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1
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(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
2
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Subtitles by explosiveskull
3
00:00:54,666 --> 00:00:57,633
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
4
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,198
LESLIE: I could
push you, if you want.
5
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,800
Jesus Fuck!
6
00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:34,531
LESLIE: You
should be careful.
7
00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:35,600
You could kill yourself.
8
00:01:37,299 --> 00:01:38,133
Can I watch?
9
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:40,697
You can't stop me.
10
00:01:40,699 --> 00:01:41,967
LESLIE: No I wouldn't try.
11
00:01:44,532 --> 00:01:46,563
Can I ask why you're doing this?
12
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,564
I mean jumping off a bridge?
13
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,696
WILLIAM: Look, I
don't mean to be rude,
14
00:01:51,698 --> 00:01:53,166
but could you, you know...
15
00:01:54,299 --> 00:01:55,664
LESLIE: Oh, sure, sure.
16
00:01:55,666 --> 00:01:56,600
Yes, yes.
17
00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:01,201
(THUNDER CRASHING)
18
00:02:02,698 --> 00:02:05,666
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
19
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,499
Are you going to be long?
20
00:02:15,532 --> 00:02:16,163
Duh!
21
00:02:16,165 --> 00:02:17,564
You've ruined the mood.
22
00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:19,164
LESLIE: I'm here to help you.
23
00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:21,898
WILLIAM: You can help
me by leaving me alone.
24
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:22,831
LESLIE: Sure?
25
00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:23,699
I could make this much easier.
26
00:02:24,899 --> 00:02:25,732
No?
27
00:02:26,832 --> 00:02:29,597
Well, it's your death.
28
00:02:29,599 --> 00:02:31,201
Here, I've got a card.
29
00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:33,700
There you are.
30
00:02:35,132 --> 00:02:36,165
If you need any help.
31
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:40,596
Look, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
32
00:02:40,598 --> 00:02:41,233
but
33
00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:44,599
I'm past help.
34
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:47,600
LESLIE: Yes, well,
35
00:02:49,832 --> 00:02:50,666
good luck.
36
00:02:55,832 --> 00:02:57,966
(SIGHING)
37
00:02:59,732 --> 00:03:03,566
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
38
00:03:21,099 --> 00:03:25,466
(dramatic orchestral
music rising
39
00:03:31,565 --> 00:03:33,297
(ALL SCREAMING)
40
00:03:33,299 --> 00:03:35,664
(DISCO MUSIC)
41
00:03:35,666 --> 00:03:37,900
(GROANING)
42
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:43,900
Hell.
43
00:03:45,299 --> 00:03:48,233
(WOMAN VOCALIZING)
44
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,700
MICHAEL: And you
didn't look down?
45
00:03:55,732 --> 00:03:56,866
WILLIAM: I had my eyes shut.
46
00:03:58,066 --> 00:04:00,967
MICHAEL: In a way
you're very unlucky.
47
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:04,566
And what prompted this time?
48
00:04:06,065 --> 00:04:07,763
Must be something.
49
00:04:07,765 --> 00:04:08,699
You can tell me.
50
00:04:10,232 --> 00:04:11,963
Our lives are
a futile struggle
51
00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:14,233
to make sense of the senseless.
52
00:04:15,133 --> 00:04:16,100
Oh William.
53
00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:19,596
You can see my predicament.
54
00:04:19,598 --> 00:04:20,731
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
55
00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:22,897
One of my lifeguards
is suicidal.
56
00:04:22,899 --> 00:04:24,467
That's hardly reassuring.
57
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,199
I'm really trying to
understand William-
58
00:04:32,798 --> 00:04:34,964
you're not the only one
with problems you know.
59
00:04:34,966 --> 00:04:37,630
Yeah, the world is shit.
60
00:04:37,632 --> 00:04:39,229
But if you stare
all day at the shit
61
00:04:39,231 --> 00:04:42,033
then there's no wonder
you can only see shit.
62
00:04:43,265 --> 00:04:44,563
The trick is to find something
63
00:04:44,565 --> 00:04:45,866
that makes it appear bearable.
64
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,196
You've got the
gun in your mouth,
65
00:04:48,198 --> 00:04:50,564
your finger on the
trigger but you think,
66
00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:51,666
"I've never eaten a Twix."
67
00:04:55,633 --> 00:04:56,563
What?
68
00:04:56,565 --> 00:04:57,497
It's about finding something
69
00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:59,466
to distract you from
the terrible reality.
70
00:05:00,799 --> 00:05:02,263
Like this job.
71
00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,664
I work in a leisure center.
72
00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:05,664
You're a lifeguard!
73
00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:08,596
What could be more important
than saving people's lives?
74
00:05:08,598 --> 00:05:10,531
But when did I
last save someone?
75
00:05:10,533 --> 00:05:11,163
Last year.
76
00:05:11,165 --> 00:05:12,098
Mrs Richards.
77
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,663
She was in the shallow end.
78
00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:15,131
She was in distress.
79
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,596
She could put her feet down.
80
00:05:16,598 --> 00:05:17,731
But she didn't.
81
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:20,233
She was panicking
and you saved her.
82
00:05:22,565 --> 00:05:23,697
(SIGHING)
83
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:24,900
That's the problem, William.
84
00:05:26,232 --> 00:05:28,133
Besides your
questionable attitude,
85
00:05:30,566 --> 00:05:31,767
you need to be here!
86
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,700
I don't think you're
suited to this profession.
87
00:05:38,532 --> 00:05:39,632
We have to let you go.
88
00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:41,296
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
89
00:05:41,298 --> 00:05:42,766
Think of this as a good thing.
90
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:45,766
Now you can concentrate
on your writing.
91
00:06:15,099 --> 00:06:18,531
(LIGHT POP MUSIC)
92
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:20,664
(DOOR CLOSING)
93
00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:23,566
(ENVELOPE RIPPING)
94
00:06:28,064 --> 00:06:31,797
♪ Running just as fast we can ♪
95
00:06:31,799 --> 00:06:34,931
♪ Holding onto one
another's hand ♪
96
00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:37,731
♪ Trying to get away
into the night ♪
97
00:06:37,733 --> 00:06:39,897
♪ And then you put
your arms around me ♪
98
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:44,229
♪ And we tumble to the
ground and then we say ♪
99
00:06:44,231 --> 00:06:46,530
♪ I think we're alone now ♪
100
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:50,564
♪ There doesn't seem
to be anyone around ♪
101
00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:52,697
♪ I think we're alone now ♪
102
00:06:52,699 --> 00:06:57,700
♪ The beating of our
hearts is the only sound ♪
103
00:07:06,031 --> 00:07:08,531
♪ Look at the way ♪
104
00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:11,197
♪ We gotta hide
what we're doing ♪
105
00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:12,830
(GAS HISSING)
106
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,964
♪ What would they say ♪
107
00:07:15,966 --> 00:07:17,696
♪ If they ever knew ♪
108
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:21,930
♪ And so we're running
just as fast as we can ♪
109
00:07:21,932 --> 00:07:24,631
♪ Holding onto one
another's hand ♪
110
00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:26,530
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
111
00:07:26,532 --> 00:07:28,531
♪ Trying to get away
into the night ♪
112
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:30,831
♪ And then you put
your arms around me ♪
113
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:32,264
♪ And we tumble to the ground ♪
114
00:07:32,266 --> 00:07:33,696
♪ And then we say ♪
115
00:07:33,698 --> 00:07:34,830
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Thank you for calling
116
00:07:34,832 --> 00:07:37,664
NRG gas and electrical supplies.
117
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,596
If you've been disconnected
due to an unpaid bill,
118
00:07:40,598 --> 00:07:41,563
please press one.
119
00:07:41,565 --> 00:07:42,197
(PHONE BEEPING)
120
00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:43,500
Yes, I was away.
121
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,699
No I was hoping it
would be permanent.
122
00:07:48,933 --> 00:07:50,467
No I wasn't trying...
123
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:54,062
(SIGHING)
124
00:07:54,064 --> 00:07:57,766
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
125
00:08:06,031 --> 00:08:10,897
♪ You're cold and you're old ♪
126
00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:15,899
♪ You're older and you're down ♪
127
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:21,966
♪ Friends you have chosen ♪
128
00:08:22,866 --> 00:08:27,567
♪ And ties you have woven ♪
129
00:08:28,598 --> 00:08:32,664
♪ No longer for you ♪
130
00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:35,066
♪ I'm behind ♪
131
00:08:55,031 --> 00:08:56,564
Mr O'Neil?
132
00:08:56,566 --> 00:08:58,633
(COUGHING)
133
00:09:06,198 --> 00:09:07,697
Mr O'Neil?
134
00:09:07,699 --> 00:09:09,663
I said 11 o'clock.
135
00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:12,166
It is now seven minutes past.
136
00:09:13,998 --> 00:09:14,831
Yes.
137
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:15,665
Sorry.
138
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,196
You said we could
discuss some options...
139
00:09:20,198 --> 00:09:22,197
I said we should meet at 11.
140
00:09:22,199 --> 00:09:25,196
I dare say it's
that casual attitude
141
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,065
to arrangements that has led
to your current predicament.
142
00:09:31,699 --> 00:09:32,764
Tea?
143
00:09:32,766 --> 00:09:33,596
Sorry.
144
00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:35,162
Yes, thank you.
145
00:09:35,164 --> 00:09:37,566
Sorry, you're not
what I imagined.
146
00:09:40,566 --> 00:09:41,834
Meet many assassins do you?
147
00:09:43,632 --> 00:09:46,631
It's just I never
pictured a polo neck.
148
00:09:46,633 --> 00:09:47,897
What's wrong with a polo neck?
149
00:09:47,899 --> 00:09:49,196
My wife got it for me.
150
00:09:49,198 --> 00:09:50,631
What should I be wearing?
151
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:51,664
I don't know.
152
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:52,297
A cardigan?
153
00:09:52,299 --> 00:09:53,229
No!
154
00:09:53,231 --> 00:09:54,165
Hitmen don't wear cardigans!
155
00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:58,632
Well I'm so sorry I'm not
living up to your expectations.
156
00:10:04,798 --> 00:10:07,532
Are you sure
you're up to this?
157
00:10:10,099 --> 00:10:11,500
Let me tell you something.
158
00:10:12,932 --> 00:10:15,664
I've killed more people
than you've had hot baths.
159
00:10:15,666 --> 00:10:17,297
I'm the angel of death.
160
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,597
I'm Abbadon the destroyer.
161
00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:21,530
I'm a one man euthanasia clinic.
162
00:10:21,532 --> 00:10:25,032
Only with me you don't
have to go to Switzerland.
163
00:10:26,565 --> 00:10:28,730
Ever been to Switzerland?
164
00:10:28,732 --> 00:10:29,664
No.
165
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:31,596
And now you never will.
166
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:32,930
If you're serious.
167
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:33,763
I'm serious.
168
00:10:33,765 --> 00:10:34,996
LESLIE: How serious?
169
00:10:34,998 --> 00:10:37,631
Serious enough to
phone an assassin.
170
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:38,862
That serious enough?
171
00:10:38,864 --> 00:10:40,663
How do I know you
are really serious
172
00:10:40,665 --> 00:10:43,263
and not just saying
you're really serious?
173
00:10:43,265 --> 00:10:47,098
When we met, on the bridge,
that wasn't my first time.
174
00:10:48,199 --> 00:10:49,597
Go on.
175
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:51,162
That was the seventh.
176
00:10:51,164 --> 00:10:52,631
Tenth if you count
the cries for help.
177
00:10:52,633 --> 00:10:54,563
(LIGHT GUITAR MUSIC)
178
00:10:54,565 --> 00:10:55,963
I tried hanging,
179
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,200
(GRUNTING)
180
00:10:59,899 --> 00:11:00,897
gassing,
181
00:11:00,899 --> 00:11:03,966
(CAR ENGINE REVVING)
182
00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:08,063
(CAR STALLING)
(YELLING)
183
00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,533
booze and pills,
184
00:11:13,031 --> 00:11:15,730
(VOMITING)
185
00:11:15,732 --> 00:11:16,732
electrocution.
186
00:11:17,599 --> 00:11:21,063
(ELECTRICITY ZAPPING)
187
00:11:21,065 --> 00:11:23,297
Oh, and I waked
into a main road.
188
00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:24,830
LESLIE: How did
you survive that?
189
00:11:24,832 --> 00:11:26,531
WILLIAM: I was
hit by an ambulance.
190
00:11:26,533 --> 00:11:28,062
You couldn't be
in better hands.
191
00:11:28,064 --> 00:11:28,997
Great.
192
00:11:28,999 --> 00:11:30,296
(LAUGHING)
193
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,162
Oh, Jesus Christ.
194
00:11:31,164 --> 00:11:32,466
You really do need me.
195
00:11:33,832 --> 00:11:35,896
I started to worry
that I might be immortal.
196
00:11:35,898 --> 00:11:38,599
I've never met
anyone I couldn't kill.
197
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,467
Actually I wrote
a book on the topic.
198
00:11:43,532 --> 00:11:44,896
My Many Deaths.
199
00:11:44,898 --> 00:11:46,862
It's unpublished.
200
00:11:46,864 --> 00:11:49,532
Okay, so how do you
want this to happen?
201
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:53,563
You're not going to
garotte me are you?
202
00:11:53,565 --> 00:11:55,531
I don't want to be garotted.
203
00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:56,830
What makes you think that?
204
00:11:56,832 --> 00:11:59,533
I'm getting a strong
feeling of garotting.
205
00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:01,962
Is it the polo neck?
206
00:12:01,964 --> 00:12:03,098
It's not helping.
207
00:12:04,698 --> 00:12:05,499
No garotting.
208
00:12:06,699 --> 00:12:07,533
You have my word.
209
00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:11,596
So, what are my options?
210
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:16,096
Here, look, I've
got a brochure.
211
00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:19,533
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
212
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:25,597
So, you just hang
around bridges,
213
00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:28,929
trying to find clients?
214
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:31,096
Bridges, cliffs,
tall buildings.
215
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,896
Usual places.
216
00:12:32,898 --> 00:12:35,664
Killing yourself is a lot
harder than people think.
217
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:36,632
Tell me about it.
218
00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:39,631
There's not much work
for a conventional hitman
219
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:40,467
these days.
220
00:12:41,764 --> 00:12:44,233
All the Eastern Europeans
taking our jobs.
221
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:46,830
But I had to meet
my quota somehow.
222
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,599
So, you came along just at
the right time, as it happens.
223
00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:54,597
WILLIAM: What about this one?
224
00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:56,729
LESLIE: Ah, the hero's death.
225
00:12:56,731 --> 00:12:59,630
This would be perfect.
226
00:12:59,632 --> 00:13:04,599
Killed saving the life of
a child, a beautiful nurse
227
00:13:05,299 --> 00:13:07,533
crying over my bloodied body,
228
00:13:08,665 --> 00:13:11,296
a small crowd gathered.
229
00:13:11,298 --> 00:13:12,466
Maybe they're clapping?
230
00:13:13,665 --> 00:13:14,962
Do you know a beautiful nurse?
231
00:13:14,964 --> 00:13:15,897
No.
232
00:13:15,899 --> 00:13:18,230
Do you have access to a child?
233
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:19,066
No.
234
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,663
Well I'm not
saying I can't do it,
235
00:13:21,665 --> 00:13:24,596
but there's a lot
of admin involved.
236
00:13:24,598 --> 00:13:25,729
And it's not cheap.
237
00:13:25,731 --> 00:13:27,696
What's your budget?
238
00:13:27,698 --> 00:13:29,062
Well, I've got
around two grand.
239
00:13:29,064 --> 00:13:30,296
Two thousand?
240
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:34,232
I wouldn't reverse over you in
a Ford Fiesta for that money.
241
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:37,866
Well what can you do?
242
00:13:45,632 --> 00:13:47,132
LESLIE: Quick and painless.
243
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:50,530
Right.
244
00:13:50,532 --> 00:13:52,163
And even then I'm
doing you a deal.
245
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,533
For two grand, it's
usually quick but painful.
246
00:13:56,698 --> 00:13:58,029
How?
247
00:13:58,031 --> 00:13:59,263
Well, I'd shoot you.
248
00:13:59,265 --> 00:14:00,063
From a distance.
249
00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:00,996
One shot.
250
00:14:00,998 --> 00:14:01,898
You'd never see it coming.
251
00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:09,695
Okay.
252
00:14:09,697 --> 00:14:10,896
Deal.
253
00:14:10,898 --> 00:14:11,730
(CLAPPING)
254
00:14:11,732 --> 00:14:12,796
Excellent.
255
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:14,663
Here we go.
256
00:14:14,665 --> 00:14:15,696
Standard contract.
257
00:14:15,698 --> 00:14:16,897
Name?
258
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:17,930
William Morrison.
