
of course,
489
00:27:57,677 --> 00:27:59,554
for helping Tom adjust to society.
490
00:27:59,637 --> 00:28:02,348
Tom's been very resourceful
in that area.
491
00:28:02,473 --> 00:28:04,642
Sorry, are you saying you
haven't taught him anything?
492
00:28:04,725 --> 00:28:06,870
I mean, you're obviously a man
of breeding and intelligence,
493
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:09,397
whereas Tom was almost
literally raised by wolves.
494
00:28:09,939 --> 00:28:11,691
That's something
of a sweeping statement.
495
00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:15,611
And yet you felt no compulsion
to pass on any of your...
496
00:28:16,070 --> 00:28:19,031
Huh, fine. Not really my place.
497
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:20,366
Unbelievable.
498
00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:22,577
I suppose the greatest test
of a teacher's work
499
00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:25,913
is whether the student thrives
without them.
500
00:28:27,582 --> 00:28:28,666
It'll be interesting
501
00:28:28,749 --> 00:28:31,210
to see Tom implement
all the things you've taught him...
502
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,463
Once you've gone.
503
00:28:37,258 --> 00:28:39,010
Once all of this is over.
504
00:28:42,013 --> 00:28:43,639
It's a big house,
505
00:28:45,308 --> 00:28:46,851
but not that big.
506
00:28:47,685 --> 00:28:50,229
How odd you must find
our little setup here.
507
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:53,149
How domesticated.
508
00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:57,153
Perhaps we are a little rigid,
but that structure seems to work for us.
509
00:28:57,653 --> 00:29:00,573
And we'll do all we can
to protect it.
510
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:03,701
I'll bear that in mind.
511
00:29:07,038 --> 00:29:10,291
Rook: My situation is not unique,
and I appreciate that.
512
00:29:10,374 --> 00:29:12,919
People lose their jobs every day.
513
00:29:13,002 --> 00:29:15,504
When that happens, no doubt
514
00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:18,966
other aspects of their life expand
to fill the void.
515
00:29:20,134 --> 00:29:22,136
The problem with my life is,
516
00:29:22,678 --> 00:29:25,306
there's nothing else there to expand.
517
00:29:26,140 --> 00:29:28,059
I don't have a family.
518
00:29:28,142 --> 00:29:30,102
I don't have any hobbies.
519
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:32,897
The job was my life.
520
00:29:34,649 --> 00:29:36,442
Now that's gone.
521
00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:40,279
So I find myself
at something of a loose end.
522
00:29:40,363 --> 00:29:43,324
Woman:
What was it that you did? Your job?
523
00:29:43,532 --> 00:29:46,369
Oh, civil service. Very dull.
524
00:29:47,912 --> 00:29:51,248
Well, that's what I always said.
525
00:29:53,167 --> 00:29:55,252
But it's something of a lie.
526
00:29:56,212 --> 00:30:00,508
My job was covert and dangerous,
527
00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:05,137
and required me to commit acts
that will haunt me until the day I die.
528
00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,642
All in the name
of holding back the tide.
529
00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:13,312
And if we simply step aside now,
530
00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:16,190
and allow that tide
to wash over the world,
531
00:30:16,399 --> 00:30:19,402
then all my sacrifice has been
for nothing.
532
00:30:19,652 --> 00:30:23,197
All those deaths have been for nothing.
533
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,243
Do you understand?
534
00:30:29,078 --> 00:30:31,998
Woman: Would you like me to tell you
what I'm wearing?
535
00:30:36,836 --> 00:30:39,255
Why not? Why not?
536
00:30:46,178 --> 00:30:47,823
Don't have to keep the suit on
all the time.
537
00:30:47,847 --> 00:30:50,099
What happens if
an exciting business opportunity arose
538
00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:52,643
and I'd taken it off?
Look a bit stupid then, wouldn't I?
539
00:30:53,978 --> 00:30:55,146
Tom.
540
00:30:58,816 --> 00:31:00,192
I need to talk to you about Larry.
541
00:31:09,368 --> 00:31:12,371
I don't think he's quite the success
he's led us to believe.
542
00:31:13,706 --> 00:31:16,125
I wanted to know why
we hadn't seen him on the television.
543
00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:20,171
So I did a search, a Google,
544
00:31:20,379 --> 00:31:22,923
and it turns out he was sacked.
545
00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:27,344
- Six months ago.
- You really can't stand it, can you?
546
00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:29,388
Can't stand to see me winning.
547
00:31:29,472 --> 00:31:30,973
Tom, this isn't winning.
548
00:31:36,312 --> 00:31:39,607
I've been thinking.
What if I made you assistant manager?
549
00:31:39,690 --> 00:31:42,693
I don't want to be just your assistant.
I want your job!
550
00:31:44,278 --> 00:31:46,840
Something tells me, now that
Larry's given me the skills that I need,
551
00:31:46,864 --> 00:31:48,783
you're worried that I mightjust get it.
552
00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:51,869
Larry is a charlatan and a failure.
553
00:31:51,952 --> 00:31:54,497
He's not. He's a business guru
and a motivated speaker.
554
00:31:54,580 --> 00:31:57,416
He's been filling your head
with utter nonsense.
555
00:31:57,500 --> 00:32:00,086
Tom, these attitudes
556
00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:01,921
he's encouraging,
557
00:32:02,379 --> 00:32:04,006
they're shallow, they're aggressive...
