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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,060 I love you. 2 00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:39,730 I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 3 00:00:39,730 --> 00:00:42,000 Will you marry me? 4 00:00:44,570 --> 00:00:46,970 Baby, 5 00:00:46,970 --> 00:00:49,370 baby-- 6 00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:52,070 Baby, your breath smells like dog food. 7 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,740 [ Panting ] With just a hint of rottweiler butt. 8 00:00:55,750 --> 00:00:58,250 You're on notice, Rocco. 9 00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:01,050 When Felicia moves in, you have to clean up your act. 10 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,320 Bon appétit. ♪ Whoa ♪ 11 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,320 ♪ I feel good ♪ 12 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,990 ♪ I knew that I would, now ♪ 13 00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:13,130 ♪ I feel good ♪ 14 00:01:13,130 --> 00:01:16,160 ♪ I knew that I would, now ♪ 15 00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:20,370 ♪ So good, so good ♪ 16 00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:22,370 ♪ I got you ♪ 17 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:26,470 ♪ Whoa, I feel nice ♪ 18 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,340 ♪ Like sugar and spice ♪ 19 00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:33,050 ♪ I feel nice ♪ 20 00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:37,050 ♪ Like sugar and spice ♪ 21 00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:40,190 ♪ So nice, so nice ♪ 22 00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:42,690 ♪ I got you ♪ 23 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,600 ♪ When I hold you in my arms ♪♪ 24 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,600 I have a very big surprise for you. 25 00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:59,110 A very big surprise. 26 00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:03,780 I know you're dying to know, but I'm not gonna tell you, no matter how much you beg. 27 00:02:03,780 --> 00:02:07,250 Nope. Not even a hint. 28 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:20,060 Wow! This is incredible, Jerry! 29 00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:22,760 What's this all about? 30 00:02:22,770 --> 00:02:27,570 Felicia, from the first moment I met you, 31 00:02:27,570 --> 00:02:30,700 [ Groans ] I-- I mean, uh-- 32 00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:33,840 From the first moment I saw you, I, uh-- 33 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,740 Uh, wh-what I'm trying to say, Felicia, is-- 34 00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:39,550 You're lookin' sick all of a sudden. Are you all right? 35 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:42,120 Motion sickness. Oh. 36 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,850 The reason why I brought you out here is... 37 00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:47,520 to tell you, to say-- 38 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,720 Mm-hmm. 39 00:02:49,730 --> 00:02:52,090 to ask, communicate-- 40 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:55,360 Would you just spit it out? 41 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,770 [ Gasping ] Oh, I'm sorry, baby! I didn't mean it! 42 00:02:59,770 --> 00:03:02,570 Don't cover me in puke and try and call me "baby." 43 00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:05,110 I'll make it up to you, Felicia! 44 00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:08,310 Will you marry me? No! 45 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:11,580 Oh, thank you! You've made me the happiest-- What? 46 00:03:11,580 --> 00:03:14,520 I met someone. Met someone? 47 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,490 Andre and I have all the things that we don't, Jerry. 48 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,490 Andre? I introduced you once. 49 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,790 He details my BMW. 50 00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:26,530 You dump me for a guy who goes to work in a jumpsuit and rubber boots? 51 00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:31,370 Andre and I connect on a level that you and I just never could. 52 00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:34,400 Jerry, I'm so sorry. 53 00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:49,450 [ Sighs ] She dumped us, Rocco. 54 00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:53,320 I know you don't care. You can lick your own balls. [ Chuckles ] 55 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,190 [ Sighs ] 56 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,170 [ Beeping ] 57 00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:29,790 [ Ringing ] 58 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:32,590 [ Answering Machine Clicking ] [ Jerry On Tape ] I'm not in. 59 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,660 Leave a message or don't leave a message. Whatever. 60 00:04:35,670 --> 00:04:38,230 [ Man ] Hello, Jerry. It's me. Pick up. 61 00:04:38,230 --> 00:04:40,430 Dude, I know you're there. 62 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,940 Quit acting like a little kid. You're so immature! 63 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:45,410 Pick up now or I'm gonna fart into the phone. 64 00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:50,540 Leave me alone. I'm wallowing in self-pity. 65 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:53,550 It's time to rejoin the living, Jerry. We're going out tonight. 66 00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:56,380 - Not interested. - Saddle up the old baloney pony. 67 00:04:56,390 --> 00:05:00,550 It's Operation Storm the Foxholes. China Club, 2100 hours. 68 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,360 Our objective? Penetrate the enemy. 69 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,390 Stop calling me. I'm not going. This is nonnegotiable. 70 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,960 Either meet me tonight or I'm gonna ask out your sister. 71 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:11,930 She'll go out with me 'cause she's freaky like that. We both know her. 72 00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:14,870 Ragoni, hang up. The toilet's stuffed up. I got a code-three emergency. 73 00:05:14,870 --> 00:05:17,400 Buddy, I gotta go. See you. 74 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,580 Thanks for fitting me in today, Daniel. 75 00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:30,850 I'm so tight. 76 00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:44,400 Go really deep this time. 77 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,810 Give it to me harder. 78 00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,350 Harder. 79 00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:07,790 Harder. 80 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,400 Harder. 81 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,770 - [ Muscles Cracking ] - Come on, Daniel. 82 00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:25,970 Is this the best you can do? [ Sighs, Panting ] 83 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:31,380 Ragoni, what the hell are you doing? [ Screams ] 84 00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,710 I was just warmin' her up for you! 85 00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:37,820 ♪♪ [ Dance ] 86 00:06:37,820 --> 00:06:40,390 ♪♪ [ Continues ] 87 00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:44,390 Marshall, is that you? Nick! Hey! 88 00:06:44,390 --> 00:06:47,330 Long time no see! How you doin'? 89 00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:50,030 You've got to give me the name of your new escort service. 90 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:53,730 Oh, cut it out, Nick. This is my fiancée, Sheri. 91 00:06:53,740 --> 00:06:56,800 She ain't no escort skank. She and I are in love. 92 00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,970 That's right. 93 00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:02,610 Marshall here's the most interesting and exciting man I've ever met. 94 00:07:02,610 --> 00:07:06,810 - And he's a wonderful lover. - Oh, I get it. She's retarded. 95 00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:11,050 She's one of the sharpest bartenders at Hooters. Oh, Marshy! 96 00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:14,890 Excuse me, fellas. I'm gonna go trim the landing strip. 97 00:07:14,890 --> 00:07:18,690 Ooh! And classy too. 98 00:07:18,690 --> 00:07:23,030 We met on a cruise. There's just something about the ocean air, the sun. 99 00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:26,830 It really makes it easy to meet people. We connected right away. 100 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,640 Very first night. With her? 101 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,110 Very first night? Yeah! 102 00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:36,010 And there are dozens of women just as friendly as her on board. 103 00:07:36,010 --> 00:07:39,410 Dude, I gotta tell you, whatever you're doing, take a week off... 104 00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:41,680 and get yourself on one of those boats. 105 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:46,050 There was a line at the can. Honey, can we skip dinner? 106 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:50,060 You look so hot, you got me in the mood for take-out in bed. 107 00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:53,460 [ Both Moaning ] 108 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:56,460 Tongue. 109 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:02,000 - Ooh! - Wow! 110 00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,580 Wasn't that crazy Marshall Geller, 111 00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:14,580 the guy who used to work in our high school cafeteria? 112 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:17,020 Nope. That was crazy Marshall Geller, 113 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,090 my new personal hero. 114 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,490 Dude, let's bolt. 115 00:08:21,490 --> 00:08:24,560 Hanging around some stupid bar is no place to meet women. 116 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,690 What are you talkin' about? You've been begging me to come here for months. 117 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,860 Jerry, buddy, 118 00:08:29,870 --> 00:08:31,870 trust me. 119 00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:35,770 I have seen the light. ♪ Come on, gettin' on down ♪ 120 00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:38,070 ♪ Get on down ♪ 121 00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:40,140 ♪ Get on, get on down ♪ 122 00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:43,480 ♪ Get on down, come on Go, go down ♪ 123 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,510 ♪ Get on down ♪ 124 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,820 ♪ Go, go down Get on down, come on ♪ 125 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,490 ♪ Go, go down ♪♪ 126 00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:57,060 [ Mutters ] 127 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:07,130 Aw, son of a bitch! [ Horn Honks ] 128 00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:09,670 That was my space! Fuck you! 129 00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:12,140 Fuck you right back, buddy. Nick, back off. 130 00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,640 I don't want to see an out-of-shape slob get his butt kicked. 131 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,640 He ain't that out of shape. I'm talkin' about you! 132 00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:19,850 You break a sweat changing your shoes. Oh, stop. Bite me! 133 00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,820 - Blow me! - Kiss my ass! 134 00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:24,020 - Fuck your mother! - Oh, yeah? 135 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:26,520 No one would want to fuck my mother 'cause she's too ugly! 136 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,790 Think I lost that one. Oh, yeah. 137 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:36,130 Okay, it's the seven-day, six-night fun in the sun singles package... 138 00:09:36,130 --> 00:09:38,830 with the standard three-to-one female-to-male ratio. 139 00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:42,740 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Just as the doctor ordered, right, buddy? 140 00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:45,270 I don't know, Nick. I don't think I'm ready for this. 141 00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:48,210 Come on! It's been six months! 142 00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:52,150 I don't like the sun, and I get seasick. 143 00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:55,120 - Hmm. - I don't know what to say to strange women. 144 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,890 We're not going for the discourse. We're going for the intercourse! 145 00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:02,260 Sex! That's all you ever think about! Sex, sex, sex, sex! 146 00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:04,190 - We'll take it. - Ha-ha-ha! 147 00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:06,260 There you go. Excellent. 148 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,730 Oh, Larry. You're still here. 149 00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:13,270 Mm-hmm. Your mother died. 150 00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:16,700 - What? When? - This morning. 151 00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:19,840 I'm sorry. I thought you got my Post-it. 152 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,980 [ Larry ] Okay, thanks, Michael. 153 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:25,680 All right. Gentlemen, I might want you to consider this stateroom right here. 154 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,850 It's a little bit larger-- 155 00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:36,790 Um, would you excuse me for just a moment? 156 00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:38,730 Brian, help! [ Sobbing ] 157 00:10:38,730 --> 00:10:42,560 [ Bawling ] Mama! 158 00:10:42,570 --> 00:10:45,230 [ Crying Continues ] Oh, God! 159 00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,900 - You! - Fuck you, pal! 160 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:50,640 - Fuck you back. - Fuck your mother! - Oh, yeah? 161 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,810 - No one would fuck my mother 'cause she's too ugly! - We've been through this! 162 00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:58,810 - Excuse me. What seems to be the problem here? - This guy-- pecker face. 163 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:01,880 This guy's a jerk. All right, Brian. You know what? Enough. 