259
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:18,863
Address?
260
00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:21,163
Flat three, 27 Drake St.
261
00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:22,500
Reason for wanting death?
262
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:25,862
Why do you want to die?
263
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:28,263
Is it terminal illness?
264
00:14:28,265 --> 00:14:30,233
Money problems?
265
00:14:32,999 --> 00:14:35,500
Do you ever wonder
what's the point?
266
00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:38,162
Frequently.
267
00:14:38,164 --> 00:14:39,632
What's the point of me?
268
00:14:40,565 --> 00:14:41,897
Why am I here?
269
00:14:41,899 --> 00:14:43,795
What am I contributing?
270
00:14:43,797 --> 00:14:45,763
I think about that all the time.
271
00:14:45,765 --> 00:14:47,795
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
272
00:14:47,797 --> 00:14:49,732
Over and over and over.
273
00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,562
And I want to
switch my brain off,
274
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:58,965
but it builds until
it becomes unbearable.
275
00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:02,030
It's like my brain is on fire,
276
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:03,663
like it's burning
from the inside.
277
00:15:03,665 --> 00:15:05,599
And I want it to
stop, to feel nothing.
278
00:15:07,598 --> 00:15:09,566
I've never talked to
anyone about this.
279
00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:12,962
We're already dying.
280
00:15:12,964 --> 00:15:14,132
Just very slowly.
281
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:16,829
Life's one long terminal il...
282
00:15:16,831 --> 00:15:19,163
Yeah, yeah, look
it's a very small box.
283
00:15:19,165 --> 00:15:20,098
I'll write cancer.
284
00:15:21,565 --> 00:15:22,166
Okay.
285
00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:25,632
All right, sign here.
286
00:15:29,198 --> 00:15:30,196
Excellent.
287
00:15:30,198 --> 00:15:32,896
(LAUGHING)
288
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,595
Well, congratulations.
289
00:15:35,597 --> 00:15:37,965
You've just signed
your own death warrant.
290
00:15:39,932 --> 00:15:41,630
When will it happen?
291
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:42,430
Oh, anytime within a week
292
00:15:42,432 --> 00:15:44,729
of the money
clearing our account.
293
00:15:44,731 --> 00:15:46,097
All the money up front?
294
00:15:46,099 --> 00:15:48,562
Well we can't get
it afterwards, can we?
295
00:15:48,564 --> 00:15:50,762
But how do I know
this isn't a scam?
296
00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:52,663
Do you have any references?
297
00:15:52,665 --> 00:15:55,762
I'll give you a list
of graves you can visit.
298
00:15:55,764 --> 00:15:57,663
You pay the money
into an escrow account
299
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,196
run by the British
Guild of Assassins.
300
00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:02,962
The money isn't transferred
to me until after your death.
301
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:04,997
And if you're not
dead within a week,
302
00:16:04,999 --> 00:16:06,531
you'll get your money back.
303
00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:08,897
The Guild of Assassins?
304
00:16:08,899 --> 00:16:10,563
Never heard of it.
305
00:16:10,565 --> 00:16:12,662
We don't advertise.
306
00:16:12,664 --> 00:16:15,133
And the word of
mouth is limited.
307
00:16:16,631 --> 00:16:18,595
What's it like, a union?
308
00:16:18,597 --> 00:16:20,696
We're not bus drivers.
309
00:16:20,698 --> 00:16:24,563
It's a co-operative bound
by a strict code of conduct.
310
00:16:24,565 --> 00:16:27,062
An assassin is not
just a man with a gun.
311
00:16:27,064 --> 00:16:28,098
We're not murderers.
312
00:16:29,065 --> 00:16:30,065
We're professionals.
313
00:16:31,564 --> 00:16:32,531
And what do I do?
314
00:16:33,598 --> 00:16:35,596
Do what you normally do.
315
00:16:35,598 --> 00:16:37,629
Just don't hide in a
cupboard for the week.
316
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:39,097
I don't mind, I'll
kill you anyway,
317
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,499
but you'll regret it.
318
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:43,532
Okay.
319
00:16:45,031 --> 00:16:45,866
Right.
320
00:16:48,265 --> 00:16:50,595
You seem like a decent man.
321
00:16:50,597 --> 00:16:52,096
I'm very happy to kill you.
322
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,631
I'm very happy to die.
323
00:16:57,764 --> 00:17:00,197
(DOOR OPENING)
324
00:17:00,199 --> 00:17:03,599
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
325
00:17:09,031 --> 00:17:11,930
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
326
00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:12,862
WENDY: Hello?
327
00:17:12,864 --> 00:17:13,632
LESLIE: Yes, it's Leslie.
328
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:16,996
WENDY: Hello, Les.
329
00:17:16,998 --> 00:17:18,196
Hi Wendy.
330
00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:19,698
I need to register
this contract.
331
00:17:29,565 --> 00:17:30,200
Look at that!
332
00:17:31,565 --> 00:17:32,632
Well done you!
333
00:17:33,664 --> 00:17:34,497
Just in time.
334
00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:38,062
Those assisted suicides
were a great idea.
335
00:17:38,064 --> 00:17:39,962
He's just needs to
transfer the money.
336
00:17:39,964 --> 00:17:41,063
He seemed keen.
337
00:17:41,065 --> 00:17:42,264
Depressed was he?
338
00:17:42,266 --> 00:17:43,696
He's another writer.
339
00:17:43,698 --> 00:17:45,062
Unpublished.
340
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,896
That's the trouble
with some people.
341
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:48,063
They think too much.
342
00:17:48,065 --> 00:17:49,563
(STAPLER CLICKING)
343
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:50,729
Is Harvey in?
344
00:17:50,731 --> 00:17:52,929
They're all at the conference.
345
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:55,030
Didn't you get the newsletter?
346
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,030
No.
347
00:17:56,032 --> 00:17:57,297
It's today and tomorrow.
348
00:17:57,299 --> 00:18:01,197
They're staying at
a hotel in Egham.
349
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:02,766
Here's the schedule.
350
00:18:06,299 --> 00:18:07,563
Mmmm.
351
00:18:07,565 --> 00:18:08,829
Buffet lunch.
352
00:18:08,831 --> 00:18:11,632
So have you got the
Ruger Precision?
353
00:18:13,797 --> 00:18:14,695
No, Leslie I'm sorry.
354
00:18:14,697 --> 00:18:15,965
It's out at the moment.
355
00:18:17,565 --> 00:18:18,833
We've got plenty of handguns?
356
00:18:20,164 --> 00:18:21,662
Glock 17?
357
00:18:21,664 --> 00:18:23,232
Let me just get that for you.
358
00:18:25,531 --> 00:18:28,999
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
359
00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:35,030
Ammunition is in the case.
360
00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:36,563
Can you have it
back by Thursday?
361
00:18:36,565 --> 00:18:37,466
Yeah, yeah.
362
00:18:39,797 --> 00:18:41,862
Have you still
got the Browning?
363
00:18:41,864 --> 00:18:45,062
No, no, I brought
that back last week.
364
00:18:45,064 --> 00:18:46,498
It's saying it's still out.
365
00:18:48,199 --> 00:18:49,466
Where is it then?
366
00:18:59,266 --> 00:19:00,530
Les?
367
00:19:00,532 --> 00:19:02,663
Did you get the Worcester sauce?
368
00:19:02,665 --> 00:19:03,695
(SIGHING)
369
00:19:03,697 --> 00:19:04,762
Oh, Leslie!
370
00:19:04,764 --> 00:19:05,930
Well, I'll go now.
371
00:19:05,932 --> 00:19:08,264
No, no, it's not essential.
372
00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:10,030
Look, I'm sorry.
373
00:19:10,032 --> 00:19:11,566
Just be a bit bland.
374
00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:13,863
Well I will go.
375
00:19:13,865 --> 00:19:14,695
No, you're home now.
376
00:19:14,697 --> 00:19:16,130
Don't worry.
377
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:17,166
I'll add some Bovril.
378
00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:25,230
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
379
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:26,066
Hello boys.
380
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:27,966
How are you today?
381
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:30,966
What's wrong with you?
382
00:19:31,932 --> 00:19:32,766
You all right?
383
00:19:34,531 --> 00:19:36,632
I thought we could
have it on trays.
384
00:19:42,064 --> 00:19:43,829
NARRATOR: It's
hard to move quickly
385
00:19:43,831 --> 00:19:45,930
when you only eat plants
386
00:19:45,932 --> 00:19:47,630
(GRUNTING)
387
00:19:47,632 --> 00:19:49,532
It's a three-toed sloth
388
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:52,732
The sloth hangs from
branches, eating plants
389
00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:55,529
Bland?
390
00:19:55,531 --> 00:19:56,498
Delicious.
391
00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:01,163
I don't know how I'm
going to finish this
392
00:20:01,165 --> 00:20:02,566
in time for the
Southern Counties.
393
00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:06,530
What I was thinking?
394
00:20:06,532 --> 00:20:07,599
You'll get it done.
395
00:20:09,064 --> 00:20:11,233
NARRATOR: Sloths are not
exactly enthusiastic eaters,
396
00:20:12,597 --> 00:20:17,030
but meals takes up a sizeable
proportion of the day,
397
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:18,899
it's a constant cycle.
398
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:20,965
Yep.
399
00:20:22,531 --> 00:20:23,662
Bland.
400
00:20:23,664 --> 00:20:27,098
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
401
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,898
My life was long enough
402
00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:44,200
and full of distress.
403
00:20:44,998 --> 00:20:48,565
Unlike my death,
404
00:20:49,564 --> 00:20:52,565
which was quick and painless.
405
00:21:17,564 --> 00:21:18,997
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
The time is 8:19
406
00:21:18,999 --> 00:21:22,599
and now a summary of
this morning's news.
407
00:21:24,864 --> 00:21:27,596
This one goes the
whole way round.
408
00:21:27,598 --> 00:21:29,730
120 nights.
409
00:21:29,732 --> 00:21:31,630
Imagine,
410
00:21:31,632 --> 00:21:33,766
wouldn't that be incredible?
411
00:21:35,532 --> 00:21:38,162
There's places here I've
never even heard of.
412
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,499
Nuku'Alofa.
413
00:21:41,664 --> 00:21:42,565
Nuku'Alofa.
414
00:21:43,965 --> 00:21:45,762
It's in Tonga.
415
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:48,129
And they've got an offer
on if you book early.
416
00:21:48,131 --> 00:21:49,962
Listen love, about that...
417
00:21:49,964 --> 00:21:53,663
Oh Les, you said this year.
418
00:21:53,665 --> 00:21:55,762
You said that you were
going to retire this year
419
00:21:55,764 --> 00:21:57,062
and we could go
'round the world.
420
00:21:57,064 --> 00:21:58,863
No, I said I'd
think about retiring
421
00:21:58,865 --> 00:22:01,696
and I have thought about
it and I've decided
422
00:22:01,698 --> 00:22:03,599
that I'm not ready.
423
00:22:05,064 --> 00:22:07,195
Don't worry, the world will
still be there next year.
424
00:22:07,197 --> 00:22:09,129
But will we, Leslie?
425
00:22:09,131 --> 00:22:10,595
You should be enjoying life,
426
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,662
not working yourself
into an early grave.
427
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,262
I love my work.
428
00:22:14,264 --> 00:22:15,430
And what about Harvey?
429
00:22:15,432 --> 00:22:18,529
I thought he wanted to give
more work to the youngsters?
430
00:22:18,531 --> 00:22:19,430
He can do what he likes.
431
00:22:19,432 --> 00:22:21,562
I've already fulfilled
his stupid quota.
432
00:22:21,564 --> 00:22:22,696
You have?
433
00:22:22,698 --> 00:22:23,795
Yes.
434
00:22:23,797 --> 00:22:25,465
The money just needs to be
transferred, that's all.
435
00:22:27,164 --> 00:22:29,696
At least you can
be happy for me?
436
00:22:29,698 --> 00:22:30,763
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Budgies can fly
437
00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:33,062
at over 90 kilometers per hour,
438
00:22:33,064 --> 00:22:34,730
and cover huge territories,
439
00:22:34,732 --> 00:22:37,598
(PHONE RINGING)
440
00:22:41,297 --> 00:22:43,030
(PHONE BEEPING)
441
00:22:43,032 --> 00:22:45,262
Leslie O'Neil.
442
00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:46,529
WILLIAM: Mr O'Neil?
443
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:47,563
Yeah.
444
00:22:47,565 --> 00:22:49,161
It's William Morrison.
445
00:22:49,163 --> 00:22:51,263
I've transferred the money.
446
00:22:51,265 --> 00:22:56,465
But I have a few things
I want to do first,
447
00:22:57,765 --> 00:22:59,295
so I was wondering if you
could give me a rough idea
448
00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:01,030
in terms of timescale.
449
00:23:01,032 --> 00:23:03,796
William, this
isn't a good time.
450
00:23:03,798 --> 00:23:04,997
I'm at work.
451
00:23:04,999 --> 00:23:06,196
What?
452
00:23:06,198 --> 00:23:07,662
Right now?
453
00:23:07,664 --> 00:23:09,498
What, you're going to
kill someone right now?
454
00:23:10,797 --> 00:23:12,762
Wait, it's not me, is it?
455
00:23:12,764 --> 00:23:14,796
No, it isn't you.
456
00:23:14,798 --> 00:23:15,632
Oh.
457
00:23:16,698 --> 00:23:17,929
LESLIE: Bye, William.
458
00:23:17,931 --> 00:23:20,599
(PHONE BEEPING)
459
00:23:25,064 --> 00:23:28,566
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
460
00:23:42,898 --> 00:23:44,566
Book idea.
461
00:23:46,265 --> 00:23:48,562
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
462
00:23:48,564 --> 00:23:53,566
An assassin who only kills
people who want to die.
463
00:23:55,230 --> 00:23:56,763
I was hoping it would be you.
464
00:23:56,765 --> 00:23:57,729
LESLIE: Have a nice death.
465
00:23:57,731 --> 00:24:00,061
(GUN FIRING)
466
00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:02,596
WILLIAM VOICEOVER: He
holds death in his hand
467
00:24:02,598 --> 00:24:06,196
and delivers it with the
precision of a surgeon.
468
00:24:06,198 --> 00:24:08,096
I'm not quite dead.
469
00:24:08,098 --> 00:24:09,096
Oh my god!
470
00:24:09,098 --> 00:24:10,629
I'm so sorry, Mrs Rehmann.
471
00:24:10,631 --> 00:24:11,663
I'll have another go.
472
00:24:11,665 --> 00:24:13,899
(GUN FIRING)
473
00:24:15,097 --> 00:24:17,196
WILLIAM: Benevolently
shuffling lesser beings
474
00:24:17,198 --> 00:24:18,963
off their mortal coil.
475
00:24:18,965 --> 00:24:21,061
Oh, that's very good Penny.
476
00:24:21,063 --> 00:24:22,695
Oh, thank you, Clive.
477
00:24:22,697 --> 00:24:25,662
It will be if I
can get it right.
478
00:24:25,664 --> 00:24:27,663
WILLIAM: A
hard-drinking enigma.
479
00:24:27,665 --> 00:24:30,195
Single malt his only companion.
480
00:24:30,197 --> 00:24:33,998
A man of action
and unique skills.
481
00:24:35,597 --> 00:24:38,798
PENNY: Oh Les, you
didn't have anything else?
482
00:24:42,164 --> 00:24:44,763
He lies in wait,
ready to pounce.
483
00:24:44,765 --> 00:24:48,132
Stalking his prey with
a ruthless efficiency.
484
00:24:49,532 --> 00:24:50,863
A master of stealth.
485
00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:52,595
(DOOR LOCKING)
486
00:24:52,597 --> 00:24:53,529
Do you want this?
487
00:24:53,531 --> 00:24:54,995
KID: You don't want it?
488
00:24:54,997 --> 00:24:57,498
WILLIAM VOICEOVER: A
connoisseur of concealment.
489
00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:03,765
Moving in the shadows, he
sees all, but is never seen.
490
00:25:04,731 --> 00:25:06,629
The grim reaper.
491
00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:08,296
Abbadon the destroyer.
492
00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:11,699
To look at him is to look
into the face of death.
493
00:25:13,864 --> 00:25:15,763
A lone wolf.
494
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:16,929
Taciturn.
495
00:25:16,931 --> 00:25:18,195
What the hell are you doing?
496
00:25:18,197 --> 00:25:19,630
I've only been gone
about five minutes.
497
00:25:19,632 --> 00:25:20,662
No, no.
498
00:25:20,664 --> 00:25:21,529
Sorry, Sir.
499
00:25:21,531 --> 00:25:23,065
It's already in the system.
500
00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,565
Oh to hell with you
501
00:25:26,697 --> 00:25:29,595
and your stupid hat and
your stupid scooter!