558
00:32:04,090 --> 00:32:06,008
All right, okay, all right.
559
00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:08,636
Maybe he's not a very nice guy.
560
00:32:08,761 --> 00:32:11,013
Maybe that's the truth.
But you know what?
561
00:32:11,097 --> 00:32:12,473
I don't care.
562
00:32:12,723 --> 00:32:14,642
'Cause nice guys finish last, hal.
563
00:32:14,725 --> 00:32:17,144
And I'm tired of finishing last.
564
00:32:17,311 --> 00:32:19,897
Because when you're there,
you get to the finishing line,
565
00:32:19,980 --> 00:32:21,816
you find that the pie's already gone,
566
00:32:21,899 --> 00:32:24,193
'cause some bugger like you
has already ate it.
567
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,404
The success pie.
568
00:32:28,072 --> 00:32:29,949
Which is where they keep it.
569
00:32:30,074 --> 00:32:31,994
The finishing line,
on top of success mountain...
570
00:32:32,034 --> 00:32:34,120
I don't really know how it works.
571
00:32:37,790 --> 00:32:39,101
You don't have to stoop to his level.
572
00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:40,876
Maybe I do, hal.
573
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,169
Because I'm sure of one thing,
574
00:32:42,253 --> 00:32:44,547
mcnair would've wanted more
for me than this.
575
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:46,215
And I'm letting him down.
576
00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:49,135
Every day I'm letting him down.
577
00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:53,806
And maybe this is a way
I can make him proud of me.
578
00:33:07,111 --> 00:33:08,696
Welcome to our humble abode.
579
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:12,658
It used to be a cheesy b&b,
but I swear you would never know.
580
00:33:12,741 --> 00:33:14,326
Mmm-hmm. Don't sweat it.
581
00:33:14,410 --> 00:33:17,037
Over the years
I've seen some right sh...
582
00:33:17,121 --> 00:33:21,584
Shining examples
of edwardian architecture.
583
00:33:22,459 --> 00:33:23,961
Oh, Tom's here.
584
00:33:24,211 --> 00:33:25,671
I thought you'd be at work.
585
00:33:26,255 --> 00:33:29,675
Um, I didn't know we were expecting
company. You should have said.
586
00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:33,554
Mary, this is Tom. And Larry,
587
00:33:34,138 --> 00:33:38,184
Tom's werewolf friend
stroke lifestyle coach.
588
00:33:39,476 --> 00:33:41,187
Guilty as charged.
589
00:33:42,104 --> 00:33:44,224
You must have died a long time ago,
dressed like that.
590
00:33:44,273 --> 00:33:46,734
I believe that questions
as to a lady's age
591
00:33:46,817 --> 00:33:51,071
are considered inappropriate,
even in this barbaric age.
592
00:33:51,155 --> 00:33:54,241
I'm loving that whole downton Abbey
thing you've got going on there.
593
00:33:54,325 --> 00:33:56,076
Pretty sexy. Say something else.
594
00:33:57,661 --> 00:34:00,414
So might I take it
you're Thomas' father?
595
00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:05,753
- I'm not that bloody old.
- I apologize for any offense caused.
596
00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:15,221
- Lady Mary?
- Lord Harry.
597
00:34:22,478 --> 00:34:25,481
You are no longer in your home,
you are outside?
598
00:34:25,606 --> 00:34:30,444
Indeed. Mistress Alexandra persuaded me
to take a quiet constitutional.
599
00:34:30,945 --> 00:34:33,322
Um, we were just about
to have some dinner.
600
00:34:33,405 --> 00:34:35,115
Would you like to join us?
601
00:34:38,953 --> 00:34:42,164
Alex: So, 250 years.
602
00:34:42,665 --> 00:34:44,291
Man. Phew.
603
00:34:44,625 --> 00:34:47,503
That's a long time to stay
on the straight and narrow.
604
00:34:47,962 --> 00:34:49,296
What's your secret, hal?
605
00:34:49,380 --> 00:34:51,173
Are my ears burning?
606
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,219
- So ghosts really can't eat?
- No. We can't. It's tragic.
607
00:34:55,344 --> 00:34:58,389
Anyway, hal, 250 years without blood.
608
00:34:58,472 --> 00:35:01,392
- That's quite an achievement.
- Larry: So, what else can't you do?
609
00:35:01,475 --> 00:35:04,037
I'm right in saying that you can't
take your clothes off, aren't I?
610
00:35:04,061 --> 00:35:09,650
So, does that also mean you can't,
you know, have a bath?
611
00:35:09,858 --> 00:35:13,404
No. It's a real shame.
Anyway, hal, Mary, blood, discuss.
612
00:35:13,487 --> 00:35:15,864
It is unfortunately very true.
613
00:35:16,198 --> 00:35:20,786
Yet, even though I've been dead
for over 200 years,
614
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:25,416
I am sure that I bathe more regularly
than some people I could think of.
615
00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:26,875
I prefer showers.
616
00:35:27,543 --> 00:35:29,229
You're just sitting in your own muck
in a bath.
617
00:35:29,253 --> 00:35:31,130
Oh, forget the baths,
it's the shagging I miss.
618
00:35:31,255 --> 00:35:33,132
I think I need to go.
619
00:35:41,724 --> 00:35:43,976
So I see the footsie's gone up.