164 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,150 Let me handle this. Check on the ski packages. Yeah. 165 00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:08,620 Over near the Maui getaways. Remember? Since the changeover? 166 00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:11,960 Yeah, I got 'em. I am so sorry. 167 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,000 Brian's had a little problem with the-- and the-- 168 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,000 and the-- and the-- 169 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:20,170 Oh. Yeah, bad news. 170 00:11:20,170 --> 00:11:24,610 But now he's doing fine. He's doing a lot of great work with unwed teenage mothers. 171 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:28,210 [ Chuckles ] So-- All right. 172 00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:30,380 [ Clears Throat ] Let's see. 173 00:11:30,380 --> 00:11:33,680 Seven-day, six-night vacation cruise. Is that correct? 174 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,650 That's the one, yeah. Right. 175 00:11:35,650 --> 00:11:37,850 Yeah. Right. 176 00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:40,120 Okay. 177 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,230 You guys are set, gentlemen. 178 00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:50,330 I think you'll have a very good time. Please enjoy your vacation. 179 00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:53,000 Thank you very much. And you should probably do something about that guy. 180 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,670 Don't worry. I've already taken care of it. Good. 181 00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:59,840 And hey, I'm a letter writer. 182 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,080 Duly noted. All right. 183 00:12:06,410 --> 00:12:09,380 Bye-bye, now. 184 00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:11,820 I'm too upset to work ski packages. 185 00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:14,090 I can't believe you took care of them. 186 00:12:14,090 --> 00:12:16,690 I took care of them, all right. 187 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:20,030 'Cause no one calls my little pecker a pecker. 188 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,230 Huh? Yeah. 189 00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:24,030 Yeah. [ Giggling ] 190 00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:35,410 Wow! Look at the size of that thing! 191 00:12:35,410 --> 00:12:38,680 And just think-- it's filled with available women. 192 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,380 Yeah, and here's the beauty part of the whole thing. 193 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:44,180 They can't get away from us. We'll be in the middle of the ocean. 194 00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:47,090 They can try, but they'll drown or get eaten by sharks. 195 00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:50,020 It's perfect! 196 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:53,430 You know, sometimes I think there's something seriously wrong with you. 197 00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:57,000 I can live with that. [ Guffawing ] 198 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,230 Excuse me. Can I ask you something? Yes. 199 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,470 You board everybody on this ship, right? Yes, sir. 200 00:13:03,470 --> 00:13:06,310 Let me ask you a question, guy-to-guy. 201 00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:10,440 Is there a lot of sweet ass on this ship? I'm sure you'll be very happy. 202 00:13:10,450 --> 00:13:12,410 Yes! Hear that, Jer? Hey, hey! 203 00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:15,250 All righty! Whoo! 204 00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:19,190 A boat filled with hot, beautiful women! 205 00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:22,960 Yes! Awesome, awesome awesome! 206 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,360 Can't you just feel the sexy, lovely creatures... 207 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,430 boarding this love boat as we speak? 208 00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:29,760 Watch out! I'm comin'! ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 209 00:13:29,770 --> 00:13:31,970 ♪ Bee-ba, ba-ba, bee-ba ♪♪ 210 00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:36,000 Yeah, yeah. Whoo! Nick, you're right! This is great! 211 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,310 Yeah, you know! 212 00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,440 [ Nick Yells ] Hey, what's up? 213 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,440 How you doin'? Ooh! 214 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,480 Yeah! All right! 215 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,880 Friendly crowd, huh? Oh, yeah. 216 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,750 Don't you ever doubt me! 217 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:01,830 What the hell was that? 218 00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:05,330 Well, uh-- Onboard entertainment. 219 00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:08,470 You know? I bet Cirque du Soleil's here, like Vegas! 220 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:11,400 Oh, cool. Right? 221 00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:13,410 [ Sighs ] 222 00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:15,480 Hey! How are ya? 223 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:25,420 There it is-- stateroom 211. 224 00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:28,820 The number that will be on everyone's lips by the end of the trip. 225 00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:34,930 Let's do it. 226 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:39,830 That's weird. 227 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,900 Only one bed. Oh, I know why. 228 00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:48,380 'Cause we're gonna be having so much sex, one guy's always gonna be sleeping out. 229 00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:52,950 Yeah, right. You better hope that couch is more comfortable than it looks. 230 00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:56,180 There's a mirror on the ceiling. 231 00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:01,290 Excelente. That way the babes can watch me... 232 00:15:01,290 --> 00:15:06,130 get my freak on! ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 233 00:15:06,130 --> 00:15:09,230 Check this out, Jer. Four racquetball courts. Hey! 234 00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:11,230 Nine cocktail lounges. Ooh. 235 00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:14,300 A casino. Six and eights are running mates! 236 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:19,340 A video arcade. Onboard chest-waxing salon. 237 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:22,410 Chest waxing? Yeah, of course. 238 00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:24,980 For swimmin'. Let me see that. 239 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,320 "Club Socrates wants you to know you'll be treated like a queen." 240 00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:36,960 You mean "king." Queen. Says so right there. 241 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:42,430 That's weird. Hmm. 242 00:15:42,430 --> 00:15:44,500 [ Knocking ] 243 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,870 Hello. 244 00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:51,140 Ring, ring, ring. Everybody conga! 245 00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:53,140 ♪♪ [ Radio: Salsa ] ♪♪ [ Humming ] 246 00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:56,940 ♪ Everybody party Party, party, party ♪ 247 00:15:56,950 --> 00:16:00,110 ♪ 5:00 today ♪ Yeah, baby! 248 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,980 I told you, Jer. This boat is wild! 249 00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:06,920 Where's the party, sweet thing? Stateroom 209. 250 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,260 Ooh! Stateroom 209. Hey! 251 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:14,900 [ Low Voice ] It's casual. [ Purring ] 252 00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:21,300 [ Horn Blowing ] 253 00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:26,110 To fresh scratches on our backs. 254 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:30,040 - Scotch and soda, please. - Coming right up, sir. 255 00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:32,310 ♪♪ [ Woman Singing ] 256 00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:34,920 Oh, please! 257 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,180 Why do they always have to play Liza? 258 00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:41,150 I don't know. I kind of like Liza with a "Z." 259 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,960 Yeah, she's kinda cool for makin' out. 260 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,030 I prefer Johnny Mathis myself. 261 00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:51,460 Yeah, if you're gonna make out with a dude. 262 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:58,100 That is very funny. 263 00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:01,610 [ Sighs ] My name is Faversham. Lloyd Faversham. 264 00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:04,010 Nick Ragoni. Nick. 265 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:05,980 Jerry. It's your first cruise? 266 00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:08,150 No, my third. And you? 267 00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:11,050 - Número uno. - Oh. 268 00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:13,590 Then you are going to positively adore it. 269 00:17:13,590 --> 00:17:18,260 - It is one wild, decadent week. - That's why we're here, right? 270 00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:20,360 All-night parties. Excellent. 271 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,630 - Midnight skinny-dipping. - Sign me up! 272 00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:26,370 And if you're into it, lots of sex, 273 00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:28,640 sex, sex. 274 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,270 You hear that, Jer? All the sex a man could want. 275 00:17:31,270 --> 00:17:35,210 Well, then you must visit the hole-in-one room. 276 00:17:35,210 --> 00:17:38,180 Oh, they have an onboard driving range. 277 00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:42,550 Some of the chaps down there do swing some very large clubs. 278 00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:46,320 Hmm. You two have an open relationship? 279 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,060 Open? What do you mean by "open relationship"? 280 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,220 I mean, do you date? 281 00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:54,190 Of course we date. That's why we're here. Yeah! 282 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:59,030 That's absolutely wonderful. We must get together sometime, go for a midnight swim. 283 00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:01,570 Do whatever feels right. 284 00:18:01,570 --> 00:18:05,510 That is what a gay cruise is all about. 285 00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:08,710 ♪♪ [ Liza Minnelli Continues Singing ] 286 00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:11,340 I see. 287 00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:13,480 Hear that, Jerry? 288 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,280 We can do whatever we want, whatever feels right. 289 00:18:17,290 --> 00:18:21,150 That's what a gay cruise is all about. 290 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,220 Whatever we want to do, we can do it... 291 00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,490 because it's a gay cruise. 292 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:31,260 It's a gay cruise, Jerry! Not a bi cruise! It's a gay cruise! 293 00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:34,370 Capital "G," capital "A," capital "Y-M-C-A"... 294 00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:36,540 gay cruise, Jerry! 295 00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:39,040 Damn, damn, damn! 296 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,180 I wonder how many other people made the same mistake I did. 297 00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:45,810 No one! Shit! 298 00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:49,250 Jerry! Don't worry, buddy! 299 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:53,650 I'm bringing you back home. I'm gonna get you out of here. Let's go! 300 00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:58,090 Help! Help! Somebody help us! 301 00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:00,430 We're straight! 302 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:04,200 We're straight! Hey! Nick! 303 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,800 Stop acting like a jerk! We'll figure this out. 304 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,570 - What are we gonna do? We gotta get off this boat. - Ooh! 305 00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:14,540 We gotta get off! Excuse me, sir. You know where we can get off real quick? 306 00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:18,080 Try the hole-in-one room. I'm starting to think that's not a real driving range. 307 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,080 In fact, I'm convinced of it. 308 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,620 Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! 309 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,220 We're trapped like rats! 310 00:19:28,390 --> 00:19:30,220 What? 311 00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:32,760 I checked our itinerary. 312 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,730 We don't dock for four days. 313 00:19:35,730 --> 00:19:40,300 - Why do I ever listen to you? - Are you implying that this is somehow my fault? 314 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,800 Oh, I'm not implying it. I'm saying it. 315 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,440 If you hadn't insulted that travel agent, none of this would've happened! 316 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,340 Maybe there's another explanation. 317 00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:51,540 Yeah? What? 318 00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:54,710 Maybe that travel agent thought he was doing you a favor... 