502
00:25:29,597 --> 00:25:30,665
Unknowable.
503
00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:34,499
He hasn't chosen this life.
504
00:25:35,964 --> 00:25:37,699
It has chosen him.
505
00:25:48,063 --> 00:25:50,765
(PHONE RINGING)
506
00:25:56,631 --> 00:25:57,829
Hello?
507
00:25:57,831 --> 00:26:00,263
ELLIE: Oh, is this
William Morrison?
508
00:26:00,265 --> 00:26:01,095
Yeah.
509
00:26:01,097 --> 00:26:02,196
ELLIE: Oh, thank god.
510
00:26:02,198 --> 00:26:03,532
You're not dead.
511
00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:05,629
WILLIAM: I'm working on it.
512
00:26:05,631 --> 00:26:06,562
ELLIE: Well, that's great.
513
00:26:06,564 --> 00:26:08,529
I thought I might be too late.
514
00:26:08,531 --> 00:26:10,065
WILLIAM: Sorry, who are you?
515
00:26:12,265 --> 00:26:15,162
My name is Ellie Adams and
I work at Steeden & Sons.
516
00:26:15,164 --> 00:26:16,296
The publishers?
517
00:26:16,298 --> 00:26:19,662
ELLIE: Yeah, I want to
talk to you about your book.
518
00:26:19,664 --> 00:26:20,729
WILLIAM: What about it?
519
00:26:20,731 --> 00:26:21,731
ELLIE: I read it.
520
00:26:22,997 --> 00:26:23,830
Really?
521
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:24,663
ELLIE: Yeah.
522
00:26:24,665 --> 00:26:25,596
The whole thing?
523
00:26:25,598 --> 00:26:27,128
Yeah.
524
00:26:27,130 --> 00:26:30,196
You're pretty fucked up.
525
00:26:30,198 --> 00:26:31,196
No offense.
526
00:26:31,198 --> 00:26:32,295
WILLIAM: None taken.
527
00:26:32,297 --> 00:26:34,262
ELLIE: I want to set
up a meeting with my boss.
528
00:26:34,264 --> 00:26:35,098
How's next week?
529
00:26:37,197 --> 00:26:38,228
No!
530
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:42,532
No, I can't, um,
anything sooner?
531
00:26:43,798 --> 00:26:45,262
ELLIE: Okay.
532
00:26:45,264 --> 00:26:47,563
Actually something just
canceled tomorrow lunchtime.
533
00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:48,795
How's that?
534
00:26:48,797 --> 00:26:50,595
Yeah.
535
00:26:50,597 --> 00:26:52,061
I should be able to make it.
536
00:26:52,063 --> 00:26:53,162
ELLIE: Perfect.
537
00:26:53,164 --> 00:26:54,996
Do you know Fantacci's?
538
00:26:54,998 --> 00:26:55,862
Yep.
539
00:26:55,864 --> 00:26:56,796
ELLIE: One o'clock?
540
00:26:56,798 --> 00:26:57,630
Okay.
541
00:26:57,632 --> 00:26:59,095
ELLIE: Great.
542
00:26:59,097 --> 00:27:00,595
Just please don't kill
yourself in the meantime.
543
00:27:00,597 --> 00:27:02,663
Or if you do, can
you let me know
544
00:27:02,665 --> 00:27:04,562
and I'll cancel the table?
545
00:27:04,564 --> 00:27:05,195
Thanks!
546
00:27:05,197 --> 00:27:08,598
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
547
00:27:14,231 --> 00:27:15,065
Morning.
548
00:27:18,565 --> 00:27:20,696
Sorry, I was
having a sandwich.
549
00:27:20,698 --> 00:27:22,698
I just wanted to ask a favor.
550
00:27:24,063 --> 00:27:25,828
You're not having
second thoughts, are you?
551
00:27:25,830 --> 00:27:27,295
No, no, not at all.
552
00:27:27,297 --> 00:27:30,763
I just wondered if
we could postpone?
553
00:27:30,765 --> 00:27:32,262
Postpone?
554
00:27:32,264 --> 00:27:33,195
Yes.
555
00:27:33,197 --> 00:27:35,563
I had a call from a publisher's
556
00:27:35,565 --> 00:27:37,129
and they're
interested in my book.
557
00:27:37,131 --> 00:27:40,896
They wanted to meet me next
week, but I said absolutely not
558
00:27:40,898 --> 00:27:45,898
So we're having lunch at
one tomorrow at Fantacci's.
559
00:27:47,632 --> 00:27:48,562
Do you know it?
560
00:27:48,564 --> 00:27:52,296
But you still want to die?
561
00:27:52,298 --> 00:27:53,229
WILLIAM: Absolutely.
562
00:27:53,231 --> 00:27:54,662
Because we have a contract.
563
00:27:54,664 --> 00:27:55,961
You can plead all you
like, lots of people do,
564
00:27:55,963 --> 00:27:58,530
but it's non-refundable.
565
00:27:58,532 --> 00:28:00,962
You did read the small print?
566
00:28:00,964 --> 00:28:04,765
You're only alive because
I haven't killed you yet.
567
00:28:05,698 --> 00:28:08,532
It will be a temporary hiatus.
568
00:28:09,598 --> 00:28:10,865
It would mean a lot to me.
569
00:28:15,230 --> 00:28:16,530
Okay.
570
00:28:16,532 --> 00:28:17,662
Sure.
571
00:28:17,664 --> 00:28:20,229
Thank you, I
really appreciate it.
572
00:28:20,231 --> 00:28:21,232
All right.
573
00:28:22,665 --> 00:28:25,898
(CHERRY WHISTLING MUSIC)
574
00:28:33,097 --> 00:28:34,196
♪ Prego prego ♪
575
00:28:34,198 --> 00:28:35,563
♪ Anywhere you may go ♪
576
00:28:35,565 --> 00:28:37,995
♪ Make each day be
a day full of fun ♪
577
00:28:37,997 --> 00:28:39,629
MAN: Hello, sir,
can I help you?
578
00:28:39,631 --> 00:28:41,695
Hello, I have a
meeting with Ellie Adams.
579
00:28:41,697 --> 00:28:45,031
The young lady
sitting right there.
580
00:28:46,997 --> 00:28:47,831
Oh.
581
00:28:51,264 --> 00:28:52,595
Ellie?
582
00:28:52,597 --> 00:28:55,630
You didn't kill yourself.
583
00:28:55,632 --> 00:28:56,599
I managed not to.
584
00:28:58,164 --> 00:28:59,965
Brian is on his way.
585
00:29:01,298 --> 00:29:02,131
Tell me.
586
00:29:03,531 --> 00:29:06,829
You've thought a lot
about dying, right?
587
00:29:06,831 --> 00:29:09,262
More than most.
588
00:29:09,264 --> 00:29:12,764
Would you rather be eaten
by sharks or mauled by a bear?
589
00:29:13,831 --> 00:29:17,998
Uh, I think sharks.
590
00:29:18,964 --> 00:29:20,199
They seem more efficient.
591
00:29:21,597 --> 00:29:23,529
I wouldn't recommend lions.
592
00:29:23,531 --> 00:29:27,296
I tried jumping into the lion
enclosure at the zoo once,
593
00:29:27,298 --> 00:29:29,563
but all the lions were asleep.
594
00:29:29,565 --> 00:29:31,865
After 10 minutes I had
to climb out again.
595
00:29:34,997 --> 00:29:35,831
That's funny.
596
00:29:39,632 --> 00:29:41,529
Did you know that there are
more people killed every year
597
00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:45,562
by hippos than by lions,
sharks and bears combined.
598
00:29:45,564 --> 00:29:48,662
I mean, that's an
embarrassing way to die.
599
00:29:48,664 --> 00:29:50,762
To be killed by a hippo.
600
00:29:50,764 --> 00:29:53,595
(LAUGHING)
601
00:29:53,597 --> 00:29:55,598
My parents were
killed by a hippo.
602
00:29:56,997 --> 00:29:58,061
Oh.
603
00:29:58,063 --> 00:29:58,897
Sorry.
604
00:30:04,664 --> 00:30:05,928
I'm joking.
605
00:30:05,930 --> 00:30:07,565
My parents weren't
killed by a hippo.
606
00:30:08,897 --> 00:30:09,828
Oh, ha.
607
00:30:09,830 --> 00:30:11,563
They died in a car crash.
608
00:30:11,565 --> 00:30:13,061
So, your book.
609
00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:16,465
You're very interesting
610
00:30:19,097 --> 00:30:22,562
In a good way?
611
00:30:22,564 --> 00:30:24,096
Ah, here comes Brian.
612
00:30:24,098 --> 00:30:26,262
Well, you can tell him
from me he's a fucking moron.
613
00:30:26,264 --> 00:30:27,729
In fact worse, he's an idiot.
614
00:30:27,731 --> 00:30:29,263
A big fucking idiot.
615
00:30:29,265 --> 00:30:31,161
No, idiot is worse than moron.
616
00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:32,295
Idiot is the worst.
617
00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:35,562
Officially, it's a medical term.
618
00:30:35,564 --> 00:30:37,961
Extreme mental retardation.
619
00:30:37,963 --> 00:30:42,965
Idiot, imbecile, moron,
that's the sequence.
620
00:30:43,863 --> 00:30:45,599
Do you know what's after moron?
621
00:30:47,131 --> 00:30:47,961
Cretin?
622
00:30:47,963 --> 00:30:50,095
No, cretin is different.
623
00:30:50,097 --> 00:30:51,962
Cretin is more of
a physical thing.
624
00:30:51,964 --> 00:30:55,132
Just do it will you
or you're both fired!
625
00:30:56,731 --> 00:30:58,864
(SIGHING)
626
00:31:01,863 --> 00:31:04,761
Your mum's not retarded
or anything is she?
627
00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:05,795
My mum's dead.
628
00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:07,229
Oh, thank god for that!
629
00:31:07,231 --> 00:31:08,161
That would have been awkward!
630
00:31:08,163 --> 00:31:09,829
This is Brian Bentley.
631
00:31:09,831 --> 00:31:11,096
My boss at the company.
632
00:31:11,098 --> 00:31:12,562
We love the book.
633
00:31:12,564 --> 00:31:14,262
Fucking dark.
634
00:31:14,264 --> 00:31:15,761
It's dull by the way.
635
00:31:15,763 --> 00:31:17,263
I wouldn't say that.
636
00:31:17,265 --> 00:31:18,661
Admittedly I haven't read
it, but Ellie loves it.
637
00:31:18,663 --> 00:31:19,594
Says it could be huge.
638
00:31:19,596 --> 00:31:20,829
Are you on Twitter?
639
00:31:20,831 --> 00:31:21,794
I meant after moron.
640
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:23,795
Oh, the retards thing!
641
00:31:23,797 --> 00:31:25,529
Yeah, that's right, dull.
642
00:31:25,531 --> 00:31:27,861
(LAUGHING)
643
00:31:27,863 --> 00:31:30,196
You know, I once had a
girlfriend who was dull.
644
00:31:30,198 --> 00:31:31,595
Officially...
645
00:31:31,597 --> 00:31:32,595
We were talking
about William's book.
646
00:31:32,597 --> 00:31:33,828
Oh, yeah.
647
00:31:33,830 --> 00:31:35,296
So look, we want to
turn it into a sort of
648
00:31:35,298 --> 00:31:37,562
Idiots Guide to Suicide.
649
00:31:37,564 --> 00:31:38,962
What do you think?
650
00:31:38,964 --> 00:31:40,561
Not medical idiots obviously.
651
00:31:40,563 --> 00:31:43,229
I mean, I doubt those
guys can fucking read.
652
00:31:43,231 --> 00:31:44,232
It sounds awful.
653
00:31:45,564 --> 00:31:47,161
That's not really what, no,
654
00:31:47,163 --> 00:31:49,829
Brian meant that we
want to use the core of
655
00:31:49,831 --> 00:31:52,029
your book to give
a personal insight
656
00:31:52,031 --> 00:31:53,694
into the world of suicide.
657
00:31:53,696 --> 00:31:56,629
Have you really tried to
kill yourself seven times?
658
00:31:56,631 --> 00:31:59,228
10, if you count
cries for help.
659
00:31:59,230 --> 00:32:00,628
Jesus!
660
00:32:00,630 --> 00:32:02,162
You don't seem that disturbed.
661
00:32:02,164 --> 00:32:03,629
When Ellie told me about this
I thought you'd be trying
662
00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:05,829
to cut your wrists
with the bread knife.
663
00:32:05,831 --> 00:32:07,594
You know there's a
bravery in your writing
664
00:32:07,596 --> 00:32:09,762
to acknowledge that the world's
obsession with the banal
665
00:32:09,764 --> 00:32:12,628
is simply a distraction
from the nagging fear
666
00:32:12,630 --> 00:32:14,465
that our existence
has no meaning.
667
00:32:15,663 --> 00:32:18,662
People are discontented
and lonely.
668
00:32:18,664 --> 00:32:20,499
I think your book will
connect with them.
669
00:32:21,597 --> 00:32:23,562
Plus people love
shit that's depressing,
670
00:32:23,564 --> 00:32:25,832
makes them feel better about
their own crappy lives.
671
00:32:27,031 --> 00:32:29,561
Hey, do you really think
you will kill yourself?
672
00:32:29,563 --> 00:32:30,595
Probably.
673
00:32:30,597 --> 00:32:31,795
Great.
674
00:32:31,797 --> 00:32:33,598
Just thinking we could coincide
it with a paperback release.
675
00:32:34,730 --> 00:32:37,029
Well, if he's going
to do it anyway!
676
00:32:37,031 --> 00:32:41,694
I actually wanted to ask
about posthumous publication?
677
00:32:41,696 --> 00:32:43,695
Just hypothetically.
678
00:32:43,697 --> 00:32:46,594
We really want
to work with you.
679
00:32:46,596 --> 00:32:48,096
I'm so pleased
you like my book,
680
00:32:48,098 --> 00:32:50,961
but this guide idea,
681
00:32:50,963 --> 00:32:52,661
it sounds like a lot of work
682
00:32:52,663 --> 00:32:54,562
and I don't have much
time at the moment.
683
00:32:54,564 --> 00:32:55,928
Killing yourself
keeping you busy?
684
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:57,662
You wouldn't have
to do it all yourself.
685
00:32:57,664 --> 00:32:58,861
Ellie would be your editor.
686
00:32:58,863 --> 00:33:00,561
If that's okay?
687
00:33:00,563 --> 00:33:03,028
This is great
opportunity, mate.
688
00:33:03,030 --> 00:33:05,132
Once in a lifetime, ironically.
689
00:33:06,297 --> 00:33:07,694
This is a chance
for you to say
690
00:33:07,696 --> 00:33:09,561
what you want and be heard.
691
00:33:09,563 --> 00:33:10,729
Yes.
692
00:33:10,731 --> 00:33:13,095
What is that exactly?
693
00:33:13,097 --> 00:33:16,096
That death is nothing to fear.
694
00:33:16,098 --> 00:33:18,628
It's what we all have in common.
695
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,761
There is something
reassuring in that.
696
00:33:20,763 --> 00:33:23,630
Makes me feel less adrift.
697
00:33:29,098 --> 00:33:30,961
Jesus Christ!
698
00:33:30,963 --> 00:33:32,263
I'm not publishing your book
699
00:33:32,265 --> 00:33:35,529
just because you
need a fucking hug.
700
00:33:35,531 --> 00:33:37,595
It's got to sell.
701
00:33:37,597 --> 00:33:39,061
That's the problem these days,
702
00:33:39,063 --> 00:33:41,829
everyone feels a need
to express every detail
703
00:33:41,831 --> 00:33:43,161
of their pathetic lives
704
00:33:43,163 --> 00:33:45,228
to remind us of their existence.
705
00:33:45,230 --> 00:33:47,595
I tweet therefore I am.
706
00:33:47,597 --> 00:33:50,695
No one fucking cares!
707
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:52,661
I'd rather shoot
myself in the head
708
00:33:52,663 --> 00:33:53,295
than have to listen to
the opinions of these...
709
00:33:53,297 --> 00:33:54,728
(GUN FIRING)
710
00:33:54,730 --> 00:33:56,862
(SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
711
00:33:56,864 --> 00:33:57,798
Oh balls.
712
00:34:03,031 --> 00:34:05,529
ELLIE: William, get down!
713
00:34:05,531 --> 00:34:07,828
Have a good death.
714
00:34:07,830 --> 00:34:08,795
(GUN FIRING)
715
00:34:08,797 --> 00:34:10,929
ELLIE: What are you doing?
716
00:34:10,931 --> 00:34:11,765
Cock.
717
00:34:23,863 --> 00:34:25,562
I think it's stopped.
718
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,595
Aren't you going to thank me?
719
00:34:27,597 --> 00:34:29,229
For what?