Crazy!
620
00:35:44,059 --> 00:35:46,687
Real pity. Real waste.
621
00:35:46,770 --> 00:35:48,522
Pretty girl like you.
622
00:35:48,605 --> 00:35:50,983
That you'll never again
know the love of a man.
623
00:35:53,986 --> 00:35:56,613
Do you want to stay a man? Do you?
624
00:35:57,406 --> 00:35:58,824
- Just nod.
- Alex?
625
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:03,537
Okay. Then you don't talk to me.
626
00:36:03,620 --> 00:36:06,165
You don't look at me.
You don't even think of me again.
627
00:36:06,248 --> 00:36:09,335
Because if you do, I will cut
your nutsack off in the night.
628
00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,962
Oh, and mention one word
of this to hal...
629
00:36:20,471 --> 00:36:23,599
I just gotta catch up on some work.
630
00:36:34,777 --> 00:36:36,528
What have you done?
631
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:38,739
You've broken Mary.
632
00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:41,950
I told you. She only puts it on
because she thinks that you need it.
633
00:36:42,034 --> 00:36:44,578
That's insane.
Why would I need her to do such a thing?
634
00:36:44,661 --> 00:36:47,706
Because, somehow,
she has this crazy idea
635
00:36:47,790 --> 00:36:49,958
that she was your last ever victim.
636
00:36:52,795 --> 00:36:55,130
- You haven't told her, have you?
- No, I haven't.
637
00:36:55,214 --> 00:36:57,495
But how the hell could you
let her think that for so long?
638
00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,301
It's not exactly an easy topic to raise.
639
00:36:59,385 --> 00:37:01,428
Hal, she is turning down doors
640
00:37:01,512 --> 00:37:03,555
because she thinks
that's keeping you clean.
641
00:37:03,806 --> 00:37:05,641
- You have to tell her.
- I can't.
642
00:37:06,683 --> 00:37:08,328
It would destroy her.
She's far too fragile.
643
00:37:08,352 --> 00:37:10,312
Hal, does she look fragile?
644
00:37:16,985 --> 00:37:19,863
- Your mate's a nutter.
- Yeah, well, yours is an arsehole.
645
00:37:19,988 --> 00:37:22,241
And a letch and a bullshitter.
646
00:37:22,825 --> 00:37:25,077
- He's got a jacuzzi.
- Oh, stuff his jacuzzi.
647
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,996
Seriously, Tom,
what are you even doing with that guy?
648
00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:33,168
Learning how to be like him.
649
00:37:42,177 --> 00:37:43,720
Larry? You all right, mate?
650
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:46,432
Absolutely fine.
What's on your mind there, Tom Tom?
651
00:37:46,849 --> 00:37:48,684
Bit weird down there
with Mary, wasn't it?
652
00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:51,520
Oh, that. Yeah, to be honest,
I'd forgotten all about that.
653
00:37:51,687 --> 00:37:54,189
It's all part of the game, Tom.
All part of the game.
654
00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:57,276
- Your hand's bleeding.
- Anything else?
655
00:37:58,694 --> 00:38:00,279
When are you gonna
be back on the telly?
656
00:38:00,362 --> 00:38:02,239
I'd really like hal
to see you in action.
657
00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:03,699
Ah, well, if you must know,
658
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:06,201
I'm taking some leave
to pursue other opportunities.
659
00:38:06,285 --> 00:38:08,537
But I'll be back on again
in a couple of weeks,
660
00:38:08,704 --> 00:38:10,456
straight after the six o'clock news.
661
00:38:10,539 --> 00:38:13,750
Um, I was thinking that,
662
00:38:13,876 --> 00:38:15,961
maybe tomorrow
we could go round to your house,
663
00:38:16,044 --> 00:38:19,298
do some training or go for
a swim in the jacuzzi or summat?
664
00:38:19,465 --> 00:38:23,802
Uh, sorry, but the old pile
now belongs to my charming ex-wife.
665
00:38:24,386 --> 00:38:26,239
We can certainly go round there
and put some windows through,
666
00:38:26,263 --> 00:38:28,724
- if you're up for it?
- No, thanks.
667
00:38:29,391 --> 00:38:31,435
So you ain't got a house no more, no?
668
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,730
Come on, Tom. House? Job? Wife?
Shackles by any other name.
669
00:38:34,897 --> 00:38:36,648
Who needs 'em, really? Ha!
670
00:38:38,984 --> 00:38:41,069
Hal was right, wasn't he?
671
00:38:41,236 --> 00:38:43,780
It's all just made-up. All just stories.
672
00:38:43,906 --> 00:38:46,366
What? I wouldn't go listening to hal.
673
00:38:46,450 --> 00:38:48,761
Look up "loser" in the dictionary,
there's a picture of him.
674
00:38:48,785 --> 00:38:52,080
Or a drawing.
I don't quite know how it works, but...
675
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:54,500
You've been sleeping in your car,
ain't ya?
676
00:38:55,417 --> 00:38:57,711
I've done enough dossing
to know the signs.
677
00:38:57,794 --> 00:39:00,255
He's really got to you, hasn't he?
678
00:39:01,340 --> 00:39:02,508
Gotta say, I'm disappointed.
679
00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:04,927
Stop it now, Larry.
It ain't working no more, mate.
680
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:08,263
Were you ever a success,
or was it all just lies?