319 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,180 because, uh, you know-- 320 00:19:58,190 --> 00:20:01,550 - Because what? - Because you're a little femme, that's why! 321 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,360 You always dress real nice, you're in shape, you're neat! 322 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,430 Oh, and you use those pastel-colored balls at the bowling alley. 323 00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:10,800 Don't think that got past me! 324 00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:16,800 You're an idiot, a thickheaded moron! 325 00:20:16,810 --> 00:20:19,870 Felicia was right. I should've dumped your ass years ago! 326 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,710 If you wanted to dump someone's ass years ago, it should've been Felicia's! 327 00:20:22,710 --> 00:20:25,150 Oh! That chick was Satan's sister. 328 00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:27,150 Yeah, devil with a "D" cup! 329 00:20:27,150 --> 00:20:31,280 Felicia was as frosty a bitch as I've ever seen! I'm gonna kill ya! 330 00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:34,490 I'm gonna kill you! [ Grunting ] 331 00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:38,190 I knew I heard choo-chi, pom-pom time! 332 00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:41,360 - Choo-choo-choo-choo! - Don't get the wrong idea! 333 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,430 Oh, Hector always get the wrong idea. 334 00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:47,370 That is why he's no longer welcome in the state of Missouri. 335 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,700 Buddy, you pranced into the wrong cabin. 336 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,840 My friend and I-- We're not gay. Huh. 337 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,510 [ Sputters, Laughs ] Ring-ring! Hold the phone. 338 00:20:56,510 --> 00:20:59,750 - You're telling me you two guys are not gay. - That's right. 339 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:03,780 Oh, pull Hector's other leg. It's got bells on it. 340 00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:06,350 I'm getting out of here. 341 00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:11,320 Gee, what hasn't gotten into him? 342 00:21:14,260 --> 00:21:16,530 Out! 343 00:21:16,530 --> 00:21:18,400 ♪♪ [ Piano ] [ Men ] ♪ Whoa, here he comes ♪ 344 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,530 ♪ Watch out, boy He'll chew you up ♪ 345 00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:24,340 ♪ Whoa, here he comes He's a maneater ♪ 346 00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:27,270 ♪ Whoa, here he comes ♪ 347 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,510 ♪ Watch out, boy He'll chew you up ♪ 348 00:21:29,510 --> 00:21:33,510 ♪ Whoa, here he comes He's a maneater ♪ 349 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,750 ♪ I wouldn't if I were you ♪♪ 350 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,360 [ Applause ] 351 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,790 [ Man ] Bachelor Number Two, what's the most unusual place that you ever made love? 352 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,970 Well, once I did it in a dressing room at International Male. 353 00:21:51,970 --> 00:21:54,870 Right. And how 'bout you, Bachelor Number Three? 354 00:21:54,870 --> 00:21:57,770 What's the most unusual place that you ever made love? 355 00:21:57,770 --> 00:22:01,570 - Inside a woman. - [ Audience Laughing ] 356 00:22:01,580 --> 00:22:03,580 [ Groans ] 357 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,450 Hey, who we gotta screw to get a drink around here? 358 00:22:12,450 --> 00:22:15,360 [ Snickering ] Whoop. 359 00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:18,860 Oop. 360 00:22:20,030 --> 00:22:22,900 Ooh. Ooh. Hey, buddy, you okay? 361 00:22:24,670 --> 00:22:26,530 Do I look gay? 362 00:22:28,470 --> 00:22:31,800 Never saw an old, gay grandpa before. 363 00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:34,640 Aah. Whoo-hoo. 364 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,050 Where are all the gay people at? 365 00:22:43,050 --> 00:22:44,950 Y'all always supposed to wanna party. 366 00:22:44,950 --> 00:22:47,990 Oops. Oop. 367 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,690 Ooh! 368 00:23:12,650 --> 00:23:14,850 [ Gasps ] 369 00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:23,090 - Are you okay? - I'm fine! 370 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,840 [ Thinking ] Men on dates, holding hands, touching, kissing. 371 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,640 I can't take it. Gotta think. 372 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,680 Not good at it. Took too much shop in high school. 373 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,450 [ Helicopter Whirring ] 374 00:23:50,850 --> 00:23:53,790 Help! Pick me up! 375 00:23:53,790 --> 00:23:56,490 Get me out of here! 376 00:23:56,490 --> 00:23:59,030 Hey, drop down a ladder! 377 00:23:59,030 --> 00:24:01,430 I like girls! [ Passing Overhead ] 378 00:24:01,430 --> 00:24:04,400 [ Wailing ] 379 00:24:10,870 --> 00:24:15,580 Please! Please come back! 380 00:24:22,580 --> 00:24:25,750 [ Metal Banging ] [ Helicopter Sputtering ] 381 00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:28,390 Ohh! 382 00:24:28,390 --> 00:24:31,520 Oh, my-- [ Crashes Into Water ] 383 00:24:31,530 --> 00:24:33,390 Jesus! 384 00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,600 Oop. 385 00:24:51,980 --> 00:24:56,450 Flare gun. I don't know anything about a flare gun. I swear I was here all night. 386 00:24:56,450 --> 00:24:59,650 A flare gun? I don't know anything about a flare gun. I was here all night. 387 00:24:59,650 --> 00:25:02,020 Flare gun? I don't know nothing about no stinking flare gun! 388 00:25:02,020 --> 00:25:03,890 [ Door Opening ] Oh, shit. 389 00:25:03,890 --> 00:25:08,160 Okay, here we are. 390 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,130 You should go change now. Where's your robe? 391 00:25:12,130 --> 00:25:14,530 Okay. 392 00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:17,770 Okay, I give up! I give up! I did it! 393 00:25:17,770 --> 00:25:21,770 Hey, Jer. How was your evening? 394 00:25:21,780 --> 00:25:25,850 Hi. Your friend had a little too much to drink. 395 00:25:25,850 --> 00:25:27,850 She thinks I'm drunk. 396 00:25:27,850 --> 00:25:31,150 Ah, Nicky, Nicky! All right, all right. 397 00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:33,950 I fell in the pool! Oh! Ooh! Ooh! 398 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,920 [ Nick ] Ah, you're sitting on my balls! 399 00:25:36,930 --> 00:25:39,190 Okay, um, I'm gonna leave you two alone. 400 00:25:39,190 --> 00:25:41,630 Good night. Oh, you're gettin' me all wet. 401 00:25:41,630 --> 00:25:43,630 [ Nick Groans ] 402 00:25:48,670 --> 00:25:52,210 Jerry! Wake up! I'm starvin'. 403 00:25:52,210 --> 00:25:55,980 Come on, Jerry. [ Snoring ] 404 00:25:55,980 --> 00:25:59,610 Dude, don't make me go up there by myself. Get up. 405 00:25:59,610 --> 00:26:01,680 Jerry! 406 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:05,180 Screw it. What am I afraid of? [ Snoring ] 407 00:26:05,190 --> 00:26:07,690 How gay could a buffet be? 408 00:26:07,690 --> 00:26:10,920 ♪♪ [ Instrumental ] 409 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,120 Is this seat taken? Actually-- 410 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,690 I hate dining alone. Bet you feel the same way too. I'm okay with it. 411 00:26:43,690 --> 00:26:47,930 I see you took the omelette, the waffles and the flapjacks. 412 00:26:47,930 --> 00:26:50,030 Hungry little man, aren't you? 413 00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:53,770 Would you care for a bite of my sausage? 414 00:26:53,770 --> 00:26:57,540 In England, we call them bangers. Eww! 415 00:26:57,540 --> 00:27:00,640 Captain, could you come over here a minute, please? 416 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,540 Captain, there's a small craft off the starboard bow... 417 00:27:03,550 --> 00:27:06,550 that's trying to get our attention. [ Grunts ] 418 00:27:06,550 --> 00:27:09,650 [ All Yelling ] Help! Help! 419 00:27:09,650 --> 00:27:13,150 Somebody save us! Somebody save us! Help! 420 00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:17,790 Jesus! Sound the alarm. 421 00:27:17,790 --> 00:27:21,060 All hands on dick. Deck. 422 00:27:21,060 --> 00:27:23,060 Deck! 423 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,310 Hot tea? 424 00:27:34,270 --> 00:27:36,840 Why don't you have a seat? 425 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,710 For you. 426 00:27:46,990 --> 00:27:49,190 Oh, my God! 427 00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:55,600 - I must be dreaming. Somebody pinch me. - Sure. My pleasure. 428 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,600 Ow! I didn't say on my ass! 429 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,830 You didn't not say it. I didn't think I had to specify. 430 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,770 Jesus. 431 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,810 Nick, Nick! You gotta help me out. 432 00:28:11,810 --> 00:28:14,380 Remember that woman that dragged me to the room last night? 433 00:28:14,380 --> 00:28:18,120 I can't get her off my mind. She kissed me. Technically, it was mouth-to-mouth. 434 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:22,760 But it was fabulous. I mean, I gotta find her. I was so wasted la-- 435 00:28:24,660 --> 00:28:28,130 Who are they? The answer to our prayers, Jerry. 436 00:28:28,130 --> 00:28:30,760 Twelve of the most gorgeous creatures I've ever seen. 437 00:28:30,770 --> 00:28:33,000 Ooh. But I'm not greedy. 438 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,740 I'll share. Go ahead. 439 00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:38,970 Pick two. 440 00:28:38,970 --> 00:28:41,740 No. This girl was fabulous. 441 00:28:41,740 --> 00:28:43,840 She's special. I gotta find her. 442 00:28:48,420 --> 00:28:51,680 Ooh! She's special, special. 443 00:28:59,830 --> 00:29:01,830 Hello. 444 00:29:01,830 --> 00:29:04,230 H-H-Hi. 445 00:29:04,230 --> 00:29:08,070 Who are you? I'm Nick Ragoni, the most grateful man on the planet. 446 00:29:08,070 --> 00:29:11,270 I'm Inga. Very pleasurable to meet you. 447 00:29:11,270 --> 00:29:14,370 How'd you all get here? 448 00:29:14,380 --> 00:29:18,880 We are the Swedish suntanning team on our way to the Hawaiian Tropics competition in bars. 449 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,250 Some bonehead shot down our helicopter. 450 00:29:21,250 --> 00:29:24,020 Coach had to make water landing. 451 00:29:24,020 --> 00:29:27,350 I didn't think this was gonna happen until I died and went to heaven. 452 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,990 It's lucky thing we were picked up by a boat full of homo boys. 453 00:29:30,990 --> 00:29:34,290 It would be terrible to have straight men hassling and ogling us... 454 00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:37,860 while we're trying to work on our even tan lines. 455 00:29:39,070 --> 00:29:41,300 Oh, you're so right. 456 00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:44,200 Lucky I'm gay! 457 00:29:44,210 --> 00:29:48,470 I'm super gay. I'm mega-- I'm gay-normous! 458 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,710 I'm so gay. 459 00:29:51,710 --> 00:29:56,350 But that's good, 'cause now you guys can all feel comfortable... 460 00:29:56,350 --> 00:30:00,920 in front of me and take off your tops and stuff. 461 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,860 And I can do this for you. 462 00:30:03,860 --> 00:30:07,090 I can put tanning oils and creamy lotions... 463 00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:10,760 all over your luscious bodies! 464 00:30:10,770 --> 00:30:13,430 And there won't be any worries from you because... 465 00:30:13,430 --> 00:30:17,900 I'm so gay! [ Laughs ] 466 00:30:17,910 --> 00:30:21,010 ♪ When you need something Don't stop, don't stop ♪ [ Nick Moaning ] 467 00:30:21,010 --> 00:30:24,410 Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! 468 00:30:24,410 --> 00:30:27,150 Almost finished! Yeah! 469 00:30:27,150 --> 00:30:30,820 [ Screaming ] 470 00:30:30,820 --> 00:30:33,050 Okay, let's do the back. 471 00:30:33,050 --> 00:30:37,290 The first time I think I realized I was gay... 472 00:30:37,290 --> 00:30:40,530 was when I was around 12, in scouts. 473 00:30:40,530 --> 00:30:43,860 I really liked putting on that kerchief. 474 00:30:43,870 --> 00:30:46,130 In fact, it was the only part I liked about it. 475 00:30:46,130 --> 00:30:48,270 That and the nude swimming. 476 00:30:48,270 --> 00:30:52,770 Anyway, I hope you gals all feel comfortable around me! 477 00:30:52,770 --> 00:30:57,280 - [ All ] Ja, Nick. - 'Cause I sure do feel comfortable around you. 478 00:30:59,310 --> 00:31:03,050 All done! Who's next? How 'bout you, Ursula? 479 00:31:03,050 --> 00:31:07,290 Ready for your second coat? Uh-oh, these thighs look a little dry. 480 00:31:07,290 --> 00:31:10,160 There we go. [ Laughing ] 481 00:31:11,790 --> 00:31:14,790 - What do you want? - [ Ferocious Growling ] 482 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,200 What the hell is that? 483 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,430 I got this from that dude over there. He's hot. 484 00:31:20,430 --> 00:31:23,470 You are no gay homo man. 485 00:31:23,470 --> 00:31:26,410 I am Sonya, coach of tanning team. 486 00:31:26,410 --> 00:31:29,440 - What? - Quiet! As long as these women are in training, 487 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:33,810 there will be no trouser snakes near their hot, luscious po-pos! 488 00:31:33,820 --> 00:31:37,250 Put me down! Coach of the tanning team. That's ridiculous! 489 00:31:37,250 --> 00:31:39,450 If I want to talk to any of these ladies, I will, 490 00:31:39,450 --> 00:31:42,990 and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me! 491 00:31:42,990 --> 00:31:46,860 - Oh, yeah? - [ Nick Screams, Groans ] 492 00:31:52,070 --> 00:31:56,240 [ Barks ] What the hell happened to you? 493 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,870 I died and went to heaven, 494 00:31:58,870 --> 00:32:01,870 and then some muscle-bound blond dwarf knocked me back down to hell. 495 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,940 - What? - You know those 12 gorgeous hotties? 496 00:32:04,950 --> 00:32:08,880 - They got a goddamn bodyguard. - Oh. 497 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:13,450 I can take disappointments, Jer, but little Nicky, 498 00:32:13,450 --> 00:32:17,160 he's already known such heartache in his short life. 499 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,160 Then I guess all three of us struck out. 500 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,460 I still can't find that girl. I've looked everywhere. 501 00:32:23,460 --> 00:32:26,570 You know, 502 00:32:26,570 --> 00:32:31,070 I've kissed Felicia for four years and never felt anything like I felt last night. 503 00:32:31,070 --> 00:32:34,540 That girl was special. I gotta find her. 504 00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:37,580 You're abandoning me? What am I supposed to do? 505 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:43,450 It's a luxury cruise. Not everything's gay-oriented. 