720
00:34:29,231 --> 00:34:31,095
I just saved your life.
721
00:34:31,097 --> 00:34:33,032
I'm having mixed
feelings about that.
722
00:34:35,030 --> 00:34:35,862
Jesus.
723
00:34:35,864 --> 00:34:36,698
Poor Brian.
724
00:34:38,863 --> 00:34:40,162
Do you think he's dead?
725
00:34:40,164 --> 00:34:41,698
Half his face was missing.
726
00:34:44,198 --> 00:34:45,498
There goes my book deal.
727
00:34:48,563 --> 00:34:49,795
You smoke?
728
00:34:49,797 --> 00:34:51,565
I didn't think anyone
smoked any more.
729
00:34:54,664 --> 00:34:57,528
You know this is a
non-smoking restaurant.
730
00:34:57,530 --> 00:34:58,730
I don't think they'll care.
731
00:35:01,530 --> 00:35:04,497
(SIRENS WAILING)
732
00:35:24,931 --> 00:35:25,798
PENNY: Leslie?
733
00:35:27,298 --> 00:35:28,565
Hello, love.
734
00:35:30,631 --> 00:35:31,698
What is it?
735
00:35:33,864 --> 00:35:34,832
Oh, it's nothing.
736
00:35:35,998 --> 00:35:37,729
After 36 years of marriage
737
00:35:37,731 --> 00:35:39,765
I think I know
something when I see it.
738
00:35:42,864 --> 00:35:43,665
Well I,
739
00:35:44,831 --> 00:35:46,998
I made a terrible
mistake at work.
740
00:35:47,997 --> 00:35:49,964
Oh Les, don't worry.
741
00:35:52,098 --> 00:35:54,562
Everyone makes mistakes.
742
00:35:54,564 --> 00:35:55,961
Not me.
743
00:35:55,963 --> 00:35:56,832
Not like this.
744
00:36:01,264 --> 00:36:02,565
Harvey's going to kill me.
745
00:36:03,564 --> 00:36:06,228
Oh, I'm sure he'll understand.
746
00:36:06,230 --> 00:36:08,865
I mean, it's not like
anyone died, is it?
747
00:36:14,264 --> 00:36:16,065
I'll put the kettle on.
748
00:36:19,530 --> 00:36:20,762
You'll never guess
who else is entered
749
00:36:20,764 --> 00:36:22,561
her cushion into the
Southern Counties.
750
00:36:22,563 --> 00:36:23,895
Who?
751
00:36:23,897 --> 00:36:26,695
Only Morag effing Bleasdale.
752
00:36:26,697 --> 00:36:28,562
Who's Morag Bleasdale?
753
00:36:28,564 --> 00:36:29,965
Who's Morag Bleasdale?
754
00:36:31,531 --> 00:36:33,129
She's only the best needlecrafter
in the home counties!
755
00:36:33,131 --> 00:36:34,162
She's won everything!
756
00:36:34,164 --> 00:36:36,162
There's no way I'll beat her.
757
00:36:36,164 --> 00:36:37,065
Yes, you will.
758
00:36:38,263 --> 00:36:40,196
I knew I shouldn't
have done a cushion.
759
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,661
I'm out of my comfort zone.
760
00:36:42,663 --> 00:36:43,594
I would have thought a cushion
761
00:36:43,596 --> 00:36:45,128
would make it more comfortable.
762
00:36:45,130 --> 00:36:47,261
This is not a joke, Leslie!
763
00:36:47,263 --> 00:36:48,995
Morag Bleasdale!
764
00:36:48,997 --> 00:36:51,628
Not to mention Sue
Simmons, and Clive!
765
00:36:51,630 --> 00:36:53,029
Don't forget Clive.
766
00:36:53,031 --> 00:36:57,061
He beat me twice last year
and that was just local,
767
00:36:57,063 --> 00:36:59,096
this is the Southern Counties.
768
00:36:59,098 --> 00:37:02,228
LESLIE: As I say,
it's not about winning.
769
00:37:02,230 --> 00:37:04,829
And like I say,
it is about winning.
770
00:37:04,831 --> 00:37:06,161
(BUZZING)
771
00:37:06,163 --> 00:37:07,728
I'm not cross-stitching
a cushion
772
00:37:07,730 --> 00:37:10,098
for 30 hours to come unplaced!
773
00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:15,096
You are better
than Morag Bleasdale,
774
00:37:15,098 --> 00:37:18,098
Sue Simmons and Clive.
775
00:37:19,296 --> 00:37:20,630
They're really good.
776
00:37:21,564 --> 00:37:23,864
But you are better.
777
00:37:25,230 --> 00:37:26,231
Thank you.
778
00:37:31,563 --> 00:37:32,828
What are you doing?
779
00:37:32,830 --> 00:37:35,530
I'm just checking something.
780
00:37:38,297 --> 00:37:40,795
PENNY: Now tell me
what happened at work
781
00:37:40,797 --> 00:37:42,465
and what I can do to help.
782
00:37:43,730 --> 00:37:45,862
No, that's all right, love.
783
00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:46,998
I'll sort it myself.
784
00:37:51,229 --> 00:37:55,832
To miss once was unlucky,
to miss again, unthinkable.
785
00:37:59,796 --> 00:38:02,662
Since signing the contract,
786
00:38:02,664 --> 00:38:04,665
his problems hadn't
seemed so bad,
787
00:38:05,864 --> 00:38:06,964
except one.
788
00:38:08,531 --> 00:38:09,965
And that could
happen at any moment.
789
00:38:11,031 --> 00:38:13,965
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
790
00:38:30,063 --> 00:38:31,794
Hey.
791
00:38:31,796 --> 00:38:34,529
WILLIAM: How do
you know where I live?
792
00:38:34,531 --> 00:38:35,562
It was on your manuscript.
793
00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,128
(LIGHT ROCK MUSIC)
794
00:38:37,130 --> 00:38:40,961
♪ Running into one another ♪
795
00:38:40,963 --> 00:38:44,528
♪ Outside a cafe in Paris ♪
796
00:38:44,530 --> 00:38:46,931
I thought we could
start work on your book.
797
00:38:47,797 --> 00:38:48,761
But I thought...
798
00:38:48,763 --> 00:38:50,097
I've got nothing else on.
799
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:53,961
I'm on compassionate leave.
800
00:38:53,963 --> 00:38:56,064
You know, for the trauma.
801
00:38:58,130 --> 00:38:58,965
Can I have one?
802
00:39:02,229 --> 00:39:04,160
And are you?
803
00:39:04,162 --> 00:39:05,661
What?
804
00:39:05,663 --> 00:39:07,230
Traumatized?
805
00:39:11,097 --> 00:39:12,231
Oh yeah.
806
00:39:13,796 --> 00:39:15,127
Totally.
807
00:39:15,129 --> 00:39:18,561
Yeah, a man was shot
right in front of us.
808
00:39:18,563 --> 00:39:21,497
That's gonna, obviously it's...
809
00:39:23,163 --> 00:39:25,664
But I probably will
get promoted now, so,
810
00:39:27,197 --> 00:39:29,595
well, he was a total dick!
811
00:39:29,597 --> 00:39:31,262
And I mean, as I
said to the police,
812
00:39:31,264 --> 00:39:33,497
loads of people wanted him dead.
813
00:39:36,230 --> 00:39:38,528
Are you working
on something new?
814
00:39:38,530 --> 00:39:39,564
No, that's...
815
00:39:42,031 --> 00:39:45,528
(SIREN WAILING)
816
00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:48,194
Your know my friend does
these new writing nights.
817
00:39:48,196 --> 00:39:49,031
You should come.
818
00:39:50,263 --> 00:39:51,931
There's music, beer,
819
00:39:54,096 --> 00:39:55,564
other fuck ups.
820
00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:02,261
So how do you want this to work?
821
00:40:02,263 --> 00:40:03,262
I've had some ideas
on the structure.
822
00:40:03,264 --> 00:40:05,729
I think we should meet
every couple of days...
823
00:40:05,731 --> 00:40:08,731
That sounds great,
but I told you, I can't.
824
00:40:10,730 --> 00:40:11,595
Of course you can.
825
00:40:11,597 --> 00:40:14,128
No, I'm sorry.
826
00:40:14,130 --> 00:40:14,996
Do you really want to
be stuck in this flat
827
00:40:14,998 --> 00:40:16,762
your whole life?
828
00:40:16,764 --> 00:40:17,962
Look at it.
829
00:40:17,964 --> 00:40:19,194
It's no wonder you
want to kill yourself.
830
00:40:19,196 --> 00:40:20,294
You don't get it.
831
00:40:20,296 --> 00:40:23,695
I get that I
connected with your book
832
00:40:23,697 --> 00:40:25,798
and I think other
people will too.
833
00:40:27,597 --> 00:40:29,562
Isn't that what
you're looking for?
834
00:40:29,564 --> 00:40:33,531
Something to feel
less, what did you say?
835
00:40:34,697 --> 00:40:35,531
Adrift?
836
00:40:36,930 --> 00:40:38,928
But I...
837
00:40:38,930 --> 00:40:39,563
ELLIE: What?
838
00:40:42,062 --> 00:40:43,597
I have something to tell you.
839
00:40:45,597 --> 00:40:47,497
I employed the guy
who killed Brian.
840
00:40:53,531 --> 00:40:56,195
Why would you employ
someone to kill Brian?
841
00:40:56,197 --> 00:40:58,729
No, I employed him to kill me.
842
00:40:58,731 --> 00:41:01,231
But he missed and killed Brian.
843
00:41:03,997 --> 00:41:05,227
What?
844
00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:07,227
Well, I wasn't having
much luck on my own
845
00:41:07,229 --> 00:41:08,862
so I thought I'd outsource it.
846
00:41:08,864 --> 00:41:10,161
Outsource it?
847
00:41:10,163 --> 00:41:13,294
You outsource market research,
848
00:41:13,296 --> 00:41:14,995
you outsource website design,
849
00:41:14,997 --> 00:41:17,831
you don't outsource suicide.
850
00:41:18,830 --> 00:41:20,261
I did.
851
00:41:20,263 --> 00:41:22,564
What happens now Brian's
dead and you're not?
852
00:41:23,630 --> 00:41:24,464
I don't know.
853
00:41:25,229 --> 00:41:26,730
The contract lasts a week.
854
00:41:28,864 --> 00:41:29,928
Great!
855
00:41:29,930 --> 00:41:31,961
And what about our book?
856
00:41:31,963 --> 00:41:32,960
You know what?
857
00:41:32,962 --> 00:41:34,561
You have to postpone it.
858
00:41:34,563 --> 00:41:35,828
Post, what?
859
00:41:35,830 --> 00:41:36,794
Or call it off.
860
00:41:36,796 --> 00:41:38,227
I don't know.
861
00:41:38,229 --> 00:41:39,327
You got his number?
862
00:41:39,329 --> 00:41:41,630
You just, you call him and
tell him the deal's off.
863
00:41:43,097 --> 00:41:48,097
But I think it's a
non-refundable kind of thing.
864
00:41:48,831 --> 00:41:49,961
I signed a contract.
865
00:41:49,963 --> 00:41:51,161
Non-refundable?
866
00:41:51,163 --> 00:41:52,628
WILLIAM: Mm-hmm.
867
00:41:52,630 --> 00:41:54,628
You've agreed to be
killed by a hitman,
868
00:41:54,630 --> 00:41:56,595
I doubt that's legally binding.
869
00:41:56,597 --> 00:41:57,598
Call him.
870
00:42:07,530 --> 00:42:10,163
(PHONE RINGING)
871
00:42:15,764 --> 00:42:16,598
LESLIE: Shit.
872
00:42:21,296 --> 00:42:22,694
Fucking thing.
873
00:42:22,696 --> 00:42:25,564
(PHONE BEEPING)
874
00:42:26,797 --> 00:42:28,061
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
875
00:42:28,063 --> 00:42:30,030
Um, hello.
876
00:42:32,030 --> 00:42:32,865
Hello.
877
00:42:34,097 --> 00:42:34,931
How are you?
878
00:42:36,962 --> 00:42:38,864
Yes, I'm fine.
879
00:42:39,831 --> 00:42:40,894
You?
880
00:42:40,896 --> 00:42:42,664
Good, thank you.
881
00:42:44,630 --> 00:42:48,695
In fact, I've been
thinking and I'm thinking
882
00:42:48,697 --> 00:42:50,565
that I might want
to call it off.
883
00:42:51,230 --> 00:42:52,064
What?
884
00:42:53,130 --> 00:42:54,595
Sorry about that.
885
00:42:54,597 --> 00:42:55,561
But you signed a contract.
886
00:42:55,563 --> 00:42:59,628
Yes, I know, but look,
things have changed...
887
00:42:59,630 --> 00:43:00,928
Didn't you read
the small print?
888
00:43:00,930 --> 00:43:02,561
We've got an agreement.
889
00:43:02,563 --> 00:43:03,762
We have a contract.
890
00:43:03,764 --> 00:43:05,194
It's not legally binding!
891
00:43:05,196 --> 00:43:06,594
Oh, Jesus Christ!
892
00:43:06,596 --> 00:43:07,794
Take some responsibility!
893
00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:09,562
I'm doing the best I can.
894
00:43:09,564 --> 00:43:13,695
I'm one kill away and now
you want to call it off.
895
00:43:13,697 --> 00:43:16,531
Oh look, I tell
you what, fuck you.
896
00:43:17,630 --> 00:43:18,728
(GUN FIRING)
897
00:43:18,730 --> 00:43:19,927
(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC)
898
00:43:19,929 --> 00:43:20,765
We need to go.
899
00:43:31,696 --> 00:43:34,130
(GUN FIRING)
900
00:43:38,129 --> 00:43:39,595
Oh!
901
00:43:39,597 --> 00:43:41,562
♪ You found carousel
to ride around ♪
902
00:43:41,564 --> 00:43:42,529
♪ Take the mess
out of his specs ♪
903
00:43:42,531 --> 00:43:43,629
♪ And the size of his arm ♪
904
00:43:43,631 --> 00:43:46,561
♪ Force him to dress in black ♪
905
00:43:46,563 --> 00:43:47,795
♪ Then make him hold holster ♪
906
00:43:47,797 --> 00:43:49,194
♪ While you shoot
him in the back ♪
907
00:43:49,196 --> 00:43:51,661
♪ And you say I'm
only writing songs ♪
908
00:43:51,663 --> 00:43:54,294
♪ Son, get off your ass
and get a proper job ♪
909
00:43:54,296 --> 00:43:55,295
ELLIE: Here.
910
00:43:55,297 --> 00:43:56,131
What?
911
00:43:58,531 --> 00:43:59,794
Oi, what are you...
912
00:43:59,796 --> 00:44:02,529
No, I'm sorry but it's
already in the system.
913
00:44:02,531 --> 00:44:03,562
Oi!
914
00:44:03,564 --> 00:44:04,195
(GRUNTING)
915
00:44:04,197 --> 00:44:05,761
ELLIE: Go, go!
916
00:44:05,763 --> 00:44:06,729
Where are we going?
917
00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:07,894
ELLIE: I know somewhere!
918
00:44:07,896 --> 00:44:08,729
(GUN FIRING)
919
00:44:08,731 --> 00:44:11,661
(GRUNTING)
920
00:44:11,663 --> 00:44:13,661
♪ Just a tin tan toy ♪
921
00:44:13,663 --> 00:44:15,794
♪ A big fat boy ♪
922
00:44:15,796 --> 00:44:17,964
(MOANING)
923
00:44:20,029 --> 00:44:21,764
Oh, for God's sake.
924
00:44:22,697 --> 00:44:25,194
♪ Oh, boy ♪
925
00:44:25,196 --> 00:44:27,594
♪ Oh, boy ♪
926
00:44:27,596 --> 00:44:29,764
♪ Oh, boy ♪
927
00:44:30,795 --> 00:44:34,698
(SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
928
00:44:38,531 --> 00:44:43,531
♪ Ahhhh ♪
929
00:44:45,564 --> 00:44:47,561
♪ I'm just a tin pan boy ♪
930
00:44:47,563 --> 00:44:49,561
♪ Gonna take my toys ♪
931
00:44:49,563 --> 00:44:51,529
♪ Hey, you, Mr. Inheritor ♪
932
00:44:51,531 --> 00:44:54,860
♪ Hey, you, Mr. Inheritor ♪
933
00:44:54,862 --> 00:44:57,927
♪ You're just a tin pan toy ♪
934
00:44:57,929 --> 00:45:00,161
♪ A big fat boy ♪
935
00:45:00,163 --> 00:45:02,095
♪ Hey, you, Mr. Inheritor ♪
936
00:45:02,097 --> 00:45:05,694
♪ Hey, you, Mr. Inheritor ♪
937
00:45:05,696 --> 00:45:06,662
♪ Boy ♪
938
00:45:06,664 --> 00:45:09,195
♪ Oh, boy ♪
939
00:45:09,197 --> 00:45:11,761
♪ Oh, boy ♪
940
00:45:11,763 --> 00:45:14,127
♪ Boy ♪
941
00:45:14,129 --> 00:45:15,963
♪ Boy ♪
942
00:45:21,631 --> 00:45:22,662
ELLIE: I'll do wine.