681
00:39:08,430 --> 00:39:11,433
Look, if I ever lied to you,
it was only to protect you.
682
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,685
I did have it all, once upon a time.
683
00:39:13,769 --> 00:39:16,146
Then the werewolf came,
gobbled it all up.
684
00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:19,566
How? How did it gobble it all up?
What does that even mean?
685
00:39:19,650 --> 00:39:21,652
You were turned as a baby, weren't you?
686
00:39:21,777 --> 00:39:23,612
You've never known anything else.
687
00:39:23,695 --> 00:39:26,031
You don't know
how the wolf changes you.
688
00:39:26,114 --> 00:39:28,116
You see,
it's not just one night a month.
689
00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,452
It's every day, every hour.
690
00:39:30,536 --> 00:39:32,663
No, it's not.
Most of the time we're normal.
691
00:39:32,788 --> 00:39:35,332
How would you know?
You've never seen yourself without it.
692
00:39:35,666 --> 00:39:37,292
I know it changed me.
693
00:39:37,376 --> 00:39:40,170
I've got instincts now,
which I never had before.
694
00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:43,215
New drives. Aggression.
695
00:39:44,049 --> 00:39:46,051
Lust. That's how it started.
696
00:39:46,301 --> 00:39:47,844
I cheated on my wife.
697
00:39:48,136 --> 00:39:51,139
Piece by piece,
the wolf took it all away.
698
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:53,642
The houses, the job, the money.
699
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:55,602
Well, iain't like that.
I'm nothing like that.
700
00:39:55,686 --> 00:39:58,897
What, no aggression?
How many vampires have you killed?
701
00:39:59,147 --> 00:40:01,608
Or maybe the wolf
is holding you back in other ways.
702
00:40:01,692 --> 00:40:05,529
How would you know? Maybe there's
a smart, successful Tom inside
703
00:40:05,654 --> 00:40:07,322
that has all the answers.
704
00:40:07,406 --> 00:40:09,199
Who, sadly, we'll never meet.
705
00:40:10,242 --> 00:40:13,412
Yeah, but... you gave me the book.
You said if! Learned it...
706
00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:15,080
I've never even read that book.
707
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:17,666
I don't think any of us
stands a chance against the wolf.
708
00:40:17,833 --> 00:40:19,376
Because it always wins.
709
00:40:19,835 --> 00:40:22,337
For us, this is as good as it gets.
710
00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:31,763
Mary: Ah, I shouldn't have come back.
711
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:34,433
You and hal need to talk about this.
712
00:40:35,183 --> 00:40:37,519
But he doesn't even know me anymore.
713
00:40:38,270 --> 00:40:40,188
So introduce yourself.
714
00:40:41,857 --> 00:40:45,360
And I like action films.
715
00:40:45,527 --> 00:40:48,864
Um, John woo, Jackie chan,
716
00:40:49,906 --> 00:40:53,076
and the music of metallica.
717
00:40:53,785 --> 00:40:56,705
I watch cage fighting.
718
00:40:57,039 --> 00:41:00,125
I shoplift. Quite a lot.
719
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:06,131
And I push people over sometimes,
if I don't like their shoes.
720
00:41:06,381 --> 00:41:07,924
Or their faces.
721
00:41:10,761 --> 00:41:13,764
Suppose this must all be
a bit of a headfuck.
722
00:41:15,891 --> 00:41:18,810
That's certainly one way of putting it.
723
00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:21,897
Well, actually, Mary,
724
00:41:22,064 --> 00:41:25,067
hal has a little secret
that he wants to tell you.
725
00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,445
Really?
726
00:41:31,448 --> 00:41:32,741
What's that then, hal?
727
00:41:36,078 --> 00:41:39,414
Alex has been telling me that
you have been turning down doors,
728
00:41:40,707 --> 00:41:44,086
thinking that your presence here
has been keeping me from killing.
729
00:41:44,586 --> 00:41:47,756
I'm sorry to break this to you, Mary,
but that simply isn't true.
730
00:41:48,090 --> 00:41:50,217
You have been a loyal and close friend.
731
00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:52,094
But you weren't my last victim.
732
00:41:58,767 --> 00:42:00,769
You are...
733
00:42:02,396 --> 00:42:03,438
Shitting me.
734
00:42:03,605 --> 00:42:05,607
Many times, I tried to raise
735
00:42:05,774 --> 00:42:09,403
- the courage to tell you.
- You had centuries of lying.
736
00:42:10,487 --> 00:42:16,702
Centuries of bowing and fawning,
and babbling about the fucking weather.
737
00:42:16,785 --> 00:42:19,621
Centuries of knowing
how I felt about you.
738
00:42:20,122 --> 00:42:24,000
Centuries of letting me think
you felt the same.
739
00:42:24,126 --> 00:42:27,087
And I did.
Perhaps not in that way.
740
00:42:27,838 --> 00:42:29,297
But I'm totally clean now.
741
00:42:30,132 --> 00:42:32,384
It must be over 50 years
since I last killed
742
00:42:32,467 --> 00:42:34,845
- a human for blood.
- Oh, well, that's okay, then.
743
00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:39,015
'Cause that only makes me an idiot
for what, 200 years?
744
00:42:39,683 --> 00:42:42,602
And you knew? Wow.
745
00:42:42,978 --> 00:42:45,272
You covered for this tosser?