506 00:32:43,450 --> 00:32:46,450 [ Man ] No more bets! 507 00:32:46,450 --> 00:32:48,490 Red three is the winner. 508 00:32:49,620 --> 00:32:52,290 [ Cackling ] Beautiful. 509 00:32:52,290 --> 00:32:56,400 Poker. This is gonna be sweet! 510 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,370 These trouser pilots are no match for a lusty hetero like myself. 511 00:32:59,370 --> 00:33:02,270 This will be like taking candy from a baby. 512 00:33:02,270 --> 00:33:05,100 Why is that? Are gay men notoriously bad gamblers? 513 00:33:05,110 --> 00:33:07,470 Awful! They can't bluff. 514 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,580 They look at cards, they start giggling. It's terrible. 515 00:33:10,580 --> 00:33:14,650 Nick, promise me you won't act like a gay-bashing, narrow-minded Neanderthal. 516 00:33:14,650 --> 00:33:16,650 Buddy, you're talking to me. 517 00:33:16,650 --> 00:33:19,550 The lady, couple of ducks-- quack, quack-- possible flush. 518 00:33:19,550 --> 00:33:22,420 Hello, gays-- guys. Mind if I join you? 519 00:33:22,420 --> 00:33:25,290 Sure thing, gorgeous. 520 00:33:25,290 --> 00:33:28,190 I can't remember-- does a straight beat a flush? 521 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,260 [ Cash Register Ringing ] [ Nick ] Damn! 522 00:33:30,260 --> 00:33:34,170 - I really thought I had that one. - Listen, Nick. 523 00:33:34,170 --> 00:33:37,040 I don't want you to take offense, but can I give you a piece of advice? 524 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,100 What? Don't clear your throat. 525 00:33:39,110 --> 00:33:41,670 What? 526 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,240 Every time you bluff, you clear your throat. I do? 527 00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:47,710 - Mm-hmm. - Don't play the cards. 528 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,280 Play the players. [ Sighs ] 529 00:33:51,290 --> 00:33:55,450 All right, here we go. Ante up, five in the chute, three-card monte. 530 00:33:55,460 --> 00:33:58,490 Kings to win. Here we go. Uh, and there's a winner. 531 00:33:58,490 --> 00:34:00,560 We got a winner. 532 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,510 Hey, you. 533 00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:18,110 - [ Whimpers ] - Unbelievable. 534 00:34:20,150 --> 00:34:22,350 That was embarrassing! 535 00:34:22,350 --> 00:34:25,350 They offer a pool safety class on board. You should check it out. 536 00:34:25,350 --> 00:34:27,450 Let me give you a hand. 537 00:34:27,460 --> 00:34:30,020 I'm Gabriella. 538 00:34:33,660 --> 00:34:36,130 I'm-- I'm Jerry. 539 00:34:36,130 --> 00:34:39,670 ♪♪ [ Humming ] 540 00:34:39,670 --> 00:34:42,530 Oh, boy! 541 00:34:47,240 --> 00:34:49,580 Hi. Hi! 542 00:34:49,580 --> 00:34:52,180 You like? 543 00:34:52,180 --> 00:34:54,180 Oh, yeah. 544 00:34:54,180 --> 00:34:57,080 Oh, the ice cream. Yeah, that's okay. 545 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,650 Coach would kill me if she knew I broke training, 546 00:34:59,650 --> 00:35:01,690 but I no can help. 547 00:35:01,690 --> 00:35:03,790 I am-- What is the word? 548 00:35:03,790 --> 00:35:05,790 Oral. 549 00:35:05,790 --> 00:35:08,130 That's the word, 550 00:35:08,130 --> 00:35:10,360 and what a wonderful word it is. 551 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,570 I'm so lonely. 552 00:35:13,570 --> 00:35:16,440 Coach is being very strict about keeping us away from men... 553 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,070 during tanning season. 554 00:35:19,070 --> 00:35:21,440 It's too bad you're gay, Nick. Good night. 555 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,310 Inga, wait, wait, wait. 556 00:35:24,310 --> 00:35:28,180 I've always been curious about your country. You mind if I ask you something? 557 00:35:28,180 --> 00:35:30,720 Yeah. What would you like to know about, Nick? 558 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:32,820 Our cities, our lakes and rivers, 559 00:35:32,820 --> 00:35:35,590 our safe and sturdy automobiles? 560 00:35:35,590 --> 00:35:39,730 I'm a big fan of your cinema. I've rented quite a bit of it. 561 00:35:39,730 --> 00:35:43,800 I've noticed your people's progressive attitudes towards premarital sex. 562 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,570 So what I was wondering is, 563 00:35:46,570 --> 00:35:50,500 theoretically, if my own sexual orientation were to be-- 564 00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,110 If you're asking if I'd sleep with you if you were straight, the answer is ja. 565 00:35:53,110 --> 00:35:55,570 Ja? Ja? Ja means yes, right? Ja. 566 00:35:55,580 --> 00:35:58,140 Inga, I have a surprise for you. I'm straight. 567 00:35:58,150 --> 00:36:02,610 I'm as straight as a Volvo going down an Oslo toll road. 568 00:36:02,620 --> 00:36:04,780 Oslo is in Norway. 569 00:36:04,790 --> 00:36:07,350 The point is, we can make love. 570 00:36:07,350 --> 00:36:10,320 I know that's the best news I've ever heard. 571 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,490 I'm in cabin 4433. Meet me in five minuten. 572 00:36:13,490 --> 00:36:17,400 You got it. Five minuten. 573 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,370 And not a minuten more. 574 00:36:20,370 --> 00:36:24,240 Hello. Are there any condoms available on the ship? 575 00:36:26,540 --> 00:36:28,810 [ Knocking ] 576 00:36:28,810 --> 00:36:31,180 Come in. Door is open. 577 00:36:32,450 --> 00:36:35,110 Mm-hmm. 578 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,220 Coach! 579 00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:41,290 Change in room assignments. You bunk with Pia. 580 00:36:41,290 --> 00:36:44,590 - But why, Coach? - You cannot be trusted with mini bar. 581 00:36:44,590 --> 00:36:47,290 You are in training. But, Coach, I eat nothing all day. 582 00:36:47,290 --> 00:36:50,460 You ate yesterday, ja? [ Loud Slap ] 583 00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:53,130 Your butt is disgusting. Wait, I'd better double check. 584 00:36:53,130 --> 00:36:56,800 [ Gasping ] Ja. Disgusting. 585 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,840 [ Gasping ] Both cheeks. 586 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:04,280 Oh, ja, ja, ja. Move it, fatty! 587 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,150 Knock it off and go to bed. All right, Coach. 588 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,720 Thank you for lending me your jacket. 589 00:37:12,690 --> 00:37:15,620 - So what do you do on this ship? - I'm a dance teacher. 590 00:37:15,620 --> 00:37:18,360 Wow. Teaching dance must be fun. It can be. 591 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,760 You know, especially on the gay cruises. 592 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,230 - They're much more fun than the straight ones. - Why is that? 593 00:37:24,230 --> 00:37:27,870 You go on the straight cruises and all you meet are these... horny creeps. 594 00:37:27,870 --> 00:37:30,640 Oh. I got a friend like that. 595 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,640 [ Sighs ] 596 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,470 I bet men hit on you all the time. 597 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,680 You've got a hot ass. 598 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:43,380 - Excuse me? - Your ass-- it's hot. 599 00:37:44,780 --> 00:37:47,320 Thanks. 600 00:37:49,890 --> 00:37:54,260 - Your butt's nothin' to sneeze at either. - Ooh. 601 00:37:54,260 --> 00:37:57,600 So... you must have a boyfriend. 602 00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,400 No, no, no, no. No boyfriend. Really? 603 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,340 - Why not? - Because every boyfriend I've ever had... 604 00:38:03,340 --> 00:38:06,570 has turned out to be a son of a bitch. 605 00:38:06,570 --> 00:38:10,840 Not every guy's a-- I know what you're thinking. I haven't met the right guy. 606 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,550 Trust me, honey, I've met every type out there and it's pretty bad. 607 00:38:14,550 --> 00:38:16,880 Liars, guys with two wives, 608 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:20,590 guys with commitment issues, guys with parole issues. 609 00:38:20,590 --> 00:38:22,960 You name it, I've dated them all, 610 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,690 which is why I'm so relieved to be on this boat. 611 00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:28,430 There's not one straight man in sight. 612 00:38:28,430 --> 00:38:30,730 Excuse me? It's so great. 613 00:38:30,730 --> 00:38:34,830 I can really be myself. I don't care about makeup, about what I'm wearing. 614 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,900 If a guy's talking to me because he wants to get into my pants-- 615 00:38:37,910 --> 00:38:40,770 Gabriella, um-- You know what else? 616 00:38:40,770 --> 00:38:43,380 Let's say I do get horny. 617 00:38:43,380 --> 00:38:46,750 Maybe I can even find a gay guy, and he can do me the favor. 618 00:38:46,750 --> 00:38:49,310 "The favor"? 619 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,720 How do we say in English? 620 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:54,820 Make me scream, make me moan, 621 00:38:54,820 --> 00:38:57,720 screw my brains out. 622 00:38:57,730 --> 00:38:59,790 Ooh. 623 00:39:01,890 --> 00:39:04,860 I don't mean to be a bitch, 624 00:39:06,670 --> 00:39:10,770 but these staterooms could use a bit more color. 625 00:39:29,460 --> 00:39:32,920 All right, girls. Time for jumping jacks. 626 00:39:36,060 --> 00:39:39,060 And one, two, 627 00:39:39,070 --> 00:39:41,370 three, four, 628 00:39:41,370 --> 00:39:45,070 five, six, seven, eight-- 629 00:39:45,070 --> 00:39:47,670 Now we are laying down to sleep, 630 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,940 our hot, tight bodies the Lord will keep. 631 00:39:57,020 --> 00:39:59,990 Inga, darling. It's me, Nicky. 632 00:39:59,990 --> 00:40:02,450 I'm here! 633 00:40:09,500 --> 00:40:14,570 Oh, Reverend Lindstrom, nej. 634 00:40:14,570 --> 00:40:18,440 This wouldn't do. What would the bishop say? 635 00:40:20,410 --> 00:40:22,970 Who's knocking at my drawers? 636 00:40:24,710 --> 00:40:26,650 - Oh, my-- - [ Cracking ] 637 00:40:26,650 --> 00:40:28,810 Take Mama downtown, baby! 638 00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,850 Oh, Mama! 639 00:40:34,860 --> 00:40:38,660 Help me, Jesus! [ Babbling ] 640 00:40:40,060 --> 00:40:42,790 [ Nick Screaming ] 641 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,800 Oh! 642 00:40:48,740 --> 00:40:52,970 [ Nick Screaming ] 643 00:40:52,970 --> 00:40:55,740 [ Gasping ] 644 00:40:57,910 --> 00:40:59,780 ♪ She put the lime in the coconut and shake 'em all up ♪ 645 00:40:59,780 --> 00:41:02,650 - Nej, nej, nej. Ja, ja, ja, ja. - Get off me! 646 00:41:02,650 --> 00:41:05,480 Oh, why? 647 00:41:05,490 --> 00:41:07,790 ♪ Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up ♪ [ Coach Giggling ] 648 00:41:07,790 --> 00:41:10,460 ♪ Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up ♪♪ 649 00:41:10,460 --> 00:41:13,630 - [ Screams, Grunts ] - What's that? 650 00:41:13,630 --> 00:41:16,060 It's coming from the coach's room. 651 00:41:16,060 --> 00:41:18,600 - [ All Gasp ] - [ Sighs ] 652 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,630 Smokin' sturgeon! Coach's pussy just blew up! 653 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,400 Was good for me. Ja. 654 00:41:25,410 --> 00:41:27,710 ♪ Sometimes it's hard to be a woman ♪ 655 00:41:29,710 --> 00:41:34,650 ♪ Givin' all your love to just one man ♪ 656 00:41:34,650 --> 00:41:38,750 ♪ You'll have bad times You'll have good times ♪ 657 00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:41,820 ♪ Doin' things that you don't understand ♪ 658 00:41:41,820 --> 00:41:44,520 Oh, baby. 659 00:41:44,530 --> 00:41:47,760 ♪ But if you love him you'll forgive him ♪ 660 00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:52,430 ♪ Even though he's hard to understand ♪ 661 00:41:52,430 --> 00:41:54,800 ♪ And if you love him ♪ 662 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,040 ♪ Oh, be proud of him ♪ 663 00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,210 ♪ 'Cause after all he's just a man ♪ 664 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,740 ♪ Stand by your man ♪ 665 00:42:04,750 --> 00:42:07,010 ♪ Give him two arms to cling to ♪ 666 00:42:07,010 --> 00:42:11,150 ♪ And something warm to come to when the nights are cold and lonely ♪ 667 00:42:11,150 --> 00:42:13,490 ♪ Stand by your man ♪♪ 668 00:42:13,490 --> 00:42:16,520 [ Jerry ] I gotta tell you, Nick, she's so great. 669 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,560 We had so much fun. We talked, we laughed. 670 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,600 Oh, can you hand me one of those cheese-flavored penises? 671 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,000 Gabriella's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. 672 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,940 I even pierced my ear for her. Make sure it's the right ear. 673 00:42:30,940 --> 00:42:33,170 Of course it's-- 674 00:42:37,740 --> 00:42:41,080 Yeah, I better look into that. How was your evening? 675 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:44,520 Let's just say I had some bad shellfish and leave it at that. 676 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,890 Hey! Hold on. [ Jerry ] Here she comes. 677 00:42:46,890 --> 00:42:49,190 Grab my ass. What, are you crazy? 678 00:42:49,190 --> 00:42:52,220 I told her I was gay. Now, wet your lips and look at me lovingly. 679 00:42:52,230 --> 00:42:56,230 - I look like a homo to you? - Yes, an out-of-shape one, but we have those too. 680 00:42:56,230 --> 00:42:59,100 Thank you very much. That's enough. Move it along. Nothing to see here. Bye-bye. 681 00:42:59,100 --> 00:43:02,770 - What do you want me to do, act like I'm gay-- Ow! - Hi, boys! 682 00:43:02,770 --> 00:43:06,100 I don't believe you two have formally been introduced. This is my life partner. 683 00:43:06,110 --> 00:43:09,770 I'm not his life-- Ow! He's a little seasick this morning. 684 00:43:09,780 --> 00:43:12,180 Maybe he's just a little lovesick. Right! 685 00:43:12,180 --> 00:43:14,810 [ Screaming ] [ Bone Cracks ] 686 00:43:14,820 --> 00:43:17,780 - We're into S&M. - Oh, okay. 687 00:43:17,780 --> 00:43:22,150 Nick, maybe if you feel better later, you would like to come to my new class? 688 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,620 Yeah? It's dirty dancing. 689 00:43:24,630 --> 00:43:27,930 Ooh, dirty dancing. Ooh, so taboo. 690 00:43:27,930 --> 00:43:32,600 What the hell's wrong with you? "He's my life partner!" 691 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,530 You need to keep an open mind. Nick, hey! 692 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,310 It's only for a few days. Quit bugging me. 693 00:43:40,310 --> 00:43:43,040 I'm getting my nuts handed to me on a platter. I wouldn't mind seeing that. 694 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,740 Don't say it! 695 00:43:47,780 --> 00:43:50,850 Why not? 'Cause I won't, that's why. 696 00:43:50,850 --> 00:43:54,920 Be a friend. As a friend, you're a wiener. 697 00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:59,120 Now buzz off! I'm trying to concentrate on my workout. 