943
00:45:22,664 --> 00:45:23,598
You do fire.
944
00:45:30,929 --> 00:45:31,763
Hello, Les.
945
00:45:34,029 --> 00:45:34,863
Harvey.
946
00:45:36,930 --> 00:45:39,261
So, we're in a
bit of shit here.
947
00:45:39,263 --> 00:45:40,628
Harvey...
948
00:45:40,630 --> 00:45:41,227
You are the
source of that shit.
949
00:45:41,229 --> 00:45:42,561
You're a shit factory.
950
00:45:42,563 --> 00:45:44,793
An incontinent shit factory.
951
00:45:44,795 --> 00:45:46,227
But, I'm fixing it.
952
00:45:46,229 --> 00:45:47,529
How are you doing that?
953
00:45:47,531 --> 00:45:49,628
By shooting a traffic warden?
954
00:45:49,630 --> 00:45:51,161
That was an accident.
955
00:45:51,163 --> 00:45:52,629
You're a real black spot
at the moment, aren't you?
956
00:45:52,631 --> 00:45:54,661
Worse than the fucking A14.
957
00:45:54,663 --> 00:45:56,861
The problem, Leslie,
is that our business
958
00:45:56,863 --> 00:45:59,927
is life and death and we can't
afford to have accidents,
959
00:45:59,929 --> 00:46:01,860
understand?
960
00:46:01,862 --> 00:46:03,661
We're professionals.
961
00:46:03,663 --> 00:46:05,693
We don't miss.
962
00:46:05,695 --> 00:46:08,030
Whoever heard of an
assassin with a shaky hand?
963
00:46:09,530 --> 00:46:10,860
You don't see Michael
J Fox running around
964
00:46:10,862 --> 00:46:12,629
shooting people, do you?
965
00:46:12,631 --> 00:46:13,495
And why not?
966
00:46:13,497 --> 00:46:15,160
Because he'd be
fucking terrible at it.
967
00:46:15,162 --> 00:46:18,995
No, Michael J Fox sticks to
raising money for his charity.
968
00:46:18,997 --> 00:46:21,060
He doesn't even do
much acting anymore,
969
00:46:21,062 --> 00:46:25,928
which is a shame because I'm
a big fan of Michael J Fox.
970
00:46:25,930 --> 00:46:28,860
Back to the Future,
Secret of my Success...
971
00:46:28,862 --> 00:46:29,830
Stuart Little.
972
00:46:32,829 --> 00:46:33,661
Why mention that?
973
00:46:33,663 --> 00:46:34,861
Why bring that up?
974
00:46:34,863 --> 00:46:36,061
He's in it.
975
00:46:36,063 --> 00:46:38,262
Only the voice, only
the fucking voice.
976
00:46:38,264 --> 00:46:40,960
Now, if you'd said Doc
Hollywood, I'd agree with you.
977
00:46:40,962 --> 00:46:41,794
Teen Wolf.
978
00:46:41,796 --> 00:46:43,594
Teen Wolf, exactly.
979
00:46:43,596 --> 00:46:46,194
But he doesn't do films anymore
980
00:46:46,196 --> 00:46:47,128
because he knows
he's not up to it.
981
00:46:47,130 --> 00:46:49,228
Do you see what I'm saying?
982
00:46:49,230 --> 00:46:50,594
Not really.
983
00:46:50,596 --> 00:46:51,996
Let me explain.
984
00:46:53,130 --> 00:46:53,964
You're done.
985
00:46:56,962 --> 00:46:58,595
What do you mean?
986
00:46:58,597 --> 00:47:00,262
Okay,
987
00:47:00,264 --> 00:47:03,660
no there's no clearer
way I can say this.
988
00:47:03,662 --> 00:47:04,763
You are done.
989
00:47:06,531 --> 00:47:07,660
You can't fire me.
990
00:47:07,662 --> 00:47:09,595
You haven't made your quota.
991
00:47:09,597 --> 00:47:11,160
But I'm only one hit away.
992
00:47:11,162 --> 00:47:12,861
Listen Shakin' Stevens.
993
00:47:12,863 --> 00:47:15,060
You missed, twice.
994
00:47:15,062 --> 00:47:16,061
You've had a good run.
995
00:47:16,063 --> 00:47:17,198
But as of now...
996
00:47:21,829 --> 00:47:24,693
(DRAWER OPENING)
997
00:47:24,695 --> 00:47:26,095
(CLOCK TICKING)
998
00:47:26,097 --> 00:47:27,597
We even got you a present.
999
00:47:29,097 --> 00:47:29,964
Look at that.
1000
00:47:31,130 --> 00:47:32,565
Fucking lovely.
1001
00:47:36,063 --> 00:47:38,627
Wha, for shooting
a traffic warden?
1002
00:47:38,629 --> 00:47:39,563
Come on!
1003
00:47:39,565 --> 00:47:40,461
No one gives a fuck
about traffic wardens.
1004
00:47:40,463 --> 00:47:43,161
No, you shot the womble
in the restaurant.
1005
00:47:43,163 --> 00:47:45,861
This is the reason
the guild was set up
1006
00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,895
and you've jeopardized
the entire thing.
1007
00:47:47,897 --> 00:47:51,160
Rules, regulations, contracts,
1008
00:47:51,162 --> 00:47:54,195
without those you're
just a tit with a gun.
1009
00:47:54,197 --> 00:47:56,728
But the target ducked
when I took a shot at him.
1010
00:47:56,730 --> 00:47:58,095
It could happen to anyone.
1011
00:47:58,097 --> 00:47:59,660
To be honest it
could've been worse.
1012
00:47:59,662 --> 00:48:02,465
There was a contract out
on the guy you shot anyway.
1013
00:48:03,197 --> 00:48:04,028
Oh, Jesus.
1014
00:48:04,030 --> 00:48:04,961
What are the chances?
1015
00:48:04,963 --> 00:48:06,194
The universe works in ways
1016
00:48:06,196 --> 00:48:08,529
that people like us
will never understand.
1017
00:48:08,531 --> 00:48:11,261
(CLOCK TICKING)
1018
00:48:11,263 --> 00:48:12,465
Brian Bentley.
1019
00:48:14,696 --> 00:48:16,498
Here, you can read all about it.
1020
00:48:25,962 --> 00:48:26,831
So, um,
1021
00:48:27,962 --> 00:48:30,560
if I completed the contract...
1022
00:48:29,596 --> 00:48:30,462
Don't get cheeky.
1023
00:48:30,464 --> 00:48:32,529
Pavel was furious
when he found out.
1024
00:48:32,531 --> 00:48:34,696
He'd just put a
deposit on a new car.
1025
00:48:38,030 --> 00:48:40,497
So, what happens now?
1026
00:48:41,863 --> 00:48:43,128
You take your zimmer frame
1027
00:48:43,130 --> 00:48:45,527
and fuck off into the
sunset of retirement.
1028
00:48:45,529 --> 00:48:47,694
Just don't take up golf.
1029
00:48:47,696 --> 00:48:48,764
Golf is for cunts.
1030
00:48:50,096 --> 00:48:52,560
But if I finish this
contract I can make my quota.
1031
00:48:52,562 --> 00:48:53,697
It's been reassigned.
1032
00:48:57,196 --> 00:48:58,227
Who to?
1033
00:48:58,229 --> 00:48:59,063
Ivan.
1034
00:49:00,762 --> 00:49:01,629
Look at him.
1035
00:49:02,795 --> 00:49:04,763
Like a fucking
bear with alopecia.
1036
00:49:07,529 --> 00:49:09,231
They're hardcore,
these Russians.
1037
00:49:10,264 --> 00:49:11,129
It's a different game now, Les.
1038
00:49:11,131 --> 00:49:13,194
You're getting out
at the best time.
1039
00:49:13,196 --> 00:49:14,262
But this is what I do.
1040
00:49:14,264 --> 00:49:15,693
Not any more.
1041
00:49:15,695 --> 00:49:16,627
This job means
everything to me.
1042
00:49:16,629 --> 00:49:19,627
Killing people gives
me a reason to live!
1043
00:49:19,629 --> 00:49:21,295
It's a terrible
thing, getting old.
1044
00:49:21,297 --> 00:49:22,628
Please, Harvey.
1045
00:49:22,630 --> 00:49:23,627
I'm begging you.
1046
00:49:23,629 --> 00:49:24,561
It's so close.
1047
00:49:24,563 --> 00:49:25,994
This is no way for me to go out.
1048
00:49:25,996 --> 00:49:29,095
You can't fucking go around
fucking shooting people!
1049
00:49:29,097 --> 00:49:30,895
It's not what we fucking do!
1050
00:49:30,897 --> 00:49:33,961
What happened to you, Mr.
One-foot-in-the-fucking-grave?
1051
00:49:33,963 --> 00:49:36,061
You were the best
and now look at you!
1052
00:49:36,063 --> 00:49:37,261
Hanging around Beachy Head,
1053
00:49:37,263 --> 00:49:39,995
handing out your
fucking business cards.
1054
00:49:39,997 --> 00:49:41,465
It's desperate.
1055
00:49:42,929 --> 00:49:46,194
(OMINOUS ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC)
1056
00:49:46,196 --> 00:49:48,863
(CLOCK TICKING)
1057
00:49:53,263 --> 00:49:54,095
(SIGHING)
1058
00:49:54,097 --> 00:49:55,161
There's no shame in it.
1059
00:49:55,163 --> 00:49:55,964
We all get old.
1060
00:49:57,197 --> 00:49:59,597
Now take the fucking clock.
1061
00:50:03,862 --> 00:50:05,231
I'm not taking the clock.
1062
00:50:07,596 --> 00:50:08,761
Take the fucking
clock, Leslie.
1063
00:50:08,763 --> 00:50:11,897
Or you will find things getting
a whole lot fucking worse.
1064
00:50:14,097 --> 00:50:14,931
No.
1065
00:50:35,696 --> 00:50:37,231
HARVEY: He's
become a liability.
1066
00:50:38,663 --> 00:50:40,863
Someone should shoot
him in the fucking head.
1067
00:50:51,129 --> 00:50:51,930
Here.
1068
00:50:54,596 --> 00:50:55,997
WILLIAM: Did you try again?
1069
00:50:57,595 --> 00:50:58,563
It passed.
1070
00:51:01,795 --> 00:51:03,527
I failed to kill
myself so many times
1071
00:51:03,529 --> 00:51:05,629
I began to think I
might be immortal.
1072
00:51:06,863 --> 00:51:08,529
I guarantee
you're not immortal.
1073
00:51:10,030 --> 00:51:12,198
You're just terrible at dying.
1074
00:51:14,062 --> 00:51:16,596
(CHUCKLING)
1075
00:51:20,695 --> 00:51:21,629
Whose house is this?
1076
00:51:23,996 --> 00:51:25,463
Ummm, no idea.
1077
00:51:26,796 --> 00:51:28,295
What?
1078
00:51:28,297 --> 00:51:30,560
I just really hope they
don't come home tonight.
1079
00:51:30,562 --> 00:51:31,198
What?
1080
00:51:32,596 --> 00:51:33,828
You can't go breaking
into people's houses!
1081
00:51:33,830 --> 00:51:36,095
Yeah, and you can't go employing
an assassin to kill you,
1082
00:51:36,097 --> 00:51:37,728
but shit happens.
1083
00:51:37,730 --> 00:51:39,960
I'm sorry, okay?
1084
00:51:39,962 --> 00:51:44,763
I thought it was the answer,
but it was a mistake.
1085
00:51:46,796 --> 00:51:47,963
Relax, it's my house.
1086
00:51:48,962 --> 00:51:49,863
I grew up here.
1087
00:51:51,063 --> 00:51:54,464
It was my parents'
but now it's mine.
1088
00:51:57,130 --> 00:51:58,497
How did they die?
1089
00:51:59,696 --> 00:52:00,497
I told you.
1090
00:52:01,197 --> 00:52:01,996
Car crash.
1091
00:52:04,629 --> 00:52:05,231
God.
1092
00:52:06,596 --> 00:52:07,597
I was dead too.
1093
00:52:08,795 --> 00:52:10,864
For 10 seconds.
1094
00:52:12,030 --> 00:52:12,864
Really?
1095
00:52:13,963 --> 00:52:15,794
What was it like?
1096
00:52:15,796 --> 00:52:17,063
It was only 10 seconds.
1097
00:52:18,297 --> 00:52:21,697
Yes, but what
did it feel like?
1098
00:52:24,629 --> 00:52:25,596
It felt like nothing.
1099
00:52:26,663 --> 00:52:28,160
Literally nothing.
1100
00:52:28,162 --> 00:52:29,697
A total empty void.
1101
00:52:31,197 --> 00:52:32,031
Oh.
1102
00:52:33,562 --> 00:52:34,596
My parents are dead too.
1103
00:52:36,929 --> 00:52:38,660
Well, look at us.
1104
00:52:38,662 --> 00:52:39,696
Two scarred orphans.
1105
00:52:41,295 --> 00:52:42,497
They were crushed.
1106
00:52:46,730 --> 00:52:47,664
Crushed?
1107
00:52:49,930 --> 00:52:51,161
We went for ice cream.
1108
00:52:51,163 --> 00:52:52,961
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1109
00:52:52,963 --> 00:52:54,597
My parents were arm in arm,
1110
00:52:56,963 --> 00:52:59,628
taking licks of each
other's ice creams,
1111
00:52:59,630 --> 00:53:01,793
(LAUGHING)
1112
00:53:01,795 --> 00:53:02,563
laughing.
1113
00:53:05,296 --> 00:53:06,630
So much in love.
1114
00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:11,863
They didn't see the piano fall
1115
00:53:15,596 --> 00:53:17,694
(PIANO CRASHING)
1116
00:53:17,696 --> 00:53:19,864
(GASPING)
1117
00:53:22,197 --> 00:53:24,464
Mum was splattered
all over the pavement.
1118
00:53:26,830 --> 00:53:27,964
Dad was still alive.
1119
00:53:29,562 --> 00:53:30,198
Dad, dad!
1120
00:53:33,030 --> 00:53:36,864
He looked so surprised.
1121
00:53:41,029 --> 00:53:41,864
Hold on, Dad!
1122
00:53:43,262 --> 00:53:44,895
Come here, son.
1123
00:53:44,897 --> 00:53:48,597
And I thought, "Oh
my god, this is it.
1124
00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:56,629
"At this moment, on
the very edge of life,
1125
00:53:57,596 --> 00:54:00,197
"he's about to give
me its great secret."
1126
00:54:03,530 --> 00:54:05,760
(GASPING)
1127
00:54:05,762 --> 00:54:08,063
But he just died.
1128
00:54:10,730 --> 00:54:11,661
That's...
1129
00:54:11,663 --> 00:54:12,894
That's life's great trick,
1130
00:54:12,896 --> 00:54:15,895
to make you think
it'll last forever,
1131
00:54:15,897 --> 00:54:18,597
that you might be the exception.
1132
00:54:19,862 --> 00:54:23,563
That's what's so
unbearable, when you realize
1133
00:54:25,695 --> 00:54:26,529
that you're not.
1134
00:54:30,062 --> 00:54:30,896
Let's do it.
1135
00:54:32,262 --> 00:54:33,793
What?
1136
00:54:33,795 --> 00:54:34,627
Kill ourselves.
1137
00:54:34,629 --> 00:54:35,464
What, now?
1138
00:54:36,662 --> 00:54:38,163
Yeah, why not?
1139
00:54:40,663 --> 00:54:42,828
Why are we struggling on?
1140
00:54:42,830 --> 00:54:44,860
I mean, for what purpose?
1141
00:54:44,862 --> 00:54:49,063
Best to just kill ourselves
now and get it over with.
1142
00:54:52,062 --> 00:54:53,159
Up!
1143
00:54:53,161 --> 00:54:53,996
Come on!
1144
00:54:58,662 --> 00:55:01,561
Though if there
are reasons to live
1145
00:55:01,563 --> 00:55:04,661
I'm not sure we'll find
them by killing ourselves.
1146
00:55:04,663 --> 00:55:06,496
Seems counter-intuitive.
1147
00:55:07,729 --> 00:55:10,561
I would think we would have
a better chance by living.
1148
00:55:10,563 --> 00:55:13,060
Living as much as possible.
1149
00:55:13,062 --> 00:55:14,863
Doing as much as possible.