746
00:42:45,814 --> 00:42:47,691
But now, you're...
747
00:42:48,442 --> 00:42:50,193
You're free.
748
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:53,697
- You're free to pass over.
- Well, thank you.
749
00:42:53,822 --> 00:42:58,160
Thank you very much.
You've really solved my life.
750
00:43:02,122 --> 00:43:04,624
You utter wanker.
751
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:13,842
I'm not gonna lie,
that could have gone better.
752
00:43:14,134 --> 00:43:16,303
250 years I've been visiting her.
753
00:43:16,887 --> 00:43:18,555
Five minutes with you,
754
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,975
and she's threatening to castrate people
and accusing me of onanism.
755
00:43:22,184 --> 00:43:23,477
Accusing you of what?
756
00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:26,646
Masturbation.
757
00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:30,650
This whole business,
it really makes me doubt you.
758
00:43:31,485 --> 00:43:34,821
Am I just the latest in a long line
of dead girls who...
759
00:43:34,905 --> 00:43:38,200
Who you lean on,
and who trust you and who you lie to?
760
00:43:42,913 --> 00:43:44,706
Sorry, couldn't help overhearing.
761
00:43:44,831 --> 00:43:47,083
I was just down there
looking for something,
762
00:43:47,209 --> 00:43:48,877
for 10 minutes.
763
00:43:49,711 --> 00:43:52,589
- Why are you dressed like that?
- I'm only saving the day,
764
00:43:52,714 --> 00:43:54,132
covering Tom's shift.
765
00:43:54,216 --> 00:43:57,302
I used to do bar work
back in the old student days.
766
00:43:57,385 --> 00:44:00,096
- Where is Tom?
- Yeah, a little bit awkward, that.
767
00:44:00,222 --> 00:44:04,643
- Erm... I think he's left.
- Left what? The job?
768
00:44:04,726 --> 00:44:06,019
No, the house.
769
00:44:06,102 --> 00:44:09,481
He said something about
not working out trying to be human,
770
00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:11,399
and then he packed a bag and left.
771
00:44:11,525 --> 00:44:12,984
Maybe it's for the best.
772
00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:16,238
Like you said yourself, hal,
it was getting a little bit cramped.
773
00:44:17,614 --> 00:44:21,117
Oh, yeah,
it's all coming back to me now.
774
00:44:24,746 --> 00:44:26,081
I will pay for that, obviously.
775
00:44:53,608 --> 00:44:55,986
- Tom, are you in there?
- Tom: No.
776
00:44:59,781 --> 00:45:01,783
How did you know I was here?
777
00:45:01,908 --> 00:45:03,427
We know how much mcnair
meant to you, Tom.
778
00:45:03,451 --> 00:45:05,120
His grave seemed a good bet.
779
00:45:05,287 --> 00:45:07,455
How are the funds going, Tom?
780
00:45:08,665 --> 00:45:09,916
Alex: For his gravestone?
781
00:45:10,125 --> 00:45:11,727
I've changed my mind.
I don't want a gravestone.
782
00:45:11,751 --> 00:45:13,031
I've spent the money. It's gone.
783
00:45:13,128 --> 00:45:16,006
- Tom, did Larry take all the money?
- He was a surveyor.
784
00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:19,634
Mcnair. Did you know that?
Before he got bit.
785
00:45:21,094 --> 00:45:23,179
He never told me, I had to find it out.
786
00:45:24,806 --> 00:45:26,308
He was a success.
787
00:45:27,267 --> 00:45:29,019
And then he turned into a werewolf.
788
00:45:29,144 --> 00:45:30,979
And he ended up living in the woods,
in a Van.
789
00:45:31,146 --> 00:45:34,399
And raising a son who was courageous,
790
00:45:34,482 --> 00:45:35,984
and motivated and generous.
791
00:45:36,109 --> 00:45:37,861
No, Larry was right.
792
00:45:37,986 --> 00:45:41,197
It's a waste of time, wolves trying to
better themselves and fit in.
793
00:45:42,198 --> 00:45:45,535
This is where we always end up -
in the woods, poaching rabbits.
794
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:47,020
This is as good as it gets for us.
795
00:45:47,162 --> 00:45:49,748
Tom, you have one night a month
to worry about.
796
00:45:49,831 --> 00:45:51,267
You are the closest to human
of all of us.
797
00:45:51,291 --> 00:45:53,835
Yeah, I used to think that too.
798
00:45:54,336 --> 00:45:56,504
And then Larry put me straight.
799
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:00,717
The wolf never sleeps. He's always there
inside me, making me dumb.
800
00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:03,803
Tom, that is utter nonsense.
801
00:46:04,387 --> 00:46:06,991
And if that's what Larry's been
telling you, then he is despicable.
802
00:46:07,015 --> 00:46:08,642
No, it's good.
803
00:46:08,725 --> 00:46:10,202
All this time,
I thought I was the problem.
804
00:46:10,226 --> 00:46:12,979
But it's not my fault, it's the wolf.
So it's okay, innit?
805
00:46:18,526 --> 00:46:20,820
- Let's say that's true.
- Hal, what...
806
00:46:20,904 --> 00:46:24,199
No! Let's... let's say you have
a monster inside you.
807
00:46:24,908 --> 00:46:26,743
All the time.
808
00:46:26,910 --> 00:46:30,705
Pulling at your strings, tormenting you,
itching to see you fail.