698 00:43:59,130 --> 00:44:01,660 You're not workin' out. 699 00:44:28,020 --> 00:44:31,120 Nick, if you do me this one favor, I promise you I-- 700 00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,330 Nick! 701 00:44:33,330 --> 00:44:36,360 Come on. Listen, I'm begging you. 702 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,060 [ Loud Slap ] [ Man ] Aaah! 703 00:44:42,370 --> 00:44:46,670 Maybe I'll skip the steam. That's a good idea. 704 00:44:46,670 --> 00:44:49,370 Hey. Listen. 705 00:44:49,380 --> 00:44:51,780 After what happened with Felicia, 706 00:44:51,780 --> 00:44:54,850 I thought I'd never feel this way about a girl again. 707 00:44:54,850 --> 00:44:57,650 Why are you making such a big deal about this girl? 708 00:44:57,650 --> 00:45:00,020 She's a classic man hater! No, no, no! 709 00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:02,220 See, Gabriella doesn't mean it. 710 00:45:02,220 --> 00:45:06,090 She's just had bad luck with guys she dates because they only wanna have sex with her. 711 00:45:06,090 --> 00:45:08,690 You know the type. [ Mock Laugh ] 712 00:45:08,700 --> 00:45:11,930 Don't ever take sides against the guys! 713 00:45:11,930 --> 00:45:16,200 Nick, I just need a few days to get to know her, 714 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,740 and then I'll tell her the truth. 715 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,280 Why are you hiding from that woman? 716 00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:29,050 Hiding! I'm not hiding. I have a cramp. 717 00:45:29,050 --> 00:45:32,220 Nick, I'm desperate. What if I offered to pay you? 718 00:45:32,220 --> 00:45:35,820 Pay me! How dare you? 719 00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:39,690 You think I'd sacrifice my dignity, my self-esteem, my whole way of life... 720 00:45:39,690 --> 00:45:41,890 for a few measly dollars? 721 00:45:41,900 --> 00:45:44,060 No! Five hundred cash? 722 00:45:44,060 --> 00:45:45,860 I'll do it! 723 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,670 Come closer. You're too far away. No! 724 00:45:51,670 --> 00:45:55,170 Hey, hey, hey! Beautiful! Very nice, everyone. I love it. 725 00:45:57,210 --> 00:45:59,280 Jerry, you're light on your feet. 726 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,350 Yeah, this whole place is light on its feet. Ow! 727 00:46:04,420 --> 00:46:07,420 No, Nick. Your body's too stiff. Listen to me. 728 00:46:07,420 --> 00:46:10,860 Your body, too stiff. I want you to loosen up. Come on. 729 00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:13,730 There you go. Move it. Then go and dance by yourself. 730 00:46:13,730 --> 00:46:16,930 And feel the music, Nick. Feel it. 731 00:46:25,470 --> 00:46:28,340 Feel it. 732 00:46:32,340 --> 00:46:34,410 Hmm. 733 00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:40,320 [ Chuckling ] 734 00:46:49,430 --> 00:46:51,400 Okay, everyone. Change partners. 735 00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:00,970 Cha-cha, cha-cha-cha. We meet again. 736 00:47:00,970 --> 00:47:04,380 I hope that's your belt buckle I feel back there. 737 00:47:04,380 --> 00:47:07,010 You know, from the moment we met, I felt... 738 00:47:07,010 --> 00:47:09,310 there was an electrical charge between us. 739 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,750 I think your pacemaker's shortin' out. 740 00:47:12,750 --> 00:47:15,920 How did you know I like to be humiliated? 741 00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,820 Look, Lloyd, you're barking up the wrong tree here. 742 00:47:18,830 --> 00:47:21,790 Oh, I know! 743 00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:23,930 You want to lead. 744 00:47:23,930 --> 00:47:26,460 Lloyd, I'm not... 745 00:47:26,470 --> 00:47:28,870 interested. 746 00:47:28,870 --> 00:47:31,900 That's all right. I'm a patient man. I can wait. 747 00:47:33,470 --> 00:47:35,870 I'm also very rich. 748 00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,540 You know, I'd like to spoil you, Nick, 749 00:47:38,550 --> 00:47:42,150 take you places you've never been, 750 00:47:42,150 --> 00:47:45,520 show you things you've never seen. 751 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,920 I'd like to-- [ Whispering ] 752 00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:51,190 Jerry! 753 00:47:51,190 --> 00:47:53,420 Cha-cha-cha. 754 00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,030 That's it. 755 00:47:57,030 --> 00:48:00,060 You're a really good dance teacher. Really? 756 00:48:00,070 --> 00:48:02,070 Yes. It's fun to teach a class like this. 757 00:48:02,070 --> 00:48:05,300 I always felt too self-conscious to really... 758 00:48:05,310 --> 00:48:07,510 cut loose, you know? 759 00:48:07,510 --> 00:48:10,540 We have our review here on board. It's like an amateur night thing. 760 00:48:10,540 --> 00:48:13,340 Think you'll be interested? Too public. 761 00:48:13,350 --> 00:48:15,950 I'm more of a closet dancer. 762 00:48:15,950 --> 00:48:19,050 That's a shame because I'm the choreographer. 763 00:48:19,050 --> 00:48:21,120 Really? Mm-hmm. 764 00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:24,890 Well, for you I might just waltz out of the closet. 765 00:48:25,990 --> 00:48:28,890 You know, it's strange. 766 00:48:28,900 --> 00:48:30,900 What's that? 767 00:48:30,900 --> 00:48:33,830 The way you stare at me sometimes... 768 00:48:33,830 --> 00:48:36,200 or the way you touch me, like that right now, 769 00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:38,970 is exactly the way a straight guy would. 770 00:48:38,970 --> 00:48:40,970 Me? Straight? [ Laughs ] 771 00:48:40,970 --> 00:48:42,970 Girlfriend, please. 772 00:48:42,980 --> 00:48:45,610 Whoo! Nobody's gotta teach me how to be gay. 773 00:48:47,180 --> 00:48:49,250 Bette Midler is also known... 774 00:48:49,250 --> 00:48:53,220 as the Divine Miss-- 775 00:48:53,220 --> 00:48:55,990 "M"? Ah, very good! 776 00:48:55,990 --> 00:48:58,260 Very good. Oh, sorry. 777 00:48:58,260 --> 00:49:02,030 Okay, now describe the Brandy Alexander you're drinking. 778 00:49:02,030 --> 00:49:04,030 Mmm... refreshing. 779 00:49:04,030 --> 00:49:07,300 No, no, no! It is to die for! 780 00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:11,240 Also acceptable is divine, marvelous, yummy and ooh-la-la. 781 00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:13,040 Got it. Mm-hmm. 782 00:49:15,410 --> 00:49:19,610 [ Both ] ♪ At first I was afraid I was petrified ♪ 783 00:49:19,610 --> 00:49:24,150 ♪ Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side ♪ 784 00:49:24,150 --> 00:49:27,050 ♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪ 785 00:49:27,050 --> 00:49:29,290 ♪ Thinking how you did me wrong ♪ 786 00:49:29,290 --> 00:49:31,360 ♪ Then I grew strong ♪ 787 00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:33,590 ♪ And I learned how to get along ♪ 788 00:49:33,590 --> 00:49:35,460 ♪ And now you're back ♪ 789 00:49:35,460 --> 00:49:37,930 ♪ From outer space ♪ 790 00:49:37,930 --> 00:49:41,130 ♪ I just walked in to see you there with that sad look upon your-- ♪♪ 791 00:49:41,130 --> 00:49:43,370 Why you stop singing? Whoo! 792 00:49:43,370 --> 00:49:47,310 Oh, I don't know the words. Aah! 793 00:49:47,310 --> 00:49:52,040 You want to convince people you are gay, and you don't know the words to "I Will Survive"? 794 00:49:52,050 --> 00:49:56,610 Singing disco tunes and wearing calypso outfits is not gonna convince Gabriella I'm gay. 795 00:49:56,620 --> 00:49:58,620 Hector, this is stupid. 796 00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:03,490 ♪♪ [ Humming "I Will Survive" ] 797 00:50:03,490 --> 00:50:06,520 Are you humming "I Will Survive"? That's right. 798 00:50:06,530 --> 00:50:10,430 And I know all the words. ♪♪ [ Humming ] 799 00:50:10,430 --> 00:50:13,430 You're looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm not. 800 00:50:13,430 --> 00:50:17,470 You know what? Champagne usually makes me act crazy too. 801 00:50:17,470 --> 00:50:20,640 Champagne, ocean air. 802 00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,570 Strange things might happen. 803 00:50:23,580 --> 00:50:26,240 I might turn into a raging heterosexual. 804 00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:32,120 I should be so lucky. Can you imagine? 805 00:50:33,690 --> 00:50:37,190 You know what? Let's get this party on its feet. Come on. 806 00:50:37,190 --> 00:50:40,360 ♪ I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes ♪ ♪ Feelin' good ♪ 807 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,490 ♪ Know where I'm going and I know what to do ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ 808 00:50:43,500 --> 00:50:47,670 ♪ I tidied up my point of view I got a new attitude ♪ 809 00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:50,370 ♪ New attitude, yeah ♪ 810 00:50:50,370 --> 00:50:53,000 ♪ I'm in control and my worries are few ♪ 811 00:50:53,010 --> 00:50:56,170 ♪ 'Cause I've got love like I never knew ♪ 812 00:50:56,180 --> 00:50:58,480 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 813 00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,010 ♪ I got a new attitude ♪♪ 814 00:51:07,650 --> 00:51:09,690 Inga, it's me, Nicky. 815 00:51:09,690 --> 00:51:12,620 [ Knocking ] Hurry up. 816 00:51:12,630 --> 00:51:16,060 Nicky. So Mr. Tongue has a name. 817 00:51:16,060 --> 00:51:19,160 I'm sorry about what happened. You don't have to hit me. The deed was punishment enough. 818 00:51:19,170 --> 00:51:21,630 Nej, nej, nej. 819 00:51:21,630 --> 00:51:25,540 If we ever hook up again, I want to show you... I can reciprocate. 820 00:51:25,540 --> 00:51:28,140 Reciprocate? 821 00:51:28,140 --> 00:51:30,140 Whoo! Ooh. 822 00:51:30,140 --> 00:51:34,550 - [ Groans ] - [ Grunting ] 823 00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:45,090 ♪ I don't want nobody else but you ♪ 824 00:51:45,090 --> 00:51:49,230 ♪ So let me pull you close And let me love you through and through ♪ 825 00:51:49,230 --> 00:51:52,230 ♪ I don't want nobody else but you ♪ 826 00:51:52,230 --> 00:51:56,230 ♪ It's time to get away have a tête-à-tête for two ♪ 827 00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:58,370 ♪ Shake, shake shake, shake your body ♪ 828 00:51:58,370 --> 00:52:00,440 ♪ Come on, boy let's have a party ♪ 829 00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:04,110 ♪ Break out the congas and play 'em loud ♪ 830 00:52:04,110 --> 00:52:06,180 ♪ Shake up shake up the party ♪ 831 00:52:06,180 --> 00:52:08,480 ♪ Come on, boy we don't need nobody ♪ 832 00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,220 ♪ Together I know we'll tear up the town ♪♪ 833 00:52:13,220 --> 00:52:17,290 - Hey, Nick! - Hey, fresh meat. Have a seat, Nick. 834 00:52:17,290 --> 00:52:19,660 We can always use a little extra spending money. 835 00:52:19,660 --> 00:52:23,060 I need a quiet game of poker. Sorry I'm late, boys. 836 00:52:23,060 --> 00:52:26,230 Had a little trouble squeezing into these panty hose. 837 00:52:26,230 --> 00:52:29,170 - So, what's the game? - Five-card stud. 838 00:52:29,170 --> 00:52:31,670 Mm-hmm. Very appropriate. Let's play some cards. 839 00:52:33,470 --> 00:52:36,270 I'm tired, Jerry. 840 00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,610 You want something to drink? Whoa, whoa. One more. 841 00:52:52,260 --> 00:52:56,160 ♪♪ [ Singing In French ] 842 00:53:28,530 --> 00:53:32,630 ♪♪ [ French Continues ] 843 00:53:53,390 --> 00:53:55,420 [ Thunder Rumbling ] 844 00:53:55,420 --> 00:53:57,490 Hector. 845 00:53:59,460 --> 00:54:02,260 You've been on a boat before. Is it safe? 846 00:54:02,260 --> 00:54:05,530 Of course it's safe, as long as you are responsible. 847 00:54:06,870 --> 00:54:09,730 Oh, you mean the storm. That I do not know. 848 00:54:09,740 --> 00:54:12,900 [ Thunderclap ] Whoo! 849 00:54:12,910 --> 00:54:17,240 Let me ask you something. How many cruises have you been on? 850 00:54:17,240 --> 00:54:22,210 Including this one? That would make it... one. 851 00:54:22,220 --> 00:54:26,320 You see, I only recently come all the way out of the closet. 852 00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:28,520 Recently? Really? Mmm. 853 00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:32,260 - I would figure kindergarten. - No, but let me tell you, it wasn't easy. 854 00:54:32,260 --> 00:54:36,490 But it's better to be true to yourself than to lie to the world. 855 00:54:38,530 --> 00:54:41,600 Must have taken a lot of guts. It's funny, you know. 856 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,900 These guys I'm playing poker with-- Steven, Tom, Ron. 857 00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:47,740 Steven's a doctor. A gay heart surgeon. Who would have thought? 858 00:54:47,740 --> 00:54:51,240 Ron's a criminal defense attorney. He represents badass dudes. 859 00:54:51,240 --> 00:54:54,450 Tom's a cross-dressing pastry chef. 860 00:54:54,450 --> 00:54:57,520 Okay, I would have guessed that, but still... 861 00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,450 they're a great bunch of guys. 862 00:55:00,450 --> 00:55:02,890 So what are you saying? What am I saying? 863 00:55:02,890 --> 00:55:07,260 What I'm saying is, I kind of wanted to hang out more with these guys, 864 00:55:07,260 --> 00:55:11,260 but there was a part of me that felt it was somehow... 865 00:55:11,260 --> 00:55:13,900 wrong to be friends with gay men. 866 00:55:15,730 --> 00:55:19,270 And that... makes me feel like a jerk. 867 00:55:23,780 --> 00:55:26,510 Sit. Come on. Sit. 868 00:55:29,650 --> 00:55:31,720 [ Sighs ] You know, my papa, 869 00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:35,020 he used to think that to be gay was muy malo, 870 00:55:35,020 --> 00:55:37,790 a big shame. 871 00:55:39,490 --> 00:55:42,960 He no talk to me for 20 years, his own blood. 872 00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,960 Then when he's sick, he's dying, h-he ask for me, 873 00:55:45,970 --> 00:55:49,270 he say to me, "Hector, 874 00:55:49,270 --> 00:55:51,800 "I waste so much time. 875 00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:53,970 "We all God's children. 876 00:55:53,970 --> 00:55:55,970 I'm so sorry." 877 00:55:55,980 --> 00:55:59,040 He said, he's sorry. 878 00:56:01,310 --> 00:56:03,310 Ooh. 879 00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,650 Uh-- 880 00:56:05,650 --> 00:56:09,720 You see, my papi, he like you. He no jerk. 881 00:56:09,720 --> 00:56:11,920 He just need to learn. 882 00:56:13,530 --> 00:56:15,660 You learn too, my friend. 883 00:56:17,900 --> 00:56:20,300 [ Door Closes ] 884 00:56:20,300 --> 00:56:22,770 [ Jerry, Gabriella Laughing ] 885 00:56:22,770 --> 00:56:25,740 Ohh! Ow, I'm hurting. 886 00:56:25,740 --> 00:56:29,840 [ Thunderclap ] Oh, it feels so good to get off my feet! 887 00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:32,740 Ohh! I couldn't agree with you more. 888 00:56:35,710 --> 00:56:37,720 You know what? 889 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:41,320 I've got to get out of these clothes. 890 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,790 I couldn't agree with you more. 891 00:56:43,790 --> 00:56:47,360 Listen, would you mind doing me a huge, 892 00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,660 huge favor? 893 00:56:49,660 --> 00:56:53,330 Would you spend the night with me? What? 894 00:56:53,330 --> 00:56:55,600 Yeah, you know, it's the storm. 895 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,400 I wouldn't mind huddling under the covers with somebody. 