1150
00:55:15,962 --> 00:55:17,930
Before a piano
falls on our heads.
1151
00:55:19,262 --> 00:55:20,828
But I'm sure you're right.
1152
00:55:20,830 --> 00:55:22,797
You have thought
about it more than me.
1153
00:55:27,629 --> 00:55:28,529
On three?
1154
00:55:29,730 --> 00:55:32,693
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1155
00:55:32,695 --> 00:55:33,529
One,
1156
00:55:36,562 --> 00:55:37,197
two,
1157
00:55:39,229 --> 00:55:40,061
three.
1158
00:55:40,063 --> 00:55:42,464
(ROCK MUSIC)
1159
00:56:00,295 --> 00:56:02,496
Your feet are so cold!
1160
00:56:08,563 --> 00:56:10,629
What've you got that for?
1161
00:56:14,595 --> 00:56:15,763
I'm gonna book the cruise.
1162
00:56:18,129 --> 00:56:20,628
I don't want to talk about it.
1163
00:56:20,630 --> 00:56:24,226
I know you're upset,
but it's exciting.
1164
00:56:24,228 --> 00:56:26,827
The start of the
rest of our lives.
1165
00:56:26,829 --> 00:56:28,561
The start of the
end of our lives.
1166
00:56:28,563 --> 00:56:29,393
Oh, Les, that's a bit...
1167
00:56:29,395 --> 00:56:30,961
I just don't want
to talk about it.
1168
00:56:30,963 --> 00:56:32,928
It's retirement, that's all.
1169
00:56:32,930 --> 00:56:34,564
But it means I'm useless.
1170
00:56:36,129 --> 00:56:39,528
Think of all the new
experiences waiting for you.
1171
00:56:39,530 --> 00:56:40,828
You should learn to play golf.
1172
00:56:40,830 --> 00:56:41,660
Ugghh!
1173
00:56:41,662 --> 00:56:42,463
Golf is for...
1174
00:56:44,595 --> 00:56:45,426
I mean, look at this!
1175
00:56:45,428 --> 00:56:46,827
Look at this, do
you remember this?
1176
00:56:46,829 --> 00:56:50,528
You gave this to
me, Christmas, 1997.
1177
00:56:50,530 --> 00:56:53,661
Look, I was a the
top of my game.
1178
00:56:53,663 --> 00:56:57,660
I had dominion
over death itself.
1179
00:56:57,662 --> 00:56:58,496
And now?
1180
00:56:59,296 --> 00:57:01,464
I'm just waiting to die.
1181
00:57:02,663 --> 00:57:05,127
If I don't work, who am I?
1182
00:57:05,129 --> 00:57:05,964
What am I?
1183
00:57:07,295 --> 00:57:09,693
I mean, you must look at
me sometimes and think,
1184
00:57:09,695 --> 00:57:11,760
"Where's the man I married?"
1185
00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:12,895
You're right.
1186
00:57:12,897 --> 00:57:15,126
You're not the man I married.
1187
00:57:15,128 --> 00:57:18,094
The man I married didn't
wallow in self-pity.
1188
00:57:18,096 --> 00:57:20,860
He did things on his own terms.
1189
00:57:20,862 --> 00:57:22,661
I don't want to retire.
1190
00:57:22,663 --> 00:57:24,660
Not yet, I'm not ready.
1191
00:57:24,662 --> 00:57:25,694
Oh for god's sake!
1192
00:57:25,696 --> 00:57:26,530
Then don't.
1193
00:57:28,695 --> 00:57:30,528
I thought you wanted me to.
1194
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:31,427
I do.
1195
00:57:31,429 --> 00:57:33,760
But not if you're
going to be miserable.
1196
00:57:33,762 --> 00:57:35,727
I want you to want it too.
1197
00:57:35,729 --> 00:57:38,261
Yeah, but I can't, Harvey is...
1198
00:57:38,263 --> 00:57:39,761
You've got to show him.
1199
00:57:39,763 --> 00:57:43,159
Finish the contract
and make your quota.
1200
00:57:43,161 --> 00:57:46,597
Show him you've still
got the killer instinct.
1201
00:57:49,563 --> 00:57:50,163
Done!
1202
00:57:51,695 --> 00:57:54,897
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1203
00:58:09,896 --> 00:58:13,059
ELLIE: Could you choose
how to you wanted to die?
1204
00:58:13,061 --> 00:58:14,694
With Leslie?
1205
00:58:14,696 --> 00:58:15,827
Yeah.
1206
00:58:15,829 --> 00:58:16,959
Yes.
1207
00:58:16,961 --> 00:58:18,894
There were lots of options.
1208
00:58:18,896 --> 00:58:20,561
He had a brochure.
1209
00:58:20,563 --> 00:58:22,593
A brochure?
1210
00:58:22,595 --> 00:58:23,230
Yeah.
1211
00:58:24,595 --> 00:58:25,995
What did you choose?
1212
00:58:26,896 --> 00:58:29,193
Quick and painless.
1213
00:58:29,195 --> 00:58:32,094
I didn't want that, but
it's all I could afford.
1214
00:58:32,096 --> 00:58:33,561
What did you want?
1215
00:58:33,563 --> 00:58:35,593
I wanted to be hit by a truck
1216
00:58:35,595 --> 00:58:37,629
after pushing a
child out of the way.
1217
00:58:40,563 --> 00:58:42,160
What's wrong with that?
1218
00:58:42,162 --> 00:58:43,630
It's a bit extravagant.
1219
00:58:44,729 --> 00:58:46,528
I thought it was heroic.
1220
00:58:46,530 --> 00:58:47,329
It would mean something.
1221
00:58:48,729 --> 00:58:50,560
But it wouldn't
be real, would it?
1222
00:58:50,562 --> 00:58:51,461
Well...
1223
00:58:51,463 --> 00:58:52,993
And what if you hadn't
got there in time?
1224
00:58:52,995 --> 00:58:54,226
What do you mean?
1225
00:58:54,228 --> 00:58:55,361
If you hadn't
got there in time.
1226
00:58:55,363 --> 00:58:57,593
If you misjudged the speed
of the truck or something,
1227
00:58:57,595 --> 00:58:59,261
you'd put a child in danger
1228
00:58:59,263 --> 00:59:01,464
just so you could
have your dream death?
1229
00:59:02,595 --> 00:59:05,293
Well, uh, I guess
the child wouldn't be
1230
00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:06,361
in any real danger.
1231
00:59:06,363 --> 00:59:08,627
How could the child
not be in any real danger
1232
00:59:08,629 --> 00:59:10,596
if it's about to
be hit by a truck?
1233
00:59:13,262 --> 00:59:15,294
I don't know the details.
1234
00:59:15,296 --> 00:59:17,527
I guess the truck would
be going quite slowly.
1235
00:59:17,529 --> 00:59:18,827
So you'd be saving a child
1236
00:59:18,829 --> 00:59:20,593
that's not really in any danger
1237
00:59:20,595 --> 00:59:22,563
from a truck going quite slowly.
1238
00:59:24,129 --> 00:59:26,627
On a scale of things that
could be considered heroic,
1239
00:59:26,629 --> 00:59:29,029
I doubt that would
score very highly.
1240
00:59:31,195 --> 00:59:32,694
Hmmmm, I dunno.
1241
00:59:32,696 --> 00:59:34,661
What were the other options?
1242
00:59:34,663 --> 00:59:36,463
Oh, you know.
1243
00:59:37,629 --> 00:59:40,729
Shot in the head,
strangled, poisoned.
1244
00:59:41,961 --> 00:59:43,563
Anything more interesting?
1245
00:59:44,896 --> 00:59:46,896
Stung by a scorpion?
1246
00:59:48,096 --> 00:59:49,727
Melted in acid?
1247
00:59:49,729 --> 00:59:52,059
Drowned in slurry?
1248
00:59:52,061 --> 00:59:54,529
(LAUGHING)
1249
00:59:56,096 --> 00:59:57,763
I've never met
anyone like you.
1250
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:02,127
Now, see what you
could've missed out on?
1251
01:00:02,129 --> 01:00:03,831
And it only gets
better from here.
1252
01:00:10,062 --> 01:00:11,994
Did you take your pills?
1253
01:00:11,996 --> 01:00:13,093
You know what the doctor said.
1254
01:00:13,095 --> 01:00:14,661
I don't want you
getting excited.
1255
01:00:14,663 --> 01:00:16,528
Yes love, don't worry.
1256
01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:17,860
What time is Clive coming?
1257
01:00:17,862 --> 01:00:18,794
He should've been here by now.
1258
01:00:18,796 --> 01:00:21,126
We have to register by 10.
1259
01:00:21,128 --> 01:00:24,694
You really think it's up to
Southern Counties standard?
1260
01:00:24,696 --> 01:00:26,160
I'm not embarrassing myself?
1261
01:00:26,162 --> 01:00:27,794
Of course not.
1262
01:00:27,796 --> 01:00:30,527
I think it's up to
national standard!
1263
01:00:30,529 --> 01:00:31,660
I wish you were coming.
1264
01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:33,261
I've made you some sandwiches.
1265
01:00:33,263 --> 01:00:34,728
And a flask of tea.
1266
01:00:34,730 --> 01:00:36,226
And I thought, well,
1267
01:00:36,228 --> 01:00:38,629
I thought this
might come in handy.
1268
01:00:43,563 --> 01:00:45,660
Penelope O'Neil,
1269
01:00:45,662 --> 01:00:48,894
I don't think it is possible
to love you any more than I do
1270
01:00:48,896 --> 01:00:49,860
right now.
1271
01:00:49,862 --> 01:00:51,761
And you'll be back tomorrow?
1272
01:00:51,763 --> 01:00:52,993
Yeah.
1273
01:00:52,995 --> 01:00:54,293
I'll do lamb
cutlets for dinner.
1274
01:00:54,295 --> 01:00:56,193
Ahhh, my favorite!
1275
01:00:56,195 --> 01:00:57,661
Where are you going?
1276
01:00:57,663 --> 01:00:58,294
(DOORBELL CHIMING)
1277
01:00:58,296 --> 01:00:59,497
That'll be Clive.
1278
01:01:00,662 --> 01:01:01,693
Wish me luck!
1279
01:01:01,695 --> 01:01:02,664
Good luck.
1280
01:01:13,996 --> 01:01:16,093
(CAR STARTING)
1281
01:01:16,095 --> 01:01:19,663
(OMINOUS ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1282
01:02:06,228 --> 01:02:07,728
See you tomorrow, boys
1283
01:02:18,595 --> 01:02:21,196
(DOOR CLOSING)
1284
01:02:44,663 --> 01:02:47,597
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1285
01:02:58,062 --> 01:02:59,661
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
World's strongest man
1286
01:02:59,663 --> 01:03:02,060
and celebrity budgie
fancier Geoff Capes
1287
01:03:02,062 --> 01:03:05,129
in the studio to
discuss his recessive...
1288
01:03:09,529 --> 01:03:12,197
(GROUP CHATTERING)
1289
01:03:32,195 --> 01:03:35,193
Now this, number three,
has a lovely kaleidoscope.
1290
01:03:35,195 --> 01:03:38,129
(GROUP CHATTERING)
1291
01:03:47,695 --> 01:03:48,696
Hello, is it on?
1292
01:03:50,262 --> 01:03:51,563
Hello, yes, that's better.
1293
01:04:07,296 --> 01:04:12,463
And in third place,
number 14, Sue Simmons.
1294
01:04:12,996 --> 01:04:14,626
Well done, Sue!
1295
01:04:14,628 --> 01:04:17,563
(GROUP APPLAUDING)
1296
01:04:33,961 --> 01:04:35,792
And in second place,
1297
01:04:35,794 --> 01:04:40,293
not quite up to her usual
all-conquering standard,
1298
01:04:40,295 --> 01:04:42,527
Morag Bleasdale!
1299
01:04:42,529 --> 01:04:44,593
So sorry, Morag.
1300
01:04:44,595 --> 01:04:45,959
Well done, Morag!
1301
01:04:45,961 --> 01:04:46,792
Beautiful work.
1302
01:04:46,794 --> 01:04:49,695
(GROUP APPLAUDING)
1303
01:04:50,862 --> 01:04:53,627
But as we all know its
not the taking part,
1304
01:04:53,629 --> 01:04:55,560
it's the winning that counts.
1305
01:04:55,562 --> 01:04:57,830
(LAUGHING)
1306
01:04:59,229 --> 01:05:01,994
So the winner of this
year's Southern Counties
1307
01:05:01,996 --> 01:05:04,859
Binnual Needlework and
Embroidery competition,
1308
01:05:04,861 --> 01:05:08,862
cushion category is,
drum roll please.
1309
01:05:18,196 --> 01:05:19,463
LESLIE: Hello, William.
1310
01:05:21,095 --> 01:05:23,693
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1311
01:05:23,695 --> 01:05:24,926
How did you...
1312
01:05:24,928 --> 01:05:26,895
LESLIE: I told you
I was up to the job.
1313
01:05:28,061 --> 01:05:29,593
WILLIAM: But
everything has changed!
1314
01:05:29,595 --> 01:05:30,497
I don't want to die.
1315
01:05:31,995 --> 01:05:33,926
(LAUGHING)
1316
01:05:33,928 --> 01:05:36,496
The irony is not lost on me.
1317
01:05:37,629 --> 01:05:38,629
Who are you talking...
1318
01:05:39,594 --> 01:05:40,627
Oh.
1319
01:05:40,629 --> 01:05:41,559
Oh, great!
1320
01:05:41,561 --> 01:05:43,294
Now I have to kill you both.
1321
01:05:43,296 --> 01:05:44,227
No!
1322
01:05:44,229 --> 01:05:45,827
Please, she won't say anything.
1323
01:05:45,829 --> 01:05:46,659
Will you?
1324
01:05:46,661 --> 01:05:47,496
She won't.
1325
01:05:48,561 --> 01:05:49,159
I might.
1326
01:05:49,161 --> 01:05:51,859
No, you won't!
1327
01:05:51,861 --> 01:05:55,860
Okay, well, ummm,
you're definitely dying,
1328
01:05:55,862 --> 01:05:57,527
so let's get that
out of the way first,
1329
01:05:57,529 --> 01:06:00,560
and then I can work out
what to do with you.
1330
01:06:00,562 --> 01:06:03,528
So, um, have a good death.
1331
01:06:06,561 --> 01:06:07,194
(PHONE RINGING)
1332
01:06:07,196 --> 01:06:08,592
Oh!
1333
01:06:08,594 --> 01:06:09,463
Sorry.
1334
01:06:13,095 --> 01:06:15,763
(PHONE BEEPING)
1335
01:06:18,562 --> 01:06:20,159
(PHONE RINGING)
1336
01:06:20,161 --> 01:06:20,794
Oh.
1337
01:06:21,961 --> 01:06:23,660
Jesus, can't you turn it off?
1338
01:06:23,662 --> 01:06:25,060
Yes, I really
have to take this.
1339
01:06:25,062 --> 01:06:25,859
Sure.
1340
01:06:25,861 --> 01:06:27,094
Go ahead.
1341
01:06:27,096 --> 01:06:29,293
It's only my life that
we're dealing with here.
1342
01:06:29,295 --> 01:06:30,526
(PHONE BEEPING)
1343
01:06:30,528 --> 01:06:33,093
Hello, sweetheart?
1344
01:06:33,095 --> 01:06:35,626
Yes, uh, I'm sort of in
the middle of something.
1345
01:06:35,628 --> 01:06:37,060
Oh, Les!
1346
01:06:37,062 --> 01:06:37,927
Something terrible's happened.
1347
01:06:37,929 --> 01:06:39,194
What?
1348
01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:40,462
Is this about the
Southern Counties?
1349
01:06:43,096 --> 01:06:45,560
We've had a break in, Les.
1350
01:06:45,562 --> 01:06:47,563
There's papers everywhere.
1351
01:06:49,262 --> 01:06:52,528
And, Les, they've
killed the budgies.
1352
01:06:53,195 --> 01:06:54,560
What?
1353
01:06:54,562 --> 01:06:55,629
Is everything okay?
1354
01:06:57,196 --> 01:07:00,527
They look like
they've been crushed.
1355
01:07:00,529 --> 01:07:02,893
Ah, ah, all
right, I have to go.
1356
01:07:02,895 --> 01:07:04,860
PENNY: Oh Les,
who would do this?
1357
01:07:04,862 --> 01:07:08,463
I'll work it out,
but ah, I have to go.
1358
01:07:09,861 --> 01:07:12,528
(PHONE BEEPING)
1359
01:07:13,629 --> 01:07:15,462
Someone killed my budgies.
1360
01:07:18,629 --> 01:07:19,463
Budgies?
1361
01:07:20,694 --> 01:07:21,792
Mm-hmm
1362
01:07:21,794 --> 01:07:22,629
I'm sorry.