809
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:33,375
Well, join the club.
810
00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:37,087
Come on in! Because if you do,
if all of that is true,
811
00:46:37,879 --> 00:46:40,215
then this is where you prove your worth.
812
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,843
By fighting it. By defying it.
813
00:46:43,927 --> 00:46:45,345
By proving it wrong.
814
00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:49,182
By standing toe to toe with it every day
and spitting in its face.
815
00:46:49,349 --> 00:46:52,036
Larry tell you that he lost his wife
and his job because of the wolf?
816
00:46:52,060 --> 00:46:54,038
Tom, whatever Larry's problems are,
you can be damn sure
817
00:46:54,062 --> 00:46:56,147
they're nothing to do with him
being a werewolf,
818
00:46:56,231 --> 00:46:59,192
and everything to do
with him being a failure!
819
00:46:59,901 --> 00:47:02,779
You are nothing like him.
820
00:47:03,279 --> 00:47:07,075
You are stronger in every way.
You are a good man.
821
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:08,618
Best I've ever known.
822
00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:11,037
Not a success, though, am I?
823
00:47:12,414 --> 00:47:15,792
Yes, you are.
By all the measures that matter.
824
00:47:16,292 --> 00:47:19,421
That's just a wishy-washy way
of saying "failure", isn't it?
825
00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:22,882
Look, I know both of you mean well.
But this is for the best. Really, it is.
826
00:47:22,966 --> 00:47:25,093
I know where I am in the woods.
It's like coming home.
827
00:47:25,218 --> 00:47:28,596
I don't have to dress up
or learn stupid rules.
828
00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:31,683
I can stop pretending I'm normal.
829
00:47:31,766 --> 00:47:33,727
I don't have to try for anything more.
830
00:47:34,436 --> 00:47:35,770
This is enough for me.
831
00:47:37,272 --> 00:47:38,606
It's enough.
832
00:47:59,794 --> 00:48:01,463
- Out.
- I'm sorry?
833
00:48:01,629 --> 00:48:04,257
I'll spell it out. You. Gone. Now!
834
00:48:05,050 --> 00:48:07,302
I'm guessing this is something
to do with Tom, right?
835
00:48:07,427 --> 00:48:11,473
Look, whatever he's chosen to believe,
it's got nothing to do with me.
836
00:48:12,098 --> 00:48:14,642
We both know he's not
the sharpest tool in the shed.
837
00:48:14,726 --> 00:48:16,978
You've got five minutes
to pack your case.
838
00:48:17,645 --> 00:48:18,813
But this is my home, hal.
839
00:48:18,897 --> 00:48:21,417
Do you think if you say something
enough times it makes it true?
840
00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:23,401
"This is my home?"
841
00:48:23,651 --> 00:48:25,487
"It wasn't me, it was the wolf?"
842
00:48:25,570 --> 00:48:28,114
- You know nothing of the wolf.
- But I know people.
843
00:48:29,115 --> 00:48:31,910
I know the lies they tell themselves
to cover up their own failings.
844
00:48:31,993 --> 00:48:35,163
There's only one person to blame
for what's happened to you,
845
00:48:35,997 --> 00:48:37,832
and he's standing right in front of me.
846
00:48:37,957 --> 00:48:40,502
Shut your mouth,
you arrogant little shit.
847
00:48:41,169 --> 00:48:42,337
You don't know me.
848
00:48:42,462 --> 00:48:44,672
- You don't scare me either.
- I should.
849
00:48:45,006 --> 00:48:48,176
Because there is something within me
that I've been holding back,
850
00:48:48,301 --> 00:48:50,595
and it so wants to be free.
851
00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:54,849
And what you did to Tom
has given it the perfect excuse.
852
00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:57,519
- Ooh.
- This is your chance,
853
00:48:58,353 --> 00:49:01,523
Larry, your only chance to be
the wise man who walks away
854
00:49:02,273 --> 00:49:04,526
and lives to see another day.
855
00:49:41,688 --> 00:49:44,482
- Alex: Do you know how this ends?
- What?
856
00:49:44,649 --> 00:49:46,985
You, here,
857
00:49:47,819 --> 00:49:49,237
in a tent.
858
00:49:49,863 --> 00:49:51,531
You know how this ends?
859
00:49:54,075 --> 00:49:56,911
She gave up the fight,
she let it overwhelm her.
860
00:49:57,078 --> 00:49:59,914
Now she's all alone and mad as a badger.
861
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:03,168
- I'm nothing like her.
- Yeah, neither am I.
862
00:50:03,918 --> 00:50:05,086
Yet.
863
00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:08,256
I bet she didn't plan
on ending up like that, either.
864
00:50:11,885 --> 00:50:15,263
You've got to stay part of something,
you know?
865
00:50:16,055 --> 00:50:18,933
You've got to stay anchored.
866
00:50:20,518 --> 00:50:22,437
And it's okay for you because,
867
00:50:22,562 --> 00:50:24,355
well, you can be seen and do stuff.
868
00:50:24,439 --> 00:50:28,860
Whereas the only thing I can be part of
is the Tom, hal and Alex gang.
869
00:50:29,110 --> 00:50:30,778
So I'd be coming home for you?
870
00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:32,864
Yeah.
871
00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:36,743
Yeah, I'm just gonna put it out there.