896 00:56:59,410 --> 00:57:02,010 You think Nick would mind? 897 00:57:02,010 --> 00:57:04,840 Oh-- 898 00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:06,840 Fuck Nick. [ Thunderclap ] 899 00:57:06,850 --> 00:57:09,580 Is this storm gettin' worse... 900 00:57:09,580 --> 00:57:12,980 or am I too drunker? 901 00:57:12,990 --> 00:57:16,420 I have a theory. 902 00:57:16,420 --> 00:57:19,420 I think if we drank more, 903 00:57:19,430 --> 00:57:21,490 we might be able to maintain perfect equilibrium. 904 00:57:21,490 --> 00:57:23,490 I'll try that... 905 00:57:23,500 --> 00:57:26,860 in the pursuit of... science. 906 00:57:26,870 --> 00:57:30,700 I'll get us another round. I have a better idea. 907 00:57:30,700 --> 00:57:34,040 I have a 50-year-old bottle of cognac... 908 00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:36,070 in my room, 909 00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:38,540 and I'm gonna go get it. 910 00:57:38,540 --> 00:57:40,540 I'll go with you. 911 00:57:40,550 --> 00:57:42,710 I could use the exercise. 912 00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:44,920 All right. 913 00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:48,520 [ Gabriella ] Jerry. We can get up from under the covers. 914 00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,520 I think the storm was over like half an hour ago. 915 00:57:52,660 --> 00:57:56,730 That's one hell of a storm, though. 916 00:57:56,730 --> 00:57:59,400 You know what? I have something you're gonna love! 917 00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:03,100 Mmm! Get ready to have an orgasm. What? 918 00:58:04,770 --> 00:58:06,640 Open wide. 919 00:58:08,810 --> 00:58:10,810 Mmm. Good? 920 00:58:10,810 --> 00:58:14,180 - Mm-hmm. - [ Moans, Sighs ] 921 00:58:15,650 --> 00:58:19,020 - Do me. - You're so lucky I'm gay. 922 00:58:22,950 --> 00:58:26,990 Oh! Mmm! 923 00:58:26,990 --> 00:58:30,060 [ Moaning ] 924 00:58:30,060 --> 00:58:32,930 - Can I ask you something? - Shoot. 925 00:58:32,930 --> 00:58:36,130 - How do you do it? - Do what? 926 00:58:36,140 --> 00:58:39,940 - Give head. - What? 927 00:58:39,940 --> 00:58:44,780 A blow job. I mean, do you start on the tip of his penis? 928 00:58:44,780 --> 00:58:47,850 Do you stroke it while you use your mouth? 929 00:58:47,850 --> 00:58:51,750 Do you tickle the balls? Not everybody likes that. 930 00:58:51,750 --> 00:58:55,620 As a person who gives them and receives them, you must know the perfect way. 931 00:58:55,620 --> 00:58:57,620 Show me. Oh! Uh-- 932 00:58:57,620 --> 00:59:00,690 What? Uh-- 933 00:59:00,690 --> 00:59:02,960 Okay. 934 00:59:05,700 --> 00:59:07,570 Um-- 935 00:59:09,170 --> 00:59:12,000 Um-- [ Chuckles ] 936 00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:15,610 What? Eh-- You-- 937 00:59:15,610 --> 00:59:18,740 Nothing smaller then? 938 00:59:18,740 --> 00:59:20,950 You know, I got an idea. 939 00:59:20,950 --> 00:59:25,120 Why don't you show me your technique, and then I'll critique it? 940 00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:30,960 Okay. Okay. 941 00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:32,960 Yeah. So look. 942 00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,630 First, 943 00:59:35,630 --> 00:59:38,800 I slowly lick the tip with my tongue, right? 944 00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:40,830 Uh-huh. 945 00:59:44,570 --> 00:59:47,170 [ Moans ] 946 00:59:47,170 --> 00:59:49,610 - Right? - That's good. 947 00:59:49,610 --> 00:59:52,640 Then I gently go down the shaft with my lips. 948 00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:56,080 [ Kissing ] 949 00:59:56,080 --> 01:00:00,780 And at the same time, I tickle the balls very softly. 950 01:00:00,790 --> 01:00:04,590 Then I trill my tongue all the way... [ Moans ] 951 01:00:08,090 --> 01:00:10,690 back to the top. 952 01:00:10,700 --> 01:00:13,060 Then I wet my lips, 953 01:00:13,070 --> 01:00:15,630 [ Moans ] 954 01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:18,570 I do a little playful nibbling... 955 01:00:19,870 --> 01:00:22,640 and then I slip in my mouth. 956 01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:28,880 [ Speaks Spanish ] 957 01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,920 [ Spanish ] 958 01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,290 How's that? 959 01:00:35,290 --> 01:00:38,020 - Jerry? - That's fine! 960 01:00:38,020 --> 01:00:39,590 [ Foghorn Bellows ] 961 01:00:43,130 --> 01:00:46,800 For goodness sake, Lloyd, at least kiss me first. 962 01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:49,070 [ Laughing ] No, you didn't. 963 01:00:49,070 --> 01:00:53,070 Oh, yes, I did. 964 01:00:53,070 --> 01:00:56,270 Oh, now where did I put that bag? 965 01:00:56,280 --> 01:00:58,740 I'm just gonna lay down. 966 01:00:58,740 --> 01:01:00,740 [ Snores ] 967 01:01:03,150 --> 01:01:05,750 [ Groans ] Got it. 968 01:01:05,750 --> 01:01:08,790 [ Snoring ] 969 01:01:08,790 --> 01:01:11,220 Now, before we go back up with the boys, 970 01:01:11,220 --> 01:01:13,790 what do you say we do a couple of shots? 971 01:01:13,790 --> 01:01:18,600 [ Giggling ] You're a goddamn genius. 972 01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,930 Here you go. 973 01:01:20,930 --> 01:01:23,000 Oh. [ Scoffs ] 974 01:01:32,940 --> 01:01:35,680 [ Snoring ] 975 01:02:05,980 --> 01:02:08,710 [ Moans ] 976 01:02:14,790 --> 01:02:17,220 [ Screaming ] Oh, 977 01:02:17,220 --> 01:02:20,160 my... God! 978 01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,260 Aaah! 979 01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:32,740 What are you doing? 980 01:02:32,740 --> 01:02:35,810 I have a horrible taste in my mouth, and I can't get rid of it. 981 01:02:35,810 --> 01:02:37,810 What, did you eat something weird? 982 01:02:37,810 --> 01:02:39,880 Yeah. Oh-- 983 01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,080 I did a bad, bad thing, Jerry. What? 984 01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:45,280 You know how the sea air makes you disoriented, 985 01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:48,190 and I was blitzed from the drinking and the partying, and I-I-- 986 01:02:48,190 --> 01:02:51,190 I slept with a man, Jerry. 987 01:02:51,190 --> 01:02:53,190 Very funny. 988 01:02:53,190 --> 01:02:56,090 No, it's not. 989 01:02:56,100 --> 01:02:59,100 I just woke up in Ron's state room... with Ron. 990 01:02:59,100 --> 01:03:01,100 What? 991 01:03:02,270 --> 01:03:05,140 I've chased a lot of women, Jerry. 992 01:03:05,140 --> 01:03:07,400 But to be honest, 993 01:03:07,410 --> 01:03:10,370 I've never actually scored with one since I was a senior in high school, 994 01:03:10,380 --> 01:03:13,140 and then I had to promise to marry her. 995 01:03:13,150 --> 01:03:16,280 A 51-year-old coffee shop waitress... 996 01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:19,050 and stroke victim... 997 01:03:19,050 --> 01:03:21,320 with a fake leg... 998 01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:23,320 and a lazy eye... 999 01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:25,290 and a mole with teeth-- I-I got it. 1000 01:03:25,290 --> 01:03:28,030 What I'm trying to say is, 1001 01:03:28,030 --> 01:03:31,430 maybe I'm meant to do more than just play cards with these guys, Jerry. 1002 01:03:31,430 --> 01:03:34,430 [ Scoffs ] I'm finally happy. 1003 01:03:34,430 --> 01:03:36,770 I'm so happy. 1004 01:03:36,770 --> 01:03:38,770 I'm gay. 1005 01:03:38,770 --> 01:03:41,940 [ Gabriella ] One, two, three, 1006 01:03:41,940 --> 01:03:45,210 four, five, six, 1007 01:03:45,210 --> 01:03:47,380 seven, eight-- 1008 01:03:47,380 --> 01:03:51,080 And one, two, three, four, 1009 01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:53,080 five, six, seven, eight. 1010 01:03:53,090 --> 01:03:55,490 Good. Good work, guys. 1011 01:03:55,490 --> 01:03:58,460 Good work. Hector, try not shaking your ass so much. 1012 01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,790 You mean in the dance or in real life? 1013 01:04:02,260 --> 01:04:04,260 Okay, guys, thank you so much for coming. 1014 01:04:04,260 --> 01:04:06,860 I'll see you back here tonight at 11:00. 1015 01:04:06,870 --> 01:04:09,430 Jerry, you are looking fierce up there. 1016 01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:12,070 Oh-- [ Laughing ] 1017 01:04:12,070 --> 01:04:14,470 I can't remember when I've had this much fun. 1018 01:04:14,470 --> 01:04:16,970 You know, you are just great. 1019 01:04:16,980 --> 01:04:19,780 Hey, 1020 01:04:19,780 --> 01:04:22,010 are you gonna go to the island? I am. 1021 01:04:22,010 --> 01:04:24,980 Do you want me to be your tour guide? I know the island very well. 1022 01:04:24,980 --> 01:04:27,280 That would be yummy. 1023 01:04:27,290 --> 01:04:30,220 Yummy? Uh, let's go. 1024 01:04:40,570 --> 01:04:44,470 Nicholas, I was beginning to wonder about you. 1025 01:04:44,470 --> 01:04:47,300 I'm glad to see that you finally got that luscious, 1026 01:04:47,310 --> 01:04:51,240 full-figured frame of yours in the right dinghy. 1027 01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:54,110 It's amazing. A day ago I would have seriously thought about... 1028 01:04:54,110 --> 01:04:56,480 punching you in the face for saying something like that. 1029 01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,950 This place is paradise. Oh, yeah. We're gonna have an awesome time. 1030 01:04:59,950 --> 01:05:04,590 I'll say. I can already feel the men around here undressing me with their eyes. 1031 01:05:04,590 --> 01:05:07,420 You hungry? You want to get something to eat? Nope. I have a better idea. 1032 01:05:07,430 --> 01:05:10,960 Let's go exploring first. Great. 1033 01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:14,030 Daddy, thanks so much for finding out where Jerry is for me. 1034 01:05:14,030 --> 01:05:16,200 Yeah, I'm sure things are gonna work out too. 1035 01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:18,500 Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy. 1036 01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:21,470 How do I get to the Olympia Voyager? Right this way, madam. 1037 01:05:21,470 --> 01:05:24,370 Be careful with those bags. They're worth more than you make in a year. 1038 01:05:24,380 --> 01:05:26,180 [ Chuckling ] Bon voyage. 1039 01:05:26,180 --> 01:05:28,180 Bitch. 1040 01:05:29,510 --> 01:05:32,020 Hey, Nick. How ya doin'? 1041 01:05:32,020 --> 01:05:35,390 Hey, fine. I'm not sore or anything. 1042 01:05:35,390 --> 01:05:37,390 Hey, buddy, about last night, 1043 01:05:37,390 --> 01:05:39,490 I understand why it happened. 1044 01:05:39,490 --> 01:05:41,430 I mean, uh, I'm pretty charismatic, 1045 01:05:41,430 --> 01:05:43,860 and if the moon hits me in just the right way, 1046 01:05:43,860 --> 01:05:45,460 I can look pretty damn tasty. 1047 01:05:45,460 --> 01:05:48,200 You know, you're okay too, 1048 01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:50,630 but, uh, I'd just really rather we stay friends. 1049 01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:53,500 All right. Me too, Nick. 1050 01:05:53,510 --> 01:05:56,210 Yeah? Wow. Yeah. 1051 01:05:56,210 --> 01:05:59,580 If I would have said that to a chick, she'd be a total mess right now. 1052 01:05:59,580 --> 01:06:02,110 I'm starting to see the upside to this whole thing. [ Marching Approaching ] 1053 01:06:02,110 --> 01:06:05,020 If you do what Sonya says-- one, two, three, four. 1054 01:06:05,020 --> 01:06:08,490 Woke up with no tanning cream, now you're off the tanning team. 1055 01:06:08,490 --> 01:06:10,920 One, two, three, four-- Coach, 1056 01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:12,920 look, it's the Hawaiian Tropic team. 1057 01:06:19,660 --> 01:06:25,270 [ Swedish ] 1058 01:06:29,340 --> 01:06:31,610 [ Man ] Hey, break it up, ladies. Come on. Move. 1059 01:06:31,610 --> 01:06:34,240 Come on. Take it easy. 1060 01:06:34,250 --> 01:06:37,650 [ Whistles ] Break it up. Break it up. 1061 01:06:37,650 --> 01:06:39,920 Save it for the tanning competition. 1062 01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:44,020 Bad! You are bad! Everybody move out now! 1063 01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:53,000 Okay, girls, get your heinies on the donkeys... 1064 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,000 now! 1065 01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:59,440 Nick? 1066 01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:02,510 I just wanted to say good-bye. I'm going to the airport now. 1067 01:07:02,510 --> 01:07:06,210 Inga, it was great almost knowing you. 1068 01:07:06,210 --> 01:07:09,180 Nick, if you're ever near Gettzemüllersteigen, Sweden, 1069 01:07:09,180 --> 01:07:11,180 I would love to see you again. 1070 01:07:11,180 --> 01:07:13,250 I don't think so, baby. 1071 01:07:13,250 --> 01:07:15,250 I don't think this is gonna work out. 1072 01:07:15,250 --> 01:07:18,660 But I thought you liked me, Nick. 1073 01:07:18,660 --> 01:07:21,060 I'm confused. 1074 01:07:21,060 --> 01:07:24,160 [ Sighs ] So am I. You don't even know. 1075 01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:26,560 You better hurry. You have an ass to catch. 1076 01:07:26,570 --> 01:07:29,370 [ Sniffling ] 1077 01:07:29,370 --> 01:07:33,040 And you? Huh. Hey. 1078 01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:38,010 [ Sonya ] And we go. 1079 01:07:40,180 --> 01:07:42,250 Oh, that feels good. 1080 01:07:44,280 --> 01:07:47,520 Hey, Nick. About last night, 1081 01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:50,420 you don't think anything happened, do you? 1082 01:07:50,420 --> 01:07:52,420 What do you think happened? 1083 01:07:52,420 --> 01:07:56,430 Nothing. You and I drank too much and then fell asleep. 1084 01:07:56,430 --> 01:07:59,430 Are you sure? Yeah. 1085 01:07:59,430 --> 01:08:02,330 Inga! 1086 01:08:02,330 --> 01:08:06,670 [ Cackling ] Inga! 1087 01:08:06,670 --> 01:08:08,740 Well, I think we lost that one forever. 1088 01:08:08,740 --> 01:08:11,040 A lot of potential in that boy. 1089 01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:14,080 Could have been one of the great ones. 1090 01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,650 I saw in him what I saw in Elton John. Mmm. 1091 01:08:30,430 --> 01:08:32,430 What do you think? 1092 01:08:32,430 --> 01:08:35,370 That is so great. 1093 01:08:35,370 --> 01:08:39,240 - But I'm not nearly that pretty. - You are to me. 1094 01:08:39,240 --> 01:08:41,670 You know, you are so talented, Jerry. 1095 01:08:41,670 --> 01:08:43,470 You think so? Wow. Absolutely. 1096 01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:45,680 [ Snickers ] 1097 01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:49,280 Why the funny look? Oh, nothing. It's-- 1098 01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:51,450 No one's ever encouraged my drawing before. 1099 01:08:51,450 --> 01:08:54,180 Well, that's crazy, because you're wonderful. 1100 01:08:55,520 --> 01:08:57,520 Let's go take a walk on the beach. Come on. 1101 01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:00,190 Oh, it's so rocky. 1102 01:09:00,190 --> 01:09:02,730 Jerry, stop being so delicate all the time. 1103 01:09:02,730 --> 01:09:05,060 [ Scoffs ] I'm not delicate. 1104 01:09:05,060 --> 01:09:09,400 [ Whimpering ] Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, I'm delicate! 