1363
01:07:25,761 --> 01:07:27,660
So, where were we?
1364
01:07:27,662 --> 01:07:28,959
Ah, yes!
1365
01:07:28,961 --> 01:07:29,792
(GUN FIRING)
1366
01:07:29,794 --> 01:07:31,960
(GASPING)
1367
01:07:31,962 --> 01:07:35,863
(SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1368
01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,159
Who the fuck are you?
1369
01:07:47,161 --> 01:07:48,593
Well, thanks.
1370
01:07:48,595 --> 01:07:50,529
That guy was going to kill us!
1371
01:07:52,695 --> 01:07:53,529
Oh.
1372
01:07:55,996 --> 01:07:56,830
What?
1373
01:08:00,629 --> 01:08:03,163
Now, you shoot yourself.
1374
01:08:04,561 --> 01:08:05,692
What?
1375
01:08:05,694 --> 01:08:07,159
Why would I want to do that?
1376
01:08:07,161 --> 01:08:08,559
Or I shoot her.
1377
01:08:08,561 --> 01:08:10,626
Don't bring me into this.
1378
01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:11,627
Okay, okay.
1379
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:13,160
Let's not...
1380
01:08:13,162 --> 01:08:16,692
Wait, why do I have
to shoot myself?
1381
01:08:16,694 --> 01:08:17,728
Why can't you do it?
1382
01:08:31,695 --> 01:08:32,562
For suicide.
1383
01:08:35,562 --> 01:08:37,027
You shot him
1384
01:08:37,029 --> 01:08:37,963
then you shot you.
1385
01:08:39,661 --> 01:08:40,529
I was never here.
1386
01:08:41,729 --> 01:08:43,563
Ah yeah, makes sense.
1387
01:08:44,528 --> 01:08:45,529
And you'll let her go?
1388
01:08:46,662 --> 01:08:49,026
Well then I have no incentive.
1389
01:08:49,028 --> 01:08:50,226
If you're going to
kill her anyway,
1390
01:08:50,228 --> 01:08:51,163
okay, okay.
1391
01:08:53,263 --> 01:08:54,527
Wait a minute.
1392
01:08:54,529 --> 01:08:55,893
You shot him with that gun
1393
01:08:55,895 --> 01:08:58,229
so he can't shoot
himself with this gun.
1394
01:09:01,694 --> 01:09:03,529
Yeah, she's got a point.
1395
01:09:06,528 --> 01:09:07,626
I don't understand.
1396
01:09:07,628 --> 01:09:10,628
You take this gun and
then you give me that one.
1397
01:09:20,529 --> 01:09:22,260
Okay, now shoot.
1398
01:09:22,262 --> 01:09:23,093
Okay, Jesus!
1399
01:09:23,095 --> 01:09:24,595
Just let me,
1400
01:09:26,628 --> 01:09:27,759
oh God.
1401
01:09:27,761 --> 01:09:29,127
Will, what are you doing?
1402
01:09:29,129 --> 01:09:30,660
Five.
1403
01:09:30,662 --> 01:09:32,959
I just want you to know...
1404
01:09:32,961 --> 01:09:34,693
Four.
1405
01:09:34,695 --> 01:09:35,960
I just want you to know
that ever since I met you
1406
01:09:35,962 --> 01:09:38,527
I haven't thought about
killing myself once.
1407
01:09:38,529 --> 01:09:39,893
Three.
1408
01:09:39,895 --> 01:09:41,592
Thank you.
1409
01:09:41,594 --> 01:09:42,229
Two.
1410
01:09:43,794 --> 01:09:44,692
One.
1411
01:09:44,694 --> 01:09:48,559
(KNIFE STABBING)
(GRUNTING)
1412
01:09:48,561 --> 01:09:50,830
(GRUNTING)
1413
01:09:53,694 --> 01:09:56,628
(HEAVY PUNCHING)
1414
01:09:57,794 --> 01:09:59,629
You killed my budgies.
1415
01:10:10,962 --> 01:10:12,462
I think he's dead.
1416
01:10:13,562 --> 01:10:14,596
Yeah.
1417
01:10:15,828 --> 01:10:16,795
Are you okay?
1418
01:10:18,262 --> 01:10:21,130
Oh, it's only a,
it's a flesh wound.
1419
01:10:24,628 --> 01:10:27,659
Well, I suppose we'd
better get on with this!
1420
01:10:27,661 --> 01:10:28,960
Oh fuck.
1421
01:10:28,962 --> 01:10:30,726
What, but you just saved him!
1422
01:10:30,728 --> 01:10:31,659
So I can kill him.
1423
01:10:31,661 --> 01:10:32,592
It's my contract!
1424
01:10:32,594 --> 01:10:34,692
It's not legally binding!
1425
01:10:34,694 --> 01:10:36,693
Oh, you're not
going to shoot me.
1426
01:10:36,695 --> 01:10:37,995
You can't even shoot yourself!
1427
01:10:40,227 --> 01:10:41,592
Oh, give it here.
1428
01:10:41,594 --> 01:10:42,660
Oh, this is
getting ridiculous.
1429
01:10:42,662 --> 01:10:43,759
Put the gun down.
1430
01:10:43,761 --> 01:10:46,159
You will not shoot that gun.
1431
01:10:46,161 --> 01:10:47,027
(GUN FIRING)
1432
01:10:47,029 --> 01:10:47,829
Whoa, careful!
1433
01:10:51,195 --> 01:10:52,995
Put the gun down.
1434
01:10:55,595 --> 01:10:56,692
You put the gun down.
1435
01:10:56,694 --> 01:10:57,659
I'm not putting the gun down.
1436
01:10:57,661 --> 01:10:58,493
Why would I put the gun down?
1437
01:10:58,495 --> 01:10:59,859
If you're not
putting your gun down
1438
01:10:59,861 --> 01:11:01,593
there's no way I'm
gonna put this gun down.
1439
01:11:01,595 --> 01:11:03,896
Then let's just stand here
until you bleed to death.
1440
01:11:05,228 --> 01:11:08,027
Leslie, I really
appreciate all your efforts,
1441
01:11:08,029 --> 01:11:10,192
but could we just call this off?
1442
01:11:10,194 --> 01:11:11,526
If it's about the money, then...
1443
01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:13,027
It's not about the money.
1444
01:11:13,029 --> 01:11:13,928
Then what is it?
1445
01:11:15,095 --> 01:11:16,760
I understand that you
have certain principles.
1446
01:11:16,762 --> 01:11:18,793
If I don't complete this
contract by next week,
1447
01:11:18,795 --> 01:11:22,559
I won't make my quota.
1448
01:11:22,561 --> 01:11:23,795
And then I'll have to retire.
1449
01:11:26,529 --> 01:11:27,463
Yeah well, umm,
1450
01:11:28,996 --> 01:11:32,560
uh, no, the only way
out of this is to, uh,
1451
01:11:32,562 --> 01:11:35,158
is to kill you both and
then say I never saw him.
1452
01:11:35,160 --> 01:11:38,029
Maybe then I'll be
able to keep my job.
1453
01:11:39,561 --> 01:11:44,562
If she puts her gun down,
will you promise to let her go?
1454
01:11:46,795 --> 01:11:48,229
My contract is with you.
1455
01:11:56,829 --> 01:12:00,026
I wanted to die because
I had nothing to live for.
1456
01:12:00,028 --> 01:12:01,862
And that's what I
was trying to find.
1457
01:12:02,995 --> 01:12:03,895
And now I found it.
1458
01:12:07,561 --> 01:12:09,196
And that's got to
be worth dying for.
1459
01:12:14,294 --> 01:12:16,059
You really think too much.
1460
01:12:16,061 --> 01:12:18,959
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1461
01:12:18,961 --> 01:12:20,462
I want to thank you, Leslie.
1462
01:12:21,895 --> 01:12:24,626
You were there for me when
I really needed someone,
1463
01:12:24,628 --> 01:12:27,195
even though you were trying
to kill me at the time.
1464
01:12:28,227 --> 01:12:29,729
Yes, you're welcome,
1465
01:12:31,228 --> 01:12:33,760
but I still have to kill you.
1466
01:12:33,762 --> 01:12:35,026
Okay.
1467
01:12:35,028 --> 01:12:35,860
Wait!
1468
01:12:35,862 --> 01:12:36,894
Oh, Jesus Christ!
1469
01:12:36,896 --> 01:12:38,125
What?
1470
01:12:38,127 --> 01:12:39,593
What if we take
out a contract?
1471
01:12:39,595 --> 01:12:40,226
What?
1472
01:12:40,228 --> 01:12:41,063
On who?
1473
01:12:42,628 --> 01:12:43,626
You mean on whom?
1474
01:12:43,628 --> 01:12:44,462
On whom?
1475
01:12:48,562 --> 01:12:50,693
Retrospectively?
1476
01:12:50,695 --> 01:12:51,495
Obviously.
1477
01:12:54,528 --> 01:12:58,560
Well, this is, uhh,
utterly irregular.
1478
01:12:58,562 --> 01:12:59,960
Who's to know?
1479
01:12:59,962 --> 01:13:02,463
Then you'll have your
contract and make your quota.
1480
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:04,796
What about the money?
1481
01:13:06,029 --> 01:13:08,193
I've got 2,000 pounds
in an escrow account
1482
01:13:08,195 --> 01:13:09,062
you could have.
1483
01:13:17,995 --> 01:13:19,996
Do you have any paper?
1484
01:13:21,562 --> 01:13:22,626
Yes!
1485
01:13:22,628 --> 01:13:24,029
Yes I do, I...
1486
01:13:33,028 --> 01:13:34,562
I don't need it.
1487
01:13:41,761 --> 01:13:43,463
We should take a
look at that ear.
1488
01:13:44,628 --> 01:13:46,595
I've probably got
some Savlon somewhere.
1489
01:13:55,127 --> 01:13:56,693
(GRUNTING)
1490
01:13:56,695 --> 01:14:00,563
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1491
01:14:11,695 --> 01:14:14,159
Wait, one thing I
don't understand,
1492
01:14:14,161 --> 01:14:15,830
how did you know where we were?
1493
01:14:17,028 --> 01:14:19,760
Well, uh, there was a
background check on you.
1494
01:14:19,762 --> 01:14:20,596
On?
1495
01:14:21,761 --> 01:14:23,126
There isn't a...
1496
01:14:23,128 --> 01:14:26,125
No, no, it wasn't you,
it was for your boss.
1497
01:14:26,127 --> 01:14:28,829
Apparently he was
very unpopular.
1498
01:14:30,194 --> 01:14:32,659
So he didn't
die because of me?
1499
01:14:32,661 --> 01:14:33,760
Oh, yes he did.
1500
01:14:33,762 --> 01:14:36,162
But someone would have got
to him sooner or later.
1501
01:14:37,562 --> 01:14:38,995
What are you going to do now?
1502
01:14:40,528 --> 01:14:42,596
I have an idea for a new book.
1503
01:14:43,694 --> 01:14:45,061
The main character at least.
1504
01:14:46,794 --> 01:14:48,462
You're a good man, William.
1505
01:14:49,629 --> 01:14:50,962
I'm glad I didn't kill you.
1506
01:14:52,060 --> 01:14:53,560
Thanks, Leslie.
1507
01:14:53,562 --> 01:14:55,193
I'm glad I didn't die.
1508
01:14:55,195 --> 01:14:58,196
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC)
1509
01:15:04,561 --> 01:15:05,628
Hello, what's this?
1510
01:15:08,594 --> 01:15:10,058
I was worried.
1511
01:15:10,060 --> 01:15:11,526
What happened?
1512
01:15:11,528 --> 01:15:13,529
Oh, you should
see the other guy!
1513
01:15:15,261 --> 01:15:16,560
So?
1514
01:15:16,562 --> 01:15:17,992
So?
1515
01:15:17,994 --> 01:15:19,195
The Southern Counties?
1516
01:15:23,662 --> 01:15:24,860
Ah, first place!
1517
01:15:24,862 --> 01:15:25,926
You got first place?
1518
01:15:25,928 --> 01:15:26,925
Yep.
1519
01:15:26,927 --> 01:15:28,692
And Morag Bleasdale?
1520
01:15:28,694 --> 01:15:29,629
Second.
1521
01:15:30,562 --> 01:15:31,763
LESLIE: That's fantastic.
1522
01:15:33,662 --> 01:15:35,560
It's just the
Southern Counties.
1523
01:15:35,562 --> 01:15:38,563
Ahhh, so now it's just
the Southern Counties!
1524
01:15:39,695 --> 01:15:41,195
Oh, I am so proud of you.
1525
01:15:45,695 --> 01:15:48,596
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1526
01:15:58,695 --> 01:16:00,696
HARVEY: Hello
Penny, is Leslie home?
1527
01:16:03,261 --> 01:16:05,928
(CLOCK TICKING)
1528
01:16:19,895 --> 01:16:23,760
Penny, could you give me
and Harvey a minute, please?
1529
01:16:23,762 --> 01:16:24,693
You sure?
1530
01:16:24,695 --> 01:16:25,929
LESLIE: Yes.
1531
01:16:28,562 --> 01:16:30,593
Midsomer Murders
is on in a minute.
1532
01:16:30,595 --> 01:16:32,830
(LAUGHING)
1533
01:16:37,829 --> 01:16:39,796
So, why are you here, Harvey?
1534
01:16:41,795 --> 01:16:42,629
You know.
1535
01:16:44,060 --> 01:16:44,894
No, I don't.
1536
01:16:45,861 --> 01:16:46,992
You know.
1537
01:16:46,994 --> 01:16:48,662
And I know you know.
1538
01:16:49,861 --> 01:16:50,763
I don't know.
1539
01:16:52,794 --> 01:16:55,225
Mr. Morrison is still alive.
1540
01:16:55,227 --> 01:16:56,061
Really?
1541
01:16:57,194 --> 01:16:59,159
And no one's heard from
Ivan the terrible hitman.
1542
01:16:59,161 --> 01:17:03,592
Well, you can't trust
these foreign kids, can you?
1543
01:17:03,594 --> 01:17:05,660
You should have asked
me to do the job.
1544
01:17:05,662 --> 01:17:07,593
What do you take me for?
1545
01:17:07,595 --> 01:17:10,925
I'm not one of your senior
fucking Alzheimer friends.
1546
01:17:10,927 --> 01:17:13,659
I'm actually a
little bit impressed.
1547
01:17:13,661 --> 01:17:15,229
I didn't think
you were up to it.
1548
01:17:16,228 --> 01:17:17,659
I told you.
1549
01:17:17,661 --> 01:17:19,527
Yeah, you did.
1550
01:17:19,529 --> 01:17:21,663
And I told you to take
the fucking clock.
1551
01:17:25,694 --> 01:17:27,094
You don't have to do this.
1552
01:17:28,261 --> 01:17:30,125
Have a bit of
fucking pride, eh?
1553
01:17:30,127 --> 01:17:31,663
No, I mean, um,
1554
01:17:35,227 --> 01:17:36,061
I mean this.
1555
01:17:37,662 --> 01:17:38,926
What is it?
1556
01:17:38,928 --> 01:17:40,592
It's a contract.
1557
01:17:40,594 --> 01:17:41,559
HARVEY: What?
1558
01:17:41,561 --> 01:17:42,159
LESLIE: On Ivan.
1559
01:17:42,161 --> 01:17:43,862
You must be fucking...
1560
01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:50,992
All right.
1561
01:17:50,994 --> 01:17:52,692
Where's the money?
1562
01:17:52,694 --> 01:17:54,959
I think you'll find two
grand of Mr. Morrison's
1563
01:17:54,961 --> 01:17:56,627
in the escrow account.
1564
01:17:56,629 --> 01:17:57,826
But that was...
1565
01:17:57,828 --> 01:17:59,628
No, he's still alive
so it's his money.
1566
01:18:00,794 --> 01:18:02,526
No, you can't take
on new contracts!
1567
01:18:02,528 --> 01:18:03,660
You're retired.
1568
01:18:03,662 --> 01:18:05,093
I hadn't made my quota!
1569
01:18:05,095 --> 01:18:06,059
Now I have.
1570
01:18:06,061 --> 01:18:07,959
You're taking the piss.
1571
01:18:07,961 --> 01:18:11,992
Why can't you just retire
like a normal fucking person?
1572
01:18:11,994 --> 01:18:13,195
I am an assassin.
1573
01:18:14,629 --> 01:18:17,862
That's what I do,
and that's who I am.
1574
01:18:19,228 --> 01:18:20,929
You're a fucking dead man.
1575
01:18:22,228 --> 01:18:24,659
(GUN CLICKING)
1576
01:18:24,661 --> 01:18:26,626
(SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1577
01:18:26,628 --> 01:18:27,995
Ah, like that is it?