872
00:50:38,203 --> 00:50:40,872
I want you to come back, because...
873
00:50:42,457 --> 00:50:45,126
Well, because Mary has scared
the shit out of me.
874
00:50:46,544 --> 00:50:48,713
And I'm scared that,
without you two...
875
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:51,799
That, well, that's gonna be me
876
00:50:51,925 --> 00:50:54,135
crouched over a bog
watching other people shag.
877
00:50:56,262 --> 00:50:58,306
Long story. And...
878
00:50:58,431 --> 00:51:00,433
It's about you as well.
879
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:03,228
You're the best out of all of us, Tom.
880
00:51:03,978 --> 00:51:05,647
You just don't realize it.
881
00:51:10,735 --> 00:51:12,987
I've got a surprise for you.
882
00:51:13,071 --> 00:51:15,490
Well, there's a coincidence.
883
00:51:17,784 --> 00:51:19,077
Mary: Hello, Alex.
884
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:22,664
Hal was just telling me how truly sorry
he is for this whole business.
885
00:51:22,747 --> 00:51:24,791
It was really quite moving.
886
00:51:25,792 --> 00:51:29,337
Mary, you don't want to do this.
887
00:51:29,796 --> 00:51:32,006
Why do people always say that?
888
00:51:32,131 --> 00:51:35,677
This is exactly what I want to do,
which is why I'm doing it.
889
00:51:35,843 --> 00:51:39,264
Mary, I am eternally grateful to you
890
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:41,742
for all the years you dedicated
to my well-being.
891
00:51:41,766 --> 00:51:43,977
Oh my god,
do you ever listen to yourself?
892
00:51:44,352 --> 00:51:47,313
It's like the shipping forecast
took a shit in your ear.
893
00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:51,359
You were my rock. You helped me
stay clean for so many years.
894
00:51:51,484 --> 00:51:53,528
That is worth more to me than I can say!
895
00:51:53,820 --> 00:51:56,531
Yeah, but it didn't last forever,
did it?
896
00:51:56,698 --> 00:51:58,366
So, then you drink again,
897
00:51:58,491 --> 00:52:00,785
and then you're clean again,
and then you drink again.
898
00:52:00,868 --> 00:52:02,704
On, and on, and on, and on.
899
00:52:02,829 --> 00:52:05,665
How long until you kill again, hal?
900
00:52:06,332 --> 00:52:09,627
How many lives will
I be saving when I kill you today?
901
00:52:44,245 --> 00:52:48,166
Oh!
My little girl's all grown up.
902
00:52:49,334 --> 00:52:52,211
But I've been doing this
for a very long time.
903
00:53:01,554 --> 00:53:03,681
Tom:
It's all right! I've got it, I think!
904
00:53:04,599 --> 00:53:06,184
You can just run off, you know.
905
00:53:06,893 --> 00:53:08,936
- We've got this.
- What?
906
00:53:09,020 --> 00:53:11,439
I said, "we have got this."
907
00:53:13,024 --> 00:53:14,859
Alex: He's our responsibility now.
908
00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:17,974
We'll make sure that
he doesn't kill again. Won't we, Tom?
909
00:53:18,279 --> 00:53:20,698
Absolutely.
Can we just wrap this up now, please?
910
00:53:20,782 --> 00:53:22,950
Mmm, no. He needs to suffer.
911
00:53:23,076 --> 00:53:25,745
Every day he fights with
the monster he might become.
912
00:53:26,454 --> 00:53:27,955
You think that isn't suffering?
913
00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:31,459
You've had centuries
of making him your problem.
914
00:53:32,085 --> 00:53:35,296
I know it hurts,
and I know that your heart is breaking,
915
00:53:35,380 --> 00:53:37,590
but it is time to let go of this.
916
00:53:39,133 --> 00:53:40,593
He's our problem now.
917
00:53:51,145 --> 00:53:53,439
It's okay. I'm fine.
Don't worry about me.
918
00:53:53,940 --> 00:53:54,982
Don't worry.
919
00:54:09,288 --> 00:54:10,790
Alex: So, what now?
920
00:54:11,707 --> 00:54:14,335
I guess you don't have to keep
coming back here anymore.
921
00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:19,632
I think it's high time
for a new country.
922
00:54:20,049 --> 00:54:22,844
And maybe a whole new personality.
Yeah.
923
00:54:23,177 --> 00:54:26,305
I could be a ditsy tourist.
924
00:54:26,889 --> 00:54:28,683
Or a crazy eco-warrior.
925
00:54:28,808 --> 00:54:32,395
Go scare the shit out of some loggers
in the Amazon.
926
00:54:33,896 --> 00:54:35,523
He's not a bad man.
927
00:54:36,315 --> 00:54:37,733
Not anymore.
928
00:54:38,025 --> 00:54:39,902
Where have I heard that before?
929
00:54:40,194 --> 00:54:43,990
Oh, yeah. It was me for 250 years.
930
00:54:44,699 --> 00:54:47,952
Right. Why don't we just try
and leave this on a civil note, hmm?
931
00:54:48,035 --> 00:54:49,745
How's that sound?
932
00:54:56,085 --> 00:55:00,882
Goodbye, lady Mary.
It has certainly been an experience.
933
00:55:01,215 --> 00:55:03,217
I hope you know
what you're taking on?
934
00:55:04,218 --> 00:55:06,846
'Cause the man that killed me
isn't gone, he's just sleeping.