1105 01:09:09,400 --> 01:09:11,440 And it's hot! 1106 01:09:11,440 --> 01:09:14,100 Come on. I know what we can do. Let's go cool off. 1107 01:09:14,110 --> 01:09:16,740 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ Oh. 1108 01:09:16,740 --> 01:09:19,510 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ 1109 01:09:19,510 --> 01:09:21,450 I'm not that delicate. Ooh, ah. 1110 01:09:24,350 --> 01:09:27,780 ♪ Boy, the taste of your lips pulls me in deeper ♪ 1111 01:09:27,790 --> 01:09:31,220 H-H-Here I come! ♪ Nothing else would compare ♪ 1112 01:09:31,220 --> 01:09:34,320 ♪ Or ever be sweeter ♪ 1113 01:09:34,330 --> 01:09:37,560 ♪ With every breath you've got me drowning in desire ♪ 1114 01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:41,730 ♪ So hold me tight And, baby, never let me go ♪ 1115 01:09:41,730 --> 01:09:44,770 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ 1116 01:09:44,770 --> 01:09:47,600 ♪ My world seems brighter ♪ 1117 01:09:47,610 --> 01:09:52,410 ♪ Boy, tell me do you feel this fire too ♪ 1118 01:09:52,410 --> 01:09:57,280 ♪ I think I'm losin' my heart to you, darlin' ♪ ♪ Losin' my heart ♪ 1119 01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:59,850 ♪ Are you ready to catch me ♪ 1120 01:09:59,850 --> 01:10:02,850 ♪ I'm fallin' in love ♪ 1121 01:10:02,860 --> 01:10:06,490 Had your vitamin C today? 1122 01:10:06,490 --> 01:10:10,260 You know, you really make me laugh. 1123 01:10:11,460 --> 01:10:14,200 Mmm. 1124 01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:18,500 I'm so glad we met. [ Gasps ] 1125 01:10:18,500 --> 01:10:20,700 Mm-hmm. 1126 01:10:20,710 --> 01:10:24,270 You know, it really is a shame... 1127 01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:26,140 to let this place go to waste. 1128 01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:30,150 Just a friendly kiss. Mmm. 1129 01:10:30,150 --> 01:10:32,750 [ Moaning ] 1130 01:10:34,290 --> 01:10:36,550 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1131 01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:39,420 Jerry, I don't want to feel like I am pressuring you... 1132 01:10:39,420 --> 01:10:41,790 into doing something you don't want to do. 1133 01:10:41,790 --> 01:10:43,690 Oh, I want to do this very badly. 1134 01:10:43,700 --> 01:10:46,200 Really? Yes. 1135 01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:49,430 Okay. So, let me be your guide. 1136 01:10:49,430 --> 01:10:52,770 And I promise, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna be gentle. 1137 01:10:52,770 --> 01:10:54,800 I'm gonna be patient. 1138 01:10:54,810 --> 01:10:58,680 And we're gonna take it very, very slowly. 1139 01:10:58,680 --> 01:11:00,680 - Great. - [ Screams ] 1140 01:11:00,680 --> 01:11:03,580 [ Gasping ] 1141 01:11:03,580 --> 01:11:06,450 Ooh! 1142 01:11:06,450 --> 01:11:08,920 [ Moaning ] 1143 01:11:08,920 --> 01:11:12,320 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ 1144 01:11:13,930 --> 01:11:18,300 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ [ Gabriella Moaning ] 1145 01:11:18,300 --> 01:11:21,830 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ 1146 01:11:24,770 --> 01:11:27,840 ♪ Are you ready to catch me I'm fallin' in love ♪♪ 1147 01:11:27,840 --> 01:11:30,570 Jerry, Jerry, 1148 01:11:30,580 --> 01:11:33,740 you're a really quick study. 1149 01:11:33,750 --> 01:11:35,750 That's enough foreplay. 1150 01:11:38,550 --> 01:11:42,620 Excuse me. Could you ring Jerry Robinson's room, please? 1151 01:11:42,620 --> 01:11:44,520 Certainly. 1152 01:11:48,730 --> 01:11:52,300 [ Chuckles ] [ Ringing ] 1153 01:11:52,300 --> 01:11:54,300 No one seems to be answering, ma'am. 1154 01:11:54,300 --> 01:11:56,570 Oh-- Could you give me his room number? 1155 01:11:56,570 --> 01:11:58,800 I'm sorry. We're not allowed to divulge that information. 1156 01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:01,470 Would you like to leave a message? 1157 01:12:01,470 --> 01:12:04,610 No, thanks. I want to surprise him. 1158 01:12:05,810 --> 01:12:08,710 Thank you. 1159 01:12:13,650 --> 01:12:15,720 [ Scoffs ] 1160 01:12:18,290 --> 01:12:21,860 Want to have dinner with me tonight? 1161 01:12:21,860 --> 01:12:26,930 No. Why not? 1162 01:12:26,930 --> 01:12:31,640 Because I'm falling in love with you. 1163 01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:33,700 You are? 1164 01:12:33,710 --> 01:12:35,910 Yes, I am. 1165 01:12:35,910 --> 01:12:37,910 And out of all the dumb, 1166 01:12:37,910 --> 01:12:40,410 boneheaded romantic moves I've made over the years, 1167 01:12:40,410 --> 01:12:42,610 you see, this will be the dumbest. 1168 01:12:42,610 --> 01:12:45,380 No-No-No. Wait, Gabriella. This-This could work. 1169 01:12:45,380 --> 01:12:47,680 How do you think this is gonna work? 1170 01:12:47,690 --> 01:12:49,750 I can't make you into something you're not, Jerry. 1171 01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:52,690 I do that with every man I fall for, 1172 01:12:52,690 --> 01:12:54,490 and it has to stop. 1173 01:12:56,730 --> 01:13:00,630 Besides, you already have someone. No, I don't. 1174 01:13:00,630 --> 01:13:02,730 What about Nick? 1175 01:13:02,730 --> 01:13:05,570 Uh-- 1176 01:13:06,770 --> 01:13:09,770 That's just... physical. 1177 01:13:09,780 --> 01:13:13,610 Listen. I have to accept who you really are. 1178 01:13:13,610 --> 01:13:15,980 I really want to be alone right now. 1179 01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:35,500 [ Squeals ] 1180 01:13:50,580 --> 01:13:52,720 [ Clears Throat ] Hi. 1181 01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:54,850 Hi. 1182 01:13:54,850 --> 01:13:57,020 It's kind of nice seeing another woman on board. 1183 01:13:57,020 --> 01:13:59,060 Oh, tell me about it. 1184 01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:01,730 All I've seen are men, most of them gay. 1185 01:14:01,730 --> 01:14:03,690 Well, it is a gay cruise. 1186 01:14:03,700 --> 01:14:06,760 [ Sighs ] 1187 01:14:06,770 --> 01:14:09,370 - What'd you just say? - You didn't know? 1188 01:14:09,370 --> 01:14:13,370 No. I came on board to get back together with my boyfriend. 1189 01:14:13,370 --> 01:14:17,010 I don't get it. Why in the world would he be on a g-- 1190 01:14:17,010 --> 01:14:19,910 [ Elevator Dings ] 1191 01:14:20,850 --> 01:14:23,510 Good luck. 1192 01:14:23,520 --> 01:14:25,520 Thanks. 1193 01:14:27,150 --> 01:14:29,150 Hector! Ooh-- 1194 01:14:29,150 --> 01:14:31,550 [ Crash ] 1195 01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:33,960 Have you seen Gabriella? No, I've been looking for her myself. 1196 01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:36,790 Everything is falling apart. The music is not ready-- 1197 01:14:36,800 --> 01:14:40,860 Victor, the lead dancer, is seasick. 1198 01:14:40,870 --> 01:14:43,830 And look at my costume. Huh? It hangs. 1199 01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:46,470 It's supposed to drape. 1200 01:14:46,470 --> 01:14:49,010 Okay. If you see Gabriella, could you give her this message for me, please? 1201 01:14:49,010 --> 01:14:51,170 [ Screams ] 1202 01:14:51,180 --> 01:14:53,880 How could I have been so blind? 1203 01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:56,050 I mean, the signs were right in front of my eyes. 1204 01:14:56,050 --> 01:14:58,950 [ Hiccups ] Foreign films, 1205 01:14:58,950 --> 01:15:00,980 Rabbit convertible, 1206 01:15:00,990 --> 01:15:04,850 gourmet mustards-- 1207 01:15:04,860 --> 01:15:07,060 Wait. 1208 01:15:07,060 --> 01:15:10,130 Maybe he's only curious. 1209 01:15:10,130 --> 01:15:13,500 I mean, there was that one time when I was in college, 1210 01:15:13,500 --> 01:15:16,500 my roommate Bianca and I, we shared a Jacuzzi. 1211 01:15:16,500 --> 01:15:20,140 [ Chuckling ] Whoa. Now that got kind of hot. 1212 01:15:22,070 --> 01:15:25,010 Oh. 1213 01:15:25,010 --> 01:15:28,480 I got to go, Bob. Keep the change. Thanks. 1214 01:15:30,780 --> 01:15:32,920 Think twice before you-- 1215 01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:36,790 ♪ Blow the man down ♪ 1216 01:15:36,790 --> 01:15:39,690 [ Hector ] Woo-hoo-hoo! Thank you. 1217 01:15:39,690 --> 01:15:42,890 Okay. Get everybody ready for the next number. They have less than a minute. 1218 01:15:44,930 --> 01:15:47,960 What? 1219 01:15:47,970 --> 01:15:51,500 Nobody told me Victor was too sick to dance. Who's gonna be the lead? 1220 01:15:51,500 --> 01:15:55,000 ♪ I'm comin' ♪ 1221 01:15:55,010 --> 01:15:57,170 ♪ Comin' out ♪ 1222 01:15:59,580 --> 01:16:02,780 ♪ I'm comin' ♪ I'm comin'... 1223 01:16:02,780 --> 01:16:04,810 ♪ Out ♪ out. 1224 01:16:04,820 --> 01:16:07,550 Oh, my God. 1225 01:16:07,550 --> 01:16:09,950 [ Lip-synching ] ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ 1226 01:16:09,960 --> 01:16:14,720 ♪ I want the world to know Got to let it show ♪ 1227 01:16:14,730 --> 01:16:17,830 ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ 1228 01:16:17,830 --> 01:16:21,970 ♪ I want the world to know Got to let it show ♪ 1229 01:16:23,600 --> 01:16:27,640 ♪ I'm comin' ♪ 1230 01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:30,570 ♪ Out ♪ 1231 01:16:30,580 --> 01:16:33,510 ♪ There's a new me comin' out ♪ 1232 01:16:33,510 --> 01:16:36,580 ♪ And I just have to live And I just wanna give ♪ 1233 01:16:36,580 --> 01:16:39,250 ♪ I'm completely positive ♪ 1234 01:16:39,250 --> 01:16:41,580 ♪ I think this time around ♪ 1235 01:16:41,590 --> 01:16:45,520 ♪ I am gonna do it like you never knew it ♪ 1236 01:16:45,520 --> 01:16:47,620 ♪ Oh, I'll make it through ♪ 1237 01:16:47,630 --> 01:16:51,530 ♪ The time has come for me to break out of this shell ♪ 1238 01:16:51,530 --> 01:16:55,100 ♪ I have to shout that I am comin' out ♪ 1239 01:16:55,100 --> 01:16:58,070 ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1240 01:16:58,070 --> 01:17:00,270 ♪ I want the world to know ♪ 1241 01:17:00,270 --> 01:17:02,740 ♪ Got to let it show ♪ 1242 01:17:02,740 --> 01:17:04,940 ♪ Oh, I'm comin' out ♪ 1243 01:17:04,940 --> 01:17:07,840 ♪ Comin' out ♪ ♪ I want the world to know ♪ 1244 01:17:07,850 --> 01:17:11,280 ♪ Got to let it show ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1245 01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:13,920 ♪ I'm comin' ♪ 1246 01:17:13,920 --> 01:17:15,720 ♪ Out ♪ 1247 01:17:17,050 --> 01:17:19,260 Oh-- 1248 01:17:19,260 --> 01:17:21,930 ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ ♪ Comin' ♪ 1249 01:17:21,930 --> 01:17:24,090 ♪ I want the world to know ♪ ♪ Out ♪ 1250 01:17:24,100 --> 01:17:26,560 ♪ Got to let it show ♪ 1251 01:17:26,570 --> 01:17:28,600 ♪ Whoo-oo, I'm ♪ ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ 1252 01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:30,630 ♪ Comin' ♪ 1253 01:17:30,640 --> 01:17:32,170 ♪ I want the world to know ♪ ♪ Out ♪ 1254 01:17:32,170 --> 01:17:34,740 ♪ Got to let it show ♪ 1255 01:17:34,740 --> 01:17:37,770 ♪ Comin' out ♪ ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ 1256 01:17:37,780 --> 01:17:39,780 ♪ Comin' ♪ ♪ I want the world to know ♪ 1257 01:17:39,780 --> 01:17:41,780 ♪ Out ♪ ♪ Got to let it show ♪ 1258 01:17:43,650 --> 01:17:45,650 ♪ I'm ♪ ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ 1259 01:17:45,650 --> 01:17:47,680 ♪ Comin' ♪ ♪ I want the world to know ♪ 1260 01:17:47,690 --> 01:17:50,950 ♪ Out ♪ ♪ Got to let it show ♪♪ 1261 01:17:56,090 --> 01:17:57,960 Cocksucker! 1262 01:17:57,960 --> 01:18:01,200 Felicia. 1263 01:18:02,300 --> 01:18:04,900 I was talkin' to him. 1264 01:18:04,900 --> 01:18:07,140 Bu-- 1265 01:18:07,140 --> 01:18:08,710 [ Crying ] [ Jerry ] Felicia! 1266 01:18:11,310 --> 01:18:13,910 Felicia, what are you doing here? 1267 01:18:13,910 --> 01:18:16,610 Don't even talk to me. I feel so humiliated. 1268 01:18:16,620 --> 01:18:18,620 Oh. Well, how did you find me? 1269 01:18:18,620 --> 01:18:21,680 What were you thinking about when we were making love-- cabana boys? 1270 01:18:21,690 --> 01:18:26,190 Hey, hey-- I am not gay. And to think, I wanted to be your wife! 1271 01:18:26,190 --> 01:18:28,660 What? 1272 01:18:28,660 --> 01:18:31,030 I really missed you, Jerry. 1273 01:18:31,030 --> 01:18:33,330 All the special times we had-- we complimented each other. 1274 01:18:33,330 --> 01:18:36,130 We could have built a life together. 1275 01:18:36,130 --> 01:18:38,130 Built a life together? Yes. 1276 01:18:38,140 --> 01:18:40,340 Well, what about Andre, the buffer boy? 1277 01:18:40,340 --> 01:18:42,740 It was just a fling. Oh-- 1278 01:18:42,740 --> 01:18:45,380 A horrible, thoughtless, insensitive mistake. Eh-- 1279 01:18:45,380 --> 01:18:47,980 But he showed me what I really wanted-- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 1280 01:18:47,980 --> 01:18:50,710 A stable, decent man who will always be there for me. 1281 01:18:50,720 --> 01:18:53,850 And I thought that that was you. 1282 01:18:53,850 --> 01:18:56,350 [ Sighs ] What are you saying? You want to get back together? 1283 01:18:56,350 --> 01:18:59,960 Well, I did... before I found out that you were gay. 1284 01:19:01,890 --> 01:19:04,130 How could you think I'm gay? 1285 01:19:04,130 --> 01:19:07,060 You're standing there preening like a gay peacock, 1286 01:19:07,070 --> 01:19:09,400 and you don't want me to think you're tutti-frutti? 1287 01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:11,800 For heaven's sake, Felicia! 1288 01:19:11,800 --> 01:19:14,800 I am not gay, and I never have been gay. 1289 01:19:14,810 --> 01:19:17,010 Then why the hell are you on this boat? 1290 01:19:17,010 --> 01:19:21,240 Nick-- Nick and I got on this cruise by mistake. 1291 01:19:21,250 --> 01:19:24,910 And then I met this girl and she assumed I was gay. 1292 01:19:24,920 --> 01:19:28,180 And then I stupidly went along with it because-- 1293 01:19:28,190 --> 01:19:30,320 She's behind me, isn't she? 1294 01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:33,160 [ Sighs ] 1295 01:19:33,160 --> 01:19:34,960 [ Groans ] 1296 01:19:37,060 --> 01:19:39,730 How could you? 1297 01:19:39,730 --> 01:19:42,370 Gabriella, I'm sorry. 1298 01:19:42,370 --> 01:19:45,370 - I tried to tell you. - You're an asshole, Jerry. 1299 01:19:45,370 --> 01:19:48,200 [ Sighs ] I-- Ow! 1300 01:19:48,210 --> 01:19:50,340 [ Squeals ] [ Felicia ] Oh, oh-- 1301 01:19:50,340 --> 01:19:52,980 Oh! Oh, oh. Not again! 1302 01:19:52,980 --> 01:19:55,480 Oh. 1303 01:19:57,110 --> 01:20:00,250 That was the girl I was talking about. 1304 01:20:00,250 --> 01:20:04,320 Well, looks like you had a dumb fling yourself. 1305 01:20:04,320 --> 01:20:07,220 I tell you what, if you can forgive me, 1306 01:20:07,230 --> 01:20:09,260 I can certainly forgive you. 1307 01:20:09,260 --> 01:20:13,360 And we can get married just like you always wanted, Jerry. 1308 01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:15,330 Oh, I love you, baby. 1309 01:20:15,330 --> 01:20:17,330 What do you say? 1310 01:20:19,900 --> 01:20:22,140 [ Man ] Great. Now one of the bride and groom... 1311 01:20:22,140 --> 01:20:25,440 staring at each other lovingly. 1312 01:20:25,440 --> 01:20:28,510 You look so beautiful. Thank you. 1313 01:20:28,510 --> 01:20:31,510 Why don't we both look beautiful? 1314 01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:33,750 [ Whispering ] Take out that earring. 1315 01:20:33,750 --> 01:20:36,250 Felicia, may I borrow Jerry for a moment? 1316 01:20:36,250 --> 01:20:39,220 Of course, Daddy. 1317 01:20:45,030 --> 01:20:48,770 Jerry, uh, before I walk my baby girl down the aisle, 1318 01:20:48,770 --> 01:20:51,400 tell it to me straight. 1319 01:20:51,400 --> 01:20:54,940 Was this little high-seas adventure of yours really an accident? 