1578
01:18:29,828 --> 01:18:31,226
(LAUGHING)
1579
01:18:31,228 --> 01:18:32,462
Under the table?
1580
01:18:33,927 --> 01:18:35,559
Right now?
1581
01:18:35,561 --> 01:18:37,228
Right now under the table?
1582
01:18:38,761 --> 01:18:39,596
Take a look.
1583
01:18:51,594 --> 01:18:52,628
Fuck.
1584
01:18:53,595 --> 01:18:56,496
Now, wait a sec, all right?
1585
01:19:07,995 --> 01:19:08,825
Leslie!
1586
01:19:08,827 --> 01:19:10,093
Please, Penny.
1587
01:19:10,095 --> 01:19:11,125
Hasn't Midsomer
Murders started yet?
1588
01:19:11,127 --> 01:19:13,627
It was a bit grisly.
1589
01:19:13,629 --> 01:19:15,596
And I wanted to show
Harvey my cushion.
1590
01:19:17,161 --> 01:19:22,162
I won first prize in the
Southern Counties Biannual
1591
01:19:23,594 --> 01:19:26,792
Needlecraft and Embroidery
competition, cushion class.
1592
01:19:26,794 --> 01:19:27,791
Oh yeah.
1593
01:19:27,793 --> 01:19:30,058
What are they supposed to be?
1594
01:19:30,060 --> 01:19:33,992
They're turtle
doves, a mating pair.
1595
01:19:33,994 --> 01:19:38,192
Interesting thing about turtle
doves is they mate for life.
1596
01:19:38,194 --> 01:19:41,759
They stay together, grow old
together and when one dies,
1597
01:19:41,761 --> 01:19:45,062
the other one tends
to die soon after.
1598
01:19:46,095 --> 01:19:48,528
They absolutely need each other.
1599
01:19:49,629 --> 01:19:50,563
Sweet really.
1600
01:19:52,827 --> 01:19:53,661
Huh.
1601
01:19:58,094 --> 01:20:01,560
Is that for Les?
1602
01:20:01,562 --> 01:20:02,958
Look at that!
1603
01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:03,895
Oh!
1604
01:20:04,927 --> 01:20:07,992
Isn't that something!
1605
01:20:07,994 --> 01:20:09,061
Les?
1606
01:20:09,894 --> 01:20:12,025
Isn't that something?
1607
01:20:12,027 --> 01:20:14,758
I think he's a bit
scared of retirement.
1608
01:20:14,760 --> 01:20:17,593
But I said to him,
it's exciting.
1609
01:20:17,595 --> 01:20:19,726
Time to enjoy himself,
didn't I, Les?
1610
01:20:19,728 --> 01:20:22,058
The start of the
rest of our lives.
1611
01:20:22,060 --> 01:20:23,495
Isn't that right, Les?
1612
01:20:24,861 --> 01:20:27,758
Is that right, Leslie?
1613
01:20:27,760 --> 01:20:31,661
(SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1614
01:20:34,262 --> 01:20:36,058
Did I tell you?
1615
01:20:36,060 --> 01:20:37,691
We're going on a cruise!
1616
01:20:37,693 --> 01:20:38,826
'Round the whole world!
1617
01:20:38,828 --> 01:20:40,862
Cape Town, Sydney,
1618
01:20:41,794 --> 01:20:43,560
Nuku'Alofa.
1619
01:20:43,562 --> 01:20:44,196
Hmmm?
1620
01:20:45,060 --> 01:20:45,926
It's in Tonga.
1621
01:20:45,928 --> 01:20:47,626
Ah.
1622
01:20:47,628 --> 01:20:50,825
It's a trip of a lifetime,
that's what they say.
1623
01:20:50,827 --> 01:20:53,929
Awww, thank you
for this, Harvey.
1624
01:20:55,127 --> 01:20:57,092
It'll look perfect
on the mantelpiece.
1625
01:20:57,094 --> 01:20:59,995
Isn't that kind of Harvey, Les?
1626
01:21:03,295 --> 01:21:07,162
(SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
1627
01:21:13,861 --> 01:21:15,529
Thank you, Harvey.
1628
01:21:24,529 --> 01:21:25,562
Anyway,
1629
01:21:28,593 --> 01:21:30,659
I'd best be off.
1630
01:21:30,661 --> 01:21:32,062
Leave you to your evening.
1631
01:21:33,227 --> 01:21:34,659
You not stopping
for tea, Harvey?
1632
01:21:34,661 --> 01:21:35,892
We've got herbal.
1633
01:21:35,894 --> 01:21:37,595
No, no, you're all right.
1634
01:21:40,694 --> 01:21:42,029
Enjoy your retirement, Leslie.
1635
01:21:44,561 --> 01:21:45,762
We're sorry to lose you.
1636
01:21:48,693 --> 01:21:50,658
Send our love to Sandra.
1637
01:21:50,660 --> 01:21:51,495
Mmm.
1638
01:21:59,160 --> 01:22:00,093
(DOOR CLOSING)
1639
01:22:00,095 --> 01:22:02,229
(SIGHING)
1640
01:22:04,027 --> 01:22:05,859
I'm not sorry.
1641
01:22:05,861 --> 01:22:09,627
I know you loved your job,
but it's not all you are.
1642
01:22:10,560 --> 01:22:12,692
At least not to me.
1643
01:22:12,694 --> 01:22:15,259
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC)
1644
01:22:15,261 --> 01:22:17,161
What would I do without you?
1645
01:22:19,560 --> 01:22:22,093
I'm just pleased I
didn't have to stick him.
1646
01:22:22,095 --> 01:22:24,562
(LAUGHING)
1647
01:22:38,060 --> 01:22:39,895
WILLIAM: So, uh,
did they like it?
1648
01:22:40,927 --> 01:22:42,293
Seemed to.
1649
01:22:42,295 --> 01:22:44,725
They love the
assassin character.
1650
01:22:44,727 --> 01:22:46,527
And they want to
meet you next week.
1651
01:22:47,660 --> 01:22:48,494
That's great.
1652
01:22:49,227 --> 01:22:50,825
You can make that?
1653
01:22:50,827 --> 01:22:53,627
Yes, I think I can make that.
1654
01:22:55,693 --> 01:22:58,694
ELLIE: So this living thing's
really not that bad, is it?
1655
01:23:01,160 --> 01:23:02,158
Well, you never
know when a piano
1656
01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:03,627
is going to fall on your head.
1657
01:23:14,228 --> 01:23:15,692
(CAR HORN HONKING)
1658
01:23:15,694 --> 01:23:16,528
William!
1659
01:23:17,194 --> 01:23:19,561
(GASPING)
1660
01:23:23,593 --> 01:23:24,625
(GRUNTING)
1661
01:23:24,627 --> 01:23:25,461
William!
1662
01:23:29,528 --> 01:23:33,193
Call an ambulance,
call an ambulance!
1663
01:23:33,195 --> 01:23:34,029
William!
1664
01:23:34,994 --> 01:23:36,161
Is, is he...
1665
01:23:38,694 --> 01:23:41,525
What, yes, yes,
he's fine, he's fine.
1666
01:23:41,527 --> 01:23:42,962
You saved him.
1667
01:23:44,261 --> 01:23:44,894
What about you?
1668
01:23:46,561 --> 01:23:48,129
I've definitely felt better.
1669
01:23:49,660 --> 01:23:51,461
Here, lie down with me.
1670
01:23:57,661 --> 01:24:00,628
(GROUP CLAPPING)
1671
01:24:01,261 --> 01:24:02,461
Are they clapping?
1672
01:24:06,527 --> 01:24:08,627
Yeah, they're clapping.
1673
01:24:14,195 --> 01:24:15,029
Perfect.
1674
01:24:20,728 --> 01:24:22,925
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1675
01:24:22,927 --> 01:24:25,658
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1676
01:24:25,660 --> 01:24:27,893
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1677
01:24:27,895 --> 01:24:29,659
♪ Come on through ♪
1678
01:24:29,661 --> 01:24:32,225
♪ Well, I fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1679
01:24:32,227 --> 01:24:34,559
♪ Home to you ♪
1680
01:24:34,561 --> 01:24:37,293
(LIGHT ROCK MUSIC)
1681
01:24:37,295 --> 01:24:39,226
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1682
01:24:39,228 --> 01:24:42,259
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1683
01:24:42,261 --> 01:24:44,260
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1684
01:24:44,262 --> 01:24:45,425
♪ Come on through ♪
1685
01:24:45,427 --> 01:24:48,626
♪ Well, I fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1686
01:24:48,628 --> 01:24:53,628
♪ Home to you ♪
1687
01:24:54,828 --> 01:24:56,092
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1688
01:24:56,094 --> 01:24:58,826
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1689
01:24:58,828 --> 01:25:00,926
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1690
01:25:00,928 --> 01:25:02,692
♪ Come on through ♪
1691
01:25:02,694 --> 01:25:05,591
♪ Well, I fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1692
01:25:05,593 --> 01:25:07,894
♪ Home to you ♪
1693
01:25:15,184 --> 01:25:20,184
Subtitles by explosiveskull
1694
01:25:28,694 --> 01:25:30,791
♪ With the taste of
dark between my teeth ♪
1695
01:25:30,793 --> 01:25:34,026
♪ And the crashing of
waves underneath my feet ♪
1696
01:25:34,028 --> 01:25:36,691
♪ Gonna give myself
to the endless gloom ♪
1697
01:25:36,693 --> 01:25:40,026
♪ Fly through the night
to get home to you ♪
1698
01:25:40,028 --> 01:25:45,029
♪ Home to you ♪
1699
01:25:46,228 --> 01:25:47,692
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1700
01:25:47,694 --> 01:25:50,159
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1701
01:25:50,161 --> 01:25:52,558
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1702
01:25:52,560 --> 01:25:53,726
♪ Come on through ♪
1703
01:25:53,728 --> 01:25:56,858
♪ Well, I fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1704
01:25:56,860 --> 01:26:00,725
♪ Home to you ♪
1705
01:26:00,727 --> 01:26:02,659
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1706
01:26:02,661 --> 01:26:05,558
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1707
01:26:05,560 --> 01:26:07,659
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1708
01:26:07,661 --> 01:26:09,059
♪ Come on through ♪
1709
01:26:09,061 --> 01:26:12,025
♪ Well, I'd fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1710
01:26:12,027 --> 01:26:17,028
♪ Home to you ♪
1711
01:26:18,593 --> 01:26:21,626
♪ I fly through the night ♪
1712
01:26:21,628 --> 01:26:24,959
♪ To get home to you ♪
1713
01:26:24,961 --> 01:26:29,962
♪ The angels sing
and come on through ♪
1714
01:26:30,861 --> 01:26:32,893
♪ I fly through the night ♪
1715
01:26:32,895 --> 01:26:36,025
♪ To get home to you ♪
1716
01:26:36,027 --> 01:26:39,125
♪ To get home to you ♪
1717
01:26:39,127 --> 01:26:41,291
♪ So come on through ♪
1718
01:26:41,293 --> 01:26:42,292
♪ To be back by your side ♪
1719
01:26:42,294 --> 01:26:47,461
♪ I'd do anything to
be back by your side ♪
1720
01:26:51,594 --> 01:26:53,925
♪ Curtain's call,
but I just can't go ♪
1721
01:26:53,927 --> 01:26:55,558
♪ 'Cause you came and you saw ♪
1722
01:26:55,560 --> 01:26:58,692
♪ Pinned my soul to
the gray oh gray ♪
1723
01:26:58,694 --> 01:27:00,125
♪ And it won't be long ♪
1724
01:27:00,127 --> 01:27:03,291
♪ So I fly and fly
to get back home ♪
1725
01:27:03,293 --> 01:27:06,658
♪ To get home to you ♪
1726
01:27:06,660 --> 01:27:09,525
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1727
01:27:09,527 --> 01:27:12,126
♪ And I'd do anything
just hold your hand ♪
1728
01:27:12,128 --> 01:27:14,258
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1729
01:27:14,260 --> 01:27:15,426
♪ Come on through ♪
1730
01:27:15,428 --> 01:27:18,726
♪ Well, I'd fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1731
01:27:18,728 --> 01:27:21,893
♪ Home to you ♪
1732
01:27:21,895 --> 01:27:24,626
♪ Curtain's call,
but I just can't go ♪
1733
01:27:24,628 --> 01:27:25,992
♪ 'Cause you came and you saw ♪
1734
01:27:25,994 --> 01:27:28,859
♪ Pinned my soul to
the gray, oh gray ♪
1735
01:27:28,861 --> 01:27:30,625
♪ Of the world we know ♪
1736
01:27:30,627 --> 01:27:33,591
♪ So I fly and I fly
to get back home ♪
1737
01:27:33,593 --> 01:27:36,993
♪ To get home to you ♪
1738
01:27:36,995 --> 01:27:39,526
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1739
01:27:39,528 --> 01:27:42,525
♪ And I'd do anything
just hold your hand ♪
1740
01:27:42,527 --> 01:27:44,558
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1741
01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:46,092
♪ Come on through ♪
1742
01:27:46,094 --> 01:27:48,925
♪ And I fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1743
01:27:48,927 --> 01:27:51,628
♪ Home to you ♪
1744
01:28:07,827 --> 01:28:09,826
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1745
01:28:09,828 --> 01:28:12,859
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1746
01:28:12,861 --> 01:28:14,791
♪ When the angels sing a song ♪
1747
01:28:14,793 --> 01:28:16,525
♪ Come on through ♪
1748
01:28:16,527 --> 01:28:19,192
♪ And I fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1749
01:28:19,194 --> 01:28:22,559
♪ Home to you ♪
1750
01:28:22,561 --> 01:28:24,825
♪ Curtain's call,
but I just can't go ♪
1751
01:28:24,827 --> 01:28:26,626
♪ 'Cause you came and you saw ♪
1752
01:28:26,628 --> 01:28:29,625
♪ Pinned my soul to
the gray, oh gray ♪
1753
01:28:29,627 --> 01:28:31,025
♪ Of the world we know ♪
1754
01:28:31,027 --> 01:28:34,525
♪ So I fly and I fly
to get back home ♪
1755
01:28:34,527 --> 01:28:37,759
♪ To get home to you ♪
1756
01:28:37,761 --> 01:28:40,025
♪ I fly through the night ♪
1757
01:28:40,027 --> 01:28:43,124
♪ To get home to you ♪
1758
01:28:43,126 --> 01:28:46,026
♪ The angels sing ♪
1759
01:28:46,028 --> 01:28:49,658
♪ And come on through ♪
1760
01:28:49,660 --> 01:28:51,892
♪ I fly through the night ♪
1761
01:28:51,894 --> 01:28:55,026
♪ To get home to you ♪
1762
01:28:55,028 --> 01:28:58,525
♪ To get home to you ♪
1763
01:28:58,527 --> 01:28:59,791
♪ So come on through ♪
1764
01:28:59,793 --> 01:29:01,659
♪ I'd do anything to
be back by your side ♪
1765
01:29:01,661 --> 01:29:04,526
♪ I'd do anything to
be back by your side ♪
1766
01:29:04,528 --> 01:29:07,224
♪ The angels sing ♪
1767
01:29:07,226 --> 01:29:10,659
♪ And come on through ♪
1768
01:29:10,661 --> 01:29:13,558
♪ The angels sing ♪
1769
01:29:13,560 --> 01:29:16,591
♪ And come on through ♪
1770
01:29:16,593 --> 01:29:19,092
♪ I fly through the night ♪
1771
01:29:19,094 --> 01:29:22,659
♪ To get home to you ♪
1772
01:29:22,661 --> 01:29:25,692
♪ To get home to you ♪
1773
01:29:25,694 --> 01:29:28,691
♪ To get home to you ♪
1774
01:29:28,693 --> 01:29:33,494
♪ So come on through ♪
1775
01:29:35,528 --> 01:29:37,525
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1776
01:29:37,527 --> 01:29:40,659
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1777
01:29:40,661 --> 01:29:42,958
♪ When the angels sing a song ♪
1778
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:44,125
♪ Come on through ♪
1779
01:29:44,127 --> 01:29:47,192
♪ And I'd fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1780
01:29:47,194 --> 01:29:50,158
♪ Home to you ♪
1781
01:29:50,160 --> 01:29:52,925
♪ Darkness falls
across the land ♪
1782
01:29:52,927 --> 01:29:55,726
♪ And I'd do anything
just to hold your hand ♪
1783
01:29:55,728 --> 01:29:57,759
♪ Where the angels sing a song ♪
1784
01:29:57,761 --> 01:29:59,525
♪ Come on through ♪
1785
01:29:59,527 --> 01:30:02,192
♪ And I'd fly through the
night to get home to you ♪
1786
01:30:02,194 --> 01:30:04,695
♪ Home to you ♪
118205
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