935
00:55:06,929 --> 00:55:08,556
And he's a very good liar.
936
00:55:09,932 --> 00:55:12,894
How long until you're the one
holding the stake?
937
00:55:25,406 --> 00:55:27,241
So, hejust up and left?
938
00:55:27,783 --> 00:55:30,578
I'll be honest, Tom,
I didn't leave him a lot of choice.
939
00:55:31,078 --> 00:55:32,246
Good riddance.
940
00:55:33,122 --> 00:55:35,166
He was a bit of a wrong 'UN, wasn't he?
941
00:55:35,249 --> 00:55:37,877
I've been a bit of an idiot.
Sorry, hal.
942
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:41,088
- You've nothing to apologize for.
- No, I have. I let him get to me.
943
00:55:41,214 --> 00:55:43,400
The wolf ain't holding me back.
Nothing's holding me back.
944
00:55:43,424 --> 00:55:46,344
I just gotta try harder, that's all.
I can be anything I want to be.
945
00:55:46,427 --> 00:55:47,845
We all can.
946
00:55:47,929 --> 00:55:50,449
That's quite an insight. Maybe I should
spend some time in the woods.
947
00:55:50,473 --> 00:55:53,017
No, you don't want to do that.
It's crap, damp and itchy.
948
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:54,912
That's why I came home, really.
I needed a shower.
949
00:55:54,936 --> 00:55:57,063
Of course it is.
950
00:55:57,939 --> 00:55:59,357
Hal, while I've got you, mate.
951
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:01,442
Thatjob opportunity, is it still open?
952
00:56:01,817 --> 00:56:03,778
- Assistant manager?
- That's the bunny.
953
00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:05,810
It's yours if you want it, Tom.
954
00:56:06,405 --> 00:56:10,243
Well, I'll have my people call
your people and set summat up.
955
00:56:11,285 --> 00:56:12,453
You do that.
956
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:16,457
Mary didn't know you like we
know you, hal. You're a good bloke.
957
00:56:17,083 --> 00:56:18,251
Thank you.
958
00:56:22,463 --> 00:56:24,382
Hal: This is your chance,
959
00:56:24,465 --> 00:56:27,802
Larry, your only chance to be
the wise man who walks away
960
00:56:28,469 --> 00:56:30,638
and lives to see another day.
961
00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:38,354
So, we're more alike than I thought.
962
00:56:38,479 --> 00:56:40,791
- We are nothing alike.
- When you look at me, you just see
963
00:56:40,815 --> 00:56:43,734
- the monster you're hiding.
- You believe whatever you want. Just go.
964
00:56:43,818 --> 00:56:45,903
I'm a little too wild for your liking,
aren't I?
965
00:56:45,987 --> 00:56:48,656
A little too unpredictable,
little too complete.
966
00:56:48,823 --> 00:56:50,968
It's clearly helped you make
such a success of your life.
967
00:56:50,992 --> 00:56:53,286
Didn't you tell Tom
all that stuff was unimportant?
968
00:56:53,369 --> 00:56:56,122
Instead, I've got no struggle,
no tug-of-war,
969
00:56:56,289 --> 00:56:58,249
just one voice, one life, one me.
970
00:56:58,332 --> 00:57:00,293
Ooh. Seeing that's gotta hurt.
971
00:57:00,376 --> 00:57:02,136
I strongly suggest
you take a step backwards.
972
00:57:02,169 --> 00:57:05,214
You know what? I think...
973
00:57:05,339 --> 00:57:07,425
You're just one big PR exercise.
974
00:57:07,508 --> 00:57:10,511
You think I'm a fraud?
Well, I guess you'd know the signs.
975
00:57:10,720 --> 00:57:12,179
I'll huff and I'll puff.
976
00:57:12,346 --> 00:57:14,473
Ooh! Come on,
let's see this big bad hal
977
00:57:14,557 --> 00:57:16,827
- that's got everyone so scared.
- You don't know what you're doing.
978
00:57:16,851 --> 00:57:19,979
Maybe I do. Maybe I want this.
Maybe I want to see the monster.
979
00:57:20,521 --> 00:57:23,357
Come on. Let him out, let's play.
If he's even real!
980
00:57:23,691 --> 00:57:26,027
You've got the others fooled,
it's not exactly hard, is it?
981
00:57:26,152 --> 00:57:27,194
A slag and a retard.
982
00:57:29,530 --> 00:57:30,865
You want to talk to the real me?
983
00:57:38,414 --> 00:57:41,500
Hello, Larry. Here I am.
Did you want to speak to me?
984
00:57:42,668 --> 00:57:44,670
Hello? Hello?
985
00:58:16,702 --> 00:58:17,870
Hello?
986
00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:20,414
I believe I have some work for you.
987
00:58:27,463 --> 00:58:29,090
I'll be right over.
988
00:58:45,981 --> 00:58:48,401
Mary:
How long until you kill again, hal?
989
00:58:55,825 --> 00:58:58,661
Bobby. Excellent. Yes.
990
00:58:59,620 --> 00:59:02,748
Bobby: Mr. Rook always says that
I'm a savage and deadly predator.
991
00:59:03,416 --> 00:59:06,752
Crumb: There is no Ian.
There is only crumb.
992
00:59:08,295 --> 00:59:09,839
Let's do this.
75209
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