1320 01:20:56,410 --> 01:20:59,110 Oh, yes, sir. Definitely an accident. 1321 01:20:59,110 --> 01:21:01,310 Good. Good. Mm-hmm. 1322 01:21:01,310 --> 01:21:04,280 Now remember, report to work the Monday after the honeymoon... 1323 01:21:04,280 --> 01:21:06,480 at 6:00 a.m. sharp. 1324 01:21:06,480 --> 01:21:09,890 Yes, sir. A man with your imagination... 1325 01:21:09,890 --> 01:21:13,020 is really gonna love managing a muffler shop. 1326 01:21:13,020 --> 01:21:16,830 Oh, I'm sure I will, sir. Mm-hmm. 1327 01:21:16,830 --> 01:21:18,800 [ Jerry ] Felicia is good for me. 1328 01:21:23,100 --> 01:21:26,940 She planned this entire wedding all by herself. 1329 01:21:28,310 --> 01:21:32,180 Got me a great job with her father, 1330 01:21:32,180 --> 01:21:34,980 got us a new apartment, picked out all the linens and plates, 1331 01:21:34,980 --> 01:21:37,080 and as our wedding gift, 1332 01:21:37,080 --> 01:21:39,550 she gave me an entire new wardrobe. 1333 01:21:39,550 --> 01:21:42,020 Hmm. 1334 01:21:42,020 --> 01:21:45,150 Yep, the only decision I have left to make for the rest of my life... 1335 01:21:45,160 --> 01:21:48,020 is whether I want to be buried or cremated. 1336 01:21:48,030 --> 01:21:50,390 No, no, I take that back-- 1337 01:21:50,400 --> 01:21:53,000 We're being buried side by side. She told me this morning. 1338 01:22:11,850 --> 01:22:14,050 Hey, Jerry, I'm sorry I'm late. 1339 01:22:14,050 --> 01:22:16,520 I had a little bit of a personal crisis this morning. 1340 01:22:16,520 --> 01:22:18,520 Is everything all right, Pastor? Oh, fine. Fine. 1341 01:22:18,520 --> 01:22:22,090 Just, uh, had a few personal issues I had to clarify, but-- 1342 01:22:22,090 --> 01:22:24,090 Hey, it's your big day. Nothing's gonna spoil it. 1343 01:22:24,100 --> 01:22:26,430 Glad to see you finally made it, Reverend. 1344 01:22:26,430 --> 01:22:29,270 I've got a string quartet back at the Hyatt about to go into golden time. 1345 01:22:29,270 --> 01:22:31,130 Congratulations, sir. Thank you. 1346 01:22:32,340 --> 01:22:34,340 Friends of yours? Yes, sir. 1347 01:22:34,340 --> 01:22:36,970 I met them on the cruise. Oh. 1348 01:22:36,980 --> 01:22:39,280 So you accidentally hopped aboard the Guy-tanic too, huh? 1349 01:22:39,280 --> 01:22:41,510 How's it goin'? 1350 01:22:41,510 --> 01:22:43,910 I guess not. 1351 01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:47,420 Jerry, I'm gonna keep my eye on you. 1352 01:22:47,420 --> 01:22:49,420 What's up, guys? Hey, come here. 1353 01:22:49,420 --> 01:22:51,450 It's important. You're not gonna believe this. 1354 01:22:51,460 --> 01:22:53,460 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 1355 01:22:53,460 --> 01:22:57,290 There is no more sacred contract than the bond of marriage... 1356 01:22:57,300 --> 01:22:59,930 and no more spiritual union... 1357 01:22:59,930 --> 01:23:04,100 than that between a man and a woman. 1358 01:23:04,100 --> 01:23:07,040 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 1359 01:23:07,040 --> 01:23:08,910 to bring this man and this woman... 1360 01:23:08,910 --> 01:23:12,280 together in the eyes of-- 1361 01:23:14,610 --> 01:23:17,110 In the eyes of, uh-- 1362 01:23:17,120 --> 01:23:19,650 - God? - God. 1363 01:23:19,650 --> 01:23:21,450 Yeah, yeah. That's what you say. 1364 01:23:21,450 --> 01:23:23,650 No, that's what you say. 1365 01:23:23,660 --> 01:23:26,060 Yeah, yeah. Well, I used to until recently. 1366 01:23:26,060 --> 01:23:29,030 I mean, uh, if there really was a God, 1367 01:23:29,030 --> 01:23:30,930 would he allow my wife to run off with a contractor... 1368 01:23:30,930 --> 01:23:33,100 who overcharged me for a bay window? 1369 01:23:33,100 --> 01:23:36,930 But that's my problem. That's my problem. I'm sorry. It's your day. Where was I? 1370 01:23:36,940 --> 01:23:40,640 Um, a happy marriage is the perfect human relationship, 1371 01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:43,440 a setting in which each partner feels free... 1372 01:23:43,440 --> 01:23:48,640 to be as he or she is under God's bountiful nature. 1373 01:23:48,650 --> 01:23:52,050 That same nature that allowed the number-five horse at Pimlico... 1374 01:23:52,050 --> 01:23:54,450 - to screw me in a photo finish. - [ Clears Throat ] 1375 01:23:54,450 --> 01:23:56,590 I'm sorry. Where was I? Ah, yeah, yeah. 1376 01:23:56,590 --> 01:24:00,260 Um-- Oh-- So if there is anyone present who feels there's a reason... 1377 01:24:00,260 --> 01:24:04,130 that these two people should not be joined together in holy matrimony, 1378 01:24:04,130 --> 01:24:06,700 let them speak now or forever hold their peace. 1379 01:24:12,200 --> 01:24:14,400 [ Minister ] Okay, fine. 1380 01:24:14,410 --> 01:24:17,970 Jerry, then, if there is no objection, turn to Felicia and repeat after me. 1381 01:24:19,740 --> 01:24:23,110 I, Jerry, take you Felicia... 1382 01:24:23,110 --> 01:24:25,210 to be my lawful wedded-- Stop. Wait, wait! 1383 01:24:25,220 --> 01:24:27,350 [ Nick ] Time out! Time out! 1384 01:24:27,350 --> 01:24:29,550 Nick, what are you doing? 1385 01:24:29,550 --> 01:24:31,550 I have to say something. 1386 01:24:31,560 --> 01:24:34,360 If I didn't speak now, I could never live with myself. 1387 01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:39,630 A couple weeks ago, Jerry and I took a cruise together. 1388 01:24:39,630 --> 01:24:42,730 It wasn't the cruise we intended to take, but... 1389 01:24:42,730 --> 01:24:45,200 it was a good thing we got on the wrong boat, because... 1390 01:24:45,200 --> 01:24:47,470 it changed our lives forever. 1391 01:24:47,470 --> 01:24:50,170 Jerry, if you marry Felicia today, 1392 01:24:50,170 --> 01:24:52,610 it will end up in disaster. 1393 01:24:52,610 --> 01:24:56,380 You need to be with the person you fell in love with on that boat. 1394 01:24:57,480 --> 01:24:59,520 And I know it, 1395 01:24:59,520 --> 01:25:02,650 because that person... 1396 01:25:02,650 --> 01:25:04,720 is me. Hmm? 1397 01:25:04,720 --> 01:25:08,420 Oh, oh! [ Screams ] 1398 01:25:08,430 --> 01:25:10,590 How much of that pot did you smoke? 1399 01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:14,030 I know where Gabriella is. If we hurry, we can catch her. 1400 01:25:14,030 --> 01:25:16,700 Jerry, what the hell is wrong with you? 1401 01:25:16,700 --> 01:25:19,400 You can't humiliate me like this in front of my family and my friends! 1402 01:25:19,400 --> 01:25:22,370 My dad is gonna kill you! Come on, Rocco! 1403 01:25:22,370 --> 01:25:25,640 - Come on, boy. - Daddy! 1404 01:25:25,640 --> 01:25:28,180 Move! Move! 1405 01:25:28,180 --> 01:25:30,680 Daddy, do something! ♪ I need love, love ♪ 1406 01:25:30,680 --> 01:25:33,080 ♪ To ease my mind ♪ 1407 01:25:33,080 --> 01:25:38,350 Where's your car? We're not taking my car. We'd never make it across town. 1408 01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:40,560 Yoo-hoo! Boys! Boys. ♪ You can't hurry love ♪ 1409 01:25:40,560 --> 01:25:42,730 ♪ No, you just have to wait ♪ [ Siren Wailing ] 1410 01:25:42,730 --> 01:25:44,730 ♪ She said love don't come easy ♪ 1411 01:25:44,730 --> 01:25:48,130 Hector, you're a fireman. ♪ It's a game of give and take ♪ 1412 01:25:48,130 --> 01:25:51,700 Yes. I'm September in our calendar. ♪ You can't hurry love ♪ 1413 01:25:53,240 --> 01:25:57,470 - Hey, hey! Stop! - Thank you, Ernie, dear. 1414 01:25:57,480 --> 01:26:00,510 Call me! ♪ Well, how many heartaches ♪ 1415 01:26:00,510 --> 01:26:04,650 ♪ Must I stand Before I find the love ♪♪ 1416 01:26:04,650 --> 01:26:08,480 - So where's Gabriella? - She signed up to work another cruise. 1417 01:26:08,490 --> 01:26:12,290 - When does she leave port? - Two hours ago. 1418 01:26:12,290 --> 01:26:14,690 Two hours ago? 1419 01:26:14,690 --> 01:26:17,630 And how am I supposed to find her in the ocean? 1420 01:26:19,660 --> 01:26:22,800 [ Engine Whirring ] 1421 01:26:22,800 --> 01:26:24,800 [ Jerry ] I can't do this! 1422 01:26:24,800 --> 01:26:27,170 Oh, I get motion sickness! 1423 01:26:27,170 --> 01:26:29,370 Yes, you can. Come on, Jerry. 1424 01:26:29,370 --> 01:26:31,270 You're about to be united with the woman you love. 1425 01:26:31,280 --> 01:26:33,840 What do you think? 1426 01:26:33,850 --> 01:26:36,350 Oh-- Why don't you calm down? 1427 01:26:36,350 --> 01:26:39,120 You are in very, very good hands. 1428 01:26:39,120 --> 01:26:41,120 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 1429 01:26:41,120 --> 01:26:43,120 I know you only think of me... 1430 01:26:43,120 --> 01:26:45,420 as a hard-partying old queen, 1431 01:26:45,420 --> 01:26:48,290 but for your information, I spent 32 years... 1432 01:26:48,290 --> 01:26:50,290 in the armed forces... 1433 01:26:50,290 --> 01:26:53,430 serving Her Majesty, the real queen. 1434 01:26:53,430 --> 01:26:56,630 I've seen action in five different theaters of war. 1435 01:26:56,630 --> 01:27:00,700 I've made over 490 drops, 23 over hostile territory. 1436 01:27:00,710 --> 01:27:03,340 I am what you colonials might call... 1437 01:27:03,340 --> 01:27:06,140 a bad-assed motherfucker, 1438 01:27:06,140 --> 01:27:08,480 who also happens to be an expert... 1439 01:27:08,480 --> 01:27:12,210 in the delicate art of Japanese flower arranging. 1440 01:27:12,220 --> 01:27:15,380 Oh. Over the target, Captain. 1441 01:27:15,390 --> 01:27:18,790 Right. It's now or never. Eh-- Aaah! 1442 01:27:18,790 --> 01:27:21,190 Come on, Jerry, get off here. Jump out! 1443 01:27:21,190 --> 01:27:23,390 [ Jerry ] I can't do this! 1444 01:27:23,390 --> 01:27:26,800 [ Nick ] Go get her, Jerry! This is a really bad idea! 1445 01:27:26,800 --> 01:27:30,770 [ Jerry Screaming ] 1446 01:27:30,770 --> 01:27:34,940 Wait! I'm gonna be sick. I mean it. Oh! 1447 01:27:35,870 --> 01:27:38,270 Oh, I felt that one. 1448 01:27:38,280 --> 01:27:40,780 [ Lloyd ] Good Lord, you're a crybaby! 1449 01:27:42,580 --> 01:27:45,180 [ Gabriella's Voice ] Five, six, seven, eight. 1450 01:27:45,180 --> 01:27:48,650 Kick back, head up, down. 1451 01:27:48,650 --> 01:27:50,850 One more time. 1452 01:27:50,860 --> 01:27:53,790 Kick back, head up, down. 1453 01:27:53,790 --> 01:27:56,930 I want it sassy now. Come on. Kick, plié. [ Jerry Shouting, Indistinct ] 1454 01:27:56,930 --> 01:28:00,530 Head up, down. And kick, plié. 1455 01:28:00,530 --> 01:28:02,700 [ Jerry Shouting ] I'm not a person who likes heights! 1456 01:28:02,700 --> 01:28:06,370 Oh, I don't feel so good. I don't feel so good. 1457 01:28:07,670 --> 01:28:11,370 Oh, I hate this! 1458 01:28:11,380 --> 01:28:14,880 [ Screaming ] 1459 01:28:14,880 --> 01:28:17,880 - What is that? - [ Jerry ] I don't like this! 1460 01:28:17,880 --> 01:28:20,880 [ Lloyd ] We're over target. Prepare for release. 1461 01:28:20,890 --> 01:28:23,220 Release! Aaah! 1462 01:28:24,820 --> 01:28:27,920 Ha-ha! Oh, we did it! 1463 01:28:27,930 --> 01:28:30,760 [ Laughing ] I'm so excited! 1464 01:28:30,760 --> 01:28:34,760 If truth be told, I'm more than a little excited myself. 1465 01:28:34,770 --> 01:28:36,900 Oh-- Unhook me, please. 1466 01:28:36,900 --> 01:28:39,700 I don't believe this. 1467 01:28:39,700 --> 01:28:44,640 - Help, please. - This time I'm gonna let you drown. 1468 01:28:44,640 --> 01:28:46,610 Well, you're gonna have to drag me over to the deep end, 1469 01:28:46,610 --> 01:28:48,780 'cause it's only about three-and-a-half feet over here. 1470 01:28:48,780 --> 01:28:51,610 - What are you doing here? - I was in the neighborhood, 1471 01:28:51,620 --> 01:28:54,880 so I figured, well, I'd just drop in. 1472 01:28:54,890 --> 01:28:56,890 Good-bye. 1473 01:28:56,890 --> 01:28:59,520 Uh, Gabriella, wait! Please. 1474 01:29:01,930 --> 01:29:04,330 Mm-hmm? 1475 01:29:04,330 --> 01:29:07,300 I thought I was being reasonably clever... 1476 01:29:07,300 --> 01:29:09,900 considering I just dropped 1,500 feet out of an airplane. 1477 01:29:09,900 --> 01:29:12,400 Why'd you bother? 1478 01:29:24,910 --> 01:29:27,450 Because I love you. 1479 01:29:27,450 --> 01:29:31,290 Who loves me-- gay Jerry as a friend, 1480 01:29:31,290 --> 01:29:35,660 or is this straight, lying, deceitful Jerry? 1481 01:29:35,660 --> 01:29:38,860 Hmm? 1482 01:29:38,860 --> 01:29:40,860 You've never met this Jerry. 1483 01:29:40,870 --> 01:29:44,530 This is the extremely sorry, 1484 01:29:44,540 --> 01:29:47,670 unbelievably heartbroken because you left me, 1485 01:29:47,670 --> 01:29:49,940 will do anything to get you to forgive me... 1486 01:29:49,940 --> 01:29:52,470 because I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jerry. 1487 01:29:54,610 --> 01:29:56,850 Well, you listen to me, Jerry. 1488 01:29:56,850 --> 01:29:58,880 Just because you dropped out of the sky... 1489 01:29:58,880 --> 01:30:01,920 and made this grand romantic gesture... 1490 01:30:01,920 --> 01:30:03,990 doesn't mean that I'm gonna automatically run into your arms. 1491 01:30:03,990 --> 01:30:05,950 Do you understand that? Hmm? 1492 01:30:05,960 --> 01:30:08,420 Yes. Good. 1493 01:30:11,090 --> 01:30:14,430 Okay. I'm probably going to, but you shouldn't automatically expect it. 1494 01:30:14,430 --> 01:30:17,000 Because if we're gonna have the kind of relationship... 1495 01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:19,340 where one day you're gonna be making all these hurtful fantasies-- 1496 01:30:23,940 --> 01:30:26,640 Don't you ever, ever... 1497 01:30:26,640 --> 01:30:28,640 lie to me again. 1498 01:30:28,650 --> 01:30:31,510 I swear. 1499 01:30:39,420 --> 01:30:41,960 I'll never understand it. 1500 01:30:41,960 --> 01:30:44,090 Neither will I. 1501 01:31:02,110 --> 01:31:05,780 [ Nick, Echoing ] Inga! 1502 01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:10,790 Inga. Inga. 1503 01:31:10,790 --> 01:31:13,160 Inga. 1504 01:31:15,460 --> 01:31:18,090 [ Knocking ] 1505 01:31:28,740 --> 01:31:30,740 My God. Oh, my God! 1506 01:31:33,680 --> 01:31:36,680 I'm Nick Ragoni. I'm a friend of your daughter Inga. 1507 01:31:36,680 --> 01:31:39,820 I've traveled 12,000 miles to surprise her. 1508 01:31:39,820 --> 01:31:42,180 You poor thing. You look frozen. Let me help you up. 1509 01:31:43,890 --> 01:31:46,820 [ Groaning ] Let me and my son help you up. 1510 01:31:46,820 --> 01:31:48,720 Johan, come over here. Ja. 1511 01:31:48,730 --> 01:31:50,960 Oh-- 1512 01:31:50,960 --> 01:31:53,160 Come on. 1513 01:31:53,160 --> 01:31:57,530 This man is obviously a fan of smörgåsbord. 1514 01:31:58,670 --> 01:32:00,800 Ingmar, what's going on? 1515 01:32:00,810 --> 01:32:03,470 Oh, Mother, he's an American friend of Inga's. 1516 01:32:03,470 --> 01:32:07,140 Oh, I hope you didn't go too much trouble to get here. 1517 01:32:07,140 --> 01:32:09,610 - Inga's not home. - What? 1518 01:32:09,610 --> 01:32:12,080 She's gone to Italy on a modeling assignment. 1519 01:32:12,080 --> 01:32:15,520 - Won't be back for three months. - Oh, God, no. 1520 01:32:15,520 --> 01:32:18,790 - I can't believe it. - You poor boy. 1521 01:32:18,790 --> 01:32:22,120 You look so cold. You'll join us for dinner. 1522 01:32:22,130 --> 01:32:25,490 Bridgit, get this man some soup from the stove. 1523 01:32:28,160 --> 01:32:32,670 This is Bridgit. She wants to be a bikini model, just like her big sister. 1524 01:32:32,670 --> 01:32:35,770 Nice to meet you. 1525 01:32:35,770 --> 01:32:39,010 And Bridgit's coach will be joining us for dinner too. 1526 01:32:39,010 --> 01:32:41,780 [ Woman Gasps ] 1527 01:32:43,680 --> 01:32:45,980 Oh-- 1528 01:32:45,980 --> 01:32:49,180 Oh, Nicholas. 1529 01:32:49,190 --> 01:32:51,990 Hello. 1530 01:32:51,990 --> 01:32:54,060 We meet again. 115380